Speaker 1: Hello. Back to cast listeners. Quick plug at the top
Speaker 1: of the show, and it's especially relevant for today's episode
Speaker 1: because we are doing an online live reading of the
Speaker 1: Santa Claus the First Movie with Jamie with me Hi.
Speaker 1: It's Caitlin with Grace Thomas, who was our guest on
Speaker 1: the first Santa Claus episode from last year and who
Speaker 1: is our guest on today's episode. Also with Joel Monique
Speaker 1: and with Danielle Perez. So we've got a great cast.
Speaker 1: We're so excited. It's going to be so much fun.
Speaker 1: The show is on Sunday, December at six pm Pacific
Speaker 1: nine pm Eastern. Check out our Twitter or Instagram or
Speaker 1: go to Caitlin Deronte dot com slash shows for information
Speaker 1: on how to get tickets to the stream on YouTube,
Speaker 1: which you can watch live on December or you can
Speaker 1: watch anytime after that as long as you've bought a ticket.
Speaker 1: We are doing this show as a fundraiser for Reclaim
Speaker 1: and Rebuild our Community, a very worthy cause, so we
Speaker 1: really hope you'll support them. Check out the show. We
Speaker 1: love doing these shows and we really hope you'll join
Speaker 1: us and until then, enjoy today's episode on the Beck
Speaker 1: dol Cast. The questions asked if movies have women and
Speaker 1: um are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or
Speaker 1: do they have individualism? The patriarchy? Zef invest start changing
Speaker 1: it with the bec Del Cast. I'm going to start
Speaker 1: with my favorite quote from the movie. Ready, Yes, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Wow wow wow. Welcome to the bec Del Cast. My
Speaker 1: name is Jamie Loftus. My name is Caitlin Drante. So
Speaker 1: that was that was Alan Arkins. Yeah, his last lines
Speaker 1: in the movie are wow wow wow. You know what,
Speaker 1: it didn't make an impression on me, and I didn't
Speaker 1: really talk with me because he makes a terrible pun.
Speaker 1: And then and Margaret is like, let me get in
Speaker 1: on this little pun. And then Adam Marken Alan Arkin
Speaker 1: says wow wow wow. And that's the end of his arc.
Speaker 1: That's the end of his Arkin. He who talking about
Speaker 1: wow wow wow. He goes from being like I'm in
Speaker 1: a garage to wow wow wow, I'm Santa's father in law.
Speaker 1: Incredible storytelling, really beautiful stuff. This is the Bechtel Cast,
Speaker 1: by the way, ever heard of it? Yes, this is
Speaker 1: our our our Santa Claus three episode. But first, this
Speaker 1: is our podcast where we discuss movies from an intersectional
Speaker 1: feminist lens, using the Bechtel test merely as a jumping
Speaker 1: off point. Jamie, tell me about the Bechtel test. I
Speaker 1: forget well, um, I'll tell you. The Bechdel test is
Speaker 1: sometimes called the Bechtel Wallace test. It's a media metric
Speaker 1: that was invented by queer cartoonist Alison Bechdel that requires,
Speaker 1: for our purposes. Many different versions of this test. Our
Speaker 1: purposes require that two people of a marginalized gender with
Speaker 1: names speak to each other about something other than a
Speaker 1: man for two lines of dialogue. I'm realizing I don't
Speaker 1: really know if that happens in the Santa Claus three?
Speaker 1: Does it? I didn't pay attention for everyone who I
Speaker 1: don't know. I listened to our podcast thirty seconds one time.
Speaker 1: They're like, is this the podcast? I was figuring it out.
Speaker 1: It isn't, and I honestly didn't even remember to pay
Speaker 1: attention this time. That does it? Great? I think that
Speaker 1: like the question you need to ask first is do
Speaker 1: all elves count as a marginalized gender? If if the
Speaker 1: answer is yes, then still no, it does not pass
Speaker 1: gets to talk to each other. There were so many.
Speaker 1: There was one time I wrote in my Okay, so
Speaker 1: this is our Santa Claus three episode. We're going to
Speaker 1: introduce her to a second but Grace Thomas is back.
Speaker 1: This is our one of our most honored holiday traditions.
Speaker 1: Even though it's just the second time and there's only
Speaker 1: three movies, we're going to figure it out. Um. Truly
Speaker 1: one of our favorite episodes, one of our, like one
Speaker 1: of our listeners favorite episodes. I did write down in
Speaker 1: my notes um that there were probably a lot of
Speaker 1: child actors who got their sag card on this movie,
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of elves that have one line
Speaker 1: and they go they just get in the line, a
Speaker 1: single file line in front of Tim Allen and they say, Hi, Santa,
Speaker 1: look at my toy. And then Tim Allen goes, wow,
Speaker 1: what a great toy. And then they just go to
Speaker 1: the back of the elf line and the next kid
Speaker 1: comes up and they and then he actually, I think
Speaker 1: if you look in the blooper reel, he hands them
Speaker 1: a sag card. Tim Allen hands them one, and then yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the this is the Bechdel Cast. So yes,
Speaker 1: so our our our guest today. She's a very funny comedian.
Speaker 1: She has a podcast coming out in January called Competitive Literature,
Speaker 1: which everyone must check out. And you remember her from
Speaker 1: our Santa Claus one episode. It's Grace Thomas. Hello, what's up.
Speaker 1: I would just like to say hello out of the fans,
Speaker 1: first of all, first and foremost, I'm really you know,
Speaker 1: without you, this episode wouldn't have happened because Jamie and
Speaker 1: Caitlin hated the last episode. They despised it. But the fans,
Speaker 1: the fans just kept calling out for another one and
Speaker 1: then and then it just had to happen. That is true.
Speaker 1: I mean we famously did on stage and then Caitlin,
Speaker 1: you edited it out later, but at the end of
Speaker 1: the show, you and I said in unison we hate
Speaker 1: at this and people at the show remember, but it
Speaker 1: was they booed you the entire audience. Things really kicked
Speaker 1: up that night. I mean, if you were at the
Speaker 1: Denver show, I'm sure you can you know there there
Speaker 1: was a fight there court records. We were at court.
Speaker 1: We had to go on zoom because what with you know,
Speaker 1: the whole situation. But we went to court on zoom
Speaker 1: and you know, I was I was happy with with
Speaker 1: with where we settled on that. Yeah, they did, but
Speaker 1: the court didn't resolve it until like April of this year,
Speaker 1: even though that it was recorded in December, just because apparently,
Speaker 1: apparently theater brawls are way down on the list of
Speaker 1: not a top priority. It's unfair, it's not right. But
Speaker 1: I did think it was very clever that you and
Speaker 1: your lawyer added that if you won in Zoom court
Speaker 1: that you would come back for the Fan Claus three. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm totally broke from hiring a lawyer for this,
Speaker 1: and the judge. The judge did say I didn't need
Speaker 1: to hire one because it was, like I miss mean,
Speaker 1: but it was it was worth it. I think. I
Speaker 1: think we're all satisfied with where it's landed. I think
Speaker 1: so I'm so excited to talk about this movie because
Speaker 1: I remember, Grace, you said last year during Santa Claus
Speaker 1: one that Santa Claus three a movie I think I've
Speaker 1: only seen one time. It feels like it takes place
Speaker 1: in a completely different universe than the first one. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's, it's it's I'm getting worked up. I am
Speaker 1: getting worked up. It just it does not make sense
Speaker 1: as a continuation of the first two movies, not just
Speaker 1: canon wise, not just how it just blows past Cannon,
Speaker 1: not just how it warps the story and the characters,
Speaker 1: but just like totally the first the reason the first
Speaker 1: two movies are funny it is because it's got this
Speaker 1: kind of like serious, real world perspective, dealing with these
Speaker 1: like you know, real world emotions, you know, like dealing
Speaker 1: with divorce, dealing with getting back out there. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying these are super serious movies. But then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, there's like on Elf C I a you know,
Speaker 1: that's why they're so enjoyable, and then there's some everything changes.
Speaker 1: In Santa Claus three, there's there's none of that reality.
Speaker 1: It's all just it's like it's like a ranking bass special,
Speaker 1: but in the worst way. I love Ranking bass specials,
Speaker 1: but it's that in the world because it's it's just detached.
Speaker 1: And when it's not, when it's this you know, live action,
Speaker 1: it's not only a live live action as opposed to claimation,
Speaker 1: it's also a continuation of a franchise that wasn't that
Speaker 1: at all, and it just has less it has it
Speaker 1: leans into the fantasy elements and has less fun with them.
Speaker 1: At the same time, and also like effectively kind of
Speaker 1: like ruins some of the good parts of the first movie,
Speaker 1: which I forgot that it does. At the end, it
Speaker 1: goes back to the first movie and then adds in
Speaker 1: a bunch of like nonsense as Cannon that it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: actually in Martin short killed Fanta when he went hey,
Speaker 1: that was the only part of the movie that I liked.
Speaker 1: That when they go back like travel through time and
Speaker 1: like screw with the timeline, because I love that stuff.
Speaker 1: I love any like time travel, screwing with the timeline.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I like that too, and I mean
Speaker 1: they do I guess fix it kind of in the end.
Speaker 1: But I will say before we get into the synopsis,
Speaker 1: before we even get into the rest of it, I'll
Speaker 1: get the the nipple score of this movie. I don't
Speaker 1: even think we can pretend that it's even gonna get half,
Speaker 1: you know, because this is by far the most misogynistic
Speaker 1: Santa Claus movie of the three, by far, and it's
Speaker 1: also maybe the most misogynistic Christmas movie I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: Like it's like devastating, It's like so misogynistic that you
Speaker 1: almost had to look because I'm like, okay, the second
Speaker 1: we can't talk about the Santa Claus Too too much
Speaker 1: because we had to talk about it next year. But like,
Speaker 1: you know, the the whole Santa Claus Too is like
Speaker 1: and we're just gonna, we're gonna, we gotta we gotta
Speaker 1: get Carol to give that career up. We gotta get
Speaker 1: her out of that job of hers. And so you
Speaker 1: think that that would be the most misogynistic one, but
Speaker 1: it's not. It's the one where she's in abor for
Speaker 1: the whole movie, and at least in the Santa Claus
Speaker 1: to like kind of oh, she's like, oh Christmas magic.
Speaker 1: You know. She's like like, well, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: If I was presented with marrying Santa Claus and I
Speaker 1: knew he was Santa and whatnot, maybe you know, I
Speaker 1: just leave everything behind. Maybe I would. I think I
Speaker 1: would for me would, But I would also I would
Speaker 1: demand a role, you know, I would be like, you know,
Speaker 1: I would be an active first Lady of the North Pole.
Speaker 1: Mrs Claus has a role. It's just completely nonsensical, any sense.
Speaker 1: You mean, when she teaches children elves in in elf
Speaker 1: school who look identical to the adult elves, just because
Speaker 1: all the elves look like children yeah, is that what
Speaker 1: you mean that? Fus? Yeah, I think about that regularly
Speaker 1: and it really sucks up. How do you get how
Speaker 1: do they get made? Do they just like they're on
Speaker 1: like a Twilight loop? They just go back to school
Speaker 1: every hundred years, they just keep going there. I was
Speaker 1: confused at that too, because maybe I missed something, which
Speaker 1: is possible because this movie feels long, but it's very short. Um.
Speaker 1: She seems to only teach them about her life, like
Speaker 1: her main lesson is like kind of like what happened
Speaker 1: to her the Christmachine. She is trying to teach them math.
Speaker 1: She is at first she's like, there's a there's a
Speaker 1: reindeer math question, and then Abigail Breslin is like, stands
Speaker 1: up and she she's you know, she's feminist. I can
Speaker 1: on Abigail Breslin because she stands up and she's like, listen,
Speaker 1: Mrs Claus, I want to know why don't you teach
Speaker 1: just what we want to learn? And you'd think it
Speaker 1: would be like an anything but like slay Man, you know,
Speaker 1: but what she wants to know and apparently the whole
Speaker 1: class wants to know is she pretty explicitly says like
Speaker 1: why did you leave your entire life to come up
Speaker 1: here and teach, which is a very that's just good journalist.
Speaker 1: That's good journalists like it. It does beg the question
Speaker 1: and that that part. So she does start by teaching
Speaker 1: a math problem, but then she derails math class to
Speaker 1: tell her life story um, which is unusual for an
Speaker 1: elementary teacher to do. UM. But that specific moment, there's
Speaker 1: and this is a bad this is a note I
Speaker 1: took that I'm like, well, I don't like this note.
Speaker 1: It reminded me of the beginning of Portrait of a
Speaker 1: Lady on Fire, Oh, where they're like in the class
Speaker 1: and she's like, who is this and then she likes like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: it's a whole thing. There's a way to read this
Speaker 1: in your film as an analog a Portrait of a
Speaker 1: Lady on Fire. I mean, one of the last scenes
Speaker 1: is you know, Santa looking at Jack Frost from across
Speaker 1: the room, and then Jack Frost looks back at Santa,
Speaker 1: and then the movie's over, you know, And if that
Speaker 1: isn't Mozart is playing yes and our Our Scott Calvin
Speaker 1: ak Santa Claus is pants not on fire. At one
Speaker 1: point in the movie, part on Fire of a Santa
Speaker 1: Claus on the fire. I think that these French assholes
Speaker 1: ripped top the Santa Claus three, the Escape Claws so badly,
Speaker 1: and I think they need to be held accountable for
Speaker 1: the last place you'd expect to look for plagiarism. It's
Speaker 1: the perfect crime, It's the the crime there. I so
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah. At the beginning, I read down Abigail
Speaker 1: Breslin Portrait of an alphon fire, but it is portrait
Speaker 1: of a Santa Claus on fire. At the end, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll give I'll give it up to this to the
Speaker 1: Santa Claus through the escape clause. It is a very
Speaker 1: gay movie, even though it's violently misogynistic. Can be both
Speaker 1: of those things, and it is two things can be true,
Speaker 1: there are I felt honestly, I have like, I have
Speaker 1: a fair amount of notes, but I have the thing
Speaker 1: I have more notes than I was prepared to have.
Speaker 1: Was in regards to um the Blooper reel, which I
Speaker 1: guess we'll get to. But the Bloper real really um
Speaker 1: resonated with me. I feel like it because it is
Speaker 1: Tim Allen and Martin short yelling, screaming, screaming, screaming, and
Speaker 1: like ten different scenes and then you're like, wow, I
Speaker 1: guess they were screaming in Unison in a lot of
Speaker 1: different scenes, but when there's no special effects or music,
Speaker 1: it really is jarring to be like, wow, they're screaming.
Speaker 1: And then one of the only other bloopers there's like
Speaker 1: a there's like a few random ones, but it's like
Speaker 1: Tim Allen screaming, Martin Schortz screaming, Tim Allen and Martin
Speaker 1: Shortz screaming. And then one scene of the Easter Bunny
Speaker 1: sexually harassing and Margaret and her saying I'm so uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and then children laugh and you're like, wait, there's children here,
Speaker 1: and then that's the end of the One of the
Speaker 1: worst parts of this movie is that everybody wants to
Speaker 1: fuck Carol's mom, oh my gosh, except for Carol's dad
Speaker 1: doesn't want anything because Carol's dad a k a. Alan
Speaker 1: Arkin wants to have sex with Aisha Tyler, which I
Speaker 1: was kind of which I was like, Okay, that's kind
Speaker 1: of an iconic pairing, but also like, you can't that
Speaker 1: you can't. I'm split on that. I'm split on that
Speaker 1: and not about like I'm split on whether or not
Speaker 1: he wanted to suck it because it's like one like three,
Speaker 1: Like he's like putting his head on her shoulder. So like,
Speaker 1: my there were a lot of weird sexual things in
Speaker 1: this movie, but that I didn't know if I was
Speaker 1: supposed to take it as that because especially because she's
Speaker 1: Mother Earth, you know, and is laying his and she
Speaker 1: pats him, you know, like I did, kind of it
Speaker 1: was okay. I was so when I saw that there's
Speaker 1: a shot at the end this this episode is just
Speaker 1: going to be chaotic and everyone just has to deal
Speaker 1: with it. Like the the shot at the end where
Speaker 1: Alan Arkin is like really slowly laying his head on
Speaker 1: Ayisha Tyler's shoulder. Normally I would take issue with that
Speaker 1: and be like that's creep, But then in that I
Speaker 1: was like, well, it's Alan Arkin and i Ushoa Tyler.
