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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick tum minute ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend started hinting at marriage, but I think she

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Speaker 3: might be a gold digger.

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Speaker 1: Oh she's out there in the mines panning for.

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Speaker 3: Gold throwaway because she knows my real account. I'm also

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Speaker 3: an Italian and prefer Warrio to Mario. Little background. I've

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Speaker 3: only had two long term relationships before her, my high

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Speaker 3: school girlfriend whom I was with for six years sixteen

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Speaker 3: to twenty two, and my other girlfriend, whom I was

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Speaker 3: with for four years twenty six to thirty. Both breakups

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Speaker 3: were amicable, no infidelity or shady things happening.

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Speaker 1: They were primarily my.

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Speaker 3: Faults due to how I prioritized sub passing away slash

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Speaker 3: work over them. By the way, this comes from Doc Warrio,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to our show's stories. I'm subredded, so I'm still friends

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Speaker 3: with my second girlfriend, who is now married to a

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Speaker 3: good man and has two kids. In between those relationships

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Speaker 3: and before I met my current girlfriend. I've been keeping

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Speaker 3: things casual, no commitment. I met my current girlfriend six

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Speaker 3: months ago at a bar while out with some friends,

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Speaker 3: and as corny as it sounds, it was love at

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Speaker 3: first sight. She was unquestionably the most gorgeous woman I've

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Speaker 3: ever seen, easily fifteen out of ten. We got to talking,

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Speaker 3: went on some amazing dates, and made things official after

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Speaker 3: one month. I was just enamored by her sense of humor,

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Speaker 3: how enthusiastic and exciting she was, and always in awe

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Speaker 3: of her beauty. Although we don't have too many interests

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Speaker 3: in common, the chemistry is tremendous and I've never felt

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Speaker 3: so strongly attached to anyone before. We already said we

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Speaker 3: loved each other after four months in and I truly

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Speaker 3: believe it right. But lately some things started to bother me.

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Speaker 1: Dakota Yes.

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Speaker 3: When she introduced me to her friends, she bragged about

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Speaker 3: me being a doctor. Oh a waio doctor. Why is

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Speaker 3: this a problem?

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Speaker 1: I'm what?

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Speaker 3: It was seemingly lighthearted, so I laughed, ha huh and

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Speaker 3: went jokingly bragged about it too. When she introduced me

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Speaker 3: to her parents, she did the same thing, but with

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Speaker 3: a bit more Gusto this time, I mean, we already

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Speaker 3: know what's happening. Over the last month and a half,

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Speaker 3: she's been talking more and more about marriage and kiddos.

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Speaker 3: Although we never quite explicitly said that we would get

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Speaker 3: married and have kids, the hints are strong though. Last

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Speaker 3: week we went to a charity event she was involved in,

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Speaker 3: and every single person she introduced me to that night

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Speaker 3: she said the same thing. Hello, this is my lovely boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: And the man I will spend my life with, Doc Warrio.

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Speaker 3: He's a cardiologist, you know, hah. I've always been fairly

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Speaker 3: monest about what I do, so it was uncomfortable for

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Speaker 3: me to hear her gush about my job to strangers.

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Speaker 3: I was feeling uncomfortable, what's mild and went along with

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Speaker 3: it so as to not damper her mood. And the

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Speaker 3: man I will spend my life with part hit me

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Speaker 3: like a speeding truck. She didn't say future husband, but

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Speaker 3: af me. I don't know what her implication was. I

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Speaker 3: love my girlfriend, and I did believe prior to all

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Speaker 3: this that I would eventually marry her and have children

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Speaker 3: with her. I didn't expect this to come up five

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Speaker 3: efing months months in now fearing that she's just a

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Speaker 3: little gold digger and is using me as a provider.

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Speaker 3: She moved in after three months. Okay, we should have

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Speaker 3: mentioned that part.

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Speaker 1: She moved in after three.

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Speaker 4: Months again, But it's like whirlwind, whirlwind. Maybe there are

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Speaker 4: stories or that works. It's not like they're twenty they're

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Speaker 4: in their thirties, you know what I mean. I feel

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Speaker 4: like at this point, would I feel like I'm twenty nine,

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Speaker 4: and at this point if I was with somebody and

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Speaker 4: it's like I knew, I would know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then it's like, well, we don't have to wait.

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Speaker 4: Let's not wait three years before we move in, because

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Speaker 4: we're in our thirties. We already know what it's like

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Speaker 4: to live with another person. And if it doesn't work,

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Speaker 4: it doesn't work. There's no need for us to like.

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Speaker 4: If it is what it is, if it's that real

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Speaker 4: deal Holy Field type stuff, ye, then you know. But

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Speaker 4: it's not always the case.

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Speaker 3: Not always the case. I truly hope that that isn't

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Speaker 3: the case, but the signs are sure seem to point

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Speaker 3: to it, and if it is that way, think I'll

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Speaker 3: break up with her. So I'm here to ask am

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Speaker 3: I overthinking this or is this the worst truth overtha?

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Speaker 3: I pray to God I'm looking too far into it,

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Speaker 3: but now that I'm actually reading what I wrote, this

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Speaker 3: is terrifying. I can't even confront her about this for

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Speaker 3: fear of turning her away from me. I can't accuse

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Speaker 3: her of using me for money and still expect her

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Speaker 3: to stay with me or respect me after that. All right,

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Speaker 3: and we got a freaking update my guy.

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Speaker 1: Can Can I go? Because I have a dude, go

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Speaker 1: for it, So go for it. This dude is over thinking,

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Speaker 1: would you agree?

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Speaker 3: I think he's considering everything and the possibility of him

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Speaker 3: being locked down or with someone's hitting him, and this

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Speaker 3: is always reacting well.

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Speaker 4: That I think we've learned that that's not even what

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Speaker 4: he's concerned about. He was talking about. He's talking about

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Speaker 4: the gold digging is being his concern because he's like

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Speaker 4: I would I would have already. I kind of already

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Speaker 4: wanted to marry this woman, but now she's bringing it

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Speaker 4: up and it's making me think she's a gold digger.

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Speaker 4: It's like, brother, you literally were like, she's perfect, she's got.

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Speaker 3: Our personalities are different, but we work and all that,

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Speaker 3: but we're also not there at the party. We don't

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Speaker 3: know how she's gushing over him. Is you're like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: he's a doctor. He's like, oh yeah, he's a doctor.

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Speaker 4: I think if this girl is perfect in every way,

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Speaker 4: and the thing that has you messed up is you're like,

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Speaker 4: what if she just wants me for my money?

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Speaker 1: You file that away, you keep that in mind.

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Speaker 4: You say, I'm gonna I'm gonna keep this to the forefront,

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Speaker 4: because you're right, there's nothing you can go to and

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Speaker 4: press her about. You can't be like, are you a

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Speaker 4: gold digger. It's not like she's gonna be like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: you got me, even if she was. It's just something

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Speaker 4: you got to stay aware of. And then, you know,

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Speaker 4: I think a good example would be, like, imagine you

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Speaker 4: were this worried about, like, well, what if my wife

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Speaker 4: like breaks her arm like a couple of years into

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Speaker 4: our marriage and then we have to go to the

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Speaker 4: doctor and I have to like help her with her arm.

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Speaker 4: Like that's the same like kind of that feels like

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Speaker 4: the same way that you're worrying about whether or not

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Speaker 4: she's a gold digger. Yeah, it's like that will you

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Speaker 4: can't worry about that. You gotta worry about that down

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Speaker 4: the line down alone. If you weren't in love with

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Speaker 4: this woman, I'd be like, yeah, fair, it does seem

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Speaker 4: like she's rushing, but it's like, oh, you gushed about

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Speaker 4: you called her a fifteen out of ten.

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Speaker 1: Fifteen is that's strong? It's very strong. It's a strong rating.

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Speaker 1: Oh we got an update. Update she's a gold diner. No, Oh,

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Speaker 1: dang it. Everything I said is part line.

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Speaker 3: I was fairly certain of this before I spoke to her,

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Speaker 3: due to a particular comment that argued this point in

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Speaker 3: bullet form. Shout out to user nation. Seven year age

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Speaker 3: gap not the biggest, but a twenty five year old

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Speaker 3: retail worker is worlds apart from a thirty three year

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Speaker 3: old cardiology in many ways, many ways, few common insurance

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Speaker 3: certainly not a necessity, but often people in relationships share

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Speaker 3: at least some interests. Short courtship. Again, there's no hard

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Speaker 3: rule about this, but the cohabitation after three months is

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Speaker 3: generally frowned upon because neither party really knows what they're

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Speaker 3: getting into. Introduces you as a doctor. I get to

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Speaker 3: introduce you to her parents as the doctor. That would

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Speaker 3: make any parent happy about the situation, but to everyone else,

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Speaker 3: shouldn't it be just my wonderful boyfriend. Income disparity. Again,

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Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with people from two different economic groups

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Speaker 3: falling in love, but the gap has to be relatively large.

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Speaker 3: No hinting at marriage and kids after six months, dude.

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Speaker 3: As much as you don't know her, she doesn't really

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Speaker 3: know you. It's certainly possible that she's just immature. But

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Speaker 3: with everything else past relationship history from the comments, having

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Speaker 3: lots of short relationships is again not a bad thing

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Speaker 3: in and of itself. But if you guys were to

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Speaker 3: wonder why they were so short, was.

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Speaker 1: It the guys? Could it be?

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Speaker 3: But the common denominator is her financial contribution from the comments,

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Speaker 3: she does a good tribute to your share of household. Now,

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Speaker 3: if this was discussed and established beforehand, well, whatever works

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Speaker 3: for you, guys, And she works in retail, so she

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Speaker 3: can't be an equal contributor to you. But it seems

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Speaker 3: like you have taken on the provider role as a

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Speaker 3: default without actually talking about it. So all of these

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Speaker 3: things taken together would certainly indicate that she is a

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Speaker 3: gold digger. But I was still wanting to talk it

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Speaker 3: out in the hopes that I could be wrong.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So with.

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Speaker 3: All these points that he has here. She just works

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Speaker 3: in retail. She might look at you as a provider

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Speaker 3: and might want to be a stay at home mom.

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Speaker 3: I feel like there's a lot of minds, maybe's wills, ifs,

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Speaker 3: and not a lot of.

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Speaker 1: This is how I feel.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's not a lot of what I want open

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Speaker 4: communication going on here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And instead of being like are you a gold digger?

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Speaker 4: You need to ask her like the important questions, what

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Speaker 4: do you want out of this relationship?

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Speaker 3: Right on Saturday night, I took her out to dinner

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Speaker 3: at a meh level restaurant. First open was that she

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Speaker 3: got a bit miffed and asked why we weren't going

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Speaker 3: to an elegant restaurant like we usually do. I said,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to spend hundreds on a mill that night.

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Speaker 3: I could tell she was annoyed.

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Speaker 1: That's yeah, red flag honestly, Yeah, huge red flag right there. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Food at the mediocre restaurant was still great, but she

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Speaker 3: wasn't very happy during the meal. After dinner, we came

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Speaker 3: home and I told her I needed to speak to

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Speaker 3: her about future plans.

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Speaker 1: First.

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Speaker 3: I explained that we needed to spend less on luxuries

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Speaker 3: and save up for retirement and for my other projects.

