Speaker 1: Hell, I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I heard right as you heard right there, Welcome
Speaker 1: to a new episode of Help I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean, Jared, and Vanessa stars and stripes. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you we really just got goose bumps. I think it's
Speaker 1: a Vanessa butterfly. Whenever that go off, it's very exciting.
Speaker 1: You know. You cut the difference there, right, That's that's
Speaker 1: the whole point is there is a difference in that
Speaker 1: one than there wasn't every other episode. It's now Dean, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: and Jared no longer. Okay, really cut into that, but
Speaker 1: I'm glad you did. Anyways, as Jared said, welcome to
Speaker 1: another episode of Help I Suck at Dating with all
Speaker 1: three of us. There we are Landmark. Mark should have
Speaker 1: to maybe include his name. Is I'm like the furniture.
Speaker 1: I'm just if it's an I heard podcast, I'm just
Speaker 1: in the background. So you are not the furniture. But
Speaker 1: if you were, you'd be the nicest house defensive. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what that is. Yeah, yeah, but you're that.
Speaker 1: All right. Let's just get right into it. So we
Speaker 1: have some current events that are we've all been dying
Speaker 1: to talk about at least I know I have. Obviously
Speaker 1: we heard about Arianna and Pete. Right of course they're engaged. Um,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about it? Well, Ariana Grande and
Speaker 1: Pete Davidson beat even SNL and then everybody knows who
Speaker 1: are and Grande is. Apparently this morning it got announced
Speaker 1: that they are now engaged after three weeks of dating.
Speaker 1: About three weeks, yeah, not only three weeks of dating,
Speaker 1: but they were dating other people in early May, broke
Speaker 1: up with them, then got together, and now a little
Speaker 1: less than a month later, she's got a ring on it?
Speaker 1: How do we feel? How does this happen? It just
Speaker 1: happened so fast. It's weird because maybe it makes me
Speaker 1: think that obviously maybe they had met before they started dating,
Speaker 1: and there was like some feelings there. Before you start dating,
Speaker 1: it's like a different type of relationships, so until you're
Speaker 1: in it romantically, like it evolved, right, it could either
Speaker 1: like be really into it or it could be really
Speaker 1: good at the beginning and then it starts staying out.
Speaker 1: I just feel like it is a little early, But
Speaker 1: who am I to say I got engaged after two months?
Speaker 1: That's the thing. So do you think it's really because
Speaker 1: Vanessa you got engaged Nick after two months? This is
Speaker 1: about three weeks. I got engaged after two months of knowing.
Speaker 1: I was on a show that kind of led to
Speaker 1: that decision in the end. In the real world, I
Speaker 1: don't I wouldn't picture myself. I wouldn't you know, never
Speaker 1: say never, but I would have picture myself getting engaged
Speaker 1: that early on. And you don't really know someone. It
Speaker 1: takes you a while to get to know someone in
Speaker 1: and out, and especially for me, I want to see
Speaker 1: how that person is in an argument, and how they
Speaker 1: deal with conflict and how they resolve a situation. And
Speaker 1: I mean, can you really argue after three weeks of dating?
Speaker 1: What can you you know? How deep can you have?
Speaker 1: There's really nothing much about that point exactly. It's really
Speaker 1: a lot much argue about because it's all puppy love.
Speaker 1: I would venture to say that Arion NP are a
Speaker 1: little bit different than Vanessa Neck for lack of a
Speaker 1: better comparison, and obviously every bachelor engagement, just because I'm
Speaker 1: sure these two had spent in reality more time together
Speaker 1: than any bachelor couple has up until the point of
Speaker 1: their engagement. For better for worse, well mostly for worse
Speaker 1: in that sense, that's true. But I mean, okay, wait bean,
Speaker 1: everyone hears over. Oh yeah, she is very young, and
Speaker 1: so it's p Davidson. He's twenty four as well. They're
Speaker 1: both twenty four. So good. I said, good for them.
Speaker 1: They're young, they're in love, they want to get married,
Speaker 1: go for it. But that's not the question. Do you
Speaker 1: think it's too soon? It's not too soon. I will.
Speaker 1: I will say this. I will forever be team Ariana
Speaker 1: and mac Miller, just because I've been a fan of
Speaker 1: Macmillis music for a long time. And I'm granted, I
Speaker 1: don't know, you know what happened with all that, but
Speaker 1: they were just cute together. But happy for Ariana. N P.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's too soon at all. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's very soon, but it is very when you know,
Speaker 1: you know, would you propose to someone after three weeks? Dean?
Speaker 1: If if everything in my body told me to propose
Speaker 1: to someone after three weeks and I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't stand another moment of not being engaged to this
Speaker 1: wonderful person, then why not just do it? Like if
Speaker 1: I right now feel like I want to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of my life with you, and I'm very confident
Speaker 1: in that decision, then sure get done. And we also,
Speaker 1: like I said, we don't know how long they knew
Speaker 1: each other before where they started dating. Maybe this was
Speaker 1: like a couple of months leading into it, and they
Speaker 1: were things are fizzling out with the other person, and
Speaker 1: they were like, Wow, this person is incredible. We've gotten
Speaker 1: to know each other. I kind of want to break
Speaker 1: up with this person to date Pete or whatever and
Speaker 1: get married to and then but maybe three weeks in
Speaker 1: they were like, this is everything I could possibly imagine
Speaker 1: it being. Let's just get engaged and let's do this
Speaker 1: thing and let's move forward with our lives. Then let's
Speaker 1: do the damn thing. Vanesse, I got a question for you,
Speaker 1: So you sit for you guys, but go ahead, all right,
Speaker 1: Well first, go ahead the ladies first, exactly, So I
Speaker 1: will ask the question. Um, My question is you said
Speaker 1: that obviously you were on a show before you got
Speaker 1: engaged for two months. That's kind of the bachelor bubble
Speaker 1: the Bachelor world. Do you feel that you didn't really
Speaker 1: start dating Nick until after you got engaged, Like you
Speaker 1: guys left the show and you're like Okay, now this
Speaker 1: is actually us dating. Oh, I mean absolutely, we felt
Speaker 1: like we were dating after the show started. I would
Speaker 1: feel like after March. So from November until March when
Speaker 1: he had to keep it a secret, yes we were
Speaker 1: seeing each other and and all that stuff, but the
Speaker 1: real relationship came after March and and once we were
Speaker 1: able to just do normal things. But my question for
Speaker 1: you guys is is there a different for men between
Speaker 1: being engaged and getting married? So, yes, Arianna and Pete
Speaker 1: got engaged, but does that mean is that as significant
Speaker 1: as getting married for men? Like an engagement is like
Speaker 1: if I'm getting engaged fast leading to marriage. Unfortunately, my
Speaker 1: last engagement did not work out super bumped about it,
Speaker 1: But for me, it was kind of like my end
Speaker 1: all be all, and I think that's why it was
Speaker 1: hard for me to get over the breakup, because I
Speaker 1: envisioned that engagement leading up to a marriage. So is
Speaker 1: it the same for you guys. I'd like to also
Speaker 1: point out thank you for calling us men because I've
Speaker 1: always considered those selves boys. But hey, we'll take it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: fist pump um. So yes, there's a huge difference between
Speaker 1: being married and engaged, obviously, because being engaged is obviously
Speaker 1: just a promise saying I want to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of your month life with you. Let's work on this,
Speaker 1: let's get together and move forward with our relationship, where
Speaker 1: marriage is completely different. That is a mind bond that like,
Speaker 1: for example, if you break up while you're engaged, you
Speaker 1: can simply just say it didn't work out, let's move
Speaker 1: on with our lives. If you're married and you break up,
Speaker 1: there is a whole dement exactly, there's a huge Okay,
Speaker 1: so it's not a huge deal that engaged, they're married.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal, But it would have been a
Speaker 1: far bigger deal if they got eloped, if they got
Speaker 1: a looped, if they eloped, if they excuse me proper,
Speaker 1: and you know, I just wanted to make that was clear. Um,
Speaker 1: I think it's just as big of a deal. I
Speaker 1: think an engagement is the more or less the same
Speaker 1: thing as a marriage, where it's like you're promising to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life to this person, committing
Speaker 1: and dedicating yourself to this person, and the engagement period
Speaker 1: is essentially it's like it's like escrow. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit more serious in escrow, it's like,
Speaker 1: it's like the steps that are necessary in order to
Speaker 1: get to that point where you have the government involved
Speaker 1: telling you that you're right. It's like it's like a
Speaker 1: short amount of time. Um, And so I think it's
Speaker 1: very much the same thing. Granted, obviously, like Jared said,
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily as legal. You don't have to go
Speaker 1: through many steps to break it off of it god forbid,
Speaker 1: doesn't work out. But the way that I view it
Speaker 1: personally is an engagement is a marriage. Well, the way
Speaker 1: I view it is, an engagement is promising that you
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with someone,
Speaker 1: which is similar to marriage. But unfortunately, as we all
Speaker 1: well know, when you get married, it doesn't always work out.
Speaker 1: And so I do feel that there is for example,
Speaker 1: like Vanessa, not to use you as an example, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to for example for example, I mean, think
Speaker 1: about what happens if you got married to Nick. I mean,
Speaker 1: would the breakup be ten times harder if you were
Speaker 1: actually married to him rather than just engaged. Then there's
Speaker 1: like finances, finances involved in all that stuff. I guess,
Speaker 1: like maybe this might sound like a weird comparison because
Speaker 1: I'm kind of going through it, through it right now,
Speaker 1: and engagement could kind of be like the difference between
Speaker 1: renting a place and buying a place. You know, Like
Speaker 1: renting a place you kind of could get out of it.