Speaker 1: Like as a static image, I'm on board. In context,
Speaker 1: maybe not quite as much, but as a static image
Speaker 1: alan Arkins head gently rested on i Ushua Tyler's shoulder,
Speaker 1: That's a fun image. I might even commission that to
Speaker 1: paint to paint or even as like I got a
Speaker 1: big one of those already. I'm not one about my bead,
Speaker 1: my fiance hates it, you found me to burn it,
Speaker 1: or that they're gonna eat me. Come around, around, I
Speaker 1: will say it. Should we do the synopsis? Were there? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: real quick, our history relationship with the movie Grace. You
Speaker 1: said you had only seen this one once before, right,
Speaker 1: but you're a big fan of the first two. I
Speaker 1: had only seen it once before it was in theaters.
Speaker 1: Was my cousin who who passed away last year. So again,
Speaker 1: every time I've seen this movie for the first time
Speaker 1: with someone their debt, you know, it's just bam bam bam. Like, well,
Speaker 1: I've joked about it enough that I've kind of kind
Speaker 1: of a nerd to it, you know, but it certainly happened, Jesus,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'll tell you one thing. This is
Speaker 1: a really movie related but when your family has entirely
Speaker 1: cut you off because your trans pretty much and then
Speaker 1: you find out a cousin instead, it's like, well, this
Speaker 1: is pretty sad, but I have nothing to do, you know,
Speaker 1: no plane tickets to buy. It's very like it's a
Speaker 1: very chill way to find out a family member is
Speaker 1: dead because you simply have no responsibilities, don't You can't
Speaker 1: send flowers because you don't even know where anyone lives anymore.
Speaker 1: It's a chill. I mean, it's bad for a lot
Speaker 1: of emotional reasons, but it's also like if you want
Speaker 1: to be able to be lazy when a family member dies,
Speaker 1: beat rands, did you, It's like it's your text reaction
Speaker 1: away from yes, yes, that the thumbs down I wanted to.
Speaker 1: So I had to remind myself for this episode who
Speaker 1: and Margaret was or she's alive, right, So I think
Speaker 1: the reason that we are like, oh, everyone is horny
Speaker 1: for and Margaret. I think that's a joke for parents.
Speaker 1: I think it's a joke for boomers because and Margaret
Speaker 1: was like kind of like a young bombshell in like
Speaker 1: the sixties, So I think every parents are supposed to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, and Margaret, she used to play
Speaker 1: a bunch of you know, sexy roles, and so now
Speaker 1: she's she's she's a grandma, but she's still sexy. But
Speaker 1: not to Alan Arkin. It's kind of like this is
Speaker 1: like a you know, like like a like a a
Speaker 1: story quilt or like you know, like just an old
Speaker 1: tone of genealogy or something, and of like just like
Speaker 1: a story of our culture and it's a way to
Speaker 1: the Santa Claus three is a way for boomers to
Speaker 1: pass down to a new generation about how fuckable I
Speaker 1: hand Marcrets. Back in the day, we wanted to fret,
Speaker 1: this is something you should know and carry and tell
Speaker 1: the future generations because it was. It took me a
Speaker 1: second to be like, oh, they're free. I don't. You
Speaker 1: can kind of like tell when I can't even really
Speaker 1: describe what the choices, but when they're like framing someone
Speaker 1: like an older actor, very particularly where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to know who this is, I just don't.
Speaker 1: And that's how they present her because you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: Alan Arkins, that's exciting, and then like I think I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be excited about I don't know who this is.
Speaker 1: I kept thinking it was Reba McIntyre, and then I
Speaker 1: was like, now she's just got a good wig. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's and Margaret. You know, she she does what
Speaker 1: she can and then she's and then apparently she was
Speaker 1: sexually harassed by the Easter Bunny. So we got a cat.
Speaker 1: I think, well, okay, Jamie, what what is your relationship
Speaker 1: with this movie? I'm not even sure. I I think
Speaker 1: I've seen it once. I didn't see it in theaters.
Speaker 1: I think I've watched it on TV, like sort of,
Speaker 1: I think that's my history. I know that, like it
Speaker 1: was familiar enough that I'm like, I've seen this movie.
Speaker 1: I know the Martin short Santa Clause, but the specifics
Speaker 1: of like the number and volume of of of plot lines,
Speaker 1: I did not remember. So I'm pretty sure I've seen
Speaker 1: it once on like TBS or something. Got it? What
Speaker 1: about you? I've never seen this before. I did grow
Speaker 1: up with the first Santa Clause movie, but hadn't seen
Speaker 1: of the two sequels until just the other day when
Speaker 1: I started prepping for this episode, so I seemed too
Speaker 1: pretty fresh. But the main thing that I forgot about
Speaker 1: this movie that really pissed me off and dried me
Speaker 1: up was that there's no David Krumholtz. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: shocked by that too. I totally forgot that. And that's
Speaker 1: just rooted in this film's refusal to evolve the cannon
Speaker 1: and mythology of the North Pole. It entirely refuses to
Speaker 1: just just love it, love the world it's created in
Speaker 1: the last few films, and I hate that and that
Speaker 1: like hot chocolate girl isn't there either who has been
Speaker 1: presented in these earlier movies as this like mystical ancient figure,
Speaker 1: you know. And then it's just like, well our head
Speaker 1: Elf and are like Elf Sorceress just are on vocation shin,
Speaker 1: you know, because they aged out of the roles because
Speaker 1: in the Four Children Forever, but Spencer Breslyn gets to
Speaker 1: come back. I felt bad because I was like feeling
Speaker 1: kind of aggressive towards Spencer Breslyn. Care but I was like,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be the smartest Elf here and you
Speaker 1: just give Jack Frost all the info he needs, you
Speaker 1: fucking little little fool you. I mean, he looks like
Speaker 1: a dollar store beans, you know, from even Stevens. He does.
Speaker 1: I always forget the Spencer Breslen is not, in fact Beans, Yes,
Speaker 1: he's not. He's not even being I mean, I'm sure
Speaker 1: this is no, this is not personal attack on Spencer,
Speaker 1: but I did have a very emotional reaction when his character,
Speaker 1: I mean, he just can't hold a candle, he cannot
Speaker 1: do what Bernard does, and it shows that's all I'll say. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean this this film really just destroys so much
Speaker 1: much of the mythology too. Because the Owls are presented
Speaker 1: as like, you know, like loving what they do, being
Speaker 1: so invested in the North Pole. But then when Jack
Speaker 1: Frost takes over and just makes them be theme park employees,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, they're slaves, Like oh, this is against
Speaker 1: their will, like you know, like they're just a part
Speaker 1: of this. They're like little homunculi, you know, that are
Speaker 1: being forced to to do this. And and that leaves
Speaker 1: a taste, a bad taste in your mouth that reverberates
Speaker 1: throughout the last two movies too. Yeah, there, it is
Speaker 1: also unpleasant. And that was also just like a very
Speaker 1: bizarre choice to me. I always find it really it
Speaker 1: just feels disingenuous. Whenever in a Disney movie they make
Speaker 1: some like point about like oh look at all this,
Speaker 1: they consumerize it, and they opened a theme park. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to need this message from literally any other
Speaker 1: company because that's like it's just simply not going to
Speaker 1: hit for me. So I thought that that choice and
Speaker 1: at the why this movie is so fucking weird. I
Speaker 1: guess we I guess we should do the recap. Yes,
Speaker 1: let's recap. Let's take a quick break first, and that
Speaker 1: will come back to the recap. Wow, the guy who
Speaker 1: directed this movie also directed Tooth Fairy. Sorry, Dwayne Johnson,
Speaker 1: what a weird corner to paint yourself into. He has
Speaker 1: some sort of curse on him, He's got a a clause,
Speaker 1: he's beholden to some sort of fucked up clause. And
Speaker 1: then I feel like we this somehow might have come
Speaker 1: up last year. But it's worth mentioning that the writing
Speaker 1: duo that writes both Santa Claus Too and Three are
Speaker 1: the same writers of There's Something About Mary and You
Speaker 1: Can Really and also the Lizie McGuire movie, which actually,
Speaker 1: like it was an arrow to my heart. Yeah, confusing, Well,
Speaker 1: at very least there was a female writer on the
Speaker 1: Lizie McGuire movie as well, so maybe she or maybe
Speaker 1: that movie is terrible and I just don't remember, but um,
Speaker 1: which is probably the case. But the yeah, Ed Dector
Speaker 1: and John J. Strauss wrote this movie, I mean, seemingly
Speaker 1: under duress. You have to think this movie went through
Speaker 1: like well, I mean, it's just you know, the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus Too is a sweet film. It's like not a
Speaker 1: perfect film, but it's sweet at least, you know, and
Speaker 1: this movie, I mean it must have gone through a
Speaker 1: dozen rewrites. It must, it seems really, it seems like
Speaker 1: it was like there's three drafts that all ended up
Speaker 1: in the same in the same script. Yes, and a
Speaker 1: bunch of people must have thrown in jokes and ideas,
Speaker 1: because like Jack is such a mish mishmash of a
Speaker 1: charcter that just I don't know if this will surprise
Speaker 1: you too, but I have a deep, on abiding love
Speaker 1: for Jack Frost, and I just that's not where I
Speaker 1: saw that's going continue. I've just offended. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm deeply hurt by how they portrayed Jack Frost in
Speaker 1: this movie. Well, who do you know Jack Frost to be?
Speaker 1: Because I don't have a ton of context for Jack.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have like more of an aesthetic
Speaker 1: idea of him. I don't have a character idea of him. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm Finnish, and Jack Frost is a big Finnish mythological figure.
Speaker 1: I did. I did more research into it, and he's
Speaker 1: like has his own chapter in like this thing called
Speaker 1: like the or something that's not what it's called, but
Speaker 1: really big tome of ancient Finnish poems and stuff. And
Speaker 1: it makes sense because my Finnish grandfather used to reference
Speaker 1: him a lot, So I feel like it's like in
Speaker 1: my blood kind of to love Jack Frost. I just
Speaker 1: love Jack Frost as like kind of a scamp, you know,
Speaker 1: but also like in his heart heroic and I hate
Speaker 1: I fucking just I don't understand Martin Short, and I
Speaker 1: don't think anybody under forty understands Martin Short. So that
Speaker 1: is the perfect hot take. I like, I like the
Speaker 1: idea of Martin Short. Yes, I don't like fully get it.
Speaker 1: When I'm gonna see a movie with him in it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I think I like Martin Short, and
Speaker 1: then I see it and I'm like, I fucking hated
Speaker 1: Martin Short. In that You're like, it was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. I don't know, Like I just don't understand.
Speaker 1: I feel like whatever it was that made Martin Short
Speaker 1: the funniest person on earth is a generational like if
Speaker 1: if you're born after a certain time, you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not offended and not upset. I just don't understand what
Speaker 1: what everyone was so excited about. Yeah, he made a
Speaker 1: wish to a genie that granted it, but it was
Speaker 1: like he wanted to be famous. But the Genie was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you'll be famous and beloved. Not only people born in
Speaker 1: the nineteen fifties will find you. Funny. Parents love Martin
Speaker 1: and I like. I like Martin short. I just and
Speaker 1: I feel like he like brings a cool energy that
Speaker 1: like movies need sometimes and he can make a bad
Speaker 1: movie not as bad because he just brings like commitment
Speaker 1: and energy. But I don't fully get it. And also
Speaker 1: you you brought up the next We we have covered
Speaker 1: the Michael Keaton Jack Frost on our Patreon before I didn't.
Speaker 1: I honestly does the Michael Keaton Jack Frost have anything
Speaker 1: to do with the mythology? Because I was because he
Speaker 1: was just in a band and then he and then
Speaker 1: he came back okay, just making um and then there's
Speaker 1: been a serial killer Jack Frost movie too. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: just don't think people have enough respect for the finish
Speaker 1: and I can think that's something that we can really confront.
Speaker 1: That's well, Grace, I think it's up to you to
Speaker 1: write a respectful Jack Frost film that positive Jack Frost representation.
Speaker 1: There hasn't been enough of it in cinema. I agree.
Speaker 1: The only other Jack Frost representation I've seen is Michael
Speaker 1: Keaton getting killed on Christi's Eve on the way to
Speaker 1: do his cover band and not just that is definitely
Speaker 1: not the worst movie in the world. That's not gonna
Speaker 1: cut it. I will say he was the hero in
Speaker 1: Rise of the Guardians that works, Rise the Guy. Is
Speaker 1: that an owl? A movie about owls? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no no, that's The Guardians of Yeah, what's it like?
Speaker 1: So Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Jack Frost, but they
Speaker 1: all don't have this quite like like Santa Claus isn't
Speaker 1: called Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny isn't quite called the
Speaker 1: Easter Bunny. But they have to like rise up and
Speaker 1: defeat this shadow demon um and and it was I
Speaker 1: think one of Jeffrey Katzenberg's last films that DreamWorks before
Speaker 1: he moved to Quimby. Oh RiPP Quimby rip quick. All right,
Speaker 1: I think it might be time for the recap now.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Kate. No, that's that's what we're here for.
Speaker 1: Like you said, this is this episode's chaos and that's
Speaker 1: just how I camp. But yeah, sorry, I'm still sucking
Speaker 1: to Michael Keaton, Jack Frost. That's whenever they bring together
Speaker 1: the holiday mascots and wanted to be like, isn't this empowering?
Speaker 1: I'm always like this is kind of like it just
Speaker 1: feels itchy to me. And it feels like when they
Speaker 1: try to put Cereal mascots together and you're like, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't want this, I don't need this. They
Speaker 1: do this in um Al Frank Bomb's The Life and
Speaker 1: Adventure of Santa Claus, which was the final claymation adaptation
Speaker 1: that Ranking Bass made. Um and that comes off that's
Speaker 1: my favorite. I love that movie. And that comes off
Speaker 1: cool because they're like not They're not like the Easter
Speaker 1: Bunny and ship. It's like the like Lords of Spring,
Speaker 1: you know, and like the the like the Nature Elves
Speaker 1: and Mother Earth and YadA YadA YadA, and that's like
Speaker 1: mythological stuff. Yeah, and then this it's like the Easter Bunny.
Speaker 1: And then Cupid played by Kevin Pollack. My partner walked
Speaker 1: in while I was, um, you know, taking diligent notes
Speaker 1: about Santa Claus three, and then he went Kevin and
Speaker 1: then walked away. I was like there, It's like, how
Speaker 1: dare you see Kevin poll and a full on diaper
Speaker 1: and they go oh Kevin and walk away. It was
Speaker 1: just not okay with me. And we're on the relationship position.
Speaker 1: Um he's in She's All That. I think, Oh my god, Wait,
Speaker 1: we're recording this the day after. I'm so, I mean,
Speaker 1: we hated She's All That. But do you want to
Speaker 1: know some gossip. I'll put some gossip on the pot
Speaker 1: and then we'll recap the movie. So okay. So it's
Speaker 1: like Los Angeles local gossip. That's pretty draconian and evil.
Speaker 1: So our Mayor Eric Garcetti is a terrible man. He's
Speaker 1: the worst. And yesterday, as of this recording, he had
Speaker 1: shut down a COVID testing site at Union Station for
Speaker 1: the reason that he had like or his office or
Speaker 1: whatever you know, office does that they had rented Union
Speaker 1: Station to a reboot of She's All That called She's
Speaker 1: All That starring Tiktoker's and that's why people couldn't get
Speaker 1: their COVID tests today. Isn't that the most evil ship
Speaker 1: you've ever heard in your life? For the worst reason?
