1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,040 Speaker 1: What do you think about how I look right now? 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 2: Well, I mean I've never seen gold foil. What are 3 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,039 Speaker 2: those things called eye patches? 4 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: I'm asked, I'm asks Yeah, I've been getting up. I've 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: kind of been doing like a new sleep routine where 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,159 Speaker 1: I go to bed, try to go to bed by ten. 7 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 1: Last night, I didn't do the best, and then I 8 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: wake up at six. But my bags this morning were 9 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: a little dark, So I was like, you know, it's 10 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: time for a little. 11 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 2: Bit of a What do those things actually do? 12 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 1: Well? They moisture eyes, which also, like my underayes just 13 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: always gets super dry. But they moisture eyes, tighten, deep puff. 14 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: They're supposed to work on dark circles too, So you know, 15 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: as after we finish this podcast and as we go 16 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: into the world acting casual, I'm gonna look fucking amazing. 17 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 2: Fucking fire. 18 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 1: All right. Well, last week on the podcast, Hey guys, 19 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: by the way, Hi, Hi, we're here. Last week on 20 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: the podcast, I hope you guys listen because Susan Bratton 21 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: just dropped some sex knowledge. I mean, I am so 22 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: obsessed with. 23 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 2: Her, like, I mean, I want to be her when 24 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 2: I grow up. 25 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. I also want to be having 26 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 1: sex like her. Let's get real. 27 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 2: Well, like, I just love her all of her terminology. 28 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: Give us an example, is. 29 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 2: It her nony? Is that what she calls it? Yoni? 30 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: Also, Susan didn't make that up, I know, but she 31 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: were the vagina ex. 32 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I forgot I made it up right, 33 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 2: Mine's my nony. Oh, that's like nony. 34 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: Noyoni is the sanscript word she told us the I 35 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: think that's the word for yours because you can call 36 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: it a nony, you can name your own. 37 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 2: But she had a lot of terms for her. Her 38 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 2: husband's rod. 39 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: I like what she calls him, like sir Tim, Oh 40 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: my god, I'm totally using that one. Anyway, if you 41 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,279 Speaker 1: guys missed that episode, we did talk about how sex 42 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: relates to your mental health because it's Mental Health Awareness 43 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 1: a month. But sex is one of those things that 44 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,360 Speaker 1: a lot of us have a hard time talking about. 45 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: I do think our society is getting a little better 46 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: in that capacity, but it's a huge part of a 47 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: human need and we kind of don't act like it is. 48 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: But you and I were both on the same page 49 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: of just like, yeah, mental health is way more than therapy. 50 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: It's way more than just like I'm gonna go sit 51 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: in a therapist share for an hour and then my 52 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: mental health will be good. It's like about how you 53 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: are living your life and integrating all of those things 54 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: you learn, sex being one of them. So we discussed 55 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 1: that last week, and today we were gonna kind of 56 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: talk a little bit deeper into the connection part of 57 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: you know, that topic, and then also just human connection 58 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: in general. I don't even think this has to be 59 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: a romantic thing, but just the importance to our mental 60 00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: and emotional health for human connection. Do you feel like 61 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: on a regular basis you're aware of that concept ship, Yeah, but. 62 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: I think I could be a lot better at it, 63 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 2: you know. I think, you know, because we all have egos, 64 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 2: and we all have our emotional beings, like sometimes like 65 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 2: we think the best thing that we can do to 66 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 2: protect ourselves from our own ego is to sort of 67 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,920 Speaker 2: close ourselves off from connection and not be honest with 68 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 2: each other or because you're worried about hurting someone else's feelings. 69 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:34,239 Speaker 2: But I think in the end, you know, I've always 70 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 2: learned that the more open and honest and vulnerable I 71 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 2: am with somebody, especially a friend or someone in a 72 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 2: romantic situation. It's it always like the connective tissue gets 73 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: stronger or you find out quickly that like, hey, this 74 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 2: relationship isn't going to work. We're not for each other 75 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 2: and that's fine. Like we're not all meant to be 76 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 2: friends or together romantically and that's okay. And by knowing that, 77 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 2: it opens you up to meeting the people that you 78 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 2: are supposed to connect with. 79 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, my therapist always said, you know, you can just 80 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 1: say to them, we're just on different journeys. And for 81 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: some reason, that simple statement has been the most freeing 82 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: thing for me to learn over the last and on 83 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: a decade that I've been doing therapy. 84 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it is. I don't know where. I mean, honestly, 85 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,280 Speaker 2: it's I'm not a professional. I don't know where it 86 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 2: comes from, like that fear of letting people down, And 87 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: I don't know if everyone experiences that. I mean, I 88 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 2: wish I had a little bit more of like an 89 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 2: asshole in me that like just didn't fucking care, because 90 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 2: you know, I think it's like, on one hand, I'm 91 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 2: caring about the wrong things because really, like you know, 92 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 2: this might sound selfish, but it's like you have to 93 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 2: be your own best advocate, and you have to put 94 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 2: yourself first and care the most about yourself. And I 95 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 2: think once you're able to do that and love yourself 96 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 2: and all of those things, then you can be a 97 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 2: lot more caring for others. 98 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 1: So true. So also, I think that what you're talking about. 99 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: Do you remember when we had Terry cole on She's 100 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: like the boundary boss. Yeah, that is sort of one 101 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: of the things I think she called me out on 102 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: was just, oh, you know, you don't want to hurt 103 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,039 Speaker 1: people's feelings and all that stuff, But that's people pleasing 104 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 1: And what I've learned over the years too, it's like, well, 105 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: first of all, let me just say I don't have 106 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: this skill mastered. This is like a work am a 107 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: work in progress on this topic big time. But like 108 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: when you're in or where we're in our people pleasing places, 109 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: it's actually inauthentic and not honest either. Like so when 110 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 1: you get upset with other people for lying or whatever, 111 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: that is a form of lying or kind of like 112 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: manipulation to stay safe or do whatever. And when I 113 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: started looking at it that way, it was like a 114 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 1: little eye opening because it's not intentional. You think you're 115 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 1: coming from a good place. And I know you enough 116 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: to know that, like you're just a compassionate, kind person. 