Speaker 1: Buying a place you're like really invested in it, and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, it's going to be you know, and
Speaker 1: let me think about my decision whether or not I
Speaker 1: want to. So you rented Nick, Well, yeah, so I'm
Speaker 1: looking for real estate right now. That's why I think
Speaker 1: that comparison. I don't want to I agree to a
Speaker 1: certain extent, but at the same time, I don't want
Speaker 1: to say that engagement is just a rental because it's not,
Speaker 1: because I'm also with Dean at this point there that
Speaker 1: that commitment is still there. Yes, I think that it's
Speaker 1: not as big of a commitment as dating is renting.
Speaker 1: I also think engagement is buying, but marriage is what's
Speaker 1: the next thing next to buying. Well, it's what Deed said,
Speaker 1: it's scrow. It's a year, ask grow or a year
Speaker 1: and a half, whatever it takes you to get married.
Speaker 1: I would agree, because of course, engagement is the symbolism
Speaker 1: of I want to spend the rest of my life
Speaker 1: with you. And so that's a huge, huge deal and
Speaker 1: should not be taken lightly. But of course I think
Speaker 1: that marriage is a bigger deal. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Of course I will, I will. I don't think those
Speaker 1: two things are equal. How long is the ideal time
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship before a person proposes? And Jared,
Speaker 1: this is a particularly a pertinent question for you relationship
Speaker 1: that seems very um loving and straw, very strong, very loving.
Speaker 1: I'm the luckiest guy, Yes you are so. But for everybody,
Speaker 1: what is the ideal time? And your in your imagination?
Speaker 1: Uh oh, yes, who usually jumped in here, whatever Jared says,
Speaker 1: in that amount of time, we're gonna be like, okay, Jared,
Speaker 1: and you said eight months, and it's eight months into
Speaker 1: the relationship. I think it's also a different thing between
Speaker 1: Ashley and myself for the simple fact we've known each
Speaker 1: other for three years. So well, what I'm saying is
Speaker 1: that you know, yes, we've dated for about three or
Speaker 1: four months, but we've also known each other for a
Speaker 1: far longer time and have has had have had a
Speaker 1: very close relationship since the time we've met for over
Speaker 1: three years. So I know almost everything there is to
Speaker 1: know about Ashley she knows almost everything there is to
Speaker 1: know about me, So it's more so we're very comfortable
Speaker 1: with you. It's almost like you guys have a Benjamin
Speaker 1: Button relationship where the first three years of your relationship
Speaker 1: was purely platonic. It's like your old and old married
Speaker 1: couple that has like no physical interest in each other.
Speaker 1: And now you guys are all like hot and heavy
Speaker 1: and are able to like be super into each other.
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. Um. So, I think the ideal time kind
Speaker 1: of depends. You should probably know the person for at
Speaker 1: least a year. You should know them whether dating, you know,
Speaker 1: that's kind of semetics. I think you should know them
Speaker 1: in some capacity for at least a year. Well, so,
Speaker 1: you never gave us a time frame though, Jared, you
Speaker 1: never said this is how long I think you should
Speaker 1: be in a relationship before you're able. But you know,
Speaker 1: I said, no, the person for at least a year.
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing. Probably maybe you can give
Speaker 1: a few months, but a time now I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, wow, So according to my watch, three
Speaker 1: to four months, it's I don't know, how Mark, how
Speaker 1: long do you think you're shaking your head no, I
Speaker 1: say two years. And I said this with the other
Speaker 1: the morning show staff this morning, and I got some
Speaker 1: I got some disapproving headshakes. Dating for two two years.
Speaker 1: I think date for two years, no matter what, because
Speaker 1: in two years, you figure out everything there was to
Speaker 1: know about the other person. You go through everything together,
Speaker 1: all the holidays, all the ups and the downs of
Speaker 1: a relationship. With two years, you know if it's right
Speaker 1: or not, the holidays, holidays. I like that. That's like
Speaker 1: to go through all the holidays twice, and not only that,
Speaker 1: because you have to go through a second time to
Speaker 1: see if they learned the mistakes from the first. Because
Speaker 1: as an indicator for a future success in a relationship.
Speaker 1: By figure, I was going to say one year, but
Speaker 1: I like the two year mark. I think that's good.
Speaker 1: I think I'll stick by one year. I think one
Speaker 1: year in a relationship with someone is enough to know
Speaker 1: about them. I think it depends the older you get,
Speaker 1: like I think, the more you know what you want
Speaker 1: and what you don't want in a relationship. So I
Speaker 1: don't know. I would say two years for me at
Speaker 1: this point would probably be a little bit too long.
Speaker 1: I would probably know after the first year of dating
Speaker 1: that person if I want to be with them for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life or not, because I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna want to waste my time or their time. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this mark so question. Say somebody knows
Speaker 1: each other for like six months, gets engaged, but their
Speaker 1: engagement is two years long, and after that they're like,
Speaker 1: we're still So they've known each other for two and
Speaker 1: a half years before they get married. I mean, to
Speaker 1: each their own. You know, I'm not gonna be judging anybody,
Speaker 1: but I do believe that there's no reason to rush.
Speaker 1: I don't understand the rush because people say, well, when
Speaker 1: you no, you know, we just had to get married,
Speaker 1: But why not stick it out for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: You're still together, it's still a relationship. Who cares when
Speaker 1: you clock on the wedding taxes? When yeah, that's true,
Speaker 1: part of that clock is ticking. Then I understand the
Speaker 1: biological for it. I'm isn't the number like thirty five
Speaker 1: or like I think that's moving I think it's moving older.
Speaker 1: But the technical definition of a geriatric pregnancy is thirty five.
Speaker 1: I think I think that. Um, I will say that
Speaker 1: when I was thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, years old. I always
Speaker 1: thought that I was gonna be married and have kids
Speaker 1: by the time I was four years old, So my
Speaker 1: timelines are always messed up. Like I'm twenty seven now, right,
Speaker 1: So I'm saying I want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think one years an appropriate amount of time. But
Speaker 1: watch when I'm twenty nine, I'll be in a relationship
Speaker 1: for three weeks like Ariana and Pete and be like,
Speaker 1: all right, we're getting married, you know. Like I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I can do that. I can honestly see myself
Speaker 1: doing that too. Yeah, I know, I totally agree. Viness.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're gonna say your timelines all messed up?
Speaker 1: All my timeline, Yeah, well it is. It's done. My
Speaker 1: timeline done. I thought by the age of thirty I
Speaker 1: would have been married with at least one kid. I'm
Speaker 1: turning thirty one in a couple of months and nowhere
Speaker 1: near that. That's a question for you. So on the
Speaker 1: I don't know if you watch Batchelor that last night,
Speaker 1: but on the show, uh, Tia and Colton kind of
Speaker 1: talked about their former relationship before Colton came on the show.
Speaker 1: To date Becca, if you were to date someone and
Speaker 1: found out that they had dated one of your close
Speaker 1: friends before dating you. How would you feel about it? Oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I don't. It depends on how uh connected I am
Speaker 1: to that person. Um, I don't know. If I would,
Speaker 1: I would obviously off the bat. I wouldn't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: and I would like to know the reasons why. You
Speaker 1: kind of have like an insight, you know, you can
Speaker 1: ask the person why didn't work out, how, how are
Speaker 1: they blah blah blah blah, and get like information from
Speaker 1: that person. I wouldn't write that person off, but for me,
Speaker 1: it would to kind of be like a little bit,
Speaker 1: a little bit of a red flag at the beginning,
Speaker 1: something that I wouldn't want to have to deal with,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't want to have to know this information.
Speaker 1: It's an added obstacle, I guess in the relationship, of course,
Speaker 1: And the question for me would be, what the hell
Speaker 1: was the relationship between you and my friend before you
Speaker 1: started dating me? Because it was if it? Is it
Speaker 1: like a one night thing that happened that emotions ran high?
Speaker 1: Was it a weekend? Was it two months? Was it
Speaker 1: three years? Where you guys in love exclusive? Like? It
Speaker 1: all depends on the situation. Because if you if like
Speaker 1: a girl like yeah, it's a bad example because I
Speaker 1: was gonna say if actually dated somebody one of my friends,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, we're in the bachelor world, so
Speaker 1: I kind of did. Um. And so but if like
Speaker 1: a girl who I was interested in dated one of
Speaker 1: my friends beforehand, she was like, hey, listen, we spent
Speaker 1: a couple of days together, didn't really work out. Um,
Speaker 1: and that was like two months ago, but like, sure,
Speaker 1: that's fine. Who cares what? I don't care at all.
Speaker 1: With the Colton Tia situation, that makes it a little
Speaker 1: bit different is that Colton probably clearly knew that Tia
Speaker 1: was almost the Bachelorette, and for some reason, whoever talked
Speaker 1: to who first like Colton was about to be on
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette. He thought Tia was gonna be the Bachelorette,
Speaker 1: and then a month later she wasn't. Colton's on the show,
Speaker 1: and now he's there. For it was a very obvious
Speaker 1: attempt at collusion that failed. It did seem didn't seem
Speaker 1: like something was weird about, like because nothing was solved
Speaker 1: about the whole Colon Colton t situation last night. Nothing
Speaker 1: was solved at all it was just Tia was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we dated for a little while, and then Calton was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a weekend, but the timing wasn't right, and
Speaker 1: so now I'm here and I'm here fully Rebecca, and
Speaker 1: Becca was like adamant about how she was going to
Speaker 1: get to the bottom of this and she needed to
Speaker 1: know everything. And then it just seemed like there was
Speaker 1: no resolution, and Becca was like, oh, that's perfect, here's
Speaker 1: the group date Rose. I was like, whoa, what happened?
