Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ. This
Speaker 1: is an episode that I have been hoping to record
Speaker 1: since we began this podcast, and I'm not welcome everyone
Speaker 1: to any Amy and TJ podcast. Amy Robot here along
Speaker 1: with my TJ Holmes, and we'll continue our conversations with
Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author, specifically self helps googu
Speaker 1: Jaby Bernstein's at.
Speaker 2: Least twice a morning and usually once in the evening.
Speaker 2: But I literally right now have tattoos on my body
Speaker 2: that were spurred from something having to do with the
Speaker 2: conversation I had with you, which I had to do
Speaker 2: with something you read from her.
Speaker 1: Wait, which chattoo is this?
Speaker 2: I have the universe right here on my own. That's
Speaker 2: with the compass. The other one says surrender, right you remember? Yes?
Speaker 2: I like you haven't seen my body in a while.
Speaker 2: What the hell I have?
Speaker 3: Maybe I need to see it more, baby. That might
Speaker 3: be a sign.
Speaker 1: Speaking of signs, Yes, that's another big thing. With our
Speaker 1: next guest, Gabby Bernstein. New York Times best selling author
Speaker 1: and spiritual teacher. Gabby Burnstein has written her tenth book.
Speaker 1: It was released at the beginning of this year, and
Speaker 1: I love the title self help, because don't we all
Speaker 1: need it? And she is the guru of self help.
Speaker 1: And the cool thing is Gabby is in studio with
Speaker 1: us here in iHeart so I am so honored and
Speaker 1: so excited to have you here. Gabby, thank you for.
Speaker 2: Being come on al introever.
Speaker 3: I love you, guys. I love that you're like the tattoo.
Speaker 4: I gotta see your body more.
Speaker 3: I love you well.
Speaker 1: It's very reciprocated because I actually wanted to let you
Speaker 1: know that you are part of the reason why I
Speaker 1: am here with this man today. I he and I
Speaker 1: had been friends for eight years. Most people know our story,
Speaker 1: so I won't bore everyone with it again. But when
Speaker 1: we were recognizing the feelings we had for each other,
Speaker 1: we I actually would tell him that the universe. I
Speaker 1: really believe this after reading most of your books and
Speaker 1: certainly running with them. I love your audio books. I
Speaker 1: love your voice in my head helping guide me and
Speaker 1: steer me when you're in times in your life when
Speaker 1: you're in a transition or you don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: I asked for a sign. I asked for science from
Speaker 1: the universe. That's something that you suggest people do and
Speaker 1: they were there, and I have described this, and we
Speaker 1: have talked about this on the podcast. I truly felt
Speaker 1: like there was a lighted runway leading me to TJ
Speaker 1: and and bringing us together in ways we hadn't expected
Speaker 1: or anticipated. And so I even we had a receipt
Speaker 1: the other day and it said five five four four,
Speaker 1: and I said, that sounds like an angel number, and
Speaker 1: I looked it up and it said twin Flame, which
Speaker 1: is exactly what I would have described our relationship with.
Speaker 3: But I'm telling.
Speaker 1: Are such a huge part of I think if you,
Speaker 1: I really do think daily when it comes to how
Speaker 1: I'm living my life, how what I'm thinking about in
Speaker 1: my head, because all that's so important in terms of
Speaker 1: manifesting what you want in your life. And a lot
Speaker 1: of some people think that's woo woo, and that's crazy
Speaker 1: and that's insane. But how did you get to a
Speaker 1: place where you started investing in these concepts? And for
Speaker 1: people who are non believers or think this is a
Speaker 1: pile of crap, tell everybody in your best way why
Speaker 1: it isn't.
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean, for me, this is all I know,
Speaker 4: This is all I know to be true. I also
Speaker 4: it's interesting I don't really attract a lot of naysayers
Speaker 4: because I just think that we you know, we attract
Speaker 4: who we are and we attract what we believe. So
Speaker 4: anyone that's still listening to this episode is definitely open.
Speaker 4: They're open, they're willing, they're ready to have this conversation.
Speaker 4: And you know, when TJ came back to grab me
Speaker 4: in the green room, he said that I can't even
Speaker 4: count the blessings in our life right now, or they're
Speaker 4: countless blessing. We can't remember exactly what he said, it
Speaker 4: is just true perfection. And he came in with just
Speaker 4: like you know, life, life is so good. I'm so
Speaker 4: happy to celebrate everything, and that energy, that moment of
Speaker 4: that just one moment of meeting this man and then
Speaker 4: hearing him lean into that energetic state is what I'm
Speaker 4: here to talk about.
Speaker 3: And do I always live that way?
Speaker 4: No, But I am a perfect student because I'm always
Speaker 4: bringing myself back. And so the way of living when
Speaker 4: we see through that lens of possibility and opportunity and
Speaker 4: a spiritual frame of mind or a miracle mindset as
Speaker 4: you might call it, is truly, in my opinion, the
Speaker 4: only way to live because there's so much that pulls
Speaker 4: us out, and there's so many reasons out there to
Speaker 4: not live with that inner faith, and so it's a
Speaker 4: lot of work at times to reprogram our thinking and
Speaker 4: to get back into that state of being. But once
Speaker 4: we're there, we have to own it, and we have
Speaker 4: to claim it, and we have to rinse and repeat,
Speaker 4: put it as a tattoo on your arm, just you know,
Speaker 4: stay in the conversation together daily about it and live
Speaker 4: in that light because particular right now, I believe that
Speaker 4: those of us who do have this type of mindset
Speaker 4: are the ones that are going to bring more light
Speaker 4: to the world.
Speaker 2: Who was your guide or was this something you kind
Speaker 2: of had to figure out on your own based on
Speaker 2: life experience, you had to do something.
Speaker 4: I had a lot of guides throughout my spiritual pathing.
Speaker 4: First with my mother when I was when I was
Speaker 4: a teenager, when I was a little kid, my mom
Speaker 4: brought me to the ashrums and taught me how to meditate,
Speaker 4: and she showed me that she could walk into a
Speaker 4: room stressed out and come out of the room different
Speaker 4: once she would play the mantra music and light the
Speaker 4: incense and start doing her practice. And so I learned
Speaker 4: that at a very young age. Oh, that's a way
Speaker 4: out of the spiral. And I was also very blessed
Speaker 4: to be just drawn to personal development and spiritual practices
Speaker 4: at a very young age and taught to meditate young.
Speaker 4: And so I had one of my biggest influences in
Speaker 4: my life, my career and as a friend and a
Speaker 4: mentor was my late mentor, doctor Wayne Dyer. Huge fan,
Speaker 4: I mean huge, right, And this week actually I'm recording. Oh,
Speaker 4: I was supposed to record it yesterday. I might have
Speaker 4: to record something here. Could you guys let me record
Speaker 4: something that is epic or we could do it in
Speaker 4: the studio later.
Speaker 3: I was sopposed to recording yesterday. Thank you for reminding me. University.
Speaker 4: I wrote the introduction to Wayne's the re release of
Speaker 4: Wayne's book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and my
Speaker 4: publishers asked me to read the introduction and it was
Speaker 4: just such a huge opportunity to be like, this man
Speaker 4: is in the spiritual form now, but I can speak
Speaker 4: on his behalf.
Speaker 3: And so that's what I'm here to do.
Speaker 1: For many many ways, what you talk about and write
Speaker 1: about is cool because it is about self empowerment. It
Speaker 1: is about changing how you think and therefore changing your life.
Speaker 1: You're not putting it on anyone else. You're not pointing
Speaker 1: the finger at who did this to you or what happened.
Speaker 1: I know you do talk about childhood trauma as well
Speaker 1: in this latest book, but really it is about your
Speaker 1: own empowerment. And that's what makes it so digestible to me,
Speaker 1: because we can all do this, This is all within
Speaker 1: our own reach. Why are we all so messed up?
Speaker 1: Why do we all struggle so much? Even with all
Speaker 1: this knowledge that I'm constantly trying to take in, I
Speaker 1: still struggle. You still struggle.
Speaker 4: Why I'm okay, perfect, hasn't beat which is true?
Speaker 3: I mean I think I think that. I think that.
Speaker 4: Look, we're programmed from birth to live in this world
Speaker 4: of lack, to live in a world of separation, to
Speaker 4: live in a world of fear and uncertainty, and as
Speaker 4: even small little children, we start to learn these beliefs,
Speaker 4: these core beliefs of I'm not good enough, I'm inadequate,
Speaker 4: I'm not lovable. You know, we're bullied in the classroom,
Speaker 4: or a parent isn't around, or we have a big
Speaker 4: t trauma like an alcoholic parent, or even worse, and
Speaker 4: so we experience is the we experience these difficult moments
Speaker 4: from our childhood and we don't have the ability to
Speaker 4: process those experiences as little children, and so from a
Speaker 4: very young age, we start building up these protection mechanisms
Speaker 4: and we start protecting ourselves with perfectionism or people pleasing
Speaker 4: or or eating or you know, sugar, or just the
Speaker 4: ways that we numb out the way that we that
Speaker 4: we put out the fire of that discomfort.
Speaker 3: And so what happens is is that why are we
Speaker 3: so messed up? Right?
Speaker 4: Is that when we get triggered, we go back into
Speaker 4: these protection mechanisms and rinse and repeat, and the loop
Speaker 4: just gets more and more, more and more intense. When
Speaker 4: we start to put new patterns in the place of
Speaker 4: that loop, that's when we begin to heal. And we
Speaker 4: put spiritual faith in front of that loop, and we
Speaker 4: put personal development tools or therapeutic tools in front of
Speaker 4: that habitual pattern, that's when things start to change. But
Speaker 4: it's work. It's not no, it's not no work. You know,
Speaker 4: anyone that says it self help is easy, they're lying
Speaker 4: to you. It's not easy. But I always say it's
Speaker 4: much more difficult to live without it.
Speaker 2: I love everything I've read of yours and everything that's
Speaker 2: out of your mouth since I met you in the
Speaker 2: green room a short time. But this is the part
Speaker 2: I pause and get discouraged about. Is that you are
Speaker 2: someone who still says you're working at it. You're someone
Speaker 2: who says this is hard work, and you've gotten to
Speaker 2: this place, and you've been trained since a child to
Speaker 2: have these techniques. Most of us were not. So it
Speaker 2: sounds daunting to a person listening that's twenty five, thirty,
Speaker 2: thirty five, forty fifty listening. Wow, it's too late for me,
Speaker 2: or how am I ever going to get to a
Speaker 2: good place if she's been doing this or he whole life.
Speaker 4: It's never too late to choose again. And what's beautiful
Speaker 4: about that is that you can actually experience the miracle
Speaker 4: the shift in your thinking instantly. You can be listening
Speaker 4: to us right now, and something in this podcast can
Speaker 4: open your mind to see through possibility, or see through
Speaker 4: some hopefulness, or to choose to release something. That's the miracle.
Speaker 4: So the miracle isn't that, oh my god, I'm totally
Speaker 4: new tomorrow. The miracle is that I had a new
Speaker 4: idea today and as you start to add up those
Speaker 4: miracle moments, that's when you start to live a miraculous life.
Speaker 4: The thing that happens often though, is people will read
Speaker 4: a book like the Universe Has your Back or like
Speaker 4: Self Help, they'll do the work, they'll feel better, and
Speaker 4: then they'll be like, I'm good, and then they fall
Speaker 4: off track and they'll go right back into the day
Speaker 4: to day mundane things. It's being in the habitual practice
Speaker 4: of leaning into that light and so when I say, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: I fall off Yeah. There's periods of my life where
Speaker 4: I've gotten hooked into the storyline or the core belief
Speaker 4: that was young, a young belief, and for me, a
Speaker 4: big one was like if I don't do it, nobody
Speaker 4: else will do it. Okay, Well, that belief was so
Speaker 4: strong inside of me that it was creating that story
Speaker 4: in my life, right, It was making it so that
Speaker 4: I had to do everything I had to, you know,
Speaker 4: because because I wasn't even allowing anyone to show up
Speaker 4: to do it because I had that core belief. And
Speaker 4: so so much of the work in my book Self
Speaker 4: Help was to heal that belief. And when we start
Speaker 4: to heal those belief systems, we start to change our
Speaker 4: reality because we manifest what we believe, and so it's
Speaker 4: it's work to change the belief, and then it's and
Speaker 4: then it's practiced to maintain the new belief. And that's
Speaker 4: that's the simplest way to put it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because you say yeah, you say you believe
Speaker 1: your thoughts send a message to the universe. And people
Speaker 1: can say the universe God. It's all interchangeable. You can
Speaker 1: be of religious faith or spiritual faith, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: You always say that word is interchangeable. But you believe
Speaker 1: your thoughts send a message to the universe and what
Speaker 1: you put the out there, you will receive back, whether
Speaker 1: you like it or not. Yes, you really believe thoughts
Speaker 1: are that powerful. How does that work?
Speaker 4: Well, it's the thoughts, but it's also the energy behind
Speaker 4: the thoughts, you know. So someone might be like, oh
Speaker 4: my God, I thought this bad thing isn't going to happen. No,
Speaker 4: it's how often are you thinking it? The thoughts the
Speaker 4: beliefs are the thoughts that we keep thinking. So when
Speaker 4: we have a thought that's repeated and repeated and repeated,
Speaker 4: and we just keep going after it and go after it,
Speaker 4: and it starts to become a feeling, and that feeling
Speaker 4: starts to be an energy that we put out. That's
Speaker 4: when it starts to reflect back to us. And so
Speaker 4: that's why it's very valuable to really work with those beliefs,
Speaker 4: those core beliefs that are really just repeated thoughts. And
Speaker 4: so the practices in my book self Help are about
Speaker 4: about befriending those parts of ourselves, befriending the thoughts, and
Speaker 4: befriending those beliefs so that we can treat those thoughts
Speaker 4: and beliefs almost like little children inside of us and
Speaker 4: check in with them. And instead instead of repeating them
Speaker 4: and becoming so engrossed in them, we can actually just
Speaker 4: turn inward and notice the thought, notice the feeling or
Speaker 4: the belief, and then become curious about it. Just notice
Speaker 4: where we feel it in our body, whatever, maybe there's
Speaker 4: a story or an image that comes to mind that's
Speaker 4: attached to it, and then compassionately connect to it.
Speaker 3: Just ask that belief, like what do you like?
Speaker 4: It's a little person inside it, So it's a young
Speaker 4: part of you that's like I don't think I'm worthy,
Speaker 4: or a young part of you that's like I have
Speaker 4: to control everything to feel safe for a young part
Speaker 4: of you. That is, you know, I need to pick
Speaker 4: up a drink to numb out, and what do you need?
Speaker 4: Asking those parts of ourselves and so that kind of
Speaker 4: inquiry of just just focusing inward instead of checking out,
Speaker 4: checking in instead of checking out, that is what unwinds
Speaker 4: the pattern of the belief, and it's interrupting the pattern
Speaker 4: that creates the change.
Speaker 2: I sat up, and I'm sure you probably noticed it
Speaker 2: as well, but I'm hey, look, most of our podcasts
Speaker 2: end up coming turning into therapy sessions for us, so
Speaker 2: they should, they should, but they do.
Speaker 3: You say where you can get it? You know, I'm like,
Speaker 3: bring it on wherever it is.
Speaker 2: You know what you said something I am exactly in
Speaker 2: that lane and that you heard her saying it. She
Speaker 2: said this idea that I have to do it. If
Speaker 2: I'm not, I don't do it, it doesn't get done. That
Speaker 2: is one hundred percent my personality, day and day out.
Speaker 2: You have that, I absolutely I will shut down. I
Speaker 2: will lose sleep. I'll stay up twenty four to forty
Speaker 2: eight hours if I need to, because none of you
Speaker 2: suckers are going to help me out. I gotta do this.
Speaker 2: What can I act that's old.
Speaker 3: Is that believe TJ Man, that has to go.
Speaker 2: I can't remember time I didn't have that.
Speaker 3: You can't remember.
Speaker 2: I cannot remember it time forever because I always I
Speaker 2: don't like being let down, I suppose and I don't.
Speaker 2: I think it's my fault if something goes wrong, because
Speaker 2: it's I'm stupid for even depending on you. I should
Speaker 2: have done it myself. A young, young part, that mindset.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you want to check in with it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? But that's my question that that's example of me.
Speaker 2: But everybody has that little moment where something happens. What
Speaker 2: in that moment can you a real tool? Or that
Speaker 2: creeps into my head? I gotta get it done.
Speaker 3: This is the tool.
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 4: And don't go, don't go any deeper than you want
Speaker 4: to you right now, but this is the tool. Right So
Speaker 4: because it's young, it's a young part. So there's there's
Speaker 4: definitely wounds there as we all have. Right.
Speaker 3: So at some point in time.
Speaker 4: You believe that if I don't do it, I'm not
Speaker 4: going to survive for some something along those lines. I
Speaker 4: don't want to put the words in your mouth, but
Speaker 4: that you know these are the kinds of core beliefs
Speaker 4: that that get there and they become a and then
Speaker 4: doing doing doing is the protector. That's the protection mechanism.
Speaker 4: And so to check in with that part of you
Speaker 4: first and foremost, you notice you want to check out right.
Speaker 4: Let's say tonight you're going to stay up until three
Speaker 4: o'clock in the morning doing the thing because you don't
Speaker 4: believe anybody else can do it, or that you want
Speaker 4: to make sure it's done or whatever the story is.
Speaker 4: Instead of doing that, that's that with what we might
Speaker 4: call checking out right, you would check in, so you
Speaker 4: would notice, you'd focus your attention inward, and I'll ask
Speaker 4: you one or two questions just right now, very very baseline,
Speaker 4: like we're not doing therapy here.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna yes, we are, okay, if.
Speaker 3: You want to. I am trained in this model. So
Speaker 3: this is based on a therapy.
Speaker 4: This book is based on a therapy called internal Family
Speaker 4: Systems therapy. And I've made it into a self help
Speaker 4: practice and I'm trained in the model. So it's safe
Speaker 4: to do this. But I'm but I but I will
Speaker 4: say that it made it so that it's it's very
Speaker 4: day to day that we can do it on a
Speaker 4: day day basis. So the first step would be choose
Speaker 4: to check inside. So just let me know when you've
Speaker 4: got some access focusing your attention inside.
Speaker 2: With you.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: And so when we go into that thought of you know,
Speaker 4: what is the thought again? What would you call it?
