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Speaker 1: You can't change the past, you can't do anything about

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Speaker 1: the future. But what you could do is live right

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Speaker 1: now in this moment. And you go, well, what's this moment?

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Speaker 1: I would say aim low start at the foundation of

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Speaker 1: this moment is heartbeat and breathing. And sometimes that's all

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Speaker 1: you have. Sometimes the moment, the present moment you're in

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Speaker 1: is only a heartbeat and a breath, And so what

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Speaker 1: do you do there? Breathe the next one. Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the granger Smith Podcast. Thank you for coming

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Speaker 1: from wherever you figured out that we had a podcast.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being here. We do this every single Monday.

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Speaker 1: I answer your questions. Could be about anything in life,

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Speaker 1: whatever it throws at you. We'll talk about it as

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Speaker 1: though we're sitting around a campfire and you come up

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Speaker 1: and you say, hey, man, I go to ask you

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Speaker 1: a question, something that's been kicking around with me for

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Speaker 1: a long time, or whatever. We will talk about it

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Speaker 1: is like we're old friends, and I hope you feel

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Speaker 1: that way. I'm not always right, but I'll tell you

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Speaker 1: my friend advice to you, and so if you have

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Speaker 1: a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea. What's in the inbox today? I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna randomly go through these. I do not prepare and

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Speaker 1: I'm not ready for what I'm about to read, so

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Speaker 1: bear with me. We'll start with this one. The subject

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Speaker 1: line says podcast question of the week, Hey Grangeer, what

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Speaker 1: camera do you use for your podcast? My family and

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Speaker 1: I have watched all your episodes of The Smiths and

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Speaker 1: your podcast, and I appreciate you so much. Thank you

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Speaker 1: and yegee, this comes from Max and Hudson, North Carolina. Buddy,

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Speaker 1: thanks for emailing. That's a different question I haven't gotten

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Speaker 1: in a while. I use Sony cameras. In fact, I'm

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Speaker 1: using two of them right now. I'm looking at them.

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Speaker 1: One of them is the A seven three and one

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Speaker 1: of them is the A seven C. So A seven

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Speaker 1: three and A seven C. I use Sony lenses, Sony cameras.

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Speaker 1: They are the best. If you talk to any any vlogger,

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Speaker 1: most videographers that use a DSLR camera will use Sony

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Speaker 1: as well. So yeah, that's me. Next question says podcast question,

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Speaker 1: Hey Granger, can you give a twenty year old advice

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Speaker 1: about getting married, your first home, and getting starting getting

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Speaker 1: started in life? Whatever you would give thank you, buddy.

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Speaker 1: This comes from Chandler. Chandler man, I can't totally relate

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Speaker 1: to you. I got married at thirty, so it might

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Speaker 1: have been thirty one, thirty or thirty one some more

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Speaker 1: so I was about ten years past you in this journey.

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Speaker 1: I would my advice to you would be focus on

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Speaker 1: your new wife and not on your new home. I

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Speaker 1: think you could live anywhere and focus on her. And

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Speaker 1: you don't want that financial burden of stepping into something.

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Speaker 1: Stepping into a house that hasn't a little bit extra

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Speaker 1: payment that you're not sure you could make. It puts

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Speaker 1: pressure on you and her both to make sure that

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Speaker 1: you're bringing home the kind of income that you need.

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Speaker 1: And that's a pressure that you don't want. Early in

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Speaker 1: your twenties, early in any marriage, you don't want a

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Speaker 1: financial pressure. So make sure that wherever you go. And

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Speaker 1: I would not also not recommend living in the basement

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Speaker 1: at your mom's house. Don't do that either, So find

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Speaker 1: the compromise. Maybe it's a it's a decently priced apartment

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Speaker 1: and a good location where you could walk to get

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Speaker 1: some food or get easily to work. But I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't start thinking about dream homes. I don't like

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Speaker 1: the term dream homes. It's good to dream, and it's

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Speaker 1: good to dream about a home, but don't put a

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Speaker 1: specific picture to it. That's just my opinion. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people will tell you should manifest what you want

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Speaker 1: in life and man, you know, hang a picture of

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Speaker 1: your dream house on your wall and look at it

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Speaker 1: every day and eventually it'll come to you. I just

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Speaker 1: I'm not of that school of thinking. I'm more about

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Speaker 1: pouring into your wife, because there's going to be days

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Speaker 1: ahead when you're not able to pour in as well

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Speaker 1: as you can now as a newlywed, and so I

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Speaker 1: would focus on her and not on the house, and

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Speaker 1: not worry about the three kids that are coming in,

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Speaker 1: the dog in the yard, and the fence for the

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Speaker 1: dog in the yard, and the you know. I would

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Speaker 1: think as present as you can, and remember that you're

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Speaker 1: married to your wife, not to the place that y'all live.

