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Speaker 1: Today on the bright Side, we're getting into dating dynamics

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Speaker 1: with dating coach and podcast host Sabrina Zohar.

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Speaker 2: She's here to tell us how to do the work.

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Speaker 3: Like I think the reality is most people, it's not

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Speaker 3: a lack of information. We have all the information. It's

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Speaker 3: a lack of implementation. And so when we're really looking

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Speaker 3: at what is doing the work means. Doing the work

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Speaker 3: means being able to stop and say, what is actually

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Speaker 3: my reality versus what glasses am I wearing to alter

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Speaker 3: the reality.

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Speaker 4: I'm feeling empowered. We're talking radical self acceptance, y'all, and

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Speaker 4: how to take control of your love life. Later we

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Speaker 4: play a game of red Flag, Green Flag, or in between.

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Speaker 4: It's Thursday, March twenty eighth. I'm Simone Boye.

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Speaker 1: I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright side from

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Speaker 1: Hello Sunshine.

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Speaker 2: Tell me about your life.

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Speaker 4: What's going on? Let's see what's going on? Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 4: wait a minute to like think about do you have

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Speaker 4: anything off the top of your head.

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Speaker 1: I unfortunately have a story right on the tip of

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Speaker 1: my tongue, and it's so it's the most embarrassing thing

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Speaker 1: that's happened to me in a.

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Speaker 2: Really long time.

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Speaker 4: Wait, I need to hear this because we were on

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Speaker 4: the phone yesterday and you were like, I have to

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Speaker 4: save this story for the tood, so tell me it

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Speaker 4: right now.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So yesterday you and I had like a morning

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Speaker 1: function about the podcast, and then I went home and

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Speaker 1: I took a little nap because I you know what

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Speaker 1: it's like to launch a show like you and I

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Speaker 1: have not been sleeping.

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Speaker 2: Take a little nap.

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Speaker 1: And then I decided I was going to do something

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Speaker 1: fun because I haven't done.

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Speaker 2: All I've been doing is working.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I decide I'm gonna go eat a big, fat,

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Speaker 1: juicy hamburger, and I take myself to the Polo Lounge

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Speaker 1: at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

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Speaker 4: Nice.

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Speaker 1: You guys know the one from Instagram. It's like the

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Speaker 1: Pink Hotel. It has the red carpet. When you walk in,

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Speaker 1: it's all striped and flamingos, and it's very.

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Speaker 2: Posh, classic Beverly Hills exactly. It has palm trees.

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Speaker 1: You walk in and you're guaranteed to see not one,

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Speaker 1: not two, but three celebrities. Oh this is I had

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Speaker 1: a Jamie Lee Curtis spotting. There were like three people

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Speaker 1: there that I recognize. I sit down at a booth

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Speaker 1: and I'm eating, and it's I ordered a French onion soup,

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Speaker 1: and then I ordered a caesar salad, and I ordered

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Speaker 1: a hamburger with French fries all to myself. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: just girl. I'm sitting there, I'm enjoying, I'm eating. I

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Speaker 1: pay the bill, and I was like really feeling satisfied

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Speaker 1: because A I ate a whole lot, and B I

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Speaker 1: just hadn't done anything for myself. I get up, mind you,

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Speaker 1: the restaurant is completely full. I stand up and I

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Speaker 1: walk away, and the tablecloth comes with me.

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Speaker 4: Wait, like the classic comedic stunt where it follows you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, the two glasses of water and diet coke come falling,

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Speaker 1: The leftover food dishes break everywhere. The entire restaurant was

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Speaker 1: staring at me. I didn't know what to do. I

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Speaker 1: looked at the waiter. I was like, I am so sorry,

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Speaker 1: but it's almost like it couldn't have been planned.

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Speaker 2: It was like a movie.

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Speaker 4: I'm wondering if you got punked, if someone tucked that

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Speaker 4: tablecloth corner into your pants. Epic, Danielle, I'm actually I'm

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Speaker 4: kind of impressed, Like I'm actually proud of you, Like,

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Speaker 4: this is pretty epic.

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Speaker 2: I was mortified. I could not.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little clumsy, like I'll trip on thin air,

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Speaker 1: I'll trip up the stairs.

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Speaker 2: If I'm in the gym, sometimes a weight falls on

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Speaker 2: my toe. But this was peak clumsiness.

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Speaker 4: Did anybody did the paps get you?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 4: Did anybody get this on camera?

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Speaker 2: You know, Jamie Lee Curtis was there, so they didn't

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Speaker 2: care about me.

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Speaker 4: Did anybody in the restaurant see the whole restaurant?

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Speaker 1: It was so loud, it was truly mortifying.

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Speaker 4: Well, look out look on TMZ later today, folks. Maybe

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Speaker 4: we'll get a recap.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, can I ask you a personal question?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So I mentioned how this show have been tough. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you have two kids and a husband.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: A lot of my friends feel like when they're at work,

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Speaker 1: they're thinking about kids. When they're with their kids, they're

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Speaker 1: thinking about work. How are you thinking about your time?

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Speaker 4: I am able to compartmentalize at this point, like I'm

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Speaker 4: able to I'm getting better at mom guilt and I'm

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Speaker 4: able to be present at work and be purposeful here.

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Speaker 4: But you know, it is difficult. The phone is the

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Speaker 4: worst distraction. The phone kills me when I'm with my kids,

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Speaker 4: like the temptation to check an email or go on Instagram.

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Speaker 4: I'm constantly battling that, so so it goes in my house. Okay,

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Speaker 4: I have a fun game for us, Danielle. Are you ready? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I love a game.

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Speaker 4: This is gonna be great. The power of the giggle people.

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Speaker 4: We're getting ready to giggle here. Okay. So we're podcast hosts, right,

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Speaker 4: getting names right, That's kind of in our job description.

