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Speaker 1: Hello, hear me?

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Speaker 2: Hey, I Ken. What's your name?

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Speaker 1: My name is Chase, Chase.

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Speaker 2: What's going on?

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Speaker 1: Chase?

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Speaker 2: How's life?

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Speaker 1: Life is? Uh? You know, it's it's life, you know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Mm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know either. I don't know either. You've

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Speaker 2: caught me at an interesting time. I'm in a rant

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Speaker 2: for a second. Is that cool?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm in a So it's funny. I titled the

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Speaker 2: most one of the more recent episodes the Existential Dread episode.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I've been in a weird headspace for

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Speaker 2: like the whole month of February. I've been thinking about

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Speaker 2: like life purpose, I've been thinking about like inevitable death.

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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about isolation. I've been. I've been, you know.

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Speaker 2: I I looked up like existential depression on the end

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Speaker 2: and I found this Healthline article and it and it

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Speaker 2: gave me all these like symptoms and I was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 2: this is exactly what's going on with me right now.

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Speaker 2: And uh but that was kind of cool because I

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Speaker 2: was like, all right, well, I'm not a completely insane individual.

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Speaker 2: Who is you know, undergoing some kind of uniquely difficult

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Speaker 2: life experience, Like this is what I am undergoing. Is

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Speaker 2: is a documented phenomenon. Here's this article that that shows

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Speaker 2: that this is again a documented phenomenon, which leads me

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Speaker 2: to believe that this documented phenomenon has ways out of it,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I talk a lot on

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Speaker 2: the on the podcast about you know, like life being

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Speaker 2: how you see it and all this stuff. And it's

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Speaker 2: funny I talk about a lot of these things on

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Speaker 2: the podcast, but you know, then when then it comes

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Speaker 2: to time for me and my own personal life to

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Speaker 2: like actually actually go and live it, you know, and uh,

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Speaker 2: this is this is kind of one of those times.

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Speaker 2: And I'm trying to have, you know, Chase, I have

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Speaker 2: within me this like corner stone. It's in my balls, Chase.

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Speaker 2: It's it's it's this corner stone of optimism. It's a

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Speaker 2: corner stone of of of my soul that A likes people.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I would, you know, the Gecko universe

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Speaker 2: gets difficult sometimes, but I don't think I would do

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Speaker 2: it at all if I didn't fucking like people, if

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Speaker 2: I didn't like life. You know, I just I know

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Speaker 2: that in my gut right that I like people, I

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Speaker 2: like life, I like the world. And then I'm and

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Speaker 2: and and and it's so it's that knowledge that in

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Speaker 2: my gut is a guy who likes people, likes life,

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Speaker 2: likes the world, is curious, desires more, you know. And

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Speaker 2: then also is is kind of this cornerstone of again

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Speaker 2: optimism for the future. Things will get better. This is

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Speaker 2: a documented phenomenon that people have gone through before, and

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Speaker 2: I believe that it. Things will will get better. I

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Speaker 2: will live to see uh more days where I'm engrossed

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Speaker 2: in life, you know what I mean. I feel this

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Speaker 2: podcast as a whole has definitely become a lot a

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Speaker 2: lot of I think me uh using it for therapy

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Speaker 2: at this point. But it's good. I like it. I

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Speaker 2: was a little bit resistant to that for a little bit,

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Speaker 2: but now you know, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying I'm

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Speaker 2: enjoying getting to it. Kind of it makes me feel

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Speaker 2: less insane to publicly share these thoughts and feelings with

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Speaker 2: other people and then to hear what's going on with

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Speaker 2: other people's thoughts and feelings, and sometimes it spooks me,

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Speaker 2: you know, every time I see like a like a

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Speaker 2: crazy whatever Reddit person or whatever, I'm like, oh man,

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Speaker 2: I'm putting myself out there on the internet. And everyone

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Speaker 2: on the internet is crazy. But I'm just I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I gotta keep, you know, sharing of myself and allowing

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Speaker 2: other people to share of themselves, you know, because it's

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Speaker 2: it's it's like it means something, or because if I don't,

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Speaker 2: because if I don't document these this is this is

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Speaker 2: this is. I guess the medium the people have h

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Speaker 2: by which people have come to uh uh you know

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Speaker 2: who I am or whatever. And so I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I guess I owe it to the medium, or I

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Speaker 2: owe it to the I don't want to. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I should call podcasting in an art form

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Speaker 2: or whatever, but I'm like, I feel like I just

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Speaker 2: feel like I owe this thing some form of of

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Speaker 2: my honest thoughts and feelings, or maybe maybe my thoughts

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Speaker 2: and feelings are just kind of bursting. They're just there's

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Speaker 2: hell fucking tight in my fucking brain. I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: gotta get this out there to someone, you know, and

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Speaker 2: that that someone might as well be the people who

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Speaker 2: are listening to this show. You know, hopefully it is

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Speaker 2: helpful in some regard to someone. But I also I

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Speaker 2: don't want to, you know, I talked a little bit

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Speaker 2: about on the other episode with that guy mo About, Like,

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Speaker 2: you know, there's this weird thing of when you kind

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Speaker 2: of keep talking about your fucking problems, you're you kind

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Speaker 2: of ingrain them within yourself, and it's like, I don't

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Speaker 2: want I don't want to view myself as like a

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Speaker 2: depressed guy.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: Is then that becomes your identity, that becomes how you live,

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Speaker 2: that becomes whatever you know. So it's like, what's the line, right,

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Speaker 2: what's the line between uh, a sharing of yourself in

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Speaker 2: a way to to feel better and to kind of

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Speaker 2: heal and and whatnot, versus like, you know, spiraling in

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Speaker 2: a fucking hamster wheel loop of your own stuff. You know,

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Speaker 2: because because sometimes the it's it's helpful to talk through stuff,

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Speaker 2: but other times it's like, well, you just got you

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Speaker 2: got to get out of your own head and you

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Speaker 2: got to fucking go build a cuckoo clock out of wood.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: Like you think all you think that you're going to

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Speaker 2: solve your problems by talking about them and thinking about

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Speaker 2: them until you find some perfect answer. But really all

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Speaker 2: you had to do is build a cuckoo clock out

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Speaker 2: of wood.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: That's why people do anything. That's why is because it

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Speaker 2: gets you out of your own head. It gets you

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Speaker 2: into life. You participate in something instead of being in

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Speaker 2: your own fucking insane brain. I just got back from

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Speaker 2: walking for like four days through rural Japan kind of

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Speaker 2: in an attempt in a way to kind of escape

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Speaker 2: this line of thinking by by doing stuff, by being

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Speaker 2: out in the world, so I'm not spiraling in my

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Speaker 2: own weird head. And I'm working on making a video

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Speaker 2: about that I'm excited about. I'm gonna, oh, this is

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Speaker 2: another thing I'm show that. This is now I'm self promoing,

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Speaker 2: but I'm gonna fucking I'm doing an art gallery. I'm

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Speaker 2: displaying a bunch of trash from around my room on

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Speaker 2: March fourteenth in Brooklyn, New York. I'm actually gonna put

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Speaker 2: a link to that in the description of this episode.

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Speaker 2: That's a self promo within this existential rant chase. That's

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Speaker 2: a little self promo in the existential ants, you know.

