WEBVTT - "MY GRANDMOTHER HATES ME"

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello, Sadie, what's going on?

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to talk about how my dad sucked my grandpa?

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<v Speaker 1>Like, quite literally, your dad fucked your grandpa? Yes, absolutely,

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<v Speaker 1>your your dad had sex with his dad.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, he was married into the family, but he's been

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<v Speaker 2>around for a long time, so technically yeah, like it

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<v Speaker 2>was kind of like his dad but not blood related.

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<v Speaker 1>But yes, oh, okay, okay, so he had sex with Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so he had sex with his father in law, his.

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<v Speaker 2>Mom's husband, his mother's husband, yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, his stepdad yes, ah, okay, yeah, sure, what's the

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<v Speaker 1>story there?

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<v Speaker 2>We found this out initially, well, my mom knew for years,

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<v Speaker 2>since she didn't tell anyone because obviously she didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>anybody to know. And she found out because my uncle,

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<v Speaker 2>well my dad's brother, he used to stay at the

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<v Speaker 2>house when my grandma was sick all the time, so

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<v Speaker 2>he was always taking care of her and my grandpa,

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<v Speaker 2>I called him my grandpa. He was there and basically

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<v Speaker 2>he went to my uncle. He was basically like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>can I suck your dick? Basically it got to that

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<v Speaker 2>point where he wanted to have sex with him, and

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<v Speaker 2>my uncle was like, what the fuck no, so down

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<v Speaker 2>and then he went to my mom and I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>he is sucking my husband.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, so so okay, So how old was your dad

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<v Speaker 1>when he had sex with his stepdad?

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<v Speaker 2>I have no clue. Definitely an adult though.

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<v Speaker 1>Was it consensual?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, he was doing favors for him, and my grandpa

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<v Speaker 2>would like buy him fancy cars and stuff like that.

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<v Speaker 2>After my parents got this, he stayed with my grandpa.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, Cidi, you sound very You sound very excited to

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<v Speaker 1>tell me all of this.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just excited to talk to you, like I listened

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<v Speaker 2>to you every single day at work.

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<v Speaker 1>Like okay, okay, okay, all right, all right, We're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>step back for a second here. When did you find

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<v Speaker 1>this out?

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<v Speaker 2>When I was about sixteen or seventeen, I'm twenty now, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>my brother ended up telling me this and I was

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<v Speaker 2>supposed to find out.

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<v Speaker 1>How did you react when you found this out?

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<v Speaker 2>I was absolutely shocked. Like I can't explain the way

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<v Speaker 2>that I felt about it.

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<v Speaker 3>It was really weird.

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<v Speaker 2>But like when you look back at the way that

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<v Speaker 2>they would treat each other, You're like, yeah, that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 2>They were probably fucking.

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<v Speaker 1>So your father was basically sleeping with his step father

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<v Speaker 1>and his stepfather was like a sugar daddy to him. Basically, yes, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>when you found this out, did you did you ever

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<v Speaker 1>talk to your father about it? I did.

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<v Speaker 2>There was like a huge fight about it. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>talk to him, but my ex boyfriend at the time

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<v Speaker 2>like blew everything out of proportion because he liked to

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<v Speaker 2>start fights, and he's like, oh, I know you fucked him.

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<v Speaker 2>You did this and that, and it was like this

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<v Speaker 2>huge bull out and I don't talk to either of

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<v Speaker 2>them anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait a minute, Okay, my grandpa, what what? Why is

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<v Speaker 1>your ex boyfriend fighting with your dad about having sex

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<v Speaker 1>with his stepdad? How did that?

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>That doesn't make any sense.

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<v Speaker 2>I know it really doesn't. But he got really involved

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<v Speaker 2>in the whole situation when I was trying to cut

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<v Speaker 2>ties with my dad.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, why are you trying to cut ties with your dad?

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<v Speaker 1>Was it related to this?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, my dad has been like, my dad cheated on

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<v Speaker 2>my mom like over twelve times with men and women.

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<v Speaker 2>In the worst it was probably my grandpa, And I'm like, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>that's just really fucked up.

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<v Speaker 1>So your dad cheated on your mom with his stepdad.

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<v Speaker 1>So he was married to your mom. Yeah, yes, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so he was a full blown, full ass adult. He

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't like, you know, in his twenties or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>No, he's a full grown adult.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. And how did that all make you feel?

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<v Speaker 2>Sadie and maybe feel terrible? Like I'm not I don't

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<v Speaker 2>belong in this family man, Like I'm not as fucked

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<v Speaker 2>up as them?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I can you Why did your boy why did

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<v Speaker 1>your ex boyfriend get involved in this?

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<v Speaker 2>I have no clue. Okay, Honestly, my grandpa was like

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<v Speaker 2>super rich at the time, so still trying to milk

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<v Speaker 2>him for like money or maybe like a car or

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<v Speaker 2>something like that. My ex boyfriend completely ruined that for me.

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<v Speaker 1>What did your ex boyfriend do to all? Right, so

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<v Speaker 1>you were trying to get money from your grandfather and

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<v Speaker 1>your ex boyfriend ruined to that by getting upset with

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<v Speaker 1>your grandfather for having sex with your dad.

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<v Speaker 2>He basically just like outed it and it was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>we all know that you did this, and that was

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<v Speaker 2>enough for to tip the boat over.

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<v Speaker 1>Basically, were you upset at your ex boyfriend for outing this?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, because it was not his place to say anything

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<v Speaker 2>at all.

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<v Speaker 1>I would agree with that. I don't really his place

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<v Speaker 1>in this is undefined.

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<v Speaker 2>To me, right, Okay, I just needed to tell the world.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, what about what is you about your mom? What

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<v Speaker 1>are your conversations with your mom about this? Sound like?

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<v Speaker 2>My mom told me that she never wanted me to

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<v Speaker 2>find out. She was like, I never wanted you to

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<v Speaker 2>see your father in this way. Like it's honestly really

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<v Speaker 2>disgusting and disturbing.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, it just that wled be the.

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<v Speaker 2>Fact that she knew for years and she kind of

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<v Speaker 2>like kept it under the carpet, I guess.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, have you ever talked to your step to your

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<v Speaker 1>grandfather about it? No?

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<v Speaker 4>I have not.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you keep in contact with your grandfather at all?

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<v Speaker 2>Not? Really?

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<v Speaker 1>No.

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<v Speaker 2>I talked to him a while back when I asked

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<v Speaker 2>him for my cat, but then he told me, no,

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<v Speaker 2>you can't have the cat back. She's all that I have.

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<v Speaker 1>Your grandfather, yes, okay. Do you have brothers and sisters?

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<v Speaker 4>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>I have a brother and he was the one who

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<v Speaker 2>told me about the situation.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, older brother, yes, okay? Uh was he keeping it

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<v Speaker 1>from you for a while? And like, who told him?

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<v Speaker 2>I think my uncle told him. After he basically was like, yo, Papa,

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<v Speaker 2>asked me if you want me to suck his dick?

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<v Speaker 2>And my brother told me like almost immediately. He didn't

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<v Speaker 2>really keep it to himself for that long, and they

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<v Speaker 2>just kind of made the connection.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait, wait, your brother who asked who to suck their dick?

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<v Speaker 2>My grandpa asked, my uncle, my dad's brother.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's your grandfather who sucks your father's dick, asked

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<v Speaker 1>your uncle if he could suck his.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Get you got a whole This is a whole thing

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<v Speaker 1>going on here, I know. Okay, And so it was

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<v Speaker 1>your uncle who told your brother.

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<v Speaker 2>No, my uncle told my mother and my mom basically

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<v Speaker 2>like confirmed, like, yeah, they are fucking you made the connections.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh so excuse me the whole you We're beyond confusing.

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<v Speaker 1>We're in a new emotion that I haven't quite figured

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<v Speaker 1>out how to label. Your Your brother found out because

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<v Speaker 1>he made the hot He put two and two, he

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<v Speaker 1>put fucking put six and six together to find this

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<v Speaker 1>all out.

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<v Speaker 3>I believe.

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<v Speaker 1>So, yes, okay, So what's what's your relationship like with

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<v Speaker 1>your father? Now?

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't spoken to him in years?

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<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm, mm hmm. How long do you think?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe about two years? The last time I saw him.

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<v Speaker 2>His girlfriend at the time made up this false lie

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<v Speaker 2>basically saying that he was dying in the hospital, and

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<v Speaker 2>we all had to drive two hours out to see him.

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<v Speaker 2>And we go to the hospital and he's not even dying,

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<v Speaker 2>and my whole family was pissed, and we're like, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>fuck you, we don't want to talk to you. We

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<v Speaker 2>only came here to pass our condolences. But motherfucker wasn't dying,

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<v Speaker 2>So all blintont lie to get us to come to

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<v Speaker 2>see him.

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<v Speaker 4>Do you about a year ago?

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<v Speaker 2>Two years ago?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, can I ask you this then? I'm curious,

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<v Speaker 1>how did you feel when you thought he was dying?

