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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. For earlier access to these episodes, access

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Speaker 1: by clicking the link in the description to this episode.

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Speaker 1: So I've really thrilled this afternoon to be joined by

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Speaker 1: Francesca Hogy, who I met at a conference. I think

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Speaker 1: it was a conference, is that.

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Speaker 2: What we I think that's what we call it.

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Speaker 1: It was a conference, but it was a conference on atriotism,

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Speaker 1: and there was a really unique assemblage of people there

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Speaker 1: with a lot of varied backgrounds. And you were there,

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Speaker 1: and you are a love coach.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, that was That was a strange room to

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Speaker 2: find myself in, for sure, but I was glad to

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Speaker 2: be there and glad to meet you. But yes, I

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Speaker 2: am a love coach. I help people with love.

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Speaker 1: And I think one of the things that was interesting

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Speaker 1: about that weekend as the obvious and we'll get into

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Speaker 1: talking about what you do who you do it with,

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Speaker 1: but love as a concept is elemental to the human condition,

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Speaker 1: and that's something that you talked about at the retreat,

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Speaker 1: and in the context of patriotism, one of the things

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Speaker 1: I've long said and I said there that weekend, is

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Speaker 1: that we need a reminder in the country that you

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Speaker 1: can't hate half the people in it and love your country.

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Speaker 1: And love, whether it's with patriotism, whether it's at an

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Speaker 1: individual level, is just elemental to everything else in society working.

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Speaker 1: And I've just wanted to ask you, when you think

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Speaker 1: about your career track, tell us how you got into

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Speaker 1: doing what you do, how you say it what you

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Speaker 1: do before we talk about the concept more broadly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I in my former career, I was a

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Speaker 2: corporate lawyer, which is not the world's worst job, but

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Speaker 2: it's still was something that I knew that that was

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Speaker 2: not what I was on the planet to do. It's

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Speaker 2: not what I wanted to do for the rest of

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Speaker 2: my life. And love is something that I've always been

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Speaker 2: unusually obsessed with. It felt normal to me. But as

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Speaker 2: I got older, I said, I don't think other people

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Speaker 2: think about love quite as much as I do. And eventually,

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Speaker 2: I mean, this is a very very short version. Eventually

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Speaker 2: I wound up discovering a matchmaker named Paul Brunson, and

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Speaker 2: he is a black man. He had an MBA. He

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Speaker 2: was an investment banker, and he left his career to

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Speaker 2: start a matchmaking business, and I was very inspired. I

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Speaker 2: was like, I'm kind of like him. I saw myself

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Speaker 2: in him, and through just following him, I learned that

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Speaker 2: this was actually an industry, that there were people whose

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Speaker 2: job it was to help other people find love. And

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Speaker 2: that was one of the things that was really important

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Speaker 2: to me in my career pivot was doing something that

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Speaker 2: was really important, like something that was actually really significantly

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Speaker 2: going to positively impact people's lives. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: what's more impactful than love? Right, Like, as you said,

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Speaker 2: it's elemental. We're all born knowing how to love. We're

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Speaker 2: all born, you know, I consider us all to be

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Speaker 2: born love geniuses. And then a lot of that gets

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Speaker 2: suppressed through you know, life and childhood and conditioning and

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Speaker 2: trauma and all those things. But at our core, you know,

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Speaker 2: we all have this drive to love and to be loved,

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Speaker 2: and you know, I just once I discovered that I

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Speaker 2: could actually help people really tap into that and to

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Speaker 2: really embody love and not just think of it as

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Speaker 2: even though I focus on romantic love. For people who

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Speaker 2: are listening and you've no idea who I am, you know,

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Speaker 2: I typically work with people who are single who are

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Speaker 2: looking for healthy relationships that last. That's my typical demographic.

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Speaker 2: But even within that, you know, a lot of people

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Speaker 2: come to me and they're very focused on I want

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Speaker 2: to get into relationship. I want to get into a relationship.

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Speaker 2: But then ultimately what the real key to them actually

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Speaker 2: having that relationship is is having a deeper relationship of

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Speaker 2: self love. So when I started, I was very much

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Speaker 2: about I'm a matchmaker. I'm just going to introduce everybody to,

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Speaker 2: you know, a great partner and they're going to fall

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Speaker 2: in love and it's all going to be great. And

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Speaker 2: once I got in it, it was like, oh wait,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot more to this, and there are a

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Speaker 2: lot more layers that people need to really address and

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Speaker 2: understanding what love even is and how to actually live

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Speaker 2: in love and start there, and then you'll then the

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Speaker 2: relationship you want and all of that because comes inevitable

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Speaker 2: and just and accepted or expected outcome of just moving

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Speaker 2: through the world in a certain way and having that

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Speaker 2: intention of Okay, I do want to co create a

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Speaker 2: loving relationship with another person.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk about all of that, But

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Speaker 1: I want to back up on your career trajectory and

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Speaker 1: So take us to that moment where you're going into

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Speaker 1: the corporate law firm, your corporate lawyering and doing the

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Speaker 1: things that corporate lawyers do, and you have your first moment,

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Speaker 1: right and it's you know, you have you have gone

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Speaker 1: to law school, you're a lawyer, You've you've studied for

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Speaker 1: you've passed the bar. There you are and one day

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Speaker 1: this what was it? Is it a moment of doubt

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Speaker 1: creeps in? You know, when do you go from first out?

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Speaker 1: So I can't do this anymore, Gotta gotta change it

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Speaker 1: up because I think a lot of people find themselves there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, especially a lot of lawyers because too many

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Speaker 2: people go to law school who shouldn't. But for me,

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Speaker 2: it was it took I mean it took some time

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Speaker 2: because initially, you're right, I you know, I did all

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Speaker 2: the things. I graduated from law school, I passed the bar,

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Speaker 2: I was at this you know, great firm in New

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Speaker 2: York City, and I was living the dream. You know,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, mid twenty six figure salary, town,

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Speaker 2: you know, town car home every night, and all of

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Speaker 2: these kind of trappings of success that at first you're like,

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Speaker 2: oh wow, I made it right, But then after a

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Speaker 2: couple of years of that, and a big thing for

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Speaker 2: me was that at my firm, I actually had a

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Speaker 2: very very good situation because I had one of the

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Speaker 2: most senior partners at the firm who was my mentor,

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Speaker 2: who I did ninety nine percent of my work directly

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Speaker 2: with him, and so I was very protected from a

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Speaker 2: lot of the law firm politics and competition because I

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Speaker 2: was just sort of in this special category, as you know,

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Speaker 2: being this person's associate, and he and I had a

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Speaker 2: wonderful relationship, and so I recognized especially compared to all

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Speaker 2: of my friends who were lawyers and you know, in

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Speaker 2: other professions as well. I was like, I have a

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Speaker 2: very very good situation here, and still I don't want

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Speaker 2: this is not what I want to do for my life.