117 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: So I can see why, like hurting people's feelings would 118 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: be hard, right, but it's ultimately it's better for them 119 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: to just be honest the truth. Yeah. 120 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 2: You know what's interesting And this might be a little 121 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 2: bit off topic, but it is also pop culture related. 122 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 2: I read an article yesterday about Taylor Swift's fans are 123 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:15,799 Speaker 2: getting mad at her because of her new relationship. Oh really, Yeah, 124 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 2: so she's dating Matt Healy from the nineteen seventy five 125 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 2: and they said, that's a rumor. I mean, there's they're 126 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 2: certainly spending a lot of time together, and they were 127 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 2: photographed like kissing and holding hands, so I realized that. Okay, 128 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 2: But and they've known each other for a really long time. Yeah, 129 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 2: And well what I read yesterday was that they dated 130 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 2: like ten years ago. It was the timing didn't work out, 131 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 2: but they've remained friends. But this TikToker like pulled together 132 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 2: all of these like clips of him saying like misogynistic, racist, 133 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 2: anti doing any Semitic things. Oh wow, and her fans 134 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 2: are now mad at her as a result of her 135 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 2: sort of like giving him a buye because people are like, look, 136 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 2: it's you know, if he's willing to say these things 137 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 2: in public in an interview on a podcast, then what 138 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 2: is he saying in private? And certainly she's heard him 139 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 2: say things like this, because he's going to say more 140 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 2: extreme things in private when he thinks it's safe. So 141 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: they think it's a really bad judge of she's being 142 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 2: a really bad judge of character by dating him. And 143 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 2: I you know, I bring that up just because it's like, 144 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: you know, it can be harmful to not like call 145 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 2: people out and say, hey, don't that's not cool, Like 146 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 2: don't say that just because like you're worried about your 147 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: ego or hurting their feelings or whatever it is. And 148 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,679 Speaker 2: you know, I think it's all of us make mistakes. 149 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 2: Nobody's perfect, and Taylor included, and you know, if it 150 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: must be there must be something if if all of 151 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 2: this stuff is true, hopefully she sees a side of 152 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 2: him that like he's not putting out publicly because he 153 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 2: does like he hides behind the like I do this 154 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 2: for shock value. I'm trying to like it's not really 155 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 2: what I mean. I'm just trying to like get at 156 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 2: people when I do these things. But you know, it's 157 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 2: we live in a like a clickbait world, so it's 158 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 2: like people are going to edit that shit anyway to 159 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 2: get those clicks. So you know, I think it's smarter 160 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 2: just to not say that kind of stuff. But you know, 161 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 2: I do recent some of it was fairly recent. 162 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, because I was going to say, I mean, 163 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: things have changed over the last couple of years and 164 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: he kind have grown and evolved in. 165 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 2: There was you know, he did like a Hyle Hitler 166 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 2: salute or something at a show. Yeah, but you know 167 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 2: it's also out of context. So you know, I'm I'm 168 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 2: certainly not saying any of this stuff is fact. Even 169 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 2: if they're actually dating. I don't know that it's fact. 170 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 2: It's all alleged anyway. So but my point is is, 171 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 2: you know, like sometimes you have to do the hard 172 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 2: thing and call people out that you love so that 173 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 2: they can grow, you know, like so that they can change. 174 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 2: And you know, we do live in a cancel culture, 175 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 2: which is really toxic because it doesn't allow for it 176 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 2: doesn't allow for that cushion people too, yeah, to grow 177 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 2: and to make mistakes and learn from them and you know, well, 178 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 2: so I think we all deserve a little bit of grace. 179 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: Sure, And I mean sort of to go back to, 180 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: like how we initially started this conversation and to tie 181 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: all of that in is maybe this is just a thought. 182 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: If he is, you know, a different kind of person 183 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: and she has some very clear ground that she stands 184 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: on around those topics, maybe it's a misalignment. But it 185 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: seems like in romantic relationships a lot of us struggle. 186 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 1: I know I have struggled with this in the past 187 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: to really accept people as they are, you know, like 188 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: that my Angelou's statement of people show you who they are, 189 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 1: believe them. That has been one of the hardest concepts. 190 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: Like in my thirties, Oh my god, people were showing 191 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: me over and over and over who they were and 192 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: I was like no, But you know, there's like this 193 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: other meme I see on Instagram. It's like God sends 194 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: you a sign and You're like, yeah, but could you 195 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: send me a signier sign? And that was me very much. 196 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: And I mean, I'm hoping I've kind of evolved out 197 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: of that, but I'm sure it'll creep back up. And 198 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: maybe that's a situation for Taylor of like going through 199 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 1: a hard breakup and finding someone to kind of, you know, 200 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 1: heal those wounds temporarily or whatever, and not paying attention 201 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: to reality of who that person is and it not 202 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 1: lining up. And so that was kind of what we 203 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: were going to talk about today. A little deeper is 204 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:34,439 Speaker 1: just finding ways to truly connect in your relationships and 205 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: actually get to know people, to figure out if you 206 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: are compatible, to figure out if you do stand on 207 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,079 Speaker 1: common ground, and if you can go deeper into actual 208 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: intimacy with each other. 209 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,760 Speaker 2: And yeah, and I think a lot of that is 210 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 2: really important to do from the jump, you know, because 211 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: it is like I think you're right, Like the way 212 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 2: that our brains work is we we want to feel comfort, 213 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: We want to feel safe, and so you find those 214 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 2: things that justify why you like somebody, and and you 215 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 2: magnify those and it becomes really easy. Then when the 216 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,599 Speaker 2: problems start to arise for those the good things to 217 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 2: outweigh the bad things and you not give them the 218 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 2: weight that they deserve. 