WEBVTT - Disordered Food Thoughts & Patterns?? You Are Not Alone! (Outweigh)

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body outly outway everything that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>made do, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel free, I know who every part of me

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<v Speaker 1>it is beautiful and then will always out way if

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<v Speaker 1>you feel it with joys in there, she'll love to

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<v Speaker 1>the boom. I am there. Let's say good day and

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<v Speaker 1>time did you and die out? Happy Saturday? Outweg fam

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<v Speaker 1>amy here and my guest today is Patrick Custer, and

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<v Speaker 1>he is on to talk about, well a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of your own journey, Patrick, but then what you're doing

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<v Speaker 1>to help others that are in recovery or maybe even

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<v Speaker 1>just struggling and wondering. What is this process of recovery

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<v Speaker 1>even look like? Is there help out there? Am I alone?

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<v Speaker 1>Because I feel like that's one of the most daunting

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<v Speaker 1>things when you are going through something. For me, in

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<v Speaker 1>particular with my eating disorder, some of the thoughts and

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<v Speaker 1>actions that would take place in my mind and then

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<v Speaker 1>that I would do, I think, Oh my gosh, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't ever tell anybody about this. This is crazy? Am

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<v Speaker 1>I the only one? So Patrick's here to remind us

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<v Speaker 1>we are not alone. Oh my gosh, you just hit

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<v Speaker 1>you know, so many, so many things, you know, talking

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<v Speaker 1>about shame and guilt being such strong drivers for us

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<v Speaker 1>from such a young age, both societally and and I

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<v Speaker 1>think naturally, it just it just it is there. And

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<v Speaker 1>whether you know, I know a little bit about your story,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'll compare contrast for me. I know, I ended

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<v Speaker 1>up meeting and getting like addressing seriously at an early

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<v Speaker 1>age my medicators and so quickly to just kind of

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<v Speaker 1>try and put it in a nutshell. I look back

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<v Speaker 1>as a child. I grew up in a southern family

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<v Speaker 1>where everything you know, food is everything, everything surrounds food.

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<v Speaker 1>When you know, we we all get it. I was

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<v Speaker 1>in sports, I was active. I never really thought about food,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean other than like I liked it and I

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<v Speaker 1>ate it, and nothing was you know, I didn't correlate

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<v Speaker 1>to my body. And then I started to hit a

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<v Speaker 1>something weird and puberty and I got chubby. I remember

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<v Speaker 1>just the shame and guilt that fell all over me,

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<v Speaker 1>both internally but from social reinforcement. So at this time

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a gay man. I wasn't out then, raised a

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<v Speaker 1>super conservative family. So at the time I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 1>fit into this mold what I think I'm supposed to be,

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<v Speaker 1>which is like a supermasculine manly man play sports. And

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<v Speaker 1>so my story is very interesting to talk about body

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<v Speaker 1>image body dysmorphia from an early age where this is

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<v Speaker 1>the role that I was felt like I was dealt

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<v Speaker 1>and this is what I was trying to play. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>So from a very early on, I didn't know like

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<v Speaker 1>I battled over eating and body image issues at that

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<v Speaker 1>point then came along I don't even remember what introduced

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<v Speaker 1>to me, but like over exercise and then dieting. So

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<v Speaker 1>these were my earliest medicators food than exercise, than restricting.

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<v Speaker 1>And it wasn't until I went to college that that

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<v Speaker 1>I really got exposed to some more extreme measures. Drugs

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<v Speaker 1>and alcohol played a huge role, and ultimately I had

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<v Speaker 1>to seek help for all of it because at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of the day, I was trying to control how

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<v Speaker 1>my body looked, how I felt, the peace within myself.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, a lot of us in twelve step programming,

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<v Speaker 1>which I am actively, you know, we call it, we

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<v Speaker 1>referred to it as the is um, you know, like

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<v Speaker 1>it's not just one thing, and for me it has

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<v Speaker 1>been just like a bounce around of you name it,

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<v Speaker 1>all kinds of things medicating behaviors and so you know,

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<v Speaker 1>when it comes to sobriety from addiction, from chemical addiction,

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<v Speaker 1>alcohol and drugs, I've been sober. The February will be uh,

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<v Speaker 1>twelve years. That's awesome. I want to stop and acknowledge that,

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<v Speaker 1>because that's I mean, that's amazing. A good friend of mine,

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<v Speaker 1>I just celebrated twelve years a couple of weeks ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and yeah, she was like, it's my sober birthday. Hey, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it is exciting, And it's interesting how those birthdays end up.

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<v Speaker 1>They end up being less about me and more about

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<v Speaker 1>other people and showing the way, like you get at

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<v Speaker 1>the longer and longer. I'm fortunate enough to you know,

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<v Speaker 1>hold on to sober time and stay healthy. Well that's

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<v Speaker 1>part of recovery anyways, using your story and then also

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<v Speaker 1>being in a twelve step program, having you know your

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<v Speaker 1>sponsor and then sponsors. That's how you say right to

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<v Speaker 1>the other way sponsors and sponsors. Yeah, and then you're motivated.

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<v Speaker 1>You're out there, you're serving others. I feel like services

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<v Speaker 1>a big part of that, taking it off of you

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<v Speaker 1>and on to other people. And I remember my mom

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<v Speaker 1>telling me that early on in college when I was

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<v Speaker 1>really struggling with my eating disorder, and she said, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>could you just go falling here somewhere or do something.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, that was her way of saying that to me.

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<v Speaker 1>It didn't register, of course at the time, but she

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<v Speaker 1>was onto something. It was she was trying to get

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<v Speaker 1>my brain to stop focusing on some of my things

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<v Speaker 1>and focus on someone else to shift And obviously if

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<v Speaker 1>you do that enough, it does help rewire the brain.

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<v Speaker 1>But I love that you're talking about making it about

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<v Speaker 1>others because that is part of the journey in staying

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<v Speaker 1>in recovery. And I'll stop here and say, no matter

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<v Speaker 1>what you're if you're you know, you identify that you're

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<v Speaker 1>recovering from one thing, or you might need to recover

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<v Speaker 1>from something. You know, everybody's got a different journey, different

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<v Speaker 1>thing that they're recovering from, and different healing experiences, um

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<v Speaker 1>and different things work for different people, but there are

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of commonalities. One of them is connection. We

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<v Speaker 1>know that. I'm gonna try and get his name right.

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<v Speaker 1>The person who coined this phrase, Johan, I forget his

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<v Speaker 1>last name. He was the initial person that talked about

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<v Speaker 1>connection being the opposite of addiction or self medication and suffering.

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<v Speaker 1>And we see that across the board, right and through

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<v Speaker 1>that and under that umbrella is the connection of getting

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<v Speaker 1>outside of ourselves through serving other people, saying that you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm part of you, you're part of me, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>taking the focus off of myself. So I will say that,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the eating stuff for me has um and

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<v Speaker 1>as I think you know, actually no matter what you're

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<v Speaker 1>talking about, I mean, like it's very black and white

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<v Speaker 1>with them addiction because I don't drink at all anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>but we have to eat when we talk about process addictions,

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<v Speaker 1>so you know, eating disorder is a process or eating

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<v Speaker 1>is a process, and the addiction is whatever surrounding the

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<v Speaker 1>that process. And for me, there was a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>or though over exercising under intake. They're just complete restricting altogether,

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<v Speaker 1>and I have to be careful every day to not

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<v Speaker 1>fall into that trap because it's really really easy, as

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sure you know as well. Yeah, and that's a

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<v Speaker 1>good reminder for anybody listening that if you've made strides

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<v Speaker 1>and you take a step back. It's such a good

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<v Speaker 1>point that we can't eliminate food from our lives. You

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<v Speaker 1>can try to remove yourself from alcohol and drugs by

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<v Speaker 1>who you're surrounding yourself with, what you allow in your home,

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<v Speaker 1>but food has to be allowed in the home. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was something that was, you know, difficult. You couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>just be like, okay, well I just won't have this.