Speaker 1: He got a group date Rose? After like apparently everything
Speaker 1: was solved when it really nothing changed. Like all we
Speaker 1: know is that Colon kind of spent a weekend with
Speaker 1: Tia during casting for the Bachelorette when he apparently Tea
Speaker 1: was in the running for the Bachelorette. Obviously the timing
Speaker 1: didn't work out because she didn't become the Bachelorette. I
Speaker 1: don't really, it was just there was no talk about yes,
Speaker 1: Gordon's sources. Okay, Well, if he actively went out to
Speaker 1: find her on social media and mess with her and
Speaker 1: slide into her d M s then I'd be like,
Speaker 1: that's a little scufty, But it was the reverse. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't what are the odds that Tia, who was in
Speaker 1: the running to become the Bachelorette, just so happened to
Speaker 1: slide into the d M s of a guy who
Speaker 1: was almost on her season. I mean, how did she
Speaker 1: know that? This story was explained to me and I
Speaker 1: wish I could remember more clearly, but that's how it works.
Speaker 1: Sometimes maybe she because Colton did know, or maybe this
Speaker 1: was after the show I guess I had even filmed
Speaker 1: in the first place. But I don't I'm not that
Speaker 1: flown away by it. Like maybe it was a very
Speaker 1: like inconspicuous DM, like a ha ha like at like
Speaker 1: as to a story response or something like that, and
Speaker 1: then that kind of snowballed into a convers So how
Speaker 1: did Tia know who Colton was? That wasn't the in
Speaker 1: the spotlight beforehand? He dated Ali Raisman, he played football professionally. Yes, um,
Speaker 1: so it's not out of the room possible, It's not.
Speaker 1: It would be like different than if someone that was
Speaker 1: potentially going to be the Bachelorette d M one of
Speaker 1: us beforehand, because we were nobodies. Yes, no, I agree,
Speaker 1: still aren't nobodies, but nobodies. Um. But I think the
Speaker 1: only thing with Becca is that she was so adamant
Speaker 1: about finding out and it was it just seemed like
Speaker 1: there was no resolution, like we still don't know who
Speaker 1: talked to who first. Because you're right, I think it's
Speaker 1: it's far better if Tia reached out to Colin, and
Speaker 1: it adds a little bit, a little ease to the
Speaker 1: whole situation. So you we want to see the receipts
Speaker 1: before we can. Yeah, don't you know? I mean that
Speaker 1: wouldn't you you? Yes? But I mean I'm a I'm response,
Speaker 1: I've what am I trying to say? I'm guilty of
Speaker 1: dating someone that has also dated one of my friends
Speaker 1: before dating me. There's nothing wrong with that, But the
Speaker 1: fact is, you're on a TV show. So I think
Speaker 1: for Becca, Becca wants to know. Listen, Carlton, did you
Speaker 1: not date Tia because she wasn't the Bachelorette? Or did
Speaker 1: you not date Tia because he didn't have feelings for
Speaker 1: I guess? I mean, listen. The people who are on
Speaker 1: the show regardless, are there for you know? Okay, did
Speaker 1: you guys go on the show to find love? No,
Speaker 1: you won't a part of it, but of course you
Speaker 1: go on for the experience, and you go on for
Speaker 1: the exposure you're going for a multitude of reason. He
Speaker 1: just happened to have known someone else prior to that.
Speaker 1: I agree, I'm just playing Devil's advocate. I respect it
Speaker 1: and appreciate it. It's like I'm trying to put myself
Speaker 1: in that same situation, like had Karin DMed me before
Speaker 1: going on Rachel's season, and then I did a Karin
Speaker 1: for a weekend and then went on rachel season, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that would be kind of weird now
Speaker 1: that I think of it that way. It is obviously
Speaker 1: a weird situation, but you'd still go in Rachel's season?
Speaker 1: How could you not? What was he already going on with?
Speaker 1: He already a member of the cat From my understanding
Speaker 1: was that he was going through the casting process, but
Speaker 1: a pretty good idea, especially in January, that he was
Speaker 1: gonna be on the show. And I mean, he's a
Speaker 1: good looking dude who used to play football and has
Speaker 1: a charity, Like there's pretty good at odds like he
Speaker 1: was gonna get casts for this season exactly. He's very
Speaker 1: like you said, right, well, we didn't really get anywhere
Speaker 1: with that one. I think that Becca, like Jared said,
Speaker 1: and I think he said, he thinks as well, is
Speaker 1: that he she kind of let him off the hook
Speaker 1: a little too easily. Maybe there was some conversation that
Speaker 1: was air that wasn't air that they had that was
Speaker 1: like maybe more resolute in terms of what happened. But
Speaker 1: we'll see what happens. I mean, And I think within
Speaker 1: our own personal lives, in terms of dating an X
Speaker 1: who dated one of your friends, I think it's fine
Speaker 1: as long as you get an understanding from both sides
Speaker 1: what happened from not only your friend but the person
Speaker 1: that you're going to go on a date with, Because
Speaker 1: if you'd with, if you're actually good friends of that person,
Speaker 1: I think it's important to ask them, and I said
Speaker 1: this last week, if they are comfortable with the idea
Speaker 1: of you getting to another person necessarily saying hey, do
Speaker 1: I have your permission? But like we're saying, hey, we're
Speaker 1: not sure where this is going to go. Are you
Speaker 1: comfortable with the idea of us I dated I did
Speaker 1: a girl in college who before dating me dated someone else. Um,
Speaker 1: and while that girl and I dated that other guy,
Speaker 1: and I like, well, he he really didn't like me
Speaker 1: because I was dating her, And then that girl and
Speaker 1: I broke up, and then that guy and I became
Speaker 1: absolutely best friends, well not absolutely best friends, but some
Speaker 1: like very very very close friends. I thought that was
Speaker 1: kind of interesting. One of my buddies was dating this girl,
Speaker 1: but he liked to her sister better and like, so
Speaker 1: they did yeah for a month, and then yeah, it
Speaker 1: just didn't end. It didn't end well. Was it one
Speaker 1: of the Ferguson twins. No, this has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with that. This is a while ago. That would have
Speaker 1: been funny. It would be so funny. I kind of
Speaker 1: wish it was try and make the switch towards the end. So,
Speaker 1: like they broke up and he was like trying to
Speaker 1: reach out to his sister, like a couple of months later,
Speaker 1: after things cooled down, it was just nonresponsive, super photonic,
Speaker 1: and he didn't like really put himself out there because
Speaker 1: he was too scared that he was going to be
Speaker 1: seen as the biggest jerk in the world. But he
Speaker 1: was kind of trying. That's when you suggested, Manaja Taper Seinfeld,
Speaker 1: that's the best way to go ab obvious, like the
Speaker 1: whole switch. Oh yeah, I guess because their sisters. I
Speaker 1: didn't think of it, not never much so for the
Speaker 1: next segment, we're gonna talk to Chelsea Truscott, who is
Speaker 1: a break up a specialist. But before that, I think
Speaker 1: Jared wants to tell you guys about brook Lynn's and
Speaker 1: how great they are. I do want to talk about
Speaker 1: brook Lennon's and the new betting that you're going to
Speaker 1: discover on book brook Lennon dot com. You know you
Speaker 1: spend a third of your life in the sheets, Dean
Speaker 1: did you know this? Well? Yeah, you sleep eight hours
Speaker 1: a day twenty four hours, and a day divided by
Speaker 1: is one divided by well two plus two five. Then
Speaker 1: you spend about a third of your life in the sheets,
Speaker 1: and they make a difference how you see Brooklyn and
Speaker 1: get better sleep with better sheets today, you can go
Speaker 1: to brooklyn and dot com. They're the best most comfortable sheets.
Speaker 1: There's no big markup. You can upgrade your nightly routine
Speaker 1: and help you feel more rested every day. It was
Speaker 1: found in April two fourteen by husband and wife team
Speaker 1: Vickie and Rich. Their philosophy is the most beautiful comfortable
Speaker 1: home essentials, no crazy prices, There's no unnecessary markups and fees.
Speaker 1: Most bending is marked up as much as three but
Speaker 1: not Brooklyn And It's the fastest growing betting brand in
Speaker 1: the world. Over twenty thousand five star reviews. We gotta
Speaker 1: get those numbers. We need twenty five star reviews on
Speaker 1: this podcast over stars Holly Molly. They got tons of colors,
Speaker 1: tons of patterns you can mix and match to compliment
Speaker 1: any decord. This is luxury betting under priced. You have
Speaker 1: to try these sheets today. My Brooklyn and sheets are
Speaker 1: the best of the most comfortable sheets I've slept on.
Speaker 1: Brooklyn and dot com has an exclusive offer for our listeners.
Speaker 1: You can get twenty dollars and free shipping when you
Speaker 1: use promo code help h E LP. Use that at
Speaker 1: brooklyn In dot com. They're so confident that they offer
Speaker 1: a risk free sixty nights satisfaction guarantee and a lifetime
Speaker 1: warranty on all of their sheets and comforter is. The
Speaker 1: only way though, to get the twenty dollars off and
Speaker 1: free shipping is to use promo code help H E
Speaker 1: L P at Brooklyn dot com. That's brooklynnon b r
Speaker 1: O okay l I N E N dot com promo
Speaker 1: code help best sheets ever. Well done, Well done, um,
Speaker 1: I will say I just spent the weekend in New York,
Speaker 1: and I was very excited to get back to my
Speaker 1: bed in my sheets, just because that's how comfortably are.