219 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 1: You're like, oh, he has a really cute style. Oh, 220 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess he did slute Hitler, but like 221 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,080 Speaker 1: I totally yeah, he's a great singer. Yeah, he's fun 222 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: on stage. 223 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. 224 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, So anyway, Taylor, pay attention. Oh yeah, Taylor, listen 225 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: to this, you know, and take some tips. We'll give 226 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 1: you some questions to. 227 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 2: Ask slide into my DMS on at CHIP. 228 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: Okay. I did want to give you guys a little 229 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: bit of background of how we got to this, But 230 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: there was an article that Chip found, and then I 231 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,319 Speaker 1: found this little blurb that I wanted to read about 232 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 1: the importance of human connection, and it says social connection 233 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: can lower anxiety and depression. It helps us to regulate 234 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: our emotions, it leads to higher self esteem and empathy, 235 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: and actually improves our immune system. So by neglecting our 236 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: need to connect, we actually put our. 237 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,559 Speaker 2: Health at risk. Wow, I know, can you believe that? 238 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 2: I wonder if there's like some science, like a scientific 239 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 2: study that we could find about like people who are 240 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 2: more reclusive, like if they live shorter lives or sick 241 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 2: more often. I mean, I guess it's harder to get 242 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 2: sick if you're locked up in your house, but. 243 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: Mentally and emotionally sick that we don't really know. I 244 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: just think because of this month and the awareness that 245 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: we're trying to provide attached to that theme of mental 246 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 1: health awareness and just awareness in general. This is a 247 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: great one to think about. Like even you and I 248 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: were talking about it, and it's like we're going to 249 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: ask each other some of these questions and it's like 250 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: a deeper way for us to grow in our relationship 251 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: as friends, you know, and colleagues and all of those things. 252 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,319 Speaker 1: And so I think it can be used in any situation, 253 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 1: in a work environment, whatever it is. This is why 254 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: I love like personality tests and all of these things, 255 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: because you can get a deeper understanding of the people 256 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: that you're spending time with, in relationship with, and hopefully 257 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: connecting with. So did you want to talk a little 258 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: bit about the article that you found on BuzzFeed? 259 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I mean I found this article on BuzzFeed 260 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 2: that is basically a list of questions that they sourced 261 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,559 Speaker 2: from the Internet of things that people are asking someone 262 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 2: before they really start dating them to see if they lead. 263 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 2: It's the title is people are sharing questions you should 264 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 2: ask before dating someone. And I can see some of 265 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 2: these leading to some really great conversations. And you know, 266 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 2: I've like the older I've I got and when I 267 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 2: was dating, like I do think it's important, like out 268 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 2: of the gate to ask some of the things that 269 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 2: actually might feel a little ridiculous, because if you're twenty 270 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 2: one years old and you go into a first date 271 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 2: and you're talking about kids to marriage, that feels a 272 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 2: little ridiculous. But I don't think it. Yeah, you have time, 273 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 2: but I don't think it is because if you meet 274 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 2: someone at twenty one and you fall madly in love 275 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 2: with them, and then you're twenty seven years old and 276 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 2: you find out that they never wanted to get married, 277 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 2: you've wasted a lot of time if you're if your 278 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 2: dream was to get married. So I don't think it's 279 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 2: like I think these questions can be asked in a 280 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 2: way that it's like where do you see yourself in 281 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 2: ten years? Or you know, It's like it doesn't have 282 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 2: to be like do you want to marry me? It's 283 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 2: like do you have dreams of being married? And I 284 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: mean that's something that like I mean Mark and I 285 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: talk about that now, Like I I was never the 286 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 2: kid that was like sat and dreamt of my wedding day, 287 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 2: you know, like it was not important to me. It 288 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 2: doesn't mean I'm anti marriage, sure, it's just not one 289 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 2: of those things that I have to do, you know, 290 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 2: so and he wants to be married and so, you know, 291 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 2: I said to him, I was like, that doesn't mean that, 292 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 2: like it's a no from me. It's just like when 293 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm with somebody that I want to 294 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 2: be married to, I will marry them, you know, like 295 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 2: that is totally fine, but I don't want to. I 296 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 2: don't need to force it. So I think it's important 297 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 2: for people to have that sort of understanding of where 298 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 2: people stand, because it's like, who wants to find a 299 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 2: deal breaker five years into a relationship? 300 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 1: Oh for sure. I also think an interesting thing that's 301 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: coming up for me as you're talking about the age 302 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: piece of that is like even if these questions, you know, 303 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: like maybe someone wouldn't know an answer or it wasn't 304 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: exactly what you thought they would say, I think it 305 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: gives you an answer about them in general, in like 306 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: the way they answer, like can they answer the question? 307 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: Have they thought about the question? It might give you 308 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: some clarity on how well they know themselves, Like at 309 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 1: twenty one, I would have told you a lot of 310 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 1: different things about what I thought for my life and 311 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: what my life would end up being, or whatever. Then 312 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: when I told you at thirty, you know, it just 313 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: changes as you get older and actually get out into 314 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 1: life and things like that. But I think it like 315 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: if someone asks you when you're really young, or if 316 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: you're dating someone younger or anything like that, it might 317 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: give you clarity of where they are in their life. 318 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 2: Right right, Yeah, why are you smiling? 319 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: Well? 320 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 2: Because I was just like thinking, God, it would be 321 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 2: really fun to get back and sit with a twenty 322 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 2: one year old Kelly and like he hear about like 323 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 2: what her life's goals are. 324 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: What do you think my goals were? 325 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 2: I mean to party? 