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<v Speaker 2>I just kind of My mom made me kind of

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<v Speaker 2>feel bad. I don't know why. She was the most

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<v Speaker 2>upset out of everyone. Like I really just didn't give

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<v Speaker 2>a shit, honestly.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, Okay, and your mother, what's your relationship

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<v Speaker 1>like with her?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>I see, like every day we have a good relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, is does she find a new husbands?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, she actually has two kids with him. Now I'm

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<v Speaker 2>twenty and I have two year old siblings.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm glad to hear that your mom found a

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<v Speaker 1>good life for herself. And do you like the guy?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, okay, And he's not having sex with any of

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<v Speaker 1>his parents, is he?

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<v Speaker 2>Nope? At least I hope the fuck not. But no,

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<v Speaker 2>I do not think so.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay good, I think that's a good quality for a

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<v Speaker 1>person to have. So like, I mean this relationship between

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<v Speaker 1>your dad's stepdad and your dad. You claim that your

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<v Speaker 1>dad was like a fully grown like a fully grown

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<v Speaker 1>adult man in his thirties or forties who was having

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<v Speaker 1>success with his step father as a means of getting

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<v Speaker 1>money out of him.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, like my dad was really just kind of

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<v Speaker 2>like borderline a slut, Like he just liked attention and

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<v Speaker 2>then it turned out to him doing like favors for him.

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<v Speaker 2>You always let him get away with blowing out big scenes.

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<v Speaker 2>They'd be like, oh, he's okay, he's okay, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>All right.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to say like specific names here. I

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<v Speaker 2>almost get like close the same name.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. And what about you? You you said that you

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<v Speaker 1>don't talk to your ex boyfriend anymore. Are you seeing

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<v Speaker 1>someone else like with you in your life?

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<v Speaker 2>I actually live on my I live with my boyfriend Chris.

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<v Speaker 2>He actually introduced me.

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<v Speaker 1>To your stream Okay, how are things going with Chris?

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<v Speaker 2>Everything is great with Chris?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, good? Good? Have you talked?

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<v Speaker 3>What?

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<v Speaker 1>How did he react to this story?

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<v Speaker 2>Like anyone else would react? Like what the fuck? Are

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<v Speaker 2>you serious? Like your dad slept with his stepdad, like

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<v Speaker 2>and it's not just like dick sucking, like it was

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<v Speaker 2>full on sex, Like I don't mean to emphasize that,

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<v Speaker 2>but like it's the point, like they were full on,

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<v Speaker 2>like fucking for sexual favors.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you keep in contact with your grandmother?

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<v Speaker 2>My grandmother passed away, and this actually came out after

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<v Speaker 2>she had passed away. This is when the ball dropped

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<v Speaker 2>and everything just came out.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, I'm that's I guess good that she never

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<v Speaker 1>found out.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that she didn't know?

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<v Speaker 1>I know? Is that good that she never found out?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I yes, it's very like a certain point she'd probably

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<v Speaker 2>have she'd probably have a fucking heart attack.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, probably probably, Sadie, do you think this fucked you

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<v Speaker 1>up at all?

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely? Probably. I'm not a normal person.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, how do you how do you feel like it

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<v Speaker 1>fucked you up?

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't really explain that. It would take me a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of stinking, But like, I don't know, get go,

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<v Speaker 2>I just came from the wrong bunch of people. They're

0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.079
<v Speaker 2>all fucked up. Uh.

0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:15.800
<v Speaker 1>You said you feel like you're a weird person. Why

0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:17.400
<v Speaker 1>do you feel like you're a weird person?

0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:21.199
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I'm just not normal.

0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:23.800
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, I mean.

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you things like they do, but I

0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.240
<v Speaker 2>just don't feel what's the word, I don't know.

0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.200
<v Speaker 1>What what I mean. Sit with me for just a

0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:36.480
<v Speaker 1>second before we go what I mean. Listen, you clearly

0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:41.440
<v Speaker 1>said you're not a normal person for a reason, right,

0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 1>mm hmm, what what do we think? That reason is?

0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:51.040
<v Speaker 2>Probably just because of like where I came from, honestly,

0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.040
<v Speaker 2>the way I was raised and the way things went down.

0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:57.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, does that affect the way that you think about

0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:00.200
<v Speaker 1>anything or the way that you feel about anything in

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.400
<v Speaker 1>your present, current day to.

0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Day life, the way that I process everything. It kind

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.640
<v Speaker 2>of just like ruined it for me for everything, Like

0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.240
<v Speaker 2>I can't look at families the normal way of be like, oh,

0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:16.480
<v Speaker 2>they probably have some fucked up secrets, or this guy's

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.360
<v Speaker 2>probably doing something in their family or something really fucked up.

0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:26.960
<v Speaker 1>So it's kind of so so the fucked up stuff

0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:28.840
<v Speaker 1>going on in your famili has kind of opened your

0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 1>eyes to the almost inevitability of fucked up things happening

0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:39.880
<v Speaker 1>in other families in other places.

0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 2>Yes, absolutely.

0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:53.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay does that lower your level of trust or does

0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:57.239
<v Speaker 1>that make you feel more open?

0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:58.600
<v Speaker 4>Or what?

0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:01.440
<v Speaker 1>How does how do you think that that makes you feel?

0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:02.240
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, No, I don't trust anyone, especially family members who

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:06.880
<v Speaker 2>I cut a lot of my family members out. It's

0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.480
<v Speaker 2>just really just my mom and my actual stepdad at

0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 2>this point. Like I don't really talk to anyone. Oh,

0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:15.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm my cousin too. Like I don't really talk to

0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:17.640
<v Speaker 2>my family members anymore because I feel like they're all

0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:23.960
<v Speaker 2>fucked up somehow. I don't trust anybody. Wow, Okay, what

0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:25.960
<v Speaker 2>about just a bunch of whack jobs?

0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.880
<v Speaker 1>What about your your boyfriend? Do you trust him?

0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:31.200
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 2>Yes, of course, and he comes from like a place

0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:38.520
<v Speaker 2>of normal. Yes, I only have like one friend that

0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:40.400
<v Speaker 2>I've talked to for like over ten years.

0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Okay, do you trust them?

0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:43.880
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay, it takes me a long time to develop trust

0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 2>in people.

0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:51.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, what how does how does a person get in your.

0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:58.040
<v Speaker 2>Trust just being around her so long and just accepting

0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 2>me for who I am as a person after so long?

0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:05.400
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. Have you ever talked about this in real therapy?

0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:07.280
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:11.640
<v Speaker 2>I have a therapist. Okay, I just thought it would

0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:12.280
<v Speaker 2>be fun to call.

0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.760
<v Speaker 1>What did your real therapist say about this? I'm very curious.

0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I haven't really gotten into this point with her. I'll

0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:21.960
<v Speaker 2>probably talk to her about it in like two days.

0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:23.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to see here, so I'll probably talk to

0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:24.240
<v Speaker 2>her about that.

0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm very curious. I am very curious. What was higher

0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:32.360
<v Speaker 1>on your priority list to talk about in therapy than

0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 1>your dad fucking his dad?

0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god.

0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:39.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, there's a lot. Man.

0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:41.800
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'll call in some other time.

0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, Sadie, thanks for calling in. I I yeah, this

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.680
<v Speaker 1>is all definitely like super fucked up and weird, but

0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:54.600
<v Speaker 1>you uh, I am. I am glad to see that

0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:59.720
<v Speaker 1>you are in at least appearing to me to be

0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:03.640
<v Speaker 1>in high spirits right absolutely?

0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:05.199
<v Speaker 3>Uh.

0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.000
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything else you want to say to the

0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:10.560
<v Speaker 1>people of the computer before we go?

0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.879
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I just have one thing, please Fox that X

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.960
<v Speaker 2>ground That's all I have to say.

0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.359
<v Speaker 1>That's the that's the that's the anti sponsor. You know,

0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.000
<v Speaker 1>we have sponsors, and we like talk about products and

0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.720
<v Speaker 1>stuff we need to do. One where we talk about

0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.040
<v Speaker 1>products we don't like, and so that was it.

0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:33.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, absolutely, thank you so much and you're awesome man.

0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:37.880
<v Speaker 1>Uh hey, you're pretty cool too, Sadie. Thanks for calling in.

0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:40.240
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much.

0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.840
<v Speaker 1>Have a good one you too. Well. That is definitely

0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:52.679
<v Speaker 1>the giddiest I've ever heard somebody be talking about incest. Uh.

0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:56.360
<v Speaker 1>I guess I, like I said, I'm glad to hear

0:17:56.480 --> 0:18:01.919
<v Speaker 1>she's in good spirit. I hope that she is able

0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:08.520
<v Speaker 1>to live her best life in spite of her weird

0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:13.080
<v Speaker 1>family stuff, and I think she will. And you know what,

0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:18.960
<v Speaker 1>I actually I think her telling that story has made

0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:24.640
<v Speaker 1>me a little bit less trusting too. Hello. Hello, Hi,

0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.520
<v Speaker 1>who's this?

0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:27.280
<v Speaker 3>This is Bobby.

0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:29.439
<v Speaker 1>What's up? Bobby?

0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:39.879
<v Speaker 3>So I don't think my grandma loves why not? Well,

0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:41.600
<v Speaker 3>it's kind of been a running joke now with me

0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:46.360
<v Speaker 3>and my wife. Every time we've seen my grandma, I've

0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 3>told her I loved her, and then we look at

0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:51.200
<v Speaker 3>each other and everyone looks awkwardly, and she doesn't say

0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:51.600
<v Speaker 3>it back.

