1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:04,760 Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ. This 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: is an episode that I have been hoping to record 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: since we began this podcast, and I'm not welcome everyone 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: to any Amy and TJ podcast. Amy Robot here along 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: with my TJ Holmes, and we'll continue our conversations with 6 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,600 Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author, specifically self helps googu 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: Jaby Bernstein's at. 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 2: Least twice a morning and usually once in the evening. 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 2: But I literally right now have tattoos on my body 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 2: that were spurred from something having to do with the 11 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 2: conversation I had with you, which I had to do 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 2: with something you read from her. 13 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: Wait, which chattoo is this? 14 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 2: I have the universe right here on my own. That's 15 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 2: with the compass. The other one says surrender, right you remember? Yes? 16 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 2: I like you haven't seen my body in a while. 17 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 2: What the hell I have? 18 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 3: Maybe I need to see it more, baby. That might 19 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 3: be a sign. 20 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: Speaking of signs, Yes, that's another big thing. With our 21 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: next guest, Gabby Bernstein. New York Times best selling author 22 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 1: and spiritual teacher. Gabby Burnstein has written her tenth book. 23 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: It was released at the beginning of this year, and 24 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: I love the title self help, because don't we all 25 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: need it? And she is the guru of self help. 26 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: And the cool thing is Gabby is in studio with 27 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: us here in iHeart so I am so honored and 28 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: so excited to have you here. Gabby, thank you for. 29 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 2: Being come on al introever. 30 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 3: I love you, guys. I love that you're like the tattoo. 31 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 4: I gotta see your body more. 32 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 3: I love you well. 33 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 1: It's very reciprocated because I actually wanted to let you 34 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: know that you are part of the reason why I 35 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: am here with this man today. I he and I 36 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: had been friends for eight years. Most people know our story, 37 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: so I won't bore everyone with it again. But when 38 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: we were recognizing the feelings we had for each other, 39 00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:00,040 Speaker 1: we I actually would tell him that the universe. I 40 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: really believe this after reading most of your books and 41 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: certainly running with them. I love your audio books. I 42 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 1: love your voice in my head helping guide me and 43 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: steer me when you're in times in your life when 44 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: you're in a transition or you don't know what to do. 45 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: I asked for a sign. I asked for science from 46 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: the universe. That's something that you suggest people do and 47 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,800 Speaker 1: they were there, and I have described this, and we 48 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: have talked about this on the podcast. I truly felt 49 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: like there was a lighted runway leading me to TJ 50 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: and and bringing us together in ways we hadn't expected 51 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: or anticipated. And so I even we had a receipt 52 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: the other day and it said five five four four, 53 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: and I said, that sounds like an angel number, and 54 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: I looked it up and it said twin Flame, which 55 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: is exactly what I would have described our relationship with. 56 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 3: But I'm telling. 57 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: Are such a huge part of I think if you, 58 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: I really do think daily when it comes to how 59 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: I'm living my life, how what I'm thinking about in 60 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: my head, because all that's so important in terms of 61 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: manifesting what you want in your life. And a lot 62 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: of some people think that's woo woo, and that's crazy 63 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 1: and that's insane. But how did you get to a 64 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,680 Speaker 1: place where you started investing in these concepts? And for 65 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: people who are non believers or think this is a 66 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: pile of crap, tell everybody in your best way why 67 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: it isn't. 68 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 4: Oh, I mean, for me, this is all I know, 69 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 4: This is all I know to be true. I also 70 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 4: it's interesting I don't really attract a lot of naysayers 71 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 4: because I just think that we you know, we attract 72 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 4: who we are and we attract what we believe. So 73 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 4: anyone that's still listening to this episode is definitely open. 74 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 4: They're open, they're willing, they're ready to have this conversation. 75 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 4: And you know, when TJ came back to grab me 76 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 4: in the green room, he said that I can't even 77 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 4: count the blessings in our life right now, or they're 78 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 4: countless blessing. We can't remember exactly what he said, it 79 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 4: is just true perfection. And he came in with just 80 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 4: like you know, life, life is so good. I'm so 81 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 4: happy to celebrate everything, and that energy, that moment of 82 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 4: that just one moment of meeting this man and then 83 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 4: hearing him lean into that energetic state is what I'm 84 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 4: here to talk about. 