1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,800 Speaker 1: You have to be with people who are excited to 2 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: see you, who see your light, appreciate your light, that 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: love what you bring to the table. And what's the 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: point of having a lukewarm relationship where it's not really 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: exciting at all, you know, and there's not really any 6 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: spark there. It's kind of like, what are you doing? 7 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: Are you just doing it to like occupy your time? 8 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,600 Speaker 1: And there's so many other things that you could possibly 9 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: be doing. If a relationship is lukewarm, maybe best to 10 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: step back. 11 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily a body here bringing you another installment 12 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 2: of Hurdle Moment from her at All. Now, if you're 13 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 2: new to the show, welcome, I'm happy to have you. 14 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 2: Let me give you the stick about what Hurdle Moment 15 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 2: Wednesdays are all about. On the Hurdle Moment episodes, I 16 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: am tackling the topics that are on your mind, often 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 2: related to popular messages I'm getting in my inbox or 18 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 2: my dms, or topics of conversation in the Super Secret 19 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 2: Hurdler's Facebook group. Now, if you're not in, that link 20 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,399 Speaker 2: to join in is in the show notes. So related 21 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 2: to those I connect with top experts to give you 22 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 2: the information The tips, the tricks that you need to 23 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 2: live healthier, happier, more motivated lives. So today's topic, I 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 2: am diving into friendship, specifically how to make friends as 25 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 2: an adult, and it is certainly something that I've navigated 26 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 2: both between getting older and having friends leaving the city, 27 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 2: and so to rap about this, I am bringing in 28 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,400 Speaker 2: one of my good friends, Christina Rudolfo. 29 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 3: She's a beauty editor, speaker. 30 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 2: And host and also, as she says in her Instagram bio, 31 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 2: which we laugh about today, your new beauty bff. 32 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 3: We talk about it all in today's episode. 33 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 2: From strategies to making friends, where to find said friends, 34 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 2: what to do if you want to befriend someone that 35 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 2: you only know via social media, how to deal with 36 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: someone that may not want to be your friend, what 37 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 2: you do if you go on a friend day and 38 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 2: you're just not driving the right way to walk away 39 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 2: from that potential non friendship, and how to protect your boundaries, 40 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,639 Speaker 2: How to be smart in your friendship so that you're 41 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 2: really getting both the most out of the relationship. 42 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 3: And looking out for your best interest. 43 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 2: Lots of good stuff in here. Super grateful to Christina 44 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,959 Speaker 2: for her time. If you don't follow her on Instagram. 45 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 3: Do it. The link to do that is in the 46 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 3: show notes. 47 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 2: I am just blown away by her wealth of knowledge 48 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 2: on all things beauty. And if you need a solid 49 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 2: foundation or mascara recommendation, Christina is your girl. Of note, 50 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 2: this episode did originally run in twenty twenty one, but 51 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 2: I've been getting so many messages about female friendships that 52 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 2: I felt that now was the perfect time to drop 53 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 2: it back into the feed. Sure you're following along on 54 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: Hurdle over at Hurdle Podcast. You can find me over 55 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 2: at emily A Bye, and I put this call in 56 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,399 Speaker 2: last episode, but I'm hunting listener questions for a special 57 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 2: listener questions episode. The link to leave me a voice 58 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 2: message to have your voice featured on the show is 59 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 2: in the show notes. That's it for now. With that, 60 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 2: let's get to it. Let's get to Hurdling. 61 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 3: Today. 62 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Christina Rudolfo. She is known to 63 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 2: many as their beauty BFF. She's also a writer and editor, 64 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 2: a host, a good friend of mine. 65 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 3: Hi. 66 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 2: Hi, if you're going to be my beauty BFF, then 67 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 2: you can be my actual BF. 68 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 4: I'm everyone's just actual BFF. 69 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 3: I love that for you. I love that for us. 70 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: You and I were chatting the other day and I 71 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 2: was talking to you about a concern that arised in 72 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 2: the c at Hurdler's Facebook group, which was that everyone 73 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 2: is chatting about how to make friends when you get older. 74 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 4: It's so tough. 75 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 3: It's so tough. 76 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: It's something that people don't warn you about. 77 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 4: That along with you know. 78 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: Saving, saving for your four oh one k and you know, 79 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: all this, all the all the real life things that 80 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: no one really tells you when you're a kid. 81 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 2: No one really tells you. And friends come and go 82 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 2: as you become an adult. Because when you're younger and 83 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 2: you're mostly staying in the same place, you're going to 84 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 2: elementary school, middle school, high school, Okay, cool, you've got 85 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: like a solid chunk of time there. Then you go 86 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 2: to college and you meet all of these people and hey, 87 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 2: you're going to be there for four years. Cool, great 88 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,720 Speaker 2: solid chunk of time there. Then you go through a 89 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 2: little transition when you move to wherever you're going to move. 90 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 2: But after that, like all bets are off, like everyone 91 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 2: can go anywhere. 92 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,359 Speaker 1: It's so unpredictable too, especially this past year. You know, 93 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: we've been seeing so many people leaving the city and 94 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: moving across the country and quitting their jobs, or just 95 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,359 Speaker 1: having such huge life changes that just sets everybody on 96 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: different paths. And it also happens with life milestones too, 97 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: you know, people getting married, people having kids. That just 98 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,279 Speaker 1: changes the dynamic of friendships as well. So as you 99 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: get older and you're trying to, you know, find your 100 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: core group of people or just your person, you know, 101 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: it's it gets really hard and lonely. And I think 102 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: that something people don't really think about is how to 103 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: maintain friendships as an adult, just because it all becomes 104 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 1: all about convenience and proximity. 