Speaker 1: So check them out Brooklyn dot com. Use code help.
Speaker 1: You don't get a better night's rest unless you're in
Speaker 1: your own bed and use Brooklyn Sheets. Well. Um, alright, So,
Speaker 1: like I said before jumping into that, we have Chelsea
Speaker 1: Truscott on the phone, who is a Breakup Coach podcast
Speaker 1: host of Thank You Heartbreak. Um, Chelsea, are you there?
Speaker 1: How are you? Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: Of course, I know that people can usually not distinguish
Speaker 1: your voices. I'm gonna try really hard to get it right.
Speaker 1: Do your best. If you can distinguish my voice, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I got that, I got that right away. Who's speaking
Speaker 1: right now? Who's speaking right now? Okay? And that's Mark
Speaker 1: on the bells. Um all right, So Chelsea, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling in. Do you mind just filling
Speaker 1: the listeners in a little bit more about you, Like
Speaker 1: we said, your Breakup Coach and your podcasts Thank You Heartbreak,
Speaker 1: but can you tell us a little more about your
Speaker 1: background and what you do? Absolutely so, I got certified
Speaker 1: and pollution focused life coaching, and I knew that, you know,
Speaker 1: there was a real opening in the market. But I
Speaker 1: saw there were sony life coaches, dating coaches, matchmakers, and
Speaker 1: that everyone was really resistant to talking about breakups. And
Speaker 1: for my own past in history, you know, I knew
Speaker 1: it was something that I could sit with people into
Speaker 1: pain and confusion and really connect the dots with them.
Speaker 1: So breakups really just are my thing. And from there
Speaker 1: I started a podcast that really shined a light on
Speaker 1: the upside of heartbreak and showing people that the most
Speaker 1: crushing experiences of our life, she's really an opportunity to
Speaker 1: become meaningful relatable to them being I, hey, you know what,
Speaker 1: I agree. I was just having this conversation. I went
Speaker 1: to see a friend this morning and she's like, Oh,
Speaker 1: how are you doing after the breakup? And it's going
Speaker 1: to be a year in August that Nick and I
Speaker 1: broke up, And I'm like, you know, it was really
Speaker 1: hard at the beginning, But every and I listen, I've
Speaker 1: been broken up with or I've gone through heartbreak so
Speaker 1: many times, and every time I go through a heartbreak,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna get better at this, I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: better at that. But I think we all have our
Speaker 1: own way of grieving with the loss of the relationship,
Speaker 1: and now I try to look at it in a
Speaker 1: more positive light, like, Okay, it didn't work out, but
Speaker 1: that person may lead me, the breakup may lead me
Speaker 1: to someone that I am meant to be with for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life and try to have and
Speaker 1: try to manifest that destiny. But I think while you're
Speaker 1: going through that breakup, it's hard to believe that, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger type thing. And
Speaker 1: so you can look at a heartbreak in two ways.
Speaker 1: I think you can either look at it at a
Speaker 1: pity yourself way, or you can look at it as
Speaker 1: a learning experience. I think for me, there's a time
Speaker 1: and a place for grieving, right, So you have to
Speaker 1: give yourself a certain amount of time to grieve the relationship,
Speaker 1: the loss of the relationship, and then try to pick
Speaker 1: yourself up and move on with your life. Well, let's
Speaker 1: ask the expert, So Chelsea, obviously it's it's varies on
Speaker 1: a case by case basis from person to person. But
Speaker 1: what kind of advice would you have for maybe, just
Speaker 1: like say a random listener right now that might be
Speaker 1: struggling with a breakup, heartbroken, whatever it might be. What
Speaker 1: kind of advice would you have for them? Well, one
Speaker 1: thing I was there that people come to me and
Speaker 1: they're like, I feel that these strange because I'm not
Speaker 1: grieving it right now. And I say, you know, there's
Speaker 1: so many people that drag out relationships and they've been
Speaker 1: grieving the relationship for six months. They've been crying every
Speaker 1: night with them. So one thing is if you feel
Speaker 1: strange that they're not grieving it enough, just remember there's
Speaker 1: a lot of the time that you've been grieving it
Speaker 1: within the relationship already. And that's one thing I would say, yeah.
Speaker 1: And then the other thing is that you know a
Speaker 1: lot of people want to put like a time period
Speaker 1: on it, right and say that I have to be
Speaker 1: a certain like at a certain place at a certa
Speaker 1: amount of time. And I think that's not it. I
Speaker 1: think it's a way of just like learn how to
Speaker 1: integrate the relationship that you've had. So it's not something
Speaker 1: you really have to get over, but something that you
Speaker 1: just implement into your everyday life that when you meet
Speaker 1: other people, you realize that this don't you into who
Speaker 1: you are. So Vaness that you're saying that, like, it's
Speaker 1: about learning how each relationship they end to bring you
Speaker 1: to the next person. Your heart breaks to bring you
Speaker 1: closer to the person you're meant to be with. And
Speaker 1: if you think of it that way, you think, Okay,
Speaker 1: things are actually happening for me. It's not that I'm
Speaker 1: being further away from what I need. I'm actually getting
Speaker 1: myself closer. I absolutely love that mindset, and I think
Speaker 1: for me, my struggle at the beginning when I when
Speaker 1: I'm going through a heartbreak is believing that it is
Speaker 1: going to be okay. And I and I remember when
Speaker 1: I was going through my breakups, people like, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be fine, It's gonna be fine, And that's not the
Speaker 1: thing I and you know yourself, it's like being said,
Speaker 1: it's case by case scenario. That's not what I wanted
Speaker 1: to hear. And because we all grieve differently, in that moment,
Speaker 1: I wanted there's older to cry on. I wanted my
Speaker 1: friends to be around me and to be like, you
Speaker 1: know what, cried out, cried out, But at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, I had to tell myself okay. Not
Speaker 1: that I wanted to give myself a time limit to
Speaker 1: get over it. But I didn't want to be grieving
Speaker 1: for the entire year. I don't want to, you know,
Speaker 1: because then you lose opportunities on meeting other people and
Speaker 1: like being yourself and getting back to that routine again.
Speaker 1: So I think for me, it was important to identify
Speaker 1: my emotions and why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: Why are grieving? Is it because of the void? Is
Speaker 1: it because it's my ego? And and that's when I
Speaker 1: know I'm starting my breakup process when I'm able to
Speaker 1: identify where my emotions are coming from. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: really needs a good cry every once in a while, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: is there a certain timeline do you think, like Vanessa
Speaker 1: was saying, is there a timeline of there's you know,
Speaker 1: you have to kind of move on. You've been grieving
Speaker 1: for too long so to speak. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: that you can get stuck in grieving, and that's like
Speaker 1: self sabotaging, just out of fear of actually exposing yourself,
Speaker 1: about putting yourself back out there. But I think it ultimately, Listen,
Speaker 1: people come to me because they feel like like one
Speaker 1: thing I knew I had to be good at is
Speaker 1: being with someone in their sadness is watching people cry.
Speaker 1: So last night I was at the Solo House. I
Speaker 1: brought clients there, and you know, they cry at at
Speaker 1: the Solo House, and it's about allowing them to feel
Speaker 1: comfortable crying in the space like that. It's not shameful.
Speaker 1: So you know, it's just like it's being comfortable like
Speaker 1: in the sadness and also realizing that one it is
Speaker 1: addressing why this happened for you and not focusing, focusing
Speaker 1: or fixating on the wise of the other. And that's
Speaker 1: happening in order to grieve. And then at the same
Speaker 1: time you had to say, how so depending upon why
Speaker 1: you broke up with someone, For example, like I just
Speaker 1: got out of a breakup, and a big part of
Speaker 1: it was is that I knew I could leave my
Speaker 1: own life right and I wanted to see what that
Speaker 1: looks like. In a way, I chose New York over
Speaker 1: this long distance relationship, and in order to get past
Speaker 1: the Greece. It was me saying like, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do the very thing I said I was ending the
Speaker 1: relationship for it's putting myself out in New York. It's
Speaker 1: upping my game, it's getting around other people. It's reading
Speaker 1: my own life, it's inviting myself out to places, and
Speaker 1: it's holding myself accountable to doing the very things that
Speaker 1: I ended the relationship for. Makes sense, Chelsea, have a
Speaker 1: question for you. What's your take on rekindling a romance
Speaker 1: with an X, having sex with them, or well like
Speaker 1: getting back together. Maybe less of the physical and more
Speaker 1: of like the emotional side. People ask me this, and
Speaker 1: I never want to say no to anything. I think
Speaker 1: it's about just really if you can go into it
Speaker 1: with a new perspective, in a fresh way of thinking,
Speaker 1: if you have kind of upgraded yourself in a way.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like they're meeting a new person
Speaker 1: on a new level, and then I think it's good.