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Speaker 2: And when I look at when I look at this partner,

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Speaker 2: when I look at all the partners, I don't want

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Speaker 2: their job, right, And this like when people say when

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Speaker 2: you look at your boss, like if you don't want

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Speaker 2: your boss's job, then like you might be in the

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Speaker 2: wrong job, right, and so like I don't want that.

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Speaker 2: So I just have to trust that there's something more

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Speaker 2: for me. So my first time that I left the law,

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Speaker 2: I left, and actually, because I see I was telling you,

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Speaker 2: I told you this short version. But what I actually

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Speaker 2: had studied undergrad was TV and film production. And so

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Speaker 2: when I first left the law, I started a film

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Speaker 2: production company and so I moved from New York to

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Speaker 2: LA and I did that for five years with a

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Speaker 2: friend of mine from law school. Actually, so it was that.

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Speaker 2: And then I went back to the law because.

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Speaker 3: I got sucked back in basically because I needed to

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Speaker 3: make money, because I wasn't making any money as as

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Speaker 3: an independent film producer and that time, and so you

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Speaker 3: asked about like that moment, I had a day and

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Speaker 3: I went back to New York, you know, back.

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Speaker 2: In the whole corporate law grind down car, back in

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Speaker 2: the town car exactly, back in eating you know, dinner

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Speaker 2: at my at my desk and all of that. And

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Speaker 2: I literally, Steve, I walked into the office one morning

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Speaker 2: and this has not ever happened to me before and

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Speaker 2: or since, I don't think, actually, and it was like

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Speaker 2: somebody was whispering, my ear, You're not supposed to be here,

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Speaker 2: and it was so loud and it was so alarming

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Speaker 2: that I actually had a moment of you know, and

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Speaker 2: this is you know, downtown Manhattan, you know Skyscraper, and

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Speaker 2: I had a moment of like, is this my intuition

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Speaker 2: telling me like there's a terrorist attack? I mean like

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Speaker 2: literally that's where I went for a moment. And then

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Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I don't think it's that. I

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Speaker 2: don't think I'm in immediate danger, but I just this

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Speaker 2: is I've reached the limit of this, Like I this

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Speaker 2: stage of being like, I don't know what I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do with my life, so I'm kind of stuck here.

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Speaker 2: It's like I'm sick of being stuck, and it's time

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Speaker 2: for me to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And you meet this guy who, as you said, is

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Speaker 1: a he's a black guy. He's an investment banker, right,

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Speaker 1: and so yeah, there's a you know which I put

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Speaker 1: like in the very very proximate space right doing more

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Speaker 1: employers right, very much walked out of that. He's doing this,

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Speaker 1: and this guy's happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this guy is happy, he's living his best life.

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Speaker 2: He's really, you know, very passionate about what he does

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Speaker 2: and very successful in all of those things. And so I, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I really I saw myself and him. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: he you know, did the whole good school, fancy degree thing,

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Speaker 2: you know, fancy career, and he chose something that seemed crazy,

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Speaker 2: and a lot of people really did think I was

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Speaker 2: I mean, no one. I had one friend who said

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Speaker 2: to me, do you really think is this really what

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Speaker 2: you want to do? You really think this is a

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Speaker 2: good idea? Everyone else kind of went matchmaking? Okay, well, good.

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Speaker 1: Luck with that, you know.

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Speaker 2: And but so it takes a lot of courage to

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Speaker 2: do a big pivot, you know, as you know, and uh.

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Speaker 1: When people when people when you told people that you

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Speaker 1: were like, I'm gonna be a matchmaker, were they surprised?

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Speaker 1: Were they like, that's Francesca that were you know, people

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Speaker 1: kind of fall out of their chairs? Do they like,

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Speaker 1: you know, as Francisco always marched at a beat of

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Speaker 1: her own drama on that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: people in my life just felt like, Okay, you know,

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Speaker 2: she marches to the beat of her own drum. This

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Speaker 2: is the thing she's into. I guess now, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't think people took it very seriously. But and

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Speaker 2: I also the other thing that I skipped over is that,

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Speaker 2: you know, I had been on Survivor right the show,

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Speaker 2: and I'd been on Survivor twice, and you know that's

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Speaker 2: a whole debacle. But anyway, but the point is, I

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Speaker 2: think people were just kind of used to me doing

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Speaker 2: risky things, unorthodox things, and so they were kind of like,

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Speaker 2: all right, well, good luck with that. But there was

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Speaker 2: literally not one person who was like, yes, this is

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Speaker 2: a good idea. I see it, I see the vision,

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Speaker 2: this is what you should do. So I had to

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Speaker 2: really step out on faith that I was being called

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Speaker 2: to this profession for a reason and trust that. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't always easy, but I'm glad I did.

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Speaker 1: So you talked about this evolution of how you see it,

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Speaker 1: how you counsel people when people come to you, that

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Speaker 1: they have to be comfortable with themselves talking about self love.

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Speaker 1: But yes, before we get there, let's talk about who's

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Speaker 1: coming to see you. Median age.

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Speaker 2: I would say the median age is probably late thirties.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, male or more female.

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Speaker 2: So I have more women who come to me as clients,

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Speaker 2: but I actually have more men who listen to my podcast,

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Speaker 2: and I find that very interesting. Like the breakdown on

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Speaker 2: social is really fifty to fifty, but I think fewer

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Speaker 2: men are inclined to reach out to a coach and say,

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Speaker 2: you know, I really want to hire you. I need

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Speaker 2: deeper help with this. But yeah, and they might not

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Speaker 2: feel as welcome because I do kind of speak to

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Speaker 2: women mostly, but I include everyone in my heart, even

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Speaker 2: if people just sort of you know, I happen to

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Speaker 2: be a heterosexual woman, so I kind of default to

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Speaker 2: that dynamic often, but not to exclude anyone. Everyone's included.

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Speaker 2: And what I'm actually talking about, because what I'm actually

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Speaker 2: talking about is really about self love and intention and

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Speaker 2: that doesn't have anything to do with your gender or

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Speaker 2: age or race or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: Now I found that curious. Also, what do you what

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Speaker 1: do you how do you account for that? Right? What

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Speaker 1: do you what do you think it is with Matt

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Speaker 1: that they are not inclined to ask for help, that

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Speaker 1: they're lazy?

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Speaker 3: I'd acted right, I mean, I mean you said it

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Speaker 3: ask mean.

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Speaker 1: I mean that could be added. What do you what

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Speaker 1: do you think now? I I you know, I'm fifty two,

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Speaker 1: and so we're all a product of our of our generations,

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Speaker 1: and so being fifty two, and you know, I say

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Speaker 1: to my kids, well there's there's Grandpa, you know, quite

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Speaker 1: essential baby boomer. But you missed my my grandparents. But

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Speaker 1: but Grandpa's generation of men were pre GPS, pre cell phones,

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Speaker 1: which meant if you were lost with dad, right, and

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Speaker 1: this doesn't matter, right, you know, black man, white man,

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Speaker 1: a Hispanic man, it doesn't all men of that generation right.

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Speaker 1: Overwhelmingly they would not ask for directions, right, you would

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Speaker 1: have for five six hours? Right, you know, well they

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Speaker 1: would not. They would not do it right. So like

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Speaker 1: men are evolving right, somewhat right because they were your

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Speaker 1: right asking for help. And and now people are listening

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Speaker 1: and men are coming in. But what do you have

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Speaker 1: an approach that's different? You know, off the line, what

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Speaker 1: you say to a client, a man who's coming in

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Speaker 1: late thirties versus a woman, you know, late thirties, how

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Speaker 1: you how you begin? How you say it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I would say, well, first of all,

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Speaker 2: I would say late thirties is the median, but the

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Speaker 2: average is probably more like forties early early early to

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Speaker 2: mid forties. And it's not that I necessarily say different

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Speaker 2: things to I would say different things to a man

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Speaker 2: versus a woman, but I do speak to them differently.

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Speaker 2: Meaning what I do like about working with men is

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Speaker 2: that when a man is motivated enough to work with

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Speaker 2: a coach, he's pretty much like, Okay, I don't know

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Speaker 2: what I'm doing, so just tell me what to do

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Speaker 2: and I'll do it. So it tends to be a

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Speaker 2: much more straightforward I don't have to account for as

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Speaker 2: much sort of emotion and like because like the more

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Speaker 2: direct communication. This is such generalizations right now. This is like,

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Speaker 2: while generally.

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Speaker 1: Right, but it's good marriage training, like witch, you'll do

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Speaker 1: when you're told and try to action.

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Speaker 2: Need Yeah, I mean there is something about there is

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Speaker 2: something especially like in this I think again this heterosexual

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Speaker 2: dynamic where there is an element of men want to

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Speaker 2: please you as a woman. So even though I'm just

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Speaker 2: their coach, there's no romantic anything, I'm still saying like, hey, this,

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Speaker 2: you know, this is what we agree to. These are

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Speaker 2: the actions you're going to take. And then if we

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Speaker 2: get on the phone in a week and you haven't

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Speaker 2: done it, and I'm like, well, tell me why you

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Speaker 2: didn't do it? You know, like this isn't about me,

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Speaker 2: this is about you. So what's going on here? You

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Speaker 2: commit it or not. It's kind of like okay, you

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Speaker 2: know I think that men tend to respond to that

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Speaker 2: a little bit better than women, who it tends to

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Speaker 2: be more of a conversation about Okay, let's talk about

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Speaker 2: how you how you feel, and what's coming up for

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Speaker 2: you and how you can like some tools to deal

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Speaker 2: with that emotion so you can take the action that

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Speaker 2: you want. So this men tend to just generally be

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Speaker 2: a little bit more action oriented, but that can have

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Speaker 2: its downside too, obviously, right, And so that's but that's

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Speaker 2: what's great about man who's ready to work with a coach.

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Speaker 2: I'm not just saying do these things. It's like there's

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Speaker 2: there's reason, there's meaning, you know underneath it, and they're

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Speaker 2: ready for that.

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Speaker 1: Now. Now, what percentage of people that are coming to

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Speaker 1: see who are divorced looking or you know versus you know,

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Speaker 1: haven't been married yet, haven't had a Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I would say it's probably about fifty to

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Speaker 2: fifty you know, between divorce or even if they weren't married,

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Speaker 2: just maybe long term relationships, I would say, So, I'd

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Speaker 2: say it's probably probably about fifty percent of people who've

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Speaker 2: been in long term relationships, and then probably about twenty

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Speaker 2: five percent of people who are actively dating but they're

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Speaker 2: just like stuck in this cycle and they just can't

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Speaker 2: break through, they can't break out of that dating cycle.

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Speaker 2: And then about twenty five percent of people really don't

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Speaker 2: date at all and maybe haven't really dated. And so

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Speaker 2: they're coming to me to really get the confidence and

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Speaker 2: the skills to start to open themselves up to date

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Speaker 2: and to get romantically activated, as I call it.

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Speaker 1: There are those people because they just gave up or

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Speaker 1: they just never engaged in the.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's usually it's usually people who never really got started.

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Speaker 2: And then and I and I, by the way, I'm

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Speaker 2: one of those people. So, like I mean, I was

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Speaker 2: a lawyer at a law firm, and I had to recognize, like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to date, and I had to

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Speaker 2: teach myself how to date because I literally was like

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to get I don't know how

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Speaker 2: to get a date. Then when I finally figured out

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Speaker 2: how to get a date, I wasn't getting asked on

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Speaker 2: second dates. So I was like my own first client, right.

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Speaker 2: I had to face the kind of the shame that

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Speaker 2: you can feel when you are an adult person who

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Speaker 2: doesn't date and doesn't have relationships, because it feels like

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Speaker 2: there's something wrong with you. Is like, why is everybody

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Speaker 2: else figure this out but not me? And so it

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Speaker 2: just happens a lot more camp. It happens a lot

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Speaker 2: more often than people realize because oftentimes people who don't

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Speaker 2: date and don't have relationships, they're not talking about it.

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Speaker 2: So you just sort of like, oh, you know, they're busy,

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Speaker 2: they doing this, Oh there are all these other things

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Speaker 2: going on in their lives and that's just not a

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Speaker 2: priority for them, or maybe they just don't talk about it.