105 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 2: It is very difficult, and I think what you just 106 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: said is really important that it can become about proximity 107 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 2: or convenience. Like when you get older and you have 108 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,919 Speaker 2: good friends and you happen to end up in different locations, 109 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 2: those relationships no longer are because of convenience. 110 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 3: These are relationships that you have to choose to both 111 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 3: work on. 112 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 2: If one person is willing to put in a hell 113 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 2: of a lot of effort into your friendship and the 114 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: other person isn't, it could be because of a circumstance 115 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: or something going on in their life. Or maybe they 116 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 2: just don't have the capacity or the interest. Sometimes you've 117 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 2: got to walk away from that kind of friendship. 118 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: Yes, and that is sometimes the most difficult thing because 119 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: speaking as a very sentimental person, you know, whenever I 120 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: have history with somebody, if I grew up with them, 121 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: if we work together, you know, you just have that 122 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: sense of closeness that might not exist in the present moment. 123 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: But because you had that closeness before, it gets so 124 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: hard to let go of that. If you know that 125 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 1: life season is over. And this is another thing. You know, 126 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: it's like sometimes friends just come for a season in 127 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: your life and that's okay. You know, I had a 128 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: hard time really letting go of people, and as I've 129 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 1: gotten older, I've become more comfortable with the idea because 130 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: everyone's just you know, trying to make it on their 131 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: own and just doing their best. And it gets really hard. 132 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: But you know, if you really care about a relationship, 133 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: you're going to put in the effort. I always compare 134 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 1: it to dating because it's so similar. You know, like 135 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: whatever energy you're putting out, the other person has to 136 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: be putting in the same amount of energy. Because I 137 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: can't tell you the number of times I feel like 138 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: I've put my energy out there and like tried to 139 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: connect with people and it wasn't reciprocated, and I felt 140 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: almost rejected in a way, you know, like, oh, you 141 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: don't want to be my friend? 142 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 4: Why not? What's wrong with me? 143 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: But I've come to realize that if you know, people 144 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: don't see your light or if they don't respond to you, 145 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: then it's okay, you could keep going. 146 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: And we just kind of jumped like right into the 147 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 2: swing of things here and wrapping about friendships and whatnot. 148 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 2: But really, what I think we want to focus on 149 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 2: today is chatting about strategies to implement to possibly make 150 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 2: new friends as you get older. 151 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 3: Correct, Yes, okay, So I do want to. 152 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 2: Touch on before we get into like these specific actionable takeaways, 153 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 2: to touch on what you were saying about letting friends go, 154 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 2: because I think that's the hardest thing. And it wasn't 155 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 2: until I think I had my first friend breakup, so 156 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: to speak, maybe like four or five years ago. I 157 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 2: had just gotten out of a long term relationship, and 158 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 2: I will lie I was going through it and like 159 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 2: I was completely like self serving, self focused, and I 160 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 2: think at that time, you know some people that I 161 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: was close with, or perhaps an individual that I was 162 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 2: close with, like maybe just didn't want to entertain that 163 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 2: kind of friend which was difficult for me at the 164 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 2: time for sure, But the way that she went about it, 165 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 2: I'll never forget that, Like she. 166 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 3: Just completely ghosted me. 167 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 4: Oh gosh. 168 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,640 Speaker 3: It was so sad. 169 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 2: It was very similar to like an actual romantic breakup 170 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 2: in that I just had placed so much trust in 171 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,439 Speaker 2: her and I relied on her, and then one day 172 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: she just stopped answering all my messages. 173 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: Oh man, I feel the pain of that. Yeah, I 174 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: feel that for sure. 175 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 3: It was hard. 176 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 2: It was hard, and you know what, With time though, 177 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 2: because that was the first time that something like that 178 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 2: had happened to me, I came to learn what you 179 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 2: just referenced, which was that some relationships have seasons, including friendships, 180 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 2: and you're not going to be a person for everybody. Yes, 181 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 2: I recognize again, like I said at the start of 182 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 2: that small little story blip, that I was in a 183 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: certain place and I actually had reached out to her, 184 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 2: uh and wrote her a letter. 185 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 4: Oh wow, like a handwritten letter. 186 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, old school, and I apologized that I had not 187 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 2: been in the best place and I'm sorry if I 188 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 2: had made her feel like what was going on in 189 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 2: her life didn't matter and that I really cared about 190 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 2: her and I never heard back. 191 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 1: Wow. 192 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually removed her as an Instagram follower. Oh wow, 193 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 3: well years later. 194 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: That is one of the best tools that you have 195 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: on Instagram, especially if someone is taking up your mental 196 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: space for whatever reason. If you're this is like a 197 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 1: different topic, I guess, but if you're posting something and 198 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: you're worried about what so and so will think about 199 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: what you're posting, or because all of us get caught 200 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: up in that, just remove them as a follower. 201 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 202 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 2: And I only realized, like recently that I could do that. 203 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 2: I thought you, I thought the only option was to 204 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 2: block someone, But you you can just remove them and 205 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 2: then they'll go to Instagram one day and they'll be like, 206 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 2: wait when did I Unfollow'll be like. 207 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,959 Speaker 4: It's the best thing. It's a very empowering attack. 208 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 3: Okay. 209 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 2: So I hope that we just educated all of you 210 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: on ways to better your mental health on social media. 