Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Stow Happy April fifteenth. It's tax Day, or, as Wesley
Speaker 2: Snipes calls it, Huh what what was I supposed to? Oh? Oh,
Speaker 2: I have to make a call.
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 4: It's a mad rush.
Speaker 2: Everybody scrambling and get the returns done by the deadline.
Speaker 4: It is a mess.
Speaker 2: I have a solution, ladies and gentlemen. Everybody is always
Speaker 2: scrambling at the last minute on April fifteenth to get
Speaker 2: their taxes done. So let's make tax Day the sixteenth.
Speaker 2: That way, everybody can just relax. Problem solved unless I
Speaker 2: have fundamentally misunderstood human nature, and I don't think I have.
Speaker 2: But this year tax Day has some other kind of
Speaker 2: big surprises in store.
Speaker 5: Tax Tea party day today so called tea parties or
Speaker 5: tea parties, tea party, tea parties.
Speaker 6: Hundreds of tea parties.
Speaker 4: Did you hear that, mister buff Oliver? A tea party.
Speaker 2: I hope we're invited. I'll bring my signature cucumber sandwiches.
Speaker 2: The secret is I use rear cucumbers. It is that
Speaker 2: kind of tea party.
Speaker 7: Right TA.
Speaker 8: In this case, tea stands for tax enough already folks
Speaker 8: cross country organizing all these tea parties today to sort
Speaker 8: of some volid protests of high taxes and excess government spinning.
Speaker 2: Oh, protesting high taxes, Good luck selling that one. I mean,
Speaker 2: if there's one thing I know about the American people,
Speaker 2: they love baseball, kicking ass, and paying taxes to the
Speaker 2: government and discreetly build hotel porn.
Speaker 5: So.
Speaker 2: Four things. This is like the Boston tea Party for
Speaker 2: people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and
Speaker 2: a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay
Speaker 2: taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor.
Speaker 9: Look, this truck right here, as you can see, has
Speaker 9: one million tea bags. That's what a million bags of
Speaker 9: tea looks like.
Speaker 2: Let me get this straight to protest wasteful spending. You
Speaker 2: bought a million tea bags? Are you protesting taxes or irony?
Speaker 2: But clearly the tea parties are a big story. Hundreds
Speaker 2: of tax protests all over the country, thousands of disgruntled
Speaker 2: people of non color taking to the streets, and it
Speaker 2: wouldn't be as possible without the sponsors. Like discontent, the
Speaker 2: emotion you feel when you don't get what you want,
Speaker 2: and tea the drink you order when they don't have
Speaker 2: what you want, and corporate sponsorship provided by Fox News.
Speaker 2: The news you watch news isn't what you want.
Speaker 10: Don't forget our big Tax Day tea party.
Speaker 8: I will be in Atlanta April fifteen.
Speaker 11: Foxnews dot Com Slash America's newsroom.
Speaker 2: We have an entire section devote to the growing tea
Speaker 2: party movement.
Speaker 12: It's a movement that is sweeping the nation.
Speaker 1: It is a grassroots movement.
Speaker 3: This is an organic, grassroots movement.
Speaker 4: This is a nationwide phenomenon. It's free and open to
Speaker 4: the public.
Speaker 13: Nobody I'm inviting everybody right now.
Speaker 14: Is just get out and let your face be seen.
Speaker 14: Should I start begging for people to come, I.
Speaker 13: Invite you to be a part of one of them.
Speaker 5: Bring your kids, experience history.
Speaker 9: Kids.
Speaker 4: Don't get in that guys, man, don't do it.
Speaker 2: So I may look to the untrained eye that a
Speaker 2: news organization is sponsoring a grassroots partisan tax revault. It
Speaker 2: would be a very narrow reading.