Speaker 1: But some people think like two weeks is enough. I'm like,
Speaker 1: nothing's changed in two weeks, you know, I mean, Jared,
Speaker 1: for you, it's like I feel like, if I understand
Speaker 1: it a bit, it's like you you saw Ashley in
Speaker 1: a new light. She had this job, she had a voice,
Speaker 1: she was around her family, saw her I has been
Speaker 1: like as a new person. Yeah, the first time I
Speaker 1: saw her outside of Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, I don't
Speaker 1: want to think that, like I saw her in a
Speaker 1: new light, you know, six months ago. No, I saw
Speaker 1: her in a new light when we first left Paradise. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I first saw her outside of the bachelor world
Speaker 1: in her house, in her element, what two and a
Speaker 1: half years ago. Yeah, I definitely saw her in a
Speaker 1: new light. Yeah. So what for you? Why do you
Speaker 1: think that you were able to stoften around the realization
Speaker 1: that like that this is your person back then? No,
Speaker 1: I mean, like you're saying, that was two and a
Speaker 1: half years ago. I think I just had to overcome
Speaker 1: a lot of my own issues and try to move
Speaker 1: past those, and and um, once I was able to
Speaker 1: do that, and once I, uh, you know, saw the moment,
Speaker 1: it was like kind of the moments here, either I
Speaker 1: do something about it or I don't, and I kind
Speaker 1: of just explode it. And once I did, and once
Speaker 1: I kind of opened up that door, Um, it's been
Speaker 1: one of the best decisions, if not the best decision
Speaker 1: of my life, because I've come out of it happier
Speaker 1: than I've ever been. But I think that, you know,
Speaker 1: people come to me at guys a lot, for example,
Speaker 1: and they say, you know, a woman says that they're
Speaker 1: not ready for me, and they want to ask. Yes.
Speaker 1: So many men seriously come to me and they're like,
Speaker 1: what do I do. This woman says that she's not
Speaker 1: ready for me, and I want to ask. I want
Speaker 1: to be a man. I don't want to let her
Speaker 1: get away. And I said, one thing is is like
Speaker 1: for a woman of real action is listening to her,
Speaker 1: believing her for the first time. You know. It's like
Speaker 1: my Angela's quote when someone tells you who they are,
Speaker 1: believe them. And I think that, like on the flip side,
Speaker 1: women will come to me and they will say a
Speaker 1: man says he's not ready, And sometimes a man is
Speaker 1: that ready because he's not where he's at in his
Speaker 1: life to treat a woman in a certain way, to
Speaker 1: take them out, to do it in the way that
Speaker 1: he wants to. And it's about giving people the space
Speaker 1: to grow into the person that they envision themselves being
Speaker 1: for the biggest love of their life. Yeah, if I'm
Speaker 1: being honest, I think a lot of people are scared
Speaker 1: and they use excuses to not be with Cobody, and
Speaker 1: I think that's one of them. I did it in
Speaker 1: my own personal life. I think it's a combination of
Speaker 1: being scared, but also a combination of timing. I really
Speaker 1: do believe in meeting someone even if like let's stay
Speaker 1: there at you and actley like the timing wasn't right whenever,
Speaker 1: you know, a two years ago, but now it just
Speaker 1: made sense. You were in a better place. He was
Speaker 1: in a better place than it wasn't. Yes, of course
Speaker 1: timing has a factor. But was it timing or was
Speaker 1: it my own securities and something that I needed to overcome.
Speaker 1: But it's a few times to get over the securities,
Speaker 1: I agree, But it was only worked out because as
Speaker 1: she was still there, and what if she wasn't. I
Speaker 1: think that though it's not just time, like time doesn't
Speaker 1: carry you, you know, like it doesn't create the change.
Speaker 1: You have to change yourself in time enduring it sounds
Speaker 1: like you got over a lot of the insecurities, you
Speaker 1: faced a lot of things, and she happened to still
Speaker 1: be around. Maybe that was state, you know, but like
Speaker 1: it couldn't have just been time. It was you changing
Speaker 1: yourself and time and that has to be done, like
Speaker 1: the work has to be done. Um, what I'm saying, though,
Speaker 1: is that I had to force myself to change, and
Speaker 1: so I think what I'm trying to say, Like, for example,
Speaker 1: one of my buddies, we're talking about it last week,
Speaker 1: who's about thirty six thirty seven, he always talked about
Speaker 1: how he wasn't in the right place for relationship and
Speaker 1: he wanted to make sure he had the right job
Speaker 1: in the right place, and like all these factors right,
Speaker 1: and then now he's at an age where he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's just never I just feel like, maybe
Speaker 1: there's never a right time. Maybe I was making excuses,
Speaker 1: and maybe I always push people away because I always
Speaker 1: thought that, well, I need to get a career first,
Speaker 1: I need my own life. And I'm like, well, maybe
Speaker 1: I could like develop other things while also being with
Speaker 1: the person I don't want to be with. Most I
Speaker 1: don't know, that's all life happens. I think that we
Speaker 1: all want more time in life, right, we want more
Speaker 1: time in order to break up with someone who's doing
Speaker 1: we feel like we'll be more securable, have our lives together,
Speaker 1: will feel stronger than we can break up. And in
Speaker 1: the flip side, like you know, I'll have a I'll
Speaker 1: have a better career, I'll be able to offer more.
Speaker 1: So that's when I'll start dating somewhat. And I do
Speaker 1: think that you're right. At a certain point, you have
Speaker 1: to realize that you'll never be officially ready. But I
Speaker 1: think that there's resistance for a reason, and and I
Speaker 1: think that because but yeah, it's that you just put
Speaker 1: the face up and you have to you got it.
Speaker 1: You just got a leap Chelsea point. Since becoming this
Speaker 1: breakup coach slash expert, how was that influence that affected
Speaker 1: your breakups personally? Just out of curiosity? Yeah, so my
Speaker 1: boyfriend wrote into my advice column under anymous under his
Speaker 1: real name. No, I mean it was and if you
Speaker 1: you know, they make up a name like it was
Speaker 1: a phrase, so anonymous and then um, I certainly had
Speaker 1: no intention of dating someone through it, I swear to God.
Speaker 1: But you know, two months after we started dating, and
Speaker 1: how did that affects uh me as a breakup coach
Speaker 1: and doing it is is? You know, I did feel
Speaker 1: like I was I was going to have to hold
Speaker 1: my TOLF accountable. So if I knew at a certain
Speaker 1: point that the relationship is going to have to end,
Speaker 1: and listen, I had never broken up with someone that
Speaker 1: I was still in love with that I had information
Speaker 1: that showed me the relationship couldn't progress, and I think
Speaker 1: that like it just made it so I had to
Speaker 1: be more decisive. And also on the flip side, is
Speaker 1: like now he just kind of thinks like I could
Speaker 1: just handle it all. I think that's I think that's
Speaker 1: my eyes. Hold on, she's already, that's amazing to use
Speaker 1: the phone in the kitchen. Mom on the phone, I've wait,
Speaker 1: But Eddy, I actually had a question because I get
Speaker 1: a bunch of people who email me and, um, message me,
Speaker 1: how do you get overbreak up? How do you get
Speaker 1: over breakup? And I don't you know, I keep saying
Speaker 1: there's no real equation on getting over breakup and moving on.
Speaker 1: We're all very different. But one of my methods is
Speaker 1: and tell me if this is if I'm on the
Speaker 1: right path. But I like to keep my distance from
Speaker 1: the person that I dated. I'm not saying that I
Speaker 1: don't want to be friends with them at the end,
Speaker 1: but I need a couple of months in order to
Speaker 1: process things and then I could be friends with them
Speaker 1: and then maybe reorganizing my space that um, you know,
Speaker 1: things that I have in front of me that may
Speaker 1: remind me of the relationship or of the person that
Speaker 1: I dated that can like take off to remove them painful,
Speaker 1: painful memories, right, reorganizing my space, keeping my distance, and
Speaker 1: then just like taking time to myself and not really
Speaker 1: having a rebound after because some people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: just day someone after and you'll you'll get over your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend. But then it's like, no, I'm just transferring
Speaker 1: whatever emotions I have onto the next person. And then
Speaker 1: it's like it's just like a snowball effect. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I could never with the last one less when I think.
Speaker 1: But ultimately, when you do that, you're just reacting so
Speaker 1: much to your ask, So everyone's just a reaction afterwards.
Speaker 1: I think in terms of like changing your space in
Speaker 1: the environment, I mean, yeah, it's something that you know,
Speaker 1: for a certain type of personality really works for them.
Speaker 1: You get new sheets, you can paint something differently, you
Speaker 1: can take the pictures away. You know, I'm that nut
Speaker 1: that still has photographs to my access through all the years.
Speaker 1: I'm like the most nostalgic person. I don't really like
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not someone that likes to block anyone. Um.
Speaker 1: I like to kind of put myself to have to
Speaker 1: force myself to see things, so it's not like just
Speaker 1: putting a band aid over it. But I do think
Speaker 1: everyone's different. So you know, some people have to step away.
Speaker 1: They can't be privy to another person's world, right because
Speaker 1: it hurts them too much. So I think at the
Speaker 1: same time that like I don't know for me and
Speaker 1: something that it's it's called the scenic route, the Phoenic
Speaker 1: route back to love, but it's like, you know, just
Speaker 1: slowing down the pace and like allowing yourself to see
Speaker 1: that this person is still alive and feeling the hard feelings,
Speaker 1: but knowing that like it's going to create you know,
Speaker 1: you're going to prevail, You're creating resilience from that um.
