WEBVTT - Beyond Mother with Patrice Cameau

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 1>and the Black Effect Network Talk Talk.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion

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<v Speaker 2>who talks.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a

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<v Speaker 1>new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to

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<v Speaker 1>you dreamers and chasers. What's up, y'all? It's the co

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<v Speaker 1>host aj Holiday.

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<v Speaker 2>What's Up tam BM y'all ISSU official Team Van. I

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<v Speaker 2>love y'all. I love you aj D, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Love you too.

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<v Speaker 2>Well. No, no, before we get into anything, we were

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<v Speaker 2>supposed to say what we were thankful?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh a great Yeah, gratitude for the whole month and.

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<v Speaker 2>Live we lied to y'all, were sorry, we would feel grateful.

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<v Speaker 2>We just didn't talk about it.

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<v Speaker 1>We don't be following through with shiit man. We're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>do better for twenty twenty five. I'm grateful. Damn. I

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<v Speaker 1>can'me is I mean, I can't say that we might.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know we're gonna make it a twenty twenty five,

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<v Speaker 1>but you never fucking know. Anyway. Let's see, I am

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<v Speaker 1>grateful that I woke up this morning. Okay, but the

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<v Speaker 1>grace of God got up. I did my little workout,

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<v Speaker 1>and I got to meet with my coworkers Tammy and

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<v Speaker 1>our producers. Yeah, I'm grateful for you guys today.

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<v Speaker 2>That yeah, warm and busby inside. Let's see what am

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<v Speaker 2>I grateful for. I'm grateful that I can walk on

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<v Speaker 2>two feet. Yeah, you know some people can't. I'm real quick.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like it's still broken, but I still can walk

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<v Speaker 2>for real. Yeah, damn, it's not.

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<v Speaker 1>All the way we find another sound?

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<v Speaker 2>What is more hell than it was the last time

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<v Speaker 2>I went, and less hell than I will it will

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<v Speaker 2>be when I go back again. Okay, So yeah, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>grateful that I can walk. They said I can walk.

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<v Speaker 2>Just do everything based on how it feels at this point.

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<v Speaker 2>So I went to the gym for the first time

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<v Speaker 2>since I.

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<v Speaker 1>Was pulished because weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>Fine, yes, we're getting fined five. I got to spend

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<v Speaker 2>time with my sisters over the weekend. Again that it

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<v Speaker 2>was good. So I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful

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<v Speaker 2>for this show. And I'm grateful for y'all going to

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<v Speaker 2>download the show. Download our show. Don't just go click

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<v Speaker 2>find it every week, download it because that's how we

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<v Speaker 2>get paid down subscride.

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<v Speaker 1>How'd we Oh, I did do something this weekend. My

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<v Speaker 1>mom's baby brothers celebrated his seventieth birthday, so I was

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out with the season. The season folks. This weekend.

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<v Speaker 1>My cousins his kids put together a very very nice

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<v Speaker 1>birthday party for their daddy.

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<v Speaker 3>So I did that on Saturday. Was nice quick, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>once the food got put up. The old people's out

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<v Speaker 3>the back door, six to eight. It was great.

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<v Speaker 1>That's about sixty nine. My mama had a good time.

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<v Speaker 1>She was dancing with that big bunkie. Okay, it was good.

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<v Speaker 1>Tips stupid, that sounds like a good time.

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<v Speaker 2>My sister drove back in from Montgomery for me to

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<v Speaker 2>do her hair. She drove all the way here for

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<v Speaker 2>her hair.

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<v Speaker 4>Uh.

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<v Speaker 2>And then we just hung out eight watch TV the usual.

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<v Speaker 2>That's all this weekend. It's a money we can. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>everybody want their hair done. So I was just working

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<v Speaker 2>and busy. I didn't do any I was ugly. Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I went and got my lips like you know, like

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<v Speaker 2>so I have I have partaken and a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>marijuana usage over mind. Oh like pigmented, yeah, so I

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<v Speaker 2>want to got like the lip lightning, the hyper pigmentation thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I went and got that done on Thursday. So by

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<v Speaker 2>Saturday my lips was peeling so bad it looked gross.

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<v Speaker 2>So I wasn't going nowhere. I wasn't doing I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want nobody to see me because like the top layer

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<v Speaker 2>peels off. But yeah, I mean, if you have any

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<v Speaker 2>hyper pigmentation, don't have to be from how I got mine.

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<v Speaker 2>You know it could be. However, you know that's a

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<v Speaker 2>good option for you. And my lips have actually light.

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<v Speaker 2>And I've done it once. You gotta do it at

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<v Speaker 2>least twice, so this is my second time. But I'm

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<v Speaker 2>gonna tell you all this, that shit hurt. That shit

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<v Speaker 2>does not feel nice. It is not a fun experience,

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<v Speaker 2>but it does like your lips. So we'll see how

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<v Speaker 2>mine turns out.

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<v Speaker 1>I like my lips dark, like not dark, but like

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<v Speaker 1>I have like a natural like liner like it. I

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<v Speaker 1>like it pigmented, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>so you want like big pink lips.

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<v Speaker 2>No, they're not gonna be pink. They just not gonna

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<v Speaker 2>be black, baby.

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't. My lip's always been like dark though.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, mine too. I just didn't like it. I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>it a little like I wanted like the outside of

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<v Speaker 2>my lip to be like as the inside, So we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna see if it worked. You know, it did, Like

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<v Speaker 2>I could see a difference from the first time to

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<v Speaker 2>the second, Like, but now we're going to see now

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<v Speaker 2>because she added pink this time, So we're gonna see.

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<v Speaker 2>But it takes weeks, like so the skin peels off

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<v Speaker 2>and then it goes back to the color it was,

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<v Speaker 2>and then after weeks the pink pushes forward. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how it worked, but that's what they say.

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<v Speaker 1>So they add color to your lips.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. It's kind of it's like the same needle

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<v Speaker 2>that they used to do microblading on the eye ground,

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<v Speaker 2>but they used pink instead of So the first time

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<v Speaker 2>she did it, she used like almost like an orange

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<v Speaker 2>color that neutralized the darkness in my lip, and then

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<v Speaker 2>that made it a little lighter, and it worked. I

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<v Speaker 2>saw the difference. And then this time she went in

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<v Speaker 2>with a pinker color to bring the pink that much

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<v Speaker 2>it's like the inside of my lip. So we won't

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<v Speaker 2>see how that. Yeah, Saturday, I was not going nowhere

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<v Speaker 2>because my little my mom was like, what's wrong with

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<v Speaker 2>your damn mouth?

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<v Speaker 1>That he was trying to say something to you, what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on with the doctor.

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<v Speaker 2>To the hospital about that? But yeah, that was my weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's get in a sense.

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<v Speaker 1>What I got a lot of talking about that. God

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<v Speaker 1>damn can't leave cam. Don't really get them. I goddamn nerves. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I think, but.

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<v Speaker 2>HU go viral every time he does an episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Of his Little No really honestly he does.

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<v Speaker 2>So that means I'm not mad at that, you know, so.

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<v Speaker 1>This week and which I think is true. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I commented on the post when I saw it is

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<v Speaker 1>definitely one hundred percent facts. He basically said that he

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<v Speaker 1>goes to the strip club for the guys, and everybody

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<v Speaker 1>was like, pause, like what I think every Yeah, everybody

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<v Speaker 1>does that. So he's saying that he goes to the

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<v Speaker 1>strip club basically the money, and I think all men

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<v Speaker 1>do it. They're not gonna say that they're in competition,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's definitely a complay.

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<v Speaker 2>It is a competition. Why would they throw why else?

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<v Speaker 2>Because y'all ask so fat and y'all look so good

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<v Speaker 2>shaking it that they know, right.

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<v Speaker 1>You could throw the most money. The DJ is promoting

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<v Speaker 1>it all the things.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, it's nothing but peacocking, that's all it is. So,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, and they all do it, and that's a

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<v Speaker 2>part of the allure of the strip club for men,

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<v Speaker 2>not just the women. It is to a testosterone battle

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<v Speaker 2>of who's got the biggest.

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<v Speaker 1>Bag, exactly right, So that's it.

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<v Speaker 2>He ain't lying. Yeah, I just like, like a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of people want a reason to be mad at Cam Newton,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, because they just don't like the things he

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<v Speaker 2>said in the past. So anything that he says is

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<v Speaker 2>true or right, they be like, Nigga, you don't fucking know,

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<v Speaker 2>shut up, nobody hat talking.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I definitely don't think it's gay. I definitely understand

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<v Speaker 1>what he's saying. And I feel like when okay, we

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<v Speaker 1>know we're gonna look good, right, we get dressed for men,

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<v Speaker 1>and we also get dressed for other women.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, we do It's the same thing we do. We

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<v Speaker 2>all do it. Animals do it. Humans. I mean, we're

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<v Speaker 2>essentially animals too. So I'm not mad at what he said.

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<v Speaker 2>What else happened in the world? Oh what about those drones?

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<v Speaker 1>What about those drones? Just nice as casual? Are they

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<v Speaker 1>fucking drones? Or is the aliens coming?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I mean It could be either or

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<v Speaker 2>it could be a combination of both.

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<v Speaker 1>Because the US government acting like they don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>it is, I just don't understand, Like how y'all know

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<v Speaker 1>everything else?

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<v Speaker 2>Right, So what happened? It was like drones over.

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<v Speaker 1>Maryland, Jersey, like different places, and people are saying, like

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<v Speaker 1>these things are as big as SUVs in the sky.

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<v Speaker 1>So we talking about like like a real space shuttle

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<v Speaker 1>looking thing up in the sky. And I saw a

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<v Speaker 1>video where one was actually I don't know if it's

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<v Speaker 1>shot down, but it crashed. And they're also saying that

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<v Speaker 1>the ships are manned. So I remember was that last

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<v Speaker 1>year where China had like a drone over America? Like yeah, yeah, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that was not a US craft. So I just don't

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<v Speaker 1>believe that they don't know what this is. May it

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<v Speaker 1>be a foreign entity doing it, Aliens okay, or the

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<v Speaker 1>US military. They absolutely know what it is. So I

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<v Speaker 1>just I just hate that. I thought we were moving

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<v Speaker 1>from like the government not disclosing the truth. I thought

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<v Speaker 1>that like this is the age of a query, but

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<v Speaker 1>there are still powers that be that want to keep

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<v Speaker 1>you dumb. Okay, they definitely know what the fuck it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Is it Aliens I don't think so. I think that.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think alien's already been around. I'm aliena

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't know if any of y'all have ever

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<v Speaker 1>read Behold of Pale Horse by William Cooper. He was

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<v Speaker 1>a CIA agent that the government killed basically, but in

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<v Speaker 1>this book he talks about how the government actually have

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<v Speaker 1>these these thrones, these spaceships that they created, right, and

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<v Speaker 1>then they'll deploy them to you know, do like a

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<v Speaker 1>false flag like make to make the people think it's

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<v Speaker 1>an alien attack, when really it's the government attacking its

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<v Speaker 1>own people. So it's conspiracy theory, right, But there's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of those theories always getting proven true. So we'll

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<v Speaker 1>see what come out of it. I mean, I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>scared of no damn aliens.

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<v Speaker 2>We neither. I just hope they bring some new recipes.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm tired of eat the shit, Like, ain't you tired?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes? I am tired of thinking about what I'm eating. Yeah, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be eating shit. I had a muffin last night

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<v Speaker 1>for dinner.

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<v Speaker 2>Bring us a new meat. Were tired of this week?

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<v Speaker 1>We the meat? We might be the meat for the aliens?

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<v Speaker 1>You said right there, to eating people.

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<v Speaker 2>They I got a good hemp halk.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know, but if the aliens, y'all hit

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<v Speaker 1>me up, come pick.

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<v Speaker 2>Me up earth this ghetto.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been waiting on y'all my whole life. One of

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<v Speaker 1>my homegirls we reconnected like a couple of years ago now,

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<v Speaker 1>but she was like you remember when we was in

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<v Speaker 1>middle school, used to always say, how you ain't human?

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<v Speaker 1>My whole life I have felt this week.

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<v Speaker 2>You think your family coming to scoop you up.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm from Series B for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>M hmm. Ain't at a radio station.

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<v Speaker 1>I hate you begs going on.

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<v Speaker 2>Bit just pay for that in her car?

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<v Speaker 1>Not no damn Series XM radio. Series B is the

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<v Speaker 1>it's the galaxy, it's another some ship out of it. And

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<v Speaker 1>I don't believe that out of space is above us.

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<v Speaker 1>I believe out of space is beneath the I believe

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<v Speaker 1>it's all around us, to left of us, to ride

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<v Speaker 1>of us. Yeah, as above.

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<v Speaker 2>So ain't no where y'all. Can't y'all trying to tell

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<v Speaker 2>me a well, ain't an alien?

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<v Speaker 1>That's a I had the weirdest dream last night that

0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I was swimming What the black and white those are?

0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.720
<v Speaker 2>Orcres? I was, what is it?

0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:28.559
<v Speaker 4>Orca orcas.

0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:33.120
<v Speaker 1>I was swimming with orcas and it was cold, like antarctic,

0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:38.000
<v Speaker 1>damn near and these crazy eys waves kept coming like

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:42.920
<v Speaker 1>like took me way up in the sky and way

0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.679
<v Speaker 1>down and I just kept coming up like breathing. But

0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:48.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm swimming with these niggas.

0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:55.079
<v Speaker 2>You I have fried okra, so we up.

0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:00.480
<v Speaker 1>That was the weirdest. I'm like, what the And I

0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.680
<v Speaker 1>wasn't drowning or nothing like that. I was just really

0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:04.480
<v Speaker 1>it was. It wasn't just me. It was like this

0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.920
<v Speaker 1>is normal, Like we swim with fucking whales and shit.

0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's an alien, especially once that little fish that

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:15.560
<v Speaker 2>got the light on the head, that's an alien.

0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:19.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so much at the ocean that they haven't explored,

0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.480
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. You can't even go. And

0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:25.640
<v Speaker 1>I remember that that submarine that imploded submersial, Yeah, like

0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:28.120
<v Speaker 1>it was last year and the year before last. Like

0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.640
<v Speaker 1>they I don't think that they actually died. I don't

0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:32.960
<v Speaker 1>think it imploded at all. I think that they slipped

0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.840
<v Speaker 1>into a wormhole into another universe is what I think happened.

0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.079
<v Speaker 1>And nobody talks about these people who went out to

0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.360
<v Speaker 1>space a couple of months ago and still haven't been

0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:42.280
<v Speaker 1>able to get back home.

0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh they're not home yet. Hell no, what are.

0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:50.440
<v Speaker 3>You introspect intercept? It's a movie. I think it's called

0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:51.640
<v Speaker 3>It's Interest something.

0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 1>I have to look it up, but it talks about

0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:55.520
<v Speaker 1>this that this guy went out of space and like

0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.320
<v Speaker 1>time is just different. The time is different, Like you

0:13:58.360 --> 0:13:59.920
<v Speaker 1>feel like you've only been out there for a little bit,

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.000
<v Speaker 1>but really it's been twenty years back at home that

0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:03.880
<v Speaker 1>you haven't been in this.

0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:09.240
<v Speaker 2>Your body age, no, his.

0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.760
<v Speaker 1>His body did an age in these and the other universe.

0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:15.480
<v Speaker 1>So it's something with Saturn. I got a whole like

0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:21.880
<v Speaker 1>little rabbit hole with Saturn and all that. Yeah, but

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:24.440
<v Speaker 1>it's something with the rings of Saturn and all this stuff.

0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:27.200
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, anyway, what else we got going on? A

0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.000
<v Speaker 1>child in the world to day with the crazy people.

0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:36.680
<v Speaker 2>So if y'all saw this over the weekend, Ari and Tina,

0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:37.800
<v Speaker 2>is that right.

0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:40.160
<v Speaker 4>Child?

0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:40.840
<v Speaker 1>Hey girl?

0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>They were partying together at Player in Miami, and people

0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.200
<v Speaker 2>had a lot to say about it because they felt

0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.880
<v Speaker 2>like they shouldn't be cool or something.

0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.520
<v Speaker 1>They have to be cool, they got their kids are simple,

0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:57.880
<v Speaker 1>They are essentially family. Yeah, so for things to be

0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.320
<v Speaker 1>smooth like they knocking to never not be family because

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.560
<v Speaker 1>their children are related, so it's the it's best for

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.960
<v Speaker 1>the both of them, right, the PUDs aside, but their

0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 1>differences in side.

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't understand people why y'all want them to not

0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:17.520
<v Speaker 2>be amicable when they're a family. Like it's twenty twenty four,

0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.240
<v Speaker 2>families are blended Oftentimes.

0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.560
<v Speaker 1>I think the internet just like to see people beef,

0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, like it's just not a good place.

0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 2>I can never. Yes, you could, that's yeah, because you

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.920
<v Speaker 2>and you should. That's your problem now.

0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, because you still love your baby daddy. That's

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:35.400
<v Speaker 1>why you can never.

0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 2>Exactly.

0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you want your low family back, That's why you

0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:39.720
<v Speaker 1>can never.

0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.520
<v Speaker 2>But I think, I honestly do think that they both

0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.280
<v Speaker 2>can get along because neither one of them are with him.

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.120
<v Speaker 1>Now, you know, is she not with him either?

0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Tell him?

0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:51.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't take.

0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.960
<v Speaker 2>They're together whatever? Oh, y'all correct me if I'm wrong.

0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:59.760
<v Speaker 2>But are they together still? Because I think they're all broke.

0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Up, so they're just hanging out, that's all.

0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 2>Neo baby mama, Neo baby's baby mama's hanging out too. Yeah,

0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:16.840
<v Speaker 2>started something. Let's all let's all be friends. Shit, we got.

0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.840
<v Speaker 1>Kids, it's easier, you know what I'm saying, It's so

0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:23.320
<v Speaker 1>much easier. It's a whole village. Child. I'm gonna take

0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.280
<v Speaker 1>care of your kid this weekend. You get a day

0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:27.640
<v Speaker 1>off next weekend, Like why why not?

0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:28.920
<v Speaker 4>Right?

0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:31.000
<v Speaker 2>Because they siblings and they need to grow up together

0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:31.520
<v Speaker 2>if they can.