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Speaker 1: For instance, you could move into an apartment and when

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Speaker 1: your leases up in six to twelve months, you can

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Speaker 1: get out of that apartment, and more than likely you

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Speaker 1: will amber and I moved several times, so you're not

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Speaker 1: making a commitment to your life right now. Eventually the

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Speaker 1: kids are here, you're ten years down the road, you're

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Speaker 1: going to start thinking more long term, and you're going

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Speaker 1: to think about the schools and the high school that

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Speaker 1: they're going to go to, and the education that they're

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Speaker 1: going to get in the friends that are around them

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Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. But right now, they're not here. So

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Speaker 1: you're as present as possible, and you pick the place

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Speaker 1: that takes the least financial burden but still is nice

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Speaker 1: and safe for your small family. Focus on her. I

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Speaker 1: think that the question could end there, but thank you, brother.

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Speaker 1: Flipping around here, no idea, what's coming up the subject,

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Speaker 1: client says, trying to move on. Hey, Granger Smith, I

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Speaker 1: just started to listening to your podcast, but I've been

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Speaker 1: a longtime fan. I'm twenty five years old. I lost

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Speaker 1: my dad a little over three years ago, and I've

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Speaker 1: been struggling with this loss greatly since then. But about

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Speaker 1: two months ago I dealt with another thing, a big heartbreak.

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Speaker 1: We met after I lost my dad and dated for

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Speaker 1: about a year and a half and we talked about

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Speaker 1: marriage and a future together. We began to grow apart

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Speaker 1: after I lost my job to COVID. I'm struggling with

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Speaker 1: what now feels like another big loss. Because we were

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Speaker 1: best friends. It seems so easy for him to move on,

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Speaker 1: but for me, I don't know how to move on.

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Speaker 1: I'm hoping you could give me some guidance from you

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Speaker 1: and maybe finding my way back to God after these losses.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Marissa. Marissa, You've got a lot going

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Speaker 1: on at twenty five. You're dealing with grief, you're dealing

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Speaker 1: with heartbreak, and you're dealing with the loss of a

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Speaker 1: job to COVID. That's the trifecta and you're right in

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Speaker 1: the middle of it. So first of all, I just

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Speaker 1: want to acknowledge the pain that you're having in the

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Speaker 1: struggle you're having is real and it's okay. So whatever

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Speaker 1: you're feeling right now is okay to feel that way.

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Speaker 1: You're not abnormal to think this. You're not abnormal to

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Speaker 1: think because of three years that you should be good

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Speaker 1: past your dad. You're not abnormal to think that after

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Speaker 1: two months of a heartbreak you should be good. Same

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Speaker 1: thing with losing a job to COVID. That's another loss,

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Speaker 1: and grief and heartbreak are close brothers, and you have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of both of those. With losing your job.

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Speaker 1: So don't minimize any of this, but do realize it's

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Speaker 1: a season, and this whole season will pass. And anytime

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Speaker 1: we go through these hard seasons, we realize that we're

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Speaker 1: getting better because of the season. We come out the

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Speaker 1: other side better because of it. And I use this

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Speaker 1: analogy all the time, but if you think about football,

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Speaker 1: you think about a team that wins the Super Bowl

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Speaker 1: and they hold up the trophy at the end, and

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Speaker 1: some of the guys are crying when they're holding up

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Speaker 1: the trophy, and you think, why are these grown men

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Speaker 1: crying over a stupid trophy. Well, it's not because of

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Speaker 1: the trophy, and it's really not because of the win either.

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Speaker 1: They're crying because of the struggle that they overcame, the

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Speaker 1: adversity that they got passed to get to this moment,

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Speaker 1: to the victory moment. That's what makes any victory sweeter

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Speaker 1: is because of the struggle. We are always better because

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Speaker 1: of the struggle. And you will be better because of

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Speaker 1: this struggle. You will learn, you will overcome, you will

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Speaker 1: endure this hardship in this adversity. Because how do I

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Speaker 1: know that, Because that's what humans do. We have a

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Speaker 1: history of doing this, going through the darkest times and

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Speaker 1: piecing things back together one puzzle piece at a time,

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Speaker 1: and we rebuild, and we rebuild stronger. That's hard to

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Speaker 1: hear right now. You hear that and you go, great,

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Speaker 1: those are great words. But I'm in the valley. I

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Speaker 1: can't see the peak right now. Well, life is never

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Speaker 1: only in the valley or only on the peak. Most

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Speaker 1: of it is in the trees right in between. And

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Speaker 1: we just need to keep our eyes up moving forward.