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<v Speaker 1>In fact, for me in recovery, I had to invite

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<v Speaker 1>more food into my home. I had to start allowing

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<v Speaker 1>more things that I used to not allow. And Patrick,

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<v Speaker 1>and regards to your service to others, something that I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to tell people about is the podcast that

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<v Speaker 1>you're running, because I feel like that's another resource that

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<v Speaker 1>people can check out and if they're wondering, like do

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<v Speaker 1>I have something going on? I have these thoughts? What

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<v Speaker 1>is orthorexia? Some of this stuff is new to people,

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<v Speaker 1>this vocabulary or other addictions because oftentimes it may not

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<v Speaker 1>just be one thing that you're using to numb out,

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<v Speaker 1>like you said, the medicators. And I feel like your

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<v Speaker 1>podcast to be an excellent resource for people, So tell

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<v Speaker 1>us about it absolutely well. You can check on our

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<v Speaker 1>website it's Rooted Recovery Stories dot com. That's rooted. Like

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<v Speaker 1>we talked about keeping keeping people rooted in recovery and

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<v Speaker 1>it's got kind of a unique story. We started out

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<v Speaker 1>I work for Promises Behavioral Health. We own treatment centers

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<v Speaker 1>across the country for mental health, addiction, sex, addiction, eating disorders.

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<v Speaker 1>We treat all the things UM and our various treatment

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<v Speaker 1>centers and UH I have the privilege of getting to

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<v Speaker 1>oversee all of our aftercare programming so lifelong. We support

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<v Speaker 1>our alumni afterwards when they go out and have to

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<v Speaker 1>hit the real world and they're outside of the safe

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<v Speaker 1>container that they've gotten the help they need in I

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<v Speaker 1>myself have experienced at that's what helps get me on

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<v Speaker 1>the track to health and safety. And you know, long

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<v Speaker 1>term engagement meaning like two resources that are connecting us,

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<v Speaker 1>are serving us, are serving the walk that we wanna do.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, whatever you're talking about recovering from, we believe

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<v Speaker 1>is the key to success. So this podcast came out

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<v Speaker 1>from that as my life's kind of passion project. But

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<v Speaker 1>it's a mission thing to serve the whole entire community.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't have to be an alumni. And we talk

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<v Speaker 1>about recovery from all types of adversity. And I say

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<v Speaker 1>adversity because it's a very umbrella term that encompasses trauma,

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<v Speaker 1>the full spectrum of the mental health issues, parents of

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<v Speaker 1>children who have overdosed, people who literally are have experienced recovery,

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<v Speaker 1>overdosed themselves, all the things that I named. We interview

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<v Speaker 1>and talk about stories, what it was like for these people,

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<v Speaker 1>and the resources that are available to help them. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think that there can't be enough hope out there.

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<v Speaker 1>We've got all kinds of things to entertain us. And binge.

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<v Speaker 1>When we talk about binging, Oh my gosh, what a

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<v Speaker 1>trigger word and a key you know thing we talked

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<v Speaker 1>about right now. But like Netflix TV, we consume so

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<v Speaker 1>much to just entertain ourselves. This is an outlet that

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<v Speaker 1>we really put so much heart and soul into providing

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<v Speaker 1>that is something to feed the soul. Oh. I love

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<v Speaker 1>that feeding the soul. I know you give the website,

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<v Speaker 1>but if they're just in their podcast browser, we're on everything,

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<v Speaker 1>so you can watch it or stream it like via

0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:42.000
<v Speaker 1>the regular podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Facebook, YouTube. Just

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<v Speaker 1>search Rooted Recovery Stories and you'll find us. And I

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<v Speaker 1>love that name, Rooted Recovery Stories. It's so good. Well, Patrick,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you for sharing some of your story and then

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<v Speaker 1>the message of connection and service and the reminder of hope,

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<v Speaker 1>because I think that's what what we all need, because

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<v Speaker 1>some ones that can just you just feel so overwhelmed

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<v Speaker 1>by everything and you're like okay, and then you see

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<v Speaker 1>it working for other people and and instead of saying, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I wish that could work for me, see those other

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<v Speaker 1>people's recovery as as hope and encouragement to you, not

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<v Speaker 1>discouragement because you're not there yet. Don't let those thoughts

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<v Speaker 1>go into your head. If there's one thing I could say,

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<v Speaker 1>it's just if people come into your path, don't let

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<v Speaker 1>it let their recovery annoy you because you're not there yet.