Speaker 1: But again, everyone is different, and in my business is
Speaker 1: about really trying to pinpoint a personality and not put
Speaker 1: on what I do for myself onto them. I think
Speaker 1: that part of the equation though, is like you know,
Speaker 1: people company and they have these huge stories that they're
Speaker 1: still attached to, and those are the things everyone feels
Speaker 1: like the exception, so they go into the detail and
Speaker 1: everyone's story is a bit different and they always want
Speaker 1: to tell me how complicated is because of the story,
Speaker 1: which for me and I think it's kind of like
Speaker 1: the power of that of what I do is unable
Speaker 1: to connect the dots really quickly and figure out what
Speaker 1: they're not saying and just get to the heart of
Speaker 1: it right. And sometimes I think that you need someone
Speaker 1: in your corner that just snaps you away and says that, like,
Speaker 1: you know, the story is a way of romanticizing and
Speaker 1: keeping up and going down and down further. But sometimes
Speaker 1: someone needs to come along and be like, Hey, this
Speaker 1: is the through line, this is what this is about.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about what this is about. Let's get the
Speaker 1: lesson and just need to figure out why this relationship
Speaker 1: is there for you and how to purpose. I think
Speaker 1: if people feel like it wasn't meaningless and everything that
Speaker 1: you're in has a purpose, that's what really helps extradite
Speaker 1: the grieving process because you know that you could still
Speaker 1: appreciate and be thankful again for your heartbreak. M Well,
Speaker 1: that's that's helpful and insightful. Um Jelsea, Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling into the podcast. Before I let
Speaker 1: you go, actually have one more quick question for you.
Speaker 1: So this podcast has three co hosts, myself chaired in Vanessa. Um.
Speaker 1: I noticed on Instagram you're only following two of those
Speaker 1: co hosts a little left out? Am I not following? Dean?
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say who can tell you? Can? I
Speaker 1: just tell you something I did recently. I had all
Speaker 1: these hours myself. I started deleting everyone, and then I
Speaker 1: guess everyone wanted Okay, I'm not looking very good. Excuse.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's me that you're not following. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying it's okay, hey, als forgiven? All right? Well,
Speaker 1: so for the listeners, to those who are looking to
Speaker 1: save the relationships, save themselves, simply want to connect the dots,
Speaker 1: gain perspective, thriving their single life, whatever it might be.
Speaker 1: Chelsea does offer phone coaching, email coaching, in person coaching
Speaker 1: in New York City, so be sure to check out
Speaker 1: her website breakup ward dot com. Like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: she's a podcast host for called Thank You heart Breakward
Speaker 1: Break break Upward, break Upward is it as also break
Speaker 1: Break Award? I think it was like a ward in
Speaker 1: a hospital, like oh my God podcast thank You for Correcting, Mark.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine why you're not following them her podcast
Speaker 1: Thank You Heartbreak. Follow her on Instagram. Maybe just not
Speaker 1: me at Thank You Heartbreak and Her email is Chelsea
Speaker 1: at break upward dot com. I like break Upward. I
Speaker 1: guess Tomato Tomato, whoever it might be. Um, Chelsea, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for calling in and letting some insight
Speaker 1: and perspective for anyone that might be struggling with a
Speaker 1: heartbreak or just single life in general. Is really, you know,
Speaker 1: very very appreciative. Appreciate Hey, just following, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'll have to think about it, all right, Chelsea, thank
Speaker 1: you so much again, Thank you, Chelsey, bye bye. Well
Speaker 1: that was wonderful, great, very sweet. And how about some
Speaker 1: emails everybody? My favorite part of the episode every single
Speaker 1: week that it is. We got a lot this week,
Speaker 1: and thank you for that. And you can always send
Speaker 1: your emails to I Suck at dating at i heeart
Speaker 1: media dot com. Marissa. She's been with a boyfriend since November.
Speaker 1: They moved in together recently. She knows it's pretty fast,
Speaker 1: but this is the real deal. Everything's been great so far,
Speaker 1: but three weeks ago he lost his job. He's been
Speaker 1: trying to find a new job, but he's extremely embarrassed
Speaker 1: that he is currently unemployed. When I started dating my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: we were wrapped up in the romance and most things
Speaker 1: just the two of us. And recently I decided I
Speaker 1: wanted my boyfriend and my best friend to meet. But
Speaker 1: he is so embarrassed because it was unemployment. He doesn't
Speaker 1: want me to tell my friend that he lost his job.
Speaker 1: It's so difficult because my friend thinks I'm avoiding her.
Speaker 1: She knows I'm not telling her something, so I feel
Speaker 1: caught in the middle. I don't want this to come
Speaker 1: between our friendship, but I want to be loyal to
Speaker 1: my boyfriend that they really see a future with him. Marissa,
Speaker 1: I don't think he should be embarrassed about his unemployment
Speaker 1: at all. I I introduced myself as unemployed all the time.
Speaker 1: The first thing I thought it funny, actually funny story
Speaker 1: kind of relating to this is I flew back from
Speaker 1: New York yesterday and I sat next to a girl
Speaker 1: on the airplane and like, obviously, like we start talking
Speaker 1: and she's like, Oh, I own a couple Neil salons
Speaker 1: down in Orange County, Blabba lah, what do you do.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, I'm unemployed. It's like it's nothing to
Speaker 1: be embarrassed about by any means. I mean, obviously, like
Speaker 1: you can't talk to tell the Marissa to just have
Speaker 1: your boyfriend kind of own it, and then that's obviously
Speaker 1: different for everyone, um, but it's there was a time
Speaker 1: even in my life after college, I had a job
Speaker 1: for about a year, quit that job to pursue different things,
Speaker 1: and I was unemployed for maybe like two or three months,
Speaker 1: and that was pretty stressful. It's hard to meet someone
Speaker 1: and be new and like confident, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: like when you don't have an income totally, it's hard
Speaker 1: to be confident, I think. Also, but here's the thing,
Speaker 1: MERSA your boyfriend is actively trying to find a new job.
Speaker 1: It's not like you're sitting on the couch just giving
Speaker 1: up on life. So I don't think you should be embarrassed.
Speaker 1: Having said that, of course I can understand if he
Speaker 1: has some insecurities about it, um, But hopefully if he
Speaker 1: is listening to this podcast as well with you, Marissa,
Speaker 1: that he should not be embarrassed at all, because you know,
Speaker 1: that's just a part of life. Sometimes you lose your job,
Speaker 1: but you're still actively working, and you're still actively working
Speaker 1: on getting a new job, and that's the whole job
Speaker 1: within itself. That's the full time job, trying to find
Speaker 1: a job. So I think, Marissa, you're in the position
Speaker 1: where you have the job right now to be very
Speaker 1: supportive of him. But also I don't think it's necessarily
Speaker 1: to devote any information to your best friend. But maybe
Speaker 1: just let her understand that right now you really want
Speaker 1: her to meet your boyfriend. It's just not the right time.
Speaker 1: There might be more underlying issues here than maybe she's
Speaker 1: using the unemployment as a crutch as to why she
Speaker 1: really doesn't want to introduce her boyfriend to her best friend,
Speaker 1: you know, because it sounds I'm just trying to gain
Speaker 1: a different perspective here, because think about it, if your
Speaker 1: best friend and your boyfriend haven't met yet, you're honest
Speaker 1: and open with your best friend about everything, just like
Speaker 1: you should be with your boyfriend. And I don't necessarily
Speaker 1: see there being unemployment being an issue of not introducing
Speaker 1: them a her boyfriend saying that yeah, her boyfriend saying
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to know. I understand that absolutely, But
Speaker 1: I also don't like you can twist it, and it's
Speaker 1: not necessarily even spin it. But it's just like you
Speaker 1: tell your best friend everything, you tell your boyfriend everything.
Speaker 1: I don't see why you should limit the amount of
Speaker 1: honesty that you're having with your best friend, because I mean,
Speaker 1: it's appears from the email that she's choosing her boyfriend
Speaker 1: over her. Stephen said, I want to be loyal to
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. I just feel like I'm in the middle.
Speaker 1: I don't want this to come between such a simple
Speaker 1: spin just be like he's in between jobs right now,
Speaker 1: and that's the end of the conversation. It's not likely
Speaker 1: they're gonna have like a two hour sit down about oh,
Speaker 1: I'm una employ it. And this is why I think
Speaker 1: for her boyfriend's sake, he probably doesn't want her talking
Speaker 1: like for the first time that he's meeting her, or
Speaker 1: even like talking about his personal issues. I want to want,
Speaker 1: like someone who's never met me, their first impression to
Speaker 1: me to be like, oh, you know, like they're struggling
Speaker 1: with something. So I understand where her boyfriend is coming from.
Speaker 1: I'm love and Dean in the spin cycle fully understand that.
Speaker 1: But it's just such such a simple fix of just
Speaker 1: saying he's in between jobs right now, his last role
Speaker 1: didn't work out. It's simple onto the next thing. He'll
Speaker 1: figure it out. He'll be unemployed for maybe not two months,
Speaker 1: two weeks. Don't even say that part, like that part
Speaker 1: is not even necessary. He's just like he's comfortable with
Speaker 1: her saying that. I understand that it's more of an
Speaker 1: issue with the boyfriend than it is with her or
Speaker 1: anything like that. And it's not even really an issue.
Speaker 1: It's just a confidence thing. That's just my take on it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's such a small, minor thing and such
Speaker 1: a temporary thing that it should be a non issue.
Speaker 1: That's the big thing. I was down for eight months
Speaker 1: when I was about twenty three. It's every day it sucks.
Speaker 1: And I refused to collect unemployment because I felt like
Speaker 1: that was beneath me and to my dad. Gotta hold
Speaker 1: me and said, look is your money. They've been taking
Speaker 1: it out of your patriot every years. You'll get it.