0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I just never ended understand bitches who act like they

0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:38.400
<v Speaker 1>just like like their kids so much. Like you haven't

0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.840
<v Speaker 1>seen somebody who just won't let the man get the child,

0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:44.040
<v Speaker 1>like just fighting them every bit of the way. Like

0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 1>you don't like that kid that much? Just send that

0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.760
<v Speaker 1>kid to his daddy house this fucking weekend, bitch, like

0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:54.280
<v Speaker 1>you do not. My exes his baby, his baby mama

0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.520
<v Speaker 1>like one of his kids mom, like she was just

0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.640
<v Speaker 1>make it such a big problem, Like you can't possibly

0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 1>want the little boy around you all the time? Sent

0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:04.480
<v Speaker 1>us us over here.

0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, sometimes it ain't. Some people house don't be safe.

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.280
<v Speaker 2>You know, you just gotta be You know who your

0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.520
<v Speaker 2>baby dad is, you know, so if you trust them

0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:17.800
<v Speaker 2>with your kids, because I've seen where that has gone

0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.159
<v Speaker 2>terribly wrong by sending your baby to they daddy.

0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I think that did you see that? It's a post

0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.439
<v Speaker 1>it's this white guy like some type of therapist. But

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.919
<v Speaker 1>he's having a conversation with another guy and he's saying, like,

0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:34.000
<v Speaker 1>how basically moms, some moms, right, A narcissistic parent will

0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.320
<v Speaker 1>create these scenarios, right, So the healthy mom will be like,

0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.240
<v Speaker 1>did you have fun at your dad's house this weekend? Okay?

0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:41.720
<v Speaker 2>What did y'all do? Y'ah?

0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.600
<v Speaker 1>Pizza? Oh great, that's so good. Like, okay, go upstairs

0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:46.280
<v Speaker 1>and we can do such and such. The other mom,

0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:49.480
<v Speaker 1>the unhealthy mom, is like making the kid feel like

0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.919
<v Speaker 1>going to a daddy's house is just the worst, Like,

0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:55.640
<v Speaker 1>what did you do at dad's house this weekend? Y'all

0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:57.240
<v Speaker 1>went to the park? Oh my god, it's so cold

0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 1>to us out, Like why would you take you to

0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.440
<v Speaker 1>the park. What did you eat? You had just pizza? Like, okay,

0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:04.679
<v Speaker 1>go upstairs on make your favorite soup. You know, so

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.240
<v Speaker 1>you alienating the other parent. I feel like a lot

0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.400
<v Speaker 1>of women do that. They may not like talk about

0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.880
<v Speaker 1>the other parent upfront, but in that way they do.

0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.160
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes it's subconscious they don't even realize they're doing it.

0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:20.040
<v Speaker 2>Because I remember my ex he asked his kids how

0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:21.840
<v Speaker 2>they felt about me, and he told me this, and

0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:25.000
<v Speaker 2>they said that they like me, but they have to

0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.080
<v Speaker 2>pretend like they don't because they don't want to hurt

0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:28.640
<v Speaker 2>mommy's feelings. Yeah.

0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:30.720
<v Speaker 1>See, that's so unhealthy.

0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:34.800
<v Speaker 2>And I'm wondering, like, what was his mother saying that

0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:38.119
<v Speaker 2>made them feel like they had to protect their mother's feelings,

0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:42.080
<v Speaker 2>you know so, And I'm hoping it was something subconscious

0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:44.919
<v Speaker 2>and not like you out here blatantly saying shit too.

0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:47.359
<v Speaker 4>But it do be because they believe that.

0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:50.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm to the point to where I'm like, you know't

0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:53.919
<v Speaker 1>even trying to figure people out. But are you consciously

0:18:54.000 --> 0:18:56.520
<v Speaker 1>doing this or is that just your personality? Is where

0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm at now, because if it's just who you are,

0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:00.320
<v Speaker 1>I got to find a way to accept it, right

0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>or just don't fuck with you? So I think like

0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.560
<v Speaker 1>people are not consciously doing this thing. It's just really

0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:14.600
<v Speaker 1>their genetic makeup. Yeah, they're just not good. You just

0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.400
<v Speaker 1>not a good person in the eyes of maybe most

0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Maybe it could be a general consensus that you be

0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:21.840
<v Speaker 1>on some bullshit.

0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.399
<v Speaker 2>You know what I wanted to talk about and I

0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.480
<v Speaker 2>forgot to mention it. Did you watch the Jamie Fox shit.

0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:28.359
<v Speaker 1>Over the not yet?

0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:29.280
<v Speaker 2>You watched it?

0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:29.679
<v Speaker 4>Girl?

0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:32.560
<v Speaker 2>I watched that ship like seven times. I love this

0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:33.120
<v Speaker 2>so much.

0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:34.239
<v Speaker 1>Really, I gotta watch it.

0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:35.800
<v Speaker 2>I can't wait for you to watch it so we

0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:36.640
<v Speaker 2>could talk about it.

0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:39.680
<v Speaker 1>Okay, next week, we'll be old by this week.

0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Well, stop watching it so quick. Always listen. I had

0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:47.960
<v Speaker 2>the Ajab City videos, it'd be like two weeks ago,

0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:50.199
<v Speaker 2>from two weeks ago, and I'd be like, have to

0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:51.399
<v Speaker 2>just laugh at it. Like it's.

0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Just like when people send me old shit because I

0:19:57.880 --> 0:19:59.760
<v Speaker 1>feel like I don't seen the whole internet. I just

0:19:59.880 --> 0:20:01.440
<v Speaker 1>like I just heard it. So if I don't ever

0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:04.320
<v Speaker 1>respond to something, that means I never I've already seen it.

0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:08.400
<v Speaker 2>And my heart is too fast, right yeah, like that

0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.680
<v Speaker 2>that video was three minutes. How you laughing already?

0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:17.679
<v Speaker 1>Right right? And I be thinking, like, bitch, ain't know

0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:22.800
<v Speaker 1>where you watched this whole shit that quick. We have

0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.200
<v Speaker 1>a very special guest when we talk back next week.

0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:28.920
<v Speaker 1>She's a lovely wife and a lovely mom, and she's

0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:33.000
<v Speaker 1>here to teach women how to put themselves first, specifically

0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:36.560
<v Speaker 1>like busy moms right who feel like they can't catch

0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:39.480
<v Speaker 1>a break, Like, what are the steps to even like

0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:42.840
<v Speaker 1>beginning to maybe first find some self awareness? Because I

0:20:42.840 --> 0:20:45.480
<v Speaker 1>think that's really where it starts at and then you know,

0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:51.320
<v Speaker 1>not feeling guilty for put yourself first. You know what

0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:54.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, saying, fuck that husband, fuck these kids, because

0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 1>if I'm not healthy, it's a problem.

0:20:56.480 --> 0:20:58.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, And a lot of this information. You don't

0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:00.000
<v Speaker 2>have to be a mom to use it in your life,

0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:02.880
<v Speaker 2>right because I can. Yep. So y'all stay tuned. We'll

0:21:02.920 --> 0:21:03.440
<v Speaker 2>be right back.

0:21:07.920 --> 0:21:11.640
<v Speaker 1>All right, y'all. Uh, We're back from break and today

0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:14.680
<v Speaker 1>we have we have an amazing guest on We Talked Back.

0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:20.840
<v Speaker 1>She's empowering busy working mothers to put themselves first without

0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:25.000
<v Speaker 1>guilt with her seven day guilt Free challenge because self

0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:29.480
<v Speaker 1>care is absolutely not selfish. Okay, okay, so welcome to

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:37.680
<v Speaker 1>We talk Back. Missus came right, y'all know I can't

0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:39.639
<v Speaker 1>talk no, right, No, I can write now, but I

0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:44.800
<v Speaker 1>can't read for real bad and related birthday. We know

0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:53.440
<v Speaker 1>you just celebrated a birthday.

0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:53.320
<v Speaker 4>Yes, loving it. The older I get, the better I feel.

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:54.280
<v Speaker 2>That's the truth.

0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:57.679
<v Speaker 1>Man, M we're looking at I got more money all

0:21:57.720 --> 0:21:58.199
<v Speaker 1>the things.

0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Well that's different because all I get my body been aching,

0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:06.960
<v Speaker 2>waking up with new shit, wrong, fuck up something that

0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:07.960
<v Speaker 2>you ain't even us.

0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:16.760
<v Speaker 1>Rights girl, So mss Camo, talk to us about.

0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:22.640
<v Speaker 2>Excuse me, missus period, talk to us about what uh

0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:25.520
<v Speaker 2>your seven day guilt free What is it called.

0:22:25.800 --> 0:22:29.399
<v Speaker 4>It's to put you first challenge, right, So it's seven

0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:34.680
<v Speaker 4>days of intentionally doing something for yourself every day.

0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:35.040
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:38.680
<v Speaker 4>And as you said, Aj, I'm a busy working mother.

0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:42.200
<v Speaker 4>I have three kids, I'm married, I work a full time,

0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:46.879
<v Speaker 4>pretty demanding job. As of this past June, I just

0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:49.240
<v Speaker 4>closed the content studio. So I also owned a brick

0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:52.720
<v Speaker 4>and mortar content studio. I had to podcasts, like all

0:22:52.840 --> 0:22:55.960
<v Speaker 4>the things and then that whole list of things. You know,

0:22:56.000 --> 0:23:00.280
<v Speaker 4>who was always last me? And it wasn't because people

0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:02.879
<v Speaker 4>were making me last. It was just I was putting

0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:05.440
<v Speaker 4>everything before me because I thought that I had to

0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:07.879
<v Speaker 4>do all the things for my kids, be there for

0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:11.240
<v Speaker 4>my husband, drive here, be at the content studio, just

0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:12.360
<v Speaker 4>all the things that I said. Yeah.

0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:12.480
<v Speaker 1>No.

0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:15.960
<v Speaker 4>So at the end of last year I stopped my podcast.

0:23:15.960 --> 0:23:18.240
<v Speaker 4>I literally just said, yeah, I'm not doing this long.

0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:20.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna ask you about the yeah girl. I pulled

0:23:20.920 --> 0:23:23.080
<v Speaker 4>my phone out and I was like, this is the

0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:25.600
<v Speaker 4>last episode. And I was crying as I was pulling

0:23:25.640 --> 0:23:27.280
<v Speaker 4>into my job. I was like, I'm not I can't

0:23:27.320 --> 0:23:30.520
<v Speaker 4>do this anymore. And then six months later, the lease

0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:33.840
<v Speaker 4>of our content studio came to an end and I

0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:37.720
<v Speaker 4>just didn't renew it. And I felt like the biggest

0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:42.040
<v Speaker 4>weight was lifted off of me. And so at that time,

0:23:42.119 --> 0:23:44.080
<v Speaker 4>I said, well, now I'm a focus on me. And

0:23:44.119 --> 0:23:46.080
<v Speaker 4>that's when I went into this space of just putting

0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:50.000
<v Speaker 4>yourself first and I tried. I piloted this thing. It

0:23:50.000 --> 0:23:52.000
<v Speaker 4>was a twenty one day challenge, but I had to

0:23:52.040 --> 0:23:53.800
<v Speaker 4>be ruled myself mom's zone. I don't know if we

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:56.320
<v Speaker 4>got twenty one days to be locked into something. So

0:23:56.359 --> 0:23:58.960
<v Speaker 4>I said, let's make this a seven day challenge. It's free.

0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:01.399
<v Speaker 4>You go to my webs patriska moo dot com. You

0:24:01.480 --> 0:24:04.520
<v Speaker 4>sign up in every morning for seven days, like before

0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:06.439
<v Speaker 4>you wake up, there's a message for me in your

0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:10.080
<v Speaker 4>inbox telling you to either go work out, or go

0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:13.280
<v Speaker 4>take yourself on a solo coffee date, or plan a

0:24:13.280 --> 0:24:17.840
<v Speaker 4>little trip for yourself, or like go for like something

0:24:18.000 --> 0:24:20.159
<v Speaker 4>that is just for you. And the idea is to

0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:23.800
<v Speaker 4>do these things before you pour into other people, because

0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:26.800
<v Speaker 4>as soon as them kids wake up, it's go time.

0:24:27.280 --> 0:24:31.240
<v Speaker 4>You on on right. And so if I can inspire

0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:35.439
<v Speaker 4>just one other person to remember that they matter. Not

0:24:35.560 --> 0:24:39.240
<v Speaker 4>even you matter too, girl, You matter first. That's also

0:24:39.280 --> 0:24:42.399
<v Speaker 4>the mindset shift. I think we always Yeah, I matter

0:24:42.840 --> 0:24:47.080
<v Speaker 4>as well. No, baby, girl, you matter first. You matter first,

0:24:47.119 --> 0:24:51.920
<v Speaker 4>because if you're not there mentally, spiritually, physically, then your

0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:54.720
<v Speaker 4>kids are going to feel it. You're gonna feel it.

0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:56.840
<v Speaker 4>It ain't even really about your kids feeling it. I

0:24:56.840 --> 0:25:00.240
<v Speaker 4>think I think we I really want my moms to

0:25:00.240 --> 0:25:03.560
<v Speaker 4>to stop putting the thing into their My kid, girl,

0:25:03.560 --> 0:25:06.400
<v Speaker 4>what do you need? You're going to feel this. You're

0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:11.480
<v Speaker 4>gonna hun them, kid. I wanted somebody else to say

0:25:11.480 --> 0:25:16.040
<v Speaker 4>it first. But yeah, it's just so, that's it. It's

0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:19.720
<v Speaker 4>seven days of thinking about yourself and putting yourself first.

0:25:19.760 --> 0:25:23.000
<v Speaker 4>And my hope is that after those seven days it's

0:25:23.040 --> 0:25:25.120
<v Speaker 4>it's I know it takes a little longer to start

0:25:25.119 --> 0:25:27.320
<v Speaker 4>a habit, but at least you know, oh, I could

0:25:27.359 --> 0:25:30.880
<v Speaker 4>you know what, let me go for a walk first. Yeah,

0:25:30.960 --> 0:25:33.720
<v Speaker 4>and so for me, like now, I take it, I'm

0:25:33.760 --> 0:25:35.199
<v Speaker 4>all the way. On the other end, you know, you

0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.960
<v Speaker 4>have a spectrum of putting yourself first. Yeah. I meet

0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:39.440
<v Speaker 4>a lot of women who don't even know the first

0:25:39.440 --> 0:25:41.960
<v Speaker 4>place to start I'm all the way. On the other end,

0:25:42.040 --> 0:25:45.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm taking trips out the country by myself. I'm at

0:25:45.920 --> 0:25:48.080
<v Speaker 4>the gym five thirty in the morning.

0:25:48.040 --> 0:25:50.119
<v Speaker 1>Looks fine, thank you.

0:25:50.440 --> 0:25:54.280
<v Speaker 4>Ain't nobody's gonna No one is coming before Patrice. And

0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:57.240
<v Speaker 4>I still love everybody in my family. Everybody still feels

0:25:57.640 --> 0:25:59.160
<v Speaker 4>great and loved and supported.

0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:01.399
<v Speaker 1>So what is your husband think about all this? Is

0:26:01.440 --> 0:26:04.280
<v Speaker 1>he pretty much, like pretty supportive of it, because I

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:08.360
<v Speaker 1>know if Mama isn't good, the whole house is gonna suck. Okay, yeah, yeah.

0:26:08.440 --> 0:26:11.359
<v Speaker 4>I think I think my husband knows me, and I

0:26:11.359 --> 0:26:13.560
<v Speaker 4>think he knows that when I don't when I'm not

0:26:13.680 --> 0:26:15.720
<v Speaker 4>able to go work out, when I'm not able to

0:26:15.760 --> 0:26:17.919
<v Speaker 4>take that trip, when I'm not able to pour into myself,

0:26:17.960 --> 0:26:21.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm a bitch. Like straight up, I'm not feeling well,

0:26:21.840 --> 0:26:25.400
<v Speaker 4>I'm rude, and I think he understands that. I think

0:26:25.400 --> 0:26:27.399
<v Speaker 4>it took I know it took time. Though. I remember

0:26:27.440 --> 0:26:29.760
<v Speaker 4>when I went on my first I call him mom caations.

0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:33.119
<v Speaker 4>It was after I had baby number three, who was

0:26:34.200 --> 0:26:36.439
<v Speaker 4>I was on bed rest for three weeks, he was

0:26:36.440 --> 0:26:38.760
<v Speaker 4>in nick you for three weeks. He was six weeks early.

0:26:39.080 --> 0:26:42.359
<v Speaker 4>I mean really took a lot a toll on our family,

0:26:42.720 --> 0:26:44.720
<v Speaker 4>and once I got healed, I was like, yeah, I

0:26:45.160 --> 0:26:47.639
<v Speaker 4>mamma needed to get away. And I think he felt

0:26:47.720 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 4>kind of like, well, what you mean? And I said

0:26:50.160 --> 0:26:53.479
<v Speaker 4>I need, I need to get away like and and

0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:55.920
<v Speaker 4>he got it, he understood it. And that was that.

0:26:57.119 --> 0:26:58.920
<v Speaker 4>For my birthday last week, I was in a route

0:26:58.920 --> 0:27:03.520
<v Speaker 4>before four days again by myself, and he said before

0:27:03.520 --> 0:27:05.760
<v Speaker 4>I left, he was like, you know, I don't really

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:08.520
<v Speaker 4>like not being able to be with you on your birthday.

0:27:09.440 --> 0:27:11.280
<v Speaker 4>And I thought that was sweet that he even said that,

0:27:11.320 --> 0:27:13.720
<v Speaker 4>because he's, y'all, we've been together since I was nineteen,

0:27:13.840 --> 0:27:17.280
<v Speaker 4>so we've been together for a long time. So for

0:27:17.400 --> 0:27:19.480
<v Speaker 4>him to say that was like, oh, okay, you're telling

0:27:19.480 --> 0:27:23.160
<v Speaker 4>me how you feel. Look at that. And I said, well,

0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:26.320
<v Speaker 4>I thank you for sharing that. I want to be

0:27:26.359 --> 0:27:30.760
<v Speaker 4>on a beach on my birthday and if you can

0:27:30.760 --> 0:27:34.399
<v Speaker 4>come next year, great, but that's what I want to

0:27:34.440 --> 0:27:37.119
<v Speaker 4>do and it's my birthday. And that was it, you

0:27:37.200 --> 0:27:38.760
<v Speaker 4>know what I'm saying, Like he was able to say

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:40.560
<v Speaker 4>how he felt, and I was able to tell him

0:27:40.600 --> 0:27:43.560
<v Speaker 4>how I felt and what I needed. And that was that.

0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:45.040
<v Speaker 4>And I got on the flight the next day and

0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:46.760
<v Speaker 4>went to a Ruba and maybe next.

0:27:46.640 --> 0:27:49.679
<v Speaker 2>Year we'll play a room by yourself.

0:27:50.200 --> 0:27:52.280
<v Speaker 4>Y'all, don't go, y'all never been on trips by yourself?