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Speaker 4: And you're an entertainment reporter. We have that in our

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Speaker 4: vent diagram. So I'm going to put your celebrity name

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Speaker 4: knowledge to the test. Okay, I'm going to give you

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Speaker 4: a clue, and all you have to do is tell

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Speaker 4: me the name of the celebrity that I'm talking about. Okay, ready,

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Speaker 4: stop looking at my paper. I can't see your stope cheating.

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Speaker 2: I don't have eyes that can see your paper.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, this first one, Danielle. We're gonna start with

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Speaker 4: the first and last name here. This actor first became

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Speaker 4: famous for his role in Call Me by Your Name.

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Speaker 4: I love that movie. But his latest movie is the

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Speaker 4: sci fi blockbuster Done two.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who this is.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Danielle. Here's a hint, he is allegedly dating Kylie Jenner.

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Speaker 2: Uh okay.

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Speaker 1: I definitely know who this is now, uh Tennessee Shalla

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Speaker 1: May Okay?

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Speaker 4: All right? Next, moving on, just the first name here,

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Speaker 4: that's all you need. She's a friend and co star

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Speaker 4: of the last actor, and you know her from Euphoria

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Speaker 4: and a couple of Spider Man movies.

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Speaker 2: Is it zendayah Zendaya?

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Speaker 4: Great? Great? Okay? Now this next guy is currently getting

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Speaker 4: a little rowdy in his latest movie, Roadhouse on Prime.

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Speaker 2: Oh, Jake Jillenhall.

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Speaker 4: Great? Moving on, we have two from the Mean Girls universe.

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Speaker 4: This first actress can tell when it's already raining and

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Speaker 4: make you dance and sing in Ley Miz and Mamma.

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Speaker 2: Mia love her, Amanda Seifried okay.

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Speaker 4: And someone else who was personally victimized by Regina George

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Speaker 4: Katie Heron aka Lindsay Lohan.

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Speaker 1: Great okay, but it's Lowen right, got it right, Lindsay Lohan?

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Speaker 4: Okay? Moving on, Hello from the other side. She must

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Speaker 4: have called a thousand times to tell you you've been saying

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Speaker 4: your name wrong.

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Speaker 2: Really, Adele okay?

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Speaker 4: Got it? Now we got the names from you. We're

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Speaker 4: gonna tally it up to see how you did. Okay,

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Speaker 4: technically you only pronounced one of those celebrity names correctly.

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Speaker 2: Wow, tell me how you're really supposed to pronounce them.

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Speaker 4: Here's the thing. Don't feel bad because we've all been

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Speaker 4: mispronouncing their names. So Timothy shallo May is actually tim

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Speaker 4: o'ta shala May.

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Speaker 2: It's tim o'ta.

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Speaker 4: It's tim o'te.

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Speaker 2: I don't believe that.

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Speaker 4: It's tim o'te. I don't make the rules his parents did.

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Speaker 1: No one on a red carpet has ever called him

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Speaker 1: tim o'te.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna try it next time. Oh my god. Okay,

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Speaker 4: this next one, Jake Jillenhall is really pronounced Jake yelen Halo.

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Speaker 2: That's also not true.

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Speaker 4: There's no he's Swedish. He's also Swedish royalty.

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Speaker 2: Gill and yellow. There's no way it's true. And go

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Speaker 2: to the same gym as him.

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Speaker 4: Nobody's ever said, Janelle, you should ask him. Ariana Grande

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Speaker 4: is not actually a medium drink from Starbucks. It's actually grandy.

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Speaker 1: Oh I heard about that one time. Because Chrissy Tiaguan

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Speaker 1: is really Chrissy tigan No way really, I think, and

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Speaker 1: so I heard that was at the same time that

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Speaker 1: the Grandi came out.

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Speaker 4: I can't. You can't be grandy. You gotta go grande

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Speaker 4: or go home. Okay, Amanda Seyfried, that's the mispronunciation. The

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Speaker 4: correct pronunciation is actually Amanda Seifred. Okay. Lindsay Lohan, that's

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Speaker 4: how we all know her name, right. The correct pronunciation

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Speaker 4: is Lindsay Lowen. M Yeah, Lindsay Lowen Lowen. Okay. Next

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Speaker 4: time you say hello to Adele, you might want to

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Speaker 4: say Adele. Okay.

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Speaker 2: That one's made up.

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Speaker 3: That's true.

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Speaker 2: It's an accent thing. That's crazy.

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Speaker 4: It's technically a dial, a dial that was Southern.

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Speaker 1: The first one was British Adele.

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Speaker 5: That was funny. That was really funny.

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Speaker 4: Okay, y'all. Up next, we're doing a deep dive on

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Speaker 4: dating Red Flag. Sabrina Zohar, the no nonsense host so

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Speaker 4: the Do the Work Podcast, joins us.

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Speaker 5: Stick with us.

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Speaker 4: Okay, we're back, y'all, And today on the show, we're

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Speaker 4: catching feelings because even if you've found your happily ever after,

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Speaker 4: we can all still benefit from a little love advice.

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Speaker 1: That's for sure. Dating coach and host of the podcast,

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Speaker 1: do the work. Sabrina Zohar is here to share what

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Speaker 1: do you do if you found your perfect match on

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Speaker 1: paper but the spark just isn't there.

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Speaker 4: We also have some advice for anybody out there searching

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Speaker 4: for love outside the apps. Sabrina, Welcome to the bright Side.

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Speaker 1: I can't take you seriously, Simone, Sabrina, thank you for

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Speaker 1: joining us.

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Speaker 3: Hi ladies, so good to see you. Thank you for

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Speaker 3: having me. I'm excited for our chat today. We have

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Speaker 3: so much to go over.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Sabrina, everybody has questions when it comes to dating.

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Speaker 4: But before we get into that, let's talk about the

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Speaker 4: term dating coach because it gets thrown around a lot,

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Speaker 4: but I think we should just level set and break

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Speaker 4: it down. What does the term dating coach actually mean?

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Speaker 4: And what do dating coaches do?

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Speaker 3: So I'll speak for myself at least in this regard

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Speaker 3: for me personally, what a day coach looks like is

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Speaker 3: it's an amalgamation of things. On the top most people

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Speaker 3: come to me with like, hey, okay, so here's my

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Speaker 3: dating experience is I don't understand what's going on. I

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Speaker 3: have some clients where I work with them purely to

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Speaker 3: just teach them how to date. Literally have never even

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Speaker 3: gone out there, have been married for thirty years, haven't

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Speaker 3: even opened a nap. But then there's also this beautiful,

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Speaker 3: magical part that I get to work with people to

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Speaker 3: understand what's under that. So for me, yes, I could

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Speaker 3: just talk over arching about how to date, but I

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Speaker 3: actually love to bring people back home to themselves because

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Speaker 3: my mama has been saying this to me for years.

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Speaker 3: You have to love yourself more than the need to

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Speaker 3: be loved by other people. Because if you are constantly

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Speaker 3: waiting for everyone else to validate you, when you are

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Speaker 3: so unhealthy in that regard, and when you're always waiting

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Speaker 3: for that validation any healthy person coming your way, you

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Speaker 3: won't be able to accept it because that goes against

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Speaker 3: your core belief What I like to do is start

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Speaker 3: to strip away and understand what are those core beliefs

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Speaker 3: so that we can move past it, and then you

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Speaker 3: can have different experiences in your dating life. So for me,

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Speaker 3: at least personally, it goes way.

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Speaker 4: Deeper, Sabrina, I want to hear more about you. I know,

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Speaker 4: for me and for a lot of other people out

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Speaker 4: there too. Sometimes we learn the most from our failures

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Speaker 4: in life. So can you tell us a little bit

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Speaker 4: more about where your expertise comes from. Do you think

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Speaker 4: it comes from having bad dating experiences?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely? Like I lived in New York for twelve years

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Speaker 3: when I just turned nineteen up until I was thirty one.

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Speaker 3: Then I moved to La so and ill had been

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Speaker 3: dating in Miami as well, kind of in between all

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Speaker 3: of that, so I had dated in three of the

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Speaker 3: major cities. It was constantly like eating shit, having fuck boys,

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Speaker 3: having the people that are wasting your time. It was

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Speaker 3: one after another after another, and me constantly saying no, no,

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Speaker 3: it's not me, it's everybody else. And it wasn't until

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Speaker 3: my sister sat me down and was like, you are

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Speaker 3: the fucking problem and I was like, wow, oh okay,

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Speaker 3: Like didn't see it that way, And then starting to

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Speaker 3: really do the work. I'm not broken. I just have

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Speaker 3: a lot of childhood traumas I need to work through.

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Speaker 3: And I started to understand how setting boundaries started to

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Speaker 3: change the way I dated, how showing up differently started

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Speaker 3: to manifest different people coming into my life, which ultimately

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Speaker 3: led me, after five years being painfully single and those

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Speaker 3: both cities, finding an amazing partner that I'm with now

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Speaker 3: that I've been with for a year and a half,

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Speaker 3: because when you show up differently, you start to receive differently.

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Speaker 3: And that really came from personal experience and me having

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Speaker 3: dated practically every kind of guy you can imagine.

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Speaker 1: First of all, congrats, because what I hear people that

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Speaker 1: find people after doing the work. As you say, it

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Speaker 1: feels like you earned love, you didn't just find it.

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Speaker 1: And there's something really beautiful about that.

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Speaker 4: I love that, and I really appreciate, Sabrina, how often

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Speaker 4: you take ownership over your own problems and the awareness

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Speaker 4: that you have of the issues that you have to

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Speaker 4: work through, because I think that's actually a pretty countercultural message.

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Speaker 4: In today's society. The narratives that we hear are all

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Speaker 4: about blaming other people. So is that intentional to position

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Speaker 4: yourself in this way or did it just kind of

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Speaker 4: happen organically.

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Speaker 3: It happened organically because truthfully speaking, like that's the problem.

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Speaker 3: You know, we're so focused and it's like all of

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Speaker 3: these people telling you here's what to do to get

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Speaker 3: a guy. Okay, so you're manipulating and gamifying this, like

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Speaker 3: so you can control somebody else because you're playing like

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Speaker 3: a chess game that didn't resonate with me. And for me,

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Speaker 3: I went through years of not taking accountability and saying no, no,

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Speaker 3: it's everybody else until I took radical acceptance of me,

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Speaker 3: my actions and like even as a business owner, of course,

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Speaker 3: it would be easy to say, well, my employees messed up,

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Speaker 3: and they messed that up. But then I have to

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Speaker 3: take ownership and say, but I'm the manager. I'm the

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Speaker 3: one overseeing it. So if I drop the ball, it

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Speaker 3: starts and stops with me. And what that did was

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Speaker 3: it allowed me to empower myself, because when you can

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Speaker 3: take full accountability and ownership of your part in it,

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Speaker 3: you can take full control of your life.

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Speaker 4: Asking for a friend who's working on radical self acceptance,

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Speaker 4: what has been the hardest facet?

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Speaker 2: What is this stutter? It was my favorite pireus.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what has been the hardest facet of your personality

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Speaker 4: to accept or overcome?

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Speaker 3: Truthfully, I've had the dichotomy of I'm not enough, but

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Speaker 3: I'm also too much, So I'm too much because growing

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Speaker 3: up my dad would I mean, you would have an

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Speaker 3: emotion and he would hit you or walk out, or

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Speaker 3: there was always some kind of a band in me

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Speaker 3: because he could not handle emotions and now being especially

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Speaker 3: in the light where people can judge you and trolls

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Speaker 3: can say things those reaffirming core beliefs of see, you're

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Speaker 3: too much. I knew your personality was too big. Took

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Speaker 3: me this entire last year to finally stop and say, well,

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Speaker 3: this is who I am. It's not like I'm saying

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Speaker 3: every other word. I speak fast, I curse, I'm from

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Speaker 3: New York. I'm very driven, I'm very direct, I'm very blunt.