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Speaker 1: That's what we do. So if you have that kind

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Speaker 1: of mentality, like, man, I'm in pain today, I'm really

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Speaker 1: sad today, I'm really grieving today, I'm really insecure today.

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Speaker 1: The no, that's just today. You got to know this

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Speaker 1: is the moment I'm in. But tomorrow the sun's gonna

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Speaker 1: come up and I'm gonna have new opportunities and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be able to use what happened to me for

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Speaker 1: my advance. Say you're interviewing for a job and the

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Speaker 1: boss is saying, tell me about your life. What he's

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Speaker 1: getting at is what he wants to know really through

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Speaker 1: that question is what struggles have you gone through that

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Speaker 1: you overcame? Because that's what I want for this company.

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Speaker 1: The answer is that he doesn't want to hear is man.

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Speaker 1: I just everything in my life just falls into place.

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Speaker 1: Everything's been good. I mean, everything I've ever done just

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Speaker 1: works out, and I just keep growing. That's just no

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Speaker 1: one really wants to hear that story. No one writes

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Speaker 1: a book like that, no one makes a movie like that.

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Speaker 1: People want to hear that you struggled, you had adversity,

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Speaker 1: you overcame, and you became better because of it. That's

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Speaker 1: what the world wants to hear, because that is that's

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Speaker 1: the human story. So you're making yours right now. You're

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Speaker 1: in the story. You're in your future story that you

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Speaker 1: will tell one day and somebody goes, hey, Marissa, I'm

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Speaker 1: having problems and you can go let me hear them,

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Speaker 1: let me see if I could help work through these

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Speaker 1: problems with you. And they're gonna say, Marissa, but do

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Speaker 1: you even know what I'm going through? And you go,

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Speaker 1: let me tell you about twenty twenty when I lost

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Speaker 1: my job, I lost a close relationship, and I lost

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Speaker 1: my dad, all within a four year period. And let

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Speaker 1: me tell you that I'm not the person, I'm not

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Speaker 1: the woman I am today without those hardships think of

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Speaker 1: yourself in that situation, but to dig a little bit

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Speaker 1: deeper in the heartbreak. This heartbreak is tougher for you

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Speaker 1: because you bonded after you lost your dad. This guy,

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Speaker 1: whoever he was, he helped you understand all these these

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Speaker 1: crazy thoughts and feelings and grief that you had. He

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Speaker 1: helped walk through that and decompress it with you. So

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Speaker 1: when you lost him, you lost a piece of your

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Speaker 1: dad again. So that's why this heartbreaks a little bit tougher,

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Speaker 1: and knowing that helps you understand it more so when

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Speaker 1: you're laying there late at night and you go, I

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Speaker 1: miss him, I miss my boyfriend. I miss him, and

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Speaker 1: then the other side of your brain goes, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you a little bit more about why you do.

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Speaker 1: And that's the voice of reason that you can go, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I understand why I miss him. It's not just random,

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Speaker 1: it's not just a piece of pain that's different than

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Speaker 1: anything else I've ever gone through. It makes sense, It matters, Okay.

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Speaker 1: I wish you the best. Thank you for emailing. This

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Speaker 1: podcast is sponsored by Better Help You Know. People don't

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Speaker 1: always realize that physical symptoms like headaches, teeth grinding, and

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Speaker 1: even digestive issues could be indicators of stress. And let's

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Speaker 1: not forget about doom scrolling, sleeping a little bit too late,

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Speaker 1: sleeping a little bit too much, under eating, and overeating.

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Speaker 1: It seems like a snowball for me, like I've got

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Speaker 1: so many things going on and so many things I'm

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Speaker 1: juggling that if I start losing grip on something like

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Speaker 1: sleep or eating less or eating more, maybe maybe work

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Speaker 1: is increasing in certain areas, then all of the rest

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Speaker 1: of the things I said start lacking as well. See

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Speaker 1: stress shows up in all kinds of ways, and a

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Speaker 1: world that's telling you to do more, sleep less, and

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Speaker 1: grind all the time. Here is your reminder to take

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Speaker 1: care of yourself, do less, and maybe try some therapy.

