Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network Talk Talk.
Speaker 2: So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion
Speaker 2: who talks.
Speaker 1: What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a
Speaker 1: new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to
Speaker 1: you dreamers and chasers. What's up, y'all? It's the co
Speaker 1: host aj Holiday.
Speaker 2: What's Up tam BM y'all ISSU official Team Van. I
Speaker 2: love y'all. I love you aj D, I.
Speaker 1: Love you too.
Speaker 2: Well. No, no, before we get into anything, we were
Speaker 2: supposed to say what we were thankful?
Speaker 1: Oh a great Yeah, gratitude for the whole month and.
Speaker 2: Live we lied to y'all, were sorry, we would feel grateful.
Speaker 2: We just didn't talk about it.
Speaker 1: We don't be following through with shiit man. We're gonna
Speaker 1: do better for twenty twenty five. I'm grateful. Damn. I
Speaker 1: can'me is I mean, I can't say that we might.
Speaker 1: I don't know we're gonna make it a twenty twenty five,
Speaker 1: but you never fucking know. Anyway. Let's see, I am
Speaker 1: grateful that I woke up this morning. Okay, but the
Speaker 1: grace of God got up. I did my little workout,
Speaker 1: and I got to meet with my coworkers Tammy and
Speaker 1: our producers. Yeah, I'm grateful for you guys today.
Speaker 2: That yeah, warm and busby inside. Let's see what am
Speaker 2: I grateful for. I'm grateful that I can walk on
Speaker 2: two feet. Yeah, you know some people can't. I'm real quick.
Speaker 2: It's like it's still broken, but I still can walk
Speaker 2: for real. Yeah, damn, it's not.
Speaker 1: All the way we find another sound?
Speaker 2: What is more hell than it was the last time
Speaker 2: I went, and less hell than I will it will
Speaker 2: be when I go back again. Okay, So yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: grateful that I can walk. They said I can walk.
Speaker 2: Just do everything based on how it feels at this point.
Speaker 2: So I went to the gym for the first time
Speaker 2: since I.
Speaker 1: Was pulished because weekend.
Speaker 2: Fine, yes, we're getting fined five. I got to spend
Speaker 2: time with my sisters over the weekend. Again that it
Speaker 2: was good. So I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful
Speaker 2: for this show. And I'm grateful for y'all going to
Speaker 2: download the show. Download our show. Don't just go click
Speaker 2: find it every week, download it because that's how we
Speaker 2: get paid down subscride.
Speaker 1: How'd we Oh, I did do something this weekend. My
Speaker 1: mom's baby brothers celebrated his seventieth birthday, so I was
Speaker 1: hanging out with the season. The season folks. This weekend.
Speaker 1: My cousins his kids put together a very very nice
Speaker 1: birthday party for their daddy.
Speaker 3: So I did that on Saturday. Was nice quick, you know,
Speaker 3: once the food got put up. The old people's out
Speaker 3: the back door, six to eight. It was great.
Speaker 1: That's about sixty nine. My mama had a good time.
Speaker 1: She was dancing with that big bunkie. Okay, it was good.
Speaker 1: Tips stupid, that sounds like a good time.
Speaker 2: My sister drove back in from Montgomery for me to
Speaker 2: do her hair. She drove all the way here for
Speaker 2: her hair.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: And then we just hung out eight watch TV the usual.
Speaker 2: That's all this weekend. It's a money we can. You know,
Speaker 2: everybody want their hair done. So I was just working
Speaker 2: and busy. I didn't do any I was ugly. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I went and got my lips like you know, like
Speaker 2: so I have I have partaken and a lot of
Speaker 2: marijuana usage over mind. Oh like pigmented, yeah, so I
Speaker 2: want to got like the lip lightning, the hyper pigmentation thing.
Speaker 2: I went and got that done on Thursday. So by
Speaker 2: Saturday my lips was peeling so bad it looked gross.
Speaker 2: So I wasn't going nowhere. I wasn't doing I didn't
Speaker 2: want nobody to see me because like the top layer
Speaker 2: peels off. But yeah, I mean, if you have any
Speaker 2: hyper pigmentation, don't have to be from how I got mine.
Speaker 2: You know it could be. However, you know that's a
Speaker 2: good option for you. And my lips have actually light.
Speaker 2: And I've done it once. You gotta do it at
Speaker 2: least twice, so this is my second time. But I'm
Speaker 2: gonna tell you all this, that shit hurt. That shit
Speaker 2: does not feel nice. It is not a fun experience,
Speaker 2: but it does like your lips. So we'll see how
Speaker 2: mine turns out.
Speaker 1: I like my lips dark, like not dark, but like
Speaker 1: I have like a natural like liner like it. I
Speaker 1: like it pigmented, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: so you want like big pink lips.
Speaker 2: No, they're not gonna be pink. They just not gonna
Speaker 2: be black, baby.
Speaker 1: But I don't. My lip's always been like dark though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, mine too. I just didn't like it. I wanted
Speaker 2: it a little like I wanted like the outside of
Speaker 2: my lip to be like as the inside, So we're
Speaker 2: gonna see if it worked. You know, it did, Like
Speaker 2: I could see a difference from the first time to
Speaker 2: the second, Like, but now we're going to see now
Speaker 2: because she added pink this time, So we're gonna see.
Speaker 2: But it takes weeks, like so the skin peels off
Speaker 2: and then it goes back to the color it was,
Speaker 2: and then after weeks the pink pushes forward. I don't
Speaker 2: know how it worked, but that's what they say.
Speaker 1: So they add color to your lips.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. It's kind of it's like the same needle
Speaker 2: that they used to do microblading on the eye ground,
Speaker 2: but they used pink instead of So the first time
Speaker 2: she did it, she used like almost like an orange
Speaker 2: color that neutralized the darkness in my lip, and then
Speaker 2: that made it a little lighter, and it worked. I
Speaker 2: saw the difference. And then this time she went in
Speaker 2: with a pinker color to bring the pink that much
Speaker 2: it's like the inside of my lip. So we won't
Speaker 2: see how that. Yeah, Saturday, I was not going nowhere
Speaker 2: because my little my mom was like, what's wrong with
Speaker 2: your damn mouth?
Speaker 1: That he was trying to say something to you, what's
Speaker 1: going on with the doctor.
Speaker 2: To the hospital about that? But yeah, that was my weekend.
Speaker 2: Let's get in a sense.
Speaker 1: What I got a lot of talking about that. God
Speaker 1: damn can't leave cam. Don't really get them. I goddamn nerves. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think, but.
Speaker 2: HU go viral every time he does an episode.
Speaker 1: Of his Little No really honestly he does.
Speaker 2: So that means I'm not mad at that, you know, so.
Speaker 1: This week and which I think is true. I mean,
Speaker 1: I commented on the post when I saw it is
Speaker 1: definitely one hundred percent facts. He basically said that he
Speaker 1: goes to the strip club for the guys, and everybody
Speaker 1: was like, pause, like what I think every Yeah, everybody
Speaker 1: does that. So he's saying that he goes to the
Speaker 1: strip club basically the money, and I think all men
Speaker 1: do it. They're not gonna say that they're in competition,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely a complay.
Speaker 2: It is a competition. Why would they throw why else?
Speaker 2: Because y'all ask so fat and y'all look so good
Speaker 2: shaking it that they know, right.
Speaker 1: You could throw the most money. The DJ is promoting
Speaker 1: it all the things.
Speaker 2: Right, it's nothing but peacocking, that's all it is. So,
Speaker 2: I mean, and they all do it, and that's a
Speaker 2: part of the allure of the strip club for men,
Speaker 2: not just the women. It is to a testosterone battle
Speaker 2: of who's got the biggest.
Speaker 1: Bag, exactly right, So that's it.
Speaker 2: He ain't lying. Yeah, I just like, like a lot
Speaker 2: of people want a reason to be mad at Cam Newton,
Speaker 2: you know, because they just don't like the things he
Speaker 2: said in the past. So anything that he says is
Speaker 2: true or right, they be like, Nigga, you don't fucking know,
Speaker 2: shut up, nobody hat talking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely don't think it's gay. I definitely understand
Speaker 1: what he's saying. And I feel like when okay, we
Speaker 1: know we're gonna look good, right, we get dressed for men,
Speaker 1: and we also get dressed for other women.
Speaker 2: Right, we do It's the same thing we do. We
Speaker 2: all do it. Animals do it. Humans. I mean, we're
Speaker 2: essentially animals too. So I'm not mad at what he said.
Speaker 2: What else happened in the world? Oh what about those drones?
Speaker 1: What about those drones? Just nice as casual? Are they
Speaker 1: fucking drones? Or is the aliens coming?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean It could be either or
Speaker 2: it could be a combination of both.
Speaker 1: Because the US government acting like they don't know what
Speaker 1: it is, I just don't understand, Like how y'all know
Speaker 1: everything else?
Speaker 2: Right, So what happened? It was like drones over.
Speaker 1: Maryland, Jersey, like different places, and people are saying, like
Speaker 1: these things are as big as SUVs in the sky.
Speaker 1: So we talking about like like a real space shuttle
Speaker 1: looking thing up in the sky. And I saw a
Speaker 1: video where one was actually I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: shot down, but it crashed. And they're also saying that
Speaker 1: the ships are manned. So I remember was that last
Speaker 1: year where China had like a drone over America? Like yeah, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: that was not a US craft. So I just don't
Speaker 1: believe that they don't know what this is. May it
Speaker 1: be a foreign entity doing it, Aliens okay, or the
Speaker 1: US military. They absolutely know what it is. So I
Speaker 1: just I just hate that. I thought we were moving
Speaker 1: from like the government not disclosing the truth. I thought
Speaker 1: that like this is the age of a query, but
Speaker 1: there are still powers that be that want to keep
Speaker 1: you dumb. Okay, they definitely know what the fuck it is.
Speaker 1: Is it Aliens I don't think so. I think that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think alien's already been around. I'm aliena
Speaker 1: But I don't know if any of y'all have ever
Speaker 1: read Behold of Pale Horse by William Cooper. He was
Speaker 1: a CIA agent that the government killed basically, but in
Speaker 1: this book he talks about how the government actually have
Speaker 1: these these thrones, these spaceships that they created, right, and
Speaker 1: then they'll deploy them to you know, do like a
Speaker 1: false flag like make to make the people think it's
Speaker 1: an alien attack, when really it's the government attacking its
Speaker 1: own people. So it's conspiracy theory, right, But there's a
Speaker 1: lot of those theories always getting proven true. So we'll
Speaker 1: see what come out of it. I mean, I'm not
Speaker 1: scared of no damn aliens.
Speaker 2: We neither. I just hope they bring some new recipes.
Speaker 2: I'm tired of eat the shit, Like, ain't you tired?
Speaker 1: Yes? I am tired of thinking about what I'm eating. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I'll be eating shit. I had a muffin last night
Speaker 1: for dinner.
Speaker 2: Bring us a new meat. Were tired of this week?
Speaker 1: We the meat? We might be the meat for the aliens?
Speaker 1: You said right there, to eating people.
Speaker 2: They I got a good hemp halk.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, but if the aliens, y'all hit
Speaker 1: me up, come pick.
Speaker 2: Me up earth this ghetto.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting on y'all my whole life. One of
Speaker 1: my homegirls we reconnected like a couple of years ago now,
Speaker 1: but she was like you remember when we was in
Speaker 1: middle school, used to always say, how you ain't human?
Speaker 1: My whole life I have felt this week.
Speaker 2: You think your family coming to scoop you up.
Speaker 1: I'm from Series B for sure.
Speaker 2: M hmm. Ain't at a radio station.
Speaker 1: I hate you begs going on.
Speaker 2: Bit just pay for that in her car?
Speaker 1: Not no damn Series XM radio. Series B is the
Speaker 1: it's the galaxy, it's another some ship out of it. And
Speaker 1: I don't believe that out of space is above us.
Speaker 1: I believe out of space is beneath the I believe
Speaker 1: it's all around us, to left of us, to ride
Speaker 1: of us. Yeah, as above.
Speaker 2: So ain't no where y'all. Can't y'all trying to tell
Speaker 2: me a well, ain't an alien?
Speaker 1: That's a I had the weirdest dream last night that
Speaker 1: I was swimming What the black and white those are?
Speaker 2: Orcres? I was, what is it?
Speaker 4: Orca orcas.
Speaker 1: I was swimming with orcas and it was cold, like antarctic,
Speaker 1: damn near and these crazy eys waves kept coming like
Speaker 1: like took me way up in the sky and way
Speaker 1: down and I just kept coming up like breathing. But
Speaker 1: I'm swimming with these niggas.
Speaker 2: You I have fried okra, so we up.
Speaker 1: That was the weirdest. I'm like, what the And I
Speaker 1: wasn't drowning or nothing like that. I was just really
Speaker 1: it was. It wasn't just me. It was like this
Speaker 1: is normal, Like we swim with fucking whales and shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's an alien, especially once that little fish that
Speaker 2: got the light on the head, that's an alien.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so much at the ocean that they haven't explored,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You can't even go. And
Speaker 1: I remember that that submarine that imploded submersial, Yeah, like
Speaker 1: it was last year and the year before last. Like
Speaker 1: they I don't think that they actually died. I don't
Speaker 1: think it imploded at all. I think that they slipped
Speaker 1: into a wormhole into another universe is what I think happened.
Speaker 1: And nobody talks about these people who went out to
Speaker 1: space a couple of months ago and still haven't been
Speaker 1: able to get back home.
Speaker 2: Oh they're not home yet. Hell no, what are.
Speaker 3: You introspect intercept? It's a movie. I think it's called
Speaker 3: It's Interest something.
Speaker 1: I have to look it up, but it talks about
Speaker 1: this that this guy went out of space and like
Speaker 1: time is just different. The time is different, Like you
Speaker 1: feel like you've only been out there for a little bit,
Speaker 1: but really it's been twenty years back at home that
Speaker 1: you haven't been in this.