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Speaker 3: And accepting that about me meant that I no longer

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Speaker 3: had to change that part about me. I could embrace

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Speaker 3: it and really actually learn to love myself. And those

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Speaker 3: protective parts that created me are ultimately the ones that

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Speaker 3: are also helping me in my career.

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Speaker 2: What is doing the work look like?

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Speaker 1: Like? I feel like we can say it's therapy, but

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Speaker 1: it's more than that.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent. It runs so much deeper. I think

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Speaker 3: truly what doing the work is is it's kind of

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Speaker 3: a myriad of things. I think it's like three major aspects.

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Speaker 3: It's identifying your triggers. It's understanding yourself. It's knowing what

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Speaker 3: sets you off. It's knowing who you are as a person.

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Speaker 3: And what are your weaknesses as well. Then the second

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Speaker 3: part of that is being able to stop intellectualizing it,

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Speaker 3: Like I think the reality is it's not a lack

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Speaker 3: of information. We have all the information. It's a lack

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Speaker 3: of implementation. And so when we're really looking at what

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Speaker 3: is doing the work means. Doing the work means being

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Speaker 3: able to stop and say, what is actually my reality

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Speaker 3: versus what glasses am I wearing to alter the reality.

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Speaker 1: There's a version of validating your experience too that I've

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Speaker 1: personally felt and I find it with a lot of

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Speaker 1: my female friends. Trusting your own experience, trusting your own instincts.

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Speaker 1: I think we talk ourselves out of it a lot,

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Speaker 1: and so I really like that word validation.

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Speaker 3: And we have to remember too, it's like it's so normal.

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Speaker 3: I want to like normalize so many things. The reason

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Speaker 3: that could be normal is like I grew up not

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Speaker 3: being able to trust my gut. I couldn't understand because

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Speaker 3: it was unsafe for me to do so. So there

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Speaker 3: is a space where we can have so much compassion

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Speaker 3: for people that have never been able to validate. But

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Speaker 3: then we also have to have that moment of explanation

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Speaker 3: or excuse you know, are we using this as an

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Speaker 3: explanation to where we are and where we're going, or

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Speaker 3: are we using it as well? I'm avoidant and that's

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Speaker 3: me and I don't communicate. It's like, well, fucking do

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Speaker 3: something about it.

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Speaker 4: Work on it.

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Speaker 2: So this is the bright side.

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Speaker 1: And we didn't want to just focus on red flags,

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Speaker 1: even though I'm very interested in those. We wanted to

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Speaker 1: also talk about green flags. So what are things to

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Speaker 1: look out for in a new relationship.

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Speaker 3: Off the bat? Consistency and reciprocity. So those are the

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Speaker 3: two things. Consistency for me, like, I have dated very

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Speaker 3: extensively in New York and LA and it was literally.

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Speaker 2: Like and Miami apparently all those cities.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm from Florida, so I was always back and forth,

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Speaker 3: just going like from New York to Miami all the time.

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Speaker 4: I feel like you should get a degree, like once

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Speaker 4: you graduate from dating in one of these cities.

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Speaker 3: Right, I would love that. Whereas where is my compensation

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Speaker 3: for the trauma that I've exerienced?

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Speaker 4: Exactly?

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Speaker 3: But really, like, as far as what is consistency to me,

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Speaker 3: the person I go to bed to is the person

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Speaker 3: I can wake up to that I know that this

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Speaker 3: is this person's the same day in and day out.

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Speaker 3: Can you have mood swings? Of course you're human, But

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Speaker 3: it's really knowing that when I express myself, do they

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Speaker 3: make me feel seen, hurt and understood? Do I feel safe?

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Speaker 3: Do I feel like, Wow, I can say anything to

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Speaker 3: this person they don't judge me? Or am I scared

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Speaker 3: to open up and open my mouth because I don't

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Speaker 3: want to push them away? So it's really just looking

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Speaker 3: at those little things.

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Speaker 4: One hundred percent. That is so important. Okay, so those

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Speaker 4: are the green flags, but we all know those wouldn't

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Speaker 4: exist without red flags. So let's get into it. So

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Speaker 4: red flags, of course things to run from in a

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Speaker 4: new relationship, right, but what are the most common red

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Speaker 4: flags that you tend to warn people about.

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Speaker 3: When somebody calls all their exes crazy, huge red flag,

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Speaker 3: it's like that beans that person's not taking any accountability

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Speaker 3: or ownership. So like somebody that tells you I'm not

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Speaker 3: ready for a relationship, or somebody that can't even have

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Speaker 3: conversation with you, somebody that you know, maybe like hasn't

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Speaker 3: processed their past. If you can't even have conversations of

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Speaker 3: depth with this person because they're always trying to avoid it,

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Speaker 3: somebody who won't be making consistent plans with you, somebody

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Speaker 3: who only wants to text but never wants to call you.

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Speaker 3: And we have to remember, a red flag doesn't mean,

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Speaker 3: like truly run for the hills, but a red flag

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Speaker 3: is something to start taking note of.

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Speaker 4: So I want to dig into something that you just

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Speaker 4: said there about some red flags are just kind of

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Speaker 4: a warning sign and some you really have to listen to.

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Speaker 4: So are some red flags redeemable?

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Speaker 3: Yes, because we have to remember it depends on the context, right,

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Speaker 3: So it's like, if there's a red flag that we

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Speaker 3: see in the beginning that maybe it's just more of

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Speaker 3: a trigger, you know, like if somebody says something to

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Speaker 3: you and you're like, well, I don't like the way

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Speaker 3: he spoke to me. To somebody else, they could say,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, he didn't speak to me in any

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Speaker 3: inappropriate way. Like if somebody's calling all of their exes crazy,

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Speaker 3: that's not really very redeemable because if I'm going to

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Speaker 3: probe a little deeper and find out that they're still

403
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Speaker 3: not taking accountability, I'm probably not going to waste my

404
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Speaker 3: time with this person. Versus somebody who says I just

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Speaker 3: want to go slow. That might not be a red

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Speaker 3: flag to somebody. To somebody, that might be because they

407
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Speaker 3: might want to rush into something, and to someone else

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Speaker 3: they might be like, wow, that's a really green flag.

