WEBVTT - Change Your Life With Gabby Bernstein (Part One) 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:04.760 Welcome everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ. This 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:08.200 is an episode that I have been hoping to record 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:12.200 since we began this podcast, and I'm not welcome everyone 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:15.520 to any Amy and TJ podcast. Amy Robot here along 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:19.200 with my TJ Holmes, and we'll continue our conversations with 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:22.600 New York Times best selling author, specifically self helps googu 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:24.959 Jaby Bernstein's at. 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:28.880 Least twice a morning and usually once in the evening. 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:33.320 But I literally right now have tattoos on my body 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:36.640 that were spurred from something having to do with the 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.599 conversation I had with you, which I had to do 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.000 with something you read from her. 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:42.080 Wait, which chattoo is this? 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:44.600 I have the universe right here on my own. That's 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:49.159 with the compass. The other one says surrender, right you remember? Yes? 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:50.880 I like you haven't seen my body in a while. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:52.320 What the hell I have? 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.040 Maybe I need to see it more, baby. That might 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:56.400 be a sign. 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.800 Speaking of signs, Yes, that's another big thing. With our 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:02.880 next guest, Gabby Bernstein. New York Times best selling author 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:07.119 and spiritual teacher. Gabby Burnstein has written her tenth book. 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:09.640 It was released at the beginning of this year, and 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:11.679 I love the title self help, because don't we all 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:13.960 need it? And she is the guru of self help. 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:17.360 And the cool thing is Gabby is in studio with 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:20.800 us here in iHeart so I am so honored and 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.160 so excited to have you here. Gabby, thank you for. 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:27.560 Being come on al introever. 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:29.920 I love you, guys. I love that you're like the tattoo. 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:32.759 I gotta see your body more. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:34.600 I love you well. 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:38.920 It's very reciprocated because I actually wanted to let you 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:41.880 know that you are part of the reason why I 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.720 am here with this man today. I he and I 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.360 had been friends for eight years. Most people know our story, 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.920 so I won't bore everyone with it again. But when 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:53.960 we were recognizing the feelings we had for each other, 0:01:55.080 --> 0:02:00.040 we I actually would tell him that the universe. I 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.720 really believe this after reading most of your books and 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:06.080 certainly running with them. I love your audio books. I 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.840 love your voice in my head helping guide me and 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.480 steer me when you're in times in your life when 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.600 you're in a transition or you don't know what to do. 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:16.680 I asked for a sign. I asked for science from 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:19.440 the universe. That's something that you suggest people do and 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:22.800 they were there, and I have described this, and we 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:25.360 have talked about this on the podcast. I truly felt 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:28.760 like there was a lighted runway leading me to TJ 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:31.960 and and bringing us together in ways we hadn't expected 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:36.200 or anticipated. And so I even we had a receipt 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:38.600 the other day and it said five five four four, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.480 and I said, that sounds like an angel number, and 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:43.320 I looked it up and it said twin Flame, which 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:46.520 is exactly what I would have described our relationship with. 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:48.880 But I'm telling. 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.960 Are such a huge part of I think if you, 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:56.480 I really do think daily when it comes to how 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.200 I'm living my life, how what I'm thinking about in 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.639 my head, because all that's so important in terms of 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.440 manifesting what you want in your life. And a lot 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.760 of some people think that's woo woo, and that's crazy 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:11.480 and that's insane. But how did you get to a 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:15.680 place where you started investing in these concepts? And for 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.400 people who are non believers or think this is a 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:22.160 pile of crap, tell everybody in your best way why 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:22.880 it isn't. 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:25.200 Oh, I mean, for me, this is all I know, 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.440 This is all I know to be true. I also 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.560 it's interesting I don't really attract a lot of naysayers 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:34.600 because I just think that we you know, we attract 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.760 who we are and we attract what we believe. So 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:40.320 anyone that's still listening to this episode is definitely open. 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:43.600 They're open, they're willing, they're ready to have this conversation. 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.520 And you know, when TJ came back to grab me 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.440 in the green room, he said that I can't even 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:51.000 count the blessings in our life right now, or they're 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:52.960 countless blessing. We can't remember exactly what he said, it 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.680 is just true perfection. And he came in with just 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:58.640 like you know, life, life is so good. I'm so 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:02.960 happy to celebrate everything, and that energy, that moment of 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:06.400 that just one moment of meeting this man and then 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:09.960 hearing him lean into that energetic state is what I'm 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:10.920 here to talk about. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:12.560 And do I always live that way? 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.160 No, But I am a perfect student because I'm always 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:19.920 bringing myself back. And so the way of living when 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.160 we see through that lens of possibility and opportunity and 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:27.400 a spiritual frame of mind or a miracle mindset as 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.320 you might call it, is truly, in my opinion, the 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:34.159 only way to live because there's so much that pulls 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.640 us out, and there's so many reasons out there to 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:41.640 not live with that inner faith, and so it's a 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.640 lot of work at times to reprogram our thinking and 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:47.520 to get back into that state of being. But once 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.800 we're there, we have to own it, and we have 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.520 to claim it, and we have to rinse and repeat, 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.560 put it as a tattoo on your arm, just you know, 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:58.120 stay in the conversation together daily about it and live 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.760 in that light because particular right now, I believe that 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:03.760 those of us who do have this type of mindset 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:05.440 are the ones that are going to bring more light 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:05.960 to the world. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.200 Who was your guide or was this something you kind 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:12.000 of had to figure out on your own based on 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.520 life experience, you had to do something. 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:16.840 I had a lot of guides throughout my spiritual pathing. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.560 First with my mother when I was when I was 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.800 a teenager, when I was a little kid, my mom 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.920 brought me to the ashrums and taught me how to meditate, 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.240 and she showed me that she could walk into a 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:27.320 room stressed out and come out of the room different 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.520 once she would play the mantra music and light the 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.479 incense and start doing her practice. And so I learned 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:35.719 that at a very young age. Oh, that's a way 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:40.760 out of the spiral. And I was also very blessed 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:45.440 to be just drawn to personal development and spiritual practices 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:48.400 at a very young age and taught to meditate young. 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:52.640 And so I had one of my biggest influences in 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:54.680 my life, my career and as a friend and a 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:58.400 mentor was my late mentor, doctor Wayne Dyer. Huge fan, 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:02.920 I mean huge, right, And this week actually I'm recording. Oh, 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:05.599 I was supposed to record it yesterday. I might have 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.440 to record something here. Could you guys let me record 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:10.800 something that is epic or we could do it in 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:11.440 the studio later. 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:16.080 I was sopposed to recording yesterday. Thank you for reminding me. University. 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:21.760 I wrote the introduction to Wayne's the re release of 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:26.120 Wayne's book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and my 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.440 publishers asked me to read the introduction and it was 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:32.160 just such a huge opportunity to be like, this man 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.599 is in the spiritual form now, but I can speak 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:35.320 on his behalf. 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:36.719 And so that's what I'm here to do. 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:39.960 For many many ways, what you talk about and write 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.640 about is cool because it is about self empowerment. It 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:47.640 is about changing how you think and therefore changing your life. 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:49.719 You're not putting it on anyone else. You're not pointing 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.960 the finger at who did this to you or what happened. 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:54.920 I know you do talk about childhood trauma as well 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:56.960 in this latest book, but really it is about your 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:01.039 own empowerment. And that's what makes it so digestible to me, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.120 because we can all do this, This is all within 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:06.720 our own reach. Why are we all so messed up? 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.000 Why do we all struggle so much? Even with all 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.840 this knowledge that I'm constantly trying to take in, I 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.240 still struggle. You still struggle. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:19.400 Why I'm okay, perfect, hasn't beat which is true? 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:21.280 I mean I think I think that. I think that. 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:25.320 Look, we're programmed from birth to live in this world 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:28.080 of lack, to live in a world of separation, to 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:32.680 live in a world of fear and uncertainty, and as 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.680 even small little children, we start to learn these beliefs, 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.360 these core beliefs of I'm not good enough, I'm inadequate, 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:42.400 I'm not lovable. You know, we're bullied in the classroom, 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.120 or a parent isn't around, or we have a big 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:50.080 t trauma like an alcoholic parent, or even worse, and 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.239 so we experience is the we experience these difficult moments 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.200 from our childhood and we don't have the ability to 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.320 process those experiences as little children, and so from a 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.200 very young age, we start building up these protection mechanisms 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:05.160 and we start protecting ourselves with perfectionism or people pleasing 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:08.680 or or eating or you know, sugar, or just the 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.040 ways that we numb out the way that we that 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.120 we put out the fire of that discomfort. 