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Speaker 2: But people make assumptions that there's something going on that

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Speaker 2: maybe is in and you know, so there are these

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Speaker 2: different sort of ways that that circumstance can hide and

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Speaker 2: plain sight. But it's actually it's actually pretty common.

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Speaker 1: Now let me just are you saying same sex couples,

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Speaker 1: are they part of the practice anyone from the transgender

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Speaker 1: community or overwhelmingly or we talk about heterosexual practice couples coming.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, so, first of all, I don't work with couples.

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Speaker 2: I work with individuals. Yeah, so, and in terms of that,

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Speaker 2: and I mean, yeah, with individuals, So I mean in

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Speaker 2: terms of people's like sexual orientation, I mean, most of

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Speaker 2: my clients are heterosexual or least bisexual, Like there is

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Speaker 2: some heterosexual dynamic there. But I've also had wonderful, amazing

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Speaker 2: clients who are homosexual who do you know, all sorts

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Speaker 2: of So I've had like every permutation basically, but most consistently,

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Speaker 2: my most consistent client is a cisgendered heterosexual woman. That's

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Speaker 2: my most typical client. But everyone, like I said, I've

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Speaker 2: worked with everyone, and everyone is welcome. It's just those

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Speaker 2: are the people who are the most drawn to me.

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Speaker 1: And the people that will go see a coach to

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Speaker 1: do this. Any inclination difference kind of more white than

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Speaker 1: black or is it evenly.

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Speaker 2: Really yeah, it's really evenly spread, and you know, it's

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Speaker 2: evenly spread for me in terms of my own business.

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Speaker 2: But and I think, you know, some coaches are a

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Speaker 2: little bit more maybe, you know, like there are a

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Speaker 2: lot of coaches, for instance, who specifically coached black women,

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Speaker 2: Like they're coaches who specifically coach Jewish people. There are

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Speaker 2: coaches who specific you know, So there's there's lots of

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Speaker 2: different There are people who really specialize in particular communities

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Speaker 2: and demographics. I don't specialize in a particular community orgraphic,

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Speaker 2: but that's but that's great. You know, there's lots of

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Speaker 2: coaches out there, and there's basically a coach for everyone.

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Speaker 2: So I think that as soon as people find like,

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Speaker 2: oh there's somebody who's speaking my language, they're saying something

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Speaker 2: that resonates with me. What I don't I don't see

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Speaker 2: race being a factor in making a decision as to

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Speaker 2: whether or not they're going to work with somebody. It's

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Speaker 2: just who they're going to work with.

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Speaker 1: Or most people college educated, affluent, Yes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, most of my clients are professionals, and I

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Speaker 2: mean they're again this is not like a requirement that

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Speaker 2: I have, but this is just most of them are

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Speaker 2: people who are more high, high achieving. A lot of

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Speaker 2: them have graduate degrees, a lot of them have you know,

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Speaker 2: that successful what looks like that very successful career. They

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Speaker 2: have some means because it is a luxury service, right Like,

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Speaker 2: so if you if you don't have any if you

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Speaker 2: don't have any money to invest in coaching, you know,

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Speaker 2: I still have lots of resources that are free. But

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Speaker 2: in terms of who I work with one on one, yeah,

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Speaker 2: there are people who tend to you know, they have

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Speaker 2: they have the means to invest in coaching.

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Speaker 1: All right, So I'm going to make a sweet thing

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Speaker 1: kind of generalization. Now, so we've asked these questions just

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Speaker 1: kind of arc type of Americans. And one of the

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Speaker 1: things we were at the conferences, you know, which was

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Speaker 1: a nice thing able to have a direct, honest of

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Speaker 1: dialogue and conversations about things. And so we live in

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Speaker 1: this era where everything is sliced and diced into the

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Speaker 1: narrowest band, you know, left handed, white person, Irish descent

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Speaker 1: of black. Is that everything else? But we're talking about

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Speaker 1: really is a segment of the population here that is multicultural,

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Speaker 1: that is diverse racially, is affluent, successful, lay thirties toes.

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Speaker 1: About half the people have had a failed marriage, you know,

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Speaker 1: my category you know now recently remarried, But you have

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Speaker 1: people who haven't been in a relationship and about twenty

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Speaker 1: percent that just have this part of their life that's

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Speaker 1: that's on fill. Do I do I basically have that

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Speaker 1: have that right? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you do. I mean I think the one thing

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Speaker 2: that I would revise is that the age range is wider, right,

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Speaker 2: because I was giving you meetians and averages. But like

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Speaker 2: I you know, I've worked with people in their seventies.

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Speaker 2: I like, I have a membership community. I have people

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Speaker 2: in my community who were in their sixties and fifty anty,

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Speaker 2: so there's a there is definitely arranged. But yes, I

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Speaker 2: think that was a good summary. Good listening, feel Steve right.

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Speaker 1: So I so what I what I think is is

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Speaker 1: a couple of things. I think that we are now

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Speaker 1: beginning to talk more about this as a society. The

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Speaker 1: Surgeant General said that loneliness, yes, will kill you off

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Speaker 1: as quickly as smoking a couple of backs a day,

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Speaker 1: which is pretty statement.

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Speaker 2: It really is. Yeah, that report was it was striking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So you are this person who they come

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Speaker 1: to see affluently successful people, and you are different right

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Speaker 1: away from the overwhelming majority of people who who walk

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Speaker 1: in that door because you walked out of something that

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Speaker 1: made you unhappy, found yourself in a place that made

431
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 1: you happy. And really what drives that happiness is helping

432
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 1: other people. And part of that advice is telling people

433
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: that you have to love yourself else right before you

434
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: can't commit and to be a full whole partner to

435
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 1: someone else. And so I guess my question is in

436
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 1: the in the context, is what percentage of people are

437
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: walking in to see you in some state of anxiety,

438
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: some state of loneliness, some state of depression, right, which

439
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: which is not something right that you initially set out

440
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: right to observe talk about, but take in. But you

441
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: assessed that this that this loneliness, this disconnection as as

442
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: driving this emptiness.

443
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know, I think there's some degree

444
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: of anxiety and there's some degree of disconnection for everyone

445
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: who comes to me. I mean I think if you

446
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 2: didn't have any of that, then you wouldn't be seeking help.

447
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:03,239
Speaker 2: You wouldn't be seeking guidance in terms of depression. You know,

448
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 2: there there have been times in the past where people

449
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 2: have come to me and wanted to hire me and

450
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 2: I actually felt like you actually need I would recommend

451
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: therapy at this moment over coaching because if someone is

452
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 2: in a very you know, if they're just in an

453
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 2: extreme emotionally you know, disrupted state, then it's like coaching

454
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: is it's not the time you want to you want

455
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,159
Speaker 2: to you want to stabilize. I mean, I help people

456
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 2: with tools with obviously, you know, mental health is something

457
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 2: that's part of just what probably any coach does. You know,

458
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 2: it was a good coach at least, right, But I'm

459
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 2: not a therapist, right, So, if somebody is having an

460
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 2: acute mental health apriate right, exactly exactly, but you know

461
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 2: there are It's interesting at the start of the pandemic,

462
00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 2: my business started booming because, I mean for a few reasons.

463
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 2: One is because people were actually just like sitting down

464
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 2: and like actually had time to, you know, really look

465
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: at their lives and look at their choices and prioritize

466
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 2: things differently. But also because people were sad and lonely,

467
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: and they're like, Okay, is there really some way that

468
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 2: I can even given the state of the world, even

469
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 2: given my circumstances, is there still a way for me

470
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 2: to feel connected and still have love? And yeah, I

471
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: mean the answer is yes.

472
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: Anybody's wondering. I say this all the time politically, and

473
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 1: I know we see eye to eye on you know,

474
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 1: the person I'm gonna talk about, But there's a we

475
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: don't talk enough about in this country, about this crisis

476
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: of loneliness and disconnection as it relates to our politics.

477
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: And you know, what Donald Trump has created is a

478
00:27:53,119 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 1: community of lonely, disconnected people and put them together under

479
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: this Maga umbrella. And now that it's the worst cause

480
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: since Jim Crow in the in the Confederacy is beside

481
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 1: the point, right, if you're lovely and looking for a community,

482
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 1: and you have people right who have found themselves there.

483
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: Then on the margins of this, you know, or maybe

484
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 1: margins is wrong word, because it's it's more mainstream than that.

485
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: Now you have a a militant extremism that's attracting disaffected people,

486
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: and they wind up in the Proud Boys, and they

487
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: wind up in the Oathkeepers, and they wind up in

488
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: the Patriot Front neo Nazi organization, just like it's always

489
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: always been. And so you know, this societal issue, right,

490
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: the healthcare costs of loneliness, the political costs of loneliness,

491
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day, the cost of

492
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: loneliness against really the mission statement of a country, which is,

493
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: you know, for people to pursue happiness. It's that it's

494
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: tough to pursue your happiness if you're sad and you

495
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: and you and you're alone. So so most people who

496
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: come to see you, you know, you would say, are

497
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: in a state of some degree or not of loneliness.

498
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, I mean, I would I wouldn't

499
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 2: say that that's how they would describe it. I mean,

500
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 2: people don't say I'm so lonely help me. They're more like,

501
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 2: I really want to need someone, I really want to

502
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: have a relationship, I want to have love, I want

503
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 2: to feel more connected to myself. So I think that's

504
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 2: it's not that lonely is the word that they necessarily

505
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: always use, but there is some loneliness there, because if

506
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 2: we feel disconnected from love, we're going to feel lonely,

507
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,959
Speaker 2: whether you are in a relationship or not, right Like,

508
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 2: that's just that's just how it goes. Like that's you know,

509
00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 2: love is an inside job and it doesn't feel that way.

510
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 2: And you know, and to your larger point about what's

511
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: happening politically and our country, you know, I don't give

512
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: Donald Trump that much credit. I mean, he's an avatar.

513
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 2: He's somebody who came along and if the conditions were

514
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 2: not perfect for his message and for him to tap

515
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 2: into a certain vein, then it wouldn't you know, it

516
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 2: never would have connected.

517
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: Right.

518
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 2: So I think that we have disaffected people in every

519
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 2: you know, political shade and spectrum because ultimately, I believe

520
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 2: that we have a self worth crisis in our culture

521
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 2: and that is the cause of everything, because we don't

522
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 2: view ourselves as inherently worthy, and we don't view other

523
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 2: people is inherently worthy. So what I mean by that is,

524
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 2: if you think about a newborn baby and you look

525
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 2: at a newborn baby, does this baby deserve love? Do

526
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 2: they deserve respect? Do they deserve kindness? Do they deserve safety? Right?

527
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: So some people would say maybe depends on what color

528
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 2: they are or where they were born, right, But hopefully

529
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 2: we can all actually understand that, yeah, this baby, of

530
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: course baby is born deserving of those things, right. And

531
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 2: so if you can accept that, then you can also

532
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: start to understand that that applies to all of us.

533
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 2: We were all born, We were all babies once, right.

534
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 2: And part of what I see as the problem politically

535
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: is that no one wants to give anyone the basic

536
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 2: foundation of just you are a worthy human. I might

537
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 2: disagree with you, but I recognize your inherent worth. And

538
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 2: so if we recognize each other's inherent worth, like even

539
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 2: on the basic level of respect, right, like, respect is

540
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,479
Speaker 2: not something that I believe that we should have to

541
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 2: earn from one another. We owe it to each other

542
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 2: to just respect each other's humanity, and we don't do

543
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 2: that so often on either side of the political spectrum.

544
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 2: And so if we continue to just dehumanize each other.

545
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: It's only a reflection of how we feel. Like if

546
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 2: we felt really connected internally, and we loved ourselves, and

547
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: we felt inherently worthy and you know, good enough, and

548
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: we didn't have to do all these things and get

549
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: this outside validation and approval and all of this and

550
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: you know, money and success and all these things told

551
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 2: be good enough. If we just felt good enough as

552
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 2: we as we are inherently today right now, I think

553
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: the world would be a different place. It would be transformed.

554
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 2: So that's how I look at these things. That's why

555
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 2: I'm always about let's talk about how you feel about yourself,

556
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 2: because it is such an easy distraction to project and

557
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 2: put all your energy and all your attention on other people.

558
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 2: Look at how terrible they are, look at how stupid

559
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 2: they are, look at how bad they are. And if

560
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 2: everyone one in the world just continues to do that,

561
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 2: we are actually going to have an apocalypse and we

562
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 2: are all going to kill each other, because that is

563
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 2: the inevitable outcome of that, of that that energy continuing.

564
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: You said, you said one of the things about self

565
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: worth that I want to that I want to come

566
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: back to you, but let me so before we come

567
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: back to self worth, and I want to ask you

568
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: a question, which is, why do you think that it

569
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: is that people's self worth has never been lower? Is

570
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: what you're saying at a time when it's costly validy? Right.

571
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: The first thing that comes to mind, right, you know

572
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: is we inculcate our kids with self worth now at

573
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: a young age, with with participation trophies. Right, so there's

574
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 1: there's no lack of validation. Right, And I want to

575
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,719
Speaker 1: I want to go more deeply into this with you,

576
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: because I think your observation there was brilliant. But how

577
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: many people before we do that, how many people say

578
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: to you, is there is there looking for a match? Absolutely?

579
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: No one else on the other political party? Well, what's whatsoever?

580
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. I'll date it racially. I'll date you know,

581
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 1: between religions, right, cultures, whatever. But you know, no Republican

582
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: or no Democrat was so over.

583
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,399
Speaker 2: I mean I probably I don't think I have any

584
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 2: clients who'd say no Democrats whatsoever. They probably wouldn't be

585
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 2: irony me that way.

586
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: Okay, But.

587
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I most this, this has changed because

588
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 2: I've been doing this now for ten years and When

589
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 2: I first started doing this, people were much more about

590
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 2: values and much more about you know, I don't have

591
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 2: to I don't have to agree on every single political

592
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: point as my partner, but as long as we have

593
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 2: like common ground, and I've definitely seen that polarized, Like

594
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 2: people are not interested in navigating common ground anymore. They

595
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 2: really just are like, Nope, I just want somebody who

596
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: has the same political views as me. So some people

597
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: are more extreme in that than others. But I'd say

598
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 2: that everybody has a political line in the sand. Now

599
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 2: that's very clear. That probably was a little bit fuzzier.

600
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: They'd have to give it some more thought, you know,

601
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 2: ten years ago or eight years ago.

602
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 1: Is it is it? Is it just stable now? Is

603
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: it just is it just the way it is? Is

604
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 1: it still hardening? Is it still is it still getting worse? Right?

605
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 1: Or more people you know, more more direct and more

606
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: clear on that.

607
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think it's I think it's getting

608
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 2: worse at the moment. For sure. Yeah, it's getting worse.

609
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 2: But you know, the thing about the thing about dating

610
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 2: culture and just our romantic culture in general, is that

611
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 2: it's not this thing that's like out there, like we're

612
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: all a part of it, right, And so everyone contributes

613
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 2: to it, whether you are actively dating, whether you're in

614
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,359
Speaker 2: a relationship or not, we're all still we're all still

615
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 2: collectively contributing our expectations and our you know, behaviors and

616
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 2: based on certain beliefs about love and relationships. So we

617
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,760
Speaker 2: all have to decide, Wow, this is getting bad. It's

618
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 2: only getting worse. And if this continues, what is that

619
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 2: going to mean for all of us as a society.

620
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,919
Speaker 2: What is that going to mean for us as individuals?

621
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 2: To feel like half of the country is my mortal enemy? Right, Like,

622
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: this is not going to be This is not going

623
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: to be a happy situation for any of us. So

624
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 2: it's it's like the individual. So going back to what

625
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: you said about self worth and the validation that a

626
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 2: lot of you know, people get. So there's a difference

627
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:58,839
Speaker 2: between self worth and self heal and between self wealth,

628
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 2: self worth and self validation or being validated, because oftentimes,

629
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 2: and what happens with a lot of kids is that

630
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 2: even by very very well intentioned people, we all get

631
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 2: this to some degree, your self worth now becomes tied

632
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 2: to the validation. It's not you're good enough. Oh, and

633
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 2: that's amazing that you did that thing. It's you did

634
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 2: that thing, and that's what makes you special, and that's

635
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 2: what makes you good enough. And so the validation and

636
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 2: that's why we see social do just getting a million

637
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,840
Speaker 2: likes on Instagram help people's mental health? We all know

638
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 2: that it doesn't.

639
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: I was gonna say these things a bit disaster, right,

640
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: They've been a disaster for this. Do you do you

641
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 1: believe it?

642
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 2: I mean, I listen, yes, they have, but this but

643
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 2: I'm also not you know, I don't blame it all

644
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 2: on technology, but technology definitely exacerbates a lot of behaviors

645
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 2: that we see now the result of this, Like we

646
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 2: wouldn't know, we wouldn't have the loneliness epidemic that we

647
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 2: have country if we didn't have if we didn't have,

648
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 2: you know, iPhones and social media, we wouldn't.

649
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: So let me so what So I have a good

650
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 1: friend of mine. His name is name is Paul, and

651
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: I've traveled all around the world with Paul, and We've

652
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 1: got out a lot of whether it's diving, hiking, a

653
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 1: lot of things involving guides and and Paul's dream is

654
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: to write a book. And in the book, he says

655
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: will be the dumbest question that he died has has

656
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 1: been asked, and I I think you're in a in

657
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 1: a related field. Perhaps I love it right that we

658
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 1: can talk about dating a little bit and what it's

659
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 1: like out there. A lot of people in the warning

660
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: community might skew a little bit older and aren't necessarily

661
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: out in the dating uh world right now, and so

662
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 1: we live in a peculiar time, peculiar age, post post pandemic.

663
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,479
Speaker 1: So give us to handle on what's going on out

664
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: there generically in the dating world right through the prism

665
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: of let's say a guy right who comes to see you,

666
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: you know what, his late thirties, early forties, he's alone,

667
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: he's looking for a partner, you know, he musts to

668
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: find the one. What is it? What is it that

669
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: you're gonna say to him? And what is it? What

670
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: is the thing that you most commonly hear right from

671
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 1: that guy? As both a coach now, right, but as

672
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: a woman, you're just like, oh my god, what is it?

673
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: What is it that they don't get about us?

674
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 2: That's interesting. I mean, I can't say that there's like

675
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:45,919
Speaker 2: a dumb, one specific dumb question, but but I think

676
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: there is a general naivete Let's put it that way

677
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 2: in terms of thinking that there's just this formula that

678
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 2: you can follow and you're going to meet somebody and

679
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 2: into a great relationship without having to look at any

680
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 2: of your own beliefs, expectations, behaviors and you know. So

681
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 2: I think there's the sense of just like, okay, well

682
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 2: just tell me what to do to like go meet

683
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 2: this great person. And it's like, well, I mean, we

684
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,720
Speaker 2: got to talk first about you, right, because just going

685
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 2: through just taking just going through steps just for the

686
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: sake of going through steps when you're not aligned with

687
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 2: how you actually feel and what you believe, and it's

688
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 2: just not it's not going to work. So I think

689
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 2: it's not that they're dumb questions. It's just more of

690
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 2: this sense that maybe there's just this one answer that

691
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 2: I haven't heard, and you can just tell me that

692
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 2: one thing and I can just do it and not

693
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 2: have to worry about anything else. So it's not dumb

694
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 2: so much as naive.

695
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: You do keep track of the people that you have,

696
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: your clients, who have who have how many people say,

697
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 1: you know, I've met someone, we're getting married. You do

698
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 1: it to you?

699
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 2: You Yeah, so you'd be surprised. Okay, so I definitely

700
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 2: I have plenty of people who actively like reach out

701
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 2: to me, you know, invite me to weddings, you know,

702
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 2: say like this never would have happened things to you.

703
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 2: But then I also have people who will just like randomly,

704
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 2: like they'll see something I post on Instagram and they'll

705
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 2: be like, oh, hey, I you know, I forgot to

706
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,359
Speaker 2: tell you. You know, we worked together three years ago

707
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 2: and you said blah blah blah and this was so helpful.

708
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 2: And right after that, I met this guy and we've

709
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 2: been married now for a year, and I'm like, you're

710
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 2: gonna tell me that, like you'd be so sor like

711
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 2: that happens so often. It's like people are like, oh,

712
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 2: I kind of forgot, Because I think what happens is

713
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 2: that it's not like when you're matchmaking and you're the

714
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 2: one who's literally like, you know, Jane meet Steve and

715
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you know, how did you meet Francesca

716
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 2: introduced us? Right, But when it's coaching and you've now

717
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 2: developed the skill to become your own matchmaker, you've done it,

718
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 2: so it's not like, you know, you know, I think

719
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 2: I think that people sometimes don't they don't make the

720
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,240
Speaker 2: direct connection.

721
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: Have you have you had some matchmaking horror stories?

722
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 2: Oh god, yes, yeah, there's there's a reason that I

723
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,720
Speaker 2: don't matchmake anymore, Steve, because it.

724
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,399
Speaker 1: Was not like, well you got to you gotta share

725
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 1: one here?

726
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 2: Like what taking years?

727
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: Bad? Like what what? Let's hear the word? What is

728
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:24,879
Speaker 1: the worst? Francesca?

729
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 2: The worst is is it's not even about disastrous dates.

730
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 2: It's about people with an absurdly unrealistic expectations, people who

731
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 2: like I mean, I had to start saying to people

732
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 2: when they're telling me, Okay, this is why I want

733
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 2: to meet somebody. One of my standard questions had like became, okay,

734
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: when is the last time you met someone who met

735
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 2: this basic criteria? And sometimes it's like, well I haven't,

736
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 2: right and like and they'll be like, oh, i've met

737
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 2: you know, you know, maybe teuble years ago. Okay, when's

738
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,280
Speaker 2: the last time you dated somebody met this basic criteria?

739
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 2: And so often people are like no, and I like,

740
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 2: I had this one. I was thinking about her the

741
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 2: other day at this one client. Her criteria is that

742
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 2: she wanted to date someone who was he had to

743
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 2: be over six three, have blonde hair, green eyes, a

744
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: minimum of one hundred thousand dollars cash like savings on

745
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 2: hand and like some other like super specific things. And

746
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, well, I said, you know, blonde

747
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 2: hair and green eyes six three wow, six', three that's

748
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: already tiny slice of the. Population and then you add

749
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 2: on top of that blonde, hair green, eyes like you, know,

750
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 2: where when's the last time you you've even seen somebody

751
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 2: who met this? Criteria and she's, LIKE i. Haven't but

752
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 2: that's why that's WHAT i hired you.

753
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: For if you were but if you were like if

754
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 1: you were like six two and a, half, like don't

755
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: you back like, now.

756
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 2: She probably would have been flexible on half it. Inch

757
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 2: but it's just but it's like that kind of delusion

758
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 2: of like you THINK i have this magical portal where

759
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 2: now they're all these like, blonde green eyed giants who

760
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 2: want to who want to date?

761
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: You you think do you think when that person is

762
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 1: sitting in front of you, right, like that's not real?

763
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 1: Life is? It?

764
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 2: No? Well, actually and it was interesting about this. Particular

765
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 2: this was interesting about this so this. Person REALLY i

766
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 2: learned a lot from this, situation SO i never found

767
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: myself in it. Again because what she did was she

768
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 2: waited until after she hired me to be honest with

769
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 2: me about what she was looking. For so and she

770
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 2: also waited until after she hired hired me to be

771
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 2: honest with me that she'd never been in a relationship.

772
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 2: Before so she so it was, like you, know so

773
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 2: she so there were so many you, know there were

774
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 2: so many things. There but this is actually a perfect

775
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 2: example of how love is an inside. Job she was convincing,

776
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,720
Speaker 2: Herself i'm single BECAUSE i haven't met this impossible. Person

777
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 2: but it's, like, no this is all your way of protecting.

778
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 2: Yourself this is why you don't. Date this is why

779
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 2: you've never had, relationships because you create these impossible obstacles

780
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 2: within yourself and then you cling to. Them and now

781
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 2: and you, know it becomes this whole story in vicious.

782
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 1: Cycle is it a is it a defense? Mechanism?

783
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 2: Yes or?

784
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: A is it A i don't know what type of,

785
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 1: material like what percentage of people come in right as

786
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: opposed TO i want right the blonde, haired green, eyed

787
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: six foot Three Dolph lungern, dude, right you, know LIKE

788
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 1: i want like you Know MICHAEL. B, Johnson, right you,

789
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 1: know LIKE i want somebody who's. KIND i want someone who's.

790
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: GENTLE i want somebody with, character, integrity hard. Work. RIGHT

791
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: i mean what percentage of people come in and talk about? That?

792
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 1: RIGHT i JUST i can't find somebody with like what

793
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 1: we would call the or character virtues a versus a

794
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:13,839
Speaker 1: materialistic right. Aesthetic. RIGHT i want someone who looks like,

795
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: this makes this, much and lives, here drives.

796
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 2: This type of, yeah so and so. AGAIN i don't matchmake.

797
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 2: Anymore and this is one of the reasons, why because with,

798
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:30,919
Speaker 2: matchmaking it's probably eighty percent leading with the superficial list

799
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 2: of things that people want because they think that if

800
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 2: as long as they meet somebody that checks these, boxes

801
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 2: then that person they'll be. Happy but as for, Coaching

802
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 2: but for, coaching people are more they have more awareness that, like,

803
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 2: OH i actually have to do some things differently, here

804
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 2: so they typically don't lead with. That it's more About,

805
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 2: OKAY i know the kind of RELATIONSHIP i want to,

806
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 2: HAVE i know HOW i want to. Feel but that's

807
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: STILL i, mean but all of that still comes. UP i,

808
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 2: mean everyone still has, preferences and some people are more

809
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 2: attached to very specific is the goal or you, know

810
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 2: quantifiable external traits that they can check off a list

811
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 2: versus really thinking about the. Relationship but it's not their

812
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 2: fault because you, KNOW i just did A ted talk

813
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 2: last month In vancouver and my thank you and.

814
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:33,360
Speaker 1: My right thay In North. America what's that my favorite

815
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 1: stating In North? America?

816
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: Really, well that's it was only my second time, there

817
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 2: but it is very. Beautiful. Yeah but you know WHAT

818
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: i talked about in my tech talk is WHAT i

819
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:48,879
Speaker 2: call the fairy tale industrial, complex which is just this

820
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 2: web of, marketing, advertising, movies, music so many things that

821
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 2: really sell us this notion of romantic love as a,

822
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 2: fantasy and it's about finding one perfect person and when

823
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 2: you find that perfect, person you live happily ever. After

824
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 2: and this is something that is like literally used to

825
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 2: sell us, everything, right like everything from cars to chewing

826
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:16,240
Speaker 2: gum to make up to. Everything it's, like if you're beautiful,

827
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 2: enough if you're handsome, enough if you look rich, enough

828
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:21,760
Speaker 2: if you look this, way if you have these, things

829
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 2: then you'll be, desirable then you'll be, lovable then you'll

830
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 2: live happily ever. After and this really seeps into people's.

831
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 2: Expectations so we're all kind of programmed to have this

832
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 2: feeling that romantic love is about one perfect person and

833
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 2: If i'm not, happy it's BECAUSE i haven't found the perfect,

834
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,720
Speaker 2: person it's because my partner isn't quote making me. Happy

835
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 2: but the reality, is if you are an unhappy, person

836
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 2: even if you meet somewhat, amazing you'll briefly have a

837
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 2: bump in your happiness because the novelty of, it and

838
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 2: then you'll go back To you'll just default back to

839
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 2: your regular level of unhappiness right like wherever you, go

840
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 2: there you. Are so a big shift that people need

841
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 2: to make in thinking about romantic relationships is from not

842
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: just being focused on the characteristics of another, person but

843
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 2: to actually start, with, well what are the? Qualities what

844
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 2: are the values of the relationship THAT i want to?

845
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 2: Have because if you know that your core romantic values

846
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: include things, like you, know emotional, intimacy then when you're dating,

847
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 2: somebody no matter how you, know If Dolph lungren's your,

848
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 2: thing it may Be Dolph. Lungern but if you can

849
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 2: if you're, like, oh BUT i can see one of

850
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 2: my core needs is not being met. Here this person

851
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 2: is not capable of meeting me at the level of emotional.

852
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: Intimacy That i'm. Seeking then you understand it's, like, well

853
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 2: it's not about them being, Perfect it's about what we

854
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 2: create when we come, together, Right and the relationship is

855
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 2: a co, creation and you're half of that. Equation so

856
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 2: you have to start with you, like, well what AM i?

857
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 2: Expecting what are my? Values what DO i? Want what

858
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 2: AM i bringing to the? Table what are the ways

859
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 2: in Which i'm not being? Loving, Right i'm not being

860
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 2: loving towards, Myself i'm not being loving towards other. People

861
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 2: so you, KNOW i could go on about, This i'll,

862
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 2: STOP i could go on.

863
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: And, oh it's, FASCINATING i will. SAY i will say

864
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: this about you as we come to the end of our.

865
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 1: Time you are an exceptionally interesting person and you are

866
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 1: in this like very very very like narrow like band

867
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 1: of people you know that you meet over the course

868
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: of life that are just happy and exlude a type

869
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 1: of glow that makes people feel. Good you, know it's

870
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 1: a gift and a TALENTED i think that WHEN i

871
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 1: talk to young, people talk to people on college, campuses you,

872
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 1: know you, know talk about careers in the direction they'll,

873
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: go and you, know the degree to which anybody hears,

874
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 1: this including my own. Kids, right this track that you're

875
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 1: supposed to be on for whatever, reason you, know to

876
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: whatever place is highly. Artificial and you know that you're

877
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: in the town, car you're in the big, city you're

878
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 1: on the fast track in the big law, firm and,

879
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 1: right that doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna wind up in

880
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,359
Speaker 1: a happy and a fulfilled. Place and so you get

881
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 1: one lap around the. Track what you're supposed to do

882
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:41,280
Speaker 1: versus what you're called to, DO i think are very different.

883
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: Things and you, know the sooner you figure that out in,

884
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: life probably the better off you. Are and you're a

885
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: trailblazer in that. Front you're helping a lot of, people

886
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: and you are an incredibly interesting. Person And, francesca before we,

887
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 1: go tell us tell the audience here where they can find.

888
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,399
Speaker 2: You, well first of, ALL i have to thank you

889
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 2: for such so many kind. WORDS i really really appreciate.

890
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 2: IT i am easy to. Find i'm At Dear franny.

891
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 2: EVERYWHERE i have a podcast Called Dear. Franny, actually my

892
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 2: fifth season launches later this, week so there'll be some

893
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,359
Speaker 2: new episodes. Coming But i'm on all the socials At Dear.

894
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 2: Franny easy To.

895
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 1: Find franny's great on chourage you to follow her go,

896
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: Listen Frank, chessca thank you so much FOR i just do.

897
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,480
Speaker 2: That it's, okay it's.

898
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: Perfect you just get that right, Yet, francesca thank you

899
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 1: so much for being with us.

900
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 2: Today thank you for having, Me. STEVE i appreciate. It