Speaker 1: I am exactly who I am because of my father.
Speaker 1: Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You
Speaker 1: may know us for posting funny videos without boys and
Speaker 1: reading each other publicly as a form of wait are
Speaker 1: making me derby most days. Oh and one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. Yes, so we are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: ass is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying fast on
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We're about to take pillow talk to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ad starts right now. Story time. I remember being
Speaker 1: seventeen years old and honestly feeling like my father didn't
Speaker 1: like me. Like I knew that he loved me, but
Speaker 1: I remember saying to myself, my father doesn't like me much.
Speaker 1: And I remember saying to myself, like, damn, what did
Speaker 1: I do that my father doesn't like me? Because I
Speaker 1: felt like I was my whole life, I had tried
Speaker 1: to do everything I can to make my father proud.
Speaker 1: So at that point in seventeen, I said, I'm tired
Speaker 1: of trying to make my father proud. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: do what I want. And that's when I started to
Speaker 1: rebel a little bit. I started to talk back a
Speaker 1: lot and just make my own decisions. And when I
Speaker 1: left to go to college, I was so excited about
Speaker 1: being out the house until I was gone. And then
Speaker 1: it was in that moment when I got to college
Speaker 1: and everything my father was trying to teach me and
Speaker 1: instilling me hit me like a ton of bricks, and
Speaker 1: I realized, Damn, that's why he was the way he was.
Speaker 1: All Right, it's karaoke time. I got my brothers in here, right,
Speaker 1: so I'm actually gonna sing the song Brothers with my brothers.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you all to join in with me,
Speaker 1: all right, from the Best Man soundtrack, if y'all remember this, alright,
Speaker 1: So we're gonna start from the verse, alright, ready, one, two, three?
Speaker 1: What can a brother do for me? He can help
Speaker 1: you up when you ut down. What can a brother
Speaker 1: do for me? He can be my eyes when you
Speaker 1: can't see. What can a brother do for me? He
Speaker 1: can help you be either best man, I can't. I
Speaker 1: can be, I can be, I can be, can be,
Speaker 1: I can be. Help you bet up, best man, I
Speaker 1: can't be. That was terrible. Oh man, I think I
Speaker 1: drowned you all out. But welcome, Welcome, guys, Welcome man.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna introduce you all to this very special
Speaker 1: group of guys here because this group here became my
Speaker 1: clan here in California when I moved out here. All right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go in order as the people are watching
Speaker 1: me here, so we're gonna go to my left, we're
Speaker 1: gonna go to Solving. Naim. Solving actually put me in
Speaker 1: my first film. Oh. He's an award winning producer, director, actor,
Speaker 1: rapper does everything father, husband, got a son now X
Speaker 1: shout out, shout out, thank you for joining us, Solving.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Brother to his left, it's my man,
Speaker 1: Serbifo shout out. Brooklyn Coney Island photographer. He's worked on
Speaker 1: the Lakers, the charges would bet Will Smith. I mean
Speaker 1: you've you've done a lot of work with a lot
Speaker 1: of people, bro, a lot of work. You got out
Speaker 1: here first. You told me years ago. He was like, Yo,
Speaker 1: d R D you want to make it. You gotta
Speaker 1: come out of Hollywood. I'm gonna Solomon told me the
Speaker 1: same thing, so sir bole, I appreciate you going yes
Speaker 1: and to his left and last was certainly not least.
Speaker 1: My new brother from another mother lives down the block
Speaker 1: for me. I ain't gonna tell you where we lived.
Speaker 1: I want nobody rolling up on us say it's my man.
Speaker 1: Rob da von Butler, former NFL athlete play safety. He
Speaker 1: liked to hit people, now works in corporate America. He's
Speaker 1: a father, husband, also a son, we all sons, but
Speaker 1: also father of the four beautiful children, two sons and
Speaker 1: two girls. Rob, thank you for coming and joining us.
Speaker 1: I had been struggling so many times with what I
Speaker 1: was gonna do for the men's episode, because we all
Speaker 1: kneen and I always do the podcast together. But last
Speaker 1: year one of our biggest episodes was the guy's episode,
Speaker 1: and we talked about dating and relationships and people love that.
Speaker 1: But I felt like it was important, especially in today's time,
Speaker 1: to talk about fatherhood, especially black fathers. And I think
Speaker 1: it's important because um Rob Slack and myself we work
Speaker 1: out every morning together, and every time we get together,
Speaker 1: people would think as men we would be talking about asks.
Speaker 1: You think we would be talking about women, and but
Speaker 1: we literally sit there and talk about fatherhood. What are
Speaker 1: we do? We ask each other because Rob has the
Speaker 1: oldest children, he has grown children, so Slick is always
Speaker 1: asking me questions. But I bring Jackson with me and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, Rob, how do I deal with this?
Speaker 1: And then I felt like I should bring Bafo because
Speaker 1: Bafo was in the space where I feel like, if
Speaker 1: I didn't have kids and I had a group of
Speaker 1: people that could tell me what to look out for,
Speaker 1: I could make decisions based on those things, Which is
Speaker 1: gonna lead me to a question that I want to
Speaker 1: know from you guys. Right in story time, I talked
Speaker 1: about what my father was to me, and I kind
Speaker 1: of want to hear from each of you what your
Speaker 1: father was to you guys, Like, well, I mean I
Speaker 1: have to really think of about that because you know,
Speaker 1: unfortunately I didn't have a great relationship with my father
Speaker 1: um until I got married, you know, and then my wife,
Speaker 1: you know, brought us tried to try to mend that
Speaker 1: relationship because she knew that that was you know, that
Speaker 1: that needed to be needed, work needed to be done there.
Speaker 1: So there was a large gap of years you know that, Um,
Speaker 1: you know that we didn't really talk much or you know,
Speaker 1: or go back and forth. So I have to kind
Speaker 1: of go back to, you know, my very early years.
Speaker 1: And um, I when my father was to me was
Speaker 1: you know, disciplinary, um, hard worker though, you know, self made.
Speaker 1: You know, he started his own company example. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so yeah, definitely that was one thing. And then and
Speaker 1: then just kept progressing in that, you know, so he
Speaker 1: completely just did his own thing, you know North. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but my father is that actually white and my mother
Speaker 1: is Algerian. So my father came, my father came to
Speaker 1: New York. Um before I was born. I've seen me
Speaker 1: my mom and you know, they had me over there.
Speaker 1: But he, um, they divorced immediately like after I was born,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't even know how
Speaker 1: they even got together. It's just to make me and um.
Speaker 1: And then he went he moved to Inwood, Washington Heights,
Speaker 1: to eleven Finish and that was the hood, that was
Speaker 1: the Dominican hood. So you know most of my yeah,
Speaker 1: that was I mean, that was fact for the weekend.
Speaker 1: When he walked in from New York, I called him slip. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's been my life in New York, explaining
Speaker 1: to you know, put the vegans Dominicans that I'm not.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I gotta say in Spanish and they're like, but
Speaker 1: um so so yeah. So so I watched him literally,
Speaker 1: you know, from broke as how, you know, black ass
Speaker 1: whip that was still getting broken into you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, um to you know, to to making something
Speaker 1: of himself and you know, being that good example for you.
Speaker 1: You would say your father was an example more than
Speaker 1: a presence. He was just an example. Yeah, and he
Speaker 1: was very present in the early phase and and and
Speaker 1: actually as a as a baby, were piste off my
Speaker 1: mom because my mom was the worker. My mom was
Speaker 1: working the nine to five, and my father stopped to
Speaker 1: quit his job just to be with me as a baby.
Speaker 1: And uh, which made my mom because now she's the
Speaker 1: breadwinner and she's like, yeah, we got these bills or whatever.
Speaker 1: But my my pops would finesse it pretty ill because
Speaker 1: he was an engineer before he got into computer software
Speaker 1: and uh, and would just be able to just do
Speaker 1: a freelance job and make and then be like here's
Speaker 1: the money for the for just enough, you know, for
Speaker 1: for the bill. And I would make I would piss
Speaker 1: my mom off even more because you can make money
Speaker 1: and you're not doing it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's funny think all fathers learned to finesse. My father
Speaker 1: was a finesse, so he he got his associate's degree,
Speaker 1: didn't go to college. After that was bouncing and they
Speaker 1: started working for Chase Manhattan Bank and then became like
Speaker 1: you know, he does on computer program and in mainframeing.
Speaker 1: And I used to be like, how do you how
Speaker 1: do you manage to make money? You don't even have
Speaker 1: a Batchelor's degree. And he's just like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not what you know, it's who you know. Dads always
Speaker 1: know how to sound like that sounds like school. Oh
Speaker 1: my dad. My dad's pretty awesome. Actually we have a
Speaker 1: really good relationship. Yeah. Um, growing up he was around.