0:27:52.800 --> 0:27:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I have so the last two years and now I'm

0:27:56.440 --> 0:27:59.720
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship, But the last two years I'm like, man,

0:27:59.760 --> 0:28:01.720
<v Speaker 1>I want to take a solo trip somewhere for a

0:28:01.760 --> 0:28:04.920
<v Speaker 1>month by myself. Like I yeah, I literally I don't

0:28:04.920 --> 0:28:07.240
<v Speaker 1>have no kids, so you know, now I got a cat.

0:28:07.720 --> 0:28:10.119
<v Speaker 1>But other than that, like I literally have like a

0:28:10.680 --> 0:28:14.119
<v Speaker 1>bookmark on my phone of places prices like that's going

0:28:14.200 --> 0:28:17.560
<v Speaker 1>to be inexpensive to go, like Thailand, bally those places

0:28:17.600 --> 0:28:19.560
<v Speaker 1>are cheap to go for a month. The flight is

0:28:19.560 --> 0:28:22.400
<v Speaker 1>the most expensive thing. So no, I never got around

0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:24.680
<v Speaker 1>to it. And I'm definitely not opposed to it because

0:28:24.680 --> 0:28:27.160
<v Speaker 1>I've moved by myself, like I'd be in the world

0:28:27.240 --> 0:28:30.040
<v Speaker 1>by myself. So I've never been on a like a

0:28:30.840 --> 0:28:32.159
<v Speaker 1>nice trip by myself.

0:28:32.200 --> 0:28:32.400
<v Speaker 4>Though.

0:28:32.560 --> 0:28:35.399
<v Speaker 2>I went to Dominican Republic by myself, but it wasn't

0:28:35.480 --> 0:28:37.840
<v Speaker 2>really a vacation because I was getting like some plastic

0:28:37.880 --> 0:28:42.880
<v Speaker 2>survey I don't really count. It was I need somebody,

0:28:43.400 --> 0:28:47.720
<v Speaker 2>you need somebody, yeah, like plastic surgery. I just had

0:28:47.760 --> 0:28:50.520
<v Speaker 2>like threads on my tall linet.

0:28:50.560 --> 0:28:51.440
<v Speaker 4>But it didn't even work.

0:28:51.520 --> 0:28:53.520
<v Speaker 2>Y'all, don't do that ship, It did not work. I

0:28:53.520 --> 0:28:57.080
<v Speaker 2>came back with the same double hit I love, don't

0:28:57.120 --> 0:29:00.239
<v Speaker 2>do that, But yeah, that was my only Like I

0:29:00.280 --> 0:29:03.520
<v Speaker 2>tried to plan a sol loocation to Thailand, but then

0:29:03.760 --> 0:29:06.440
<v Speaker 2>I got scared and I called it my solocations.

0:29:06.800 --> 0:29:09.880
<v Speaker 4>Oh u l M, you know that's cute. You need

0:29:09.920 --> 0:29:10.520
<v Speaker 4>to trademark that.

0:29:10.760 --> 0:29:14.400
<v Speaker 2>I know, but I didn't go. I got scared. I

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:15.520
<v Speaker 2>got scared to go.

0:29:16.560 --> 0:29:18.680
<v Speaker 4>Maybe you start. I talked to a lot of women,

0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:21.840
<v Speaker 4>even like my homegirl. She was scared to go to

0:29:21.920 --> 0:29:25.080
<v Speaker 4>dinner by herself. So after us talking, I was like,

0:29:25.600 --> 0:29:28.400
<v Speaker 4>you can do this, friend, you can do this, And

0:29:28.680 --> 0:29:30.600
<v Speaker 4>like two weeks later she was like, Patrice, I went

0:29:30.640 --> 0:29:33.600
<v Speaker 4>to lunch by myself and she said it felt so good.

0:29:34.240 --> 0:29:36.480
<v Speaker 4>But like, for so, what did I do in the

0:29:36.560 --> 0:29:37.680
<v Speaker 4>room before four days?

0:29:37.760 --> 0:29:37.920
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:29:38.280 --> 0:29:41.320
<v Speaker 4>You got to keep in mind I have three kids again,

0:29:41.680 --> 0:29:44.840
<v Speaker 4>a very demanding job I work. I'm director of communications

0:29:44.840 --> 0:29:48.360
<v Speaker 4>for a megachurch, right, huge church in DC. We always

0:29:48.400 --> 0:29:51.800
<v Speaker 4>on so a lot of my time is like my

0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:55.200
<v Speaker 4>calendar is very boom boom boom boom boom. So to

0:29:55.320 --> 0:29:58.080
<v Speaker 4>have four days where I don't have to do anything,

0:29:58.520 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 4>and I don't have a calendar. It's that's that doesn't

0:30:02.320 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 4>happen often. So for real, two of those days I

0:30:04.600 --> 0:30:06.560
<v Speaker 4>was literally on it. But all three of those days

0:30:06.560 --> 0:30:09.720
<v Speaker 4>I was on the beach the whole time, like just

0:30:09.840 --> 0:30:11.920
<v Speaker 4>laid out, woke up, went to the hotel. The hotel

0:30:11.960 --> 0:30:15.560
<v Speaker 4>had a restaurant literally on the beach, so I was

0:30:15.600 --> 0:30:18.440
<v Speaker 4>there for lunch. Then I went to the beach, and

0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:20.160
<v Speaker 4>then I went to my room and changed and went

0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:23.080
<v Speaker 4>back for dinner, went for a long walk one day.

0:30:23.120 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 4>You know what I'm saying. So really I did nothing talk.

0:30:27.320 --> 0:30:29.480
<v Speaker 2>That's exactly what you did, and that's exactly.

0:30:29.200 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 4>What I wanted to do. So yeah, that's that's it.

0:30:32.080 --> 0:30:36.080
<v Speaker 4>And you know, I think I don't I think these again,

0:30:36.120 --> 0:30:39.200
<v Speaker 4>mom cass solocations. I think they have to be by yourself.

0:30:39.240 --> 0:30:41.560
<v Speaker 4>This is not a girl's trip, right because when you

0:30:41.560 --> 0:30:44.479
<v Speaker 4>got a girl trip, somebody put the itinerary together. And

0:30:44.520 --> 0:30:46.560
<v Speaker 4>I'm usually the one in the text like, hey, thanks

0:30:46.560 --> 0:30:50.240
<v Speaker 4>for the itinerary. I'm probably not gonna do everything because

0:30:50.240 --> 0:30:52.720
<v Speaker 4>I need to rest, right, Like, I don't even be

0:30:52.760 --> 0:30:57.400
<v Speaker 4>doing all that stuff. It ain't a vacation at all.

0:30:58.000 --> 0:30:59.560
<v Speaker 4>You know what a vacation is. You know what you

0:30:59.640 --> 0:31:07.880
<v Speaker 4>got to do, right, So you really gotta baby work.

0:31:08.040 --> 0:31:09.240
<v Speaker 4>And I'm like, damn.

0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:14.240
<v Speaker 1>Harder than that home because sex be the best now okay,

0:31:14.280 --> 0:31:16.480
<v Speaker 1>so the hotel sex.

0:31:16.320 --> 0:31:20.560
<v Speaker 4>Be better, but it don't be no rest for real.

0:31:22.640 --> 0:31:24.880
<v Speaker 1>So you just wake up like, hey, I'm going to

0:31:25.160 --> 0:31:28.320
<v Speaker 1>Rooper for my birthday and nigga, you can't go to your.

0:31:30.320 --> 0:31:31.240
<v Speaker 4>Like that agent.

0:31:34.040 --> 0:31:34.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean.

0:31:34.680 --> 0:31:38.800
<v Speaker 4>But here's the one thing. I think I'm able to

0:31:38.880 --> 0:31:43.120
<v Speaker 4>do these things because I know myself right, and everybody

0:31:43.200 --> 0:31:46.560
<v Speaker 4>around me knows who I am, and I think that's

0:31:46.840 --> 0:31:50.120
<v Speaker 4>something that I don't know if my peers other moms

0:31:50.160 --> 0:31:53.320
<v Speaker 4>have had the chance to do since they've become moms,

0:31:53.360 --> 0:31:56.800
<v Speaker 4>Because you become a mother, and you it's very easy

0:31:56.840 --> 0:31:59.959
<v Speaker 4>to forget who you are because your life of all

0:32:00.000 --> 0:32:03.320
<v Speaker 4>I was around these little humans with good reason, But

0:32:04.480 --> 0:32:05.000
<v Speaker 4>who are you?

0:32:05.680 --> 0:32:05.760
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:10.360
<v Speaker 4>Who are you? And it's and I talk to my

0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:14.120
<v Speaker 4>girlfriends again and they've forgotten that, and I remember who

0:32:14.160 --> 0:32:16.080
<v Speaker 4>they are because then my baby and I'm like, hey, girl,

0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:18.800
<v Speaker 4>remember when da da da? And it kind of flashes

0:32:18.880 --> 0:32:22.440
<v Speaker 4>back the life who they are, not even who they were,

0:32:22.520 --> 0:32:24.120
<v Speaker 4>but who they are, who they kind of just had

0:32:24.120 --> 0:32:27.200
<v Speaker 4>to put to the side. But with me always being

0:32:27.240 --> 0:32:30.160
<v Speaker 4>a person who was pretty direct, this is what I need,

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:33.680
<v Speaker 4>this what's going on. Even when I wasn't able to

0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:35.240
<v Speaker 4>honor it, I was at least able to kind of

0:32:35.760 --> 0:32:40.760
<v Speaker 4>say it. He's never been surprised. So this trip. We

0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:42.560
<v Speaker 4>didn't book it until I didn't book it. He didn't

0:32:42.560 --> 0:32:44.520
<v Speaker 4>book it until the day before, but I had told

0:32:44.600 --> 0:32:46.760
<v Speaker 4>him two weeks that's what I wanted. What do you

0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:49.480
<v Speaker 4>want for your birthday? I want to be on a beach, simple,

0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:52.560
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, if it can't happen, let me know.

0:32:53.400 --> 0:32:56.560
<v Speaker 4>I'll take care of it because I'm gonna put me first.

0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:58.320
<v Speaker 4>We're gonna figure it out because that's what I want

0:32:58.320 --> 0:33:00.680
<v Speaker 4>to do. It's my birthday. I think your mama not.

0:33:00.680 --> 0:33:02.040
<v Speaker 4>I feel like everybody should do what they want to

0:33:02.080 --> 0:33:04.360
<v Speaker 4>do on their birthday period, because you like to see

0:33:04.400 --> 0:33:08.480
<v Speaker 4>another year come on, Like, I'm not minimizing how I

0:33:08.560 --> 0:33:10.560
<v Speaker 4>want to celebrate because of what you want.

0:33:10.440 --> 0:33:10.960
<v Speaker 2>To do for me.

0:33:11.240 --> 0:33:14.160
<v Speaker 4>No, this is my birthday, my birthday, right.

0:33:14.800 --> 0:33:17.400
<v Speaker 2>What do you say to mothers who don't have a

0:33:17.520 --> 0:33:20.080
<v Speaker 2>support system, that don't have a husband, that doesn't have

0:33:20.200 --> 0:33:23.280
<v Speaker 2>somebody who can watch the kids, you know, how do

0:33:23.440 --> 0:33:25.760
<v Speaker 2>they put their self first? In your opinion?

0:33:26.120 --> 0:33:28.920
<v Speaker 4>That's real, that's real, and I think it's hard.

0:33:29.120 --> 0:33:29.840
<v Speaker 2>Like it's so.

0:33:29.960 --> 0:33:32.360
<v Speaker 4>My husband's in the military, and so he's been deployed

0:33:32.400 --> 0:33:34.720
<v Speaker 4>a couple times, so there's been year long stince where

0:33:34.760 --> 0:33:39.480
<v Speaker 4>he hasn't been here, and that's difficult. Thank god, I

0:33:39.640 --> 0:33:42.560
<v Speaker 4>have in laws who lives ten minutes away. My parents

0:33:42.720 --> 0:33:44.360
<v Speaker 4>live thirty minutes away.

0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:47.120
<v Speaker 2>So you have a village.

0:33:47.240 --> 0:33:49.720
<v Speaker 4>I got a village and so, but I know that's

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:52.640
<v Speaker 4>not everybody's case. In those instances, I think you have

0:33:52.760 --> 0:33:56.120
<v Speaker 4>to be really intentional about building that village, right, Like,

0:33:57.480 --> 0:34:04.680
<v Speaker 4>sometimes putting yourself first means making the inconvenient decisions because

0:34:04.760 --> 0:34:08.040
<v Speaker 4>you know it will help you in the long run. Right.

0:34:08.160 --> 0:34:11.120
<v Speaker 4>So I have a lot of examples. I have a

0:34:11.560 --> 0:34:15.000
<v Speaker 4>very close friend. She has a lot of kids, and

0:34:15.600 --> 0:34:20.480
<v Speaker 4>I watch her just do a lot like and I

0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.360
<v Speaker 4>just be like, friend, you don't have to do all this.

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:26.600
<v Speaker 4>And the answer is always, well, I like money, I

0:34:26.760 --> 0:34:28.840
<v Speaker 4>like to be able to And I say, yeah, but

0:34:28.920 --> 0:34:31.320
<v Speaker 4>you're I don't want to say you killing yourself, but

0:34:31.440 --> 0:34:35.400
<v Speaker 4>you are pulling your hair out just so you can

0:34:35.520 --> 0:34:38.600
<v Speaker 4>do all the things to get all the things and

0:34:38.719 --> 0:34:41.759
<v Speaker 4>for what, Like, you.

0:34:41.800 --> 0:34:42.359
<v Speaker 2>Know what I'm saying.

0:34:42.640 --> 0:34:45.840
<v Speaker 4>So it's like, maybe maybe take a step back and

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:50.640
<v Speaker 4>kind of like just maybe maybe putting yourself first means relocating,

0:34:51.080 --> 0:34:55.080
<v Speaker 4>or maybe putting yourself means downsizing so you can actually

0:34:55.200 --> 0:35:00.040
<v Speaker 4>have space and have margin to breathe. You understand what

0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:02.520
<v Speaker 4>I'm saying, Like when you don't even have a little

0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:05.960
<v Speaker 4>bit of room to breathe, then you're already at a deficit.

0:35:07.000 --> 0:35:09.960
<v Speaker 4>So you know, to that question, Tam, I think it's

0:35:10.040 --> 0:35:14.040
<v Speaker 4>being extremely intentional about finding those relationships and finding those

0:35:14.080 --> 0:35:19.000
<v Speaker 4>people that understand you. It might be saying to your children,

0:35:19.239 --> 0:35:22.120
<v Speaker 4>I love you, but at seven o'clock from seven to

0:35:22.239 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 4>eight thirty, mommy has her quiet time. And I know

0:35:25.080 --> 0:35:27.040
<v Speaker 4>it's when you have little ones you can't really do that.

0:35:27.239 --> 0:35:30.319
<v Speaker 4>So I'm thinking of when they're old enough to read

0:35:30.360 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 4>a book, watching YouTube, this is mommy's time. Not letting

0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:37.879
<v Speaker 4>your kids sleep in the bed is putting yourself first.

0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:40.239
<v Speaker 4>And I'm a victim of this right because my five

0:35:40.320 --> 0:35:41.960
<v Speaker 4>year old will hop in that bed and I've had

0:35:42.000 --> 0:35:44.759
<v Speaker 4>to say, this is not your bed, this is my

0:35:45.000 --> 0:35:51.719
<v Speaker 4>peaceful place, even like going not staying up until twelve

0:35:51.719 --> 0:35:55.200
<v Speaker 4>o'clock at night and purposely going upstairs at nine thirty

0:35:55.239 --> 0:35:57.759
<v Speaker 4>and doing your skincare and your kids could be in

0:35:57.800 --> 0:36:00.560
<v Speaker 4>the room, right, But like I know, y'all just had

0:36:00.600 --> 0:36:04.120
<v Speaker 4>an episode on skincare, right, Like sitting down and being

0:36:04.200 --> 0:36:06.680
<v Speaker 4>in your room, lighting your candle, putting the music on,

0:36:07.000 --> 0:36:09.880
<v Speaker 4>and giving yourself a facial a mask, doing the things

0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:11.239
<v Speaker 4>that feels good.

0:36:11.400 --> 0:36:13.920
<v Speaker 1>That's meditation. I think people think like meditation is like

0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:17.000
<v Speaker 1>closing your eyes and being silent, Like it's not. I

0:36:17.120 --> 0:36:20.040
<v Speaker 1>meditate while I'm driving a lot, no radio, just driving.

0:36:20.120 --> 0:36:24.120
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, that is a form of meditation, like just quiet, Yeah,

0:36:24.280 --> 0:36:26.840
<v Speaker 1>doing something that you love, taking care of your body

0:36:27.200 --> 0:36:29.000
<v Speaker 1>from the outsiding. Absolutely.

0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:31.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I got a client that I prayed that she

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:34.640
<v Speaker 2>listened to this episode because she has four kids and

0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:37.440
<v Speaker 2>she's a single mom, and she comes to get her

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:42.239
<v Speaker 2>hair done with three laptops, three different jobs going at

0:36:42.280 --> 0:36:44.680
<v Speaker 2>the same time. She like, I can barely do her

0:36:44.719 --> 0:36:47.200
<v Speaker 2>hair because she's on this computer on and just trying

0:36:47.239 --> 0:36:49.600
<v Speaker 2>to juggle three jobs so she could take care of

0:36:49.680 --> 0:36:52.440
<v Speaker 2>these kids. Wow, And meanwhile I'm trying to flatter on

0:36:52.520 --> 0:36:54.320
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of edge that she got left because

0:36:54.520 --> 0:36:58.040
<v Speaker 2>her hair is coming out. Yeah, so I hope she

0:36:58.160 --> 0:37:01.520
<v Speaker 2>listens to this episode because babe girl put one of

0:37:01.560 --> 0:37:02.520
<v Speaker 2>them computers down.

0:37:03.320 --> 0:37:07.279
<v Speaker 4>Just look like even like getting your hair done is

0:37:08.239 --> 0:37:09.920
<v Speaker 4>to me, that's when I know I'm about to go

0:37:10.000 --> 0:37:13.000
<v Speaker 4>get my hair done. As short as it is, I'm

0:37:13.160 --> 0:37:17.600
<v Speaker 4>like the calendar is blocked. I'm locked in what we

0:37:17.719 --> 0:37:21.800
<v Speaker 4>talk about, girl like it's a it's self care. So

0:37:22.040 --> 0:37:24.560
<v Speaker 4>to go into that space and not even be able

0:37:24.640 --> 0:37:28.800
<v Speaker 4>to enjoy that time, it's just like something got to

0:37:28.880 --> 0:37:31.080
<v Speaker 4>give you. Sometimes you got to. I mean I can't.