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<v Speaker 1>Feel like, oh wow, thank you God for showing me

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<v Speaker 1>that person that's in recovery, because I know what it's

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<v Speaker 1>like to be jealous of someone that's in recovery and

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<v Speaker 1>you just wish you could be there. But you know, right,

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<v Speaker 1>because we all wanted into gratification. I wanted insta gratification

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<v Speaker 1>when I was living in my sickness, and I want

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<v Speaker 1>instant gratification when I'm seeking healing. But I want if

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<v Speaker 1>I could really quick, I wanted to add something that

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's so important. There aren't enough men

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<v Speaker 1>that are out there talking about their history or struggle

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<v Speaker 1>with eating disorders. And I don't know if you would

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<v Speaker 1>be surprised at this, but many people would be so

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<v Speaker 1>surprised that it is a legit real thing. Whether you're gay, straight, trying, whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>it's it affects everyone. It's no respecter of persons. And

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<v Speaker 1>the compare and contrast for me when I was talking

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<v Speaker 1>about earlier, you know, I grew up and wasn't living myself,

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<v Speaker 1>tried living as a straight man for a long time,

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<v Speaker 1>and a more masculine presence that was, you know, hiding

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<v Speaker 1>things and doing sports and whatever. That body type for

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<v Speaker 1>me was was way different. And then I, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>move into my twenties and I'll just tell you the

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<v Speaker 1>gay male world, you're either very very thin or super muscular,

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<v Speaker 1>like those are two two of the most idolized body types.

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<v Speaker 1>And I didn't know how to go to the zero

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<v Speaker 1>body fat, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Channing Tatum, whatever realm, And so

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<v Speaker 1>what was easiest for me was to slide into that

0:12:56.480 --> 0:13:00.160
<v Speaker 1>rail thin category. So I just want to say that, like,

0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:05.520
<v Speaker 1>if you are a male, you know, assist male transmail

0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:10.560
<v Speaker 1>doesn't matter. And you're hearing this, don't let societal norms

0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:15.200
<v Speaker 1>tell you that, oh, I'm just being healthy or going

0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.040
<v Speaker 1>to at a gym trips. You know, I'm just following,

0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:20.360
<v Speaker 1>you know whatever from Men's Health magazine. You know, this

0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.719
<v Speaker 1>is totally different from what Amy's talking about and all

0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.440
<v Speaker 1>that all that jazz. It hits all of us, and

0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:30.120
<v Speaker 1>it's real. Yeah. No, it's um disguise like when we use.

0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:34.240
<v Speaker 1>I used for a long time orthorexia for sure, under

0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:38.080
<v Speaker 1>the guys of well, I'm having fertility issues and I

0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.400
<v Speaker 1>read this one book that told me that if I

0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:43.960
<v Speaker 1>eat this exact way that I'll be able to get pregnant.

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 1>But really, I mean, yes, did I want to get pregnant, Absolutely,

0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:48.920
<v Speaker 1>But did I love having eating that way as an

0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:52.600
<v Speaker 1>excuse to tell myself because I knew some of my

0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.120
<v Speaker 1>behaviors weren't normal. But I was like, well, that's okay,

0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:57.280
<v Speaker 1>that's what this book told me that I needed for

0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.520
<v Speaker 1>my fertility issues. And when I would be out with friends,

0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:00.800
<v Speaker 1>they'd be like, oh, you don't want this or you

0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.720
<v Speaker 1>don't want to eat this. I would be like, oh, well,

0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:04.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to get pregnant, and then that would shut

0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.839
<v Speaker 1>everybody down and you might be like, oh, oh I

0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.360
<v Speaker 1>saw this in Men's Men's Health. Oh well that's okay,

0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:12.160
<v Speaker 1>no problem, it must be approved and totally good for you,

0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:16.200
<v Speaker 1>So thank you for sharing that as well. And yeah,

0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.960
<v Speaker 1>rooted recovery stories. I love it. Patrick, well, thank you.

0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:23.200
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, we'll have to have you back on again.

0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 1>I love it. Thank you so much