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Speaker 1: Better Help is customized online therapy that offers videos, phone,

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Speaker 1: and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you

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Speaker 1: don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't

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Speaker 1: want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy,

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Speaker 1: so give it a try and see if online therapy

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Speaker 1: can help lower your stress. Grangersmith podcast listeners get ten

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Speaker 1: percent off their first month at better help dot com.

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Speaker 1: Slash granger that's better Help B E. T. T. E

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Speaker 1: R H E LP dot com slash granger subject lines help,

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Speaker 1: Hey grangdeer. I messaged you on Instagram, but I know

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Speaker 1: you got a lot. I know that was a long shot,

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Speaker 1: and I thought I would have a better chance sending

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Speaker 1: you this email. I lost my sweet baby boy, Lane

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Speaker 1: Evans Wallace on Friday. He just turned four months old.

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Speaker 1: I want to give up, but I know that he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't want that. I know he's in a better place,

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Speaker 1: but I still don't know how to move forward. He

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Speaker 1: was my world. I know you've been through this and

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Speaker 1: I know it doesn't get any harder than this, but

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Speaker 1: I just need to know when will it ever get

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Speaker 1: easier and when will I be okay again? Question comes

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Speaker 1: from Billy Wallace. Billy, I'm so sorry, brother. This email

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Speaker 1: came in March, so you are at the end of March,

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Speaker 1: so you're about a month separated from when this happened,

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Speaker 1: and I would imagine that you have a better understanding

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Speaker 1: now after the month that's gone by when you hear

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Speaker 1: this podcast. But the answer it's not going to be

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Speaker 1: that different than the last question I just read for

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Speaker 1: because the only thing you can do, Billy is stay

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Speaker 1: as present as you can. You can't change the past,

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Speaker 1: you can't do anything about the future. But what you

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Speaker 1: could do is live right now in this moment. And

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Speaker 1: you go, well, what's this moment? I would say, aim

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Speaker 1: low start at the foundation of this moment is heartbeat

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Speaker 1: and breathing, and sometimes that's all you have. Sometimes the moment,

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Speaker 1: the present moment you're in, is only a heartbeat and

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Speaker 1: a breath, and so what do you do there? Breathe

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Speaker 1: the next one and you go, Granger, that's just too simple.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I've been through this, and sometimes the

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Speaker 1: most present moment you could be in has the most

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Speaker 1: peace in it. I believe that God lives presently with

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Speaker 1: us because God is outside of space and time. So God,

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Speaker 1: God doesn't live only in the past, and he doesn't

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Speaker 1: only live in the future. He lives with us right now.

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Speaker 1: In fact, the Bible says, I am tell them my

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Speaker 1: name as I am, meaning I am presently with you.

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Speaker 1: I'm right here in this moment. I think I believe

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Speaker 1: that's where God exists, and I believe once we get

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Speaker 1: to that moment, that's where in constant chaos around us,

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Speaker 1: the chaos of what's coming, the chaos of what just happened.

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Speaker 1: The most peace is right here. Sometimes that means, to

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Speaker 1: be more specific, I could be driving in my truck

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Speaker 1: and I need to be present, so I want to

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Speaker 1: feel the steering will in my hands. I want to

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Speaker 1: feel what does that leather feel like under my palms. Literally,

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Speaker 1: that's how present you can get. I'm not gonna worry.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna worry. I got this thing coming up,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna worry about it. I got this thing

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Speaker 1: that just happened. I'm not gonna think about it because

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Speaker 1: I'm not there in either of those situations. I'm right here.

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Speaker 1: I got my hands clapped around this steeringwhell. I'm holding

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Speaker 1: this steeringwhell. That's what I'm doing. I feel my foot

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Speaker 1: on the accelerator pedal. I am so present. There's the

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Speaker 1: next breath. That's how present I am. There's another breath,

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Speaker 1: and live there as long as you can. Don't allow

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Speaker 1: yourself to go in the past, don't allow yourself to

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Speaker 1: worry about the future. Stay in the present. You can't

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Speaker 1: live here because then you couldn't plan, and you couldn't

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Speaker 1: learn from the past, and you couldn't plan for the future.

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Speaker 1: But when things are tough when the world is closing in,

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Speaker 1: as you said, when you just don't want to be

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Speaker 1: here anymore, be in the present and feel the calm

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Speaker 1: of that, feel the peace of that. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: more to this answer, but right now I feel like

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Speaker 1: that's the one you need to hear, and then we'll

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Speaker 1: touch base on where to go from there. Okay, subject

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Speaker 1: line here says stay or dump. Hey, Grangeer, my name

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Speaker 1: is Ellie. I'm fourteen years old. Oh excuse me, this

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Speaker 1: is Eli. My name is Eli and I'm fourteen years old.

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Speaker 1: I'm from Nicholsville, Kentucky, and I have a really big

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Speaker 1: hobby sport that I attend. I'm on the high school

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Speaker 1: trap shooting team in Kentucky, and my best friends I've

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Speaker 1: known forever have stopped supporting me because the sport has

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Speaker 1: shotguns in it. I'm at a loss if I should

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Speaker 1: just ignore them and still be friends or get rid

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Speaker 1: of them and welcome new friends into my life. That's

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Speaker 1: not what I was expecting from the subject line saying

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Speaker 1: stay or dump, Eli. Thanks for emailing buddy, Thanks for

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Speaker 1: listening to the podcast. Fourteen Man, you got a lot

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Speaker 1: a lot changing right now at age fourteen, a lot.

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Speaker 1: A lot of things are going to change over the

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Speaker 1: next six months, A lot of things are going to

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Speaker 1: change in two years when you're sixteen. A whole lot's

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Speaker 1: going to change by the time you turn eighteen, and

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Speaker 1: you're fourteen. You're fourteen now, and by the time you

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Speaker 1: turn eighteen. So this shotgun thing that's so interesting to me,

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Speaker 1: I think I would lead with this, Eli. I would

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Speaker 1: lead by the friends that you've known for a long time.

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Speaker 1: I would ask you to help explain how you love

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Speaker 1: trap shooting on this team, and how passionate about it

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Speaker 1: you are. Explain to them the purpose of the shotgun

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Speaker 1: in this activity and the joy and happiness you get

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Speaker 1: out of it. And you're kind of good at it, right,

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Speaker 1: You wouldn't be doing this unless you're pretty good at it,

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Speaker 1: So explain to them too, Like, man, I'm actually pretty

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Speaker 1: good at it and I love it. And I would

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Speaker 1: love for you guys to come and visit me one

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Speaker 1: day and watch me shoot. And I think if you

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Speaker 1: watched me, the whole idea that you're having problems with

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Speaker 1: would slowly go away because you would see, Hey, this

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Speaker 1: is a sport and you guys are my friends. I

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Speaker 1: love you guys, Man, I love hanging out with you.

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Speaker 1: You guys have been there for me. I've been there

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Speaker 1: for you. I feel a bond with you, guys, And

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Speaker 1: because I love this sport, I want you guys to

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Speaker 1: enjoy it with me. So can you just come and

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Speaker 1: watch now? Eli? If those guys say absolutely not, you

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Speaker 1: do that, we're not friends? Okay, good, Well there's your answer.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like, really like, I love this and

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Speaker 1: there's nothing technically wrong with it and this is a

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Speaker 1: passion of mine. If you don't, then maybe we're growing

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Speaker 1: a part as friends, which happens at fourteen, Like maybe

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Speaker 1: we're not as close as I thought we were. Maybe

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Speaker 1: our ideas are not as aligned as I thought they were.

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Speaker 1: So at that point, guess where you're gonna find friends?

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Speaker 1: At trapshooting? That's pretty easy. You're gonna see guys out

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Speaker 1: there that love what you love and you're gonna say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Eli, you love this, and they're gonna go, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love it. You go. We should do this more often.

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Speaker 1: We should go and grab some pizza tonight. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love pizza. Let's do it. Let's grab a movie. Boom,

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Speaker 1: you got new friends and slowly day by day those

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Speaker 1: will become good friends. Now, I'm not telling you have

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Speaker 1: to give up on the other guys, but you just

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Speaker 1: need to understand it. If they don't want to be

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Speaker 1: friends with you because of this thing that you do,

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Speaker 1: which I believe is not a bad thing, maybe they

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Speaker 1: weren't friends to begin with. Sometimes think about Thanks for

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Speaker 1: joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of

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Speaker 1: you guys. You could help me out by rating this

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Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel,

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00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 1: hit that little like button and notification spell so that

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Speaker 1: you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you

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Speaker 1: have a question for me that you would like me

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Speaker 1: to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye