Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Sadie, what's going on?
Speaker 2: I wanted to talk about how my dad sucked my grandpa?
Speaker 1: Like, quite literally, your dad fucked your grandpa? Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: your your dad had sex with his dad.
Speaker 2: Well, he was married into the family, but he's been
Speaker 2: around for a long time, so technically yeah, like it
Speaker 2: was kind of like his dad but not blood related.
Speaker 1: But yes, oh, okay, okay, so he had sex with Okay,
Speaker 1: so he had sex with his father in law, his.
Speaker 2: Mom's husband, his mother's husband, yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, his stepdad yes, ah, okay, yeah, sure, what's the
Speaker 1: story there?
Speaker 2: We found this out initially, well, my mom knew for years,
Speaker 2: since she didn't tell anyone because obviously she didn't want
Speaker 2: anybody to know. And she found out because my uncle,
Speaker 2: well my dad's brother, he used to stay at the
Speaker 2: house when my grandma was sick all the time, so
Speaker 2: he was always taking care of her and my grandpa,
Speaker 2: I called him my grandpa. He was there and basically
Speaker 2: he went to my uncle. He was basically like, hey,
Speaker 2: can I suck your dick? Basically it got to that
Speaker 2: point where he wanted to have sex with him, and
Speaker 2: my uncle was like, what the fuck no, so down
Speaker 2: and then he went to my mom and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he is sucking my husband.
Speaker 1: Yes, so so okay, So how old was your dad
Speaker 1: when he had sex with his stepdad?
Speaker 2: I have no clue. Definitely an adult though.
Speaker 1: Was it consensual?
Speaker 2: Yes, he was doing favors for him, and my grandpa
Speaker 2: would like buy him fancy cars and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: After my parents got this, he stayed with my grandpa.
Speaker 1: Okay, Cidi, you sound very You sound very excited to
Speaker 1: tell me all of this.
Speaker 2: I'm just excited to talk to you, like I listened
Speaker 2: to you every single day at work.
Speaker 1: Like okay, okay, okay, all right, all right, We're gonna
Speaker 1: step back for a second here. When did you find
Speaker 1: this out?
Speaker 2: When I was about sixteen or seventeen, I'm twenty now, Okay,
Speaker 2: my brother ended up telling me this and I was
Speaker 2: supposed to find out.
Speaker 1: How did you react when you found this out?
Speaker 2: I was absolutely shocked. Like I can't explain the way
Speaker 2: that I felt about it.
Speaker 3: It was really weird.
Speaker 2: But like when you look back at the way that
Speaker 2: they would treat each other, You're like, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2: They were probably fucking.
Speaker 1: So your father was basically sleeping with his step father
Speaker 1: and his stepfather was like a sugar daddy to him. Basically, yes, Okay,
Speaker 1: when you found this out, did you did you ever
Speaker 1: talk to your father about it? I did.
Speaker 2: There was like a huge fight about it. I didn't
Speaker 2: talk to him, but my ex boyfriend at the time
Speaker 2: like blew everything out of proportion because he liked to
Speaker 2: start fights, and he's like, oh, I know you fucked him.
Speaker 2: You did this and that, and it was like this
Speaker 2: huge bull out and I don't talk to either of
Speaker 2: them anymore.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, Okay, my grandpa, what what? Why is
Speaker 1: your ex boyfriend fighting with your dad about having sex
Speaker 1: with his stepdad? How did that?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: I know it really doesn't. But he got really involved
Speaker 2: in the whole situation when I was trying to cut
Speaker 2: ties with my dad.
Speaker 1: Okay, why are you trying to cut ties with your dad?
Speaker 1: Was it related to this?
Speaker 2: Yes, my dad has been like, my dad cheated on
Speaker 2: my mom like over twelve times with men and women.
Speaker 2: In the worst it was probably my grandpa, And I'm like, dude,
Speaker 2: that's just really fucked up.
Speaker 1: So your dad cheated on your mom with his stepdad.
Speaker 1: So he was married to your mom. Yeah, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so he was a full blown, full ass adult. He
Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, in his twenties or whatever.
Speaker 2: No, he's a full grown adult.
Speaker 1: Okay. And how did that all make you feel?
Speaker 2: Sadie and maybe feel terrible? Like I'm not I don't
Speaker 2: belong in this family man, Like I'm not as fucked
Speaker 2: up as them?
Speaker 1: Okay, I can you Why did your boy why did
Speaker 1: your ex boyfriend get involved in this?
Speaker 2: I have no clue. Okay, Honestly, my grandpa was like
Speaker 2: super rich at the time, so still trying to milk
Speaker 2: him for like money or maybe like a car or
Speaker 2: something like that. My ex boyfriend completely ruined that for me.
Speaker 1: What did your ex boyfriend do to all? Right, so
Speaker 1: you were trying to get money from your grandfather and
Speaker 1: your ex boyfriend ruined to that by getting upset with
Speaker 1: your grandfather for having sex with your dad.
Speaker 2: He basically just like outed it and it was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we all know that you did this, and that was
Speaker 2: enough for to tip the boat over.
Speaker 1: Basically, were you upset at your ex boyfriend for outing this?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, because it was not his place to say anything
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 1: I would agree with that. I don't really his place
Speaker 1: in this is undefined.
Speaker 2: To me, right, Okay, I just needed to tell the world.
Speaker 1: Now, what about what is you about your mom? What
Speaker 1: are your conversations with your mom about this? Sound like?
Speaker 2: My mom told me that she never wanted me to
Speaker 2: find out. She was like, I never wanted you to
Speaker 2: see your father in this way. Like it's honestly really
Speaker 2: disgusting and disturbing.
Speaker 3: Okay, it just that wled be the.
Speaker 2: Fact that she knew for years and she kind of
Speaker 2: like kept it under the carpet, I guess.
Speaker 1: Okay, have you ever talked to your step to your
Speaker 1: grandfather about it? No?
Speaker 4: I have not.
Speaker 1: Do you keep in contact with your grandfather at all?
Speaker 2: Not? Really?
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I talked to him a while back when I asked
Speaker 2: him for my cat, but then he told me, no,
Speaker 2: you can't have the cat back. She's all that I have.
Speaker 1: Your grandfather, yes, okay. Do you have brothers and sisters?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: I have a brother and he was the one who
Speaker 2: told me about the situation.
Speaker 1: Okay, older brother, yes, okay? Uh was he keeping it
Speaker 1: from you for a while? And like, who told him?
Speaker 2: I think my uncle told him. After he basically was like, yo, Papa,
Speaker 2: asked me if you want me to suck his dick?
Speaker 2: And my brother told me like almost immediately. He didn't
Speaker 2: really keep it to himself for that long, and they
Speaker 2: just kind of made the connection.
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, your brother who asked who to suck their dick?
Speaker 2: My grandpa asked, my uncle, my dad's brother.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's your grandfather who sucks your father's dick, asked
Speaker 1: your uncle if he could suck his.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: Get you got a whole This is a whole thing
Speaker 1: going on here, I know. Okay, And so it was
Speaker 1: your uncle who told your brother.
Speaker 2: No, my uncle told my mother and my mom basically
Speaker 2: like confirmed, like, yeah, they are fucking you made the connections.
Speaker 1: Uh so excuse me the whole you We're beyond confusing.
Speaker 1: We're in a new emotion that I haven't quite figured
Speaker 1: out how to label. Your Your brother found out because
Speaker 1: he made the hot He put two and two, he
Speaker 1: put fucking put six and six together to find this
Speaker 1: all out.
Speaker 3: I believe.
Speaker 1: So, yes, okay, So what's what's your relationship like with
Speaker 1: your father? Now?
Speaker 2: I haven't spoken to him in years?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm. How long do you think?
Speaker 2: Maybe about two years? The last time I saw him.
Speaker 2: His girlfriend at the time made up this false lie
Speaker 2: basically saying that he was dying in the hospital, and
Speaker 2: we all had to drive two hours out to see him.
Speaker 2: And we go to the hospital and he's not even dying,
Speaker 2: and my whole family was pissed, and we're like, dude,
Speaker 2: fuck you, we don't want to talk to you. We
Speaker 2: only came here to pass our condolences. But motherfucker wasn't dying,
Speaker 2: So all blintont lie to get us to come to
Speaker 2: see him.
Speaker 4: Do you about a year ago?
Speaker 2: Two years ago?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, can I ask you this then? I'm curious,
Speaker 1: how did you feel when you thought he was dying?
Speaker 2: I just kind of My mom made me kind of
Speaker 2: feel bad. I don't know why. She was the most
Speaker 2: upset out of everyone. Like I really just didn't give
Speaker 2: a shit, honestly.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, and your mother, what's your relationship
Speaker 1: like with her?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I see, like every day we have a good relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, is does she find a new husbands?
Speaker 2: Yes, she actually has two kids with him. Now I'm
Speaker 2: twenty and I have two year old siblings.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm glad to hear that your mom found a
Speaker 1: good life for herself. And do you like the guy?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, okay, And he's not having sex with any of
Speaker 1: his parents, is he?
Speaker 2: Nope? At least I hope the fuck not. But no,
Speaker 2: I do not think so.
Speaker 1: Okay good, I think that's a good quality for a
Speaker 1: person to have. So like, I mean this relationship between
Speaker 1: your dad's stepdad and your dad. You claim that your
Speaker 1: dad was like a fully grown like a fully grown
Speaker 1: adult man in his thirties or forties who was having
Speaker 1: success with his step father as a means of getting
Speaker 1: money out of him.
Speaker 2: I mean, like my dad was really just kind of
Speaker 2: like borderline a slut, Like he just liked attention and
Speaker 2: then it turned out to him doing like favors for him.
Speaker 2: You always let him get away with blowing out big scenes.
Speaker 2: They'd be like, oh, he's okay, he's okay, okay.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: I don't want to say like specific names here. I
Speaker 2: almost get like close the same name.
Speaker 1: Okay. And what about you? You you said that you
Speaker 1: don't talk to your ex boyfriend anymore. Are you seeing
Speaker 1: someone else like with you in your life?
Speaker 2: I actually live on my I live with my boyfriend Chris.
Speaker 2: He actually introduced me.
Speaker 1: To your stream Okay, how are things going with Chris?
Speaker 2: Everything is great with Chris?
Speaker 1: Okay, good? Good? Have you talked?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: How did he react to this story?
Speaker 2: Like anyone else would react? Like what the fuck? Are
Speaker 2: you serious? Like your dad slept with his stepdad, like
Speaker 2: and it's not just like dick sucking, like it was
Speaker 2: full on sex, Like I don't mean to emphasize that,
Speaker 2: but like it's the point, like they were full on,
Speaker 2: like fucking for sexual favors.
Speaker 1: Do you keep in contact with your grandmother?
Speaker 2: My grandmother passed away, and this actually came out after
Speaker 2: she had passed away. This is when the ball dropped
Speaker 2: and everything just came out.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, I'm that's I guess good that she never
Speaker 1: found out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that she didn't know?
Speaker 1: I know? Is that good that she never found out?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I yes, it's very like a certain point she'd probably
Speaker 2: have she'd probably have a fucking heart attack.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably probably, Sadie, do you think this fucked you
Speaker 1: up at all?
Speaker 2: Definitely? Probably. I'm not a normal person.
Speaker 1: Okay, how do you how do you feel like it
Speaker 1: fucked you up?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I can't really explain that. It would take me a
Speaker 2: lot of stinking, But like, I don't know, get go,
Speaker 2: I just came from the wrong bunch of people. They're
Speaker 2: all fucked up. Uh.
Speaker 1: You said you feel like you're a weird person. Why
Speaker 1: do you feel like you're a weird person?
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm just not normal.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I mean.
Speaker 2: I don't think you things like they do, but I
Speaker 2: just don't feel what's the word, I don't know.
Speaker 1: What what I mean. Sit with me for just a
Speaker 1: second before we go what I mean. Listen, you clearly
Speaker 1: said you're not a normal person for a reason, right,
Speaker 1: mm hmm, what what do we think? That reason is?
Speaker 2: Probably just because of like where I came from, honestly,
Speaker 2: the way I was raised and the way things went down.
Speaker 1: Okay, does that affect the way that you think about
Speaker 1: anything or the way that you feel about anything in
Speaker 1: your present, current day to.
Speaker 2: Day life, the way that I process everything. It kind
Speaker 2: of just like ruined it for me for everything, Like
Speaker 2: I can't look at families the normal way of be like, oh,
Speaker 2: they probably have some fucked up secrets, or this guy's
Speaker 2: probably doing something in their family or something really fucked up.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of so so the fucked up stuff
Speaker 1: going on in your famili has kind of opened your
Speaker 1: eyes to the almost inevitability of fucked up things happening
Speaker 1: in other families in other places.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Okay does that lower your level of trust or does
Speaker 1: that make you feel more open?
Speaker 4: Or what?
Speaker 1: How does how do you think that that makes you feel?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I don't trust anyone, especially family members who
Speaker 2: I cut a lot of my family members out. It's
Speaker 2: just really just my mom and my actual stepdad at
Speaker 2: this point. Like I don't really talk to anyone. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm my cousin too. Like I don't really talk to
Speaker 2: my family members anymore because I feel like they're all
Speaker 2: fucked up somehow. I don't trust anybody. Wow, Okay, what
Speaker 2: about just a bunch of whack jobs?
Speaker 1: What about your your boyfriend? Do you trust him?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, and he comes from like a place
Speaker 2: of normal. Yes, I only have like one friend that
Speaker 2: I've talked to for like over ten years.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you trust them?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, it takes me a long time to develop trust
Speaker 2: in people.
Speaker 1: Okay, what how does how does a person get in your.
Speaker 2: Trust just being around her so long and just accepting
Speaker 2: me for who I am as a person after so long?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Have you ever talked about this in real therapy?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: I have a therapist. Okay, I just thought it would
Speaker 2: be fun to call.
Speaker 1: What did your real therapist say about this? I'm very curious.
Speaker 2: I haven't really gotten into this point with her. I'll
Speaker 2: probably talk to her about it in like two days.
Speaker 2: I'm going to see here, so I'll probably talk to
Speaker 2: her about that.
Speaker 1: I'm very curious. I am very curious. What was higher
Speaker 1: on your priority list to talk about in therapy than
Speaker 1: your dad fucking his dad?
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot. Man.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll call in some other time.
Speaker 1: Well, Sadie, thanks for calling in. I I yeah, this
Speaker 1: is all definitely like super fucked up and weird, but
Speaker 1: you uh, I am. I am glad to see that
Speaker 1: you are in at least appearing to me to be
Speaker 1: in high spirits right absolutely?
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Yes, I just have one thing, please Fox that X
Speaker 2: ground That's all I have to say.
Speaker 1: That's the that's the that's the anti sponsor. You know,
Speaker 1: we have sponsors, and we like talk about products and
Speaker 1: stuff we need to do. One where we talk about
Speaker 1: products we don't like, and so that was it.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, thank you so much and you're awesome man.
Speaker 1: Uh hey, you're pretty cool too, Sadie. Thanks for calling in.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Have a good one you too. Well. That is definitely
Speaker 1: the giddiest I've ever heard somebody be talking about incest. Uh.
Speaker 1: I guess I, like I said, I'm glad to hear
Speaker 1: she's in good spirit. I hope that she is able
Speaker 1: to live her best life in spite of her weird
Speaker 1: family stuff, and I think she will. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I actually I think her telling that story has made
Speaker 1: me a little bit less trusting too. Hello. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: who's this?
Speaker 3: This is Bobby.
Speaker 1: What's up? Bobby?
Speaker 3: So I don't think my grandma loves why not? Well,
Speaker 3: it's kind of been a running joke now with me
Speaker 3: and my wife. Every time we've seen my grandma, I've
Speaker 3: told her I loved her, and then we look at
Speaker 3: each other and everyone looks awkwardly, and she doesn't say
Speaker 3: it back.
Speaker 1: Your grandma, that doesn't Your grandma doesn't say she loves you
Speaker 1: back when you tell her you love her.
Speaker 3: No, never, no, I've she's never said it once.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is?
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if you saw in the note,
Speaker 3: but she is a lesbian, and I don't think she
Speaker 3: likes male very much because you've heard her say I
Speaker 3: love you to the females in my family, but not me.
Speaker 1: So you think she doesn't love you because she's a lesbian.
Speaker 3: Well, because I'm a male, not necessarily because she's a lesbian.
Speaker 3: I don't think she likes men like at all.
Speaker 1: Why do you think she doesn't like men?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Kind of a guest, have you ever asked her?
Speaker 3: I was kind of your standpoint on it. I don't
Speaker 3: know what Maybe we'll see what you thought.
Speaker 1: Have you ever asked her?
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's kind of like I don't know
Speaker 3: if I want to approach that. How do I even
Speaker 3: say that to somebody? Do you do you love me?