Speaker 1: He was definitely a disciplinary but I didn't I didn't
Speaker 1: know anything away from discipline in a sense, like I
Speaker 1: didn't know that that was wrong. I guess them is
Speaker 1: from Ghana. Yes, my parents were from Ghana. Um. My
Speaker 1: dad uh played he was a soccer playing Guana. Left
Speaker 1: Ghana in the seventies by himself, came to America came
Speaker 1: to figure out. America came to figure this out and
Speaker 1: I'm good, Carson, Yeah, ain't gonna so yeah. So he
Speaker 1: came to mur Um and Uh in the seventies and
Speaker 1: just wanted to establish some sort of ground here, which
Speaker 1: he did, and then he went back and got my
Speaker 1: mom and my three brothers and brought him over. So
Speaker 1: for me, um, seeing seeing that and hearing that story
Speaker 1: growing up, I mean, I felt like this man left
Speaker 1: the country that he was very comfortable and familiar with
Speaker 1: to code to another country that he had nothing nobody
Speaker 1: there um and started a space and and and started
Speaker 1: working for himself and started to build a foundation here
Speaker 1: in America where he's able to bring my family over.
Speaker 1: So for me, Um, he's like a true example of like,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying some shing I need to
Speaker 1: be emulating, and how I would love for my kids
Speaker 1: at some point to see their grandfather and know these
Speaker 1: things about them. So yeah, it's big. So that's two
Speaker 1: things over there. I heard. Example example Rob, you and
Speaker 1: your phone, I met your father. He's been spending the
Speaker 1: last week with us working out and last in the
Speaker 1: morning seven working out with us, Young Bucks. What was
Speaker 1: your father to you. Man, I'm sitting here reflecting as
Speaker 1: I into my brother's a goal that went before me,
Speaker 1: and the thing that comes to mind for me is,
Speaker 1: you know, my dad was a role model. He occurred
Speaker 1: for me as a role model growing up. But what
Speaker 1: I what I came to know as a father myself
Speaker 1: now is that he was a real model. So my
Speaker 1: dad didn't hold no punches. He didn't hide anything from us.
Speaker 1: Um so he showed us the good, the bad, and
Speaker 1: the ugly, you know. So I took that by and large,
Speaker 1: I said, man, this is not what I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: with my kids because this team too much. But now
Speaker 1: we're looking back on this, like everything that I got
Speaker 1: to that you experienced as a young man, especially a
Speaker 1: young black man going up in America, my dad put
Speaker 1: me through it before I got to to to live
Speaker 1: through it myself, so I kind of already had him
Speaker 1: as a reference point. Some people would say, well, you know,
Speaker 1: he shouldn't be doing that. You know, you shouldn't have
Speaker 1: your first beer or your first disk, you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: talking about sex with it. But my dad was an
Speaker 1: open book. Aside from that, he one of the things
Speaker 1: that stand out to me the most is that he
Speaker 1: always pushed the envelope for more. He always he wanted
Speaker 1: me my brothers to be better than him, and so
Speaker 1: he was. I would get straight A's, bro, you know,
Speaker 1: being a football player score five six seven touchdowns. He
Speaker 1: wanted to point out the tackle that I missed. Until
Speaker 1: your point earlier, I always felt like, yo, dude, why
Speaker 1: are you Why? Why can't you never give me my props? Right?
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I was thirty years old, this
Speaker 1: is nine years ago. We had a conversation about you know,
Speaker 1: why would why would you ride me? How come you
Speaker 1: never gave me out? A boy? He said, Son looked.
Speaker 1: I always felt like you didn't like I was never
Speaker 1: good enough for you. He said something listening. The reason
Speaker 1: why I wrote you that way is because I saw
Speaker 1: who you was. Straight A's was the expectation. Five six
Speaker 1: seven touchdowns a game. That's that's who that's who you want.
Speaker 1: So that's so when you when you felt shorter that
Speaker 1: it was like I had a problem with it. But
Speaker 1: when you did it, it it was like that's what I
Speaker 1: expected out of you, and I found got I got that,
Speaker 1: and you got that at thirty. But how did you
Speaker 1: feel about that. I let him know how I felt
Speaker 1: about it. I told him, I communicated to him that
Speaker 1: I developed a complex and not being good enough. So
Speaker 1: how that shoot showed up in the world. Was I
Speaker 1: always strive to overachieve and was driving was this internal
Speaker 1: diet that monologue really between me and me saying that
Speaker 1: you're not You're not good enough? Um, so there was
Speaker 1: an impact. So I'm glad you say that, because where
Speaker 1: I want to take this conversation is we and in
Speaker 1: this current culture, we hear oftentimes, you know, black men
Speaker 1: don't defend black women, black men don't love black women,
Speaker 1: black men don't marry black women. These are all the
Speaker 1: things that we're hearing about black men. And I want
Speaker 1: to have this conversation because we all had fathers in
Speaker 1: our lives, and I want to know what happened in
Speaker 1: our lives that made us be the way we are,
Speaker 1: and especially in our twenties when you're in that dating process,
Speaker 1: because when you're older and married it's easy to say now,
Speaker 1: but we're talking about people who date near twenties, between
Speaker 1: twenty and who were you? How do you think having
Speaker 1: your father in your life, or if he wasn't in
Speaker 1: your life at that time made you be who you were.
Speaker 1: And if you were that way, would you have dated yourself?
Speaker 1: How did your father and who he was help you
Speaker 1: become the man you are to be a companion for
Speaker 1: someone else? And this is open floor, this is you
Speaker 1: don't gotta go order. I want to hear that who
Speaker 1: were you in your twenties when you were dating? Was terrible? Um?
Speaker 1: What I date myself in my twenties, Nah, I wouldn't. Um.
Speaker 1: I was fun, but I wasn't serious. So depending on
Speaker 1: you know, I guess the lady or the girl at
Speaker 1: the time that I was dating, depending on what she wanted,
Speaker 1: she could get fun. But I wasn't really serious. So
Speaker 1: when it came to being serious and like I settled
Speaker 1: down towards the back end of prior to moving to
Speaker 1: l A, I had a girlfriend for like three years. Um,
Speaker 1: but I myself know that like if I was a
Speaker 1: few excuse me, if I was a lady, Um, looking
Speaker 1: at myself at twenty, I would not have. I would
Speaker 1: have I would gonna get me wrong, I would be
Speaker 1: da cute, you know. But but I personally would not
Speaker 1: date myself because I was selfish. I was very selfish. Yourself.
Speaker 1: I was very selfish. Um I figured I was also
Speaker 1: s which one of them, the youngest the seven, Um,
Speaker 1: somebody was wild deep you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: I was the last one. And a few things did
Speaker 1: kind of go my way growing up, But for the
Speaker 1: most part, I've always felt like I had to, like
Speaker 1: even til today, sometime like they'll be like having sibling
Speaker 1: discussions and I might chime in and they'll blow Steve,
Speaker 1: you're young. You know, you know you're young, you're youngs
Speaker 1: absolutely till today. So I think I've had that complex
Speaker 1: growing up of wanting to sit in the be the
Speaker 1: same level when like as I got older. Now, even
Speaker 1: when I talk to my mom, I'll be talking to
Speaker 1: my mom she's in Ghana now, and I'll talk to
Speaker 1: them and I'd be like, I'll be saying things to
Speaker 1: her and I'm like, mom, you know, like I'm not
Speaker 1: a kid, I'm grown. I'm grown now. But you gotta
Speaker 1: let my kind of say that to kind of let
Speaker 1: her know, like, Mom, I'm good, I'm very careful, I'm aware,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So they I mean, as
Speaker 1: they say, you know, you're gonna ever be their babies,
Speaker 1: you know, no matter what. Um, but you're gonna ever
Speaker 1: be their babies when you're also the youngest of many,
Speaker 1: and so you being the youngest, that just made you
Speaker 1: half an If you bro I would not have like
Speaker 1: I grow I grew up in Coney Allen Brooklyn, Coney
Speaker 1: All That's the hood, my guy. And if you would
Speaker 1: have told me then that I lived in the hood,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have believed you. Because I was able to
Speaker 1: get everything I needed and if I wanted Jordan's you
Speaker 1: can get it right. I needed the new system school
Speaker 1: together you had everything was kind of you know. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of to me and like looking at it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I didn't realize the life that I was.
Speaker 1: But also, like I said, I think that all contributes
Speaker 1: to the fact that I was the last born and
Speaker 1: just feeling this need to want to step out up
Speaker 1: and be seen up beyond everybody else. Um. And I
Speaker 1: think it kind of has cat like followed me into
Speaker 1: my adult life in a way where I've taken good
Speaker 1: out of that. I'm taking the good bits of that
Speaker 1: in terms of like being seen and being working, working
Speaker 1: and just not constantly trying to be better every day.
Speaker 1: I think that was something that I carried over. I
Speaker 1: don't know if they knew what they were instilling to
Speaker 1: me when it when it was happening, but that ship
Speaker 1: is in my blood. Bro I feel slick. I knew
Speaker 1: Slack in his early twenty I hadn't seen his action. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I definite would date myself. I mean, but
Speaker 1: but I'm there, But I go home with myself, you know,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, look, I
Speaker 1: think the environment that we are, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: the feathers that we grew up with, you know, and
Speaker 1: you know it's about you know how many you know
Speaker 1: how many, how many bodies and what you could do
Speaker 1: and you know this, it's that competition, you know right right,
Speaker 1: It's that camaraderie that you go out and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get this. And then you know, on top
Speaker 1: of that, you know, my boy Sam so I had,
Speaker 1: I had like he's like an older brother of mine.
