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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Oh guys, guess what it's our season finale?

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Speaker 1: What season are we in? Technically three, but it was

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Speaker 1: sort of like a twice as big season as last season. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we just decide when the seasons are going to be over. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: podcasting is a wild West. You can kind of do

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Speaker 1: whatever you want. What's with climate change? It's everything is

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Speaker 1: so unpredictable. So we're applying that line of thinking to

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Speaker 1: podcasting exactly. Yes, this is our last episode of this

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Speaker 1: season and then we will be back shortly for season four.

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Speaker 1: Or yeah, okay, wow, what if success? You guys, it's

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Speaker 1: a success. Yes, four seasons, that's yes, Chelsea. What do

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Speaker 1: you love about this show? Love? But oh okay, well,

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Speaker 1: why don't you start? I'll start. You know, it's really

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Speaker 1: become this cool show where like people's lives are being changed,

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Speaker 1: like people are making better choices, we're breaking people up,

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Speaker 1: Like it's so wonderful to see people bond with like

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Speaker 1: you helped me to move my life into a better direction,

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Speaker 1: or you know, get that job, or you know, say

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Speaker 1: no to that mother in law or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: People are really being filled with joy and also connecting

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Speaker 1: because of the show it's so exciting. Yes, and it's

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Speaker 1: very nice. What Catherine does goes the extra mile above

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Speaker 1: and beyond for a lot of our callers, you know,

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Speaker 1: they when somebody reaches out and is interested in hearing

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Speaker 1: more about a certain issue or recommendation, it's like, you

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Speaker 1: really do go the extra mile to make sure people

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Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, we're all in this together and we're

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Speaker 1: helping people, which is so nice. Yeah, I feel the

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Speaker 1: same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impact.

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people come up to

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Speaker 1: me talking about my podcast and saying or our podcast,

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Speaker 1: i should say, saying just how their lives have changed,

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Speaker 1: and that they listen every week. And it's also a

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Speaker 1: really great reminder about humanity and that everybody just really

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Speaker 1: needs a little push at some point in their lives.

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Speaker 1: Everybody does, and that's essentially what this is is a

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Speaker 1: shove in the right. It's like a pep talk. You're

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Speaker 1: getting a pep talk when you're on the fence about

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Speaker 1: something or getting advice about how to handle, you know,

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Speaker 1: a difficult situation in your life. And I think the

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Speaker 1: more adept we become at handling difficulty, the better we

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Speaker 1: are at helping others handle difficulty. Yeah, and so many

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Speaker 1: of these are universal truths, Like you know, you can

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Speaker 1: hear something that might not be exactly your situation, but

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Speaker 1: you're able to take a life lesson from that and

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Speaker 1: bring it into your relationship or bring it into your

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Speaker 1: life in a way that's really beneficial. I just think

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Speaker 1: that's really wonderful. Yeah, And I like helping people. It

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Speaker 1: makes me feel like I have a purpose. Even though

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Speaker 1: I feel like I do have a purpose, it's nice

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Speaker 1: that this is part of my purpose. Yes. My dad

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Speaker 1: always says that we're blessed to be a blessing, and

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Speaker 1: when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth of

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Speaker 1: knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that you

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Speaker 1: can share it. Yeah, I read. Oh. I remember we

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Speaker 1: were talking about a quote a couple weeks ago on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, something about being a teacher, like when you

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Speaker 1: need the lesson, the teacher will show. When the student

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Speaker 1: needs the lesson, the teacher will appear. When the student

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Speaker 1: has learned the lesson, the teacher will disappear. It was

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Speaker 1: something along the line that line. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: it was Roomy or if it was someone else, but anyway,

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Speaker 1: that's a very good way to look at people coming

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Speaker 1: in and out of your life. You know, sometimes it

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Speaker 1: takes you a couple times to learn a lesson, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes you can learn it the first time. And so

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Speaker 1: my goal moving on in life is to learn things

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Speaker 1: the first time, the new lessons, not to have to

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Speaker 1: do things on repeat. Yeah, because then you offer yourself

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Speaker 1: up to a new experience the next time and you

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Speaker 1: don't have to repeat that. Absolutely. I used to go

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Speaker 1: to this raiky lady in oswee Go, Illinois, and she

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Speaker 1: had said, you know, when you get those taps on

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Speaker 1: the shoulder of a lesson that you're supposed to be learning,

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Speaker 1: that is you know, your guardian angels trying to help

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Speaker 1: you learn the lesson, and if you don't get it,

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Speaker 1: they're going to tap you a little harder, and they're

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Speaker 1: gonna tap you a little harder, and then eventually it's

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Speaker 1: going to be the two wife or that you know,

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Speaker 1: sort of hits the upside the hat exactly, and it's

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Speaker 1: just it's sort of how life works. So I love

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Speaker 1: that learning the lesson the first time, right, Well, when

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Speaker 1: we're young and stupid, it's it's hard to know that

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Speaker 1: you're even learning a lesson. You just feel the two

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Speaker 1: by four. You're just like, why does this keep happening

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Speaker 1: to me? Why does this keep happening to me? And

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Speaker 1: it's like, no, it's not happening to you. You're happening

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Speaker 1: to it, you know, like you're not changing the way

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Speaker 1: you're thinking about something. So yes, these are all good

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Speaker 1: things to keep in mind. And I want to thank

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Speaker 1: everybody for being such loyal listeners and for your calls

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Speaker 1: and all of it. We just love it, and I'm down.

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Speaker 1: This audience is particularly awesome. Yeah they are, they are,

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Speaker 1: but that's you know what. I have to credit myself

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Speaker 1: with that, because my audience has been fucking awesome my

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Speaker 1: whole career. Just badass, fucking women. Gay men, and the

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Speaker 1: straight men that are on board are really on board,

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Speaker 1: and they're the cool kind of straight men, so I'm

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Speaker 1: down with them too. And of course, black men, I'm

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Speaker 1: always done with black man. I don't know how many

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Speaker 1: black straight guys are listening, but if you are, hit

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Speaker 1: me up. So what's going on, Catherine? I actually just

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Speaker 1: spent yesterday at Disneyland, so I am, Oh, Kurtfrede, you

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Speaker 1: know what, go fuck off? I am, honestly, I am

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Speaker 1: so sick of your shit. First the Eggs and now Disneyland.

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Speaker 1: I know, And I even wore my new little Mickey

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Speaker 1: shirt that's acute. Were at home instead? I'm wearing it. Brad?

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Speaker 1: Did you go with her? Are you an accomplice? I did?

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Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an

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Speaker 1: excuse you guys. You can try, you can use them escapegoats,

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Speaker 1: but obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh how

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Speaker 1: is your niece? How's it going so good? Are you

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Speaker 1: having nice conversations with her? Yeah, we're having a really

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Speaker 1: nice time. Their two nieces here, One is fourteen and

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Speaker 1: one is sixteen, And all you have to do is

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Speaker 1: be like, so, what's going on with your friends? And

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Speaker 1: then they go off for an hour on their friend

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Speaker 1: drama and yeah, great, right right? I kind of like

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Speaker 1: hearing about that drama. Yes, and one of my nieces,

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Speaker 1: she's a new little girl friend and she's talking all

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Speaker 1: about her relationship and she's so happy and in love

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Speaker 1: and it's just it's really sweet. It's wonderful. I mean, honestly,

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Speaker 1: I'm just glad they're past the phase where they only

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Speaker 1: eat macaroni and cheese, because on some delicious street tacos. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're loving street tacos here in La. What's not to

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Speaker 1: love about tacos? Oh my god, it's the best. I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited. So No, we're having a wonderful time with well,

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Speaker 1: my lesbian sister and I she's gonna be a lesbian.

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Speaker 1: When I got done with her just planned our honeymoon

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Speaker 1: portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all on

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Speaker 1: this email with our Safari guide planning like our African

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Speaker 1: trip because we're taking all our nieces and my ski buddy, Kelly,

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Speaker 1: a different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski

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Speaker 1: buddy Kelly and her two twins. I forget their names

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Speaker 1: right now, even though they're my daughters. No one is

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Speaker 1: called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: we're all going Charlie, Seneca and Jordan, my three nieces,

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Speaker 1: and my sister, Simone and Kelly and her two girls.

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Speaker 1: And so we're going for two weeks. We're going to

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Speaker 1: Kenya and Tanzania, and then we're Simone and I are

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Speaker 1: going on a lover's week. It's just the two. She goes,

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Speaker 1: I have a week off after that. Do you want

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Speaker 1: to do something, and I was like, you bet, I do.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna go to Cape Town and we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go to Zanzibar a couple of nights. It's very fun

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Speaker 1: and exotic, I know. And she keeps like, He's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: here's a villa. I'm like, we don't need a villa

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Speaker 1: for the two of us. She's like, yes, we do.

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Speaker 1: Stay away from me being my wing incredible. So I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a big summer of travel. So we're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to We're gonna have to bank a lot

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Speaker 1: of episodes. Yes, we will do that. Okay. So our

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Speaker 1: next guest is an Academy Award winning actor and a

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Speaker 1: number one New York Times bestselling author of Green Lights.

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Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey, are we in lining on time? Yeah? We are. Hi, Matthew. Hello,

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Speaker 1: how are you? Chelsea? I'm great? How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: This is my co host, Catherine. Hi, how are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty good? Good? Great, great, Matthew. I am in

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Speaker 1: a state of being blown away because I read your

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Speaker 1: book in the last twenty four hours. I'll be honest.

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Speaker 1: I got it months ago and everybody was talking about it,

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Speaker 1: and just like you describe in the book when you

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Speaker 1: were accusing somebody of not being interested in something, because

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Speaker 1: it was a success, it was popular, everyone was talking

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Speaker 1: about it, and I was like, oh, fuck it, I'll

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Speaker 1: read this later. And I read this yesterday in a day.

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Speaker 1: It is so fucking impressive. I am so blown away

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Speaker 1: by the depth of your humanity, about the depth of

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Speaker 1: your soul searching. It's so a nice for a woman

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Speaker 1: to be able to read a man who speaks and

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Speaker 1: thinks the way that you do. We need more of that, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and the fact that you are just so in touch

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Speaker 1: with yourself is really remarkable. Wow. Cool, Thank you. That

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Speaker 1: feels good to hear that. Thank you. I bet yeah.

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Speaker 1: The success of your book must have been a huge

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Speaker 1: boon to you to get all of this out on paper.

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Speaker 1: I mean, how did it feel to get that kind

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Speaker 1: of feedback and that kind of reaction from everybody. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, you put something and you don't know if

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Speaker 1: it's going to stick or not. And I remember when

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Speaker 1: I started writing it, I was actually found myself writing

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Speaker 1: to try and impress you are an audience, right, And

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, after a couple weeks, I

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Speaker 1: was like, that's not the way I gotta do it.

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Speaker 1: Make it this personal for me is possible, and hopefully

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Speaker 1: make it as entertaining as well, and then if it sticks,

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Speaker 1: it sticks, And I got lucky. It hit a nerve

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Speaker 1: with some people. So the reactions that I've found in

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Speaker 1: travels and emails I've gotten from around the world to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I saw myself in your stories. Hey, I'm taking more

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Speaker 1: risk to do things in my life that I was

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Speaker 1: afraid to take before. Hey, I'm gonna laugh this time

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Speaker 1: when I step and ship instead of thinking, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it's a crisis. I want to come across some cautions

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Speaker 1: in life and I'm gonna blow through them when I

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Speaker 1: should not give a CHRISTI so much credit, or I'm

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Speaker 1: going to slow down and take a little inventory just

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Speaker 1: to hear the feedback. It was. You know, when you

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Speaker 1: when you put something out, you have in your mind

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Speaker 1: what you hope a reaction will be, and if someone

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Speaker 1: says that, you don't say it out loud, but if

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Speaker 1: someone says that back to you, you're like, yes, that's

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Speaker 1: what I was hoping. And I got a lot of

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Speaker 1: that from the book, and that that felt really cool.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the writing of it for me was I'm

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Speaker 1: not a guy who looks in the past. I like

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Speaker 1: to go forward and hey, what's in the background, what's

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Speaker 1: behind in the review mirrors, in the review mirror, So

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Speaker 1: to go back and look at who I was and

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Speaker 1: now I got here. It was fucking embarrassing. I was.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of shame. I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I can't believe you did that, this, that

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Speaker 1: and the other. But after a few weeks writing, I

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Speaker 1: started to laugh at that ship and started to gigging on.

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Speaker 1: Was like going, well, no, shit, man, you know he's perfect. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're screwed up. Put that one in there too, put

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Speaker 1: that story in there. And that turned out to be

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Speaker 1: some of people's favorite stuff is when I'm writing about

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Speaker 1: me stepping and ship, me and Crow. You know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I think it's very, very attractive when people are

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Speaker 1: able to not take themselves so seriously, especially in our industry,

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Speaker 1: because it's it's a byproduct, right, you have to take

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Speaker 1: yourself seriously at times if you want to get serious

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Speaker 1: about working, or you want to get serious about accomplishing

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Speaker 1: whatever your goals may be, So to take yourself seriously

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Speaker 1: and also at the same time not take yourself seriously

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Speaker 1: enough that you can't expose the shortcomings or the embarrassments

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Speaker 1: or the self recrimination. Yeah yeah, I like to call that. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I think we should take it all seriously, especially the comedy,

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Speaker 1: especially the screw ups. Take them seriously, do and just

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Speaker 1: own them and go, yeah, I take that, you know,

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Speaker 1: the comedy of my own life seriously. Do. So let's

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Speaker 1: put that up. I take the times when I eat

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Speaker 1: crow or follow my ass pretty seriously do, and let's

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Speaker 1: just put that out there as well. It was it. Look,

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Speaker 1: it was you've written, you put something down on a page,

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Speaker 1: and you're directing, you're writing, you're the main character. It's cleansing,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of. It clears up a lot

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Speaker 1: of things. I found out that I remembered a lot

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Speaker 1: more than I gave myself credit for. Meaning. I saw

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Speaker 1: things that I wrote down when I was fifteen, twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty five and was going like, oh, you're essentially the

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Speaker 1: same guy, the same person. You've evolved, I believe, I

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Speaker 1: hope so McConaughey, but you're essentially the same person. Oh

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Speaker 1: you do remember that. Even though I always like to

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Speaker 1: see this, I write things down so I can forget

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Speaker 1: them so they'll be there. You never do that at

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Speaker 1: the dinner table, and I know when I'll pull out

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Speaker 1: my phone and I always have to go, hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: not writing somebody else that's not here. I'm actually writing

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Speaker 1: a note of something you just said. And then I'll

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Speaker 1: show it to you and to go, Chelsea, did you

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Speaker 1: say that? And you're like, yeah, I did. I'm writing

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Speaker 1: that down so I can forget it and be present

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Speaker 1: in the situation again, because if I don't write it down,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be thinking the whole dinner. Don't forget that thing,

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Speaker 1: she said. Don't forget that thing, she shaid. And so

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of freedom for me in writing

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Speaker 1: the damn thing and putting it out there. Matthew, are

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Speaker 1: you sitting in front of two flags right now? Yes,

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Speaker 1: we have an American flag and a Texas flag. I

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Speaker 1: love it country, I love it well. You were supposed

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Speaker 1: to become the governor of Texas at some point, right

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Speaker 1: all this is supposed to become. I considered considered getting

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Speaker 1: in that run and then decided no, not for you, No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's where I can be most useful.

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Speaker 1: Right now, I'm having too good. At a time, I

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Speaker 1: got three kids fourteen, thirteen, ten and the adventures were

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Speaker 1: going on. I'm not going to get them again. And

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Speaker 1: right now I'm enjoying being a dad, family man. Everyone

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Speaker 1: says it, but it's true. I got seven more years

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Speaker 1: and then they're out on their own, hopefully. And then

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Speaker 1: everyone says, get what you can while that weather in

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Speaker 1: the house, because it doesn't come back. You don't get

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Speaker 1: the time again. Yeah. Well, one of the things that

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Speaker 1: you talk about very emphatically in your book is becoming

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Speaker 1: a father. That was one of the one thing you

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Speaker 1: knew about yourself, you say, is that you knew you

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Speaker 1: wanted to be a father. And that's also a very

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Speaker 1: nice thing to hear a man say, to be that

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Speaker 1: passionate about it. And when you talk about your family,

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Speaker 1: it feels like, you know, we have our first nature,

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Speaker 1: our personality that we're born with, and then we have

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Speaker 1: our second nature, our experiences and the people who raise

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Speaker 1: us and your family sounds a fucking fun and be

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Speaker 1: like you'll never get away from them for your life.

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Speaker 1: You are part of that ecosystem. Yeah, and that had

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Speaker 1: had such such a huge influence on you. Your father,

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Speaker 1: your values, your morals, your mother, everything that you've been through,

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Speaker 1: and now as a parent, to try and redistribute that right,

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Speaker 1: that wealth of knowledge, but in a better way. I'm assuming, right,

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Speaker 1: you think you can do almost a better job trying.

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Speaker 1: How is that going for you? I'm happy that I

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Speaker 1: think it's going pretty well. Not making straight a's, but

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Speaker 1: I think it's going pretty well. I've got some considerate children.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully they can get out of the house confident, having

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Speaker 1: an idea of who the hell they are and who

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Speaker 1: they're not. Hopefully they can be conscientious. We'd i'd like

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Speaker 1: to talk about being a renaissance man or renaissance woman

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Speaker 1: to my daughter, but hey, you know, surfing them morning,

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Speaker 1: conduct the the orchestra at night, be able to go

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Speaker 1: from shirtless and no shoes in the mud to a

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Speaker 1: to a tuxedo on the same day and feel at

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Speaker 1: home in both those places. We're filling their passports, which,

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Speaker 1: as you know, I think is one of one of

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Speaker 1: the best resumes someone can have. You see a full passport,

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Speaker 1: you've got a pretty good idea that that person has

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Speaker 1: some wisdom of how the world works and how humanity rolls.

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Speaker 1: You know, we got, like I said, fourteen thirteen, ten,

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Speaker 1: we're just getting into those teen years. That's a whole

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Speaker 1: new roller coaster. You know, more rhyme, no less reason.

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Speaker 1: And then when you have kids, I noticed or early on,

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Speaker 1: that it's more DNA than I thought, meaning I thought

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Speaker 1: it was before I had kids. I thought it was

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Speaker 1: more the second thing environment, culture, what you're raised around.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed early on that, oh, these these these

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Speaker 1: young people are who they are. I can shepherd them,

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Speaker 1: I can nudge them, I can put in front of

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Speaker 1: them what lights their fire and try to keep them

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Speaker 1: from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that, they

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Speaker 1: are who they are. And so I've had to you know,

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Speaker 1: I use this line when it comes to discipline in

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Speaker 1: the family. I'm gonna treat you all fairly, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna treat you all the same. And it's a

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Speaker 1: pretty fun one. We have a good time with the

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Speaker 1: fourteen and thirteen. I'm getting to that age where I'm

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Speaker 1: starting to become their buddy a little bit, which is cool,

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Speaker 1: meaning like my daughter a callmeo're and go, hey, why

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about this thing, and

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Speaker 1: we can just talk where I'm not teaching, I'm not

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Speaker 1: talking as the parent, we're just jiving where my son

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Speaker 1: can go flipped on like an NPR the other day

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Speaker 1: and didn't want to listen to music, want to listen

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Speaker 1: to I'm at fourteen. I'm like, God, and what do

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Speaker 1: you get out of this? This this talk? He's listening

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Speaker 1: to podcast and stuff. I'm going, okay, okay. So I'm

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Speaker 1: becoming buddies with the older two right now, which is nice. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think that's the thing that's always has scared me

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Speaker 1: about parenting is having to be a teacher for so long.

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Speaker 1: That always has been like, oh God, so many questions

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Speaker 1: that I probably don't have the accurate answers too well.

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Speaker 1: And the other thing is you get that thing that

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Speaker 1: happens as parents is they'll ask you that question. Like,

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Speaker 1: for instance, I got one of the book where my

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Speaker 1: eldest son comes to me and goes, why is before

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Speaker 1: Camilla and I were married? He comes to being goes,

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Speaker 1: why is it? Mama? On McConaughey, Well, those are those

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Speaker 1: questions where as a parent, you go, I better have

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Speaker 1: a fucking good answer for this because what I say

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Speaker 1: right now is going to be branded in their mind.

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Speaker 1: Or they ask you a big world question and you

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Speaker 1: go as a parent, and you may be tired, you

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Speaker 1: may have had a couple of drinks, it's late at night,

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Speaker 1: and you go like, whoops, I better have a good

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Speaker 1: answer for this one, because what I say right now

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Speaker 1: they're going to remember forever. Oh and a good answer. Well,

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Speaker 1: the good parenting is actually going and finding that answer,

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Speaker 1: which resulted in you marrying your wife, right, because how'd

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Speaker 1: he not posited that question to you? Who knows when

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Speaker 1: you guys would have gotten married if maybe ever or

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Speaker 1: not ever might have sat there and day and neutral

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Speaker 1: and not set a date. But that did give me

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Speaker 1: a kick in the backside to go, you know what,

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Speaker 1: everything's going great right now, but let's couldn't take this

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Speaker 1: to another level and started start a new commitment and

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Speaker 1: adventure together. Yeah, okay, Well, with this book has led

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Speaker 1: to a very unexpected event, probably unexpected for you two

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Speaker 1: to a certain degree. You're doing a live event with

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Speaker 1: Tony Robbins and some other people, Tony Robbins being probably

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Speaker 1: the most notable one. And it's called the Art of Living.

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about it. What are you gonna be

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Speaker 1: on the end? Because life's a verb, that's right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's how we say it now not living. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: that Tony and Dean read the book like the approach

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Speaker 1: and came to me and said, look, it's a great

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Speaker 1: approach book. Do you want to dig deeper and maybe

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Speaker 1: make it more show the process so people can more

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Speaker 1: personally may have some transformation. And I was like, I'd

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Speaker 1: love to And they're great at that. So that's what

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do. On April twenty fourth. We're gonna go

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Speaker 1: live the two of them, myself, Trent Shelton, Mary for Lele,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna get under the hood of green lights

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Speaker 1: to how share how you can if anyone out there

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Speaker 1: can make it personal to their lives, how they can

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Speaker 1: we can understand if we're at a green light, our

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Speaker 1: highway of life, you know, when things are rolling and

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Speaker 1: we can't do no wrong, how do we trust that

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Speaker 1: green light that it's one that's gonna that that's one

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Speaker 1: that's gonna last longer and feed us for longer. What

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Speaker 1: do we do it a yellow light? Those pauses in

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Speaker 1: life where we're like, I gotta I gotta hit him,

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Speaker 1: my giddy up a little bit, I gotta reconsider. What

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Speaker 1: do we do? We do we pause and have a

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Speaker 1: look over our shoulder and go, I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 1: look for the first time. Why I keep stepping in

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Speaker 1: that same pile of shit? Or do we say no,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna blow this. I'm gonna put the pedal to

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Speaker 1: the metal and blow this yellow light life because I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna give the crisis credit because what comes after

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Speaker 1: the yell ight the red light, and that's the big

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00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,280
Speaker 1: crisis is like pain, loss, Things suck, They feel like

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Speaker 1: that ends. I have learned, and I think it's true

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Speaker 1: for everybody that there is a gift in those red lights.

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00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 1: I'm sure y'all getting in times your life for like

405
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Speaker 1: there is nothing I can get this is this just sucks.

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Speaker 1: There's no lesson in this when you're in it, and

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Speaker 1: then later on go, oh I did get something from

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Speaker 1: that red light. Oh there was a gift in that.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna get under the hood of all that

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Speaker 1: to make that practical for people to go, how do

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Speaker 1: I assess my green, yellow, and reds in life? We're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about defining more. You know, you hear

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Speaker 1: it all the time people, I want more, I want more,

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Speaker 1: but we kind of we we forget to say more.

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Speaker 1: What you know, it's like we want to be relevant,

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Speaker 1: relevant for what define our more. First admits some truths,

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Speaker 1: admit some lives that we that we tell, and we

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Speaker 1: believe in our lives, so we can kind of be

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Speaker 1: more ourselves. Which you've done a really great job of that, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: I mean you've gone and said it seems from the

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Speaker 1: outside that you've done a really good job of being yourself.

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Speaker 1: So by hook or by crook, whether what you put

423
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: out considered works or doesn't is seen or sales or doesn't,

424
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well,

425
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 1: I sold out and I took a chance and I

426
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,600
Speaker 1: was somebody I wasn't And that always feels better, I

427
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,400
Speaker 1: know for me, and I think it does for everybody.

428
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,719
Speaker 1: If you can do something authentically as you're self, if

429
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 1: it works out, hell yeah great. But if it doesn't,

430
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 1: you don't feel like like you settled out to try

431
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 1: and sell something on ourselves. So we're going to talk

432
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: about all those kind of things and try to make

433
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: them practical transformation for people. Yeah, I related to so

434
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 1: much of everything that you wrote in the book because

435
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 1: you have honored yourself in so many different ways in

436
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 1: your career. And your personal life with your relationship with

437
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: your family, and that honor or, that kind of self value,

438
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: self honor, self respect and respect for others, because I

439
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: don't really think you can respect other people until you

440
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 1: truly respect yourself, right, And I think that the way

441
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 1: that you've demonstrate in the book, like the times were like,

442
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 1: as one example, just walking away from romantic comedies, which

443
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 1: was a fruitful and money and everything that you could

444
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,959
Speaker 1: ask for that would make a regular person, would make

445
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: them think that they could be happy and exist on

446
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 1: that for the rest of their life, eating popcorn and

447
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: not desiring anything beyond that popcorn. And you said no,

448
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: and you were offered lots of money, and you still

449
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: said no, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not doing that.

450
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 1: And you waited and you waited. And I think the

451
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: key ingredient for so many people who want to take risks,

452
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 1: who don't think they have the courage or the balls

453
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: or whatever you want to call it, is because it's

454
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 1: just patience, you know, it's really it takes balls, but

455
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: it takes patience and knowing that you have to trust yourself,

456
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 1: knowing that you are the person that you can trust. Yeah,

457
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 1: can you believe in those times that time is actually

458
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 1: on your side. WHOA, it's tough, yes, man. And then

459
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: we make these plans and then you have babies that

460
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,159
Speaker 1: you have to support and they're going Or I have

461
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 1: a friend who's like to get it planned out. At

462
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 1: thirty I'm going to meet the woman for me. At

463
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: thirty five, I'll be married and have kids. At forty,

464
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: they'll be here thirty. He didn't meet the girl thirty five,

465
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 1: he didn't have the family. He's started getting anxious, you know.

466
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: I write about it in the book. Before I met Camilla,

467
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: I was on the hunt. I was looking for the

468
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 1: possibility of my mate at every red light, in every

469
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: produce section, there's an angle maybe. And I was trying.

470
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 1: I was not being myself. I was not content with

471
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 1: myself to be patient. And then once I became that

472
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: man and sat back and trusted and was patient that, hey,

473
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,679
Speaker 1: I don't have to keep looking I find it. If

474
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: I quit looking so hard, well, that's when she showed up.

475
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 1: I mean, with the career that two years that I

476
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: took off, I got wobbley. I like to say it.

477
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: That old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on

478
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 1: the counter. I started looking a little bit better. Earlier

479
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: in the day, I was like, I would like a purpose.

480
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: I didn't have significance. I was like, what am I doing.

481
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: I considered other vocations, like maybe maybe I wrote a

482
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: one way ticket out of Hollywood. I gotta find another job,

483
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: another career, and I hung in there. Luckily I had

484
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 1: Camilla by my side, sitting are going like, this is

485
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 1: non negotiable. We made this choice, and we know it's

486
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 1: true to your soul, so we're not going back. And

487
00:23:56,200 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 1: there was never a choice of going back, but it was.

488
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 1: It was spooky. And then all of a sudden that

489
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 1: patience paid off. All of a sudden, I was gone

490
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: from Hollywood enough to become a new good idea for

491
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: the JOm as I wanted to do, and the phone

492
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: rang for that, and all of a sudden went and

493
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: did all the things that I'd been wanting to do

494
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: that that the Hollywood was not offering me years before. Yeah,

495
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: we got the reconnaissance. Yeah, the reconnaissance. That's great. Is

496
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: that a term? Oh? No, I wish I had People

497
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 1: magazine or something. I would tell you the story about that. No,

498
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: tell us, get this out. He jeez. It was some

499
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: self marketing. So I'm gonna tell you ride. And I

500
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: think I was there with a movie. I had done

501
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 1: Mud and something else, and uh, the guy in this

502
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 1: interview was going, I mean you're you're like, oh, really,

503
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 1: you're on a roll right now. Man, you did this

504
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: and this this, it's like it needs a name or something.

505
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 1: I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this

506
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 1: guy a minute ago and he actually called it the macconnaiss.

507
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: I threw it out there right and he goes, Manassan,

508
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: I love that. You like that. I go, yeah, it

509
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 1: sounds good, man. So I snuck it. Then some abish

510
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 1: it didn't stick. I made that up in one interview,

511
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: and it stuck. It gave it a little a little

512
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: song title, a little album. I like the idea of

513
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: coining a phrase about yourself. I like that a lot.

514
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: I'm also like, most people can't give themselves a nickname,

515
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: but now you deserve beyond stuck. Get I got the

516
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: I got the wink. Yeah, I love it. Okay, Well, Matthew,

517
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: first let me ask you something before we start with

518
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: our callers. Have you been to therapy? No? Wow, I

519
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: have not been to therapy. I got nothing against therapy,

520
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 1: you know, I was writing about this yesterday. So we

521
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: go to therapy, and again I got nothing against it.

522
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: I've seen it really work for people, and I might

523
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: want to go and need to go later in my life.

524
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: But we go to therapy, and we learned to get

525
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 1: objective about ourselves, right. We go to therapy and we

526
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: learned to see, like, hey, or who we think we are,

527
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: what we're actually putting out is what we're putting out there?

528
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: Is that what the world's receiving or is there a

529
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 1: big gap between those? You know what I mean? Are

530
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,360
Speaker 1: we living a life where the rubber meets the road.

531
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: And it's great because you get an objective sort of

532
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: third eye, a Google eye to the world of what

533
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 1: we're doing. But I do think we have to watch

534
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: with too much objectivity of awareness of like, well, how

535
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: is what we're doing landing? Well, how is it being

536
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: is it being received? We have to watch because it's

537
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: good if it leads us back to being more subjective.

538
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: Meaning what's great is when you just you're you're not

539
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: even being objective of all, You're just being the subject

540
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: in your life and you're just doing it and it

541
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: happens to be reciprocating that's green lights in life. You know,

542
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,959
Speaker 1: that's great when it rolls that way and we all

543
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: need to hop back and go, hey, let's be considerate

544
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: and have a little check out context to the situation.

545
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 1: That's that awareness of objectivity. But I do think we

546
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: have to watch the rabbit hole of going and trying

547
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: to be too objective for too long that we forget

548
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: to be the subjects in our life. So if therapy

549
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 1: leads us back to being a better subject, a better

550
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: a better individual without being sort of eating conscious of

551
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: what we're doing or what we're what we're doing, how

552
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: it's landing, I think it's I think it's very helpful. Yeah,

553
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, because when you have too

554
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 1: much self awareness, it's almost like you're not even in

555
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing and how

556
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle I

557
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: had coming out of therapy. I'm like, fuck, I mean,

558
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: when am I going to be able to go back

559
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: to me instead of making sure I'm making sure everyone's

560
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 1: okay around my behavior? It can just be paralysis of

561
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 1: analysis almost. It can immobilize us, you know, I mean look,

562
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: I got a mother who ninety one, and she's a

563
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: great example of the value of denial if you actually

564
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: commit to it, okay, if you really commit to it.

565
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: And look, she's not shallow. She's not a yellow person.

566
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 1: But I asked her about four years ago because she's

567
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: wild ass, rebel, outlaw, and she was doing all these

568
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 1: things that were the opposite of what she had raised

569
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 1: me and my two brothers to do. We're like, I

570
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: was like, mom, come on, no one forgives you themselves

571
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 1: quicker than you. I was like, don't you have anything

572
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: at the end of the night, we like you go, oh,

573
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 1: I need to do that better. I need to work

574
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: on that. And she was like, oh, honey. Every night

575
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 1: I go through a mental list twenty five things, the

576
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: things that I could do better, things that I want

577
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,400
Speaker 1: to improve on. I go, ah, okay, good, she goes,

578
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: you know, Matthew. But the thing is, when I wake

579
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: up in the morning, I forgot him all And she

580
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: just rolls like that. And like I said, she's not shallow,

581
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 1: but she's there's a beauty in her inconsideration. What bruises

582
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: others tickles her, and she is proof that there's a

583
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: loophole in the Golden rule doing others you'd haven'm doing

584
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 1: to you. Well, not everyone wants to do what you

585
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: want to do, but she just ninety one. She just rolls,

586
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: and she's been doing that kind of all her life.

587
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: And it's pretty awesome to see that simplicity because she's

588
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: not objective at all. She takes no context. She has

589
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: a lack of consideration, and it could be a real

590
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: pain in the ass sometimes, but ninety percent of the time,

591
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: it's like, go girl, no, get it, keep doing what

592
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: you're doing. Yeah, she's a real renegade, as your father

593
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: was as well. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, So on not note.

594
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,959
Speaker 1: We are going to Catherine. You're going to teach up

595
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: what we have in store for Matthew today. Absolutely, we've

596
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 1: got some crises of conscience in here. We've got some

597
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: confidence issues, some what am I doing next in my life? Okay,

598
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: So we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back,

599
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're bad. Well. Our first question comes

600
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: from Sage. Sage says, Dear Chelsea, I am desperate for

601
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: your help. I feel like I've been stuck in this

602
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 1: identity crisis for years. I've lost sight of not only

603
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: who I am, but what's important to me. I feel

604
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: like I spend every day going through the motions, then

605
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: all of a sudden years have passed. I came to

606
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: the realization the other day that I don't actually enjoy

607
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: my life. I just get through the days. I feel

608
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 1: like I'm waiting for that light bulb moment or some

609
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: type of epiphany to wake me up. But I also

610
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: understand that's not realistic. How do I start enjoying life again,

611
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: liking who I am, not caring what others think, taking chances,

612
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: and living a life of happiness and purpose. I suppose

613
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 1: I don't even know where to start. I'm twenty seven now,

614
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: and I know that I'm wasting my youth being lost,

615
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: and I don't want any more excuses. I'm ready to

616
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 1: live a life I'm proud of and that's true to me.

617
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: But how do I figure out what that is? Thanks

618
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: an advanced stage. I'm gonna let Matthew take this from

619
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: the top because he seems to be on a real role,

620
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: and then I'll follow up after. I just want to

621
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: say everyone feels like this at some point in their life,

622
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: if not multiple times in their life, so just know,

623
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: ay that this is not uncommon and you are not alone. Matthew,

624
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: why don't you go first? Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea,

625
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 1: because that is such we bypass that as far as

626
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: helping somebody out by going hey, just to know it's

627
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: not a singular experience. Just to know that, oh, hey,

628
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 1: me too, helps so much sort of just flattens the

629
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: everything and takes the air out of the pressure. So

630
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: way to start that office saying hey, you're not alone. Look,

631
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: I'd say this a lot of this. We all want

632
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: to talk about who am I, what's my purpose? What

633
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: am I going to do? And we're trying to look

634
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: for that first. Don't look for that first, start with

635
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 1: something much easier. Because knowing who you are is fucking hard.

636
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: Knowing who you're not is easier. So start off with

637
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: the process of elimination. Start eliminating the things in your life,

638
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: stags that don't pay you back, the people, the places,

639
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: the things that you're doing. What did you eat, drink,

640
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: whatever your habits that you know what. They may feel

641
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: good at the moment, but the next day they kind

642
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: of give you a hangover, or they didn't pay you back.

643
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: You were in the debit section the next day, or

644
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: you felt like less after you left that group of

645
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: friends that maybe talked about certain things that well, maybe

646
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 1: we're funny at the time, it made you feel like

647
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: a heel when you left. Start eliminating those things. So

648
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: by process of elimination, when we get rid of the

649
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: things in our life that don't pay us back, that

650
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: don't feed more of who we are by sheer mathematics,

651
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 1: you end up with more room for the things that

652
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: will feed you and we'll pay you back. Line up

653
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: in front of you. So start with eliminating who you're

654
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: not to get to who you are. Yeah, I like

655
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: that a lot. I also would like to say, you know,

656
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: when you're having all these kinds of feelings that aren't

657
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: giving you positive vibes, right, the important thing, I think

658
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: the first thing that you need to do is learn

659
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: how to get really still and get really quiet so

660
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: that you can understand exactly what your desires are and

661
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: what and how you want to You know what makes

662
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: you excited, what gets your heart rate up, what gives

663
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: you excitement When you think about fashion, or do you

664
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 1: think about television, or you think about like what is

665
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: your retail whatever it is, there's no judgment on it.

666
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: It's whatever your desire is, what draws your attention, what

667
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: keeps you interested, what helps you stay focused when you're

668
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: on that subject matter, Like, those are the things that

669
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: you need to find out about yourself, and the way

670
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: to do that is to really kind of go within.

671
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: You have to be still with yourself. You have to

672
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: give yourself like space and time to be quiet, to

673
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: not have noise around you, to not have influence around you,

674
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: to really sit down with a book, sit down by yourself,

675
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: sit down to reflect, to meditate, however you want to

676
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,479
Speaker 1: frame that. But it's about the inner desires because your

677
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: body will speak to you. You will speak to yourself

678
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: when you've given the time to do that, Like it's

679
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: a matter of self respect in a way, you're allowing

680
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: your body and your mind to tell you what they want.

681
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: And this is all going to sound very spiritual and

682
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: big worldy to you if you haven't done this yet,

683
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: But I promise you, if you make this a practice

684
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: of just trying to get in touch with yourself, there

685
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: will be a voice inside your head that is on

686
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: your team, that is going to direct you and tell you,

687
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: just like there's always a voice telling you that you're

688
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: not good enough, that you're not smart enough, that you're

689
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: not brave enough. There's a voice, your real voice, that

690
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 1: is centered, that will guide you, and you have to

691
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: trust that that intuition, that self, knowing it's there for

692
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: each one of us. And the only times we get

693
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 1: separated from that voice is when we're not focused and

694
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: we're not centered. And it's easy to disengage, but it's

695
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 1: it's easy also to get back on the track. You know,

696
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: it's not It doesn't take that as much as you

697
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: think it's going to take. And obviously I can't tell

698
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: you what your purpose is. You're going to have to

699
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: find out what your purpose is for yourself. But the

700
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: more time you spend with yourself with less noise around you,

701
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,840
Speaker 1: the more in tune you're going to get with yourself

702
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: and you're going to understand what you need to do

703
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 1: to move the ball forward in a direction that's going

704
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: to make you excited about your life. And also understand

705
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: that you're not always going to be excited about your life,

706
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 1: but you want to be optimistic about your life, and

707
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,399
Speaker 1: you want to be you know, challenging yourself and going

708
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 1: to new areas and doing things that scare you or

709
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 1: that you can't and taking risks. You know, all of

710
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: these things are part of the equation. So I would

711
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: start by doing that. You know, if it's a meditation,

712
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: then make it a meditation. But give yourself some time

713
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: each morning or each day whenever you can, twenty minutes

714
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 1: and just be still and sit in a garden or

715
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: buy trees in nature and just sit with yourself, and

716
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: you're gonna come up with more answers than you would

717
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: ever even believe that twenty minutes if you hadn't done it.

718
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: It feels like hours when you first start. But don't

719
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: pull a parachute. Don't back out. What Chelsea's saying is right.

720
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 1: Stick with it. It gets easier and easier. But when

721
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: you first do it, you will not like the company.

722
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: Every time I go off on one, I do not

723
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: like the company. I cannot stand the dialogue that's going

724
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: on mad, But be stick with it through that time.

725
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: What do you end up realize? You realize that you're

726
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,320
Speaker 1: the best company and you're the only company that can't

727
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 1: get rid of them. So we've been trying to freaking

728
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 1: it alone. Yeah, yeah, totally so fun. It's so true,

729
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: it's so fucking true. I mean, I can't tell you

730
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: how noisy my life was for so long until I

731
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: did this and I hated the company. I was like,

732
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: you're so annoying this this, and then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

733
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: I only want to hang out with you, like you're

734
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: the best company. You know, even when I go skiing. Now,

735
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, I try not to let my friends know.

736
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 1: Like when I'm in my skis, I try not to

737
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 1: let my friends know because I want at least a

738
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 1: few runs by myself. And they can never understand why

739
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: I want to ski alone. I'm like, because it's fucking

740
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: more fun to be by myself sometimes than to be

741
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: around other people. So anyway, start doing that stage stage right. Yes, yes,

742
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: keep in touch with us and connect with us. And

743
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: when you've had a little bit of an awakening, I

744
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: guarantee you it's coming. Just have faith in the knowledge

745
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 1: of yourself and just start practicing some alone time and

746
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: real thoughtfulness, and I promise you you're gonna get where

747
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: you want to go. Yeah. Absolutely, Like this is what

748
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: happens at times in your life, but especially when you're

749
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: twenty seven. Like twenty seven, everybody feels this way, because

750
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: you're in this like crucks between the young adulthood that

751
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 1: you've just been in and like adult adulthood, and it's

752
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: just a weird flection point where you feel so much change.

753
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 1: And I think all the sevens are like that. Twenty seven,

754
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 1: thirty seven, forty seven, there's something about and I think

755
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:27,720
Speaker 1: in Judaism, yeah, seven is a number where pivotal things happen.

756
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,879
Speaker 1: So it's all good run towards it. It's all good

757
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: exciting because new things are going to happen. Yep. Well,

758
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Sean. Sean says, dear Chelsea.

759
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty seven year old flight attendant from Kansas City, Missouri.

760
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 1: It goes without saying that I am, of course gay.

761
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: I've been a flight attendant for five years and people

762
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: always say, oh, what a dream job, or that's what

763
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: you were meant to do. I enjoy the perks of

764
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 1: my job, but have you met people? I have to

765
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,240
Speaker 1: deal with almost three hundred of them for eight hours

766
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: inside in a loop. Can no one dreams about that? Sure,

767
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great, but I

768
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: know this is not viable for the long term. I've

769
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot, but

770
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: that still feels like settling. Several years ago, some friends

771
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 1: who did stand up informed me that I was funny.

772
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: I legitimately had no idea due to my penchant for

773
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 1: thinking I have no valuable skills. They asked me to

774
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: do a little set at their show and I agreed. Well,

775
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: I killed it. I felt like I was in the

776
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: right place for the first time, they laughed when they

777
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 1: were supposed to. They clapped. It was amazing. I did

778
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: it again, and I didn't do as well, but still

779
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: pretty good. Now It's been years since I've done it.

780
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 1: Because I'm so scared of being disliked, I would be

781
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,280
Speaker 1: stuck doing open mic nights in Kansas City. I'm scared

782
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: of not only doing poorly, but I'm also nervous about

783
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: the rednecks hating me just because I'm gay. Plus I'm

784
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: burnt out, so I just don't feel funny or creative.

785
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 1: How do I move through the stress and bullshit to

786
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: get back to a place where I can be funny

787
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 1: and confident. I know I'm still young, but I would

788
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 1: hate to look back on my life and regret never

789
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: doing anything that was actually difficult I just finished your

790
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 1: special Revolution, available now on Netflix, and it just solidified

791
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: that I want to do what you do, Chelsea. I

792
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 1: want to make people laugh and find a way to

793
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 1: find humor in this craziness. Thank you for being you,

794
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:19,319
Speaker 1: and I promise you really are changing the world. Sean Hi,

795
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 1: Sean hi Hi. Our special guest today is Matthew mccataughey.

796
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 1: What a tree. Oh my gosh, Hi, Bucky am I

797
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: I know, I know. Look how cute you look too?

798
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 1: How are you? My god? Thank you so much? Get

799
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 1: this gorgeous hair. I'm great. How are you guys? Yeah,

800
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: I'm great. You've met Catherine obviously, this is I'm my

801
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: co host. Well, it's nice to meet you. You too,

802
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm gonna go first, Matthew. Okay, I'm gonna

803
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: just since this is a stand up comedy question and

804
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: you just watched my special, and I've felt like you

805
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: before at different times in my life where I'd had

806
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: no creativity, I didn't know if I was funny, I

807
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:00,879
Speaker 1: didn't care, I didn't want to work, blah blah blah.

808
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: I understand where you're feeling. You have to understand a

809
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,399
Speaker 1: how lucky and fortunate you are to know what lights

810
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 1: you up. That's what every person is looking for. Our

811
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: last caller was trying to find that light. You know

812
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 1: what lights you up, you know what makes you feel

813
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: something that you really want to feel in this life.

814
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: And that's the biggest thing, you know what I mean?

815
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 1: You know that now you just have to walk that

816
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 1: avenue to get where you're going. And that's easier than

817
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: you ever thought it was. Yes, you're gonna bomb, You're

818
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: gonna do badly. People aren't going to always like you.

819
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: That's not the point. The point isn't to get everybody

820
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 1: to like you or to succeed all the time, because

821
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: there's no growth or learning in either of those things.

822
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: That's just a cherry, you know, like that's oh great,

823
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: I have that moment. It also doesn't last forever. The

824
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 1: idea is to get really just better incrementally at something,

825
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: And in order to get better at something and to

826
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:50,239
Speaker 1: make a career out of it, you need to fucking

827
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 1: start doing it. So you have to start performing. It

828
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if there are rednecks, it doesn't matter if

829
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,439
Speaker 1: there are people that don't like gay people. It doesn't matter.

830
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: You know, that's even a better challenge to get the

831
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: people that won't necessarily be it's predisposed to liking you

832
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: to like you, you know what I mean, You're going

833
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: to be surprised. A lot of those people are going

834
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: to like you, and you're not going to believe it.

835
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: But in order to do that, you just have to

836
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 1: start the action. And you're a flight attendant. It's a

837
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: great way to practice material on people. You have new

838
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: people revolving through your door or your aluminum can, as

839
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: you say, which is a very apt description. I don't

840
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 1: know how the fuck you guys do that. But you

841
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 1: have an audience to play with at all times, so

842
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: you can be practicing your material at all times. Like

843
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,399
Speaker 1: you have all these advantages. I think that you're looking

844
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: at as disadvantages and they're not right. That makes sense, Sean.

845
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: Where Chelsea's saying you've got an audience on that aluminum can,

846
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: sounds like you also have a huge source of your

847
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: particular comedy. I mean you're opening question. You know, I'm attendant,

848
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: I'm on alumini canists or three hundred people instead of

849
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,439
Speaker 1: steel can and without saying it, yes, I'm gay. That's

850
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: already so I was already laughing at that, just your

851
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 1: delivery of how you wrote the question, those three hundred people,

852
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: the different idiosyncrasies or the ship they do. But she's like,

853
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,439
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? That sounds like great material where

854
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: you're getting new material with every flight, right, So it

855
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: sounds like maybe just keep an ear open for every

856
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 1: one of those things. When you get annoyed at somebody

857
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: in seventeen a clockett, Oh that's gonna be a good joke.

858
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 1: Oh that's gonna be a good turn of phrase. Oh

859
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 1: that's I'm gonna use that every time you get annoyed

860
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: at somebody, look at him. Go how could that be funny?

861
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: Or how could that that actually could be funny if

862
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: I'm telling someone else because someone's gonna go, no shit,

863
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: I know people do that. They're gonna go. I didn't

864
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 1: know people do that really? Oh shit. I'm like, you've

865
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: got great source material in all thirty having many rows

866
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: of people, those three hundred people are sitting in. That

867
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 1: makes sense, Matthew. Do you also have some advice on

868
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:58,439
Speaker 1: like how Sean can reclaim that confidence that he felt

869
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: the first time he performed? How do you reclaim a

870
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: look some of it. I'm gonna go back to what

871
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 1: I was talking about my mom with being a queen

872
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: of denial. A lot of it is. Look, I've I've

873
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 1: had thousands of days at work where I'm not confident

874
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm just gonna blow through it. I'm

875
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,720
Speaker 1: gonna make sure one and I have to convince myself

876
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,760
Speaker 1: that eighty percent of me doing the job can showing

877
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 1: up and is getting there. And I've had some of

878
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: my better performances when I was not confident walking the Rangers.

879
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: That's going, man, I am and then found it in

880
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: the performance. But showing up and going and doing record

881
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: and what Chelsea was saying, you're gonna bomb huh huh,

882
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: no shit, you know you're gonna have lines of man.

883
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: When I rehearsed that, it was I was right on

884
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: the money. Everybody and I and I and I and

885
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: I waited too long or or I got I got

886
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: excited and I blew through the pause that set up

887
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: the punchline. So what do it the next time? But

888
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,919
Speaker 1: it's just I think getting back out there and doing

889
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: it and doing it the next time. I'm doing it

890
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 1: the next time and by practice, when I find you

891
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: build confidence when you start to get a little better

892
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: at something you know, or when you start to feel

893
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 1: a lot of people say I don't like what I'm doing,

894
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 1: you can start to dig it by just purely getting

895
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 1: better at something. It's fun to get better at something,

896
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 1: to improve and become more competent at something you know.

897
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: It's also fun to flip the script of your attitude

898
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: towards it, Like your nervousness can be excitement, you know

899
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: what I mean. You can be like, oh, this is great.

900
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: My very first jokes were about waiting tables. When I

901
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: started doing stand up because I was I got a

902
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: d Y. I had to go to d Y class

903
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 1: where they made everybody get up and give a speech

904
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: about their dui. And I was so scared shitless of

905
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: public speaking that I would hide in the back of

906
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: the class, hoping this guy wouldn't call on me. And

907
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,919
Speaker 1: when he did, I got up and told my dy story.

908
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,479
Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old and the whole place

909
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 1: was dying laughing, and I didn't get off stage. I

910
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is fun. And then the dui

911
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: guy came up. He's like, hey, listen, this isn't stand up,

912
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 1: Like this isn't as a comedy club. Get off the stage.

913
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: And everyone was like, you got to be a stand

914
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: up comedian. And I was like, oh, that sounds scary,

915
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, but I guess I have to.

916
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 1: I had what are my other options? I mean, what

917
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: was I going to do? I didn't know. I just

918
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 1: thought I had to be a public person. So I

919
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: my whole material was like people asking me what the

920
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 1: specials were and me actually saying what I wanted to

921
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 1: say to people, you know, like, as if you're going

922
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 1: to even remember this fucking meal in seven days, who

923
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 1: gives a shit what the specials are? Figure something out?

924
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 1: You know, my ass in your face is the special. Like,

925
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: I just had a whole slew of material about waiting tables.

926
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 1: You can do exactly the same thing that Matthew said

927
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: to start and launch your creativity, and you're going to

928
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,879
Speaker 1: naturally move and flow and ebb and flow and all

929
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: the things and bomb and succeed. You're going to have

930
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 1: it all, but go into it knowing that it's a

931
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:49,919
Speaker 1: full breadth experience and don't expect everything to just go well.

932
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:54,479
Speaker 1: That's not the way we grow, right. I think that's

933
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: what's scary is than not doing well. It's I think

934
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: because the first time I did stand up, they introduced

935
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: me and the crowd was applauding, and I got up

936
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: on stage and the very first thing I said was

937
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 1: I kind of expected that to last a little bit longer,

938
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: and they like started applauding again, and I was just like,

939
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: oh shit, they like they're doing what they tell them

940
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 1: to do, and so it's like this high and I'm like,

941
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 1: I don't want to like, what if I would have

942
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: said that? And then they were just like, yeah, well

943
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 1: it's not gonna last long, right, Yeah, But what if?

944
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 1: Because there's there's so many millions of other people that

945
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: have your desire and are doing it, do you know

946
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: what I mean? Maybe not millions, but thousands definitely that

947
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,879
Speaker 1: are doing you. Yes. How much? How much of stand

948
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: up is entertaining yourself? A lot? A lot? I mean,

949
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 1: when you think that joke's funny by hook or by crook,

950
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: f then the crowd, if they laugh or not a

951
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 1: lot of times it becomes funnier to them because you

952
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: enjoyed that joke. You think it's funny, right, Yeah, for sure,

953
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: it's hard to if you don't get the reaction, it's

954
00:46:54,719 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: hard to relax and go yes nobody, Yeah, clap from

955
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: a center. Whatever that is. You know, I mean, how

956
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself. Well,

957
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 1: a lot of it's entertaining yourself, but it's also a

958
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: practice of like I tell stories all the time in

959
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: my personal life, and when I see that they get

960
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 1: a big reaction, I'm like, oh, that's a story for

961
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 1: the stage. If you know, my stand up is very personal.

962
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 1: Your stand up may be very joke oriented, but I

963
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: think anything that comes from your personal truth is valuable

964
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: to creativity. You don't want to pretend you're someone you're

965
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 1: not you. Obviously, being a stand up relies on the

966
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,919
Speaker 1: audience laughing at some point. You know that is part

967
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 1: of it. So yes, you want to get there. But

968
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:37,760
Speaker 1: you know, Matthew and I discuss this a little bit earlier.

969
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: We touched on not taking yourself too seriously. You want

970
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: to take everything seriously. But any moment like that is

971
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 1: not a life altering changing moment in a negative way.

972
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: It can always be a life altering changing moment in

973
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: a positive way. But a moment on stage is just

974
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 1: never going to crush you the way that you are

975
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: fearing like your you're letting you yourself be led by fear. Instead,

976
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 1: you got to be like bring it on, Like, let's

977
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: bring it on. Let's get the scary parts over with.

978
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 1: Like the sooner you get on stage, and the more

979
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: you get on stage, the quicker all of that stuff

980
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: is going to be out the back door. So like

981
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: get moving. Yeah that makes sense, you know what I mean? Like,

982
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 1: is there somewhere you can go do a set, like

983
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 1: a stand up comedy club where you live? Yeah, there's

984
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:26,840
Speaker 1: a ton of places here in Kansas City that have

985
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: like there's like open nights and stuff. Yeah, yeah, do it.

986
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,280
Speaker 1: Just start doing it. Makes you make us a commitment

987
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,879
Speaker 1: that you're going to do it. What this week? Next week?

988
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: When can you get on stage? Yeah? I can, I

989
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: can do next week? All right, make that commitment to

990
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 1: us and yourself and go do it. Okay. I may

991
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: tell you one thing that my mentor Pinealem, my greatest

992
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: mentor this this woman of nineteen years told me, and

993
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: it was so liberating. Where I go every day every

994
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 1: job and then every every morning work. But I tell myself,

995
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: I tell myself, can I I dare you to screw

996
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 1: up golf? I dare you to screw up? Dare yourself

997
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: to screw up. Watch how I found that I screwed

998
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 1: up less when I dared myself to screw up, I

999
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 1: dare you to eat shit here, it just kind of

1000
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: like popped the bubble and all so much pressure is off.

1001
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 1: I'll give myself right there, So try and screw up

1002
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: there you Okay? I like that. Yeah, even if it

1003
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: goes badly, it's five minutes in the beginning, so it

1004
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Then. It's just the only thing that matters

1005
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: is you making the step in the right direction of

1006
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: what's going to really fill your soul up. And it

1007
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: sounds like you know what that is. Look at that

1008
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: as a gift instead of a negative, and just run

1009
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 1: towards it, you know. And anytime you have a bad set,

1010
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 1: that's like great, because if when you have a bad set,

1011
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: the next one's always the best one. I speak from experience. Yeah, okay,

1012
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: thanks for calling shot break a leg I mean sorry, Yeah,

1013
00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: thank you so much. We have one other caller. Her

1014
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: name is Carrie, a friend of about sixteen years has

1015
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: recently professed his love for me. I've known he's had

1016
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: a crush on me for a long time. He always

1017
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: tells me I'm his type with his recent admission of

1018
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 1: being in love with me, I thought, sure, why not,

1019
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 1: let's try it. I warned him that he's setting himself

1020
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: up to get hurt and that I may never get

1021
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: the feelings for him he has for me, but he

1022
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 1: wants to try anyway. I told him I can't just

1023
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 1: flip a switch from friendship to relationship, so I asked

1024
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,359
Speaker 1: him to court me, and he's been trying really hard.

1025
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 1: The trouble is he's not my type. I don't really

1026
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,320
Speaker 1: have a strong physical attraction toward him, but the person

1027
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 1: he is and the time we spend together I love.

1028
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a disaster with dating and have

1029
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 1: been single most of my life. I'm forty eight. My

1030
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: longest relationship of three and a half years, was with

1031
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 1: a woman. Though I don't identify as a lesbian, it

1032
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: just felt right at the time. I don't know what

1033
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: it is with men. I just seem to find fault

1034
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: in all of them and end up breaking up with them.

1035
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: So Carrie told me that they dated for about a

1036
00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 1: month and she finally kissed him or they and she

1037
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: got the ick and didn't want to continue. But I

1038
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: think the bigger issue that came out of the conversation

1039
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:11,320
Speaker 1: is that Carrie's having trouble finding chemistry in general with

1040
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 1: other people that she's dating. So I thought we could

1041
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 1: explore that, explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's

1042
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,839
Speaker 1: going on there. Okay, yeah, Hi Carrie. Hi, Hi there,

1043
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 1: This is Matthew McCarney. He's our special guest today. Hi. Hi,

1044
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:28,719
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Hire. You know Catherine. Obviously you

1045
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: guys have spoken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So yeah,

1046
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 1: so she told you that it went sideways. Well you

1047
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: had a kiss, right, that was it? Yeah? So we

1048
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: dated for almost six weeks. We tried the dating thing,

1049
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 1: and he was doing because I asked him. I told

1050
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: him he has to court me because you know, I'm

1051
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 1: not just going to date him for no reason. And yeah,

1052
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: he finally asked me on Valentine's can we kiss? And

1053
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 1: I said sure, and honestly, it was like kissing a

1054
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: family member. Okay, Well, let's go back. You said that

1055
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 1: you have problems with intimacy with men, right, is that

1056
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: what you said? Is it men or you don't have

1057
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: problems like that with women? Well, it's not so much

1058
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: with all men. I'm kind of more of the I

1059
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 1: like the wine, not the label kind of thing that said.

1060
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: I've dated more, way more men than women, So I

1061
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,240
Speaker 1: think with men it's just I do have some trust

1062
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 1: issues with men, so it is harder for me to

1063
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 1: get closer to them. I also find men over forty

1064
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: extremely needy, and that is like one of my least

1065
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 1: like I just it's so unattractive to me, so that

1066
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 1: part is hard as well. Well. I think if you

1067
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: have self admittingly that you have a lot of guardrails up,

1068
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 1: it's very hard to break those down. And I think

1069
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 1: that should be your number one objective right now, because

1070
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 1: I don't think you can probably clearly even kiss this

1071
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: guy while you're looking for excuses to not like him,

1072
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I had the last

1073
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 1: guy I dated, I was friends with for fifteen years

1074
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:13,320
Speaker 1: and was never attracted to him, And it took a

1075
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 1: long time and I did. I fell in love with him,

1076
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: I became attracted to him. I was couldn't even believe it,

1077
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: you know, I said, there's no way, there's no way,

1078
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: and then it happened. So I don't think it kisses

1079
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,399
Speaker 1: definitively the end or the beginning of anything. I think

1080
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: that you have some work to do about being open

1081
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: and not every guy is that needy, Not every guy

1082
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 1: is anything. Look at Matthew McConaughey. He's sitting here. He

1083
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: just wrote this book. Well he didn't just write this book,

1084
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 1: but he wrote a book that you should read called

1085
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 1: green Lights. I read it. Oh oh great, all right,

1086
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:50,919
Speaker 1: so then you know about green lights? Yellow lights exactly, exactly, yeah,

1087
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: yellow light right now, yeah, exactly. It's nice to hear that,

1088
00:53:57,239 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: you know, because I know with you and Joe you

1089
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 1: were friends for a long time and then so how

1090
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 1: long did it take for you be able to be

1091
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,760
Speaker 1: able to look at him that way? Well, it's funny

1092
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: you say that because in therapy, when I was wrapping

1093
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 1: up therapy because I needed a break, I said, am

1094
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 1: I supposed to be in a relationship? I just don't

1095
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: feel like the relationship type like that. It's not I've

1096
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 1: never been boy crazy, you know. I don't go god,

1097
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: you know, like when I'm single, I like it. I'm

1098
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 1: not trying always to find a guy. And I just thought,

1099
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: maybe something's off with me. And he said, you have

1100
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 1: too many barriers up. You just have roadblocks all around you,

1101
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,320
Speaker 1: he said, and you have to strip those away until

1102
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,840
Speaker 1: you're going to see somebody for who they are, not

1103
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:39,879
Speaker 1: what they represent, you know, not the fact that he's

1104
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:43,239
Speaker 1: wearing Prada jumpsuits that make me sick, or if we're

1105
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 1: driving around in Ferraris that makes me cringe. Just I

1106
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 1: had to get past all of my bullshit and finally

1107
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:52,160
Speaker 1: just see him for who he was, which is a

1108
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: real person, you know, and those things don't define a person.

1109
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 1: And I understand if you don't feel like you have

1110
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: chemistry when you kiss somebody, it's hard to even think

1111
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: about kissing them again or anything like that. But this

1112
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: feels like it's a good opportunity for growth for you

1113
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 1: in terms of really kind of trying to strip away

1114
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 1: your layers and go into things that make you uncomfortable.

1115
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,320
Speaker 1: Not to a degree where you have to go of

1116
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 1: sex with somebody that you're not interested in, but to

1117
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: a degree where you're pushing yourself to perhaps go out

1118
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 1: with him again and try it again, you know, and

1119
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: if it's not him, another guy or another woman like whomever.

1120
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: But as a practice for yourself, not necessarily to be

1121
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 1: in a relationship, but in a practice of like tearing

1122
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: down the things that go look to you when something says,

1123
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 1: look to you or you have that feeling, you've got

1124
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: to make a note of it and go, oh, that's

1125
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 1: a yellow light. Is that about me? Or is that

1126
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 1: about him or her? Right? Right? And I'm pretty sure

1127
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 1: it is about me, because you know, we have all

1128
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 1: the things in common. I'm like, if this doesn't work,

1129
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 1: how the hell am I going to date anybody else

1130
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: that doesn't have all these boxes ticked right? And it

1131
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 1: was just kind of that all it's lacking is that spark,

1132
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 1: you know, when you kiss somebody and then you want

1133
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: to sleep with them. And that was kind of like,

1134
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:11,919
Speaker 1: I don't really want to sleep with you. That said,

1135
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,799
Speaker 1: I have slept with him in the past, so my bad.

1136
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:21,800
Speaker 1: I've maybe sent off the wrong signals exactly. So you

1137
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,839
Speaker 1: sleep with him past, you know, or not your beat?

1138
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:27,800
Speaker 1: One thing? I hear you, I hear you. Kind of

1139
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 1: keep doing this. It's what Chelsea was saying. You said

1140
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 1: a minute ago, I like the wine, not the label. Yes,

1141
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:37,360
Speaker 1: you're but you are labeling exactly what you want and

1142
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: you have your own labels, which happens all this with maturity.

1143
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 1: As we mature, we get kind of set in our ways,

1144
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:45,759
Speaker 1: and no, it needs to fit this and this is

1145
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 1: how I this is how my life goes, this is

1146
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 1: what I expect, and we're less malluable. And what I

1147
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 1: hear Chelsea's saying, which I second, is relax your own

1148
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: labels on yourself and the boxes that he or any

1149
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 1: other man needs to absolutely fit for you. So maybe

1150
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: just enjoy that one without looking at the label a

1151
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: little bit. And I think that's what Chelsea's saying is

1152
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,320
Speaker 1: if if it's not just perfect, to cut yourself or

1153
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 1: you go, wait, that that didn't fit, that didn't fit,

1154
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 1: that didn't go exactly how I wanted it to be.

1155
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 1: That kiss didn't make me want to go further. Well

1156
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 1: maybe that was all it was needed. Right then maybe

1157
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 1: start Sometimes you get to know that you already got

1158
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 1: your asset with this guy, is that you already got

1159
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: a friendship? Well not anymore there, Yeah, it was there.

1160
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 1: The last eighteen years are not gone. Whatever y'all formed

1161
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: over eighteen years, it's not like white outs over it.

1162
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,000
Speaker 1: It's still there. You want to rekindle that and go.

1163
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 1: You want to pick back up and just go have

1164
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 1: a freaking cup of coffee and not kiss. You want

1165
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 1: to get back at doing some things that we like

1166
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 1: we used to like to do just together and just

1167
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: maybe that's maybe restarting there. And if you know that

1168
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: if the kiss works, it'll probably be the time where

1169
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't ask you or you don't ask him, and

1170
00:57:56,640 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 1: it just happens exactly and when, and go back when

1171
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 1: you were asking me about when it happened for Joe

1172
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: and me, we had hung out for over a year

1173
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 1: before anything happened. And when it happened, I made it

1174
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 1: happen because it had to come from me. And I

1175
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:14,600
Speaker 1: would suggest hanging out with them with you first of all,

1176
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 1: repair whatever damage has been done, which you can easily

1177
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 1: do over an eighteen year relationship, and say, let's just

1178
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 1: try this again as friends. Let's see if it goes

1179
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: anywhere in a more natural progression, because I think if

1180
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 1: he ticks all these boxes a it's worth another go.

1181
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 1: You do you know what I mean? You're saying, all

1182
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 1: he has got all these things except for your feelings

1183
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 1: towards him, and that can happen. That comes up for

1184
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 1: people all the time. They fall in love with their

1185
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 1: friends all the time. You can't force it to happen.

1186
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: It has to naturally organically happen, and you can continue

1187
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:48,360
Speaker 1: to spend more time together. You don't have to kiss

1188
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 1: each other or fuck each other or whatever, but spend

1189
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:53,960
Speaker 1: more time and see if it happens naturally. And also

1190
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 1: as a test for yourself, also explore that with other

1191
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: people too, you know, because I'm glad Matthew said that

1192
00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 1: about the wine and the label, because as soon as

1193
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 1: you made that declaration, it was clear that you're doing

1194
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 1: the opposite of what you think you're doing. You don't

1195
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: have to make declarations about who you are, you know

1196
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I think that you might think

1197
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:14,440
Speaker 1: you're looking at the wine and not the label, but

1198
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: it's quite the opposite, right, fair enough. I think right

1199
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: now is good that this call worked out when it did,

1200
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,439
Speaker 1: because I was actually thinking of writing him or letter

1201
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: because right now he's just cut me out of his

1202
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 1: life completely, unfollowed me on duo, lingo and good Reads

1203
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,600
Speaker 1: and Facebook and all the things that we shared common

1204
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 1: interest in. And I text him and I was like,

1205
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 1: so my biggest fear was losing in the friendship. And

1206
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: he just said, I can't be friends with you because

1207
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 1: I'll always want more. And I thought, okay, so you're

1208
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: just willing to throw away eighteen years of friendship because

1209
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 1: your feelings are hurt. So it's like, at this point,

1210
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: is it crossing a line to write him a letter

1211
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 1: and just be like, hey, maybe we didn't try long

1212
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 1: enough or I don't know. At this point sounds like

1213
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 1: you're very similar. Maybe just simplify a little bit. And

1214
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 1: then if you do write him a letter, which sounds

1215
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: like you should, because about eighteen years, you don't want

1216
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 1: to throw that out like that was a nothing part

1217
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 1: of your life. That was real. Whether it works out

1218
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,800
Speaker 1: for you all or not, that was real. You built that.

1219
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 1: You don't want to throw that out completely. I mean,

1220
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: if you do write him a letter, be considerate. I'm

1221
01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:24,440
Speaker 1: sure he feels like he got bruised or lost or

1222
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: made an advance and you had it and then you

1223
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 1: were like, Nope, that's it. He probably feels a little embarrassed,

1224
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: a little shame, a little loss, a little less just

1225
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 1: maybe as a friend. Go man, if this has out

1226
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 1: and made you feel I didn't mean to hurt you,

1227
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 1: but that's how I felt. This is all so damn complicated,

1228
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 1: and you want to go back back back a few

1229
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: months before we before that kiss, and just start with

1230
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 1: when we were high fiving and go have a couple

1231
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: of coffee or a walk and start right there some

1232
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 1: simple shit and maybe maybe cuss each other out and go,

1233
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 1: this fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me.

1234
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 1: That could be it could be fun. You know. Yeah, yeah,

1235
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: I agree with that, and I think you should definitely

1236
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 1: write him a letter, but also acknowledge his feelings. Definitely

1237
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:06,240
Speaker 1: acknowledge the fact that he was the way he may

1238
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: be feeling right now. But you know, as an effort

1239
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 1: to retain this friendship, you can say, in the hopes

1240
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: I want to have these feelings for you, I'm willing

1241
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 1: to try this again, but we also have to be adults,

1242
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.

1243
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: People have been turned down before and been able to

1244
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 1: maintain friendships. You know. Obviously he needs a little bit

1245
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 1: of time to get over what he's dealing with. But

1246
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:31,440
Speaker 1: I think that you should really definitely focus on some

1247
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:33,439
Speaker 1: of the things that we said to you about looking

1248
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 1: within yourself and figuring out, you know, what your stipulations

1249
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 1: and kind of roadblocks have been and kind of just

1250
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 1: try to open them up and just kind of be

1251
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 1: open to whatever. Don't have it in your head the

1252
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:51,000
Speaker 1: way that it needs to look perfectly right. Absolutely, well, Carrie,

1253
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Okay, for sure, Thanks, Okay,

1254
01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 1: good luck. Forty eight's great. I just turned forty eight,

1255
01:01:57,720 --> 01:02:02,919
Speaker 1: and I'm yeah, I'm kind of at that age where

1256
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I'm not one of those people

1257
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 1: that is desperate to be in a relationship. I actually

1258
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 1: quite like being single. And that's probably part of the

1259
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 1: problem with dating, is like I'll start dating and then

1260
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:18,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're actually single. It's not so bad. So yeah,

1261
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm definitely at forty eight. I'm not even at forty eight.

1262
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm not in a rush to get into any sort

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01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 1: of relationship, but it would be nice. Okay, take care,

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01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:32,480
Speaker 1: nice to speak with you. Thanks. Okay, we're running out

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01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 1: of time, so we're gonna take a quick break and

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01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 1: we'll be right back. And we're back. We're back. That

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01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 1: was awesome, Matthew McConaughey, you were great, has predicted. Yes,

1268
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 1: thank you so to this event. To Matthew's event that

1269
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: he's hosting with Tony Robbins. It is a virtual event.

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01:02:56,040 --> 01:03:00,520
Speaker 1: It's called Art of Living Live on April twenty four, Right,

1271
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 1: so you can go online and register at art of

1272
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 1: livin event dot com and sign up. It's actually free

1273
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 1: to attend, so go check it out. Oh yeah, that's awesome.

1274
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 1: A matter. So it's all free. Yeah, it's all free.

1275
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:17,320
Speaker 1: Oh great and online? Okay, awesome. Thanks for sharing today,

1276
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here, Thanks for giving advice to our callers.

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01:03:21,040 --> 01:03:26,720
Speaker 1: Appreciate it. I enjoyed that. Okay, enjoy that by Matthew. Bye.

1278
01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:31,160
Speaker 1: Oh well, great episode, Mabulas and don't forget everybody. My

1279
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:35,880
Speaker 1: new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and it's badass.

1280
01:03:36,440 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 1: And then I'm doing a tour, a little big Bitch tour.

1281
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: Go to chelseahmma dot com for tickets. I've added some

1282
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 1: new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York.

1283
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming

1284
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:49,720
Speaker 1: to Calamazoo, and then I'm coming to a bunch of

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01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth,

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01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:57,160
Speaker 1: and twenty first, and then I'll be in Atlantic City

1287
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:59,480
Speaker 1: June tenth, which is almost still doubt So get your tickets.

1288
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1289
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1290
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1291
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickart executive producer Catherine Law and

1292
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahamler dot

1293
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 1: com