Speaker 3: That's so awkward.
Speaker 1: It's a little awkward. But uh, I mean, let me
Speaker 1: ask you this. Are you prepared to hear the truth?
Speaker 1: If the answer is that she does.
Speaker 3: Not, I feel like I wouldn't be surprised. I mean
Speaker 3: I would I would be. I would be more surprised
Speaker 3: if she said yes than if she said no.
Speaker 1: Tell me why you love her.
Speaker 5: She's always She's always been in my life, which is
Speaker 5: really a confusing thing for me because she's never said
Speaker 5: I love you, and anytime I say it, the root
Speaker 5: like she just kind of gets awkward and like he's
Speaker 5: like with goodbyes, like oh, I love you'll see you later.
Speaker 5: She just like looked at me the blanks stare and
Speaker 5: then just kind of like all right bye, walks away,
Speaker 5: really awkward. Do I I do have her phone number?
Speaker 1: Can we call her?
Speaker 3: I don't think that's a good idea, you know.
Speaker 1: If I were you, I also wouldn't call my grandma
Speaker 1: right now. Okay, So you think it's because she doesn't
Speaker 1: like men? Does she? Is it your grandma's dad, Is
Speaker 1: it your dad's mom or your mom's mom, my mom's mom? Okay?
Speaker 1: Does she ever? Does your Does your dad ever say
Speaker 1: I love you to her?
Speaker 3: Does my dad?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: She also never said it to my dad either. Do
Speaker 3: you also never liked my dad as well?
Speaker 1: Do you have any male family members that that that
Speaker 1: that your grandma has ever said she loves you too?
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, her wife's son all times.
Speaker 1: Why do you think she likes him? If you think
Speaker 1: she hates men?
Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Do I suck?
Speaker 1: You might? And by the way, here's the thing, even
Speaker 1: if you do, it's not that bad. It's not that bad.
Speaker 1: It's not it's okay. If you suck. People are so
Speaker 1: like afraid of like sucking or being annoying or like
Speaker 1: being kind of an ass it's not that. It's fine,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Why do you think you might suck?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like I've accomplished a lot. But oh I'm
Speaker 3: kind of an asshole.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fine. Why do you Why do you think
Speaker 1: your an assle?
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I don't know. I like confrontations, like
Speaker 3: when you know, an awkward stare when you look at
Speaker 3: someone and then catch you looking at them, I'll continue staring.
Speaker 3: I'm an asshole, like I want the awkward confrontation. It's weird.
Speaker 1: Why does one doing an awkward confrontation make you an asshole?
Speaker 3: Well, not only that, I mean, I like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I like being mean. It kind of suits me. It
Speaker 3: makes me makes me feel happy.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel happy to be mean.
Speaker 3: Kind of.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been mean to your grandma? No?
Speaker 3: But I mean, she's like a really big liberal and
Speaker 3: she hates me because I voted for Trump and that's
Speaker 3: getting political. But yeah, he hates me for that too.
Speaker 1: So you think she hates you because who's what is
Speaker 1: who it is in the background.
Speaker 3: That that was my daughter?
Speaker 1: Sorry, so you think she hates you? Okay? So now
Speaker 1: so I mean, so now you've come up with We
Speaker 1: started with just because you're a guy, but now you
Speaker 1: have like three different hypotheses of why you think she
Speaker 1: might hate you. Yeah, okay, you say you like being
Speaker 1: mean because it is fun.
Speaker 3: In a way.
Speaker 1: Okay, tell me the last mean thing that you did
Speaker 1: that was fun for you.
Speaker 3: I'm sure I did something today. Give me a second.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll let you think of it.
Speaker 3: Oh okay. So I'm a technician. I work at a
Speaker 3: dealership and the guy next to me was lowering the
Speaker 3: car down off the lift and I put a cap
Speaker 3: to a ariosol can underneath the tire so when it
Speaker 3: got to the ground, it made an extremely loud crunching noise,
Speaker 3: which then made him very scared. I laughed the okay,
Speaker 3: well he thinks, well, he thought he destroyed something on
Speaker 3: a one hundred and fifty thousand dollars car.
Speaker 1: Okay, so your you found enjoyment by uh your co
Speaker 1: workers fear that he might have messed up. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so it is a little prank you like you like
Speaker 1: you like a little pranks. You like a little mischief
Speaker 1: here and there.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I mean I'd consider myself mischievous.
Speaker 1: Okay, telling me about your wife. Does your wife know
Speaker 1: your grandma?
Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't like her either. She's kind of, well,
Speaker 3: my wife doesn't like her. She's not really nice to anybody.
Speaker 3: She's just kind of controlling, wants to it's kind of
Speaker 3: her way or the highway.
Speaker 1: This is this is your wife or your grandma.
Speaker 3: Think one of the reasons my grandma it's kind of
Speaker 3: her way or the highway, and she's kind of I
Speaker 3: think that's why we bought heads alot because I just
Speaker 3: don't care. I'm ale, so I'm willing.
Speaker 1: To You're an asshole. So you're willing to.
Speaker 3: Say that whatever she wants is stupid, or voice my
Speaker 3: opinion even though I know it'll put her off.
Speaker 1: So I've got some confused here because you're saying that
Speaker 1: you're not afraid to voice your opinion. You're saying that
Speaker 1: you're not afraid to argue with her. But when I
Speaker 1: asked you why you wouldn't just ask her, you know,
Speaker 1: confront her about whether she loves you, you said that
Speaker 1: you were like afraid or that it wouldn't be a
Speaker 1: good idea. So why do you feel like you're comfortable
Speaker 1: voicing dissenting opinions to her? You're comfortable, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: engaging with her in arguments, but you're not comfortable asking
Speaker 1: her point blank, you know, having an authentic, honest conversation
Speaker 1: about why she doesn't like. Why are you uncomfortable doing that?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: That's a that's a really good question.