Speaker 2: Your body age, no, his.
Speaker 1: His body did an age in these and the other universe.
Speaker 1: So it's something with Saturn. I got a whole like
Speaker 1: little rabbit hole with Saturn and all that. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: it's something with the rings of Saturn and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: But yeah, anyway, what else we got going on? A
Speaker 1: child in the world to day with the crazy people.
Speaker 2: So if y'all saw this over the weekend, Ari and Tina,
Speaker 2: is that right.
Speaker 4: Child?
Speaker 1: Hey girl?
Speaker 2: They were partying together at Player in Miami, and people
Speaker 2: had a lot to say about it because they felt
Speaker 2: like they shouldn't be cool or something.
Speaker 1: They have to be cool, they got their kids are simple,
Speaker 1: They are essentially family. Yeah, so for things to be
Speaker 1: smooth like they knocking to never not be family because
Speaker 1: their children are related, so it's the it's best for
Speaker 1: the both of them, right, the PUDs aside, but their
Speaker 1: differences in side.
Speaker 2: I don't understand people why y'all want them to not
Speaker 2: be amicable when they're a family. Like it's twenty twenty four,
Speaker 2: families are blended Oftentimes.
Speaker 1: I think the internet just like to see people beef,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's just not a good place.
Speaker 2: I can never. Yes, you could, that's yeah, because you
Speaker 2: and you should. That's your problem now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because you still love your baby daddy. That's
Speaker 1: why you can never.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want your low family back, That's why you
Speaker 1: can never.
Speaker 2: But I think, I honestly do think that they both
Speaker 2: can get along because neither one of them are with him.
Speaker 1: Now, you know, is she not with him either?
Speaker 2: Tell him?
Speaker 1: I don't take.
Speaker 2: They're together whatever? Oh, y'all correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: But are they together still? Because I think they're all broke.
Speaker 1: Up, so they're just hanging out, that's all.
Speaker 2: Neo baby mama, Neo baby's baby mama's hanging out too. Yeah,
Speaker 2: started something. Let's all let's all be friends. Shit, we got.
Speaker 1: Kids, it's easier, you know what I'm saying, It's so
Speaker 1: much easier. It's a whole village. Child. I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: care of your kid this weekend. You get a day
Speaker 1: off next weekend, Like why why not?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: Because they siblings and they need to grow up together
Speaker 2: if they can.
Speaker 1: I just never ended understand bitches who act like they
Speaker 1: just like like their kids so much. Like you haven't
Speaker 1: seen somebody who just won't let the man get the child,
Speaker 1: like just fighting them every bit of the way. Like
Speaker 1: you don't like that kid that much? Just send that
Speaker 1: kid to his daddy house this fucking weekend, bitch, like
Speaker 1: you do not. My exes his baby, his baby mama
Speaker 1: like one of his kids mom, like she was just
Speaker 1: make it such a big problem, Like you can't possibly
Speaker 1: want the little boy around you all the time? Sent
Speaker 1: us us over here.
Speaker 2: Well, sometimes it ain't. Some people house don't be safe.
Speaker 2: You know, you just gotta be You know who your
Speaker 2: baby dad is, you know, so if you trust them
Speaker 2: with your kids, because I've seen where that has gone
Speaker 2: terribly wrong by sending your baby to they daddy.
Speaker 1: I think that did you see that? It's a post
Speaker 1: it's this white guy like some type of therapist. But
Speaker 1: he's having a conversation with another guy and he's saying, like,
Speaker 1: how basically moms, some moms, right, A narcissistic parent will
Speaker 1: create these scenarios, right, So the healthy mom will be like,
Speaker 1: did you have fun at your dad's house this weekend? Okay?
Speaker 2: What did y'all do? Y'ah?
Speaker 1: Pizza? Oh great, that's so good. Like, okay, go upstairs
Speaker 1: and we can do such and such. The other mom,
Speaker 1: the unhealthy mom, is like making the kid feel like
Speaker 1: going to a daddy's house is just the worst, Like,
Speaker 1: what did you do at dad's house this weekend? Y'all
Speaker 1: went to the park? Oh my god, it's so cold
Speaker 1: to us out, Like why would you take you to
Speaker 1: the park. What did you eat? You had just pizza? Like, okay,
Speaker 1: go upstairs on make your favorite soup. You know, so
Speaker 1: you alienating the other parent. I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of women do that. They may not like talk about
Speaker 1: the other parent upfront, but in that way they do.
Speaker 2: And sometimes it's subconscious they don't even realize they're doing it.
Speaker 2: Because I remember my ex he asked his kids how
Speaker 2: they felt about me, and he told me this, and
Speaker 2: they said that they like me, but they have to
Speaker 2: pretend like they don't because they don't want to hurt
Speaker 2: mommy's feelings. Yeah.
Speaker 1: See, that's so unhealthy.
Speaker 2: And I'm wondering, like, what was his mother saying that
Speaker 2: made them feel like they had to protect their mother's feelings,
Speaker 2: you know so, And I'm hoping it was something subconscious
Speaker 2: and not like you out here blatantly saying shit too.
Speaker 4: But it do be because they believe that.
Speaker 1: I'm to the point to where I'm like, you know't
Speaker 1: even trying to figure people out. But are you consciously
Speaker 1: doing this or is that just your personality? Is where
Speaker 1: I'm at now, because if it's just who you are,
Speaker 1: I got to find a way to accept it, right
Speaker 1: or just don't fuck with you? So I think like
Speaker 1: people are not consciously doing this thing. It's just really
Speaker 1: their genetic makeup. Yeah, they're just not good. You just
Speaker 1: not a good person in the eyes of maybe most
Speaker 1: Maybe it could be a general consensus that you be
Speaker 1: on some bullshit.
Speaker 2: You know what I wanted to talk about and I
Speaker 2: forgot to mention it. Did you watch the Jamie Fox shit.
Speaker 1: Over the not yet?
Speaker 2: You watched it?
Speaker 4: Girl?
Speaker 2: I watched that ship like seven times. I love this
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: Really, I gotta watch it.
Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to watch it so we
Speaker 2: could talk about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, next week, we'll be old by this week.
Speaker 2: Well, stop watching it so quick. Always listen. I had
Speaker 2: the Ajab City videos, it'd be like two weeks ago,
Speaker 2: from two weeks ago, and I'd be like, have to
Speaker 2: just laugh at it. Like it's.
Speaker 1: Just like when people send me old shit because I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't seen the whole internet. I just
Speaker 1: like I just heard it. So if I don't ever
Speaker 1: respond to something, that means I never I've already seen it.
Speaker 2: And my heart is too fast, right yeah, like that
Speaker 2: that video was three minutes. How you laughing already?
Speaker 1: Right right? And I be thinking, like, bitch, ain't know
Speaker 1: where you watched this whole shit that quick. We have
Speaker 1: a very special guest when we talk back next week.