Speaker 10: Fox is not sponsoring any of them, but we have
Speaker 10: been covering them.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you understand what sponsorship means. You
Speaker 2: may not be paying for the honor. But when you
Speaker 2: put your network's initials in front of the words tea party,
Speaker 2: as in FNC Tax Day tea Parties, it implies, if
Speaker 2: not direct sponsorship, a certain amount of ownership. For instance,
Speaker 2: Toast deto'st Fiesta Bowl, or the Buick Invitational, or Larry
Speaker 2: Flint's Hustler Club. By the way, Great Neighbors one block
Speaker 2: down to the right. This afternoon, President Bush shined into
Speaker 2: law the extension of his tax cut package, a seventy
Speaker 2: billion dollar give back, despite a deficit that stands around
Speaker 2: three hundred trillion dollars. Here to provide some insight is
Speaker 2: our resident expert John Hodgman, John, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I guess the issue is a lot of people are upset,
Speaker 2: not so much of the tax cut, but who the
Speaker 2: tax cut appears to be aimed at.
Speaker 13: Well, it's true that the the reductions in capital gains
Speaker 13: and dividend taxes tend to favor those people who already
Speaker 13: have money to invest. You can see here how the
Speaker 13: money will be apportioned. If this pie chart represents the
Speaker 13: seventy billion in tax cuts, then the majority of that
Speaker 13: will go to people making over two hundred thousand dollars
Speaker 13: a year, or as the government refers to them, citizens,
Speaker 13: But most working Americans fall at the other end of
Speaker 13: the income spectrum. So your audience, for example, college students, bloggers, panhandlers, deadbeats,
Speaker 13: that sort of thing. We'll call them the morlocks. They
Speaker 13: will receive less of the pie, which is fine as
Speaker 13: the morlocks are loaths of underground dwellers. We eat human
Speaker 13: flesh and don't really like pie.
Speaker 2: The way you explained the tax cuts, it really doesn't
Speaker 2: seem very fair.
Speaker 13: Well, fairness isn't the point. They don't call economics the
Speaker 13: dismal science because it's fair.
Speaker 2: Well, I suppose not.
Speaker 13: No, no, they call it that after Sir Eustace Dismal,
Speaker 13: the eighteenth century English economists who proposed making smoke stacks
Speaker 13: out of children.
Speaker 4: I actually I never know.
Speaker 13: Yeah, it was a very interesting proposal, but ultimately flawed.
Speaker 13: I mean, if you make the smoke stacks out of children,
Speaker 13: who are you forced to clean them? It's referred to
Speaker 13: as Dismal's paradox.
Speaker 2: John, what is the economic What is the economic justification
Speaker 2: for extending the tax cuts?
Speaker 13: Well, the idea is that tax cuts stimulate the overall
Speaker 13: economy by encouraging investment at the top and creating thus
Speaker 13: jobs at every level of society, be they Butler's diamond
Speaker 13: tip cane polishers, or monocle Smith's.
Speaker 2: It may be true in theory, but it does seem
Speaker 2: in recent years at the gap between rich and.
Speaker 13: Poor, between the citizens and more lfe.
Speaker 2: The gap between citizens and morlocks has widened under these programs.
Speaker 13: Yes, if you define rich and poor in traditional ways,
Speaker 13: this administration wants Americans to understand that wealth is not
Speaker 13: the only measure of riches. Look at Dick Cheney. Financially,
Speaker 13: he's obscenely wealthy, but he's clearly unhappy. I wouldn't be
Speaker 13: surprised if he's visited by no less than three ghosts
Speaker 13: a night.
Speaker 1: Who I know, I.
Speaker 10: Know the you're saying that he could be visited by
Speaker 10: more than three ghosts, Well, you know, a ghost of
Speaker 10: Christmas pass present future, plu perfect, ghost of Christmas subjunctive.
Speaker 2: Now, no, those are not ghosts. I believe those are tenses.
Speaker 13: Whatever my point is. Rather than wasting time bemoaning these
Speaker 13: tax cuts, John Q used to be middle class and
Speaker 13: now eat salt and pepper sandwiches should rejoice. He'll never
Speaker 13: have the problems of say, a wealthy man who sits
Speaker 13: embittered and henpecked trapped in a deluxe apartment in the sky. Rather,
Speaker 13: the average American can now enjoy the far richer life,
Speaker 13: yet led by a carefree young man surrounded by a
Speaker 13: loving religious family, with lots of leisure time to pursue
Speaker 13: his painting.
Speaker 2: Good times, John, for your examples, you've actually cited fictional characters,
Speaker 2: and in fact the people who play them are quite wealthy.
Speaker 13: Not Jimmy JJ Walker.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't think so, all right, John Hodgman, everybody,
Speaker 2: I'll be.
Speaker 6: Right back off of this.
Speaker 4: Wait a news story bou for the cracks.
Speaker 2: Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back
Speaker 2: in Black.
Speaker 8: Whether you say our economies in a recession or a slowdown,
Speaker 8: or a war on money, one thing's for sure, the
Speaker 8: American people are literally losing the shirts off their back.
Speaker 4: Just look at this.
Speaker 8: Poor young orphan.
Speaker 4: At least I.
Speaker 8: At least I assume she's an orphan. What kind of
Speaker 8: parents would let that happen? Fortunately, the President is ready
Speaker 8: to bail us out with an economic stimulus package.
Speaker 15: There's two aspects of that package. I want to spend
Speaker 15: some time talking about. One of them is is that
Speaker 15: you're gonna get some money.
Speaker 8: Finally, a waste of the taxpayer's money I can get behind.
Speaker 8: But I'm sorry you said there were two aspects to
Speaker 8: the package.
Speaker 15: Secondly, we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged
Speaker 15: to be consumers. Thirdly, it turns out that this money
Speaker 15: is going to be very helpful. And fourthly, and it's
Speaker 15: big enough.
Speaker 8: Fourthly, Fourthly, who wouldn't trust an economic plan from that guy?
Speaker 4: So how does it work? Well?
Speaker 8: Right now, the IRS sending out rebate checks of six
Speaker 8: hundred dollars per person and twelve hundred dollars per couple.
Speaker 8: But that's not all.
Speaker 16: If you got a kid, you can get up to
Speaker 16: three hundred dollars per child.
Speaker 8: Three hundred dollars per child. I can get twice that
Speaker 8: on the black market. Naturally, the administration thinks the rebate
Speaker 8: is the best things in slice taxes. And I hope
Speaker 8: you're pleased that, rather than dreaming up some new programs,
Speaker 8: your government has decided to give you money.
Speaker 17: Give you cash, you can decide how best to use it.
Speaker 8: Finally, I get to use my tax money the way
Speaker 8: I want to I wonder who I can invade for
Speaker 8: six hundred dollars.
Speaker 4: But how are.
Speaker 8: John and Jane Q Public gonna spend their windfall?
Speaker 13: I'll use it to pay bills. What I don't use
Speaker 13: to pay a bill? Or probably I just put in
Speaker 13: the bank and say.
Speaker 8: You're gonna pay your bills. Maybe I believe you more
Speaker 8: if you weren't standing in a Best Buy unless your
Speaker 8: bank is inside one of those iPod docking stations. At
Speaker 8: least he wasn't standing in a fireworks and porn store.
Speaker 8: That's where I'd be. But there's also a dark side
Speaker 8: to the stimulus package.
Speaker 18: Con Men are impersonating the IRS, pretending to give you
Speaker 18: your tax refund or one of those rebate checks mean
Speaker 18: to kickstart the economy.
Speaker 12: The scam email short look legit, grabbing your attention with
Speaker 12: headers like IRS notification Please read this and to collect
Speaker 12: your money, all you have to do is just click here.
Speaker 8: Maybe I can help, don't click there. At the end
Speaker 8: of the day, this stimulus plan is about Americans buying
Speaker 8: crap to save in his economy destroyed by America's love
Speaker 8: of buying crap. Will it work? Well, I've got six
Speaker 8: hundred lottery ticket that say, I don't.
Speaker 19: Care John, who is a little about.
Speaker 20: Now?
Speaker 2: A week before Earth Day was, of course, Tax Day,
Speaker 2: April fifteenth. As the economy continues to ride a wave
Speaker 2: of instability, many are looking for new and innovative ways
Speaker 2: to cheat, I'm sorry, save on their taxes. Our own
Speaker 2: Ed Helms investigates one very interesting option.
Speaker 3: For most Americans. Paying taxes costs money, but it doesn't
Speaker 3: have to. Quick reading of the US tax code will
Speaker 3: tell you need to hire an accounting firm. And what
Speaker 3: they'll tell you is what they've told thousands of American corporations.
Speaker 3: Taxes are for douchebags.
Speaker 21: That's why smart companies have moved offshore where they don't
Speaker 21: have to pay taxes. You may be saying, but I
Speaker 21: live in America, Well that doesn't mean your money has.
Speaker 3: To come on. There's no better place to turn to
Speaker 3: your income and offshore right here in the beautiful Cayman Islands.
Speaker 3: It's a tropical tax haven. Sheltering your money here couldn't
Speaker 3: be easier. After choosing which SBF to use, the next
Speaker 3: stuffest decision is which of the Caymans six hundred banks
Speaker 3: to go with? See if you can figure out why
Speaker 3: I chose this one. Well, helloo, how hard would it
Speaker 3: be for me to move my company offshore?
Speaker 16: There are a lot of legality things that you do
Speaker 16: have to go through, right, of.
Speaker 3: Course, there are laws.
Speaker 16: There are no laws. There are legitimate laws. We have
Speaker 16: stringent legislation. People can't just bring their money here in
Speaker 16: suitcases anymore.
Speaker 3: Right, But apparently that explanation isn't good enough for tax
Speaker 3: lovers like CPA John Lieberman.
Speaker 1: According to the US Treasury, billions upon billions of dollars
Speaker 1: are lost by the use of these offshore tax havens
Speaker 1: by US corporations.
Speaker 3: These corporations are just trying to maximize profits.
Speaker 1: Well, there's a difference between maximizing profits and not paying taxes.
Speaker 3: God, that's good.
Speaker 21: Excuse her, No, I mean what you just said was
Speaker 21: really good.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, all they're doing is
Speaker 1: moving paper around.
Speaker 4: It's legal.
Speaker 1: No, it's not legal. The registration and the incorporation.
Speaker 3: Did you get me a receipt for that, Pina Colada?
Speaker 1: No, sorry, what the registration and the reen corporation is,
Speaker 1: but the actual interpretation. Most people do not follow the
Speaker 1: real regulations.
Speaker 16: The regulations in the came rounds of financial regulations are
Speaker 16: very stringent.
Speaker 4: Gee, who should I listen to?
Speaker 3: That's better?
Speaker 14: Oh yeah, there we go a little more.
Speaker 16: Yeah, you just can't drop money in for no reason
Speaker 16: without us asking lots of questions. We have to do
Speaker 16: our due diligence on you.
Speaker 3: You can do your due diligence on me anytime. But
Speaker 3: how do over thirty thousand corporations manage to squeeze onto
Speaker 3: such a small island. One visit to Tycho's headquarters showed
Speaker 3: us the answer is smart use of space.
Speaker 4: Mister Charon, Hello, mister Charon, Thank you. A few questions?
Speaker 3: Is this a value pop? Despite all the advantages of
Speaker 3: setting up shop here, some people just don't get it.
Speaker 3: What's the BfV If a corporation wants to put its
Speaker 3: headquarters in the Cayman Island?
Speaker 1: What I really believe is that if you're going to
Speaker 1: do this, then you can end up in Hawaii and
Speaker 1: just being just as nice location.
Speaker 3: Why why is for losers who like taking it up
Speaker 3: the irs?
Speaker 1: I've oh God, as I said, by not having the corporation.
Speaker 3: Say that again, you cut out John, they are not
Speaker 3: John get a really bad reception.
Speaker 1: Could you speak up please?
Speaker 3: I can't hear you.
Speaker 1: I can hear you now, can you hear me?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Damn Maxim, that's some kind of loud homing guys.
Speaker 14: I can't.
Speaker 4: I just can't near you in I'm sorry, buddy, you're
Speaker 4: breaking out. They're breaking out.
Speaker 3: Of course, life in the Caymans isn't all business.
Speaker 16: At about seven o'clock, the shoes are off, the jackets off,
Speaker 16: and we know how to have fun.
Speaker 3: That's a relief, because if I had to do any
Speaker 3: more banking, I'd have to put my balls on ice.
Speaker 9: At helms Well, we're all about.
Speaker 20: From one.
Speaker 17: On the proposed tax cuts, we turned to a man
Speaker 17: who's watched Wolf of Wall Street three times, Michael Costa.
Speaker 22: Everybody, bonjour, trev that's rich for hello, okay A Costa.
Speaker 17: Hopefully you can explain. Trump already gave wealthy people a
Speaker 17: huge text cut lost here, why give them another one?
Speaker 4: Cool it with the.
Speaker 9: Class warfare, Cassio Cortez. Okay, it just so happens that
Speaker 9: anyone can take advantage of these tax cuts. For example,
Speaker 9: let's say you made a cool mill last year off
Speaker 9: a ten million dollar hedge fund investment. Now you can
Speaker 9: reindex that baseline two percent to account for inflation, which
Speaker 9: means you just got an extra thirty k I mean
Speaker 9: that'll cover my penis reduction surgery?
Speaker 22: Am I right?
Speaker 4: Trevor.
Speaker 9: I could even loan you a couple of inches.
Speaker 4: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 9: I know you got a hog.
Speaker 14: Custom.
Speaker 17: Most people don't have ten million dollars. We're talking about
Speaker 17: the middle.
Speaker 9: Class middle class.
Speaker 4: That's fine.
Speaker 9: Let's say you're a middle class yacht owner like thirty
Speaker 9: five feet Max. Couldn't land a helicopter on that thing.
Speaker 9: You can just use these cuts as a tax shelter.
Speaker 9: Borrow five hundred thousand to invest in your buddy dinos
Speaker 9: revenge porn business. Then you can deduct that interest and
Speaker 9: only pay tax on the inflation adjusted gains.
Speaker 4: Trevor, I say chat, You say chin chow chop.
Speaker 22: Do you want to say chap costa?
Speaker 17: I feel like there's no way you actually understand what
Speaker 17: you just said.
Speaker 9: Of course I don't, Trevor.
Speaker 4: That's why I have a broker. He'll clear this up.
Speaker 9: Hey, Chandler, what's up, you bitch? Yeah, I'm trying to
Speaker 9: I'm trying to explain moneys to my boss. How does
Speaker 9: this tax thing work?
Speaker 4: Again? What?
Speaker 8: Right?
Speaker 23: Now?
Speaker 9: You are right? Go go, I'll see it, Polo. I
Speaker 9: got his voicemail.
Speaker 17: Costa, why do you have a broker man? I know
Speaker 17: for a fact that you're.
Speaker 4: Not rich, not yet?
Speaker 9: But Donald Trump promised Americans that we're all gonna be rich,
Speaker 9: and he's never lied before. So call me poor, Trevor.
Speaker 4: Don't call me poor Trevor, call.
Speaker 14: Me pre rich.
Speaker 17: So okay, wait, wait then how much is your net
Speaker 17: worth right now?
Speaker 9: How much is an iPhone worth?
Speaker 17: About nine hundred dollars?
Speaker 9: Well, then I'm worth nine hundred dollars, baby, Michael.
Speaker 4: Cost everyone w.
Speaker 14: If you hate paying taxes, first of all, congratulations on
Speaker 14: being basic and also congratulations on being a billionaire.
Speaker 18: A bombshell report by Pro Publica reveals just how little
Speaker 18: the wealthiest Americans have been paying in taxes. ProPublica obtained
Speaker 18: more than fifteen years of never before seen irs information
Speaker 18: about the twenty five richest Americans and found that sometimes
Speaker 18: they paid little or no federal income taxes.
Speaker 6: In twenty eighteen, for example, pro Publica found Elon Musk
Speaker 6: paid no federal income tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in
Speaker 6: two thousand and seven or twenty eleven, the same year
Speaker 6: he claimed a four thousand dollars Chrild tax credit, and
Speaker 6: renowned investor Warren Buffett avoided the most tax of any
Speaker 6: of the billionaire's Pro publica looked at, according to the report.
Speaker 5: As shocking as it is. Nothing that they did is illegal.
Speaker 5: Everything that they did is in keeping with their tax code.
Speaker 5: And the basic reason is we tax income not well.
Speaker 6: Rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate,
Speaker 6: or companies, so they don't have to pay taxes until
Speaker 6: they sell, and they can offset their income in other
Speaker 6: ways too, meaning it's legal to be worth a lot
Speaker 6: and pay a little.
Speaker 20: Oh wait, it's good to be a billionaire. I mean,
Speaker 20: imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who
Speaker 20: make you look poor. Think about it. Jeff Bezos is
Speaker 20: so good at hiding his wealth that he qualified for
Speaker 20: a child tax credit. This dude built his own rocket
Speaker 20: to take him to space, and the US government is like, hey, brother,
Speaker 20: here's something for the kids until you can get back
Speaker 20: on your feet. Hard times Jeff, And.
Speaker 14: Yeah, this is something that everyone already suspected, but it's
Speaker 14: still shocking to see proof right in front of you.
Speaker 20: It's the difference between knowing.
Speaker 23: How hot dogs are made and watching them put the
Speaker 23: puppies in the machines. Oh that's crazy, Well then what
Speaker 23: was I eating? And the thing is much like wearing
Speaker 23: cargo shorts to the Pride Parade. These tax loopholes are
Speaker 23: both messed up and completely legal. So if you want
Speaker 23: to change the system, then you need to take action
Speaker 23: and write to your congress person. Then your congress person
Speaker 23: can hold your letter in one hand and the campaign
Speaker 23: check from the billionaire in the other hand and decide
Speaker 23: which one they want to wipe their ass with.
Speaker 4: I love America.
Speaker 7: It's the only country where you can get a burger
Speaker 7: and a life or suction at the same drive through.
Speaker 7: But as someone who's also lived all around the world,
Speaker 7: I feel a responsibility to let America know that a
Speaker 7: lot of the things it does are super weird to
Speaker 7: the rest of us. And one of those things is
Speaker 7: how America does money. It's tax season, which right off
Speaker 7: the bat is a signed that something is wrong. Okay,
Speaker 7: because taxes shouldn't have a whole season. Seasons are supposed
Speaker 7: to be for exciting stuff like baseball season, or wedding
Speaker 7: season or season two of Bridgeston. I can't wait to
Speaker 7: see which British person is jeesusing on who this time?
Speaker 7: But America decided that filing taxes should be as quick
Speaker 7: and painless as getting a root canal at the DMB.
Speaker 7: I mean, you got your ten ninety nine, you got
Speaker 7: your Form ten forties, you got your schedule seas, you
Speaker 7: got your R two D twos, you got your Blink
Speaker 7: one eighty twos. You spend days trying to figure out
Speaker 7: what you owe the government, and then the government tells
Speaker 7: you if you're right, because apparently they knew the whole
Speaker 7: freaking time. It's like the world's most pointless game show,
Speaker 7: aside from the price is right obviously, because nobody should
Speaker 7: get a new car for knowing how much catch up costs. Look,
Speaker 7: I hate to break it to you, guys, but in
Speaker 7: a lot of other countries, the government does all that
Speaker 7: filing for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they do the.
Speaker 7: Math, they send you a statement, and if it looks good,
Speaker 7: you click okay, and then you're done.
Speaker 4: It's so easy a baby could do it.
Speaker 7: But they don't have to because they're lazy freeloaders who
Speaker 7: don't pay taxes.
Speaker 4: It's not just your income taxes. All taxes in America
Speaker 4: are weird.
Speaker 7: In a lot of other countries, you see a price
Speaker 7: on something and that's how much it costs, because that's
Speaker 7: the whole point of a goddamn price.
Speaker 4: But no, not in America.
Speaker 7: When you pay for something in America, they hit you
Speaker 7: with the surprise sales tax. They're basically cap fishing you.
Speaker 7: I know that six hundred dollar TV looks good, but
Speaker 7: it's lying. It's six fifty and it has a secret family.
Speaker 7: But don't get me wrong. Taxes are filed from America's
Speaker 7: only insane money issue. Okay, I know you guys are
Speaker 7: used to it, but I need you to realize that
Speaker 7: the way you tip in this country is not normal
Speaker 7: everywhere else. A tip is a show of appreciation, not
Speaker 7: a GoFundMe for someone who doesn't earn a living wage.
Speaker 7: A waiter's ability to pay rents shouldn't depend on how
Speaker 7: generous Becky feels after three martinis. And the real issue
Speaker 7: is how arbitrary you're tipping. Is you tip the guy
Speaker 7: who delivers your food, but not the guy who delivers
Speaker 7: your packages. And you tip the person who made your
Speaker 7: coffee but not the person who made your big mac.
Speaker 4: And don't even get me started on tip jaws.
Speaker 7: Okay, you don't have to put money in, but if
Speaker 7: you do, you gotta make a big show of it.
Speaker 7: I like to shoot my cash into the job like
Speaker 7: a basketball or shouting. He tips, he scores. If you
Speaker 7: bank it off the cashier, they usually notice. But as
Speaker 7: weird as taxes and tipping are in America, let's not
Speaker 7: forget about the actual money itself, because American physical currency sucks.
Speaker 7: I don't know if you know this, but in other countries,
Speaker 7: every denomination is a different size because it makes it
Speaker 7: easier to tell them apart, especially if you're blind. But
Speaker 7: apparently blind people don't need to use money in America
Speaker 7: because look at this shit, sim exact size all of it.
Speaker 7: You gotta look over each individual, build a figure out
Speaker 7: which slave owner the handover. And while we're talking about
Speaker 7: your strange money, who decided a pyramid? If a freaking
Speaker 7: eye was a normal thing to put on the dollar,
Speaker 7: hey rule a thumb, America. If Nick Cage can make
Speaker 7: a movie about your money, you're doing it wrong. Not
Speaker 7: to mention the pennies, like why do these still exist
Speaker 7: when everyone's just trying to get rid of them? Even
Speaker 7: convenience stores have that take a penny, leave a penny dish.
Speaker 7: It's like an animal shelter for unwanted money. Did you
Speaker 7: know that America actually loses money making pennies. If you're
Speaker 7: gonna have a hobby that loses you money, get a
Speaker 7: gambling addiction like a normal person. Okay, listen, Your whole
Speaker 7: financial system is stupid and I hate it all right,
Speaker 7: the money, the tipping, the taxes. That's why I found
Speaker 7: a way to avoid dealing with it all together, all right.
Speaker 7: The secret is they can't tax you if they don't
Speaker 7: know you have it.
Speaker 4: Oh, listen, so much easier robbing a bank in.
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