Speaker 1: Do you okay? What kind of things do you argue
Speaker 1: with her about? Is it like political arguments?
Speaker 3: Most of them are political?
Speaker 1: Okay? Do you get into a political argument with her?
Speaker 1: Like most of the times that you're with her.
Speaker 3: I'd say about like fifty percent of the time.
Speaker 1: When you're in an argument with someone, is you being
Speaker 1: correct or getting your point across more important to you
Speaker 1: than preserving the relationship that you have with the person
Speaker 1: you're arguing with.
Speaker 3: It depends on the topic, but I mean it can
Speaker 3: get that way sometimes depending on what the topic is,
Speaker 3: Because if it's something serious and they really think their
Speaker 3: way is right, and I know it's not, or at
Speaker 3: least in my opinion, is not. I mean, fuck them.
Speaker 1: Okay, well so well so Robert, like I mean, and look,
Speaker 1: it's okay. If the answer is no, I mean, tell
Speaker 1: me whatever the truth is. Do do you really care
Speaker 1: that much about whether or not your grandma loves you?
Speaker 3: I feel like I should. Okay, but I mean I've
Speaker 3: gotten this far along without thinking she does, so maybe not.
Speaker 1: Okay. So, so your grandma's love is not that important
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 3: I don't know how to answer that. I feel like
Speaker 3: it is, but at the same time, I feel like
Speaker 3: it's not.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Guy's got bixed feelings about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, because look here's what I can. I tell you
Speaker 1: what I think. Sure, if it's not. If your grandma's
Speaker 1: love is not important to you, that's okay. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be. There's no law that you have to
Speaker 1: love your grandma, that your grandma has to love you.
Speaker 1: You can. You can live your life however you want.
Speaker 1: But if it is important to you, if you lay
Speaker 1: your life out on the table and decide that you
Speaker 1: want to have a relationship with her, then you might
Speaker 1: benefit from having a authentic conversation with her where you prioritize,
Speaker 1: you know, her feelings over being right. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've ever gone into an altercation, gone into
Speaker 1: an interaction with her really intentionally, actively thinking about it
Speaker 1: like that, because if you if you do decide that
Speaker 1: she's important to you, then you would go in to
Speaker 1: a conversation with her, like I said, with the intention
Speaker 1: being too you know, have have a concern with her feelings.
Speaker 1: That does not mean that you need to agree with her,
Speaker 1: that you need to change how you feel about anything.
Speaker 1: It just means that you need to go into it
Speaker 1: with a intention of peace rather than war. Does that
Speaker 1: make any sense?
Speaker 3: It does make sense. I feel like I've given her
Speaker 3: that opportunity. We went on a family vacation and the
Speaker 3: first thing, because we flew in from different places. She
Speaker 3: lives on the other side of the United States. And
Speaker 3: when they picked us up from the airport, the first like,
Speaker 3: I tried to go in with the open mind and
Speaker 3: try to be positive and have a good time and
Speaker 3: keep a keep a positive mindset and conversation, and the
Speaker 3: first thing that came out of their mouths was immediate
Speaker 3: disrespect and kind of trying to poke fun at me.
Speaker 1: Okay, it was immediate disrespect. Tell me what she said
Speaker 1: that made you feel disrespected?
Speaker 3: Well, she she called me fat, okay, which she said.
Speaker 3: So the last time I wore a swimsuit because we
Speaker 3: went to the beach, was you know, three years prior
Speaker 3: to this vacation. But she was like, oh, we need
Speaker 3: to go get you a new swimsuit. And I was like,
Speaker 3: why is that. She's like, because you've gained a lot
Speaker 3: of weight. I've gained fifteen pounds since the previous three
Speaker 3: years of wearing a swimsuit. It's safe to say. I
Speaker 3: don't think I've changed sizes. M. Yet they felt they
Speaker 3: need to say that. M.
Speaker 1: You know, I think and I had a call about this.
Speaker 1: I had a call about this kind of recently. And
Speaker 1: also this is a thing that I think about in
Speaker 1: my own personal life, which is like the best like
Speaker 1: if your true intention is to keep the peace, like truly,
Speaker 1: and I'm and this is just me kind of hypothesizing
Speaker 1: about this because it's a difficult thing to maneuver. But
Speaker 1: if you're real intention is to keep the peace, then
Speaker 1: always have that in mind. And occasionally to keep the peace,
Speaker 1: you might just have to take some hits. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, You might just have to eat a
Speaker 1: few hits, right, Like if somebody calls you fat, and
Speaker 1: I people some guy on the stage that I never
Speaker 1: haven't told the story yet. Some guy on the street
Speaker 1: called me a fat asshole the other day and I
Speaker 1: just kept walking. I didn't engage with it because I
Speaker 1: wanted to kid you piece. No, I no, I didn't
Speaker 1: I do something to provoke it. Did what you said?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, I was walking by. He was like, he had
Speaker 1: like a fucking store and I walked by his store
Speaker 1: and he was like, hey, come on in, we're having
Speaker 1: a sale or something. And I was like, sorry, man,
Speaker 1: not today. And he was like you know, and he
Speaker 1: was like, no, need to be rude about it, your
Speaker 1: fat asshole. I just kept walk. Now, I could have
Speaker 1: gone over there and tried to like defend my honor
Speaker 1: and ship, but that that's not what I wanted out
Speaker 1: of the situation. I wanted to keep the peace, so
Speaker 1: I kept walking. So I just took the hit and
Speaker 1: it wasn't that bad. I accomplished my goal of keeping
Speaker 1: the peace.
Speaker 3: You should go online and make a better review.
Speaker 1: Why why would I do that.