85 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 3: And do I always live that way? 86 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 4: No, But I am a perfect student because I'm always 87 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 4: bringing myself back. And so the way of living when 88 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 4: we see through that lens of possibility and opportunity and 89 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 4: a spiritual frame of mind or a miracle mindset as 90 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 4: you might call it, is truly, in my opinion, the 91 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 4: only way to live because there's so much that pulls 92 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 4: us out, and there's so many reasons out there to 93 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 4: not live with that inner faith, and so it's a 94 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 4: lot of work at times to reprogram our thinking and 95 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 4: to get back into that state of being. But once 96 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 4: we're there, we have to own it, and we have 97 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 4: to claim it, and we have to rinse and repeat, 98 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 4: put it as a tattoo on your arm, just you know, 99 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 4: stay in the conversation together daily about it and live 100 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 4: in that light because particular right now, I believe that 101 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 4: those of us who do have this type of mindset 102 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 4: are the ones that are going to bring more light 103 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 4: to the world. 104 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 2: Who was your guide or was this something you kind 105 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 2: of had to figure out on your own based on 106 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 2: life experience, you had to do something. 107 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,840 Speaker 4: I had a lot of guides throughout my spiritual pathing. 108 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 4: First with my mother when I was when I was 109 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 4: a teenager, when I was a little kid, my mom 110 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 4: brought me to the ashrums and taught me how to meditate, 111 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 4: and she showed me that she could walk into a 112 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 4: room stressed out and come out of the room different 113 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 4: once she would play the mantra music and light the 114 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,479 Speaker 4: incense and start doing her practice. And so I learned 115 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 4: that at a very young age. Oh, that's a way 116 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 4: out of the spiral. And I was also very blessed 117 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 4: to be just drawn to personal development and spiritual practices 118 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 4: at a very young age and taught to meditate young. 119 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 4: And so I had one of my biggest influences in 120 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 4: my life, my career and as a friend and a 121 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 4: mentor was my late mentor, doctor Wayne Dyer. Huge fan, 122 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 4: I mean huge, right, And this week actually I'm recording. Oh, 123 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 4: I was supposed to record it yesterday. I might have 124 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 4: to record something here. Could you guys let me record 125 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 4: something that is epic or we could do it in 126 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 4: the studio later. 127 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 3: I was sopposed to recording yesterday. Thank you for reminding me. University. 128 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 4: I wrote the introduction to Wayne's the re release of 129 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 4: Wayne's book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and my 130 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,440 Speaker 4: publishers asked me to read the introduction and it was 131 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 4: just such a huge opportunity to be like, this man 132 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 4: is in the spiritual form now, but I can speak 133 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 4: on his behalf. 134 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:36,719 Speaker 3: And so that's what I'm here to do. 135 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: For many many ways, what you talk about and write 136 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: about is cool because it is about self empowerment. It 137 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: is about changing how you think and therefore changing your life. 138 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 1: You're not putting it on anyone else. You're not pointing 139 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: the finger at who did this to you or what happened. 140 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: I know you do talk about childhood trauma as well 141 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: in this latest book, but really it is about your 142 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,039 Speaker 1: own empowerment. And that's what makes it so digestible to me, 143 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: because we can all do this, This is all within 144 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: our own reach. Why are we all so messed up? 145 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: Why do we all struggle so much? Even with all 146 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: this knowledge that I'm constantly trying to take in, I 147 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: still struggle. You still struggle. 148 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 4: Why I'm okay, perfect, hasn't beat which is true? 149 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 3: I mean I think I think that. I think that. 150 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 4: Look, we're programmed from birth to live in this world 151 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 4: of lack, to live in a world of separation, to 152 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 4: live in a world of fear and uncertainty, and as 153 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 4: even small little children, we start to learn these beliefs, 154 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 4: these core beliefs of I'm not good enough, I'm inadequate, 155 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 4: I'm not lovable. You know, we're bullied in the classroom, 156 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 4: or a parent isn't around, or we have a big 157 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 4: t trauma like an alcoholic parent, or even worse, and 158 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,239 Speaker 4: so we experience is the we experience these difficult moments 159 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 4: from our childhood and we don't have the ability to 160 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 4: process those experiences as little children, and so from a 161 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 4: very young age, we start building up these protection mechanisms 162 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 4: and we start protecting ourselves with perfectionism or people pleasing 163 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 4: or or eating or you know, sugar, or just the 164 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 4: ways that we numb out the way that we that 165 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 4: we put out the fire of that discomfort. 166 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 3: And so what happens is is that why are we 167 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 3: so messed up? Right? 