WEBVTT - No Autographs, Please! "The Buffet Is Open!" w/ Lauren Lapkus 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Hi, you guys. If you didn't hear last week, we 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:07.000 are dropping. I have a brand new podcast on iHeartRadio 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:09.920 is called No Autographs Please, and it's with the King 0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:13.600 Brian Sofie. I gotta tell you Arden, I am having 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:19.560 an absolute riot. It's legitimately so fine. It's just like, 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:22.840 leave your problems behind. Take an hour's shorter than our 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:26.439 normal podcast, right, Doctor Banana is only an hour. It's funny, 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:30.280 people just laughing, and it's there's some improv portion, there's 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:33.360 some like life, bad dates, bad Dates. It's so fun. 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.639 We hope you will check it out, like and subscribe. 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:37.600 We're gonna put the first three in our feed, but 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:39.720 you can go on the real feed. You can go 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:41.720 on to know how ourgographs please on Apple and just 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.559 like and subscribe. Please do so. This one now this 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:52.360 week is with Lauren Lobkis gotcha No, who are you wearing? 0:00:52.800 --> 0:01:02.760 Will be pressed? Yeah, and I hear it last there 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:08.680 be this and they've got lots of podcast but honey, no, no, no, 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:14.120 no trees. We're leaving the clam and life like celebrities 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:22.679 sharing my favorite baby bit recipes, but no no hotographs 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:31.000 nor manager. I had to come alive, right, I have 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.399 to be the bats. Ryan are yoking and you come 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.200 out of your circle to beat Listen. All I know 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:40.000 is this, Yes, when I did a yoga twice? Yes, 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:42.800 they have you do a position where you hang upside down. Yes, 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:46.680 as a bat. Okay, and I have two words to 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:51.040 me plus one. So three words for Robert Pattinson. Huh, 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:57.800 I'm the batman? Do you understand I? Women, I'm sorry 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.200 that felt like you're a threat, like like I was 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:03.360 doubting you. I guess what, honey, you are the batman 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:05.840 of this podcast. Well as a very famous person. Ardn't 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.440 of course I'm threatened by Robert Pattinson's career. Can I 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.480 just say, Robert Pattinson has been coming after you for years. 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:19.920 You would have been such a better Edward College. Of course, 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:25.120 you would have been the perfect lydiatar. We get passed over. Hello, 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:28.600 and welcome to another episode. I can't believe it. No autocrass, 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.160 but I can't believe it. This is our sophomore effort. 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.520 This is our sophomore effort. And guess what, we've got 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.320 a star start. Like the leading movies. Literally, the press 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:40.880 is here. They're in the bushes, the press. Did anyone 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:44.440 follow you in Scooba gear? Lauren Lapka? Oh? Hi, Next 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:47.760 guess from Jurassic World? You know her from the Wrong Missy? 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.639 You know her from Orange? Is this new black? You 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.799 know from Orange? You you're a good girl. Orange. You're 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.280 a good girl. Orange, You're a good girl. Ladies and gentlemen, 0:02:56.360 --> 0:03:00.680 Lauren Lapka, I'm so happy to be here. Second guess, well, 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:02.959 I had to break three like you have paparazzi that 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:07.560 kind of lives outside of your plane. Yes, because I 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:09.639 wasn't sure if that was just how that person looked. No, 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.480 otherwise they would have growth coming up. I recently saw 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:18.079 that the last they would be like Pinocchio that but 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:20.000 like when he had to lie? Did you see the 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:24.280 Guermo del Toro version of so he when he Pinocchio 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.000 had to save Geppetto and he had to lie and 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:29.920 make his nose grow like a tree shrub you get 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.239 him out of the store. Any sense? It was like, 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:36.840 I'm sorry, sure it's pronounced that way, Pinocchio because I 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.760 read it as Pinaccio. I read it as Mozzarel. I 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:46.000 read it as Pinocchio, pins Pinocchio, Pinisio. Maybe I'd like 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:49.280 to see growl. Oh my god, Lauren, I just had 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:53.520 a vision, Pini Tokio. I just had a vision of 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:55.600 a calling of a press thing which I'm just gonna 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.960 put into the back Evening's not gonn bring it up. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:01.520 I know the story. I have to say it. It 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.040 tickles me from It's the funniest story that anyone that 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.080 we're told, and no one's ever heard. It's the funniest story. 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:11.600 It's the greatest myth of all time. Even doctor Banana 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:15.040 shout out, Doctor Banana, shout out the ones and two. 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:18.559 You don't even know this story. This is the greatest story. 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:20.799 Maybe at the end, maybe, but maybe we'll be closed 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:22.280 up by the end of the pod. But and I'm 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.560 not part of it. No, you're here. You mean by 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:29.120 today this podcast wraps up fourth season. By the way, 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:36.000 You're Gonna be, you Gonna be a series. You are 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:39.279 getting a gift card today. I am getting a seventy 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.640 five dollars and by the way, American exact gift card 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:44.800 was made in the US of A. Okay, well it 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.000 better be, and the better believe that. I'm going to 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.080 go straight to the Mall of America and have been 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.080 that shood what are you gonna get you swipe swipes? 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:55.960 What are you gonna do? Song? By the way, those 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:59.520 the fact that I mean, the way the way they 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:01.680 expect us to have no can I do this no 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.640 pubis By the way. Also, look, I don't mind the 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:07.840 shape of my ass. I gotta fine as sure the 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:11.279 actual flesh. Do I want everyone to see the action 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:14.240 of my skin. It's fine in a bathing suit, the 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:16.920 skin it is at all order to think that we're 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:21.960 all are full on assholes onto. I don't want my 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:25.200 asshole on now, which brings us to no auto bring 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:27.720 it back to me. Okay, you know, Mike, Okay. I 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:30.360 want also to say we both traveled with Brian to 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:33.600 Rhode Island. Yes, and now you missed this. Bridan was 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:35.720 going on a date Bridan but not on a bunch 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:38.240 of dates to Rhode Island. Ran went again when we 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.040 went again without me. But you're welcome, you were invited. 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:43.760 You have a life and a family. You have a life, 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.040 life and a family. Brian went without me, Brian her choice. 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.520 Brian got ready to go on a date. He was 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:59.520 wearing a bathing with a with a windbreaker tucked in, 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.200 tucked it tucked in like he tucked in, he tucked into. 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:06.080 I was going to Newports tucked in, he tucked into 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:11.480 his bathing suit like Bruce raw string string she was 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.200 like panty shorts and like boat. She was was a 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:17.240 tucked in windbreaker that he'd walked to the of course, 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.160 and my tennis had as you did you expect to 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:22.040 go in the water? No, I had, No. I didn't 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:23.920 think that was going to happen. I expect him to 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:26.600 be wearing a bathing suit as well. You have to 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.520 understand no, because we were going to a place in 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:34.360 Newport that looked kind of like fancy the house in 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:38.760 Arden goes. I think he deserves better than Wow, you 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:41.960 put on shittier than how she said it. It was no. 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:45.720 I have my friend Brian, and I felt like I 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.400 just again, I had not this was right. I was 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:53.760 as a divorcee yr. I had not. Actually I had 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.560 not actually activated any accounts. Yeah, I was. So I 0:06:56.680 --> 0:07:00.160 was more asking questions. So the idea of going on 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.600 a date was scary to me, and I was like, 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:04.400 you're look, is this what you would wear? I just 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:06.320 didn't know is this what it's like out there? So 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:08.400 that I was like, so I knew when I started dating. 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:09.800 I had to get a windbreaker. I had to get 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.040 men's trunk. I did tucket it. I had to get 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:14.200 boat shoes, I had to get a tennis had lesson, 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:17.840 learn less and learn change often. I did end up 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.600 putting on a shirt with a collar. But it was 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:26.600 a beautiful I mean it was like, am I wrong 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.080 in thinking that if two men are going on a date, 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.800 one won't be mad to see the other's penis outlined 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:33.400 by a bathing suit? I don't think that would be 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:36.760 that's true because all every man wants to send, not 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:40.720 necessarily receive. Any man on earth wants to send. Yes, 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.640 is it just a close up of his dick and doorballs? Now? 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:46.840 You I remember you got one and it said it 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:50.040 said while we were there, and it just said uncut? 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.360 What did it say? First of all, uncut gems? And 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.240 I am talking about that, I'm Sandler movie Dick is 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:59.160 out of context? Then dick is cut? Yeah, okay, honey. 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.120 What happened was someone reached out to me grinder, and 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:06.320 the pickup line was the question that I was asked, Yeah, 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:11.120 big loads, big loads. That wasn't very serve them, you know, man, 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:15.160 I like to think that I'm pretty virile. And uh, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.840 all I know is you come around me. Yeah, get 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.520 out that fucking pop tart baby, yeah, no icing, Yeah, 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:26.080 because it's gonna fill up with sprinkles. Yes, you know, yes, 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:29.600 Can I just say I love talking metaphors? Sprinkles come 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:31.880 out of your peepee? Of course they did. We I 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:33.920 went on a date with somebody who turned out to 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.559 be not a nice person nowhere. And the upshot that 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:39.959 we know that we know, And the upshot was I 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:43.319 found out that he confessed again, I've not been on 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.760 any date at all in years. When he confessed he 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:50.160 was embarrassed that he basically like coughed dust, like he 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:53.839 had nothing, like nothing came out I have. I didn't 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:55.719 even like, I didn't like hook up with it. He 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:57.840 just but he was like he told me his fear. 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:00.520 He was worried about losing his hair. And you know 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.559 this person, well, I'm pretending I don't. Okay, I know 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:06.720 who this is. I have some hot gauss yeah about 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:12.040 I have a friend who works in entertainment. Mary Hart, 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:16.599 it's very hard the white suppress a supremacist. There was 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:18.560 a rumor that she was she spoke at like Trump rallies. 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.360 I don't know. I shouldn't even say that, Okay, okay 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.640 because I don't know, but anyway, okay, and I would 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:28.720 hate to offend her obviously, But um, apparently propetia makes 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:35.760 you come clear. What isn't that wild? No? One that 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.360 makes it come out like a color, like a rainbow, 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:40.839 like a like a like a like a swirl, like 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.840 a swirl, like doesn't like gas puddle like I'm over 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:51.120 at exactly. Yeah, Sam, I'm surprised they haven't come up 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:52.600 with that yet. There should be a pill you can 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:58.160 take to make your compul Yeah. It makes things come 0:09:58.200 --> 0:09:59.839 out of our bodies differently. I do want to say this. 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.319 There is such a thing back to the anything, There 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.040 is such a thing. I have learned a butt facial 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.920 What is that? Basically? But you have to like apparently 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.679 go in. This person who by the way told me, 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:12.400 said it, like, yeah, just go get when you have 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.760 to do it every week? And I'm like, are you 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.839 win money? And time? Do they have? They like botox it, 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.240 they like do all this stuff to make it like look, wait, 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:23.839 that must or the cheeks Oh no, no, no, the 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:25.480 cheeks that must be what a lot of these people 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:27.280 are doing you have to Oh no, I think they do. 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:28.719 Like I think it's like a thing. So wait, what 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:30.760 do they do? They do you can move botox and 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.160 your booty. Yeah, it's called a butt facial. I don't 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:35.520 want to do that. I'm not recommending it. I don't 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:38.079 want to do I think should we do that, should 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:40.760 sit on it and have pooke them out? Right? Next week? 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.079 You're absolutely right? Can I just say, your makeup looking really, 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.199 we'll get to your makeup. They talk about that now, Yeah, 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:50.560 you look good, look forward, we'll talk about that. Everyone knows. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.760 At the end of this episode, we make a peanut 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:55.720 and we're going to get talk beauty. We talk beauty. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:58.880 And now, Brian, now I want to give a shout 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.560 out to our no autograph please of the week. Yes, okay, 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:04.439 Now for those of you who don't remember new from 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:07.560 our one episode. If you couldn't remember from our one episode, 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.520 because I no and no out of graphs please. Energy. 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:12.360 It's sort of like a fucket energy. It's something who 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:17.719 was blindly sometimes delusionally confident and aspired to that. Yes, okay, yes, 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:20.480 So I want to give because again because because we can, 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:23.120 we can be hard on ourselves. Of course. And I 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.320 feel like I want to incorporate some of that fake 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:30.680 it tea and make it like blind confidence Hollywood Provado. 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.360 So here's a person that I would like, Denomic. This 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.600 is circling back to the hometown of where you had 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:37.439 your date and think in Rhode Island. So there's a 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.480 general store. It's the only store in town. I'm gonna 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:42.280 give out, shout out Wilbur's General Store. I've been there's 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:45.680 how great is that store? Literally we did how great 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.319 is Wilbur's. It's a fantastic store what I love so much. 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.079 You walk in and it kind of reminds you of 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.720 old dime stores from the end of the day. Completely 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:56.520 it has like a Woolworth's field from nineteen twenty, wooden, 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:58.080 creaky floor. But then you kind of go into other 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.520 rooms and there's like good home whears, like like napkin sets, 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.599 some like you know, butter dishes and cans beautiful and 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:06.040 then you keep going and you can go to like 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.000 the paint department and get chained for your Anna. You've 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:10.960 been there, and this is the only store in town. 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:14.880 This is it. And that's honestly where that's where my 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:18.280 you know, bike comes to a sputter stop because I 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.319 feel I need many stores and many options that I 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:25.160 don't know that I could handle one store, one store, 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.920 everything online Nordstrum though, it's like the Nordstrom, a little 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:32.520 compet It's like the Nordstrum where everyone knows everybody's business. Well, 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.480 I hope you don't ever move to Communist Russia from 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:38.800 back in the day options. Thank you. That's right. Are 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.520 we really going to have this fight again? No, you're right. 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:46.040 I said we wouldn't do this. That's that's why I 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:54.200 got divorced. That's different. Differently it is divorced. Our fight 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.640 was so bad. We had a divorce. Different everyone else. 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:02.000 I hate fuck you. Fould you foot college. Mom swear 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:05.599 in front of me, thank you for fixing than we 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:08.319 can't say such. No, that was from a real Housewives 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:11.000 of Salt Lake City. This sun goes you don't want mom. 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.559 Fudge College, honestly fudge that Fudge College. I did see 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.480 the Fudge College shirts. Did you see that? Yeah, we're 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:20.839 incredibly Fudge College. So here's my shout out to no 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:23.000 autographs please. Energy of the week. There was a woman 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.480 who shall remain nameless from my hometown. She had no teeth, 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:28.640 and she smoked a corn cob pipe. She was a 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:33.400 little old lady. Sounds like my future aspiration by So 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.400 she would hang out at Wilbur's at the counter and 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.520 just like fucking hold people. My mom would be like, 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:39.800 oh shit, there's so and so all day. You're like, 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:41.599 you didn't want to get cornered by her. Yeah, but 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:43.840 she didn't have a driver's license, and there's no obviously 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:46.679 there's no Uber, not that, no taxi whatnot. So she 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.120 would where would you go, literally just to Wilber's a 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:50.400 bag that I do? You also want to say, the 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:53.319 only Uber I've ever seen available in little Compton, for 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:55.920 it takes forty five minutes to get there. Be the 0:13:56.040 --> 0:14:03.360 only option is uber pet every time your dog or yack. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.000 You don't have just a dog, you have a yack, 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:09.680 you've got chickens. There's a chicken. So this woman would 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:11.960 hang out. She'd order groceries, but she couldn't bring them 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.560 home because it's also way too far. Everybody lives miles away. 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.080 So she would have like some of the local teens, 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.840 these boys like these like teenage boys, college boys, They 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.000 would get hired to drive the groceries. To her house 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.280 shout out no autographs. She would then proceed you shout 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:29.960 it out your own podcast. She's shut out her energy. 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:33.960 No autographs please. She would literally be buck naked answering 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:35.560 the door in like a like a robe or like 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.520 a full She would greet them like hello, hello young man, 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:43.200 like college boy. That isn't the delusion of she would 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:47.480 like greet them. That's right. She had. She had a 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:51.440 corn cob pipe, no teeth, and and everybody knew if 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.200 you get said groceries, that's a real no autographs please. 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:59.720 Energy wonderful, isn't it. Well, yeah, I guess my hometown. Yeah, um, 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:05.320 a person who was bold, say the least. And one 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:08.840 year she sent Christmas cards to everyone in the neighborhood. 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:12.120 That's nice, that's very nice. Everybody loves christ very sweet. 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:14.040 So far I loved, I love thought. It was like 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:18.080 a green card with a gold wreath on the front. Gorgeous. 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:24.360 And it said in her script, go to hell? Did 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:29.760 she haven't printed up? And I wrote it in her intent? Wow? Yeah, 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:37.560 was there a message that everyone got one? I knew 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:38.960 you would like it. I told you you were gonna 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:40.880 like it. I told you you were gonna like I 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:46.560 told you all about that. He is everything. It is 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:53.119 very confident. We never I gotta say, because you're from Yeah, 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:58.880 little little content Texas doesn't have that sass. It would 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.560 just it would be like bless your heart or something. Yeah, 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:05.640 you know underneath I feel like it has weight because 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:07.720 that is like this was sort of like shocking and 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.880 kind of hilarious. That is fabulous. Yeah. The real names 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.520 of both of these women I know, and they're incredible. 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:15.960 I have one hometown hero of talking tact to me. 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:21.240 She was my sex sad teacher. Wow, already personal over 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:27.200 explain no, And she would always and the class would 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.680 like sort of snicker when she said it, but she 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.800 only said she pronounced it mature, which truly makes me sick. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:37.880 Mind too. Maturity, I said, puberty. And she would also say, 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:42.920 and ladies, as you developed a boozem want to laugh. 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.840 It's like she said, home going like ha ha, I 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:49.880 said booze. I said mature, pubic care puobis pub Yeah, 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.560 pubs poobs. And then she would also she taught us 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:56.000 about golden showers and she said, she said, quote now 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:57.720 again this is back in the day. No, no, no, 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.760 of course, and this is Massachusetts. Yeah, she said, some 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.320 homosexuals are aroused by your nat and on one another. 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:09.080 Oh my god, No, I had not held hands with 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.840 the boy. I want that on a belt. And she 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.280 taught us about Cleveland Steamers and I didn't And then 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.879 and I had to actually confirm I not. I'd not 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:20.160 even held hands with the boy. Why is she jumping 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.960 ahead of like explaining the pieces of a body. Let's 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:28.760 just understand why not. Um My teacher was um definitely 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:32.600 like a kind of butch lesbian in retrospecture we didn't 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.879 catch by the way, okay, my smelled like tuna ficient 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:40.280 and cigarettes. She was really like kind of like hardcore 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.760 like person like just kind of like an intense, strong 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.200 energy to her. And she had these two big dogs 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:50.399 that she called bitches because they were female people. There 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:54.440 was a it's always dog like dog breeders or people 0:17:54.480 --> 0:18:02.880 like that. Yeah, bitches. Yeah, okay, that is so. Yeah, 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:05.840 it's a lot. It's a journey. Will you before we 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.399 sign off, will you give a shout out to the 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.159 hero at the dump when you add another Little Compton 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.200 hero when you tried to find up the schedule, I 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:15.200 went to the Little Compton Dump, but if you don't 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:19.840 know is I'm gonna compare it to um whatever. Not 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:21.399 scary farm is in the rest of the year, not 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:24.119 Sparry Farm. Yeah. Yeah, So so the dump is like 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:26.920 a great place to go. Yes, it's really. It's so fun. 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:29.960 You didn't get to go, it's really fred get picked 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.159 through the ship. You know, you have to drive and 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.600 you're literally like driving on like a roller clip. So fine. 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:37.280 If you've never been to a small town dump, you 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:40.480 because you want. Yeah, you've been to the dump? Will 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:42.840 you can you? This is our producer, doctor Banana. Doctor 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.280 Bananna is doesn't take staying in Little Compton before you 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:47.359 end up at the dump because I stay there because 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.040 we had an airbnb so we didn't have to deal 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:51.399 with our own trash. We didn't have to do and 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:55.040 actually got lucky. Yeah trash. Oh no, you didn't get lucky. 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:58.160 We were lucky. And what were your thoughts on the dump? 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:00.880 It was great. I love the sort of organizational sort 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:02.960 of structure they have going on there. It feels like 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:05.320 a ride. It's not very fun. Run into people. You 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.040 can have small talk. People leave out things, items, they 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.119 leave out chair, you can like you can't find something good. 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:12.399 You can find something good. Okay, awesome, So, Brian, we 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:14.560 love the Dump. I love them. First of all, I 0:19:14.600 --> 0:19:16.520 got I was a celebrity at the domp. You were 0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:19.120 because you ran into someone with a very very fun 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:21.400 name to say, if you're from Rhode. He popped out 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:24.720 of the pop and he said, what did you hear 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:30.480 your friend? What? He says? It's San Martin. Yeah, we 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:33.080 went to school together. Yeah, obsessed, Ada and Sean Martin. 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.119 There's a two three great names to stay from d 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:37.440 I love it. Okay. So then you have to find 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.800 out if we could bring the trash to the Dom. 0:19:40.040 --> 0:19:46.000 I was tasked with the responsibility and I drove tourists. 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:50.119 I think we had rented yeah, And I went to 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:51.719 the jackazard and said, you've got to find out if 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:53.760 they're open on Sunday. You gotta rent a tourists. You've 0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:55.800 got it, You've got to rent. I drive to the 0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:59.800 Dom and I asked the guy, are you guys open 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.440 on Sundays. He looks at me like I have just 0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:07.160 absolutely taken a frying pan and smashed it on space 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:10.439 and he goes, Sundays, Now, we're not open on Sundays. 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.240 And I was like, oh, okay. I just wasn't sure. 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:13.800 He goes, and we're not open on Wednesdays, and I 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.400 was like, oh, okay, cool, So now I know. He's like, yeah, 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:19.840 we're not upen Wednesdays or Sundays. Got it, okay? And 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:21.760 he goes, yeah, we're not up on Wednesdays, but we're 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:23.680 not up in Sundays. So the way you can remember it, 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:29.639 and I must have for sure this is imprinted on me, 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:32.560 is he like Wednesday is the day when like normally 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:35.119 people aren't closed. Yeah, Sunday everyone's closed, so it's like 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:37.760 one for another. And I was like, I love this 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:39.720 neumonic No, this is like this is amazing because I 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.400 will make up mnemonic devices that make no sense like this. Yeah, 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:44.720 and then like I will that's how I remember where 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:46.879 I parked or whatever. Like I'll be like, right, so 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.159 if I park on like three B, I'll be like 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:50.840 three B or not three B. But I'm like, that's 0:20:50.880 --> 0:20:52.879 not helpful because it makes you want to think to 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:54.840 be or not to be. Yeah, but then you're like 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:56.840 it's not, it's not it's the one that's not to be. 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:00.320 It's like, yeah, I love that. Yeah. Well he was 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:03.000 a delight and like you said, Lauren, I will I 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:05.440 will never forget it. I love him Now Art and 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:07.600 I are going on a first date. Now everyone knows 0:21:07.920 --> 0:21:11.600 everyone now, everyone legendarily knows. Everyone knows. We go on 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:14.840 a first date every week and we use lines in 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:17.520 this improv for the first date that people have sent 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.240 in that are the worst lines that they ever heard 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:21.520 on the worst thing they were ever told on a 0:21:21.600 --> 0:21:24.320 day's real lines that we're the worst one, lines that 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.080 were said, taken out of context and really not fake ones. 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:29.840 We want the real and you can either you can 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.240 either tweet to us at Arta Marine m y r 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:37.159 N or at Brian Sofie don't tag both of us 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.920 because we don't want to see each other, or you 0:21:39.960 --> 0:21:43.960