Speaker 1: So I did. But it's really a rough deal. And
Speaker 1: so I kind of see where he's coming from. But
Speaker 1: I think she's stuck in a tough I think I
Speaker 1: think for him, there is so much more to gain
Speaker 1: than just owning up to it, being confident and not
Speaker 1: even like telling everyone, but just like being willing to
Speaker 1: the best friend and when no, no, when you're not
Speaker 1: in the right mental head, space to be yourself. If
Speaker 1: you're meeting someone who is still significant to your significant other,
Speaker 1: do you want to be that person that you want
Speaker 1: to come off as like the person that you are not,
Speaker 1: you know, like be introverted and be the person that
Speaker 1: you're like your your career and your job doesn't define
Speaker 1: who you are. And I would also say that, like,
Speaker 1: it's not adopting. It could be anything. It could be
Speaker 1: like if someone's unhappy with the way I don't know anything.
Speaker 1: It certainly could be anything. But in this instance, it's
Speaker 1: not anything. It's the one thing. It's the job. It
Speaker 1: would also to say that if significant other came up
Speaker 1: to me and said, I really want to meet your friend.
Speaker 1: I know you're feeling insecure right now, I would be like,
Speaker 1: I need to rise to the occasion to be confident
Speaker 1: enough to meet your best friend because this is very
Speaker 1: important to you. Obviously, my drop's friends with benefits. This
Speaker 1: is an anonymous I'm currently taking a class in summer
Speaker 1: school in college, and on the first day, during a presentation,
Speaker 1: this cute guy sat real close next to me and
Speaker 1: asked which artwork was mine. Next class, he moved over
Speaker 1: to the computer next to mine. I didn't give him
Speaker 1: attention because I got the vibe that he's a player.
Speaker 1: Well a little late now he wanted to be friends
Speaker 1: with benefits. At first I wasn't keen, but I have
Speaker 1: a little experience with f w BE and figured why
Speaker 1: not have a summer fling. So far, we've hooked up
Speaker 1: twice during class breaks, but now he's being weird, even
Speaker 1: though I'm not really being needy at all. I can't
Speaker 1: help but think that if I'd have made him work
Speaker 1: for it, he would have kept chasing me. He went
Speaker 1: from texting me all day constantly and giving me so
Speaker 1: much attention to now he's nonchalant and distant. I'm wondering
Speaker 1: why eyes are always like this after sex. I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. I don't like the vibes that
Speaker 1: get from him. Would it be wrong of me to
Speaker 1: enjoy a casual summer flaying? Would love to hear your thoughts,
Speaker 1: of course. Well, my first thing is if it's a
Speaker 1: casual summer summer flaying, then don't get too emotionally involved.
Speaker 1: I think you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself
Speaker 1: right here. I think that whether or not if a
Speaker 1: guy really and guys chime in here, if a guy
Speaker 1: is really into you, whether you you know, have sexual
Speaker 1: encounter with them at the very beginning or if you
Speaker 1: make them wait a couple of months, if he's really
Speaker 1: into you, he's going to stick around. Yeah, of course, right,
Speaker 1: So I think in this case, he just wanted if
Speaker 1: he If you got the I always say this like,
Speaker 1: your gut is your biggest indicator, and always listen to it.
Speaker 1: So if you got the vibe that he was a player,
Speaker 1: then you knew from the beginning that that's what you
Speaker 1: were getting. Well, and here's the thing with her is
Speaker 1: she gave him exactly what he was looking for, and
Speaker 1: then once he got that, he was no longer interested.
Speaker 1: It's just one of those things where it's a guy
Speaker 1: that likes the chase, and once he gets what he wants,
Speaker 1: then he moves on to the next thing. He's a player.
Speaker 1: That's kind of the vibe you got from That's what
Speaker 1: he is. And he even staid of the beginning he
Speaker 1: wanted to be friends with benefits. He wasn't lying at all,
Speaker 1: Like he was very honest from the get go. Respect
Speaker 1: that respect, and she needs to see it as such
Speaker 1: and not really worri if he's being weird who cares exactly,
Speaker 1: And there is nothing wrong with that as long as
Speaker 1: you guys are botho the same page and you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's do this. The thing is what's reluctant from the
Speaker 1: beginning to have friends with benefits type of relationship and
Speaker 1: and so like when you're going into something back casual,
Speaker 1: and if you're like reluctant about it, then you are
Speaker 1: going to somehow not catch feelings. But you're not going
Speaker 1: to be able to just walk away from it being
Speaker 1: like I did it, no big deal, you know, right,
Speaker 1: Friends with benefits typically ends in one friend getting feelings
Speaker 1: and attached in the other one maybe not so much.
Speaker 1: I agree. So if you start developing feelings and you
Speaker 1: need to be open about that, I think that would
Speaker 1: be my advice for anybody with friends with benefits that
Speaker 1: if you guys are hooking up, but one person is
Speaker 1: starting to catch feelings and you're the person catching feelings,
Speaker 1: you have to say something. Well, here's the thing, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: I bet you that if you stopped giving him the
Speaker 1: attention that you've been giving him, he'll probably come running back.
Speaker 1: I would agree, So maybe that's what you should do.
Speaker 1: Is just kind of treat it like you were in
Speaker 1: the beginning and just kind of take it for what
Speaker 1: it is. And I think Dean's right on both accounts,
Speaker 1: because one who probably come chasing back into it's probably
Speaker 1: gonna help you stop from gaining any feelings if you
Speaker 1: cut them off. For anyone in this situation, Vanessa, have
Speaker 1: you ever been in a friends with benefits situation? See,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I wouldn't even know. Like I'm trying
Speaker 1: to give anonymous advice, but I'm like, I could never.
Speaker 1: I know I could. I can't do it. You would
Speaker 1: fall for the person. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, let's
Speaker 1: getting married tomorrow. I've been in friends with benefits situation?
Speaker 1: And did you catch feelings or did she? I did
Speaker 1: not catch feelings now and she did. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: speak on anyone else's, Okay, I'll just say why did
Speaker 1: it end? I did not catch because I wanted it?
Speaker 1: Ok you can speak for them, but we don't know.
Speaker 1: That's fair. That's fair, alright, Dared were you ever in
Speaker 1: this situation? Not like I mean, I wouldn't say I
Speaker 1: had a friend with benefits, but yeah, there's been like
Speaker 1: somebody that has been around more than once and my
Speaker 1: long path, my past long ago, and that just fizzled
Speaker 1: out or did one of you. And it's a tricky
Speaker 1: thing to even talk about exactly because you're just you know,
Speaker 1: it is a mutual ending obviously, but you know, I
Speaker 1: think one person maybe initiates the conversation before somebody else does.
Speaker 1: I have maybe you have an issue, not an issue,
Speaker 1: but I struggle with friends with benefits situation solely because
Speaker 1: just generally speaking to whether it's my guy friends, my
Speaker 1: friends who are girls, I'm a very affectionate and like
Speaker 1: loving person, and so when a benefits situation gets involved,
Speaker 1: then my affection and kindness kind of get taken as
Speaker 1: like action and like relationships type stuff. But the reality,
Speaker 1: it's just like that's just who I am as a
Speaker 1: friend in general. To whoever it is exactly like Dean,
Speaker 1: You're very touchy, feel like even though be times where
Speaker 1: Dean's like, yeah, Dean will like just hold like grab
Speaker 1: my hand or like put his arm around me. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're just like a big teddy bear, aren't you. It's
Speaker 1: a man. I love it, and it can be misconstrued sometimes,
Speaker 1: and again like that's entirely to my own fault. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think I should be doing that to someone
Speaker 1: that's in a friends with benefit situation, because then feelings
Speaker 1: come about, and it's just it's not necessarily an ugly thing,
Speaker 1: but maybe isn't the prettiest thing, So that's yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: this is an interesting one. There's another anonymous one. I
Speaker 1: met this guy to bar. We really hit it off.
Speaker 1: We went on a first date. It was great until
Speaker 1: he walked me into my car. Never put his arm
Speaker 1: around me, hold hands, anything like that, but out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: he tried to kiss me. I was awkward, and then
Speaker 1: I thought I messed it up, even though the date
Speaker 1: was really great until then. Then the next day he
Speaker 1: asked me when I thought I was going to sleep
Speaker 1: with him. I said, I'm not even sure I want
Speaker 1: to do that yet. He freaked out and said this
Speaker 1: is weird. He said all of his friends sleep with
Speaker 1: people after the first or second date, and then he
Speaker 1: didn't think we were going to work out exactly. I
Speaker 1: was just wrong for thinking this way. Then the next
Speaker 1: day sent me along apology and said he was out
Speaker 1: of line and he hadn't had sex for a while.
Speaker 1: I thanked him for the apology, but I thought that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm done with this guy. Well, it's been two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and since then he's texted me every single day, multiple
Speaker 1: times a day. He insists he wants to be friends.
Speaker 1: I've considered ghosting him because I'm getting overwhelmed. The other
Speaker 1: day he made a weird comment saying I need to
Speaker 1: wear something sexy the next time he sees me to
Speaker 1: show him what he's missing. What the hell is going
Speaker 1: on here? Is he just lonely? He just sucks? Poor guy.
Speaker 1: He just has no idea how to talk to women.