0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:58.399
<v Speaker 1>Your grandma, that doesn't Your grandma doesn't say she loves you

0:18:58.440 --> 0:18:59.640
<v Speaker 1>back when you tell her you love her.

0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:03.440
<v Speaker 3>No, never, no, I've she's never said it once.

0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:05.399
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think that is?

0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:10.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, I don't know if you saw in the note,

0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:14.560
<v Speaker 3>but she is a lesbian, and I don't think she

0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:20.000
<v Speaker 3>likes male very much because you've heard her say I

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.840
<v Speaker 3>love you to the females in my family, but not me.

0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:27.440
<v Speaker 1>So you think she doesn't love you because she's a lesbian.

0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:31.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, because I'm a male, not necessarily because she's a lesbian.

0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:34.960
<v Speaker 3>I don't think she likes men like at all.

0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:38.240
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think she doesn't like men?

0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:42.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 1>Kind of a guest, have you ever asked her?

0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.920
<v Speaker 3>I was kind of your standpoint on it. I don't

0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:50.639
<v Speaker 3>know what Maybe we'll see what you thought.

0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.359
<v Speaker 1>Have you ever asked her?

0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:57.800
<v Speaker 3>I don't know. It's kind of like I don't know

0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 3>if I want to approach that. How do I even

0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:03.320
<v Speaker 3>say that to somebody? Do you do you love me?

0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:05.080
<v Speaker 3>That's so awkward.

0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:08.919
<v Speaker 1>It's a little awkward. But uh, I mean, let me

0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:14.040
<v Speaker 1>ask you this. Are you prepared to hear the truth?

0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:17.040
<v Speaker 1>If the answer is that she does.

0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:23.280
<v Speaker 3>Not, I feel like I wouldn't be surprised. I mean

0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:28.359
<v Speaker 3>I would I would be. I would be more surprised

0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:30.800
<v Speaker 3>if she said yes than if she said no.

0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:38.320
<v Speaker 1>Tell me why you love her.

0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:42.000
<v Speaker 5>She's always She's always been in my life, which is

0:20:42.040 --> 0:20:45.000
<v Speaker 5>really a confusing thing for me because she's never said

0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:47.560
<v Speaker 5>I love you, and anytime I say it, the root

0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 5>like she just kind of gets awkward and like he's

0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:53.840
<v Speaker 5>like with goodbyes, like oh, I love you'll see you later.

0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:55.520
<v Speaker 5>She just like looked at me the blanks stare and

0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:58.440
<v Speaker 5>then just kind of like all right bye, walks away,

0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:03.679
<v Speaker 5>really awkward. Do I I do have her phone number?

0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:04.760
<v Speaker 1>Can we call her?

0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:13.119
<v Speaker 3>I don't think that's a good idea, you know.

0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:16.159
<v Speaker 1>If I were you, I also wouldn't call my grandma

0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:20.240
<v Speaker 1>right now. Okay, So you think it's because she doesn't

0:21:20.359 --> 0:21:24.119
<v Speaker 1>like men? Does she? Is it your grandma's dad, Is

0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:29.480
<v Speaker 1>it your dad's mom or your mom's mom, my mom's mom? Okay?

0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 1>Does she ever? Does your Does your dad ever say

0:21:31.800 --> 0:21:32.520
<v Speaker 1>I love you to her?

0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:35.359
<v Speaker 3>Does my dad?

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:37.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:21:37.960 --> 0:21:38.200
<v Speaker 5>No?

0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:42.639
<v Speaker 3>She also never said it to my dad either. Do

0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:44.560
<v Speaker 3>you also never liked my dad as well?

0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:51.680
<v Speaker 1>Do you have any male family members that that that

0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:54.160
<v Speaker 1>that your grandma has ever said she loves you too?

0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:59.600
<v Speaker 3>Oh? Yeah, her wife's son all times.

0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think she likes him? If you think

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:04.000
<v Speaker 1>she hates men?

0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:09.600
<v Speaker 3>I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Do I suck?

0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:13.320
<v Speaker 1>You might? And by the way, here's the thing, even

0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:15.120
<v Speaker 1>if you do, it's not that bad. It's not that bad.

0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:19.320
<v Speaker 1>It's not it's okay. If you suck. People are so

0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:23.399
<v Speaker 1>like afraid of like sucking or being annoying or like

0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:25.480
<v Speaker 1>being kind of an ass it's not that. It's fine,

0:22:25.560 --> 0:22:30.160
<v Speaker 1>it's okay. Why do you think you might suck?

0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:33.200
<v Speaker 5>I don't know.

0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:36.920
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I've accomplished a lot. But oh I'm

0:22:36.960 --> 0:22:37.760
<v Speaker 3>kind of an asshole.

0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:41.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's fine. Why do you Why do you think

0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:42.000
<v Speaker 1>your an assle?

0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:48.679
<v Speaker 3>I'm just like, I don't know. I like confrontations, like

0:22:48.720 --> 0:22:50.919
<v Speaker 3>when you know, an awkward stare when you look at

0:22:50.920 --> 0:22:53.639
<v Speaker 3>someone and then catch you looking at them, I'll continue staring.

0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:58.760
<v Speaker 3>I'm an asshole, like I want the awkward confrontation. It's weird.

0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:03.560
<v Speaker 1>Why does one doing an awkward confrontation make you an asshole?

0:23:05.359 --> 0:23:07.760
<v Speaker 3>Well, not only that, I mean, I like, I don't know.

0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:09.760
<v Speaker 3>I like being mean. It kind of suits me. It

0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:12.159
<v Speaker 3>makes me makes me feel happy.

0:23:13.840 --> 0:23:15.760
<v Speaker 1>It makes you feel happy to be mean.

0:23:17.200 --> 0:23:17.600
<v Speaker 3>Kind of.

0:23:20.720 --> 0:23:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Have you ever been mean to your grandma? No?

0:23:26.800 --> 0:23:30.800
<v Speaker 3>But I mean, she's like a really big liberal and

0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:35.320
<v Speaker 3>she hates me because I voted for Trump and that's

0:23:35.359 --> 0:23:39.440
<v Speaker 3>getting political. But yeah, he hates me for that too.

0:23:41.000 --> 0:23:44.840
<v Speaker 1>So you think she hates you because who's what is

0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:46.280
<v Speaker 1>who it is in the background.

0:23:47.480 --> 0:23:48.639
<v Speaker 3>That that was my daughter?

0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, so you think she hates you? Okay? So now

0:23:54.280 --> 0:23:56.040
<v Speaker 1>so I mean, so now you've come up with We

0:23:56.119 --> 0:23:59.159
<v Speaker 1>started with just because you're a guy, but now you

0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:02.840
<v Speaker 1>have like three different hypotheses of why you think she

0:24:02.920 --> 0:24:11.840
<v Speaker 1>might hate you. Yeah, okay, you say you like being

0:24:11.960 --> 0:24:13.800
<v Speaker 1>mean because it is fun.

0:24:16.640 --> 0:24:17.120
<v Speaker 3>In a way.

0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:21.359
<v Speaker 1>Okay, tell me the last mean thing that you did

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:22.880
<v Speaker 1>that was fun for you.

0:24:29.920 --> 0:24:31.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm sure I did something today. Give me a second.

0:24:32.480 --> 0:24:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'll let you think of it.

0:24:38.720 --> 0:24:42.639
<v Speaker 3>Oh okay. So I'm a technician. I work at a

0:24:42.680 --> 0:24:46.679
<v Speaker 3>dealership and the guy next to me was lowering the

0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:50.159
<v Speaker 3>car down off the lift and I put a cap

0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:54.240
<v Speaker 3>to a ariosol can underneath the tire so when it

0:24:54.280 --> 0:24:57.080
<v Speaker 3>got to the ground, it made an extremely loud crunching noise,

0:24:57.480 --> 0:25:02.639
<v Speaker 3>which then made him very scared. I laughed the okay,

0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:06.040
<v Speaker 3>well he thinks, well, he thought he destroyed something on

0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:07.640
<v Speaker 3>a one hundred and fifty thousand dollars car.

0:25:08.720 --> 0:25:14.040
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so your you found enjoyment by uh your co

0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:21.960
<v Speaker 1>workers fear that he might have messed up. Yeah, okay,

0:25:24.080 --> 0:25:26.040
<v Speaker 1>so it is a little prank you like you like

0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:27.840
<v Speaker 1>you like a little pranks. You like a little mischief

0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:29.440
<v Speaker 1>here and there.

0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:34.440
<v Speaker 3>Okay, Yeah, I mean I'd consider myself mischievous.

0:25:34.920 --> 0:25:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, telling me about your wife. Does your wife know

0:25:38.040 --> 0:25:39.440
<v Speaker 1>your grandma?

0:25:40.760 --> 0:25:43.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, she doesn't like her either. She's kind of, well,

0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:47.920
<v Speaker 3>my wife doesn't like her. She's not really nice to anybody.

0:25:48.080 --> 0:25:51.040
<v Speaker 3>She's just kind of controlling, wants to it's kind of

0:25:51.040 --> 0:25:52.040
<v Speaker 3>her way or the highway.

