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Speaker 1: I just found out my fiance's been having an affair

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Speaker 1: and my family knew that. Family sucks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the secrets, what's.

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Speaker 1: Up with that? I, twenty two female needs some serious

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Speaker 1: advice on how to navigate any of this. I found

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Speaker 1: out a week ago that basically my entire family has

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Speaker 1: been helping my fiance male twenty three hide his affair

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Speaker 1: with my best friend twenty three female.

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Speaker 3: No, everyone for her whole life is just scheming against her.

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Speaker 2: This is awful.

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Speaker 1: I created this account because I honestly have no one

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Speaker 1: else to tell this too, honestly, so my brain figured

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Speaker 1: internet strangers would be best. None of my family and

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Speaker 1: friends have read it. Thank the stars for extra emotional context.

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Speaker 1: Me and my fiance have been together since eighth grade,

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Speaker 1: on and off until twenty twenty. By the way, this

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Speaker 1: comes from Strawberry Cheese two three seven on the r

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Speaker 1: slash Oakay story Time subrit it.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 1: I do apologize if this gets long, but it's so

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Speaker 1: much to unpack and I just want to refresh myself

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Speaker 1: with everything I have, as well as figure out the

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Speaker 1: best way to confront my family, best friend, and fiance

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Speaker 1: with at least some dignity. Here are names and ages

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Speaker 1: for context for everyone involved. We have Richard half brother

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Speaker 1: twenty six, Maria half sister twenty seven, Angie my mom, Peach,

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Speaker 1: best friend soon to be ex best friend, Alex, my fiance.

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Speaker 1: So a week ago, Alex was taking a shower and

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Speaker 1: had left his phone on our bed. Me and my

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Speaker 1: fiance have an open phone policy, seeing as we both

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Speaker 1: struggled with getting cheated on in past relationships. Go figure

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Speaker 1: seeing my situation, I was packing my suitcase for a

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Speaker 1: family trip that's happening after my rehearsal dinner tomorrow, and

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Speaker 1: I heard his phone keep going off. He yelled from

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Speaker 1: our shower if I could mute his phone. I went

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Speaker 1: to get his phone and saw that it was Peach,

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Speaker 1: the best friend, calling him. I was curious at first,

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Speaker 1: but seeing as she's part of my bridal party, I

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Speaker 1: didn't find it too suspicious. I muted the phone and

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Speaker 1: soon messaged Peach for my own phone. Here is the

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Speaker 1: paraphrase of our conversation. Me, Hey, Peach, my fiance is

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Speaker 1: in the shower right now. What did you need, Peach?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Nothing, Loel just wanted to confirm within the flowers for

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Speaker 1: your bouquet aisle me. That's weird. I didn't change my

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Speaker 1: mind on Eddie flowers or anything. The floors was contacted

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Speaker 1: last month and everything was paid for already by Tony.

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Speaker 1: Tony's my mom's husband, Peach. Are you sure I remember

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Speaker 1: him telling me you changed your mind? She's being suspicious.

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Speaker 1: After that, it was the usual wedding talk after that point.

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Speaker 1: In hindsight, I should have found it very weird that

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Speaker 1: she would call him about six times to confirm a

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Speaker 1: flower choice when she simply could have either texted me

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Speaker 1: or Alex. When Alex got out of the shower, I

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Speaker 1: told him Peach tried calling him about my flower choices.

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Speaker 1: I asked him what made him think I changed my

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Speaker 1: mind on the flowers for the wedding. He paused for

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Speaker 1: a bit. I now know he was basically stalling and

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Speaker 1: doing the oh I'm thinking face when I asked. He

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Speaker 1: then said that he thought I had mentioned it in

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Speaker 1: passing during a dinner. I told him that I didn't

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Speaker 1: recall that he's doing so badly. He then just shrugged

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Speaker 1: and grabbed his phone and went back in the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I hate to be one of those people, but for once,

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Speaker 1: my gut actually sunk. I got this really paranoid feeling,

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't shake it. I tried to convince myself

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Speaker 1: that it was just my old cheating trauma trying to

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Speaker 1: creep back. Yet I just couldn't let this go. Me

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Speaker 1: and Alex had dinner, and I pushed through all the

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Speaker 1: way until it was time to go to bed. I

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Speaker 1: pretended to fall asleep first. Me and Alex usually cuddle

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Speaker 1: to fall asleep. When I knew he was in a

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Speaker 1: deep enough sleep, I went to check his phone again.

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Speaker 1: I checked his Instagram, Snapchat, and messages, and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: find anything. I then went to his Facebook Messenger. He

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Speaker 1: has Messenger to communicate with his family overseas. I only

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Speaker 1: saw his main family, and most of the messages were

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Speaker 1: about getting plane tickets to come to the wedding. We

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Speaker 1: were supposed to get married in December with a Winter

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Speaker 1: Wonderland themed wedding. That would have been really nice if

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Speaker 1: you had it. However, with my previous relationships. I checked

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Speaker 1: his archives on Messenger. He didn't delete his archives.

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Speaker 3: Come on, rookie, move, come on. This is when we're

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Speaker 3: saying cheat better typical.

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Speaker 1: That's when the horrific truth came to light. There was

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Speaker 1: a group chat with Peach the best friend, Alex the fiance,

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Speaker 1: Richard the step brother, Angie the mom, and Maria the

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Speaker 1: step sister. The group chat was established a year ago

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Speaker 1: where basically Alex and Peach confessed to having an affair

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Speaker 1: to my family and why would they tell the family?

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Speaker 1: They were like, guys, we need to.

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Speaker 2: Tell you, not our best friend or partner, not.

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Speaker 1: The person that it concerns. Just get in. We're trying

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Speaker 1: to work out scheduling here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, can you send your Google calendar for the cheating?

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Speaker 1: This isn't working. I think we need more people involved.

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Speaker 1: My mom did shame them at first, yet she later

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Speaker 1: asked Alex did he truly love Peach? What? Because you

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Speaker 1: can't help who you love, That's what she said.

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Speaker 3: I mean to be fair, I feel that, like all

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Speaker 3: cheating is wrong, but if you're in love with someone,

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Speaker 3: that's very different than like you're just like getting your

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Speaker 3: gratification taken care.

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Speaker 1: Of, for sure. But like for the mom to be.

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Speaker 3: Like like no, no, but like, are there feelings?

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Speaker 2: Come on? Tell me, okay, tell me everything.

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Speaker 1: She's just like, that's shame on you. My daughter's gonna

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Speaker 1: be heartbroken.

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Speaker 2: But if it's a good story, how.

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Speaker 1: Did you be did you kids? Yeah? Really great, mom,

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Speaker 1: that was super helpful. He said he was absolutely sure,

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Speaker 1: and that he also loved me too.

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Speaker 2: No wrong, Wait, he said he loved Peach. So he

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Speaker 2: said he.

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Speaker 1: Loved Peach, and then he said, but I also love Opee.

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Speaker 1: Then Maria and Richard, the step siblings, offered that he

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Speaker 1: being Alex, bring up to me an open relationship. Literally,

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Speaker 1: this is all collusion. This is a cover up. Alex

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Speaker 1: goes up to her and he's like, hey, how'd you

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Speaker 1: feel about an open relationship. I don't have anyone specific

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Speaker 1: in mind, but maybe your best friend, maybe someone we

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Speaker 1: both know and we're both like really close to and

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Speaker 1: we both love.

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Speaker 2: If there was like a fruit name involved, that that

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Speaker 2: would be cool.

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Speaker 1: That would be fine.

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Speaker 2: No big either, like a mango, banana, maybe peach. I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 1: They both are in open relationships and married and apparently

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Speaker 1: it's working for them and whatever La La land they

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Speaker 1: live in. At this point, me and him were already engaged.

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Speaker 1: Alex mentioned to them that it seemed too far deep

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Speaker 1: to try to bring up. He's like, no, that won't work,

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Speaker 1: Let's just keep cheating.

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Speaker 3: That's fine, come on, We'll just do it in private

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Speaker 3: secrecies even you know, even more taboo.

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Speaker 1: Come on, Angie, my mom, even though at this point

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Speaker 1: I hate to even call her. That said that they

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Speaker 1: would cover for Alex and Peach until he felt strong

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Speaker 1: enough to bring an open relationship up to me, not

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Speaker 1: even like strong enough to reveal that he cheated on.

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Speaker 2: Her, Like what And are they going to marry before

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Speaker 2: this happen? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, just marry and then that you have her

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Speaker 3: locked in then now you could suggest it and she can't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this family's awful. I would go no contact with

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Speaker 1: his family. Kimberly finds this. How is it that Opie's

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Speaker 1: family new and hasn't even canceled the wedding much less

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Speaker 1: any deposits just chucking like thirty k out the window.

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Speaker 1: I think they're trying to save their money by not

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Speaker 1: telling Opie like they want the wedding to happen.

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Speaker 3: Seems like they're like fine with it and want to

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Speaker 3: facilitate a continuation of it in the form of an

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Speaker 3: open relationship.

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Speaker 1: Exactly As I was reading, all I could think was,

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Speaker 1: how in the actual f could my family betray me

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Speaker 1: like that? How could Peach betray me like that? We've

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Speaker 1: been friends since kindergarten and we even grew up with Alex.

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Speaker 1: How could she process in her mind to f my

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Speaker 1: fiance and say that she loves him too. All of

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Speaker 1: this in this disgusting group chat brolics to out the

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Speaker 1: nerve to say he loves me as well. For him

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Speaker 1: to know firsthand what it's like to be betrayed like this,

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Speaker 1: I honestly want to vomit. However, I was just taking

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Speaker 1: screens after screenshot. The more I read down I found

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Speaker 1: out that Peach took my spot on our previous family track.

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Speaker 1: I think they're just trying to replace O Pete. They're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: al do you love Peach.

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Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, all right, cool, Like we already booked

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Speaker 3: the flight ticket, we booked the cruise.

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Speaker 1: She's coming Mary, Peach perfect, everyone's happy. I got a

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Speaker 1: really bad stomach bug a while ago that caused me

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Speaker 1: not to go. I can't even begin to imagine what

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Speaker 1: they did on the trip. And the fact that my

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Speaker 1: mother was okay with all of this, I think is

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Speaker 1: what hurts the most. The fact that she's known for

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Speaker 1: a whole year that my fiance was cheating on me.

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Speaker 1: That's taking the longest to sit in I feel. By

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Speaker 1: the way, you can join us live on YouTube every

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Speaker 1: weekday at three pm PST, just to have her profile.

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Speaker 1: There is more in the group chat, but these were

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Speaker 1: the major points I've known for a whole week. It's

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Speaker 1: been eating at me inside and I want to explode

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Speaker 1: and cuss them all out. I want to ruin their

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Speaker 1: lives the way they ruin me. It all hurts so

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Speaker 1: effing much, and I just want advice on how to

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Speaker 1: confront them. How do I even begin? What do I

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Speaker 1: even say? The anger I feel is so intense that

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Speaker 1: I feel like if I just let it all out,

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Speaker 1: I would look insane. Please read it, anything will help.

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Speaker 1: I'm planning on confronting them tomorrow at our rehearsal dinner.

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Speaker 3: Why She's like, I don't want to like make a

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Speaker 3: big deal out of it, but rehearsal dinner, everyone's around.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking, like when the priest says, does anyone object,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna object, I'm gonna object. I step out at

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Speaker 1: the altar and I say I don't want to marry him,

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Speaker 1: but Peach does, and then we do a little spot.

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Speaker 3: Then Peach does, like the whole rip off closed is

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Speaker 3: a wedding dress under it, and then she takes your spot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then everyone lives happily ever after. And oh,

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Speaker 1: he goes no contact with all of her family. I

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Speaker 1: would never talk to my family again. Okay, update to

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Speaker 1: that story. I sent the screenshots of that text conversation

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Speaker 1: that Ope found out that they were cheating to Alex's

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Speaker 1: parents and explain the whole deal to them. I was

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Speaker 1: honestly expecting them to ignore it or not believe me. However,

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Speaker 1: they called rather quickly. They asked me if I had

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Speaker 1: any hard proof of them cheating besides their confession. I

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Speaker 1: confided them in them that I didn't. What do you mean,

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Speaker 1: you don't need a hard proof? They have confession.

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Speaker 2: Nobody's just going to confess.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. They asked for more screenshots, and I just basically

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Speaker 1: sent them a good chunk of the screenshots. His mother

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Speaker 1: made me feel so awful for sending them. She was

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Speaker 1: sobbing and apologizing for her son. She soon became inconsolable.

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Speaker 1: His father took the phone and asked, was there anything

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Speaker 1: his son could do to make it up to me

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Speaker 1: this early morning? I was offended. He asked that, yet

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Speaker 1: I saw it from his perfective. Later, I asked him

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Speaker 1: if he could be frank, and he agreed. I told

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Speaker 1: him that unless his son could shrivel up and disappear,

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00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:48,440
Speaker 1: oh damn, then there wasn't anything really he could say.

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00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,360
Speaker 1: His father said he understood. I asked him if they

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Speaker 1: could keep this to themselves until I brought it up

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Speaker 1: to Alex. They said they could, and we ended that call.

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Speaker 1: For a while, I thought omiting from stress was rare,

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Speaker 1: but it finally happened. Alex heard me. I guess me vomiting,

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Speaker 1: not the phone call. I stepped outside to have it

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Speaker 1: because he woke up and tried to rub my back.

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Speaker 1: Oh if he still hasn't told the fiance that she knows.

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Speaker 5: Imagine rubbing your SSO's back for something that you caused.

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Speaker 2: Wow, this is horrible.

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Speaker 1: This is around seven am in the morning. Alex had

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Speaker 1: concern in his voice and was asking if I was okay.

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Speaker 1: For once, I actually saw nothing but read yet I

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00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,600
Speaker 1: kept the composure. I have no idea why, but I

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00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,160
Speaker 1: guess that will be my superpower I'll hold on to.

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Speaker 1: I ignored him and just went back to sleep. I

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00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,480
Speaker 1: woke back up at eight am to start getting ready

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Speaker 1: for the rehearsal dinner.

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Speaker 2: Wait, are they a body of Mary's.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, so far they don't know that she knows

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Speaker 1: about the affair.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's where we're at.

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Speaker 1: Alex told me that he had to get something done

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Speaker 1: before heading to the restaurant. I told him that was

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Speaker 1: fine and that i'd see him later. Before he left,

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00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,719
Speaker 1: he said he loved me and this was one of

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Speaker 1: the day he was excited for him. I said me too,

250
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,280
Speaker 1: trying not to have much rage behind it. Once he left,

251
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:09,079
Speaker 1: I gathered all the screenshots for some people that don't know.

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00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,679
Speaker 1: You can schedule text messages to be sent out at

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Speaker 1: a certain time. That is a new update. I decided

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Speaker 1: to do this to send it to everyone, Peach's family,

255
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,200
Speaker 1: our friend groups, his family as well as mine, and

256
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,480
Speaker 1: Peach is the best friend that the fiance che'd with.

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Speaker 1: I sent it to go out at one twenty five pm.

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Speaker 1: This would be the halfway point of the dinner and

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00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,080
Speaker 1: people would be dropping off gifts early for us and

260
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,840
Speaker 1: et cetera. I gathered the black hole of stress forming

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Speaker 1: in me and headed to the restaurant. When it was time,

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00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,160
Speaker 1: my mother and her husband were already there. My mother

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00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 1: hugged me and all I could do was stand there.

264
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,680
Speaker 1: The feeler hands on me almost felt like she was

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Speaker 1: personally violating my spirit.

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Speaker 2: So her own her own mother.

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00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,760
Speaker 1: Knew and basically gave the go ahead for her fiance

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Speaker 1: to continue cheating on.

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Speaker 2: Her get an open marriage.

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Speaker 1: So basically the mom said, you guys should propose like

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Speaker 1: an open marriage with op So.

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Speaker 2: There was a separate chat without her in it.

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Speaker 1: There is a separate chat without Opie where Alex the

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00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,880
Speaker 1: fiance and Peach the best friend told Opie's parents that

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Speaker 1: they were cheating, and Opie's parents said, like got mad

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00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,440
Speaker 1: at them, and then said you can continue to do

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00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,280
Speaker 1: so and we'll cover for you until you propose an

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Speaker 1: open marriage. So never said you have to tell her

279
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,560
Speaker 1: the truth, just said propose an open marriage. I did

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Speaker 1: a quick tap hug so she wouldn't get suspicious, and

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00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,000
Speaker 1: we headed inside. Guests started flowing in and everyone was

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00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,440
Speaker 1: surprisingly on time besides my grandparents, but they move slow,

283
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,240
Speaker 1: so I don't blame them. Once everyone was gathered, Alex

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00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,000
Speaker 1: went on this whole spiel of how he was happy

285
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,679
Speaker 1: everyone could come and that he was excited for his

286
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,120
Speaker 1: family for the next dinner was supposed to be November twentieth,

287
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 1: he mentioned how I was the love of his life

288
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,040
Speaker 1: and how he was so happy our families would mingle

289
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,320
Speaker 1: and we could be one. I wanted to ask him,

290
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,960
Speaker 1: how dare he say that crap? But nothing but fake

291
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,640
Speaker 1: smiles and nods from me. Peach was basically looking like

292
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,040
Speaker 1: a clueless dog and smiling right along and clapping for us.

293
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:08,080
Speaker 1: To see this happen in real life is truly mind boggling.

294
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,640
Speaker 1: The lengths people would go to out their cake and

295
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,160
Speaker 1: eat it too crazy. I could barely eat as the

296
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,320
Speaker 1: stress was getting to me so badly. At the time

297
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,440
Speaker 1: I set for the messages, People's phones started buzzing, and

298
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,560
Speaker 1: Alex and Peach's phones were blowing up. I would like

299
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,440
Speaker 1: to admit that for once, a genuine smile crept on

300
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:25,920
Speaker 1: my face.

301
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,120
Speaker 5: Wow, this is like some Game of Throne stuff here.

302
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was why watching an entire kingdom crumble and fall,

303
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:37,000
Speaker 1: ophious masterminded all of this. The horrified faces of Peach

304
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,800
Speaker 1: and Alex when they looked at me was golden. It's

305
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,400
Speaker 1: the one highlight I will hold on to from this

306
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,880
Speaker 1: emotional day. My aunt went ballistic. She started calling my

307
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,360
Speaker 1: mom a cruel, heartless b word over and over. My

308
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 1: mother hurriedly checked her phone and saw I center the screenshots.

309
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,280
Speaker 1: She started screaming and becoming I rate, saying I was

310
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 1: really trying to ruin her life again. As some you suggested,

311
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,880
Speaker 1: she still apparently is upset about being caught having an

312
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 1: affair and being shun My grandparents' reaction hurt the most

313
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,520
Speaker 1: because they started screaming at my mother. My grandmother was

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00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 1: trying with a few of our other guests to hold

315
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,800
Speaker 1: my aunt back as she started screaming every expletive she could,

316
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,240
Speaker 1: so at least the ants.

317
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,800
Speaker 2: On op side, this is movie.

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00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,280
Speaker 1: This is crazy. My grandfather was screaming at my mother

319
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,480
Speaker 1: that he didn't raise an oar. At this point, everyone

320
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,080
Speaker 1: is screaming and crying hysterics. My other bridesmaids were cussing

321
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 1: Peach out and calling her a slut. I hate to

322
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,200
Speaker 1: admit again, I took joy in that.

323
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,840
Speaker 2: Damn this is crazy.

324
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,640
Speaker 1: My grandfather went on to scream at fiance with some

325
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,840
Speaker 1: things I can't say here because he was very explicit.

326
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 1: I just started laughing and sobbing. Ope, he's going crazy.

327
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 1: I had so many emotions that I genuinely think my

328
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,880
Speaker 1: body didn't know what to do, so it did everything.

329
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,640
Speaker 1: The tears just kept coming. My cousin escorted me outside

330
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 1: as fast as she could, with Alex Chase seeing us down.

331
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 1: He kept screaming my name and begging me to talk.

332
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 1: Like most of you suggested, he wanted to talk to

333
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: explain his side. I ignored him, and my cousin was

334
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 1: pushing him away from her car so she could get

335
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 1: in and drive off. She took me to my aunt's

336
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 1: house and told me to stay there and not answer

337
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: the door for anyone. I kind of felt like a

338
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 1: kid being left at home alone. Lol. I didn't and

339
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 1: just sat on the floor. That's when I just started bawling.

340
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,640
Speaker 1: All the emotions I'd pent up for a whole week

341
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 1: just finally came up. After about another hour, my aunt

342
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,760
Speaker 1: and cousin came back home. They hugged me for like

343
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: a good five minutes, and when we finally broke off,

344
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,280
Speaker 1: I noticed my aunt had a few scratches on her.

345
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 1: I assumed they couldn't hold my aunt back from my

346
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 1: mom for much longer. My aunt caught me up on everything. Apparently,

347
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 1: after my cousin drove off with me, Alex came back

348
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 1: in and started screaming at Peach for ruining everything. Unbelievable.

349
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,600
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, blame her.

350
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 5: Sure, cheating is of course only one sided.

351
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 2: You shouldn't have been so attractive.

352
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:09,800
Speaker 1: That's your fall. You. You brought this upon me. You

353
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,840
Speaker 1: convinced me to cheat with you. They got into a

354
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 1: screaming match, and some of our friends were trying to

355
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:19,479
Speaker 1: split them apart. My grandparents, aunt and Tony, my mom's husband,

356
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,880
Speaker 1: were drilling into my mother for answers. Tony was the

357
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,879
Speaker 1: most livid. Apparently, during the family trip, I couldn't go

358
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 1: do my mom told Tony that I had offered my

359
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Speaker 1: ticket to Peach so she could enjoy a nice break

360
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 1: for herself. Tony, at this point, is screaming and reading

361
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 1: some of her messages out loud. She was begging him

362
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,679
Speaker 1: to stop and that she could explain. My aunt started

363
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,160
Speaker 1: adding on that she better start explaining because all she

364
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,360
Speaker 1: sees is a worthless mother and a vile person. This

365
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 1: aunt is on Op's side like a riode or dive.

366
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 1: Apparently this set my mom off, and she started screaming

367
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 1: about how she hated me, about how I ruined her

368
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: life and made it difficult, how she felt like she

369
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,720
Speaker 1: could never be happy because I was all a constant

370
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 1: reminder of her biggest mistake ever, and she regretted not

371
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 1: terminating me when she had the chance.

372
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ, Oh my.

373
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: God, I think that Opie's mom just wants Keeach as

374
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 1: her kid. I think that's what the moral of this

375
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:14,720
Speaker 1: story is. Not the moral.

376
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 5: That's the only thing I'm gonna take away from this story.

377
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 1: Mom wants Peach as her daughter, and everyone in Opie's

378
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 1: life sucks except for the un that set my aunt off,

379
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:30,359
Speaker 1: and she basically pounced on her for context. My aunt

380
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 1: is infertile and her words, I was the daughter she

381
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 1: never got to have. Wow, well now maybe she can

382
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,879
Speaker 1: be your daughter full time. So in her mind, she

383
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,600
Speaker 1: went full Mama Bear mode on my birth giver. That's

384
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 1: what I'm calling her now. My aunt has been more

385
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 1: of a mother to me than my mother has ever

386
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,159
Speaker 1: been in the past twenty two years of my life.

387
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: To make a long list short, I'm honestly getting back

388
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: emotional and the fatigue and empty stomach aren't helping. Here

389
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 1: is everything else that happened. Oh my god, Tony is

390
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 1: divorcing my mom. He's been suspicious for months. She's cheating again,

391
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 1: that's probably why she was so kind of chill about

392
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,159
Speaker 1: Peach and Alex cheating, because she was doing it. Ye

393
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 1: Peach exposed. Alex text her that he was sleeping with

394
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,359
Speaker 1: her because he felt I was growing distant a while back.

395
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,640
Speaker 1: I was putting in overtime at work to save up

396
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,240
Speaker 1: for his birthday, and that he was lonely and didn't

397
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,120
Speaker 1: know how to bring it up to me. Peach's father

398
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,879
Speaker 1: spammed her with calls and will be cutting her off financially.

399
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 1: Apparently this is my fault and I'm an evil witch

400
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,120
Speaker 1: for ruining her. According to her texts, no one can

401
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 1: take responsibility in the story. My mother has been on

402
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,919
Speaker 1: a trade with our family, exclaiming I'm an evil person

403
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 1: for destroying her world. Again, should have thought about that

404
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: before condoning anything. Half siblings felt it wasn't their place

405
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,960
Speaker 1: to say anything to me, and they also knew we

406
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 1: learned and that I should have expected Alex to look

407
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,439
Speaker 1: elsewhere because humans aren't monogamous and people love who they

408
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,679
Speaker 1: love wild A lot more has happened to avoid my

409
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,439
Speaker 1: brain from imploding on itself from the stress and anger.

410
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 1: It's finally out in the air. I've been getting text

411
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 1: and calls from everyone, but at the moment I left

412
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: my phone in the other room. I'm updating this from

413
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: my aunt's computer. My aunt offered for me to stay

414
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 1: with her until I get out of this jumbled mess.

415
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 1: I accepted it, seeing as I have no intention of

416
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 1: going back to that apartment. I've already emailed my landlord

417
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 1: and we'll be handling it all the next week. My

418
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: boss emailed me back and said I was allowed to

419
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 1: use some PTO for as long as I needed. That's nice,

420
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: they understand I will definitely take it, seeing as I'm

421
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 1: highly considering moving somewhere quiet and peaceful. I'm thinking maybe

422
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,919
Speaker 1: Iwa or maybe even North Carolina. I've heard they have

423
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: good cost of living in those states. I want to

424
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 1: thank you guys so much again. I truly appreciate all

425
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 1: the support I've been given and receiving. I'll be offline

426
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,439
Speaker 1: after today for a few days. I feel like I

427
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,639
Speaker 1: need to just disconnect from everything and just actually comfort myself.

428
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,919
Speaker 1: My aunt and cousin are at my place getting some

429
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 1: of my things, and my cat Alex is there begging

430
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,159
Speaker 1: them to not take my things and to have me

431
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 1: just talk to him. I don't know what he thinks

432
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: a conversation will do, so the emotional and mental scar

433
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 1: I have is not going to go away for a while.

434
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: I also know I have a long journey waiting for

435
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 1: me in therapy. A lot of people have been pointing

436
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: out that I was severely abused by my mom. Now

437
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 1: that I know how much she hates me, it will

438
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 1: be easier to go no contact. And that is the

439
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,919
Speaker 1: end of this story. What a roller coaster, What a

440
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 1: roller coaster. So much stuff happened in this update. Wild Yeah,

441
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 1: definitely go no contact with all of your family except

442
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: for your aunt. Yeah, because this truly a horrible family.

443
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 1: And also, I just can't believe that everyone who was

444
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: involved in it is blaming each other. It's like, well,

445
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,119
Speaker 1: it was all likes you did it was Peach, you

446
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 1: did it. Ridiculous, crazy crazy.

447
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 3: My wife cheated on me seven years ago, but I

448
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 3: just found out and I'm not over it. I've been

449
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 3: married over twenty years, most of them good. We have

450
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,920
Speaker 3: two grown kids out of the house. About seven years

451
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 3: ago things were rocky, and at the time my wife

452
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 3: confessed to have feelings for another man she had met online.

453
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 3: She said she didn't feel loved by me, and really,

454
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 3: I'm not a demonstrative guy and I work a lot,

455
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 3: so don't think I'm being one of those It's my

456
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 3: fault guys, because I'm not. I'm an only child and

457
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 3: really a very independent and reserved. She said that she

458
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 3: thought she had to decide between the two of us,

459
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 3: and she decided to be with me. Hurt, but like

460
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 3: I said, I'm pretty self sufficient and we got past it.

461
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 3: Confused what self sufficient has to do with getting past

462
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 3: major betrayal.

463
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 2: But by the way, this comes from you.

464
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 3: Slash wife cheated seven years ago on the r dash

465
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: okay storytime subreddit. Fast forward seven years from the cheating,

466
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 3: I presume I had pretty much forgotten about the whole thing.

467
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 3: We've had a good times and I love her. She's

468
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 3: out of town for an extended period. We were talking

469
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 3: on the phone when she confessed that she hadn't told

470
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 3: me the whole story seven years ago, when on a

471
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 3: business trip back then, he traveled to meet her and.

472
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 2: The had spicy sleep. She says that they really.

473
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 3: Did break it off back then, and that I now

474
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 3: know the whole story.

475
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 2: She had been following.

476
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 3: The better to keep it to yourself and live with

477
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 3: the guilt plan, awful plan, who's planning? Don't do that planning.

478
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,159
Speaker 3: But for whatever reason, she gave that up and came clean.

479
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 3: I think there are only two possible courses, divorce her

480
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 3: or forgive her. If I don't divorce her, anything else

481
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 3: like yelling at her, having my own affair, etc. Would

482
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 3: just be hurting the woman I love. I decided to

483
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 3: forgive her, but she's still out of town, not getting

484
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 3: back for a few weeks.

485
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 2: Yet.

486
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 3: It's been a week since the confession, and I'm finding

487
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 3: it harder and harder to live with my decision. Once

488
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 3: I decide something, I don't generally re examine it, but

489
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 3: I also generally don't fight my instincts. I don't want

490
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 3: to divorce her. I really don't, at least I hope

491
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 3: I don't. I'm stuck advice, but we have an update.

492
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 3: So I was planning to tough it out until she

493
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 3: got back and then have the serious conversation. This was

494
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 3: because I figured the conversation would be tough for her.

495
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 3: I wanted it face to face in case something went wrong.

496
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 3: Plus communication is stronger face to face. And that's really

497
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 3: sweet that you're considering your partner and her feelings in

498
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 3: this that went out the window. While we were on

499
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 3: the phone earlier, she woke from a bad dream and

500
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 3: while we were talking, the conversation went to the affair,

501
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 3: and I couldn't stop it.

502
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 2: So we have the serious talk now over the phone.

503
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 2: More background.

504
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 3: She had already confessed to having an emotional affair, at

505
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: least partly because she didn't think I really loved her.

506
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 3: Things had been very rough for us off and on

507
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 3: back then, and we weren't as emotionally supportive of each

508
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,680
Speaker 3: other as we should have been. Nevertheless, she had decided

509
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 3: to stay with me and the kids, even though she

510
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 3: was uncertain about our relationship. She had a trip scheduled,

511
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 3: and apparently I made some smart but remarked about her weight.

512
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 3: She had gained a few pounds but wasn't fat. I

513
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 3: probably didn't think anything of it, but I do have

514
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 3: a smart mouth, So she apparently asked if that was

515
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 3: really how I wanted to send her out of town,

516
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,880
Speaker 3: and apparently it was because I did, she called him

517
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 3: to come meet her on that trip. I don't even

518
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 3: remember that trip, let alone what I said to her

519
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 3: at the time. She's not sure why she didn't leave then,

520
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 3: it's been a long time, and her memory of it

521
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 3: isn't all that clear either. They continued talking online, though,

522
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: oh wow after the fact.

523
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 2: So after he.

524
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,199
Speaker 3: Found out back then that she was emotionally cheating, I

525
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 3: guess they continue talking online. She says that a few

526
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: months later I said something about how I loved her

527
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 3: and couldn't imagine being without her, and she realized that

528
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 3: I meant it, and that's when things started to turn around.

529
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 3: To just tell your wife, tell your loved ones you

530
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: love them, and they won't cheat on you.

531
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like, I don't know, cuckoo.

532
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 3: By the way, they've been improving roughly ever since. Somewhere

533
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 3: in there, she told him it wasn't going to continue,

534
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 3: and they haven't spoken since the relationship started on AOL.

535
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: Yeah AOL? What of it?

536
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 3: And she doesn't go there anymore, hasn't for years. Back

537
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 3: to now, she says she read an article that husbands

538
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 3: whose wives dot are happier than husbands whose wives have affairs.

539
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: If you are a widow, you're happier than if you're

540
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: wife cheats.

541
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 2: I don't know, what do you think interesting? What do

542
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: you think about that?

543
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: I don't know? Is this saying like in the long

544
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: run or in that moment you're like, oh, thank god,

545
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 1: my wife's dead. Didn't cheat on me.

546
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 3: Just generally, but I would say the opposite, Like intuitively,

547
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 3: I would say that people that felt that they were

548
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 3: in a happy relationship and lost their wife or husband,

549
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 3: that they would be heartbroken then if their partner cheated

550
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 3: on them.

551
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 1: That's an interesting article.

552
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 3: She read this article, and this was a good thing

553
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 3: for me because it made me realize that I do

554
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 3: want to continue with her.

555
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: It's like, well, I would prefer that you cheated on me,

556
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: that you were dead.

557
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 3: I'm happy or not dead babies. So now I just

558
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 3: had to talk her into it. We talked for a

559
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 3: few hours. Viber is a great application for international cause,

560
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 3: by the way, and I feel much better. I'm not

561
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,640
Speaker 3: sure she does. There was a lot of self recrimination.

562
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 3: I told her repeatedly that I'm the only person who

563
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 3: could judge whether she's what I want, and I'm happier

564
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 3: with her than without. She's smart and funny and still

565
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 3: way out my league look wise, so I'm pretty sure

566
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 3: we'll stay together. I'm pretty convinced it was just a

567
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 3: one time thing, and as long as we keep working

568
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 3: at it. Hopefully we won't ever get to a dark

569
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 3: place like that again. But all of you who asked, yes,

570
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 3: she was tested for STDs at the time, I'm still

571
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 3: probably get tested the next time. I'll go to the doctor.

572
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 3: Counseling is likely in our future. Wonderful, that's needed, very needed.

573
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 3: But if we keep having conversations like today until she

574
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,640
Speaker 3: gets back, I'm betting we'll be talked out by then.

575
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: Interesting that he was seeing it as like a one

576
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 1: time thing when this was an ongoing, like months long affair.

577
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: I guess it just happened in a one point in

578
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 1: their life. I guess, like, how do you consider one

579
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 1: time cheating or what do you consider one time cheating?

580
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 1: Because I would think it's like like one night versus

581
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: one person.

582
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 3: Yes, to me, like a one time cheating is like

583
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 3: they hooked up with someone. Yeah, I'll hit the gym

584
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 3: tomorrow and run until I feel better or puke, whichever

585
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 3: comes first. If your partner cheats on you just go

586
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,719
Speaker 3: to the gym just you know, work at how if

587
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 3: your biceps are big enough, you can't feel emotional pain.

588
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: If you're sweating, it doesn't look like you're crying.

589
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 3: Again, Thanks for being a sounding board, it really helped.

590
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 3: I want to say something, This is not validating cheating

591
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 3: by any means. Any sense of betrayal is betrayal and

592
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: the lack of integrity. But to just bring in some

593
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 3: of his partner's perspective, which I always want to bring

594
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 3: in both sides, is that this man seems somewhat out

595
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 3: of touch with his emotions, and earlier he was saying

596
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 3: that he was feeling really removed from her. And so

597
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 3: if her as a partner is not feeling her husband's care, affection,

598
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 3: love or even just energy or even just like what's

599
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 3: going on in his internal world, her needs are not

600
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 3: being met in the relationship. So that requires her to

601
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 3: either you know, just bear it out, which most people

602
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 3: can't do, talk to her partner, which most people don't

603
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 3: have the relationship skills to have a productive conversation like that,

604
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 3: or to cheat, which again not validating it, like cheating

605
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 3: is never the answer, but just to kind of bring

606
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 3: in full context here, No, I think that.

607
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: Is interesting, but I think it's more relevant, like in

608
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 1: improving the relationship going forward, because it does seem like

609
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 1: he's very much just like, ah, that happened. Oh well,

610
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: let's move forward. And she's like, I didn't even know

611
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: that you loved me, which again like she is the

612
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: a hole for cheating at one hundred percent. But if

613
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: you want to fix the relationship, I think they need

614
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: to have a conversation about him being emotionally vulnerable and

615
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: communicating that with his wife.

616
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 2: So there's relevant convents comments. So don't forget pants.

617
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 3: A lot of people in relationships develop crushes here and there,

618
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 3: and she made a mistake taking it too far, But

619
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: she chose you, and she's stuck with that decision for

620
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 3: a long time and it hasn't strayed since. It sounds

621
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 3: like she loves you and you obviously love her. Tell

622
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 3: her that a lot so she never feels alone again.

623
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 3: I think forgiving her and staying with her is definitely

624
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 3: the right choice. You guys are in the sting together.

625
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 3: It took some balls for her to come clean. You

626
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 3: two have stuck it out a long time and have

627
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 3: raised two kids together. It sounds like the love and

628
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 3: togetherness in your relationship far outweighs the mistakes.

629
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: I don't know if, like I fully agree with how

630
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: that was written. At the end of the day, I

631
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: do think that they can work through this. But I

632
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: think that this commenter's very forgiving of everything that she did.

633
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: This commentary is the wife.

634
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: The wife is like, Actually, she sounds like a wonderful wife.

635
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,719
Speaker 3: You should forgive her. Yeah, and she's really pretty today.

636
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 2: Wow.

637
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 3: Sorry, but you aren't going to be forgiving her after

638
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 3: a week. News like this takes a long time to heal.

639
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 3: It takes a few weeks even reached a point where

640
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: you are properly ready to make any judgment about the future.

641
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: Preach it probably is of benefit that she's a way,

642
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,479
Speaker 3: so you have that space to go through that phase.

643
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: When she's back, you can both start searching for a solution.

644
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 3: You'll work through this together.

645
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 2: Hopefully.

646
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: It's been seven years and a lot of what has

647
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 3: caused the issue at the time has already resolved. By

648
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 3: the way you forgive is spending time together doing what

649
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 3: brought you together in the first place.

650
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 2: I'm sure you don't.

651
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 3: Need me to tell you that you aren't forgiving if

652
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 3: you sleep with someone else. As tough as it will be,

653
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 3: you need to work toward the point when you don't

654
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 3: feel a need for revenge. Look, you already care about

655
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 3: your wife and know that would hurt her. You are

656
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 3: halfway there.

657
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: There's no updates, right, there's no updates.

658
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: Give us your last comment.

659
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: My last comment. I feel for this guy.

660
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 3: I sometimes lead workshops around human connection, and most of

661
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: human connection is connecting to your own vulnerability and your

662
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 3: own body, felt sensations, to your own emotions, and a

663
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 3: lot of people are so disconnected from that, and partly

664
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 3: because of you, you know, wounding and just not feeling

665
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 3: comfortable connecting to your body. So I feel bad for him,

666
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 3: and I hope that he could, you know, take the

667
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 3: one just acknowledge that it is so important even to

668
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 3: his relationship in order to come back into contact with

669
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 3: his body and his emotions, and then also like take

670
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 3: that as part of the mending process for if he

671
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 3: chooses to stay with his partner, and to include that

672
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 3: as like a core pillar.

673
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: I definitely think he needs to do some solo therapy

674
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: work and figure out his motions and then also go

675
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 1: into marriage counseling. But that is it. That's the end

676
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 1: of that story. My wife named our son after her

677
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: first love. He's five now, and I just found out

678
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: a lot of revelations happening later in these marriages. This

679
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: is my throwaway account because she knows my main account.

680
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 1: My son is five. About two days ago, we were

681
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: out shopping and ran into a high school friend of hers.

682
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: She was catching up when she told her friend that

683
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: we had a son. When the old friend asked his name,

684
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: my wife hesitated and told her not the hesitation. He

685
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 1: had a strange look on her face. Then said, you

686
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: mean like your ex boyfriend, not even just like a

687
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: crush ex boyfriend.

688
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 2: Why would you say that as a friend.

689
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so awkward. Our son's name is very unique,

690
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,479
Speaker 1: to the point that I've never met another person with

691
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 1: the same name. Now she refuses to talk to me

692
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: about it. I felt betrayed and disgusted with her. It's

693
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: like a switch was flipped in my mind and I

694
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: just can't look at it the same way. By the way,

695
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: this comes from Bill Nye's Inner Thigh on the r

696
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: slash Jokey story. Times I've read it. There's a multiple

697
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: updates and some relevant comments. Update one lots of questions,

698
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: so I'll go ahead and answer a few that have

699
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: been mentioned a few times. I'm not giving out my

700
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: son's name. When we discussed the name, I had no

701
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: idea it was her high school ex's name. I knew

702
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: she had one boyfriend in high school whose name was

703
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: never told to me, and the relationship lasted around two years.

704
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: I'm upset, but that doesn't automatically make me abusive. I

705
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: would never raise my hand to my wife or anyone

706
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: else I care about. I will always love my son,

707
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: and I would never, I mean never, treat him any differently.

708
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: I will post an update when I talked to her,

709
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: probably in a day or two. Okay, okay, that was

710
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 1: a weird thing to bring up.

711
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 2: Maybe people were like accusing him.

712
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: If no one was accusing you of that, that's crazy

713
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: to just bring up update two. So to get some

714
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: things out of the way, first, the kid is mine,

715
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: not her ex boyfriends. I have very pronounced features that

716
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,720
Speaker 1: he also has. Plus her ex was black and I'm white.

717
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm not going to throw him away. The baby has

718
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 1: so many comments suggested what commenters is suggesting you throw away?

719
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: Of five year olds. When we were deciding on the name,

720
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: she said she remembered somebody from school who had it

721
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 1: and instantly loved it. My wife and I both had

722
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: a very promiscuous past before we met, and agreed that

723
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: the past should stay there, so I didn't push too

724
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: hard to know certain details. I knew she had one

725
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: boyfriend in high school who cheated on her, but I

726
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:45,800
Speaker 1: never asked his name, and that's my fault. So update time. Thursday,

727
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: we didn't have the discussion because that is her late

728
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 1: day at work. Plus this wasn't a discussion I wanted

729
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 1: to have with our son in the house, which I

730
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 1: think is smart. So Thursday night, when she came in,

731
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 1: I told her that Friday, after work, we needed to

732
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: sit down and and if she has any plans she

733
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: needed to cancel. She looked very worried and said, okay.

734
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: Friday came and we sit down after her sister came

735
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 1: to pick up her son for a sleepover. I asked,

736
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: why would she not tell me where our name came from.

737
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 1: She said she was sorry, but she didn't think it

738
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 1: was that big of a deal and I would not

739
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: agree to it. I told her that it was my

740
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,919
Speaker 1: choice too, and she took that away from me. Two

741
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: ridiculous statements from her. One she didn't think it was

742
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: a big deal, which is a lie because she clearly

743
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: hesitated when she was telling people about it, so she

744
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: knew there was something messed up about it, and then

745
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: the second one, she knew that you wouldn't agree to it,

746
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 1: which is taking away your autonomy and in naming your child.

747
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 2: Oh, what should we name our kid?

748
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: Oh?

749
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 2: I have this one idea that you won't be uh

750
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 2: let in on.

751
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally not tricking you or anything.

752
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 2: Cray.

753
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: I asked her if she would feel the same way

754
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,439
Speaker 1: if we had a daughter and named her after one

755
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: of my exes, and she said, that's different. I wouldn't

756
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: let that happen. She's like, no, no, no, that's different.

757
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: You respect me, don't worry.

758
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 2: That's a great counterpoint from him, though.

759
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 1: She said that she knows she can disconnect the name

760
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: from her ex, but she wouldn't be sure. I could

761
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 1: do the same question, though, because I don't have xes.

762
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 1: Can you name your child after a childhood crush?

763
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 2: Sure?

764
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: So it's just you were in a relationship.

765
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 2: No, a high school relationship for two years.

766
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 1: That's too long, I agree, But there's more to this story.

767
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: I was floored and started to feel sicker than I

768
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: had felt. I told her that that's one of the

769
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: students things I had ever heard come out of someone's mouth.

770
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: I moved on because I had more questions, and I

771
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: was about to go off just on what she had

772
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,439
Speaker 1: just said. I asked her if she still loved him,

773
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: and she paused for a minute then said yes, but

774
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: not in the same way she loves me, and that

775
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:54,280
Speaker 1: you don't just stop loving someone that love changes. I disagree.

776
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 1: If your point is, oh, you know, like I'll still

777
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: have a certain fondness for him, I don't think you

778
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: have to say, yeah, I still love him.

779
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 5: It's like having a shrine in your house for your

780
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 5: ex and being like, no, I'm not with them, I'm

781
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 5: with you. We just have our shrine here that we're

782
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 5: gonna raise and polish.

783
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 1: And we're gonna spend a lot of money on the

784
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 1: shrine to remember my love for my ex. I wanted

785
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,320
Speaker 1: to throw up. At this point, she could see that

786
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 1: I was very upset. She smiled at me and said

787
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: I should know she only wants to be with me.

788
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: I said that I needed to know how you love him.

789
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,720
Speaker 1: At this point, she put her hand on my leg

790
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: and tried to change the subject. What's like, Okay, I

791
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: only love you, don't worry about it. I told her

792
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 1: to take your effing hand off me right now and

793
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: answer the question. Her mood changed right there, from wanting

794
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: to move past this to know he didn't just effing

795
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 1: cuss at me. She said, look, you're upset, and I

796
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: get that, but what's done is done, so you need

797
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: to get over this and move on. She got up

798
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: and said, I'm meeting my mom for dinner. I'll see

799
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 1: you when you get home. I told her, if you

800
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: walk out that door, then no, you won't. She looked

801
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,359
Speaker 1: at me like I was full of crap. Rabbed her

802
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: purse and left. I packed my bag and stayed at

803
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: a friend's house last night. Right now, I'm just sitting

804
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: here trying to figure out what to do next. And

805
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: there are some relevant comments to finish this story off.

806
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: But boy, oh boy, what do you do here?

807
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: I mean, it's getting heated for good reason.

808
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's kind of like brushing past everything, and

809
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 1: that's the main issue. I think they could have worked

810
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: through this pretty effectively.

811
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 5: There's a world in which she goes, Listen, I messed up.

812
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 5: Perhaps I shouldn't have named our child after my ex,

813
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,840
Speaker 5: who I still have feelings for in some fashion. Perhaps

814
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 5: maybe that wasn't the move. Listen, get over it.

815
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: It's over. It's been five years. What are you gonna

816
00:38:56,400 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: do change his name? No, yeah, you're Jack, that's your name,

817
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: or you just make them go buy a nickname. Slyly

818
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: Toe says, you get a DNA test, a divorce, and custody.

819
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: I do think that you need some pretty severe marriage counseling.

820
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,240
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would rush to divorce because

821
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 1: they have a kid, but like the fact that she's

822
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 1: so defensive and not willing to answer any of his concerns.

823
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 2: Who do you care about more? It seems like you

824
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 2: care more about protecting your ex.

825
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, very concerning.

826
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 2: I think the comments will be very enlightening.

827
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: Two three four two three four two three four one

828
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 1: one one says I have a father and so I

829
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 1: understand the general stress level in your life. And I

830
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: am a married man, so I can understand how painful

831
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,879
Speaker 1: this news was to you. To me, the main thing

832
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: is that she won't talk to you about it. Not

833
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 1: discussing openly in a marriage is like a tree rotting

834
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: from within. You may not see the damage, but it's

835
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: impossible to be strong if you cannot talk about everything.

836
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: What a metaphor one problem is I see is that

837
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: she kept this a secret and deceived you. In order

838
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: to win a private victory or meaning for herself. That

839
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,240
Speaker 1: is not a good thing in a marriage. However, because

840
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: it involves your son, it is much more serious and

841
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: will need to be sortied. Here is my advice. I

842
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: would draw a red line in terms of discussing this.

843
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: Your wife will need to discuss this matter, and in

844
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: my mind, she will need to accept that it is

845
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: an issue and understand why this may take a long time.

846
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: To achieve it. You will need to be strong and

847
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: not bend here and there with the moods of the relationship.

848
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: In my opinion, until you achieve understanding and clarity on

849
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: this issue between you both, you cannot move forward. So

850
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: you will need to be the one to shoulder this

851
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,840
Speaker 1: and insist that it is done in an adult and

852
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: straightforward matter. Second, you must swallow it when it comes

853
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 1: to your son, regardless of what happens. It's not the

854
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: boy's fault. I know you know this, but you should

855
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 1: meditate on it a bit and really let it sink

856
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,720
Speaker 1: in that a boy needs his father and that nothing

857
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 1: has come between you and him. If I were you,

858
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 1: my top priority would be to secure that relationship, regardless

859
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 1: of whatever else happens. Finally, you should reach out to

860
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 1: some people close to you, maybe even some professional in

861
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: order to get your feeling straight on this. You are

862
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 1: facing a decently big betrayal at the outset of life

863
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: changes and responsibility. Your son will soon be a young

864
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: man and he will need you to be strong to

865
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 1: support him. Therefore, you must get everything clear in your heart.

866
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 1: Even if your wife has betrayed you and all that

867
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: has gone as wrong as you can possibly imagine, you

868
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: must still bear that and hold up your responsibilities. You

869
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 1: can do this, You just have to accept it for

870
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: what it is, not less and also not more. Good luck.

871
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:41,839
Speaker 1: You can do it, and if you guys can also

872
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: join us live every week to at three PMPST just

873
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:44,720
Speaker 1: tap a profile.

874
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,359
Speaker 5: Boy oh boy, I think that person just kind of

875
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 5: nailed it. Hit it on the old nail of the

876
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 5: head with the noggin.

877
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that hit it on the nail

878
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 1: in the head bullseye.

879
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 2: I don't know what else I have to say.

880
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: I think that it's going to be really tough.

881
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 5: It's really important that they are on the same page

882
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 5: and that she comes to an understanding that it was

883
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 5: not the move. Yeah, it doesn't gaslight him and if.

884
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: He keeps that relationship and that argument separate from his kids.

885
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 2: Do you ever tell the kid?

886
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: I don't know if you necessarily need to.

887
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,839
Speaker 2: You don't need to, Like I don't know if.

888
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,760
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily. But that is the end of that story.

889
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: My girlfriend loves watching spicy dancers, but she's kept it

890
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 1: a secret for me for years. Oh Micosa sposidy so

891
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 1: I twenty eight male and Jen twenty six female have

892
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: been dating exclusively for two years and living together for

893
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,919
Speaker 1: six months. We live in the college town where we

894
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: both earned our computer science degrees, but we didn't know

895
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: each other in college. Jen is the classic cute nerd

896
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,959
Speaker 1: who loves playing video games and is a huge fan

897
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: of Doctor Who Love It. By the way, this comes

898
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: from Ta nerd Girl Malaru review on the Okay Storytime

899
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: suppared it.

900
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 6: So.

901
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 1: Jen has a good college friend, Amber, with whom she

902
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,240
Speaker 1: goes out with maybe once every four to six weeks.

903
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: Usually it's something low key, like a movie or dinner

904
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: and drinks. Many times it's during the week, not the weekend.

905
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,879
Speaker 1: I have never thought anything of it because I've never

906
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 1: had a reason to. Plus, sometimes Jen comes home really

907
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: corny and wants to have spicy sleep as soon as

908
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: she stumbles through the door. Is she under the influence? Oh?

909
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,919
Speaker 4: She probably like just seeing those men, I need some now.

910
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 1: But other times she texts me to say she's going

911
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: to crash at Amber's place. A few nights ago, Jen

912
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: and Amber had a girl's night. She told me they

913
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: were going to see a late movie and maybe grab

914
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 1: some drinks after. Jen came home around eleven pm, tipsy

915
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: but not wasted, and basically jumps me in bed. We

916
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 1: went at it until she fell asleep. Around one am.

917
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 1: Nine When I went to turn her light off, I

918
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: noticed a pop up on her phone with a QR

919
00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 1: code ticket pass to something called Men in Motion. Googled it.

920
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,240
Speaker 1: It's a traveling show with male spicy dancers that travels

921
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: around the country and puts on male spicy shows. And yes,

922
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 1: the ticket was for a show tonights. Jen and I

923
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: don't have an open phone policy, but I know her

924
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 1: password and I was more than curious. I checked her

925
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,400
Speaker 1: app ticket history and it looks like she's gone to

926
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: a lot of these shows. I also looked at her

927
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,320
Speaker 1: photos and found a folder with over hundreds of pictures

928
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: of her with spicy dancers. Wearing not a lot of clothing.

929
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with the idea that Jen enjoys watching hot

930
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: spicy men dance and has been hiding it from me.

931
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: I feel inadequate and uneasy about the situation. Although there's

932
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: no evidence she cheated, there have been two nights she

933
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 1: didn't come home that match the dates of the show. Yeah,

934
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 1: I have a good memory. It makes me wonder if

935
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 1: something more is going on. I've always trusted Jen, and

936
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to accuse her of anything without evidence. However,

937
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: this whole situation is making me uneasy. How do I

938
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: bring this up to her without making her feel like

939
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 1: I don't trust her? And how do I deal with

940
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,439
Speaker 1: the nagging feeling that even more may have happened. Would

941
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 1: I be the able if I confronted her about this?

942
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: And there is an upding update one first, thank you

943
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: all for the comments. It really helped me get my

944
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 1: head on straight and realized I've been gaslighting myself. The

945
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: shock of knowing my nerdy Jen was regularly watching male

946
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: spicy dancers, along with low key feeling of inadequacy. I'm

947
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: okay looking, but I'm not ripped, blinded me to the

948
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: fact that the active deception on her part was the

949
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: bigger issue. Anyhow, Here's an update on what's happened. I

950
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 1: knew I had to talk to Jen at home Thursday evening.

951
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,800
Speaker 1: I told her I saw the ticket on her phone

952
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: the night of the show and asked her why she

953
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 1: lied to me that she was going to the movies.

954
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 1: She was initially taken aback and defensive, but eventually apologized

955
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: for not being upfront. She said that she and Amber

956
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: just considered it a fun and even silly girls' night activity.

957
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 1: Jen admitted she kept it quiet from me because she

958
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: wasn't sure how I would react and didn't want to

959
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 1: make things awkward between us by even asking. It was

960
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: just something fun and not She admitted that this was

961
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: not her first time attending a show like this, but

962
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,879
Speaker 1: she couldn't remember how many times in the past. Jen

963
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: also said something I never thought of, that she felt

964
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 1: safe going to these shows as it was an all

965
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: women environment compared to bars and clubs where guys get

966
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 1: wasted and hit on women. She reassured me that these

967
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: shows were just tough fun and not about any dissatisfaction

968
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: with our relationship. She said at least three times that

969
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: she finds me attractive and was very satisfied with our

970
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: spicy sleep life. She even said it would help me

971
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 1: process things that she and I could go together to

972
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 1: a club with female dancers. Neither of us have ever

973
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,359
Speaker 1: been to a spicy club with female dancers, but thought

974
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: it would be similar and I could see for myself

975
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: that it was just naughty fun and we could experience together.

976
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 1: After a couple of hours of talking, she grabbed my

977
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 1: hand and took me up to the bedroom to assure

978
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: me that I am still the hottest man in her life.

979
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, dude, you put that magic mike. I'll do

980
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 4: one of those dances the girls did.

981
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 2: Oh oh nice, that was great, Thank you, thank you.

982
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: There is more, but she's pausing really quick. I think

983
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: that is sweet. However, the fact that she lied to

984
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: you needs to be like, she can't just get away

985
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 1: with oh I didn't know you would react. No, she

986
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: actively withheld information. The act of going to the spicy

987
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: clubs is not like a problem if both partners are

988
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:23,399
Speaker 1: you aware of that?

989
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, so with it it is us.

990
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's messed up that she was keeping that.

991
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 4: We'll say they get over this. I still think the

992
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 4: relationship is good.

993
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: I think they could get through this for sure. But

994
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: I think she just needs to be like, I'm so sorry.

995
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have kept that a secret, like actively saying,

996
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:43,800
Speaker 1: you know, actively working to get trust back and stuff.

997
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 4: I think that that they're first, That's why she did this.

998
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 4: They are there each others first. Oh so she doesn't

999
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 4: know like I see other men. Yeah, I'm sorry. I

1000
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:52,880
Speaker 4: don't know how to communicate that.

1001
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 1: Next day, I was satisfied with her explanation. Jen didn't

1002
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 1: tell me how many times she had gone to these shows,

1003
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: but I chalked it up to her being embarrassed at

1004
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: me finding out and not wanting to hurt me anymore.

1005
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: I also didn't ask about the pictures. I didn't want

1006
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: her to know that I had looked at her phone

1007
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 1: and there really wasn't any smoking pew pew evidence of infidelity.

1008
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: But the next day something still just felt off, maybe

1009
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: me just questioning myself and my naivete up until.

1010
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 4: This point at her phone.

1011
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: You both were keeping secrets. You gotta tell her, so

1012
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:27,800
Speaker 1: I reached out to a mutual friend of ours, Kirsten.

1013
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,479
Speaker 1: Kirsten was a part of Jen and Amber's college friend

1014
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,320
Speaker 1: group and I knew Kirsten casually from a few classes

1015
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 1: we had taken together. Kirst and I were close at all,

1016
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 1: and I hadn't seen her since graduation, but we reconnected

1017
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 1: at her wedding a couple of years ago. The wedding

1018
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: was just around the time Jen and I became exclusive.

1019
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: Jen and Amber were both bridesmaids. Jen took me as

1020
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: or plus one. As far as I knew, Kirsten and

1021
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: Jen didn't have much interaction after the wedding, which I

1022
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 1: assume was just normal for married people to lose contact

1023
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 1: with unmarried friends. I messaged Kirsten's Saturday. I used the

1024
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 1: pretense that I was thinking of taking things to the

1025
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: next level with Jen and that said she was the

1026
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: first person in the friend group that got married and

1027
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: that she knew Jen that she could give me some advice.

1028
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: What she said next stunned me. She said that she

1029
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 1: didn't know that Jen and I were a couple and

1030
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: that she hadn't spoken to Jen since the wedding. She

1031
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: also said we should meet up for coffee so she

1032
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: could fill me in on some things in person, but

1033
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 1: not to tell Jen we were meeting. Definitely cheating, She asked.

1034
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 2: To have cheat.

1035
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,720
Speaker 4: It is so weird, Like if I had a friend

1036
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 4: that I consider my best friend, I don't even know

1037
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 4: that they have a partner, and I'm taking them out

1038
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 4: to like all these things.

1039
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 2: No.

1040
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 1: I think what happened is Jen and Ope's partner were

1041
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:42,760
Speaker 1: friends prior to Jen's wedding, and then I think something

1042
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: probably happened at Jen's bachelorette party, and like they you know,

1043
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 1: caught off their friendship. And now she's finding like ohmg,

1044
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: Ohpi's stating, you know, his girlfriend and he probably doesn't

1045
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 1: know about that what happened at the bachelorette party something

1046
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: along those lines.

1047
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 4: God, God, it's still weird that I don't know you

1048
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 4: have a friend and they have a partner and you

1049
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 4: don't know about that. Friends are you?

1050
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: They're not good, that's what she said. They said that

1051
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: they're after the wedding.

1052
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 4: They like, sorry, I thought this is like the best

1053
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,359
Speaker 4: friend she went out with like four to six times

1054
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 4: a week.

1055
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 1: No, no, no, different friend.

1056
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 4: Different friend, Yeah, apologies, different friends.

1057
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:20,959
Speaker 1: We had coffee Sunday, Wow, just at thing. Wow. Here

1058
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 1: is what she told me. I have written this chronologically

1059
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 1: so it makes more sense.

1060
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 4: About go away your guests, he has probably more than

1061
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 4: just two points. Okay, say it another point.

1062
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: My same point.

1063
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 4: I think she cheated, Okay, cheated and got with one

1064
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 4: of those spicy dancers. Yeah, afterwards, because they get tacos afterwards.

1065
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 4: Because I saw one of the dancers afterwards get tacos,

1066
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,320
Speaker 4: so like they're people, they're people.

1067
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 1: One. According to Kirsten, Jen was a virgin until her

1068
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 1: twenty first birthday.

1069
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 6: By the way, if you want to see bonus videos

1070
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 6: not on this page, search Okay story time clips on

1071
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 6: Facebook for more.

1072
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 2: Okay, back to the story.

1073
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,760
Speaker 1: As a joke, Kristen Amber and friends decided to hire

1074
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: a male spicy dancer for Jen's birthday saw clebration. To

1075
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: everyone's shock, Jen really liked the dancer and lost her

1076
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 1: virginity that night.

1077
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 4: WHOA dang, No, that's like that not saying that's bad,

1078
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 4: but like to me, that is something very special and

1079
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 4: you give it to someone that like that's what the

1080
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 4: world is.

1081
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: I think it differs for different people. I think that

1082
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 1: it really is like like I heard this thing about

1083
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: like a first kiss and they were like talking about

1084
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: like someone I think it was in a show and

1085
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: the person was saying, like their first kiss was terrible,

1086
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 1: and they're like, it's not about the first kiss, it's

1087
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 1: about the first one that matters, And I think that's

1088
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: really nice. So I think in this case, you know,

1089
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 1: it's up to her whatever she does. However, I do

1090
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: think it's kind of unprofessional of the stripper. Hopefully she wasn't,

1091
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 1: you know, pushing him to do anything. Jen became more

1092
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: interested in dancers and would do things like suggesting magic

1093
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 1: mic for movie night. Other times she would comment on

1094
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: guys walking around campus, making comments about abs and biceps

1095
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 1: and saying, I bet he looks good in the thong

1096
00:51:56,520 --> 00:52:01,760
Speaker 1: girl Jen calm down for Jen serious boyfriend after college

1097
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: and before we met that I didn't know about. According

1098
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 1: to Kirsten, the relationship ended when the boyfriend discovered Jen

1099
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: in bed with Yep, a spicy dancer. Jenna gone to

1100
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 1: a mail review hung out after the show, she managed

1101
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 1: to pick up one of the dancers and took him home.

1102
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 1: She's got riz with spicy dancers specifically. The boyfriend ended

1103
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,479
Speaker 1: up moving out of town for work, which is why

1104
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 1: I had never heard of him. The friend group knew

1105
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 1: about this mess, and Kirsten figured Jen had learned her

1106
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 1: lesson six at Kirsten's bachelorette party, where Jen and Amber

1107
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 1: were bridesmaids. Kirsten had explicitly told them no spicy dancers.

1108
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: She's like, do not, We all know, Jen.

1109
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 4: It's just gonna do something crazy. I don't want to

1110
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 4: be around that. Let's not.

1111
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 1: Kirsten was understandably furious with them hijacking her bachelorette and

1112
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 1: blatantly disrespecting her, and ended the friendship with Jen and Amber,

1113
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 1: though she kept them in the wedding party because the

1114
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,320
Speaker 1: wedding date was only a week away and she didn't

1115
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 1: want word of this to get out and overshadow the wedding.

1116
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 1: Looking back, I remember the vibe of the wedding felt off,

1117
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,359
Speaker 1: and this was why I could tell Kirsten was still

1118
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:11,319
Speaker 1: rightfully very pissed about this whole situation and said I

1119
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 1: deserve to know the truth. Over the course of an hour,

1120
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: I went from stunned to furious. I'll spare you the

1121
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 1: ugly details of Sunday evening, but I broke it off

1122
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: and told Jen she has until the end of the

1123
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: week to move out. She was crying, screaming, begging, but

1124
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: at this point I had enough and told her she

1125
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: could f off and pass away. That's pretty intense. Among

1126
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,840
Speaker 1: her excuses, there is nothing wrong with a woman liking

1127
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 1: hot men, and that it was all just a fantasy,

1128
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 1: no different than guys liking corn except it's not a

1129
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:43,720
Speaker 1: fantasy if you're actively doing it. It got her corny,

1130
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 1: and I got the benefit of it. I was being insecure.

1131
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: She really loved me and saw future together and this

1132
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 1: was something she could work through. Oh, she never slept

1133
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 1: with spicy dancers after Kirsten's bachelorette and that debacle was

1134
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,280
Speaker 1: early in our relationship and shouldn't count. But who the fs?

1135
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: Were they official?

1136
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:01,799
Speaker 2: Though?

1137
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:04,280
Speaker 1: If you guys were official, then it absolutely counts.

1138
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 4: That's a big one.

1139
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,879
Speaker 1: Jen will be sleeping in the spare room for now,

1140
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 1: but I told her this is over. I will avoid

1141
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 1: her as much as I can until she moves out.

1142
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 1: I am not worried about her doing psycho crap. I

1143
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: think she knows I will go nuclear and tell her

1144
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 1: parents and family the whole story if she tries anything.

1145
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:23,399
Speaker 1: So it's done. Thank you again for everyone who gave

1146
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 1: me the needed push to man up and confront this.

1147
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 4: Oh no, there's a second update. This is what happens.

1148
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 4: She goes to the male dudes and it's like, hey, guys,

1149
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 4: we have to go and convince my husband to get

1150
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 4: back with me. They all go up and they're like,

1151
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 4: will you be my boyfriend? She's like, no, will you

1152
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 4: be my boyfriend? No boyfriend? No, get to the end

1153
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:41,799
Speaker 4: hoping he will say it, and then he says, yes,

1154
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 4: I'll be your boyfriend, and they all flash.

1155
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 1: Dance Yeah, except they're actually flashing.

1156
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:49,240
Speaker 4: Yep, just winger and balls everywhere. It's left and right.

1157
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 4: There you have it, sausage party with some meat balls adjoining.

1158
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 1: But there's an update. Jen finished moving out Saturday. No drama.

1159
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 1: I mostly avoided her. She made some attempts at reconcilly,

1160
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 1: but I think she knew it was hopeless. Some of

1161
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 1: you made helpful suggestions to protect myself, but mostly weren't needed.

1162
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't worried about her trashing the place. She's not crazy,

1163
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 1: she just got caught. She also knew that I would

1164
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: go nuclear if she tried any stunts. In all years together,

1165
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 1: she has never seen me this pissed off. Well, I

1166
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,879
Speaker 1: had never seen me this pissed off. I also wasn't

1167
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 1: worried about her trying to spend some story for sympathy.

1168
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 1: Our respective families live in different states, our friends circles

1169
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 1: what's left of hers don't overlap. We work for different companies,

1170
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 1: so there was no one for her to play the

1171
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: sympathy card on. Also, I wasn't worried about baby dropping,

1172
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 1: as I would never stick my wiener in that. Again, also,

1173
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 1: we are both well paid IT professionals with plenty of

1174
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 1: disposable income and no desire to of kids. STD panel

1175
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: is clean. I did speak with Kirsten, former friend of Jen,

1176
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: to let her know what happened. One thing she said

1177
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,720
Speaker 1: made me feel a bit better. She said that during

1178
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:58,319
Speaker 1: and after college, Jen was actually pretty selective in who

1179
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: she dated and was not into the case asual hookup

1180
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 1: culture and probably hadn't been with more than five guys

1181
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 1: total before me.

1182
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 4: They'd stop talking just in the Reddit story three sentences ago.

1183
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,280
Speaker 4: Stop with the obvious exception.

1184
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 1: She had hobby of effing spicy dancers, And yes, I

1185
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: know that sounds ft up writing it, but she probably

1186
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 1: wasn't running around with loads of random hookups behind my back.

1187
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,840
Speaker 1: So yes, I may have been naive, but not that naive.

1188
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,479
Speaker 1: But you know it's not naive joining us live every

1189
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: weekday at three PMPSD on YouTube, Facebook, and TikTok. It's

1190
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 1: actually very adult of you. There's a little bit more

1191
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 1: to the story. But yeah, I think that's the right decision.

1192
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 4: But Bro kind of burned out at the end there,

1193
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,319
Speaker 4: like he was a hero, and then he made some

1194
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 4: remarks and was.

1195
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 1: Like, no, no, just walk out. Yeah, let her leave.

1196
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 1: But there's more to the story. One of my friends said,

1197
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,439
Speaker 1: this whole thing reminded him of stories but men who

1198
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:49,320
Speaker 1: with loving wives and families, but who have some spicy

1199
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: desire that can only be satisfied by hiring street spicy captain.

1200
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 1: Hook losing her virginity to a spicy dancer may have

1201
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: done something to Jen Psyche that could only be satisfied

1202
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: with some jack dude with oiled muscles dancing in the thorn.

1203
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: You're just making up these thoughts. Not my problem anymore.

1204
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 1: I am doing as okay as can be in this situation.

1205
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 1: I am not really depressed, because I am still pissed

1206
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 1: off with the whole situation. At some point I may

1207
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: go to a spicy club just to see what they're

1208
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 1: all about.

1209
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 4: My girlfriend and I invited a third into our relationship,

1210
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 4: but I'm regretting it.

1211
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 1: You gotta be so sure about those things.

1212
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 4: You gotta make sure that his shoe size is a

1213
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 4: bigger than yours, at.

1214
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:29,920
Speaker 1: Least three times for every person.

1215
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 4: My girlfriend twenty five female and I twenty six female,

1216
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 4: have been together for three years. Our relationship has been

1217
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 4: rocky throughout the whole thing because of instability. We finally

1218
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 4: got stable and moved back to her hometown a few

1219
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 4: months ago. Before moving here, we were pretty much together

1220
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 4: twenty four to seven and where each other's only friend

1221
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 4: slash companion. Just took a toll on my girlfriend because

1222
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 4: she was used to having her friends around and not

1223
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 4: being stuck at home all the time. So when we

1224
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 4: moved back to her hometown, she had all of her

1225
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 4: old friends back, plus some from her new job. She

1226
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 4: started going out a lot with people from work that

1227
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 4: I didn't know, and this caused more issues and stress,

1228
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 4: which led to days of arguments and us growing apart

1229
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 4: some more.

1230
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 1: Doesn't seem like your relationship is going well?

1231
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys are on the dirt path, on the

1232
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 4: dirt rocky road path, rocky path. We seem to always

1233
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 4: come back to each other and ultimately realize that we

1234
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 4: are going to keep trying no matter what happens. By

1235
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from shot Beautiful three seven eight

1236
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 4: on the Archilize Okay storytime supred It. So during our

1237
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 4: relationship we would talk about having a party of three,

1238
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 4: but never did it. It got brought up again recently

1239
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 4: as a joke, but it turned into the real thing

1240
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 4: when her friend from work, thirty two Mal was brought

1241
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 4: up in question. Me, being the people pleaser and a

1242
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 4: bit curious, I'm usually agreed with my partner that we

1243
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 4: can set up a three party with her friend. He agreed,

1244
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 4: and we talked about boundaries together very briefly. I just

1245
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 4: told him specific things that I did not want him

1246
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,360
Speaker 4: to do to her vice versa. I didn't really think

1247
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 4: about the scenario as a whole and didn't lay down

1248
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 4: more boundaries beforehand. Party of three happened, and during it

1249
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 4: was okay, Like I didn't love it, but I didn't

1250
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 4: hate it. After it was over, we all gone on

1251
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,320
Speaker 4: the couch and my partner started cuddling with both of

1252
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 4: us and showing us both the faction. I was under

1253
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 4: the impression that her friend would leave or at least

1254
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,400
Speaker 4: sleep on the couch, but instead they asked me if

1255
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 4: it was okay if he slept in our bed.

1256
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 1: Actually, I think that's fair because aftercare. I think if

1257
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 1: you sleep with someone, it's kind of crazy to be like,

1258
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 1: go sleep on the couch. No, Am I wrong? Am

1259
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 1: I wrong? I feel like if you sleep with someone,

1260
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 1: you gotta do a little cuddling. You gotta have some

1261
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: aftercare in that.

1262
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,200
Speaker 2: There needs to be some cuddling.

1263
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think like a little cuddling the bed, that's fair.

1264
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 1: I think you need that.

1265
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 2: Riley likes his pillow talk.

1266
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 4: But let's say you have gone through this and you're like,

1267
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 4: we're gonna do this. You're gonna like cuddle someone that's

1268
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 4: not no, but they're all three cuddle Yeah, but like still, dude.

1269
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 3: I have an acronym a model of communicating how to

1270
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 3: approach something like this. Okay, it's called r BDSMA our

1271
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:25,919
Speaker 3: relationship status. We're monogamous, where Polly, we're in an open relationship,

1272
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 3: et cetera. Single whatever B is boundaries, D is desires,

1273
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:34,480
Speaker 3: So what desires do you want to engage with together? S?

1274
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 3: Spicy status like, uh, when was the last time you

1275
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 3: got tested? Et cetera, et cetera. M is meaning what

1276
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 3: does this mean to you? And an A is aftercare.

1277
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:44,280
Speaker 4: We'll put that in a presentation.

1278
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:47,280
Speaker 2: I think, so this is slides one through ten.

1279
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been in this situation, but

1280
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: I do think that I feel like after care is important.

1281
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:57,400
Speaker 4: But the world's a dark plays so summy, so freaking sumy,

1282
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 4: all right? I told them it okay with me. My

1283
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 4: girlfriend stated that since our living room is cold at

1284
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 4: night and we don't have extra blankets and he might

1285
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 4: freeze to death, it only makes sense if he slept

1286
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 4: in our bed, so he did. The next morning, I

1287
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 4: woke up and her back was on his front and

1288
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 4: they were cuddled from the back while I was holding

1289
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 4: her from the front. I was very hurt by this

1290
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 4: and told my girlfriend that I did not want them cuddling.

1291
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 4: She moved over, but he remained to sleep on the bed,

1292
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 4: which I mean, come on, you.

1293
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 1: See now, now we're dipping in dull, dangerous territory.

1294
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,120
Speaker 4: They both went to his house while I was at

1295
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,920
Speaker 4: work to help him move things into his bedroom.

1296
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 2: You know what else they did in that bedroom?

1297
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 4: Spicy move some boxes. Yes, oh y, I put a

1298
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:47,919
Speaker 4: lot of hard work into this joke.

1299
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,040
Speaker 2: I was upset by this because I.

1300
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 4: Didn't want them hanging out alone after we did all that.

1301
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:55,720
Speaker 4: But she comes home after I get off work and

1302
01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 4: I barely give her attention and I don't hug her,

1303
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:01,440
Speaker 4: and she gets really upset and it turns into a

1304
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 4: whole argument. She says that the only way this would

1305
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 4: be fun for her is if she has the freedom

1306
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:12,280
Speaker 4: to be affectionate and spend time with the person as well.

1307
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 6: By the way, if you want to see bonus videos

1308
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 6: not on this page, search Okay story time clips on

1309
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 6: Facebook for more.

1310
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 2: Okay, back to the story.

1311
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 4: I did not agree to this because I thought it

1312
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 4: would just be spouse asleep, but it turned into her

1313
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:29,040
Speaker 4: basically dating the both of us. We were monogamous for

1314
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 4: three years together. After this argument, we all talk and

1315
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 4: I tell them my hard boundaries on no hanging out

1316
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 4: alone and he can only touch her while we're actively

1317
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 4: in the party of three.

1318
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 1: I think that's fair. I think that's very fair. Otherwise

1319
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: you're just dating two people.

1320
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:48,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then it gets complicating and I a juggle

1321
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 4: and then it's like I forgot your birthday. No, I

1322
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 4: got to go to your birthday. The anniversaries come up, dude,

1323
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 4: that's a lot present.

1324
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 1: I think everyone has to be aware of that. You're

1325
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: dating three people for two people.

1326
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:00,280
Speaker 4: They agreed and we decided to try it again because

1327
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 4: I keep fighting for their relationship no matter what. Remember,

1328
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 4: it was okay again. But after in the middle of

1329
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 4: the night, I woke up and saw him checking if

1330
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 4: she has milk. Wow, she was waking up out of sleep,

1331
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:16,000
Speaker 4: and before I thought about it, I pushed him off

1332
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 4: of her very hard and cost him out. The next

1333
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 4: morning was difficult because I felt bad for what I did,

1334
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 4: and both of them were pretty much mad at me.

1335
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: She's literally dating both of you. This is crazy. This

1336
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 1: isn't like a party of three anymore. This is he's

1337
01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 1: actively coming over and you guys are in an open relationship,

1338
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 1: except you have not consented to it. Yep, I thought

1339
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,320
Speaker 1: she was asleep, is what Opie said. That's what I

1340
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 1: was really concerned about. Yes, He's like, ohp he was asleep,

1341
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 1: and based off of like the girl friend being mad

1342
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 1: in the morning, it seems like she was up and

1343
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:45,080
Speaker 1: into it.

1344
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 4: They said it was within the boundaries. I said that

1345
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have been mad. I don't know if I'm

1346
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:52,960
Speaker 4: in the wrong or not, but I felt like I

1347
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:55,560
Speaker 4: was being manipulated by him. After I pushed him, he

1348
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 4: decided to back away for a while and did it

1349
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,400
Speaker 4: come over for a few days. Today he came over

1350
01:04:01,440 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 4: to talk and we discussed boundaries again and even made

1351
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 4: multiple visual representations on paper to explain the boundaries. I

1352
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 4: like that you did it on paper and not like

1353
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:12,600
Speaker 4: in person, like, we can't be doing this.

1354
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 1: This is my boundary.

1355
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 4: I agreed that they could hang out as long as

1356
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 4: no spotsy things happen. I feel really dumb because after

1357
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,240
Speaker 4: the talk they went to his house to watch movie

1358
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,640
Speaker 4: and hang out. Should I just give it up now?

1359
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1360
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,080
Speaker 1: I mean you've already expressed that you don't want them

1361
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:36,000
Speaker 1: to have relationship. She's continue this relationship beyond a party

1362
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 1: of three, totally ignoring your boundaries time and time again.

1363
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 1: I think it it's time doing this relationship.

1364
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, and even before this all happened, your relationship was rocky.

1365
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 4: It's like when a couple is like, we should have kids,

1366
01:04:48,520 --> 01:04:50,919
Speaker 4: still fix our relationship. It's giving those vibes.

1367
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 1: Everyone always thinks adding a third person to your relationships

1368
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 1: go fix it. I won't whether that be a child

1369
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 1: or a spicy partner.

1370
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:00,600
Speaker 4: Update talk to a girlfriend about it everything and how

1371
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:03,480
Speaker 4: I felt. She understood and said that we don't have

1372
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 4: to do that anymore and she can take some time

1373
01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 4: away from their friendship. We have agreed to go to

1374
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:13,240
Speaker 4: couple's therapy and have a session tomorrow morning. Since the post,

1375
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,720
Speaker 4: I have been having outbursts and acting Craig Kray and

1376
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 4: it's been causing her to be scared around me and

1377
01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:23,439
Speaker 4: hang out with the same coworker. He's teaching her how

1378
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 4: to play guitar. I bet he already knows how to

1379
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:29,400
Speaker 4: guitar and time over his house until ten or eleven

1380
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 4: pm every night. Guitar lessons are kind of long. I'm

1381
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 4: not gonna lie. She swears nothing is happening. She just

1382
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:39,160
Speaker 4: needs a safe place to go after work, since our

1383
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:43,120
Speaker 4: apartment seems unsafe to her now and doesn't have music

1384
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:45,040
Speaker 4: in it. Apparently, last night she came home a bit

1385
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:47,960
Speaker 4: early because I asked her to, and we actually talked

1386
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 4: and things got better, just a little better. The relationship

1387
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 4: is still in the air. I'm not sure if I

1388
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 4: trust that they aren't doing things behind my back. I

1389
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 4: also feel though I am being made to look crazier

1390
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:02,680
Speaker 4: than what I am, because she lied to me about

1391
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 4: him before and in general, and she too can be manipulative.

1392
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:09,280
Speaker 4: I will discuss all this in therapy with her and

1393
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 4: see what they say. As of now, no more parties

1394
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:17,200
Speaker 4: have happened, and I have not seen her friend. When

1395
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:20,120
Speaker 4: he brings her home, he parks far from the apartment,

1396
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,560
Speaker 4: probably because he's too scared of me. I barely have

1397
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:26,560
Speaker 4: seen her because we have been arguing a lot, and

1398
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 4: she's been at work or with him. When I do

1399
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 4: see her, she wants a little sposiveness and I just

1400
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:37,520
Speaker 4: go to sleep. It's never actually bonding or connecting. It's

1401
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 4: always spyty sleep and sleep, wake up work. It seems

1402
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 4: like there is hope with therapy, but outside of that,

1403
01:06:45,680 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 4: all hope seems lost. We still care about each other

1404
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:51,880
Speaker 4: a lot, and we say that, but we talk for

1405
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:55,720
Speaker 4: more than twenty minutes. Somehow, some way, it turns into

1406
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 4: an argument. We'll let you guys know what the therapist says.

1407
01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:01,480
Speaker 4: I hope she says, break the f up. Oh my

1408
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:03,480
Speaker 4: freaking gosh.

1409
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 1: Like after twenty minutes of talking it turns into an argument.

1410
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 1: That's a healthy actively still seeing this guy and hanging

1411
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:12,080
Speaker 1: out with him and he parks far away. She's playing

1412
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:14,200
Speaker 1: you like the guitar that he's playing her.

1413
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:18,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, like a fiddle or guitar. Well that's the end

1414
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:20,280
Speaker 4: of that story, and yeah, please burn up with her.

1415
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 1: God, my girlfriend and I agree to open our relationship,

1416
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,600
Speaker 1: but now she's accusing me of cheating on her.

1417
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 4: You can't have your cake and need it too, girl.

1418
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 1: We have been together for three years. Things were going

1419
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 1: well for the most part. We got along and would

1420
01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 1: rarely fight. Even when we did, we would often both

1421
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 1: cool down and talk it out. Not long after, however,

1422
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 1: about two weeks ago, my girlfriend approached me and asked

1423
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 1: if I wanted to open our relationship.

1424
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 4: Just like a random thought she had.

1425
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:45,800
Speaker 1: I don't have anyone in mind, but like, do we

1426
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:49,600
Speaker 1: think of what? I was immediately shocked and I almost

1427
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 1: thought she was joking at first. She said that she

1428
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 1: really loves me and wants to be with me, but

1429
01:07:54,160 --> 01:07:56,960
Speaker 1: before we get more serious, she wants to get more experience.

1430
01:07:57,440 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 1: She was my first everything, and she has been with

1431
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:00,560
Speaker 1: two guys.

1432
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:03,080
Speaker 4: She definitely needs more experience because she's like, look, I

1433
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 4: want to cheat your rat. That's thoughtful.

1434
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:07,080
Speaker 1: I shot down the idea and told her I wasn't

1435
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:09,560
Speaker 1: comfortable with it. She kept badgering me about it, but

1436
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,520
Speaker 1: eventually relented when she realized I wasn't budging and that

1437
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:15,040
Speaker 1: seemed like the end of it. However, a few days

1438
01:08:15,080 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 1: later she came to me again and asked me more

1439
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,760
Speaker 1: aggressively about it and was insinuating that we might have

1440
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 1: to take a break if we can't just try opening

1441
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:25,160
Speaker 1: our relationship for a few months, you got to break up,

1442
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:27,680
Speaker 1: you got to break up, don't breakup. Considering it was

1443
01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:30,280
Speaker 1: basically we'd take a break or I just give her this,

1444
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:32,960
Speaker 1: I relented and said we could open up the relationship.

1445
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:35,040
Speaker 4: And it's hard for him because it's his first and

1446
01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 4: he's like, oh my gosh, I think this is the one,

1447
01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:40,760
Speaker 4: and it happens to some people. Hey, this is one.

1448
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,760
Speaker 4: I have to do whatever she says, and I will

1449
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:45,680
Speaker 4: stick through this through the end. By the way, this

1450
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:48,400
Speaker 4: comes from f parking on the Okay storytime subured it.

1451
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,760
Speaker 4: So two days later, last Friday, I got home from

1452
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:54,200
Speaker 4: work and saw she was dressed up and I asked

1453
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 4: what for. She said that she was going out to

1454
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:58,040
Speaker 4: the bar with her friends and she wouldn't be back

1455
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:01,559
Speaker 4: until tomorrow. I immediately recognize what this meant and asked

1456
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 4: if she would rather spend the night in with me,

1457
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:06,360
Speaker 4: but she said she really wanted to do this. Eventually,

1458
01:09:06,439 --> 01:09:09,040
Speaker 4: she left and I was left sitting alone watching TV

1459
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:11,840
Speaker 4: getting wasted. I could not sleep if that was happening.

1460
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 1: I got sad, so I called one of my close friends,

1461
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:17,280
Speaker 1: twenty three female, and was telling her about the situation.

1462
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:20,040
Speaker 1: After we talked for a while, I asked if she

1463
01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 1: wanted to come over and drank because I was feeling

1464
01:09:23,360 --> 01:09:25,880
Speaker 1: like crap being alone. After she got there, and we

1465
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 1: hung out for a bit, drinking and discussing the open

1466
01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 1: relationship and how upset I was. My friend suggested it

1467
01:09:31,360 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 1: that if my girlfriend was essentially cheating on me, I

1468
01:09:34,439 --> 01:09:37,240
Speaker 1: might as well enjoy the perks of an open relationship too.

1469
01:09:37,479 --> 01:09:41,640
Speaker 1: She's like, whoa, what if you were to maybe have

1470
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:45,360
Speaker 1: spicy sleep with another girl that I don't know has

1471
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:47,280
Speaker 1: been in front of you the whole time. I am

1472
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:49,599
Speaker 1: sure you could see what happened there, and I won't

1473
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:52,000
Speaker 1: get into details, but it made me feel a lot

1474
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:54,519
Speaker 1: better for to the next morning and I wake up

1475
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,080
Speaker 1: to my girlfriend freaking out, asking me what the heck

1476
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:58,840
Speaker 1: my friend and I were doing in our bed. I

1477
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 1: told her what happened, and she got mad. She told

1478
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:03,439
Speaker 1: me that she didn't even end up doing anything last

1479
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:05,599
Speaker 1: night and ended up crashing at her friend's house.

1480
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:07,599
Speaker 4: Thanks, she's just mad. You got lucky, she didn't I

1481
01:10:07,640 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 4: was supposed to do I was supposed to do it.

1482
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 2: Not fair.

1483
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:14,880
Speaker 1: Not fair. She now wants to close a relationship, back

1484
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:17,680
Speaker 1: off and make me prove my loyalty for cheating on her.

1485
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,360
Speaker 1: We never discussed any rules or anything like that, so

1486
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:22,800
Speaker 1: I really don't see how I did anything wrong. So

1487
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,880
Speaker 1: am I the ale for participating in the open relationship

1488
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 1: that my girlfriend suggested? And there is an update? Break

1489
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:33,160
Speaker 1: date your girlfriend?

1490
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 4: Dude? What the heck? They're both so taking messy?

1491
01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:40,200
Speaker 1: Is so messy? Everyone's sexier breakup update. A ton of

1492
01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,920
Speaker 1: people were inquiring about how the whole situation played out

1493
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,960
Speaker 1: and asking me for an update. It's been an incredibly

1494
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,320
Speaker 1: hectic month for me, but things have started to settle

1495
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:50,919
Speaker 1: down and I'm ready for an update. So for starters,

1496
01:10:50,920 --> 01:10:56,479
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I ended up officially breaking up. Wooess wow,

1497
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,679
Speaker 1: And he says open relationships always need boundaries and rules.

1498
01:11:00,640 --> 01:11:03,080
Speaker 1: A few days after my initial post. It was not

1499
01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 1: a pretty scene. She kept calling me a cheater and

1500
01:11:06,120 --> 01:11:07,960
Speaker 1: telling me what a piece of crap I was for

1501
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:10,720
Speaker 1: cheating on her. He didn't, they opened the relationship. I

1502
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 1: took this for a few days while I tried to

1503
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:14,840
Speaker 1: figure out what to do, but eventually I snapped back

1504
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:16,840
Speaker 1: at her one day. I should have tried to keep

1505
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:19,479
Speaker 1: my cool, but I told her she is genuinely the

1506
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:22,120
Speaker 1: stupidest person I've ever met in my life for thinking

1507
01:11:22,160 --> 01:11:25,000
Speaker 1: an open relationship would work out, and it's her fault

1508
01:11:25,120 --> 01:11:27,680
Speaker 1: everything blew up. I told her, I played by her

1509
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 1: rules and it's not my fault. I found someone to

1510
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:32,320
Speaker 1: hook up with faster than she could.

1511
01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:34,080
Speaker 6: By the way, if you want to see bonus videos

1512
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:37,120
Speaker 6: not on this page, search Okay story Time clips on

1513
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,120
Speaker 6: Facebook for more. Okay, back to the story.

1514
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:40,840
Speaker 1: She told me she didn't want to cheat on me.

1515
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 1: She wanted to explore, and I should have understood. We

1516
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,639
Speaker 1: went in circles arguing for a bit, but I eventually

1517
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:48,880
Speaker 1: told her to get out of my apartment. I pay

1518
01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 1: rent and my name is on the lease, and I

1519
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:53,040
Speaker 1: had to threaten to call the cops before she realized

1520
01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:55,920
Speaker 1: I was serious. She, of course, then broke down, crying,

1521
01:11:56,040 --> 01:11:58,000
Speaker 1: saying she had nowhere to go, and told me she

1522
01:11:58,120 --> 01:12:00,760
Speaker 1: loved me and wanted to make things work. I held

1523
01:12:00,800 --> 01:12:03,280
Speaker 1: firm and told her to leave. After she was out,

1524
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:06,840
Speaker 1: I immediately felt better, realizing that relationship was terrible for me.

1525
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:09,320
Speaker 1: The next day, I called up my friend, who I

1526
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:12,240
Speaker 1: slept within the original post, and asked if she wanted

1527
01:12:12,280 --> 01:12:13,800
Speaker 1: to come over and drink and game.

1528
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:18,160
Speaker 4: Dude, aimen Dennis Rodman over here grabbing the rebounds to

1529
01:12:18,280 --> 01:12:20,599
Speaker 4: you the day after. For those of you that didn't

1530
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:23,519
Speaker 4: understand that, Michael Jordan, Scotti, Pippen and Andnis Rodman played

1531
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:26,679
Speaker 4: for the Bulls during the ninety one season, two ninety

1532
01:12:26,680 --> 01:12:29,200
Speaker 4: eight season, and Dennis Rodman's only thing that he did

1533
01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:31,800
Speaker 4: was grab rebounds. Oh, Dennis Rodman's a rebound guy.

1534
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:35,040
Speaker 1: She said yes, and of course, given what happened last time,

1535
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:37,599
Speaker 1: we ended up hooking up again. My ex ended up

1536
01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:39,200
Speaker 1: coming by the next day to pick up the rest

1537
01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:41,320
Speaker 1: of her stuff, and boy, let me tell you, she

1538
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:44,759
Speaker 1: was not happy to see my friend. She didn't start anything,

1539
01:12:44,840 --> 01:12:46,479
Speaker 1: but I could tell by the way she was acting

1540
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:49,600
Speaker 1: as she was seething. I mean, like she's not the

1541
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:52,880
Speaker 1: greatest person. She asked for an open relationship, but kind

1542
01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:54,280
Speaker 1: of messed up.

1543
01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:57,439
Speaker 4: I think he's hurt and it's his first breakup.

1544
01:12:57,479 --> 01:12:58,000
Speaker 2: Probably.

1545
01:12:58,160 --> 01:13:00,000
Speaker 1: My friend and I ended up talking more and more

1546
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,439
Speaker 1: after that, until I eventually officially asked her out and

1547
01:13:03,479 --> 01:13:07,120
Speaker 1: she said, yes, dude, you were living with your girlfriend.

1548
01:13:07,360 --> 01:13:09,479
Speaker 1: Give it a minute. We have been together for the

1549
01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:11,840
Speaker 1: past month, and to say this is a healthier, better

1550
01:13:11,880 --> 01:13:14,640
Speaker 1: relationship would be an understatement. I have been friends with

1551
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:16,559
Speaker 1: her for a long time, and I think we both

1552
01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:18,479
Speaker 1: always sort of had a thing for each other, but

1553
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,639
Speaker 1: never really acted on it until we were basically handed

1554
01:13:21,680 --> 01:13:24,639
Speaker 1: the perfect opportunity by my name. But it's the perfect

1555
01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:27,080
Speaker 1: opportunity for you to join us live every weekday three

1556
01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,320
Speaker 1: PMPSD on Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Just top a profile.

1557
01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:33,080
Speaker 4: This is mansa op. It seems if you've liked her

1558
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:34,639
Speaker 4: all along, why didn't you just get with.

1559
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:35,320
Speaker 2: Her in the first place.

1560
01:13:35,720 --> 01:13:38,800
Speaker 4: Oh think my eggs that the stars aligned she allowed

1561
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:39,639
Speaker 4: us to get together.

1562
01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:41,800
Speaker 1: Kila Moncomma says he's just rubbing it in. I know

1563
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:43,639
Speaker 1: she's not great, but he's acting like a dbag. That's

1564
01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:45,599
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm at. I'm like, he didn't cheat

1565
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:49,400
Speaker 1: for sure, like he absolutely it was her fault for

1566
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:51,800
Speaker 1: you know, she opened the relationship although he could have

1567
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,519
Speaker 1: said no or you should have said no, but like still,

1568
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:57,040
Speaker 1: like that was on her and it's totally unfair of

1569
01:13:57,080 --> 01:13:58,880
Speaker 1: her to be like, oh, you can't sleep with other people,

1570
01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:01,920
Speaker 1: double standards and then just like focusing on him alone.

1571
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:06,160
Speaker 1: Great to show your new girl to your ex immediately,

1572
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:08,160
Speaker 1: like the day after, and also get into a relationship

1573
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:09,200
Speaker 1: with her commediately.

1574
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:11,559
Speaker 4: You are right, don't let your girlfriends stop you from

1575
01:14:11,560 --> 01:14:13,240
Speaker 4: finding your wife. I do agree with that. Do you

1576
01:14:13,280 --> 01:14:13,720
Speaker 4: agree with that?

1577
01:14:13,920 --> 01:14:15,840
Speaker 1: No, you don't agree with that? Well, I mean, break

1578
01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:17,320
Speaker 1: up with her, but don't cheat on her.

1579
01:14:17,360 --> 01:14:19,439
Speaker 4: But like, yeah, but if you don't see your girlfriend

1580
01:14:19,479 --> 01:14:20,720
Speaker 4: and your wife, then why are you with her?

1581
01:14:20,800 --> 01:14:22,880
Speaker 1: I do think that, but like don't don't, just like

1582
01:14:22,960 --> 01:14:25,000
Speaker 1: wait around. We have a lot more in common and

1583
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:27,040
Speaker 1: we are a lot better at communicating with each other,

1584
01:14:27,120 --> 01:14:29,880
Speaker 1: and so far this whole relationship has been amazing. Thank

1585
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,880
Speaker 1: you all for the advice on the previous post. I

1586
01:14:31,920 --> 01:14:34,600
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. And that is the end of that.

1587
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:36,599
Speaker 4: All right, let's go.

1588
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:38,320
Speaker 1: That was a weird end to that story.

1589
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:41,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, college kids am all right? These stupid college kids

1590
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 4: just doing that. We're so much more mature than that

1591
01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:45,400
Speaker 4: and better as people.