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:17.520 And so what happens is is that why are we 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:18.640 so messed up? Right? 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:21.280 Is that when we get triggered, we go back into 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.000 these protection mechanisms and rinse and repeat, and the loop 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:28.760 just gets more and more, more and more intense. When 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.040 we start to put new patterns in the place of 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:33.960 that loop, that's when we begin to heal. And we 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.600 put spiritual faith in front of that loop, and we 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:40.080 put personal development tools or therapeutic tools in front of 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:44.360 that habitual pattern, that's when things start to change. But 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:47.040 it's work. It's not no, it's not no work. You know, 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.520 anyone that says it self help is easy, they're lying 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:52.800 to you. It's not easy. But I always say it's 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:54.760 much more difficult to live without it. 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:59.800 I love everything I've read of yours and everything that's 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:02.160 out of your mouth since I met you in the 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:06.600 green room a short time. But this is the part 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.559 I pause and get discouraged about. Is that you are 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:12.880 someone who still says you're working at it. You're someone 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.360 who says this is hard work, and you've gotten to 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:19.640 this place, and you've been trained since a child to 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:22.160 have these techniques. Most of us were not. So it 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:25.120 sounds daunting to a person listening that's twenty five, thirty, 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:29.160 thirty five, forty fifty listening. Wow, it's too late for me, 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:31.040 or how am I ever going to get to a 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.600 good place if she's been doing this or he whole life. 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:47.160 It's never too late to choose again. And what's beautiful 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:51.560 about that is that you can actually experience the miracle 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:56.160 the shift in your thinking instantly. You can be listening 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:59.280 to us right now, and something in this podcast can 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:02.240 open your mind to see through possibility, or see through 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:08.440 some hopefulness, or to choose to release something. That's the miracle. 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:11.320 So the miracle isn't that, oh my god, I'm totally 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.720 new tomorrow. The miracle is that I had a new 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:16.680 idea today and as you start to add up those 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:19.880 miracle moments, that's when you start to live a miraculous life. 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.280 The thing that happens often though, is people will read 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:24.000 a book like the Universe Has your Back or like 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.840 Self Help, they'll do the work, they'll feel better, and 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.120 then they'll be like, I'm good, and then they fall 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.559 off track and they'll go right back into the day 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:35.480 to day mundane things. It's being in the habitual practice 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.680 of leaning into that light and so when I say, oh, okay, 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:41.079 I fall off Yeah. There's periods of my life where 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:45.760 I've gotten hooked into the storyline or the core belief 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:49.160 that was young, a young belief, and for me, a 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:50.920 big one was like if I don't do it, nobody 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.480 else will do it. Okay, Well, that belief was so 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.040 strong inside of me that it was creating that story 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.160 in my life, right, It was making it so that 0:10:58.240 --> 0:10:59.959 I had to do everything I had to, you know, 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:03.360 because because I wasn't even allowing anyone to show up 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:05.840 to do it because I had that core belief. And 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:07.920 so so much of the work in my book Self 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:10.600 Help was to heal that belief. And when we start 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:13.400 to heal those belief systems, we start to change our 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:17.480 reality because we manifest what we believe, and so it's 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.240 it's work to change the belief, and then it's and 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.920 then it's practiced to maintain the new belief. And that's 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:25.320 that's the simplest way to put it. 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:30.160 Yeah. Yeah, because you say yeah, you say you believe 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.760 your thoughts send a message to the universe. And people 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.719 can say the universe God. It's all interchangeable. You can 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.920 be of religious faith or spiritual faith, it doesn't matter. 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.440 You always say that word is interchangeable. But you believe 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.160 your thoughts send a message to the universe and what 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:48.079 you put the out there, you will receive back, whether 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.600 you like it or not. Yes, you really believe thoughts 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.440 are that powerful. How does that work? 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.880 Well, it's the thoughts, but it's also the energy behind 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:57.440 the thoughts, you know. So someone might be like, oh 0:11:57.480 --> 0:11:59.480 my God, I thought this bad thing isn't going to happen. No, 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.160 it's how often are you thinking it? The thoughts the 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.839 beliefs are the thoughts that we keep thinking. So when 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.199 we have a thought that's repeated and repeated and repeated, 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.120 and we just keep going after it and go after it, 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:12.760 and it starts to become a feeling, and that feeling 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.080 starts to be an energy that we put out. That's 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:17.400 when it starts to reflect back to us. And so 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:21.400 that's why it's very valuable to really work with those beliefs, 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.720 those core beliefs that are really just repeated thoughts. And 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.320 so the practices in my book self Help are about 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:30.800 about befriending those parts of ourselves, befriending the thoughts, and 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:34.520 befriending those beliefs so that we can treat those thoughts 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:37.160 and beliefs almost like little children inside of us and 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.079 check in with them. And instead instead of repeating them 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.559 and becoming so engrossed in them, we can actually just 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:46.079 turn inward and notice the thought, notice the feeling or 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:49.040 the belief, and then become curious about it. Just notice 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.920 where we feel it in our body, whatever, maybe there's 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.960 a story or an image that comes to mind that's 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:58.320 attached to it, and then compassionately connect to it. 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:00.800 Just ask that belief, like what do you like? 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:02.520 It's a little person inside it, So it's a young 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.920 part of you that's like I don't think I'm worthy, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:06.240 or a young part of you that's like I have 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:08.280 to control everything to feel safe for a young part 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.120 of you. That is, you know, I need to pick 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.400 up a drink to numb out, and what do you need? 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:15.040 Asking those parts of ourselves and so that kind of 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:18.360 inquiry of just just focusing inward instead of checking out, 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:22.640 checking in instead of checking out, that is what unwinds 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:26.120 the pattern of the belief, and it's interrupting the pattern 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:27.520 that creates the change. 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:30.000 I sat up, and I'm sure you probably noticed it 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.720 as well, but I'm hey, look, most of our podcasts 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:34.839 end up coming turning into therapy sessions for us, so 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:37.520 they should, they should, but they do. 0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:39.800 You say where you can get it? You know, I'm like, 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.079 bring it on wherever it is. 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:43.480 You know what you said something I am exactly in 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:45.320 that lane and that you heard her saying it. She 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.200 said this idea that I have to do it. If 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:49.960 I'm not, I don't do it, it doesn't get done. That 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:52.160 is one hundred percent my personality, day and day out. 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.320 You have that, I absolutely I will shut down. I 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.520 will lose sleep. I'll stay up twenty four to forty 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.080 eight hours if I need to, because none of you 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.160 suckers are going to help me out. I gotta do this. 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:02.920 What can I act that's old. 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:06.679 Is that believe TJ Man, that has to go. 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:09.000 I can't remember time I didn't have that. 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:10.600 You can't remember. 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:14.200 I cannot remember it time forever because I always I 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:17.040 don't like being let down, I suppose and I don't. 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.160 I think it's my fault if something goes wrong, because 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.480 it's I'm stupid for even depending on you. I should 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.800 have done it myself. A young, young part, that mindset. 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:26.560 Yeah, do you want to check in with it? 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.440 Yeah? But that's my question that that's example of me. 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.320 But everybody has that little moment where something happens. What 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.880 in that moment can you a real tool? Or that 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:36.960 creeps into my head? I gotta get it done. 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:37.600 This is the tool. 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:38.080 What do you do? 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.080 And don't go, don't go any deeper than you want 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.200 to you right now, but this is the tool. Right So 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.440 because it's young, it's a young part. So there's there's 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.680 definitely wounds there as we all have. Right. 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:47.920 So at some point in time. 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.160 You believe that if I don't do it, I'm not 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.600 going to survive for some something along those lines. I 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:54.200 don't want to put the words in your mouth, but 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:56.480 that you know these are the kinds of core beliefs 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:00.280 that that get there and they become a and then 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:04.240 doing doing doing is the protector. That's the protection mechanism. 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.160 And so to check in with that part of you 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:09.480 first and foremost, you notice you want to check out right. 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.320 Let's say tonight you're going to stay up until three 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.280 o'clock in the morning doing the thing because you don't 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.240 believe anybody else can do it, or that you want 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:17.360 to make sure it's done or whatever the story is. 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.280 Instead of doing that, that's that with what we might 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.440 call checking out right, you would check in, so you 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:27.120 would notice, you'd focus your attention inward, and I'll ask 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:29.560 you one or two questions just right now, very very baseline, 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:30.600 like we're not doing therapy here. 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:32.440 I'm gonna yes, we are, okay, if. 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.360 You want to. I am trained in this model. So 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:35.720 this is based on a therapy. 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:37.840 This book is based on a therapy called internal Family 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.280 Systems therapy. And I've made it into a self help 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.320 practice and I'm trained in the model. So it's safe 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.240 to do this. But I'm but I but I will 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:48.480 say that it made it so that it's it's very 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:49.720 day to day that we can do it on a 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:51.840 day day basis. So the first step would be choose 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.000 to check inside. So just let me know when you've 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:57.920 got some access focusing your attention inside. 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:00.280 With you. 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:00.760 Okay. 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.400 And so when we go into that thought of you know, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.360 what is the thought again? What would you call it? 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:10.160 I would say a lack of trust in anyone to 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:11.520 get things done they need to be he yeah, I. 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.120 Don't trust anyone can do it. Yeah. Where does that 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:14.880 live in your body? 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:16.360 Chest? 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:17.080 In your chest? 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:18.400 I can feel it in my chest now. 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.320 Thinking yeah, yeah, does it have any other sensations or 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:22.880 feelings or images attached to it? 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.120 Image? Is not sure? Maybe a little. I'm physically feeling 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:29.440 heat as I'm talking heat. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm physically 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:30.040 feeling that. 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.400 And are there, just safely any thoughts or memories or 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.080 or stories. 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.600 Attached to this that you would be comfortable revealing. 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:39.920 Off the top of my head. No, I can remember 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:44.479 a lot throughout my career that anytime I was disappointing 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.000 or let down, or somebody didn't do what needed to 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:50.640 be done, I never would blame that person. I would 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:54.040 always go, I'm the idiot. Why did I even trust 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.960 you with that? Why did I even think that maybe 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:58.280 you should do it. I should have just taken the 0:16:58.280 --> 0:16:59.680 extra hour and a half or maybe. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.400 That's right where I am okay, okay, so. 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:04.040 Yeah, and I didn't even to make this a warm 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:05.040 one's great. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.560 So it's working hard. This part of you is working hard. Yeah, 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.600 and so just giving it a little bit more connection. 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:12.879 This is the lot the second last step. But just 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:14.520 can you ask that part of you and don't think, 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.359 just answer what does it need? 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:24.200 What does that part need? It needs a It needs 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:28.359 somebody to give it the okay to not feel that way, 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:32.200 Like I need permission from somewhere to say, you know what, dude, 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:34.760 it's okay to just let them do it. And I 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:37.320 guess I haven't done it enough to where it's I 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:40.440 actually it hasn't paid all for me enough to where 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:43.200 I say, okay, it's actually okay. Remember last time, DJ 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.200 it it worked out when you gave it to somebody 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:46.879 else to do. I don't have that yet, Like I 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.600 don't have enough evidence that that method works. 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.240 It needs it needs, it almost needs like a parent 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:53.960 or someone to say it's okay not to have to. 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:56.320 Do it all. Oh well, yeah, so I feel like that. 0:17:56.760 --> 0:18:01.120 Could you say that to it that to it. Yeah, 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.960 what do you mean you TJ? The father, Yes, the partner, 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:08.760 the guide here in the room. Could you say that 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.320 to that part of you, that younger part of. 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:14.480 You, say to it to give permission. 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:16.240 Yeah, it's okay not to have to do it. 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.119 It's okay, it's okay. I don't have to stay up 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:20.879 tonight and write all these stories. 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.359 I'm telling you, Gabby, this is it. I did not 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.760 know this was going here or going there. There's one 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.080 more one more second though, Okay, give it a little breath. 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:29.639 Just put your hand on your heart, Taj, because that's 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.160 where you felt it, on your chest, and just give 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.840 it some breath and just be like, okay, this is 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:34.800 our first conversation. 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.560 Like, okay, little man inside you know this is it's 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:40.920 like little bro inside. They're young parts, like this is 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:44.040 our first conversation. I have my beloved next to me, 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:47.160