Speaker 1: She's a lovely wife and a lovely mom, and she's
Speaker 1: here to teach women how to put themselves first, specifically
Speaker 1: like busy moms right who feel like they can't catch
Speaker 1: a break, Like, what are the steps to even like
Speaker 1: beginning to maybe first find some self awareness? Because I
Speaker 1: think that's really where it starts at and then you know,
Speaker 1: not feeling guilty for put yourself first. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, saying, fuck that husband, fuck these kids, because
Speaker 1: if I'm not healthy, it's a problem.
Speaker 2: I mean, And a lot of this information. You don't
Speaker 2: have to be a mom to use it in your life,
Speaker 2: right because I can. Yep. So y'all stay tuned. We'll
Speaker 2: be right back.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all. Uh, We're back from break and today
Speaker 1: we have we have an amazing guest on We Talked Back.
Speaker 1: She's empowering busy working mothers to put themselves first without
Speaker 1: guilt with her seven day guilt Free challenge because self
Speaker 1: care is absolutely not selfish. Okay, okay, so welcome to
Speaker 1: We talk Back. Missus came right, y'all know I can't
Speaker 1: talk no, right, No, I can write now, but I
Speaker 1: can't read for real bad and related birthday. We know
Speaker 1: you just celebrated a birthday.
Speaker 4: Yes, loving it. The older I get, the better I feel.
Speaker 2: That's the truth.
Speaker 1: Man, M we're looking at I got more money all
Speaker 1: the things.
Speaker 2: Well that's different because all I get my body been aching,
Speaker 2: waking up with new shit, wrong, fuck up something that
Speaker 2: you ain't even us.
Speaker 1: Rights girl, So mss Camo, talk to us about.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, missus period, talk to us about what uh
Speaker 2: your seven day guilt free What is it called.
Speaker 4: It's to put you first challenge, right, So it's seven
Speaker 4: days of intentionally doing something for yourself every day.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: And as you said, Aj, I'm a busy working mother.
Speaker 4: I have three kids, I'm married, I work a full time,
Speaker 4: pretty demanding job. As of this past June, I just
Speaker 4: closed the content studio. So I also owned a brick
Speaker 4: and mortar content studio. I had to podcasts, like all
Speaker 4: the things and then that whole list of things. You know,
Speaker 4: who was always last me? And it wasn't because people
Speaker 4: were making me last. It was just I was putting
Speaker 4: everything before me because I thought that I had to
Speaker 4: do all the things for my kids, be there for
Speaker 4: my husband, drive here, be at the content studio, just
Speaker 4: all the things that I said. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: So at the end of last year I stopped my podcast.
Speaker 4: I literally just said, yeah, I'm not doing this long.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna ask you about the yeah girl. I pulled
Speaker 4: my phone out and I was like, this is the
Speaker 4: last episode. And I was crying as I was pulling
Speaker 4: into my job. I was like, I'm not I can't
Speaker 4: do this anymore. And then six months later, the lease
Speaker 4: of our content studio came to an end and I
Speaker 4: just didn't renew it. And I felt like the biggest
Speaker 4: weight was lifted off of me. And so at that time,
Speaker 4: I said, well, now I'm a focus on me. And
Speaker 4: that's when I went into this space of just putting
Speaker 4: yourself first and I tried. I piloted this thing. It
Speaker 4: was a twenty one day challenge, but I had to
Speaker 4: be ruled myself mom's zone. I don't know if we
Speaker 4: got twenty one days to be locked into something. So
Speaker 4: I said, let's make this a seven day challenge. It's free.
Speaker 4: You go to my webs patriska moo dot com. You
Speaker 4: sign up in every morning for seven days, like before
Speaker 4: you wake up, there's a message for me in your
Speaker 4: inbox telling you to either go work out, or go
Speaker 4: take yourself on a solo coffee date, or plan a
Speaker 4: little trip for yourself, or like go for like something
Speaker 4: that is just for you. And the idea is to
Speaker 4: do these things before you pour into other people, because
Speaker 4: as soon as them kids wake up, it's go time.
Speaker 4: You on on right. And so if I can inspire
Speaker 4: just one other person to remember that they matter. Not
Speaker 4: even you matter too, girl, You matter first. That's also
Speaker 4: the mindset shift. I think we always Yeah, I matter
Speaker 4: as well. No, baby, girl, you matter first. You matter first,
Speaker 4: because if you're not there mentally, spiritually, physically, then your
Speaker 4: kids are going to feel it. You're gonna feel it.
Speaker 4: It ain't even really about your kids feeling it. I
Speaker 4: think I think we I really want my moms to
Speaker 4: to stop putting the thing into their My kid, girl,
Speaker 4: what do you need? You're going to feel this. You're
Speaker 4: gonna hun them, kid. I wanted somebody else to say
Speaker 4: it first. But yeah, it's just so, that's it. It's
Speaker 4: seven days of thinking about yourself and putting yourself first.
Speaker 4: And my hope is that after those seven days it's
Speaker 4: it's I know it takes a little longer to start
Speaker 4: a habit, but at least you know, oh, I could
Speaker 4: you know what, let me go for a walk first. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and so for me, like now, I take it, I'm
Speaker 4: all the way. On the other end, you know, you
Speaker 4: have a spectrum of putting yourself first. Yeah. I meet
Speaker 4: a lot of women who don't even know the first
Speaker 4: place to start I'm all the way. On the other end,
Speaker 4: I'm taking trips out the country by myself. I'm at
Speaker 4: the gym five thirty in the morning.
Speaker 1: Looks fine, thank you.
Speaker 4: Ain't nobody's gonna No one is coming before Patrice. And
Speaker 4: I still love everybody in my family. Everybody still feels
Speaker 4: great and loved and supported.
Speaker 1: So what is your husband think about all this? Is
Speaker 1: he pretty much, like pretty supportive of it, because I
Speaker 1: know if Mama isn't good, the whole house is gonna suck. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I think I think my husband knows me, and I
Speaker 4: think he knows that when I don't when I'm not
Speaker 4: able to go work out, when I'm not able to
Speaker 4: take that trip, when I'm not able to pour into myself,
Speaker 4: I'm a bitch. Like straight up, I'm not feeling well,
Speaker 4: I'm rude, and I think he understands that. I think
Speaker 4: it took I know it took time. Though. I remember
Speaker 4: when I went on my first I call him mom caations.
Speaker 4: It was after I had baby number three, who was
Speaker 4: I was on bed rest for three weeks, he was
Speaker 4: in nick you for three weeks. He was six weeks early.
Speaker 4: I mean really took a lot a toll on our family,
Speaker 4: and once I got healed, I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 4: mamma needed to get away. And I think he felt
Speaker 4: kind of like, well, what you mean? And I said
Speaker 4: I need, I need to get away like and and
Speaker 4: he got it, he understood it. And that was that.
Speaker 4: For my birthday last week, I was in a route
Speaker 4: before four days again by myself, and he said before
Speaker 4: I left, he was like, you know, I don't really
Speaker 4: like not being able to be with you on your birthday.
Speaker 4: And I thought that was sweet that he even said that,
Speaker 4: because he's, y'all, we've been together since I was nineteen,
Speaker 4: so we've been together for a long time. So for
Speaker 4: him to say that was like, oh, okay, you're telling
Speaker 4: me how you feel. Look at that. And I said, well,
Speaker 4: I thank you for sharing that. I want to be
Speaker 4: on a beach on my birthday and if you can
Speaker 4: come next year, great, but that's what I want to
Speaker 4: do and it's my birthday. And that was it, you
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, Like he was able to say
Speaker 4: how he felt, and I was able to tell him
Speaker 4: how I felt and what I needed. And that was that.
Speaker 4: And I got on the flight the next day and
Speaker 4: went to a Ruba and maybe next.
Speaker 2: Year we'll play a room by yourself.
Speaker 4: Y'all, don't go, y'all never been on trips by yourself?
Speaker 1: I have so the last two years and now I'm
Speaker 1: in a relationship, But the last two years I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: I want to take a solo trip somewhere for a
Speaker 1: month by myself. Like I yeah, I literally I don't
Speaker 1: have no kids, so you know, now I got a cat.
Speaker 1: But other than that, like I literally have like a
Speaker 1: bookmark on my phone of places prices like that's going
Speaker 1: to be inexpensive to go, like Thailand, bally those places
Speaker 1: are cheap to go for a month. The flight is
Speaker 1: the most expensive thing. So no, I never got around
Speaker 1: to it. And I'm definitely not opposed to it because
Speaker 1: I've moved by myself, like I'd be in the world
Speaker 1: by myself. So I've never been on a like a
Speaker 1: nice trip by myself.
Speaker 4: Though.
Speaker 2: I went to Dominican Republic by myself, but it wasn't
Speaker 2: really a vacation because I was getting like some plastic
Speaker 2: survey I don't really count. It was I need somebody,
Speaker 2: you need somebody, yeah, like plastic surgery. I just had
Speaker 2: like threads on my tall linet.
Speaker 4: But it didn't even work.
Speaker 2: Y'all, don't do that ship, It did not work. I
Speaker 2: came back with the same double hit I love, don't
Speaker 2: do that, But yeah, that was my only Like I
Speaker 2: tried to plan a sol loocation to Thailand, but then
Speaker 2: I got scared and I called it my solocations.
Speaker 4: Oh u l M, you know that's cute. You need
Speaker 4: to trademark that.
Speaker 2: I know, but I didn't go. I got scared. I
Speaker 2: got scared to go.
Speaker 4: Maybe you start. I talked to a lot of women,
Speaker 4: even like my homegirl. She was scared to go to
Speaker 4: dinner by herself. So after us talking, I was like,
Speaker 4: you can do this, friend, you can do this, And
Speaker 4: like two weeks later she was like, Patrice, I went
Speaker 4: to lunch by myself and she said it felt so good.
Speaker 4: But like, for so, what did I do in the
Speaker 4: room before four days?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: You got to keep in mind I have three kids again,
Speaker 4: a very demanding job I work. I'm director of communications
Speaker 4: for a megachurch, right, huge church in DC. We always
Speaker 4: on so a lot of my time is like my
Speaker 4: calendar is very boom boom boom boom boom. So to
Speaker 4: have four days where I don't have to do anything,
Speaker 4: and I don't have a calendar. It's that's that doesn't
Speaker 4: happen often. So for real, two of those days I
Speaker 4: was literally on it. But all three of those days
Speaker 4: I was on the beach the whole time, like just
Speaker 4: laid out, woke up, went to the hotel. The hotel
Speaker 4: had a restaurant literally on the beach, so I was
Speaker 4: there for lunch. Then I went to the beach, and
Speaker 4: then I went to my room and changed and went
Speaker 4: back for dinner, went for a long walk one day.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. So really I did nothing talk.
Speaker 2: That's exactly what you did, and that's exactly.
Speaker 4: What I wanted to do. So yeah, that's that's it.
Speaker 4: And you know, I think I don't I think these again,
Speaker 4: mom cass solocations. I think they have to be by yourself.
Speaker 4: This is not a girl's trip, right because when you
Speaker 4: got a girl trip, somebody put the itinerary together. And
Speaker 4: I'm usually the one in the text like, hey, thanks
Speaker 4: for the itinerary. I'm probably not gonna do everything because
Speaker 4: I need to rest, right, Like, I don't even be
Speaker 4: doing all that stuff. It ain't a vacation at all.
Speaker 4: You know what a vacation is. You know what you
Speaker 4: got to do, right, So you really gotta baby work.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, damn.
Speaker 1: Harder than that home because sex be the best now okay,
Speaker 1: so the hotel sex.
Speaker 4: Be better, but it don't be no rest for real.
Speaker 1: So you just wake up like, hey, I'm going to
Speaker 1: Rooper for my birthday and nigga, you can't go to your.
Speaker 4: Like that agent.
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 4: But here's the one thing. I think I'm able to
Speaker 4: do these things because I know myself right, and everybody
Speaker 4: around me knows who I am, and I think that's
Speaker 4: something that I don't know if my peers other moms
Speaker 4: have had the chance to do since they've become moms,
Speaker 4: Because you become a mother, and you it's very easy
Speaker 4: to forget who you are because your life of all
Speaker 4: I was around these little humans with good reason, But
Speaker 4: who are you?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: Who are you? And it's and I talk to my
Speaker 4: girlfriends again and they've forgotten that, and I remember who
Speaker 4: they are because then my baby and I'm like, hey, girl,
Speaker 4: remember when da da da? And it kind of flashes
Speaker 4: back the life who they are, not even who they were,
Speaker 4: but who they are, who they kind of just had
Speaker 4: to put to the side. But with me always being
Speaker 4: a person who was pretty direct, this is what I need,
Speaker 4: this what's going on. Even when I wasn't able to
Speaker 4: honor it, I was at least able to kind of
Speaker 4: say it. He's never been surprised. So this trip. We
Speaker 4: didn't book it until I didn't book it. He didn't
Speaker 4: book it until the day before, but I had told
Speaker 4: him two weeks that's what I wanted. What do you
Speaker 4: want for your birthday? I want to be on a beach, simple,
Speaker 4: And I was like, if it can't happen, let me know.
Speaker 4: I'll take care of it because I'm gonna put me first.
Speaker 4: We're gonna figure it out because that's what I want
Speaker 4: to do. It's my birthday. I think your mama not.
Speaker 4: I feel like everybody should do what they want to
Speaker 4: do on their birthday period, because you like to see
Speaker 4: another year come on, Like, I'm not minimizing how I
Speaker 4: want to celebrate because of what you want.
Speaker 2: To do for me.
Speaker 4: No, this is my birthday, my birthday, right.
Speaker 2: What do you say to mothers who don't have a
Speaker 2: support system, that don't have a husband, that doesn't have
Speaker 2: somebody who can watch the kids, you know, how do
Speaker 2: they put their self first? In your opinion?
Speaker 4: That's real, that's real, and I think it's hard.
Speaker 2: Like it's so.
Speaker 4: My husband's in the military, and so he's been deployed
Speaker 4: a couple times, so there's been year long stince where
Speaker 4: he hasn't been here, and that's difficult. Thank god, I
Speaker 4: have in laws who lives ten minutes away. My parents
Speaker 4: live thirty minutes away.
Speaker 2: So you have a village.
Speaker 4: I got a village and so, but I know that's
Speaker 4: not everybody's case. In those instances, I think you have
Speaker 4: to be really intentional about building that village, right, Like,
Speaker 4: sometimes putting yourself first means making the inconvenient decisions because
Speaker 4: you know it will help you in the long run. Right.
Speaker 4: So I have a lot of examples. I have a
Speaker 4: very close friend. She has a lot of kids, and
Speaker 4: I watch her just do a lot like and I
Speaker 4: just be like, friend, you don't have to do all this.
Speaker 4: And the answer is always, well, I like money, I
Speaker 4: like to be able to And I say, yeah, but
Speaker 4: you're I don't want to say you killing yourself, but
Speaker 4: you are pulling your hair out just so you can
Speaker 4: do all the things to get all the things and
Speaker 4: for what, Like, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: So it's like, maybe maybe take a step back and
Speaker 4: kind of like just maybe maybe putting yourself first means relocating,
Speaker 4: or maybe putting yourself means downsizing so you can actually
Speaker 4: have space and have margin to breathe. You understand what
Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like when you don't even have a little
Speaker 4: bit of room to breathe, then you're already at a deficit.
Speaker 4: So you know, to that question, Tam, I think it's
Speaker 4: being extremely intentional about finding those relationships and finding those
Speaker 4: people that understand you. It might be saying to your children,
Speaker 4: I love you, but at seven o'clock from seven to
Speaker 4: eight thirty, mommy has her quiet time. And I know
Speaker 4: it's when you have little ones you can't really do that.
Speaker 4: So I'm thinking of when they're old enough to read
Speaker 4: a book, watching YouTube, this is mommy's time. Not letting
Speaker 4: your kids sleep in the bed is putting yourself first.
Speaker 4: And I'm a victim of this right because my five
Speaker 4: year old will hop in that bed and I've had
Speaker 4: to say, this is not your bed, this is my
Speaker 4: peaceful place, even like going not staying up until twelve
Speaker 4: o'clock at night and purposely going upstairs at nine thirty
Speaker 4: and doing your skincare and your kids could be in
Speaker 4: the room, right, But like I know, y'all just had
Speaker 4: an episode on skincare, right, Like sitting down and being
Speaker 4: in your room, lighting your candle, putting the music on,
Speaker 4: and giving yourself a facial a mask, doing the things
Speaker 4: that feels good.
Speaker 1: That's meditation. I think people think like meditation is like
Speaker 1: closing your eyes and being silent, Like it's not. I
Speaker 1: meditate while I'm driving a lot, no radio, just driving.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that is a form of meditation, like just quiet, Yeah,
Speaker 1: doing something that you love, taking care of your body
Speaker 1: from the outsiding. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I got a client that I prayed that she
Speaker 2: listened to this episode because she has four kids and
Speaker 2: she's a single mom, and she comes to get her
Speaker 2: hair done with three laptops, three different jobs going at
Speaker 2: the same time. She like, I can barely do her
Speaker 2: hair because she's on this computer on and just trying
Speaker 2: to juggle three jobs so she could take care of
Speaker 2: these kids. Wow, And meanwhile I'm trying to flatter on
Speaker 2: a little bit of edge that she got left because
Speaker 2: her hair is coming out. Yeah, so I hope she
Speaker 2: listens to this episode because babe girl put one of
Speaker 2: them computers down.
Speaker 4: Just look like even like getting your hair done is
Speaker 4: to me, that's when I know I'm about to go
Speaker 4: get my hair done. As short as it is, I'm
Speaker 4: like the calendar is blocked. I'm locked in what we
Speaker 4: talk about, girl like it's a it's self care. So
Speaker 4: to go into that space and not even be able
Speaker 4: to enjoy that time, it's just like something got to
Speaker 4: give you. Sometimes you got to. I mean I can't.
Speaker 1: It's hard.
Speaker 4: I've set my life up. And I don't say this
Speaker 4: as a brag. I was talking.
Speaker 1: I know what you're about to say. Yeah, you tell
Speaker 1: me like.
Speaker 4: I set my life up. So this is how it is.
Speaker 4: I work remotely. I purposely went for the job that
Speaker 4: was able to let me do this. You know, I
Speaker 4: decide to get up early and work out. But also
Speaker 4: because I work remotely, I can go to the gym
Speaker 4: at nine thirty and I can block my calendar so
Speaker 4: nobody puts the meetings on my calendar. Like again, my
Speaker 4: husband knows who I am because this is how i've
Speaker 4: this is how we've been. I can go when these
Speaker 4: long walks because I do everything remotely. And again, I
Speaker 4: know this is not everybody's time but or everybody's reality,
Speaker 4: but I do think part of putting you first is
Speaker 4: taking ownership of your life and not just doing what
Speaker 4: you've been doing and making the changes and again making
Speaker 4: those sacrifices so that you can live the way you
Speaker 4: want to live, whether you're a man, woman, mom. You know,
Speaker 4: area like we own our lives. We own our lives.
Speaker 4: Nobody should be in control of our life. And once
Speaker 4: you realize that and you take control of it, it's
Speaker 4: the game changer. It's hard, though, because it's a lot
Speaker 4: easier to point the finger, it's a lot easier to
Speaker 4: put the blame on everybody else.
Speaker 1: Accountability is what I'm hearing. Yeah, because I saw one
Speaker 1: of your videos. You were talking about like just outsourcing
Speaker 1: some of the things, you know, like these men be
Speaker 1: on these podcasts and they talking about a woman cooking,
Speaker 1: cleaning and all that, like if you really love your
Speaker 1: wife or your girlfriend like you or another video I
Speaker 1: saw this guy he just looked over at his girlfriend
Speaker 1: and then the caption was like the moment you realize
Speaker 1: you got to get your money up because you you
Speaker 1: want to make that exactly you saw it.
Speaker 2: Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1: I almost sent that to mind. But I know that's
Speaker 1: how he feels about me, right, Like everything is surrounding
Speaker 1: about upgrading everything. Right, So if you with somebody who
Speaker 1: don't look at you like that, get the fuck up
Speaker 1: out of there. Yeah, but anyway, like just outsourcing some
Speaker 1: of the things so you aren't as busy. I feel
Speaker 1: like if you're married, like, why is it our job
Speaker 1: a woman? If I'm working, why isn't my job to
Speaker 1: full close, wash dishes, cook clean all the things? We
Speaker 1: outsource some of this stuff. I gotta see him, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you I might pay for that once
Speaker 1: every two months.
Speaker 4: My job.
Speaker 1: Listen, I should be clicking right now. I don't even
Speaker 1: talk the same no more. That's how bad my TMJ is.
Speaker 1: I know my nigga deprived. Okay, like I might have
Speaker 1: to get.
Speaker 2: In turn.
Speaker 4: Listen, as long as it get done. Yeah, we get
Speaker 4: we get our clothes picked up. I use a laundry service.
Speaker 4: I don't wash clothes like I mean, obviously, you know
Speaker 4: you gotta throw some things in there here and there.
Speaker 4: But now my husband us a laundry service, so he
Speaker 4: on board bam put in a bag, go I cook,
Speaker 4: but we door dash, you know, like we not. You
Speaker 4: gotta know you, gotta know you. But I'm gonna say
Speaker 4: you brought up a real good point because you know,
Speaker 4: thirty years ago, maybe not thirty years ago, because I
Speaker 4: feel like the women were going into the workforce heavy
Speaker 4: in the seventies, eighties, nineties, and I remember watching my
Speaker 4: mom put that suit on with the shoulder pass you know,
Speaker 4: got her briefcase, going driving an hour and a half
Speaker 4: to be an accountant with a bunch of racist people,
Speaker 4: still coming home picking me up late for aftercare, and
Speaker 4: I'm staying to myself. When you look back, You're like, well, god, dad,
Speaker 4: why my dad wasn't picking me up? He worked a
Speaker 4: lot closer? Or you know, you right to why dad
Speaker 4: ain't picking me up from dance class? But you don't
Speaker 4: think about that when you're eight years old. So now
Speaker 4: you fast forward to twenty twenty four, twenty twenty whatever year,
Speaker 4: and not only are we taking care of our children
Speaker 4: and our families, but we are working these high powered jobs.
Speaker 4: Some of us are content creators, and we got other
Speaker 4: passions that were filled, like we've added to the plate. Meanwhile,
Speaker 4: the dudes are the partners, because I've heard that actually
Speaker 4: these dynamics happen in same sex relationships as well. But
Speaker 4: the other partner, the non I don't know what the
Speaker 4: word is, but they are just kind of hanging out.
Speaker 4: And I've had us of late. Since taking my new
Speaker 4: job two years ago, I've had a lot of conversations.
Speaker 4: I even said to mine, I'm gonna be real with you,
Speaker 4: I said to my husband two days ago. We went
Speaker 4: out for a drink and I was just like, yeah,
Speaker 4: so if I'm going to be doing all the duties,
Speaker 4: then I am no. I don't want to contribute financially here,
Speaker 4: like let me keep.
Speaker 1: My check and just by myself.
Speaker 4: I mean like like you don't have to do both.
Speaker 4: You don't have to do domestic and go to your
Speaker 4: you know, great job. But I am going to my
Speaker 4: great job and doing the domestic.
Speaker 2: That's not you.
Speaker 1: Working for everybody. Any Men just work for the job.
Speaker 1: They just work for the man.
Speaker 2: That's not fair. Sometimes men have other jobs like keeping
Speaker 2: the long, keeping the cars together.
Speaker 4: We get our long, we get our lung, we get
Speaker 4: our car, our grass cut.
Speaker 2: Okay, but sometimes they have other responsibility.
Speaker 1: The air condition don't go out by every ten fifteen years,
Speaker 1: or you might have to check. You might have to
Speaker 1: touch that for fifteen years, the toilet bowl running or whatever.
Speaker 1: That's a quick glowle fixed, like what else doing in
Speaker 1: the house?
Speaker 2: Come on, guys.
Speaker 4: So yeah, and every case is different, you know, So
Speaker 4: like this, put yourself first. And that's why I always
Speaker 4: like start with the challenge because no matter what your
Speaker 4: your home life is, your family, makeup, single mom, like,
Speaker 4: no matter that, you can at least do this by yourself.
Speaker 4: You don't need anybody to buy in, You don't need
Speaker 4: any of that. You can wake up every morning and
Speaker 4: do these seven things every morning. Now, when you go
Speaker 4: farther along, then you are going to need to look
Speaker 4: at things differently because you might need the babysitter, you
Speaker 4: might need the things. But at least that's seven days
Speaker 4: you're able to lock into you easily.
Speaker 2: So you said you will want to keep your check,
Speaker 2: which I agree with you. Let me keep my money too,
Speaker 2: But I just want to know how you feel about
Speaker 2: the fifty to fifty conversation that people have about relationships.
Speaker 2: Only I feel like only black people are talking about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the others aren't out. Yeah, So I mean we've
Speaker 4: had our joint. It's all one ain't no fifty fifty here,
Speaker 4: It's just one account. The money goes into our account.
Speaker 4: Each of us takes a percentage for our fun money.
Speaker 4: But that's it. So I got I don't know. I don't.
Speaker 4: Even before we were married, we were living together and
Speaker 4: my husband at the time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 4: But he paid the mortgage. He paid and I paid
Speaker 4: the utilities, and I paid the the groceries, which was
Speaker 4: a minor fraction of the money the things he paid.
Speaker 4: We never even had that conversation. But the things are
Speaker 4: different now. The world is different now. I don't I
Speaker 4: don't know. I just say what worked for you, work
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 1: Right, because I don't think other communities aren't doing fifty
Speaker 1: to fifty is on to talk about it like people
Speaker 1: talk whatever y'all gotta do to get out trenches, do
Speaker 1: that shit to get whatever it is? Why are we
Speaker 1: talking about it? Because I mean it kind of diminishes
Speaker 1: men a little bit, and then like for women, as
Speaker 1: like the bringing the ship to the table and all
Speaker 1: that little weird things like why why would you not
Speaker 1: want to work extra hard so your a woman doesn't
Speaker 1: really have to because everybody's happy when a woman. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying like men don't need to be happy, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But they are supposed to be problem solvers. We're gonna
Speaker 1: take all their jobs away. Don't nobody want to no
Speaker 1: idolized man? They get mean when they're not producing, they
Speaker 1: get mad when they don't have money. They do the Yeah,
Speaker 1: so find you a woman that's worth producing for my adviceiggas.
Speaker 4: The way that argument is that when you're when you're
Speaker 4: dating someone, everybody should put up fifty to fifty. Like
Speaker 4: you split the rent fifty fifty, you split everything fifty.
Speaker 2: In the middle.
Speaker 1: Dating is not living together. Once you start living with somebody, like,
Speaker 1: that's right, you damn get married. You know some states
Speaker 1: you might be legally married common law.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so very much.
Speaker 1: But when we're dating, like, am I really supposed to
Speaker 1: be paying for dates?
Speaker 4: Mmm?
Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't mind paying for a date.
Speaker 4: A date, brea, birthdays absolutely, a little cute little after.
Speaker 1: Breakfast and birthdays. I got them every time. Right now,
Speaker 1: I've paid for dates. I don't know what people, but
Speaker 1: it still it's somebody you love and who you with.
Speaker 1: These men can be complaining because they're trying to date
Speaker 1: five different women to see who giving up some couci
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, n night and just
Speaker 1: pick somebody who likes you, but you're going to suck
Speaker 1: your dick because they want to at the end of
Speaker 1: the night.
Speaker 4: Pick somebody that likes you. And I've always come from
Speaker 4: the standpoint of I am the prize.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 4: If you sit next to me, we haven't. You're gonna
Speaker 4: get something out of this conversation. You're gonna walk away
Speaker 4: from this dinner or whatever it is, feeling better or
Speaker 4: learning something that's valuable. So I'm not paying for nothing.