Speaker 1: Fucked up? I mean what TikToker is? Because like, if
Speaker 1: there's some of my faves Addison Ray, has that change
Speaker 1: your mind? Oh, She's no I'm not no, I, she
Speaker 1: confuses me. I looked her up once and all of
Speaker 1: her stuff is just about it's like one of those
Speaker 1: YouTube families, you know, like it's but it's like just
Speaker 1: like a single young girl talking about like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is the boy I'm with now, and it's like, what,
Speaker 1: why can't this is what cinema used to be, you know,
Speaker 1: people people used to go to the movies for these worries,
Speaker 1: and now they're getting them from I'm just I always
Speaker 1: get the feeling. I'm like, I am just like I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be here. I should get out of here. Either way,
Speaker 1: no one should shot down a COVID testing site for
Speaker 1: He's all That starring Addison Ray. Um, that's the most
Speaker 1: evil ship. Anyways, shout out Kevin, Kevin, Kevin Kevin. Okay, Caitlyn,
Speaker 1: we're ready to do the podcast. I guess, I guess.
Speaker 1: I guess we'll find out what's going on with Santa
Speaker 1: Claus three. So it's just like, do you just not
Speaker 1: want to talk about this? Just delaying so much? All right,
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll make this as quick as possible. We'll
Speaker 1: see how it goes. Um Okay, So just a really
Speaker 1: quick fill in the gap between Santa Claus one and
Speaker 1: Santa Claus three. In Santa Claus To there's a new
Speaker 1: clause that says that Santa Claus has to get married
Speaker 1: by next Christmas, which is in like a month, or
Speaker 1: else he can't be Santa anymore. So he ends up
Speaker 1: falling in love with Carol, his son, Charlie's school principle,
Speaker 1: and she becomes Mrs Claus. So that's what happens. But
Speaker 1: also I realized here's a little I was but her
Speaker 1: her maiden name is Carol Newman, which because her name
Speaker 1: is Carol because Christ and she needs a new man,
Speaker 1: meaning Scott Calvin a k. Santa Claus. There's a poetry
Speaker 1: to these films, the films, it's it's very literary, you
Speaker 1: know they're taking I was like, Oh, she needs a
Speaker 1: new man, and she will leave her job for a
Speaker 1: new man. For all the listeners out there, I really
Speaker 1: really suggest watching these movies with a script in hand,
Speaker 1: because otherwise you're just not gonna take it in like
Speaker 1: you should. It's true. I felt really impacted. I was like,
Speaker 1: Oh Newman, it was all it was all there, All
Speaker 1: the hints were there. The maybe we talked about this
Speaker 1: last year two. But that like the plot of the
Speaker 1: Santa Claus too, is the plot to a like is
Speaker 1: also the plot to the Princess Diaries to write like,
Speaker 1: isn't it the same thing where like Anne Hathaway has
Speaker 1: to get married by the end of the month or
Speaker 1: the country sinks into the ocean, or like, I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the consequence was. It's like these evil
Speaker 1: Eastern Europeans that are always are in the well. I mean,
Speaker 1: I thought I made note of that too, because I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, there's it feels like there's a lot
Speaker 1: of movies where a woman needs to get married by
Speaker 1: a certain deadline or else there will be consequences. Because
Speaker 1: Aladdin was another thing that came to mind, which Jasmine
Speaker 1: has to get married in three days or whatever. So
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, that's an interesting subversion that a
Speaker 1: man has to find his wife. Yeah, and that almost
Speaker 1: suggests that. But that he's like, you need to rob
Speaker 1: a woman of her career in the next thirty days
Speaker 1: or you're fucked, or Christmass can't well, I mean, you
Speaker 1: know he yeah, he could have found someone who could
Speaker 1: work from home, you know, yes, Scott, everything of that.
Speaker 1: Jesus yeah, Well, here's my thing about that, about losing
Speaker 1: her career and whatnot. She didn't have to necessarily because
Speaker 1: she could have just been like, oh, I'm the high
Speaker 1: school principal of the North Pole, you know, because apparently
Speaker 1: there's kid alves in schools. But there's got to be
Speaker 1: some like North Pole bimbo ization, because by the time
Speaker 1: we get to the Santa Claus three, she's an entirely
Speaker 1: different person. She's not sharp, she's not funny, she's not
Speaker 1: like she's just like teaching at an elementary school. She's
Speaker 1: not like enterprising about like what like what she wants
Speaker 1: these kids till now and learned. Yeah, and that happens. Also,
Speaker 1: there's like a North Pool hymboization to Scott, who like
Speaker 1: become this soft, not quite as smart or wildly guy,
Speaker 1: you know. And it even extends to the family members
Speaker 1: after a while being in the North Pole, they're all
Speaker 1: these soft, goofy guys, you know, and it's just it's
Speaker 1: it's it's it's perflexing. Well to Laura, okay the way, well, like, okay,
Speaker 1: we have to talk about the plot. I got so
Speaker 1: frust I'm like Laura and Neil, are we even I
Speaker 1: was genuinely like, why are Laura and Neil even here?
Speaker 1: Until I saw Martin short blow, CG error and c
Speaker 1: G I used them, and I'm like, Oh, that's why
Speaker 1: they're here. So I can see the worst effect I've
Speaker 1: ever seen in my life. That's why they're here. And Laura, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: maybe we should start. Let's start at the top. So Laura,
Speaker 1: I was like, I was so lost with Laura. I
Speaker 1: was like, where is Laura's head at? I don't understand. Okay,
Speaker 1: what happens in the movie though, Okay, so uh. Santa
Speaker 1: Claus three opens on Mrs Claus, who is now a
Speaker 1: teacher at the North Pole, and she starts to tell
Speaker 1: her students, who are either children elves or adult elves
Speaker 1: we don't know the forty well, they look younger than
Speaker 1: most of the other elves. They really do did, and
Speaker 1: especially at the end of the Santa Claus too, we
Speaker 1: also see her teach alves a little bit, and those
Speaker 1: elves look even younger. They look like Toddler's basically, So
Speaker 1: where are these elves coming from? Where are they carring from?
Speaker 1: I don't want to think about it, because yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to know. I don't want to know what
Speaker 1: my mind goes places. You know, I have ideas about
Speaker 1: what's happening. I just don't want that to be happening.
Speaker 1: I just broke a pen. I appreciated the cinematic restraint
Speaker 1: in not even trying to tell me what happened. I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I just thanks, thanks. Alright,
Speaker 1: So she's telling them the story and then we flashback
Speaker 1: to Mrs Claus, who is now highly gregnant. She is
Speaker 1: about to give birth. It's like, wait, I know we
Speaker 1: have to talk about what happens to the movie. You
Speaker 1: know what, what if we don't? Was that anyone else
Speaker 1: like really like confused by the ending shot of the
Speaker 1: movie where it's like they're greg that they have Santa
Speaker 1: and Carol have the huge I mean, I guess we
Speaker 1: don't know how much longer after the baby is born.
Speaker 1: But the baby is huge. It's like a three month
Speaker 1: old baby. It's pretty big. It's about the size of
Speaker 1: Abigail Breslin. And and and then the movie ends on
Speaker 1: like a shot the baby frame, a freeze frame of
Speaker 1: the baby. And not only that, but the last thing
Speaker 1: that Santa says is like, here's buddy clock Ray class
Speaker 1: here's crazy, and you're like, wait, did they not know
Speaker 1: the name? Had they not met the baby yet? What's
Speaker 1: what's going on? He brought because it's like, Okay, if
Speaker 1: she's already back in the classroom, she's already had her
Speaker 1: full Mrs claus maternity leave, I'm gonna generously assume that,
Speaker 1: you know, she has good health insurance, although given the
Speaker 1: fact that she doesn't fit in the hospital, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But he's already back at work and she has not
Speaker 1: yet named her baby. Is that no? I think? No, no,
Speaker 1: no they no, no, no, no no, because she says
Speaker 1: we named him after his grandfather. Yeah, so no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: they named it. But I'm just saying that it's weird
Speaker 1: that Santa is like, hey, here's this information you didn't have,
Speaker 1: even though there's like, I don't know, maybe five elves
Speaker 1: here and every elve knows everything that happens. So but
Speaker 1: then there's a freeze frame on the baby. The baby
Speaker 1: almost but not quite breaks the fourth wall. Good job baby,
Speaker 1: good baby acting, good baby acting. Don't look in the camera.
Speaker 1: I think, if your baby, they'll probably be hard. But
Speaker 1: the but then it freezes as if to be like
Speaker 1: you're I felt like the implication was like and the
Speaker 1: and this is the setup for the Santa Face the
Speaker 1: next day. We've already established in in Santa Clause movie
Speaker 1: Cannon that you become Santa Clause by murdering the existing
Speaker 1: Santa Claus. So is this applying that Buddy Claus is
Speaker 1: going to kill his father or what about Charlie? What
Speaker 1: about Charlie? What about Charlie? And in my draft of
Speaker 1: Santa Clause for, all of these questions are answered, all
Speaker 1: these questions. I really think that you know, hashtag make wait,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of a good one. Hashtag hashtag
Speaker 1: hire Grace to write Santa Claus for. That's not a
Speaker 1: good one, Grace to Clause for hashtag Santa Grace, Santa
Speaker 1: Santa Santa Grace. And we we won't demand Disney produced
Speaker 1: my dramatic version of the Santa Claus far no more comedy. Now,
Speaker 1: we just like really get get to like what's behind
Speaker 1: the characters. You know, it's about time fucking time. I
Speaker 1: totally agree and think of the film less as a
Speaker 1: sequel and more of a coda, not only not for
Speaker 1: the trilogy, but really to our own, our own journeys
Speaker 1: individually in regards to the Santa Claus mythos and how
Speaker 1: we accept and move on from that joy wonder Wow,
Speaker 1: I mean, where do we go from here? Every time
Speaker 1: I watch a Santa Claus movie, I'm like, where do
Speaker 1: we go from here? As a nation, as a culture?
Speaker 1: Where do we go? Has anyone been keeping up with
Speaker 1: Tim Allen's Twitter? I felt like we had to talk
Speaker 1: about it would feel disenjoyed because we know. I think
Speaker 1: we also discussed this last year that Tim Allen is
Speaker 1: like an unrepentant Republican, like bad views bad, like we
Speaker 1: we we we can't. He's he's there, and yet we
Speaker 1: cannot claim him because he is bad. But the way
Speaker 1: he He had a tweet recently, Grace, did you see
Speaker 1: this one about the Communist Manifesto. He tweets very conspiratorially,
Speaker 1: in a uniquely Boomer way where he'll just like say things,
Speaker 1: and I think he's trying to like I think what
Speaker 1: he's trying to accomplish as a mic drop, But you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're saying. So so he tweeted
Speaker 1: this November Carl Marks Communist Manifesto Wikipedia. That's the whole
Speaker 1: and he spells Karl Marks wrong. He spells it with
Speaker 1: a seat, not a k. He says, Carl Marks Communist Manifesto. Wikipedia,
Speaker 1: I cannot I can guess what you mean. I can guess.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Wikipedia throws me for loop. Carl Mark's Communist.
Speaker 1: Like the first two, I'm like, I see, okay, where's
Speaker 1: he going with this? There's a connection between those two things.
Speaker 1: But then Wikipedia, I'm going Often I've often referred to
Speaker 1: Wikipedia as the modern day I mean, it's been he's
Speaker 1: I will give it. I'll give it up to Tim Allen.
Speaker 1: A bunch of people clowned on him, and he was
Speaker 1: he was basically like, ah, this is funny. You know,
Speaker 1: people are like making He's like, you know, I too
Speaker 1: don't know. And so as a punishment for him, I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, well, let's go to Tim Allen Wikipedia,
Speaker 1: which he seems to have contempt for and seeing you know,
Speaker 1: what's going on, and he is like, he endorsed Trump
Speaker 1: in the election, like he sucks, right. But the most
Speaker 1: recent sentence, the most up to date sentence that seems
Speaker 1: to be connected to these November tweets, and I honestly
Speaker 1: didn't pursue the thread outside of the iconic tweet all
Speaker 1: marks Communist Manifesto Wikipedia. But but all it says is
Speaker 1: On November, Tim Allen published a series of tweets which
Speaker 1: appeared to condone and endorse child labor, which I feel like,
Speaker 1: interestingly in a horrible way, ties to the Santa Claus universe.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, did the Santa Claus radicalize dem Allen
Speaker 1: in the wrong direction? We don't know. We don't know.
Speaker 1: We know his politics are shitty and bad, but did
Speaker 1: they come from the Santa Claus. We don't know. What
Speaker 1: happens in the movie, I'll tell you after this quick break, Okay,
Speaker 1: and we're back. Okay. So Mrs Claus is telling a
Speaker 1: story to the children elves. She's she's pregnant, she's about
Speaker 1: to give birth any day now, but it's also almost Christmas,
Speaker 1: so it's not a good time. Santa Claus is busy
Speaker 1: with Christmas stuff. She also misses her human family. So
Speaker 1: Santa is like, well, I'll bring your parents here to
Speaker 1: the North Pole. But they have to maintain the s
Speaker 1: O s a k. The Secret of Santa, so they
Speaker 1: have to disguise the North Pole as Canada, so they
Speaker 1: do that. This is linked to his magic. If the
Speaker 1: secrets revealed, Santa loses his magic right for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: But then yeah, then I struggled with the end. If
Speaker 1: that's true, then how do you explain Alan Arkin realizing
Speaker 1: he's father Christmas is law. I think they kill him.
Speaker 1: I think the credits like you got to see this
Speaker 1: majes Day and now we're gonna they just leave them
Speaker 1: out in the cold. Alan Arkin and um old hottie
Speaker 1: what was it? And Margaret and Margaret same same amount
Speaker 1: of syllables were left out in the snow and just
Speaker 1: just were like, oh, we saw that then, and then
Speaker 1: they died and were buried and maybe they were given
Speaker 1: some sort of Christmas tumb But I kind of was
Speaker 1: like there was about I knew that there was no
Speaker 1: way that they were just going to let Judge Reinhold
Speaker 1: never come out of his ice prison. But I was like,
Speaker 1: how funny would it be if Judge Reinhold just kind
Speaker 1: of like stayed whatever Hans soloed there frozen and carbonite. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was also a very that was that was a
Speaker 1: that was a special effect that turned my stomachs. It's awful.
Speaker 1: It is a nightmare and only thing worse than them
Speaker 1: getting frozen. Is them getting Yeah, I was trying to
Speaker 1: figure out why I couldn't find information why David Krumholtz
Speaker 1: didn't come back and broke my high. Was it because
Speaker 1: he was on numbers? Yes, it was because he was
Speaker 1: on numbers? Unbelievable. Numbers is taken so much from us.
Speaker 1: I'd think David David crum Holds would have had a
Speaker 1: film career if this fucking procedural didn't just take him
Speaker 1: out of it for years. He could have. David Crumholtz
Speaker 1: would have an oscar right now. If not for a
Speaker 1: fucking number, you get a bit of fucking contender. We
Speaker 1: gotta get David Krumhols back in the mix. He's forty two,
Speaker 1: He's got a lot of career left in him. He
Speaker 1: it really was like he could have done. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: you could say, babe, he dodged a bullet by missing
Speaker 1: the Santa Claus three. But sure, you know, but not.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen a second of numbers. I just know
Speaker 1: it's a procedural. And now I know that it took
Speaker 1: David Crumholtz from us and gave us, gave him to
Speaker 1: what our moms who watched Number I certainly didn't David
Speaker 1: crumb Halls. You know, just looking at his recent filmography,
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's like, but I feel, you know,
Speaker 1: like later on we were like good for me for
Speaker 1: having a good crush. He was in he was in
Speaker 1: At Home with Amy Sedaris, he was in Nora from Queens.
Speaker 1: He was in the New Twilight Zone. He's doing some
Speaker 1: fun stuff. He was in Hail Caesar. Yeah, because he's
Speaker 1: around on the Holtz. We we got it. We gotta
Speaker 1: get him back. Where is he at? His presence? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's fair to say his presence is
Speaker 1: is missed in Santa Claus three true. I think the
Speaker 1: movie would have made total sense if he was. It
Speaker 1: would be great if in the Santa Claus for or
Speaker 1: not we need a Santa Claus for to end the
Speaker 1: current SOCCA. But when the Santa Claus is eventually rebooted,
Speaker 1: what if David krump Holtz was in the main role.
Speaker 1: I would love that. I think about that. I think, honestly,
Speaker 1: we're at a point in this and then okay, let
Speaker 1: me know if this is totally off based, but I
Speaker 1: feel like we're at a point in this movie series
Speaker 1: where we could kind of easily kill off Tim Allen is, okay,
Speaker 1: I think we should. Well, let's not spoil the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus for by Grace Thomas. Okay, you're right, you're right,
Speaker 1: you're right, you're right. Um, well, Shelly, just check in
Speaker 1: to see what's happening in Santa Claus. Three. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: too far into that, sure, Okay, So you know it's
Speaker 1: a busy time at the North Pole with all of
Speaker 1: the Christmas in the in the pregnancy or at the beginning.
Speaker 1: Still five minutes into the movie, and then the Council
Speaker 1: of Legendary Figures calls an emergency meeting to let Santa
Speaker 1: know that Jack Frost has been trying to upstage Santa Claus. Basically,
Speaker 1: Jack Frost wants his own holiday and he is jealous
Speaker 1: of Santa. He resents that Santa gets all of the
Speaker 1: like winter notoriety, and specifically, what he's doing is distributing
Speaker 1: these full sized cardboard cutouts of him that have sashes
Speaker 1: around them. That's say, Mary Frost nous. And so apparently
Speaker 1: Jack Frost can just tell everyone like, I'm Jack Frost.
Speaker 1: I exist. He's just doing this right. There's no secret
Speaker 1: of Frost. There's only a secret of Santa. But this
Speaker 1: is I mean, talk about frosty tips. You got frosty tips,
Speaker 1: the frosty because the frostiest tips possible. Aisha Tyler plays
Speaker 1: Mother Nature, reprising her is God. Basically, she's like God Queen.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting that in this film God is basically
Speaker 1: a black woman, and it is not reflected in society
Speaker 1: at all. You know, It's just that is not reflected
Speaker 1: at all. The world isn't different in any way. It's
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, I should. Tyler is Mother Nature and
Speaker 1: she's not doing ship for ship, She's just doing these
Speaker 1: meetings once at all. She's always like sucked into these
Speaker 1: horrible like political infighting between Santa and Jack Frost. It's like,
Speaker 1: can you should be dealing with climate change but instead
Speaker 1: of Nature, you think that would be her, twizy. That
Speaker 1: is why climate change is happening because Jack Tross and
Speaker 1: Cupid and the Tooth Fairy and Santa are always seeing
Speaker 1: their little piss ship. And also she's the only woman
Speaker 1: on the council. The rest of the is just like
Speaker 1: these shitty guys, except for Father Time, who seems chill.
Speaker 1: But other than that, it's just these shitty guys. It's
Speaker 1: one of those things where you're like, Okay, of course,
Speaker 1: like a black woman cast is essentially god and doable.
Speaker 1: But wait, who's writing it? The writers of there's something
Speaker 1: about mary Ah. That's where we're going to have a problem.
Speaker 1: That's that's why we immediately see her attention turned to
Speaker 1: the you know, two of the most impotent people in
Speaker 1: the room, and it stays there, and then she's like, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I you know, if she were allowed to
Speaker 1: use her full powers, she could have killed Alan Arkin
Speaker 1: at the end, but daring to rest his head on
Speaker 1: her shoulder, she should have just like, you know, like
Speaker 1: she could have just you know, not that that happened
Speaker 1: to Alan Arkin, I don't, but she could have zeost
Speaker 1: his ass, you know. Well, the thing about this whole
Speaker 1: meeting is like, yeah, so Jack Frost try to like
Speaker 1: create a new holiday and apparently only dic She also
Speaker 1: mother Earth notes that these cardboard cutouts have only been
Speaker 1: distributed throughout the Pacific Northwest or whatever. She doesn't And
Speaker 1: and so my thing is why even call a meeting?
Speaker 1: If they hadn't called this meeting, it would have been fine.
Speaker 1: He did, and it was fun. That fucked everything up.
Speaker 1: It was not meaning worthy if there was going to
Speaker 1: be that little done about it. And I also was like, okay,
Speaker 1: people should be like kind of. I appreciate the radical
Speaker 1: empathy extended to Scott Calvin when he's like, I'm sorry, everyone,
Speaker 1: I'm just really tired. My wife is regnant, and everyone's like, oh, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: no problem, which is great paternity leave for Santa Claus
Speaker 1: for sure. Yes, And they're so mean to Jack Frost.
Speaker 1: I'm immediately and nearer to him because I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: Jack Frost just wants to like have a little fun,
Speaker 1: maybe have a little celebration of him, and they're just
Speaker 1: so dismissive and mean, and they call him like the
Speaker 1: best friend, not the main story. Just like so they're
Speaker 1: so weird to him, especially when it turns out, you know,
Speaker 1: he's one of the most powerful beings on earth because
Speaker 1: he can just freeze people on a whim. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't need to like participate in this council. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: They're going to punish him by kicking him off the
Speaker 1: Council of Legendary Creatures, and it's like, what does that
Speaker 1: do to him? Then he just doesn't have to come
Speaker 1: to these meetings, like good, good for him, right, are
Speaker 1: they getting like health insurance by being a part of
Speaker 1: this council? Like no, he can just go off and
Speaker 1: do his own things. They're also mad at him because
Speaker 1: I guess he like made snowfall in the Amazon and stuff,
Speaker 1: and he froze a volcano. But that's cool, ship. He
Speaker 1: should have been doing that. He should do more of that. Honest,
Speaker 1: you can probably combat global warming also, he should. Well, Okay,
Speaker 1: so that was a question I had at that eating
Speaker 1: that comes up, I'm I realized, I haven't looked at
Speaker 1: my notes in like an hour. Oh my god. So
Speaker 1: the yeah, based on the way that he is, like
Speaker 1: Jack Frost is introduced by Mother Nature. She says like
Speaker 1: he set off, like he set off something like everything.
Speaker 1: He sounds like either he's like causing climate change or
Speaker 1: he's like the Amelia Badlia of weather, because he's like
Speaker 1: geese are going north for the winter, and it just
Speaker 1: sounds like everything is going on. Like the implications of
Speaker 1: what he's doing, it's both implied that it's like catastrophic
Speaker 1: in a global sense, but also it seems also weirdly
Speaker 1: limited to like mall cardboard cutout it was like confusing.
Speaker 1: My big question too, is like we never figure out
Speaker 1: how the rest of them, more the like legendary immortal
Speaker 1: creatures work. Is there a new Jack Frost from time
Speaker 1: to time? You know what that's like what happens? Also,
Speaker 1: I thought it was very funny that what he's charged with,
Speaker 1: like what Mother Nature like reads as the charge to
Speaker 1: Jack Frost is attempted upstaging of Saint Claus. You're like
Speaker 1: it's a celony. First of all, like why what vested
Speaker 1: interest does Mother Nature have in upholding that law? If
Speaker 1: she's in charge, why is there a law against upstaging
Speaker 1: Santa Claus? Who has beholden to that law? Is she
Speaker 1: is she behold into that law? What kind of is
Speaker 1: this a democracy? Like if someone puts up an incredible
Speaker 1: like you know, like what if like you know, like
Speaker 1: some organization is like giving kids who's whose parents are
Speaker 1: incarcerated like like presents, does Mother Nature show up and
Speaker 1: just be like, Oh, you can't do this, You're of
Speaker 1: staging Saved Clas and drag them into the earth. So confusing,
Speaker 1: Like I just yeah, that also hurt me. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, okay, so on top of that,
Speaker 1: we have Carol, who is no longer the Carol we
Speaker 1: once knew in the Santa Claus too, because she used
Speaker 1: to be like an administrator at a school. But then
Speaker 1: she's openly hateful towards like elf children adults in front
Speaker 1: of them, and she's like, I just want family, human family,
Speaker 1: Like you're just like you're so mean. They're all right there,
Speaker 1: and then the Elves are like, yeah, we we suck,
Speaker 1: like you're just like what are you, Carol? And I
Speaker 1: mean she kind of just said she wanted her mom
Speaker 1: and dad, like she didn't have to be like you
Speaker 1: little monsters, you know, And the Elves continue to be
Speaker 1: on her side to the point where, like, know, Santa,
Speaker 1: who I understand is incredibly busy, I don't think he's
Speaker 1: doing anything particularly right. Like she's also being like very
Speaker 1: insecure and clingy kind of because she's like Santa has
Speaker 1: to do this and that and can't hang out with
Speaker 1: me right now, you know, and just keeps like that's
Speaker 1: her whole thing throughout the whole movie, and it's like, well,
Speaker 1: it's like a couple of days until Christmas, like come
Speaker 1: come on, come on, you know, for I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, but this could this,
Speaker 1: I mean on the one day he works a year.
Speaker 1: I think that don't know how to do c sections,
Speaker 1: or maybe they don't have big enough knives for humans
Speaker 1: because the alf Fir Murray as they call it, doesn't
Speaker 1: have a big enough for her. That does not seem
Speaker 1: sanitary there I will say, like, there is that one
Speaker 1: moment where Anne, Margaret and Alan Argan show up at
Speaker 1: like where she's going to be delivering, and and Margaret
Speaker 1: says something like she's like, this doesn't seem safe, and
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, She's totally right, it doesn't seem safe,
Speaker 1: not at all. These children can't performance surgery, and and
Speaker 1: and and Carol doesn't even really fit in this room,
Speaker 1: like she's going to run out of oxygen. Are these kids?
Speaker 1: Are these elves children ish people? Are they just gonna
Speaker 1: like just stare at this adult woman's gaping vagina? That's
Speaker 1: a good question. And if so, why we're Alan Arkin?
Speaker 1: Did Alan Arkin and and Margaret just think like, well,
Speaker 1: I guess that's Canada, Like what were they think? Okay?
Speaker 1: The fact that they like are in what's clearly Santa's
Speaker 1: workshop surrounded by elf children and like are like, yep,
Speaker 1: I believe this is Canada, Like, what's wrong with them?
Speaker 1: They don't. I'll give them this maybe, um the Sandman's
Speaker 1: magic like kind of altered their perspective, although you know
Speaker 1: they didn't really go that hard, Like if they had
Speaker 1: stepped into the wrong room, they would have seen what
Speaker 1: was going on if they really if they really wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure that these elves were hidden and would
Speaker 1: just look like regular people or children, they needed to
Speaker 1: cut the tips of their ears off too, because they
Speaker 1: all he's like a little pointy, so they would have
Speaker 1: had to cut their ears if they really really do this,
Speaker 1: you know it's true, so really like, yeah, her parents, UM,
Speaker 1: I did appreciate the I knew We're only a moment
Speaker 1: fifteen movie, but I appreciate it. There were some choices
Speaker 1: made in the set design of this movie that you're like,
Speaker 1: holy shit. And I did not rewatch the Santa Claus
Speaker 1: too to prepare for this, so I don't remember if
Speaker 1: any of this set is carried over from the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus to My guess is no because it was too
Speaker 1: much time. But I have a short list of the
Speaker 1: set design choices that really fucked me up. The first
Speaker 1: of which is the Santa Claus Fireplace where Santa Claus,
Speaker 1: and it looks exactly like Tim Allen Santa Claus. It
Speaker 1: looks exactly like Allen Santa Claus. They put that in
Speaker 1: after he after he became Santa I was horrible. It
Speaker 1: was sickening, and and it's such a wide shot and
Speaker 1: it's their family home, and I'm like, that is just
Speaker 1: not Like Carol needs to like speak up about that
Speaker 1: whole situation, because he must have had that installed, you know,
Speaker 1: after their marriage. So that's not good. Set design I
Speaker 1: did like was all the Canadian sets that were like
Speaker 1: this is Canada, I promise. I was like, okay, I'm laughing.
Speaker 1: That's fun. But the other horrifying set, I guess this
Speaker 1: is technically prop design is frozen Judge Reinhold, I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna get over that. That's not okay. Also, I forgot
Speaker 1: about the room full of snow globes and I hated it.
Speaker 1: That's all so much bad stuff. It could have been
Speaker 1: so much more beautiful, Like you could have made a
Speaker 1: beautiful room full of snow clouds. This was not this.
Speaker 1: There's not even any locks on them. They could be
Speaker 1: in like or there's like some sort of magical enchantment.
Speaker 1: So just to remind everyone, we talked about this in
Speaker 1: the last episode. But but this has to do I
Speaker 1: think with the budget arc of um of of the
Speaker 1: Santa Claus Extended Universe, which it starts, Uh Santa Claus
Speaker 1: one budget twenty two million box office million. Santa Claus
Speaker 1: to we, we said they over at it too much money.
Speaker 1: Uh sixty five million dollar budget, a hundred seventy two
Speaker 1: million dollar returns. They're like, Okay, we gotta scale it back.
Speaker 1: But then maybe for Santa Claus three they skill it
Speaker 1: back a little too much because the budget is twelve
Speaker 1: million and they can barely afford to Mellen and too
Speaker 1: like five years later or something right like twelve twelve
Speaker 1: years after the original. So it's like, yeah, twenty two
Speaker 1: million money. God only knows how much that was. This
Speaker 1: is twelve million in like future money. It's not a
Speaker 1: lot of money, and you can tell and it's just
Speaker 1: such a and it made a lot of money. Still,
Speaker 1: it made over a hundred million dollars. That is a
Speaker 1: very successful comedy. You know, it didn't matter. It turns
Speaker 1: out it didn't matter if it was good or not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well they got Martin Short. They got Martin Short for
Speaker 1: five million, him Allen for six million, and then they
Speaker 1: had a million dollars for the rest left. So like SPENCERP. Wreslin,
Speaker 1: we're paying you in experience, Like it's oh, it's too bad. Okay.
Speaker 1: I know that she comes in the second movie, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, every time I see Lucy, I'm like, who
Speaker 1: is Lucy? Lucy's there's nothing to her. Her whole stick
Speaker 1: in the entire movie is I like snow cloves. I
Speaker 1: love snow cloves, and that's what saves today and where
Speaker 1: they land for her, I found the end. Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: we should get back to the movie. I did not
Speaker 1: like where Lucy's. Lucy's Arland very creepy and weird. So okay, well,
Speaker 1: speaking of snow globes. So at this meeting, this meeting
Speaker 1: of legendary figures, the escape clause gets brought up, but
Speaker 1: Santa is like, no, that's too extreme, and that's the
Speaker 1: thing that's the subtile I to love the movie, and
Speaker 1: we're like, what's the escape clause? And we find out.
Speaker 1: We find out soon after along with Jack Frost because
Speaker 1: he's intrigued by the escape clause. We learned that if
Speaker 1: Santa invokes the escape clause via the use of his
Speaker 1: magical snow globe, he will travel back through time and
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to never become Santa. So this is
Speaker 1: an important piece of information. This is the out of
Speaker 1: this entire movie and all of its sins. I touched
Speaker 1: on this in the last episode. But what I didn't know, Well,
Speaker 1: so when we were talking about the Santa clause before
Speaker 1: I had rewatched this, I thought that he was told
Speaker 1: about the like Santa was told about the escape clause
Speaker 1: third film. That is not true already already, which kind
Speaker 1: of like, why not just cut that scene, like cut
Speaker 1: the scene where he knows about it, because that you're
Speaker 1: just well, I just landed on being like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't like it. But Jack Frost is just a very
Speaker 1: you know, effective politician. Like there, well, because yeah, in
Speaker 1: the in the first two movies, he has to learn
Speaker 1: about the clauses. That's part of the fun and games
Speaker 1: of the movie. But for him to already know about
Speaker 1: the escape clause, so we don't really even get a
Speaker 1: proper introduction of it until a while later. And then
Speaker 1: he also he still gets tricked into invoking it, and
Speaker 1: it's like, wouldn't you know not to say those words
Speaker 1: because and it's like halfway in the movie where he
Speaker 1: found Like it feels like the inciting incident happens really
Speaker 1: far into the movie, like he finally because you're like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: what would get this movie started with him? The trailer
Speaker 1: would even imply is him wishing he was never saying
Speaker 1: the clause. But that happens halfway through the It happens
Speaker 1: more than halfway through, happens an hour into the movie.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing. I mean, god, you know, so many,
Speaker 1: so any issues. But when it comes down to it,
Speaker 1: I mean, he fucking but in the first movie, it's
Speaker 1: made very clear that he can't just quit being Santa.
Speaker 1: It's made very very clear. It just seems manipulative, like
Speaker 1: since there wasn't out and I mean it really it
Speaker 1: destroys the entire premise of the first movie. It just
Speaker 1: it does. And moreover, you have to wonder how many
Speaker 1: Santa's have there been? Who did just go back? You know?
Speaker 1: How many? And apparently when you do that, you you
Speaker 1: have knowledge of the future. So did a Santa like
Speaker 1: go back and stop nine eleven? You know? Like Santa. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how how how far does this power go? How can
Speaker 1: can it? Like it spits on Santa Claus And that
Speaker 1: was why I was personally so mad. They went back
Speaker 1: in time and went back to the first Santa clause movie.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's you stay you stay away from that.
Speaker 1: I want short anywhere near that. Scott Calvin, you know,
Speaker 1: he retains all of his memories when the future, which
Speaker 1: I mean, and I guess it's a fail safe to
Speaker 1: you go back to the moment you were turned into Santa,
Speaker 1: So you guess. I guess you have another second to
Speaker 1: like the side, right, you could still make the choice
Speaker 1: to become Santa again in case you change. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's really mess at. Well, let's talk about what happens
Speaker 1: for the hour before this happens, because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of ship that doesn't make any sense. So because there's
Speaker 1: like forty seven plotlines. Um, So, after we learned about
Speaker 1: the escape clause, Santa goes to pick up his what
Speaker 1: his wife's parents and bring them to the North Pole.
Speaker 1: He also brings his his ex wife Laura, which is like,
Speaker 1: can anyone unspool that for me? The Laura, I know,
Speaker 1: the Laura I know would not be extremely eager to
Speaker 1: get my ex husband, who I have like a tensely
Speaker 1: okay relationship with at best, like my ex who I
Speaker 1: am like co parenting with, but then I'm not going
Speaker 1: to talk to him. The second Charlie graduates, why is
Speaker 1: she so eager to go be like at the bedside
Speaker 1: of his pregnant new wife. That did not make sense
Speaker 1: to me, And I was like, Laura would never So
Speaker 1: one thing I do have to say is they have
Speaker 1: a much warmer relationship in Santa Claus to the like
Speaker 1: they do. They do have a much warmer relationship and friendship.
Speaker 1: But I totally agree her. It's so frustrating. It's just
Speaker 1: like totally different tone and she's all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: just like wide eyed, bushy tail Santa Claus. Oh, I
Speaker 1: want to make a doll and and and and it
Speaker 1: just it's what really gets to me is that Neil
Speaker 1: and Laura are all of a sudden turned into these
Speaker 1: totally different characters that have no grounding in reality. And
Speaker 1: that shows how the rest of the film is not
Speaker 1: like rounded emotionally at all. So there's no like, there's nothing,
Speaker 1: there's nothing to learn, there's nothing to feel, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: like even if they do have a good relationship, I
Speaker 1: just can't see her offering to be his new wife's
Speaker 1: midwife out of like it just doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 1: And then if Lucy really wanted to go, I could
Speaker 1: see her and Neil going with her, but I think
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be like, oh, oh my god. They would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, this is cool, and here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. It would have been much funnier if
Speaker 1: they were themselves. It would have been much a much
Speaker 1: funnier movie if they were themselves. And Neil hams it
Speaker 1: up and I was like yoga with the elves, but
Speaker 1: that's not it. And also there's these weird just generic
Speaker 1: East Asian music cues, are music cues the whole Neil.
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like that kind of follows throughout
Speaker 1: the series as well of like a general So first
Speaker 1: of all, there are a number of weird racist music
Speaker 1: cues used whenever he talks about therapy and this movie.
Speaker 1: I mean there's like a moment in the Santa Claus,
Speaker 1: the first Santa Claus to where it's like very anti therapy,
Speaker 1: very anti mental health for minute old because Neil is
Speaker 1: always made out to be like this hippie who's like
Speaker 1: trying to take care of his mental health and what
Speaker 1: a loser. Like that whole plot, that whole like angle
Speaker 1: does not age very well. But it was like especially
Speaker 1: bad in this movie. It was when he was like,
Speaker 1: let's take feelings inventory and you're like, okay, that is
Speaker 1: like I guess what this character would say. But then
Speaker 1: he's like using it to rationalize doing something that isn't
Speaker 1: what his character would do. I just don't get it.
Speaker 1: It was annoying and it's manipulative, and Neil in the
Speaker 1: earlier films I agree they shipped on it, but they
Speaker 1: also like let Neil be himself, and they also let
Speaker 1: him be like a reasonable parent, you know, like he's
Speaker 1: not he's not a villain. He's just like a guy
Speaker 1: they kind of make fun of, you know. That's kind
Speaker 1: of what I liked about Neil in the first movie
Speaker 1: was like the part of what aggravated Scott so much
Speaker 1: about Neil was that he was like a good guy
Speaker 1: and that really loved Laura, and like that's a more
Speaker 1: effective like emotional choice has been like making a you know,
Speaker 1: a villain, Mary, your ex wife, is making a genuinely
Speaker 1: nice guy who loves your ex wife be with her
Speaker 1: like that's I don't know. I thought that was cool.
Speaker 1: You don't usually and then they just whatever, throw it
Speaker 1: all away, throw it all away, kissing me off another
Speaker 1: weird thing, And I guess I understand why they did this,
Speaker 1: but it's also like, narratively speaking, it's a weird choice
Speaker 1: where they've shifted focus away from Charlie to Lucy. And
Speaker 1: Charlie is barely in the third movie, and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a teenager that we're invested in Charlie as a
Speaker 1: character in his growth as a human being. And then
Speaker 1: not not only did they switch him out for Lucy,
Speaker 1: And I mean, I would understand him taking a backseat,
Speaker 1: but they don't hardly put him in at all, except
Speaker 1: for the fact that he saves the fucking day in
Speaker 1: the end, like he calls upon he apparently is in
Speaker 1: contact with the Council of Legendary Creatures. He calls upon
Speaker 1: them to like save the day in the end and
Speaker 1: like help make enough toys and whatnot. So he's just
Speaker 1: like in the background, like checking in, like okay, all right,
Speaker 1: well I gotta make some calls, you guys, do your
Speaker 1: little story and then I gotta like makes makes some
Speaker 1: send some emails, you know. But the other thing is
Speaker 1: Lucy is nothing character. There's nothing, nothing to Lucy at
Speaker 1: all except for the love of snow gloves. I feel
Speaker 1: bad because I'm like, okay, it's not I'm not talking
Speaker 1: on the actor the character. I'm just like, I've gotten
Speaker 1: I've got no interest in this character. I almost felt
Speaker 1: like she was being used at times because they couldn't
Speaker 1: afford to have Alan Arkin there, or they couldn't afford
Speaker 1: to have they only had Martin Short for so many days,
Speaker 1: like because Lucy would be used so in such like
Speaker 1: clutch moments, usually with like a red Bull machine. I
Speaker 1: just was like, yeah, red deer, red deer, red Deer.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'm I've never been laughing less in
Speaker 1: my entire life, Like then when I saw a red deer.
Speaker 1: We've got to continue this synopsis because I have things
Speaker 1: to say about the Red Deer magi, but I feel
Speaker 1: like they'd be confusing if I said them now. But yeah,
Speaker 1: Lucy as a character, I'm just like the least developed
Speaker 1: and I'm so disinterested in her. Sorry, And she's there
Speaker 1: and Charlie is so basically like the whole family is
Speaker 1: now with the North Pole minus Charlie. So we're back
Speaker 1: at the North Pole. Jack Frost has been scheming. He's
Speaker 1: like breaking stuff, He's breaking the machinery, he's chaos is
Speaker 1: just erupting all around them. And then he finally figures
Speaker 1: out how to get into the Hall of snow Globes
Speaker 1: where he goes into and sneal and steals Santa's snails,
Speaker 1: magic snow Globes. Neil, I love it. That's that's for
Speaker 1: all the fan people that wanted Santa to hook up
Speaker 1: with Neo. That's what they called. There's a category on
Speaker 1: fan fixed. Oh my god, this is such a joyless
Speaker 1: film that they're really there. Really isn't even like I
Speaker 1: don't even chip anyone with anyone really except Santa and
Speaker 1: Jack Frost, just because I think it would be cool,
Speaker 1: not because I think the movie laid that groundwork, really,
Speaker 1: but I will say that at one point in my notes,
Speaker 1: I wrote down, Um, the Santa Claus three is a
Speaker 1: coming out story. The North Pool itself is gay, maybe
Speaker 1: even trans. I'm sorry trying to like ground it. I
Speaker 1: just think you can't. You can't you can't ignore the
Speaker 1: fact that after the time travel menanigans, the North Pool
Speaker 1: is basically turned into a place for Jack processing show tunes.
Speaker 1: You can't ignore that. You simply can't. It's true. It's true,
Speaker 1: and Baby moats Art is there. What happens makes you think,
Speaker 1: It makes you think what happens sex. So, in addition
Speaker 1: to like all this chaos happening around the workshop, things
Speaker 1: are very tense between Santa and Mrs Claus and her
Speaker 1: parents and her are like, maybe we should have never
Speaker 1: come here, And then Jack Frost tricks Santa into saying
Speaker 1: I wish I'd never become Santa at all while he's
Speaker 1: holding the snow globe, which transforms both of them back
Speaker 1: their time on the night from the Santa Claus one
Speaker 1: when Scott Calvin kills Santa some random Santa and puts
Speaker 1: on his suit, only this time Jack Frost gets to
Speaker 1: it first and he puts on the Santa suit, making
Speaker 1: him become Santa. So then Scott Calvin is transported into
Speaker 1: this kind of like alternate timeline where he never became Santa.
Speaker 1: He's like a corporate stooge. He doesn't talk to his
Speaker 1: family anymore. His son hates him. Laura and Neil are divorced,
Speaker 1: and then, like, as we've said, Jack Frost has like
Speaker 1: commercialized the North Pole. I hate that his funk up
Speaker 1: means that Laura has to go through additional emotional trauma.
Speaker 1: Why does Scott rubbing a snow glove mean that Laura
Speaker 1: has to go through a second divorce. Not not only that,
Speaker 1: but they hint that she has like a shitty job
Speaker 1: like waitressing or something, or working in retail because they
Speaker 1: give her a name. Take yeah, I don't even realize.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so now you're like, now she's also like
Speaker 1: poor even though her ex husband is like CEO of
Speaker 1: toys like what the and her other ex husband is
Speaker 1: doctor psychiatrists, like what the? It passed me up at that.
Speaker 1: I was like, why are we punishing Like, hasn't Laura
Speaker 1: been through enough? Hasn't Laura exhibited extreme patience with her
Speaker 1: ex husband Santa Clause over the years? Yes, why are
Speaker 1: we still punishing her? Are we still punishing Charlie And
Speaker 1: I don't come on, I don't mean to rewind, but
Speaker 1: we did skip through a lot of stuff just now.
Speaker 1: In so so so Lucy and Lucy's parents also go
Speaker 1: up with Carol's parents and um Santa shows Lucy the
Speaker 1: snow glob room that we spoke of. And how you
Speaker 1: get to the snow globe room is you turn a
Speaker 1: couple of levers on a red deer like red bull
Speaker 1: vending machine. Did you, guys when you were kids and
Speaker 1: you didn't have any money and you have to wait
Speaker 1: for your parents or something somewhere, did you guys just
Speaker 1: press buttons on a vending machine or whatever? Because I
Speaker 1: used to do that all the or I would take
Speaker 1: like a common Pokemon card that didn't wasn't worth anything
Speaker 1: and just shove it into the dollars lot and see
Speaker 1: if something happen. They do was like, well this is
Speaker 1: a low value card, so this is the flowers to
Speaker 1: see if something would happen, or put a piece of
Speaker 1: paper in there, or taking like a paper clips. I
Speaker 1: guess like what I'm saying is I tried to rob
Speaker 1: any machines that was never successful. I think I actually
Speaker 1: used him a chop, but I have this crystal clear
Speaker 1: memory of that. For some just shoving up a chop
Speaker 1: into a you just gotta see what happens. Evocative. This
Speaker 1: is going to be in my Memoise and throughout this time,
Speaker 1: Jack Frost has been cleaning this information about how to
Speaker 1: get the snow and what Santa needs to do exactly.
Speaker 1: Um and at the same time he's just been fucking
Speaker 1: up the whole workshop by just freezing random things around
Speaker 1: the workshop and and creating huge fires and YadA YadA,
Speaker 1: and no one's able to tell it's Jack Frost apparently,
Speaker 1: because even though this enemy of Christmas is like being
Speaker 1: punished by having to work there, no one's got an
Speaker 1: eye on him, which is Curtis's fault again another funk
Speaker 1: up from Curtis. Curtis is an abject failure. Like sorry,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like but it's it's it's it's why
Speaker 1: elves should have basic income because if Elves had basic income,
Speaker 1: Curtis could be fired and still have the resources that
Speaker 1: he needed, but he can't. The only way for Elves
Speaker 1: to survive is to do this busy work. Um. So
Speaker 1: Jack Frost at all has also been messing with with
Speaker 1: Santa and Mrs Claus's marriage my causing various chaos and
Speaker 1: Carol again is just like, oh no, Santa's gotta gotta
Speaker 1: do all this stuff and isn't paying attention to me
Speaker 1: while there are literal fires happening. She's while all of
Speaker 1: this is happening, while her explosions and fires and machines
Speaker 1: going hey wire, She's like, why isn't Santa paying attention
Speaker 1: to me? It's infuriating, especially when you consider that her
Speaker 1: previous career was a school administrator. She's uniquely qualified to
Speaker 1: deal with this problem, like she has a master's for this.
Speaker 1: Carol is a totally different character. It's so frustrating because
Speaker 1: it's like it would literally have helped the script if
Speaker 1: she just pulled from her known skill set to deal
Speaker 1: with the problem. But instead they're so interested in just
Speaker 1: like making her so subservient and obsessed with her like
Speaker 1: Santa husband. It just is so frustrating. Up, she's the
Speaker 1: one telling this story, so she is the one betraying herself.
Speaker 1: She's betraying herself as subservient's betraying herself is totally incompetent.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think of that. That's and insecure and codependent.
Speaker 1: She's the one telling this story that is brutal. I
Speaker 1: didn't even think of that. I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is all according to Carol. What if she finished that
Speaker 1: story and Scott was in the back of the classroom
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh my god, Carol, you're being so
Speaker 1: hard on yourself. That would have been a beautiful way
Speaker 1: to end it, like, and it ended up being with
Speaker 1: her reckoning like, oh my god, I have such low
Speaker 1: self esteem, and like it goes I'm like, wow, I'm
Speaker 1: seeing myself all of a sudden, I'm seeing myself in Carol. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Santa like to an appointment with like a cognitive
Speaker 1: behavior Alf's therapist, Neil, and then Neil is like, Carol,
Speaker 1: You're like you have you have been present, you just
Speaker 1: are not giving yourself. You know. He needs some self esteem.
Speaker 1: And Carl's like, oh my god, I'm seeing it. Also
Speaker 1: clearly cut the get rid of the freeze frame on
Speaker 1: the baby is the last shot. The last shot should
Speaker 1: be like her like realization, like the Carol's waken up.
Speaker 1: I need to I need to realize my value. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then that's how the movie ends. That's a relatable journey.
Speaker 1: I would be so on board with Carol being like,
Speaker 1: I why am I punishing myself? All I've done is
Speaker 1: my very best. I think that would have been really good,
Speaker 1: especially if they jumped forward like a thousand years and
Speaker 1: Carol was getting like really old, and she was giving
Speaker 1: the commencement speech at alf University, which is the university
Speaker 1: she founded. Is that a sister college to Santa University?
Speaker 1: It is? It is? Yeah, it would be Alfa University
Speaker 1: and not. I'm just just like, look at how the
Speaker 1: al firma right. Of course, the elves need an education.
Speaker 1: They deserve an enyation. I hope it's free. I don't
Speaker 1: know what if the elves are in debt, they should.
Speaker 1: I think they have a union. Do you think they've unionized?
Speaker 1: Definitely not, because they have one. They literally work with
Speaker 1: their god, like Santa is their god. They work. That's
Speaker 1: like have the angels unionized? No, because their entire their
Speaker 1: entire stick is like like just serving God, and the
Speaker 1: elves entire stick is serving Santa. He can literally There's
Speaker 1: multiple times in the movie where he tells the elves
Speaker 1: to say something and then they all say it in unison.
Speaker 1: We love this is class. After she's like, I want
Speaker 1: a human family. These elves are are I hate them?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, first of all, those are obviously
Speaker 1: human children, Carol. They're like, read the room, but she won't.
Speaker 1: She I felt okay, so and then another moment because
Speaker 1: Carol like, you're totally right, great, she has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with the Carol we met and fell in love
Speaker 1: with in Santa Claus too. And then there's even a
Speaker 1: scene where I was like on Jack Frost's side yet again,
Speaker 1: where he kind of there's like a scene where Carol
Speaker 1: is like just blankly staring at a Christmas tree, like
Speaker 1: blankly touching it with her fingers and just and she's
Speaker 1: filling up a Christmas tree and then Martin short leans
Speaker 1: in and it's like, hey, Carol, and then he basically
Speaker 1: said a bunch of things that I agreed with, where
Speaker 1: he was like, so, don't you regret marrying someone who
Speaker 1: values their job more than they value you, Like, don't
Speaker 1: you ever feel like lesser than in the way that
Speaker 1: your husband treats you? And she was like, no, I don't.
Speaker 1: And she's like she's like tweaking the Christmas trees nipples
Speaker 1: the whole time, not even making eye contact with Jack
Speaker 1: Frost as being like, no, I love I love Christmas.
Speaker 1: I just wish my husband was would be looking at
Speaker 1: my my jingle bell pregnancy more. I'm when is Greg
Speaker 1: going to come and you're just I was so frustrated
Speaker 1: with her in that scene because I'm like, that's not
Speaker 1: the carolinea And I'm on board with Jack Frost. I agree.
Speaker 1: My whole thing too, is that like she could have
Speaker 1: responded like, well, I don't think he prioritizes work over me.
Speaker 1: I think that like this is like a difficult time,
Speaker 1: Like she could have said something that made sense for
Speaker 1: why she wanted to stay with Scott, but also wasn't
Speaker 1: her just being like Christmas, you know? But she simply
Speaker 1: did not, And she even goes as far as so
Speaker 1: like let Jack pick the Christmas tree, like when her
Speaker 1: whole thing was like I'm going to pick this Christmas.
Speaker 1: She's getting mowed over. It's so not fair. It makes me.
Speaker 1: It made me sad, yeah, because I was just like Carol, like,
Speaker 1: you're totally right, Like she could have just been like, well,
Speaker 1: if this was a March birth, it would be a
Speaker 1: very different story, but she's like I don't care, Like
Speaker 1: it's just so it made me sad to Carol's parents,
Speaker 1: not like I know that Carol's parents need to be
Speaker 1: completely like not caring about anything in order for this
Speaker 1: plot to work, but they also are like, okay, this
Speaker 1: is actually a two prong question. I'm so sorry we're
Speaker 1: about to hit the two hour mark. The I have
Speaker 1: a two prong question, which is, first of all, I
Speaker 1: was like, wait a second, like Alan Arkin and and
Speaker 1: Margaret seemed to be very like I just was I
Speaker 1: would be curious of what the discussion was when she
Speaker 1: went home to them, was like, I'm marrying an elderly
Speaker 1: Canadian toy maker. No, not I'm marry I'm married, Not
Speaker 1: I'm married. They had before they had to be, but
Speaker 1: he guilts her into marrying him at the end of
Speaker 1: that movie. We'll talk about that grace when you come
Speaker 1: back for the Center Claus two episode. But but but
Speaker 1: like we're to like if you're, you know, a successful
Speaker 1: school administrator and you're like thirties and you go home
Speaker 1: to your parents that you say, I have just I've
Speaker 1: already married an elderly Canadian toymaker. I just feel like
Speaker 1: there is a bigger conversation there that we never get
Speaker 1: a look into. And then on top of that, I
Speaker 1: have a just a because I didn't rewatch the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus to for this is Carol now immortal? Is that?
Speaker 1: Like I think so I think she think, Well, here's
Speaker 1: what I think. I think so, so think about this.
Speaker 1: When Scott Calvin goes to the North Pole in the
Speaker 1: first this movie, right after Santa Claus dies, he does
Speaker 1: not meet the old Mrs Claus right now, So I
Speaker 1: think what what must be forbid and true is that
Speaker 1: when someone becomes any Mrs Clause, they are basically pledging
Speaker 1: there there they're entwining their life literally in with Santa Claus,
Speaker 1: so that when Santa Claus dies, Mrs Claus dies. I
Speaker 1: brought this up on the on the on the other episode, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we talked about this where I think her life force,
Speaker 1: Mrs Claus's life force is attached to Mr Claus and
Speaker 1: if he dies, she dies unless unless So between Santa
Speaker 1: Claus one and two, there's what like whatever number of
Speaker 1: years that Scott Calvin is not married, so he's allowed
Speaker 1: he's apparently allowed to get away, so seven years that
Speaker 1: he's not so he's allowed to get away without a
Speaker 1: Mrs Claus for seven years until suddenly there's this other
Speaker 1: clause where he is of the tee. There's like actually
Speaker 1: year seven. Actually it becomes urgent. Suddenly it's very urgent.
Speaker 1: So maybe the Santa Claus, that Scott Calvin Kills was
Speaker 1: also just unmarried the way that he is unmarried for
Speaker 1: seven years at the onset of Santa Claus too, that's
Speaker 1: a possibility that we must consider. Please and thank you.
Speaker 1: I think it's possible, but I do not think that's
Speaker 1: the case. I think possibly so. But but that but
Speaker 1: that is all to say, like now that she is
Speaker 1: permanently But it just I also feel like it is
Speaker 1: a weird movie choice, right because usually traditionally we see
Speaker 1: Santa Claus and Mrs Clause are you know of comparable
Speaker 1: ages visually, but to you know, preserve Mrs Claus in
Speaker 1: carbonite as a young woman of birthing age forever her
Speaker 1: I'm like, is she is her job to be pregnant now?
Speaker 1: Like that? I just was like I was stumbling over that. Um,
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say is I find just missed
Speaker 1: David Krumholtz. Well, No, that's an interesting point because like again,
Speaker 1: because Tim Allen as Santa looks visibly quite old, he's
Speaker 1: got white hair, he seems like a senior. Whereas Carol
Speaker 1: as Mrs Claus, they don't age her up at all because,
Speaker 1: like Tim Allen they're still technically like he's like older
Speaker 1: than her as got Calvin, but not literally, but like
Speaker 1: they visibly aged Tim Allen up, but they do not
Speaker 1: age her up at all, because it's like a Hollywood
Speaker 1: sexist thing where it's like, well, we don't want to
Speaker 1: see an older woman on screen with our eyes gross.
Speaker 1: We have to keep her young looking and preserve her
Speaker 1: youthful looks. But we can age this man up as
Speaker 1: much as we want. So yeah, and it's I also,
Speaker 1: I wonder if Santa is in control of that, you know, well,
Speaker 1: I mean I guess he is, Like apparently there's a
Speaker 1: whole law about how you cannot cross him, so maybe mean,
Speaker 1: Caitlin seven hours, Well, let me finish this recap. I'm
Speaker 1: almost done, and then then we'll start there and then
Speaker 1: just then that begins the two hour discussion. We will
Speaker 1: have no um okay. So Jack Frost as Santa has
Speaker 1: commercialized the North Pole turned it into a resort. So
Speaker 1: Scott Calvin goes back to the North Pole, confronts Jack Frost,
Speaker 1: who looks so frightening as Santa Claus by the way,
Speaker 1: and Scott Calvin has Lucy help him get his snow
Speaker 1: globe back, and then Scott tricks Jack Frost into saying
Speaker 1: that he wished he had never he had like voice
Speaker 1: recorded it earlier. The spell gets the clause gets reversed,
Speaker 1: and it transforms them back to the same moment in
Speaker 1: the first movie, where we then cut to footage from
Speaker 1: the first movie and uh, Scott is like holds Jack
Speaker 1: Frost back so that Scott Calvin can put on the
Speaker 1: Santa suit and everything goes back to the way it
Speaker 1: was with Scott being Santa Claus. And so he goes
Speaker 1: back to the North Pole. He and Carol makeup, she
Speaker 1: has her baby, and then that's the end of the movie.
Speaker 1: I think you do. Gracie brought this up a couple
Speaker 1: of hours ago, but I I do think that you know,
Speaker 1: nine eleven should come up in this movie, and it doesn't. Well,
Speaker 1: six that's a big cultural so it kind of does.
Speaker 1: It kind of does because there is so when Curtis
Speaker 1: is like, Curtis is in this little excomobile and he
Speaker 1: comes up to Jack Frost and Jack Fross is like, so,
Speaker 1: I have heard about this escape clause. Can you tell
Speaker 1: me more? Curtis says, no, I can't because of the
Speaker 1: elf Land Security Act. Oh yes, right, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that totally went over my head. And if we all remember,
Speaker 1: if we all remember in the Santa Claus too, we
Speaker 1: see that in the North Pole has a military not
Speaker 1: just the strike team from Santa Claus one, but there's
Speaker 1: Health Khan too, and they have there's like met military
Speaker 1: medals and stuff. Yes, I totally forgot they militarized the
Speaker 1: North Pole and Padel. You've gotten wonder what was there?
Speaker 1: How many planes? How many planes? Three? Four? Nos? Four planes?
Speaker 1: Because whatever? So was there? A fifth plane was there?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my gums started bleeding when you said that.
Speaker 1: It's oh my god, there don't look at my teeth. Okay,
Speaker 1: going on, moving, moving right along. That was the one
Speaker 1: thing I forgot to write this down. But the part
Speaker 1: of set design that I also found very visually striking
Speaker 1: and disturbing was the Santa Claus plane. The North Pole plane.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are you okay? It happens sometimes when
Speaker 1: I get really worked up. I just started to bleed
Speaker 1: from from everywhere. Um, I happened with my teeth, It
Speaker 1: happens with my nose. It happens all the time. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm falling apart and the plane where it's like you
Speaker 1: get the aerial shot of the plane and it's Santa's
Speaker 1: arms wingspans, like he's a bird who can fly. I think, okay,
Speaker 1: could we quickly because I think we've I mean, Carol disserviced,
Speaker 1: not the woman we met completely, just like she's and
Speaker 1: she also disappears for so like long stretches of the
Speaker 1: moving When Scott goes back in time, Carol is the
Speaker 1: only one he doesn't say hi to. And also no
Speaker 1: one knows who she is, so it's you feel bad,
Speaker 1: You're like, okay, so no one even knows she exists
Speaker 1: in this timeframe. That's really sad, right. They explain it
Speaker 1: as as like because he's like where he's talking to
Speaker 1: Laura when he goes back, he's like in the alternate timeline,
Speaker 1: and he's like, where's Carol Newman And she's like who
Speaker 1: Charlie's principle, I don't know she moved away, but it
Speaker 1: would have been such a more like a stronger emotional
Speaker 1: beat if he had gone to her and she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are, or like I don't
Speaker 1: heard that my student's dad who never bothers to show
Speaker 1: up to anything. A piece of ship, Like why wouldn't
Speaker 1: they have included them? Anyway, Here's what I think was
Speaker 1: going on. Here's my theory. I mean, so this actress
Speaker 1: who plays Mrs Claus, Elizabeth Mitchell, was on Lost from
Speaker 1: two thousand, so she might have been shooting Lost and
Speaker 1: they maybe didn't have as much time with her as
Speaker 1: they thought they would. That's I think that. My guess
Speaker 1: is that happened with a lot of actors in this
Speaker 1: movie is they didn't have a big enough like The
Speaker 1: Santa Claus three doesn't have a better budget than Lost.
Speaker 1: So if Elizabeth Mitchell is like, well where am I
Speaker 1: gonna go, She's gonna go with Lost and not The
Speaker 1: Santa Claus. My guess is that maybe maybe maybe maybe
Speaker 1: Ed Dector and John J. Strauss don't come on the pod,
Speaker 1: but like let us know, you know, like I would
Speaker 1: bet that maybe she was supposed to be more involved
Speaker 1: and then maybe I don't know, that's maybe Hollywood should
Speaker 1: learn a little fucking loyalty. You know. She should have
Speaker 1: been like, fuck you, damon Lindelof, I'm going to buy
Speaker 1: a Mrs Claus and I'm going to be so pregnant.
Speaker 1: That'll show him and that will show him. But one
Speaker 1: other thing, one other thing, one just one do you
Speaker 1: can only get one more grace. I just thought, you know,
Speaker 1: if I was Carol's parents, like just taking in what
Speaker 1: I've been told is Canada, I'd be like, well, this
Speaker 1: obviously is in Canada, and my son in law is
Speaker 1: running a human trafficking This is obviously some sort of
Speaker 1: like child trafficking thing. These child little like indentured servants,
Speaker 1: Like this is horrible. We need to call someone. It's very,
Speaker 1: very dark, like the Elf situation. I feel like I
Speaker 1: I try, I have to almost suspend my disbelief and
Speaker 1: be like I think that we're supposed to think. I
Speaker 1: can't get too deep into it, or I'll start to cry.
Speaker 1: It doesn't, it doesn't. Something's not right there, not right there.
Speaker 1: And now Jamie's Jamie's comes are just gushy. Are your
Speaker 1: eyes bleeding? Are you bleeding from your eyes? It just
Speaker 1: burns the blood vessel in my eye because I thought
Speaker 1: too hard about the Santa clause. Again, it happens to
Speaker 1: me all the time. This is just where we're at
Speaker 1: at this point in the year. But but speaking to
Speaker 1: the Elves, Spencer Breslyn's character sucks so much. He's supposed
Speaker 1: to be the best self. As we've said, he's not
Speaker 1: the best elf. But the way that he displays that
Speaker 1: he's not the best elf is that he gets into
Speaker 1: this weird like masculinity like superiority contest with Martin Short,
Speaker 1: where Martin Short dupes him so easily, Like, I bet
Speaker 1: you don't even know what this really specific law is
Speaker 1: its presents, Like are you serious? Of course I know
Speaker 1: what this specific law is. Here's this specific law. Fuck that, um,
Speaker 1: But let's talk about Lucy really quick, because we didn't
Speaker 1: really end up getting to Lucy. Here's my question, why
Speaker 1: do Why am I supposed to care about Lucy? You're
Speaker 1: not even I don't care about Lucy, and I feel bad,
Speaker 1: but I also don't know's got to be a deleted
Speaker 1: scene too, because like, so yes, it's Scott fixes it,
Speaker 1: he's Santag and Jack Frost. It has been subdued, and
Speaker 1: the Council of Legends, as we said, has been called
Speaker 1: by Charlie um and and they're mad at Jack Frost. However,
Speaker 1: Lucy's parents, Laura and Neil, are still frozen, and Jack
Speaker 1: Frost says, I can't unfreeze them because to unfreeze, I
Speaker 1: would have to unfreeze myself, which I don't know what
Speaker 1: in the moment, I don't know what that means. Jack
Speaker 1: Frost is a fucking elemental afagar of ice. I laid
Speaker 1: on the floor when that happens, like that, hid the
Speaker 1: movie ends in five minutes. What do you mean? What
Speaker 1: are you talking about? And then Santa gives Lucy a
Speaker 1: nod and it's like, you know what to do, as
Speaker 1: if they've discussed this a point of the movie, which,
Speaker 1: if so gross does and she goes up to this
Speaker 1: villainous man and gives him a big hug, which thoughts
Speaker 1: him this disgusting way where his skin starts to he
Speaker 1: starts to melt. And as this happens, he he he
Speaker 1: gives out moans of pleasure. This girl is holding him
Speaker 1: because like just he's moaning in pleasure, and he's like,
Speaker 1: who I smell sunscreen? You know like that? And then
Speaker 1: he speaks Spanish. He speaks Spanish, and he's done this.