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Speaker 3: So I really think it also depends on the context

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Speaker 3: versus some things like if you want a relationship and

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Speaker 3: this person doesn't, or I'll say one that I find

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Speaker 3: to be a huge red flag when you're intimate with

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Speaker 3: someone and they refuse to you protection for your first time.

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Speaker 3: That's a huge red flag for me because it's just

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Speaker 3: you're not taking care of my life, You're not taking

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Speaker 3: care of your life, and you just want to be

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Speaker 3: willy nilly Like that doesn't work for me. So there's

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Speaker 3: little things where I'm like, Okay, if you're going to

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Speaker 3: do this with me and you just met me, what

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Speaker 3: do you do with everybody else? Like that's safety that

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Speaker 3: I'm not. I don't really love that.

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Speaker 4: That's a medical emergency. That's not a red flag.

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Speaker 2: Skiz right, Skez, Right's easy.

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Speaker 1: What do you think the best way is to get

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Speaker 1: to know somebody?

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Speaker 2: Nowadays?

427
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Speaker 1: Like with all the technology we have, sometimes I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's better if we just wind it all backwards.

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Speaker 3: To me strip the phones. The phones are just there

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Speaker 3: to make a quick plan, check in how you doing,

431
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 3: But the phone is not the connection point. The texting

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Speaker 3: and dating was something I think that made me put

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Speaker 3: me on the map because I was saying things people

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Speaker 3: weren't saying, and that is, you don't need to text

435
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Speaker 3: every day and so not when you first met somebody.

436
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Speaker 3: If I just met you two days ago, why do

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Speaker 3: you need to be part of my day to day life.

438
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 3: Nowadays we're looking at this hunk of metal saying, well,

439
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 3: he didn't text me every day. That means he doesn't

440
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,159
Speaker 3: like me. We're making so many assumptions as opposed to

441
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 3: how are they showing up? Are you spending time together

442
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 3: when you're with them? Are they consistent? Do they listen

443
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 3: to you? Did they ask you questions? Are they making

444
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 3: consistent plans? Are you seeing this person? Are you having

445
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 3: conflict and resolve? That is how you build a relationship.

446
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:11,360
Speaker 1: Yep.

447
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 4: Should we talk about apps for a little bit. So

448
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:18,440
Speaker 4: you met your man, you call him tech guy on hinge?

449
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,880
Speaker 4: What's your advice for people who want to get off

450
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 4: the apps? Because I've been married for eighty two years

451
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 4: and all of my friends who are single always are

452
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 4: telling me how terrible the apps are, So like, how

453
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 4: do we get people off the apps and into the

454
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 4: loves that they want to find?

455
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,879
Speaker 3: Great question I think when it comes to the apps,

456
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 3: like and I was one of those people that I

457
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 3: was like, EPs are sore the worst. I needed to

458
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 3: be a better buyer. So it's like there's a twofold one.

459
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 3: It's about how are you selling yourself? Essentially, like this

460
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 3: is your resume, right, so it's like, how are you

461
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 3: presenting yourself? But at the very baseline, do they have

462
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 3: anything on their profile of depth? Do they have prompts?

463
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 3: Are their prompts one word answers? So it's like how

464
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 3: long are they charting with you on the apps? How

465
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 3: long does it take for them to try to make

466
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 3: a plan with you? Those are the little things that

467
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 3: I mean by being a better buyer. So if you

468
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: have somebody that's keeping you on the app for three

469
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 3: four weeks, texting you every single day, you're wasting your time.

470
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 3: That person's clearly not intentional with the way that they're dating.

471
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 3: You got to know you're non negotiables, your boundaries list,

472
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 3: you have to be very clear. The biggest thing about this.

473
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 3: You have to be okay walking away from people that

474
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 3: don't match that.

475
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 2: Okay, wait, we have listener questions.

476
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: We want to give you some specific scenarios and get

477
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 1: your take on them. The first one is do I

478
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: have to pretend to take out my credit card and

479
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 1: offer to pay on the first date.

480
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 3: If they asked me on the date? I don't do

481
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 3: that anymore because if you asked me to be there, Listen,

482
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 3: my time is valuable. I wasn't going to do this date.

483
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 3: So what I'll usually do is, whoever asked me on

484
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 3: the date, I'm not doing the credit card reach. I'll

485
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 3: usually just sit there and if they pull out their

486
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 3: credit card, I'll say, well, thank you so much. I

487
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 3: really appreciate that.

488
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 2: But what if you intend on never seeing them again?

489
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 3: I still think same rules apply. Listen, just because I'm

490
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,639
Speaker 3: on the date doesn't mean I'm guaranteed to want to

491
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 3: see you again. But the same thing if I invite

492
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 3: a guy on a date, I would be prepared, Like

493
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 3: if I say, come meet me for a coffee. If

494
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: I go up and order the coffee, I'm happy to

495
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 3: pay for the coffee, so I look at it as

496
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 3: the them paying for you. Doesn't mean that you owe

497
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 3: them anything. So just because you don't want to see

498
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 3: them again doesn't still mean that they didn't invite you

499
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 3: out to dinner and that you said yes, you spent

500
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 3: your time to go there, it just didn't work.

501
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 2: See.

502
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,920
Speaker 1: I always feel like if I don't offer to pay

503
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 1: and if I don't ever intend on seeing them again, A,

504
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: I feel bad, but B I feel like it is

505
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 1: a trade like I sometimes offer to pay even if

506
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: I like somebody, because I'm like, I'm not trying.

507
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,359
Speaker 2: To trade like a makeout for a dinner.

508
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?

509
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know what you mean. And I think it's

510
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: there's an element of being there to receive. You know,

511
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 3: we talk all of this dynamics of feminine masculine. I

512
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 3: don't like to do that. What I do like to

513
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 3: look at is how can I be in a space

514
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: where I feel comfortable to receive from somebody? So just

515
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 3: because I don't like you, or just because I don't

516
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: feel like I owe you anything, doesn't still mean that

517
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 3: my time wasn't valuable and that again you asked me

518
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 3: to be here and I'm here now. Listen, you want

519
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: to split the check?