Speaker 1: I was also the youngest um and uh he would
Speaker 1: he His job was was a doorman at the biggest
Speaker 1: clubs in New York City. In New York City, so
Speaker 1: I was getting I was going into these clubs. But
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen, So from sixteen by the time
Speaker 1: I was of age, I was like it like the club.
Speaker 1: I was like, come on, I know how to maneuver everything.
Speaker 1: And I was he was giving me drink tickets too,
Speaker 1: because I couldn't afford the drinks. I was like, you
Speaker 1: know to me, like when him locked up even drink tickets,
Speaker 1: what was saying doing right? Well, yeah, I always like
Speaker 1: when you give me the tickets, I always feel for
Speaker 1: the thickness of the stack, you know what. I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta stack to you know what I mean? And so,
Speaker 1: you know the thing. It was so funny too, because
Speaker 1: you know, the girls I'll be talking to in the
Speaker 1: club like oh, your baby, you must be like twenty two,
Speaker 1: twenty one, and I'm like, you know, seventeen, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: you got that right. So yeah, So so you mixed
Speaker 1: that with you know, growing up in New York and
Speaker 1: also my like I said, my mother was a very
Speaker 1: home worker, so she wasn't very She wasn't home a lot,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, even though she was there
Speaker 1: for me for anything I needed. So you know, I had,
Speaker 1: you know, all of the the ingredients, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, to get reckless you know, um in the
Speaker 1: city robbed. You know what I thought about. I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about this question. Listen to my brothers. I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: a different cut on it because you was married you
Speaker 1: I was married and I got married at one, So
Speaker 1: you know, at first asked, I would answer the question
Speaker 1: the way they did. Nah. Hell no, I wouldn't date myself.
Speaker 1: But now I think back to like the values that
Speaker 1: my dad had instill then he had he had four fps, Dad,
Speaker 1: forgive me, I gotta I gotta share this with the world.
Speaker 1: Four as when it comes to girls, find him, feel him,
Speaker 1: suck them, and forget him. I knew that, and I'm
Speaker 1: like five, you know what I'm saying. But so so
Speaker 1: that was that was the that was the conditioning. But
Speaker 1: something in my spirit never felt that doesn't feel right
Speaker 1: because it's like, if you abide by that philosophy does
Speaker 1: not explain why you left my mom when we were
Speaker 1: when I was two, and I didn't want that. So
Speaker 1: I was I was a wild ball early. So I
Speaker 1: lost my opportinity at twelve. So all the all the
Speaker 1: buns dudes was getting in college, I was getting buns
Speaker 1: in middle school. So you talked about being exhausted because
Speaker 1: he was in the club early. Because I started early,
Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to give another notch under my belt
Speaker 1: by eighteen, nineteen and twenty. It was about the connection
Speaker 1: and the love. So I was I wasn't. I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I was a serial monogamous slash cheater. Okay, here's the
Speaker 1: meeting behind it. Like every woman that I dated, I
Speaker 1: felt like they was my woman because that's the level
Speaker 1: of chivalry and care giving I gave him. I was
Speaker 1: always a giver because your father was a gentleman. He
Speaker 1: taught you to smooth. He had a gender he had
Speaker 1: when we were talking what I'm saying, so, so I
Speaker 1: never messed with girls to say I did that. I
Speaker 1: messed with him to be like, I wanted to blow
Speaker 1: their minds. I want him to love me. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I wanted to be the best they
Speaker 1: ever had, the whole thing. So I would definitely date
Speaker 1: young twenty year old r dB because he was a
Speaker 1: good He was a good dude, but you know he
Speaker 1: had some other things he had to work out. You know,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. I I've been I've been with Codeine since
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. Um in my mid twenties, I would
Speaker 1: not date young devot um. It's funny when I watched
Speaker 1: people on social media and even on TV, they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is relationship goes and I'm like, y'all see relationship
Speaker 1: goes now. But if y're knew deval and codein in
Speaker 1: two thousand and six two seven, you would be saying
Speaker 1: the same thing. You know what I'm saying that necessarily
Speaker 1: it wasn't because I was a scumbag. And this is
Speaker 1: what you know brings me to have this conversation. I
Speaker 1: realized that I didn't understand what it was to be
Speaker 1: a boyfriend or fiance or a husband. I just didn't
Speaker 1: understand because my father never had that conversation with me
Speaker 1: about what it is to be in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1: This is a conversation me and my pops had about
Speaker 1: sex committed about so what you know, I got comums
Speaker 1: in my drawer right said, yeah, good job, that was it, bro,
Speaker 1: that was it. And and here's the thing. My father
Speaker 1: was a mentor to thirty to fifty other young men
Speaker 1: in our community. He ran the Junior aim in the
Speaker 1: Salle Missionary Baptist Church. But he and I never had
Speaker 1: that conversation, so you know, that left me to do
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do my brother. My brother had
Speaker 1: a baby at seventeen. And it's crazy because you mentor
Speaker 1: all these other young men, but I never really felt
Speaker 1: like my father was my mentor. So when I was
Speaker 1: in my twenties, I was being I was being what
Speaker 1: I thought a man was, and I learned a lot
Speaker 1: dude watching rap videos. You know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 1: see chickenie and nice CHICKI want to smash you back.
Speaker 1: But I did learn from my father and my uncle
Speaker 1: Kevin to always respect women. So I was never disrespectful.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I was never ever disrespectful
Speaker 1: to women. But I just didn't know how to be
Speaker 1: monogamous even though I was trying, you know, and that
Speaker 1: makes me want to you know, made me want to
Speaker 1: ask this question, how do we break that if we
Speaker 1: want to raise young men or even raise young women
Speaker 1: to be in relationships. Because you got two daughters, and
Speaker 1: I always say I want to have a daughter. You
Speaker 1: don't have kids that you have a son, But what
Speaker 1: now is father's We have to start to think about
Speaker 1: what we didn't learn and how we act because we
Speaker 1: just said we all said we wouldn't date out twenty
Speaker 1: year old selves except me, except you. You said you would.
Speaker 1: But there's women out there who are looking to date.
Speaker 1: And there's something that I think Rob said that I
Speaker 1: think women deal with that men don't deal with. Women
Speaker 1: develop faster, both physically and mentally. So I remember in
Speaker 1: high school, all the bad chicks in high school that
Speaker 1: we went high school with the older duds, And I'm
Speaker 1: talking about sophomores. Remember sophomores in high school. Surely you
Speaker 1: fourteen and you would have seen it. He drives, and
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So they've been dealing with
Speaker 1: adult issues from fourteen, So the time they get to twenty,
Speaker 1: they're like, I'm tired of dealing with kids. But us
Speaker 1: as men, we don't get to that point until, like
Speaker 1: you said, were twenty five. Now I'm in that position
Speaker 1: where I can, you know, kind of have fun, and
Speaker 1: then women are kind of like, what I have fun
Speaker 1: from fourteen and twenty, I'm looking for a husband. How
Speaker 1: do we, you know, as fathers, begin to break that
Speaker 1: for our kids, especially our boys, especially because I know
Speaker 1: you got to you got when I got three. What
Speaker 1: do we tell our boys. I mean personally, I feel
Speaker 1: like they have to go through the emotions, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I wouldn't they gotta. They have
Speaker 1: to learn a lot on them on their own. And
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to deprive my I wouldn't even want
Speaker 1: my son to be husband material at a team. That's fair.
Speaker 1: I agree with what I'm saying. Let him, let him
Speaker 1: go through things, and obviously, you know, respect, respecting women,
Speaker 1: respecting everybody. You know what I'm saying That just respect
Speaker 1: period is you know, paramount and raising him That's what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna let him do his thing,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and until like you know,
Speaker 1: until he starts getting serious about somebody and you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like he's super serious about this this girl,
Speaker 1: and then I can have a talk with him, be
Speaker 1: like all you know, we can't put the age that something.
Speaker 1: Is that the same approach if you have a female daughter,
Speaker 1: Like if you have a daughter, That's what I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, what say, the same energy you put as
Speaker 1: far as how we feel, you know, we give let
Speaker 1: our son just kind of do him and figure it out.
Speaker 1: Are we taking that same angle with our daughters though
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. And here's the issue, though,
Speaker 1: if you're telling your son figure it out, he needs
Speaker 1: people to figure it out with. So if you're not
Speaker 1: gonna raise your daughter to figure it out, then he's
Speaker 1: gonna end up having to take advantage of someone's daughter
Speaker 1: who's trying to date deliberately. So and that's where to me,
Speaker 1: as fathers, we have to figure out what's good for
Speaker 1: our children. Because I don't know the answer. I say
Speaker 1: I want to daughter, right, and I say the king
Speaker 1: all the time, and when I when we have this girl,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to do this because I don't know
Speaker 1: what to say because I'm telling my boys like slick.
Speaker 1: So listen, you can't go into life thinking I'm going
Speaker 1: to be someone's husband until you explore a little bit.
Speaker 1: You have to You have to know what you like
Speaker 1: and what you don't like. Or maybe that just applies
Speaker 1: for a women too. Maybe that just applies you have
Speaker 1: to explore and just decide what you want. I'm cool
Speaker 1: with it. I'm cool with it, but I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's misogynistic for me to tell a woman to
Speaker 1: go out there and have fun with different gods until
Speaker 1: you figure it out. Because you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: how do we how do we as fathers have that
Speaker 1: conversation with our daughters. Oh, you're having the kids, you know.