211 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 2: Now we're going to talk about strategies for making friends 212 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 2: as you get older. So as Christina and I spoke about, 213 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 2: we became better friends over the last year and change. 214 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 3: What would you attribute that to. 215 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: It's so weird because I feel like I've been following 216 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 1: you on Instagram before I even met you in person. 217 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: I think that we just because we work in media, 218 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: we had a lot of mutual people that we know 219 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: and hang out with. So I think that after following 220 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,679 Speaker 1: you on social media for a while and like responding 221 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 1: to each other on dms and comments and things, I 222 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: had a familiarity with you that I felt like, Oh, 223 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: why don't we just hang out in real life? And 224 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: I think that you know, you're so great about reaching 225 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: out and like creating plans and following through with plans, 226 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,079 Speaker 1: which is such a big hurdle, you know for people 227 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: when they're creating friendships, just to make that first move. 228 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: It's kind of like I felt nervous, like, oh, we're 229 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: you know, we're Instagram friends, but like, can we be 230 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: like real life friends? Because I think you're really cool and. 231 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: And I think sometimes like just saying that to start 232 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 2: off with something you just said or hinted at, was 233 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 2: that you felt like you and I had a lot 234 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 2: in common. Yes, And I think that having something in 235 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: common but also reaching out to people who you feel 236 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 2: like have similar values to you. The reality is is 237 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 2: that and you've heard this on the show before, but 238 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 2: you are some of the people that you keep closest 239 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 2: to you. So as you get older, I'm in the 240 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 2: mental space that there isn't like a lot of time 241 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 2: for bullshit, for lack of a better term, like I 242 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 2: don't need just extra friends to collect in my friend basket. 243 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 2: If I'm going to invest in a relationship and give 244 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 2: someone some of my time, which I think we can 245 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,839 Speaker 2: all agree is one of our most valuable things, then 246 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 2: you want to make sure that that's someone in your 247 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 2: life that adds to your life, that builds you up, 248 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 2: that encourages you, that you are align with, because why 249 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 2: are you going to waste time on something that doesn't 250 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 2: fill those buckets? 251 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:04,359 Speaker 4: Absolutely? 252 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: And I think that you know, just like any other relationship, 253 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: it's something that builds organically. I think that there's nothing 254 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 1: that replaces like real life connection. So no matter how 255 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: much you interact with somebody on social media, and I 256 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: think a lot of us fall into this trap as well, 257 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: where you think that social media interactions also amount to 258 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: an actual friendship, but again, nothing replaces seeing a person 259 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: in real life, looking at them in the eye, sharing 260 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: your actual. 261 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 4: Energy with them. 262 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: I think that that is what can help grow closeness 263 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: to people. And I think social media is like such 264 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: an amazing tool for being introduced to somebody, you know, 265 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: like it opens the door up to friendship. And I 266 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,839 Speaker 1: have met so many people through Instagram because we would 267 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: follow each other and then we're in the same city 268 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 1: and they ask me to coffee, and next thing you know, 269 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,199 Speaker 1: we're going to dinner, and next thing you know, we're 270 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,959 Speaker 1: going to drinks. And I think that it's just such 271 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 1: an organic way to find like minded people because you 272 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,680 Speaker 1: already have a sense of what they like, and you 273 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: also already have something to talk about. So I see 274 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: something that you post on your Instagram stories or on 275 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: your feed, and I'm like, oh, like, I see you 276 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,079 Speaker 1: just you finished a race, and you did and you 277 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: had an amazing accomplishment, and that's something that I can 278 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 1: ask you about because it's already on your social media. 279 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: And likewise, with me, if you see that I do something, 280 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: or if you see that I'm posting about a beauty product, 281 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: you can ask me a question about it, you know. 282 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,199 Speaker 1: I feel like it just helps establish so many points 283 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 1: of connection. And taking that offline is you know, it 284 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: can be nerve wracking because you don't again, you don't 285 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: want to feel rejected by anybody, but you just go 286 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 1: for it. Don't be afraid to be the first person 287 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: to say hi. 288 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I mean saying hi is one thing. 289 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 2: Making an actionable plan is another thing. So if you 290 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 2: actually want to get together with someone, I would suggest 291 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 2: proposing like a very specific thing that the two of 292 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 2: you could go do. So it's not just like, oh, 293 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 2: would you want to hang out next week? It's like, no, Hey, 294 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 2: do you want to get a glass of wine next week? 295 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 2: Do you want to meet up for coffee next week? 296 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 2: Just be mindful about what it is exactly that you 297 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 2: want to do with that person because when you take 298 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 2: some of the decisions out of the equation, it's just 299 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 2: like committing to a workout routine or becoming a morning person. 300 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 2: The better you set up yourself to do either of 301 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 2: those things, be a morning person, have a good workout routine. 302 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,480 Speaker 2: The less decision making that you have to do in 303 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 2: the moment, the more likely you're going to stick with it. 304 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: So when it comes to proposing this hang so to speak, 305 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 2: make it easy on that person accommodate them. You could 306 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 2: even do something like, Hey, I'm going to be in 307 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 2: your area next week. Now, don't be creepy. But I 308 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 2: remember when I went on an informational interview in college. 