0:25:53.920 --> 0:25:55.320
<v Speaker 1>This is this is your wife or your grandma.

0:25:55.359 --> 0:25:58.000
<v Speaker 3>Think one of the reasons my grandma it's kind of

0:25:58.000 --> 0:26:00.520
<v Speaker 3>her way or the highway, and she's kind of I

0:26:00.520 --> 0:26:02.439
<v Speaker 3>think that's why we bought heads alot because I just

0:26:02.480 --> 0:26:07.480
<v Speaker 3>don't care. I'm ale, so I'm willing.

0:26:07.240 --> 0:26:15.600
<v Speaker 1>To You're an asshole. So you're willing to.

0:26:13.440 --> 0:26:17.320
<v Speaker 3>Say that whatever she wants is stupid, or voice my

0:26:17.359 --> 0:26:19.520
<v Speaker 3>opinion even though I know it'll put her off.

0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:24.560
<v Speaker 1>So I've got some confused here because you're saying that

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:27.880
<v Speaker 1>you're not afraid to voice your opinion. You're saying that

0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:30.800
<v Speaker 1>you're not afraid to argue with her. But when I

0:26:30.840 --> 0:26:36.439
<v Speaker 1>asked you why you wouldn't just ask her, you know,

0:26:36.480 --> 0:26:39.440
<v Speaker 1>confront her about whether she loves you, you said that

0:26:39.600 --> 0:26:41.800
<v Speaker 1>you were like afraid or that it wouldn't be a

0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:46.520
<v Speaker 1>good idea. So why do you feel like you're comfortable

0:26:46.920 --> 0:26:51.760
<v Speaker 1>voicing dissenting opinions to her? You're comfortable, uh, you know,

0:26:51.800 --> 0:26:55.200
<v Speaker 1>engaging with her in arguments, but you're not comfortable asking

0:26:55.240 --> 0:26:59.080
<v Speaker 1>her point blank, you know, having an authentic, honest conversation

0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:01.720
<v Speaker 1>about why she doesn't like. Why are you uncomfortable doing that?

0:27:03.720 --> 0:27:04.159
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:27:04.200 --> 0:27:06.679
<v Speaker 3>That's a that's a really good question.

0:27:09.000 --> 0:27:12.520
<v Speaker 1>Do you okay? What kind of things do you argue

0:27:12.560 --> 0:27:15.560
<v Speaker 1>with her about? Is it like political arguments?

0:27:16.560 --> 0:27:17.800
<v Speaker 3>Most of them are political?

0:27:18.640 --> 0:27:24.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay? Do you get into a political argument with her?

0:27:25.440 --> 0:27:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Like most of the times that you're with her.

0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:33.080
<v Speaker 3>I'd say about like fifty percent of the time.

0:27:35.400 --> 0:27:41.879
<v Speaker 1>When you're in an argument with someone, is you being

0:27:42.040 --> 0:27:46.439
<v Speaker 1>correct or getting your point across more important to you

0:27:48.240 --> 0:27:52.719
<v Speaker 1>than preserving the relationship that you have with the person

0:27:52.720 --> 0:27:53.600
<v Speaker 1>you're arguing with.

0:27:56.280 --> 0:28:00.399
<v Speaker 3>It depends on the topic, but I mean it can

0:28:00.560 --> 0:28:03.159
<v Speaker 3>get that way sometimes depending on what the topic is,

0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:07.000
<v Speaker 3>Because if it's something serious and they really think their

0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:09.639
<v Speaker 3>way is right, and I know it's not, or at

0:28:09.680 --> 0:28:13.359
<v Speaker 3>least in my opinion, is not. I mean, fuck them.

0:28:13.480 --> 0:28:20.880
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well so well so Robert, like I mean, and look,

0:28:20.920 --> 0:28:22.720
<v Speaker 1>it's okay. If the answer is no, I mean, tell

0:28:22.720 --> 0:28:26.440
<v Speaker 1>me whatever the truth is. Do do you really care

0:28:26.560 --> 0:28:28.879
<v Speaker 1>that much about whether or not your grandma loves you?

0:28:31.160 --> 0:28:35.520
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I should. Okay, but I mean I've

0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:40.280
<v Speaker 3>gotten this far along without thinking she does, so maybe not.

0:28:41.480 --> 0:28:46.280
<v Speaker 1>Okay. So, so your grandma's love is not that important

0:28:46.640 --> 0:28:47.280
<v Speaker 1>to you.

0:28:52.800 --> 0:28:54.280
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how to answer that. I feel like

0:28:54.320 --> 0:28:57.160
<v Speaker 3>it is, but at the same time, I feel like

0:28:57.200 --> 0:28:57.480
<v Speaker 3>it's not.

0:28:58.880 --> 0:28:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:01.479
<v Speaker 3>Guy's got bixed feelings about it.

0:29:02.080 --> 0:29:06.040
<v Speaker 1>Okay, because look here's what I can. I tell you

0:29:06.080 --> 0:29:12.920
<v Speaker 1>what I think. Sure, if it's not. If your grandma's

0:29:12.920 --> 0:29:16.240
<v Speaker 1>love is not important to you, that's okay. It doesn't

0:29:16.240 --> 0:29:19.600
<v Speaker 1>have to be. There's no law that you have to

0:29:19.640 --> 0:29:21.480
<v Speaker 1>love your grandma, that your grandma has to love you.

0:29:21.480 --> 0:29:24.120
<v Speaker 1>You can. You can live your life however you want.

0:29:25.360 --> 0:29:30.040
<v Speaker 1>But if it is important to you, if you lay

0:29:30.040 --> 0:29:33.120
<v Speaker 1>your life out on the table and decide that you

0:29:33.240 --> 0:29:39.720
<v Speaker 1>want to have a relationship with her, then you might

0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:54.160
<v Speaker 1>benefit from having a authentic conversation with her where you prioritize,

0:29:56.560 --> 0:30:02.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, her feelings over being right. And I don't

0:30:03.000 --> 0:30:09.960
<v Speaker 1>know if you've ever gone into an altercation, gone into

0:30:10.000 --> 0:30:15.640
<v Speaker 1>an interaction with her really intentionally, actively thinking about it

0:30:16.440 --> 0:30:22.800
<v Speaker 1>like that, because if you if you do decide that

0:30:22.840 --> 0:30:27.640
<v Speaker 1>she's important to you, then you would go in to

0:30:27.760 --> 0:30:30.600
<v Speaker 1>a conversation with her, like I said, with the intention

0:30:31.200 --> 0:30:37.600
<v Speaker 1>being too you know, have have a concern with her feelings.

0:30:37.840 --> 0:30:41.320
<v Speaker 1>That does not mean that you need to agree with her,

0:30:42.200 --> 0:30:45.920
<v Speaker 1>that you need to change how you feel about anything.

0:30:47.720 --> 0:30:50.720
<v Speaker 1>It just means that you need to go into it

0:30:50.760 --> 0:30:57.440
<v Speaker 1>with a intention of peace rather than war. Does that

0:30:57.600 --> 0:30:58.480
<v Speaker 1>make any sense?

0:31:00.240 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 3>It does make sense. I feel like I've given her

0:31:02.560 --> 0:31:06.640
<v Speaker 3>that opportunity. We went on a family vacation and the

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:10.080
<v Speaker 3>first thing, because we flew in from different places. She

0:31:10.120 --> 0:31:12.920
<v Speaker 3>lives on the other side of the United States. And

0:31:13.040 --> 0:31:16.000
<v Speaker 3>when they picked us up from the airport, the first like,

0:31:16.200 --> 0:31:18.160
<v Speaker 3>I tried to go in with the open mind and

0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:20.440
<v Speaker 3>try to be positive and have a good time and

0:31:20.640 --> 0:31:25.280
<v Speaker 3>keep a keep a positive mindset and conversation, and the

0:31:25.280 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 3>first thing that came out of their mouths was immediate

0:31:29.360 --> 0:31:32.720
<v Speaker 3>disrespect and kind of trying to poke fun at me.

0:31:34.480 --> 0:31:39.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, it was immediate disrespect. Tell me what she said

0:31:39.560 --> 0:31:40.960
<v Speaker 1>that made you feel disrespected?

0:31:43.320 --> 0:31:49.280
<v Speaker 3>Well, she she called me fat, okay, which she said.

0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:52.720
<v Speaker 3>So the last time I wore a swimsuit because we

0:31:52.760 --> 0:31:56.400
<v Speaker 3>went to the beach, was you know, three years prior

0:31:56.440 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 3>to this vacation. But she was like, oh, we need

0:32:00.760 --> 0:32:02.680
<v Speaker 3>to go get you a new swimsuit. And I was like,

0:32:02.720 --> 0:32:04.160
<v Speaker 3>why is that. She's like, because you've gained a lot

0:32:04.160 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 3>of weight. I've gained fifteen pounds since the previous three

0:32:09.600 --> 0:32:14.280
<v Speaker 3>years of wearing a swimsuit. It's safe to say. I

0:32:14.280 --> 0:32:21.880
<v Speaker 3>don't think I've changed sizes. M. Yet they felt they

0:32:21.880 --> 0:32:23.640
<v Speaker 3>need to say that. M.

0:32:25.720 --> 0:32:34.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, I think and I had a call about this.

0:32:34.560 --> 0:32:36.400
<v Speaker 1>I had a call about this kind of recently. And

0:32:36.440 --> 0:32:37.960
<v Speaker 1>also this is a thing that I think about in

0:32:38.000 --> 0:32:43.560
<v Speaker 1>my own personal life, which is like the best like

0:32:43.680 --> 0:32:49.440
<v Speaker 1>if your true intention is to keep the peace, like truly,

0:32:51.920 --> 0:32:54.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'm and this is just me kind of hypothesizing

0:32:54.480 --> 0:32:59.440
<v Speaker 1>about this because it's a difficult thing to maneuver. But

0:32:59.480 --> 0:33:02.720
<v Speaker 1>if you're real intention is to keep the peace, then

0:33:02.840 --> 0:33:07.360
<v Speaker 1>always have that in mind. And occasionally to keep the peace,

0:33:07.840 --> 0:33:10.480
<v Speaker 1>you might just have to take some hits. You know

0:33:10.480 --> 0:33:12.840
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying, You might just have to eat a

0:33:12.880 --> 0:33:17.080
<v Speaker 1>few hits, right, Like if somebody calls you fat, and

0:33:17.120 --> 0:33:20.440
<v Speaker 1>I people some guy on the stage that I never

0:33:20.480 --> 0:33:22.720
<v Speaker 1>haven't told the story yet. Some guy on the street

0:33:23.160 --> 0:33:27.239
<v Speaker 1>called me a fat asshole the other day and I

0:33:27.320 --> 0:33:30.520
<v Speaker 1>just kept walking. I didn't engage with it because I

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:33.600
<v Speaker 1>wanted to kid you piece. No, I no, I didn't

0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:39.040
<v Speaker 1>I do something to provoke it. Did what you said?

0:33:40.040 --> 0:33:40.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:33:41.240 --> 0:33:44.960
<v Speaker 1>No, I was walking by. He was like, he had

0:33:45.000 --> 0:33:49.040
<v Speaker 1>like a fucking store and I walked by his store

0:33:49.080 --> 0:33:51.480
<v Speaker 1>and he was like, hey, come on in, we're having

0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:53.880
<v Speaker 1>a sale or something. And I was like, sorry, man,

0:33:53.920 --> 0:33:56.160
<v Speaker 1>not today. And he was like you know, and he

0:33:56.280 --> 0:33:57.800
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, need to be rude about it, your

0:33:57.800 --> 0:34:01.440
<v Speaker 1>fat asshole. I just kept walk. Now, I could have

0:34:01.520 --> 0:34:04.440
<v Speaker 1>gone over there and tried to like defend my honor

0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:06.640
<v Speaker 1>and ship, but that that's not what I wanted out

0:34:06.680 --> 0:34:08.680
<v Speaker 1>of the situation. I wanted to keep the peace, so

0:34:08.760 --> 0:34:11.759
<v Speaker 1>I kept walking. So I just took the hit and

0:34:11.800 --> 0:34:16.160
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't that bad. I accomplished my goal of keeping

0:34:16.200 --> 0:34:16.560
<v Speaker 1>the peace.

0:34:18.239 --> 0:34:20.160
<v Speaker 3>You should go online and make a better review.

0:34:21.600 --> 0:34:22.920
<v Speaker 1>Why why would I do that.

0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:28.279
<v Speaker 3>Because he felt that your feelings weren't worth it. Why

0:34:28.280 --> 0:34:30.399
<v Speaker 3>should you think that his feelings are worth it?

0:34:32.480 --> 0:34:36.799
<v Speaker 1>Because you know, yes, sure, okay, let's let's relate this

0:34:36.840 --> 0:34:39.200
<v Speaker 1>to your Let's let's relate this to your situation. Why

0:34:39.200 --> 0:34:43.400
<v Speaker 1>do I not? Why don't I go to his business

0:34:43.400 --> 0:34:45.920
<v Speaker 1>and leave a better view? Because it's not worth it

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:52.920
<v Speaker 1>to me, Because I'm not concerned with keeping some kind

0:34:53.000 --> 0:34:58.640
<v Speaker 1>of charmatic scoreboard of you know, needing to equally wrong

0:34:58.760 --> 0:35:02.080
<v Speaker 1>all those who have wrong to me. I'm concerned with

0:35:02.680 --> 0:35:06.239
<v Speaker 1>keeping my peace, and the best way to keep my

0:35:06.280 --> 0:35:09.440
<v Speaker 1>peace is to ignore the situation. Because as I'm writing

0:35:09.440 --> 0:35:12.520
<v Speaker 1>that review, if I spent the Robert, if I spent

0:35:12.560 --> 0:35:14.879
<v Speaker 1>the rest of the day going, man, fuck that guy.

0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:16.719
<v Speaker 1>Why does he doesn't have the right to call me fat?

0:35:16.719 --> 0:35:19.319
<v Speaker 1>And fuck him and fuck this fuck? Then I'm not

0:35:19.360 --> 0:35:23.960
<v Speaker 1>accomplishing my goal. I'm doing the actual opposite. I'm at

0:35:24.120 --> 0:35:28.360
<v Speaker 1>war in my head and the whole and if I

0:35:28.400 --> 0:35:29.800
<v Speaker 1>were to go and I was like, I'm gonna go

0:35:29.840 --> 0:35:32.319
<v Speaker 1>on what's the name of the website? One star review?

0:35:32.360 --> 0:35:33.920
<v Speaker 1>This guy called me a thing of fuck him. The

0:35:33.960 --> 0:35:37.720
<v Speaker 1>whole time I'm writing the thing, I'm there's my blood's boiling,

0:35:37.800 --> 0:35:40.760
<v Speaker 1>anger is flowing through. I'm hurting no one but myself

0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:45.520
<v Speaker 1>when I choose to engage. I'm really not. And so

0:35:45.640 --> 0:35:51.120
<v Speaker 1>if I'm being fucking smart and I'm really going, okay,

0:35:51.640 --> 0:35:57.680
<v Speaker 1>what path forward genuinely keeps the peace, It's to take

0:35:57.719 --> 0:36:00.919
<v Speaker 1>the hitd and move on and it roll off my back,

0:36:01.920 --> 0:36:06.080
<v Speaker 1>because that's what keeps the peace. So so, Robert, you bet,

0:36:10.960 --> 0:36:13.400
<v Speaker 1>it's not even about being a better person, Robert, It's not.

0:36:13.480 --> 0:36:15.479
<v Speaker 1>It's it's this is for me. I keep the peace

0:36:15.520 --> 0:36:17.839
<v Speaker 1>for me, and and and if you want to keep

0:36:17.880 --> 0:36:20.120
<v Speaker 1>the peace for yourself just so that you feel better

0:36:20.160 --> 0:36:25.960
<v Speaker 1>as you move around in your life, then think about

0:36:25.960 --> 0:36:29.600
<v Speaker 1>what actions best serve the peace and not serve retribution,

0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:34.120
<v Speaker 1>because your retribution is only going to lead you to

0:36:34.200 --> 0:36:34.600
<v Speaker 1>more war.

0:36:45.040 --> 0:36:50.879
<v Speaker 3>Robert, you got a point. You've got a point, Okay.

0:36:55.760 --> 0:36:59.840
<v Speaker 1>So listen, man, I I I I hope that you

0:37:00.120 --> 0:37:02.560
<v Speaker 1>keep that in mind next time you interact with your grandmother,

0:37:04.160 --> 0:37:05.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, I mean, what do you think about all

0:37:05.920 --> 0:37:07.560
<v Speaker 1>of this? Tell me your thoughts.

0:37:09.040 --> 0:37:11.360
<v Speaker 3>I think You've brought up some good points, and I

0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:20.080
<v Speaker 3>think I'm gonna have to try to use those and

0:37:20.120 --> 0:37:22.520
<v Speaker 3>maybe I can get her to stay show with me.

0:37:24.400 --> 0:37:31.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay, good. I hope that you feel like you have

0:37:31.400 --> 0:37:33.880
<v Speaker 1>a different way that you want to approach this situation.

0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:44.880
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything go ahead?

0:37:45.960 --> 0:37:47.840
<v Speaker 3>No, I was just thinking, good.

0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:51.440
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything else you want to say to me

0:37:51.880 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 1>or to the people of the computer before we go?

0:37:58.880 --> 0:38:01.640
<v Speaker 3>Do you have a nice trip. I'll have a fun

0:38:01.680 --> 0:38:03.080
<v Speaker 3>time in Japan.

0:38:03.120 --> 0:38:04.040
<v Speaker 2>You're going too correct?

0:38:04.719 --> 0:38:06.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, oh yeah.

0:38:07.120 --> 0:38:09.000
<v Speaker 3>I hope you have a great time over there. And

0:38:09.239 --> 0:38:10.400
<v Speaker 3>thank you for talking to me.

0:38:11.200 --> 0:38:12.920
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Robert. You have a good rest of the day.

0:38:14.239 --> 0:38:14.839
<v Speaker 3>You as well.

0:38:16.560 --> 0:38:18.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I think it's okay to not love

0:38:18.120 --> 0:38:23.360
<v Speaker 1>your grandma. And look, if you see someone like you know,

0:38:23.440 --> 0:38:28.640
<v Speaker 1>two times a year, how much do you really love them?

0:38:28.880 --> 0:38:30.239
<v Speaker 1>So it's okay to love By the way, it's okay

0:38:30.280 --> 0:38:33.880
<v Speaker 1>to love your grandma too. You can have whatever relationship

0:38:35.120 --> 0:38:42.840
<v Speaker 1>that you want with your grandmother in this life. You can.

0:38:43.960 --> 0:38:45.719
<v Speaker 1>You can be in love with your grandmother. You can

0:38:45.840 --> 0:38:47.480
<v Speaker 1>know you should not be in love with your grandmother.

0:38:47.480 --> 0:38:50.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't know why I said that. Okay, all right,

0:38:50.600 --> 0:39:04.480
<v Speaker 1>let's move on. Hello, Hi, Hi, there is this is

0:39:04.520 --> 0:39:05.880
<v Speaker 1>this a j Can you hear me?

0:39:06.719 --> 0:39:06.919
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:39:07.000 --> 0:39:08.680
<v Speaker 4>It is yes, I could hear you.

0:39:09.280 --> 0:39:14.680
<v Speaker 1>AJ. What's what's gone on with you, dude?

0:39:15.440 --> 0:39:19.560
<v Speaker 4>Well, uh, as I told the call screener, I I

0:39:19.600 --> 0:39:24.799
<v Speaker 4>am the other woman in a dumpster fire of a relationship.

0:39:27.320 --> 0:39:30.440
<v Speaker 1>Okay, tell me about this relationship.

0:39:33.800 --> 0:39:36.799
<v Speaker 4>Well, it hasn't really been going on for very long,

0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:42.000
<v Speaker 4>for maybe like two months. But I'm fully aware that

0:39:42.040 --> 0:39:47.440
<v Speaker 4>this person has a wife and kids. They're just in

0:39:47.480 --> 0:39:56.040
<v Speaker 4>a different country. And I have this speaking suspicion that

0:39:56.440 --> 0:40:00.319
<v Speaker 4>they're probably just using me to like get money of me.

0:40:03.680 --> 0:40:07.759
<v Speaker 4>Things are moving very quickly, and they're telling me that

0:40:08.400 --> 0:40:11.680
<v Speaker 4>they see a future with me and that they want

0:40:11.719 --> 0:40:15.720
<v Speaker 4>to invest money with me, or that I should invest

0:40:15.760 --> 0:40:22.800
<v Speaker 4>money with them, and uh, it's it's just a little weird.

0:40:23.320 --> 0:40:26.680
<v Speaker 4>There are a lot of red flags that I am

0:40:26.719 --> 0:40:29.760
<v Speaker 4>pushing aside for no apparent reason.

0:40:31.160 --> 0:40:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Okay, how long have you been seeing this person?

0:40:36.280 --> 0:40:37.919
<v Speaker 4>About two months?

0:40:37.960 --> 0:40:44.000
<v Speaker 1>Two months? Okay, and they're trying to get money out

0:40:44.040 --> 0:40:45.960
<v Speaker 1>of you. Why are they asking you for money?

0:40:49.160 --> 0:40:56.000
<v Speaker 4>Well, I guess like so in our community, because we're Hispanic,

0:40:56.800 --> 0:41:01.520
<v Speaker 4>there's a lot of ideas of like investing money, kind

0:41:01.520 --> 0:41:05.720
<v Speaker 4>of like starting your own business, kind of like an

0:41:05.200 --> 0:41:11.480
<v Speaker 4>entrepreneurial mindset, and so okay, you know, everyone kind of

0:41:11.520 --> 0:41:14.360
<v Speaker 4>thinks the same way of like, oh, I'm gonna invest money,

0:41:14.400 --> 0:41:18.120
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna like buy properties like that kind of stuff.

0:41:19.440 --> 0:41:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Okay, So I mean that aside, why does he

0:41:27.080 --> 0:41:29.040
<v Speaker 1>want you to give him money?

0:41:30.200 --> 0:41:30.279
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:41:30.320 --> 0:41:31.560
<v Speaker 1>What does he what does he as? What does he

0:41:31.600 --> 0:41:32.239
<v Speaker 1>want money for?

0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:43.799
<v Speaker 4>Uh? Well, he has friends in where he's from, and

0:41:43.960 --> 0:41:47.640
<v Speaker 4>he says that they have businesses and he wants to

0:41:47.760 --> 0:41:52.520
<v Speaker 4>keep investing with them, and that it's a good idea

0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:55.920
<v Speaker 4>because I've talked about my goal of wanting to be

0:41:56.000 --> 0:41:59.319
<v Speaker 4>financially independent, and so he's like trying to pitch me,

0:42:00.160 --> 0:42:03.239
<v Speaker 4>you know, their businesses as like a good investment for

0:42:03.360 --> 0:42:06.719
<v Speaker 4>my sake, you know, framing it as like it would

0:42:06.760 --> 0:42:11.040
<v Speaker 4>be in my benefit to invest with him.

0:42:12.080 --> 0:42:14.880
<v Speaker 1>Okay. And is this somebody that you've actually met in person?

0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 4>Yes, yes, I that's I live at one of his

0:42:22.640 --> 0:42:24.879
<v Speaker 4>relatives house and that's how we met.

0:42:26.760 --> 0:42:33.319
<v Speaker 1>Okay. How soon after getting involved with him romantically did

0:42:33.320 --> 0:42:41.360
<v Speaker 1>he start asking you to invest in him?

0:42:41.440 --> 0:42:44.759
<v Speaker 4>I mean it was pretty soon. I mean maybe the

0:42:44.800 --> 0:42:49.200
<v Speaker 4>first couple of weeks. We well, my my family is

0:42:49.239 --> 0:42:54.200
<v Speaker 4>also they have businesses here in Kentucky, and so I

0:42:55.160 --> 0:42:57.720
<v Speaker 4>told him about those businesses and we started talking about

0:42:57.760 --> 0:42:59.879
<v Speaker 4>investments and that's when he brought it up.

0:43:01.800 --> 0:43:04.920
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so this money thing aside. You say, this is

0:43:04.960 --> 0:43:08.719
<v Speaker 1>a dumpster fire situation and you are the other woman.

0:43:08.719 --> 0:43:11.239
<v Speaker 1>How did you find out that he was is? Did

0:43:11.239 --> 0:43:12.480
<v Speaker 1>you find out that he was married?

0:43:16.280 --> 0:43:22.520
<v Speaker 4>I mean yes, Like I guess, it wasn't hidden. It

0:43:22.600 --> 0:43:28.320
<v Speaker 4>was more like he told me, like, hey, I'm married,

0:43:28.400 --> 0:43:32.200
<v Speaker 4>I have a family, but things aren't going well, you know,

0:43:32.320 --> 0:43:35.040
<v Speaker 4>like the same story that gets told all the time,

0:43:35.080 --> 0:43:39.160
<v Speaker 4>like oh things are rocky or I'm going to separate,

0:43:39.760 --> 0:43:43.959
<v Speaker 4>stuff like that. Yeah, and they're not here, so they're

0:43:43.960 --> 0:43:47.640
<v Speaker 4>not like in the States. It's kind of I guess

0:43:47.680 --> 0:43:52.160
<v Speaker 4>easier because to me they're not. I mean I know

0:43:52.200 --> 0:43:55.040
<v Speaker 4>that they exist, but I don't see them. So it

0:43:55.080 --> 0:43:55.840
<v Speaker 4>makes things.

0:43:55.560 --> 0:43:59.480
<v Speaker 1>When you say them. You're talking about this guy's.

0:43:59.120 --> 0:44:03.520
<v Speaker 4>Wife, Yes, his wife and his children.

0:44:04.200 --> 0:44:10.839
<v Speaker 1>Okay, his wife and his children. Okay, I mean, what

0:44:10.880 --> 0:44:12.080
<v Speaker 1>are your thoughts on this situation?

0:44:15.480 --> 0:44:23.480
<v Speaker 4>I think I'm wasting my time, but I don't know

0:44:23.600 --> 0:44:27.000
<v Speaker 4>why I don't get out of the relationship. I have

0:44:27.040 --> 0:44:31.840
<v Speaker 4>a tendency to like think a lot of time into relationships,

0:44:31.880 --> 0:44:35.920
<v Speaker 4>like years, even if I know that they're not working.

0:44:37.680 --> 0:44:39.920
<v Speaker 4>So like I know that if I don't get out soon,

0:44:40.719 --> 0:44:44.799
<v Speaker 4>I'm just gonna end up wasting probably years on a

0:44:44.880 --> 0:44:49.720
<v Speaker 4>guy that I'm definitely not the priority.

0:44:51.920 --> 0:44:57.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay. So you know that you're wasting your time, But

0:44:58.080 --> 0:45:02.080
<v Speaker 1>even in the face of that knowledge. Mh, you you persist?

0:45:04.440 --> 0:45:04.760
<v Speaker 4>Yes?

0:45:05.719 --> 0:45:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think you persist even in the wake

0:45:07.680 --> 0:45:08.360
<v Speaker 1>of that knowledge?

0:45:11.640 --> 0:45:11.799
<v Speaker 2>Hm?

0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:20.040
<v Speaker 4>I'm not really sure. I mean it feels I mean

0:45:20.160 --> 0:45:23.279
<v Speaker 4>he's he's nice. Well, he's kind of nice to me,

0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:27.600
<v Speaker 4>so it feels good.

0:45:27.600 --> 0:45:30.160
<v Speaker 2>To be a relationship, I guess.

0:45:30.400 --> 0:45:34.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, so uh our agent. Just in your life

0:45:34.600 --> 0:45:36.800
<v Speaker 1>in general, do you have friends and family.

0:45:38.480 --> 0:45:39.719
<v Speaker 3>H yes, I do.

0:45:40.360 --> 0:45:41.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay. Are they nice to you?

0:45:44.480 --> 0:45:44.840
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:46.120
<v Speaker 4>They are?

0:45:46.920 --> 0:45:49.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So you have people in your life who are

0:45:49.800 --> 0:45:52.400
<v Speaker 1>nice to you and support and whatnot. That's not like

0:45:52.440 --> 0:45:55.440
<v Speaker 1>a thing that's totally absent from your life.

0:45:56.840 --> 0:45:59.520
<v Speaker 4>Right, My support system is pretty good, to be honest.

0:45:59.600 --> 0:46:06.480
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Okay, So why do you you think you feel this? Like,

0:46:09.080 --> 0:46:17.680
<v Speaker 1>how do I say pressure or like desire to settle

0:46:18.880 --> 0:46:21.640
<v Speaker 1>for somebody who is kind of nice to you?

0:46:21.719 --> 0:46:21.799
<v Speaker 4>Like?

0:46:21.840 --> 0:46:25.880
<v Speaker 1>Why are you in a rush so much for a

0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:29.719
<v Speaker 1>romantic partner that is kind of nice to you that

0:46:29.920 --> 0:46:32.160
<v Speaker 1>you want to settle for something that you know is

0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:33.160
<v Speaker 1>a waste of your time.

0:46:38.120 --> 0:46:41.880
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I honestly, like, deep down inside, think that

0:46:42.000 --> 0:46:47.080
<v Speaker 4>I'm unlovable and so when someone shows me like a

0:46:47.120 --> 0:46:51.600
<v Speaker 4>moderate amount of affection, I will be inclined to be

0:46:51.800 --> 0:46:53.240
<v Speaker 4>very loyal to that person.

0:46:54.400 --> 0:46:58.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, let's step out of the realm of romantic

0:46:58.360 --> 0:47:01.600
<v Speaker 1>relationships for a second and like, you know, you're as

0:47:01.640 --> 0:47:03.239
<v Speaker 1>you said, and this is why I asked you about it.

0:47:03.280 --> 0:47:08.680
<v Speaker 1>Your friends and your family? Do you feel loved by them?

0:47:08.719 --> 0:47:09.040
<v Speaker 5>I do?

0:47:09.200 --> 0:47:09.520
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:15.800
<v Speaker 1>Okay, you do? Mm hmm okay, So how do you stack?

0:47:16.719 --> 0:47:18.239
<v Speaker 1>I mean, and you answer, and you answer you didn't

0:47:18.280 --> 0:47:20.600
<v Speaker 1>have to think about that, you said it just pretty confidently,

0:47:20.640 --> 0:47:22.600
<v Speaker 1>just now that you feel loved by your friends and family,

0:47:27.560 --> 0:47:28.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean.

0:47:28.600 --> 0:47:30.680
<v Speaker 4>I know that they love me. I just I don't

0:47:30.680 --> 0:47:33.759
<v Speaker 4>think that they should. I feel like I'm kind of

0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:37.080
<v Speaker 4>a hasfle sometimes.

0:47:38.160 --> 0:47:39.960
<v Speaker 1>Have you have you had your felt like that?

0:47:41.880 --> 0:47:47.440
<v Speaker 4>Uh? Yes, I've struggled a lot with mental health, and

0:47:47.560 --> 0:47:50.440
<v Speaker 4>my my family has definitely. I've been more open with

0:47:50.520 --> 0:47:52.560
<v Speaker 4>them in the past couple of years and they've seen

0:47:52.680 --> 0:47:56.880
<v Speaker 4>me struggle a lot, and I feel like kind of

0:47:56.880 --> 0:47:59.360
<v Speaker 4>a burden on them because of that.

0:48:00.239 --> 0:48:16.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, So I don't know m hm, Well, the

0:48:16.760 --> 0:48:22.520
<v Speaker 1>path towards you know, getting over that feeling of yourself

0:48:22.719 --> 0:48:31.120
<v Speaker 1>as a burden. I'd consider that maybe as like a

0:48:31.239 --> 0:48:35.799
<v Speaker 1>further down the line goal. And in order to get there,

0:48:37.200 --> 0:48:42.040
<v Speaker 1>you have to first cure yourself of all these things

0:48:42.040 --> 0:48:48.280
<v Speaker 1>that you're doing in response to that. So like, okay,

0:48:49.040 --> 0:48:51.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's a whole it's gonna be a whole, whole,

0:48:51.480 --> 0:48:55.080
<v Speaker 1>whole journey for you to get to the point where

0:48:55.080 --> 0:48:59.080
<v Speaker 1>you feel okay about yourself. But to begin walking down

0:48:59.120 --> 0:49:02.960
<v Speaker 1>that path, we gotta not. We gotta get ourselves out

0:49:02.960 --> 0:49:08.560
<v Speaker 1>of this situation with this fucking guy. You know, we

0:49:08.640 --> 0:49:12.560
<v Speaker 1>got to first stop the active detriment. I think before

0:49:14.000 --> 0:49:18.200
<v Speaker 1>finding some sort of active what's the opposite of the

0:49:18.239 --> 0:49:22.200
<v Speaker 1>word detriment, do you do you know what that word

0:49:22.239 --> 0:49:22.600
<v Speaker 1>would be?

0:49:25.600 --> 0:49:26.279
<v Speaker 4>No, I do not.

0:49:27.120 --> 0:49:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay, before we begin to walk in the let's just say,

0:49:30.239 --> 0:49:34.160
<v Speaker 1>before we begin walking the path of gaining some higher

0:49:34.160 --> 0:49:37.440
<v Speaker 1>self confidence, we got to focus on stopping the detriment

0:49:38.080 --> 0:49:41.279
<v Speaker 1>that we're doing by getting involved with people who are

0:49:41.320 --> 0:49:49.000
<v Speaker 1>asking us to invest money in their cousins' businesses. Uh

0:49:49.040 --> 0:49:52.359
<v Speaker 1>and uh, you know, promising that they will break up

0:49:52.400 --> 0:49:57.240
<v Speaker 1>with their wife who lives in another country and their children.

0:49:57.800 --> 0:50:02.960
<v Speaker 1>So I think I think we first want to get

0:50:03.040 --> 0:50:05.800
<v Speaker 1>rid of the active detriment that we're doing. How exactly

0:50:05.840 --> 0:50:13.400
<v Speaker 1>you do that, I don't know, but it's interesting to

0:50:13.440 --> 0:50:16.120
<v Speaker 1>me this whole thing, because you're aware of what you're doing,

0:50:17.320 --> 0:50:20.480
<v Speaker 1>Like you didn't need to, like we like we didn't

0:50:20.480 --> 0:50:23.000
<v Speaker 1>come like you having this conversation with me right now.

0:50:23.000 --> 0:50:26.080
<v Speaker 1>This is not you coming to lots of epiphanies while

0:50:26.080 --> 0:50:28.520
<v Speaker 1>you're on the phone with Gecko. Man. This is just

0:50:28.600 --> 0:50:35.680
<v Speaker 1>you talking about shit you already know, correct, Okay. So

0:50:36.040 --> 0:50:39.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean, look, that's a good start, the fact that

0:50:39.120 --> 0:50:41.960
<v Speaker 1>you know it, right, because some people are just you know,

0:50:43.239 --> 0:50:46.920
<v Speaker 1>fully wrapped up in delusion that they don't even know

0:50:46.960 --> 0:50:50.440
<v Speaker 1>that they are, you know, doing a detriment to themselves.

0:50:51.239 --> 0:50:54.799
<v Speaker 1>So you're in a good foundation, you know.

0:51:00.840 --> 0:51:03.120
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I guess I feel like I always know

0:51:03.800 --> 0:51:08.160
<v Speaker 4>what I'm doing, and I'm pretty aware. I just always

0:51:08.200 --> 0:51:10.239
<v Speaker 4>want to steer towards chaos.

0:51:13.880 --> 0:51:15.360
<v Speaker 1>And do you have a real therapist?

0:51:17.200 --> 0:51:18.680
<v Speaker 4>I do, Yes, I do.

0:51:19.320 --> 0:51:24.000
<v Speaker 1>What do they say about this, Well.

0:51:23.880 --> 0:51:27.560
<v Speaker 4>I've actually this is the first therapist. I've been going

0:51:27.600 --> 0:51:30.319
<v Speaker 4>to therapy for like ten years, and this is legitimately

0:51:31.120 --> 0:51:36.480
<v Speaker 4>the first one that's like life changing. Obviously it's not

0:51:36.600 --> 0:51:40.720
<v Speaker 4>very apparent from the call, but in other aspects of life,

0:51:41.680 --> 0:51:49.520
<v Speaker 4>like I feel like they're helping me kind of, I guess,

0:51:50.600 --> 0:51:54.440
<v Speaker 4>see what my values are and move towards them, and

0:51:54.480 --> 0:51:57.440
<v Speaker 4>so in other aspects of life, I'm definitely moving more

0:51:57.520 --> 0:52:04.360
<v Speaker 4>towards my values. But romantically I'm a little bit stuck.

0:52:05.640 --> 0:52:09.759
<v Speaker 4>That's really the only one that's like, I mean, I

0:52:09.840 --> 0:52:15.920
<v Speaker 4>value learning and so gaining knowledge. I kind of like

0:52:16.000 --> 0:52:17.440
<v Speaker 4>to say that one of my goals is to be

0:52:17.480 --> 0:52:23.080
<v Speaker 4>a renaissance man. So right now I am studying linguistics,

0:52:23.600 --> 0:52:27.440
<v Speaker 4>I'm studying Japanese. Next semester I'm going to pick up

0:52:27.680 --> 0:52:32.600
<v Speaker 4>Chinese and delving a little deeper into Spanish, which I

0:52:32.640 --> 0:52:34.680
<v Speaker 4>already know, but I want to learn like the linguistic

0:52:34.760 --> 0:52:43.719
<v Speaker 4>side of it. And I value financial independence, so I mean,

0:52:43.920 --> 0:52:46.680
<v Speaker 4>I really like to save money. I think it's a

0:52:46.719 --> 0:52:53.160
<v Speaker 4>lot of fun to live, like really frully. I like

0:52:53.320 --> 0:52:56.520
<v Speaker 4>to travel, and so i'd like to get to a

0:52:56.560 --> 0:53:00.120
<v Speaker 4>point where I can travel at least like three months

0:53:00.160 --> 0:53:03.920
<v Speaker 4>out of the year, and in the summer I'm actually

0:53:03.960 --> 0:53:08.440
<v Speaker 4>planning to go to Japan for three months to study Japanese.

0:53:10.520 --> 0:53:13.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, shit age. I mean, look, if I can tell

0:53:13.200 --> 0:53:17.120
<v Speaker 1>you anything, from my perspective, it sounds like you're doing

0:53:17.160 --> 0:53:19.320
<v Speaker 1>a lot. It sounds like you're living a very full life.

0:53:19.920 --> 0:53:22.760
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like you are very smart and very aware,

0:53:22.960 --> 0:53:33.160
<v Speaker 1>and so I don't I don't know if you understand everything.

0:53:33.560 --> 0:53:35.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you under I don't know if

0:53:35.160 --> 0:53:39.680
<v Speaker 1>you understand the degree to which you're doing a lot

0:53:39.680 --> 0:53:44.760
<v Speaker 1>of positive things for yourself from your perspective, but from

0:53:44.920 --> 0:53:47.879
<v Speaker 1>you know, at least where I sit, as you're telling

0:53:47.880 --> 0:53:51.440
<v Speaker 1>me all these things, you're really doing a lot. So

0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:55.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't think you should be out there

0:53:56.520 --> 0:53:59.160
<v Speaker 1>settling for anyone who gives you a crumb of kindness,

0:54:01.040 --> 0:54:06.240
<v Speaker 1>or even that you necessarily need anyone to be giving

0:54:06.239 --> 0:54:10.040
<v Speaker 1>you anything, because you have so much. You do so

0:54:10.120 --> 0:54:16.239
<v Speaker 1>much for yourself. So that's really all I can give you.

0:54:16.440 --> 0:54:18.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm glad to hear that you're working with a therapist

0:54:18.200 --> 0:54:24.160
<v Speaker 1>that's been helpful for you, But I don't know, Man,

0:54:24.200 --> 0:54:27.400
<v Speaker 1>you it's weird. I want to tell you that you

0:54:29.320 --> 0:54:34.279
<v Speaker 1>deserve a lot more than what you're giving yourself credit for,

0:54:36.239 --> 0:54:40.640
<v Speaker 1>but I don't know. If I don't know, when you

0:54:40.680 --> 0:54:42.319
<v Speaker 1>have a problem like that, when you have a low

0:54:42.360 --> 0:54:44.520
<v Speaker 1>self esteem like that. I don't know how many times

0:54:44.520 --> 0:54:47.640
<v Speaker 1>a person can tell you that before it really, you know,

0:54:47.719 --> 0:54:52.080
<v Speaker 1>sinks into you. I really don't know. This is a

0:54:52.080 --> 0:54:53.840
<v Speaker 1>tough one. This is like something I've talked about on

0:54:53.880 --> 0:54:56.400
<v Speaker 1>here eight thousand times and something I deal with myself.

0:55:01.600 --> 0:55:07.160
<v Speaker 1>Hang in there, Aja, well, thank you.

0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:14.560
<v Speaker 4>I I just appreciate talking to you. I mean, I'm

0:55:14.560 --> 0:55:17.759
<v Speaker 4>not gonna I don't know. It's it is hard with

0:55:18.040 --> 0:55:20.520
<v Speaker 4>a low self esteem because it never feels like you're

0:55:20.560 --> 0:55:23.759
<v Speaker 4>doing enough or you're not enough. Even it doesn't matter

0:55:23.880 --> 0:55:27.320
<v Speaker 4>like who tells you that, like oh you're doing great

0:55:27.520 --> 0:55:27.960
<v Speaker 4>or whatever.

0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:30.520
<v Speaker 1>Right right. That's why that's what I meant just now

0:55:30.560 --> 0:55:35.239
<v Speaker 1>when I said, like, you know, I could sit here

0:55:35.239 --> 0:55:37.200
<v Speaker 1>and like and by by the way, to be telling

0:55:37.239 --> 0:55:39.839
<v Speaker 1>the truth, okay, because I do really think that you're

0:55:39.840 --> 0:55:42.960
<v Speaker 1>doing a lot for yourself. It's what I could sit

0:55:43.000 --> 0:55:45.080
<v Speaker 1>there and tell you that, and then you could even

0:55:45.120 --> 0:55:48.920
<v Speaker 1>experience it for yourself, how much shit you're doing. And

0:55:49.000 --> 0:55:51.239
<v Speaker 1>it's a such a weird thing. And I've again I've

0:55:51.280 --> 0:55:59.800
<v Speaker 1>experienced myself where like external validation, external you know, events, external, everything,

0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:06.359
<v Speaker 1>like there is no numerical amount of compliments or achievements

0:56:06.800 --> 0:56:11.560
<v Speaker 1>that really get rid of self low self esteem from

0:56:11.640 --> 0:56:14.680
<v Speaker 1>my you know, experience, I don't know what it's like

0:56:14.719 --> 0:56:19.640
<v Speaker 1>for other people, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know,

0:56:19.840 --> 0:56:23.560
<v Speaker 1>but I'm glad to hear that you're walking the path

0:56:23.640 --> 0:56:28.279
<v Speaker 1>and trying to fix this for yourself. Don't give this

0:56:28.320 --> 0:56:30.719
<v Speaker 1>guy money agent. That's the number one thing of this care.

0:56:32.320 --> 0:56:33.560
<v Speaker 1>It's anything else you want to say to the people

0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:34.520
<v Speaker 1>of the computer before we go.

0:56:37.520 --> 0:56:41.200
<v Speaker 4>I guess I just want to say that to the

0:56:41.239 --> 0:56:45.400
<v Speaker 4>people that have shitty therapists or have had had experiences

0:56:45.440 --> 0:56:49.680
<v Speaker 4>in the past. I know it's like really tiring, but

0:56:50.440 --> 0:56:56.480
<v Speaker 4>just like keep trying, keep looking because I was legitimately

0:56:56.520 --> 0:56:58.840
<v Speaker 4>going to give up, you know, like I've been doing

0:56:59.080 --> 0:57:01.799
<v Speaker 4>therapy for like ten years. I'm practically an expert at

0:57:01.800 --> 0:57:05.400
<v Speaker 4>this point. Uh, And I never thought that I was

0:57:05.440 --> 0:57:07.160
<v Speaker 4>going to click with someone and that they were going

0:57:07.239 --> 0:57:10.480
<v Speaker 4>to change my life so much. And it's a really

0:57:10.520 --> 0:57:15.240
<v Speaker 4>awesome feeling to be able to like get I guess,

0:57:15.239 --> 0:57:18.520
<v Speaker 4>my life more in balance and kind of in the

0:57:18.600 --> 0:57:21.440
<v Speaker 4>direction that I want to go. So I don't know,

0:57:21.560 --> 0:57:24.800
<v Speaker 4>it's just encouragement to keep like to not give up,

0:57:25.080 --> 0:57:26.880
<v Speaker 4>you know, for those looking for.

0:57:26.920 --> 0:57:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Therapy, Thank you for calling AJA, thank you Bye week.

0:57:34.040 --> 0:57:36.600
<v Speaker 1>It goes on the line, thank you your phone call

0:57:36.800 --> 0:57:44.360
<v Speaker 1>every nine and goes to try your life expert