WEBVTT - Swindler, No Swindling! (Tinder Swindler/Anna Delvey recap) 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.360 Hey, y'all. Hey, what's up? And welcome to Let's Red 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:05.880 Table that I'm Tracy t Row and I'm Carl Pressley. 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:12.320 How are you feeling today, Tracy, I'm feeling every day, 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:19.279 every day, every day, I'm amazing song for me. I 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:22.919 don't carry you well, you already know. I'm feeling successful, man, 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:26.599 having a great week. We are feeling successful in these streets. 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:30.479 I'm excited to get into today's episode. I can't even 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:33.880 talk because I just was so frizzled watching it. Okay, 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:38.200 were you? I was because I don't know something about 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:42.839 massive amounts of money. Just listening to everything that happened 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.479 this week, scams and the dreams and the belief and 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.000 the lies, it was just a lot for me. You 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:52.120 should think about all the scams that you see people 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:55.520 running now, especially with all the Internet stuff, which is 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.360 a little bit different than what I'm putting. Air quotes 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:04.280 Simon because you know his name, who is he really? Okay, 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:06.399 his name is not Simon. We're not even going there, 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:08.520 which is I'm just gonna call him. I think he's 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.160 still on the run. He's not running. That man is 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:15.399 not stunning Cara. He's still in the front forefront of life. 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:18.319 He is sitting in the front row, sitting down, taking 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:22.080 pictures on social media, having a good old episodes like 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.560 oh my god, Jay just talking about me, right, I 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.000 have no love for him and any other person is 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:31.440 out there like intentionally conning and hurting people because that 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:37.720 is impacting their vives. It's the manipulation swiper nos swipings. 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:42.280 It had to be exhausted to keep up with that 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:48.240 con because you're spinning plates. But unlike him, Anna, I 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:54.120 really believe she believes her own make believe. Oh she did. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:57.040 Listen if Faith of a Mustard Seed was a person, 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:02.800 because it was Anna. I tell you, she believed in herself, 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:06.120 in her story and everything she said, and she made 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.160 you believe it. I mean, the poor man at the 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.959 bank was like, oh, well, we normally don't do this, right, 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:15.200 I mean, I guess I should. I mean, struggling on 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:18.640 a made up name. Even her parents were like, she 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:22.280 did what you listen, Please go see it for yourself, 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:23.960 and then please go look at the Red Table Talk 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.360 episode because we're gonna get into it today. You gotta 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:31.680 see the episode. All types of emotional abuse, manipulation, it 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.000 just sucks. I mean it's just terrible. And I think 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:37.239 that's why this episode is so important. You know, it's 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.960 not just a twenty minute Red Table episode or an 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.120 hour and a half a little documentary or entertaining movie. 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.000 This is somebody's life and it goes on for months 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:48.839 and days, and it's an emotional roller coaster. I feel 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.200 like we're gonna say that phrase often. Today. We're just 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.560 gonna go through all of the emotions, even when we 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.359 get to our guests later on, because it's a lie 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:02.160 the stories that people have. It's time to share some 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:05.840 thoughts from our Red Table Talk community. We believe and 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.679 know they all of the Red Table Talk groups out there, 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.720 all our backbone, and we absolutely love hearing from you. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.760 We asked our community if you or someone you know 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.919 has ever been skinned by loved one or someone else. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:21.720 If so, how did you break free? Okay, here are 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:25.120 some of your answers. Let them know and let them go. 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:30.560 Oh I love that. Come on here, miss Gordine, that's fantastic. Absolutely. 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.320 Our second person, Nick Nick, said they definitely have been 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.680 scanned before and when they found out what the person 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.760 was doing, they were done dealing with them altogether. They 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:41.800 said when they put it all together and realized what 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:44.560 they were doing. That was it so fight or flight 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:48.120 and sometimes it's not worth fighting for. Okay, that's good, nick. Nick. 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.200 Once you found out what the ish was, you got 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.880 it together and got on down. And our third person said, 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:57.360 I gave him two hours to get your ish and 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:01.160 get so Deborah mchim, we feel you there. That was 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.840 to the left, to the left. That was a full 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:08.880 fledged moment right there. Hilarious. Yeah, Tracy, have you been 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:12.360 manipulated before? Let me tell you something. I've never been scamed. 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:15.560 But you know, if there was a poster child for 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:18.400 someone to say, tell me about the time when you 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:21.760 got your identity stolen, it would be me. My name 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.839 is so common. I could be a white man, I 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:29.040 could be in the UK, I could be in Canada. 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.760 That has been my experience. I'm telling you, car is 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.640 crazy on a regular basis. And I'm gonna tell you 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:36.640 the lesson that I learned from that though. What I 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:40.400 was doing initially I had one bank and when the 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:44.200 second or third identity theft happened, I was like, oh no, 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.719 we're not doing that, because if they shut your debit 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:50.800 card down and someone's gotten inside your account, and like 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:52.960 the first time it happened, my account was overdrawn like 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:56.760 five thousand dollars. So no, no, no, I said, that 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.200 will never happen again. And so I now I have 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:03.400 diversified my portfolio of banking so that if anything ever happens, 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.040 you know, I'm covered. Yeah, it's just one. So that's 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:08.800 why it's Tracy t Row because I was, you know, 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:10.839 doing Tracy Row, and now I was like, no, I 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:12.599 have to be Tracy t Ro. I need something to 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.479 differentiate and stand out and be the unique person that 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.240 I am. We're gonna take a quick break, but when 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:21.000 we get back, we'll be joined by two guests from 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:32.720 our Red Table Talk community. We're bringing to fellow r 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:36.040 t T community members to the vistual Red Table. I 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:39.720 am so happy to welcome Dr Charlotte Freeman, who is 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:44.920 joining us today from Memphis, Tennessee. She is a clinical psychologist, 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:49.680 our very own Dr Rominey, so she's here to help 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:53.120 us better understand the psychology behind the scams and scam 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:56.600 artists themselves. So so glad you're a part of our 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.440 Red Table Talk fan community and that you can join 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:02.279 us today. Dr Freeman, thank you for allowing me to 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.800 be here. We also get to welcome Adrian Hughes Montgomery, 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:09.680 a native Memphion. She is with us today because she 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:13.839 has experienced scams up close and personal. Might I add 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.640 when she was in college and when she joined what 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:20.800 turned out to be not so legit pyramid scheme. We 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.039 are excited to hear these stories and your reaction to 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:28.320 this Red Table Talk episode. So thank you for joining us. Adrian. 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:31.599 How are you today? I'm find her you all doing good, 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:35.720 feeling successful? Adrian, I can't wait to talk about the 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:40.000 not so successful or not so legit scam and all 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.360 of the amazing like I can't wait to get into that. Yes, 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:54.240 don't don't, don't listen, I can't wait. So this is 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.679 a part of the show where we're gonna reveal which 0:06:56.720 --> 0:07:00.880 moments made us pause, rewind, listen again, and just stop 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:04.920 in the moment. Okay, let's talk about some of these 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.240 wait what moments. So I'm gonna take the first one 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.640 car because I can't wait. It's a wait wait what. 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.600 When Willow brought up the fact that emotional abuse is 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.160 how these scams start, I feel like the real scam 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:22.560 is the emotional abuse that comes before the real scams. 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.840 Let's talk about this our very own Dr Freeman, I 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.960 know you've got something to say. Willow kind of pinned 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.680 a really important point because a lot of times we 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:35.040 don't realize that every relationship started starts off the same. 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:40.280 Someone is trying to woo us, they're trying to encourage us, 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.040 they're trying to meet our needs. And what we don't 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.360 really realize is that when it comes to a scam 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:50.080 artist though, that this is actually something they do every day. 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:55.400 So the same amount of emotion that maybe the woman 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.640 or the man feels in the relationship who's actually looking 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:02.320 for a real relationship, well that scam artists, well they 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:06.400 offer this same delivery to everybody. It's universe. So the 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:10.360 emotional abuse for that person really does happen because they 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:14.520 are playing on their emotions, their needs, their desires, what 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.840 they've been praying for, what they've been asking for. The 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:20.360 scam artists is actually the person who is conning them 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:26.280 into believing, and they're selling them a fantasy. And unfortunately 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.360 that person doesn't realize it's a fantasy. They think that 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:33.680 this is all special just for them. Wow, so so true. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:35.640 I mean that hit me to the court. It's the 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:40.640 manipulation for me, because it is truly just manipulation. Absolutely, 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.720 let's talk about this moment. The moment Aileen read the 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:47.480 article and found out about everything, I felt so in shock, 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.160 and I started reading it over and over again, and 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:54.320 because there were so many similarities in that article, I 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:57.640 immediately knew that it was true. The moment I read 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.920 the article, that's the moment I woke up. Would you 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:03.840 guys have believed this article or would you have just 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:08.120 dismissed it as somebody's past? Well, I would say when 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:12.280 she saw it, it became real to her because after 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:15.760 seeing the article on social media, it made her stop 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:20.360 and think about what was happening to her and how 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.520 he was waiting for a long period of time of 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:27.120 calling her, how things became so urgent. It just started 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:31.720 making her second guests herself and the relationship that she had. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.680 After watching it, you can kind of see her say, oh, 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:38.920 something's wrong, let me checked this out. There are just 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:42.280 no benefits to any doubts. I probably would have wanted 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:44.840 to act like it was his past and maybe I'm 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:47.000 seeing things because you really want to believe in the 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:51.520 person your loving. But it's so interesting between the tender swindler, 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:53.880 and we're just gonna call him that because you know 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:56.200 why not. He's made so many other names. I'm so 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:00.640 over Simon. So when t s ran here, Cadam, it 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.040 was a little bit different than what animals doing. And 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.199 so when Rachel explained while that the Netflix series portrayed 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:10.199 a tense confrontation between the Morocco staff at the hotel 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:14.560 and Anna, Rachel said, what was actually more alarming was 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.600 that in real life Anna was cool as a cucumber. 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.080 She didn't seem to register the seriousness the risk. So 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.520 can you imagine being in this situation? Are you freaking out? 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.199 Would you put out your work card in this case? 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:33.040 What would you do? Know? Well, that was quick, okay, 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:36.200 it's I would have did what she did. I just 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:40.480 would have said back because this was her meal. I 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:42.440 guess what I'm saying. It's something about my coins and 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.280 I hate being in debt, so I wouldn't put myself 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:49.199 in debt for this young lady like that. Now, if anything, 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:52.680 I would have taken care of myself and I would 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:55.720 have got on the plane like the young lady when 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:58.719 she saw that things were going bad. And I think 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.400 she had got sick from correct she has got sick 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.560 and other and then she flew back. See that would 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:05.360 have been me, So you wouldn't have been freaking out 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:07.120 because you wouldn't have even been there. That's what you're like. 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.120 Oh no, I'm out. I'm not giving you my hard 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.480 I'm not giving you my card. I'm giving you the deuces. Yes, 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:16.240 pretty much. I wonder, and Dr Freeman, you can answer this. 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:19.600 I think about brain good. The friend at the hotel 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.280 was getting sick, but I wonder if it was a 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.760 brain good thing. Like, she kept feeling like something was off, 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:26.400 and I'm wondering if it was the food that was 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.480 making her sick or the experience that was making her sick. 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.960 If you get a feeling that pieces are not adding up, 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:34.440 I think that's the one thing that we don't do 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:36.959 sometimes is we want to continue to give people the 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.680 benefit of the doubt. We do not want to disrupt 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:43.120 that relationship. We like the benefits. She was over there 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:47.160 on Anna's dime, supposedly, so she was not ready to 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.880 give up that dim. Giving her a little side out 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:53.199 on that because I'm not saying she was wrong, but 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.400 I'm giving a little side at what couldn't she have said, though, 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.200 I know that you were paying for the trip, and 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:05.000 you brought up us because we see that there's financial difficulty. 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:08.080 What about you just take care of yourself and we 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.680 take care of ourselves. But here's the hiccup I have 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.840 with that you picked this thing go on hot asset place, 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:21.839 but Anna did because Anna's ball's in her fantasy where 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:25.760 Anna picked the place right. Yeah, Anna chose it right. 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:27.319 See me, I would have been at the Marriott. I 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:29.480 don't like how you mooses I gotta go wh I 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:31.520 think you have to also look at the fact that 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.800 for a long time Anna was, for lack of bed words, 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.680 she was always bowling on somebody else's dame. The money's 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:42.600 had always been there in the past, so they really 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.960 didn't have a reason to believe that the money wasn't 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.760 going to be there. But again, as you started to 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:53.000 see it, manifests that the money's were not there. That's 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:57.320 when tapping into that gut feeling and saying, Okay, now 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.400 I'm not seeing the same things I've seen in the 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:03.720 past with you. Something is different. So Rachel was trying 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:08.040 to have a conversation about her and the dollars, but 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.480 and I was like, don't worry about it, that's true. 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:12.280 What I want to know is, what did you think 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:16.079 about the episode, the Red Table Talk episode about them? Well, 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:19.920 I love how the young lady of the tenders. Wonder 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:24.080 how she got smart At the end, I knew all 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:27.080 the clothes he was wearing, and that was the only 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:32.160 thing that was real on him, his clothes. And that's 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:35.600 when I realized, like, Okay, if maybe I can get 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:39.920 my hands on those items, I can sell them and 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:43.920 I'm going to keep the money because I'm drowning. And 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:46.160 I thought that was so smart of her. She kept 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.079 saying that I love you. She never wanted to give 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.400 him a sign that she was on to him. She's like, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.360 I'm gonna feed into this perfectly because I gotta get 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:57.360 his clothes. I have to get these luggages to me. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.520 It's the belief for me. She literally had him believe 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:04.760 in her. She made a decision to be smart and 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:07.360 see if she could get some of her funds fast. Listen, 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.400 I have done this before. A certain relationship ended and 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.319 I sold everything for a dollar. Come on, over all 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:17.000 my male friends polo shirts for days? Take them wait, 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.160 a dollar each? A dollar each? I had to get 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.720 some money back. We had to Hey, I had to 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.960 get the investment. And at that point, you just so 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:28.160 upset with how things went down. You just you just 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.760 want your money. You're like, I need a large pizza. 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.720 You don't even care what the return on investment is. 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.720 You just want something so you don't feel like you 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.960 lost everything. So that was some redemption. Absolutely, I completely 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:42.760 agree with her. I'm glad she did it. Something that 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:45.400 car and said that was really important is sometimes it's 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.280 not about the amount of money. It's the fact that 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.640 you feel like you got some retribution, that you had 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:56.200 a chance to sort of calm that person maybe or 0:14:56.320 --> 0:15:00.760 to be able to get some sense of self returned. 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:04.040 Because sometimes when you're in these situations, you really do 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:08.240 feel like you have compromised maybe some of your thoughts, 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.840 your values, your beliefs in order to be with this person, 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.360 and then you find out that in the end the 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:20.160 person you're with really was only a facade, and so 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.920 you just really feel like, I need to get something 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.360 in return. It was just the principle she just wanted 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:36.359 something bad, some return on the investment. What else resonated 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:39.560 with us for that episode, The part with Rachel how 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:43.480 she got paid When you think about it, her doing 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:47.680 the book once again, she wanted something back. She lost 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.360 a lot, so she had to come up with a way. 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.320 How can I bounce back? How can I get my 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:56.320 credit back? And a lot of people would say, well, 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.800 now you're using her, you're using her story. Well, yes, 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:05.120 used me. I understand it. Well what do you think 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.760 was the worst part of these scams? I mean people 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:11.520 losing truly crazy amounts of money, or just the betrayal 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.240 of the trust overall, which for each of you, which 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:20.400 was the worst part? M money about her coin. I 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:22.560 just hate how he went for their money, and I 0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:26.880 hate how they felt like they owed him. He sent 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:30.120 me flowers. Nobody sent me flowers like that. These weren't 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:34.680 just any roses. This was like dozens and dozens of roses. 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:37.720 It just showed you just the little things that man 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.920 would do just make you feel so overwhelm. It was 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.880 one of those things that each one of the ladies, 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.040 and I can't remember her name, but it was the 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:49.440 first lady on the movie, and she was just saying that, Oh, 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.680 I'm still looking for love. I am I'm looking for it, 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.320 But I would I thought to myself. That should have 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:58.400 slowed you down. Stop looking for it? Wait a man, 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.600 at so you think you shouldn't have been I can belong. 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.520 I don't think it's that she can't look for love. 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.280 I think that we would hope that you would guard 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:08.160 your heart a little bit more. I heard a male 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:10.399 friend tell me one time, when a guy, actually, what 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.880 are you looking for? Do not give them the road 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.320 map to your heart. I want someone who cares about me, 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.199 does the little things, because he's gonna care about you 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:20.360 and do the little things. And he may just be 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.840 memorizing what you're saying, and that may not be a 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:25.840 true genuine act of who he is. So of course 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.000 we would hope that she's maybe protecting her heart a 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:31.040 little bit more. I'm gonna tell you, if the tendert 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:34.520 wind that dated me, he wouldn't have got ten dollars. 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:36.879 I don't know how he is saving I don't know 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.240 how these women choose to save him. But that's just me. 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.720 We wouldn't have made it far at all. Come on, ladies, 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:45.800 let's let's be let's be really honest. Send me five percent, 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:49.359 I would say. Of women, they're talking about the fact 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:52.119 that they wanted meet a guy who they can have 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.960 a choice of being able to take these fabulous vacations 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:58.119 and having money at their disposal. A lot of women 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.800 would like to have that, like South. So when you 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.280 meet a guy who is on the very first day 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:09.119 we've been a get on a privject. Right, I'm about 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:13.440 to drop fifty thousand dollars on you, right right, I'm 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.320 taking you to our totally different country. We're gonna party 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:19.880 all night. We're eating at fabulous restaurants. And that's why 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:22.520 a lot of times when you look at different shows 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:26.159 or what have you, they have these high energy activities, 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:30.200 and so it creates all of this emotion really quickly. 