Speaker 3: Because he felt that your feelings weren't worth it. Why
Speaker 3: should you think that his feelings are worth it?
Speaker 1: Because you know, yes, sure, okay, let's let's relate this
Speaker 1: to your Let's let's relate this to your situation. Why
Speaker 1: do I not? Why don't I go to his business
Speaker 1: and leave a better view? Because it's not worth it
Speaker 1: to me, Because I'm not concerned with keeping some kind
Speaker 1: of charmatic scoreboard of you know, needing to equally wrong
Speaker 1: all those who have wrong to me. I'm concerned with
Speaker 1: keeping my peace, and the best way to keep my
Speaker 1: peace is to ignore the situation. Because as I'm writing
Speaker 1: that review, if I spent the Robert, if I spent
Speaker 1: the rest of the day going, man, fuck that guy.
Speaker 1: Why does he doesn't have the right to call me fat?
Speaker 1: And fuck him and fuck this fuck? Then I'm not
Speaker 1: accomplishing my goal. I'm doing the actual opposite. I'm at
Speaker 1: war in my head and the whole and if I
Speaker 1: were to go and I was like, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: on what's the name of the website? One star review?
Speaker 1: This guy called me a thing of fuck him. The
Speaker 1: whole time I'm writing the thing, I'm there's my blood's boiling,
Speaker 1: anger is flowing through. I'm hurting no one but myself
Speaker 1: when I choose to engage. I'm really not. And so
Speaker 1: if I'm being fucking smart and I'm really going, okay,
Speaker 1: what path forward genuinely keeps the peace, It's to take
Speaker 1: the hitd and move on and it roll off my back,
Speaker 1: because that's what keeps the peace. So so, Robert, you bet,
Speaker 1: it's not even about being a better person, Robert, It's not.
Speaker 1: It's it's this is for me. I keep the peace
Speaker 1: for me, and and and if you want to keep
Speaker 1: the peace for yourself just so that you feel better
Speaker 1: as you move around in your life, then think about
Speaker 1: what actions best serve the peace and not serve retribution,
Speaker 1: because your retribution is only going to lead you to
Speaker 1: more war.
Speaker 3: Robert, you got a point. You've got a point, Okay.
Speaker 1: So listen, man, I I I I hope that you
Speaker 1: keep that in mind next time you interact with your grandmother,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, what do you think about all
Speaker 1: of this? Tell me your thoughts.
Speaker 3: I think You've brought up some good points, and I
Speaker 3: think I'm gonna have to try to use those and
Speaker 3: maybe I can get her to stay show with me.
Speaker 1: Okay, good. I hope that you feel like you have
Speaker 1: a different way that you want to approach this situation.
Speaker 1: Is there anything go ahead?
Speaker 3: No, I was just thinking, good.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to me
Speaker 1: or to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: Do you have a nice trip. I'll have a fun
Speaker 3: time in Japan.
Speaker 2: You're going too correct?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 3: I hope you have a great time over there. And
Speaker 3: thank you for talking to me.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Robert. You have a good rest of the day.
Speaker 3: You as well.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's okay to not love
Speaker 1: your grandma. And look, if you see someone like you know,
Speaker 1: two times a year, how much do you really love them?
Speaker 1: So it's okay to love By the way, it's okay
Speaker 1: to love your grandma too. You can have whatever relationship
Speaker 1: that you want with your grandmother in this life. You can.
Speaker 1: You can be in love with your grandmother. You can
Speaker 1: know you should not be in love with your grandmother.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I said that. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: let's move on. Hello, Hi, Hi, there is this is
Speaker 1: this a j Can you hear me?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: It is yes, I could hear you.
Speaker 1: AJ. What's what's gone on with you, dude?
Speaker 4: Well, uh, as I told the call screener, I I
Speaker 4: am the other woman in a dumpster fire of a relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, tell me about this relationship.
Speaker 4: Well, it hasn't really been going on for very long,
Speaker 4: for maybe like two months. But I'm fully aware that
Speaker 4: this person has a wife and kids. They're just in
Speaker 4: a different country. And I have this speaking suspicion that
Speaker 4: they're probably just using me to like get money of me.
Speaker 4: Things are moving very quickly, and they're telling me that
Speaker 4: they see a future with me and that they want
Speaker 4: to invest money with me, or that I should invest
Speaker 4: money with them, and uh, it's it's just a little weird.
Speaker 4: There are a lot of red flags that I am
Speaker 4: pushing aside for no apparent reason.
Speaker 1: Okay, how long have you been seeing this person?
Speaker 4: About two months?
Speaker 1: Two months? Okay, and they're trying to get money out
Speaker 1: of you. Why are they asking you for money?
Speaker 4: Well, I guess like so in our community, because we're Hispanic,
Speaker 4: there's a lot of ideas of like investing money, kind
Speaker 4: of like starting your own business, kind of like an
Speaker 4: entrepreneurial mindset, and so okay, you know, everyone kind of
Speaker 4: thinks the same way of like, oh, I'm gonna invest money,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna like buy properties like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So I mean that aside, why does he
Speaker 1: want you to give him money?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What does he what does he as? What does he
Speaker 1: want money for?
Speaker 4: Uh? Well, he has friends in where he's from, and
Speaker 4: he says that they have businesses and he wants to
Speaker 4: keep investing with them, and that it's a good idea
Speaker 4: because I've talked about my goal of wanting to be
Speaker 4: financially independent, and so he's like trying to pitch me,
Speaker 4: you know, their businesses as like a good investment for
Speaker 4: my sake, you know, framing it as like it would
Speaker 4: be in my benefit to invest with him.
Speaker 1: Okay. And is this somebody that you've actually met in person?
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I that's I live at one of his
Speaker 4: relatives house and that's how we met.
Speaker 1: Okay. How soon after getting involved with him romantically did
Speaker 1: he start asking you to invest in him?
Speaker 4: I mean it was pretty soon. I mean maybe the
Speaker 4: first couple of weeks. We well, my my family is
Speaker 4: also they have businesses here in Kentucky, and so I
Speaker 4: told him about those businesses and we started talking about
Speaker 4: investments and that's when he brought it up.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this money thing aside. You say, this is
Speaker 1: a dumpster fire situation and you are the other woman.
Speaker 1: How did you find out that he was is? Did
Speaker 1: you find out that he was married?
Speaker 4: I mean yes, Like I guess, it wasn't hidden. It
Speaker 4: was more like he told me, like, hey, I'm married,
Speaker 4: I have a family, but things aren't going well, you know,
Speaker 4: like the same story that gets told all the time,
Speaker 4: like oh things are rocky or I'm going to separate,
Speaker 4: stuff like that. Yeah, and they're not here, so they're
Speaker 4: not like in the States. It's kind of I guess
Speaker 4: easier because to me they're not. I mean I know
Speaker 4: that they exist, but I don't see them. So it
Speaker 4: makes things.
Speaker 1: When you say them. You're talking about this guy's.
Speaker 4: Wife, Yes, his wife and his children.
Speaker 1: Okay, his wife and his children. Okay, I mean, what
Speaker 1: are your thoughts on this situation?
Speaker 4: I think I'm wasting my time, but I don't know
Speaker 4: why I don't get out of the relationship. I have
Speaker 4: a tendency to like think a lot of time into relationships,
Speaker 4: like years, even if I know that they're not working.
Speaker 4: So like I know that if I don't get out soon,
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna end up wasting probably years on a
Speaker 4: guy that I'm definitely not the priority.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you know that you're wasting your time, But
Speaker 1: even in the face of that knowledge. Mh, you you persist?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Why do you think you persist even in the wake
Speaker 1: of that knowledge?
Speaker 2: Hm?
Speaker 4: I'm not really sure. I mean it feels I mean
Speaker 4: he's he's nice. Well, he's kind of nice to me,
Speaker 4: so it feels good.
Speaker 2: To be a relationship, I guess.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so uh our agent. Just in your life
Speaker 1: in general, do you have friends and family.
Speaker 3: H yes, I do.
Speaker 1: Okay. Are they nice to you?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: They are?
Speaker 1: Okay, So you have people in your life who are
Speaker 1: nice to you and support and whatnot. That's not like
Speaker 1: a thing that's totally absent from your life.
Speaker 4: Right, My support system is pretty good, to be honest.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So why do you you think you feel this? Like,
Speaker 1: how do I say pressure or like desire to settle
Speaker 1: for somebody who is kind of nice to you?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Why are you in a rush so much for a
Speaker 1: romantic partner that is kind of nice to you that
Speaker 1: you want to settle for something that you know is
Speaker 1: a waste of your time.
Speaker 4: I mean, I honestly, like, deep down inside, think that
Speaker 4: I'm unlovable and so when someone shows me like a
Speaker 4: moderate amount of affection, I will be inclined to be
Speaker 4: very loyal to that person.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, let's step out of the realm of romantic
Speaker 1: relationships for a second and like, you know, you're as
Speaker 1: you said, and this is why I asked you about it.
Speaker 1: Your friends and your family? Do you feel loved by them?
Speaker 5: I do?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, you do? Mm hmm okay, So how do you stack?
Speaker 1: I mean, and you answer, and you answer you didn't
Speaker 1: have to think about that, you said it just pretty confidently,
Speaker 1: just now that you feel loved by your friends and family,
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 4: I know that they love me. I just I don't
Speaker 4: think that they should. I feel like I'm kind of
Speaker 4: a hasfle sometimes.
Speaker 1: Have you have you had your felt like that?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yes, I've struggled a lot with mental health, and
Speaker 4: my my family has definitely. I've been more open with
Speaker 4: them in the past couple of years and they've seen
Speaker 4: me struggle a lot, and I feel like kind of
Speaker 4: a burden on them because of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So I don't know m hm, Well, the
Speaker 1: path towards you know, getting over that feeling of yourself
Speaker 1: as a burden. I'd consider that maybe as like a
Speaker 1: further down the line goal. And in order to get there,
Speaker 1: you have to first cure yourself of all these things
Speaker 1: that you're doing in response to that. So like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a whole it's gonna be a whole, whole,
Speaker 1: whole journey for you to get to the point where
Speaker 1: you feel okay about yourself. But to begin walking down
Speaker 1: that path, we gotta not. We gotta get ourselves out
Speaker 1: of this situation with this fucking guy. You know, we
Speaker 1: got to first stop the active detriment. I think before
Speaker 1: finding some sort of active what's the opposite of the
Speaker 1: word detriment, do you do you know what that word
Speaker 1: would be?
Speaker 4: No, I do not.
Speaker 1: Okay, before we begin to walk in the let's just say,
Speaker 1: before we begin walking the path of gaining some higher
Speaker 1: self confidence, we got to focus on stopping the detriment
Speaker 1: that we're doing by getting involved with people who are
Speaker 1: asking us to invest money in their cousins' businesses. Uh
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, promising that they will break up
Speaker 1: with their wife who lives in another country and their children.
Speaker 1: So I think I think we first want to get
Speaker 1: rid of the active detriment that we're doing. How exactly
Speaker 1: you do that, I don't know, but it's interesting to
Speaker 1: me this whole thing, because you're aware of what you're doing,
Speaker 1: Like you didn't need to, like we like we didn't
Speaker 1: come like you having this conversation with me right now.
Speaker 1: This is not you coming to lots of epiphanies while
Speaker 1: you're on the phone with Gecko. Man. This is just
Speaker 1: you talking about shit you already know, correct, Okay. So
Speaker 1: I mean, look, that's a good start, the fact that
Speaker 1: you know it, right, because some people are just you know,
Speaker 1: fully wrapped up in delusion that they don't even know
Speaker 1: that they are, you know, doing a detriment to themselves.
Speaker 1: So you're in a good foundation, you know.
Speaker 4: I mean, I guess I feel like I always know
Speaker 4: what I'm doing, and I'm pretty aware. I just always
Speaker 4: want to steer towards chaos.
Speaker 1: And do you have a real therapist?
Speaker 4: I do, Yes, I do.
Speaker 1: What do they say about this, Well.
Speaker 4: I've actually this is the first therapist. I've been going
Speaker 4: to therapy for like ten years, and this is legitimately
Speaker 4: the first one that's like life changing. Obviously it's not
Speaker 4: very apparent from the call, but in other aspects of life,
Speaker 4: like I feel like they're helping me kind of, I guess,
Speaker 4: see what my values are and move towards them, and
Speaker 4: so in other aspects of life, I'm definitely moving more
Speaker 4: towards my values. But romantically I'm a little bit stuck.
Speaker 4: That's really the only one that's like, I mean, I
Speaker 4: value learning and so gaining knowledge. I kind of like
Speaker 4: to say that one of my goals is to be
Speaker 4: a renaissance man. So right now I am studying linguistics,
Speaker 4: I'm studying Japanese. Next semester I'm going to pick up
Speaker 4: Chinese and delving a little deeper into Spanish, which I
Speaker 4: already know, but I want to learn like the linguistic
Speaker 4: side of it. And I value financial independence, so I mean,
Speaker 4: I really like to save money. I think it's a
Speaker 4: lot of fun to live, like really frully. I like
Speaker 4: to travel, and so i'd like to get to a
Speaker 4: point where I can travel at least like three months
Speaker 4: out of the year, and in the summer I'm actually
Speaker 4: planning to go to Japan for three months to study Japanese.
Speaker 1: Well, shit age. I mean, look, if I can tell
Speaker 1: you anything, from my perspective, it sounds like you're doing
Speaker 1: a lot. It sounds like you're living a very full life.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you are very smart and very aware,
Speaker 1: and so I don't I don't know if you understand everything.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you under I don't know if
Speaker 1: you understand the degree to which you're doing a lot
Speaker 1: of positive things for yourself from your perspective, but from
Speaker 1: you know, at least where I sit, as you're telling
Speaker 1: me all these things, you're really doing a lot. So
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think you should be out there
Speaker 1: settling for anyone who gives you a crumb of kindness,
Speaker 1: or even that you necessarily need anyone to be giving
Speaker 1: you anything, because you have so much. You do so
Speaker 1: much for yourself. So that's really all I can give you.
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that you're working with a therapist
Speaker 1: that's been helpful for you, But I don't know, Man,
Speaker 1: you it's weird. I want to tell you that you
Speaker 1: deserve a lot more than what you're giving yourself credit for,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. If I don't know, when you
Speaker 1: have a problem like that, when you have a low
Speaker 1: self esteem like that. I don't know how many times
Speaker 1: a person can tell you that before it really, you know,
Speaker 1: sinks into you. I really don't know. This is a
Speaker 1: tough one. This is like something I've talked about on
Speaker 1: here eight thousand times and something I deal with myself.
Speaker 1: Hang in there, Aja, well, thank you.
Speaker 4: I I just appreciate talking to you. I mean, I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna I don't know. It's it is hard with
Speaker 4: a low self esteem because it never feels like you're
Speaker 4: doing enough or you're not enough. Even it doesn't matter
Speaker 4: like who tells you that, like oh you're doing great
Speaker 4: or whatever.
Speaker 1: Right right. That's why that's what I meant just now
Speaker 1: when I said, like, you know, I could sit here
Speaker 1: and like and by by the way, to be telling
Speaker 1: the truth, okay, because I do really think that you're
Speaker 1: doing a lot for yourself. It's what I could sit
Speaker 1: there and tell you that, and then you could even
Speaker 1: experience it for yourself, how much shit you're doing. And
Speaker 1: it's a such a weird thing. And I've again I've
Speaker 1: experienced myself where like external validation, external you know, events, external, everything,
Speaker 1: like there is no numerical amount of compliments or achievements
Speaker 1: that really get rid of self low self esteem from
Speaker 1: my you know, experience, I don't know what it's like
Speaker 1: for other people, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I'm glad to hear that you're walking the path
Speaker 1: and trying to fix this for yourself. Don't give this
Speaker 1: guy money agent. That's the number one thing of this care.
Speaker 1: It's anything else you want to say to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go.
Speaker 4: I guess I just want to say that to the
Speaker 4: people that have shitty therapists or have had had experiences
Speaker 4: in the past. I know it's like really tiring, but
Speaker 4: just like keep trying, keep looking because I was legitimately
Speaker 4: going to give up, you know, like I've been doing
Speaker 4: therapy for like ten years. I'm practically an expert at
Speaker 4: this point. Uh, And I never thought that I was
Speaker 4: going to click with someone and that they were going
Speaker 4: to change my life so much. And it's a really
Speaker 4: awesome feeling to be able to like get I guess,
Speaker 4: my life more in balance and kind of in the
Speaker 4: direction that I want to go. So I don't know,
Speaker 4: it's just encouragement to keep like to not give up,
Speaker 4: you know, for those looking for.
Speaker 1: Therapy, Thank you for calling AJA, thank you Bye week.
Speaker 1: It goes on the line, thank you your phone call
Speaker 1: every nine and goes to try your life expert