Speaker 1: He's been my cake compadre before and this is like
Speaker 1: a Martin short dag that he brings into all of
Speaker 1: his fucking roles from like the three of me goes onwards.
Speaker 1: He'll just break in a Spanish sometimes and it comes
Speaker 1: home's pretty weird and races. I guess like it just
Speaker 1: is out of my field, and it feels like it's
Speaker 1: like the joke is that he's speaking Spanish, and I
Speaker 1: feel like if they joke because that you're speaking another language,
Speaker 1: that's not great. The worst part is social. After she's
Speaker 1: done hugging him and he's continuing to melt or unfreeze,
Speaker 1: I guess this is the word in this world, not
Speaker 1: melt unfreeze. He goes, I don't know, how could you
Speaker 1: do this? And she goes, you didn't know about the
Speaker 1: power of magic hugs. Because of that, she has that power,
Speaker 1: not just a regular power. Can I keep going because
Speaker 1: I think per magic hugs? And what happens? Skin open?
Speaker 1: As yes, she wrecks his skin open. He moans in pleasure,
Speaker 1: and as soon as he's unfrozen, he's suddenly in a
Speaker 1: white suit. His skin is normal. But worst of all,
Speaker 1: he's got like this comb over thing going on. He
Speaker 1: no longer has his hair frozen bag, which is like
Speaker 1: perfect hair for Barton short. He's just got regular hair,
Speaker 1: which makes him look like an adult child, just a
Speaker 1: real fucking weirdo, like a little fucking like disgraced pastor,
Speaker 1: and he just it's disgusting, Like what happened is not
Speaker 1: just disgusting, it also is like kind of set up
Speaker 1: too much in a way. That because in an earlier
Speaker 1: scene Lucy, like Santa brings Lucy into the Hall of
Speaker 1: snow Gloves, which is like the hall of photoshop floating snowblooks.
Speaker 1: But in that scene, Lucy grabs the snow globe that
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, it's my snow globe. And then you
Speaker 1: zoom into this snow globe and it's a tinier Lucy
Speaker 1: and she hugs a snowman and the snowman turns pink,
Speaker 1: foreshadowing Yeah, and then Scots like you have those magics,
Speaker 1: Scott set up. I just didn't fucking catch it. I mean,
Speaker 1: this poetry, it is, it is there is what the
Speaker 1: thing about this? This it's like any given the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus movie is a million word poem, right, because you
Speaker 1: got the dialogue, but you've also got all the pictures.
Speaker 1: And if a picture is worth a thousand words, and
Speaker 1: this must be a million word poem. This is not
Speaker 1: a good poem, but it is a poem, and there
Speaker 1: is it is the fact that that Lucy has magical hugs,
Speaker 1: which is a creepy set up. The creepy payoff is
Speaker 1: set up with a creepy setup. I hate it. I
Speaker 1: wish that, like Lucy doesn't need to be there, you
Speaker 1: can cut out that whole. I get like we want
Speaker 1: to bring Laura and Judge Reinhold back into it, but
Speaker 1: like you could have gotten rid of them, especially if
Speaker 1: you're getting rid of Charlie to Like, what's the point
Speaker 1: of bringing that back? I mean, when you think about it,
Speaker 1: what this movie is is really a climate change origin story.
Speaker 1: Because Okay, I'm listening to all of a sudden, Jack
Speaker 1: Frost doesn't ust anymore. The man who summons winter is
Speaker 1: just gone. We don't know. Also, is he gonna diet
Speaker 1: now that he's lost his ice magic? Is he not
Speaker 1: an immortal anymore? Has this? Has this little girl damned
Speaker 1: him to hell? We don't know. Are these more questions
Speaker 1: that you will answer in the Santa claus For? Perhaps
Speaker 1: the Santa claus For is actually kind of a bottle episode.
Speaker 1: It all takes place at the hospital. Good I don't
Speaker 1: want to spoil anything else, but he don know if
Speaker 1: Bernard isn't there, I'm gonna scream, I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring there's gonna be consequences if Bernard's not there.
Speaker 1: All right, we need crumb Holt available because we know
Speaker 1: mentioned Martin short kind of randomly speaking Spanish in ways
Speaker 1: that displayed as a racist joke. Let's not forget the duck,
Speaker 1: the toy duck that speaks three languages. The duck says,
Speaker 1: l Duco says QUACKO. L duck says quack and ill
Speaker 1: duck says quack. A. So it's I guess it's Spanish,
Speaker 1: French and Italian. But it's just like, are you fucking joking?
Speaker 1: L ducko says quacko. That to me, that was just
Speaker 1: horrendous writing. That was just like the worst word, Like
Speaker 1: you couldn't translate three sentences. That wasn't the duck says quack.
Speaker 1: Also that the logic of that toy doesn't even make sense.
Speaker 1: Why would you want a duck that when you squeeze
Speaker 1: it, it it says hi, I'm a duck, I say quack.
Speaker 1: That doesn't even make any sense. Yeah, that was that
Speaker 1: was like that was a very two thousand they're like
Speaker 1: I want a duck that says, yeah, that wasn't that
Speaker 1: was ridiculous. I didn't like the music cues that were
Speaker 1: like lined up with Neil that was really two thousand
Speaker 1: six in an unsavory way. It's just there's there's just
Speaker 1: so much of this movie you're just like, what is
Speaker 1: fucked up? And what is just horrific writing? And sometimes
Speaker 1: it's both. Are all the elves white? No? There there
Speaker 1: you do see some non white elves scattered, but they're
Speaker 1: not they're rarely given any lines. Ifever, they're not prominently featured. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely not. There's there's more people of color and this
Speaker 1: movie than is in the Santa Claus One, but not
Speaker 1: in meaningful roles. Because even when it's like Aisha Tyler
Speaker 1: is God, but still they don't give her anything to do. Uh.
Speaker 1: Kind of the same thing with the Sandman. Who is
Speaker 1: that guy from Star Trek What is his name? He's
Speaker 1: like a star Trek legend Michael Dorn. Yeah, he's like
Speaker 1: he's a Star Trek legend and he plays the Sandman
Speaker 1: and he's like he's in one scene and it's like,
Speaker 1: I get the movie is not funny, but it's supposed
Speaker 1: to be funny, but then he never comes back and
Speaker 1: so it's just like it's just an empty husk of
Speaker 1: a fucking movie. It sucks. We didn't even talk about
Speaker 1: how the whole opening sequence is like Mrs Claus going
Speaker 1: into labor just kidding and then everyone's mad at her happen.
Speaker 1: One of the albums is like I canceled that patticure
Speaker 1: for this, which just threw so many opportunities for interesting
Speaker 1: relationships between women. There were like more opportunities for like
Speaker 1: let's give motherfucking nature something to do, and it just
Speaker 1: like it just doesn't happen. It just never happens. And
Speaker 1: with Carol, like we we were talking about how she
Speaker 1: the way that she's characterized in Santa Claus two is
Speaker 1: completely undone, and she's made to seem, you know this
Speaker 1: like codependent, you know, kind of there's a bunch of
Speaker 1: weird stuff going on there. I do want to give
Speaker 1: I'm hesitant to dump too much on her just because
Speaker 1: like she has every right to like expect things from
Speaker 1: her partner, even if it is like busy season at work.
Speaker 1: But like sure, yeah, it's the way, but the way
Speaker 1: it's written, the ways written He's like, there's no nuance
Speaker 1: to it. It's just like a fucking mess. Nothing makes it,
Speaker 1: And she's just like, if I'm being honest, I also
Speaker 1: don't think that the writers just knowing that they're the
Speaker 1: same writers, as there's something about Mary. I don't think
Speaker 1: that they are like, oh, it just didn't read for
Speaker 1: a lot of people that she actually does deserve better. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think that they are thinking that hard about
Speaker 1: her character, which is why I felt like a little
Speaker 1: more comfortable dumping on it, because I'm like, these these
Speaker 1: writers have demonstrated time and time again that they don't
Speaker 1: really care about how they write female characters at all. Totally.
Speaker 1: Is there something about Mary not like a cool feminist movie? Oh? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I should have it actually really is? And so I
Speaker 1: say that because I'm like, well, nothing they wrote could
Speaker 1: compare to the we gave it five nipples across the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I mean, Carol very clearly deserves better. But
Speaker 1: I don't think the writers think that. Yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: they're just like wives are naggy, right, wives are like
Speaker 1: always just like, why don't you spend more time with me? Yeah?
Speaker 1: In the second movie, they did have her as a
Speaker 1: fully realized character who like maybe unreasonably made a decision
Speaker 1: in the end to throw her life away for that.
Speaker 1: She like she like, you know, was this like principle
Speaker 1: who had like a personality and whatnot. And now they're
Speaker 1: just like, well, now she's not woman, she's wife. No
Speaker 1: longer wife now, you know, right, Like being married makes
Speaker 1: her suddenly deeply uncomplicated, obsessed with reproduction and the attention
Speaker 1: of her husband. Like that, That's where I thought those
Speaker 1: writers were at. I just didn't think they were trying
Speaker 1: to build a nuance for sure character. She definitely deserves better,
Speaker 1: and I see, like, obviously, if you're eight months pregnant
Speaker 1: year round, you're gonna like need some assistance, and you
Speaker 1: deserve some assistance from your partner. But they're just like
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't, like they're thinking, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: they're not. There was a game Boy game for this.
Speaker 1: What there's a there's a I'm sorry, I was just
Speaker 1: like going through Wikipedia. Let me double chat. There are
Speaker 1: no game Boy Advance, game Boy Advance in two thousand six,
Speaker 1: there was a game Boy Advance game. There's a play
Speaker 1: through on YouTube that I'm scrolling through right now. You're
Speaker 1: playing a Santa in some scenes, but then two thirds
Speaker 1: of the way through the game, much like the movie,
Speaker 1: you become Tim Allen in a suit, and I think
Speaker 1: you just played through the plot of the movie. I
Speaker 1: think that's all you do. Incredible. Well, it sounds like
Speaker 1: a great game. Then, since this movie took good I
Speaker 1: feel so bad for Alan Arkin to have to have
Speaker 1: been in this movie. I feel really bad for i
Speaker 1: should Tyler. I think that the Tooth Fairy wishes he
Speaker 1: was Robert de Niro. Um the Easter Bunny is scary.
Speaker 1: I'm just reading through the three notes that I took
Speaker 1: for this movie. Wasn't expecting the anti capitalist message, but
Speaker 1: like you said, Jamie, it feels extremely hollow coming from
Speaker 1: a Disney movie. Right. I'm just like, okay, cool, So
Speaker 1: did you not want me to pay you eighteen dollars?
Speaker 1: And that's what annoys me is when hyper capitalist companies
Speaker 1: are like what if I made an anti capitalist message?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, fuck you. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just it makes me. I know that it makes me. Man.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, okay, cool, but like you still, oh sorry,
Speaker 1: do you not want me to go to your theme parks?
Speaker 1: Like what are you saying? This was Disney being like
Speaker 1: all other theme parks are that ethical theme parks under
Speaker 1: capitalism are Disney World. That's how that's the new that's
Speaker 1: the new phrase, which is so such bullshit because it's
Speaker 1: the second you even step foot within like twenty miles
Speaker 1: of Disneyland, they're trying to upsell you on everything, which
Speaker 1: is like what happens at North Pole, the theme park
Speaker 1: in the movie. So it's just like, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about? Disney? There's this? And then but I do
Speaker 1: I did maybe I was just so emotionally exhausted at
Speaker 1: this point. But at the end where Alan Arkins says,
Speaker 1: so your father Christmas, which means and he keeps like
Speaker 1: really milking it, and he's like, so that means that
Speaker 1: I'm father in law Chris Smiths and then and then
Speaker 1: the movie pauses for laughs, which is never a good
Speaker 1: sign when the movie like building time for you to laugh. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's not good. But doesn't that mean he has to die? Then?
Speaker 1: Oh he must die? You knew the secret. I think
Speaker 1: that I think that father Christmas in law would have
Speaker 1: also just been a funnier string of words. That's my
Speaker 1: personal opinion. I mean this fucking that. That exchange takes
Speaker 1: like thirty seconds. It's so poorly edited and long. It's
Speaker 1: really long. It keeps cutting back to Tim Alan and
Speaker 1: it's like, m I don't really care how he reacts,
Speaker 1: but that means they have to kill Alan Arkin Grace
Speaker 1: Like they keep repeating s os, do you guys think
Speaker 1: Alan Arkin is a cool guy in real life? So
Speaker 1: so I just feel like I'm not saying he's a
Speaker 1: bad dude, but he's kind of out one mode and
Speaker 1: it's like cranky dude. I don't know, maybe maybe that's
Speaker 1: not his in real life mode. But I always wonder
Speaker 1: when guys, like when actors only have one mode? Is
Speaker 1: that because maybe I mean that's Tim Allen, Right, that's
Speaker 1: Tim Allen. That's what I mean, Karl Mark's Communist manifesto Wikipedia. Wikipedia.
Speaker 1: That's what if? What if they cut do okay over
Speaker 1: the shoulder shot of Scott Calvin Santa Claus. He's making
Speaker 1: unless he's checking into twice, but all it says it's Wikipedia,
Speaker 1: ver and over and over. I think you have a
Speaker 1: five to ten k like meme on your aunts. Jake, Alright,
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta get out of here. My friends
Speaker 1: I got, I got Sarahton into Chase. Does anyone we've
Speaker 1: been recording for a hundred hours, does anyone have any
Speaker 1: other thoughts feeling? I have a few? Can I just
Speaker 1: read off some notes? Okay, I'm just gonna start from
Speaker 1: the from the top, which might include something that I've
Speaker 1: already said, but I'm just going to read them off.
Speaker 1: How are new elves made? They're all kids? Have a
Speaker 1: Gail Breslin. If Mrs Class is teaching elementary school, then
Speaker 1: who's teaching high school? Huge? Tim Alan Santa fireplace in hospital?
Speaker 1: Not just Santa tim Alan Santa Dollar Store? Beans is back?
Speaker 1: Why doesn't the al firm al Firm have a human ward?
Speaker 1: If elves are not born but made, what do they
Speaker 1: think of pregnancy and birth? Is the child elf doctor
Speaker 1: going to pull the baby out of out of this spots?
Speaker 1: I think the reindeer are very ill all the time.
Speaker 1: They are. They're party. They are full of slime and
Speaker 1: so very sticky and what this whole movie has a
Speaker 1: much less down to earth feel, very truly weird music
Speaker 1: and it's more goofy tone makes Lucy's whole deal. I'll
Speaker 1: just not stand out. They they hate Jack Frost because
Speaker 1: he's gay. Jack is simply more messy than naughty. But
Speaker 1: more than that, he understands how the world works. Jack
Speaker 1: could have singlehandedly killed Santa with one breath. No, but
Speaker 1: the legendary figures can't use their magic on each other.
Speaker 1: Remember this is that's true, but until the end of
Speaker 1: the break the law. Break the law. At this point,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's not like a legal thing. It's
Speaker 1: like they physically cannot do it physically. There's just so
Speaker 1: many different types of laws in this world. Okay, Also
Speaker 1: very important, why is Jack obsessed with with asking random
Speaker 1: people to be his elves? He does just very awkwardly,
Speaker 1: like shoe horning, you beat my elf, and that just
Speaker 1: doesn't make It doesn't make any sense, especially because he's
Speaker 1: got this plot to just be um Santa. Because he
Speaker 1: asks some of the already existing elves, then he asks
Speaker 1: Lucy the human Child, and then he and then he
Speaker 1: also he also asks and Margaret in like a sexy
Speaker 1: seductive way. He's like, will you be my elf? And
Speaker 1: she's like, but it's like, what is your game, sir?
Speaker 1: There should be a there should be a spinoff of
Speaker 1: the Santa Claus through the Escape clause. That is just
Speaker 1: more Jack's like Jack Frost, Jack Ship, Jack Dawson from
Speaker 1: Titanic Jack Dawson. Have you guys considered like what if
Speaker 1: this movie had made a billion dollars, would have had
Speaker 1: Like you can't say that like this was before Iron Man.
Speaker 1: We could We could just have a bunch of like
Speaker 1: Christmas movies throughout every year and different like legends and
Speaker 1: whatnot and not not superheroes. I don't know if imagine how. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the world would be so different it hurts. It hurts
Speaker 1: to think about would you prefer that world or the
Speaker 1: one that we currently have or if you didn't, if
Speaker 1: you didn't know what that question, if you didn't know
Speaker 1: what that world was like you just knew it was different.
Speaker 1: Would you take a chance and jump into it? Oh? Fun, Yes,
Speaker 1: yes I think so, and I would be Would I
Speaker 1: be disappointed? Yes? Would I regret it? But would I
Speaker 1: have what I have tried? Much like being Santa's wife.
Speaker 1: I would give it a good six months just to
Speaker 1: see and then I would escape clause myself. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: what I was just gonna say. The movie should be
Speaker 1: about Mrs Claus having the opportunity to invoke the Escape
Speaker 1: clause should her story, The Escape should be divorced, because
Speaker 1: she's given up, She's sacrificed everything in her life, her who,
Speaker 1: like her family, her career, like all this stuff. She
Speaker 1: probably has some regrets. This movie would have been so
Speaker 1: much better if it had been about her and her
Speaker 1: journey and her deciding whether or not she wanted to
Speaker 1: escape this life, or if maybe she maybe, through this
Speaker 1: journey she learns that it is worth it after all.
Speaker 1: But that would have been so much more compelling. I
Speaker 1: don't give a shit If Scott Kelvin wants to not
Speaker 1: be Santa anymore, I don't care well. And also Santa Never,
Speaker 1: like Scott Never really doesn't want to be Santa exactly.
Speaker 1: It's not like It's a Wonderful Life where he's like
Speaker 1: really like, I don't want to real life anymore. I'm
Speaker 1: going to drop off. You know. He doesn't do that
Speaker 1: perfect perfect no nuts. If this was just like a
Speaker 1: beat for a beat redo of It's a Wonderful Life
Speaker 1: with Santa Claus, it would have been up my better movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I hate It's a Wonderful Life. And I know
Speaker 1: I'm alone in thinking that, but I think that movie
Speaker 1: sucks and I don't find it charming or good at all.
Speaker 1: There I said it. I don't feel strongly either way,
Speaker 1: but oh I feel about it's a wonderful life. I've
Speaker 1: seen it. I'm like, yeah, that was nice, and that's
Speaker 1: all I have to say about it. And then my
Speaker 1: head exploded in blood, which is you know, want to happen?
Speaker 1: All right? Does anyone have anything else? We have to stop?
Speaker 1: So the movie sucks. I wish I could invoke an
Speaker 1: escape clause from ever having seen this movie. Yeah, get
Speaker 1: me the funk out of this movie. That would be
Speaker 1: my review. Here's my review. If I was a film
Speaker 1: critic and writing like like an article, like a review
Speaker 1: and a publication, I'd say Scott Calvin wishes he had
Speaker 1: never become Santa at all. I wish I had never
Speaker 1: seen Santa Claus three at all. I I think that
Speaker 1: what we've done here tonight is better than the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus three, and it did not cost twelve million dollars
Speaker 1: and it was twice as long, and it was twice
Speaker 1: as long. I just would like to say just one
Speaker 1: more thing, Please, please, please, Grace, you get one more thing.
Speaker 1: The easter. Boddy openly ships some before workshop he's helping
Speaker 1: on Christmas Eve. Yeah, he's like, sorry, sorry about the pillets,
Speaker 1: I'm leaving beyond I blocked that out. You're totally right,
Speaker 1: so we do. We see him both shipped on the
Speaker 1: floor and hit on and Margaret in the bloopers in
Speaker 1: front of children, so we don't have time to really
Speaker 1: unpack the bloopers, but I highly recommend you watch them.
Speaker 1: Does this do we know? Does this movie pass the
Speaker 1: back I think there might be like a few like
Speaker 1: stripping away all the context lines that pass, but a
Speaker 1: lot of the context of conversations that do happen between
Speaker 1: women or like between Lucy and her mom or Lucy
Speaker 1: and another character, I feel like they're almost always about
Speaker 1: either Santa Claus or maybe Jack Frost. Like there's a
Speaker 1: lot I think men. I honestly, I also forgot to
Speaker 1: pay attention at all, so I do not know. But
Speaker 1: if I'm kind of just like going back through the
Speaker 1: scenes in my memory, it feels to me like a
Speaker 1: lot at least like the subtext is about a man,
Speaker 1: if if not explicitly about a man, I completely believe that.
Speaker 1: I mean, even if this movie does technically pass the
Speaker 1: backtel test, I don't deserve to. Okay, Okay, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: I've agreed with you. Even if it does, it's just
Speaker 1: like spiritually it definitely doesn't. Even if it does, it
Speaker 1: somehow doesn't. Final ruling, I'm judge Reinhold. Wow, yeah, incredible.
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's say a no for this one and
Speaker 1: don't fact check us, please and thank you um. As
Speaker 1: far as the nipple scale zero to five nipples based
Speaker 1: on an examination of intersectional feminism, I'll give this a
Speaker 1: half nipple for the few characters who do pose the question,
Speaker 1: including Abigail Breslin and Jack Frost, who are like, Hey,
Speaker 1: isn't it pretty fucked up that you gave up everything
Speaker 1: in your life? And don't you wish you hadn't done
Speaker 1: that maybe? Or don't don't you feel kind of cheated?
Speaker 1: Or you know, something like that. So I appreciate that
Speaker 1: the question gets asked, but it seems like it's mostly
Speaker 1: asked to bully her. So I I it's there's so
Speaker 1: many asked with every almost good thing that happens. There's
Speaker 1: five an asterisks of like, but it was actually made too.
Speaker 1: It was said to make her feel horrible about her
Speaker 1: life the start, like the first like ninety seconds of
Speaker 1: this film we're written by someone entirely different than the
Speaker 1: person who wrote the rest of it. Yes, I believe,
Speaker 1: I believe it. Like it's this is like even though
Speaker 1: there's only two credited writers, there were there were Make
Speaker 1: Make Yourself Seen other writers on the Santa Claus three.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like the It's consistently bad in three
Speaker 1: different ways. It's like there had to have been other
Speaker 1: people involved that were like, they wrote one bad movie
Speaker 1: about Jack Frost, and then the other people wrote a
Speaker 1: different bad movie about Mrs Claus, and then they wrote
Speaker 1: a different bad movie about maybe like Laura and Neil,
Speaker 1: and then they just missed it, mashed it all together.
Speaker 1: And it's something we haven't talked about, and I really
Speaker 1: think we would be a mess if we didn't talk
Speaker 1: about it. Is. Of course, of course, there's maybe the
Speaker 1: worst musical number in all of film in this movie,
Speaker 1: Oh my God, when Martin Short Yes and Jack Frost
Speaker 1: Santa north Pole. There's this Santa Claus show. It's just horrible.
Speaker 1: He does this riff on I'm leaving New York, New York,
Speaker 1: but it's like north Pole, North Pole instead of New York,
Speaker 1: New York. They don't even have a full fucking orchestra.
Speaker 1: I fast forwarded through it. I couldn't watch it. I
Speaker 1: truly blocked that out. But you're totally right that happens.
Speaker 1: I think it could have been so good. It could
Speaker 1: have been a moment that almost saved the movie. You know,
Speaker 1: it really could have been beautiful. I don't like I
Speaker 1: watched this movie six hours ago. How am I like
Speaker 1: here not knowing that? This movie really does a number
Speaker 1: on your neurons? It really scrambles months. Are they bleed?
Speaker 1: Are your neurons bleeding? Jamie in my norouble? Did you
Speaker 1: see there? My ears are bleeding? I just have this
Speaker 1: thing wrong about me. Where whatever Christmas movie I watch,
Speaker 1: I keep all of those memories forever, And even if
Speaker 1: I imagine them as pieces of paper that I throw
Speaker 1: into the fireplace, the ashes that come out, I see
Speaker 1: the memories play out in them, you know, forever. Please
Speaker 1: say that motif is in Santa Claus for that dark
Speaker 1: in the Sta clause for and that the fireplace that
Speaker 1: you throw your memories into is the same fireplace in
Speaker 1: Santa Claus's bedroom, tim Allen's Mouth, tim Allen's Mouth fireplace
Speaker 1: and Judge Reinhold Frozen are two of the most cursed
Speaker 1: Christmas images of our John a ration right up there
Speaker 1: with the baby Grinch, and it's just and do we
Speaker 1: have what else? Is there anything else we need to
Speaker 1: touch on? Oh? I was in the middle of my
Speaker 1: nipple rating, so yes, sorry, go ahead. I'm gonna give
Speaker 1: this a half nipple, even though it's more than it deserves.
Speaker 1: But I will give it to Ayisha Tyler and that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the end. I'm gonna I can't give this any nipples.
Speaker 1: I want better for Ayisha Tyler. I want better for Laura.
Speaker 1: I don't remember where the actress's name is. I want
Speaker 1: better for Mrs Claws. I don't Unfortunately, I don't really
Speaker 1: care about Lucy. I want better writing for Lucy so
Speaker 1: that I do care about her. I want David Krumholtz back.
Speaker 1: Is the most important thing is what How could you
Speaker 1: possibly think that this movie was going to succeed narratively
Speaker 1: without Bernard the Elf? It just would it would never happen.
Speaker 1: Zero nipples, um sexist, It's weird, and it's just a
Speaker 1: it's just a god awful movie. I hope I usuedd
Speaker 1: Tyler made a whole bunch of money because otherwise not
Speaker 1: worth it. Yeah, it's zero nips, what about you, Grace?
Speaker 1: How many nips am I able to give it? Uh?
Speaker 1: Five is technically the maximum, but you know, get you know,
Speaker 1: speak your truth. I am going to give it four
Speaker 1: and half nips. And the reason and the reason is
Speaker 1: because Mrs Claus basically has a home birth and we
Speaker 1: we we don't really see that on film. You know,
Speaker 1: we don't really see that on film. And that's empowering,
Speaker 1: I think, and I think it shows women that that
Speaker 1: can be done. So yeah, I'm going to give Mrs
Speaker 1: Clause two nipples and then I'll give the other nipples
Speaker 1: to the elves that made the home bird happen. And um,
Speaker 1: I just think that that's really inspiring. And I agree,
Speaker 1: and I have elucidated why I think this movie is
Speaker 1: misogynistic and horrible. Definitely what we need more home birth representation,
Speaker 1: and so for that, I think it does deserve four
Speaker 1: and a half nipples. I see what you're saying. I'm
Speaker 1: going to change my nipple raining to negative four to
Speaker 1: to balance out the average. I'm so sorry to do
Speaker 1: that to you, Grace, but I need the average to
Speaker 1: be kept low. So what you have just ensured is
Speaker 1: going to happen is that Grace is going to take
Speaker 1: us to court again and and then we're going to
Speaker 1: be back here doing Santa Claus June next year. Darning,
Speaker 1: that's what's gonna happen. I've got my lawyer on the
Speaker 1: line right now. He's actually been my lawyer. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: my lawyer. She she it's been listening to this entire podcast. Wow,
Speaker 1: well tell her we don't have a lawyer. We can't
Speaker 1: afford one, so you will be back. This sounds good, great,
Speaker 1: Thank you someone for being here. This is my favorite
Speaker 1: tradition and now it's officially a tradition now it is.
Speaker 1: And we were maintaining the tradition of doing a Christmas
Speaker 1: movie trilogy with doing the first movie first, the third
Speaker 1: movie second, and the second movie third, because we are
Speaker 1: doing the same thing with a Christmas prince. So this
Speaker 1: is a time honored tradition. Um. Yes, Grace, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for being here. You're a delight. Where can
Speaker 1: people check out your stuff? Follow you online, et cetera. So,
Speaker 1: I mean my big thing is at Grace G. Thomas
Speaker 1: on Twitter. Um and uh, and Grace's podcast is going
Speaker 1: to be so fucking good. Jamie is the first guest
Speaker 1: on the first episode and will be a guest very soon.
Speaker 1: Uh and we um. It's called compete. Let me tell
Speaker 1: I'll pitch this. Okay, everybody, it's called competitive literature. It's
Speaker 1: me and my co host Julie Greener or Julie g
Speaker 1: It's me and my co co it's competitive. It's called
Speaker 1: competitive literature. Myself, Grace Thomas, and my co host Julie Greener.
Speaker 1: Each week have a guest who picks one of their
Speaker 1: favorite books that we have a week before the podcast
Speaker 1: to read it, and then on the cast, the guest
Speaker 1: judges who has the best opinions on the book UM
Speaker 1: and picks a winner. So the first episode that we're
Speaker 1: doing is on a series of Unfortunate Events. It was
Speaker 1: with Jamie. It's gonna be killer. It's coming out in January.
Speaker 1: I'm super super excited for it. Um. We talked about
Speaker 1: if the authors are fucked up, we have the guests
Speaker 1: give a a little bit of a pop quiz. We
Speaker 1: uh go through the whole book. I'm super psyched. We're
Speaker 1: gonna have my fiancee's dad on it. Um, who's a
Speaker 1: cool weirdo talk about his favorite book, the favorite book
Speaker 1: of all dads nowadays, Sapiens by You've all Noah Harari. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope you guys check that out. Um and just
Speaker 1: follow me at Grace ge Thomas for more updates on that. Um.
Speaker 1: In addition to that, my KOFE is like kofi dot
Speaker 1: com slash Grace Thomas and I am launching a new
Speaker 1: monthly thing on there soon where I'll do one monthly
Speaker 1: video exclusive to people who are subscribing to that. So
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna switch from Patreon a kofy soon
Speaker 1: and do that. Um. And yeah, I just check out
Speaker 1: my videos and whatnot, uh and subscribe to Competitive Literature
Speaker 1: soon when we release our trailer. And yeah, I just
Speaker 1: keep talking and talking and talking. I have some books
Speaker 1: coming out next year, but none of them are announced,
Speaker 1: so you gotta follow me on Twitter com back all
Speaker 1: the foks. Yeah, it's pretty messed up. Talk to email
Speaker 1: my editor. Well, you got a lawyer and an editor.
Speaker 1: He's a really good guy. Actually, my editor is a
Speaker 1: very nice man. I have no problems with him. It's
Speaker 1: just how the production schedule works. He's not doing anything wrong. Amazing. Well, yes,
Speaker 1: check out all of Grace's stuff. You can follow us
Speaker 1: on on Twitter and Instagram at Babolcast. You can subscribe
Speaker 1: to our Patreon aka Matreon. It's five dollars a month
Speaker 1: that gets you access to two bonus episodes every month.
Speaker 1: And because it's December, we are doing as our bonus
Speaker 1: episodes this month. Christmas Prince too, Yeah, and Princess switched
Speaker 1: to Switched again. K three Princesses a K three three many.
Speaker 1: Vanessa Hudgens is three events, yes, and this is her.
Speaker 1: This is I believe her first movie post cancelation. So
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a lot to talk about. When do
Speaker 1: you remember when Vanessa Hudgings went live and said she
Speaker 1: had no regard for human life? That was this year
Speaker 1: and now we get to talk about it on the
Speaker 1: Matrion and that's where and that's where that will be.
Speaker 1: I think that was a pretty fun way for her
Speaker 1: to get canceled all around. I was just like, I
Speaker 1: guess that was just a blanket, like I don't care
Speaker 1: about anybody, goodbye, whoever lives and dives. I don't care
Speaker 1: as long as my carnal need for pleasures. Where's the
Speaker 1: merch where's the merch that Well, speaking of merch, you
Speaker 1: can buy ours at the public dot com. Slash the
Speaker 1: Pectel cast and that's I mean happy Santa Claus with
Speaker 1: Grace Thomas episode Everybody You Earned It. Also hashtag Santa
Speaker 1: Grace and tell Disney yes what you feel. And the
Speaker 1: last thing I'll say is I wish I'd never become
Speaker 1: Santa Claus at all. Bye bye bye m hm.