168 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 4: Is that when we get triggered, we go back into 169 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 4: these protection mechanisms and rinse and repeat, and the loop 170 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 4: just gets more and more, more and more intense. When 171 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 4: we start to put new patterns in the place of 172 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 4: that loop, that's when we begin to heal. And we 173 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 4: put spiritual faith in front of that loop, and we 174 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 4: put personal development tools or therapeutic tools in front of 175 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 4: that habitual pattern, that's when things start to change. But 176 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 4: it's work. It's not no, it's not no work. You know, 177 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 4: anyone that says it self help is easy, they're lying 178 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 4: to you. It's not easy. But I always say it's 179 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 4: much more difficult to live without it. 180 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 2: I love everything I've read of yours and everything that's 181 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 2: out of your mouth since I met you in the 182 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 2: green room a short time. But this is the part 183 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,559 Speaker 2: I pause and get discouraged about. Is that you are 184 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 2: someone who still says you're working at it. You're someone 185 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 2: who says this is hard work, and you've gotten to 186 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 2: this place, and you've been trained since a child to 187 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 2: have these techniques. Most of us were not. So it 188 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 2: sounds daunting to a person listening that's twenty five, thirty, 189 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: thirty five, forty fifty listening. Wow, it's too late for me, 190 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 2: or how am I ever going to get to a 191 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,600 Speaker 2: good place if she's been doing this or he whole life. 192 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 4: It's never too late to choose again. And what's beautiful 193 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 4: about that is that you can actually experience the miracle 194 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 4: the shift in your thinking instantly. You can be listening 195 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 4: to us right now, and something in this podcast can 196 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 4: open your mind to see through possibility, or see through 197 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 4: some hopefulness, or to choose to release something. That's the miracle. 198 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 4: So the miracle isn't that, oh my god, I'm totally 199 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 4: new tomorrow. The miracle is that I had a new 200 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 4: idea today and as you start to add up those 201 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 4: miracle moments, that's when you start to live a miraculous life. 202 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 4: The thing that happens often though, is people will read 203 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 4: a book like the Universe Has your Back or like 204 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 4: Self Help, they'll do the work, they'll feel better, and 205 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,120 Speaker 4: then they'll be like, I'm good, and then they fall 206 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,559 Speaker 4: off track and they'll go right back into the day 207 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 4: to day mundane things. It's being in the habitual practice 208 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 4: of leaning into that light and so when I say, oh, okay, 209 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,079 Speaker 4: I fall off Yeah. There's periods of my life where 210 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 4: I've gotten hooked into the storyline or the core belief 211 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 4: that was young, a young belief, and for me, a 212 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 4: big one was like if I don't do it, nobody 213 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 4: else will do it. Okay, Well, that belief was so 214 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 4: strong inside of me that it was creating that story 215 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 4: in my life, right, It was making it so that 216 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,959 Speaker 4: I had to do everything I had to, you know, 217 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 4: because because I wasn't even allowing anyone to show up 218 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 4: to do it because I had that core belief. And 219 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 4: so so much of the work in my book Self 220 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 4: Help was to heal that belief. And when we start 221 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 4: to heal those belief systems, we start to change our 222 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 4: reality because we manifest what we believe, and so it's 223 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 4: it's work to change the belief, and then it's and 224 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 4: then it's practiced to maintain the new belief. And that's 225 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 4: that's the simplest way to put it. 226 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because you say yeah, you say you believe 227 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: your thoughts send a message to the universe. And people 228 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,719 Speaker 1: can say the universe God. It's all interchangeable. You can 229 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: be of religious faith or spiritual faith, it doesn't matter. 230 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,440 Speaker 1: You always say that word is interchangeable. But you believe 231 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: your thoughts send a message to the universe and what 232 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,079 Speaker 1: you put the out there, you will receive back, whether 233 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 1: you like it or not. Yes, you really believe thoughts 234 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,440 Speaker 1: are that powerful. How does that work? 235 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 4: Well, it's the thoughts, but it's also the energy behind 236 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 4: the thoughts, you know. So someone might be like, oh 237 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 4: my God, I thought this bad thing isn't going to happen. No, 238 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 4: it's how often are you thinking it? The thoughts the 239 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,839 Speaker 4: beliefs are the thoughts that we keep thinking. So when 240 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,199 Speaker 4: we have a thought that's repeated and repeated and repeated, 241 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 4: and we just keep going after it and go after it, 242 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 4: and it starts to become a feeling, and that feeling 243 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 4: starts to be an energy that we put out. That's 244 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 4: when it starts to reflect back to us. And so 245 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 4: that's why it's very valuable to really work with those beliefs, 246 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 4: those core beliefs that are really just repeated thoughts. And 247 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 4: so the practices in my book self Help are about 248 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,800 Speaker 4: about befriending those parts of ourselves, befriending the thoughts, and 249 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 4: befriending those beliefs so that we can treat those thoughts 250 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 4: and beliefs almost like little children inside of us and 251 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,079 Speaker 4: check in with them. And instead instead of repeating them 252 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 4: and becoming so engrossed in them, we can actually just 253 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,079 Speaker 4: turn inward and notice the thought, notice the feeling or 254 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 4: the belief, and then become curious about it. Just notice 255 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 