326 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: You're not that far off. 327 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 2: Like all I can hear is Scarlett in the background 328 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,359 Speaker 2: being like Kelly. 329 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: Know, Kelly loves to party. That was Yeah, that was 330 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 1: a while ago. 331 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 2: Video vixen. Yeah. 332 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: I actually think my only goal when I was twenty, 333 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: well twenty one, I was still in college. But right 334 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: after college, my only goal was like, how am I 335 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: going to pay my bills this month? You know, like 336 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: I didn't when people I've never been that person that's like, 337 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 1: what's your five year plan? I'm like five years? What's 338 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: what am I doing tomorrow? 339 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: Right? Seriously? 340 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: I mean I think it's gotten as I've gotten older, 341 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: you have to plan a little bit more. And I think, like, 342 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: especially because my job. It makes sense though that my 343 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: job is one that's like so unpredictable and all over 344 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: the place, like that's just the way that I operate. 345 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know, And that's probably why I like, 346 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: when I was turning thirty six and thirty seven, I'm like, well, shit, 347 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: I guess I should think about it if I want 348 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: kids or not. 349 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's on. 350 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,239 Speaker 1: A different time schedule, you know. 351 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 2: Well, and those things creep up on us. It's like, 352 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 2: you know, I don't feel my age, so I don't 353 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 2: necessarily think about the things that I need to be 354 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,919 Speaker 2: thinking about as a forty seven year old person, you know, 355 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 2: like because in my mind, I'm like in my thirties. Yeah, 356 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 2: but what does that mean? 357 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 1: Like that as would be well, I can see health 358 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: and finances like that is one thing I've learned. At 359 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: the end of my thirties, I really started to get 360 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: really disciplined about Okay, I got to think about retirement 361 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: and whatever. And that was late, like quote unquote late, 362 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: but I mean better late than never, but just to 363 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 1: really get serious about it because as an independent person, 364 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: you know, like I don't have people paying into a 365 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,880 Speaker 1: four to one k for me or anything like that. 366 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 1: But it's that thing that you can kind of put 367 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: off if you're trying to build a business. Is you're 368 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'll think about that when or whatever. 369 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 1: Or that's the same for some other topics. And I 370 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: think as we mature is what I would say. 371 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 2: For me. 372 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 1: As I've matured, I have started to be like, Okay, 373 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,479 Speaker 1: this isn't a fun topic for me to have to 374 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: dive into and be responsible about that. I do see 375 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: the necessity at this point, and I want to set 376 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: myself up to win, you know, So things shift a 377 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: little bit there, but we're all in our own schedule 378 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: really like, and I don't like. I think one of 379 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 1: the ideas I'm trying to let go of is like 380 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,879 Speaker 1: that life has to be put into this box. And 381 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 1: so like when you said one forty seven, I should 382 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 1: be thinking, I'm like, but what does that mean? You're 383 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: a different depiction of a forty seven year old than like, right, 384 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 1: maybe someone else we've seen that's you is wrong? 385 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 2: Right? 386 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like health and finances I can get among. 387 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 2: Right, those sorts of things. Yeah, like whether or not 388 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 2: you want children? Like, right, I had a I might 389 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,199 Speaker 2: be adopting a child moment this year, and it was 390 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 2: like do I do this? Do I not do it? 391 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 2: I'm forty seven? Like do I want to be an 392 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,600 Speaker 2: old dad? But like that might need a home? Like 393 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 2: and and like I do think I would make a 394 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: great dad, but I also don't have that thing where 395 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 2: I'm like, I have to have a child. 396 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: Right, if it happens, it happened. 397 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 2: You're correct, Yeah, So well, do you want to go 398 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 2: through this list a little bit and pick? 399 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you want to maybe just do like some 400 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: of our favorites? 401 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 2: Sure? 402 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what else, why don't you start with 403 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 1: one of your favorites and let's both answer it and 404 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: let ourselves and the listeners get to know us a 405 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: little better. 406 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 2: All right, Well, I think this one's actually really interesting, 407 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,919 Speaker 2: And I also think there's a little bit of a 408 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 2: hot button because it it like dives into baggage a 409 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 2: little bit, which we all have, so why fucking act 410 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 2: like we don't. But it says ask them about their exes. 411 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 2: If they think every single one of them is an asshole, 412 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 2: they're likely the real asshole. 413 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: I think that's a true statement. 414 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 2: I think it's a really true statement. But I and 415 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: I also think it's important to be able to talk 416 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 2: about like because I know a lot of people that 417 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 2: are like, don't want to go there because it brings 418 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:26,359 Speaker 2: up jealousy within themselves to even hear about their partner's X, 419 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,640 Speaker 2: and it's like, no, this is a part of their 420 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,919 Speaker 2: their journey that has gotten them to you. And I 421 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 2: think it's really important to understand what happened in past 422 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 2: relationships and who this person is and how they react 423 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 2: to them, especially if they're still interaction, you know, sure. 424 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if there's still if they still have a relationship. 425 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: A big thing for me is like I need to 426 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: understand what that relationship is, right, and like if it's 427 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: there's closure and it's like maybe shifted genuinely into a friendship, 428 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: that's one thing. Like I know you have that with 429 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: some of your exes, and I see that it definitely 430 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: is just a friendship, like truly, But if it's like 431 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: they're getting certain needs met or it's like an emotional support, 432 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 1: I think that's a weird. It can be like a 433 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: slippery slope, you know, And so I think it's really 434 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: important that there is understanding within your new relation or 435 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,600 Speaker 1: your current relationship and maybe even like a relationship between 436 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 1: Like I've always said, it's I'm okay if my partner 437 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: is like friends with his axes, but I want to 438 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 1: know them too, then you know, like I don't care 439 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: that there should be secrets. 440 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, And that's why I think it's important to 441 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,919 Speaker 2: talk about them because especially like, yeah, I mean, I 442 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,000 Speaker 2: do think it's important if a relationship doesn't end in 443 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,880 Speaker 2: a really shitty way, the like, you know, the majority 444 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 2: of what a relationship is, even when it's romantic as friendship, 445 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 2: and if like you can hold onto a little part 446 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 2: of that and it not you know, encroach on your 447 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 2: you know, your future romantic relationship, and that's important to me. 448 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 2: I mean, I certainly don't need as much of them 449 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 2: in my life. Sure, like we can share a joke 450 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,360 Speaker 2: or a memory or like if something, if I see 451 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,320 Speaker 2: something that I'm like, oh, I think you would like this, 452 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,200 Speaker 2: Like it's what I would do to any for any friend, 453 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,679 Speaker 2: you know, And it's like I don't see how like 454 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 2: my friendship with you is going to affect my romantic relationship. 455 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 2: So it's like I can sort of compartmentalize it that way. 456 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,720 Speaker 2: But you know, if you're not willing to share that 457 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 2: you're still friends with your partner, then you're hiding something. 458 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 1: Something's weird. 459 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 460 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 1: I also think I've been having a lot of thoughts 461 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 1: about this, like talking about excess situation, because I agree 462 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: with you, like I think it should be discussed, and 463 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 1: I think that it's kind of important to understand where 464 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,639 Speaker 1: your partner came from and because a lot of you 465 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,199 Speaker 1: get a lot of like information about maybe some of 466 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: their wounding or just why they've developed certain mentalities or 467 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: things like that. I have been in both situations where 468 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 1: we told each other like every single detail, and that 469 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: does end up like kind of messing with your head eventually, 470 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,199 Speaker 1: because I don't know. For me, it was like it 471 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: was too much. I don't want every single detail. I 472 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 1: do want broad strokes. And I think the thing that 473 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm learning that I really want to know is what 474 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: did you learn in that relationship? Like because for me, 475 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: like you know, my thirties was spent just kind of 476 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: like navigating how to have a healthy relationship, and I 477 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: did not it did not look very pretty like it was. 478 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,160 Speaker 1: You know, it's a very rough road when you're trying 479 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 1: to figure out how to let go of some old 480 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,439 Speaker 1: patterns and like hoping skills that we've just learned throughout 481 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 1: our whole entire lives. When you decide, Okay, I'm going 482 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: to look at this, it doesn't just like happen overnight. 483 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 1: It's this process. And for me, it was a lot 484 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: of like lived experience where I had to learn about 485 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 1: how to be in a romantic relationship in a way 486 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: that served me and that was healthy for me, and 487 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 1: things like that. And my partners that I was choosing 488 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: were not necessarily the right you know, they weren't the 489 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: right ones obviously together there were the right ones for 490 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,880 Speaker 1: my journey and to get me to where I needed 491 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: to be for me. But but yeah, but I wouldn't 492 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: necessarily look back and be like, oh, they were all assholes. 493 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 1: It was. They were not healthy relationships, though I can 494 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 1: say that very freely, and I was a part of that, 495 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,399 Speaker 1: Like that's you know, I have to learn, I have 496 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: to own that. So anyway, with all that said, though, 497 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: there's so much that I learned, and that's the important 498 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: part about what I think my new person would need 499 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: to know about me is like, yes, this relationship looked 500 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,359 Speaker 1: this way. I did not like how he treated me 501 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: in this situation. I didn't like how I acted in 502 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: this situation. And so like, here's what I've learned, and 503 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 1: like how I've grown and why I'm not that same 504 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,439 Speaker 1: person that I was in that relationship or things like that. 505 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 506 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I like, every experience is a learning experience, 507 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 2: and I think you know, relationships are long drawn out 508 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 2: learning experiences, and you learn what you like about yourself, 509 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 2: you learn what you like about other people, and it's 510 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 2: important to note the things that you don't like about 511 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 2: yourself within a relationship and you don't like about people, 512 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 2: especially if the hope is to grow and find a 513 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,439 Speaker 2: worthwhile relationship down the line, because if you if you 514 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 2: repeat those things, then what's the fucking point. You know, 515 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 2: you're just gonna end up in bad relationship after a 516 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 2: bad relationship. 517 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 1: So yeah, all right, I have one. You liked this one? 518 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: What temperature do you set the thermostat one too throughout 519 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: the year? Yeah, well so much. 520 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:39,200 Speaker 2: Well it's funny, so I am, I like, I'm an 521 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 2: oven when I sleep. I'm like, it's so I got 522 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 2: that chili pad thing I got the chili pad, and it 523 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 2: has changed my life. In fact, it's like fucking with 524 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 2: my life because now I like sleep really late and 525 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 2: I need to not do that anymore. So I think 526 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,960 Speaker 2: I need to start going to bed earlier. But it's 527 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,679 Speaker 2: a life changer anyone who sleeps hot. It's called the ouler, 528 00:25:58,840 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 2: and you gotta get. 529 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 1: It the way you cut out. 530 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,720 Speaker 2: It's called the uhler, Like it's like cooler with the 531 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 2: sea cut off. Okay, yeah, and you can. It's the 532 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,640 Speaker 2: This is not a sponsored post, but it's I think 533 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 2: the website sleep dot me. But you can get one 534 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 2: that does your whole bed, or you can get the 535 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 2: one that does your half bed. And I got the 536 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,920 Speaker 2: half because Mark is a cold he gets really cold 537 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 2: when he sleeps me too, so yeah, so I yeah, 538 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's really important. My coworker, one 539 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 2: of my best friends at work, Allison, is always fucking cold. 540 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 2: And it's one hundred degrees in Nashville this week and 541 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 2: I walk in her office and the heat is on, 542 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,800 Speaker 2: like she's got a space heater on her feet, and 543 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't breathe and hear it so hot, 544 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:49,719 Speaker 2: and she's like, what, it's cold so I know she 545 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 2: and I could never be married, you know, for a 546 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 2: multitude of reasons. But you know, if there were something 547 00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 2: romantic between the two of us, like that would never work. 548 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,119 Speaker 2: I would die in her. 549 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a tough one. I'm also very cold natured 550 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: and obviously like most I think most men, well you 551 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 1: just said Mark's not, but a lot of men kind 552 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 1: of run hot, especially at night, and so I always 553 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: end up having like eight hundred blankets on top of me. 554 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: Like now it's gotten to the point where I can't 555 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 1: sleep without that weight on top of right right, like 556 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,920 Speaker 1: I need it. But yeah, I what temperature do you 557 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: like right now? Last night? What temperature was your thermostat at? 558 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,439 Speaker 2: Well, my thermostaff or the house is at seventy, but 559 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 2: my chili pad was at sixty two. 560 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,640 Speaker 1: Okay, right, First of all, that's freezing, I know, it's 561 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: so good. Mine was at sixty nine naturally, yeah, because 562 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:51,159 Speaker 1: you know, no it's just me and my house, but no, 563 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 1: I like sixty nine during the hot months. It's like also, 564 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 1: I have still have eight hundred blankets on me, so 565 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:01,399 Speaker 1: you know it works, yeah, counteracts, Like I like it 566 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,360 Speaker 1: to be cold so that I can like muzzle in. 567 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 2: Well, I think you actually sleep better when you're cold, 568 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 2: like scientifically, unless you yeah. Yeah. My mother was like, 569 00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,760 Speaker 2: it's just your your body does better, like it goes 570 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,639 Speaker 2: into it like a sort of hibernation type thing. My mother. 571 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,640 Speaker 2: Growing up, I didn't have air conditioning in my room 572 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 2: in the summer. What Yeah, it was crazy. 573 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,200 Speaker 1: Beach is hot. 574 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,719 Speaker 2: It's hot and sticky and human human. I would have 575 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 2: like seven fans blowing on me, and I'd be like, well, 576 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 2: this has got to be more expensive than just putting 577 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 2: an a c in my window, like come on, but no. 578 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,840 Speaker 2: And then in the winter she wouldn't let me put 579 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 2: my thermos out over sixty five. So she was like, 580 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 2: you don't need to you don't need to cook up there. 581 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: And so I learned, just like I learned to like 582 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,040 Speaker 2: to sleep with it being cold. But like then in 583 00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 2: the summer, I had to you know. 584 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: Suffer, suffer, not in silence, yeah. 585 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 2: Suffer, not definitely non silence. I complain a lot. Sometimes 586 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 2: I would go downstairs and sleep on the floor just 587 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 2: to make a point. Showed them. I showed them, and. 588 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 1: They're like, well, he's just getting bad sleep. That doesn't 589 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 1: even make a point at all, Yeah, did you see 590 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 1: on the list that it says are you married as 591 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 1: one of the questions, Like, yeah, I'd say that's a 592 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 1: pretty good one. You're on a date with. 593 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 2: Well, I mean I feel like in the world of 594 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 2: online dating, like there's a lot of fucking people just 595 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:37,080 Speaker 2: out there creeping. That sucks. Yes. But then someone added 596 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 2: to that it was like, if someone tells ever tells 597 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 2: you that it's okay to date because they're in an 598 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 2: open relationship, check with their spouse, because I think that'd 599 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 2: be true to them. Yeah. 600 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 1: Well, also you have to decide if you're willing to 601 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: date someone who's in a relationship. So it's a couple 602 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 1: of different points. The one right above that says, ask 603 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: what their definition of cheating is? And I think that 604 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: is so interesting because I think you could be having 605 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: a conversation with someone or I know this has happened 606 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 1: to me before, and you're both like, yeah, totally, like 607 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: cheating is a deal breaker. But then you find out 608 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: later they're doing certain things that you associate as like 609 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: a betrayal or not being honest or shady or whatever 610 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: you want to say, and they're like, I didn't actually 611 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: have sex with them, though, or something, and so it's 612 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: that they justified it in their head because that wasn't 613 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 1: their definition of cheating. So I think that's actually a 614 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 1: really interesting conversation to have, Like, what would you say 615 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:36,479 Speaker 1: your definition of cheating is? 616 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 2: I think I mean the physical cheating. I think is 617 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 2: really what I would have the most problem with that 618 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 2: Grammatically sounded really weird, but it would be most problematic 619 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 2: for me is like actually hooking up with somebody. Okay, 620 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,080 Speaker 2: I don't know that I've ever experienced like someone being 621 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 2: in an emotional relationship with someone else, So I don't 622 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 2: know what that feels like to be on the receiving end, 623 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 2: But I think I would have a problem with that, 624 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 2: you know, Like it's hard for me to say. I 625 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 2: think my problem with that would come from me feeling 626 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:31,520 Speaker 2: like I was being cheated out of knowledge and a 627 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 2: deeper understanding of the person that I'm with because they're 628 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 2: giving that to somebody else. Yes, you know, and so 629 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 2: I can only really imagine what that would feel like. 630 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,920 Speaker 2: So but I don't I'm not the type of person 631 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 2: that's like, doesn't want them to have. Like here's an example. 