520
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 1: Split it?

521
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 3: Who cares? I've done that before, I've pulled out the card.

522
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 3: But the reality is sometimes when they say yes, you're like,

523
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 3: you can give you the current. I was just doing

524
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 3: it to be polite, and you're like grudgingly putting it down.

525
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 3: So I think it's if it's all thin. Like there's

526
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 3: some women that are like, I don't want a man

527
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 3: to pay for me. Great, then you hold that ground.

528
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 3: You do what feels right for you. And if you're

529
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 3: like I don't want you have to owe you anything,

530
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 3: you pay. But I don't think it needs to be

531
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 3: an expectation that the woman has to split the first date.

532
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest. I had a fantastic first date

533
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 4: with my husband and it was the stuff that dreams

534
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 4: are made of. And then the second date, it was

535
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 4: a day date, but he asked me to go Dutch

536
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 4: and I was like, what in the broke ass artist

537
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 4: is this? Because he was a struggling screenwriter at the time,

538
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 4: I was like, what is going on? But I got

539
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 4: over it, so you know, I was flexible.

540
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 2: Did you split the check?

541
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 4: We did, because I'm I felt awkward and I was like, okay, yeah,

542
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 4: sure I'll split the check, but.

543
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 3: You can't say no, no, it's like yeah, It's like

544
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 3: if you're saying no, you're like I may never see

545
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 3: this person again. And I like my partner and I

546
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 3: we like the first couple of dates he paid, and

547
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 3: then it became a thing of like, I don't need

548
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,360
Speaker 3: someone to take care of me. I'm a woman, I

549
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 3: can I can pay my own way. So sometimes it's

550
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 3: I get dinner, you get dinner. I get it, you

551
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 3: get It doesn't have to be like I had an

552
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 3: ex that would go down the receipt and split what

553
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 3: you bought at the grocery store. That's a whole nother

554
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 3: level of no, thank you. But if somebody's being honest

555
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,159
Speaker 3: of like I'm a struggling screenwriter, I'm sorry, I just like,

556
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,159
Speaker 3: can we split this?

557
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 4: You know what?

558
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 3: How do you show up for me in other ways

559
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,479
Speaker 3: besides paying for me? Because it's that life is free.

560
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 3: Nothing in life is free. I would see it differently

561
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 3: because like, my partner's not necessarily the most generous with money,

562
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 3: but boy is he generous with love. But I think

563
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 3: it also depends on like very much like he's he

564
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 3: is frugal. He's just the type of person he saves

565
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,679
Speaker 3: a lot of money. He's not the type. He's not

566
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 3: going to splurge, and he doesn't do that. But I've

567
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 3: never had somebody so supportive because he shows it with

568
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,959
Speaker 3: acts of service. Acts of service is his love language,

569
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 3: not gift giving and not spending money. Spending money is

570
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: actually quite easy. I can just easily take out my

571
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 3: credit card and go up. I've got her, But how

572
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 3: do I show up for her? That way is so

573
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 3: much more important to me because we're a partnership. I'm

574
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 3: looking for a partner, not a project. And that also

575
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 3: means that it might come with some eighty twenty. It

576
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 3: might mean that this person doesn't necessarily financially splurge, But

577
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 3: how else are they showing that that satisfied my needs?

578
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 4: Okay, we are going to get into some more or

579
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:05,919
Speaker 4: lessener questions. Here's one. Let's say someone sounds perfect on paper,

580
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 4: but for whatever reason, it's just still not clicking. I

581
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 4: can't get there. Should you keep pursuing them because it's

582
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 4: supposed to be a good fit.

583
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: My one thing I'll say about that, I get that

584
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 3: all the time. And here's the one determining factor. Do

585
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 3: you even want to be intimate or physical with this person?

586
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: For me.

587
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 3: I was so anxious and I had so much anxiety.

588
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: I wasn't ready for the perfect on paper guy, the

589
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 3: guy that was all those things I said I wanted

590
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 3: because I couldn't receive that. So if it's a matter

591
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 3: of man, this guy's really amazing, he's awesome, he's everything,

592
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 3: I'm not feeling it, It's like, well, what aren't you feeling?

593
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 3: Are you looking for a feeling? Because if you're chasing

594
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 3: the feeling, then you're just going to constantly be chasing versus.

595
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 3: When this guy touches me, I move out of the

596
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 3: way because I'm physically not even remotely interested in him.

597
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 3: Two very different experiences, and that's why I'm like, we

598
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: don't have to sleep with the person, but even just

599
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 3: at dinner, let them touch your arm, touch their leg,

600
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,159
Speaker 3: do some kind of physical touch to see how you

601
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 3: feel my partner, I kept touching his leg and I

602
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 3: liked it. When we first met, I wasn't cuckookachew. But

603
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 3: it wasn't until he kissed me where I was like,

604
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 3: oh my god, because honestly, I hated the way he

605
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 3: dressed and I hated his car. So I had my ix.

606
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 3: Oh oh, I pulled on I was like, I'm such

607
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 3: a fickle bitch. I was like, this is not for me.

608
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 3: But it wasn't until when he kissed me. I remember

609
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 3: being like, whoa, where is this coming from? And that's

610
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 3: what I pursued.

611
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 2: That is fabby.

612
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 1: Okay, you talk a lot about box theory, which, for

613
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 1: anyone who doesn't know, it's basically the idea that when

614
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: a guy meets a woman that he immediately puts her

615
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: in a box and that box never changes. So the

616
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: boxes are a woman you hook up with, a woman

617
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 1: you can date, or a woman that you just want

618
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: to be friends with.

619
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on box theory. I don't believe

620
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 3: in the box theory personally, I either.

621
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 4: I do think guys I do get into it.

622
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 3: Well, let's get into it, because I think what it

623
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 3: is it's an incredibly shallow way of looking at things.

624
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 3: Not that your shallow, so please, I want to just

625
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 3: clear it. Like this to me, I hope to upt

626
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 3: them on the first and I asked him, I'm like,

627
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 3: what did you think of me?

628
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 2: After?

629
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: He was like, I knew that I wanted to sleep

630
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 3: with you. Again, he was like, I didn't know I

631
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,199
Speaker 3: wanted to date you. He was like, I didn't know you.

632
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 3: How was I supposed to know in the first twenty

633
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 3: minutes of meeting you that I would want to be

634
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 3: in a relationship. Because I think the box theory's implication

635
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 3: is that once you're in that box, you don't get out. Now,

636
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 3: what we're overlooking here is why are we We're giving

637
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 3: so much credence, but yet we're not looking at is

638
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 3: what was that person's intentions? Because if that person came

639
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 3: to you with the intentions of I don't want a relationship,

640
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: I don't care if you're the Queen of Sheheba, if

641
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: you're a gold statue brought from the God's above, you're

642
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 3: not going to change somebody else. So once they put

643
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 3: you in that box, the reason you're not out of

644
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 3: it isn't because of you and who you are. It's

645
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 3: because of their intentions with you. So I think it

646
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 3: allows too many people to say, oh, well, if it

647
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 3: didn't happen immediately, or if this guy puts me in

648
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 3: that bucket, and it's like, it's more about just what

649
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 3: are their intentions? Does that person even want a relationship?

650
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 3: And if they don't want one, then it doesn't matter

651
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 3: what you do you're not getting out of that box

652
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,679
Speaker 3: because they don't want that.

653
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 4: Sabrina, thank you so much for these dating diamonds. My goodness.

654
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 4: When we come back, we're going to see how well

655
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 4: Danielle and I can identify red and green flag situations.

656
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 4: We're going to be checking our red flag radar.

657
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 5: Uh oh, I.

658
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 4: Don't think mine's good. Okay, we are in the hot

659
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 4: seat now because it's time for a game of red,

660
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 4: green or in between with dating Coach Sabrina Zohar, Danielle,

661
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 4: Are you ready? No, I'm not ready either. I feel

662
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:25,360
Speaker 4: totally unprepared.

663
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 2: Here are the rules.

664
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 1: Sabrina has some dating situations on hand, and Simone and

665
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: I are gonna have to guess whether the scenario is

666
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: a red, green or in between flag. Okay, Sabrina, I'm

667
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: a little nervous, but let's get into it.

668
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 3: Okay, are you ready? So first one friendly with an X.

669
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 4: I think it's a red.

670
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 2: I think in between depends on the scenario.

671
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, in between is actually better, but I'll go threat.

672
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 4: I'll go with my instincts.

673
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 3: I'm going in between because it depends on are their

674
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 3: kids involved? Is there? Like, what's the context? Do they

675
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: have a business, a kid, a dog, or is this

676
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 3: just that them and their ex have never like they

677
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 3: never cut the umbilical cord. So I think it depends

678
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 3: on connent. So the flip side trashes their ex, Oh,

679
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 3: that's a red flag.

680
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say red flag too.

681
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: I have an ex that I would like to trash,

682
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: but I specifically don't do it because I don't want

683
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: to be a red flag girl.

684
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 4: It's kind of like anybody who trashes their workplace or

685
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 4: their ex boss, Like, that's also a red flag too,

686
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 4: you know, whenever they're interviewing for a job or something.

687
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 3: Like if I'm going to talk about my ex and

688
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 3: be like they were narcissistic, I was unhealthy and it

689
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 3: was a toxic relationship, it's very different to start attacking

690
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 3: them as a person. At that point, we run as

691
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 3: fast as we can. So, okay, calling their mom multiple

692
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 3: times every day.

693
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 4: Green green all the way as a boy, mom green

694
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 4: red flag for me multiple times to day, Right.

695
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: Man, I have dated loves their mom a little too much,

696
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 1: Like you have to love your mom.

697
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: You don't have to. I would love if you loved

698
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 2: your mom, but you most.

699
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 4: Of the times the day is a lot Sabrina, do

700
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 4: you have kids.

701
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 3: I don't, but I used to call my mom multiple

702
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 3: times a day, so I'm with you. But being in

703
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 3: a relationship now, I understood that had to get low.

704
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 3: You know, I wasn't able to call my mom every

705
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 3: ten times a day. But I think it also depends.

706
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 3: Are you calling your mother because you don't how to

707
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 3: work the washing machine and you're dependent by her because

708
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: you can't function, or are you calling her because you

709
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 3: just really love talking to your mom and something exciting

710
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 3: happened and you wanted to share it with her. Those

711
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 3: are two experiences that are different exactly.

712
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 4: I can't give you an objective opinion on this one.

713
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 3: You're a boy mom.

714
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 4: I'm a boy mom all the way. Yeah, that I

715
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 4: totally get.

716
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 3: Okay, next one, showering you with affection and attention early on.

717
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 2: I'm such a sucker for being chased. I love it,

718
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 2: but I know it's a red flag.

719
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 3: I'm going to say in between, some of these are

720
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 3: really context dependent. For me, it just feels like a

721
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 3: red flag because when somebody comes on really strong, they're

722
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 3: chasing a feeling, not you. They don't know you, so

723
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 3: it's really hard for someone to be love momming so

724
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,479
Speaker 3: all over you, because it's either they're manipulating you or

725
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 3: they're super insecure and they just want to make sure

726
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 3: you're not going to leave them. Neither of those are

727
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 3: really coming from a healthy and secure place. So okay,

728
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 3: eating the last sights of pizza?

729
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 2: I love this question.

730
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 4: That's a red flag.

731
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 2: As a Midwest girl, it is a red flag.

732
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 4: Says a lot about selfishness, about caring for the other person.

733
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 5: I think that.

734
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 2: Manners you just don't do that in the Midwest.