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Speaker 2: So that's gonna be good. I'm doing these just doing

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Speaker 2: these things to be like, Okay, I don't know if

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Speaker 2: life has some kind of a linear direction or whatever

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Speaker 2: the fuck, so let me just start doing random things

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Speaker 2: that I think would be cool or interesting, you know.

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Speaker 2: So so, Yes, I'm so. So, I'm so, I'm I'm so.

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Speaker 2: That's why I'm putting a That's why I'm gonna put

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Speaker 2: an empty water bottle in a in a glass case

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Speaker 2: and invite people to look at it, Chase. That's why

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Speaker 2: I'm doing That's why I'm talking. That's why I'm talking

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Speaker 2: to you right now. That's why I'm doing anything, Chase.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like you said earlier, you said different ways to

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Speaker 1: like blow off steam as essentially as what you were

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Speaker 1: talking about. Yeah, I'm not a I'm not a kind

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Speaker 1: of guy that will go and talk to somebody about it. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: like I'll I have a journal, I'll write in my journal,

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Speaker 1: or I like write about stuff that happens in my

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Speaker 1: day or whatever. Or I like fishing, so I'll go fishing.

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Speaker 1: I like being alone and like in the like in

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Speaker 1: the woods or like at the lake. I'm more of

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Speaker 1: a I like I like being alone, you know, mm

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Speaker 1: hmm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. How is uh? How has fishing been for you?

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Speaker 2: Is that like a good? Like when you're fishing, do

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Speaker 2: you feel very very in the moments?

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, there's not a lot going on, like

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Speaker 1: in my head. You know, it's just uh it's calming.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Have you have you always liked being alone?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Like I'm like, I like, I like, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: hanging out with friends or you know, doing social activities.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes, you know, I just I want to just

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Speaker 1: chill out, be be uh be alone. M hm m hmm.

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Speaker 2: What what What are some of your other favorite things

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Speaker 2: to do alone?

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Speaker 1: I like fishing. I camp a lot. I'll go camping, hikes,

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Speaker 1: like hiking. Uhh I'm more of a outdoor kind of

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Speaker 1: kind of guy. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Why do you why do you think you like being

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Speaker 2: alone so much?

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Speaker 1: I like, there's not silence. It's it's silent, like I

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Speaker 1: don't need to hear any uh any bullshit that goes

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Speaker 1: on in other people's life. Like like I like hart

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Speaker 1: to explain, you know, Like I have friends, like I'll

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Speaker 1: go hang out them, I'll go do whatever the fuck.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes when I'm not feeling the best, I'll just

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Speaker 1: go do stuff myself.

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Speaker 2: Do you do you feel like you're happiest when you're alone.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't say happiest. I'm more it's like a state

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Speaker 1: of mind, you know. It's like I'm I'm calm mm

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Speaker 1: hmm hmm. If nothing's nothing bad is going on, like

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Speaker 1: in my heart. So mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Do you I do you feel like you've like always

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Speaker 2: kind of had that state of calm within you.

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Speaker 1: I think it's since I've gotten a little bit older.

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Speaker 2: Mm hm.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: How old are you now? I'm twenty, You're twenty Yep,

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Speaker 2: you're twenty years old, yes, sir man, I thought you

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Speaker 2: were like thirty seven.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I hear that.

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Speaker 2: Man, Wow, interesting what what uh?

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Speaker 1: What are you?

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Speaker 2: What are your hopes and dreams for life?

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Speaker 1: Chase like a future future, like where I want to

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Speaker 1: be in the future. Yeah, yeah, I wanna. I want

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Speaker 1: to I want to live on a farm. I want

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Speaker 1: to have a wife, two two three kids. Mm hmmm.

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Speaker 1: Financially comfortable?

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Speaker 2: Are you in Are you in school or do you

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Speaker 2: work or something like that?

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Speaker 1: I work?

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Speaker 2: What do you do?

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Speaker 1: I work on little pieces for satellites.

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Speaker 2: Like you work on little pieces for satellites.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like thousands of a millimeter? Thank you. You use

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Speaker 1: like you know this water pressure machines that like cut

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Speaker 1: metal and ship Yeah yeah yeah, program it and then

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Speaker 1: you can program it to a size and then you

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Speaker 1: cut it and then we send it off to nasty.

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Speaker 2: Where are you right now? What are you doing.

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Speaker 1: In my room? It's two am?

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Speaker 2: Interesting? Yeah, thanks for listening to my rand to the

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Speaker 2: beginning of this phone call.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Well.

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Speaker 2: Was there any was there anything that you wanted to

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Speaker 2: call in to talk about?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I didn't think I was gonna get on on

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Speaker 1: the phone. I was your luck. I've been listening to

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Speaker 1: the show for a little bit now, so no, not exactly.

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Speaker 2: Cool man, cool. Well, uh, you're you're a chill guy.

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Speaker 2: Chill guy. Pretty good, all right, man, Well, uh, good luck,

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Speaker 2: good luck, Chase. You're gonna be You're gonna be fine.

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Speaker 2: You don't you don't even need me to say that

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Speaker 2: to you. But I'm not saying that to you because

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Speaker 2: you need I'm not saying that to you because you

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Speaker 2: need me to say that to you. I'm saying that

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Speaker 2: to you because it's just a feeling that I felt

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Speaker 2: the need to express while we were on the phone.

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Speaker 1: H Yeah, all right, man, you know, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the

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Speaker 2: people in the computer before we go?

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Speaker 1: Be be kind? You know, don't uh, don't be one

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Speaker 1: of those people that go around and just try to

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Speaker 1: start problems with other people, you know, just be your

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Speaker 1: own person. I like that. I like that.

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Speaker 2: All right, man, I'll i'll uh, I'll see you. I'll

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Speaker 2: see you again one day in another in another life maybe. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: all right, take our chests.

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Speaker 1: Bye bye, bye bye. Oh wow.

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Speaker 2: That was uh that was pretty good. That was pretty good.

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Speaker 2: I honestly forget what I've I was on such an

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Speaker 2: impassioned rant for a good ten minutes.

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Speaker 1: Uh, and I.

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Speaker 2: I forget what I was ranting about. Yeah, Okay, that's good.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I got that all out of my system.

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Speaker 2: What the hell was I talking about? Okay, all right,

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Speaker 2: all right, let's let's take some phone calls. Let's keep.

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Speaker 2: Let's keep, let's keep taking some phone calls. That was good.

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Speaker 2: That was good. Hello, Hi, Hey, what's up man? What's

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Speaker 2: your name?

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Speaker 1: Isaiah?

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Speaker 2: Isaiah? What's going on? Isaiah? How you doing?

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Speaker 4: I'm just on my bed calling up in my bed.

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Speaker 2: Very cool, very nice. You know, I'm feeling good. I

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Speaker 2: kind of I'm feeling like being a gecko today, you know,

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Speaker 2: I was. I went to last caller. I went on

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Speaker 2: an insane rant about existential dread. And I think the

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Speaker 2: best way to get away from existential dread is to

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Speaker 2: do stuff. And I think I'm pretty sure that being

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Speaker 2: a gecko is doing something. So I'm feeling good about

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Speaker 2: it in this moment. So you know, let's talk, let's

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Speaker 2: get into it, let's uh, let's do some.

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Speaker 4: Do some wild things.

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Speaker 1: Be just talk.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, is there is there anything in particular you

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Speaker 2: called in to talk about.

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Speaker 4: I'm just like the last caller, I never really spent

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Speaker 4: the beyond here, but maybe may be talking about dreams,

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Speaker 4: I guess.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what kind of dreams you've been having lately?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 4: My god, like late light one time? It was the

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Speaker 4: years ago now, but like been dreaming about this. I

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Speaker 4: was in a car meeting, like one of those like

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Speaker 4: drive by car meetings, like you see like fancy cars

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Speaker 4: and whatever, and I just I just look up and

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Speaker 4: I see like terrat that was just flying by, flowing,

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Speaker 4: streaming and yelling, and I just see at a meetia

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Speaker 4: or just falling down and just all bowed red and

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Speaker 4: just everything. I'm crazy. And I just walk up and I

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Speaker 4: just wonder what that means?

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Speaker 2: Mm hm m hmm. What do you what do you

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Speaker 2: think it means?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Is there anything like flotting around in your in your

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Speaker 2: subconscious that you think it could be related.

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Speaker 4: To I'm just stressed honestly, or it might be paranoid.

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Speaker 2: What do you what do you stress slash paranoid about?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 4: This word trying to be something I want to be

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Speaker 4: but I can't kind of thing like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what is it? What is it that you

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Speaker 2: want to be that you think you cannot be?

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Speaker 4: It's like, I just want to be an animator kind

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Speaker 4: of thing you want to make film, and I just

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Speaker 4: it's I don't know if y'all want to be too,

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Speaker 4: d but it's like it's like something like I want

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Speaker 4: to do for a while, but it's kind of give

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Speaker 4: me in dread this past for three years.

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Speaker 2: M m m hm. Is it? What is it? What

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Speaker 2: is it about these past four or three years that

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Speaker 2: have been giving you dread with it?

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Speaker 4: I guess like a burnout worrying about being an adult

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Speaker 4: and following my dreams quote unquote, I guess that.

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Speaker 2: Was if that made sense, Yeah, that makes sense.

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Speaker 4: But I'm better now. I'm trying to get things better,

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Speaker 4: going back to my roots.

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Speaker 2: What are your roots?

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Speaker 4: Actually? Like making stuff online? But I just I just

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Speaker 4: started doing it like last week.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, what what kind of stuff? What kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff are you making online?

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Speaker 4: I just make like just drawings right now, but I

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Speaker 4: want to make like short cartoons and stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting. I'm kind of curious what that landscape looks like,

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Speaker 2: right because I think we're we're kind of past like

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Speaker 2: traditional network television era cartoons being super popular like adult Swim,

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Speaker 2: cartoon network, Nickelodeon. Shit, I feel like we're kind of

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Speaker 2: past that and now we're in and we're also a

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Speaker 2: little bit past like you know, like Ego wraptor new

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Speaker 2: Grounds YouTube Animator Universe, and I don't know where we

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Speaker 2: are now with it. If it's like, you know, still

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Speaker 2: heavily segmented, and there's people on shorts and Instagram and

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Speaker 2: TikTok that are kind of dictating the the meta of

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Speaker 2: the Animator universe. I mean, what do you what do

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Speaker 2: you think? What do you think the landscape is?

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Speaker 4: Like? Yeah, I feel the same way, because you can't

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Speaker 4: find a way, and like, you can't make anything too

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Speaker 4: short because it's not gonna be a lot of people

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Speaker 4: watching it, or anything too long it's going to be

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Speaker 4: too boring and to just ignore it, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, if that makes sense totally. Yeah, And it's like.

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Speaker 4: You got to work for like some kind of company

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Speaker 4: or something that works, like I don't know, Like let's

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Speaker 4: say you work for like some YouTuber on Patreon. You

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Speaker 4: get to put yourself out there for that or then

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Speaker 4: put yourself out there on YouTube or anything like that.

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Speaker 2: M what kind of what kind of like animations do

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Speaker 2: you do you want to make? Like are you telling stories?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I want to want to make like just

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Speaker 4: like like little movies and stuff like that. But that's

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Speaker 4: that's adding to the dread. Like I can't make stuff

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Speaker 4: for me. I have to make stuff for people something

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Speaker 4: else in a way. But but right now I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to figure that out as I'm working on it.

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Speaker 2: When you said, when you said you can't make stuff

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Speaker 2: for you, like as in do you mean that as

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Speaker 2: in like for your job you have to make stuff

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Speaker 2: for other people, or as in you have to make

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Speaker 2: stuff that you think other people will like for yourself.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's like that.

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Speaker 1: Just like.

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to make sense of this, Like where I live.

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Speaker 4: I live in Texas, right and I have to make

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Speaker 4: like something with western or cowboys with fucking cows or

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Speaker 4: something and I want to make like something with punch. Huh.

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Speaker 2: Well wait, hold on, I hears. Why do you why

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Speaker 2: do you have to make certain stuff because you live

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Speaker 2: in Texas? Oh?

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Speaker 4: Because where I live, you have to make to something

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Speaker 4: you make for like m Let's say you want to

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Speaker 4: make a punk band kind of them, and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I can't, we can't use that. We just want Western

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Speaker 4: landscape and stuff.

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Speaker 2: But who's we.

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Speaker 4: Oh, like people where I live, like in Texas, in

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Speaker 4: my small town. It's kind of hard. But I think

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Speaker 4: that doesn't even make sense because I'm talking about like

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Speaker 4: internet stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, why if you're you're you're not making

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Speaker 2: stuff for the people in your small town of Texas.

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Speaker 2: You're making stuff for the people of the Internet.

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Speaker 4: Mm hmm. Yeah fuck I oh just to say, you

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Speaker 4: know that, Well, I'm trying to see what I don't

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Speaker 4: even fuck.

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Speaker 2: What's the matter.

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Speaker 4: Now, I'm just shaking a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Told let me think. Yeah, I guess I still don't

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Speaker 2: understand why you have to make western ship you know,

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Speaker 2: mm hmm you want to make punk things?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they make stuff like fun and creative where they

385
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Speaker 4: want to be just playing Jane and boring.

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Speaker 2: Who is that well, hold on when you keep saying

387
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Speaker 2: like we and they? Who is they and we?

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Speaker 4: It's just these people in my hometown. But I'm I'm

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Speaker 4: I'm rambling nonsense right now. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't no, no, no, don't be all right,

391
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Speaker 2: don't what's your name again? Ideah, Isaiah? No, don't be sorry, Isaiah.

392
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Speaker 2: I want to I want to get to the bottom

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Speaker 2: of this. That's the that's the only reason I'm asking.

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Speaker 2: I'm asking because uh, I want to make you feel

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Speaker 2: bad or anything. Mm hmm okay, I mean, yeah, man,

396
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Speaker 2: you're making stuff for the Internet. Why don't you just

397
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Speaker 2: make whatever it is you want to make. It's not

398
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Speaker 2: like you're it's not like you're trying to pitch cartoons

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Speaker 2: to the local newspaper or anything like that.

400
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Speaker 4: Now I'm thinking about it, maybe I'm just I don't

401
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 4: want to see traumatized. But maybe I'm a little nervous

402
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 4: to putting myself out there. Maybe I'll get late the

403
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Speaker 4: same reaction when it's an Internet as I'm putting on

404
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Speaker 4: my hometown.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

406
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 4: Oh, interesting, I think that's what I'm trying to say.

407
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Speaker 2: Oh interesting, interesting, interesting? Do you I mean, but you

408
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 2: understand that that's irrational, right.

409
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I try to think the thing like that

410
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Speaker 4: in a way, but it was rambling nonsense.

411
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Speaker 2: Mm hm m hmm. Do you do you think you

412
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 2: you will eventually gain the courage or perspective or whatever

413
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 2: the hell it is that you need to to put

414
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Speaker 2: yourself out there.

415
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, because right now I have to tell myself to

416
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 4: just do it, other then just wait and see. Right,

417
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Speaker 4: So that's why I learned you just have to do

418
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 4: it and figure it out.

419
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to. I don't know if you

420
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 2: heard me ranting to Chase earlier, but I'm trying to. Yeah,

421
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 2: in my kind of current bout of existential whatever, you know,

422
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 2: I'm trying to be more action bias. I'm trying to

423
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: just do shit, like go for a long walk or

424
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 2: do a trash art gallery, just try shit. Because I

425
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 2: was realizing I'm like, oh, I might do this trash

426
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 2: gallery and then be looking around and go why the

427
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 2: fuck did I do this? But it won't matter. You

428
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 2: know why, it won't matter because at least because I

429
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: can go, Okay, I don't know why the fuck I

430
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 2: did this, Let's do something else. This is keep doing

431
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 2: shit because I get in this. I get in this

432
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: habit where I'm always like planning to do stuff. I'm

433
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 2: always I love, I'm writing down to do lists, I'm

434
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 2: writing down things that would be a good idea to

435
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: do instead of just like actually like being willing to

436
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 2: like try doing random ship. And I'm and I and

437
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 2: I'm honestly I'm even even the fact that I'm going

438
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: on this rant to you right now is a version

439
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 2: of me procrastinating on doing shit because I'm reinforcing to

440
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 2: myself in my head that I'm going to try to

441
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: be more action bias without actually becoming more action bias.

442
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: You know, that's the trap, as Isaac or Isaiah, Isaiah, Isaiah,

443
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 2: that's the trap, Isaiah. We can't, we can't. We can't

444
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 2: let ourselves be trapped. We gotta do random ship constantly.

445
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 2: But it's not it But it's not a bad But

446
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 2: it's not even a bad thing because you like like

447
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 2: making the stuff. If you just like making the stuff,

448
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: then it's not a bad reality to live in where

449
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: you have to just keep trying. You know, sorry, you

450
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 2: were gonna say something.

451
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,199
Speaker 1: I cut you off now.

452
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 4: I just feel like it's like a sharp kind of mentality,

453
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 4: like you gotta keep moving if you die or something

454
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 4: like that.

455
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, yeah, yeah, that's how Yeah, but no,

456
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 2: and it is it's true because I'm I think I'm

457
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 2: experiencing the death of not moving. It feels like a death.

458
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 2: You know. Do you feel that way when you when

459
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 2: you're not moving?

460
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I, like I said, light, this past week,

461
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 4: I've been trying to just do it, keep at least

462
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 4: try to do it and like do something else other

463
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 4: than stay in my house and just watching TV, right

464
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 4: and twitch and stuff like that.

465
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: Right, And that's the thing, right, is that I feel

466
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 2: like the the joy is in the attempt more than

467
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 2: it is in like, oh, you know, my cartoon got

468
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 2: X amount of views or oh I got the whatever.

469
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 2: I mean, there's joy in that too, but it's like, oh,

470
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,479
Speaker 2: there's a bit of there's a joy and there's an

471
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: escape from dread in in the attempt itself, I think,

472
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, yeah, so so that's good. And that's

473
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 2: good also because the attempt is like within because I

474
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 2: think when you're when you're trying to count on like

475
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 2: views or likes or whatever the fuck you're.

476
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: You're you're.

477
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 2: I mean, those things are nice. I'm not gonna pretend

478
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 2: like they're not. It's nice, Like success feels good, feels

479
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 2: good to have things work out.

480
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's to be yeah in that situation.

481
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good it's a thing. It's understandable that

482
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 2: people want that and that people you know, it feels

483
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: It feels better when like when you make a fucking

484
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 2: cartoon and you put it on the internet and it

485
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 2: gets likes, It feels better than when it doesn't. But again,

486
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 2: I feel like the joy is in the attempt.

487
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

488
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try it.

489
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 2: I'm having fun. I'm having fun talking to you about

490
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: this because I'm gonna try to fucking go back into

491
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 2: like my luh normal non geck life and be like

492
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 2: remember and be like I told that guy that the

493
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 2: joy was in the attempt. So I'm gonna try to

494
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 2: uh feel away myself.

495
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 1: You know.

496
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 4: No, it's awesome, awesome.

497
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 2: Well, before we go, do you you want to plug anything?

498
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 2: You have something you want to plug, go ahead and

499
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 2: plug your fucking ship. Dude, if you got something to.

500
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 4: Plumb, at least try Instagram. Like I think it's called

501
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 4: pro p r O understand underscore stupid.

502
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 2: Pro underscore Cupid, that's pretty simple.

503
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: Hold on, yeah, let me that's what it is.

504
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 2: Let me pro underscore simple. I'm gonna look at your ship.

505
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 2: Uh pro underscore simple? Oh no, Cupid, why do I

506
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: say simple? What the fuck?

507
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: All right?

508
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 2: Here we go pro Cupid? Oh cool? Oh oh oh

509
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 2: hell yeah, dude, you drew and you drew you drew naked.

510
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: Marge Simpson, Yeah coolm I like, I like, I like,

511
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 2: I like I like this. I like the style. It's

512
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 2: very renn and renn and stimpy vibes.

513
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that means a lot from coming from

514
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 4: you come back.

515
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for having this conversation with me, Isaiah. Good

516
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: luck to you and all your fucking crazy life endeavors.

517
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 4: Yeah you too, Man.

518
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: I love you, Man, I love you.

519
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, I love you too, Isaiah. All right, I

520
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 2: love you too. I love you too. In this moment,

521
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 2: I'm feeling I'm feeling hopeful for your future. I'm feeling

522
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 2: hopeful for the future of ah man, feeling hopeful for

523
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 2: the future of of stuff. And I bless you, I will,

524
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 2: I will, I bless you with with hope, optimism, and

525
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: and forty two million dollars.

526
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, God, bless man, all right, take care Isaiah.

527
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was Isaiah. I used to I kind of

528
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 2: I used to have a thing where I was I

529
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,239
Speaker 2: for a second, I was like I used to not

530
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 2: like saying I love you to people on the internet.

531
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 2: I don't know why. It felt strange, but in that

532
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: but but it's weird because in that moment I did

533
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 2: feel it. You know, I was like, I don't fucking

534
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 2: like obviously like the people I talked to on the show,

535
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: it's like I don't know them, and it's like a

536
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 2: little interaction with a stranger. But but but I felt that,

537
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 2: you know what, Like I was like, oh, I do

538
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 2: love this guy. I do love again. I told you

539
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 2: I was ranting fucking earlier in the episode to Chase.

540
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 2: I was ranting about knowing that I love people, you know,

541
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 2: like that's in my soul. I love people. And just

542
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 2: now I was like, I was like, I think I

543
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 2: love Isaiah, dude, even just in that moment, like what

544
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 2: like four months from now, I don't like, like, realistically,

545
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll be thinking about Isaiah unless

546
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: if Isaiah is like, you know, hey, I was the

547
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: guy you talked to with the thing and the art

548
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 2: thing like, oh, fuck, you're fucking Isaiah, you know what

549
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 2: I mean. But I don't know if that I think

550
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: that's that's that could be how love works.

551
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: You know.

552
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 2: Love can kind of be this weird thing of the moment,

553
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: you know. I mean, I've had friends in real life

554
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 2: that I've known for like not that long, and I'm like,

555
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 2: you know, like I love you. I love you, man,

556
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 2: you know, I don't know. That's a weird. It's a

557
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 2: weird thing. I'm exploring the like, like what is what

558
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 2: does it mean to say I love you to someone?

559
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 2: Like I've I've had times where I was fucking in

560
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 2: the grocery store and I was looking at an old

561
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: lady in line ahead of me, and I was like,

562
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 2: I think I love this old lady. I don't know her.

563
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,919
Speaker 2: I've never talked to this old lady. I just she's

564
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 2: on the fucking she's on the planet Earth at the

565
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 2: same time that I am. Miraculously. That's insane. I think

566
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 2: I have to love this old lady. That's just what

567
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: it's just in my gut. I don't know her. She

568
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 2: might be a crazy person, but I guess I'm a

569
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 2: crazy person too. I don't know why I just love

570
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 2: this old lady. I love Isaiah, I love the old

571
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 2: lady at the grocery store, and I love drinking a

572
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 2: lot of coffee.

573
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 1: How you doing, I'm good man.

574
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: What's what's up?

575
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 1: Dog?

576
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 2: What's up dog? How's life?

577
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to bring the stream up, baby life.

578
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, go ahead and go ahead. How's life?

579
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 3: Well? We talked, We talked like last year. Like I

580
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 3: was like, man, everything sucks. It still sucks, but you know,

581
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 3: here we are trying to figure it out. I was

582
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 3: listening to you earlier when you're on your rants about

583
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 3: existential stuff, and yeah, I think that's only your only option. Really,

584
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 3: you just got to think about it and get through it.

585
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah, and then it still sucks.

586
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, why does every Why do you think

587
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 2: everything still sucks after a year?

588
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 3: I think it's because I keep working and I have

589
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 3: no money at the end of the day, even though

590
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 3: I'm make enough, and then it's all gone and then

591
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 3: there's nothing to do. But then every once in a while,

592
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 3: you get hang out with your buddies or you know,

593
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 3: do something fun. Like you're in Japan right now. That

594
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 3: sounds fun.

595
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 2: I am in Japan. It's been nice well, who are

596
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 2: these buddies that you're hanging out with?

597
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,760
Speaker 3: I saw my buddy just turned forty. I'm thirty seven.

598
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: Cool, it's nice.

599
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, after all these years, still got my homeboys from

600
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 3: the neighborhood that I grew up with. So it's kind

601
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 3: of nice getting out, get out of the house. So

602
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,399
Speaker 3: nice for a little bit.

603
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 2: Nice. Where'd you grow up in Atlanta?

604
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 3: Just outside of Atlanta?

605
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:01,920
Speaker 1: To a and are you.

606
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 3: Yeah? Just put some coffee on, cool, getting ready to

607
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 3: do some word cool. I'm gonna hate my job more

608
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:16,880
Speaker 3: and then just like a cycle, just a cycle of ship.

609
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: Uh.

610
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 3: I always struggle to answer that question. But I work

611
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 3: in it infrastructure, a botomation stuff for a little company

612
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 3: outside of Atlanta.

613
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 2: Yahm.

614
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 3: But you know I called last year. I was just

615
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 3: like everything is just our like time for myself. I've

616
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 3: lost myself. I you know, I have the same struggles

617
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 3: that some of your other colors do with. I mean

618
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 3: the dude that has for to uys, I have zero

619
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: du guys. I'm very lucky for that. But you know,

620
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:56,800
Speaker 3: this is the cycle of like alcohol, it beating yourself

621
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 3: up and stuff kind of sucks, man. But I do

622
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 3: find that as long as I can try my best

623
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 3: to remember that it's better to be here and kind

624
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 3: of suffered through this shit than not to be. I

625
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 3: don't know, man, I just kind of felt like calm

626
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 3: and just like saying that stuff.

627
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: Have you?

628
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 2: I mean, when was the last time you had a

629
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:39,280
Speaker 2: period in your life that felt particularly prosperous.

630
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 3: Five to ten years ago? What I feel like I've

631
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 3: been paidchecked bag for.

632
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: Moved.

633
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 3: My wife and I bought our first house that probably

634
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,760
Speaker 3: would have been the thing, and then we moved about

635
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: six years ago, but then we moved somewhere. I don't

636
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 3: really want to be just like a suckhole of suckery,

637
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 3: but you know, it's just because I want to like

638
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 3: just open a sandwich shop and like ski in the

639
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 3: mountains every day. But that's just not the reality, because

640
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 3: it's just not the reality. One day maybe as I'm older,

641
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 3: if I stay positive, right, But then I also find

642
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 3: myself falling into that hole of suck doing stuff I

643
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:35,760
Speaker 3: shouldn't do and not working all night and having beers

644
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 3: and instead of working, And then now I'm gonna feel

645
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 3: like shit when my boss is giving me that side eye.

646
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: What do you mean by doing things you shouldn't do.

647
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 3: Debatable just drinking. Man, I have I struggle with alcohol

648
00:39:56,560 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 3: and tobacco. Those are my vices. You know. I'm lucky

649
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 3: that I don't have worse vices than that, because I

650
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 3: know that those are out there. I've just never been

651
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 3: luckily and I've never found myself in that situation to

652
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,399
Speaker 3: have anything harder than that. But alcohol and tobacco are

653
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 3: not easy either, so and it weighs on me right

654
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 3: because I'm always like, Man, I can go buy two

655
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 3: more beers right now at two in the morning, but

656
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 3: here I am driving to the store. Uh and uh,

657
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:42,840
Speaker 3: you know, starting work at four in the morning, and

658
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 3: instead of sleeping, sleep would probably be good, but I

659
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 3: stress about it and then it's just a cycle of suck.

660
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 2: How long, man, How long? How long have you as

661
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 2: like alcohol and stuff a thing for you?

662
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 3: Probably about the same amount of time that it's been

663
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 3: felt prosperous, probably more like longer than that. I feel

664
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 3: like I feel like seven eight years ago. But even

665
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 3: before then, I was drinking a lot. I feel like

666
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 3: once I started drinking, I go hard on everything that

667
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 3: I do, which is why I'm glad. I don't never

668
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:32,760
Speaker 3: gotten addicted to harder stuff. I've never never done anything

669
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 3: too crazy. I like, must of the fun. But yeah,

670
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 3: it's been a long time. Then. I've been in a

671
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 3: cycle cycles of pretty depressive. I feel like I'm manically depressed,

672
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 3: but maybe not maniacally, so not quite there yet. I'm

673
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 3: trying to avoid it, but I feel like I'll.

674
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 2: Go go ahead, go ahead.

675
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 3: I was just gonna say sorry and then I'll let

676
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 3: you take over there. I mean, I feel like I'm like, don't,

677
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 3: don't do it. Don't drink because like one beer man,

678
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 3: two beers, it's like five beers, you know, and then

679
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,760
Speaker 3: it's like I'm losing.

680
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 2: Hours and.

681
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 3: Shit, I gotta do and just I just fucking don't

682
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 3: want to do it. And then I just drink more

683
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 3: beer at that point, and then I'll wake up at

684
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 3: three or five in the morning or pass out at

685
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 3: seven at night, and she like, shit, my body doesn't

686
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 3: like it. I'm just it's just like I'm just addicted

687
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 3: to it, so I'll just fall back into it.

688
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Why uh uh oh. I remember I was

689
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 2: gonna say, have you have you talked to a real

690
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 2: therapist about this? And if so, what have they told you?

691
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 3: I have gone to therapy, but I just did like

692
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 3: the better helth thing right, I didn't. I felt like

693
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 3: because it was like covid fish times, you know, So

694
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 3: it's just like I feel like I would do better

695
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 3: in person. And then I also went to a psychiatrist

696
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 3: and got onto some form of antidepressant for the first

697
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 3: time a few years ago, a couple of years ago.

698
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 3: But actually, and some people have this effect, it just

699
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 3: made me kind of like very angry, like irrationally angry.

700
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 3: And I did not enjoy that at all, because I'm

701
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 3: not I'm not an angry person except to myself. Isn't

702
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 3: gonna fuck. I'm very angry with myself, but I'm not

703
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 3: angry outwardly towards like my friends and family. Probably more

704
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 3: just people that don't know how to drive.

705
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 2: They Okay, that's not as bad as outwardly angry to

706
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 2: your friends and family.

707
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, if I drink too much, then I

708
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 3: might say something dumb, and then I gotta feel like

709
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 3: I gotta I'm just joking, but it's not. It's not

710
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 3: very fun if you're you are affecting those around you

711
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,759
Speaker 3: that actually care about you when you're not trying to.

712
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 3: And then I feel bad again, and then I'm like,

713
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 3: I got to drinking of beer because now I'll feel

714
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 3: like shit, I really want. What I really really wish

715
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 3: go ahead is that I could afford to go somewhere

716
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 3: for you know, twenty one days or a retreat of

717
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 3: fucking recovery, something where I can just get away if

718
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 3: I did not have access to alcohol and tobacco. And again,

719
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 3: it could be worse, or everyone has their struggles, right,

720
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 3: could be something else, but like if I could just

721
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 3: get away from it, but I can't, I can't afford it.

722
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 3: I got it, don't worry.

723
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 2: What about those like well, I don't know. I'm curious

724
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 2: because like we have talked to some people. Remember talking

725
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,800
Speaker 2: to a dude about uh work away or I forget

726
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 2: the fucking name of the website, but like all these

727
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 2: places where like you can go uh to kind of

728
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 2: uh work in exchange for I mean, you got to

729
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 2: save up I think for the plane ticket, but there's

730
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 2: a lot of places you can go to like work

731
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 2: in exchange for housing and food. You know what I mean?

732
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 2: You ever thought you ever thought about something like that?

733
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 3: So what do you mean I would work for someone

734
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 3: else during that time?

735
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: Yeah?

736
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 2: Like I mean I don't know, man, you're talking about

737
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 2: like trying to go away for twenty one days or

738
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 2: go away for an extended period of time to do

739
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 2: some shit. There's there's these websites where you can go

740
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 2: to again like find some shit abroad or even maybe

741
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:59,479
Speaker 2: domestic where you can go and yeah, like like work

742
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 2: on like a farm or like a fucking uh what

743
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 2: is it. Yeah, there's just kind of like opportunity or something, yeah,

744
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 2: co op something like that. You know, again, you got

745
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 2: to kind of save up for a a plane ticket

746
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 2: to get there or gas or whatever it is. But

747
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 2: once you're there, you know, you might maybe you'll be

748
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: able to find something that you're looking for. Uh, maybe

749
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 2: you'll be able to find what you're looking for there.

750
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 3: I will kind of look into some more of that

751
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 3: because I feel like that would solve some of my problems.

752
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 3: And I bet other people would benefit from something like

753
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 3: that too, So that's probably good. We're even talking about it.

754
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: M M.

755
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, sad.

756
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 2: Guru, Yeah, sure, I know who that is.

757
00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 3: They have I'm in Atlanta, so there, and they have

758
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 3: a headquarters in Tennessee and they have a spot. But

759
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 3: that's extensive too, and it's like, man, I gotta work,

760
00:46:56,160 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 3: like I'm literally I can't afford to. I have to support,

761
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 3: you know, some kids and stuff like that and pay

762
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 3: my bills or whatever.

763
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 2: So it's just how many how many kids do you have?

764
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:10,240
Speaker 2: How many kids are some kids?

765
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 3: I have three kids, have three kids, and they are

766
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 3: all young, and they are expensive. And it's only gotten

767
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 3: more expensive since I started having just like the economy

768
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 3: and everything. That's just like that's tough, man, because you know,

769
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 3: being let me get a few beers and I'm like, yeah,

770
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 3: that's twenty bucks. I probably should put towards their retirement

771
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 3: funds or whatever. Then I feel bad about that, so

772
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 3: then whatever. But you know, that's that's one of the

773
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 3: struggles that I have, is trying to find the right time.

774
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 3: And I actually did take off a few weeks of

775
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 3: work in December and I thought, hey, i'll clean my

776
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 3: house up, you know that I'm I did do some

777
00:47:56,160 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 3: of it, and then like kids got fig or it's

778
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 3: just a lot going on. So then I'd almost made

779
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 3: the opportunity. I talked to my parents because they're nearby

780
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: at least a few hours a couple hours away. That

781
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna go stay up there with

782
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 3: you guys for a few weeks, just to get away.

783
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,400
Speaker 3: Like I was open, openly talking to him about the

784
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 3: same kind of stuff we're talking about, but then time

785
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 3: passed and I didn't do it. Now we're back into

786
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 3: the whole cycle of like, you know, school stuff and

787
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 3: softball feyball stuff, and I don't want to miss my star.

788
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 3: I just don't want to be an assent dad. I'm

789
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: trying to do my best, but then I'm off of

790
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 3: struggling and I'm just like, man, what the fus what

791
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 3: do I do?

792
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: What do I do? What do I do?

793
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, man, I try your best. I

794
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 2: guess I don't know what the hell you do?

795
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 3: I mean, that really is the point that I wanted

796
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,280
Speaker 3: to make. That's really why I wanted to call, because

797
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 3: it's what you gotta do. You gotta do your best.

798
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:00,319
Speaker 2: Man, Just try your best, man, I mean, I I mean,

799
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,959
Speaker 2: with like alcohol, it's like I don't, I don't, I don't,

800
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I mean, you just have to

801
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 2: fucking decide. It's just a thing of like deciding to

802
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 2: change and deciding to prioritize ship and deciding to fucking

803
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 2: do do better on it. You know, I don't know, man,

804
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 2: I don't have any I don't have anything for you.

805
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 2: That's yeah. I mean, you seem like you care about life.

806
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 2: You seem like you care about your kids, or because

807
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,919
Speaker 2: if you didn't care about your kids, you'd be gone

808
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 2: by now. You wouldn't even be in anywhere or any

809
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 2: you wouldn't be on the phone with me right now,

810
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 2: you'd be in like a I don't even know. But

811
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 2: you care enough about life and enough about bar be

812
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 2: in a bar.

813
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: Right.

814
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 2: You care enough about life, You care enough about your family,

815
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 2: You care enough about yourself that you're trying. You know,

816
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 2: you still give a shit about yeah, existing on the

817
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 2: plan about that stuff, and you know, and go ahead.

818
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 3: I'm a nice guy man, like making people happy. I

819
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 3: just kee said, I'm fucking so unhappy all the time.

820
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

821
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 3: I went on a date a couple of weeks ago.

822
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 3: My wife is like, you know, you're like you kind

823
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 3: of hot, but like you're too mad all the time,

824
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 3: Like how you think I'm hot? I don't think I'm

825
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 3: out by.

826
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 2: The way, I'm sorry you went. You went on a

827
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 2: date with your wife?

828
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 3: My wife, Yeah, we got a date A couple of

829
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 3: weeks ago, which is very far few and far in between,

830
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 3: so it was it was pretty good.

831
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 2: Timing and how's your how's everything going with your wife?

832
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: Good?

833
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 3: I mean good, And you know, honestly, it is probably

834
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 3: better than it was last year this time when I

835
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 3: told you, we spoke crazy for me to think you

836
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:57,919
Speaker 3: would remember the conversation and I don't even actually remember

837
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 3: that well because I was pretty drunk. But you know,

838
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 3: things are good, so you know, that was one of

839
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 3: the main points. Like I said, I want to I

840
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,600
Speaker 3: got the opportunity to get dirty too, and just you know,

841
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:13,959
Speaker 3: we just we just got to keep keep our heads

842
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 3: up and keep learning and keep thinking and keep trying

843
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 3: and just trying to do better. I think m hm hm.

844
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 3: And you know, we people do like having these conversations,

845
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 3: and in general public it's just harder these days and

846
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:34,320
Speaker 3: everything so technology related and computers, computer nerds stuff behind

847
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 3: the you know, you get stuck in this cycle behind

848
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 3: the keyboard and in your own heads and stuff. It's

849
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 3: hard to break out of it sometimes. But uh yeah, yeah.

850
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 2: What's your name against, sir?

851
00:51:55,560 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 3: My name is Keegan, Yeah, Keegan, Keegan, Keegan.

852
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 2: You know what, man, I'm gonna have optimism for you, Keegan.

853
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 3: I've got optimism optimism for me.

854
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 2: Too, that's all. That's it. As long as you have that,

855
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 2: you're gonna be uh, you know, as long as you

856
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,240
Speaker 2: actually truly, genuinely have a little bit of optimism, hopefully

857
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 2: things will be on a trajectory. I fucking hope, man, I.

858
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 3: Hope continues to hope to help that. That's not religious. Uh,

859
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 3: it doesn't even matter. And I did not have to

860
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 3: bring that up. But I think if we just stay on,

861
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 3: stay on the right path, and continue thinking and just

862
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 3: trying to do better, we'll get there one day, right.

863
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 2: You know. Uh, there's a better chance. At least is

864
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:58,320
Speaker 2: a better chance at least. I'll say that much. All right,

865
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say? The people

866
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,240
Speaker 2: of the computer before we go? Keep your head up, baby,

867
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 2: rock and roll, rock and roll, all right, take care

868
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 2: of Keegan, Good luck man, Thanks brother man oh Man.

869
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: The more I do this podcast, the more I'm like,

870
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 2: I don't have answer. I mean I don't. I don't

871
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 2: necessarily advertise myself as having answers to the questions of life.

872
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 2: I sometimes sometimes I want to folks, listeners, help me

873
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,279
Speaker 2: out here. I tell me, you know what, I'm just

874
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 2: gonna say this. Do you guys, Do you guys think?

875
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes I wonder if doing this podcast makes me depressed

876
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,640
Speaker 2: or if it makes me better, Because on one hand,

877
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 2: it gives me, you know, it gives me like some

878
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 2: purpose to do this show and have these conversations, and

879
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 2: people enjoy listening to it, and people enjoy hearing it,

880
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 2: and people people enjoy this kind of curation of other

881
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 2: people's lives and stories and problems, and I do too.

882
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 2: I do too, And I enjoy getting to express myself,

883
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 2: and I enjoy kind of a lot of aspects of

884
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 2: doing this. But then sometimes I wonder, I'm like, am

885
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 2: I is repeated exposure to all of the lives of

886
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 2: other people driving me insane, whether consciously or unconsciously, And

887
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 2: then is having an audience of people watching in real

888
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 2: time as I slowly go insane? Is what is that?

889
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 2: But also am I going insane? Or am I actually

890
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 2: doing a good thing by doing this show? Five It's

891
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 2: been almost this summer, it'll be five years of doing

892
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 2: this show. But I don't know. I only I only

893
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:05,439
Speaker 2: know this show from this end of it. I don't

894
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 2: know it from the listener end, I don't. I only

895
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 2: I only know my life from my own end. I

896
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 2: don't know it from the end of anyone observing it.

897
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 2: So I have to kind of ask myself these questions.

898
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 2: I have to wonder that I was thinking. I selfishly

899
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 2: was thinking about that a little bit through some of

900
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 2: the calls today. I was like, is this is is

901
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 2: dressing as a gecko and talking to people on the

902
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 2: phone about all of the infinite because I because about

903
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:47,880
Speaker 2: about like all the infinite both joys and sorrows of

904
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:53,239
Speaker 2: life a good thing? Or is it detrimental to my

905
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 2: own health? I even feel like it's kind of crazy

906
00:55:57,120 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 2: for me to be thinking out loud about this, but

907
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 2: I can't not. I've tried. I've said to myself, I'm like,

908
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 2: I gotta stop thinking aloud so much. I gotta stop

909
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 2: sharing so much on the podcast. I gotta protect myself

910
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:20,919
Speaker 2: a little bit. But then I'm like, I think it's

911
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 2: just my nature and not like in my own life

912
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,720
Speaker 2: and in this podcast, I think it's just my nature.

913
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 2: I don't think I cannot do it, but I mean,

914
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 2: that's what it is, and I'm gonna keep doing it

915
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 2: because it's Yeah, it's I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm

916
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:43,800
Speaker 2: going to keep being a Gecko and taking phone calls

917
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:48,240
Speaker 2: and making this podcast because I actually really do enjoy

918
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 2: doing it. Ultimately, I think I scroll the I think

919
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 2: I talked about this before, but I scroll through my

920
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 2: Spotify sometimes, like like I'll like look at all the

921
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 2: episodisodes and I'll look at the titles of them, and

922
00:57:02,239 --> 00:57:04,879
Speaker 2: I'll remember the conversations and I'll be like, I really

923
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 2: enjoyed having that conversation. I really enjoyed. I Like, I

924
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 2: look at all the episodes and I'll be like, all

925
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 2: of the like all of the episodes that I post

926
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 2: on Spotify, like remember having that conversation, and I'll be like,

927
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 2: I enjoyed having that conversation. But I do wonder if

928
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 2: it's driving me insane. But I am going to keep

929
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 2: doing it. But I guess I guess I should also

930
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 2: do other things, like I think I'm going I'm also

931
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 2: going to do other things, such as do an art

932
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 2: gallery where I display my trash. Okay, yeah, this is

933
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 2: a perfect time for me to I'm probably gonna put

934
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 2: an ad somewhere at the beginning of the podcast for

935
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:04,440
Speaker 2: this to talk about it again. I'm going to display

936
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 2: my trash. I'm trying to do things outside of what

937
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 2: I normally do, and one of those things that I'm

938
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 2: gonna do is take my trash and display it in

939
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 2: an art exhibition because it's funny. And I'm gonna do

940
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:23,440
Speaker 2: that in Brooklyn, New York on March fourteenth from seven

941
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 2: pm to ten pm. That'll be the gallery opening, but

942
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 2: then the work will be on display at the gallery

943
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 2: from March fourteenth to the twenty second. And if you

944
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 2: want more details on this, I'm gonna include them in

945
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 2: a link in the episode description. So that's my life is.

946
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep talking to people on the phone as

947
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 2: a gecko. I'm gonna do an art exhibition where I

948
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 2: show off my trash. And you know, I'm trying to

949
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:58,720
Speaker 2: have optimism for myself, and therefore I just feel like

950
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 2: I have to have optimism for other people. It's maybe

951
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,800
Speaker 2: like a d it's a danger. It might be like

952
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 2: a dangerous amount of it's so douchey to be like

953
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 2: I'm an EmPATH or whatever, but like I like if

954
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 2: I I just I have to be optimistic for everyone

955
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 2: and everything or else. I don't know how I'm gonna

956
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 2: be optimistic for myself. But that might be that might

957
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 2: just be unrealistic. I don't know. Isn't it weird? After

958
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 2: five years of doing this, I have way more questions

959
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 2: than answers. I had way more confidence and answers I

960
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 2: think when I started than now. But I'm enjoying. But

961
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 2: it's similar in the sense that it's therapeutic for other

962
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:53,600
Speaker 2: people to come on and call and talk about these

963
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 2: things with an audience to hear them. It's therapeutic for

964
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 2: me to do it too, And that's why I'm doing it.

965
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 2: That's why I'm putting this on the internet in a

966
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 2: podcast for other people to listen to. Just a big,

967
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 2: long rant about what's going on in my brain. It's

968
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 2: helpful even though it's on the internet forever, and like

969
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 2: in five years, someone will be like, Hey, I heard

970
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 2: you ranting like a crazy person on a podcast five

971
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 2: years ago. What's up with that? I had? All I'm

972
01:00:24,520 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 2: just gonna All you really can do in that moment

973
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 2: is just go, you know, yeah, yeah, but what's how

974
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 2: you doing? What's what's the weather like today? What am

975
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 2: I gonna eat for lunch today?

976
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 1: You know?

977
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 2: How am I feeling right now? In this moment. Right,

978
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 2: that all makes sense. Right. I'm enjoying this format of

979
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 2: the podcast where I just rant incessantly my thoughts from

980
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 2: my own brain. I'm trying to think of I have

981
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 2: anything else to share or say before we end the episode.

982
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 2: Sunlight is good. It's good to get sunlight. I've been

983
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 2: every morning I've been talking. I talked about my excidential

984
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 2: dreadale at this episode. Every morning, I feel great, the

985
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 2: sun shines, I take a walk, I do some pushups,

986
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:25,680
Speaker 2: I feel great, and then at nightfall, as I'm recording

987
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 2: this right now, it's nightfall, and then at nightfall, I

988
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 2: feel more despirally. So how do I create morning in

989
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 2: my brain at all times? I'm not sure? For me,

990
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 2: people helps like real having interactions with real human beings,

991
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:51,760
Speaker 2: being out of my house, being out of my brain.

992
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 2: Walking always feels great. I like activity. I was in

993
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:04,080
Speaker 2: a crowded restaurant the other night at ten pm. That

994
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:06,400
Speaker 2: felt amazing. It's one of the things I like about

995
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 2: New York. One of the things I like about Tokyo

996
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:11,160
Speaker 2: is that there's always crowds and people, and I know

997
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,439
Speaker 2: everyone's kind of different. Some people they they feel much

998
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:17,560
Speaker 2: better alone. But I always feel better when I'm surrounded

999
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:19,920
Speaker 2: by like activity and things and stuff. I think it's

1000
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 2: like an ADHD thing. But yeah, that's it. That's the

1001
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 2: end of this rant. Tell let's say some stuff. And

1002
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 2: I don't I read all the Spotify I mean, I'm crazy,

1003
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 2: I shouldn't do this, but I read all the Spotify comments.

1004
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:42,960
Speaker 2: I read all the YouTube comments. So talk to each

1005
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:46,440
Speaker 2: other in the YouTube comments and in the Spotify comments,

1006
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 2: say say some things to each other, say some things

1007
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 2: for yourself. I don't know. I don't know anything. I

1008
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:59,000
Speaker 2: I I am on a search. For all I know

1009
01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:03,919
Speaker 2: is I feel good ranting into this microphone right now.

1010
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,720
Speaker 2: And so thanks for listening to this podcast and for

1011
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 2: listening to the me ranting into this microphone. I hope

1012
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 2: it was helpful for it was helpful for me. I

1013
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 2: hope it was helpful for you. I hope it was

1014
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 2: good for you. And let's keep doing it. But for now,

1015
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to sleep. So thanks for listening

1016
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:34,320
Speaker 2: to this podcast. Good luck, fucking try your best, and

1017
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 2: that's it, man, Try your best. It's all you can do.

1018
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 2: Try your best, it's all you can do. So you

1019
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,760
Speaker 2: can do go to good. If you're if you're listening

1020
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 2: to this podcast at like one o'clock in the morning

1021
01:03:49,160 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 2: and you're spiraling, you're going insane, Just drink some water,

1022
01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 2: go to bed, and then try again tomorrow. That's the

1023
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 2: thing about thoughts is every time I have a thought,

1024
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is it. This is the per every

1025
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 2: time I have a negative thought, I'm like, this is

1026
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 2: it now, this is the permanent status of my brain forever.

1027
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 2: And then that makes me spiral more. And I just

1028
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 2: gotta always remember. I just gotta remember. No, it's the

1029
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 2: kind of the feelings and the especially when you have

1030
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:17,560
Speaker 2: like ADHD or whatever, the feelings in your brain, they

1031
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 2: just cycle, they cycle, and they cycle. So if you're

1032
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 2: feeling good, it's not gonna last forever. If you're feeling shitty,

1033
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 2: it's not gonna last forever. So just just will let

1034
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 2: it pass. Let it flow like water. I feel like

1035
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 2: people say that a lot. Let the feelings flow like water.

1036
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 2: If you're feeling insane, just let it fucking pass. It's

1037
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:48,760
Speaker 2: not gonna be forever. If if someone's mad at you,

1038
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:52,240
Speaker 2: they won't be mad at you forever, or maybe they will,

1039
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:57,560
Speaker 2: but you won't feel it forever. It'll be all right,

1040
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:02,400
Speaker 2: all right, good luck, thanks for listening.

1041
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 3: There. Rep Ken goes on the line, taking your phone

1042
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:07,440
Speaker 3: calls every night.

1043
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:08,959
Speaker 2: The repin Can goes.

1044
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 3: Doory's right, he's teaching you to loud to live your life,

1045
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 3: but he's not really an expert.