0:37:31.080 --> 0:37:31.480
<v Speaker 1>It's hard.

0:37:32.440 --> 0:37:35.160
<v Speaker 4>I've set my life up. And I don't say this

0:37:35.280 --> 0:37:36.759
<v Speaker 4>as a brag. I was talking.

0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:38.919
<v Speaker 1>I know what you're about to say. Yeah, you tell

0:37:38.960 --> 0:37:39.200
<v Speaker 1>me like.

0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:41.680
<v Speaker 4>I set my life up. So this is how it is.

0:37:42.400 --> 0:37:46.800
<v Speaker 4>I work remotely. I purposely went for the job that

0:37:47.120 --> 0:37:53.320
<v Speaker 4>was able to let me do this. You know, I

0:37:53.840 --> 0:37:56.279
<v Speaker 4>decide to get up early and work out. But also

0:37:56.360 --> 0:37:58.279
<v Speaker 4>because I work remotely, I can go to the gym

0:37:58.360 --> 0:38:02.160
<v Speaker 4>at nine thirty and I can block my calendar so

0:38:02.320 --> 0:38:08.000
<v Speaker 4>nobody puts the meetings on my calendar. Like again, my

0:38:08.120 --> 0:38:10.239
<v Speaker 4>husband knows who I am because this is how i've

0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:12.040
<v Speaker 4>this is how we've been. I can go when these

0:38:12.120 --> 0:38:15.239
<v Speaker 4>long walks because I do everything remotely. And again, I

0:38:15.320 --> 0:38:19.400
<v Speaker 4>know this is not everybody's time but or everybody's reality,

0:38:20.160 --> 0:38:22.440
<v Speaker 4>but I do think part of putting you first is

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:27.480
<v Speaker 4>taking ownership of your life and not just doing what

0:38:27.640 --> 0:38:31.359
<v Speaker 4>you've been doing and making the changes and again making

0:38:31.400 --> 0:38:34.279
<v Speaker 4>those sacrifices so that you can live the way you

0:38:34.360 --> 0:38:37.279
<v Speaker 4>want to live, whether you're a man, woman, mom. You know,

0:38:38.920 --> 0:38:44.200
<v Speaker 4>area like we own our lives. We own our lives.

0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:46.879
<v Speaker 4>Nobody should be in control of our life. And once

0:38:46.920 --> 0:38:50.879
<v Speaker 4>you realize that and you take control of it, it's

0:38:50.960 --> 0:38:53.719
<v Speaker 4>the game changer. It's hard, though, because it's a lot

0:38:53.800 --> 0:38:56.640
<v Speaker 4>easier to point the finger, it's a lot easier to

0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:57.799
<v Speaker 4>put the blame on everybody else.

0:38:58.040 --> 0:39:02.359
<v Speaker 1>Accountability is what I'm hearing. Yeah, because I saw one

0:39:02.360 --> 0:39:05.239
<v Speaker 1>of your videos. You were talking about like just outsourcing

0:39:05.320 --> 0:39:07.040
<v Speaker 1>some of the things, you know, like these men be

0:39:07.120 --> 0:39:09.880
<v Speaker 1>on these podcasts and they talking about a woman cooking,

0:39:10.040 --> 0:39:12.160
<v Speaker 1>cleaning and all that, like if you really love your

0:39:12.200 --> 0:39:14.880
<v Speaker 1>wife or your girlfriend like you or another video I

0:39:14.920 --> 0:39:17.000
<v Speaker 1>saw this guy he just looked over at his girlfriend

0:39:17.600 --> 0:39:19.640
<v Speaker 1>and then the caption was like the moment you realize

0:39:19.680 --> 0:39:21.719
<v Speaker 1>you got to get your money up because you you

0:39:21.960 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 1>want to make that exactly you saw it.

0:39:25.520 --> 0:39:26.239
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I love it.

0:39:26.280 --> 0:39:28.000
<v Speaker 1>I almost sent that to mind. But I know that's

0:39:28.000 --> 0:39:31.239
<v Speaker 1>how he feels about me, right, Like everything is surrounding

0:39:31.280 --> 0:39:35.279
<v Speaker 1>about upgrading everything. Right, So if you with somebody who

0:39:35.400 --> 0:39:36.799
<v Speaker 1>don't look at you like that, get the fuck up

0:39:36.800 --> 0:39:40.160
<v Speaker 1>out of there. Yeah, but anyway, like just outsourcing some

0:39:40.320 --> 0:39:42.160
<v Speaker 1>of the things so you aren't as busy. I feel

0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:45.200
<v Speaker 1>like if you're married, like, why is it our job

0:39:45.440 --> 0:39:47.759
<v Speaker 1>a woman? If I'm working, why isn't my job to

0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:54.160
<v Speaker 1>full close, wash dishes, cook clean all the things? We

0:39:54.480 --> 0:40:00.840
<v Speaker 1>outsource some of this stuff. I gotta see him, and

0:40:00.960 --> 0:40:04.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell you I might pay for that once

0:40:04.719 --> 0:40:05.719
<v Speaker 1>every two months.

0:40:07.160 --> 0:40:07.560
<v Speaker 4>My job.

0:40:07.640 --> 0:40:09.640
<v Speaker 1>Listen, I should be clicking right now. I don't even

0:40:09.680 --> 0:40:11.759
<v Speaker 1>talk the same no more. That's how bad my TMJ is.

0:40:12.400 --> 0:40:15.120
<v Speaker 1>I know my nigga deprived. Okay, like I might have

0:40:15.280 --> 0:40:16.560
<v Speaker 1>to get.

0:40:16.480 --> 0:40:17.200
<v Speaker 2>In turn.

0:40:20.000 --> 0:40:22.480
<v Speaker 4>Listen, as long as it get done. Yeah, we get

0:40:23.560 --> 0:40:26.600
<v Speaker 4>we get our clothes picked up. I use a laundry service.

0:40:26.800 --> 0:40:28.800
<v Speaker 4>I don't wash clothes like I mean, obviously, you know

0:40:28.840 --> 0:40:30.480
<v Speaker 4>you gotta throw some things in there here and there.

0:40:30.560 --> 0:40:33.320
<v Speaker 4>But now my husband us a laundry service, so he

0:40:33.480 --> 0:40:37.840
<v Speaker 4>on board bam put in a bag, go I cook,

0:40:38.120 --> 0:40:43.759
<v Speaker 4>but we door dash, you know, like we not. You

0:40:43.880 --> 0:40:45.920
<v Speaker 4>gotta know you, gotta know you. But I'm gonna say

0:40:45.960 --> 0:40:48.880
<v Speaker 4>you brought up a real good point because you know,

0:40:49.400 --> 0:40:52.400
<v Speaker 4>thirty years ago, maybe not thirty years ago, because I

0:40:52.440 --> 0:40:55.000
<v Speaker 4>feel like the women were going into the workforce heavy

0:40:55.040 --> 0:40:58.480
<v Speaker 4>in the seventies, eighties, nineties, and I remember watching my

0:40:58.600 --> 0:41:02.080
<v Speaker 4>mom put that suit on with the shoulder pass you know,

0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:05.560
<v Speaker 4>got her briefcase, going driving an hour and a half

0:41:05.840 --> 0:41:08.160
<v Speaker 4>to be an accountant with a bunch of racist people,

0:41:08.840 --> 0:41:11.800
<v Speaker 4>still coming home picking me up late for aftercare, and

0:41:11.880 --> 0:41:14.279
<v Speaker 4>I'm staying to myself. When you look back, You're like, well, god, dad,

0:41:14.320 --> 0:41:16.239
<v Speaker 4>why my dad wasn't picking me up? He worked a

0:41:16.280 --> 0:41:19.719
<v Speaker 4>lot closer? Or you know, you right to why dad

0:41:19.760 --> 0:41:21.759
<v Speaker 4>ain't picking me up from dance class? But you don't

0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:24.400
<v Speaker 4>think about that when you're eight years old. So now

0:41:24.480 --> 0:41:28.080
<v Speaker 4>you fast forward to twenty twenty four, twenty twenty whatever year,

0:41:28.360 --> 0:41:31.800
<v Speaker 4>and not only are we taking care of our children

0:41:31.880 --> 0:41:35.160
<v Speaker 4>and our families, but we are working these high powered jobs.

0:41:35.239 --> 0:41:37.759
<v Speaker 4>Some of us are content creators, and we got other

0:41:37.840 --> 0:41:42.400
<v Speaker 4>passions that were filled, like we've added to the plate. Meanwhile,

0:41:42.440 --> 0:41:46.440
<v Speaker 4>the dudes are the partners, because I've heard that actually

0:41:46.480 --> 0:41:50.520
<v Speaker 4>these dynamics happen in same sex relationships as well. But

0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:53.360
<v Speaker 4>the other partner, the non I don't know what the

0:41:53.400 --> 0:41:56.120
<v Speaker 4>word is, but they are just kind of hanging out.

0:41:56.640 --> 0:41:59.200
<v Speaker 4>And I've had us of late. Since taking my new

0:41:59.280 --> 0:42:01.360
<v Speaker 4>job two years ago, I've had a lot of conversations.

0:42:01.360 --> 0:42:02.719
<v Speaker 4>I even said to mine, I'm gonna be real with you,

0:42:02.760 --> 0:42:04.759
<v Speaker 4>I said to my husband two days ago. We went

0:42:04.800 --> 0:42:06.439
<v Speaker 4>out for a drink and I was just like, yeah,

0:42:06.640 --> 0:42:10.080
<v Speaker 4>so if I'm going to be doing all the duties,

0:42:10.120 --> 0:42:12.879
<v Speaker 4>then I am no. I don't want to contribute financially here,

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:14.680
<v Speaker 4>like let me keep.

0:42:14.600 --> 0:42:18.920
<v Speaker 1>My check and just by myself.

0:42:19.320 --> 0:42:22.839
<v Speaker 4>I mean like like you don't have to do both.

0:42:23.120 --> 0:42:25.960
<v Speaker 4>You don't have to do domestic and go to your

0:42:26.200 --> 0:42:28.640
<v Speaker 4>you know, great job. But I am going to my

0:42:28.760 --> 0:42:30.440
<v Speaker 4>great job and doing the domestic.

0:42:30.920 --> 0:42:31.520
<v Speaker 2>That's not you.

0:42:31.680 --> 0:42:35.279
<v Speaker 1>Working for everybody. Any Men just work for the job.

0:42:35.560 --> 0:42:36.560
<v Speaker 1>They just work for the man.

0:42:36.800 --> 0:42:39.799
<v Speaker 2>That's not fair. Sometimes men have other jobs like keeping

0:42:39.880 --> 0:42:41.880
<v Speaker 2>the long, keeping the cars together.

0:42:42.280 --> 0:42:43.839
<v Speaker 4>We get our long, we get our lung, we get

0:42:43.880 --> 0:42:46.120
<v Speaker 4>our car, our grass cut.

0:42:46.360 --> 0:42:51.399
<v Speaker 2>Okay, but sometimes they have other responsibility.

0:42:51.440 --> 0:42:54.160
<v Speaker 1>The air condition don't go out by every ten fifteen years,

0:42:54.360 --> 0:42:55.759
<v Speaker 1>or you might have to check. You might have to

0:42:55.840 --> 0:42:59.520
<v Speaker 1>touch that for fifteen years, the toilet bowl running or whatever.

0:42:59.600 --> 0:43:04.800
<v Speaker 1>That's a quick glowle fixed, like what else doing in

0:43:04.880 --> 0:43:05.200
<v Speaker 1>the house?

0:43:05.320 --> 0:43:07.480
<v Speaker 2>Come on, guys.

0:43:07.800 --> 0:43:11.400
<v Speaker 4>So yeah, and every case is different, you know, So

0:43:11.600 --> 0:43:14.120
<v Speaker 4>like this, put yourself first. And that's why I always

0:43:14.280 --> 0:43:16.799
<v Speaker 4>like start with the challenge because no matter what your

0:43:17.280 --> 0:43:20.600
<v Speaker 4>your home life is, your family, makeup, single mom, like,

0:43:21.120 --> 0:43:24.400
<v Speaker 4>no matter that, you can at least do this by yourself.

0:43:24.480 --> 0:43:26.520
<v Speaker 4>You don't need anybody to buy in, You don't need

0:43:26.600 --> 0:43:28.480
<v Speaker 4>any of that. You can wake up every morning and

0:43:28.600 --> 0:43:32.160
<v Speaker 4>do these seven things every morning. Now, when you go

0:43:32.560 --> 0:43:35.480
<v Speaker 4>farther along, then you are going to need to look

0:43:35.520 --> 0:43:37.680
<v Speaker 4>at things differently because you might need the babysitter, you

0:43:37.760 --> 0:43:39.759
<v Speaker 4>might need the things. But at least that's seven days

0:43:39.760 --> 0:43:42.040
<v Speaker 4>you're able to lock into you easily.

0:43:42.760 --> 0:43:46.319
<v Speaker 2>So you said you will want to keep your check,

0:43:46.360 --> 0:43:48.200
<v Speaker 2>which I agree with you. Let me keep my money too,

0:43:48.600 --> 0:43:50.280
<v Speaker 2>But I just want to know how you feel about

0:43:50.360 --> 0:43:54.200
<v Speaker 2>the fifty to fifty conversation that people have about relationships.

0:43:54.280 --> 0:43:56.360
<v Speaker 2>Only I feel like only black people are talking about it.

0:43:56.480 --> 0:43:59.719
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, the others aren't out. Yeah, So I mean we've

0:43:59.840 --> 0:44:02.560
<v Speaker 4>had our joint. It's all one ain't no fifty fifty here,

0:44:02.640 --> 0:44:05.400
<v Speaker 4>It's just one account. The money goes into our account.

0:44:05.960 --> 0:44:08.520
<v Speaker 4>Each of us takes a percentage for our fun money.

0:44:10.200 --> 0:44:13.759
<v Speaker 4>But that's it. So I got I don't know. I don't.

0:44:14.640 --> 0:44:18.080
<v Speaker 4>Even before we were married, we were living together and

0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:20.760
<v Speaker 4>my husband at the time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

0:44:20.840 --> 0:44:24.439
<v Speaker 4>But he paid the mortgage. He paid and I paid

0:44:24.480 --> 0:44:28.880
<v Speaker 4>the utilities, and I paid the the groceries, which was

0:44:29.160 --> 0:44:33.359
<v Speaker 4>a minor fraction of the money the things he paid.

0:44:33.360 --> 0:44:36.960
<v Speaker 4>We never even had that conversation. But the things are

0:44:37.000 --> 0:44:39.600
<v Speaker 4>different now. The world is different now. I don't I

0:44:39.719 --> 0:44:41.960
<v Speaker 4>don't know. I just say what worked for you, work

0:44:42.000 --> 0:44:42.200
<v Speaker 4>for you.

0:44:42.320 --> 0:44:46.000
<v Speaker 1>Right, because I don't think other communities aren't doing fifty

0:44:46.040 --> 0:44:47.759
<v Speaker 1>to fifty is on to talk about it like people

0:44:48.040 --> 0:44:52.440
<v Speaker 1>talk whatever y'all gotta do to get out trenches, do

0:44:52.600 --> 0:44:54.360
<v Speaker 1>that shit to get whatever it is? Why are we

0:44:54.480 --> 0:44:56.520
<v Speaker 1>talking about it? Because I mean it kind of diminishes

0:44:56.600 --> 0:44:59.880
<v Speaker 1>men a little bit, and then like for women, as

0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:02.680
<v Speaker 1>like the bringing the ship to the table and all

0:45:02.719 --> 0:45:05.239
<v Speaker 1>that little weird things like why why would you not

0:45:05.440 --> 0:45:08.160
<v Speaker 1>want to work extra hard so your a woman doesn't

0:45:08.200 --> 0:45:11.000
<v Speaker 1>really have to because everybody's happy when a woman. I'm

0:45:11.040 --> 0:45:14.000
<v Speaker 1>not saying like men don't need to be happy, absolutely not.

0:45:14.120 --> 0:45:16.439
<v Speaker 1>But they are supposed to be problem solvers. We're gonna

0:45:16.480 --> 0:45:20.400
<v Speaker 1>take all their jobs away. Don't nobody want to no

0:45:20.480 --> 0:45:23.799
<v Speaker 1>idolized man? They get mean when they're not producing, they

0:45:23.880 --> 0:45:27.960
<v Speaker 1>get mad when they don't have money. They do the Yeah,

0:45:28.400 --> 0:45:34.760
<v Speaker 1>so find you a woman that's worth producing for my adviceiggas.

0:45:36.560 --> 0:45:39.839
<v Speaker 4>The way that argument is that when you're when you're

0:45:39.880 --> 0:45:43.320
<v Speaker 4>dating someone, everybody should put up fifty to fifty. Like

0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:46.440
<v Speaker 4>you split the rent fifty fifty, you split everything fifty.

0:45:46.120 --> 0:45:46.560
<v Speaker 2>In the middle.

0:45:47.120 --> 0:45:52.279
<v Speaker 1>Dating is not living together. Once you start living with somebody, like,

0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:55.120
<v Speaker 1>that's right, you damn get married. You know some states

0:45:55.360 --> 0:45:58.319
<v Speaker 1>you might be legally married common law.

0:45:58.480 --> 0:45:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so very much.

0:45:59.840 --> 0:46:03.080
<v Speaker 1>But when we're dating, like, am I really supposed to

0:46:03.080 --> 0:46:03.759
<v Speaker 1>be paying for dates?

0:46:04.880 --> 0:46:05.120
<v Speaker 4>Mmm?

0:46:05.960 --> 0:46:08.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh god, I don't mind paying for a date.

0:46:08.360 --> 0:46:14.680
<v Speaker 4>A date, brea, birthdays absolutely, a little cute little after.

0:46:14.719 --> 0:46:19.880
<v Speaker 1>Breakfast and birthdays. I got them every time. Right now,

0:46:19.960 --> 0:46:22.400
<v Speaker 1>I've paid for dates. I don't know what people, but

0:46:22.440 --> 0:46:24.560
<v Speaker 1>it still it's somebody you love and who you with.

0:46:25.920 --> 0:46:27.759
<v Speaker 1>These men can be complaining because they're trying to date

0:46:28.280 --> 0:46:30.920
<v Speaker 1>five different women to see who giving up some couci

0:46:31.000 --> 0:46:33.200
<v Speaker 1>at the end of the day, n night and just

0:46:33.320 --> 0:46:35.560
<v Speaker 1>pick somebody who likes you, but you're going to suck

0:46:35.600 --> 0:46:37.160
<v Speaker 1>your dick because they want to at the end of

0:46:37.160 --> 0:46:37.560
<v Speaker 1>the night.

0:46:38.000 --> 0:46:41.239
<v Speaker 4>Pick somebody that likes you. And I've always come from

0:46:41.280 --> 0:46:43.240
<v Speaker 4>the standpoint of I am the prize.

0:46:44.080 --> 0:46:44.400
<v Speaker 2>Amen.

0:46:44.680 --> 0:46:46.879
<v Speaker 4>If you sit next to me, we haven't. You're gonna

0:46:46.920 --> 0:46:49.120
<v Speaker 4>get something out of this conversation. You're gonna walk away

0:46:49.200 --> 0:46:52.040
<v Speaker 4>from this dinner or whatever it is, feeling better or

0:46:52.160 --> 0:46:55.560
<v Speaker 4>learning something that's valuable. So I'm not paying for nothing.

0:47:00.160 --> 0:47:03.880
<v Speaker 2>Have you ever carried any guilt? Like I hear sometimes

0:47:04.000 --> 0:47:08.120
<v Speaker 2>mothers say, like mothers who have careers, like something suffers,

0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:13.080
<v Speaker 2>something always suffers. And I always carry guilt because if

0:47:13.080 --> 0:47:15.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm one hundred percent here, I'm neglecting this. If I'm

0:47:15.600 --> 0:47:17.800
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent there, then I'm neglecting that. Do you

0:47:18.080 --> 0:47:19.200
<v Speaker 2>have you ever felt that way?

0:47:19.680 --> 0:47:24.040
<v Speaker 4>I have not so much anymore. Thankfully, where I work

0:47:24.200 --> 0:47:28.600
<v Speaker 4>is very family friendly, and we just all prioritize our families.

0:47:29.280 --> 0:47:31.759
<v Speaker 4>But I remember that this is a true story. The

0:47:31.840 --> 0:47:35.520
<v Speaker 4>day that I ended my decided to end my podcast,

0:47:37.000 --> 0:47:39.960
<v Speaker 4>the baby was like thirty minutes late for school and

0:47:40.160 --> 0:47:44.200
<v Speaker 4>I forgot his lunch, and I remembered I had forgot

0:47:44.280 --> 0:47:46.080
<v Speaker 4>something at work too, So I just pulled into his

0:47:46.200 --> 0:47:48.520
<v Speaker 4>parking lot at his school and I just started crying

0:47:49.120 --> 0:47:51.920
<v Speaker 4>because I'm like yo, And that's what led to the

0:47:52.120 --> 0:47:55.799
<v Speaker 4>I can't do this thing anymore. But there have absolutely

0:47:55.920 --> 0:47:59.560
<v Speaker 4>been times where I forgot something like, oh, you're supposed

0:47:59.560 --> 0:48:02.080
<v Speaker 4>to have dressed down day. God damn, I forgot that,

0:48:02.160 --> 0:48:05.840
<v Speaker 4>and that dressed Downday be a big deal. So it

0:48:06.000 --> 0:48:08.320
<v Speaker 4>so usually comes there. But when I have to go

0:48:08.520 --> 0:48:11.640
<v Speaker 4>on work trips or I don't feel guilt. I don't

0:48:12.080 --> 0:48:14.759
<v Speaker 4>because I'm a very present mom, you know what I'm saying.

0:48:14.840 --> 0:48:17.680
<v Speaker 4>Like I pick my kids up every day, I take

0:48:17.760 --> 0:48:20.879
<v Speaker 4>them sometimes, I walk them to school, like they come

0:48:20.960 --> 0:48:23.880
<v Speaker 4>to work with me sometimes, So I don't, and I'm

0:48:24.640 --> 0:48:27.080
<v Speaker 4>I gotta be real with you. I don't and I don't.

0:48:27.120 --> 0:48:29.200
<v Speaker 4>But I'm also not working a job. My husband has

0:48:29.280 --> 0:48:32.440
<v Speaker 4>had to be overseas for this past summer. He was

0:48:32.520 --> 0:48:37.040
<v Speaker 4>in Guam for three months. Maybe he If that was me,

0:48:37.160 --> 0:48:39.000
<v Speaker 4>I might have felt guilt for having to be away

0:48:39.040 --> 0:48:39.680
<v Speaker 4>for three months.

0:48:41.120 --> 0:48:43.840
<v Speaker 2>But at this day and age, M M say what

0:48:43.920 --> 0:48:46.280
<v Speaker 2>do you say to moms that do carry that guilt?

0:48:46.840 --> 0:48:47.680
<v Speaker 2>What advice would you do.

0:48:47.960 --> 0:48:50.840
<v Speaker 1>To seven day challenge challenging?

0:48:51.360 --> 0:48:52.799
<v Speaker 4>Cause it seems like where does it? And I wish

0:48:52.840 --> 0:48:54.759
<v Speaker 4>I would have I wish I could have looked this up, like,

0:48:54.840 --> 0:48:58.240
<v Speaker 4>you know, where does guilt come from? Is it because

0:48:59.640 --> 0:49:02.920
<v Speaker 4>you didn't do something else and now this is like

0:49:03.040 --> 0:49:06.880
<v Speaker 4>piling on? Is it because you just didn't have time?

0:49:07.400 --> 0:49:10.120
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. Is it because is it because subconscially

0:49:10.200 --> 0:49:12.279
<v Speaker 4>you don't even like this job and you hate that

0:49:12.360 --> 0:49:15.319
<v Speaker 4>you even have to do this, and so now it's

0:49:15.360 --> 0:49:17.560
<v Speaker 4>even causing you to not only do you hate the job,

0:49:17.600 --> 0:49:19.080
<v Speaker 4>but now it's causing you to not be there for

0:49:19.160 --> 0:49:22.040
<v Speaker 4>your kids, you know. So I think maybe that's the

0:49:22.160 --> 0:49:25.000
<v Speaker 4>bigger question. And I hope I'm not being too like

0:49:25.440 --> 0:49:28.200
<v Speaker 4>philosophical here, but it's just like, why do you feel

0:49:28.200 --> 0:49:30.360
<v Speaker 4>guilty about it? What is because?

0:49:30.680 --> 0:49:32.880
<v Speaker 2>I I don't know.

0:49:33.520 --> 0:49:37.799
<v Speaker 4>Again, that's not it's not my reality, but yeah, kind

0:49:37.840 --> 0:49:40.080
<v Speaker 4>of consider that. Why are you feeling how you feel?

0:49:40.120 --> 0:49:42.800
<v Speaker 4>Where is that guilt coming from? Is it your partner

0:49:43.280 --> 0:49:45.640
<v Speaker 4>that's making you feel shitty because you got to do this?

0:49:46.080 --> 0:49:47.879
<v Speaker 4>Because if that's the case, then you need to deal

0:49:47.960 --> 0:49:51.920
<v Speaker 4>with that, you know, is it just is it? Is

0:49:51.960 --> 0:49:55.400
<v Speaker 4>it guilt or is it you're just tired? Are you tired?

0:49:55.760 --> 0:49:59.000
<v Speaker 4>Do you need to take PTO? Are you tired of

0:49:59.040 --> 0:50:01.080
<v Speaker 4>your kids? I don't know. There there might be some

0:50:01.280 --> 0:50:03.840
<v Speaker 4>other things there that have to be thought through and

0:50:04.280 --> 0:50:07.120
<v Speaker 4>figured out. And if it is guilt, you know, maybe

0:50:07.160 --> 0:50:08.640
<v Speaker 4>it is just a matter of you know what, I

0:50:09.160 --> 0:50:12.440
<v Speaker 4>don't like this. I need to make a change, right,

0:50:12.600 --> 0:50:16.840
<v Speaker 4>I need to now do the uncomfortable thing so I

0:50:16.920 --> 0:50:19.480
<v Speaker 4>don't feel this anymore. But if you stay in that

0:50:19.680 --> 0:50:23.560
<v Speaker 4>same job, in that same position, and that same set up,

0:50:23.640 --> 0:50:26.680
<v Speaker 4>in that same daily schedule, You're gonna feel the guilt again.

0:50:26.800 --> 0:50:29.080
<v Speaker 4>So I would also say that, like, figure out what

0:50:29.200 --> 0:50:33.760
<v Speaker 4>it is and why and change immediately or make a plan.

0:50:33.680 --> 0:50:37.480
<v Speaker 2>To So I'm not a mom, but I spent like

0:50:37.600 --> 0:50:40.240
<v Speaker 2>two weeks with my best friend and my god kids,

0:50:40.440 --> 0:50:42.279
<v Speaker 2>and they're little, and I loved them to death, right,

0:50:42.320 --> 0:50:47.000
<v Speaker 2>I love them so two and one oh, okay, one

0:50:47.120 --> 0:50:53.320
<v Speaker 2>behind the other, right, And that shit never stops, Like Mama,

0:50:53.920 --> 0:50:58.399
<v Speaker 2>like she would finally get to bed and then six

0:50:58.480 --> 0:51:02.640
<v Speaker 2>in the morning, I hear songs, paying screaming, all kind

0:51:02.719 --> 0:51:07.400
<v Speaker 2>of shit happening. I'm like oh my god, if I

0:51:07.440 --> 0:51:10.920
<v Speaker 2>could do this and it just like it's done at

0:51:11.040 --> 0:51:14.239
<v Speaker 2>nine o'clock. And then it started getting right in the morning,

0:51:14.320 --> 0:51:17.399
<v Speaker 2>we're singing wheels on the bus and like I'm talking

0:51:17.440 --> 0:51:19.600
<v Speaker 2>about that's one of the songs. In the morning, we

0:51:19.880 --> 0:51:30.680
<v Speaker 2>had a freezing So motherhood is severely a full time

0:51:30.840 --> 0:51:36.560
<v Speaker 2>job in itself. I don't know if I'm capable of

0:51:36.760 --> 0:51:39.759
<v Speaker 2>juggling a full time career. So you said you had

0:51:39.800 --> 0:51:43.800
<v Speaker 2>a career, a husband, a podcast studio and the actual

0:51:43.920 --> 0:51:45.640
<v Speaker 2>podcast and three children.

0:51:46.239 --> 0:51:53.680
<v Speaker 4>Cracked on crack like girl, you know, because I do.

0:51:53.800 --> 0:51:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Be feeling like okay, So like my like trying to

0:51:58.719 --> 0:52:00.359
<v Speaker 1>wake up six o'clock in the morning, like I did

0:52:00.400 --> 0:52:01.960
<v Speaker 1>it this morning. I worked out. That's why I was

0:52:01.960 --> 0:52:03.719
<v Speaker 1>trying to get off the meeting earlier town like go

0:52:03.840 --> 0:52:05.960
<v Speaker 1>take a child before we got here, like I actually

0:52:06.040 --> 0:52:08.640
<v Speaker 1>got up and some Monday's Tuesday whatever, I'll pick a

0:52:08.719 --> 0:52:11.440
<v Speaker 1>day and I actually do all the things right. But

0:52:11.800 --> 0:52:13.560
<v Speaker 1>you gotta have a lot of discipline when you have

0:52:13.680 --> 0:52:15.520
<v Speaker 1>a kid. So like, God ain't giving me a kid

0:52:15.560 --> 0:52:17.080
<v Speaker 1>because did you not discipline?

0:52:17.600 --> 0:52:20.200
<v Speaker 2>Like, but you gotta be you can't bring the discipline

0:52:20.600 --> 0:52:23.800
<v Speaker 2>because I used to pray before she had that the

0:52:23.880 --> 0:52:27.200
<v Speaker 2>first baby. I'm like, god less her with the mind

0:52:27.280 --> 0:52:31.560
<v Speaker 2>of mother because she's such a squarel brad her like

0:52:31.719 --> 0:52:36.120
<v Speaker 2>being nobody's mama. But she's such amazing mom and so dedicated.

0:52:36.239 --> 0:52:39.360
<v Speaker 2>Like she surprised me. I'm like, you surprised me. I

0:52:39.400 --> 0:52:41.040
<v Speaker 2>didn't think. I thought I was gonna have to take

0:52:41.080 --> 0:52:44.920
<v Speaker 2>these babies from you, you know. But she's a great mom.

0:52:45.000 --> 0:52:47.600
<v Speaker 2>So sometimes I think that comes with becoming a mother.

0:52:48.840 --> 0:52:51.279
<v Speaker 1>It definitely does like nothing to prepare you for it,

0:52:51.400 --> 0:52:51.680
<v Speaker 1>for real.

0:52:52.400 --> 0:52:54.520
<v Speaker 4>Nothing. I was twenty three when I had our first kid.

0:52:54.640 --> 0:52:58.160
<v Speaker 4>Oh okay, I didn't know what the hell like the child,

0:52:58.280 --> 0:53:01.680
<v Speaker 4>couldn't didn't know nothing, and you know, you look at

0:53:01.760 --> 0:53:04.800
<v Speaker 4>him now, obviously we knew enough and it just comes

0:53:04.840 --> 0:53:07.440
<v Speaker 4>to you prayerly, right.

0:53:08.920 --> 0:53:11.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because I didn't get up to what nine today?

0:53:12.160 --> 0:53:15.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like you can't do that with a kid. Yeah,

0:53:15.960 --> 0:53:19.840
<v Speaker 1>you can't sleep in no more like some some kids

0:53:19.880 --> 0:53:23.239
<v Speaker 1>don't sleep high matenance babies, Hey, your ass up all night?

0:53:24.800 --> 0:53:25.040
<v Speaker 1>I could.

0:53:25.200 --> 0:53:28.759
<v Speaker 4>That was our baby. He was were the premature one.

0:53:28.800 --> 0:53:31.200
<v Speaker 4>I hate to really, you know, refer to him as that,

0:53:31.400 --> 0:53:34.160
<v Speaker 4>but it's like we were like, damn, nigga, can you

0:53:34.280 --> 0:53:36.239
<v Speaker 4>breathe because he would be like he would just be

0:53:36.400 --> 0:53:38.439
<v Speaker 4>weird every time you went to sleep, and it would

0:53:38.440 --> 0:53:42.600
<v Speaker 4>be like, yo, I'm tired, like waddle and go to sleep.

0:53:43.800 --> 0:53:45.759
<v Speaker 4>But yeah, and that's the other thing, Like every kid

0:53:45.880 --> 0:53:47.640
<v Speaker 4>is different. So even if you have one and you

0:53:47.880 --> 0:53:50.520
<v Speaker 4>like you got it, you got your system, bam bam band,

0:53:51.040 --> 0:53:52.640
<v Speaker 4>you throw the other one in the mix and it's

0:53:52.680 --> 0:53:58.200
<v Speaker 4>a totally different human experience. Like, so you gotta really

0:53:58.239 --> 0:54:02.279
<v Speaker 4>you're literally starting from scratch. Yeah, you know, I'm I

0:54:02.320 --> 0:54:07.120
<v Speaker 4>think I'm a Parenthood takes discipline absolutely because not only

0:54:07.239 --> 0:54:09.759
<v Speaker 4>do you have to be disciplined within yourself, you got

0:54:09.880 --> 0:54:13.799
<v Speaker 4>to discipline these kids. I think some of this put

0:54:13.880 --> 0:54:17.680
<v Speaker 4>yourself first, and I think some of this this feeling

0:54:17.800 --> 0:54:20.560
<v Speaker 4>of you know, being a parent and not being able

0:54:20.640 --> 0:54:24.000
<v Speaker 4>to be yourself or pouring to you, it's because you've

0:54:24.000 --> 0:54:26.400
<v Speaker 4>got to Not only do you have to pay attention

0:54:26.520 --> 0:54:30.719
<v Speaker 4>to your kids and discipline them and you know, take

0:54:30.760 --> 0:54:33.200
<v Speaker 4>care of them and nurture them, but you got some

0:54:33.320 --> 0:54:36.480
<v Speaker 4>of these kids who are running the household, right, so

0:54:37.360 --> 0:54:42.160
<v Speaker 4>you can't you dang sure can't live your best when

0:54:42.200 --> 0:54:45.440
<v Speaker 4>you have a child who is telling you what to do,

0:54:45.920 --> 0:54:48.440
<v Speaker 4>and like I said, running the household. So that's a

0:54:48.480 --> 0:54:52.200
<v Speaker 4>whole nother that might be all another conversation like I'm

0:54:52.280 --> 0:54:56.320
<v Speaker 4>the adult here, not you, right, like, this is my home,

0:54:56.960 --> 0:54:59.719
<v Speaker 4>and you have to do even as a baby, a

0:54:59.760 --> 0:55:01.520
<v Speaker 4>one year old, a two year old, whatever the age,

0:55:01.680 --> 0:55:04.160
<v Speaker 4>you have to Parents have to set the tone for

0:55:04.320 --> 0:55:07.080
<v Speaker 4>their children, not the other way around. And I think

0:55:07.120 --> 0:55:09.000
<v Speaker 4>as time goes on, you know, we're in twenty twenty

0:55:09.040 --> 0:55:10.960
<v Speaker 4>four and I'm somebody.

0:55:10.760 --> 0:55:12.600
<v Speaker 1>With gentle stuff.

0:55:12.760 --> 0:55:15.560
<v Speaker 4>Thank you, the gentle parenting, right Like, wait, wait a

0:55:15.640 --> 0:55:18.719
<v Speaker 4>minute now, gentle you so gentle your parenting is so

0:55:18.840 --> 0:55:22.160
<v Speaker 4>gentle that you are literally losing your mind. You know

0:55:22.200 --> 0:55:24.120
<v Speaker 4>what I'm saying, Like that, don't that? Ain't that don't

0:55:24.160 --> 0:55:27.480
<v Speaker 4>add up at all? Not to me anyway, I.

0:55:27.520 --> 0:55:28.040
<v Speaker 1>Think I would.

0:55:28.239 --> 0:55:29.719
<v Speaker 2>How about shanking kids.

0:55:31.160 --> 0:55:34.080
<v Speaker 4>I'm not opposed to it. I think there's a line

0:55:34.200 --> 0:55:37.680
<v Speaker 4>to abuse. I've never had to No, I've had to pop.

0:55:37.800 --> 0:55:43.799
<v Speaker 4>I've had to pop maybe once or twice. Yeah, I'm listen.

0:55:43.840 --> 0:55:45.600
<v Speaker 4>If that's how you have to discipline your child, that's

0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:46.719
<v Speaker 4>how you got disciplined child.

0:55:47.239 --> 0:55:48.759
<v Speaker 2>You know, I used to think that I would be

0:55:48.840 --> 0:55:51.120
<v Speaker 2>a mom, like I'm a double backslap of baby to

0:55:51.200 --> 0:55:54.120
<v Speaker 2>talk back to me right. But once my sister had

0:55:54.239 --> 0:55:56.600
<v Speaker 2>kids and I would watch my niece. If they misbehave

0:55:56.680 --> 0:56:00.279
<v Speaker 2>and I did a little pop, I would cry. I'm like,

0:56:02.440 --> 0:56:04.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, like so I know that I'm softer than

0:56:04.600 --> 0:56:06.719
<v Speaker 2>I think in my head, like they would run all

0:56:06.800 --> 0:56:07.719
<v Speaker 2>over me already. Know.

0:56:08.120 --> 0:56:11.680
<v Speaker 4>Some kids don't some people don't like everybody. It takes

0:56:11.880 --> 0:56:14.759
<v Speaker 4>different things to everybody to change and learn. So you

0:56:14.880 --> 0:56:17.080
<v Speaker 4>got one child who you can This is me and

0:56:17.160 --> 0:56:20.600
<v Speaker 4>my sister. We're fifteen years apart. I had two pops

0:56:20.640 --> 0:56:22.440
<v Speaker 4>as a child, one when I was like four and

0:56:22.520 --> 0:56:24.640
<v Speaker 4>the other one I was sixteen. My mom slapped me

0:56:24.640 --> 0:56:26.239
<v Speaker 4>across the face because I snuck out to go to

0:56:26.320 --> 0:56:27.000
<v Speaker 4>my boyfriend house.

0:56:27.600 --> 0:56:28.120
<v Speaker 2>That was it.

0:56:28.640 --> 0:56:32.680
<v Speaker 4>Nobody ever had to discipline me ever again because that

0:56:32.840 --> 0:56:33.919
<v Speaker 4>part two they never knew.

0:56:34.120 --> 0:56:34.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:56:35.080 --> 0:56:39.640
<v Speaker 4>My sister, on the other hand, no, I mean every

0:56:39.800 --> 0:56:43.320
<v Speaker 4>week since it's getting beat and did not care and

0:56:43.760 --> 0:56:48.640
<v Speaker 4>the house, same parents came. You gotta know how to anone.

0:56:49.040 --> 0:56:51.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there's always one.

0:56:52.280 --> 0:56:54.440
<v Speaker 4>She's still off the chain too, bless her heart. I

0:56:54.480 --> 0:56:54.960
<v Speaker 4>love her though.

0:57:03.480 --> 0:57:09.040
<v Speaker 1>Aside from the the seven day Challenge, the mom caation magic.

0:57:09.440 --> 0:57:12.080
<v Speaker 1>So you help people plan these solocations?

0:57:12.800 --> 0:57:15.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, so it's an ebook. It's Momcation Magic, and

0:57:15.520 --> 0:57:18.600
<v Speaker 4>it's literally from start to finish like Okay, you need

0:57:18.720 --> 0:57:21.880
<v Speaker 4>to get away, you don't know how. So it gives

0:57:21.920 --> 0:57:26.120
<v Speaker 4>you like places you can go visit. It's a whole

0:57:26.320 --> 0:57:29.120
<v Speaker 4>like three like different packing list. I've even put a

0:57:29.600 --> 0:57:32.720
<v Speaker 4>template of a letter in there, a script that you

0:57:32.840 --> 0:57:36.680
<v Speaker 4>can read to your partner or your community member. No,

0:57:36.840 --> 0:57:39.640
<v Speaker 4>I'm for real, y'all, Like if you just are really

0:57:39.760 --> 0:57:43.200
<v Speaker 4>scared to ask or to bring this up, get this

0:57:43.560 --> 0:57:47.240
<v Speaker 4>mom Caation Magic and literally read it or copy and

0:57:47.320 --> 0:57:51.680
<v Speaker 4>paste it. Cause I understand there's barriers there. It's levels

0:57:51.720 --> 0:57:53.920
<v Speaker 4>to this, and we're all on different stages of this

0:57:54.040 --> 0:57:57.040
<v Speaker 4>motherhood thing, of this self care thing. Take momhood aside,

0:57:57.120 --> 0:57:59.680
<v Speaker 4>like you gotta, we all have to be putting ourselves first.

0:58:00.440 --> 0:58:03.520
<v Speaker 4>So yeah, the ebook literally is a just a tool

0:58:04.040 --> 0:58:07.240
<v Speaker 4>to help you. It has like quotes in there about

0:58:07.320 --> 0:58:10.120
<v Speaker 4>self care. It's pictures of me on my various trips

0:58:10.160 --> 0:58:12.320
<v Speaker 4>to hopefully inspire you to take one or two like

0:58:13.280 --> 0:58:16.800
<v Speaker 4>just a resource, you know, pdf downloaded and hopefully hopefully

0:58:16.880 --> 0:58:20.560
<v Speaker 4>it helps. Like everything I do is it's really just

0:58:20.680 --> 0:58:23.880
<v Speaker 4>to I can't talk to everybody, like I cannot sit

0:58:24.000 --> 0:58:26.600
<v Speaker 4>there and everybody DM. So you just go on a

0:58:26.680 --> 0:58:29.400
<v Speaker 4>trip by yourself? How you do that? Can't do that

0:58:29.560 --> 0:58:31.600
<v Speaker 4>toa I cannot have this conversation with all of y'all.

0:58:32.240 --> 0:58:34.600
<v Speaker 4>But I promise you you get that mom mom Cation

0:58:34.800 --> 0:58:38.520
<v Speaker 4>Magic ebook, you'll you'll be on your way.

0:58:39.520 --> 0:58:40.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I like that.

0:58:40.640 --> 0:58:43.000
<v Speaker 1>I just don't know how my because no kids involved.

0:58:43.040 --> 0:58:44.600
<v Speaker 1>He has kids that I don't. But I just don't

0:58:44.600 --> 0:58:47.400
<v Speaker 1>know how a conversation. I can have a conversation because

0:58:47.400 --> 0:58:49.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm always say what I want. There's that part. So

0:58:49.920 --> 0:58:52.400
<v Speaker 1>if I say, hey, dude, I'm about to go on

0:58:52.520 --> 0:58:56.280
<v Speaker 1>vacation for five days by myself, he would have a fit.

0:58:57.280 --> 0:58:57.600
<v Speaker 4>Hmmm.

0:58:59.160 --> 0:59:00.120
<v Speaker 1>I believe he would have.

0:59:00.640 --> 0:59:01.600
<v Speaker 2>It hasn't happened yet.

0:59:01.600 --> 0:59:02.440
<v Speaker 1>I haven't asked him.

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:03.120
<v Speaker 4>You don't know.

0:59:03.320 --> 0:59:05.640
<v Speaker 1>But even just me going on vacation, like without him

0:59:05.720 --> 0:59:13.640
<v Speaker 1>with other people, he don't like that. Yeah, they're gonna

0:59:13.680 --> 0:59:17.080
<v Speaker 1>automatically imagine you being on one of those canoes in Jamaica,

0:59:17.160 --> 0:59:22.919
<v Speaker 1>like the most be automatically.

0:59:23.320 --> 0:59:26.320
<v Speaker 2>Hey, hey, I don't want to their canoes. I'm not

0:59:26.400 --> 0:59:26.760
<v Speaker 2>a hope.

0:59:27.320 --> 0:59:34.480
<v Speaker 4>That's why I'm going next though, Vocation. I don't know.

0:59:37.800 --> 0:59:39.680
<v Speaker 1>That's another book I might write that one.

0:59:42.360 --> 0:59:43.760
<v Speaker 2>See that's why he don't want you to know.

0:59:44.080 --> 0:59:48.440
<v Speaker 1>That's why I never smashed no random dick on vacation ever. Okay,

0:59:48.560 --> 0:59:51.320
<v Speaker 1>he ain't got to worry about that ship a local nigga,

0:59:51.360 --> 0:59:56.840
<v Speaker 1>but he could be no random I'm just playing his jokes.

1:00:00.720 --> 1:00:06.360
<v Speaker 4>He might go crazy, but he might not.

1:00:06.840 --> 1:00:08.000
<v Speaker 2>It's so what do I do?

1:00:08.240 --> 1:00:10.520
<v Speaker 1>So if he goes crazy? What do I just still go?

1:00:10.760 --> 1:00:10.920
<v Speaker 2>Though?

1:00:12.560 --> 1:00:14.600
<v Speaker 4>I think you I think y'all need to talk about

1:00:14.600 --> 1:00:16.600
<v Speaker 4>it a little bit more. I think it's okay. I

1:00:16.640 --> 1:00:19.520
<v Speaker 4>think in these kind of situations, it's not a hey,

1:00:19.680 --> 1:00:23.320
<v Speaker 4>I'm going on the trip boom. It's hey, babe, let's

1:00:23.560 --> 1:00:25.680
<v Speaker 4>y'all maybe at dinner, what do you think about? And

1:00:25.760 --> 1:00:27.600
<v Speaker 4>you might already know the answer, but let's just start

1:00:27.600 --> 1:00:30.000
<v Speaker 4>to have a conversation, you know what. I need some

1:00:30.120 --> 1:00:33.760
<v Speaker 4>time to myself. Busy things are rough, Like I'm tired.

1:00:33.840 --> 1:00:36.640
<v Speaker 4>I just need to get away thinking about doing this.

1:00:36.840 --> 1:00:37.480
<v Speaker 4>What do you think?

1:00:38.680 --> 1:00:38.840
<v Speaker 2>You know?

1:00:38.880 --> 1:00:41.120
<v Speaker 4>Are you cool with me? Because I started, I didn't

1:00:41.120 --> 1:00:44.120
<v Speaker 4>start going out of town. I started doing staycations. So

1:00:44.200 --> 1:00:45.600
<v Speaker 4>I would go to like and I still do this.

1:00:45.760 --> 1:00:47.240
<v Speaker 4>Like I would just find a cute little hotel in

1:00:47.320 --> 1:00:50.280
<v Speaker 4>DC and stay there from Friday to Sunday night. You

1:00:50.360 --> 1:00:54.120
<v Speaker 4>know what I'm saying, like a little staycation, don't text me,

1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:56.439
<v Speaker 4>don't bother me, this is my time.

1:00:57.360 --> 1:00:59.120
<v Speaker 1>That's an understanding that I don't know if I have

1:00:59.120 --> 1:01:01.440
<v Speaker 1>ever been with anybody like them niggas to be stalking me.

1:01:02.480 --> 1:01:04.400
<v Speaker 1>But this is yeah, this is for some moms. I

1:01:04.440 --> 1:01:07.080
<v Speaker 1>guess who, like they get your ebook.

1:01:07.440 --> 1:01:09.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, give them the script, right, yep? Yeah.

1:01:09.960 --> 1:01:13.000
<v Speaker 1>But then the person the recipient of the script is

1:01:13.120 --> 1:01:14.360
<v Speaker 1>like that, are you nuts?

1:01:15.200 --> 1:01:18.480
<v Speaker 4>And so this next I don't want to break up home,

1:01:18.640 --> 1:01:23.160
<v Speaker 4>but you have to put yourself first, right because if

1:01:23.160 --> 1:01:25.320
<v Speaker 4>it's the it might not be the trip. It might

1:01:25.400 --> 1:01:29.440
<v Speaker 4>be going to the gym, it might be who knows,

1:01:30.760 --> 1:01:32.720
<v Speaker 4>it might be not going grocery shop. And it's saying,

1:01:32.720 --> 1:01:34.600
<v Speaker 4>you know what, you can do this. I don't need

1:01:34.680 --> 1:01:38.280
<v Speaker 4>to do this. Somebody gotta empower, Like someone has to

1:01:38.360 --> 1:01:42.640
<v Speaker 4>be empowered to break Here's listen here. If your situation

1:01:42.800 --> 1:01:45.600
<v Speaker 4>is working for you, keep doing it. But if your

1:01:45.680 --> 1:01:49.760
<v Speaker 4>situation is breaking you down and you are not who

1:01:49.840 --> 1:01:52.200
<v Speaker 4>you want to be and you are very unhappy with

1:01:52.360 --> 1:01:55.480
<v Speaker 4>your life or just the situation, then there has to

1:01:55.640 --> 1:01:59.680
<v Speaker 4>be drastic changes. And I've had so many and I

1:01:59.760 --> 1:02:04.720
<v Speaker 4>still have them uncomfortable conversations with my husband about I

1:02:04.800 --> 1:02:07.160
<v Speaker 4>don't like this, Why am I only doing this? Da

1:02:07.240 --> 1:02:09.960
<v Speaker 4>da da da da. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it doesn't.

1:02:10.440 --> 1:02:14.080
<v Speaker 4>But like if you're with if your partner, I think

1:02:14.120 --> 1:02:17.200
<v Speaker 4>there's some real good questions here. Why are you uncomfortable

1:02:17.280 --> 1:02:20.840
<v Speaker 4>with me being by myself for three days? Why does

1:02:20.920 --> 1:02:24.320
<v Speaker 4>that give you pause? Because like I need to understand

1:02:24.760 --> 1:02:27.960
<v Speaker 4>why do you feel this way? And depending on the answer,

1:02:28.360 --> 1:02:32.760
<v Speaker 4>that's the conversation. I'm also my husband is take you

1:02:32.880 --> 1:02:35.600
<v Speaker 4>want to go on a trip, go ahead? Like I'm

1:02:35.640 --> 1:02:38.640
<v Speaker 4>also yeah, like I if I can do something, then

1:02:38.640 --> 1:02:40.320
<v Speaker 4>you should be able to do it too. But like

1:02:41.240 --> 1:02:43.800
<v Speaker 4>I am not trying to break up happy homes. But

1:02:44.240 --> 1:02:46.840
<v Speaker 4>if you are in a position where you, like I said,

1:02:46.880 --> 1:02:51.600
<v Speaker 4>are just really drowning, that's the word. You're drowning. You

1:02:51.760 --> 1:02:54.920
<v Speaker 4>are defeated and you don't even remember what it feels

1:02:55.000 --> 1:03:00.080
<v Speaker 4>like to be by yourself. Something needs to change. And

1:03:00.160 --> 1:03:03.200
<v Speaker 4>if your partner loves you and wants you to be

1:03:03.360 --> 1:03:06.800
<v Speaker 4>your best for the family and for yourself, if they're

1:03:07.000 --> 1:03:10.280
<v Speaker 4>going so far off the deep end for something like this,

1:03:10.800 --> 1:03:13.960
<v Speaker 4>then there's some bigger issues there. I don't know what

1:03:14.000 --> 1:03:17.480
<v Speaker 4>those bigger issues are. But that's that's what that seems.

1:03:17.800 --> 1:03:18.680
<v Speaker 4>That's a little off to me.

1:03:19.800 --> 1:03:21.959
<v Speaker 2>Also asking why you got his dick in your hand,

1:03:22.040 --> 1:03:28.439
<v Speaker 2>because I heard no right there.

1:03:28.640 --> 1:03:31.040
<v Speaker 4>I think you just do it like that's.

1:03:32.760 --> 1:03:35.480
<v Speaker 1>Like he's not about to be irate. I know shit

1:03:35.560 --> 1:03:37.840
<v Speaker 1>like that. But I don't like to have continuous conversations

1:03:37.880 --> 1:03:40.120
<v Speaker 1>about the same shit. So now I got to keep

1:03:40.200 --> 1:03:42.200
<v Speaker 1>explaining why this is good for me. And I'm not

1:03:42.320 --> 1:03:44.560
<v Speaker 1>really just talking about me. I'm just talking about women

1:03:44.600 --> 1:03:49.200
<v Speaker 1>who may be in these situations with children right and

1:03:49.360 --> 1:03:52.160
<v Speaker 1>just needing a break. I saw this TikTok once in

1:03:52.200 --> 1:03:54.600
<v Speaker 1>this White Lady. She was like, you know, it really

1:03:54.680 --> 1:03:57.360
<v Speaker 1>doesn't matter how much you love your husband and your boyfriend,

1:03:57.360 --> 1:04:00.600
<v Speaker 1>your significant other, if y'all live together. It's just something

1:04:00.680 --> 1:04:03.760
<v Speaker 1>about it when they're not home that feels so good.

1:04:04.640 --> 1:04:08.360
<v Speaker 1>That is a real thing. Like I really breathe easy

1:04:09.000 --> 1:04:12.240
<v Speaker 1>when I'm by myself, and he really does nothing to

1:04:12.440 --> 1:04:16.600
<v Speaker 1>me at all. It's just the the energy energy of

1:04:16.720 --> 1:04:19.160
<v Speaker 1>another person. I know it might be some Gemini shit,

1:04:19.720 --> 1:04:22.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I don't know what it is, but

1:04:23.560 --> 1:04:26.040
<v Speaker 1>he's a Gemini too. But I need to be I

1:04:26.160 --> 1:04:30.000
<v Speaker 1>need alone time space. I need space. So I do

1:04:30.360 --> 1:04:32.160
<v Speaker 1>like being by myself a lot.

1:04:33.680 --> 1:04:39.960
<v Speaker 4>I think that solo time also, you know, I love

1:04:40.080 --> 1:04:42.840
<v Speaker 4>I like being by myself a lot too because I

1:04:42.960 --> 1:04:46.080
<v Speaker 4>really like myself that part. Right, So when you got

1:04:46.240 --> 1:04:50.280
<v Speaker 4>to be in a space away by yourself and all

1:04:50.360 --> 1:04:53.800
<v Speaker 4>you have is you to laugh at, to go through

1:04:53.840 --> 1:04:57.080
<v Speaker 4>the things, to you know, get drunk, like you gotta

1:04:57.120 --> 1:04:59.040
<v Speaker 4>really fuck with yourself. You gotta know you can walk

1:04:59.080 --> 1:05:01.320
<v Speaker 4>into a room and meet pe people and have a ball,

1:05:01.560 --> 1:05:04.400
<v Speaker 4>or it's be sitting in your hotel room and have

1:05:04.520 --> 1:05:07.959
<v Speaker 4>a ball. And that's that's a you know, I wish

1:05:08.040 --> 1:05:09.520
<v Speaker 4>that for a lot of people. I think the pandemic

1:05:09.600 --> 1:05:11.640
<v Speaker 4>showed a lot of people that they really didn't like

1:05:11.760 --> 1:05:13.520
<v Speaker 4>themselves and for their partner.

1:05:13.640 --> 1:05:18.000
<v Speaker 1>Nurse that part because I definitely grow up during the pandemic. Yeah,

1:05:18.040 --> 1:05:21.080
<v Speaker 1>a couple months in a quiet.