Speaker 1: He probably hasn't uh, he probably hasn't been laid in
Speaker 1: a while. So it's just like building up exactly. It's
Speaker 1: you know, sexual frustration is a very real thing. It
Speaker 1: sounds like he struggles with maintaining a certain level of
Speaker 1: respect for someone too. I feel like like you don't
Speaker 1: just try, and you don't come outwardly to someone after
Speaker 1: a date or too, like what are we having sex? Yeah? Exactly.
Speaker 1: And then the thing at the end too, when he
Speaker 1: said I think you should wear something sexy next time
Speaker 1: we see each other so you can show me what
Speaker 1: I'm missing. That's just a disrespectful thing to say. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm like, I look, the whole ghosting thing.
Speaker 1: I hated when people do it to me, so I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to do it to someone else, even if
Speaker 1: I'm really not into that person, even if they're disrespectful.
Speaker 1: I want to let them know why I want to
Speaker 1: end a communication, So I wouldn't necessarily say ghost to person,
Speaker 1: just maybe let them let him for her understand why, um,
Speaker 1: you don't want to pursue this anymore, because really, why
Speaker 1: do you need this guy in your life? I don't
Speaker 1: see any upside there. I don't see any upside either,
Speaker 1: And I think while I don't back up ghosting, maybe
Speaker 1: sometimes it is useful hate it. I've done it, maybe
Speaker 1: not so much of my recent life. I just can't
Speaker 1: fathom what it must take for like to put myself
Speaker 1: in those shoes, because I often try to do that
Speaker 1: with especially these emails. Is just asking a girl blatantly
Speaker 1: out right, so when are we having sex? I mean,
Speaker 1: it just sounds like a guy who has no idea
Speaker 1: what he's doing, right, and he's like, well, this is
Speaker 1: you know, I just this is what guys say, right,
Speaker 1: Like I sound cool and he's I bet he's trying
Speaker 1: to sound suave when he's like, show me when I'm missing,
Speaker 1: even though it just comes off so creepy and weird.
Speaker 1: And that's fine. If you've been dating for a while,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, send me some like you know, like
Speaker 1: you haven't even No. I agree, he's just he's coming
Speaker 1: off way too strong. Another anonymous I recently went on
Speaker 1: vacation with friends and met a group of guys during
Speaker 1: a night out. One of the guys started talking to me.
Speaker 1: We spent hours together, We had great conversation, and we kissed.
Speaker 1: We ended up seeing each other the next night as well,
Speaker 1: and then he sent me the sweetest text before my
Speaker 1: flight home, and here it is. I hope you have
Speaker 1: a safe trip back. I just want you to know
Speaker 1: you were by far my favorite part of this trip.
Speaker 1: I wanted to kiss the most beautiful girl in Miami,
Speaker 1: and thanks to you, I did. I won't forget you,
Speaker 1: so don't forget me. Thank you for the wonderful time.
Speaker 1: I told him if he's ever in my state, let
Speaker 1: me know. He said, Hey, I looked up the distance.
Speaker 1: It's only three hours away, so definitely doable. I said,
Speaker 1: three hours is nothing. I have not heard from him
Speaker 1: since he was such a great guy. If i'll such
Speaker 1: a connection to him, he can be the nicest man ever.
Speaker 1: But why not talk to me again? Why bother sending
Speaker 1: those sweet texts? Any inside on what's going on in
Speaker 1: his head or any advice on what I should do.
Speaker 1: I think the first thing you need to do is
Speaker 1: just acknowledge the fact that this was a vacation hook up, exactly,
Speaker 1: I think, So don't overthink it. He was so good,
Speaker 1: he was so sweet, he was so nice. Just have
Speaker 1: that memory. And then it was proving it was perfect. Exactly,
Speaker 1: run it. It's perfect. That's I mean, that's a long
Speaker 1: and short of it. I think like it was a
Speaker 1: vacation hook up. The only question I'd have would be
Speaker 1: how recently was this vacation? Was it like two days
Speaker 1: ago or was it like six months recently? I know
Speaker 1: that's all so I don't know what recently is to
Speaker 1: her Vanessa. Yeah, I mean that's why I don't have flings,
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't know what to do with this. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, like the guy said, it's a vacation hook up,
Speaker 1: so yeah, what it is. And plus he doesn't live
Speaker 1: in your area, so and he was so nice with
Speaker 1: that text, just like be like, you know what, that
Speaker 1: was a good one. And when guys send these two
Speaker 1: text messages after like a fun weekend, after a fun date,
Speaker 1: it kind of plays around with the girl's head or
Speaker 1: the guy's head whatever. So what you're saying, don't send
Speaker 1: those messages. What I'm saying maybe just like I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's no there's no right or wrong. He shouldn't have
Speaker 1: been He should't have said like, oh, I looked up
Speaker 1: the distance is only three hours away, so I would
Speaker 1: have been like, oh, yeah, maybe we can do long distance.
Speaker 1: I guess that would be the only one would be
Speaker 1: the three hours. You probably shouldn't have said that bit misleading.
Speaker 1: But again it's just like, you know, maybe he was
Speaker 1: still fresh off the emotions as well, still like feeling it,
Speaker 1: and he was like, oh well, let's continue to flirt.
Speaker 1: And now he's like, maybe not anymore. It's not real life.
Speaker 1: You get back to your regular routine and vacation fades
Speaker 1: from memory. I also like, and that's true even in
Speaker 1: my world with a wife and kids, we go on vacation,
Speaker 1: we're like, this is the greatest, We should live here forever,
Speaker 1: and no, this isn't real life. There's no job here,
Speaker 1: we have nothing to do, with no responsibilities, all day
Speaker 1: looking for fun and finding it. So how many times
Speaker 1: you've met somebody on a vacation would be a friend
Speaker 1: or like somebody or mother than a friend being like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come visit you like, oh you live here
Speaker 1: a baul, I'm gonna be there all the time, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. And then you get back home in a
Speaker 1: week later you're like, I'm never going there. What was
Speaker 1: I thinking? Why did I even say that? Because you're
Speaker 1: never Yeah, you don't have the responsibilities of everyday life, etcetera, etcetera. Um,
Speaker 1: I will say, I'm like on a permit vacation because
Speaker 1: I get to spend every Tuesday with you guys. God,
Speaker 1: this guy, he's so sweet. I'm kidding. Um yeah, not
Speaker 1: for me. Think we could wrap it up. We could say,
Speaker 1: how about this one? Up? Up with this one? I
Speaker 1: love the anonymous, so many anonymous They're so great. I'm
Speaker 1: glad they're anonymous. You know, don't put names out there.
Speaker 1: This is a very common situation. My best friends been
Speaker 1: dating a guy for a while and none of us
Speaker 1: like him. He's very possessive doesn't trust her, even though
Speaker 1: she's done nothing to make him act like that. They
Speaker 1: fight all the time in front of everyone. It just
Speaker 1: seems like an unhealthy relationship. She's told me more than
Speaker 1: once that she isn't sure about him. She wants to
Speaker 1: be in a healthy relationship with a guy. The treats
Speaker 1: are better, but I don't think she's willing to end
Speaker 1: this thing. It seems she would rather be with this
Speaker 1: guy than be alone. Our whole friend group is either
Speaker 1: engaged or married. Do I just let it play out
Speaker 1: and let her figure it out herself, or do I
Speaker 1: intervene more and her to talk her into ending things?
Speaker 1: Help my friend sucks at dating. I don't think you
Speaker 1: should talk her into ending things. I think you could
Speaker 1: be a sounding board for the types of issues that
Speaker 1: she's dealing with and maybe allow herself to come to
Speaker 1: the conclusion that it shouldn't be for her, like when
Speaker 1: I when I think about it, like my roommate or
Speaker 1: one of my one of my best friends was in
Speaker 1: a relationship and I never told him what to do,
Speaker 1: but I was always there to listen and offer my
Speaker 1: opinion on things. But I don't think she ever talked
Speaker 1: someone into ending a relationship. I think that was a
Speaker 1: perfect advice. Honestly, what you said first, I was like,
Speaker 1: that was perfect, could not be worded better. What about
Speaker 1: the last the rest of it, just the first part
Speaker 1: I stopped paying attention. Vanessa, you agree, Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think you should always offer advice and not tell
Speaker 1: the person what do you think that they used to do?
Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, people will end
Speaker 1: up waking up whenever they feel like they need to
Speaker 1: get out of something, or if they don't, then that's
Speaker 1: that's something that they used to be in. You know,
Speaker 1: like we kind of like, I know the type of
Speaker 1: relationship that I want to be in. It doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean that my friends want to be in the same
Speaker 1: relationship as me. So maybe this is something that you know,
Speaker 1: she needs to be going through right now, and and
Speaker 1: if she needs to break up with them later on,
Speaker 1: so she'll see the light. Yeah. We just need to
Speaker 1: be there for each other, to support each other all
Speaker 1: the time in the bad. Um All right, Well that'll
Speaker 1: do it for another episode of Help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean, Vanessa, Jared, and Mark Um. Big big
Speaker 1: thank you to Chelsea Truscofer calling in and offering some
Speaker 1: breaking up coaching. To check out her website break upward
Speaker 1: dot com not break upward dot com. Big thank you
Speaker 1: to Brooklyn and Swards being an incredible sponsor, having incredible
Speaker 1: sheets that Jared just raves about. I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: go home, just to go to bed. Best of luck
Speaker 1: to Arianna and Pete. May you guys both have a
Speaker 1: wonderful and prosperous relationship. Be sure tune in next week
Speaker 1: for Help I Suck at Dating, because maybe then we'll
Speaker 1: suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast