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Speaker 1: I am exactly who I am because of my father.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You

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Speaker 1: may know us for posting funny videos without boys and

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Speaker 1: reading each other publicly as a form of wait are

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Speaker 1: making me derby most days. Oh and one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. Yes, so we are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass is the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying fast on

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We're about to take pillow talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead ad starts right now. Story time. I remember being

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Speaker 1: seventeen years old and honestly feeling like my father didn't

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Speaker 1: like me. Like I knew that he loved me, but

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Speaker 1: I remember saying to myself, my father doesn't like me much.

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Speaker 1: And I remember saying to myself, like, damn, what did

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Speaker 1: I do that my father doesn't like me? Because I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was my whole life, I had tried

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Speaker 1: to do everything I can to make my father proud.

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Speaker 1: So at that point in seventeen, I said, I'm tired

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Speaker 1: of trying to make my father proud. I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: do what I want. And that's when I started to

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Speaker 1: rebel a little bit. I started to talk back a

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Speaker 1: lot and just make my own decisions. And when I

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Speaker 1: left to go to college, I was so excited about

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Speaker 1: being out the house until I was gone. And then

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Speaker 1: it was in that moment when I got to college

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Speaker 1: and everything my father was trying to teach me and

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Speaker 1: instilling me hit me like a ton of bricks, and

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Speaker 1: I realized, Damn, that's why he was the way he was.

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Speaker 1: All Right, it's karaoke time. I got my brothers in here, right,

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Speaker 1: so I'm actually gonna sing the song Brothers with my brothers.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you all to join in with me,

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Speaker 1: all right, from the Best Man soundtrack, if y'all remember this, alright,

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna start from the verse, alright, ready, one, two, three?

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Speaker 1: What can a brother do for me? He can help

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Speaker 1: you up when you ut down. What can a brother

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Speaker 1: do for me? He can be my eyes when you

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Speaker 1: can't see. What can a brother do for me? He

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Speaker 1: can help you be either best man, I can't. I

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Speaker 1: can be, I can be, I can be, can be,

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Speaker 1: I can be. Help you bet up, best man, I

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Speaker 1: can't be. That was terrible. Oh man, I think I

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Speaker 1: drowned you all out. But welcome, Welcome, guys, Welcome man.

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna introduce you all to this very special

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Speaker 1: group of guys here because this group here became my

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Speaker 1: clan here in California when I moved out here. All right,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go in order as the people are watching

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Speaker 1: me here, so we're gonna go to my left, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna go to Solving. Naim. Solving actually put me in

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Speaker 1: my first film. Oh. He's an award winning producer, director, actor,

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Speaker 1: rapper does everything father, husband, got a son now X

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Speaker 1: shout out, shout out, thank you for joining us, Solving.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Brother to his left, it's my man,

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Speaker 1: Serbifo shout out. Brooklyn Coney Island photographer. He's worked on

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Speaker 1: the Lakers, the charges would bet Will Smith. I mean

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Speaker 1: you've you've done a lot of work with a lot

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Speaker 1: of people, bro, a lot of work. You got out

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Speaker 1: here first. You told me years ago. He was like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: d R D you want to make it. You gotta

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Speaker 1: come out of Hollywood. I'm gonna Solomon told me the

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Speaker 1: same thing, so sir bole, I appreciate you going yes

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Speaker 1: and to his left and last was certainly not least.

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Speaker 1: My new brother from another mother lives down the block

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Speaker 1: for me. I ain't gonna tell you where we lived.

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Speaker 1: I want nobody rolling up on us say it's my man.

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Speaker 1: Rob da von Butler, former NFL athlete play safety. He

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Speaker 1: liked to hit people, now works in corporate America. He's

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Speaker 1: a father, husband, also a son, we all sons, but

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Speaker 1: also father of the four beautiful children, two sons and

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Speaker 1: two girls. Rob, thank you for coming and joining us.

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Speaker 1: I had been struggling so many times with what I

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Speaker 1: was gonna do for the men's episode, because we all

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Speaker 1: kneen and I always do the podcast together. But last

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Speaker 1: year one of our biggest episodes was the guy's episode,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about dating and relationships and people love that.

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Speaker 1: But I felt like it was important, especially in today's time,

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Speaker 1: to talk about fatherhood, especially black fathers. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's important because um Rob Slack and myself we work

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Speaker 1: out every morning together, and every time we get together,

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Speaker 1: people would think as men we would be talking about asks.

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Speaker 1: You think we would be talking about women, and but

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Speaker 1: we literally sit there and talk about fatherhood. What are

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Speaker 1: we do? We ask each other because Rob has the

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Speaker 1: oldest children, he has grown children, so Slick is always

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Speaker 1: asking me questions. But I bring Jackson with me and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, Rob, how do I deal with this?

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Speaker 1: And then I felt like I should bring Bafo because

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Speaker 1: Bafo was in the space where I feel like, if

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Speaker 1: I didn't have kids and I had a group of

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Speaker 1: people that could tell me what to look out for,

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Speaker 1: I could make decisions based on those things, Which is

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Speaker 1: gonna lead me to a question that I want to

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Speaker 1: know from you guys. Right in story time, I talked

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Speaker 1: about what my father was to me, and I kind

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Speaker 1: of want to hear from each of you what your

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Speaker 1: father was to you guys, Like, well, I mean I

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Speaker 1: have to really think of about that because you know,

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Speaker 1: unfortunately I didn't have a great relationship with my father

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Speaker 1: um until I got married, you know, and then my wife,

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Speaker 1: you know, brought us tried to try to mend that

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Speaker 1: relationship because she knew that that was you know, that

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Speaker 1: that needed to be needed, work needed to be done there.

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Speaker 1: So there was a large gap of years you know that, Um,

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Speaker 1: you know that we didn't really talk much or you know,

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Speaker 1: or go back and forth. So I have to kind

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Speaker 1: of go back to, you know, my very early years.

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Speaker 1: And um, I when my father was to me was

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Speaker 1: you know, disciplinary, um, hard worker though, you know, self made.

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Speaker 1: You know, he started his own company example. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, definitely that was one thing. And then and

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Speaker 1: then just kept progressing in that, you know, so he

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Speaker 1: completely just did his own thing, you know North. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but my father is that actually white and my mother

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Speaker 1: is Algerian. So my father came, my father came to

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Speaker 1: New York. Um before I was born. I've seen me

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Speaker 1: my mom and you know, they had me over there.

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Speaker 1: But he, um, they divorced immediately like after I was born,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't even know how

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Speaker 1: they even got together. It's just to make me and um.

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Speaker 1: And then he went he moved to Inwood, Washington Heights,

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Speaker 1: to eleven Finish and that was the hood, that was

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Speaker 1: the Dominican hood. So you know most of my yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was I mean, that was fact for the weekend.

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Speaker 1: When he walked in from New York, I called him slip. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's been my life in New York, explaining

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Speaker 1: to you know, put the vegans Dominicans that I'm not.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I gotta say in Spanish and they're like, but

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Speaker 1: um so so yeah. So so I watched him literally,

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Speaker 1: you know, from broke as how, you know, black ass

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Speaker 1: whip that was still getting broken into you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, um to you know, to to making something

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Speaker 1: of himself and you know, being that good example for you.

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Speaker 1: You would say your father was an example more than

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Speaker 1: a presence. He was just an example. Yeah, and he

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Speaker 1: was very present in the early phase and and and

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Speaker 1: actually as a as a baby, were piste off my

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Speaker 1: mom because my mom was the worker. My mom was

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Speaker 1: working the nine to five, and my father stopped to

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Speaker 1: quit his job just to be with me as a baby.

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Speaker 1: And uh, which made my mom because now she's the

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Speaker 1: breadwinner and she's like, yeah, we got these bills or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But my my pops would finesse it pretty ill because

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Speaker 1: he was an engineer before he got into computer software

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Speaker 1: and uh, and would just be able to just do

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Speaker 1: a freelance job and make and then be like here's

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Speaker 1: the money for the for just enough, you know, for

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Speaker 1: for the bill. And I would make I would piss

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Speaker 1: my mom off even more because you can make money

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Speaker 1: and you're not doing it, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's funny think all fathers learned to finesse. My father

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Speaker 1: was a finesse, so he he got his associate's degree,

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Speaker 1: didn't go to college. After that was bouncing and they

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Speaker 1: started working for Chase Manhattan Bank and then became like

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Speaker 1: you know, he does on computer program and in mainframeing.

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Speaker 1: And I used to be like, how do you how

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Speaker 1: do you manage to make money? You don't even have

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Speaker 1: a Batchelor's degree. And he's just like, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: not what you know, it's who you know. Dads always

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Speaker 1: know how to sound like that sounds like school. Oh

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Speaker 1: my dad. My dad's pretty awesome. Actually we have a

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Speaker 1: really good relationship. Yeah. Um, growing up he was around.

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Speaker 1: He was definitely a disciplinary but I didn't I didn't

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Speaker 1: know anything away from discipline in a sense, like I

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Speaker 1: didn't know that that was wrong. I guess them is

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Speaker 1: from Ghana. Yes, my parents were from Ghana. Um. My

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Speaker 1: dad uh played he was a soccer playing Guana. Left

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Speaker 1: Ghana in the seventies by himself, came to America came

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Speaker 1: to figure out. America came to figure this out and

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Speaker 1: I'm good, Carson, Yeah, ain't gonna so yeah. So he

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Speaker 1: came to mur Um and Uh in the seventies and

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Speaker 1: just wanted to establish some sort of ground here, which

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Speaker 1: he did, and then he went back and got my

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Speaker 1: mom and my three brothers and brought him over. So

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Speaker 1: for me, um, seeing seeing that and hearing that story

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Speaker 1: growing up, I mean, I felt like this man left

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Speaker 1: the country that he was very comfortable and familiar with

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Speaker 1: to code to another country that he had nothing nobody

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Speaker 1: there um and started a space and and and started

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Speaker 1: working for himself and started to build a foundation here

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Speaker 1: in America where he's able to bring my family over.

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Speaker 1: So for me, Um, he's like a true example of like,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying some shing I need to

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Speaker 1: be emulating, and how I would love for my kids

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Speaker 1: at some point to see their grandfather and know these

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Speaker 1: things about them. So yeah, it's big. So that's two

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Speaker 1: things over there. I heard. Example example Rob, you and

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Speaker 1: your phone, I met your father. He's been spending the

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Speaker 1: last week with us working out and last in the

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Speaker 1: morning seven working out with us, Young Bucks. What was

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Speaker 1: your father to you. Man, I'm sitting here reflecting as

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Speaker 1: I into my brother's a goal that went before me,

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Speaker 1: and the thing that comes to mind for me is,

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Speaker 1: you know, my dad was a role model. He occurred

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Speaker 1: for me as a role model growing up. But what

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Speaker 1: I what I came to know as a father myself

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Speaker 1: now is that he was a real model. So my

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Speaker 1: dad didn't hold no punches. He didn't hide anything from us.

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Speaker 1: Um so he showed us the good, the bad, and

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Speaker 1: the ugly, you know. So I took that by and large,

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Speaker 1: I said, man, this is not what I'm gonna do

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Speaker 1: with my kids because this team too much. But now

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Speaker 1: we're looking back on this, like everything that I got

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Speaker 1: to that you experienced as a young man, especially a

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Speaker 1: young black man going up in America, my dad put

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Speaker 1: me through it before I got to to to live

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Speaker 1: through it myself, so I kind of already had him

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Speaker 1: as a reference point. Some people would say, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: he shouldn't be doing that. You know, you shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: your first beer or your first disk, you shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: talking about sex with it. But my dad was an

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Speaker 1: open book. Aside from that, he one of the things

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Speaker 1: that stand out to me the most is that he

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Speaker 1: always pushed the envelope for more. He always he wanted

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Speaker 1: me my brothers to be better than him, and so

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Speaker 1: he was. I would get straight A's, bro, you know,

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Speaker 1: being a football player score five six seven touchdowns. He

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Speaker 1: wanted to point out the tackle that I missed. Until

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Speaker 1: your point earlier, I always felt like, yo, dude, why

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Speaker 1: are you Why? Why can't you never give me my props? Right?

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I was thirty years old, this

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Speaker 1: is nine years ago. We had a conversation about you know,

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Speaker 1: why would why would you ride me? How come you

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Speaker 1: never gave me out? A boy? He said, Son looked.

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Speaker 1: I always felt like you didn't like I was never

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Speaker 1: good enough for you. He said something listening. The reason

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Speaker 1: why I wrote you that way is because I saw

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Speaker 1: who you was. Straight A's was the expectation. Five six

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Speaker 1: seven touchdowns a game. That's that's who that's who you want.

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Speaker 1: So that's so when you when you felt shorter that

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Speaker 1: it was like I had a problem with it. But

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Speaker 1: when you did it, it it was like that's what I

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Speaker 1: expected out of you, and I found got I got that,

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Speaker 1: and you got that at thirty. But how did you

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Speaker 1: feel about that. I let him know how I felt

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Speaker 1: about it. I told him, I communicated to him that

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Speaker 1: I developed a complex and not being good enough. So

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Speaker 1: how that shoot showed up in the world. Was I

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Speaker 1: always strive to overachieve and was driving was this internal

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Speaker 1: diet that monologue really between me and me saying that

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Speaker 1: you're not You're not good enough? Um, so there was

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Speaker 1: an impact. So I'm glad you say that, because where

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Speaker 1: I want to take this conversation is we and in

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Speaker 1: this current culture, we hear oftentimes, you know, black men

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Speaker 1: don't defend black women, black men don't love black women,

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Speaker 1: black men don't marry black women. These are all the

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Speaker 1: things that we're hearing about black men. And I want

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Speaker 1: to have this conversation because we all had fathers in

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Speaker 1: our lives, and I want to know what happened in

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Speaker 1: our lives that made us be the way we are,

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Speaker 1: and especially in our twenties when you're in that dating process,

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Speaker 1: because when you're older and married it's easy to say now,

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Speaker 1: but we're talking about people who date near twenties, between

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Speaker 1: twenty and who were you? How do you think having

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Speaker 1: your father in your life, or if he wasn't in

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Speaker 1: your life at that time made you be who you were.

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Speaker 1: And if you were that way, would you have dated yourself?

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Speaker 1: How did your father and who he was help you

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Speaker 1: become the man you are to be a companion for

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Speaker 1: someone else? And this is open floor, this is you

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Speaker 1: don't gotta go order. I want to hear that who

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Speaker 1: were you in your twenties when you were dating? Was terrible? Um?

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Speaker 1: What I date myself in my twenties, Nah, I wouldn't. Um.

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Speaker 1: I was fun, but I wasn't serious. So depending on

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Speaker 1: you know, I guess the lady or the girl at

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Speaker 1: the time that I was dating, depending on what she wanted,

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Speaker 1: she could get fun. But I wasn't really serious. So

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Speaker 1: when it came to being serious and like I settled

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Speaker 1: down towards the back end of prior to moving to

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Speaker 1: l A, I had a girlfriend for like three years. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I myself know that like if I was a

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Speaker 1: few excuse me, if I was a lady, Um, looking

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Speaker 1: at myself at twenty, I would not have. I would

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Speaker 1: have I would gonna get me wrong, I would be

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Speaker 1: da cute, you know. But but I personally would not

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Speaker 1: date myself because I was selfish. I was very selfish. Yourself.

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Speaker 1: I was very selfish. Um I figured I was also

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Speaker 1: s which one of them, the youngest the seven, Um,

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Speaker 1: somebody was wild deep you know what I'm saying. And

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Speaker 1: I was the last one. And a few things did

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Speaker 1: kind of go my way growing up, But for the

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Speaker 1: most part, I've always felt like I had to, like

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Speaker 1: even til today, sometime like they'll be like having sibling

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Speaker 1: discussions and I might chime in and they'll blow Steve,

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Speaker 1: you're young. You know, you know you're young, you're youngs

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Speaker 1: absolutely till today. So I think I've had that complex

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Speaker 1: growing up of wanting to sit in the be the

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Speaker 1: same level when like as I got older. Now, even

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Speaker 1: when I talk to my mom, I'll be talking to

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Speaker 1: my mom she's in Ghana now, and I'll talk to

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Speaker 1: them and I'd be like, I'll be saying things to

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Speaker 1: her and I'm like, mom, you know, like I'm not

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Speaker 1: a kid, I'm grown. I'm grown now. But you gotta

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Speaker 1: let my kind of say that to kind of let

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Speaker 1: her know, like, Mom, I'm good, I'm very careful, I'm aware,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So they I mean, as

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Speaker 1: they say, you know, you're gonna ever be their babies,

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Speaker 1: you know, no matter what. Um, but you're gonna ever

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Speaker 1: be their babies when you're also the youngest of many,

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Speaker 1: and so you being the youngest, that just made you

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Speaker 1: half an If you bro I would not have like

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Speaker 1: I grow I grew up in Coney Allen Brooklyn, Coney

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Speaker 1: All That's the hood, my guy. And if you would

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Speaker 1: have told me then that I lived in the hood,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have believed you. Because I was able to

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Speaker 1: get everything I needed and if I wanted Jordan's you

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Speaker 1: can get it right. I needed the new system school

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Speaker 1: together you had everything was kind of you know. So

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Speaker 1: it's kind of to me and like looking at it,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I didn't realize the life that I was.

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Speaker 1: But also, like I said, I think that all contributes

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Speaker 1: to the fact that I was the last born and

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Speaker 1: just feeling this need to want to step out up

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Speaker 1: and be seen up beyond everybody else. Um. And I

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Speaker 1: think it kind of has cat like followed me into

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Speaker 1: my adult life in a way where I've taken good

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Speaker 1: out of that. I'm taking the good bits of that

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Speaker 1: in terms of like being seen and being working, working

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Speaker 1: and just not constantly trying to be better every day.

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Speaker 1: I think that was something that I carried over. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if they knew what they were instilling to

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Speaker 1: me when it when it was happening, but that ship

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Speaker 1: is in my blood. Bro I feel slick. I knew

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Speaker 1: Slack in his early twenty I hadn't seen his action. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I definite would date myself. I mean, but

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Speaker 1: but I'm there, But I go home with myself, you know,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, look, I

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Speaker 1: think the environment that we are, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: the feathers that we grew up with, you know, and

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Speaker 1: you know it's about you know how many you know

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00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,679
Speaker 1: how many, how many bodies and what you could do

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Speaker 1: and you know this, it's that competition, you know right right,

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00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,080
Speaker 1: It's that camaraderie that you go out and you're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get this. And then you know, on top

337
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 1: of that, you know, my boy Sam so I had,

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Speaker 1: I had like he's like an older brother of mine.

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00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 1: I was also the youngest um and uh he would

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Speaker 1: he His job was was a doorman at the biggest

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Speaker 1: clubs in New York City. In New York City, so

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Speaker 1: I was getting I was going into these clubs. But

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Speaker 1: when I was sixteen, So from sixteen by the time

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Speaker 1: I was of age, I was like it like the club.

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Speaker 1: I was like, come on, I know how to maneuver everything.

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Speaker 1: And I was he was giving me drink tickets too,

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Speaker 1: because I couldn't afford the drinks. I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know to me, like when him locked up even drink tickets,

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Speaker 1: what was saying doing right? Well, yeah, I always like

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Speaker 1: when you give me the tickets, I always feel for

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00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,360
Speaker 1: the thickness of the stack, you know what. I'd be like, oh,

352
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 1: I gotta stack to you know what I mean? And so,

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Speaker 1: you know the thing. It was so funny too, because

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Speaker 1: you know, the girls I'll be talking to in the

355
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Speaker 1: club like oh, your baby, you must be like twenty two,

356
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Speaker 1: twenty one, and I'm like, you know, seventeen, Like yeah,

357
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 1: you got that right. So yeah, So so you mixed

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Speaker 1: that with you know, growing up in New York and

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Speaker 1: also my like I said, my mother was a very

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Speaker 1: home worker, so she wasn't very She wasn't home a lot,

361
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, even though she was there

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Speaker 1: for me for anything I needed. So you know, I had,

363
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 1: you know, all of the the ingredients, you know what

364
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 1: I mean, to get reckless you know, um in the

365
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 1: city robbed. You know what I thought about. I'm thinking

366
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,679
Speaker 1: about this question. Listen to my brothers. I'm gonna take

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Speaker 1: a different cut on it because you was married you

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Speaker 1: I was married and I got married at one, So

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Speaker 1: you know, at first asked, I would answer the question

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Speaker 1: the way they did. Nah. Hell no, I wouldn't date myself.

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Speaker 1: But now I think back to like the values that

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Speaker 1: my dad had instill then he had he had four fps, Dad,

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Speaker 1: forgive me, I gotta I gotta share this with the world.

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00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:22,959
Speaker 1: Four as when it comes to girls, find him, feel him,

375
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Speaker 1: suck them, and forget him. I knew that, and I'm

376
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Speaker 1: like five, you know what I'm saying. But so so

377
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 1: that was that was the that was the conditioning. But

378
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Speaker 1: something in my spirit never felt that doesn't feel right

379
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,520
Speaker 1: because it's like, if you abide by that philosophy does

380
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: not explain why you left my mom when we were

381
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Speaker 1: when I was two, and I didn't want that. So

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Speaker 1: I was I was a wild ball early. So I

383
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: lost my opportinity at twelve. So all the all the

384
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Speaker 1: buns dudes was getting in college, I was getting buns

385
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,080
Speaker 1: in middle school. So you talked about being exhausted because

386
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 1: he was in the club early. Because I started early,

387
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to give another notch under my belt

388
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 1: by eighteen, nineteen and twenty. It was about the connection

389
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 1: and the love. So I was I wasn't. I wasn't.

390
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: I was a serial monogamous slash cheater. Okay, here's the

391
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 1: meeting behind it. Like every woman that I dated, I

392
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: felt like they was my woman because that's the level

393
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 1: of chivalry and care giving I gave him. I was

394
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 1: always a giver because your father was a gentleman. He

395
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,400
Speaker 1: taught you to smooth. He had a gender he had

396
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 1: when we were talking what I'm saying, so, so I

397
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 1: never messed with girls to say I did that. I

398
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 1: messed with him to be like, I wanted to blow

399
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,639
Speaker 1: their minds. I want him to love me. You know

400
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I wanted to be the best they

401
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: ever had, the whole thing. So I would definitely date

402
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,440
Speaker 1: young twenty year old r dB because he was a

403
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 1: good He was a good dude, but you know he

404
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 1: had some other things he had to work out. You know,

405
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 1: it's crazy. I I've been I've been with Codeine since

406
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. Um in my mid twenties, I would

407
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: not date young devot um. It's funny when I watched

408
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: people on social media and even on TV, they're like, oh,

409
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: this is relationship goes and I'm like, y'all see relationship

410
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 1: goes now. But if y're knew deval and codein in

411
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 1: two thousand and six two seven, you would be saying

412
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: the same thing. You know what I'm saying that necessarily

413
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: it wasn't because I was a scumbag. And this is

414
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: what you know brings me to have this conversation. I

415
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 1: realized that I didn't understand what it was to be

416
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 1: a boyfriend or fiance or a husband. I just didn't

417
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 1: understand because my father never had that conversation with me

418
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: about what it is to be in a monogamous relationship.

419
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: This is a conversation me and my pops had about

420
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: sex committed about so what you know, I got comums

421
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 1: in my drawer right said, yeah, good job, that was it, bro,

422
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 1: that was it. And and here's the thing. My father

423
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 1: was a mentor to thirty to fifty other young men

424
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 1: in our community. He ran the Junior aim in the

425
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: Salle Missionary Baptist Church. But he and I never had

426
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 1: that conversation, so you know, that left me to do

427
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do my brother. My brother had

428
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 1: a baby at seventeen. And it's crazy because you mentor

429
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: all these other young men, but I never really felt

430
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: like my father was my mentor. So when I was

431
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: in my twenties, I was being I was being what

432
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: I thought a man was, and I learned a lot

433
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: dude watching rap videos. You know what I'm saying. You

434
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: see chickenie and nice CHICKI want to smash you back.

435
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: But I did learn from my father and my uncle

436
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: Kevin to always respect women. So I was never disrespectful.

437
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I was never ever disrespectful

438
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 1: to women. But I just didn't know how to be

439
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 1: monogamous even though I was trying, you know, and that

440
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: makes me want to you know, made me want to

441
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: ask this question, how do we break that if we

442
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 1: want to raise young men or even raise young women

443
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 1: to be in relationships. Because you got two daughters, and

444
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,439
Speaker 1: I always say I want to have a daughter. You

445
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: don't have kids that you have a son, But what

446
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: now is father's We have to start to think about

447
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: what we didn't learn and how we act because we

448
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: just said we all said we wouldn't date out twenty

449
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: year old selves except me, except you. You said you would.

450
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: But there's women out there who are looking to date.

451
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 1: And there's something that I think Rob said that I

452
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: think women deal with that men don't deal with. Women

453
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: develop faster, both physically and mentally. So I remember in

454
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: high school, all the bad chicks in high school that

455
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 1: we went high school with the older duds, And I'm

456
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: talking about sophomores. Remember sophomores in high school. Surely you

457
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: fourteen and you would have seen it. He drives, and

458
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So they've been dealing with

459
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: adult issues from fourteen, So the time they get to twenty,

460
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 1: they're like, I'm tired of dealing with kids. But us

461
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: as men, we don't get to that point until, like

462
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: you said, were twenty five. Now I'm in that position

463
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: where I can, you know, kind of have fun, and

464
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: then women are kind of like, what I have fun

465
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: from fourteen and twenty, I'm looking for a husband. How

466
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,719
Speaker 1: do we, you know, as fathers, begin to break that

467
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: for our kids, especially our boys, especially because I know

468
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: you got to you got when I got three. What

469
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: do we tell our boys. I mean personally, I feel

470
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 1: like they have to go through the emotions, you know

471
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I wouldn't they gotta. They have

472
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: to learn a lot on them on their own. And

473
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to deprive my I wouldn't even want

474
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: my son to be husband material at a team. That's fair.

475
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: I agree with what I'm saying. Let him, let him

476
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: go through things, and obviously, you know, respect, respecting women,

477
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 1: respecting everybody. You know what I'm saying That just respect

478
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: period is you know, paramount and raising him That's what

479
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna let him do his thing,

480
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,919
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and until like you know,

481
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: until he starts getting serious about somebody and you know,

482
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: I feel like he's super serious about this this girl,

483
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 1: and then I can have a talk with him, be

484
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 1: like all you know, we can't put the age that something.

485
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: Is that the same approach if you have a female daughter,

486
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: Like if you have a daughter, That's what I was

487
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: gonna say, what say, the same energy you put as

488
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,479
Speaker 1: far as how we feel, you know, we give let

489
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: our son just kind of do him and figure it out.

490
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: Are we taking that same angle with our daughters though

491
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. And here's the issue, though,

492
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: if you're telling your son figure it out, he needs

493
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: people to figure it out with. So if you're not

494
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,360
Speaker 1: gonna raise your daughter to figure it out, then he's

495
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 1: gonna end up having to take advantage of someone's daughter

496
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: who's trying to date deliberately. So and that's where to me,

497
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: as fathers, we have to figure out what's good for

498
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 1: our children. Because I don't know the answer. I say

499
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 1: I want to daughter, right, and I say the king

500
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: all the time, and when I when we have this girl,

501
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to do this because I don't know

502
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: what to say because I'm telling my boys like slick.

503
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,959
Speaker 1: So listen, you can't go into life thinking I'm going

504
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: to be someone's husband until you explore a little bit.

505
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: You have to You have to know what you like

506
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 1: and what you don't like. Or maybe that just applies

507
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 1: for a women too. Maybe that just applies you have

508
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: to explore and just decide what you want. I'm cool

509
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 1: with it. I'm cool with it, but I don't know

510
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: if it's misogynistic for me to tell a woman to

511
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: go out there and have fun with different gods until

512
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 1: you figure it out. Because you know what I'm saying,

513
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: how do we how do we as fathers have that

514
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: conversation with our daughters. Oh, you're having the kids, you know.

515
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 1: But I personally wouldn't say go out and have fun,

516
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: even to my son, go out and just have fun. No.

517
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: I would just kind of feel like it's just own

518
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: conversation and just things that he's experienced. Hopefully I'm at

519
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 1: a level with my son where he's comfortable to least

520
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: just talk to me. That's the first thing it. Child

521
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: has to be able to come and want and talk

522
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: to you, you know. So if he's able to talk

523
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: to me, I feel like then I can he can

524
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 1: put trust in me to tell me stuff, and I

525
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: can kind of veer and guide him in the process

526
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: and not necessarily say your guard to knocked down fifty

527
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 1: girls and then get that out of your system and

528
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: then get married. No, no, no, no, What I mean like,

529
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 1: kinda put the pass a little bit for him, help

530
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: him pick that rob your daughter, But it's the relationship.

531
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: Your daughter just turned twenty one. What are those conversations? Like? Curious?

532
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: He's gonna be a good dad, bro, be a good dad. Man.

533
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. Since you framed the question, I

534
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: got to think, and you asked the question, I get

535
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 1: to thinking about ship introspectively. Right, So there's there's there's

536
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:54,880
Speaker 1: a difference. The conversation with my son's is twofold. On

537
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: one hand, is idealistic. Listen, sexist, for marriage is sacred.

538
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: You know that course the whole you know the ideal

539
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 1: and then it's okay, but let me let me, let me,

540
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: let me keep it a hunted with you. You're gonna

541
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: you're gonna get the itch. You're gonna have this dream

542
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 1: before the dream occurs, so that they're not taking it

543
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: back by that wake up. In this you know, you

544
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: can sol in their drawls. It's like stip dying. You know,

545
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: that's part of the process. Welcome. So I prepared them

546
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: for it. You know, we did the whole condoms in

547
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: the banana joint. Now I did it. Now I just

548
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: gotta because now you demonstrated. So there's this this duality

549
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 1: ideal versus reality, like the world world that I have

550
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: on my son's. Conversely with my daughter, then there was

551
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 1: only one part. There was there was no duality. It

552
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: was just all idealism, right, you don't give it away.

553
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: No one's worthy of it. You can get a disease,

554
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: you're gonna get pregnant, wait till you're married. At the

555
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: end of conversation, what happens is some little some little slick,

556
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: some little slick surfect kind of like a little pulls

557
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 1: up sweet talking move talking, you know, twelfth grade trying

558
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: to mack on my name grade daughter. And now I

559
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: got I'm forced to have the conversation before she gets

560
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: taught by the streets. And so the answer the question is,

561
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: I think for me, I would have the conversation with

562
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: my daughter in the same thing I had it with

563
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 1: my sons. We would have talked about birth control and

564
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: condoms and things of that nature. I'm always giving a

565
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: new would like looking back, they don't. That's traditional people.

566
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 1: You do not talk about sex with your daughters. That's

567
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: that's like new parents, millennial that's millennial parents. But I

568
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: understand why you would because I think, and I don't know,

569
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: is it our responsibilities as fathers or does that fall

570
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: on the mom Because I remember t I got a

571
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 1: lot of flak because he said that he takes his

572
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 1: daughter to the g y N to check and see

573
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: it from him is still in place now. I think

574
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: that there was a little bit too far. I think

575
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: certain things, especially for a teenage girl. Mom you know,

576
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: mom can do that. But I do know that that

577
00:28:55,480 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: fathers have a responsibility to be something to the arters

578
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: that is missing in society. You know what I'm saying, Like,

579
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: we have a responsibility, and I think it's unfair for

580
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: us sometimes to be like, you know what, I'm not

581
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: doing it. So I'm trying to figure out with you guys,

582
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: how do we fig about what it is. I definitely

583
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: for my daughter, I definitely want to be the thing

584
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 1: that um that that that fulfills her want for stuff,

585
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: so she's not wanting from somewhere else, if that makes sense.

586
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: So thats just's just her whatever whatever she needs. Because

587
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: my biggest thing even just growing up, thinking about how

588
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: many my sister grow My sister four years apart, and

589
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: there are things that she might have wanted. But because

590
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: obviously my parents are old district. Well my dad at

591
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: least he wasn't with the ships, so she wasn't gonna

592
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: go out and get it. But I could see how

593
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: if the parent is at least um kind of like

594
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 1: I want to say, do good and then you get

595
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: good type thing, you know what I mean to build

596
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: that relationship with my daughter at least, so now I

597
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: know that I'm able to give her things that she

598
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily that no guy can't impress her with stuff

599
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: outside of the crib type energy, you know what I mean,

600
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: Like whatever, I'm able to provide her with some things

601
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: where she's not like I'm lacking this at home, a radio.

602
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: I've never seen this, so this is new and it's

603
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 1: amazing to me. So therefore I got to be like

604
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: just all over this particular individual because of so for

605
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: like essay for me is just really just letting her

606
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: get familiar with having um so therefore searching for him, right,

607
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: I would add to that to me and that you

608
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: talk about, you know the role of a man and

609
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: and and rearing a daughter. I think that that every

610
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 1: child should have male and female energy and therefore male

611
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: and female in that rearing. So I honestly, my wife

612
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: is such an idealist that she couldn't she couldn't deal

613
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: with the real world conversation when any of any of

614
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: the kids. So then I had to be a buffer

615
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: between the ideal and in reality. So our daughter twenty

616
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,479
Speaker 1: one actually should come to me first, But in an

617
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: ideal world, I think mom should be the one to

618
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: have that to keep it a hunted conversation from the

619
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: female perspective. Now I understand what you're saying, because that

620
00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: leads me to my next question. We understand that there's

621
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 1: a duality between raising a boy and raising a girl.

622
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 1: But as a father, you also have to learn to defer.

623
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: Even though in my household it is a known fact

624
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: that I consider myself the leader in my household. Now

625
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean as a leader I know all I

626
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: know as a leader, went to defer because my wife

627
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: knows more. Right, when do we defer to our wives

628
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 1: or the mother of our children with raising our boys,

629
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: because we often, as as fathers, feel like we know

630
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 1: how to raise boys. You don't tell me how to

631
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: raise my son. But we just made it very clear

632
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: here that there is a responsibility for a father with

633
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: raising a daughter. Should we do a better job of

634
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: having our mother's involved with raising our sons? Absolutely, you

635
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 1: were raised by your mom? Yeah so, And I think

636
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: it actually it goes too fold right because I feel

637
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: like when you have a daughter, if you're this role

638
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: model in this kind of you know, figure that you're

639
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: showing her what a good man is, you know what

640
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: I mean, and what a good man should be. You know,

641
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: you would think that that's what they would get attracted to, right,

642
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: because that's on the flip side, you know, that's what

643
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,479
Speaker 1: my mom was. And so if I was gonna marry

644
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: some you know, I'm gonna marry someone you know, like

645
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: my mom. A boy's first question as his mom. They

646
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 1: say that sounds creepy, but that's the truth. Yeah, So

647
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: you know I ended up marrying and every woman with

648
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: similar principles, you know for the most part, and um,

649
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 1: and knowing that she's gonna she's already an amazing mother.

650
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: So I mean, those things are you know. I feel

651
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: like our you know, paramount for you know, sculpting what

652
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: your child is going to be attracted to, you know

653
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: what I mean, and end up and hopefully end up with,

654
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: you know, for for forever, Bob. Because here's my thing,

655
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: Because once we answer this question, I have a follow

656
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 1: up question. Now that we understand the duality to be

657
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: between raising boys and girls, we understand the importance of

658
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: having a father figure in the role of our daughters.

659
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: But as fathers often time we pushed mothers aside when

660
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: raising our sons because we feel like I'm a man,

661
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: I know how to raise a man. Speak to the

662
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 1: importance now that we've already discussed the importance of a

663
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: father and a daughter's life, of having a mother helped

664
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: raise your son, to be honest, and how that was

665
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: with you in your house, but being honest, I was

666
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: with my mother at the time actually, to be honest,

667
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: like my dad came home, he was gone all day

668
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: at work, he'd come home at night time. I'd see

669
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: him for the time that I was up before up

670
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: until he says time to go to bed. And that

671
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: was the relationship as far as like, uh, seeing and

672
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: just being around him all the time. Of course, he

673
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: got weekends and you know things like that, you can

674
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: hang out with one church and all other stuff. But

675
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 1: for the most part Monday through Friday, it was me

676
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: and mom Duke, so a lot of my stuff, like

677
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: everything that I've kind of learned, Like for example, I

678
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: never had a sex talk of my parents, never, not once. Never.

679
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: I mean it was probably just too taboo for them

680
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: even you know, because being them being foreigners, um older

681
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: foreigners from Ghana, like just to come back and be here.

682
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: I think they felt that was probably, to be honest,

683
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 1: maybe like a custom that was more Western, like a

684
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: Western customer conversation, right, you know what I mean? Because

685
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 1: um So, I never I never had that conversation with

686
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: my parents about sex period, you know, just kind of

687
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 1: like tryal error figured out, just make sure you wear

688
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,320
Speaker 1: a condom, you know, kind of thing, just having conversations

689
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 1: with friends, watching things on TV. Um So, to answer

690
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: your question, Um, I think the dad's role is super important.

691
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: But in my case, my dad was there. But I

692
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 1: feel like I learned a lot more from my mother though,

693
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: you know, Like somebody said to me one time. He

694
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: was like, um he said, it's super important to have

695
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: like a dad around, you know, And I was like, no, absolutely.

696
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, just the little things like when

697
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: you go to the bathroom and you take a piss,

698
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like how you dangle you

699
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 1: dangle your dick to lit that drip. You know, just

700
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: make sure you're not putting the PISSI dick tipped in

701
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 1: the back of that. That's something I went and I

702
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 1: feel like that's something that a lady techically wouldn't know

703
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: to have to dangle the dick to right, you know,

704
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: So I don't want to stay in the US. And

705
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 1: in fact, then we used to way to Tidy White's

706
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 1: and it's all bad. But so a lot of my

707
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: learning I learned from my mother. So in addition to

708
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: learning from my mother, I also, like I said, I

709
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 1: had older brothers. So my older brothers who lived with

710
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: me kind of put me on game and just kind

711
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: of school me. Cousins and all that. But a lot

712
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: of my my mainly learnings, I guess I didn't really honestly.

713
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: I learned how to treat a woman, of course, and

714
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: I've seen how my dad treat my mom, so that

715
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 1: in itself, Like my parents been together for fifty plus years. Bro,

716
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: that is my mom's first and last you know what

717
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,919
Speaker 1: I'm saying. My mom never been with no other guy

718
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: but my dad, so they've been together for ever. So

719
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 1: I have an older I have a brother that's fifties,

720
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: so that lets me know that they've been they've been

721
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: together even right for a minute, so I know that

722
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: they're UM. I would say their practices now that I'm older,

723
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: some of it I definitely won't. I won't practice with

724
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: my kids um, but a lot of it, a lot

725
00:35:58,000 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: of it was was good, but they were you know,

726
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: like I said, there's just some things that you just

727
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: kind of gotta bury as you get older, as far

728
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 1: as like um ways they might have raised you, things

729
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: they might have said while raising you just kind of

730
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 1: got to bury some of those and know that that's

731
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: not something that I want to um put my child

732
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: through or just you know, say to my kids when

733
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 1: you know when their things are going dad, or some shure.

734
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: So I have a question for Rob because you got married.

735
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: You've been with Courtney for how long? Twenty years? Right

736
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: when we were that is love when we were all

737
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: in that dating process right as now, because you weren't

738
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: father's in, were you thinking about this woman might be

739
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: the mother to my kids when you were dating going

740
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,280
Speaker 1: through these process or was it just like I'm gonna

741
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 1: smash you knew? So my my my girl was my

742
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 1: friend first, we were like homies. And to your point

743
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: about you know the impact of a woman or a

744
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: mom in the life of boys, my mom was my

745
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 1: model for womanhood, just because my dad was my model

746
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: for madness. So in my mind, a woman worked, a

747
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: woman still cooked and still cleaned, and still tended to

748
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: the children that my mom she did. So my wife

749
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: showed up. She was she was the strongest woman that

750
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,919
Speaker 1: I've ever met, aside from my mom. So I dated

751
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 1: other girls before, but they would break down it's kind

752
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 1: of league. But my wife. So I started to see

753
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 1: these qualities. I wasn't intentional about it, because again he

754
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: was homies. But I begin to see these qualities. I'm like, yo,

755
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,320
Speaker 1: after like six months of friendship, I was like, she

756
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: got everything that I wanted. A woman to a movie,

757
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend high school, sweetheart, was a track star

758
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: at how State. So um, you know, but this this

759
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: this you know, love interest, this friendship became a love intress.

760
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 1: And to your point, when I made her my girl,

761
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 1: I knew, Like when I told her you my girl,

762
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 1: I knew it was over. I was. I was eighteen

763
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 1: nineteen at that time. Serious, I knew, thinking that's mad. Serious.

764
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,399
Speaker 1: I mean, think about it, eighteen You're in college going

765
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 1: into college, right, So I was right. So some cases,

766
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: folks is trying to figure out what they want to

767
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 1: do as far as career wise, even you know what

768
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: I mean, And I'm here, I am making a real

769
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: decision at twenty one or eight team to say I

770
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,879
Speaker 1: want to marry that's that's that's real and get down.

771
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 1: So you know what I said, you weren't scared at

772
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: eighteen because because Corney also had a child and they met.

773
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: So I was like, you wasn't afraid to be a

774
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: stepfather at eighteen, Like what was going through your mind?

775
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,439
Speaker 1: Point because at eighteen, I wasn't thinking about even being

776
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: a boyfriend to anybody. I told codeine verbatim, I'm like,

777
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to do this. I said, you're perfect.

778
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: I think you're perfect if I could have things my way.

779
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: And this is going to sound misogynistic, but I said,

780
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: I would put you in the glass case from the

781
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: sign until I get right. And men think that, men

782
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: think that, you know what, I'm like that, and I

783
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: felt like I wanted yo, and this is what Kay

784
00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 1: said case I'm not doing that. Ship. I was like,

785
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: I guess I gotta try this anogamy things, you know,

786
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: and I end up trying it until we get married

787
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: and now we have three kids in this life. But

788
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: it just it makes me think about all the things

789
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: and the reason why I wanted to have this discussion

790
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: with you guys is because I think women and other

791
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: men who don't have father figures need to hear the

792
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: thought process for men as we're going through the dating process.

793
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: We've already all admitted that we wouldn't have dated ourselves

794
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 1: if I was a single woman. And the thing is

795
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: you you proved that because you got married at twenty

796
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: one and you've been married because I've worked through everything,

797
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 1: which shows that you have longevity, you know, But I

798
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't have married myself in my twenties. We all we

799
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 1: all talked about looking for women who remind us of

800
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 1: our wives. Only when I didn't say that was bafo

801
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: because you haven't found you haven't found the mrs right yet.

802
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 1: But we all say that mondest of our moms, monest

803
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: of our moms, because we've all found someone in the

804
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 1: monest of our moms, and also finding a woman that

805
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: can be a good mom to our kids. Like these

806
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: are the thought processes as men of what when we

807
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: start to date? Seriously? Right? So I have one final question,

808
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: one final question, now that we know all of this,

809
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: how do you think you can father? What's the best

810
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: way to father? Mm? Hm, Like like knowing everything you

811
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: know now, what would be the best way. You you

812
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: have the woman that you want to live the rest

813
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 1: of your life with, you have kids, what would you

814
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: say would be your things that you know in order

815
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,439
Speaker 1: for me to be considered a good father, I would

816
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: do these things. I would instill these qualities, and I

817
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 1: would behave this way. I'll start, I'll start, I'll start.

818
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: For me, it would be creating a safe space for

819
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: my kids first, so that they can be exactly who

820
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: they are. Right And I'm gonna say something right now

821
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: that's gonna sound crazy, especially from where we came from,

822
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: because we grew up in Brooklyn during the nineties, where

823
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: homosexuality was like you couldn't even if someone said anything

824
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 1: to you, but you would be piste off. Now did

825
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: I have kids. I can tell you right now, if

826
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 1: one of my kids came to me and said that

827
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 1: he was gay, homosexual, I'd be cool with it. Growing up,

828
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 1: I never thought that that would be where what it was.

829
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 1: But when you learn to love someone unconditionally and you

830
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: have kids and you can see in their eyes who

831
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: they really are, you start to realize as a parent

832
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: that it doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is, who

833
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: what God they pray to. This is my son or

834
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: my daughter. So the first thing I would say is

835
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 1: created a safe space so my kids can be exactly

836
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 1: who they want to be all the time. The second

837
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: thing I would be I would say, and this is

838
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 1: the last thing, is that I would find a mate

839
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 1: that would be able to parent with the same vigor

840
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: for parenthood that I have, because it's unfair for for

841
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: my kids to only have one. You know, if this

842
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,320
Speaker 1: is a parent, if this is a partnership, I would

843
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: want someone who is just as invigorated by it, and

844
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: I would want I would want that person to just

845
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: be as excited every morning to wake up about parenting.

846
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: How we parent is going to change because I know

847
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 1: things in my house is gonna be different from things

848
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: in your house. Things different in your house, things different

849
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: your house. But I know that those two things matter

850
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: the most to me. What you think I mean, I

851
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: agree completely. I think you know leading by example, you know,

852
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: first and foremost, making sure that, like you said, there's

853
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:27,280
Speaker 1: a safe place, a safe place for them to be comfortable. Uh.

854
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: And I feel like making sure that they don't only

855
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 1: see you as a parent, but the best friend you know,

856
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 1: And I think you know like I see you with

857
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: Jackson you know what I mean. Um, I feel like

858
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,760
Speaker 1: you guys have that relationship and I feel like that's crucial,

859
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because they because if they

860
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: feel like they can come to you with anything, then

861
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: like that's the foundation that's of a good parenting, you

862
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Because now you know what they're feeling,

863
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: you can really help guide them, you know what I mean.

864
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: And you're not going to you know, implement you know

865
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: your way of thinking or you know the way you

866
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: want them to be, you know what I mean. You

867
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: can hear how they're feeling and here exactly what their

868
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 1: mental state is at and be able to just help

869
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 1: them be who they want to be, you know what

870
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 1: I mean, rather than shifting them the way you want

871
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: to be or whatever. Like you said, like you know,

872
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: if if one of your kids say, AM homosexual or whatever,

873
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: at least you know that you know they can't. They

874
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 1: were comfortable enough telling you that you have to tell

875
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 1: you that. So now you can help guide them, you know,

876
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: to to be you know, the best person they can

877
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: be with that sexual orientation. You know, so they're not

878
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: reckless or not you know they're not knowing what to

879
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: do or not angry or not, you know, projecting the

880
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: opposite on somebody. You know, there's mad people who are bullied,

881
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: who are homos that are bullying you know, other homos

882
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 1: because they're scared to come out of the closet themselves.

883
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Do you say that because

884
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: I have a home I have a homeboy whose son

885
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 1: and he asked me, this is and this is how

886
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 1: all these things happen because the whole, the whole paradigm

887
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: is shifting. He's a black man, and he said, my

888
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: son is gay. I know he's gay, but he hasn't

889
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 1: come out and told me yet because he's afraid. And

890
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 1: I don't want to bring it to him because that's

891
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 1: his to tell. And I don't want to endanger our

892
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 1: our peace and out home because he feels like I

893
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: was snooping or spying. But his son is very aggressive.

894
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: And his son got into a fight in school because

895
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 1: the dude called him the f work, so he beat

896
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: the dude. Now that since his kid plays football, so

897
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 1: he's he's a big kid, but he's like devout. How

898
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 1: do I present to my son that I love him regardless?

899
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 1: How do I and and this is a dude that

900
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: like me was it alpha male? And I'll honestly say,

901
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 1: when I was growing up, saying the F word was

902
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: like anything else. It was like saying the N word,

903
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: Like you didn't realize the impact it had on people.

904
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You didn't have it. So

905
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: he used to throw it around like it was nothing.

906
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: And he was like, I didn't realize until I'm older

907
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 1: than I had kids. And then he said something to

908
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 1: me that was so eye opening to me. He said, devout,

909
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: I look at my son, and I can tell that

910
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: my son is struggling because my son feels like if

911
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 1: he if he chose, he wouldn't have chose this if

912
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: he had a choice, But he doesn't feel like he

913
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 1: has a choice. And he's gay. And he said, as

914
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: a father and made me realize that who am I

915
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: to judge someone who doesn't have a choice on who

916
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 1: they love. That's who he loves. And when you have

917
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 1: a son like it's unconditional, He said that I never

918
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: thought in a million years. He started looking at my

919
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: son and I just I want to hug him, but

920
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: he said, what do I do? What do I tell them?

921
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: So y'all, I'm asking y'all for advice because I didn't

922
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: know what to tell him because I was just like,

923
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, tell him that, you know. But then I'm thinking, like, no,

924
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: you can't tell him that, because then he's gonna want

925
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: to know how you know what you're snooping on me?

926
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: And by giving on something that shows that, oh my god,

927
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 1: everyone knows you know. And then I was like, what

928
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: do you wait for him to tell you and let

929
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: these things happen? So what do y'all think he should do?

930
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: I would? I would, I would engage in. First of all,

931
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: he talked about creating a safe space. Yeah, that's imperative,

932
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: but I would engage in a lot of questioning that

933
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 1: led to the at least gave him the space for

934
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 1: the truth to emerge, Like I ain't gon lot of you.

935
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,800
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with my oldest, my oldest whenever

936
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: brand girls around. You know, he's a pretty like he's

937
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 1: a he's a good looking man. You know, he's like

938
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 1: it's like prints like he prints print, you know what

939
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm like, yo, yo, if there's anybody like this,

940
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 1: there's there's homosexuality lating throughout my family on both sides,

941
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: every generation. So I'm like yo, this is this is

942
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: he's our generation. So I asked a series of questions

943
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: because he never talked about girls, never bought any girls around,

944
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: and he was just he's private in that area of

945
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: his life. And so I was like, you know, you

946
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: first to start off as you're talking to any girls

947
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: at school, you know, he got any interest in girls,

948
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: not all, but somebody anybody, UM, and that kind of

949
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: you kind of let him, uh, you know, divulge or

950
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: or not. And then you say, you know, whatever it

951
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 1: is that you're dealing with, it's the thing, whatever it

952
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,840
Speaker 1: is that you're dealing with, there's no conversation and no

953
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 1: life experience that you could have that you can't have

954
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: with me. And I said these things to him, you know,

955
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: and he was kind of like looking at me like

956
00:46:56,239 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: I had three eyes, Like he was like, true story.

957
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: He's like that, do you think I'm kidd so you

958
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 1: so you are a subtle like nah, it's like na,

959
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 1: man he laughed like man, I'm just na, I'm just

960
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: saying I'm just saying so. So just I think there's

961
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 1: no other way to I don't think you should wait

962
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 1: for the son to bring it to agree. I would definitely, um,

963
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 1: I would have a conversation for sure. I mean because

964
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: I just know like how I was raised, Like it's

965
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: not really with a sugarcoat and not saying we're not

966
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: obviously there's very tactful ways of you know, having that conversation.

967
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: I would be as tactful and on um unaggressive, I guess,

968
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: or just without him feeling attacked or she feeling attacked

969
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: that I'm asking and having this conversation with them. But

970
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: the most important thing for me definitely is the same

971
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 1: space to communicate and see me as the uncle or

972
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: the or the father or whoever. But know that like

973
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:00,479
Speaker 1: my niece and nephews, like they call me the cool

974
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: uncle that lets me like so they come and they

975
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 1: talk to me about things, you know, like I'll randomly

976
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: be home and I'll get calls from my nieces who

977
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 1: are not calling their dad or their mom to ask questions.

978
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, So um, I think

979
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:17,879
Speaker 1: be giving off that that comfort to the child that

980
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 1: they can talk to you without impunity, you know, like

981
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 1: talk to you without any sort of so without any

982
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 1: sort of like feeling like my dad's gonna judge me,

983
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: or he might look at me sid sideways or I

984
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: might actually even get in trouble for the fact that

985
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm telling my dad I'm gay. Nah, you just kind

986
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: of got to allow that conversation to happen. Um, I

987
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 1: like I say, I if I see it, like, this

988
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,399
Speaker 1: is the thing. Like growing up, there were definitely kids

989
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 1: growing up in my neighborhood. When I grow up in

990
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 1: they'd be like, oh him, yeah, he And this is

991
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: when we were little, you know, and as they got older.

992
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: Now when I go home, these guys are gay, you know,

993
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: like some of most of them. Actually, I'm not gonna lie,

994
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: like if there was ten guys, is that when we're

995
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 1: growing up, they pointed to the mountains like, yo, I

996
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: think he's such and such. And now when I go

997
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 1: back home, those ten guys are all what they said

998
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 1: they were gonna. You know, people remember one in particular.

999
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: You and I know he played football. He played football,

1000
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: He played quarterback from Corney. All already know what you're

1001
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 1: talking about. He is now and and it's it's funny

1002
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 1: that you say that at a young definitely, and we

1003
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 1: that the radar sense, that little spider sense goes. But

1004
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 1: you know what's crazy because of generational trauma. And we

1005
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 1: did a whole episode on generational trauma. It is can

1006
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 1: you imagine living a life where you can't be yourself?

1007
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: It's tough imagine living a life where you're in your

1008
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 1: home with your parents, with your parents, the people who

1009
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 1: are supposed to love you unconditionally, and you can't be yourself.

1010
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 1: And the reason why this is important because as black fathers, right,

1011
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 1: I think it is important that we changed the dynamic

1012
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 1: and people thinking that gay bashing or homophobia is okay

1013
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 1: in the Black community and we accept it because I

1014
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,839
Speaker 1: for one, don't like I just I just don't you know,

1015
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: like I mean, people are allowed to think whatever they

1016
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: believe in. You know, people who believe in God and

1017
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 1: Christianity will come to you and say, well, the Bible

1018
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,879
Speaker 1: says that there's so many people in the Bible doing

1019
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: things and been sinning and doing so many things. You

1020
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. We can pick to do that.

1021
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 1: But as a father, I think it's important for people

1022
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 1: to hear that if you have a child who may

1023
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: be struggling with this. Because I don't know if people

1024
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 1: know this now, but the suicide rate amongst homosexual boys

1025
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 1: and girls in the in the country has risen, especially

1026
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 1: during the pandemic, and it's it's always been high against

1027
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 1: African Americans because they've always felt like they haven't been

1028
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 1: Can you imagine? Imagine that? And as far as I

1029
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 1: think it's, it's on us to be like, yo, you

1030
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: are free to be who you are. You are free

1031
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 1: to be who you are, and we can accept it

1032
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,879
Speaker 1: and we can guide you through that aspect of your

1033
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 1: life the same way I would guide my head or

1034
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: a sexual son and daughter through their life because just

1035
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 1: because and this is another thing, just because you're a sexual,

1036
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: don't mean you can go out there and just do

1037
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. I wouldn't let my head

1038
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: of a sexual son and daughter just do whatever they

1039
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,440
Speaker 1: want to do. So what I would do is guide

1040
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 1: you the same way in this conversation has not I've

1041
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: listened to tons of podcasts about fatherhood, and we always

1042
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: addressed fatherhood with mother, father, son, daughter traditional and we're

1043
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 1: just forgetting about a group of people who have never

1044
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: been acknowledged. And I think that we should change that.

1045
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 1: And that's why i'm and the thing is that I

1046
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,239
Speaker 1: want everyone to listen to this. When I went through

1047
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: the questions, I never said to these men that we

1048
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: were going to discuss this. So this wasn't a planning

1049
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 1: thing where we all came here and said we're gonna

1050
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 1: say this. It wasn't planned, and I didn't want it

1051
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 1: to be playing because I wanted to be genuine and

1052
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 1: I want people to understand that us as men are evolving,

1053
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: especially as black men were continuing to evolve and learn

1054
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 1: about each other and learn about everyone. So I feel

1055
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: like we're the last of that quote unquote like toxic generation.

1056
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: When I say toxic, meaning like I mean, we grew

1057
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: up in we gre up in the nineties, you feel me.

1058
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 1: So we grew up where men had to be wild,

1059
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: masculine and you know, like you can't really show sons

1060
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:02,320
Speaker 1: of weakness. I feel like last of that batch. After

1061
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 1: we get out, men are like allowed to cry, you know,

1062
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,280
Speaker 1: in the sense, and are allowed to feel some way,

1063
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: like it's okay to have feelings in a sense, you

1064
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I think that's so important

1065
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 1: as we phase out out, like we're phasing out ourselves

1066
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 1: in a sense, you know, like we're phasing out the

1067
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,919
Speaker 1: way we were brought in and we're allowing this new path,

1068
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: this new brain wave, uh to kind of move in

1069
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 1: and be the new quote unquote norm as they say,

1070
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,839
Speaker 1: you know, the youth, the new way to have kids,

1071
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 1: in a new way to approach your your family, you know,

1072
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,959
Speaker 1: using that nature. So um, you know we're the last

1073
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: of the dying breed, as they say, I guess right.

1074
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 1: I just want to I want to make a distinction

1075
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 1: before we move off this top and you you wrap

1076
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 1: myself devout. We spoke about homosexuality and the context of

1077
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 1: people who don't have a choice. Um, something happens in

1078
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: the wound and during a gestational period chemicalization or the

1079
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: feminization of males, and and where the the testosterone and

1080
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: the astrotisic levels that all happens in the wound. There's

1081
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: a whole spectrum, the science, whole science to it. But

1082
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 1: it's also people who just flat out choose to be

1083
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 1: homosexual because that's what they like. It's prefer Yeah, that preference, preference,

1084
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: personal pence. I don't put those people in the same

1085
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: boat as the people who are born that way. To me,

1086
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 1: that's fair. No, I agree, I think that that's fair. Ye,

1087
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 1: not to not to just say well, if you you're

1088
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 1: born this way, it's cool if you choose it and

1089
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 1: it's not. You're right, I think, because the purpose is

1090
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 1: still I mean, the purpose of your choice and ultimately

1091
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: like and I don't think you should fault me for

1092
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 1: not liking to eat beef hypothetically. If that's the thing,

1093
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 1: that is a good analogy. I mean, I don't. I

1094
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 1: don't eat beef. That's not that's I don't eat it.

1095
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: I don't think you should look at me ways for

1096
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,760
Speaker 1: that though. That's a good Yeah, that's a good knowledge

1097
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 1: of preference. Baby, gentlemen, I appreciate you. But we're not

1098
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:49,879
Speaker 1: done yet. We're not done yet. Before we come back

1099
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,359
Speaker 1: with listening to letters, we're gonna take a quick breek.

1100
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: We gotta pay some bills, all right, but we'll become

1101
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: will come right back with the listening letters. Coats not hands.

1102
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:59,400
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna do the listener letters. You gotta pay

1103
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 1: to meet this bob about to get told. We definitely

1104
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:21,000
Speaker 1: got we'll be right back, all right. Now we're back,

1105
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 1: all right. We had to go pay some bills or

1106
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 1: Slick went to go put some money in the meet it,

1107
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 1: so he didn't get no ticket. I think he just

1108
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: took the car from me, told me to hit your

1109
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: ride home. So got you, you got So we want

1110
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 1: to listen to letters. This is where people are. They

1111
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,880
Speaker 1: email in ask us for some advice. So codeine is

1112
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: not here. Is going to be the advice from the

1113
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: guys today. So we're gonna take one listener letter. Here

1114
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: we go. We're gonna try our best, all right. First off,

1115
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 1: I just want to say the value truly inspired me

1116
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 1: to be a better husband to my wife. I appreciate that,

1117
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 1: bro and father to my Son's just wanted to know

1118
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 1: if you had any advice on fatherhood. I have a

1119
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 1: three year old and a two week old, and I

1120
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 1: feel that due to not having any good examples of

1121
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: being a good father, unequipped to give them the tools

1122
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 1: to be upstanding men. Any help is appreciated. You got

1123
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 1: two sons, you got a son, you grew up with

1124
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 1: a father. I got three sons. Um, what's some some

1125
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 1: good advice. Let's everybody just give him one tip? One tip.

1126
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: Here we go. I hear that a lot, and what's that?

1127
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 1: It's that I didn't have an example or a proper example,

1128
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:26,320
Speaker 1: so I don't know how to Let's just keep it abuck.

1129
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: After the let's just we can't part of my language,

1130
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:39,399
Speaker 1: but both. If you're a grown ass man, you didn't

1131
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: have to have a dad. You don't have to you

1132
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:45,200
Speaker 1: have you watch TV. My thing to him is this,

1133
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: get a good vision, you creative, get a good vision

1134
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 1: of what an ideal that looks like, and then you

1135
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 1: work your ass off to exceed that vision. Draw influences

1136
00:55:56,719 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 1: from de Val, draw influences from old He runs with

1137
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: the Cosbys, like Uncle Phil. You know what I'm saying.

1138
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 1: Come on, man, even watch Good Times? How not to be? Like, like,

1139
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: can we just dad? And we got canceled culture, So

1140
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 1: let's just cancel. I didn't have, so I don't know

1141
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: how to X. I didn't have, so I don't know

1142
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: how to. That's my two cents. I definitely agree with Rob.

1143
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 1: I mean he took my answer, took my answer. No, absolutely,

1144
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 1: device for the brother, Um, how does the how do

1145
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,719
Speaker 1: kids are? Three and two weeks? So? I mean my

1146
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 1: thing really to be honest, like I would say, just

1147
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,240
Speaker 1: just stay present, you know, just in all forms of presence,

1148
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: meaning like attention, meaning like just being there. And you know,

1149
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 1: because being there doesn't necessarily mean that you're present, So

1150
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:56,479
Speaker 1: you definitely present in a sense of constantly just even

1151
00:56:56,480 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 1: just watching the kids like looking at them every devoting time.

1152
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 1: Because I have niece and nephew, so, um, there are times,

1153
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 1: you know, I'm hanging out with my system, I dip

1154
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 1: off and you know, watching for a bit, and I

1155
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,319
Speaker 1: have to sit there and now change. I'm not just

1156
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: I'm uncle Bob, but I'm also like, you're kind of

1157
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:15,839
Speaker 1: like the parent right now, so you gotta make sure

1158
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 1: that they're good watching going. Remember one time I was

1159
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 1: going to the movie there. I went to the movie

1160
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: theaters with my niece and nephew, and um, I took

1161
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: my niece off the car and I took my nephew

1162
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:26,800
Speaker 1: off the car and I turned around. My nephew was gone.

1163
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 1: When I in that moment, the feeling that I had

1164
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,000
Speaker 1: in my chest like that, it was like an instant

1165
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 1: anxiety fear, like oh my god, where's the kid at

1166
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: feeling like just him not being president. But he was

1167
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:40,600
Speaker 1: around the other side of the car, so he was

1168
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: just kind of like at that moment, I felt like

1169
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: it was it's such my duty to make sure that

1170
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 1: these kids are one well. And then they know that

1171
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 1: if some ship went down, Uncle's you know, Uncle's right

1172
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: behind me, and that he's gonna take care of me

1173
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 1: and you know, protect me. Sorry. Um, so yeah, I

1174
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 1: would say definitely being president um all the time. Um

1175
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 1: and you mean the kids at three and some months old,

1176
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 1: so yeah, you got to be very present. Bro, there

1177
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,960
Speaker 1: you go. So yeah, I mean I would say, um,

1178
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: you know, definitely agree with what y'all said. But it

1179
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 1: goes back to what I said earlier about not just

1180
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: being a parent, but being their friend, to making sure

1181
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 1: that making sure that they know that you are a

1182
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: friend as well as you know, a parent. And obviously

1183
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 1: you know there's boundaries in respect that needs to be

1184
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:29,439
Speaker 1: had because they're not just a friend. But but but yeah,

1185
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 1: they need to be you know, you need you need

1186
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: to be able to navigate both you know, being a

1187
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: father and a and a friend. So here's my thing,

1188
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 1: because all of you are right, But there's one key

1189
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 1: component that I think that we often missed as a father,

1190
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: which is being a very good companion to their mom

1191
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 1: because I think people don't understand that the emotions and

1192
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 1: the feeling that the sense that they get from their

1193
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 1: mom is never going to go away that connection, especially

1194
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,800
Speaker 1: they're still young. I learned from Cairo because I used

1195
00:58:56,840 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: to speak to Cadeine's stomach all the time. When I

1196
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 1: walked in the room and I just started talking. When

1197
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 1: he was about a week old, his head used to

1198
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: turn to the direction because he's used to hearing that voice.

1199
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 1: And then with kas whenever me and Cairo started talking,

1200
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: his head always turned. So you become a father in uterome.

1201
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:28,440
Speaker 1: That continues throughout parenthood the more you pour into their

1202
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 1: mom and make her feel special. Those essence that feeling

1203
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 1: and men sometimes don't want to hear it. But you're

1204
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 1: not gonna be first no more. Bro. You know your

1205
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 1: wife is, or your your girl or your your child's

1206
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 1: mother is gonna wake up in the morning. The first

1207
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 1: thing on her mind is going to be those children.

1208
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:47,880
Speaker 1: So you know how how old is ex eight months,

1209
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,360
Speaker 1: nine months, So when you wake up and you make

1210
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:53,120
Speaker 1: sure she's good, she'll make sure the kids are good.

1211
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: And that's important because all the stresses you cause are

1212
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 1: gonna roll down to those children eithern if you're not

1213
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 1: causing the stresses yourself. So about the single dad, Oh,

1214
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 1: the single dads. Listen, If if I was a single

1215
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,920
Speaker 1: dad right now, um, I would learn how to balance

1216
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: between providing and being present, because that's the biggest thing

1217
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 1: I hear from single dads. Single dads all the time

1218
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 1: say you know, well, I gotta be there, but I

1219
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: also got to provide. And there's a balance. You have

1220
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 1: to choose when is the right time to provide and

1221
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,640
Speaker 1: sometimes um and I did this recently, presence is more

1222
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 1: important than presence which means that you gotta be here.

1223
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 1: You may not be able to get them Jordan's this month,

1224
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:34,440
Speaker 1: but if I made every single one of his games

1225
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: feel better. So what's understanding the balance as a single

1226
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,680
Speaker 1: dad and knowing that you gotta be there. I would

1227
01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 1: add to that this um as a single my dad

1228
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:43,600
Speaker 1: well he was in a single dad. Well he was

1229
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 1: because I live with him for a couple of years

1230
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 1: when my mom was having problems as a single dad.

1231
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 1: Two things self love model that show show your kids

1232
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: when you have them, if you have them all the time,

1233
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 1: if you have them on the weekend, what self love

1234
01:00:56,840 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 1: looks like. And then I would say number obtually for boys, right,

1235
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,400
Speaker 1: practice self love, whether that's how you get your hair cut,

1236
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 1: you're working out, dancing, whatever it is, cooking, going on vacation,

1237
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 1: treat yourself. But the other thing that I think is

1238
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,919
Speaker 1: even more important than that is how that single dad

1239
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:19,320
Speaker 1: treats the baby mother or baby mother's I get you

1240
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 1: a lot of friction, especially if there's courts involved with

1241
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 1: y'all support. Dudes take it out on the on the

1242
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,600
Speaker 1: mother when she should be working. She don't need as

1243
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 1: much money. Bro. If you lay down with her and

1244
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,959
Speaker 1: you dropped something up off up in her and God

1245
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 1: saw it fits fourteen trilling in one chance that this

1246
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 1: baby is gonna be here. But some reason at all

1247
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 1: the joints you smack down, she got pregnant. You know

1248
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:45,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, You and me on the same on

1249
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 1: the same thing that I don't I don't fool around

1250
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:49,919
Speaker 1: with the whole child support thing because I do believe

1251
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 1: you have a fiduccia every responsibility to take care of

1252
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 1: your children. Like women are the vessels of life. I

1253
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 1: say it all the time, and we always have these

1254
01:01:57,040 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 1: conversations about you know, men that equal to women. I

1255
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:01,439
Speaker 1: don't think men and women are equal. There are certain

1256
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 1: things women can do that men cannot do. Women can

1257
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:07,680
Speaker 1: create life, you know what I'm saying. So there's a

1258
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 1: greater aspect to that, to that. So what you work

1259
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 1: for that when you were a part of creating that

1260
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 1: life that she is now the vessel for you are responsible.

1261
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:16,800
Speaker 1: I don't care if she works, if she don't work.

1262
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 1: If you were that concerned about whether she works or not,

1263
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 1: then you shouldn't have slept with her. You know what

1264
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 1: I'm saying. At this point, it's too late. The child

1265
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 1: is here, man, so and that's that's just me. Now.

1266
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:28,360
Speaker 1: Some men would be like, that's fucked up, Oh you

1267
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 1: were simple. I hate that all the time. But the

1268
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 1: bottom line is that that's your child now, Bro's you know.

1269
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 1: That's because your kid. Bro't like like the thought of it,

1270
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 1: like I created this Now I'm out. I just man,

1271
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: I don't know. And the reason was because the child

1272
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:48,479
Speaker 1: the courts from my business or or my baby mom's

1273
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:50,280
Speaker 1: a thought. So I'm gonna be mad, disrespect h not

1274
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 1: you were single that to slitch questions. You gotta honor

1275
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 1: that baby mom. I don't care if she's a stripper

1276
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 1: seven days a week, treated like a queen, especially in

1277
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:00,960
Speaker 1: front of your kids. And it's that if you treat

1278
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,280
Speaker 1: her like a queen, no matter how much of a

1279
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:05,040
Speaker 1: thought she is. Because I got a homeboy that's dealing

1280
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 1: with like a crazy baby mother and from the time

1281
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 1: that he got her pregnant. I told him, I said, Yo,

1282
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 1: it don't matter what she do, Bro, you're gonna have

1283
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 1: to treat her like she's the queen because she's going

1284
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 1: to be the vessel that brings your daughter into the world.

1285
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 1: And he has and she she kind of out there,

1286
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,640
Speaker 1: but he's continuing to do things the right way. He

1287
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:25,640
Speaker 1: won't talk down to him, be disrespectful. And I'm like,

1288
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 1: you got to brof you know, if you didn't want

1289
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 1: to deal with this, you should have never slept with her. So, Bro,

1290
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 1: that's that's something the factory and when you're going to

1291
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:39,800
Speaker 1: bed guys. Yes, that's that's a real that's a real conversation. Bro,

1292
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 1: that's a whole another conversation. Yes, I mean, let me

1293
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:46,480
Speaker 1: not say joints. Let me be more clean women that

1294
01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:49,240
Speaker 1: you sleep with. I think the thing is, guys, we

1295
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:52,200
Speaker 1: end up a lot of times just sleeping with females,

1296
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: ladies just a frid We just sleep with a bunch

1297
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 1: of them when they look nice. We sleep with him sometimes. Man,

1298
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 1: if this looks good, but this don't look good, you

1299
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: know what I might still do so on with that,

1300
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So we have to get

1301
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,880
Speaker 1: to the point now where it's not just it's not this,

1302
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what if like, if I impregnant

1303
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 1: this lady, am I comfortable and am I going to

1304
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 1: be happy with the result of her bearing my kids? Absolutely?

1305
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:21,200
Speaker 1: That question that's maturity. And if you feel like if

1306
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 1: she has, if she got pregnant, you would be completely

1307
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 1: okay with it, then go ahead, strike away, right. You

1308
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:28,920
Speaker 1: know what's funny, Think about how much sex you wouldn't

1309
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:30,960
Speaker 1: have if you look at a woman and said she

1310
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 1: wouldn't be a good mother. You know, protected sex, Yeah,

1311
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:43,440
Speaker 1: but if you protected sex because sometimes I mean, you

1312
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 1: can't protect yourself totally. But yeah, that's something like as

1313
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 1: I got older. Obviously the twenty year old me wasn't

1314
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:52,360
Speaker 1: thinking like that, but as I got older, I started

1315
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:54,920
Speaker 1: to implement that into my little vetting process of the

1316
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:58,480
Speaker 1: sense like if I am sleeping with this lady, this

1317
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 1: beautiful lady, if she got pregnant and came to me

1318
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,120
Speaker 1: and said, by fo, I am pregnant, we have a kid,

1319
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:07,800
Speaker 1: and uh, I just want to lay this message on you.

1320
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 1: What would my response be if I was completely okay

1321
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:12,040
Speaker 1: with that? I have to be okay with it, you know,

1322
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 1: like I have to be okay with that. So a

1323
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:18,080
Speaker 1: second second, you fellas we are running out of well

1324
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,960
Speaker 1: know we have run out of Jacob is trying to

1325
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:23,360
Speaker 1: go home. Trible is in the booth like these dudes

1326
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 1: keep talking. So I just want to let y'all know

1327
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:28,440
Speaker 1: that I appreciate your first and foremost. Be sure to

1328
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 1: find us on social media. Did no, I'll do that

1329
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:33,040
Speaker 1: after this. I appreciate y'all. I really do. Typically we

1330
01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 1: do a moment of shoes, but I feel like we've

1331
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:37,680
Speaker 1: gotten so many moments the whole thing from everyone. I

1332
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 1: hope you'll learned a lot today, Um, young ladies out there,

1333
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 1: I've hoped you've learned what the thought process is for

1334
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 1: us as men. We were going through that whole process

1335
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:48,480
Speaker 1: of dating where we are in our lives. Young men,

1336
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 1: I hope you learned. If you don't have a father figure,

1337
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:53,560
Speaker 1: you can listen to this podcast and UM and anyone

1338
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:58,520
Speaker 1: in between. If you learn anything today. We appreciate you, slick, sir, Rob.

1339
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:01,280
Speaker 1: I love y'all. Man. It's okay for us too as

1340
01:06:01,320 --> 01:06:03,000
Speaker 1: men to say we love each other and a little

1341
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 1: and I appreciate You'll thank you so much so be

1342
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 1: sure to find us on social media at dead as

1343
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 1: the podcast, um go follow codein I am of course,

1344
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,960
Speaker 1: I am devout. Give your handles so people can know

1345
01:06:14,960 --> 01:06:18,200
Speaker 1: where to find y'all. Man at Slick, Underscore, nam and

1346
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 1: A I am sir s E R b A f

1347
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:24,320
Speaker 1: f O at rob da von r O b b

1348
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 1: d A v O and on instant I need to

1349
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,520
Speaker 1: get your names before we get about it here and

1350
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:31,360
Speaker 1: once again, man, that's dead as the podcast. D E

1351
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: A g AS T H E p O d c

1352
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 1: A s T follow Kadin, I am and I am devol,

1353
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:40,200
Speaker 1: and if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1354
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Dead dead As is a production of

1355
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:51,040
Speaker 1: I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora,

1356
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:54,760
Speaker 1: Pinia and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at

1357
01:06:54,800 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 1: dead as the Podcast and never miss a thing I

1358
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 1: s