1:05:20.840 --> 1:05:23.560
<v Speaker 4>Time, that alone time is gonna tell to tell every time.

1:05:23.920 --> 1:05:25.640
<v Speaker 4>And that's why I think it's so important because when

1:05:25.680 --> 1:05:27.520
<v Speaker 4>you have all the kids and all the things, you

1:05:27.640 --> 1:05:30.280
<v Speaker 4>don't have that, so you don't know who you are, right.

1:05:30.360 --> 1:05:32.480
<v Speaker 4>It all kind of goes back to this whole thing,

1:05:32.760 --> 1:05:34.959
<v Speaker 4>like when you're not able to focus on you because

1:05:35.000 --> 1:05:38.600
<v Speaker 4>you're focusing on them. Then you're just not you don't

1:05:38.640 --> 1:05:40.800
<v Speaker 4>know who you are. And then you just keep going

1:05:40.840 --> 1:05:42.919
<v Speaker 4>and twenty years down the line when you talk about

1:05:42.960 --> 1:05:46.360
<v Speaker 4>this when you're kids, not even twenty years. My daughter,

1:05:46.440 --> 1:05:49.320
<v Speaker 4>our middle child, is seven years old, and Sis goes

1:05:49.400 --> 1:05:51.800
<v Speaker 4>down in that basement. She's a tween. She turns on,

1:05:52.720 --> 1:05:54.840
<v Speaker 4>she watched her TV. She'd be laughing, and when I

1:05:54.960 --> 1:05:57.600
<v Speaker 4>come downstairs, it's like, hey, Parker, how are you? She

1:05:57.760 --> 1:06:03.920
<v Speaker 4>comes back upstairs. I said, so. It ain't when they

1:06:04.000 --> 1:06:06.440
<v Speaker 4>turned eighteen. It is when they seven and eight, when

1:06:06.480 --> 1:06:08.880
<v Speaker 4>they are moving on and finding their own lives and

1:06:08.960 --> 1:06:11.880
<v Speaker 4>their own things. And as the mom or the dad

1:06:12.040 --> 1:06:14.680
<v Speaker 4>or the whatever who didn't have a thing for themselves,

1:06:15.280 --> 1:06:18.240
<v Speaker 4>you just sitting there looking crazy.

1:06:18.520 --> 1:06:22.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm a client. Well she's not my client anymore, but

1:06:22.520 --> 1:06:27.040
<v Speaker 2>it was a client that she like was so involved

1:06:27.080 --> 1:06:29.600
<v Speaker 2>in her son's life. She just obviously wanted the best

1:06:29.640 --> 1:06:31.960
<v Speaker 2>for her child, whichever mother wants for the most part.

1:06:32.600 --> 1:06:35.320
<v Speaker 2>But he went off, she like smothered him, you know.

1:06:35.480 --> 1:06:37.960
<v Speaker 2>So when he went off to college, he wouldn't want

1:06:37.960 --> 1:06:39.640
<v Speaker 2>to come home for spring break. He wanted to go

1:06:39.720 --> 1:06:41.840
<v Speaker 2>off with his friends and do stuff. And it like

1:06:42.080 --> 1:06:44.560
<v Speaker 2>devastated her, and like she would like pick fights with

1:06:44.720 --> 1:06:47.360
<v Speaker 2>him about it, and like she ended up having to

1:06:47.400 --> 1:06:50.680
<v Speaker 2>go to therapy about it because she was so attached

1:06:50.720 --> 1:06:53.080
<v Speaker 2>to this child like her, that child had become her

1:06:53.200 --> 1:06:56.240
<v Speaker 2>whole existence. So when he went off to be an

1:06:56.240 --> 1:06:59.120
<v Speaker 2>adult male, she didn't know what to do with herself.

1:06:59.440 --> 1:07:01.120
<v Speaker 2>And she was it's like hurt by the fact that

1:07:01.240 --> 1:07:02.640
<v Speaker 2>he wanted to have his own life.

1:07:03.160 --> 1:07:05.000
<v Speaker 1>Did she have anybody? Was she single?

1:07:05.760 --> 1:07:10.160
<v Speaker 2>She just devoted her entire astance to being this boy's mom,

1:07:10.480 --> 1:07:13.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, which is okay. I mean I get it.

1:07:13.120 --> 1:07:14.520
<v Speaker 2>You want to be a good mom, you want to

1:07:14.560 --> 1:07:16.560
<v Speaker 2>be the best mom, but you got to have a

1:07:16.640 --> 1:07:17.680
<v Speaker 2>life too, baby.

1:07:17.560 --> 1:07:20.400
<v Speaker 4>Got to And how how dope is it when your

1:07:20.520 --> 1:07:24.240
<v Speaker 4>kids see that you love yourself? You know I'm saying,

1:07:24.360 --> 1:07:27.440
<v Speaker 4>like they see it and they notice it. Like my

1:07:28.320 --> 1:07:29.760
<v Speaker 4>when I'll get I'll get up, you know, the five

1:07:29.920 --> 1:07:31.800
<v Speaker 4>thirty and I'll come back in the house around seven,

1:07:31.880 --> 1:07:33.560
<v Speaker 4>and the old the baby is be up. He just

1:07:33.640 --> 1:07:36.680
<v Speaker 4>be up and he will greet me at the door

1:07:36.920 --> 1:07:39.880
<v Speaker 4>and he's like, hey, mom, how is the gem? Did

1:07:39.960 --> 1:07:42.640
<v Speaker 4>you have a good workout? So it's at this point

1:07:42.680 --> 1:07:45.640
<v Speaker 4>it's embedded in our family that mom has to do

1:07:45.840 --> 1:07:48.760
<v Speaker 4>what she needs to do for herself. And now we're like,

1:07:48.960 --> 1:07:50.680
<v Speaker 4>they want to work out too, you know what I'm saying.

1:07:50.720 --> 1:07:54.440
<v Speaker 4>So when your kids see that you love you and

1:07:54.640 --> 1:07:56.960
<v Speaker 4>you care about you, and when they also see that

1:07:57.240 --> 1:08:00.400
<v Speaker 4>your world don't revolve around them, not you know, one

1:08:00.480 --> 1:08:02.680
<v Speaker 4>hundred percent of the time, then I believe that they're

1:08:02.760 --> 1:08:06.200
<v Speaker 4>they operate a little differently, right because they say, Mommy

1:08:06.280 --> 1:08:11.000
<v Speaker 4>loves herself, Mommy, mommy gonna do. Mommy's fine, Mommy's Mommy's fine,

1:08:11.480 --> 1:08:15.120
<v Speaker 4>you know, Mommy's happy. And I think it when you

1:08:15.200 --> 1:08:17.600
<v Speaker 4>look at it from that perspectives, that's the other thing

1:08:17.720 --> 1:08:21.000
<v Speaker 4>I think Mom's missed because we just assume, not all

1:08:21.080 --> 1:08:24.240
<v Speaker 4>of us. It's very easy to assume that we have

1:08:24.439 --> 1:08:27.160
<v Speaker 4>to do everything. That's a little bit of ego. No

1:08:27.240 --> 1:08:30.599
<v Speaker 4>one can replace me, and no one can replace the mom, right,

1:08:30.680 --> 1:08:33.840
<v Speaker 4>but no one can do this. Dad can't wash the clothes,

1:08:33.960 --> 1:08:36.080
<v Speaker 4>Dad can't do this, You can't do that. Only I

1:08:36.240 --> 1:08:38.200
<v Speaker 4>can do this because I'm the mom and da da

1:08:38.280 --> 1:08:39.720
<v Speaker 4>da da da da dah dah. And it's like, girl,

1:08:39.840 --> 1:08:43.080
<v Speaker 4>remove your ego, because what you need to what we

1:08:43.200 --> 1:08:47.240
<v Speaker 4>should do is build community around our children. So that

1:08:48.000 --> 1:08:50.599
<v Speaker 4>they know that they got ten people that gonna look

1:08:50.680 --> 1:08:53.720
<v Speaker 4>up after them and not just that one person. You know,

1:08:55.479 --> 1:08:58.120
<v Speaker 4>we're not gonna be here forever. You don't want to

1:08:58.200 --> 1:09:00.920
<v Speaker 4>raise a child can't live without you.

1:09:01.280 --> 1:09:02.960
<v Speaker 2>Because they're gonna have to.

1:09:03.360 --> 1:09:05.040
<v Speaker 4>That's the one thing that we know gonna happen.

1:09:05.200 --> 1:09:09.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, I have a friend who I mean,

1:09:09.760 --> 1:09:15.320
<v Speaker 1>she pretty pretty privileged for the friends, and both of them,

1:09:15.560 --> 1:09:18.360
<v Speaker 1>husband and wife, are my friends. But he didn't because

1:09:18.360 --> 1:09:20.920
<v Speaker 1>she's at home mom, right, and she just does all

1:09:21.000 --> 1:09:23.599
<v Speaker 1>the after school shit and they did have a nanny

1:09:23.680 --> 1:09:25.360
<v Speaker 1>do having a nanny and things like that. He just

1:09:25.400 --> 1:09:28.720
<v Speaker 1>thought her life was so easy until COVID hit and

1:09:28.800 --> 1:09:30.800
<v Speaker 1>he actually had to be home with the kids to see,

1:09:30.920 --> 1:09:33.479
<v Speaker 1>like when he wakes up five o'clock in the morning,

1:09:33.520 --> 1:09:35.760
<v Speaker 1>three o'clock whatever, like that's when her day starts too,

1:09:36.240 --> 1:09:37.960
<v Speaker 1>and they go to bed at the same time. So

1:09:38.120 --> 1:09:42.320
<v Speaker 1>really like she's working double damn near having to deal

1:09:42.400 --> 1:09:47.040
<v Speaker 1>with four kids and help. But he didn't realize it

1:09:47.160 --> 1:09:49.599
<v Speaker 1>until COVID when he was in the house to actually

1:09:49.680 --> 1:09:50.880
<v Speaker 1>see all the moving parts.

1:09:52.320 --> 1:09:55.759
<v Speaker 4>If these our partners would not be able to afford

1:09:55.880 --> 1:09:58.360
<v Speaker 4>And I tell my husband this too, I said, sweetheart,

1:09:58.439 --> 1:10:00.640
<v Speaker 4>if I charge you for the work that I do,

1:10:01.479 --> 1:10:04.439
<v Speaker 4>this invisible labor, you wouldn't be able to afford me.

1:10:04.880 --> 1:10:07.479
<v Speaker 4>Like I was a stay at home mom for two

1:10:07.560 --> 1:10:10.479
<v Speaker 4>years with the with the babies, and I was ready

1:10:10.520 --> 1:10:12.320
<v Speaker 4>to go back to work. I was like, Okay, I

1:10:12.400 --> 1:10:14.599
<v Speaker 4>don't this too much. I've been with y'all for two years.

1:10:14.640 --> 1:10:17.839
<v Speaker 4>Like it's a lot, a lot, and they just assume

1:10:18.400 --> 1:10:21.839
<v Speaker 4>because you don't have to physically get dressed and go somewhere.

1:10:22.880 --> 1:10:25.000
<v Speaker 4>But from you know, for me, going getting up and

1:10:25.600 --> 1:10:28.200
<v Speaker 4>even just working with people, that's a release. That's like

1:10:28.320 --> 1:10:30.519
<v Speaker 4>talking to adults. You know what I'm saying. You in

1:10:30.600 --> 1:10:35.120
<v Speaker 4>a house with kids, children that at this point are

1:10:35.240 --> 1:10:39.439
<v Speaker 4>not adding any like intellectual value to your life. They

1:10:39.479 --> 1:10:42.920
<v Speaker 4>are literally things that you have to physically take care

1:10:42.960 --> 1:10:46.519
<v Speaker 4>of from start to finish, the most draining thing you'll

1:10:46.560 --> 1:10:49.280
<v Speaker 4>ever have to imagine. But they don't see it until

1:10:49.320 --> 1:10:51.240
<v Speaker 4>they have to do it, which is another reason why

1:10:51.280 --> 1:10:53.080
<v Speaker 4>you should get up out of there so that they

1:10:53.120 --> 1:10:57.040
<v Speaker 4>can see what it actually takes. You understand, I'm saying, like, girl,

1:10:57.400 --> 1:10:59.759
<v Speaker 4>he might need to see what these with these jokes

1:10:59.760 --> 1:11:02.400
<v Speaker 4>really take, you know, because he don't get it. They

1:11:02.439 --> 1:11:05.479
<v Speaker 4>don't get it, whoever the gender is. But when I

1:11:05.560 --> 1:11:09.400
<v Speaker 4>got back this past my husband looked tired. He slept

1:11:09.439 --> 1:11:12.679
<v Speaker 4>for like two days after. When I got back last week, Yeah,

1:11:12.800 --> 1:11:15.360
<v Speaker 4>baby was tired. And we even when we was out

1:11:15.400 --> 1:11:19.280
<v Speaker 4>with some of our friends yesterday and the husband was

1:11:19.320 --> 1:11:20.640
<v Speaker 4>just like, you know, you cool with her going to

1:11:20.720 --> 1:11:22.760
<v Speaker 4>d D. Long story short, he was like yeah, But

1:11:22.800 --> 1:11:25.240
<v Speaker 4>when she got back, I was just like this too much.

1:11:25.840 --> 1:11:27.559
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, yeah, you saw all the things

1:11:27.600 --> 1:11:31.040
<v Speaker 4>that I do, but you see what I do every day.

1:11:31.280 --> 1:11:33.880
<v Speaker 4>But he also sees what I do every day, you know,

1:11:34.000 --> 1:11:35.439
<v Speaker 4>like you see me making the things.

1:11:35.320 --> 1:11:36.639
<v Speaker 2>But you make it look.

1:11:38.000 --> 1:11:41.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like they don't realize you just never know that

1:11:41.520 --> 1:11:43.120
<v Speaker 1>you actually got to do the things right.

1:11:43.240 --> 1:11:46.519
<v Speaker 2>That part, that part, it was so funny. My best friend,

1:11:46.600 --> 1:11:48.479
<v Speaker 2>she had got six she got COVID, so she had

1:11:48.520 --> 1:11:50.760
<v Speaker 2>to lock herself up in the room and I came

1:11:50.840 --> 1:11:53.400
<v Speaker 2>by to help because I know her man was going

1:11:53.479 --> 1:11:55.920
<v Speaker 2>through it. When I walked in that house, y'all, that

1:11:56.080 --> 1:11:59.280
<v Speaker 2>ship looked like a tornado hit that motherfucker. My god,

1:11:59.360 --> 1:12:04.000
<v Speaker 2>baby on the entertainment center just doing a dug. I

1:12:04.040 --> 1:12:09.080
<v Speaker 2>think it was like chairs knocked over floor. Oh my god,

1:12:09.280 --> 1:12:10.800
<v Speaker 2>I just came in there and helped him because I

1:12:10.880 --> 1:12:12.080
<v Speaker 2>knew he couldn't handle it.

1:12:12.240 --> 1:12:19.120
<v Speaker 4>You know, girl, when I was in his ministry, I

1:12:19.280 --> 1:12:20.840
<v Speaker 4>lied to y'all. Not when I was on my last

1:12:20.960 --> 1:12:22.960
<v Speaker 4>the last day of the trip. Two days before, I

1:12:23.040 --> 1:12:25.400
<v Speaker 4>text our cleaning lady like, hey, girl, are you available

1:12:25.439 --> 1:12:27.439
<v Speaker 4>Thursday to Friday. I already knew what time it was

1:12:27.560 --> 1:12:30.519
<v Speaker 4>because I said I'm not because also, I'm not about

1:12:30.560 --> 1:12:33.200
<v Speaker 4>to come back to a dirty house. You don't got

1:12:33.320 --> 1:12:35.360
<v Speaker 4>to clean it. But when I come back to my home,

1:12:35.520 --> 1:12:38.880
<v Speaker 4>I needed to be clean and organized, because that's that's

1:12:38.920 --> 1:12:41.600
<v Speaker 4>what makes me happy. And had I came back and

1:12:41.840 --> 1:12:44.080
<v Speaker 4>hadn't had her come, it would have been a mess

1:12:44.200 --> 1:12:45.719
<v Speaker 4>all the things, and then I would have been mad.

1:12:45.920 --> 1:12:47.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because now you got to get back to it. Yeah,

1:12:48.520 --> 1:12:49.080
<v Speaker 2>I want that.

1:12:49.240 --> 1:12:51.000
<v Speaker 1>Why do men not like organization?

1:12:52.240 --> 1:12:55.360
<v Speaker 4>Why are men dirty? I'm sorry I was ticking.

1:12:55.120 --> 1:12:58.320
<v Speaker 1>It there and like I really be feeling, like am

1:12:58.840 --> 1:13:01.160
<v Speaker 1>I really? I had this come just this morning on

1:13:01.240 --> 1:13:02.679
<v Speaker 1>the way to the gym. I don't know my homegirl.

1:13:02.720 --> 1:13:05.640
<v Speaker 1>She had therapist, y'all. Yeah, so she had like a

1:13:05.720 --> 1:13:07.439
<v Speaker 1>whole lot of shit going on the last few months.

1:13:07.479 --> 1:13:09.439
<v Speaker 1>So we had just been talking about her ship the

1:13:09.520 --> 1:13:13.120
<v Speaker 1>last few months. So now I'll like drop my little

1:13:13.160 --> 1:13:15.759
<v Speaker 1>bullshit in here and there, like my grievances and stuff

1:13:15.840 --> 1:13:17.439
<v Speaker 1>like that. So she was asking me a lot of queer.

1:13:17.479 --> 1:13:19.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, girl, why the fuck is you stirring up

1:13:19.200 --> 1:13:22.280
<v Speaker 1>these emotions Earl? This morning, Like last night, I literally

1:13:22.360 --> 1:13:25.639
<v Speaker 1>did an experiment. I took a picture of him while

1:13:25.880 --> 1:13:28.360
<v Speaker 1>before I got into bed, Like we had a king

1:13:28.479 --> 1:13:31.400
<v Speaker 1>sized bed, and he's completely on his side of the

1:13:31.479 --> 1:13:35.360
<v Speaker 1>bed right five minutes as soon as like, and he

1:13:35.520 --> 1:13:37.720
<v Speaker 1>was that in that position, never moved for a very

1:13:37.800 --> 1:13:38.200
<v Speaker 1>long time.