4: where we feel it in our body, whatever, maybe there's 256 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 4: a story or an image that comes to mind that's 257 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 4: attached to it, and then compassionately connect to it. 258 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 3: Just ask that belief, like what do you like? 259 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 4: It's a little person inside it, So it's a young 260 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 4: part of you that's like I don't think I'm worthy, 261 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 4: or a young part of you that's like I have 262 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 4: to control everything to feel safe for a young part 263 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 4: of you. That is, you know, I need to pick 264 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 4: up a drink to numb out, and what do you need? 265 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 4: Asking those parts of ourselves and so that kind of 266 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 4: inquiry of just just focusing inward instead of checking out, 267 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 4: checking in instead of checking out, that is what unwinds 268 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 4: the pattern of the belief, and it's interrupting the pattern 269 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 4: that creates the change. 270 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 2: I sat up, and I'm sure you probably noticed it 271 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 2: as well, but I'm hey, look, most of our podcasts 272 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,839 Speaker 2: end up coming turning into therapy sessions for us, so 273 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 2: they should, they should, but they do. 274 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 3: You say where you can get it? You know, I'm like, 275 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,079 Speaker 3: bring it on wherever it is. 276 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 2: You know what you said something I am exactly in 277 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 2: that lane and that you heard her saying it. She 278 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 2: said this idea that I have to do it. If 279 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 2: I'm not, I don't do it, it doesn't get done. That 280 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 2: is one hundred percent my personality, day and day out. 281 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 2: You have that, I absolutely I will shut down. I 282 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 2: will lose sleep. I'll stay up twenty four to forty 283 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 2: eight hours if I need to, because none of you 284 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 2: suckers are going to help me out. I gotta do this. 285 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 2: What can I act that's old. 286 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,679 Speaker 3: Is that believe TJ Man, that has to go. 287 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 2: I can't remember time I didn't have that. 288 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 3: You can't remember. 289 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 2: I cannot remember it time forever because I always I 290 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 2: don't like being let down, I suppose and I don't. 291 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 2: I think it's my fault if something goes wrong, because 292 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 2: it's I'm stupid for even depending on you. I should 293 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 2: have done it myself. A young, young part, that mindset. 294 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, do you want to check in with it? 295 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 2: Yeah? But that's my question that that's example of me. 296 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,320 Speaker 2: But everybody has that little moment where something happens. What 297 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 2: in that moment can you a real tool? Or that 298 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 2: creeps into my head? I gotta get it done. 299 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 3: This is the tool. 300 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 2: What do you do? 301 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,080 Speaker 4: And don't go, don't go any deeper than you want 302 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 4: to you right now, but this is the tool. Right So 303 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 4: because it's young, it's a young part. So there's there's 304 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 4: definitely wounds there as we all have. Right. 305 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 3: So at some point in time. 306 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 4: You believe that if I don't do it, I'm not 307 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 4: going to survive for some something along those lines. I 308 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 4: don't want to put the words in your mouth, but 309 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 4: that you know these are the kinds of core beliefs 310 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 4: that that get there and they become a and then 311 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 4: doing doing doing is the protector. That's the protection mechanism. 312 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 4: And so to check in with that part of you 313 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 4: first and foremost, you notice you want to check out right. 314 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 4: Let's say tonight you're going to stay up until three 315 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 4: o'clock in the morning doing the thing because you don't 316 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 4: believe anybody else can do it, or that you want 317 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 4: to make sure it's done or whatever the story is. 318 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 4: Instead of doing that, that's that with what we might 319 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 4: call checking out right, you would check in, so you 320 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 4: would notice, you'd focus your attention inward, and I'll ask 321 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 4: you one or two questions just right now, very very baseline, 322 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 4: like we're not doing therapy here. 323 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 2: I'm gonna yes, we are, okay, if. 324 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 3: You want to. I am trained in this model. So 325 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 3: this is based on a therapy. 326 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 4: This book is based on a therapy called internal Family 327 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 4: Systems therapy. And I've made it into a self help 328 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 4: practice and I'm trained in the model. So it's safe 329 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 4: to do this. But I'm but I but I will 330 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 4: say that it made it so that it's it's very 331 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 4: day to day that we can do it on a 332 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 4: day day basis. So the first step would be choose 333 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 4: to check inside. So just let me know when you've 334 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 4: got some access focusing your attention inside. 335 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 2: With you. 336 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 3: Okay. 337 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 4: And so when we go into that thought of you know, 338 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 4: what is the thought again? What would you call it? 339 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 2: I would say a lack of trust in anyone to 340 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 2: get things done they need to be he yeah, I. 341 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 3: Don't trust anyone can do it. Yeah. Where does that 342 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 3: live in your body? 343 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 2: Chest? 