Speaker 2: I would say a lack of trust in anyone to
Speaker 2: get things done they need to be he yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Don't trust anyone can do it. Yeah. Where does that
Speaker 3: live in your body?
Speaker 2: Chest?
Speaker 3: In your chest?
Speaker 2: I can feel it in my chest now.
Speaker 4: Thinking yeah, yeah, does it have any other sensations or
Speaker 4: feelings or images attached to it?
Speaker 2: Image? Is not sure? Maybe a little. I'm physically feeling
Speaker 2: heat as I'm talking heat. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm physically
Speaker 2: feeling that.
Speaker 4: And are there, just safely any thoughts or memories or
Speaker 4: or stories.
Speaker 3: Attached to this that you would be comfortable revealing.
Speaker 2: Off the top of my head. No, I can remember
Speaker 2: a lot throughout my career that anytime I was disappointing
Speaker 2: or let down, or somebody didn't do what needed to
Speaker 2: be done, I never would blame that person. I would
Speaker 2: always go, I'm the idiot. Why did I even trust
Speaker 2: you with that? Why did I even think that maybe
Speaker 2: you should do it. I should have just taken the
Speaker 2: extra hour and a half or maybe.
Speaker 3: That's right where I am okay, okay, so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I didn't even to make this a warm
Speaker 2: one's great.
Speaker 4: So it's working hard. This part of you is working hard. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and so just giving it a little bit more connection.
Speaker 4: This is the lot the second last step. But just
Speaker 4: can you ask that part of you and don't think,
Speaker 4: just answer what does it need?
Speaker 2: What does that part need? It needs a It needs
Speaker 2: somebody to give it the okay to not feel that way,
Speaker 2: Like I need permission from somewhere to say, you know what, dude,
Speaker 2: it's okay to just let them do it. And I
Speaker 2: guess I haven't done it enough to where it's I
Speaker 2: actually it hasn't paid all for me enough to where
Speaker 2: I say, okay, it's actually okay. Remember last time, DJ
Speaker 2: it it worked out when you gave it to somebody
Speaker 2: else to do. I don't have that yet, Like I
Speaker 2: don't have enough evidence that that method works.
Speaker 4: It needs it needs, it almost needs like a parent
Speaker 4: or someone to say it's okay not to have to.
Speaker 3: Do it all. Oh well, yeah, so I feel like that.
Speaker 4: Could you say that to it that to it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: what do you mean you TJ? The father, Yes, the partner,
Speaker 4: the guide here in the room. Could you say that
Speaker 4: to that part of you, that younger part of.
Speaker 2: You, say to it to give permission.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay not to have to do it.
Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay. I don't have to stay up
Speaker 2: tonight and write all these stories.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, Gabby, this is it. I did not
Speaker 1: know this was going here or going there. There's one
Speaker 1: more one more second though, Okay, give it a little breath.
Speaker 1: Just put your hand on your heart, Taj, because that's
Speaker 1: where you felt it, on your chest, and just give
Speaker 1: it some breath and just be like, okay, this is
Speaker 1: our first conversation.
Speaker 4: Like, okay, little man inside you know this is it's
Speaker 4: like little bro inside. They're young parts, like this is
Speaker 4: our first conversation. I have my beloved next to me,
Speaker 4: Gabby's with me, like this is super safe, and just
Speaker 4: just let it know.
Speaker 3: Just give it a little breath and just take a
Speaker 3: deep breath and just be.
Speaker 4: Breathed with it for a second. And how do you feel,
Speaker 4: just with a little brief check in.
Speaker 2: You know, empowered? Because I'm aware I've actually stopped and
Speaker 2: taken a moment to pay attention to something that I
Speaker 2: usually just this is how I am, this is how
Speaker 2: it is. Let's go on, let's go So it is
Speaker 2: to your point. I guess that works.
Speaker 3: You have some clarity. You have a little clarity.
Speaker 2: Because you just stop and pay attention to it for
Speaker 2: a moment, which.
Speaker 3: Normally a little connection to it. I'm not sure about that, Okay,
Speaker 3: not yet. Are you a little bit more curious about it?
Speaker 2: White?
Speaker 4: Okay, so i'll send you self help and you'll do
Speaker 4: the book and you might check in with it more. Okay, great,
Speaker 4: So there the two signs I know that it worked. Okay,
Speaker 4: curiosity and clarity. Okay, there's still so much resistance because
Speaker 4: these parts are so young. So you're very courageous to
Speaker 4: do that. I also see courage because you did it,
Speaker 4: so courage is another sign. These see qualities are what's
Speaker 4: called self in ifs and internal family systems therapy. In
Speaker 4: spiritual Lexicon, it would be called you know your inner spirit,
Speaker 4: your higher self right, And that's the resourced part of us,
Speaker 4: the part that's not the little children inside of us.
Speaker 4: It's the calm, the curiosity, the courage, the confidence, the clarity,
Speaker 4: the commitment, the connection, creativity, it's these sea qualities of self.
Speaker 4: And so the point of these steps is to check in,
Speaker 4: become curious, right, offer the curiosity, compassionately connect, ask what
Speaker 4: do you need? And then notice what shift is happening inside.
Speaker 4: And if you notice any of those qualities of the curiosity,
Speaker 4: which we got, we got confidence because and the courrct courage.
Speaker 4: He did it, You did it. You went there. That
Speaker 4: was courage, man, And we also got some we got curiosity,
Speaker 4: and we got some clarity that self. And so by
Speaker 4: just you said it, by I'm never really checking in
Speaker 4: with this part, you kind of in your own words said,
Speaker 4: I'm just overriding it all the time, right, And that's
Speaker 4: what we do. That's what we all do. We're overriding
Speaker 4: these these core wounds. But then the fact that you
Speaker 4: just took a few minutes to check in with it
Speaker 4: with me shows you me, shows Amy that we are
Speaker 4: in a place of recognizing there's a little.
Speaker 3: Bit more clarity here. So, yeah, I mean self.
Speaker 4: It's a how self helps because self is the inner
Speaker 4: parent inside.
Speaker 1: Well, we can be our we can parent ourselves, we
Speaker 1: can reparent ourselves.
Speaker 3: All that calm.
Speaker 4: What do we need from our parents when we were
Speaker 4: in these places and believing why I have to do
Speaker 4: everything or I'm not good enough? We needed them to
Speaker 4: be calm. We needed them to be courageous, We needed
Speaker 4: them to be clear, confident, compassionate.
Speaker 1: And that's just not always the case.
Speaker 3: That's just not the reality. They couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting. We were on the subway Gabby
Speaker 1: talking and I asked him, did you eat? He puts
Speaker 1: all of his actual physical needs aside to work, work, work, work, work,
Speaker 1: He won't eat, he won't sleep, and as his partner,
Speaker 1: it breaks my heart.
Speaker 3: So that was really cool, but that just happened.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know what's beautiful, guys, is that now
Speaker 4: you just have a very simple framework that when I
Speaker 4: send you this book, you can you can check in together.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I love it because self energy begets more self energy.
Speaker 4: So I'm sure that Amy, when you're in a tizzy,
Speaker 4: TJ's calmness settles you, right, and his confidence and his clarity,
Speaker 4: his self energy. You guys are so fucking beautiful, You're
Speaker 4: so I'm just this is such magic happening here.
Speaker 3: I love you so much. It's making me cry.
Speaker 4: So it's really this is what this is all about, okay,
Speaker 4: because what we need, what the world needs, is TJ
Speaker 4: and his most calm and most courageous and confident and
Speaker 4: clear self because he's a light worker, right, So we
Speaker 4: need that safety inside of him so that he can
Speaker 4: be this beacon of light for the world and for
Speaker 4: you and for your girls, right and same for you, Amy.
Speaker 4: So that's why it's go time. That's why we have
Speaker 4: to all of us, not just you guys, everybody, anyone
Speaker 4: who's in this open hearted space. This is go time.
Speaker 4: We have to open our hearts more. We have to
Speaker 4: heal our wounds because we have a lot.
Speaker 3: Of work to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because they get in the way, don't they When
Speaker 1: you're trying to constantly protect and defend. That's when we
Speaker 1: all get into trouble with ourselves and with one another.
Speaker 1: I have another question, why do we have so much
Speaker 1: trouble enjoying the good times? You know, we struggle obviously
Speaker 1: when things are tough, and that kind of is self explanatory.
Speaker 1: But when things are good, why is it so hard
Speaker 1: to enjoy it.
Speaker 3: Because we don't trust it.
Speaker 4: We don't trust it, right, We trust that the pain
Speaker 4: has purpose, right, we believe that this is too good
Speaker 4: to be true. We also have such ingrained protection mechanisms
Speaker 4: that if we have this underlying belief that if we
Speaker 4: stop doing that thing that's protecting me so much, right,
Speaker 4: like overworking or overriding or from me was controlling. If
Speaker 4: we to stop that thing, who will we be? We
Speaker 4: fear that that will be unsafe. And so when Joyce
Speaker 4: starts to come through, it's like, oh, I can relax
Speaker 4: into that joy Oh that feels good. Oh no no no,
Speaker 4: that fear voice, that protection mechanism is be like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: stop it. Now, you got to get back into that
Speaker 4: protection mode.
Speaker 3: It's not safe. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I have always tried to control things, and
Speaker 1: it's a similar thing where you're I know what I
Speaker 1: can do, and if something goes wrong and it's on me,
Speaker 1: then I can take responsibility. So I'm in control versus things.
Speaker 3: Happening to me.
Speaker 1: When things happen to youn't isn't that the scariest thing
Speaker 1: at all? So I get that. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people, if they actually think about it, that you
Speaker 1: don't realize that's a defense mechanism. But one hundred percent
Speaker 1: that's what it is those of us who.
Speaker 4: Have a controller part, which sounds like we have a
Speaker 4: commonality here, that controller part. Probably my I guess is
Speaker 4: at a young age learned like if I'm not in control,
Speaker 4: I'm not safe. You know, if I'm not taking care
Speaker 4: of everything, I'm not safe, or I'm not good enough,
Speaker 4: or I'm unlovable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, is there deep?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is it always necessary to know the origin? People?
Speaker 3: Kind of necessarily?
Speaker 2: Okay people? Oh what happened to your childhood? What was
Speaker 2: your relationship like with your follow that kind of stuf?
Speaker 3: Is that No, No, it doesn't. It doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be that way.
Speaker 4: It's just even and and in our you know, whether
Speaker 4: we remember these things or not. In my case, I
Speaker 4: was associated from some of these memories for a long time.
Speaker 4: They didn't come back into my late thirties. But regardless
Speaker 4: of whether we forget or we know whatever, maybe it's
Speaker 4: in us and it's acting out every day.
Speaker 1: Wow, wow, I I love this. I have so many
Speaker 1: of your quotes because I actually have a file on
Speaker 1: my phone where I re examine some of the things
Speaker 1: you've said. When I'm needing inspiration or needing a realignment
Speaker 1: of some kind and I also go back and re
Speaker 1: listen to your books are amazing. You actually were with
Speaker 1: me on my first marathon training because my best friend NICKI.
Speaker 3: And I she is probably your biggest fan.
Speaker 1: But we would listen to your books like in a
Speaker 1: little book club as we were running, so we had
Speaker 1: self improvement mentally while we were also trying to fis.
Speaker 4: That there is a study show that how how how
Speaker 4: meaningful that is for every cell in your body.
Speaker 3: It made affirmation. It's a huge difference. Huge.
Speaker 1: But you say low vibe thoughts are addictive? How are
Speaker 1: they addictive? And why why do we want to have
Speaker 1: these low vibrations? Why do we want to be in
Speaker 1: a negative cycle or a negative thought pattern? Why do
Speaker 1: we why do we get addicted to that that sounds
Speaker 1: so awful?
Speaker 3: Why would we choose that?
Speaker 4: Well, some of it is that if I, if I
Speaker 4: project out, I don't have to feel what's inside. Wow,
Speaker 4: And so you know that it's their fault, that it's
Speaker 4: not mine or or even or even like it's you know,
Speaker 4: if it's my fault, like or I did this, you
Speaker 4: know I'm at fault. Then that's another form of a
Speaker 4: judgment or attack. Then we don't have to feel the pain.
Speaker 4: So so these attack thoughts of fear and separation and
Speaker 4: just just personal attack or external attack make it so
Speaker 4: that we don't have to feel the suffering, and so
Speaker 4: the fear becomes an addiction. The same way, if I
Speaker 4: pick up that drink, I don't have to feel the suffering.
Speaker 4: It's the exact same thing. If I focus on the worrying,
Speaker 4: I don't have to feel the deeper suffering. If I
Speaker 4: run from this problem, I don't have to feel the
Speaker 4: deeper suffering if I override myself with you know, work
Speaker 4: or attacking others or judgment. I wrote a hope book
Speaker 4: called Judgment Detox. That book does not get enough light.
Speaker 3: I should come back. I should do a relaunch of
Speaker 3: that one.
Speaker 2: Send me one please exactly.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm sending you guys all because negative thoughts.
Speaker 1: How many people just have negative thoughts going on like
Speaker 1: in a circle and repeat in your mind and like
Speaker 1: why but that makes so much sense.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're protection mechanisms, and it's interesting. I had a
Speaker 4: big quantum shift recently. I guess not such a quantum SHIFTCAU.
Speaker 4: I've been working on it for twenty years, but I
Speaker 4: had a shift recently where I was thinking about these
Speaker 4: this you know, this storyline of like if I don't
Speaker 4: do it, nobody else will, and I just by the universe,
Speaker 4: but by by chance, had you know, two and a
Speaker 4: half week tour in Australia, and then I was away
Speaker 4: for five more days in Hawaii. So I's gone for
Speaker 4: three weeks and I then was here with you guys
Speaker 4: today and it's impress And so I haven't had my
Speaker 4: team calls with my team who are the you know,
Speaker 4: who are the ones that I often will unfortunately, you know,
Speaker 4: reap the benefits of me not believing that if I
Speaker 4: don't do it, nobody else will do it. That can
Speaker 4: show up a lot at work, right, And so I
Speaker 4: haven't been on the calls of them for three weeks.