309 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 2: I went and met with a deputy web editor or 310 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 2: something at Shape magazine, and I was living in Connecticut, 311 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm so going to be in 312 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 2: the city next Thursday. Could you have some time just 313 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 2: for me to ask you a few questions? Was not 314 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 2: going to be in the city next Thursday, And I 315 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 2: was like, let us do it, and she was like. 316 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 3: Sure, you can come for lunch. 317 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 2: And I was like, great, that's so I went in 318 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 2: and I was like a junior in college and I 319 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 2: took the train into this and met up with her. 320 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 2: Long story short, you can do that with friends potential friends. 321 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 2: Just be like, Hey, I'm going to be in Brooklyn 322 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 2: next week or New York next wherever you're going to be. 323 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 2: If you actually happen to live, like in a proximity 324 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 2: where this would make sense, but make it easy for them, 325 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 2: ask them to do something in their neighborhood, and then 326 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 2: if you two click the next time, you might not 327 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 2: have to travel so far. 328 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 3: To put an effort on this relationship. 329 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm big on making a calendar invite as well 330 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: and treating it just like any other appointment on your calendar. 331 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 3: This is why you and I are cool. 332 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 4: And Emily is so good about this too. 333 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: She always sends a calendvite and like, love this girl, 334 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: because it's like that's kind of what sets it in 335 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: stone and makes the plans very real and everyone knows 336 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: exactly what time, exactly what place, and then you can 337 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: always follow up with each other on other details. And 338 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: I just think that making that commitment to each other 339 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 1: on the calendar, it just like solidifies it. 340 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 3: Oh, one hundred percent. 341 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 2: Okay, So the first tip was someone's going to make 342 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 2: the ask, So get out, get out of your comfort 343 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 2: its own, maybe ask someone to do something. The next 344 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 2: tip is be specific in that ask. So if you're 345 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: going to ask someone to do something, make sure that 346 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 2: you are giving them a very detailed proposal of what 347 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 2: you would like to do, maybe within reason, Like don't 348 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 2: be like you can also wear your black tank top 349 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: and your black jeans, I'm gonna be wearing heels. 350 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 3: What are you gonna be wearing? 351 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 2: Like? 352 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: Maybe not yet, maybe not combine activities either, you know, 353 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 1: like we're gonna get coffee and then we're gonna do 354 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: a workout class and then we're gonna do lunch. 355 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 4: And I think that's a bit much. 356 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 2: It's a little it's a little much, because remember even 357 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 2: though if you're if you're courting this friendship based off 358 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 2: of social media, you still don't know a lot about them, 359 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 2: Like you might think. 360 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 3: You know a lot about them, but you don't know. 361 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 3: It's a date, just like a date is a date. 362 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 2: So you could go on this one outing and it 363 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 2: could be great, or you could go on this outing 364 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 2: and be like, not my style. And there's nothing wrong 365 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 2: with either of those. Now that we've covered those two 366 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 2: introductory tactics, what you got for me, Christina? 367 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: So I would say, especially as people start going back 368 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: into offices and working in an office environment, that's probably 369 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: the best that you can make friends, honestly. And I 370 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,440 Speaker 1: know that some people say you shouldn't like mix personal 371 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: with professional, but I couldn't, you know, I would disagree, 372 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 1: just because having people in your workplace is so crucial 373 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: to you, just your well being and thriving in that environment. 374 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: So I think making the transition from work friends to 375 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: IRL friends is something that a lot of people wonder 376 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 1: how to do. Say you like somebody that you work 377 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: with and they are really cool. I would say that 378 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: you should start out with like start small, like get 379 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: lunches during the work day or get coffee during the workday, 380 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: and then after that, you know, if you guys are 381 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: really vibing well, then you can invite them to a 382 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: group thing, you know, like you have a casual birthday drinks, 383 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: then you invite them and then that could turn into 384 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: dinner later that month. You know. I feel like it's 385 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: like any other relationship, just things happened organically and you 386 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 1: have to give it some time, you know. Like I 387 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: have made some of my closest friends in my adulthood 388 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: within the past few years from my workplace, and a 389 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: lot of times they were people and I didn't even 390 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: work with directly. We were just in the same company. 391 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 4: You know. 392 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,640 Speaker 1: We would see each other in the cafeteria. We would 393 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: see each other by the watering the watering hole. 394 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 3: Watering hole, by the water color. 395 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 2: This is like like IRL, mean girls in the cafeteria 396 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,399 Speaker 2: when they're all like scraping at each other's just what 397 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 2: it was. 398 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:23,640 Speaker 4: A watering hole. 399 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 1: But yeah, And I think another thing is when you 400 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: leave a job, making sure to maintain those friendships that 401 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: you really enjoyed, just because it's so easy again to 402 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: get caught up in only wanting convenience or proximity. So 403 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 1: I have a really good friend. Her name's Alyssa, and 404 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: we work together. We met in twenty fifteen and we 405 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,239 Speaker 1: were both working at l and she still works there 406 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,360 Speaker 1: right now. But she's so amazing at maintaining friendships because 407 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: she really makes the effort all the time, and she 408 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 1: plans themed parties where she invites people, she plans picnics, 409 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: and you know, it's just I'm like, well, she's she's 410 00:18:59,760 --> 00:18:59,959 Speaker 1: a maid. 411 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, can be my friend. 412 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,959 Speaker 1: Alyssa's wonderful. She but she she's just so great because 413 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: she constantly follows up with you and checks on you. 414 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: And I think that's another thing too, like don't and 415 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,880 Speaker 1: you're so good at this too, like don't be afraid 416 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: to just check in, just to check in. 417 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. 418 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,719 Speaker 2: And that's a good point when it comes to making 419 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,880 Speaker 2: solid friendships as you get older, it's really really important 420 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 2: to make sure that it is a two way street. 421 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 2: I talked about a time where I wasn't in the 422 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 2: mental space to provide that for a friend, so I 423 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 2: can understand why that might have been troublesome. You want 424 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 2: to make sure if you're establishing a new friendship with 425 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 2: someone that it is a true give and take. We 426 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:45,439 Speaker 2: don't have time to you know, div dilly dabble, divvy 427 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 2: dp dilly. 428 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:47,679 Speaker 3: Daddle, dilly daddle. 429 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,440 Speaker 2: We don't have time to dilly daddle in like surface 430 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,400 Speaker 2: level relationships. We are looking for the real If you're 431 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: looking for like a surface. 432 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm not here to talk to you 433 00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 3: about surface level relationships. 434 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 4: Who has time for that. 435 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: I'm just like, life is too short men, and you 436 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: want to have every relationship in your life add value 437 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: to your life. 438 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:07,679 Speaker 3: I feel that. 439 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 2: So, yeah, you want to make sure that as you 440 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 2: go about your friend making journey that you are establishing 441 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 2: give and take relationships and that again you feel filled 442 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 2: up by these relationships. Now, another tactic that we can 443 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 2: chat about when it comes to making friends. And you 444 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,159 Speaker 2: kind of brought this up with your work friend, kicking 445 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 2: things off perhaps in a group way, if you're not 446 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 2: ready to go one on one again with the pandemic, 447 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 2: that kind of method has been a little difficult. Hopefully 448 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,879 Speaker 2: for many of us in some sort of safe capacity, 449 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 2: opportunities like this may be coming back. So why do 450 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 2: you think, Christina that the group paying is a great 451 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 2: way to kind of get in with someone. 452 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: I think it takes the pressure off of you. You know, 453 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: one on one can be awkward, honestly, especially if you've 454 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: never seen if you are social media friends, for example, 455 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: you've never met in real life. It can be really 456 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,159 Speaker 1: awkward if you don't know somebody. So when you have 457 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: a group, I feel like it helps because there's always 458 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 1: going to be one or two other people or however 459 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 1: many other people there to kind of add to the 460 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: conversation to make it feel more comfortable. And honestly, I've 461 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,479 Speaker 1: met people through groups a lot. I feel like, you know, 462 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 1: one time a friend invited me to go get dim 463 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 1: sum with her friends, and I didn't know anyone else there. 464 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: I just knew her and we were work friends, and 465 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 1: that was so much. 466 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,159 Speaker 4: Fun, you know. 467 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: And then one girl that was at that brunch we 468 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: ended up going to a Broadway show together, just the 469 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 1: two of us, not with my other friends. So it's 470 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,159 Speaker 1: kind of like, you never know. I'm a big proponent 471 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: of going alone to functions, to social events, someone's birthday 472 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 1: party or you know, afterworks drink thing, even if no 473 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,919 Speaker 1: one that you know is really going to it, or 474 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 1: if you're not close to anyone who's really going, just 475 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 1: because you really never know what connections you can make 476 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: there and what people are there. And I think when 477 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 1: I'm alone at an event and I don't have anyone 478 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,199 Speaker 1: to kind of lean on, a lot of times I 479 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: become a lot more open and social, like you're kind 480 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,160 Speaker 1: of forced to say hi to people and introduce yourself. 481 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,239 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you 482 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 2: about my sponsor at Element. 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I feel a huge difference, Like that 490 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 2: feels like a big understatement, but a massive difference in 491 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 2: my energy levels even my physical performance When I shake 492 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 2: up a bottle of this, especially when I bring it 493 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 2: with me on my bike rides, which are coming back 494 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 2: into the swing of things now that it is getting. 495 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 3: To be summer season. 496 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 2: It really reinvigorates me the longer that I'm out there. 497 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 2: If you don't know why we drink electrolytes, why they're important. 498 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:15,639 Speaker 2: Not only do they boost that energy your performance in 499 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 2: your recovery, but they also facilitate hundreds of functions in 500 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 2: the body, including the conduction of nerve impulses, hormonal regulation, 501 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:29,360 Speaker 2: nutrient absorption, and fluid balance i e. Electrolytes are important period. 502 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 2: So many flavors here, and the best part is that 503 00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 2: if you snag some Element today you can get a 504 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 2: free sample pack to try all of them for yourself. 505 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 2: So head on over to drink Element dot com. That's 506 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,159 Speaker 2: drink lmnt dot com slash hurdle to get a free 507 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 2: sample pack with your order today. Again, that's drink Element 508 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 2: dot com slash hurdle. Snag yours take care of you, 509 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 2: you deserve it. 510 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 3: Let's get back to hurdling. 511 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,679 Speaker 2: If you happen to be a single woman listening to 512 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,600 Speaker 2: this show, you may feel some kind of way about 513 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 2: the fact that some of your friends are in relationships, 514 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 2: they are married, and you may be like, well, this 515 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 2: person can't go somewhere without their person, Like, don't make 516 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:23,920 Speaker 2: that decision for them. 517 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, people make that assumption about me sometimes because you know, Michael, 518 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,360 Speaker 1: my fiance and I are like joined at the hip, 519 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 1: but most of the most of the time, but a 520 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: lot of times we make the point to really hang 521 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,919 Speaker 1: out with our friends separately because it's so necessary to 522 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: just have like individual lives apart from each other. 523 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,679 Speaker 4: And in order to you know, foster those relationships. 524 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,200 Speaker 1: You need to make sure that you're like watering that garden, 525 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: you know, just because you're in a relationship. And I've 526 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: seen this happen to other friends of mine. You know, 527 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 1: you get in a relationship and all of a sudden, 528 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 1: that person is your world. You don't really see anyone 529 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: else outside of your bubble. And I totally understand that 530 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 1: honeymoon phase, you know, but after a while, you really 531 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,120 Speaker 1: need to take stock of your relationships and ask yourself, 532 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,439 Speaker 1: when is the last time I saw the person I 533 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 1: call my best friend? 534 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, And like, if you are the friend of this person, 535 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that this person because they have a partner, 536 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 2: doesn't feel lonely like you feel lonely sometimes, like they're 537 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 2: going through their day just like you're going through your day, 538 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 2: and there is still a need for that companionship that 539 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 2: they need outside of that partnership. So again I would 540 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 2: just say, and this is kind of a total tangent, 541 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 2: but just don't throw them into a box that they 542 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,359 Speaker 2: didn't ask to be put in. Yes, okay, cool, I'm 543 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 2: glad that we had that little chat. So back to 544 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 2: friendship making strategies. 545 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: What do you got take up a new hobby where 546 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,479 Speaker 1: you'll see familiar faces. So I have friends who are 547 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: very into indoor climbing, and because it's a very tight 548 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: knit community, they have met some of their closest friends 549 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: through that. Even though I'm not an indoor climbing person, 550 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,479 Speaker 1: I see that and I'm like, that is such a 551 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: cool thing. You know, as we get older, a lot 552 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 1: of times our lives revolve around work and just socializing 553 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: at work, doing things at work, thinking about work. So 554 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: it's so essential to create hobbies outside of your job. 555 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: And seeing my friends get into indoor climbing over the 556 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,199 Speaker 1: last few years has been so cool. And also you 557 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 1: literally need somebody there to help you with billaying. So 558 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: it's kind of like you even if you go alone, 559 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 1: you have to approach somebody being like, hey, can you 560 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 1: spot me? Or I don't know if that's the right terminology, sorry, climbers. 561 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: Other things that I've seen people get into that are 562 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: very cool, as like pottery, you know, like going to 563 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: pottery class, taking up sewing lessons. Like when you're in 564 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: a class environment, you're already in a kind of ecosystem 565 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: of people who you have to collaborate with. So I 566 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 1: feel like those are great ways to meet new people. 567 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 4: Have you ever done that? 568 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 3: Yeah? 569 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,239 Speaker 2: No, I definitely see that here in the New York 570 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 2: running community. And I think that there are a couple 571 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 2: of different approaches to getting involved in something like that, right, 572 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 2: So the first step is actually getting involved, putting yourself 573 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 2: in that situation, which in itself is kind of a 574 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 2: big win for many putting yourself out there. And then 575 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 2: in that scenario, if you meet someone that you really 576 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 2: vibe with, that's when you can be like, hey, do 577 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 2: you want to grab a drink after practice? Or Hey, 578 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 2: like I'm doing this thing on Saturday, would you want 579 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 2: to come with me? Now? I understand that putting yourself 580 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 2: out there in that way can feel a little bit intimidating. 581 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 2: So look to that club or organization because often times 582 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 2: in situations like that, there are going to be different 583 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,960 Speaker 2: opportunities to continue to engage with these people outside of 584 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 2: just like that once weekly practice or whatever you have 585 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,360 Speaker 2: going on. And also something else I'll add to this 586 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,359 Speaker 2: is you have to go into that scenario feeling really 587 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 2: open to the idea of making friendships, which means like 588 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: when you get there, you're not like standing in the 589 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 2: corner on your phone. If someone looks at you, like, 590 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,360 Speaker 2: smile at them. Making friends is just it's a two 591 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,679 Speaker 2: way street. And if you're not there giving off that vibe, 592 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 2: giving up the vibe that you want to be friendly, 593 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,360 Speaker 2: that you want to get to know these people, then 594 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:11,400 Speaker 2: you won't make friends period. Just being there isn't enough. 595 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: I love that you're saying this because I think with 596 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: our phones and all of us glued to our phones, 597 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: especially in this city, that can be very antisocial, you know, 598 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: everyone in their own bubbles. I think that it's so 599 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,199 Speaker 1: important to engage with people face to face, you know, 600 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 1: say hello, introduce yourself, put on a big smile. 601 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 2: And I feel like I hear it even though none 602 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 2: of you are actually here with us, but I hear 603 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 2: your questions. You're like, but I'm still I'm just not 604 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 2: in the place where I want to be in big groups, 605 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 2: like what am I supposed to do? And there are 606 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 2: plenty of ways to engage with like minded people online. 607 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 2: I'm not just going to like sit here and plug 608 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 2: the Secret Hurdler's Facebook group. 609 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 3: If you like. 610 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 2: Something like a podcast, like a TV show, like a magazine, 611 00:28:55,280 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 2: like a whatever, there are groups that center around that product. 612 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 2: And just like we were saying about social media before, 613 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,680 Speaker 2: this gives you a mutual interest to talk to other 614 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 2: people about in that space. 615 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 3: So maybe in. 616 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 2: The digital world you'll see that a podcast you love 617 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 2: is hosting a workshop. Well, that digital workshop is a 618 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 2: great place for you to jump in and meet like 619 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 2: minded people. You're both there because you're into the same thing, 620 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 2: and that is a great jumping off point. 621 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 4: Clubhouse has been great for that. 622 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: If you guys don't know, it's an app that's audio 623 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,400 Speaker 1: based and you can go into rooms with different topics 624 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: and obviously everyone in the room is interested in the topic, 625 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 1: and then a lot of people link their social media 626 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 1: accounts to Clubhouse because we can't actually chat on the app, 627 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 1: and I haven't been on it as much lately, but 628 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 1: it's been amazing for meeting people, Like there was another 629 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 1: woman who's also in the beauty industry who met me 630 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 1: through Clubhouse, and we live in the same neighborhood. So 631 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: we're planning to go get coffee. And that wouldn't have 632 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: happened if I didn't just walk into that virtual room. 633 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 2: I adore that. I adore that. Okay, so other friendship 634 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 2: making strategies, what do you have for me? 635 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: I think you can ask friends to set you up 636 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: in the same way that they would set you up 637 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 1: with a romantic partner. 638 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 3: I dig this, I really dig this. 639 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: Yes, expand Yeah, So say you move to a new city, 640 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: or say you're visiting a city and you're gonna be 641 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 1: there for a while. I think it's it's fun to 642 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: just ask people that you're already friends with if they 643 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: know anyone in the area that they think that you 644 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: would vibe with, because chances are, if you have a 645 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,160 Speaker 1: mutual friend, you probably would get along with each other too, 646 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,080 Speaker 1: and then you already have a common point to talk 647 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 1: about as well. How did you meet so and so 648 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: that's such an easy entryway into a conversation. 649 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 4: You never know who. 650 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,920 Speaker 1: Knows somebody who likes the same thing that you do. 651 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: I feel like I have a friend who's always introducing 652 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: people via email. You know, she's like, Christina likes Broadway musicals. 653 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,920 Speaker 1: This person likes Broadway musicals. You guys should like just 654 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 1: get to know each other. And sometimes at first that 655 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: took I was taken aback by that because I was like, Oh, 656 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: that's such a strange thing to do. But when I 657 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: think about it, actually, no, it's just expanding your horizons. 658 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 2: All So think that now would be a good time 659 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 2: for us to maybe rap a little bit about when 660 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 2: to fall back, right. So two things to kind of 661 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 2: throw into the mix here. The first thing is, like 662 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 2: I said before, if you get together with someone and 663 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,200 Speaker 2: you're like kind of realizing that it might not be 664 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 2: your vibe, there's no shade in that at all. What 665 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 2: you do in that situation next is completely up to you. 666 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 2: You can just kind of in a gracious way, I 667 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 2: would say, bow out a little bit, what would you 668 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 2: do in that situation? 669 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:35,920 Speaker 4: I think the. 670 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,560 Speaker 1: Mutual ghost is something that happens a lot if friends, 671 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 1: if a friendship isn't not working out for bad reasons, 672 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 1: you know, but maybe you just didn't really vibe with 673 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 1: each other like you thought you would, or our schedules 674 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 1: are conflicting and you just you can't put in the 675 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: time to create that relationship, you know. I think that 676 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,959 Speaker 1: it's okay to kind of just step back from it 677 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 1: and again, like you said, always be kind and if 678 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: you see them again, it's okay you could just say, hey, 679 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 1: maybe you'd want to pick it up again. Maybe there's 680 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,239 Speaker 1: something else that you guys can connect on, but if not, 681 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 1: it's all right to kind of let that go. 682 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 2: I would also say, be aware of what's actually happening, Like, 683 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 2: don't tell yourself stories about what could be happening. So 684 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 2: if you notice that with someone who maybe isn't your 685 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,080 Speaker 2: best friend, if you keep asking them to get together 686 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 2: and they keep not getting together, then give them the space, 687 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,960 Speaker 2: Like you deserve a better friend than that, and that 688 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 2: person can't give you whatever it is that you're looking for, 689 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 2: and there's no shade in that they could be going 690 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 2: through something that you have no idea. 691 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 3: What's going on. 692 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 2: Let them, let them deal with whatever they have to 693 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 2: do on their own time. And maybe just maybe seek 694 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 2: out that friendship in someone else, at least for the 695 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,719 Speaker 2: time being. That doesn't mean that you can't check in 696 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 2: again in like a few months. But if you keep 697 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 2: checking in and keep checking in and keep checking in 698 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 2: and that person isn't giving you something, then let them go. 699 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, preach, you have to be with people who are 700 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: excited to see you, who see your light, appreciate your light, 701 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: that love what you bring to the table. And my 702 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 1: favorite thing to say to friends, whether it's romantic relationships 703 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: or friendships or anything, is what's the point of having 704 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: a lukewarm relationship? 705 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 3: Yeah? 706 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 1: You know where it's not really exciting at all, you know, 707 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: and there's not really any spark there. It's kind of like, 708 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 1: what are you doing? Are you just doing it to 709 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,040 Speaker 1: like occupy your time? And there's so many other things 710 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 1: that you could possibly be doing. If a relationship is lukewarm, 711 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,080 Speaker 1: maybe best to step back. 712 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,160 Speaker 3: Best to step back. 713 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 2: And I also think that this is a good time 714 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 2: for us to touch on the idea that if you 715 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 2: find yourself with a lot of those lukewarm relationships, which 716 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 2: I think can unfortunately happen, especially as we're talking about 717 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 2: over the pandemic, a lot of people moving, a lot 718 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 2: of things in flux. If you find yourself with a 719 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 2: lot of those types of relationships, I would encourage you 720 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 2: to focus on the things that bring you joy, maybe 721 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 2: more than these lukewarm relationships. So there can be a 722 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,400 Speaker 2: lot of things that you can do with your time 723 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,280 Speaker 2: that don't involve just putting yourself in situations that don't 724 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,680 Speaker 2: make you feel good, that don't fill you up. 725 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:13,319 Speaker 4: Yeah. 726 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,440 Speaker 1: And I've definitely been in that position before where I 727 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: didn't say no or I didn't set a boundary, and 728 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 1: I felt like, oh, why am I here, you know, 729 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,960 Speaker 1: sitting through you know, something that I don't want to 730 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,320 Speaker 1: be at, And you know, I wasn't really honoring myself 731 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:29,800 Speaker 1: because I was afraid to be alone. 732 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:30,280 Speaker 3: Yeah. 733 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean all of these really really really 734 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,279 Speaker 2: really important topics, especially as we're getting older and kind 735 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 2: of redefining what it means to be independent or be 736 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,360 Speaker 2: a good friend or be a good partner. 737 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 3: What else do you want to rap about? 738 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,239 Speaker 1: I feel like the last point that I would make 739 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: is be open to apps, because there are apps that 740 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,320 Speaker 1: exist that compare you with friends. I know, bumble does. 741 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,359 Speaker 1: I actually wrote a story a couple of years ago 742 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: about using one of these apps. I don't think it 743 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: exists anymore, but I use one of these apps to 744 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,279 Speaker 1: try and find a friend because I realized that my 745 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,800 Speaker 1: friend group was only my childhood friends, and because everyone 746 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 1: is still in New York City and I grew up here, 747 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,040 Speaker 1: it's kind of easy to just be in that comfort zone. 748 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 1: But I was eager to make other friends as well. 749 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,839 Speaker 1: And I think when I tried out this app, it 750 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: was very much like a dating app. You create a profile, 751 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: you kind of swipe through other people's profiles, and you 752 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: see they like the same music that you do, or 753 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: that you both like fitness classes and whatnot. So I 754 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 1: remember matching with a girl and we decided to get 755 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:33,920 Speaker 1: drinks with each other, and it was as if we 756 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 1: had known each other for so long, you know, and 757 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 1: the experience completely surprised me. I remember when we had 758 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 1: drinks with each other, we actually realized that we both 759 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 1: love the same hip hop dance cardio class. And I 760 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,880 Speaker 1: was because I would go to that class by myself 761 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,719 Speaker 1: and wish that I would had a friend to go 762 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 1: with because it's Vixen. Yeah, so it's like, you know, 763 00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:59,359 Speaker 1: Beyonce inspired. I came across it like through just work, 764 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,040 Speaker 1: and then when I decided to take a class, I 765 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 1: was like, this is so much fun. I wish that 766 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,239 Speaker 1: I had friends who were into this, but course none 767 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: of my friends were into this. So I was like, 768 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: all right, well, I'm going to go buy myself to 769 00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,279 Speaker 1: these classes. It's great, shake it out like sweat a 770 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,799 Speaker 1: ton and have so much fun. But I remember when 771 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,440 Speaker 1: we were when I was having drinks with this girl, 772 00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:17,839 Speaker 1: she ended up telling me, oh, there's this hip hop 773 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: dance cardio class that I love, and I was like, no, wait, wait, 774 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 1: wait wait, And I remember we connected on this and 775 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: then after we got drinks, decided to go and go 776 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: to a class together and that was so much fun 777 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: and unexpected. And again it was all from meeting somebody 778 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:31,800 Speaker 1: on an app. 779 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,040 Speaker 3: I love that. I love that well. I hope that 780 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 3: this was very helpful. 781 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:36,960 Speaker 4: I hope so too. 782 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,879 Speaker 1: There's so much to say on this topic, because as 783 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 1: you get older, things change even more, you know, like 784 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: you said, people keep moving away, people have career changes, 785 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 1: people's priorities change as well. And I think the older 786 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,239 Speaker 1: we get, the more isolated we get in a way 787 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 1: with our lives. 788 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,880 Speaker 2: And I would say, if you're listening to this and 789 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,800 Speaker 2: you came here because you are feeling alone or lonely, 790 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 2: or that you're just like in this really stuck place 791 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,200 Speaker 2: with your friendships, know that you are not alone in that, 792 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,800 Speaker 2: and that is very real and something that literally everyone 793 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 2: struggles with. And remember again that what you see on 794 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,200 Speaker 2: social media isn't the full picture. So you might think 795 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,600 Speaker 2: that you know that someone is super filled up in 796 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 2: their relationships and you see them out and they're doing 797 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,040 Speaker 2: all these things, but you don't know how they really feel. 798 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,360 Speaker 2: So don't judge yourself based on the highlight reel of 799 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,360 Speaker 2: someone else, and stay true to yourself. Be willing to 800 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,759 Speaker 2: put yourself out there and good things could come from it. 801 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, just be yourself. There are people out there who 802 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,759 Speaker 1: will appreciate you and meet you where you are. I 803 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,480 Speaker 1: think that you should never forget just how special you are. 804 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,320 Speaker 1: And I think it's so easy to because it's easy 805 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: to compare ourselves and our lives to other people and see, oh, 806 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,440 Speaker 1: they have such a strong friendship group. I wish I 807 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,920 Speaker 1: had that friendship group, or like, oh they have you know, such, 808 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,760 Speaker 1: like you said, such a full life. But don't compare 809 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 1: yoursel you are so special. Don't forget it. Someone out 810 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:03,960 Speaker 1: there will appreciate you. 811 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 2: Christina, how do the hurdlers keep up with you? How 812 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,200 Speaker 2: do they follow along with you? Give us all of 813 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 2: the details. 814 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, you could find me on at Christina Rodolpho k 815 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,759 Speaker 1: R I S T I N A R O d 816 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: U l f O on all social platforms. 817 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,480 Speaker 4: I love to DM people. 818 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,640 Speaker 2: She loves to dm people. Get ready, your new BFA 819 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,120 Speaker 2: is waiting in the messages. I'm over at Emily Body 820 00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,080 Speaker 2: and at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle conquered. 821 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:30,279 Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.