1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,360
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,720
Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast.

3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,039
Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

4
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,000
Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

5
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:14,280
Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

6
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,440
Speaker 1: get into the episode.

7
00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:19,240
Speaker 3: My brother is a free loader, so I want to

8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,160
Speaker 3: ban him from my birthday dinner.

9
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,960
Speaker 4: You don't get any piece of my birthday cake today.

10
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,080
Speaker 3: My younger brother has always been kind of a mooch.

11
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,880
Speaker 3: He was always my father's favorite son and therefore was

12
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 3: always catered to whenever he wanted something, especially money with

13
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:40,199
Speaker 3: no consequences. I, on the other hand, was usually told no,

14
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,280
Speaker 3: or in the best of circumstances, told that there would

15
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,600
Speaker 3: be consequences. By the way, this comes from Chaos Break

16
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,680
Speaker 3: seventy five And if you want us to meet your

17
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,440
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

18
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,240
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, and I'm Angie and I'm Sophia, and.

19
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,160
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice. Goofully. But if we

20
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,240
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers, we only know well what

21
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,840
Speaker 3: we would do, So let us the what you would

22
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:06,280
Speaker 3: do in the comments. An Opie says for over a decade,

23
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:10,760
Speaker 3: he had my parents paying his expensive rent and utilities,

24
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:15,039
Speaker 3: while at the same time flaunting expensive foods he was

25
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,120
Speaker 3: purchasing whenever they'd send him money. Now he's married to

26
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,479
Speaker 3: a woman who has three kids from a previous marriage.

27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,760
Speaker 3: She is nice, definitely nicer than my brother deserves, and

28
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,520
Speaker 3: her two youngest kids are nice as well. One is

29
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,480
Speaker 3: in college and lives on campus, one is in high school.

30
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 3: Her oldest is kind of clueless, and I'm not too

31
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 3: fond of her. She doesn't live with them. But even

32
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,800
Speaker 3: though he now has a spouse who works two jobs,

33
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:47,720
Speaker 3: he still constantly mooches off my mother, always asking for money,

34
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 3: always getting it, regardless of whether my mother can actually

35
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,880
Speaker 3: afford to do so or not. The stress of one

36
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,480
Speaker 3: loan even put her in the hospital for a week.

37
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yikes.

38
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:00,000
Speaker 5: Yikes.

39
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,720
Speaker 3: The one thing that always gets under my skin is

40
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,120
Speaker 3: how whenever there's the possibility of getting a free meal

41
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,919
Speaker 3: out of my mother, their entire family shows up. They

42
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,840
Speaker 3: live a state away about one point five to two

43
00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:16,120
Speaker 3: hour drive, and whenever there is a holiday meal to

44
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:20,120
Speaker 3: be had, both personal or national, each and every one

45
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 3: of her kids finds a way to drop everything to

46
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 3: make sure they are there, especially if it's a dining

47
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,760
Speaker 3: out situation. Because my mother always insists on paying, my

48
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,679
Speaker 3: brother takes over the ordering of the meals and makes

49
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,120
Speaker 3: sure there is more than needed so that they can

50
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 3: have leftovers to bring back home with them. Whenever they

51
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,359
Speaker 3: are boxed up to go, my brother snatches them up

52
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,800
Speaker 3: as if he paid for them himself. My mother is

53
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,880
Speaker 3: way too nice to say anything to his face, but

54
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,960
Speaker 3: she has told me multiple times that she hates how

55
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,560
Speaker 3: he takes advantage of her. The latest event was during

56
00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,200
Speaker 3: my sister in law's birthday earlier this month. If my

57
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,840
Speaker 3: mother offered to take her and my brother out for

58
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,600
Speaker 3: a nice dinner, but sure enough, all three kids showed

59
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,520
Speaker 3: up with them, and the oldest thought it would be

60
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 3: okay to bring her new boyfriend as well. Oh my god,

61
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,440
Speaker 3: I was not there due to work, so I didn't

62
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,240
Speaker 3: see this go down. If I was, I would have

63
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,720
Speaker 3: snapped on them. But like I said, my mother is

64
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,240
Speaker 3: too nice. Of course, too much food was ordered, the

65
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:30,000
Speaker 3: check was very expensive, and all the leftovers were snatched

66
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:34,160
Speaker 3: up before anyone could do anything about it. Ugh, my

67
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,120
Speaker 3: mother was beyond pod and told me after the fact

68
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 3: that the next time she invites specific people over for

69
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,200
Speaker 3: a meal, those are the people that had better show up,

70
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,640
Speaker 3: or at least the only ones that you're gonna pay for.

71
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,280
Speaker 5: Yeah right, it's like yeah inviting.

72
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,240
Speaker 4: If you got an invite, then you got you got

73
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,600
Speaker 4: my money.

74
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 3: And I will pay for your meal. Otherwise, if anyone

75
00:03:55,680 --> 00:04:01,520
Speaker 3: else does, everyone will be turned away, family or not. Honestly,

76
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,480
Speaker 3: I feel the same way. I've told my brother many

77
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,480
Speaker 3: times that my mother is not made of money and

78
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,880
Speaker 3: that he can't keep telling her it'll just be me

79
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,880
Speaker 3: and my wife that will drop by, and then three

80
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,400
Speaker 3: extra people that she didn't budget for show up unannounced.

81
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,600
Speaker 3: My brother always weighs me off, kind of like how

82
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,200
Speaker 3: my father used to and tells me it's not a

83
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,080
Speaker 3: big deal. I'm at the point where I don't want

84
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,680
Speaker 3: them around, regardless of the holidays. The main reason I'm

85
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,120
Speaker 3: writing this here is because my birthday was this past

86
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,800
Speaker 3: weekend and it was a milestone, happy, a big one

87
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,360
Speaker 3: have ey I hope it was happy.

88
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:42,640
Speaker 5: Do we think it's going to be no? Scared?

89
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,799
Speaker 3: Of course, my mother wanted to go out to dinner

90
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,880
Speaker 3: to celebrate. I felt that after the sister in law's

91
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:53,640
Speaker 3: birthday situation. I didn't want any of my brother's family

92
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,640
Speaker 3: there at all. I'm content with it just being me

93
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,800
Speaker 3: and my mother. But knowing her, she will tell him

94
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,120
Speaker 3: the when and where, and then every single one of them,

95
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,960
Speaker 3: their significant others, and their dogs will show up expecting

96
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,400
Speaker 3: to get fed for free. Would I be the A

97
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:13,120
Speaker 3: hole for not inviting my brother's family to my milestone

98
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,440
Speaker 3: birthday dinner. I don't think so.

99
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,000
Speaker 5: After all of that, I really don't think so.

100
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,680
Speaker 3: I feel like it's perfectly reasonable to be like, I

101
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,400
Speaker 3: just want a birthday dinner with my mom.

102
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:24,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, honestly.

103
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:29,640
Speaker 3: But we have some comments Commenter one. I'm very bewildered.

104
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,800
Speaker 3: She's an adult woman and she's not able to say no,

105
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 3: but she goes and complains to her other child, who

106
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,480
Speaker 3: tries to fix the situation that her mother puts herself in.

107
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,800
Speaker 3: Not the A hole, but goodness, your mom needs to

108
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:47,640
Speaker 3: take personal responsibility, Opie says. I agree that she definitely

109
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,359
Speaker 3: needs to speak up for herself, but like I said,

110
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,640
Speaker 3: she is too nice. I've gotten on her about this

111
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,839
Speaker 3: issue multiple times, but as I live about an hour

112
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 3: from her and aren't there for most of these incidents,

113
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,600
Speaker 3: I you're about them after the fact. By not inviting

114
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,920
Speaker 3: them to my dinner, I'm hoping it will be a

115
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,800
Speaker 3: big signal that things need to change, not only for her,

116
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,760
Speaker 3: but for him as well. Someone replies, your mother will

117
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,600
Speaker 3: not talk to your brother directly, but she complains about

118
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,800
Speaker 3: him behind his back. You and I have different definitions

119
00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,040
Speaker 3: of nice. Uh. Someone replies, If your mom wants to

120
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,560
Speaker 3: keep bringing a problem to your table but not actually

121
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,200
Speaker 3: want to work towards the solution, then you are not

122
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:33,320
Speaker 3: a support You're simply a venting board. That's very one

123
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,839
Speaker 3: side and emotional dumping. She needs to be told to

124
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,600
Speaker 3: either open her dang mouth and stand up for herself,

125
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,880
Speaker 3: maybe even with you by her side for support, or

126
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,320
Speaker 3: stop trauma dumping her feelings on you not the a hole.

127
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 3: But she won't start sitting boundaries with your brother until

128
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,120
Speaker 3: you start sitting boundaries with her as a support system.

129
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:55,080
Speaker 3: Good luck. Comment to every time she goes to mention him,

130
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,360
Speaker 3: stop her. Tell her it bothers you how she lets

131
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,920
Speaker 3: him take advantage of her, and as you have no

132
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,599
Speaker 3: choice in the matter, you're no longer willing to hear

133
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,279
Speaker 3: about it. If she persists, get off the phone or

134
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,520
Speaker 3: take your leave. If it's in person. Also, if you

135
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,440
Speaker 3: still want to have a birthday dinner with her without

136
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,280
Speaker 3: him and his family forcing their way in, insist you

137
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,920
Speaker 3: pick her up and bring her to the restaurant and

138
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,840
Speaker 3: don't tell her where beforehand. It's sad to have to

139
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 3: go there, but you can still find a way to

140
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,560
Speaker 3: have a relationship with her without enabling her to enable him,

141
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,400
Speaker 3: and keep your own boundaries. That's a really smart idea.

142
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,559
Speaker 5: That's honestly pretty smart.

143
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:34,840
Speaker 6: Ya.

144
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,920
Speaker 4: You do some scheming over here.

145
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,320
Speaker 3: She makes the plans, you show up. She goes, Mom,

146
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,120
Speaker 3: we're not doing any of that, right, get in the car.

147
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

148
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,560
Speaker 3: She's at a restaurant texting them, and she's like, we're

149
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 3: actually over here now, right.

150
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:48,200
Speaker 5: I know.

151
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,960
Speaker 4: I was kind of thinking about that, like you'd have

152
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,120
Speaker 4: to have everyone, like I feel like they would just

153
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,440
Speaker 4: start calling people, and you'd have to have everyone like

154
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,440
Speaker 4: mute them, yeah, mute their phones.

155
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,720
Speaker 5: So it's just like no, no, no, no, no, just get away.

156
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,280
Speaker 3: Hey mom, get in the car, get your phone. Yeah, okay,

157
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,640
Speaker 3: so we're not following any of the plans.

158
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,600
Speaker 5: Oh, we're not doing any of that, and you're totally

159
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,080
Speaker 5: safe right now.

160
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,760
Speaker 3: Don't worry, don't even going.

161
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,440
Speaker 5: Don't worry, I've got you.