Speaker 4: And I was listening to Wayne Dyer as I was
Speaker 4: driving into the city and he was talking about how
Speaker 4: the empowered leader is the one that just sits back
Speaker 4: and listens and observes and isn't trying to make things
Speaker 4: be a certain way, and I was like, wow, like
Speaker 4: maybe maybe this was the universe hooking me up. But
Speaker 4: being away for three weeks and just letting them do
Speaker 4: their jobs and letting people just show up and even
Speaker 4: letting other people leave the team rather than even me
Speaker 4: leading the team, right, And I think it. You know,
Speaker 4: for anyone that's a business owner, they're gonna beay, whoa, whoa, Wow,
Speaker 4: that's too crazy. But there's something magical that I think
Speaker 4: is happening by just sort of taking my hands off
Speaker 4: the wheel, and that's as it's allowing me to sort
Speaker 4: of create a news story, which is not always the
Speaker 4: easiest thing.
Speaker 3: But it's a long time coming. I've been working on
Speaker 3: this part of myself for a long time. So here
Speaker 3: it is. Now I'm getting some healing.
Speaker 1: How do we So do you have I know you
Speaker 1: have tools, So what are your tools? When you have
Speaker 1: and you see yourself I'd say spiraling or you feel
Speaker 1: yourself spiraling or you're thinking worst case scenario, or this
Speaker 1: is never gonna work out, or this can never happen,
Speaker 1: or why am I so stupid even to believe this
Speaker 1: could happen? How do when you find yourself and you
Speaker 1: finally have that recognition what am I doing?
Speaker 3: How do you stop it?
Speaker 1: How do you heal yourself? How do you find your
Speaker 1: way out of that?
Speaker 4: Okay, well, we can use the four step check in
Speaker 4: so The first step would be to notice I'm in
Speaker 4: a negative thought belief sensation this does it feel good?
Speaker 4: I have enough awareness of that stimulus which is the
Speaker 4: trigger and my desire to respond and react right, So
Speaker 4: I have awareness of that, or I'm in the pattern,
Speaker 4: or I'm after the pattern or whatever it is, wherever
Speaker 4: you are.
Speaker 3: In the loop and you can catch it.
Speaker 4: So the first step is to notice and say I'm
Speaker 4: gonna choose to check in instead of check out. That's
Speaker 4: step one. The second step is just gentle curiosity, just
Speaker 4: turning your attention inward like we did with TJ, and
Speaker 4: just asking you know where do I feel it in
Speaker 4: my body?
Speaker 3: What do I know about it?
Speaker 4: Are there any thoughts or feelings that want to come forward?
Speaker 4: The third step once you have a little connection, the
Speaker 4: third step is to compassionately connect and just ask the
Speaker 4: part of you that's activated, what do you need, remembering
Speaker 4: this is just a young little part of you that's
Speaker 4: acting up. And then the fourth step is to check
Speaker 4: for self. So check for those ce qualities. Do I
Speaker 4: feel more calm? Do I feel connected to this part
Speaker 4: of myself? Do I feel curious about it? Do I
Speaker 4: feel creative? Do I feel compassionate, courage. Notice those sea
Speaker 4: qualities and those four steps are broken down to the
Speaker 4: book a million times, but they're also right here. You
Speaker 4: can just start start checking in instead of checking out,
Speaker 4: and it's.
Speaker 3: And it if the more.
Speaker 4: If you do that one minute a day, four steps,
Speaker 4: you'll change your life.
Speaker 2: What period, Well, by the time you get to step four,
Speaker 2: where you're checking in to see if you feel calm
Speaker 2: and connected, if you don't say yes to those questions,
Speaker 2: should you repeat right, by the time you get to
Speaker 2: step forward, you should be feeling one of those.
Speaker 3: There's no shoulds.
Speaker 4: If you're not feeling it yet, you could know that
Speaker 4: you did it because you did the process and that
Speaker 4: process is a compassionate process, and that process is a
Speaker 4: curious process. So even if you're not feeling a shift inside, yes,
Speaker 4: you could do it again. You could journal with it.
Speaker 4: You could do those four steps journaling. So again, it's
Speaker 4: choose to check in curiosity, compassion, so asking what do
Speaker 4: you need and then checking in to see the shift inside.
Speaker 1: And there's so much more to come here on the
Speaker 1: Amy and TJ podcast. Stay tuned for part two of
Speaker 1: our conversation with self help guru Gabby Bernstein. But in
Speaker 1: the meantime help you all a wonderful day.