Speaker 1: But I personally wouldn't say go out and have fun,
Speaker 1: even to my son, go out and just have fun. No.
Speaker 1: I would just kind of feel like it's just own
Speaker 1: conversation and just things that he's experienced. Hopefully I'm at
Speaker 1: a level with my son where he's comfortable to least
Speaker 1: just talk to me. That's the first thing it. Child
Speaker 1: has to be able to come and want and talk
Speaker 1: to you, you know. So if he's able to talk
Speaker 1: to me, I feel like then I can he can
Speaker 1: put trust in me to tell me stuff, and I
Speaker 1: can kind of veer and guide him in the process
Speaker 1: and not necessarily say your guard to knocked down fifty
Speaker 1: girls and then get that out of your system and
Speaker 1: then get married. No, no, no, no, What I mean like,
Speaker 1: kinda put the pass a little bit for him, help
Speaker 1: him pick that rob your daughter, But it's the relationship.
Speaker 1: Your daughter just turned twenty one. What are those conversations? Like? Curious?
Speaker 1: He's gonna be a good dad, bro, be a good dad. Man.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. Since you framed the question, I
Speaker 1: got to think, and you asked the question, I get
Speaker 1: to thinking about ship introspectively. Right, So there's there's there's
Speaker 1: a difference. The conversation with my son's is twofold. On
Speaker 1: one hand, is idealistic. Listen, sexist, for marriage is sacred.
Speaker 1: You know that course the whole you know the ideal
Speaker 1: and then it's okay, but let me let me, let me,
Speaker 1: let me keep it a hunted with you. You're gonna
Speaker 1: you're gonna get the itch. You're gonna have this dream
Speaker 1: before the dream occurs, so that they're not taking it
Speaker 1: back by that wake up. In this you know, you
Speaker 1: can sol in their drawls. It's like stip dying. You know,
Speaker 1: that's part of the process. Welcome. So I prepared them
Speaker 1: for it. You know, we did the whole condoms in
Speaker 1: the banana joint. Now I did it. Now I just
Speaker 1: gotta because now you demonstrated. So there's this this duality
Speaker 1: ideal versus reality, like the world world that I have
Speaker 1: on my son's. Conversely with my daughter, then there was
Speaker 1: only one part. There was there was no duality. It
Speaker 1: was just all idealism, right, you don't give it away.
Speaker 1: No one's worthy of it. You can get a disease,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get pregnant, wait till you're married. At the
Speaker 1: end of conversation, what happens is some little some little slick,
Speaker 1: some little slick surfect kind of like a little pulls
Speaker 1: up sweet talking move talking, you know, twelfth grade trying
Speaker 1: to mack on my name grade daughter. And now I
Speaker 1: got I'm forced to have the conversation before she gets
Speaker 1: taught by the streets. And so the answer the question is,
Speaker 1: I think for me, I would have the conversation with
Speaker 1: my daughter in the same thing I had it with
Speaker 1: my sons. We would have talked about birth control and
Speaker 1: condoms and things of that nature. I'm always giving a
Speaker 1: new would like looking back, they don't. That's traditional people.
Speaker 1: You do not talk about sex with your daughters. That's
Speaker 1: that's like new parents, millennial that's millennial parents. But I
Speaker 1: understand why you would because I think, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: is it our responsibilities as fathers or does that fall
Speaker 1: on the mom Because I remember t I got a
Speaker 1: lot of flak because he said that he takes his
Speaker 1: daughter to the g y N to check and see
Speaker 1: it from him is still in place now. I think
Speaker 1: that there was a little bit too far. I think
Speaker 1: certain things, especially for a teenage girl. Mom you know,
Speaker 1: mom can do that. But I do know that that
Speaker 1: fathers have a responsibility to be something to the arters
Speaker 1: that is missing in society. You know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: we have a responsibility, and I think it's unfair for
Speaker 1: us sometimes to be like, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing it. So I'm trying to figure out with you guys,
Speaker 1: how do we fig about what it is. I definitely
Speaker 1: for my daughter, I definitely want to be the thing
Speaker 1: that um that that that fulfills her want for stuff,
Speaker 1: so she's not wanting from somewhere else, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So thats just's just her whatever whatever she needs. Because
Speaker 1: my biggest thing even just growing up, thinking about how
Speaker 1: many my sister grow My sister four years apart, and
Speaker 1: there are things that she might have wanted. But because
Speaker 1: obviously my parents are old district. Well my dad at
Speaker 1: least he wasn't with the ships, so she wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: go out and get it. But I could see how
Speaker 1: if the parent is at least um kind of like
Speaker 1: I want to say, do good and then you get
Speaker 1: good type thing, you know what I mean to build
Speaker 1: that relationship with my daughter at least, so now I
Speaker 1: know that I'm able to give her things that she
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily that no guy can't impress her with stuff
Speaker 1: outside of the crib type energy, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like whatever, I'm able to provide her with some things
Speaker 1: where she's not like I'm lacking this at home, a radio.
Speaker 1: I've never seen this, so this is new and it's
Speaker 1: amazing to me. So therefore I got to be like
Speaker 1: just all over this particular individual because of so for
Speaker 1: like essay for me is just really just letting her
Speaker 1: get familiar with having um so therefore searching for him, right,
Speaker 1: I would add to that to me and that you
Speaker 1: talk about, you know the role of a man and
Speaker 1: and and rearing a daughter. I think that that every
Speaker 1: child should have male and female energy and therefore male
Speaker 1: and female in that rearing. So I honestly, my wife
Speaker 1: is such an idealist that she couldn't she couldn't deal
Speaker 1: with the real world conversation when any of any of
Speaker 1: the kids. So then I had to be a buffer
Speaker 1: between the ideal and in reality. So our daughter twenty
Speaker 1: one actually should come to me first, But in an
Speaker 1: ideal world, I think mom should be the one to
Speaker 1: have that to keep it a hunted conversation from the
Speaker 1: female perspective. Now I understand what you're saying, because that
Speaker 1: leads me to my next question. We understand that there's
Speaker 1: a duality between raising a boy and raising a girl.
Speaker 1: But as a father, you also have to learn to defer.
Speaker 1: Even though in my household it is a known fact
Speaker 1: that I consider myself the leader in my household. Now
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean as a leader I know all I
Speaker 1: know as a leader, went to defer because my wife
Speaker 1: knows more. Right, when do we defer to our wives
Speaker 1: or the mother of our children with raising our boys,
Speaker 1: because we often, as as fathers, feel like we know
Speaker 1: how to raise boys. You don't tell me how to
Speaker 1: raise my son. But we just made it very clear
Speaker 1: here that there is a responsibility for a father with
Speaker 1: raising a daughter. Should we do a better job of
Speaker 1: having our mother's involved with raising our sons? Absolutely, you
Speaker 1: were raised by your mom? Yeah so, And I think
Speaker 1: it actually it goes too fold right because I feel
Speaker 1: like when you have a daughter, if you're this role
Speaker 1: model in this kind of you know, figure that you're
Speaker 1: showing her what a good man is, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, and what a good man should be. You know,
Speaker 1: you would think that that's what they would get attracted to, right,
Speaker 1: because that's on the flip side, you know, that's what
Speaker 1: my mom was. And so if I was gonna marry
Speaker 1: some you know, I'm gonna marry someone you know, like
Speaker 1: my mom. A boy's first question as his mom. They
Speaker 1: say that sounds creepy, but that's the truth. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: you know I ended up marrying and every woman with
Speaker 1: similar principles, you know for the most part, and um,
Speaker 1: and knowing that she's gonna she's already an amazing mother.
Speaker 1: So I mean, those things are you know. I feel
Speaker 1: like our you know, paramount for you know, sculpting what
Speaker 1: your child is going to be attracted to, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, and end up and hopefully end up with,
Speaker 1: you know, for for forever, Bob. Because here's my thing,
Speaker 1: Because once we answer this question, I have a follow
Speaker 1: up question. Now that we understand the duality to be
Speaker 1: between raising boys and girls, we understand the importance of
Speaker 1: having a father figure in the role of our daughters.
Speaker 1: But as fathers often time we pushed mothers aside when
Speaker 1: raising our sons because we feel like I'm a man,
Speaker 1: I know how to raise a man. Speak to the
Speaker 1: importance now that we've already discussed the importance of a
Speaker 1: father and a daughter's life, of having a mother helped
Speaker 1: raise your son, to be honest, and how that was
Speaker 1: with you in your house, but being honest, I was
Speaker 1: with my mother at the time actually, to be honest,
Speaker 1: like my dad came home, he was gone all day
Speaker 1: at work, he'd come home at night time. I'd see
Speaker 1: him for the time that I was up before up
Speaker 1: until he says time to go to bed. And that
Speaker 1: was the relationship as far as like, uh, seeing and
Speaker 1: just being around him all the time. Of course, he
Speaker 1: got weekends and you know things like that, you can
Speaker 1: hang out with one church and all other stuff. But
Speaker 1: for the most part Monday through Friday, it was me
Speaker 1: and mom Duke, so a lot of my stuff, like
Speaker 1: everything that I've kind of learned, Like for example, I
Speaker 1: never had a sex talk of my parents, never, not once. Never.
Speaker 1: I mean it was probably just too taboo for them
Speaker 1: even you know, because being them being foreigners, um older
Speaker 1: foreigners from Ghana, like just to come back and be here.
Speaker 1: I think they felt that was probably, to be honest,
Speaker 1: maybe like a custom that was more Western, like a
Speaker 1: Western customer conversation, right, you know what I mean? Because
Speaker 1: um So, I never I never had that conversation with
Speaker 1: my parents about sex period, you know, just kind of
Speaker 1: like tryal error figured out, just make sure you wear
Speaker 1: a condom, you know, kind of thing, just having conversations
Speaker 1: with friends, watching things on TV. Um So, to answer
Speaker 1: your question, Um, I think the dad's role is super important.
Speaker 1: But in my case, my dad was there. But I
Speaker 1: feel like I learned a lot more from my mother though,
Speaker 1: you know, Like somebody said to me one time. He
Speaker 1: was like, um he said, it's super important to have
Speaker 1: like a dad around, you know, And I was like, no, absolutely.
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, just the little things like when
Speaker 1: you go to the bathroom and you take a piss,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like how you dangle you
Speaker 1: dangle your dick to lit that drip. You know, just
Speaker 1: make sure you're not putting the PISSI dick tipped in
Speaker 1: the back of that. That's something I went and I
Speaker 1: feel like that's something that a lady techically wouldn't know
Speaker 1: to have to dangle the dick to right, you know,
Speaker 1: So I don't want to stay in the US. And
Speaker 1: in fact, then we used to way to Tidy White's
Speaker 1: and it's all bad. But so a lot of my
Speaker 1: learning I learned from my mother. So in addition to
Speaker 1: learning from my mother, I also, like I said, I
Speaker 1: had older brothers. So my older brothers who lived with
Speaker 1: me kind of put me on game and just kind
Speaker 1: of school me. Cousins and all that. But a lot
Speaker 1: of my my mainly learnings, I guess I didn't really honestly.
Speaker 1: I learned how to treat a woman, of course, and
Speaker 1: I've seen how my dad treat my mom, so that
Speaker 1: in itself, Like my parents been together for fifty plus years. Bro,
Speaker 1: that is my mom's first and last you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. My mom never been with no other guy
Speaker 1: but my dad, so they've been together for ever. So
Speaker 1: I have an older I have a brother that's fifties,
Speaker 1: so that lets me know that they've been they've been
Speaker 1: together even right for a minute, so I know that
Speaker 1: they're UM. I would say their practices now that I'm older,
Speaker 1: some of it I definitely won't. I won't practice with
Speaker 1: my kids um, but a lot of it, a lot
Speaker 1: of it was was good, but they were you know,
Speaker 1: like I said, there's just some things that you just
Speaker 1: kind of gotta bury as you get older, as far
Speaker 1: as like um ways they might have raised you, things
Speaker 1: they might have said while raising you just kind of
Speaker 1: got to bury some of those and know that that's
Speaker 1: not something that I want to um put my child
Speaker 1: through or just you know, say to my kids when
Speaker 1: you know when their things are going dad, or some shure.
Speaker 1: So I have a question for Rob because you got married.
Speaker 1: You've been with Courtney for how long? Twenty years? Right
Speaker 1: when we were that is love when we were all
Speaker 1: in that dating process right as now, because you weren't
Speaker 1: father's in, were you thinking about this woman might be
Speaker 1: the mother to my kids when you were dating going
Speaker 1: through these process or was it just like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: smash you knew? So my my my girl was my
Speaker 1: friend first, we were like homies. And to your point
Speaker 1: about you know the impact of a woman or a
Speaker 1: mom in the life of boys, my mom was my
Speaker 1: model for womanhood, just because my dad was my model
Speaker 1: for madness. So in my mind, a woman worked, a
Speaker 1: woman still cooked and still cleaned, and still tended to
Speaker 1: the children that my mom she did. So my wife
Speaker 1: showed up. She was she was the strongest woman that
Speaker 1: I've ever met, aside from my mom. So I dated
Speaker 1: other girls before, but they would break down it's kind
Speaker 1: of league. But my wife. So I started to see
Speaker 1: these qualities. I wasn't intentional about it, because again he
Speaker 1: was homies. But I begin to see these qualities. I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: after like six months of friendship, I was like, she
Speaker 1: got everything that I wanted. A woman to a movie,
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend high school, sweetheart, was a track star
Speaker 1: at how State. So um, you know, but this this
Speaker 1: this you know, love interest, this friendship became a love intress.
Speaker 1: And to your point, when I made her my girl,
Speaker 1: I knew, Like when I told her you my girl,
Speaker 1: I knew it was over. I was. I was eighteen
Speaker 1: nineteen at that time. Serious, I knew, thinking that's mad. Serious.
Speaker 1: I mean, think about it, eighteen You're in college going
Speaker 1: into college, right, So I was right. So some cases,
Speaker 1: folks is trying to figure out what they want to
Speaker 1: do as far as career wise, even you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, And I'm here, I am making a real
Speaker 1: decision at twenty one or eight team to say I
Speaker 1: want to marry that's that's that's real and get down.
Speaker 1: So you know what I said, you weren't scared at
Speaker 1: eighteen because because Corney also had a child and they met.
Speaker 1: So I was like, you wasn't afraid to be a
Speaker 1: stepfather at eighteen, Like what was going through your mind?
Speaker 1: Point because at eighteen, I wasn't thinking about even being
Speaker 1: a boyfriend to anybody. I told codeine verbatim, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to do this. I said, you're perfect.
Speaker 1: I think you're perfect if I could have things my way.
Speaker 1: And this is going to sound misogynistic, but I said,
Speaker 1: I would put you in the glass case from the
Speaker 1: sign until I get right. And men think that, men
Speaker 1: think that, you know what, I'm like that, and I
Speaker 1: felt like I wanted yo, and this is what Kay
Speaker 1: said case I'm not doing that. Ship. I was like,
Speaker 1: I guess I gotta try this anogamy things, you know,
Speaker 1: and I end up trying it until we get married
Speaker 1: and now we have three kids in this life. But
Speaker 1: it just it makes me think about all the things
Speaker 1: and the reason why I wanted to have this discussion
Speaker 1: with you guys is because I think women and other
Speaker 1: men who don't have father figures need to hear the
Speaker 1: thought process for men as we're going through the dating process.
Speaker 1: We've already all admitted that we wouldn't have dated ourselves
Speaker 1: if I was a single woman. And the thing is
Speaker 1: you you proved that because you got married at twenty
Speaker 1: one and you've been married because I've worked through everything,
Speaker 1: which shows that you have longevity, you know, But I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have married myself in my twenties. We all we
Speaker 1: all talked about looking for women who remind us of
Speaker 1: our wives. Only when I didn't say that was bafo
Speaker 1: because you haven't found you haven't found the mrs right yet.
Speaker 1: But we all say that mondest of our moms, monest
Speaker 1: of our moms, because we've all found someone in the
Speaker 1: monest of our moms, and also finding a woman that
Speaker 1: can be a good mom to our kids. Like these
Speaker 1: are the thought processes as men of what when we
Speaker 1: start to date? Seriously? Right? So I have one final question,
Speaker 1: one final question, now that we know all of this,
Speaker 1: how do you think you can father? What's the best
Speaker 1: way to father? Mm? Hm, Like like knowing everything you
Speaker 1: know now, what would be the best way. You you
Speaker 1: have the woman that you want to live the rest
Speaker 1: of your life with, you have kids, what would you
Speaker 1: say would be your things that you know in order
Speaker 1: for me to be considered a good father, I would
Speaker 1: do these things. I would instill these qualities, and I
Speaker 1: would behave this way. I'll start, I'll start, I'll start.
Speaker 1: For me, it would be creating a safe space for
Speaker 1: my kids first, so that they can be exactly who
Speaker 1: they are. Right And I'm gonna say something right now
Speaker 1: that's gonna sound crazy, especially from where we came from,
Speaker 1: because we grew up in Brooklyn during the nineties, where
Speaker 1: homosexuality was like you couldn't even if someone said anything
Speaker 1: to you, but you would be piste off. Now did
Speaker 1: I have kids. I can tell you right now, if
Speaker 1: one of my kids came to me and said that
Speaker 1: he was gay, homosexual, I'd be cool with it. Growing up,
Speaker 1: I never thought that that would be where what it was.
Speaker 1: But when you learn to love someone unconditionally and you
Speaker 1: have kids and you can see in their eyes who
Speaker 1: they really are, you start to realize as a parent
Speaker 1: that it doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is, who
Speaker 1: what God they pray to. This is my son or
Speaker 1: my daughter. So the first thing I would say is
Speaker 1: created a safe space so my kids can be exactly
Speaker 1: who they want to be all the time. The second
Speaker 1: thing I would be I would say, and this is
Speaker 1: the last thing, is that I would find a mate
Speaker 1: that would be able to parent with the same vigor
Speaker 1: for parenthood that I have, because it's unfair for for
Speaker 1: my kids to only have one. You know, if this
Speaker 1: is a parent, if this is a partnership, I would
Speaker 1: want someone who is just as invigorated by it, and
Speaker 1: I would want I would want that person to just
Speaker 1: be as excited every morning to wake up about parenting.
Speaker 1: How we parent is going to change because I know
Speaker 1: things in my house is gonna be different from things
Speaker 1: in your house. Things different in your house, things different
Speaker 1: your house. But I know that those two things matter
Speaker 1: the most to me. What you think I mean, I
Speaker 1: agree completely. I think you know leading by example, you know,
Speaker 1: first and foremost, making sure that, like you said, there's
Speaker 1: a safe place, a safe place for them to be comfortable. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I feel like making sure that they don't only
Speaker 1: see you as a parent, but the best friend you know,
Speaker 1: And I think you know like I see you with
Speaker 1: Jackson you know what I mean. Um, I feel like
Speaker 1: you guys have that relationship and I feel like that's crucial,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because they because if they
Speaker 1: feel like they can come to you with anything, then
Speaker 1: like that's the foundation that's of a good parenting, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Because now you know what they're feeling,
Speaker 1: you can really help guide them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And you're not going to you know, implement you know
Speaker 1: your way of thinking or you know the way you
Speaker 1: want them to be, you know what I mean. You
Speaker 1: can hear how they're feeling and here exactly what their
Speaker 1: mental state is at and be able to just help
Speaker 1: them be who they want to be, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, rather than shifting them the way you want
Speaker 1: to be or whatever. Like you said, like you know,
Speaker 1: if if one of your kids say, AM homosexual or whatever,
Speaker 1: at least you know that you know they can't. They
Speaker 1: were comfortable enough telling you that you have to tell
Speaker 1: you that. So now you can help guide them, you know,
Speaker 1: to to be you know, the best person they can
Speaker 1: be with that sexual orientation. You know, so they're not
Speaker 1: reckless or not you know they're not knowing what to
Speaker 1: do or not angry or not, you know, projecting the
Speaker 1: opposite on somebody. You know, there's mad people who are bullied,
Speaker 1: who are homos that are bullying you know, other homos
Speaker 1: because they're scared to come out of the closet themselves.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Do you say that because
Speaker 1: I have a home I have a homeboy whose son
Speaker 1: and he asked me, this is and this is how
Speaker 1: all these things happen because the whole, the whole paradigm
Speaker 1: is shifting. He's a black man, and he said, my
Speaker 1: son is gay. I know he's gay, but he hasn't
Speaker 1: come out and told me yet because he's afraid. And
Speaker 1: I don't want to bring it to him because that's
Speaker 1: his to tell. And I don't want to endanger our
Speaker 1: our peace and out home because he feels like I
Speaker 1: was snooping or spying. But his son is very aggressive.
Speaker 1: And his son got into a fight in school because
Speaker 1: the dude called him the f work, so he beat
Speaker 1: the dude. Now that since his kid plays football, so
Speaker 1: he's he's a big kid, but he's like devout. How
Speaker 1: do I present to my son that I love him regardless?
Speaker 1: How do I and and this is a dude that
Speaker 1: like me was it alpha male? And I'll honestly say,
Speaker 1: when I was growing up, saying the F word was
Speaker 1: like anything else. It was like saying the N word,
Speaker 1: Like you didn't realize the impact it had on people.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You didn't have it. So
Speaker 1: he used to throw it around like it was nothing.
Speaker 1: And he was like, I didn't realize until I'm older
Speaker 1: than I had kids. And then he said something to
Speaker 1: me that was so eye opening to me. He said, devout,
Speaker 1: I look at my son, and I can tell that
Speaker 1: my son is struggling because my son feels like if
Speaker 1: he if he chose, he wouldn't have chose this if
Speaker 1: he had a choice, But he doesn't feel like he
Speaker 1: has a choice. And he's gay. And he said, as
Speaker 1: a father and made me realize that who am I
Speaker 1: to judge someone who doesn't have a choice on who
Speaker 1: they love. That's who he loves. And when you have
Speaker 1: a son like it's unconditional, He said that I never
Speaker 1: thought in a million years. He started looking at my
Speaker 1: son and I just I want to hug him, but
Speaker 1: he said, what do I do? What do I tell them?
Speaker 1: So y'all, I'm asking y'all for advice because I didn't
Speaker 1: know what to tell him because I was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, tell him that, you know. But then I'm thinking, like, no,
Speaker 1: you can't tell him that, because then he's gonna want
Speaker 1: to know how you know what you're snooping on me?
Speaker 1: And by giving on something that shows that, oh my god,
Speaker 1: everyone knows you know. And then I was like, what
Speaker 1: do you wait for him to tell you and let
Speaker 1: these things happen? So what do y'all think he should do?
Speaker 1: I would? I would, I would engage in. First of all,
Speaker 1: he talked about creating a safe space. Yeah, that's imperative,
Speaker 1: but I would engage in a lot of questioning that
Speaker 1: led to the at least gave him the space for
Speaker 1: the truth to emerge, Like I ain't gon lot of you.
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with my oldest, my oldest whenever
Speaker 1: brand girls around. You know, he's a pretty like he's
Speaker 1: a he's a good looking man. You know, he's like
Speaker 1: it's like prints like he prints print, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm like, yo, yo, if there's anybody like this,
Speaker 1: there's there's homosexuality lating throughout my family on both sides,
Speaker 1: every generation. So I'm like yo, this is this is
Speaker 1: he's our generation. So I asked a series of questions
Speaker 1: because he never talked about girls, never bought any girls around,
Speaker 1: and he was just he's private in that area of
Speaker 1: his life. And so I was like, you know, you
Speaker 1: first to start off as you're talking to any girls
Speaker 1: at school, you know, he got any interest in girls,
Speaker 1: not all, but somebody anybody, UM, and that kind of
Speaker 1: you kind of let him, uh, you know, divulge or
Speaker 1: or not. And then you say, you know, whatever it
Speaker 1: is that you're dealing with, it's the thing, whatever it
Speaker 1: is that you're dealing with, there's no conversation and no
Speaker 1: life experience that you could have that you can't have
Speaker 1: with me. And I said these things to him, you know,
Speaker 1: and he was kind of like looking at me like
Speaker 1: I had three eyes, Like he was like, true story.
Speaker 1: He's like that, do you think I'm kidd so you
Speaker 1: so you are a subtle like nah, it's like na,
Speaker 1: man he laughed like man, I'm just na, I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I'm just saying so. So just I think there's
Speaker 1: no other way to I don't think you should wait
Speaker 1: for the son to bring it to agree. I would definitely, um,
Speaker 1: I would have a conversation for sure. I mean because
Speaker 1: I just know like how I was raised, Like it's
Speaker 1: not really with a sugarcoat and not saying we're not
Speaker 1: obviously there's very tactful ways of you know, having that conversation.
Speaker 1: I would be as tactful and on um unaggressive, I guess,
Speaker 1: or just without him feeling attacked or she feeling attacked
Speaker 1: that I'm asking and having this conversation with them. But
Speaker 1: the most important thing for me definitely is the same
Speaker 1: space to communicate and see me as the uncle or
Speaker 1: the or the father or whoever. But know that like
Speaker 1: my niece and nephews, like they call me the cool
Speaker 1: uncle that lets me like so they come and they
Speaker 1: talk to me about things, you know, like I'll randomly
Speaker 1: be home and I'll get calls from my nieces who
Speaker 1: are not calling their dad or their mom to ask questions.
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, So um, I think
Speaker 1: be giving off that that comfort to the child that
Speaker 1: they can talk to you without impunity, you know, like
Speaker 1: talk to you without any sort of so without any
Speaker 1: sort of like feeling like my dad's gonna judge me,
Speaker 1: or he might look at me sid sideways or I
Speaker 1: might actually even get in trouble for the fact that
Speaker 1: I'm telling my dad I'm gay. Nah, you just kind
Speaker 1: of got to allow that conversation to happen. Um, I
Speaker 1: like I say, I if I see it, like, this
Speaker 1: is the thing. Like growing up, there were definitely kids
Speaker 1: growing up in my neighborhood. When I grow up in
Speaker 1: they'd be like, oh him, yeah, he And this is
Speaker 1: when we were little, you know, and as they got older.
Speaker 1: Now when I go home, these guys are gay, you know,
Speaker 1: like some of most of them. Actually, I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 1: like if there was ten guys, is that when we're
Speaker 1: growing up, they pointed to the mountains like, yo, I
Speaker 1: think he's such and such. And now when I go
Speaker 1: back home, those ten guys are all what they said
Speaker 1: they were gonna. You know, people remember one in particular.
Speaker 1: You and I know he played football. He played football,
Speaker 1: He played quarterback from Corney. All already know what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. He is now and and it's it's funny
Speaker 1: that you say that at a young definitely, and we
Speaker 1: that the radar sense, that little spider sense goes. But
Speaker 1: you know what's crazy because of generational trauma. And we
Speaker 1: did a whole episode on generational trauma. It is can
Speaker 1: you imagine living a life where you can't be yourself?
Speaker 1: It's tough imagine living a life where you're in your
Speaker 1: home with your parents, with your parents, the people who
Speaker 1: are supposed to love you unconditionally, and you can't be yourself.
Speaker 1: And the reason why this is important because as black fathers, right,
Speaker 1: I think it is important that we changed the dynamic
Speaker 1: and people thinking that gay bashing or homophobia is okay
Speaker 1: in the Black community and we accept it because I
Speaker 1: for one, don't like I just I just don't you know,
Speaker 1: like I mean, people are allowed to think whatever they
Speaker 1: believe in. You know, people who believe in God and
Speaker 1: Christianity will come to you and say, well, the Bible
Speaker 1: says that there's so many people in the Bible doing
Speaker 1: things and been sinning and doing so many things. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. We can pick to do that.
Speaker 1: But as a father, I think it's important for people
Speaker 1: to hear that if you have a child who may
Speaker 1: be struggling with this. Because I don't know if people
Speaker 1: know this now, but the suicide rate amongst homosexual boys
Speaker 1: and girls in the in the country has risen, especially
Speaker 1: during the pandemic, and it's it's always been high against
Speaker 1: African Americans because they've always felt like they haven't been
Speaker 1: Can you imagine? Imagine that? And as far as I
Speaker 1: think it's, it's on us to be like, yo, you
Speaker 1: are free to be who you are. You are free
Speaker 1: to be who you are, and we can accept it
Speaker 1: and we can guide you through that aspect of your
Speaker 1: life the same way I would guide my head or
Speaker 1: a sexual son and daughter through their life because just
Speaker 1: because and this is another thing, just because you're a sexual,
Speaker 1: don't mean you can go out there and just do
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. I wouldn't let my head
Speaker 1: of a sexual son and daughter just do whatever they
Speaker 1: want to do. So what I would do is guide
Speaker 1: you the same way in this conversation has not I've
Speaker 1: listened to tons of podcasts about fatherhood, and we always
Speaker 1: addressed fatherhood with mother, father, son, daughter traditional and we're
Speaker 1: just forgetting about a group of people who have never
Speaker 1: been acknowledged. And I think that we should change that.
Speaker 1: And that's why i'm and the thing is that I
Speaker 1: want everyone to listen to this. When I went through
Speaker 1: the questions, I never said to these men that we
Speaker 1: were going to discuss this. So this wasn't a planning
Speaker 1: thing where we all came here and said we're gonna
Speaker 1: say this. It wasn't planned, and I didn't want it
Speaker 1: to be playing because I wanted to be genuine and
Speaker 1: I want people to understand that us as men are evolving,
Speaker 1: especially as black men were continuing to evolve and learn
Speaker 1: about each other and learn about everyone. So I feel
Speaker 1: like we're the last of that quote unquote like toxic generation.
Speaker 1: When I say toxic, meaning like I mean, we grew
Speaker 1: up in we gre up in the nineties, you feel me.
Speaker 1: So we grew up where men had to be wild,
Speaker 1: masculine and you know, like you can't really show sons
Speaker 1: of weakness. I feel like last of that batch. After
Speaker 1: we get out, men are like allowed to cry, you know,
Speaker 1: in the sense, and are allowed to feel some way,
Speaker 1: like it's okay to have feelings in a sense, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I think that's so important
Speaker 1: as we phase out out, like we're phasing out ourselves
Speaker 1: in a sense, you know, like we're phasing out the
Speaker 1: way we were brought in and we're allowing this new path,
Speaker 1: this new brain wave, uh to kind of move in
Speaker 1: and be the new quote unquote norm as they say,
Speaker 1: you know, the youth, the new way to have kids,
Speaker 1: in a new way to approach your your family, you know,
Speaker 1: using that nature. So um, you know we're the last
Speaker 1: of the dying breed, as they say, I guess right.
Speaker 1: I just want to I want to make a distinction
Speaker 1: before we move off this top and you you wrap
Speaker 1: myself devout. We spoke about homosexuality and the context of
Speaker 1: people who don't have a choice. Um, something happens in
Speaker 1: the wound and during a gestational period chemicalization or the
Speaker 1: feminization of males, and and where the the testosterone and
Speaker 1: the astrotisic levels that all happens in the wound. There's
Speaker 1: a whole spectrum, the science, whole science to it. But
Speaker 1: it's also people who just flat out choose to be
Speaker 1: homosexual because that's what they like. It's prefer Yeah, that preference, preference,
Speaker 1: personal pence. I don't put those people in the same
Speaker 1: boat as the people who are born that way. To me,
Speaker 1: that's fair. No, I agree, I think that that's fair. Ye,
Speaker 1: not to not to just say well, if you you're
Speaker 1: born this way, it's cool if you choose it and
Speaker 1: it's not. You're right, I think, because the purpose is
Speaker 1: still I mean, the purpose of your choice and ultimately
Speaker 1: like and I don't think you should fault me for
Speaker 1: not liking to eat beef hypothetically. If that's the thing,
Speaker 1: that is a good analogy. I mean, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't eat beef. That's not that's I don't eat it.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should look at me ways for
Speaker 1: that though. That's a good Yeah, that's a good knowledge
Speaker 1: of preference. Baby, gentlemen, I appreciate you. But we're not
Speaker 1: done yet. We're not done yet. Before we come back
Speaker 1: with listening to letters, we're gonna take a quick breek.
Speaker 1: We gotta pay some bills, all right, but we'll become
Speaker 1: will come right back with the listening letters. Coats not hands.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna do the listener letters. You gotta pay
Speaker 1: to meet this bob about to get told. We definitely
Speaker 1: got we'll be right back, all right. Now we're back,
Speaker 1: all right. We had to go pay some bills or
Speaker 1: Slick went to go put some money in the meet it,
Speaker 1: so he didn't get no ticket. I think he just
Speaker 1: took the car from me, told me to hit your
Speaker 1: ride home. So got you, you got So we want
Speaker 1: to listen to letters. This is where people are. They
Speaker 1: email in ask us for some advice. So codeine is
Speaker 1: not here. Is going to be the advice from the
Speaker 1: guys today. So we're gonna take one listener letter. Here
Speaker 1: we go. We're gonna try our best, all right. First off,
Speaker 1: I just want to say the value truly inspired me
Speaker 1: to be a better husband to my wife. I appreciate that,
Speaker 1: bro and father to my Son's just wanted to know
Speaker 1: if you had any advice on fatherhood. I have a
Speaker 1: three year old and a two week old, and I
Speaker 1: feel that due to not having any good examples of
Speaker 1: being a good father, unequipped to give them the tools
Speaker 1: to be upstanding men. Any help is appreciated. You got
Speaker 1: two sons, you got a son, you grew up with
Speaker 1: a father. I got three sons. Um, what's some some
Speaker 1: good advice. Let's everybody just give him one tip? One tip.
Speaker 1: Here we go. I hear that a lot, and what's that?
Speaker 1: It's that I didn't have an example or a proper example,
Speaker 1: so I don't know how to Let's just keep it abuck.
Speaker 1: After the let's just we can't part of my language,
Speaker 1: but both. If you're a grown ass man, you didn't
Speaker 1: have to have a dad. You don't have to you
Speaker 1: have you watch TV. My thing to him is this,
Speaker 1: get a good vision, you creative, get a good vision
Speaker 1: of what an ideal that looks like, and then you
Speaker 1: work your ass off to exceed that vision. Draw influences
Speaker 1: from de Val, draw influences from old He runs with
Speaker 1: the Cosbys, like Uncle Phil. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Come on, man, even watch Good Times? How not to be? Like, like,
Speaker 1: can we just dad? And we got canceled culture, So
Speaker 1: let's just cancel. I didn't have, so I don't know
Speaker 1: how to X. I didn't have, so I don't know
Speaker 1: how to. That's my two cents. I definitely agree with Rob.
Speaker 1: I mean he took my answer, took my answer. No, absolutely,
Speaker 1: device for the brother, Um, how does the how do
Speaker 1: kids are? Three and two weeks? So? I mean my
Speaker 1: thing really to be honest, like I would say, just
Speaker 1: just stay present, you know, just in all forms of presence,
Speaker 1: meaning like attention, meaning like just being there. And you know,
Speaker 1: because being there doesn't necessarily mean that you're present, So
Speaker 1: you definitely present in a sense of constantly just even
Speaker 1: just watching the kids like looking at them every devoting time.
Speaker 1: Because I have niece and nephew, so, um, there are times,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm hanging out with my system, I dip
Speaker 1: off and you know, watching for a bit, and I
Speaker 1: have to sit there and now change. I'm not just
Speaker 1: I'm uncle Bob, but I'm also like, you're kind of
Speaker 1: like the parent right now, so you gotta make sure
Speaker 1: that they're good watching going. Remember one time I was
Speaker 1: going to the movie there. I went to the movie
Speaker 1: theaters with my niece and nephew, and um, I took
Speaker 1: my niece off the car and I took my nephew
Speaker 1: off the car and I turned around. My nephew was gone.
Speaker 1: When I in that moment, the feeling that I had
Speaker 1: in my chest like that, it was like an instant
Speaker 1: anxiety fear, like oh my god, where's the kid at
Speaker 1: feeling like just him not being president. But he was
Speaker 1: around the other side of the car, so he was
Speaker 1: just kind of like at that moment, I felt like
Speaker 1: it was it's such my duty to make sure that
Speaker 1: these kids are one well. And then they know that
Speaker 1: if some ship went down, Uncle's you know, Uncle's right
Speaker 1: behind me, and that he's gonna take care of me
Speaker 1: and you know, protect me. Sorry. Um, so yeah, I
Speaker 1: would say definitely being president um all the time. Um
Speaker 1: and you mean the kids at three and some months old,
Speaker 1: so yeah, you got to be very present. Bro, there
Speaker 1: you go. So yeah, I mean I would say, um,
Speaker 1: you know, definitely agree with what y'all said. But it
Speaker 1: goes back to what I said earlier about not just
Speaker 1: being a parent, but being their friend, to making sure
Speaker 1: that making sure that they know that you are a
Speaker 1: friend as well as you know, a parent. And obviously
Speaker 1: you know there's boundaries in respect that needs to be
Speaker 1: had because they're not just a friend. But but but yeah,
Speaker 1: they need to be you know, you need you need
Speaker 1: to be able to navigate both you know, being a
Speaker 1: father and a and a friend. So here's my thing,
Speaker 1: because all of you are right, But there's one key
Speaker 1: component that I think that we often missed as a father,
Speaker 1: which is being a very good companion to their mom
Speaker 1: because I think people don't understand that the emotions and
Speaker 1: the feeling that the sense that they get from their
Speaker 1: mom is never going to go away that connection, especially
Speaker 1: they're still young. I learned from Cairo because I used
Speaker 1: to speak to Cadeine's stomach all the time. When I
Speaker 1: walked in the room and I just started talking. When
Speaker 1: he was about a week old, his head used to
Speaker 1: turn to the direction because he's used to hearing that voice.
Speaker 1: And then with kas whenever me and Cairo started talking,
Speaker 1: his head always turned. So you become a father in uterome.
Speaker 1: That continues throughout parenthood the more you pour into their
Speaker 1: mom and make her feel special. Those essence that feeling
Speaker 1: and men sometimes don't want to hear it. But you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be first no more. Bro. You know your
Speaker 1: wife is, or your your girl or your your child's
Speaker 1: mother is gonna wake up in the morning. The first
Speaker 1: thing on her mind is going to be those children.
Speaker 1: So you know how how old is ex eight months,
Speaker 1: nine months, So when you wake up and you make
Speaker 1: sure she's good, she'll make sure the kids are good.
Speaker 1: And that's important because all the stresses you cause are
Speaker 1: gonna roll down to those children eithern if you're not
Speaker 1: causing the stresses yourself. So about the single dad, Oh,
Speaker 1: the single dads. Listen, If if I was a single
Speaker 1: dad right now, um, I would learn how to balance
Speaker 1: between providing and being present, because that's the biggest thing
Speaker 1: I hear from single dads. Single dads all the time
Speaker 1: say you know, well, I gotta be there, but I
Speaker 1: also got to provide. And there's a balance. You have
Speaker 1: to choose when is the right time to provide and
Speaker 1: sometimes um and I did this recently, presence is more
Speaker 1: important than presence which means that you gotta be here.
Speaker 1: You may not be able to get them Jordan's this month,
Speaker 1: but if I made every single one of his games
Speaker 1: feel better. So what's understanding the balance as a single
Speaker 1: dad and knowing that you gotta be there. I would
Speaker 1: add to that this um as a single my dad
Speaker 1: well he was in a single dad. Well he was
Speaker 1: because I live with him for a couple of years
Speaker 1: when my mom was having problems as a single dad.
Speaker 1: Two things self love model that show show your kids
Speaker 1: when you have them, if you have them all the time,
Speaker 1: if you have them on the weekend, what self love
Speaker 1: looks like. And then I would say number obtually for boys, right,
Speaker 1: practice self love, whether that's how you get your hair cut,
Speaker 1: you're working out, dancing, whatever it is, cooking, going on vacation,
Speaker 1: treat yourself. But the other thing that I think is
Speaker 1: even more important than that is how that single dad
Speaker 1: treats the baby mother or baby mother's I get you
Speaker 1: a lot of friction, especially if there's courts involved with
Speaker 1: y'all support. Dudes take it out on the on the
Speaker 1: mother when she should be working. She don't need as
Speaker 1: much money. Bro. If you lay down with her and
Speaker 1: you dropped something up off up in her and God
Speaker 1: saw it fits fourteen trilling in one chance that this
Speaker 1: baby is gonna be here. But some reason at all
Speaker 1: the joints you smack down, she got pregnant. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, You and me on the same on
Speaker 1: the same thing that I don't I don't fool around
Speaker 1: with the whole child support thing because I do believe
Speaker 1: you have a fiduccia every responsibility to take care of
Speaker 1: your children. Like women are the vessels of life. I
Speaker 1: say it all the time, and we always have these
Speaker 1: conversations about you know, men that equal to women. I
Speaker 1: don't think men and women are equal. There are certain
Speaker 1: things women can do that men cannot do. Women can
Speaker 1: create life, you know what I'm saying. So there's a
Speaker 1: greater aspect to that, to that. So what you work
Speaker 1: for that when you were a part of creating that
Speaker 1: life that she is now the vessel for you are responsible.
Speaker 1: I don't care if she works, if she don't work.
Speaker 1: If you were that concerned about whether she works or not,
Speaker 1: then you shouldn't have slept with her. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. At this point, it's too late. The child
Speaker 1: is here, man, so and that's that's just me. Now.
Speaker 1: Some men would be like, that's fucked up, Oh you
Speaker 1: were simple. I hate that all the time. But the
Speaker 1: bottom line is that that's your child now, Bro's you know.
Speaker 1: That's because your kid. Bro't like like the thought of it,
Speaker 1: like I created this Now I'm out. I just man,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And the reason was because the child
Speaker 1: the courts from my business or or my baby mom's
Speaker 1: a thought. So I'm gonna be mad, disrespect h not
Speaker 1: you were single that to slitch questions. You gotta honor
Speaker 1: that baby mom. I don't care if she's a stripper
Speaker 1: seven days a week, treated like a queen, especially in
Speaker 1: front of your kids. And it's that if you treat
Speaker 1: her like a queen, no matter how much of a
Speaker 1: thought she is. Because I got a homeboy that's dealing
Speaker 1: with like a crazy baby mother and from the time
Speaker 1: that he got her pregnant. I told him, I said, Yo,
Speaker 1: it don't matter what she do, Bro, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to treat her like she's the queen because she's going
Speaker 1: to be the vessel that brings your daughter into the world.
Speaker 1: And he has and she she kind of out there,
Speaker 1: but he's continuing to do things the right way. He
Speaker 1: won't talk down to him, be disrespectful. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you got to brof you know, if you didn't want
Speaker 1: to deal with this, you should have never slept with her. So, Bro,
Speaker 1: that's that's something the factory and when you're going to
Speaker 1: bed guys. Yes, that's that's a real that's a real conversation. Bro,
Speaker 1: that's a whole another conversation. Yes, I mean, let me
Speaker 1: not say joints. Let me be more clean women that
Speaker 1: you sleep with. I think the thing is, guys, we
Speaker 1: end up a lot of times just sleeping with females,
Speaker 1: ladies just a frid We just sleep with a bunch
Speaker 1: of them when they look nice. We sleep with him sometimes. Man,
Speaker 1: if this looks good, but this don't look good, you
Speaker 1: know what I might still do so on with that,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So we have to get
Speaker 1: to the point now where it's not just it's not this,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what if like, if I impregnant
Speaker 1: this lady, am I comfortable and am I going to
Speaker 1: be happy with the result of her bearing my kids? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: That question that's maturity. And if you feel like if
Speaker 1: she has, if she got pregnant, you would be completely
Speaker 1: okay with it, then go ahead, strike away, right. You
Speaker 1: know what's funny, Think about how much sex you wouldn't
Speaker 1: have if you look at a woman and said she
Speaker 1: wouldn't be a good mother. You know, protected sex, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if you protected sex because sometimes I mean, you
Speaker 1: can't protect yourself totally. But yeah, that's something like as
Speaker 1: I got older. Obviously the twenty year old me wasn't
Speaker 1: thinking like that, but as I got older, I started
Speaker 1: to implement that into my little vetting process of the
Speaker 1: sense like if I am sleeping with this lady, this
Speaker 1: beautiful lady, if she got pregnant and came to me
Speaker 1: and said, by fo, I am pregnant, we have a kid,
Speaker 1: and uh, I just want to lay this message on you.
Speaker 1: What would my response be if I was completely okay
Speaker 1: with that? I have to be okay with it, you know,
Speaker 1: like I have to be okay with that. So a
Speaker 1: second second, you fellas we are running out of well
Speaker 1: know we have run out of Jacob is trying to
Speaker 1: go home. Trible is in the booth like these dudes
Speaker 1: keep talking. So I just want to let y'all know
Speaker 1: that I appreciate your first and foremost. Be sure to
Speaker 1: find us on social media. Did no, I'll do that
Speaker 1: after this. I appreciate y'all. I really do. Typically we
Speaker 1: do a moment of shoes, but I feel like we've
Speaker 1: gotten so many moments the whole thing from everyone. I
Speaker 1: hope you'll learned a lot today, Um, young ladies out there,
Speaker 1: I've hoped you've learned what the thought process is for
Speaker 1: us as men. We were going through that whole process
Speaker 1: of dating where we are in our lives. Young men,
Speaker 1: I hope you learned. If you don't have a father figure,
Speaker 1: you can listen to this podcast and UM and anyone
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