162
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,040
Speaker 3: Comment three until Mom figures out her extreme people pleasing

163
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:18,360
Speaker 3: and favoritism, put her on an information diet. Don't tell

164
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,840
Speaker 3: her where you want to go. She will tell them,

165
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,040
Speaker 3: hoping that they magically act right and fulfill her desire

166
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,280
Speaker 3: for him to suddenly stop pulling this crap.

167
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,200
Speaker 7: He will not.

168
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,560
Speaker 3: He will do it again because he's done it for decades.

169
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,560
Speaker 3: They're about two hours away, so just tell mom that

170
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,520
Speaker 3: you're coming over sometime on the weekend and you can

171
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,600
Speaker 3: go from there. Then just show up. The first thing

172
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 3: she's gonna do is compulsively tell him you're there and

173
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,600
Speaker 3: try to stall you so they can make it. Don't

174
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,800
Speaker 3: give in. Tell her that you go right now or

175
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,960
Speaker 3: you'll have to show up another day. Then have her

176
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,400
Speaker 3: silence her phone for two hours so she can actually

177
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,080
Speaker 3: pay attention to you on your b day instead of

178
00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,439
Speaker 3: making it about him. Update one month later.

179
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,080
Speaker 5: Do we think she's going to go with all of

180
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,120
Speaker 5: these plans? These are great plans, Yeah, but I don't know.

181
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,320
Speaker 5: I feel like it's not gonna go.

182
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,000
Speaker 3: She's gonna find some way around it somehow, but yeah,

183
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,920
Speaker 3: or she's just gonna get mad like I feel like

184
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,560
Speaker 3: the mom is just gonna be so mad.

185
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,080
Speaker 5: At op for it.

186
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,960
Speaker 3: But do you think that she'll ruin the birthday dinner

187
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:20,400
Speaker 3: over it?

188
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,439
Speaker 5: Still the mom?

189
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

190
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,040
Speaker 4: Like I feel like the mom wouldn't want to ruin

191
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,560
Speaker 4: the birthday dinner, but she probably also wouldn't think that

192
00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,360
Speaker 4: that would ruin the birthday, right, you know?

193
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:35,480
Speaker 3: So maybe maybe update one month later. It's been a

194
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,000
Speaker 3: while since I posted the original, so I thought i'd

195
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,720
Speaker 3: leave an update as to what happened when my birthday

196
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,600
Speaker 3: dinner actually took place. So my mother wanted to take

197
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,600
Speaker 3: me out to dinner for my birthday, and I laid

198
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,200
Speaker 3: out some ground rules before we invited everyone. I told

199
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 3: her that the only people I wanted to attend were me, her,

200
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,680
Speaker 3: my brother, and his wife, no one else. So an update.

201
00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,679
Speaker 3: We got more people then, okay. I also told her

202
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,640
Speaker 3: that if they tried to push to have their kids attend,

203
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,520
Speaker 3: the only people that would be attending the dinner would

204
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,120
Speaker 3: be me and my mother. I wanted my mother to

205
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,000
Speaker 3: finally put her foot down about this issue, since she's

206
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,600
Speaker 3: the one who was always getting screwed by my brother,

207
00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:17,960
Speaker 3: to straight up tell him that his behavior in the

208
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,120
Speaker 3: past was no longer going to be tolerated and it worked.

209
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,679
Speaker 3: Oh what we got a little bit more? Oh my gosh,

210
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,480
Speaker 3: how do you think this went well? If it works,

211
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:33,160
Speaker 3: then do we think it worked perfectly? Or I'm thinking

212
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,400
Speaker 3: I'm thinking it did. Okay, I just want to find out.

213
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:36,600
Speaker 4: Now.

214
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 5: That was like a cliffhanger to leave off, but.

215
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,040
Speaker 3: Just find out that. Sure enough, my brother and his

216
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,680
Speaker 3: wife agreed to the terms, made sure that their kids

217
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,760
Speaker 3: would be spending the day of the dinner with their

218
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,480
Speaker 3: birth father, and we all had a nice time at

219
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,599
Speaker 3: dinner talking and catching up over some good food. Okay,

220
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,719
Speaker 3: how is that so easily resolved? It's great and there

221
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,239
Speaker 3: were no leftovers to take home either. They were surprisingly

222
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,920
Speaker 3: okay with the new roles. Okay, okay, I think my

223
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,920
Speaker 3: mom gave him a good what for about it. I

224
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,200
Speaker 3: just hope this behavior continues. Major holidays excluded, of course.

225
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,560
Speaker 3: Some comments comment are one, I'm so glad it worked out.

226
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,120
Speaker 3: It blows my mind that people are so selfish. Me,

227
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,160
Speaker 3: my husband, me and my husband and my sister slash

228
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,640
Speaker 3: brother in law, and my parents briefly scuffle over the check,

229
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,680
Speaker 3: but in our cases we are all trying to pay

230
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,559
Speaker 3: for everyone else not trying to mooch.

231
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the end, last story. Wow, okay, so it wered.

232
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 5: All it took was some little fashioned communication.

233
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:43,040
Speaker 3: We just had to set terms to our birthday dinner.

234
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,240
Speaker 5: That's all we had to do. It was the whole time.

235
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,600
Speaker 5: That's crazy. Maybe we could have done this sooner.

236
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:54,200
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe that that could work. And that's the end

237
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,400
Speaker 3: of that story. But we're gonna go to the next one.

238
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,960
Speaker 4: My mother promised me my dream trip for ten years now,

239
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,440
Speaker 4: but it never happened.

240
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,680
Speaker 3: Go take your own dream trip.

241
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,959
Speaker 4: Hey, Reddit's I twenty one female. I'm posting here because

242
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,880
Speaker 4: I don't really know where else to post, and I

243
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:10,840
Speaker 4: could use some advice.

244
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 5: If I come across as.

245
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,520
Speaker 4: Ungrateful, it is truly unintentional. Something else you should know

246
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,320
Speaker 4: is my family rarely goes on fancy trips. When I

247
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,800
Speaker 4: was little, we would, but not since I was around

248
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 4: one or two. I also should mention that I have

249
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,880
Speaker 4: an older half brother. I hate that term, though, so

250
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,320
Speaker 4: I just say older brother. We haven't gone on a

251
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,720
Speaker 4: fancy vacation with him since I was two years old.

252
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,400
Speaker 5: He travels all the time.

253
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,120
Speaker 4: With his other family, and I always wished we could

254
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,560
Speaker 4: go on a trip like that with him, that this

255
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:40,200
Speaker 4: becomes important later. By the way, this comes from username.

256
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,680
Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

257
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,839
Speaker 4: to the hour slash. Okay, storytime. Supreated it and I'm Angie.

258
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,640
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and.

259
00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,280
Speaker 5: We're here to give good advice. Goofily.

260
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers, so we're just

261
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,760
Speaker 4: gonna guess what we would do in this situation. But

262
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,480
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do in the comments.

263
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,559
Speaker 4: So yeah, Op says one more thing. My dad has

264
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,040
Speaker 4: told me hundreds of times that he has no in

265
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,280
Speaker 4: in seeing England, France, Scotland or Ireland. He said that

266
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:07,640
Speaker 4: he would rather go to Asia, Italy, Spain, or even

267
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,840
Speaker 4: back to Greece if he were to travel more after

268
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:14,600
Speaker 4: he retires. Okay, let's get into this. My entire life,

269
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,640
Speaker 4: I have dreamed of going to Paris. I wanted to

270
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,400
Speaker 4: see the world, of course, but Paris, oh boy, it

271
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 4: took the cake. It was my holy grail of places.

272
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,920
Speaker 4: I talked about it all the time growing up. When

273
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,480
Speaker 4: I went into school, I went to a French immersion school.

274
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,600
Speaker 4: I was so excited to get to learn French. My

275
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,200
Speaker 4: mom told me that once I turned twelve and graduated

276
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 4: from elementary, her and I would finally go to Paris.

277
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,640
Speaker 4: It would be our special thing. I was beyond excited.

278
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,120
Speaker 4: I would go to school and tell all my friends, Well,

279
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,360
Speaker 4: I finally turned twelve and graduated elementary, and I couldn't

280
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,880
Speaker 4: wait because I knew it meant we would be planning

281
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,960
Speaker 4: our trip. But I was met with disappointment. My mom

282
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,920
Speaker 4: explained that we just could not afford it, but she

283
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,240
Speaker 4: made me the same promise for graduating junior High. I

284
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:05,040
Speaker 4: was disappointed, but understanding. My family is a middle class family,

285
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,200
Speaker 4: not poor, but also not a ton of money. We

286
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,800
Speaker 4: are fortunate enough to have lots of luxuries, but travel

287
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,400
Speaker 4: is not one of them. I told myself, it's fine,

288
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,960
Speaker 4: it's just a few more years. But what I didn't

289
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,880
Speaker 4: see coming was my mental health. And mental health took

290
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,120
Speaker 4: a massive hit in junior high, to the point that

291
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 4: I wasn't going to school anymore. We couldn't figure out

292
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,240
Speaker 4: what was wrong. I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, depression,

293
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:31,160
Speaker 4: stress disorders, and internalized borderline personality disorder. It caused a

294
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,320
Speaker 4: lot of tension in my house. I knew Paris was

295
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 4: off the table. Eventually, though, I was able to take

296
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 4: charge of it and went into high school with a

297
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,080
Speaker 4: fresh start, only to have the VID trap me back

298
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:47,960
Speaker 4: in my house that Oh my gosh, my mom told

299
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,960
Speaker 4: me if I worked hard in high school, we would

300
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,080
Speaker 4: finally go to Paris after I graduated. I was eager,

301
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,800
Speaker 4: but I was also a little behind my classmates. I

302
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 4: went into high school accepting the fact that I would

303
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,120
Speaker 4: likely not graduate with my class, but I still worked hard.

304
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,800
Speaker 4: One of my semesters in grade twelve, I even made honors.

305
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,760
Speaker 4: I managed to graduate and receive my certificate, taking an

306
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,880
Speaker 4: extra year to get my diploma, but nonetheless.

307
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 5: I got to walk with my class. I did it.

308
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,040
Speaker 4: A few months before my grad I brought up Paris again,

309
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 4: a common occurrence. My mom told me that we had

310
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,480
Speaker 4: been invited to a wedding in Greece and that instead

311
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,000
Speaker 4: of Paris, we would be going there.

312
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 5: I was excited.

313
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,200
Speaker 3: Okay, Also, so if you're over in Greece is a

314
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,000
Speaker 3: pretty quick jump over to Paris.

315
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 5: You're up as small.

316
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:38,000
Speaker 3: Greece is like on the far end. If we're already

317
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,960
Speaker 3: over in Europe, Yeah, it would be it in America.

318
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was excited.

319
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,160
Speaker 4: Greece was incredible, but I was disappointed when I found

320
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 4: out it wasn't Paris.

321
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 5: But I knew it was a big deal.

322
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 4: If we could afford almost all of us except unfortunately

323
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 4: my older brother, to go to Greece. I asked her

324
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,240
Speaker 4: if we could get if we would ever get to Paris.

325
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,160
Speaker 4: She once again promised me, if you do it well

326
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,520
Speaker 4: enough in your upgrade year and get your diploma, then

327
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,920
Speaker 4: we will finally go. That came and went. Then she

328
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 4: promised me after my first year of university, then the second.

329
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 4: But then it was about the money. I feel like

330
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,280
Speaker 4: it was always about the money. I don't think it

331
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 4: was ever about like you deserving it.

332
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,600
Speaker 3: Stop promising.

333
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 5: Oh so I started putting my own money aside.

334
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 3: Yeah that's great.

335
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 4: Cool. Then two years ago, my friend invited me to

336
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,440
Speaker 4: go see Taylor Swift and you.

337
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,640
Speaker 5: Guessed it Paris.

338
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 3: That would be cool, there you go.

339
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,119
Speaker 5: I was so excited.

340
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 4: I was finally going to see it, the city I

341
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,720
Speaker 4: dreamt about for my whole life.

342
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't even care about Taylor Swift.

343
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:41,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just.

344
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 4: Want to get the place my mom had dangled in

345
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,160
Speaker 4: front of my face for my whole life. I told

346
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 4: my mom and dad the dates. They said, if I

347
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 4: could afford it, I could go. I even asked mom

348
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,080
Speaker 4: to come so we could finally have our trip. We

349
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 4: would spend a little bit of time with my friend

350
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 4: and her dad, but then we would go. Then we

351
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,600
Speaker 4: would each go off and your own vacation. My mom

352
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,160
Speaker 4: said that sounded awesome and she would seriously think about it.

353
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,679
Speaker 4: I had already had a little money and put aside

354
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 4: and continued saving. It was all I talked about for months.

355
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,719
Speaker 4: Then Christmas came along. My parents gifted my siblings and

356
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 4: me a family trip to Cabos and Lucas. My dad

357
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:17,440
Speaker 4: had a.

358
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,200
Speaker 5: Time share there that he had not used in over

359
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,360
Speaker 5: eighteen years. A wow.

360
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 4: I was so excited because it was a big deal

361
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,480
Speaker 4: that we were going on a trip, and we were

362
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 4: going with my older brother. I asked when the trip was.

363
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,920
Speaker 4: They said there were two choices. A week in May

364
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,280
Speaker 4: or a week in September.

365
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 5: They chose May.

366
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:39,639
Speaker 4: Well guess what it was the same week I was

367
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,679
Speaker 4: supposed to be in Paris. Oh my goodness, okay.

368
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,080
Speaker 5: I was literally like, I had no idea how that

369
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 5: could go wrong. It had such a great plan.

370
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 3: Can you not just pick Paris over that trip. I mean,

371
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 3: I get that, it's you with your family and your brother.

372
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,720
Speaker 5: It's like, you just go in September. Why can't we

373
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 5: go in September? What's wrong with that? I was so upset.

374
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 4: Here were the two things that I wanted most, Paris

375
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 4: or a trip with my older brother. I had been

376
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 4: talking about Paris nearly every single day for months. I

377
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,800
Speaker 4: reminded them of the weeks I was going to be gone.

378
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,120
Speaker 4: They could have picked any other dates. So they told

379
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,119
Speaker 4: me I could choose Paris or Cabo with your older brother,

380
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 4: which they had also already paid for. Thank god, I

381
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 4: hadn't yet paid for Paris. Obviously I was going to

382
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 4: choose Cabo, and they knew it too. Again, I do

383
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 4: not mean to sound ungrateful. I had an awesome time

384
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,399
Speaker 4: with my brother and family, but Paris was lingering, like

385
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,040
Speaker 4: always in the back.

386
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 5: Of my mind. Go just go.

387
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 3: You haven't run away. If you haven't money, you can't

388
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,400
Speaker 3: see Taylor Swift.

389
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,880
Speaker 5: Which I will save you more money.

390
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, you can probably stay in Paris for another week. Yeah,

391
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 3: that's honestly Taylor Swift.

392
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:49,000
Speaker 5: Right.

393
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,359
Speaker 4: So my mom said again once, we can't afford it.

394
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,439
Speaker 4: That brings us to this year. I found out that

395
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 4: we're selling my childhood home, which I'm also bitter about.

396
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,119
Speaker 4: I had moved to a different province during the summer

397
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 4: to work my mom was My mom was keeping me

398
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,920
Speaker 4: updated about the house, and she kept telling me all

399
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 4: the things we'd be able to do with the money

400
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 4: that we get from the house. She even mentioned finally

401
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 4: being able to go to Paris. So when the weeks

402
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 4: when the house finally sold a few weeks ago, I

403
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:22,359
Speaker 4: was devastated, yes, but also excited we could finally afford it.

404
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 4: There was nothing stopping us. I didn't bring it up

405
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,920
Speaker 4: right away though. I didn't want to be crass. It's

406
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 4: my parents' money, not mine, But I was excited to

407
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,720
Speaker 4: know the possibility was finally something within reach. This is

408
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 4: where things get worse. No, this sucks, It's just one

409
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 4: after another.

410
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 5: Might have to start letting go of your Paris dream

411
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 5: at this point.

412
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 3: No, just go alone. Get your friend that wanted to

413
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,919
Speaker 3: go for Taylor Swip'd be like, hey, you want to

414
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 3: just go back to Paris or get any other person

415
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,439
Speaker 3: that you know. Yeah, I'm sure would love to go

416
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,679
Speaker 3: to Paris with you. Knowing that it's your dream. Yeah,

417
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 3: it doesn't. Why does it? You have the money now?

418
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 4: Right Over the summer, while I was away, I guess

419
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,639
Speaker 4: things between my parents were tense. My mom had threatened

420
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 4: to move out, and the overall vibe was not great.

421
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,159
Speaker 4: I wasn't around to sense it, but that was what

422
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 4: I heard. They seem okay from what I can tell

423
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 4: from being home, but you never know what's going on

424
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 4: behind closed doors. Fast forward to today. The main event

425
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 4: my mom was talking to her older brother. I happened

426
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,959
Speaker 4: to overhear her, but I don't think she realized I

427
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 4: could from her later reaction.

428
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 5: She got all excited, and at the beginning I was

429
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 5: excited for them too. They deserved it. But the excitement

430
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,480
Speaker 5: was over in a flash when I heard the full statement.

431
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,439
Speaker 4: Andy and I booked ten days next month overseas. We

432
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,239
Speaker 4: are starting with a few days in London and then

433
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 4: we were spending the rest of the time in Paris.

434
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,920
Speaker 5: Oh they suck, goodness.

435
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 3: They suck.

436
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 5: These guys suck.

437
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 3: They suck so bad?

438
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 5: Are you joking?

439
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 3: You actually kidding me? Oh my god.

440
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 5: I felt my stomach and heart drop out of my body.

441
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 4: I went up to her with an obviously angry but

442
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 4: also hurt expression, and I saw the panic flash across

443
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 4: her face, like it was a secret she wasn't going

444
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 4: to tell until the last minute. She told her brother

445
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 4: that I had heard, but I was already in my

446
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 4: room in tears. She didn't come to talk to me

447
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,880
Speaker 4: about it, and instead just left the house. Oh my gosh.

448
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 5: I was devastated.

449
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 4: They could have gone anywhere in the world, anywhere. I

450
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 4: left for work feeling so upset. I ended up going

451
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 4: home early since I work in customer service and just

452
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 4: could not be around them many people. I got home

453
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,959
Speaker 4: and just stopped. Almost twenty years, my mom has been

454
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 4: dangling Paris in front of me like a carrot in

455
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 4: front of a rabbit, just enough to keep me hoping,

456
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 4: but far enough that it was just out of my

457
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 4: reach twenty years of At the end of this we

458
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,919
Speaker 4: will go or once we can afford it, and it

459
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 4: will be our special trip and we will share that

460
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 4: experience together. I just am at a loss. The trip

461
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 4: we have been talking about for twenty years is happening,

462
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 4: but I'm not even going. When my dad got home,

463
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 4: he ask me what was wrong for context. My Dad's great,

464
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,199
Speaker 4: He's funny, kind, but he is his EQ, but his

465
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 4: EQ is sometimes lacking. I event to him and he

466
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,959
Speaker 4: doesn't always respond in the best way.

467
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 5: That's what happened today.

468
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 4: It started to explain that I was upset about their trip,

469
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 4: how he knew how bad I have been wanting to

470
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 4: go to Paris, how he has always been so uninterested

471
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 4: in going. He then interrupted me and started yelling, saying

472
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 4: that he would rather go somewhere else, but he is

473
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 4: trying to.

474
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 5: Fix their marriage.

475
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 3: Oh boy, that it is not.

476
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 4: Fair for me to be upset that I am being

477
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 4: an a hole for not wanting them to fix things.

478
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 3: No, god, I didn't go anywhere else because you guys

479
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 3: actually suck.

480
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 5: I don't like you.

481
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 3: I like UOP, but not, oh my god, your parents.

482
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 4: Because it's not even like she's being like a spoiled

483
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 4: brat at all.

484
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 5: Like at the beginning of the story, I thought that's

485
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:49,360
Speaker 5: where it was gonna.

486
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 3: Go, dangling this over her head for twenty years.

487
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 4: And it's like, yes, like they couldn't afford it sometimes,

488
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 4: but she understood.

489
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, And at some point it just felt like a

490
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 3: have good behavior and you get to good behavior exactly.

491
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 4: It's like you can't keep telling me that like once

492
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: I do, because it's not up to me.

493
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 3: There needs to actually be the payoff, like you can't

494
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 3: have this and no, like ah, I worked so hard

495
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 3: for this, and they and she even gave it up.

496
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 5: She had it, and she gave it up for family.

497
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 3: And then you guys go and do it yourselves and

498
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 3: then you're yelling at her for being upset.

499
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 5: Just because your marriage is on the rocks.

500
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 4: Dude, that's not no peace fault. Yeah, but that's not

501
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 4: true at all. I didn't know that that was why

502
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 4: they're going. I want them to fix things. My parents

503
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 4: love for each other makes me believe that I could

504
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 4: have it too. I want nothing more than for them

505
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,360
Speaker 4: to go back to normal. I just don't understand why Paris.

506
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 4: They've literally discussed going to Spain and Italy recently, and

507
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 4: that's something that my dad is excited to see, unlike Paris.

508
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 4: There is a little bit more to the story. But yeah,

509
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 4: there's such an ahole move from the mom to choose

510
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 4: Paris when the dad doesn't even want to go. There

511
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 4: is a little bit more to this story, and as

512
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 4: I'm typing, I realized that Paris was all my mom's idea.

513
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.

514
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 4: My rich cousin just got back from there, And anytime

515
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 4: my cousin does something, my mom feels like she needs

516
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 4: that experience too. For example, she was so against the

517
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 4: idea of extra piercings. She didn't love when I got

518
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 4: my nose pierced. But the second our cousin got snake

519
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 4: bite piercings on her upper ear, all of the sudden,

520
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 4: my mom was all over the idea. She even suggested

521
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 4: we get matching piercings and complimented my nose piercing. And

522
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,199
Speaker 4: this is your cousin, not her cousin, So this is like, yikes,

523
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 4: this is like you're I mean, I'm assuming the ages

524
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 4: are around the same. But she's getting jealous of like

525
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 4: her younger niece. That's pretty wild, weird.

526
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 3: You got some jealousy issues, mom, Yeah, Paris was supposed

527
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 3: to be our thing.

528
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,360
Speaker 4: And I think my mom knows she's screwed up too,

529
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 4: because she won't even look me in the eye or

530
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 4: even talk to me. I just overhear them talking about

531
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 4: what they're going to do once they get there, and

532
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 4: it's breaking my heart even more. I know she will

533
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 4: say there are other chances to go, but that's not

534
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 4: the point. She's been dangling it for basically my whole life,

535
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 4: and now they are going on our trip without me.

536
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 4: So reddit's am I the a hole here? Or is

537
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 4: it okay that I'm upset? And that's the end of

538
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 4: that story?

539
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 3: Well, fully okay that you're upset. Ye go to Paris,

540
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 3: are known? Yeah, with a friend with your brother? I

541
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 3: don't know, yeah, if your brother down.

542
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 5: To go Oh my gosh.

543
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I cannot believe that.

544
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 4: Like I kind of wonder if there was anything else,

545
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 4: like any other bad parenting moves from the mom. Yeah,

546
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 4: well I guess it was just it wouldn't really like

547
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 4: change the situation at all, but it would just kind of.

548
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 3: This seems like a pretty big constant one.

549
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, Just like again, the other things were like

550
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 4: innocent in the moment, I'm just like, yeah, we just

551
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 4: can't afford it right now, Like yeah, we're.

552
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 3: Going Now, I'm like, could you this whole time? And

553
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 3: you were just stringing op along?

554
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

555
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 5: to the next one.

556
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 3: I refuse to invite my father's side of the family

557
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 3: because they always exclude me.

558
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 5: Now it's your turn to feel how it feels.

559
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 3: My twenty three female. Dad's side of the family has

560
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 3: never been that close to me. My grandparents on that

561
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 3: side have always had a favorite grandchild, and I was

562
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 3: never the favorite. Maybe that is because my dad's parents

563
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 3: hated my mom. My parents are divorced, or maybe they

564
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 3: just don't like me. By the way, this comes from

565
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 3: Inkescape Artist, and if you want to submit your own stories,

566
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly,

567
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 3: and I'm Angie and I'm Sophia, and we're here to

568
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 3: give good advice. Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

569
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 3: We only know what we would do. So let's know

570
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments. And Elpie says

571
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 3: Me and my brother, who is two years older than me,

572
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 3: are the oldest of my cousins on dad's side of

573
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 3: the family. When my brother was born, he was my grandparents'

574
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 3: first grandchild. Of course, they were thrilled about a baby boy,

575
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 3: and he became their favorite. My brother has always been

576
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 3: a bit difficult and got attention in good or bad ways.

577
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 3: I have been in his shadow in many ways all

578
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 3: of my life because of that. Anyway, then I was

579
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 3: born two years later. My grandparents babysat us rarely, and

580
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: I remember those times felt kind of forced to them.

581
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 3: My eldest cousin, Mayle, was born when I was five

582
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:28,239
Speaker 3: years old. He became the new favorite grandchild. Usually the

583
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 3: youngest of the cousins became the favorite. It meant more

584
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 3: and bigger gifts, attending school plays, babysitting, and taking trips

585
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 3: with the grandparents. As you can probably guess, I never

586
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 3: received this attention from them. My grandparents never showed up

587
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 3: to my performances, never took me on any trips, never

588
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 3: called or texted me to come over, and never gave

589
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 3: me the same amount of gifts that other cousins got.

590
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

591
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 3: I wasn't affected by that when I was young. I

592
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 3: didn't care or notice it then because of my mother's mother.

593
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 3: She has always been there for me, calls me and

594
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: asks me to come over, and is equal with my cousins.

595
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: Our families on both sides have always gathered for dinner

596
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 3: or coffee for Christmas, Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Easter.

597
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 3: My grandparents and uncles always sent the invites to my father.

598
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 3: When I moved to my own apartment in my hometown.

599
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: The invites still kept going to my father. Only Yes,

600
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,400
Speaker 3: my father told me about the invites and I went

601
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 3: with him, and yes, I told my grandparents and uncle

602
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 3: that it would be appropriate to send the invites straight

603
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 3: to me as I no longer lived with my dad.

604
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 3: One of the uncles half listened and started sending the

605
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: invites straight to me. But I have yet to receive

606
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 3: an invite to anywhere from my grandparents or other uncle.

607
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 3: I can't even count the times I have missed a

608
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 3: birthday or gathering because of that. I still went to

609
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 3: every gathering and birthday when I got invited to them

610
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 3: by my dad or uncle, but none of the gatherings

611
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 3: felt right to me. My grandparents barely talk to me

612
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 3: because they were focused on everybody else, and when they

613
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 3: did talk to me, they only asked about school briefly,

614
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 3: always the same questions, how's school going, what are you

615
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 3: studying now? And how long are your studies. They never

616
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 3: seemed to be genuinely interested in me and never remembered

617
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 3: what I am studying. Things got worse when I moved

618
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 3: to another city for college at the age of nineteen.

619
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 3: No invites came, and I tried to ask when they

620
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 3: were gathering in advance. Because I had to plan my

621
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 3: trips to my hometown. I had classes and a job

622
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 3: that was mostly night shifts and weekend shifts. The answer

623
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 3: for my grandparents where we gathered was vague and full

624
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 3: of I don't knows. I asked around for the gatherings

625
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 3: probably for a year after I moved away, but then

626
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 3: stopped because they never told me about the gatherings in advance.

627
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 3: Once I was on a train going to my hometown

628
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 3: for Mother's Day and then my dad called me to

629
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 3: say that they were going to my grandparents' house and

630
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 3: asked if I was coming to I said no because

631
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 3: I was still on the train and never got an

632
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,719
Speaker 3: invite to go to my grandparents house that day. That

633
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 3: day wasn't even Mother's Day. My grandparents wanted the gathering

634
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 3: to be one day early so that they could go

635
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,239
Speaker 3: to my cousin's sports event. I was really sad and

636
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 3: fell outcast and unwelcome.

637
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 4: That is so crazy, Hey, my my daughter that lives

638
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 4: out of state.

639
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 5: Hair, are you coming over.

640
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 7: Right now?

641
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 3: Oh?

642
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 5: How would I even think to do that? That's crazy.

643
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 3: That day I decided I would not go to my grandparents'

644
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 3: house if they didn't ask me to visit. Now that

645
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 3: I've lived in another city, hours away from my relatives,

646
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 3: the situation has worsened. I don't get invites to go

647
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 3: anywhere or gifts, not even to Christmas gatherings. Oh my gosh,

648
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: I think they do know that I am in my

649
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 3: hometown for Christmas every year. Because of my father, I

650
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 3: never get calls from any of them. And this year,

651
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: my grandma sent me a happy Birthday message on the

652
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: wrong day. Oh my god, that is all the connection

653
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 3: they even try to make with me. I don't know

654
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: if they are mad at me for something unknown to

655
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 3: me and don't invite or call me because of that.

656
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 3: My dad always tells me that I have done nothing

657
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 3: wrong and that my grandparents think I'm so independent and

658
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 3: do well in life that I don't need them. I

659
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 3: feel like I am nobody to them. I felt like

660
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 3: air every time I saw my grandparents or uncles and

661
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: their families. It feels unfair that I am the only

662
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: one of the cousins who does not get included. My

663
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 3: mother was at my cousin's twelfth birthday a few weeks ago. No,

664
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 3: I didn't get invited, regardless of the divorce and the

665
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 3: hate she got from my dad's parents because the birthday

666
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 3: girl is my mom's goddaughter. My mom then told me

667
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: on the phone about the party and that my grandfather

668
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 3: had asked about my brother, who lives hours away two

669
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 3: and if he's coming to visit them. I then asked

670
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 3: my mother if my grandparents asked about me. My mom

671
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 3: was silent for a moment and then admitted that they

672
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 3: did not ask about me. How nice.

673
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 5: It is so terrible.

674
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 3: I felt like air to them once again.

675
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 5: This is so crazy.

676
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 3: This they all suck oup peace.

677
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 4: Like I don't even know what to say because it's

678
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 4: just one after another.

679
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 5: They just like don't even think you exist.

680
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 3: At this point, I'm like, do you even want to

681
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 3: get invited anymore? Like obviously I know you do. Everyone

682
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 3: wants to be But like my advice would be distance them,

683
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 3: hang out with your brother.

684
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 5: Made Yeah.

685
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 3: So my graduation party is coming next spring and me

686
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 3: and my fiance are thinking about having a wedding sometime

687
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty six or twenty twenty seven. Whoa Florance.

688
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to invite my dad's

689
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 3: parents or my uncles and their families to either of

690
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,239
Speaker 3: the occasions. In a way, why should I if they

691
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 3: are not a part of my life and never invite

692
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: me anywhere. When I have visited my grandparents, it only

693
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,479
Speaker 3: made me feel sad about the exclusion of me and

694
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 3: favoritism towards everybody else. On the other hand, they might

695
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 3: be upset if I don't invite them and they are

696
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 3: family after all? Am I the a hole for not

697
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 3: inviting half of my relatives to my graduation party or wedding?

698
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 3: What would you do in my situation? We do have

699
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 3: an update. You're not the a hole if you don't

700
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 3: invite them, boohoo. If they're sad about it.

701
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 5: Yeah no, totally wedding Yeah there.

702
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 4: I also worry too, like if if she does invite them,

703
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: what their reaction would be?

704
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, like would they even want to go?

705
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 3: Or for rejection of them not wanting to go. If

706
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 3: that case, you could always invite them to graduation and

707
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 3: see how that goes as like a like a test

708
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 3: predecessor for the wedding, like a wedding test. But update,

709
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 3: thank you all for your kind words and congratulations. You

710
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 3: all have made me realize that I am drowning in

711
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 3: sadness over nothing. I am a big people pleaser, and

712
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: your comments and insights have given given me the courage

713
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 3: to not invite them and not let them ruin my celebrations.

714
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 7: Yay.

715
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 3: A lot of you pointed at my dad because he

716
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 3: never stood up for me.

717
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 5: You are right.

718
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,839
Speaker 3: I have told my dad about these feelings I've had

719
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 3: for years. He listened, but never took action and never

720
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 3: said anything to his own dang parents and brothers about it.

721
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 3: I also have to fill you in on what's going

722
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 3: on between my dad and his parents. When my parents

723
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 3: got divorced, my dad moved on pretty quickly. He married

724
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 3: a woman that manipulates my dad a lot and has

725
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 3: created a lot of conflict and tension over the years

726
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 3: between me, daddy's little girl, and my dad. Oh no,

727
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 3: my dad has changed a lot and we are not

728
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,919
Speaker 3: that close anymore because his new wife is in between us.

729
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:54,399
Speaker 3: I moved out at seventeen because of her. Wow, would

730
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 3: you want to hear more about my step double mom.

731
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 3: We've got a little bit more, But what are we thinking?

732
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 4: I would love to hear more about that, the step

733
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 4: dou a mom and another story. Yeah, let us know,

734
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 4: let us know. But yeah, this is just that's so insane.

735
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 4: Please don't invite them.

736
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 3: They stuck and I'm glad you're not inviting them.

737
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

738
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, At first my dad's parents loved his new wife.

739
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 6: Then I don't even know all the details of what

740
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 6: was said and done by the new wife, but the

741
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 6: result is that my dad is not speaking to his

742
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 6: parents or brothers much. Oh man, my grandparents showed up

743
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,240
Speaker 6: to their wedding and barely said a word.

744
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 3: They looked quite uncomfortable in this situation. I get it.

745
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 3: No one besides my dad really likes his new wife.

746
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 3: But yeah, maybe that is part of the reason why

747
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 3: my dad never stood up for me in any way.

748
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 3: And honestly, if my dad says something to his parents

749
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 3: now and they try to reach out to me, I

750
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 3: wouldn't know how to respond at that point. It would

751
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 3: feel so stupid, unwanted, and forced. I am still a

752
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 3: bit sad and angry about the situation, but I am

753
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 3: dealing with my feelings and thoughts. Thank you all for

754
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 3: the support and observations. They helped me a lot hard.

755
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 3: That's the story for Uop.

756
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, it sucks, but right it makes a lot of

757
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 4: sense that you wouldn't even know how to respond.

758
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 5: It's like, okay, well, well.

759
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 4: Do you want to start a relationship now after all

760
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 4: of that, like just pure rejection. It's not even like neglect,

761
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 4: like it's just full of rejectionnoring. Yeah, yeah, it's so

762
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:32,919
Speaker 4: insane rough.

763
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 5: Yeah.

764
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 4: I hope like you, it doesn't seem like you have

765
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 4: some family. Maybe you have some chosen family that yeah is.

766
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 5: Good to you. Yeah. Maybe hopefully your fiance's family too. Yeah.

767
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 5: I have a lot of hope for you.

768
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 4: Good luck to you in your whole journey with this.

769
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 4: I hope you have other support systems because it's crazy.

770
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 3: That is crazy. And that's the end of that story.

771
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 3: But we're gonna go to the next one.

772
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 2: Hey all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

773
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

774
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 2: break from ask for more sponsors.

775
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 8: I keep rejecting my husband's attempts at intimacy, and I

776
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 8: fear it's wearing him down.

777
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 7: Well, yeah, girl, what's wrong.

778
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 8: Sorry for the excessive background, but I feel like it

779
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 8: adds to context. I thirty female, have been with my husband,

780
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 8: thirty two male, for four years. We have a toddler,

781
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 8: two female together and have lived together just as long.

782
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 8: By the way, this comes from user anonymous asker eight

783
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 8: three seven to two. If you want to submit your

784
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 8: own stories, go to the art Silas Showky Storytime sub Bredditt.

785
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah, and we're going to give

786
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 2: you a little bit of good advice goofy.

787
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 8: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

788
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 8: what we would do, so if you would do something different,

789
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 8: let us know in the comments. As Op says, overall,

790
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 8: our relationship is in the middle. We're both stressed because

791
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 8: we had no idea we were expecting until the day

792
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:54,240
Speaker 8: I went into labor.

793
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 2: Yes, I had periods every month.

794
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 8: No, I wasn't emotional over pickles or puking my guts out.

795
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 8: Following I had postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. We've been

796
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 8: extremely tight on money, have family drama on both sides,

797
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 8: and our own personal issues.

798
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 2: I work the most.

799
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 8: And therefore pay around seventy percent of all bills because

800
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 8: my husband's job only has so many hours available, so

801
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 8: I'll work my tail off to make as many tips

802
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 8: and work as many hours as possible just to ensure

803
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 8: we have enough for rent. At the end of the month,

804
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 8: after utilities, groceries and other necessary expenses, we have maybe

805
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 8: one hundred to two hundred dollars left for fun or emergencies.

806
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 8: And no, we don't use door dash or anything like that. Literally,

807
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 8: every penny is rationed because we're teetering towards the edge.

808
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,800
Speaker 8: On top of my work shifts, my commute is almost

809
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 8: two hours one way because I take the bus and train.

810
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 8: He picks me up from work two or so days,

811
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 8: depending on what's going on in how he's feeling, which

812
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 8: shortens the way home to about twenty minutes. So when

813
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 8: I get home, I'm exhausted.

814
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. How is your partner.

815
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 8: Not he's picking you up two days out of the

816
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,720
Speaker 8: week and then the other three days or four days?

817
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 8: Do you have a two hour commute both ways? How

818
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 8: does that even make sense?

819
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

820
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 7: Well, she probably takes like public transportation.

821
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 2: I know. But it's like, why are we not doing

822
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:15,399
Speaker 2: this every day?

823
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 8: Why are we not cutting cutting down the two hours

824
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,919
Speaker 8: to twenty minutes every day? What I mean, in some

825
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 8: cases I get it, but like, just like what that

826
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 8: should be the automatic? It should be like, oh, no,

827
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 8: something happened. I can't get you from work today, right,

828
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,879
Speaker 8: I don't know, So when I get home, I'm exhausted,

829
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 8: my back hurts, my feet hurt.

830
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,280
Speaker 2: I suffer from chronic migraines and gourd.

831
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 8: I just recovered from a kidney infection in which an

832
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 8: ambulance took me from work, and I'm on the brink

833
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 8: of falling asleep just getting home.

834
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 2: My husband takes.

835
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 8: Care of our daughter when he gets home from work,

836
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 8: which is around seven hours before I get home. He's

837
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 8: at the age where she's a handful of better days

838
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 8: and a hurricane on the worst ones. They always make

839
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 8: a point to take over childcare when I get home,

840
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 8: help with dishes while he cooks, and we flip a

841
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 8: co on taking the dogs out. I also make a

842
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 8: point to tell him to go out on our overlapping

843
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 8: days off because I know he's exhausted too, so he

844
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 8: can have some time to himself, but he almost never

845
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 8: takes me up on it, saying he'd rather be with us.

846
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 2: Oh. Ever, since having our daughter, our spicy sleep life

847
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 2: has tang.

848
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 8: We have spicy sleep about once a week, sometimes up

849
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,240
Speaker 8: to three times, but I honestly never have the energy anymore.

850
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 8: My spicey sleep drive went from eighty to five. I've

851
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 8: explained to him multiple times that it's not that I

852
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 8: find him unattractive or anything. I make sure to tell

853
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 8: him every day that I think he's cute or handsome,

854
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:37,720
Speaker 8: to hold him, cuddle him.

855
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 2: Kiss him.

856
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 8: It's literally a problem with my hormone levels. My doctor

857
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 8: even mentioned this was very normal after birth. Ad life's

858
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 8: many obstacles and spicy sleep is the last thing I'm

859
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 8: thinking about.

860
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 2: When I do get in the mood, I let him

861
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:52,359
Speaker 2: know straight up.

862
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 8: I'll tell him I want you to not and we'll

863
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 8: do all the flirtest mex of things to get the

864
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 8: point across. Just for one of us to fall asleep

865
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 8: before we get there, or for our daughter to wake.

866
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 2: Up looking for us. Dang, this sounds like you guys

867
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 2: need help.

868
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, it just seems like it's a lot for two

869
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 7: people and you're financially not stable, and there's not a

870
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 7: lot that you can do. I don't know if like

871
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,879
Speaker 7: you could reach out to family and be like, hey,

872
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 7: we're in a really crappy situation. You know, is there

873
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 7: any way you can help us out, or even like

874
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 7: a gofund me or something like. I feel like it

875
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 7: all kind of narrows down to like the financial thing,

876
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 7: because if you had money, you would be able to

877
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 7: you know, afford like childcare or whatever. I don't know

878
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 7: what you're doing with the baby when you're you know,

879
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 7: out working and whatnot, but I mean, if you're paying

880
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 7: someone to do that, and then you know, also having

881
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 7: to pay for like the you know, the dogs, and

882
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 7: then having to now like provide more food for like

883
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 7: because you have a child now, and then also you know,

884
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 7: all the things, it just seems like too much. Like

885
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 7: me personally, I wouldn't be happy in the situation that

886
00:41:58,440 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 7: that you're in.

887
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't think anyone in the situation is happy,

888
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 8: except maybe the daughter, but that's just because she's two.

889
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 8: So when she's happy, she's happy. And when she's unhappy, oh,

890
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,399
Speaker 8: I'm sure it's terrible. She's Google gaggoing, Yeah, you need

891
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 8: some you need a little support here. The past week,

892
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 8: he's been very forward about wanting to have the spicy

893
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 8: sleep and I've been on the same page, but once again,

894
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 8: life got in the way. First night, I had an

895
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,240
Speaker 8: extra stressful shift that made me just want to be held.

896
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 2: The next night I was down, but he was in

897
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 2: a bad mood.

898
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 8: The third day, we were both into it, but I

899
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 8: wasn't feeling well and started throwing up before we could

900
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 8: do anything.

901
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 4: What no.

902
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 2: Terrible? Today?

903
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 8: I had another long, stressful shift and straight up told

904
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 8: him I wanted us time. My exact words, where I

905
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 8: want to spend some quality time together tonight.

906
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 2: I miss you.

907
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 8: I was expecting that once our daughter was down, he'd

908
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,240
Speaker 8: cuddle up on the couch, watch a movie, talk.

909
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,479
Speaker 2: Make out, then move into the spashish lead.

910
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 8: I spent over an hour trying to get our daughter

911
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 8: to bed, and the moment I came out, he immediately

912
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 8: started pulling up my shirt and bedongling me.

913
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 2: I laughed and said, hold on, I'm babe, not yet.

914
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 8: I was hoping we would, you know, naturally get into it,

915
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 8: and he flipped. He said he was frustrated with me

916
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,720
Speaker 8: for rejecting him all the time, and that he's tired

917
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 8: too and wants intimacy with me. I told him that

918
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 8: I understood and we wanted that too, but that just

919
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,439
Speaker 8: jumping me before I could relax and get comfortable wasn't

920
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 8: the way to get me in the mood.

921
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, buddy, what are we talking about?

922
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 7: Then?

923
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 2: He said, I gave.

924
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 8: Him mixed signals like I always do, and that I'm

925
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,959
Speaker 8: always finding an excuse not to sleep with him, which

926
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 8: isn't true at all. I reiterated that we are both

927
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 8: always tired and that we both fall asleep or have

928
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 8: no energy by the time we try. He said it's

929
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 8: always me who says no. I explained everything about my

930
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 8: hormones being off and how my body has been in

931
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 8: constant fight or flight mode regarding our family's financial stability.

932
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 8: The spicy sleep isn't as on the forefront of my

933
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 8: mind as it used to be. He said, I was

934
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 8: over exaggerating and slighting him, and if I really was

935
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 8: still attracted to him, i'd talked to my doctor about

936
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 8: my hormonal changes and demand a solution for it. Then,

937
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 8: he said I was being an a hole for implying

938
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 8: I wanted to get intimate just to reject him.

939
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: But I wasn't trying to do that at all.

940
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 8: I just wanted to get worked into the mood, not

941
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 8: thrown into it. Immediately after fighting our kid to sleep,

942
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,399
Speaker 8: he stormed out and has been sitting in his car

943
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 8: for the last hour now.

944
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 2: He says he's sleeping there for the night because he's

945
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 2: so mad.

946
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 8: Now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here. No,

947
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 8: I don't think so, but we have comments malice a forethought,

948
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 8: says Info. He picks me up from work two or

949
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 8: so days, depending on what's going on and how he's feeling,

950
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 8: which shortens the way home to about twenty minutes.

951
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: Am I reading this right? He could shorten your commute

952
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 2: home from two hours?

953
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 8: Yes, I'm yelling to only two to one ten minutes,

954
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 8: but it depends on how he's feeling.

955
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 2: I was wondering about this as well. Op says, Yeah.

956
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 8: It mostly comes down to things like gas money versus

957
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 8: what's in the tank, or if our daughter is in

958
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 8: the I'm going to screech at the top of my

959
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 8: lungs NonStop if you make me sit in a car

960
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 8: seat right now mode. But sometimes he's tired from taking

961
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 8: care of her, his own work stuff and dealing with

962
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 8: the family drama going on, or sometimes his friends surprise

963
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 8: him and come over to watch baseball or football with him.

964
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 8: I'm the one who volunteers to take the bus and train,

965
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,720
Speaker 8: mostly because he told me once that he was starting

966
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,959
Speaker 8: to hate driving because of how much he was doing

967
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 8: it for his own work. On top of picking me up.

968
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 8: So we have a set schedule where he picks me

969
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 8: up twice a week and drives me there once. If

970
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 8: we have extra money for the month, he'll call me

971
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 8: an uber.

972
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:37,399
Speaker 2: I really don't like this.

973
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't like that at all. That's kind of well,

974
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 8: I'm starting to hate driving. Get over it.

975
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 2: What do you? Yeah, what do you?

976
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 7: You're a family man now, like take care of your family,

977
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 7: you know.

978
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 3: Like I know.

979
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 7: I mean the guy that I'm seeing he's epileptics, so

980
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 7: he can't drive, and like, I have no problem driving.

981
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 7: I never make it an issue. I'm never like, oh

982
00:45:58,040 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 7: I wish you could drive.

983
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 8: It, like when you're talking about it be so crappy

984
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 8: to do, they're talking about like energy and stuff, and

985
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 8: it's actually kind of a I think, very exhausting to

986
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 8: take public transportation.

987
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 2: For two hours.

988
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, like yeah, you're not driving, but that's exhausting.

989
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 7: But it's just all of the like go stop, go stop, ghostop,

990
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 7: go stop, and it's like, uh, if it could just

991
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 7: go and then.

992
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: Until seething mass of humanity that's all around you.

993
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, So a second car is out of the question

994
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 8: because I used to have a car and a wasted

995
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 8: driver totaled it after hitting me on the freeway at

996
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 8: one hundred and eighteen miles an hour, leaving me hospitalized

997
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 8: for a while. An injury caused by the said driver

998
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 8: makes it incredibly uncomfortable for me to drive. I feel

999
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 8: safer for myself and others by taking public transit. Just

1000
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 8: before the accident, we sold his car since we never

1001
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,479
Speaker 8: used it. Our apartment charges two hundred fifty dollars per car,

1002
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 8: and it was too small to fit the car seat in,

1003
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 8: and we needed the money. We had to use all

1004
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 8: of our savings to buy another car off Facebook market

1005
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 8: and cover the rent while I recovered in the hospital.

1006
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 2: So it's financially impossible for us right now.

1007
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 8: Because trust me, I'd love to drive myself and my

1008
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 8: family anywhere we want, But it's not only not financially feasible,

1009
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 8: but until I've gotten fully better and more confident in

1010
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 8: driving again.

1011
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 2: It's also probably safer for others on the road around me.

1012
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 8: I don't want to have an episode and end up

1013
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 8: blacking out and waking up to find out I caused

1014
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 8: an accident. For reference, my work is twenty eight point

1015
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 8: six miles away from home across a bridge. I live

1016
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 8: in a small town where only one bus route goes

1017
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 8: in and out of it once per hour. That bus

1018
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 8: would take me to the transit station in the next

1019
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 8: town over, where I would either transfer to another bus

1020
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 8: for another hour and thirty seven minute ride, or hop

1021
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 8: on a train for an hour ride. Stop at another station,

1022
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 8: wait thirteen minutes for the same bus that takes an

1023
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 8: hour and a half, then walk seventeen minutes from the

1024
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:51,240
Speaker 8: final stop.

1025
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 2: Oh, it sounds abysmal.

1026
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 7: That's that like actually made me hate my life a

1027
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 7: little bit.

1028
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: Debt.

1029
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 8: That sounds actually the worst thing ever I was at

1030
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 8: least assuming you lived in a city, right, even like

1031
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 8: a small town with one bus.

1032
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,320
Speaker 2: That's absurd. That crazy.

1033
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 8: Your husband needs to step up and start giving you

1034
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 8: a ride.

1035
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 2: Yeah care, she doesn't want to drive.

1036
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 8: In order to get to work by nine thirty in

1037
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 8: the morning, I leave my house at six, walk ten

1038
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 8: minutes to the bus stop, take the fourteen minute bus

1039
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 8: out of town into the next wait for the transfer

1040
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 8: bus or the train, then get to work and make

1041
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 8: the seventeen minute walk to arrive at nine. If I

1042
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 8: took any other bus or train, I would between thirty

1043
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 8: to sixty minutes late, so.

1044
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 2: I have to take that route.

1045
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 8: And unlike a car, the bus and train take a

1046
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:36,879
Speaker 8: particular route that usually stops at every stop, the bus

1047
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 8: doesn't stop at every single stop. The ride cuts down

1048
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 8: to about an hour and fifteen minutes. There are no

1049
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 8: other transfer points that align with the time I need

1050
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 8: to leave in the time I need to arrive. So yeah,

1051
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 8: but the car it's about twenty minutes twenty five with traffic.

1052
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 8: With public transit it's about two hours. And sence it's

1053
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 8: across a bridge and around a lake. Just walking isn't

1054
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 8: an option. Wow, that's all I have to say about that.

1055
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 2: Wow.

1056
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 8: Top Watercress at eight six eighty five says, go to

1057
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 8: your doctor and demand he fix your hormone levels, not

1058
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,280
Speaker 8: because you're depressed or anxious, but because he isn't getting enough. Man,

1059
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 8: what a walking joke at this point, Why isn't he

1060
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 8: looking for a better job to provide for his family

1061
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 8: and take the stress off of you. If his job

1062
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 8: only has so many hours, get another job. Then on

1063
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 8: your days off, he gets to go out. But what

1064
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 8: about you, which we've already determined, he doesn't go out,

1065
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 8: He stays with his family. You pay the majority of

1066
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 8: the bills and you take on the majority of the stress.

1067
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 2: What is he doing?

1068
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 8: Ope, he says, to be fair, he's starting a new

1069
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 8: job with full guaranteed hours in about two weeks, and

1070
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 8: he takes care of.

1071
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 2: Our daughter while I'm away.

1072
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 8: As for my days off, I tell him to go out,

1073
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 8: but he never does. He always wants to stay home

1074
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 8: and he always tells me to go out. Either way,

1075
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 8: we usually just invite both of our friends to our

1076
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 8: place to hang out. And you are not the a hole.

1077
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 8: And there is an update, let's get into it. He

1078
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 8: immediately sat down on the couch where I was sitting,

1079
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 8: but didn't speak to me. He just sat there with

1080
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 8: his arms crossed, but he clearly wanted to say something,

1081
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 8: so I straight up asked him what his deal was,

1082
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 8: and he said that he was starting to feel insecure.

1083
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 8: He said he completely understood where I was coming from

1084
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 8: regarding my hormonal changes and my stress levels and my workload,

1085
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 8: and he appreciates the sacrifices I make to keep us

1086
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:15,399
Speaker 8: above water.

1087
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 2: He just felt like he wasn't enough, not making enough,

1088
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 2: not helping enough, not enough.

1089
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 8: He said he was starting to feel like he wasn't

1090
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 8: wanted or needed because it seemed to him like I

1091
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 8: could have easily taken care of our daughter on my

1092
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 8: own without him, which is insane for him to say

1093
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 8: that does nothing about this red like that to me,

1094
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 8: but like you are both at the very brink of

1095
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 8: ruin unfortunately, which I feel for you.

1096
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 2: It's a hard place to be at.

1097
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,840
Speaker 8: Then when he yelled at me, which he admitted was

1098
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 8: not how he meant to react, he got even more upset,

1099
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 8: not any but at himself forgetting that upset over it

1100
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 8: in the first place. Kudo's to the comment or who

1101
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 8: suggested that could have been a thing. He said he

1102
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 8: felt crappy and embarrassed for reacting like that and didn't

1103
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 8: want to around me because it was making him more

1104
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 8: upset at himself. So we sat in the car, yelled

1105
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 8: at himself and started reminding himself that he wasn't an

1106
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 8: effing child and that he had to be there for

1107
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 8: our family anyway he could, regardless of his emotions. He

1108
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 8: said he was just overwhelmed and overstimulated with all the

1109
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 8: bluey Miss Rachel, super Simple song, sticky Finger, Terrible two screeches,

1110
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 8: and needed me. He also said that part of it

1111
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 8: was our physical intimacy, not just our spicy intimacy. He

1112
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 8: felt like we just didn't touch each other enough, even platonically,

1113
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 8: which reaffirmed to him that I didn't want or need him.

1114
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 8: I pointed out that I hold, touch and kiss him

1115
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 8: all the time, and he probably doesn't notice because he's

1116
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 8: always glued to either his phone or the TV as

1117
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,359
Speaker 8: soon as I get home. He then tried to say

1118
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 8: he wasn't on his phone that much, just that he

1119
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 8: wanted to watch a video or two to decompress now

1120
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 8: that I'm home so he could refresh from the kid's stuff.

1121
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 8: But he finally admitted it when I showed him multiple

1122
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 8: videos and pictures I've taken while doing things with our daughter,

1123
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,439
Speaker 8: playing at the park, watching something on the cow, eating

1124
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 8: at a restaurant, selfies of me and her, et cetera,

1125
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 8: along with Instagram posts from friends and family that have

1126
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 8: him in the background with his nose buried in his

1127
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,960
Speaker 8: phone and earbuds in his ears.

1128
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad we got him to notice.

1129
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 8: That that might be a problem with your intimacy.

1130
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean him just being distracted and then also

1131
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 7: going to blame it on you.

1132
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, being completely non being completely absent and then trying

1133
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 8: to be like.

1134
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 2: Oh, thought, I don't do that that much. Just a

1135
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 2: video or two. You literally have other people's Instagram posts

1136
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 2: to pull up.

1137
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 3: There's so much evidence.

1138
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1139
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 8: Then that became a conversation about his concerns regarding how

1140
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 8: stressful my job is, specifically my bosses and the owners,

1141
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,280
Speaker 8: and how it makes me come home upset and stand

1142
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 8: offish without realizing it. I totally admitted to that, and

1143
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 8: I won't deny that dealing with wasted customers and wasted

1144
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 8: owners all day makes me drier than a desert, not

1145
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,400
Speaker 8: to mention the two hour commute. So we came up

1146
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 8: with a plan to decrease phone and screen time for

1147
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 8: both of us, set up a babysitting schedule with friends

1148
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 8: and family so we can have time alone, and I

1149
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 8: would look into finding a different, closer job with bosses

1150
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 8: who aren't giving away free booze and then making the

1151
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:13,839
Speaker 8: staff pay for it.

1152
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 2: I'm liking where we're headed, I guess you know.

1153
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 7: I feel like there's a game plan set. I want

1154
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 7: to see if.

1155
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 2: That works out.

1156
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 8: We're headed toward compromise city. Yeah, OPI says. He also

1157
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:27,960
Speaker 8: said he'd pick me up more nights so it'll cut

1158
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 8: my commute and use that time to take our daughter

1159
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 8: to the park across the street.

1160
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1161
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,719
Speaker 8: He starts his new job next week as well, which

1162
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 8: should even us oud enough for me to go back

1163
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,439
Speaker 8: to working normal hours again so we can spend more

1164
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:40,720
Speaker 8: time together as a family.

1165
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 2: We also plan on doing more things outside of the.

1166
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 8: House together, so neither of us are on our phones,

1167
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,399
Speaker 8: giving our baby and each other are full attention, and

1168
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 8: we're using our pent up energy more productively. He's also

1169
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 8: promised that next time he's this pent up, he'll talk

1170
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,240
Speaker 8: to me about it calmly. So yeah, that's that. Thanks

1171
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 8: again to all everyone who commented. You are appreciated. And

1172
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 8: that is the end of that story.

1173
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1174
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1175
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 7: My wife wants to replace our deceased dog, but she

1176
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 7: can't even take care of herself.

1177
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:17,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you might want to start with that first.

1178
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,959
Speaker 8: There's gonna be a trigger warning for this video for

1179
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 8: an acute depressive episode, just putting that out there. If

1180
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 8: you can't hear a description of that, I would not

1181
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 8: listen to this.

1182
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 7: Me thirty six male and my wife together fourteen years,

1183
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 7: married for twelve. My wife thirty six, female, has always

1184
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:39,240
Speaker 7: struggled with depression. In twenty eleven, she witnessed her mother's passing.

1185
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 7: She was diagnosed with PTSD and was in therapy for

1186
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,520
Speaker 7: about a year afterwards, which she said she found very helpful.

1187
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 7: Last summer she went to see the same therapist wanting

1188
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 7: help with the depression, but did not find it helpful

1189
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 7: that time. You told me the doctor seemed boring and

1190
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 7: dismissive of her rich people problems.

1191
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 2: Ooh oh.

1192
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:01,919
Speaker 7: She stopped going after that about six weeks. By the way,

1193
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:05,799
Speaker 7: this comes from user wife dog Ta And if you

1194
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:08,720
Speaker 7: want to submit your story is go to the Okay

1195
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:13,240
Speaker 7: storytime subreddit. I am Savannah, I'm Dakota, and we're here

1196
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 7: to give you some good advice.

1197
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:15,320
Speaker 5: Goofully.

1198
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 7: But that doesn't mean we have all the answers. We're

1199
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 7: just gonna give our opinion on what we do, but

1200
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 7: we'd love to know what you would do in the comments.

1201
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 7: As op says, in August of twenty sixteen, we adopted

1202
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 7: an older dog from a shelter rex because I work

1203
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 7: long hours and have a long commute and my wife

1204
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:35,280
Speaker 7: works a flexible schedule. At home, Rex was primarily her responsibility.

1205
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 7: She told me at the time that she felt like

1206
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 7: the dog had cured her mental health issues, and it

1207
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:43,879
Speaker 7: did seem like that from the outside. While we had him,

1208
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 7: she had no depressive episodes and was generally happier and

1209
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 7: less sensitive. The most obvious thing was that she slept better,

1210
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 7: as both the depression and the PTSD had messed up

1211
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 7: her sleep. At the beginning of September this year, Rex

1212
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 7: passed away. My wife has totally fallen a part in

1213
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 7: a way similar to a depressive episode for about a

1214
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,759
Speaker 7: month now. Not sleeping, not eating, slash Bingetine doesn't want

1215
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 7: to get up or shower or get dressed, disinterested in everything,

1216
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 7: not doing any cooking, shopping, housework. I haven't said anything

1217
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,839
Speaker 7: about that last part, but we usually split the chores

1218
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 7: in a very specific way. Certain ones are hers and

1219
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 7: certain ones are mine, and I've been struggling to do

1220
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 7: them all when I come home, So the house is

1221
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 7: a bit of a wreck. Her main client, who provides

1222
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:32,359
Speaker 7: the majority of her work and income, actually fired her

1223
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 7: because apparently she was making lots of promises and not

1224
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,560
Speaker 7: delivering on any of the work. She told me this

1225
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 7: kind of offhandedly and didn't seem to care. She only

1226
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,439
Speaker 7: talks about two things, Wrex and getting a new dog.

1227
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,880
Speaker 7: She believes that if we got a new dog, she

1228
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 7: would be fine again. I want that to be true, obviously,

1229
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:51,240
Speaker 7: and I'd happily get a new dog if that's the case.

1230
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 7: But part of me feels like she needs to process

1231
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 7: her brief and get her work life and her mental

1232
00:56:56,480 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 7: health under control first. I'm afraid of leaving her alone

1233
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 7: with a new pet that needs to be cared for

1234
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 7: and eased into its new home when she can barely

1235
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,760
Speaker 7: get out of bed and feed herself. My schedule doesn't

1236
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 7: really allow for me to take care of a dog

1237
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,760
Speaker 7: properly if she's not able to do it right away.

1238
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,439
Speaker 7: I haven't really told her how I feel yet. Even

1239
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,120
Speaker 7: though she talks a lot about wanting a new dog,

1240
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:20,120
Speaker 7: she hasn't pushed for us to actually get in that

1241
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 7: car and go to the shelter yet. I think in

1242
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 7: part because getting dressed and going outside feels like an

1243
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 7: ordeal that she avoids in general. So it's not like

1244
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 7: we're fighting about it or anything. But I can't tell

1245
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 7: if I'm prolonging her suffering by not getting her a

1246
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 7: dog if it will indeed fix everything, and or if

1247
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 7: getting a new dog is as bad as an idea

1248
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 7: as it feels to me right now, I'd really appreciate

1249
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 7: some outside input. There is an edit here just to

1250
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 7: clarify a few things. I definitely want to get us

1251
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,800
Speaker 7: a new dog sooner than later, and I do believe

1252
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 7: it will help my wife, just like Rex did. However,

1253
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 7: as a user guest, when we got Rex in twenty sixteen,

1254
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 7: my wife had her issues fairly under control. She had

1255
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 7: a bad day here and there, trouble sleeping and organizing

1256
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 7: her time, and chose to go see her old therapist,

1257
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 7: but was totally functional and overall enjoyed life. Notably, her

1258
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 7: bad days never affected her work. She knew how to

1259
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 7: prioritize and let other stuff slide first slash, ask for

1260
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 7: my help, and when necessary, she was able to explain

1261
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 7: to her clients some version of what was happening and

1262
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 7: why she needed more time, and always got the work

1263
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:29,479
Speaker 7: done in a reasonable time frame, which is to say

1264
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 7: Rex was a huge help. But starting from a place

1265
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 7: where I had no concerns about her ability to take

1266
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 7: care of a dog, in fourteen years, I have only

1267
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 7: seen her have one other episode this bad, that lasted

1268
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 7: this long. I was honestly really alarmed by what happened

1269
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:47,440
Speaker 7: with her biggest client. I think they would have been

1270
00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 7: understanding if she told them what was happening or referred

1271
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 7: them to someone else, but she instead kept promising she'd

1272
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,200
Speaker 7: get it done and then she'd stop answering their emails

1273
00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 7: until they fired her.

1274
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1275
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean I think the solution here is maybe

1276
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 8: not because that user is right.

1277
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,160
Speaker 2: It's like now is not the time to get the

1278
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 2: next dog.

1279
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 8: I think that can happen down the line, but it's

1280
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 8: like he needs like acute mental health, like therapy assistance,

1281
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 8: like of some kind.

1282
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,240
Speaker 7: Like I know there's like emotional support animals, like obviously

1283
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,160
Speaker 7: there are like animals in training specifically for those things,

1284
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 7: but unfortunately animals aren't forever, so you do have to

1285
00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 7: do your part as well as just like you can't

1286
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 7: put everything on this and then once that's gone and

1287
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 7: it's like I'm lost, then you're in a worst position.

1288
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 8: Just it would be a gamble to get like a

1289
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,720
Speaker 8: new puppy or a new dog right now that she

1290
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 8: would be taken care of. And yeah, I don't know

1291
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 8: it's just it's a mental health specialist.

1292
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, I agree new therapy. Yes, it's not that I

1293
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,000
Speaker 7: don't want her to have a dog. I'm just concerned

1294
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 7: about getting one right at this moment when she doesn't

1295
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 7: seem able to care for one, and I'm definitely not

1296
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 7: not able to do it for a long time while

1297
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 7: she gradually works up to it, both because of my

1298
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 7: work schedule and because I'm pretty burned down and exhausted

1299
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 7: from taking care of her and the house and now

1300
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 7: becoming essentially our sole source of income. We live in

1301
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 7: a condo in the city with no yard, and my

1302
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 7: wife loves large breed dogs. Rex was huge, which means

1303
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 7: it's not as simple as letting the dog outside, and

1304
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 7: it's hard to do it in baby steps. My wife

1305
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,560
Speaker 7: would have to regularly take the dog some distance away

1306
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 7: to find green space and go on long walks last jogs,

1307
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 7: as she did with Rex, and I'm worried about what

1308
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 7: a big change that will be. All that said, I've

1309
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 7: read and appreciate all of your comments, and I messaged

1310
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 7: my wife to suggest we go to the shelter on

1311
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 7: Friday evening and see if there's a dog that's right

1312
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 7: for us. I can take Monday and Tuesday off of work,

1313
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 7: so at least we'll all be together for four days

1314
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 7: slash nights, which is hopefully enough time to see if

1315
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 7: it's something my wife can handle right now or not.

1316
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 7: The shelter lets you bring a dog back if it's

1317
01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 7: not a good fit, and they convert your adoption feed

1318
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 7: to a donation. If the dog turns out to be

1319
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 7: as stabilizing as most of you suggest, then I can

1320
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 7: talk to my wife some more about therapy or other

1321
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 7: long term solutions. When she's in a place to hear

1322
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 7: that thank you again for your input.

1323
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:12,840
Speaker 5: I feel like that's good.

1324
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 2: I like this. Yeah, I like this.

1325
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 7: He's being very like patient and caring about it. He

1326
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 7: wants to see his wife in a good headspace. But

1327
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 7: he also knows that she like this is going to

1328
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:25,520
Speaker 7: help her. But there you also do need to do

1329
01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 7: the work yourself.

1330
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, you gotta be patient and caring because very seldom

1331
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 8: will just like the iron fist of like you need therapy,

1332
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 8: you can't have a dog like that's not gonna help her.

1333
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:37,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's gonna make her go back into her She gotta.

1334
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 2: Be gentle, be a little.

1335
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 7: So we have some comments comment number one, Emotional support

1336
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 7: animals are increasingly being recognized as a valuable treatment for

1337
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 7: people with mental health issues. They work. It's a real thing.

1338
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 7: Your wife obviously needs other help as well, but she

1339
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 7: has clearly found an animal helpful and didn't have problems

1340
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:02,000
Speaker 7: meeting your previous pets needs. I don't really see why

1341
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 7: another dog wouldn't help. I do want to emphasize that

1342
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 7: just getting a dog isn't a catch all, fixed to everything, though.

1343
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 7: She also needs to find a psychologist she can work

1344
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,400
Speaker 7: with on an ongoing basis. There are lots out there

1345
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 7: and not everyone is a good fit. It can take

1346
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:19,480
Speaker 7: a few tries, and seeking at least a consult with

1347
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:24,600
Speaker 7: a psychiatrist would probably be helpful too. I agree. I

1348
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:28,960
Speaker 7: think that that's perfect agreed common number two. Are you

1349
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 7: feeling a bit resentful that your wife can get herself

1350
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 7: together for an animal but not for you?

1351
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 3: Oh?

1352
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 2: Did not read that at all?

1353
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, No, that wasn't what I thought was in the cards.

1354
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:42,320
Speaker 7: That would be a very valid way to feel. When

1355
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:44,880
Speaker 7: she's functioning better, you can tell her that you need

1356
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 7: her support as well as being there to support her.

1357
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 7: But it's because animals don't know what's going on, and

1358
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:54,960
Speaker 7: can't look after themselves, but still respond positively to people,

1359
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 7: and that makes them so valuable for mental health care.

1360
01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 8: Okay, yes, sure, don't think that he's at all jealous

1361
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 8: of anim No, I don't think that.

1362
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 2: I don't think that at all. There's an update.

1363
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 7: Oh, this is not a happy update.

1364
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 8: No, okay, everyone get ready.

1365
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 7: This is not a happy update. As everyone advised, we

1366
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 7: adopted a new dog that weekend, an eighteen month old

1367
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:23,240
Speaker 7: yellow lab Spot. When we met her in the shelter yard,

1368
01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 7: she was sweet and playful with us in the shelter volunteers.

1369
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 7: I made sure to be very upfront with the adoption

1370
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 7: counselor with all of our limitations. We live in a

1371
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 7: condo without a yard. All our neighbors have dogs Slash.

1372
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 7: Our neighborhood is filled with dogs. Our only experience is

1373
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 7: with Rex, and easy going older dog. We have lots

1374
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:42,240
Speaker 7: of little kids in our extended family who liked to visit.

1375
01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 7: They assured us we do fine with Spots. She did

1376
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 7: great in her behavioral assessments at the shelter. She lived

1377
01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 7: with dogs, cats, and small children previously, and the previous

1378
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:53,160
Speaker 7: owner said she'd loved the dog.

1379
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:53,439
Speaker 2: Park.

1380
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 7: Well, it's been just under a month and Spot is

1381
01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:59,480
Speaker 7: a nightmare and not at all how she was described.

1382
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 7: My wife has definitely come out of her depressive episode,

1383
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 7: but she is drowning trying to work on all of

1384
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 7: Spot's myriad behavioral problems. I took off more time from

1385
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 7: work to take Spot to a professional trainer, and after

1386
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 7: three sessions, the trainers said he baffled by.

1387
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:19,400
Speaker 8: The way even the professional trainers like, I don't know

1388
01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:20,600
Speaker 8: what to do about this dog.

1389
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 2: It's like it's like it doesn't even know how to

1390
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 2: speak dog.

1391
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's crazy that the trainer was like, I'm baffled

1392
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 7: by this.

1393
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:32,280
Speaker 2: Sometimes owning a dog is hard, yeah.

1394
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 7: And sometimes you think that it's gonna work out and

1395
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:35,720
Speaker 7: then they are a nightmare and it's really hard to train.

1396
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 7: And every dog is different, like just because you know,

1397
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 7: there are specific breeds that you know, people are like, oh,

1398
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 7: this breed is smart, this breed is dumb, this breed

1399
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 7: is this, this breeds that. They also have very many

1400
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:47,800
Speaker 7: different personalities.

1401
01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 8: There are people, they are little personalities in a dog body.

1402
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:55,720
Speaker 7: Yeah, so we do have a little bit awe of this.

1403
01:04:56,280 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 7: So a different trainer from a different organization is coming

1404
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,240
Speaker 7: to our house this weekend. But to me, Spots seems

1405
01:05:02,280 --> 01:05:06,760
Speaker 7: straight up dangerous, and she like has to go back.

1406
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:12,400
Speaker 7: It's a no unalive shelter, so this isn't an unethical choice.

1407
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 7: Though obviously we've made Spot worse from whatever we've been

1408
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:17,520
Speaker 7: doing slashs not doing, and it will traumatize her to

1409
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 7: be abandoned a second time. I agree, that's all our

1410
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:22,560
Speaker 7: fault and we're the worst.

1411
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 3: You don't need to tell me.

1412
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 8: Hey, I mean, I wasn't gonna say that, but sure,

1413
01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:32,800
Speaker 8: I don't think you're the worst. I think that it

1414
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 8: didn't work out with the dog. Yeah, couldn't have it

1415
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 8: dissipated that you wanted it to work out. It's been months, yeah,

1416
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:39,840
Speaker 8: not like it was a week.

1417
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:42,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, you put in the hard time and work and

1418
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:45,600
Speaker 7: it just didn't work out, and that's unfortunate. My wife

1419
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 7: agrees that Spot needs to go back, but she is

1420
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 7: also beating herself up about it, saying clearly she is

1421
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 7: unfit to have dogs at all. No, no, no, no, ever,

1422
01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 7: she's the worst dog owner ever, and after we take

1423
01:05:56,520 --> 01:06:04,760
Speaker 7: Spot back, she never wants another. Oh no, though it

1424
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:08,720
Speaker 7: did backfire, I'm sure, Yeah, this could have went so

1425
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:10,840
Speaker 7: many ways, and I'm sad that it went in the

1426
01:06:11,560 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 7: not good way.

1427
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, it's not just trying to tell her.

1428
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:18,400
Speaker 2: It's not about you being a bad owner. It's about

1429
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 2: Spot just being a peculiar little creature.

1430
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 7: I asked her, then, what she intends to do about

1431
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 7: her depression is She repeated that Rex was the only

1432
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:29,080
Speaker 7: thing that ever helped, but that she'd make the effort

1433
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 7: in other ways, therapy, exercises, et cetera.

1434
01:06:31,240 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 2: Advice peace, and.

1435
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 7: There are some comments comment number one ps I'll add

1436
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:40,320
Speaker 7: that I volunteer at a shelter and it's not uncommon

1437
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 7: for pets to come back. The shelter would rather that

1438
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:45,920
Speaker 7: happen than have everyone involved, including the pet, be unhappy

1439
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 7: in the wrong situation. So seriously, don't feel too guilty.

1440
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:50,560
Speaker 7: I agree with that.

1441
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:52,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really not that baby deal.

1442
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:56,440
Speaker 7: Yeah a reply. My local shelter even has a policy

1443
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:58,919
Speaker 7: where within two weeks you can bring a dog back

1444
01:06:58,960 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 7: and adopt another without paying the fee. Again, for this

1445
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:05,080
Speaker 7: exact reason, they want people to adopt the right dog.

1446
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 2: Comment to this sucks, Yeah, yes it does.

1447
01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 7: You're right comment too, And I'm flabbergasted that the shelter

1448
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,800
Speaker 7: seemed to think a young yellow lab would be happy

1449
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 7: in a condo with no yard. Those dogs are big,

1450
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 7: very active. In eighteen months is around the time they

1451
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 7: typically test their owner's dominance.

1452
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:30,440
Speaker 2: That's true. Dang, So, yeah, you got bad advice from

1453
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:30,880
Speaker 2: the shelter.

1454
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:36,080
Speaker 7: Yeah there is a reply. Yeah, this is on the shelter. Frankly,

1455
01:07:36,240 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 7: op and wife need to adopt an older dog. I free,

1456
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:43,360
Speaker 7: actually older, like at least five or six years. Another reply,

1457
01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:45,720
Speaker 7: People really do need to consider the breed and not

1458
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:48,320
Speaker 7: just the size. There are high and low energy dogs

1459
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:50,960
Speaker 7: that both ends of the size range. People can't just

1460
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:53,360
Speaker 7: pick one that scales to the amount of physical space

1461
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 7: they have and that that's literally the end.

1462
01:07:56,480 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 2: And what is the end of that?

1463
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:02,720
Speaker 7: Oh well, I that you brought spot back and maybe

1464
01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 7: I agree with the last reply. I think an older

1465
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:09,080
Speaker 7: dog might be better suited for you guys, if you

1466
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:13,200
Speaker 7: actually needed and wanted a dog. I think the older

1467
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:15,480
Speaker 7: the dog the better because then they're on like your

1468
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:18,600
Speaker 7: kind of wavelength to and they don't require much.

1469
01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 8: And just you know, be gentle with your wife. Hey, look,

1470
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,000
Speaker 8: I'm shore with these comments, being like, I work in

1471
01:08:25,040 --> 01:08:25,439
Speaker 8: a shelter.

1472
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:27,680
Speaker 2: It's not a weird thing. You have to take a

1473
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:29,760
Speaker 2: dog back. You're not terrible people, you know.

1474
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:36,400
Speaker 8: I think she's it is concerning how linked up your

1475
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:40,880
Speaker 8: wife's mental health is with like a dog being present

1476
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:42,840
Speaker 8: in the home, or being able to take care of

1477
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,040
Speaker 8: a dog, or owning a dog. I think that that

1478
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 8: needs to be addressed in a more realistic or a

1479
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:53,880
Speaker 8: more just just a healthier direct way where it's like,

1480
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:57,320
Speaker 8: let's get to the root of the issue and they

1481
01:08:57,439 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 8: start to address it in a way that's not dependent

1482
01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:03,240
Speaker 8: on something outside of us and start from within ourselves.

1483
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:03,519
Speaker 5: Yep.