735
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 3: I'm going to say neutral only in the sense because

736
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 3: as a girl who lives for pizza, I go after

737
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 3: what I want.

738
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: But I will as you're a New Yorker, So.

739
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 3: But I will say I think the reason becomes a

740
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 3: red flag is communicate. Hey, do you want the life slaves?

741
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 3: Do you want to split it? Versus? When I'm at

742
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: dinner and somebody just takes it, You're like, well, how

743
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 3: did you know? I didn't want that? So I'm with

744
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 3: you on that being the red flag. All right, maintaining

745
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 3: independence in a relationship. They won't cancel plans for you so.

746
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 4: Hot, right, Sorry, say that again?

747
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 5: Say that again.

748
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 3: So maintaining their independence in the relationship, meaning like they

749
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: won't just cancel a plan. So like if they have

750
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 3: a boys night, they're not just going to cancel boys

751
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 3: night because you say you want to do something.

752
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I'm going to go in between on

753
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 4: that one, just in case. If there's something that really

754
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 4: means a lot to me and I'm like, I really

755
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 4: want to have you there, then I would expect them

756
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 4: to move their plans around. But in general, yes, preserve

757
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 4: your own identity with a little flexibility.

758
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm with you exactly.

759
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 3: I think the exactly the rigidity is not what we're

760
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 3: looking for, but we're looking for. Hey, but this means

761
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: a lot to me. Okay, of course I'll be there.

762
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 3: Versus Babe, I have tickets to a concert. I'm not

763
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 3: going to cancel that just because you want to go

764
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 3: to a movie tonight. Like, yeah, yes, because boundaries are

765
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 3: so hot. Having a disagreement or some issues early in dating.

766
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: Prefer it, love it, want to get it out of

767
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: the way and talk about it.

768
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 3: I agree with it.

769
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 4: I think I think it's an in between. I think

770
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: it depends on how big the disagreements are and also

771
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 4: how you resolve them. At the end of the day.

772
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 4: That's more important, right, one hundred percent.

773
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 3: The conflict isn't the problem, it's the repair. But it's like,

774
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 3: is this a constant problem?

775
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: Right?

776
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 3: The same problem? Is it a repeated problem? Or is

777
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 3: it just you're learning each other. You have some conflict,

778
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: but then you repair it and you grow closer. That's

779
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 3: a beautiful part.

780
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 1: I have a quick question for you. I have a

781
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: really good girlfriend who was going on a date with

782
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 1: a guy. He called her to plan the date and

783
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: he said, Okay, let's meet at this restaurant and she said,

784
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 1: I don't like that restaurant. Can we go to X,

785
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: Y and Z? And they got into a fight on

786
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: the phone before they even went out on the date.

787
00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, you can't go on the date

788
00:32:59,600 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 1: you got.

789
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 2: You got to end it. And she was like, no,

790
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 2: I don't mind a little conflict. And I was like,

791
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 2: I don't think this is good.

792
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 3: There's a difference between conflict and arguing. It's like if

793
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,239
Speaker 3: you're just fine, it's it's the same thing of like

794
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 3: cursing at somebody. It's like I can curse in a

795
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 3: sentence I'm really freaking annoyed. Is very different than you

796
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 3: are a piece of shit. It's like, there's a way

797
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 3: that you talk to somebody, but if I will agree

798
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: with you anytime, let you get into a fight before

799
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 3: you've even had the days you're like, this is not

800
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 3: a good omen. This is not a good omen. Red

801
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 3: flag or grand flag. Text you good morning every single.

802
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: Day, the exact words good.

803
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 3: Morning, those good morning text.

804
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like a good morning, But in between I

805
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: think it's preference red flag.

806
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 4: I'm you're gonna lose me.

807
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 3: Early in dating, it's a red flag obviously when you're

808
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 3: in a relationship, of course, like you want to text

809
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 3: your part hey, you know, how's your day. But if

810
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 3: you just met somebody or you had one date and

811
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 3: already you're getting good morning, it's like, no, you're not

812
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: part of my day to day life nor day.

813
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: I also hate when people are like good morning, beautiful

814
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: or hello babe.

815
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 2: It's like no, no, no, we met once, no pet names.

816
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 4: Can I be honest. It's giving f boy energy to me,

817
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 4: like the good morning, yes, good morning, good morning. Like

818
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 4: you know, I think this is the international f boy symbol, right.

819
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: Simonis grabbing her hands together for everybody to assimilate.

820
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent, because it really because at the

821
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,240
Speaker 3: end of the day, you can schedule a good morning text.

822
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, Sabrina, how did we do?

823
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 3: I think you guys did a great job. Personally, I

824
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: think you did. I think you guys had some really

825
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,959
Speaker 3: good reasons for why, and so I am very proud

826
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 3: of my girls.

827
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:26,840
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us today. Sabrina.

828
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 3: Of course, thank you guys so much. It was such

829
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 3: a pleasure, and I'm just I can't wait for the.

830
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:38,879
Speaker 4: Next Sabrina Zohar is the host of the podcast Do

831
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,240
Speaker 4: the Work. You can also find her on Instagram and TikTok.

832
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 1: Now, before we go, we want to leave you all

833
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: with a bright side spark from our conversation with Sabrina Zohar,

834
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 1: and that's this idea of leaning into radical self acceptance.

835
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 1: Radical acceptance is the ability to accept situations that are

836
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 1: outside of our contry role without judging them. So radical

837
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 1: self acceptance is about not judging yourself just as you

838
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: are perfectly imperfect.

839
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 4: Tomorrow on the show, we're talking with creative director, writer

840
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 4: and founder of the Instagram account Glorious Broad's Mary Jane Fahe.

841
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 2: We're excited for that.

842
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: Listen and follow the bright side on the iHeartRadio, app,

843
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can

844
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: find me at Danielle Robe, rob a Y on TikTok

845
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: and Instagram, and.

846
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 4: Me Simone Boice on Instagram and TikTok at Simone Voice.

847
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow with a brand new episode of

848
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: the bright Side