632 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,320 Speaker 2: I think that in a relationship, you should be able 633 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 2: to look at somebody and be like, damn, they're hot, 634 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 2: and like be able to say that in front of 635 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,040 Speaker 2: your partner, because all it means is that you are 636 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 2: recognizing that someone is good looking, and that's it. But 637 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 2: I know that there are people that cannot stomach their 638 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,880 Speaker 2: partner even saying that. Well, I don't like it, right, yeah, 639 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 2: I mean I. 640 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 1: But I've had different experiences than you, and so it 641 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: goes back into like kind of understanding your person's past. 642 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 1: It's interesting. I've been talking to someone and like he 643 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 1: comments on people's looks. He's in a visual job though, 644 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 1: and he also does it about men, and so it 645 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:36,760 Speaker 1: doesn't bother me. It's so interesting. But in my past relationship, 646 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,040 Speaker 1: I really struggled with it, right, But I think there's 647 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 1: a lot of layers to that topic. It's like do 648 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,440 Speaker 1: you feel safe in the relationship, do you feel like 649 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: you're truly connected to your partner? Do you trust them? 650 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: And the answer for me in the past has been no, 651 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: whereas like as of right now, I'm fine, and so 652 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,400 Speaker 1: like it doesn't eat, We'll have full discussions. I worked 653 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 1: with Diplo last week. We had a full fucking discussion 654 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: about how good looking he is Yeah. I was like, 655 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: he's stunning. 656 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 2: I mean yeah, I mean and I like honestly like 657 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 2: that example too. It's like it makes the person that 658 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 2: you're talking to probably sexier to you because it's like 659 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 2: he's so comfortable in his masculinity that he can he 660 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 2: can recognize it a man is fucking stunning. 661 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 1: But he was just specifically talking about like like in 662 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: the past, I've had situations where it's like the comments 663 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: are solely based on like super hot girls, and it's 664 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:44,640 Speaker 1: like it's felt very diminishing to me. It didn't make 665 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: me feel good at all. It was like very it 666 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 1: felt very objectifying of them, and like this hasn't felt 667 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 1: like that, like, so I think there's a lot of 668 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 1: layers to that specific topic. I also think, though, like 669 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,400 Speaker 1: when it comes to cheating, because I've said to a 670 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 1: million times on this podcast before, like I went through 671 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 1: a really hard situation where I was engaged to be 672 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: married found out there was cheating the whole entire relationship 673 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 1: with multiple people, and so it like really rocked me. 674 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,359 Speaker 1: And you know, like canceling a wedding and all that stuff. 675 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:20,400 Speaker 1: It's very, very very traumatic, And I think my senses 676 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 1: around cheating and other people are probably heightened because of 677 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,880 Speaker 1: that experience. Right, It's done a lot of work around it, 678 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: and I'm really still working on it, and it doesn't 679 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,720 Speaker 1: like it's interesting because that's like, like I said before, 680 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,839 Speaker 1: when I feel secure never even phases me. And I've 681 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: never in the past been a jealous person, and so 682 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:42,960 Speaker 1: it's like that situation kind of just changed my experience 683 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,280 Speaker 1: with involving other people. And so for me, the answer 684 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: with cheating is like it's giving energy in this way. 685 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,960 Speaker 1: That's like something that I feel should be sacred to 686 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: a relationship. So like if you're leaking sexual energy out 687 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:59,040 Speaker 1: and flirting all the time and doing all of these 688 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 1: things like that, that would bother me, especially if you're 689 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 1: not giving it in the relationship. And I know a 690 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: lot of people are fine with flirting and all that stuff. 691 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: And I don't really know what the right answer is. 692 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:11,719 Speaker 1: I think this is just where it's like one of 693 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,880 Speaker 1: those really good things to communicate about and just say, like, 694 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: you know, can we be I don't know how you 695 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,120 Speaker 1: say it, but just like this, this is how I 696 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,440 Speaker 1: feel about that, Like how do we work together to 697 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,640 Speaker 1: find a common ground that works for both of us 698 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 1: or whatever? 699 00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:28,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's really important to approach it with 700 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 2: the goal of understanding, because if it's always just a reaction, 701 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 2: that's not going to end well totally. 702 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 1: That's why asking these questions at the beginning of a 703 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,920 Speaker 1: relationship seems really important. Obviously, you're not asking these kind 704 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 1: of questions in a friendship, like because you and I 705 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,440 Speaker 1: can have differing opinions, and like, I also think the 706 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,799 Speaker 1: gay world is a lot more loose with that kind 707 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 1: of stuff. Like we have some friends who are just 708 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,600 Speaker 1: totally loose with it. They don't care at all, They 709 00:35:55,680 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 1: never even consider this topic. So you know, it's just different. 710 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: But I just think that these are really interesting to 711 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 1: ask at the beginning of dating relationship that one's like 712 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,080 Speaker 1: and there's just so many layers to that question. So 713 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,360 Speaker 1: it's a really good conversation to have. Did you have 714 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:13,359 Speaker 1: one more you wanted to ask? 715 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I thought this one was interesting. It says, 716 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 2: aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, religion, this 717 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:25,839 Speaker 2: is a big one, what are your hobbies? Yeah, And 718 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,920 Speaker 2: because they went on to say, like, you don't want 719 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,400 Speaker 2: to become that if that person doesn't have any hobbies, 720 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 2: you could very well become their hobby and you don't 721 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:34,640 Speaker 2: want that. 722 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,720 Speaker 1: That's fair, that's a fair statement. Also, it's tough because 723 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, I had a trauma specialist 724 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 1: on the podcast This is on a Velvet Side of Things, 725 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 1: and we were talking about the struggle for most women 726 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:52,440 Speaker 1: to find hobbies. Like my struggle is I make all 727 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:53,760 Speaker 1: my hobbies into jobs. 728 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean, mm hmm, 729 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,359 Speaker 2: And I mean that's kind of it is. It's funny 730 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,719 Speaker 2: because one of my hobbies is live music. You know, 731 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,359 Speaker 2: I love going to see music. 732 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:05,839 Speaker 1: That's part of your job, but it's now. 733 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 2: Part of my job too, So it does when you 734 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,799 Speaker 2: make that mistake, it does rob you of joy sometimes 735 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 2: because I don't go to shows in the same way 736 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 2: that I used to. Now I'm like the lighting, like 737 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,839 Speaker 2: what I would have done this differently? Or like can 738 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,000 Speaker 2: you believe those transitions? And you know, I look at 739 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 2: things differently. So but then also too, sometimes I feel 740 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,959 Speaker 2: like my hobbies are lame. Like I love to walk 741 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,160 Speaker 2: with my dog, you know, I said. 742 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,239 Speaker 1: Walking as a hobby and she was like, I don't 743 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,000 Speaker 1: know about that. 744 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's but it's like I'm not going 745 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 2: to I'm like, like I'm not like, I'm not a potter. 