1:13:38.280 --> 1:13:41.160
<v Speaker 3>Soon as I gotten a fuck like move as soon

1:13:41.200 --> 1:13:45.400
<v Speaker 3>as I get into bed, you sleeping diagonal like and

1:13:45.479 --> 1:13:49.639
<v Speaker 3>then just that on top of like the other day,

1:13:49.720 --> 1:13:52.479
<v Speaker 3>like this is really like a fucking kid dog and Nigga,

1:13:52.760 --> 1:13:53.800
<v Speaker 3>I don't care if you hear this.

1:13:53.960 --> 1:13:56.240
<v Speaker 1>Thank god he home right now on recording. But anyway,

1:13:58.160 --> 1:14:01.240
<v Speaker 1>like you passed, you passed the bed rooms, closets, all

1:14:01.360 --> 1:14:04.160
<v Speaker 1>this shit to drop your shit on the island in

1:14:04.240 --> 1:14:06.479
<v Speaker 1>the kitchen right And I'm.

1:14:06.400 --> 1:14:07.479
<v Speaker 2>Like, why do you have to do this?

1:14:07.560 --> 1:14:09.360
<v Speaker 1>Well, it'll be going by the time you wake up.

1:14:09.479 --> 1:14:11.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Nigga, I see it right now, what are

1:14:11.760 --> 1:14:14.280
<v Speaker 1>we talking about like this is childish? Am I tripping?

1:14:15.400 --> 1:14:17.320
<v Speaker 1>What is up these niggas? Like?

1:14:17.760 --> 1:14:19.439
<v Speaker 2>And then you send me a text.

1:14:19.240 --> 1:14:22.080
<v Speaker 1>Message about like how like you like Friday I cleaned

1:14:22.120 --> 1:14:23.599
<v Speaker 1>up or whatever? So he sent me a text mess

1:14:23.640 --> 1:14:26.760
<v Speaker 1>because thoughtful and he was like and how and the

1:14:26.840 --> 1:14:27.679
<v Speaker 1>house looks so good?

1:14:27.760 --> 1:14:28.000
<v Speaker 4>Thank you?

1:14:28.080 --> 1:14:28.559
<v Speaker 2>Da da dada?

1:14:28.800 --> 1:14:29.519
<v Speaker 1>Why you don't want to.

1:14:29.520 --> 1:14:29.960
<v Speaker 4>Keep it like that?

1:14:30.520 --> 1:14:33.960
<v Speaker 1>Doesn't it feel good to walk in to a clean

1:14:34.080 --> 1:14:36.479
<v Speaker 1>place where things are where they's supposed to be at?

1:14:37.200 --> 1:14:38.200
<v Speaker 4>Does that not feel good?

1:14:38.240 --> 1:14:42.000
<v Speaker 1>Because for me, if she doesn't disarrayed, that's literally how

1:14:42.040 --> 1:14:42.799
<v Speaker 1>my mind feels.

1:14:44.240 --> 1:14:44.479
<v Speaker 4>Same.

1:14:45.160 --> 1:14:47.760
<v Speaker 2>And see, I hear you, AJ, but you know I

1:14:47.800 --> 1:14:51.560
<v Speaker 2>got to play down what a you know I'm crazy. No,

1:14:51.800 --> 1:14:53.680
<v Speaker 2>I just ain't got no nigga. So I want a

1:14:53.760 --> 1:14:54.519
<v Speaker 2>nigga at least.

1:14:55.880 --> 1:15:01.120
<v Speaker 1>No, you don't, I'm telling you, especially because especial exactly. Okay,

1:15:01.160 --> 1:15:03.320
<v Speaker 1>So you ain't live with a nigga since what twenty sixteen?

1:15:04.560 --> 1:15:07.920
<v Speaker 1>Just think about then and how it was to remind

1:15:08.000 --> 1:15:12.439
<v Speaker 1>you a little bit, okay, like you do not miss

1:15:12.640 --> 1:15:16.200
<v Speaker 1>that shit because I don't understand like this is then

1:15:16.280 --> 1:15:18.559
<v Speaker 1>add kids on top of that, I'm beating people.

1:15:19.479 --> 1:15:24.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm willing to compromise in those areas. To have

1:15:24.760 --> 1:15:27.640
<v Speaker 2>a person that I can lock in with at this

1:15:27.760 --> 1:15:31.519
<v Speaker 2>point after being single for that many years, that shit

1:15:31.640 --> 1:15:35.360
<v Speaker 2>wasn't that bad now looking at looking back, Like could

1:15:35.400 --> 1:15:37.559
<v Speaker 2>I live with that? To have a person that's really

1:15:37.640 --> 1:15:39.880
<v Speaker 2>down for me and really locked in with me? Huh,

1:15:40.200 --> 1:15:41.479
<v Speaker 2>that's you say that and.

1:15:41.560 --> 1:15:44.280
<v Speaker 1>Tell us every day you gotta like why, like why

1:15:44.360 --> 1:15:46.840
<v Speaker 1>you can't put these clothes in the hampa, Like why

1:15:46.880 --> 1:15:49.320
<v Speaker 1>they on the bathroom floor, why they in the chair

1:15:49.520 --> 1:15:53.160
<v Speaker 1>and bedroom? Like why why we can't do this? But

1:15:53.240 --> 1:15:57.320
<v Speaker 1>you'll tell your kid, pick your clothes up, do this,

1:15:57.479 --> 1:16:01.080
<v Speaker 1>do that, But when you got to it.

1:16:04.160 --> 1:16:07.760
<v Speaker 4>Listen, we have many how old are so we're over

1:16:07.840 --> 1:16:10.479
<v Speaker 4>twenty years in and I still deal with that with him,

1:16:11.280 --> 1:16:13.880
<v Speaker 4>But like, we have hacks, So I have hacks on myself.

1:16:13.920 --> 1:16:18.040
<v Speaker 4>So okay, we're gonna call it cleaning lady, or I'm

1:16:18.120 --> 1:16:19.920
<v Speaker 4>the type I'll just you want to leave your stuff,

1:16:19.920 --> 1:16:21.160
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna throw it in

1:16:21.200 --> 1:16:23.120
<v Speaker 4>your closet. That ain't probably the best thing to do.

1:16:23.200 --> 1:16:24.680
<v Speaker 4>It might be a little rude, but at least it's

1:16:24.800 --> 1:16:27.960
<v Speaker 4>I don't have to see it, don't And I don't

1:16:27.960 --> 1:16:30.400
<v Speaker 4>know if it's maybe it's because they grew up with

1:16:30.479 --> 1:16:36.000
<v Speaker 4>their moms cleaning up after them. I don't know. Yeah,

1:16:36.200 --> 1:16:39.840
<v Speaker 4>it's I'm a very and it. I didn't realize it

1:16:40.080 --> 1:16:43.040
<v Speaker 4>how much the mess impacted my mental until a couple

1:16:43.080 --> 1:16:45.479
<v Speaker 4>of years ago, and I was like, Yo, you gotta

1:16:45.520 --> 1:16:49.519
<v Speaker 4>understand this is it's not it's not just mess to me.

1:16:49.760 --> 1:16:53.000
<v Speaker 4>It is literally when I see it, I feel I

1:16:53.040 --> 1:16:55.720
<v Speaker 4>don't feel good. It's it's like you said, it's really

1:16:55.800 --> 1:16:59.240
<v Speaker 4>impacted my mental I need it to be clean and clear. No,

1:16:59.400 --> 1:17:01.519
<v Speaker 4>the house doesn't always have to be perfect. And yeah

1:17:01.560 --> 1:17:03.920
<v Speaker 4>we got kids, but you know, before I go to bed,

1:17:03.960 --> 1:17:05.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm the type must the kitchen like go on. The

1:17:06.040 --> 1:17:08.519
<v Speaker 4>kitchen is shut down, like I wipe down things, we

1:17:08.640 --> 1:17:11.040
<v Speaker 4>cleaning up. So if I wake up and there's some

1:17:11.080 --> 1:17:15.840
<v Speaker 4>dishes in the sink, I'm heated. Heated. But I've also

1:17:15.960 --> 1:17:21.040
<v Speaker 4>had to say, like you said, Sam Patrice, it's a dish,

1:17:21.479 --> 1:17:25.639
<v Speaker 4>It's okay. Relax in the grand scheme of things, right,

1:17:25.760 --> 1:17:28.760
<v Speaker 4>like I do. I am with someone who really like

1:17:28.800 --> 1:17:30.760
<v Speaker 4>I fuck with this guy like I really do, and

1:17:30.880 --> 1:17:33.479
<v Speaker 4>we have this we have a great family and he

1:17:33.680 --> 1:17:36.200
<v Speaker 4>is allowing me to be me and without without a

1:17:36.240 --> 1:17:38.800
<v Speaker 4>lot of the other things, the drama, and so if

1:17:38.880 --> 1:17:43.519
<v Speaker 4>it means taking a step back and just being okay

1:17:43.600 --> 1:17:46.960
<v Speaker 4>with the dish. But then I've like that same night,

1:17:47.040 --> 1:17:48.800
<v Speaker 4>I'll say, hey, babe, if you eat after I go

1:17:48.920 --> 1:17:51.120
<v Speaker 4>to bed, can you make sure you clean up please?

1:17:51.360 --> 1:17:52.719
<v Speaker 1>I gotta work on my delivery.

1:17:52.840 --> 1:17:54.800
<v Speaker 4>Maybe it's taking a long time for me.

1:17:55.800 --> 1:17:58.800
<v Speaker 1>That's probably it's just getting here. I gotta talk because

1:17:58.800 --> 1:18:00.559
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I talk nice, like the first time,

1:18:00.600 --> 1:18:03.680
<v Speaker 1>and then after that, Nigga.

1:18:04.439 --> 1:18:06.880
<v Speaker 4>That my biggest that'd be what I hear from my husband,

1:18:07.400 --> 1:18:09.760
<v Speaker 4>like this? Can you just say it differently? Can you

1:18:09.880 --> 1:18:13.559
<v Speaker 4>just say it like this? I'm like, okay, but can

1:18:13.640 --> 1:18:17.720
<v Speaker 4>you do this right?

1:18:17.880 --> 1:18:19.880
<v Speaker 2>Just do the things so I will have to see it.

1:18:20.320 --> 1:18:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, how about that?

1:18:22.720 --> 1:18:24.639
<v Speaker 4>They want they want to be my baby too, though.

1:18:24.600 --> 1:18:31.519
<v Speaker 1>I know kids on top of kids. Yeah, anyway, Yeah,

1:18:31.960 --> 1:18:39.320
<v Speaker 1>are we gonna get a dumb bitch story at you together? Yeah?

1:18:39.760 --> 1:18:44.799
<v Speaker 2>Oh god, get you in trouble from high school.

1:18:46.479 --> 1:18:48.920
<v Speaker 4>It's boring. It's not a it's not a good story.

1:18:49.439 --> 1:18:50.040
<v Speaker 4>It's boring.

1:18:50.520 --> 1:19:00.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we don't want it already talking our sorry. Next look,

1:19:00.360 --> 1:19:02.080
<v Speaker 2>maybe I'll come back and I'll prepare and I'll have

1:19:02.160 --> 1:19:04.160
<v Speaker 2>a good one, just telling somebody else.

1:19:06.720 --> 1:19:07.880
<v Speaker 1>Why're dumb bitch? Old?

1:19:08.120 --> 1:19:11.559
<v Speaker 4>I hear from my girl like you are a dumb bitch,

1:19:13.360 --> 1:19:16.880
<v Speaker 4>But if you enjoyed it, then hey, I'd be like, girl,

1:19:17.000 --> 1:19:18.519
<v Speaker 4>have fun, you get.

1:19:18.479 --> 1:19:18.920
<v Speaker 2>Out of love.

1:19:19.080 --> 1:19:21.280
<v Speaker 1>Nah, man, y'all ain't never had a friend that just

1:19:21.360 --> 1:19:23.120
<v Speaker 1>too much of a dumb bitch, Like you can't talk

1:19:23.160 --> 1:19:24.880
<v Speaker 1>to them no more until a dumb bitchh it is

1:19:24.920 --> 1:19:25.160
<v Speaker 1>over it.

1:19:26.840 --> 1:19:28.720
<v Speaker 2>You just don't say nothing, Just stop talking to I

1:19:28.880 --> 1:19:31.599
<v Speaker 2>just listen. And then they'd be like, why you ain't

1:19:31.600 --> 1:19:33.400
<v Speaker 2>got nothing to say? I'm like, well, I've already said.

1:19:34.120 --> 1:19:36.880
<v Speaker 1>I can't you call me when you finished me the

1:19:36.920 --> 1:19:38.600
<v Speaker 1>dumb bitch because I can't do it no more. I

1:19:38.640 --> 1:19:41.559
<v Speaker 1>don't want nobody associating me with your dumb bitch shit.

1:19:43.360 --> 1:19:46.360
<v Speaker 4>Dumb bitch story be I don't have what I'm just

1:19:46.439 --> 1:19:48.720
<v Speaker 4>asking right, Like, can it do it have to be

1:19:48.840 --> 1:19:51.720
<v Speaker 4>a like relational kind of like romantic thing? Could it

1:19:51.800 --> 1:19:55.120
<v Speaker 4>be like a like a dumb bitch like like homegirl story.

1:19:54.960 --> 1:19:56.920
<v Speaker 1>Like look at it like that?

1:19:57.000 --> 1:20:01.240
<v Speaker 4>But yeah, shoot exists too. No, I can't put them

1:20:01.280 --> 1:20:03.400
<v Speaker 4>out there, but yeah, you.

1:20:03.560 --> 1:20:13.000
<v Speaker 2>Ain't got one. You asked the question about, all right,

1:20:13.120 --> 1:20:16.559
<v Speaker 2>can you plug all your things, plug your book, your ebook,

1:20:16.800 --> 1:20:17.559
<v Speaker 2>plug everything.

1:20:17.840 --> 1:20:20.880
<v Speaker 4>So absolutely, thank y'all so much. This has been a

1:20:21.120 --> 1:20:25.680
<v Speaker 4>wonderful hour. Yeah, just connect with me everywhere. My name

1:20:25.800 --> 1:20:30.680
<v Speaker 4>Patresecomo dot com, at patrese Kmo. On Instagram, you can

1:20:30.720 --> 1:20:33.120
<v Speaker 4>go to my Instagram page and get the links to

1:20:33.560 --> 1:20:35.920
<v Speaker 4>mom cash Magic as well as to put you first.

1:20:36.640 --> 1:20:38.880
<v Speaker 4>But if you go to my website Patresecomo dot com,

1:20:38.960 --> 1:20:40.880
<v Speaker 4>you automatically can fill out the form to be on

1:20:40.920 --> 1:20:43.800
<v Speaker 4>our email list. I send emails every week. Are just

1:20:43.960 --> 1:20:47.320
<v Speaker 4>tips and tools, you know, easy recipes, just things that

1:20:47.400 --> 1:20:51.000
<v Speaker 4>can make your life easier as a busy working mom.

1:20:51.320 --> 1:20:55.600
<v Speaker 4>I want y'all to really love your life and not

1:20:55.800 --> 1:20:57.000
<v Speaker 4>feel like your kids are.

1:20:58.920 --> 1:21:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so you said that like your day was Patrice

1:21:02.080 --> 1:21:05.200
<v Speaker 2>Jones spell Patrise? Come on? I know I did, right,

1:21:06.600 --> 1:21:11.679
<v Speaker 2>she said for Jones. No, I didn't like it, Jones.

1:21:12.840 --> 1:21:16.080
<v Speaker 4>That's your thank you, Patrise. Come on CS and Charlie

1:21:16.160 --> 1:21:20.280
<v Speaker 4>a Is and Apple Emma's and Mary e Au Patrese

1:21:20.400 --> 1:21:22.320
<v Speaker 4>come on there dot com.

1:21:22.439 --> 1:21:27.280
<v Speaker 1>Or come and this is come o y'all.

1:21:28.479 --> 1:21:30.360
<v Speaker 4>It was good. I love talking to y'all. Y'all show

1:21:30.560 --> 1:21:32.600
<v Speaker 4>is every Thursday. I'd be locked in.

1:21:32.760 --> 1:21:33.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh, thank you.

1:21:34.240 --> 1:21:37.360
<v Speaker 4>I appreciate it absolutely, thank y'all.

1:21:37.400 --> 1:21:39.720
<v Speaker 1>Hold on, don't go nowhere, but y'all okay, okay, if

1:21:39.720 --> 1:21:42.040
<v Speaker 1>you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on

1:21:42.120 --> 1:21:44.040
<v Speaker 1>The Black Effect I Her Radio and Apple whoever the

1:21:44.479 --> 1:21:47.240
<v Speaker 1>fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host,

1:21:47.479 --> 1:21:53.200
<v Speaker 1>A J Holiday two point on Instagram, y'all. Check out

1:21:53.280 --> 1:21:55.400
<v Speaker 1>we Talked Back podcast dot com.

1:21:56.040 --> 1:21:56.240
<v Speaker 2>Y'all.

1:21:56.280 --> 1:21:59.880
<v Speaker 1>Also, we have like on Amazon it's actually is it

1:22:00.000 --> 1:22:03.479
<v Speaker 1>Amazon dot com slash Black Effect podcast. We have like

1:22:03.760 --> 1:22:08.280
<v Speaker 1>last minute gift ideas. Check out the website. Okay, I

1:22:08.400 --> 1:22:11.640
<v Speaker 1>think we participated what Charlamagne had some.

1:22:11.680 --> 1:22:15.600
<v Speaker 2>Gift ideas on their Carlos Miller. Yeah, so check it

1:22:15.600 --> 1:22:17.240
<v Speaker 2>out there a couple of people, so yeah, get on

1:22:17.320 --> 1:22:21.599
<v Speaker 2>those gifts. And also, y'all download our show. Don't just listen,

1:22:21.640 --> 1:22:23.679
<v Speaker 2>don't go look for it. Download it to your ship

1:22:23.760 --> 1:22:31.680
<v Speaker 2>because we need your streams. Scrive h Apple plus all right,

1:22:31.760 --> 1:22:33.360
<v Speaker 2>so you don't have to y'all know, we got all

1:22:33.400 --> 1:22:38.920
<v Speaker 2>them motherfucking commercials. I don't want to hear them commercials, so.

1:22:39.000 --> 1:22:42.240
<v Speaker 1>You but the commercials is what pays the bills. Okay,

1:22:42.280 --> 1:22:45.599
<v Speaker 1>we are sponsored, all right, kicking tam BAM.

1:22:46.560 --> 1:22:48.559
<v Speaker 2>Its official tam BAM. I love y'all.

1:22:49.160 --> 1:22:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Speak now and never hold your mom time. I don't know.

1:22:54.439 --> 1:23:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Never hold them kids, Fuck them kids, goodbye, don't hang up.