344 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 3: In your chest? 345 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 2: I can feel it in my chest now. 346 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 4: Thinking yeah, yeah, does it have any other sensations or 347 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 4: feelings or images attached to it? 348 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 2: Image? Is not sure? Maybe a little. I'm physically feeling 349 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 2: heat as I'm talking heat. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm physically 350 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 2: feeling that. 351 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 4: And are there, just safely any thoughts or memories or 352 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 4: or stories. 353 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 3: Attached to this that you would be comfortable revealing. 354 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 2: Off the top of my head. No, I can remember 355 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:44,479 Speaker 2: a lot throughout my career that anytime I was disappointing 356 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 2: or let down, or somebody didn't do what needed to 357 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 2: be done, I never would blame that person. I would 358 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 2: always go, I'm the idiot. Why did I even trust 359 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 2: you with that? Why did I even think that maybe 360 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 2: you should do it. I should have just taken the 361 00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 2: extra hour and a half or maybe. 362 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 3: That's right where I am okay, okay, so. 363 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I didn't even to make this a warm 364 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: one's great. 365 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 4: So it's working hard. This part of you is working hard. Yeah, 366 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 4: and so just giving it a little bit more connection. 367 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 4: This is the lot the second last step. But just 368 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 4: can you ask that part of you and don't think, 369 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 4: just answer what does it need? 370 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 2: What does that part need? It needs a It needs 371 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 2: somebody to give it the okay to not feel that way, 372 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,200 Speaker 2: Like I need permission from somewhere to say, you know what, dude, 373 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: it's okay to just let them do it. And I 374 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 2: guess I haven't done it enough to where it's I 375 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 2: actually it hasn't paid all for me enough to where 376 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 2: I say, okay, it's actually okay. Remember last time, DJ 377 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 2: it it worked out when you gave it to somebody 378 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 2: else to do. I don't have that yet, Like I 379 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 2: don't have enough evidence that that method works. 380 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 4: It needs it needs, it almost needs like a parent 381 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 4: or someone to say it's okay not to have to. 382 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 3: Do it all. Oh well, yeah, so I feel like that. 383 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 4: Could you say that to it that to it. Yeah, 384 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 4: what do you mean you TJ? The father, Yes, the partner, 385 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 4: the guide here in the room. Could you say that 386 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 4: to that part of you, that younger part of. 387 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 2: You, say to it to give permission. 388 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay not to have to do it. 389 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay. I don't have to stay up 390 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 2: tonight and write all these stories. 391 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, Gabby, this is it. I did not 392 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: know this was going here or going there. There's one 393 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: more one more second though, Okay, give it a little breath. 394 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 1: Just put your hand on your heart, Taj, because that's 395 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 1: where you felt it, on your chest, and just give 396 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: it some breath and just be like, okay, this is 397 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: our first conversation. 398 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 4: Like, okay, little man inside you know this is it's 399 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 4: like little bro inside. They're young parts, like this is 400 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 4: our first conversation. I have my beloved next to me, 401 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,160 Speaker 4: Gabby's with me, like this is super safe, and just 402 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 4: just let it know. 403 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 3: Just give it a little breath and just take a 404 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 3: deep breath and just be. 405 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,879 Speaker 4: Breathed with it for a second. And how do you feel, 406 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 4: just with a little brief check in. 407 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 2: You know, empowered? Because I'm aware I've actually stopped and 408 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 2: taken a moment to pay attention to something that I 409 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 2: usually just this is how I am, this is how 410 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,679 Speaker 2: it is. Let's go on, let's go So it is 411 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: to your point. I guess that works. 412 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 3: You have some clarity. You have a little clarity. 413 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 2: Because you just stop and pay attention to it for 414 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 2: a moment, which. 415 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 3: Normally a little connection to it. I'm not sure about that, Okay, 416 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 3: not yet. Are you a little bit more curious about it? 417 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 2: White? 418 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 4: Okay, so i'll send you self help and you'll do 419 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,160 Speaker 4: the book and you might check in with it more. Okay, great, 420 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 4: So there the two signs I know that it worked. Okay, 421 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 4: curiosity and clarity. Okay, there's still so much resistance because 422 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,159 Speaker 4: these parts are so young. So you're very courageous to 423 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 4: do that. I also see courage because you did it, 424 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,640 Speaker 4: so courage is another sign. These see qualities are what's 425 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 4: called self in ifs and internal family systems therapy. In 426 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 4: spiritual Lexicon, it would be called you know your inner spirit, 427 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,800 Speaker 4: your higher self right, And that's the resourced part of us, 428 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 4: the part that's not the little children inside of us. 429 00:19:55,880 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 4: It's the calm, the curiosity, the courage, the confidence, the clarity, 430 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 4: the commitment, the connection, creativity, it's these sea qualities of self. 431 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 4: And so the point of these steps is to check in, 432 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 4: become curious, right, offer the curiosity, compassionately connect, ask what 433 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:22,360 Speaker 4: do you need? And then notice what shift is happening inside. 434 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 4: And if you notice any of those qualities of the curiosity, 435 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,600 Speaker 4: which we got, we got confidence because and the courrct courage. 436 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,199 Speaker 4: He did it, You did it. You went there. That 437 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 4: was courage, man, And we also got some we got curiosity, 438 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 4: and we got some clarity that self. And so by 439 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 4: just you said it, by I'm never really checking in 440 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,360 Speaker 4: with this part, you kind of in your own words said, 441 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 4: I'm just overriding it all the time, right, And that's 442 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 4: what we do. That's what we all do. We're overriding 443 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 4: these these core wounds. But then the fact that you 444 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,439 Speaker 4: just took a few minutes to check in with it 445 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 4: with me shows you me, shows Amy that we are 446 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,880 Speaker 4: in a place of recognizing there's a little. 447 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 3: Bit more clarity here. So, yeah, I mean self. 448 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 4: It's a how self helps because self is the inner 449 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 4: parent inside. 450 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: Well, we can be our we can parent ourselves, we 451 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: can reparent ourselves. 452 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 3: All that calm. 453 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,359 Speaker 4: What do we need from our parents when we were 454 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 4: in these places and believing why I have to do 455 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 4: everything or I'm not good enough? We needed them to 456 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,680 Speaker 4: be calm. We needed them to be courageous, We needed 457 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,159 Speaker 4: them to be clear, confident, compassionate. 458 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 1: And that's just not always the case. 459 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,119 Speaker 3: That's just not the reality. They couldn't do it. 460 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,959 Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting. We were on the subway Gabby 461 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: talking and I asked him, did you eat? He puts 462 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 1: all of his actual physical needs aside to work, work, work, work, work, 463 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: He won't eat, he won't sleep, and as his partner, 464 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:54,880 Speaker 1: it breaks my heart. 465 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaker 3: So that was really cool, but that just happened. 466 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know what's beautiful, guys, is that now 467 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 4: you just have a very simple framework that when I 468 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 4: send you this book, you can you can check in together. 469 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 3: Yeah. 470 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,120 Speaker 4: I love it because self energy begets more self energy. 471 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 4: So I'm sure that Amy, when you're in a tizzy, 472 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 4: TJ's calmness settles you, right, and his confidence and his clarity, 473 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:33,560 Speaker 4: his self energy. You guys are so fucking beautiful, You're 474 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,120 Speaker 4: so I'm just this is such magic happening here. 475 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,160 Speaker 3: I love you so much. It's making me cry. 476 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 4: So it's really this is what this is all about, okay, 477 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 4: because what we need, what the world needs, is TJ 478 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 4: and his most calm and most courageous and confident and 479 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 4: clear self because he's a light worker, right, So we 480 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 4: need that safety inside of him so that he can 481 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,359 Speaker 4: be this beacon of light for the world and for 482 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 4: you and for your girls, right and same for you, Amy. 483 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,359 Speaker 4: So that's why it's go time. That's why we have 484 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 4: to all of us, not just you guys, everybody, anyone 485 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 4: who's in this open hearted space. This is go time. 486 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 4: We have to open our hearts more. We have to 487 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 4: heal our wounds because we have a lot. 488 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 3: Of work to do. 489 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, because they get in the way, don't they When 490 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,240 Speaker 1: you're trying to constantly protect and defend. That's when we 491 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 1: all get into trouble with ourselves and with one another. 492 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: I have another question, why do we have so much 493 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: trouble enjoying the good times? You know, we struggle obviously 494 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: when things are tough, and that kind of is self explanatory. 495 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 1: But when things are good, why is it so hard 496 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: to enjoy it. 497 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 3: Because we don't trust it. 498 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 4: We don't trust it, right, We trust that the pain 499 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 4: has purpose, right, we believe that this is too good 500 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:55,640 Speaker 4: to be true. We also have such ingrained protection mechanisms 501 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,879 Speaker 4: that if we have this underlying belief that if we 502 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 4: stop doing that thing that's protecting me so much, right, 503 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 4: like overworking or overriding or from me was controlling. If 504 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 4: we to stop that thing, who will we be? We 505 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 4: fear that that will be unsafe. And so when Joyce 506 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,640 Speaker 4: starts to come through, it's like, oh, I can relax 507 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 4: into that joy Oh that feels good. Oh no no no, 508 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 4: that fear voice, that protection mechanism is be like no, no, no, no, no, 509 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 4: stop it. Now, you got to get back into that 510 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 4: protection mode. 511 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 3: It's not safe. Yeah. 512 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: I think I have always tried to control things, and 513 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,919 Speaker 1: it's a similar thing where you're I know what I 514 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: can do, and if something goes wrong and it's on me, 515 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: then I can take responsibility. So I'm in control versus things. 516 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 3: Happening to me. 517 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: When things happen to youn't isn't that the scariest thing 518 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: at all? So I get that. I think a lot 519 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,119 Speaker 1: of people, if they actually think about it, that you 520 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: don't realize that's a defense mechanism. But one hundred percent 521 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 1: that's what it is those of us who. 522 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,959 Speaker 4: Have a controller part, which sounds like we have a 523 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 4: commonality here, that controller part. Probably my I guess is 524 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 4: at a young age learned like if I'm not in control, 525 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,640 Speaker 4: I'm not safe. You know, if I'm not taking care 526 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 4: of everything, I'm not safe, or I'm not good enough, 527 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 4: or I'm unlovable. 528 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, is there deep? 529 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 1: Yeah? 530 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 2: Is it always necessary to know the origin? People? 531 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 3: Kind of necessarily? 532 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 2: Okay people? Oh what happened to your childhood? What was 533 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: your relationship like with your follow that kind of stuf? 534 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: Is that No, No, it doesn't. It doesn't have to 535 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 3: be that way. 536 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 4: It's just even and and in our you know, whether 537 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,679 Speaker 4: we remember these things or not. In my case, I 538 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 4: was associated from some of these memories for a long time. 539 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 4: They didn't come back into my late thirties. But regardless 540 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 4: of whether we forget or we know whatever, maybe it's 541 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 4: in us and it's acting out every day. 542 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: Wow, wow, I I love this. I have so many 543 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,439 Speaker 1: of your quotes because I actually have a file on 544 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:53,360 Speaker 1: my phone where I re examine some of the things 545 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: you've said. When I'm needing inspiration or needing a realignment 546 00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:58,639 Speaker 1: of some kind and I also go back and re 547 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: listen to your books are amazing. You actually were with 548 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,360 Speaker 1: me on my first marathon training because my best friend NICKI. 549 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 3: And I she is probably your biggest fan. 550 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: But we would listen to your books like in a 551 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,919 Speaker 1: little book club as we were running, so we had 552 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: self improvement mentally while we were also trying to fis. 553 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,480 Speaker 4: That there is a study show that how how how 554 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 4: meaningful that is for every cell in your body. 555 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 3: It made affirmation. It's a huge difference. Huge. 556 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:27,639 Speaker 1: But you say low vibe thoughts are addictive? How are 557 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: they addictive? And why why do we want to have 558 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,119 Speaker 1: these low vibrations? Why do we want to be in 559 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,879 Speaker 1: a negative cycle or a negative thought pattern? Why do 560 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,439 Speaker 1: we why do we get addicted to that that sounds 561 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: so awful? 562 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 3: Why would we choose that? 563 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,479 Speaker 4: Well, some of it is that if I, if I 564 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,679 Speaker 4: project out, I don't have to feel what's inside. Wow, 565 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,600 Speaker 4: And so you know that it's their fault, that it's 566 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 4: not mine or or even or even like it's you know, 567 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 4: if it's my fault, like or I did this, you 568 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 4: know I'm at fault. Then that's another form of a 569 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,680 Speaker 4: judgment or attack. Then we don't have to feel the pain. 570 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 4: So so these attack thoughts of fear and separation and 571 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,679 Speaker 4: just just personal attack or external attack make it so 572 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,199 Speaker 4: that we don't have to feel the suffering, and so 573 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 4: the fear becomes an addiction. The same way, if I 574 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 4: pick up that drink, I don't have to feel the suffering. 575 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 4: It's the exact same thing. If I focus on the worrying, 576 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,399 Speaker 4: I don't have to feel the deeper suffering. If I 577 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 4: run from this problem, I don't have to feel the 578 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 4: deeper suffering if I override myself with you know, work 579 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,640 Speaker 4: or attacking others or judgment. I wrote a hope book 580 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,160 Speaker 4: called Judgment Detox. That book does not get enough light. 581 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:35,919 Speaker 3: I should come back. I should do a relaunch of 582 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 3: that one. 583 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 2: Send me one please exactly. 584 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm sending you guys all because negative thoughts. 585 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 1: How many people just have negative thoughts going on like 586 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: in a circle and repeat in your mind and like 587 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 1: why but that makes so much sense. 588 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, they're protection mechanisms, and it's interesting. I had a 589 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,119 Speaker 4: big quantum shift recently. I guess not such a quantum SHIFTCAU. 590 00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,600 Speaker 4: I've been working on it for twenty years, but I 591 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:03,119 Speaker 4: had a shift recently where I was thinking about these 592 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 4: this you know, this storyline of like if I don't 593 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 4: do it, nobody else will, and I just by the universe, 594 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 4: but by by chance, had you know, two and a 595 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,440 Speaker 4: half week tour in Australia, and then I was away 596 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,399 Speaker 4: for five more days in Hawaii. So I's gone for 597 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 4: three weeks and I then was here with you guys 598 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 4: today and it's impress And so I haven't had my 599 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 4: team calls with my team who are the you know, 600 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,159 Speaker 4: who are the ones that I often will unfortunately, you know, 601 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 4: reap the benefits of me not believing that if I 602 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 4: don't do it, nobody else will do it. That can 603 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 4: show up a lot at work, right, And so I 604 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,439 Speaker 4: haven't been on the calls of them for three weeks. 605 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 4: And I was listening to Wayne Dyer as I was 606 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,959 Speaker 4: driving into the city and he was talking about how 607 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 4: the empowered leader is the one that just sits back 608 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,280 Speaker 4: and listens and observes and isn't trying to make things 609 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 4: be a certain way, and I was like, wow, like 610 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 4: maybe maybe this was the universe hooking me up. But 611 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 4: being away for three weeks and just letting them do 612 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 4: their jobs and letting people just show up and even 613 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 4: letting other people leave the team rather than even me 614 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 4: leading the team, right, And I think it. You know, 615 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 4: for anyone that's a business owner, they're gonna beay, whoa, whoa, Wow, 616 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 4: that's too crazy. But there's something magical that I think 617 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 4: is happening by just sort of taking my hands off 618 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,720 Speaker 4: the wheel, and that's as it's allowing me to sort 619 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:21,120 Speaker 4: of create a news story, which is not always the 620 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 4: easiest thing. 621 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 3: But it's a long time coming. I've been working on 622 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 3: this part of myself for a long time. So here 623 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 3: it is. Now I'm getting some healing. 624 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,479 Speaker 1: How do we So do you have I know you 625 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: have tools, So what are your tools? When you have 626 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 1: and you see yourself I'd say spiraling or you feel 627 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: yourself spiraling or you're thinking worst case scenario, or this 628 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: is never gonna work out, or this can never happen, 629 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: or why am I so stupid even to believe this 630 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: could happen? How do when you find yourself and you 631 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 1: finally have that recognition what am I doing? 632 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 3: How do you stop it? 633 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: How do you heal yourself? How do you find your 634 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: way out of that? 635 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,920 Speaker 4: Okay, well, we can use the four step check in 636 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 4: so The first step would be to notice I'm in 637 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 4: a negative thought belief sensation this does it feel good? 638 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 4: I have enough awareness of that stimulus which is the 639 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 4: trigger and my desire to respond and react right, So 640 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,479 Speaker 4: I have awareness of that, or I'm in the pattern, 641 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 4: or I'm after the pattern or whatever it is, wherever 642 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 4: you are. 643 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,719 Speaker 3: In the loop and you can catch it. 644 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,200 Speaker 4: So the first step is to notice and say I'm 645 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,600 Speaker 4: gonna choose to check in instead of check out. That's 646 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 4: step one. The second step is just gentle curiosity, just 647 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 4: turning your attention inward like we did with TJ, and 648 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 4: just asking you know where do I feel it in 649 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:28,719 Speaker 4: my body? 650 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 3: What do I know about it? 651 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 4: Are there any thoughts or feelings that want to come forward? 652 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 4: The third step once you have a little connection, the 653 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,480 Speaker 4: third step is to compassionately connect and just ask the 654 00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 4: part of you that's activated, what do you need, remembering 655 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 4: this is just a young little part of you that's 656 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 4: acting up. And then the fourth step is to check 657 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 4: for self. So check for those ce qualities. Do I 658 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 4: feel more calm? Do I feel connected to this part 659 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 4: of myself? Do I feel curious about it? Do I 660 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 4: feel creative? Do I feel compassionate, courage. Notice those sea 661 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 4: qualities and those four steps are broken down to the 662 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 4: book a million times, but they're also right here. You 663 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 4: can just start start checking in instead of checking out, 664 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:07,480 Speaker 4: and it's. 665 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 3: And it if the more. 666 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,840 Speaker 4: If you do that one minute a day, four steps, 667 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 4: you'll change your life. 668 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 2: What period, Well, by the time you get to step four, 669 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,479 Speaker 2: where you're checking in to see if you feel calm 670 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 2: and connected, if you don't say yes to those questions, 671 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 2: should you repeat right, by the time you get to 672 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,800 Speaker 2: step forward, you should be feeling one of those. 673 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 3: There's no shoulds. 674 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 4: If you're not feeling it yet, you could know that 675 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 4: you did it because you did the process and that 676 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 4: process is a compassionate process, and that process is a 677 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 4: curious process. So even if you're not feeling a shift inside, yes, 678 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,360 Speaker 4: you could do it again. You could journal with it. 679 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 4: You could do those four steps journaling. So again, it's 680 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 4: choose to check in curiosity, compassion, so asking what do 681 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,240 Speaker 4: you need and then checking in to see the shift inside. 682 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: And there's so much more to come here on the 683 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: Amy and TJ podcast. Stay tuned for part two of 684 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,720 Speaker 1: our conversation with self help guru Gabby Bernstein. But in 685 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: the meantime help you all a wonderful day.