746 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,400 Speaker 2: I don't like I'm not a gardener. 747 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,560 Speaker 1: I thought about cutting grass for you, But that's a chore. 748 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,600 Speaker 1: It's not a hobby. It's just that you enjoy that chore. 749 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,040 Speaker 2: I do enjoy that chore. 750 00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:54,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, jat skiing would be a hobby if you did 751 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,560 Speaker 1: it regularly and you were trying. Like, I think that 752 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 1: the trick with hobbies that I've picked up from this 753 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,759 Speaker 1: podcast was like something that you can learn, like an 754 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,839 Speaker 1: experience that you're learning and kind of like growing in 755 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: that you completely shut off your phone, you're in the moment, 756 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 1: you're creating, even whatever you're doing. It's like really putting 757 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,520 Speaker 1: you in that moment, in a fulfilling space to just 758 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 1: reset your nervous system. 759 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,799 Speaker 2: Right, I mean, I do think that like exercise is 760 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,680 Speaker 2: can be a on that. 761 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like when you were running the marathon, right because 762 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: you had a goal, it was like a there's like 763 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:35,399 Speaker 1: a community we talk specifically about running in that capacity 764 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 1: if you're working out to like lose weight or for 765 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,240 Speaker 1: your health, it's not necessarily morb sure. 766 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I have like my friend John 767 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 2: just loves to run it's like it is his release. 768 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,800 Speaker 2: So I think of his the way he approaches running 769 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,400 Speaker 2: is a hobby, Like yeah, because he always runs with 770 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,720 Speaker 2: a friend, so it's like a way to like chat 771 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:59,800 Speaker 2: and catch up and and so that is when I 772 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:03,360 Speaker 2: say exercise is a hobby. I mean there are people 773 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 2: that like that's just the lifestyle that they live. They're like, 774 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 2: you know, they're always doing something at some sort of workout, 775 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,240 Speaker 2: gym or whatever, and that to me feels like a hobby. 776 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean I struggle with this one a 777 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 2: little bit because I'm like, what are my hobbies? Like, 778 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 2: is my hobby like going out to drink beer with friends? 779 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,360 Speaker 1: But see that's like, right, I go a hobby. I 780 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,480 Speaker 1: used to say that, And I'm like, drinking isn't a hobby, 781 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,080 Speaker 1: and like hanging out with friends isn't a hobby really either, 782 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,520 Speaker 1: But if you're doing an activity with them, and I mean, 783 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,759 Speaker 1: I guess you could go drinking as an activity, but 784 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,640 Speaker 1: I don't really think so there has to be more, 785 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 1: you know, Right, there was another part of that question 786 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: or that paragraph that talked about, because the other piece 787 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,839 Speaker 1: of that is like if your partner is like, oh 788 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,879 Speaker 1: I do this, this, this and this, and like, I've 789 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,960 Speaker 1: been in that situation where there's like, oh, I go 790 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,960 Speaker 1: off a hunt, I play this, I do this, and 791 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: it's like, well, you're never fucking home then, and like 792 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,680 Speaker 1: I'm a homebody in a lot of capacities, and so 793 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:07,759 Speaker 1: that's not a good compatibility. Yeah, it's not sustainable. So 794 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,600 Speaker 1: I think those are great questions to ask as far 795 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,920 Speaker 1: as like what are you going to invest in the 796 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 1: relationship and how do you take care of yourself? And 797 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,719 Speaker 1: like are you in alignment with each other on that right? 798 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 2: And it's like, you code dependency is a really slippery 799 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,160 Speaker 2: slope and if neither of you have hobbies, you're gonna 800 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:30,680 Speaker 2: it's very likely it's going to end up a codependent 801 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,000 Speaker 2: relationship where it's like you can't do anything without each other. 802 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:37,960 Speaker 1: And inveshment, yeah, yeah, yeah, Well I'm going to put 803 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,000 Speaker 1: the link to this article in the description of this podcast. 804 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,360 Speaker 1: I wanted to mention there's another I got this box 805 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,400 Speaker 1: from esther peerrel Do you know she is? She's like 806 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:50,879 Speaker 1: a sex therapist and yeah, she has a podcast called 807 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:54,879 Speaker 1: where Should We Begin? And it's great for relationships. I 808 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,680 Speaker 1: really love her work. But she also has a game 809 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,560 Speaker 1: of cards, and like I'm just looking at I do 810 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,920 Speaker 1: think you could use some of them with your friends, 811 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,760 Speaker 1: like I'm particularly stubborn about and then you each answered 812 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:10,480 Speaker 1: the question or I'm surprised I'm still alive after So 813 00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,000 Speaker 1: it's just a way to get to know people on 814 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,520 Speaker 1: a deeper level. I'll put the link to this also 815 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,120 Speaker 1: in the podcast. There's also an Instagram account I was 816 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,680 Speaker 1: telling you about. I think that she's an influencer. I 817 00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:21,480 Speaker 1: cannot remember her name right now, but a lot of 818 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 1: people started following her during COVID. She created this game 819 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,920 Speaker 1: called Let's Fucking Date, and it's a card game and 820 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,319 Speaker 1: it's like same thing questions you ask on a first date. 821 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,480 Speaker 1: So I'll put the link to that as well. None 822 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,360 Speaker 1: of these are sponsored. We just think that's it's a 823 00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,360 Speaker 1: great idea and a really cool way to get to 824 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:37,960 Speaker 1: know people. 825 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:42,200 Speaker 2: Also, this fucking date thing happening. I just pulled it up. 826 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,319 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it helps you, like. 827 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 2: Do an online dating show or something during like Instagram. 828 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:52,080 Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, yeah, yeah. And I think like we have 829 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: to feel like we have to go into our brains 830 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,279 Speaker 1: a lot of times and be like, oh, well I 831 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,839 Speaker 1: have these X, Y and Z questions that I ask 832 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,200 Speaker 1: on a first date, and so I can see you 833 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,680 Speaker 1: know where it could get a little monotonous, and so 834 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:08,000 Speaker 1: maybe some of these will spark some creativity for you guys. 835 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:12,000 Speaker 1: There you go, There you go, all right, Chip, Well, 836 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,920 Speaker 1: as you guys go into the weekends, I send you 837 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,760 Speaker 1: guys to you as you and also you guys listening 838 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,080 Speaker 1: going to the weekend and you're living on the edge, 839 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,560 Speaker 1: I hope you remember to connect and always remember to 840 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,479 Speaker 1: act casual. All about your mental health, guys. 841 00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 2: Bye see