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.040 You're away from your family or away from your friends. 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:40.240 So it creates that environment where you're dependent on him financially, emotionally, 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.560 psychologically because you don't know these people and you don't 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:47.320 know this country. Right, Okay, that's a good point. That's 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:52.000 a really good point. So it's literally it's just grooming 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:55.280 you absolutely to be right for the picking. Let's talk 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.000 about the elephant in the room here. As women of color, 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.680 let's just call a thing a thing. Thank you. Ayana 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:05.840 Vand's aunt. One aspect of the inventing. Anna story that 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.480 the Red Table Talk participants did not get into was 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.679 how race played a part in and his ability to 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.800 scam the New York elite. And I know as a 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:18.280 black woman, that would have never been my story. Okay, 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:21.119 so Carl, you touched on it with the tenant swindler, 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:23.199 and I feel like a lot of sisters, probably like 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.639 Simon Wanta got me. But how do you think that 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:27.000 would have worked for you? If you had tried to 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:29.080 do what Anna did, it wouldn't have worked. I would 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:32.080 have definitely got questioned at the hotel lobby. I wouldn't 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:34.080 have made it up to the room. As soon as 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:36.920 that car didn't go through, excuse me, stuck the elevator doors. 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:40.280 Step back over here to the line with the X 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:45.760 on it. I wouldn't have made it far. Stop that door. Yeah, 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:49.760 we already know. It's not even just society, it's just 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:53.679 a reality. The way that she could finagle and finesse 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:58.840 her conversations and tip a hundred dollars to move how 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:01.280 she wanted to move is the illusion of it. Also, 0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:03.480 I thought it was interesting, what did the guest? You're right, 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:05.800 I don't think it would have worked for African Americans, 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:08.840 because when we would have walked in, then the banking 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:13.680 system would have immediately said, until we can prove that 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:21.400 you are the sovereign king of Coubern, then this money. 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:23.560 You know, and it takes a lot for us to 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:27.600 even be able to get a meeting with the bank 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:31.840 president or the person alone officer and the paperwork we 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:34.600 have to have. We know that it wasn't covered at 0:20:34.600 --> 0:20:36.600 the table at Red Table Talk. Do you think that 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.640 the whole aspect of race should have been talked about 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:41.960 on the show? I mean, everybody thinks we talked about 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:46.160 race so much nowadays, race is one of those things. 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:48.960 It's not going anywhere. It is there, so can you 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:51.920 talk about it? Yes? Did they think it was important 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:55.520 at that time? Probably not. They just wanted to talk 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:58.480 about the story. Where did the guests come from, where 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:00.880 their state of mind? How did they it through? It 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:03.520 wasn't really What do you think if it happened to 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:06.320 a black person, I don't think that they would have 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:09.240 said that. You think they should have, though, but I 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:12.359 mean they could have, but it would have been very easy. No, 0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:17.639 we would have like it would have been a short 0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:21.400 lived conversation. Then we would have been drawn, well, why 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:23.920 do you think African Americans can't get this? And that 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.480 it would have gone in that and everybody knows why 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:29.400 in a show such as it is. The two guests 0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:33.399 were Caucasians, so that would have maybe possibly made that 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.959 uncomfortable for them. And also it was not their experience, 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.959 so they would not have been able to really speak 0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:44.480 intelligently about it from a real knowledge base. So I 0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:47.359 think it would have been a discussion really with Jada 0:21:47.760 --> 0:21:51.920 and her mom, who would have been able to discuss that, 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:54.879 So it would have been a really short conversation. But 0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:56.640 I mean, I think we do have to just accept 0:21:57.080 --> 0:22:00.119 and acknowledge that a lot of times, I called as 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:04.199 your Mayo could walk in with his dungareeson say it, 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.560 in his plaid shirt, and he would have been able 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:09.680 to walk up and still have had a better chance 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:13.440 than African American who may have been well groomed when 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:16.040 they walked up to try to talk to the bank officer. 0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:19.240 You are so right. You could be a person of 0:22:19.320 --> 0:22:23.960 color and literally go in with proof of funding and 0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:27.600 still not be able to make investments at an investment 0:22:27.600 --> 0:22:29.800 bank or do whatever it is you want to do. 0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:33.080 You can't even make a deposit from your actual bank account. 0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:36.600 Ryan Coogler, we apologize to you for that, the whole 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:39.160 Bank of Atlanta because what was that that part, Yes, 0:22:39.280 --> 0:22:41.639 that's that man's account. That was a fantastic example you 0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:44.199 just pointed out. Yeah, all right. Unfortunately, so I think 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:48.080