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Speaker 3: This is also true, as I do intend to retire

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Speaker 3: within the next twenty years. I'm looking to get into

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Speaker 3: real estate. She was upset about this. Next I told

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Speaker 3: her I don't have any interest in marrying soon or

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Speaker 3: having kids yet. This wasn't a lie. I truly do

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Speaker 3: not want to get married or have children yet. She

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Speaker 3: got upset again, saying, I'm just getting older and soon

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Speaker 3: I won't be able to have a family. She said,

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Speaker 3: it's not fair to her for me to keep stringing

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Speaker 3: her along without committing, and this caused me to do

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Speaker 3: a double take with the f I let her move

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Speaker 3: in with me. I pay all the bills, I buy

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Speaker 3: her tons of crap all the time, and I'm strictly monogamous.

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Speaker 3: What other commitment aside from the fancy wedding is there?

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Speaker 1: BOPI really said, like, who, I know? You're not talking

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Speaker 1: to me, So who is it? Who is it you're

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Speaker 1: talking to? Guess it's not me guy, it's not this guy.

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Speaker 4: I'll tell you that it's not the guy paying for

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Speaker 4: everything and then you let you move in.

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Speaker 1: Not this guy.

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Speaker 3: I told her this, and she was now visibly frustrated.

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Speaker 3: She said she wants marriage and children soon. I told

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Speaker 3: her she can do that with another person since we're

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Speaker 3: not on the same page. She started yelling at me

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Speaker 3: for being an a hole. So I told her that

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Speaker 3: one day I would marry her, probably within the next

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Speaker 3: three to four years. I thought this was reasonable enough,

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Speaker 3: but she said she wants marriage now to be Miser's

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Speaker 3: Dark Warrio by this time next year. And I told

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Speaker 3: her that we could definitely get married early, but only

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Speaker 3: if we get a prena. I'm for a good prenup.

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Speaker 3: Fun fact, I'm all for this relationship ending. Dude, Like,

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Speaker 3: what is it like, she yelled at me. So I

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Speaker 3: told her I'd marry her in like three or four years.

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Speaker 4: What you know, it's over right, It's gonna be over

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Speaker 4: to probably like put it all out like.

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Speaker 1: This is what this is what it looked like. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna save for retirement and I want to own

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Speaker 1: real estate. She's like, oh God, you're so boring, and

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Speaker 1: just marry me and let me have kids. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: She flipped out, screaming that I don't trust her, and

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Speaker 3: then I think lowly of her. I brought up every

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Speaker 3: point nation did. I mentioned everything from the income disparity

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Speaker 3: to the astoundingly fast pace of the relationship, to her

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Speaker 3: constant parading me around as a doctor. I told her

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Speaker 3: that all of those facts, as well as her present

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Speaker 3: behavior proved to me she's a gold digger, and I

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Speaker 3: told her we're done. At this point, she breaks down

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Speaker 3: into tears and is mumbling incoherently. I tell her I'll

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Speaker 3: help her find an apartment and cover expenses for a month.

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Speaker 3: Called her friend, who was on good terms with me,

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Speaker 3: to pick her up. She left soon after without much protest.

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Speaker 3: She's still her friends. She's been texting me asking if

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Speaker 3: she can come home. I agreed, and she's coming back tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: I'll serve her the eviction notice tomorrow. I plan to

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Speaker 3: help her search for her affordable housing, and I'm willing

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Speaker 3: to get her on her feet. I know she's a

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Speaker 3: gold digger and doesn't deserve this courtesy, but the last

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Speaker 3: five months have been pretty great and I feel like

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Speaker 3: it's the least I can do, and eventually we will

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Speaker 3: phase out into no contact. But please, don't you ever

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Speaker 3: go non contact with us.

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Speaker 1: There's no reason to. There's really no reason to. After

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Speaker 1: this one.

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Speaker 3: Go to Spotify, go to Apple, look up Okay, storytime

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Speaker 3: and boom, you can be in contact with us.

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Speaker 4: We got stories literally NonStop contact for forty eight straight

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Speaker 4: days of full episodes of the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Just a story like this, don't go no contact chat.

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Speaker 3: What are we thinking, Dakota, you got what you wished for?

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, at first I was wishing the

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Speaker 1: other way.

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Speaker 4: But once it became clear that she was just a

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Speaker 4: she gave me money. Uh then yeah, ye you don't

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Speaker 4: need that. Okay, it's better that you didn't marry her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, I I don't mind. No, that's

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Speaker 1: a ramp.

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Speaker 4: It was the context at the beginning that I was missing. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I was missing that she wasn't his a. She wasn't

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Speaker 4: in her thirty she's twenty five. She works retail.

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Speaker 1: Now that I have anything else people who work retail,

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Speaker 1: it's just more that, like it's just career base.

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Speaker 4: The boxes that you could tick for like is this

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Speaker 4: someone who's just making a move based on like comfort

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Speaker 4: level and like finances and stuff.

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Speaker 1: You could make that argument that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but the last little bit here, that's it

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Speaker 3: for me. It's sad that things turned out like this,

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Speaker 3: But like a few users pointed out, it's better in

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Speaker 3: things now than years into the marriage when I have

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Speaker 3: nothing to talk about with her because we share almost

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Speaker 3: no interest at it. Are going to stop responding now.

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Speaker 3: It's unsettling. So many people here are just not defending

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Speaker 3: her gold digging, but justifying and praising it as well.

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Speaker 3: Truly unsettling. Search of a woman who loves me and

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Speaker 3: out my wallet Warrio wherever?

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Speaker 4: Well, Hey, wow, all, I think there's some like you know, Like,

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Speaker 4: it just depends on what you want. Like if if

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Speaker 4: a woman wants a situation where she doesn't have to

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Speaker 4: work and like she's taken care of, like that's her business,

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Speaker 4: and there are guys out there that want to provide

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Speaker 4: that for people.

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Speaker 1: However, the flip side.

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Speaker 4: Of that is also completely fine, like if you want

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Speaker 4: to maintain your independence and financial in all respects, you know,

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Speaker 4: so to speak, by alliance, there's a match out there

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Speaker 4: for you.

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Speaker 1: You just need to find people who are on the

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Speaker 1: same page. I had an.

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Speaker 4: Intimate past with two of my girlfriend's friends. I don't

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Speaker 4: know how to tell her this all so much. I

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Speaker 4: just found out, and I'm low key for freaking out.

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Speaker 4: We've been dating for three months and it's been going

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Speaker 4: very well. We try to see each other as much

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Speaker 4: as possible, like two to three times a week, and

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Speaker 4: we text every day. We just started to sleep near

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Speaker 4: the end of January, and overall, we are very satisfied

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Speaker 4: with our relationship. And by the way, this comes from

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Speaker 4: user bird complete five and you can submit your own

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Speaker 4: stories over at the r slash Oakka story time subreddit.

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Speaker 4: So I don't want to take things too fast, but

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Speaker 4: I definitely see us moving in together in the future.

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Speaker 4: This is my first real romantic relationship. By the way,

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Speaker 4: my girlfriend had a boyfriend two years ago, but that's it.

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Speaker 4: Yesterday I came over to her place since we're spending

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Speaker 4: the weekend together. We were just casually talking over dinner

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Speaker 4: and she started talking about a party that's coming up

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Speaker 4: next week and if I wanted to come with her

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Speaker 4: as her boyfriend. We are official and all that, but

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Speaker 4: we haven't really attended any social events together, and she

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Speaker 4: has only met one of my buddies and I haven't

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Speaker 4: met any of hers yet. I asked her who was

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Speaker 4: coming to the party, and she told me a few names.

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Speaker 4: She said it would be fun and that her friends

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Speaker 4: could finally meet me. My heart dropped when she mentioned

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Speaker 4: two particular names. I'll call them A and B. Him

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Speaker 4: names Aubrey and Brenda. We're doing Brenda. Alarm bells were

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Speaker 4: going off in my head. Both of these friends have

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Speaker 4: pretty rare names. I went through her social media and

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Speaker 4: sure enough, it's Riley's grandma. About two months before I

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Speaker 4: started dating my girlfriend, I started going on Tinder to

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Speaker 4: meet new people. I matched with Aubrey and Brenda.

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Speaker 5: And well, I may have slept with both of them.

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Speaker 4: In all caps, I lost my virginity to Aubrey, which

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Speaker 4: makes sense why you're overthinking this. Aubrey just wanted a

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Speaker 4: one time thing. But I hooked up two more times

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Speaker 4: with Brenda. All right, let's let's relax. Yeah, as get

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Speaker 4: as numbers in this guy, Kiley doesn't want to hear this. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to hear this grandma. Also, I think

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Speaker 4: this guy's nineteen and she's twenty. Yeah, so he's a

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Speaker 4: nineteen year old. What will We'll get to the comments

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Speaker 4: soon here, Let's keep going. She wanted to keep it going,

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Speaker 4: but around this time I met my girlfriend for the

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Speaker 4: first time ever, so I broke it off. I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to keep myself cool, calm and collected, but I'm all

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Speaker 4: over the place.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to meet her friends.

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Speaker 4: She has no clue but noticed that I was acting weird,

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Speaker 4: and I just told her it was nothing mistake.

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Speaker 1: You've made your first mistake.

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Speaker 4: I can't imagine what she will think or do, and

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Speaker 4: how extremely awkward it's going to be. I want to

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Speaker 4: tell her before she finds out through her friends. I

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Speaker 4: don't even know if the friends know that it's me,

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Speaker 4: assuming she hasn't showed a picture of me. Now that

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Speaker 4: I think of it, I don't think she even has

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Speaker 4: one of me. But still, I really feel like holding

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Speaker 4: this back from her can cause a lot of damage

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Speaker 4: if it eventually more like inevitably comes out. I really

368
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Speaker 4: have no clue how to approach this. I'm lost, and

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Speaker 4: there is an update. Riley hit us.

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Speaker 3: You gotta tell her. Also, don't really think about it.

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Speaker 3: That's that's what a gentleman will do. But as a

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Speaker 3: scared little boy that is inside you, and I had

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Speaker 3: this question.

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Speaker 1: Now awkward.

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Speaker 3: It's going to be hanging out in like a basement

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Speaker 3: or like a living room with her and her friends

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Speaker 3: and it's just you, guys, And you've seen any of

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Speaker 3: you like you've interacted with them all in the same way, and.

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Speaker 1: You saying all of them Nike. Yeah, yeah, that's what

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say. You see all of them in

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Speaker 1: that birth suit. Oh, that's gonna be uncomfortable. It was

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Speaker 1: just I don't know how i'd feel about that. It's

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Speaker 1: not a big deal until now you've lied about it.

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Speaker 4: So now, instead of you could have just immediately in

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Speaker 4: the future, you should go, oh, oh, I think.

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Speaker 1: I've actually I think we've hooked up. Just letting you know.

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Speaker 4: I don't really care, but we've hooked up. I'm with you,

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Speaker 4: though I don't care about I'm with you, but the

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Speaker 4: fact that you lied is now planting the seed of

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Speaker 4: doubt in your girl's head where it's like, why would

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Speaker 4: he lie?

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Speaker 1: Okay, update, there's an update.

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Speaker 4: After some thinking and gathering a lot of courage, I

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Speaker 4: told my girlfriend we needed to talk. She was pretty

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Speaker 4: confused and already knew something was up because she notices

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Speaker 4: that kind of stuff. Yeah, because she's a human being.

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Speaker 4: I started off with saying that she means a lot

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Speaker 4: to me and that I love her. I don't know

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Speaker 4: if this was too soon or not, but it seemed

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Speaker 4: like a good time in the moment. She immediately told

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Speaker 4: me that she loved me too, and we hugged and

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Speaker 4: it felt pretty dang good.

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Speaker 1: Dang, that's kind of early too.

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Speaker 4: I told her that I had something important to tell

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Speaker 4: her and that it would probably hurt, but to please

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Speaker 4: hear me out. She looked pretty concerned at this point,

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Speaker 4: but I carried on. I said that prior to meeting her,

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Speaker 4: I had some encounters with her friends Aubry and Brenda,

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Speaker 4: but that it's in the past now. She didn't understand

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Speaker 4: and looked even more confused, and I got embarrassed as

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Speaker 4: all get out, but I told her straight up that

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Speaker 4: I had met both of them through Tinder and that

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Speaker 4: we did some stuff. She looked at me in disbelief

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Speaker 4: and stammered a bit and asked me if I was joking.

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Speaker 4: Unfortunately I wasn't, and I carefully explained to her what happened,

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Speaker 4: and she went quiet again and just looked at me.

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Speaker 4: I noticed she was on the verge of crying, so

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Speaker 4: I hugged her and she burst out in tears. She

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Speaker 4: hugged me very tight, and it honestly broke my heart.

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Speaker 4: I felt so so terrible. I held her for a

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Speaker 4: long time, and eventually she calmed down and asked for

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Speaker 4: the details.

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Speaker 3: So like, how did Aubrey, like I kid even it

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Speaker 3: asked so I I could. I will never ask any

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Speaker 3: other human questions like that.

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Speaker 4: So like, can you like tell me all the stuff

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00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,919
Speaker 4: that's gonna hurt my feelings the most? Can you like

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00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 4: just like maybe tell me like that they're better than me? Like,

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00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,400
Speaker 4: but see, now, this is the thing. If you would

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Speaker 4: just immediately right out of the gate as soon as

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00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 4: you heard their names, were like, oh my god, wow,

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00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,199
Speaker 4: I can't okay, I need to tell you something right now. Well,

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00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 4: maybe you needed to do it, because now you've made

434
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 4: it this big thing.

435
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: I think he's going about.

436
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 3: It the right way you can. There's a hundre different

437
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 3: ways you can get to this destination. This is probably

438
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 3: not the quickest. That's the quickest. You probably trying to

439
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 3: do the safest.

440
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 4: But I feel like by doing the safest, you create

441
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 4: the most. Like she's like crying and distraught and she's

442
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 4: gonna be grinding distraw either way. I feel like, if

443
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,480
Speaker 4: you prime it right, dude, it's different. I feel like

444
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 4: because this is also.

445
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: He's not an experienced driver. He's not experienced driver. But

446
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: that's why we're that's why we're saying this.

447
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, this is why we're saying it. But as

448
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 3: an inexperienced driver, taking this safe hours not bad.

449
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 1: She calmed down eventually and asked for the details. I

450
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 1: didn't really.

451
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 4: Want to talk about this, but she really wanted to know,

452
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 4: so I gave in. She probably would have found out

453
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 4: from her friends anyway, so I told her everything. I

454
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 4: doubled down that it meant nothing to me anymore, and

455
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,679
Speaker 4: that I was with her to stay and that I

456
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,479
Speaker 4: only want her and nobody else. She told me it

457
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 4: was okay, but that she needed some time to process it.

458
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 4: I told her I would do anything to help her.

459
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: We ended up cuddling all.

460
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,719
Speaker 4: Night and watching some Netflix. Later, she told me how

461
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 4: much she appreciated it. So there's that. She got a

462
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 4: little bit emotional a few more times the past week,

463
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 4: but she handled it like a champ. Made sure to

464
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,440
Speaker 4: show her that I loved her many times and took

465
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 4: her out to dinner. And by the way, we can

466
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 4: take you out to dinner on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

467
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 4: wherever you listen to podcasts, because that is where you

468
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 4: can find full episodes with stories like this and all

469
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 4: you need to do is search, okay, story time to

470
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 4: find them, and then you can take us out to dinner,

471
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 4: put us in.

472
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,719
Speaker 1: Your ear holes while you eat pasta. Please just your

473
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 1: ear holes. So we do have a little bit of

474
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 1: story love. Huh, I think all my young bucks. Right.

475
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 4: It's normal for people's lives to overlap in ways like that.

476
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,919
Speaker 4: Sometimes some noodles likes like noodles, like a bull of noodles,

477
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 4: like anok, mushrooms, it's like a bowl of noodles. When

478
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 4: you say, scribbly chumbling mess, what are you talking about?

479
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,640
Speaker 1: Okaykay? What's your noodles? Like? I say? Maybe a big

480
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 1: steak like a slab of anoke? Mushrooms? Okay, do you

481
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 1: know what those are?

482
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 2: Like?

483
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 4: The little mushrooms that are all bundled together. No, the

484
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 4: noodles are loose. Anyways, we're It's only weird if you

485
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 4: make it weird. Okay, this is it's normal. You've hooked

486
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 4: up with some of her friends. That's fine. It's as

487
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 4: long as you don't are you're not trying to hook

488
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 4: up with them anymore. The longer you wait, the weirder

489
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 4: it gets, because the longer you wait, the more you're

490
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 4: gonna make her think like, why did he wait?

491
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,439
Speaker 1: Why didn't he tell me? Did he lie to me?

492
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 1: Is he lying to me now?

493
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 4: Like instead of just being like, hey, funny story that

494
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:51,360
Speaker 4: you know them because I know them too from Tinder

495
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 4: and then it's not weird. And she's probably crying because

496
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 4: you just told her that you love her and that

497
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 4: she loves you too, and then you were like, and

498
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 4: by the way, I hooked up with two of your friends,

499
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 4: Like that is a terrible combo of things to hear

500
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 4: back to back. Of course, she's going to be distraught now.

501
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 4: She has no idea what to think or feel. She's like,

502
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 4: why is he telling me that he's in love with me?

503
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 4: And also that he's looking up with both my friends?

504
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 4: Like what's going on here? So the party was yesterday

505
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: and that went okay too. Aubrey had no clue it

506
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,440
Speaker 4: was me until seeing me, and we were pretty awkward.

507
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 4: Brenda had her suspicions and was really cool about it.

508
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 4: Ended up talking with her for a great deal of

509
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 4: the night and it was nice to catch up. She

510
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,959
Speaker 4: handled it way better and we shared some laughs. Exactly,

511
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,360
Speaker 4: It's just a laugh, is what it should be. Afterwards,

512
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 4: my girlfriend told me she would prefer it if I did.

513
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 4: Didn't interact too much with Brenda, which is completely understandable.

514
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,479
Speaker 4: Shouldn't have done that in the first place, but definitely

515
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 4: not going to do that again. Overall, I think it

516
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 4: went pretty well and I'm so glad I told her

517
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 4: myself it could have gone way worse. Indeed, thanks y'all,

518
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 4: Cheers to a happy ending. I feel a strong bond

519
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 4: with her, for sure, and I want to I want

520
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 4: this comment about Brenda though, so about Brenda being cool

521
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 4: and them talking during the night, right man, I hit

522
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 4: this part and was just.

523
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: Like, no, stop this right now, what are you doing.

524
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 4: Luckily, your girlfriend is an absolute champ and was able

525
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,719
Speaker 4: to hold off until after the party and communicate her

526
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 4: feelings with you. Try not to put her in that

527
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 4: position again. Ohp He's like, oh, I shouldn't have done that.

528
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 4: Like I said in my previous thread, I didn't know

529
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 4: any people at the party and it was mostly my

530
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 4: girlfriend's circle of friends. I'm pretty introverted, so I was

531
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 4: comfortable talking to her and she was cool about it.

532
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 4: I was pretty dang nervous, so I stayed in my

533
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 4: comfort zone. But after a few drinks, I want to

534
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 4: talk to more people. Also, my girlfriend was part of

535
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,959
Speaker 4: our conversation most of the time, so I thought it

536
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 4: was all cool. Again, this was my bad hey, And

537
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 4: you know what, in reality, like, you didn't do anything

538
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 4: wrong there. I think the only thing the moment it

539
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 4: becomes wrong is once your girlfriend expresses to you how

540
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 4: she feels about it, and then you just go Then

541
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 4: you just go, all right, no, for sure, moving forward

542
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 4: from here, limited contact won't won't be super I won't

543
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 4: be friends with her if you don't want me, If

544
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 4: you don't want us maintaining a friendship or a relationship

545
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 4: like that, that's totally cool if it is. But if if,

546
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 4: if you get along with Brenda so well that she's

547
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 4: like your best friend, right, which is not what the

548
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 4: story is, but it's just a hypothetical for.

549
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: The young bucks. Young bucks.

550
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 4: If you do have a friendship with somebody that you

551
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 4: value on a level that is probably greater than the

552
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 4: relationship you're in right now, then that's another conversation you make.

553
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: You say, I'm not actually.

554
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 4: Willing to cut off my best friend for you, you

555
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 4: know what I mean exactly. It's okay to make that decision,

556
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 4: And it's also okay for them to not be okay

557
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 4: with it, and that's.

558
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 1: For you ybs. Yeah, please take notes, young young bucks.

559
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

560
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 3: My girlfriend hid the truth about having a son, and

561
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 3: I don't want to be a dad. My girlfriend, Emily

562
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 3: and I have been dating four six months now. Two

563
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 3: nights ago, she sat me down and told me that

564
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: she had something to tell me. Emily said that when

565
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 3: she was sixteen, she was in a rough situation and

566
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 3: got pregnant. When her baby was born, her parents had

567
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 3: an agreement with Emily's sister that she would raise the

568
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 3: baby until Emily had the means to get him back.

569
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Confused in zero zero

570
00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

571
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 3: to aid Okay story jump seullbright In So Emily worked

572
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 3: hard to graduate, get a job, and have her own apartment,

573
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: and finally got back in contact with her son. She's

574
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 3: been doing weekly visits and has his own room at

575
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 3: her place. We mostly either go out or hang out

576
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 3: at my place while I see her often. She does

577
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 3: say she has family stuff if she's busy. Soon he'll

578
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 3: be moving in full time, and they're both really excited.

579
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 3: In the past. They had done counseling sessions with a

580
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 3: child psychologist so that he could come to terms with everything,

581
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 3: and according to Emily, he's very well adjusted. They have

582
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 3: a good relationship, he's got a clean record, and he

583
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 3: is doing very well in school. She asks if I

584
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 3: would be willing to meet him the next day, because

585
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 3: it's her next visit. I said that that was fine,

586
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 3: that was fine. I don't know, I don't know. I

587
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,679
Speaker 3: don't know. If it's two months. I get it, you're

588
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 3: probably not super crazy about this chick. But I mean,

589
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 3: I don't want to get some more like but I'm

590
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 3: a family man. I really can't say anything anyways. Before

591
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 3: I left, she said she didn't want me to feel

592
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 3: like she was looking for some one to be your

593
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: son's dad. She just wanted to be open with me,

594
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,439
Speaker 3: and since he was such a huge part of her life,

595
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 3: it was only fair that I was included because she

596
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,120
Speaker 3: wants me to be a big part of her life.

597
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 3: I asked why she didn't tell me before, and she

598
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 3: told me it was because she didn't want to complicate

599
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 3: things and so her son's privacy could be respected. She'd

600
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 3: made the mistake of letting people know in too early,

601
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 3: and it just hurt them both. I really didn't know

602
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 3: how to feel when I left, but everything just felt odd.

603
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 3: Yesterday I went over to her house for dinner and

604
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: she introduced me to her son. He shook my hand

605
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 3: and kept calling me by my last name like I

606
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 3: was his teacher. He was very polite and a little shy,

607
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 3: even though he's a pretty stocky guy. He kept trying

608
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,239
Speaker 3: to hide behind his mom like he was seven. We

609
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: got along really well and talked about how he liked sports,

610
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 3: how he was excited to come live with his mom.

611
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: Nothing too serious, just lighthearted fun. By the time we

612
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 3: finished dinner, Emily was upset because it was getting late

613
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 3: she still hadn't done his homework. They argued a bit,

614
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: but it was all very light and she was really nice.

615
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,679
Speaker 3: He struggled a little with his math, so I stepped

616
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 3: into help. We talked about how he wanted to do

617
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 3: something regarding science when he was older, and Emily piped

618
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 3: up saying that I could work in STEM. He got

619
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 3: really excited about that, then bummed again when Emily made

620
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 3: him do his English homework. Overall, that had a really

621
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 3: good dynamic. When I first came into the apartment. He

622
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 3: was shy enough to just be mumbling to his mom,

623
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 3: and she didn't force him to talk or yell at him.

624
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: She just let him cling onto her and mumbled until

625
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 3: he was comfortable. Emily gushed about how good he is

626
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 3: at sports and said that not only does Emily come

627
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 3: to every game, but she always cheers the loudest for him.

628
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 3: After he went to bed, Emily said she was really

629
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 3: happy about how things went, and she was glad that

630
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 3: we got along so well. And I agreed and we

631
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 3: left it at that, okay, So it was a good experience.

632
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 3: I wish in this moment I was a dad. I

633
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 3: wish Dad Riley was here right now so he could

634
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 3: give me his wisdom about what to think and what

635
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 3: to do in this scenario. But I'm gonna pretend I'm

636
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 3: Dad Riley.

637
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: I'm Dad Riley.

638
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 3: You were gonna be becoming a parental figure, and it's

639
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 3: being like taking the role of Spider Man, because Spider

640
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 3: Man didn't have the choice, but you now have the

641
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 3: choice to step in and become a perient, like a

642
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 3: good solid force and a good influence on this child's life.

643
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 3: And you have to make a decision if you're ready

644
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 3: for that or not. It's not the path for everyone.

645
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 3: But if you're up for it and you could do it, well, dude,

646
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 3: you it will be a great payoff. But you I

647
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 3: think you gotta sit and ponder about that. And I

648
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 3: think we're about to peep into his mind. But that's

649
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 3: what I would be worried about in this moment. Seeing

650
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 3: Emily last night made me realize that I really do

651
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 3: love her and i'd really be excited to have kids

652
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 3: with her. I just don't know if I want this kid.

653
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: Dad Riley is getting angry. He's a nice kid and

654
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 3: we get along really well, but I don't want to

655
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 3: feel like a stepfather. There's just something unique to have

656
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 3: raised your own kids and seeing them from There's a

657
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: lot of baggage involved. Even though both of them have

658
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 3: tried to work it out, I feel like it'll just

659
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 3: keep rising up. But I do like Emily and her

660
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 3: son is a nice guy. OR just don't know if

661
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 3: I'm ready to enter into it all. Am I wrong

662
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,479
Speaker 3: and feeling apprehensive? How can I communicate this to Emily?

663
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 3: What's a good plan to proceed? We got an update.

664
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: I don't know I understand where you're coming at with

665
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 3: like raising your own kids with someone. I'm in the

666
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 3: bucket is if you want to have kids with someone,

667
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 3: you got to start with where they are, even if

668
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 3: they have kids, and you have to figure out that

669
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: dynamic with them, because then it will help you whenever

670
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 3: you have kids with them. I feel like you got

671
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:36,959
Speaker 3: to start with this. I don't know, but I've never

672
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: been a stepparent. I've never had to step into a

673
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 3: family where they already have kids. I've never had to

674
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 3: be into a family where they already have brothers and

675
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: I have to figure out how to fit in as

676
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 3: a brother. It's the closest I havelf to that. Guys,

677
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 3: what do you think now? I'm going into the update.

678
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 3: I read the comments here and took a lot of

679
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 3: them to heart. I also wanted to hear her side

680
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: of the story, so I texted and asked if she

681
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 3: was up to it and if we wanted to get coffee.

682
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 3: She responded that her son was feeling really needy and

683
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 3: she she wanted to spend time with him, but if

684
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: I was willing to come over, she had a coffee maker.

685
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 3: I told her it was about her son. She said

686
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 3: it was okay, he could go to his room for

687
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 3: a little bit and we could talk on her terrence.

688
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 3: So I came over. She made a good cup of

689
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 3: coffee and we hung out awkwardly for a moment before

690
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 3: I asked her why she lied to me. After getting

691
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,959
Speaker 3: her master's, Emily started getting involved with her son and

692
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 3: with a new guy. On their first day. She told

693
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 3: him she had a son and apparently he posed a

694
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 3: threat to her son's safety, and it almost caused her

695
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 3: sister to completely ban her from visiting. Emily said it

696
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 3: mattered too much to her to let it happen again,

697
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 3: and she's been trying to give herself a time period

698
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 3: where she can figure out if someone safe to be

699
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 3: around him or not. She said she waited too long,

700
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 3: and she apologized sincerely. Okay, so knowing that context that

701
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 3: changes the whole game. And as this guy, I would

702
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 3: be so much more understanding.

703
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 1: Could you move that MinC over a little bit? Guys,

704
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: we got to go to back. That's what I would

705
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: also be that way, Yes I would.

706
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 3: After learning this information, I would be like, Okay, I

707
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,719
Speaker 3: now see through the lens you're seeing through, and I

708
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: agree with you. I think it is for the child's safety.

709
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 3: I told her I need a little bit more time

710
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 3: to think, and then I said bye to her and

711
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 3: her son and just went home. I'm still conflicted, yes,

712
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 3: And we got another update after just hearing this information.

713
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 3: I don't know if i'd be conflicted, I'll probably be like,

714
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 3: I see where you're coming from.

715
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, once it's like once, it's not like it's like, oh,

716
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 4: I was like hoping you'd never find out, or like oh,

717
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 4: like you know, my concern would be like, oh.

718
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: So, what are you like a scumbag parent?

719
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 4: Because it's like I couldn't date somebody who's like a

720
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 4: scumbag to their own kids.

721
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: Well, she's not a scumbag. She worked really hard.

722
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 4: No, clearly, Like clearly, it's it's the opposite of all

723
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: of that from what you described. So, you know, I

724
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: think maybe that's a filet away type of moment. Clearly,

725
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 4: she kept her kid from you for two months, Yeah,

726
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 4: which is a bit of an omission. I wouldn't know

727
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 4: if i'd call that a straight up lie. If you'd

728
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 4: asked her, I mean, like, do you have kids? And

729
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 4: she said no, then that's one thing. Yeah, but she

730
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 4: was doing it for a for a good reason.

731
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

732
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 4: First, on safety, I wouldn't say that's a deal breaker

733
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 4: at all. I think the biggest deal breaker is just

734
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 4: like whether or not you are someone who could date

735
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 4: someone who has a kid?

736
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, and are you ready to be that pariental figure out?

737
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: Yeah?

738
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: Can you? Can you step up in a way like that?

739
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: Like op brds.

740
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 3: I'm surprised I remember the password to this acount, but

741
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 3: I'm back. It's probably been a while. I don't even

742
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 3: know how long. I just got all the help and

743
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 3: kindness I received, and why not update.

744
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm still with Emily, let's go.

745
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 3: I went forward with the idea that Emily and her

746
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 3: son are a package deal in mind, and it's kind

747
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 3: of been a weird process since we get along really well,

748
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 3: and I've found that I'm lucky to have this kid

749
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 3: in my life. He's funny, mature, intelligent, and witty. But

750
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: at the same time, he's not my kid and he

751
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 3: never will be. That's something hard to navigate. It's hard

752
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 3: to even describe the feeling of loving this kid and

753
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 3: feeling like a dad but never being, and feeling like

754
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: you can't be one, but I try. It's a lot

755
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 3: of blood, sweat and tears. Emily can testify to the tears,

756
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 3: but is so worth it. A few weeks after I

757
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 3: found out about him, Emily told me her son was

758
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 3: getting picked on because he didn't have a dad to

759
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 3: do father's son activity at school with. I decided to

760
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 3: go sort of just to scope out how that sort

761
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 3: of felt kind of thing. The look on his face

762
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 3: got rid of every question I've had, every doubt or regret.

763
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 3: Emily and I are in counseling. We found out shortly

764
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 3: after I posted that Emily is pregnant and we are

765
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 3: twice blessed in that it's twin girls.

766
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:37,399
Speaker 4: Ah, well, there's your kids right there, there we go,

767
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 4: those ones are yours.

768
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 3: There were a lot of emotions, and we both knew

769
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 3: that it was a weird situation and we haven't been

770
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 3: dating that long, so we went to see a counselor.

771
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 3: Sometimes Emily's son joins us, but it's mostly us learning

772
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 3: how to be our best for her son and our

773
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 3: daughters and each other. We've been definitely testing each other

774
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 3: some days, but with this pregnancy has put a strain

775
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 3: on every relationship we have. First son moved in and

776
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 3: they are stepping on each other's toes. I moved in

777
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 3: and we're all learning our new boundaries and new bonds.

778
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 3: And by the way, if you want a new bond

779
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: or just to keep this bond good and going, go

780
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 3: to your favorite freaking podcast platform search up Okay, story Time,

781
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 3: What's waiting Their form Dakota.

782
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 4: Forty eight days worth of stories for you to spend

783
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 4: your time listening to.

784
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 1: It's hard.

785
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 3: There's a lot of stupid mistakes I regret making now.

786
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 3: I'll regret more in five years. If I had a

787
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 3: time machine my current knowledge, I might have put distance

788
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 3: where I didn't. But for right now, I'm happy to

789
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 3: be with my girlfriend and her son waiting for our little.

790
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,359
Speaker 1: Mila and Lorlay.

791
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 3: This is teaching me how to be a good dad,

792
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 3: a good partner, and a good human Aileia.

793
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: And Laura Lai. That was LAURALI I had to know

794
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: what that name was.

795
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,760
Speaker 3: I'm learning coping skills for so many things in my life,

796
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: and I'm just learning how to be okay. This situation,

797
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 3: this is a situation a lot of people would shake

798
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 3: their head and say, poor guy. I'm really blessed and

799
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 3: I'm really thankful. Thanks for helping me out everyone.

800
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story. Hey, it's

801
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 1: John here.

802
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

803
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 2: three minute break with aswermre sponsors.

804
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 5: My friend thinks she nailed her dream job interview, but

805
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 5: I know the truth.

806
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: Oh were you the interviewer? Did you? You were like?

807
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 5: I didn't hire her?

808
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: Wow.

809
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 5: I used to work on a small team for a

810
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 5: division of a multinational company. We used to primarily be

811
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 5: staff by what were called old timer's, basically people who

812
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 5: were close to being of a punsionable age but who

813
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 5: didn't want the hustle. That culture shifted and a lot

814
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 5: of young blood has been brought in. By the way,

815
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 5: this comes from, Oh Lord, not Friday. And if you

816
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 5: want to submit your own stories, go to our sash

817
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 5: Okay story Tim separate it. I formally worked there and

818
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 5: was given a lateral move out. A colleague, Tina, still

819
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 5: works there. Recently, an opening for director came up, and

820
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 5: Tina came to me for help. She's been doing overtime

821
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 5: and working hard to get noticed for this position. She's

822
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 5: well qualified for it and has extensive experience at the company,

823
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 5: so she was given a chance to interview for it.

824
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 5: Tina is a single mother who has overcome poverty in childhood,

825
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 5: discriminatory bigots in the industry and worked hard to support

826
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 5: her kids. She has health issues but always fought hard.

827
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 5: Tina is tenacious and hard working, but there are issues.

828
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 5: She struggles in some areas. And while she definitely make

829
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 5: a great director as she's contentious, kind and courteous, the

830
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 5: role is evolving and maybe a bit of a stretch. Nonetheless,

831
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 5: I helped her with an application and presentation. Beyond being colleagues,

832
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 5: she and I are friends. We spent a lot of

833
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 5: time outside of work together. We're the only women of

834
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 5: color in our respective areas and share a lot of

835
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 5: deep feelings and thoughts. She worked hard and put together

836
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 5: a good presentation. I was really proud of her. She

837
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 5: presented this morning at nine thirty and got through it

838
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 5: and was out by ten. Most of the other applicants

839
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 5: were internal and interviewed yesterday, but one person was recommended

840
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 5: by a senior VP in a different department.

841
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: Is that the truth that we're looking at here?

842
00:37:57,719 --> 00:37:57,919
Speaker 6: Yeah?

843
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,439
Speaker 5: The guy who was recommended is a thirty year old

844
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 5: hot shot. I think he may actually be in his

845
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 5: late twenties. He will soon graduate from an ivy League

846
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 5: NBA and is the definition of corporate style. They gave

847
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 5: him a last minute presentation slot immediately following Tina. Yeah,

848
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 5: so he knows a guy who already works there. He's

849
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 5: this like ivy league grad. Is this me a man's

850
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 5: I attended all of the presentations. I am not on

851
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 5: the hiring committee, but was there to support Tina and

852
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 5: see how the presentations went. When the hot shot gave

853
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 5: his presentation, it wasn't even close. The twenty of us

854
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 5: sat in the room and were dumbfounded. Not only was

855
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 5: his presentation visually appealing, but he noticed details none of

856
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 5: us ever did, and he developed a pitch that was

857
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 5: so innovated that our AVP asked to use a tagline

858
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 5: he created. Oh so he's qualified too, So.

859
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 4: You like slam dunked it? You know, that's just what

860
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 4: happens when you're a detailed oriented person.

861
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,280
Speaker 5: His technical analysis was so spot on that it was spooky.

862
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 5: He understood issues facing our business unit without having to

863
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 5: be told and had ready solutions to solve the problems.

864
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 5: Questions they asked him were more about how he'll do

865
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 5: things when he takes over the role. It was made

866
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 5: very clear to him that this was his job, and

867
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 5: they even provided an unofficial tentative start date. It is

868
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 5: very clear that he understands the industry, and his past

869
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 5: experiences such as professional work experience as well as winning

870
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 5: top case competitions and academic awards, prepared him very well.

871
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 5: The presentations were in totally different leagues. After he finished,

872
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 5: he made a self deprecating joke and took questions. He

873
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 5: thanked us and left. We all sat there for a

874
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 5: minute chatting, when the ADP very loudly told the HR

875
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 5: director to offer significantly above the salary and hammer out

876
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 5: a start date immediately and get a contract signed.

877
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 1: The VP who.

878
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 5: Recommended him new him from the NBA program, as the

879
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 5: VP is a case coach there. He said he'd be

880
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 5: his reference, and they are all skipping formalities and going

881
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 5: right to the offer. Tina has no idea. Yeah, she

882
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 5: was so yeah, she was so happy with her performance,

883
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 5: and she's sure she nailed it. She did well about

884
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 5: as well as the other candidates. But this guy is out,

885
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 5: in out in a different league. Just based on that,

886
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 5: I too would hire the other guy. She's sitting on

887
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 5: cloud nine at her desk and planning a celebratory dinner

888
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 5: to celebrate her performance. She was told decisions would be

889
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 5: made in a couple of weeks. At this rate, it's

890
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 5: likely she'll be informed that she didn't get the job

891
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 5: well before five pm. I really don't know what to

892
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 5: do or say if she asks, should I be honest

893
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 5: about this guy's presentation? Should I have avoid her the

894
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 5: rest of the day. I want to support her, but

895
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 5: have no idea how to even begin talking to her.

896
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 5: And there is an update. I think GOP has two

897
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,800
Speaker 5: options here. Either, if you think that they're going to

898
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,279
Speaker 5: tell her by the end of the day, you don't

899
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 5: have to say anything. If they wait any longer. I

900
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 5: feel like, as her friend, you could just be like, hey,

901
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:38,879
Speaker 5: you know, like I was in the room, I don't

902
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:39,439
Speaker 5: think they're going.

903
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 1: To go with you.

904
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 4: I feel like you have the opportunity right now to

905
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 4: let your friend down easy.

906
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: I agree, like you should just tell.

907
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 5: Them, Lordie, where do I begin? I need more help.

908
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 5: The guy they wanted took the job way more than

909
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 5: they initially wanted to spend. My friend was devastated. I

910
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 5: follow the advice here and told her she did a

911
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,040
Speaker 5: great job and how proud I.

912
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 2: Was of her.

913
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 5: But the other guy did an amazing job, and I

914
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 5: didn't know what would happen. He was confident that she

915
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 5: was going to win. She had more experience with the

916
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 5: company versus his experience in education. At four fifty five,

917
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 5: she got a call banking her, but that they went

918
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 5: in a different direction. Hr offered to meet to discuss

919
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 5: how she could improve and to stabilize working relations with

920
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 5: the new guy. Shortly thereafter, it was announced company wide

921
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 5: he had agreed to take the job, and they were thrilled.

922
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 5: She took the following couple days off and didn't respond

923
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 5: to text or email. She just completely took some time away.

924
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 1: Fair enough.

925
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 5: She returned mid next week and found out that he

926
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 5: wasn't going to start until a couple of weeks later,

927
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 5: and that she had time. Then a company wide email

928
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 5: went out announcing that not only had he finished the

929
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 5: final requirements for his MBA and took first place in

930
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 5: his final case competition, meeting every other school in the country,

931
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 5: but that he was starting sooner than anticipated. A lot

932
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 5: of emphasis was placed on his Ivy League education, which

933
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 5: really irked Tina. He would come in occasionally before his

934
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 5: start date to meet with senior executives and his team

935
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 5: members and push them to get unvarnished thoughts. A lot

936
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,959
Speaker 5: of them really complained about working conditions on the team

937
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,839
Speaker 5: and major obstacles they faced. A few really told him

938
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 5: the unvarnished truth is start date rolled around there after,

939
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 5: and the hype was real. He hit the ground running

940
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,879
Speaker 5: and his first week was incredibly busy. On day one,

941
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 5: he held an open meeting where he came in and

942
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 5: immediately banned weekend emails. Great, great stuff, this is guy.

943
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you were not gonna beat this day.

944
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't be like ice cream, free ice cream

945
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 5: at lunch.

946
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,240
Speaker 6: Guys, listen, we always love an underdog story.

947
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 5: Yes, some teams were expected to check respond to emails

948
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 5: seven days a week. Gave staff commensurate working hours to

949
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 5: the rest of the company. We never got summer hours

950
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 5: or flex time, which he immediately changed and followed up

951
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 5: on promises made by previous staff. He rolled out new processes,

952
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 5: budget models, and is a far more effective at advocate

953
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 5: for the team, so much so that all the old

954
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 5: time staff have become his followers. Dan, A lot of

955
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,479
Speaker 5: people were worried about being fired. Performance has been way down,

956
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 5: but we're already seeing a glimmer of hope. This man

957
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 5: is the messiah. The cuts he made preserved his staff,

958
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 5: meaning they have a little less cash to spend, but

959
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 5: a lot more bodies doing the work. All told, they're

960
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 5: better off now three weeks than we were this time

961
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 5: last year. The staff love him. He's very approachable informal

962
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 5: and because of his connections to senior leaders and other departments,

963
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 5: that team gets a lot more attention than.

964
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: We used to.

965
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 5: Our old boss was sweet and kind, but she was

966
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 5: incredibly ineffective. I'm considering transferring back into that unit because

967
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 5: the working environment is better than where we are now.

968
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 1: It is funny that that's where we're at. We're at

969
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:31,360
Speaker 1: that point.

970
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 5: The problem has become Tina. She's tried to question his leadership. Tina, Tina,

971
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 5: don't be the freaking judas in the company.

972
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 6: Tina's being the person's like, excuse me, teacher at to Tina,

973
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 6: I have the homework assignment at to Tina, Yeah, I

974
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 6: did the homework assignment that was due today. Yeah.

975
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,800
Speaker 5: It's like Tina's trying to start a coup. She's openly

976
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 5: annoyed with colleagues and feels like she's the only person

977
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 5: who sees the truth. The value in the new guy

978
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 5: is his ability to change. Our team works in close collaboration,

979
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 5: and their team is a lot more productive now than

980
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 5: before and are getting better quality worked out. They've started

981
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 5: conversations with old clients and the business funnel has grown.

982
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:11,399
Speaker 5: VP's openly comment that he'll be moved up in short order.

983
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 5: Yet Tina holds a horrible grudge. It is obvious with

984
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,399
Speaker 5: how she interacts with staff and colleagues. She complains when

985
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 5: he's not in the office and complains when he is

986
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,320
Speaker 5: in the office. I know a lease a few people

987
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 5: who are growing weary of this, and two have asked

988
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 5: me to say something to Tina since we're friends. Another

989
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:32,720
Speaker 5: threatened to go to HR and I.

990
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 1: Threaten you.

991
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 5: To listen to all episodes the stories just like this.

992
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 5: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast

993
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 5: app and searcheck. Okay, storytime, it's true and there is

994
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 5: a wee bit left to this story. But Tina, girl,

995
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 5: you're jealous and it's green is not a good collor y.

996
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: It's really fun you green is co It's like it

997
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: would be hard.

998
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 4: I've had like some jobs I really wanted that if

999
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 4: I then had to see like the person who got

1000
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 4: it instead, all the time. Yeah, it would be it

1001
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 4: would be rough like earlier, especially.

1002
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 5: But it's like he can't for all his connections in

1003
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 5: Ivy League education. The guy is also a really strong performer.

1004
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,280
Speaker 5: He has an activity board up showing process and change,

1005
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 5: and people feel less dour.

1006
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 6: Except for coin Tina, Yoh, this guy sounds like the

1007
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 6: perfect guy I want to be friends with.

1008
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 5: She's complaining non stop. It's impacted our relationship to the

1009
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 5: point where I've been avoiding her. It's been two months

1010
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 5: since she found out and three weeks since he started,

1011
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,879
Speaker 5: and I feel like enough is enough. That said, she's

1012
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 5: a single mom, and I don't want to see her

1013
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 5: fired for being silly. I'm really not good with confronting people.

1014
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 5: I don't know what I should say. And there is

1015
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 5: a comment, maybe multiple comment one. I have seen plenty

1016
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 5: of people react poorly to a disappointment in their career,

1017
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 5: and this bad behavior put them permanently out of the

1018
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 5: running for future opportunities. As a friend, you could say

1019
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 5: to Tina, preferably with respect to a specific behavior, I

1020
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 5: understand you are disappointed, but complaints like this are going

1021
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 5: to give people a negative impression of you. You can

1022
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 5: also try to set limits on how much complaining you're

1023
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 5: willing to listen to during your non work time. But

1024
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 5: the more urgent problem is, it seems to me, is

1025
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 5: to keep her from losing her job over this. Really,

1026
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 5: her supervisor or manager should be the one talking to

1027
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,359
Speaker 5: her about this. Ye, if they're thinking of firing her,

1028
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 5: then they should be talking to her about the problem

1029
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 5: and giving her a chance to get it together and reply.

1030
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 5: The word she acts the more justifies their decision absolutely

1031
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 5: as also, yeah, you need to have a conversation she

1032
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 5: is your friend, have a conversation with her and be like, hey,

1033
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,879
Speaker 5: people are noticing. People want to go to hr about

1034
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 5: your behavior, Like, tell.

1035
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,359
Speaker 4: Her the truth and it could be you know, as

1036
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 4: long as you move with the right intent and the

1037
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 4: right energy. It's like it's not like you're gonna be

1038
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 4: like Tina, like, yeah, you're making me look better Like Tina,

1039
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 4: you need to It's like she's you, I want you

1040
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,439
Speaker 4: to be secure. I want you to keep this job

1041
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 4: because like, if you keep being this negative force, it's

1042
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 4: like he's probably not gonna have a choice but to

1043
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,240
Speaker 4: let you go. And also he's such a seemingly good

1044
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 4: like boss that if you did just keep crushing it.

1045
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: You're probably you're not going to get rewarded for that. Yeah,

1046
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: so just keep your head down.

1047
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 4: Tina, Tina, my friend made an absolute fool of himself

1048
00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 4: when confessing his feelings.

1049
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:01,720
Speaker 1: I don't know how to react.

1050
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 5: Oo, tell them to shut up.

1051
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry.

1052
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 4: I've had a very tough year with nearly every type

1053
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 4: of relationship in my life romantic and spicy, familial, friendship, professional,

1054
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 4: you name it.

1055
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: It's all blown up in my face. I've been to therapy.

1056
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,799
Speaker 4: It wasn't great, but I'm trying my best to learn

1057
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 4: from it and not give into avoidance and self isolation.

1058
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 4: So that's the background. And by the way, this comes

1059
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 4: from user throw a Waffle Away And if you want

1060
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1061
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:33,439
Speaker 4: okay storytime subreddit submit them there. So, I female twenty four,

1062
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 4: volunteer at an animal shelter several times a week, and

1063
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,479
Speaker 4: there's a regular group that goes at the same time,

1064
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 4: all of which are older than me. The closest one

1065
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 4: to my age is male twenty eight. It seemed natural

1066
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 4: for us to see if we were a good match romantically,

1067
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 4: but ultimately I'm not feeling anything towards it and with

1068
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 4: everything else this year, I'm fine with focusing on myself

1069
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 4: and being single. We agreed to be friends back in July,

1070
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 4: and I thought that settled it in mixed company outside

1071
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 4: of volunteering. Obviously, you've had a few drinks and some

1072
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:06,840
Speaker 4: deep talks as in absolute trauma dumpache. Usually I'm opposed

1073
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 4: to this, but I thought being frank would help us

1074
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,320
Speaker 4: be genuine friends and forget about the small amount of

1075
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 4: time that we consider dating each other. But it turns

1076
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 4: out for the past couple of months of having occasional

1077
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,959
Speaker 4: conversations like this, it's only served to make his feelings stronger.

1078
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's trauma dump.

1079
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, that can happen. I feel like you have to

1080
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 5: put up with like people that you've you know, like

1081
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 5: you went on dates with, You can, like you're trying

1082
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 5: to be friends with them, you you can. You gotta

1083
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 5: put up some sort of boundary and how you approach that.

1084
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: Time I would say, don't trauma dump them. Yeah too.

1085
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 4: More than once he has told me we need to talk,

1086
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 4: and in said talks he told me things like how

1087
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 4: he appreciates our close friendship blah blah blah, relating to trauma,

1088
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 4: dumping and trust and whatever. Well, last week, during one

1089
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 4: of our little parties, I was joking about having a

1090
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 4: crush on someone at work. I wouldn't say this is

1091
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 4: a real crush. You've never even spoken and I'm so

1092
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 4: certainly not trying to initiate anything.

1093
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 3: Is this me?

1094
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 1: And Mail twenty eight.

1095
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 4: Bursts out that he's tracted to me and I should

1096
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 4: stop talking about things like that.

1097
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 1: Oh girl, ooh, buddy girl.

1098
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,399
Speaker 5: At this point, we can't be friends with this man.

1099
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, also, cringe, you don't do that. That's a techniche.

1100
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 4: Anyway, I went beat red and changed the subject. It

1101
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 4: really peeved me off that he thinks I should censor

1102
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 4: myself because of feelings he has that I've done nothing

1103
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 4: to encourage. The next day, of course, I get a

1104
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 4: text that says we need to talk.

1105
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 1: Oh we don't.

1106
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 4: I purposefully skip the shelter, but he insists that he

1107
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 4: comes over to talk at my parents'.

1108
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 1: House because it's important. Uh so fine. He comes over,

1109
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 1: parents were not home, by the way. We chat a

1110
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: bit and then I ask how bad is it?

1111
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 4: He launches into some of his romantic history and how

1112
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 4: it's so rare to have feelings this strong, and I

1113
00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 4: light up his day.

1114
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:02,800
Speaker 1: Blob blob law. Clearly the energy is not equal.

1115
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 5: Hear no, because like, I don't freaking care.

1116
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 4: Opie says, excuse me for being callous, but I've heard

1117
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 4: this all before.

1118
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: He wants this spicy sleep despostistly.

1119
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:17,439
Speaker 4: That is what every single relationship and for friendship I've

1120
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 4: had with men boils down to.

1121
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 5: No, that's actually that's that's odd, that's not necessarily true.

1122
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 4: But I said, I don't trust this, But are all

1123
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,800
Speaker 4: the men you're making friends with previous potential romantic partners.

1124
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: Maybe just start making some friends that are not in

1125
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: that contact.

1126
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 4: If that's the case, mo Mail twenty eight starts crying

1127
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 4: because I won't just force myself to be with him.

1128
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: I offer him a tissue and he sniffs and asks.

1129
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 4: For a band aid instead because he fell down earlier

1130
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:45,240
Speaker 4: and scraped his knees.

1131
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

1132
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 4: It probably sounds like I'm shaming him for being unmanly,

1133
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 4: but honestly, I don't even care about the gender. If

1134
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 4: anyone came to my house crying because they've known me

1135
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 4: for three months and started begging me to get over

1136
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 4: myself and f them and then ask for a bit

1137
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 4: and aid ye for the smallest scratch I've ever seen.

1138
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 1: I'd think they were pathetic.

1139
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 4: Yeah unfortunately, Yes, yeah, yeah, a little bit. My reaction

1140
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 4: to this situation is universal. I assure you I was

1141
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 4: nicer in person than what I'm being here. But I

1142
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 4: don't believe for a minute that I can continue our

1143
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 4: friendship as it was.

1144
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 5: No, and you shouldn't.

1145
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:24,759
Speaker 4: You shan't yes, Knowing he's this desperate to get me

1146
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 4: and literally willing to grovel for it, I can't find

1147
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 4: an ounce of respect for him anymore, and having been

1148
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,240
Speaker 4: around desperate men before, I don't trust him or feel safe.

1149
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 4: He's latched onto one of my favorite hobbies, which is crochet,

1150
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 4: which is weird, right.

1151
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 5: I don't know, like he's just starting to crochet, or like

1152
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 5: he's going to Joe Ane.

1153
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: He needs to see you. He's like he's crochet in

1154
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: the yard.

1155
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 4: So he's trying now to make crochet plans to incorporate

1156
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 4: the crochet into our friendship. But crochet is my favorite

1157
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 4: way to clear my mind alone. It's pretty obvious that

1158
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 4: despite everything I said to him, he's betting on patients

1159
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 4: and in great ciating himself to me by asking me

1160
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,320
Speaker 4: to teach him and make things together.

1161
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: He's playing the long game to get his little uh

1162
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:09,760
Speaker 1: a little his little.

1163
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 4: Long John silver shining, you know what I'm saying, trying

1164
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,919
Speaker 4: to trying to trying to polish the China. I don't

1165
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 4: want to have to stand volunteering here to get away

1166
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 4: from him, and what I learned in therapy encourages me

1167
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 4: to get past this to maintain the friendship. Am I

1168
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 4: insane for being this skeptical of his true intentions? Is

1169
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 4: there anything else I can do to reduce his attraction?

1170
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 4: Or is my pre therapy instinct right to just a

1171
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 4: GTFO asap?

1172
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: And there is an update? But before Sophia, like, what

1173
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: do you think about that?

1174
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,839
Speaker 5: Sofia here, we've already he's already outright said I like you,

1175
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 5: and you've said no, And so at this point I

1176
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 5: think you say, like, hey, please stop, I have no

1177
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 5: I don't even have interest in being friends with you. Honestly,

1178
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 5: you could be like I don't want like it's true,

1179
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 5: I'm fine with being talking to you at at this place,

1180
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 5: but like I don't want to hang out with you one.

1181
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: On one, just an acquaintance.

1182
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 6: I would say, the relationship here, there's no more. It's

1183
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 6: not a friendship anymore, just a weird ship.

1184
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 4: So before I made my original post, I already had

1185
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 4: plans with a mixed group, including Male twenty eight before.

1186
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:06,399
Speaker 1: I dive in.

1187
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 4: I just want to thank everyone that shared their experiences

1188
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 4: with ill informed therapy, social anxiety boundaries and struggles similar

1189
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 4: to mine. I wish I was in a place where

1190
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 4: I could trust my gut without other input, but at

1191
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 4: least there are kind of encouraging people out there. So

1192
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 4: unfortunately the other people canceled. It was not on purpose,

1193
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 4: It's just that things fell apart on their end and

1194
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 4: I ended up being alone with.

1195
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,280
Speaker 1: Mail twenty eight. It was okay.

1196
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 4: Later on in the day some of the others did

1197
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,839
Speaker 4: show up and we were playing around with those little

1198
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 4: TikTok tarot readings, just being silly. When it was my turn,

1199
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 4: the video that came up, of course, was all about

1200
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 4: love and romance, and I was like, ugh, there's no

1201
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 4: way this makes me want a gag. Male twenty eight

1202
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 4: immediately burst into tears no in front of everyone, embarrassing

1203
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 4: because I wish you had said that the other night

1204
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 4: that I make you want to get To be fair,

1205
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 4: there were some shots involved before this, but still I

1206
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 4: generally had a good day and wanted to keep the vibe,

1207
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 4: so I basically had to talk him down, also in

1208
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 4: front of everyone, and then once everyone left, he pulled

1209
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,280
Speaker 4: me aside shocker huh, and I had to reiterate again

1210
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 4: that the stupid TikTok thing is literally just TikTok. My

1211
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 4: reaction was not about him, and had to defend my

1212
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 4: entire position in life again. Then he asked if he

1213
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 4: could prove himself to no longer make a scene by

1214
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 4: helping me study for university. I said I wasn't sure,

1215
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:31,759
Speaker 4: but obviously I'm not going to do that. Yeah, it's

1216
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 4: hard enough to focus on school without a weepy baby

1217
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 4: having tantrums next to me and probably checking me out

1218
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 4: when I'm not looking. So it's sad and it's have

1219
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,800
Speaker 4: to change my whole shift now. But I managed to

1220
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 4: find some other volunteer shifts that work with my schedule,

1221
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 4: but it's cutting down to one day a week. I

1222
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 4: told the coordinator why, and that I would like my

1223
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 4: new schedule to be private if possible, and they agreed

1224
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 4: to take me off the.

1225
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: Email list and just know when I'm coming in.

1226
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:58,759
Speaker 4: I feel bad complicating her job and also ditching the

1227
00:54:58,800 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 4: other volunteers.

1228
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: But at least I still get to see the animals.

1229
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 1: I've grown warm too.

1230
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 4: I alluded to this being a pattern in my life

1231
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 4: in my previous post and comments, but truly, this guy

1232
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 4: takes the cake.

1233
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: There he is, there's the cake, there he is.

1234
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 4: Okay, he really believes that every single thing I have

1235
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 4: to say revolves around him, like he takes up space

1236
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 4: in my head. Well, he does in a negative way.

1237
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 4: This week, things seriously escalated on his end, and I'm

1238
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 4: already tired of it. Surprise, Surprise, Mail twenty eight. I've

1239
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 4: actually lived.

1240
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 1: An entire life without you, and I will continue to

1241
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 1: do so.

1242
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,280
Speaker 4: Sorry, you're so insecure that your life can be totally

1243
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 4: encompassed by someone else this easily, by the way, you

1244
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 4: can totally encompass your life with stories just like this.

1245
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,399
Speaker 4: All you gotta do is go to Spotify or Apple

1246
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 4: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from and search, okay,

1247
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 4: story time, and now you will find the whole catalog

1248
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 4: to browse through it. Okay, so let's finish this off.

1249
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 4: It is sad, but I doubt he will change the

1250
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,839
Speaker 4: tactic of cry and then guilt into more of what

1251
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 4: I want is super.

1252
00:55:58,320 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 1: Easy to do.

1253
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 4: He sees every act activity I do alone joyfully as

1254
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 4: an opportunity to commandeer that time and make it about him.

1255
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 4: I was nervous at first that he'd end up seeing this.

1256
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 4: I think he uses Reddit as well, but to be honest,

1257
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 4: I don't care anymore under Phil Collins type stuff. If

1258
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 4: he does see this, maybe seeing my side, because clearly

1259
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 4: he cannot listen, might shock him into acting like a

1260
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 4: normal adult person. Yeah, this guy freaking We have some

1261
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 4: comments here, but before you read them, like, what would

1262
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:28,839
Speaker 4: you like?

1263
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:31,279
Speaker 1: What? What do you say? Op? Is in the right

1264
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 1: to do here? I mean, like clearly.

1265
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 5: Literally I think you can be over him, And like

1266
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 5: I don't want to hang out with you. Yeah, I

1267
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 5: I barely want to interact with you. I don't think

1268
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 5: you have.

1269
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: You just got to say leave me alone.

1270
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 5: I say, like, hey, you're making me really uncomfortable. I

1271
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 5: not want to hang out with you.

1272
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: Outside of that.

1273
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 5: I'm fine with being your friend here, but that's it. No, No,

1274
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:50,800
Speaker 5: you don't block you.

1275
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: You gave him the entrance there.

1276
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:56,320
Speaker 5: Fine with talking, I'm fine fine with literally seeing you

1277
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 5: past being here, But that's it.

1278
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 4: I won't have an issue with you in my proximity,

1279
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,399
Speaker 4: but I don't want to be friends with you.

1280
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: I don't.

1281
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 4: I don't want to date you because you have made

1282
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:08,319
Speaker 4: beard and uncomfortable.

1283
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, facts, don't text me, don't give him an out,

1284
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,880
Speaker 5: don't call me, don't come by my house.

1285
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: We're done. Comment one. This guy is a pathetic creep.

1286
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,920
Speaker 4: Hey guy, if you stumble across this poor lady's reddit,

1287
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 4: please know multitudinous people, many of them women, think you're

1288
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 4: a super pathetic creep. True, you did not deserve for

1289
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 4: this guy to ruin something you enjoyed either.

1290
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 1: I hope he.

1291
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 4: Gets abducted by aliens and returned to his creepy home planet.

1292
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 1: Comment number two.

1293
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 4: I kind of was this guy for a few years

1294
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 4: in my twamies, minus the drama.

1295
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 1: What happened?

1296
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 4: Dude caught feelings for basically every girl in my social circle.

1297
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 5: Every girl in your social circle.

1298
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 4: The only thing that really helped me was distance or

1299
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 4: completely cutting contact. If he offers you to help you

1300
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:55,520
Speaker 4: with university, it definitely won't be as a friend. Ope,

1301
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 4: he replies, Yeah, his career has nothing to do with

1302
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:01,640
Speaker 4: what I'm studying anyway. He just latches onto things I

1303
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 4: do alone and tries to make it so that we

1304
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 4: can spend that time together. He even said once long ago,

1305
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 4: not this week, that he's ruined friendships by being too

1306
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 4: available before learned anything from that buddy seems like I know,

1307
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 4: and that is the end of that story.

1308
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 5: Freaking end of the story.

1309
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 4: It is.

1310
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, Opie, you need to be straightforward with this man

1311
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 5: because he is not getting the hint.

1312
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: Sofia, do we need to be friends with everybody?

1313
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 4: No, we don't need to, And you can tell them

1314
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 4: in a politeish way ish, or you can don't give

1315
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 4: him that.

1316
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 1: Don't don't give him anything that could be a crack

1317
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: in the door or ap. You know, you don't even

1318
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 1: know how to say anything.

1319
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 5: I suppose well, you know.

1320
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 1: I mean it might be nice to say something.

1321
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 5: You could just avoid it.

1322
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're to get back to these stories.

1323
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of a bads from our sponsors.

1324
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 5: My best friend ditched my wedding but helped a stranger

1325
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 5: with her wedding.

1326
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, not your best friend, yike anymore? That's not

1327
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 1: your friend?

1328
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 5: Throwaway count because I just needed to get this experience

1329
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 5: off my chest. I twenty five female, need to know

1330
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 5: if I something or if I am the A hole.

1331
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 5: I asked my best friend twenty seven female to be

1332
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 5: the matron of honor in my wedding in August of

1333
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 5: twenty twenty three. For my wedding in October of twenty

1334
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 5: twenty four, she happily accepted, and by July fourteenth, twenty

1335
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 5: twenty four, she had dropped out of the bridal party

1336
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 5: and ghosted me almost entirely. For the purposes of this post,

1337
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 5: we'll call the friend Bethany.

1338
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,840
Speaker 1: Oh, it's called beth Bethanie.

1339
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,439
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Logical World somebody seven

1340
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 5: to eighty one and if you want us my hear

1341
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 5: own stories, go to our slashoway storytime separated. So for

1342
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 5: some background, Bethany was like my sister. We met through

1343
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 5: my ex boyfriend of four years, and she helped me

1344
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 5: to realize I need to break up with him. She

1345
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 5: helped me through the breakup. I even showed up at

1346
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 5: her house after midnight a few times just for company

1347
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 5: and support. We worked together. Still would get lunch and

1348
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 5: coffee every day, and I'd even drive up to her

1349
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 5: every weekend to get coffee and go shopping. We talk

1350
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 5: on the phone for an hour plus every day on

1351
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 5: the way home from work to talk about the day

1352
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 5: and complain about our boss. I was close with her daughter,

1353
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 5: who she we'd bring with us to our weekend dates,

1354
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 5: and I asked her to be our flower girl again.

1355
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 5: She happily accepted.

1356
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 1: I just have a conspiracy you want to ice, what

1357
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: is conspiracy theory?

1358
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 4: I think that because I hear, like the complaining about

1359
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 4: the boss, talking for an hour, like getting lunch and

1360
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,440
Speaker 4: like getting coffee all the time, as like coworkers. I

1361
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 4: feel like maybe OP thinks that they have this like

1362
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 4: best friendship when really like the other person just thinks they.

1363
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 1: Just have like acquaintance friendship. Yeah.

1364
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 5: Bethany was the only bridesmaid who showed up to my

1365
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 5: dress shopping appointment and was so supportive, snapping pictures and

1366
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 5: taking videos. She came with the bridal party to go

1367
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 5: shopping for dresses and meshed well with everyone at our

1368
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 5: group dinner. After the weekend before Bethany backed out of

1369
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 5: the wedding was her daughter's birthday party. I was invited

1370
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 5: to all her previous birthdays and attended everyone with gifts

1371
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 5: in hand. For some reason, I didn't get invited to

1372
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 5: the party in twenty twenty four. I figured because it

1373
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,440
Speaker 5: was at a kid's play place and I don't have children,

1374
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 5: and that may have been wide but I didn't ask.

1375
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:58,160
Speaker 5: After the party Monday and Tuesday, she was silent, no calls,

1376
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 5: no texts, and acting I'm super distant and weird. At work,

1377
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 5: we sit right next to each other, and she wouldn't

1378
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 5: even look at me, didn't give any chatter throughout the day. Nothing.

1379
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 5: I then saw on Facebook that my ex was at

1380
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 5: her daughter's party. He also doesn't have kids, so my

1381
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: previous assumption was wrong. I thought maybe because my ex

1382
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 5: and Bethany's husband will call him Tim, we're close, that's

1383
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 5: the reason he was invited, and they didn't want to

1384
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:24,200
Speaker 5: make him uncomfortable. The weekend of July fourteenth, I got

1385
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 5: the below text from Bethany. She said she could no

1386
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 5: longer be a part of the bridal party due to

1387
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 5: personal reasons, but was super sweet and assured me it

1388
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,040
Speaker 5: was nothing personal.

1389
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 1: It sounds like it was exactly for personal reasons.

1390
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 5: Sounds like she said it was for personal reasons and

1391
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:40,920
Speaker 5: it was personal. A few days later, at work, she

1392
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,280
Speaker 5: told me it was because she was overwhelmed with school

1393
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 5: and work and not having anyone to watch her daughter.

1394
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 5: Tim worked nights and weekends. I understood and tried to

1395
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,480
Speaker 5: be as kind as possible, but to be honest, I

1396
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 5: was really hurt. I would cross an ocean for my

1397
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:57,400
Speaker 5: friends and I give them an organ, et cetera. I

1398
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 5: understand some things can't be changed, but I feel like

1399
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:02,480
Speaker 5: two months was plenty of time to figure out babysitting.

1400
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 5: It absolutely is.

1401
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean absolutely three months. Yeah, a quarter of

1402
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 1: a year.

1403
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 5: Come on, people, I mean I feel like most babysitting things, gigs,

1404
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 5: you get like a couple of days in advance, so

1405
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 5: or maybe like a week at advance.

1406
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 1: Like one week.

1407
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, hey, are you free this Saturday?

1408
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1409
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 5: Three months girl?

1410
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1411
01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 6: Sometimes there's emergencies and that happens the day of, but

1412
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 6: three months, come on.

1413
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1414
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 5: Plus, her daughter was supposed to be in the wedding,

1415
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:29,040
Speaker 5: so she'd definitely be at the wedding. Bethany didn't talk

1416
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:31,680
Speaker 5: to me or respond to text or calls for a while,

1417
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 5: and then her daughter got sick. She was in and

1418
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:35,520
Speaker 5: out of the hospital for almost a week, and I

1419
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 5: was so scared for her. I tried to support her.

1420
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 5: I tried calling, texting, and offering anything I could to

1421
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 5: help her. She wasn't at work, so I couldn't talk

1422
01:02:42,680 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 5: to her in person again. Bethany and I have spoken

1423
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 5: daily for over five years, so not hearing from her

1424
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:51,280
Speaker 5: for a week was really concerning. Bethany finally returned to

1425
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 5: work the next week. Her daughter was feeling better and

1426
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 5: Bethany seemed to be a bit more talkative. Well lunch alone,

1427
01:02:56,320 --> 01:03:00,280
Speaker 5: I asked her if we were okay. Bethany literally looked dumbfounded,

1428
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 5: and why wouldn't we be? I responded that we hadn't

1429
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,840
Speaker 5: spoken in over a week. She outright ignored my calls

1430
01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 5: and texts, et cetera. Bethany says everyone was blowing me

1431
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 5: up asking if daughter was okay, So I just turned

1432
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,000
Speaker 5: my phone off. I was just super annoyed. That's fair.

1433
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, you don't being like chronically available for

1434
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:20,440
Speaker 4: every single person on earth is like a new phenomenon.

1435
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:23,720
Speaker 1: Yeah that's not really, that's literally superpower.

1436
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 5: I knew this wasn't true because another woman at work

1437
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 5: knew details about what was wrong with Bethany's daughter and

1438
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:32,439
Speaker 5: has implied she spoke to her every day. Okay, well

1439
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 5: a little bit every now.

1440
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,880
Speaker 1: You can only speak to one person at a time

1441
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:36,560
Speaker 1: all day.

1442
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 5: However, in the conversation with Bethany, I apologize for blowing

1443
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 5: up her up and annoying her, and she said, no,

1444
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 5: not you, just everyone else. It was probably you too,

1445
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,439
Speaker 5: so I let it go. But since then we don't call,

1446
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:49,840
Speaker 5: we don't text, we don't hang out outside of work.

1447
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 5: Not for my lack of trying, she just ghosted me.

1448
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 5: And yet I had to see her at work every

1449
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 5: single day, have coffee together, and act like everything was

1450
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:00,640
Speaker 5: hunky dory. We discussed at work that Bethany and her

1451
01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 5: daughter were still invited to the flower party, bridle shower,

1452
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:06,200
Speaker 5: and wedding, plus him too. At first, Bethany was on

1453
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 5: board and acted excited to still attend everything. As each

1454
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 5: event came, Bethany simply didn't show, no text or anything.

1455
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:15,720
Speaker 5: The bridal party was the only thing she outright texted

1456
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 5: me to tell me she wasn't able to come the

1457
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 5: day of. After that, literally three weeks before my wedding,

1458
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 5: Bethany said, I don't know if I can even come

1459
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:25,160
Speaker 5: to the wedding anymore. Tim has to work and I

1460
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:27,520
Speaker 5: have schoolwork, to do. I'm sorry, you can't take one

1461
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:30,160
Speaker 5: day off from your schoolwork. You can't do your schoolwork

1462
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 5: a little bit earlier.

1463
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:33,680
Speaker 1: But also, you know what, my op, it's time for

1464
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:34,480
Speaker 1: you to take.

1465
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 5: This is not your friend. I was shocked. I asked

1466
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,240
Speaker 5: if her and Tim could switch days with someone, if

1467
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,320
Speaker 5: she could get her schoolwork done for that day at

1468
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 5: another time, and she said she just couldn't do it.

1469
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:47,160
Speaker 5: All this happened consecutively three months before the wedding. Oh

1470
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 5: do you know three months in advance that you just

1471
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 5: can't get your schoolwork done.

1472
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 1: She's trying to tell you right now that you need

1473
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:54,160
Speaker 1: to find someone else.

1474
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is not your friend. I was devastated. I

1475
01:04:57,320 --> 01:05:00,120
Speaker 5: had basically lost my best friend and my connection with

1476
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:02,600
Speaker 5: her daughter, Bethany, all the while acting like she.

1477
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:03,200
Speaker 1: Didn't care at all.

1478
01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:05,800
Speaker 5: She didn't make an effort to repair our relationship or

1479
01:05:05,840 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 5: even tried to explain what the heck happened for all

1480
01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 5: this to occur. The day of my wedding came and

1481
01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 5: deep down, I'd hope she'd at least text me, Nor

1482
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:16,240
Speaker 5: did she. In the two weeks following, while on our honeymoon,

1483
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 5: we didn't speak until I came back to work, and

1484
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:21,320
Speaker 5: she never once congratulated me or asked about the wedding.

1485
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 1: Not once.

1486
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 5: I haven't seen bethany outside of work, texted, or talked

1487
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 5: since her daughter's birthday party. I'm heartbroken and taking the

1488
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:30,919
Speaker 5: steps to heal and move on as best I can,

1489
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:33,960
Speaker 5: while still seeing her every day and acting like I'm fine.

1490
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 5: This was brought back up because she recently applied to

1491
01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:39,160
Speaker 5: a new job, got an offer, and put in her resignation.

1492
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:41,520
Speaker 5: I was happy for her and still want nothing but

1493
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 5: the absolute best for her, and this was a great

1494
01:05:43,720 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 5: company with what seemed like a much less toxic work environment.

1495
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 5: She put in her resignation and I felt a bit

1496
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 5: of relief knowing I wouldn't have to see her every

1497
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 5: day and bring up the pain of our friendship. Our

1498
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 5: company counter offered her the day before she was supposed

1499
01:05:56,320 --> 01:06:00,760
Speaker 5: to leave, and she accepted, and once again I'm devastated.

1500
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:02,560
Speaker 1: Oh man, that's so sad.

1501
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 5: Come on, it's so sad that has come to the

1502
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 5: point where, like you're devastated that your friend is staying.

1503
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 5: The pain doesn't stop when I have to see her

1504
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:11,680
Speaker 5: every day. Last week, at a group lunch, our male

1505
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:14,680
Speaker 5: coworker Jason was talking about getting married soon and how

1506
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,680
Speaker 5: is fiance Eileen doesn't have many girlfriends to go shopping with,

1507
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:20,040
Speaker 5: et cetera. Bethany tells him she'll go dress stopping with

1508
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 5: Eileen and help her plan the wedding. I literally tried

1509
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:25,960
Speaker 5: not to laugh out loud. Bethany and Eileen have met

1510
01:06:26,040 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 5: once at a work event. They didn't even have each

1511
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 5: other's phone numbers. What the f I had to use

1512
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:35,760
Speaker 5: every ounce of willpower the Good Lord had bestowed upon

1513
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,439
Speaker 5: me not to laugh out loud. How could she help

1514
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 5: this random woman with her wedding when she couldn't attend

1515
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 5: a single event for mine after committing to be matron

1516
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 5: of honor and her daughter being our flower girl. I

1517
01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 5: was flabergasted and pissed off and had to keep my

1518
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 5: mouth shut. Then, just today again, at a group lunch,

1519
01:06:52,360 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 5: you proclaim she's hanging out with Eileen this weekend to

1520
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 5: talk wedding staff. Jason and Bethany giggled, and I'm literally

1521
01:06:58,080 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 5: sitting across from them trying not to gouge my eyebowls

1522
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:03,840
Speaker 5: out with a fork. But you will never have to

1523
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:06,440
Speaker 5: gouge your eyeballs on if you listen to full episodes

1524
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 5: of stories just like this. Just go to Apple podcast,

1525
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,080
Speaker 5: Spotify or your favorite podcast topp and search up with storytime.

1526
01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 1: Goagey't do it. Gouge the wax out of your ears.

1527
01:07:15,640 --> 01:07:17,240
Speaker 5: And take the list and take.

1528
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 1: A freaking listen properly.

1529
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 5: There is a little bit left. Girl. This is not

1530
01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 5: your friend, not your friends. Yeah, at the other day,

1531
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 5: not your friend.

1532
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 4: It's not an easy situation to be a part of.

1533
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 4: But yeah, you when you like see like the reality

1534
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 4: of the situation, like maybe they can't, maybe they just can't.

1535
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:33,640
Speaker 4: Maybe they're still just looking at this like through the

1536
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,320
Speaker 4: lens of this is my best friend.

1537
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:38,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like I don't even know if that was

1538
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: ever the case might not have been I think and

1539
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:42,880
Speaker 1: maybe you know, I don't think that's Opie's faults.

1540
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:47,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's definitely like Bethany's not being straight up. But like,

1541
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 4: let this be a lesson, like detect you can detect

1542
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 4: that kind of behavior and instead of like you know,

1543
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 4: like three months going by and it's like you just

1544
01:07:55,120 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 4: file that away in your head. You go, Okay, this

1545
01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:58,720
Speaker 4: is not a person who's available for me anymore. This

1546
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:00,919
Speaker 4: is not a person who values by this is really

1547
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:04,000
Speaker 4: more of an acquaintance ship. Yeah, just and move forward

1548
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,400
Speaker 4: with that knowledge and that'll help you. I think, let go,

1549
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:08,480
Speaker 4: I find people who are going to be there for you,

1550
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:10,000
Speaker 4: and you can find me exactly.

1551
01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:12,440
Speaker 5: Am I crazy to be effing livid? Did I do

1552
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,920
Speaker 5: something to upset her last summer to cause our friendship

1553
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:18,479
Speaker 5: to dissolve? Everything seemingly happened out of nowhere. All the

1554
01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:21,000
Speaker 5: recent events and common since my wedding are getting under

1555
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,800
Speaker 5: my skin. It seems like in some cases she's intentionally

1556
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 5: trying to hurt me. She's extremely smart and a bit manipulative,

1557
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:29,559
Speaker 5: so I wouldn't put it past her. Am I the

1558
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 5: a hole for wishing she'd left for the other job?

1559
01:08:32,479 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 5: Can anyone provide any hint as to what the f happened?

1560
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 5: Please help me process? And that is the end of

1561
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 5: that story. I think that's just at the end of

1562
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:43,360
Speaker 5: the day. Unless she comes to you and says like, hey,

1563
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:46,200
Speaker 5: you did this and this wrong, or something like you've

1564
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:48,880
Speaker 5: hurt me or offended me or something you can't like

1565
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:52,760
Speaker 5: you can try and figure out and try and you know,

1566
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:56,479
Speaker 5: rummage around your brain for what you possibly could have done.

1567
01:08:56,560 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 5: But that's just going to like make you go crazy.

1568
01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:00,280
Speaker 5: So I feel like, unless she brings it up to you,

1569
01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:01,720
Speaker 5: you just have to be like, you know what, that's

1570
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 5: her problem, and I'm gonna I'm gonna move on without

1571
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 5: her in my life.

1572
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:05,240
Speaker 1: Yeah,