Speaker 2: Have you ever carried any guilt? Like I hear sometimes
Speaker 2: mothers say, like mothers who have careers, like something suffers,
Speaker 2: something always suffers. And I always carry guilt because if
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent here, I'm neglecting this. If I'm
Speaker 2: one hundred percent there, then I'm neglecting that. Do you
Speaker 2: have you ever felt that way?
Speaker 4: I have not so much anymore. Thankfully, where I work
Speaker 4: is very family friendly, and we just all prioritize our families.
Speaker 4: But I remember that this is a true story. The
Speaker 4: day that I ended my decided to end my podcast,
Speaker 4: the baby was like thirty minutes late for school and
Speaker 4: I forgot his lunch, and I remembered I had forgot
Speaker 4: something at work too, So I just pulled into his
Speaker 4: parking lot at his school and I just started crying
Speaker 4: because I'm like yo, And that's what led to the
Speaker 4: I can't do this thing anymore. But there have absolutely
Speaker 4: been times where I forgot something like, oh, you're supposed
Speaker 4: to have dressed down day. God damn, I forgot that,
Speaker 4: and that dressed Downday be a big deal. So it
Speaker 4: so usually comes there. But when I have to go
Speaker 4: on work trips or I don't feel guilt. I don't
Speaker 4: because I'm a very present mom, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: Like I pick my kids up every day, I take
Speaker 4: them sometimes, I walk them to school, like they come
Speaker 4: to work with me sometimes, So I don't, and I'm
Speaker 4: I gotta be real with you. I don't and I don't.
Speaker 4: But I'm also not working a job. My husband has
Speaker 4: had to be overseas for this past summer. He was
Speaker 4: in Guam for three months. Maybe he If that was me,
Speaker 4: I might have felt guilt for having to be away
Speaker 4: for three months.
Speaker 2: But at this day and age, M M say what
Speaker 2: do you say to moms that do carry that guilt?
Speaker 2: What advice would you do.
Speaker 1: To seven day challenge challenging?
Speaker 4: Cause it seems like where does it? And I wish
Speaker 4: I would have I wish I could have looked this up, like,
Speaker 4: you know, where does guilt come from? Is it because
Speaker 4: you didn't do something else and now this is like
Speaker 4: piling on? Is it because you just didn't have time?
Speaker 4: I don't know. Is it because is it because subconscially
Speaker 4: you don't even like this job and you hate that
Speaker 4: you even have to do this, and so now it's
Speaker 4: even causing you to not only do you hate the job,
Speaker 4: but now it's causing you to not be there for
Speaker 4: your kids, you know. So I think maybe that's the
Speaker 4: bigger question. And I hope I'm not being too like
Speaker 4: philosophical here, but it's just like, why do you feel
Speaker 4: guilty about it? What is because?
Speaker 2: I I don't know.
Speaker 4: Again, that's not it's not my reality, but yeah, kind
Speaker 4: of consider that. Why are you feeling how you feel?
Speaker 4: Where is that guilt coming from? Is it your partner
Speaker 4: that's making you feel shitty because you got to do this?
Speaker 4: Because if that's the case, then you need to deal
Speaker 4: with that, you know, is it just is it? Is
Speaker 4: it guilt or is it you're just tired? Are you tired?
Speaker 4: Do you need to take PTO? Are you tired of
Speaker 4: your kids? I don't know. There there might be some
Speaker 4: other things there that have to be thought through and
Speaker 4: figured out. And if it is guilt, you know, maybe
Speaker 4: it is just a matter of you know what, I
Speaker 4: don't like this. I need to make a change, right,
Speaker 4: I need to now do the uncomfortable thing so I
Speaker 4: don't feel this anymore. But if you stay in that
Speaker 4: same job, in that same position, and that same set up,
Speaker 4: in that same daily schedule, You're gonna feel the guilt again.
Speaker 4: So I would also say that, like, figure out what
Speaker 4: it is and why and change immediately or make a plan.
Speaker 2: To So I'm not a mom, but I spent like
Speaker 2: two weeks with my best friend and my god kids,
Speaker 2: and they're little, and I loved them to death, right,
Speaker 2: I love them so two and one oh, okay, one
Speaker 2: behind the other, right, And that shit never stops, Like Mama,
Speaker 2: like she would finally get to bed and then six
Speaker 2: in the morning, I hear songs, paying screaming, all kind
Speaker 2: of shit happening. I'm like oh my god, if I
Speaker 2: could do this and it just like it's done at
Speaker 2: nine o'clock. And then it started getting right in the morning,
Speaker 2: we're singing wheels on the bus and like I'm talking
Speaker 2: about that's one of the songs. In the morning, we
Speaker 2: had a freezing So motherhood is severely a full time
Speaker 2: job in itself. I don't know if I'm capable of
Speaker 2: juggling a full time career. So you said you had
Speaker 2: a career, a husband, a podcast studio and the actual
Speaker 2: podcast and three children.
Speaker 4: Cracked on crack like girl, you know, because I do.
Speaker 1: Be feeling like okay, So like my like trying to
Speaker 1: wake up six o'clock in the morning, like I did
Speaker 1: it this morning. I worked out. That's why I was
Speaker 1: trying to get off the meeting earlier town like go
Speaker 1: take a child before we got here, like I actually
Speaker 1: got up and some Monday's Tuesday whatever, I'll pick a
Speaker 1: day and I actually do all the things right. But
Speaker 1: you gotta have a lot of discipline when you have
Speaker 1: a kid. So like, God ain't giving me a kid
Speaker 1: because did you not discipline?
Speaker 2: Like, but you gotta be you can't bring the discipline
Speaker 2: because I used to pray before she had that the
Speaker 2: first baby. I'm like, god less her with the mind
Speaker 2: of mother because she's such a squarel brad her like
Speaker 2: being nobody's mama. But she's such amazing mom and so dedicated.
Speaker 2: Like she surprised me. I'm like, you surprised me. I
Speaker 2: didn't think. I thought I was gonna have to take
Speaker 2: these babies from you, you know. But she's a great mom.
Speaker 2: So sometimes I think that comes with becoming a mother.
Speaker 1: It definitely does like nothing to prepare you for it,
Speaker 1: for real.
Speaker 4: Nothing. I was twenty three when I had our first kid.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, I didn't know what the hell like the child,
Speaker 4: couldn't didn't know nothing, and you know, you look at
Speaker 4: him now, obviously we knew enough and it just comes
Speaker 4: to you prayerly, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I didn't get up to what nine today?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you can't do that with a kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't sleep in no more like some some kids
Speaker 1: don't sleep high matenance babies, Hey, your ass up all night?
Speaker 1: I could.
Speaker 4: That was our baby. He was were the premature one.
Speaker 4: I hate to really, you know, refer to him as that,
Speaker 4: but it's like we were like, damn, nigga, can you
Speaker 4: breathe because he would be like he would just be
Speaker 4: weird every time you went to sleep, and it would
Speaker 4: be like, yo, I'm tired, like waddle and go to sleep.
Speaker 4: But yeah, and that's the other thing, Like every kid
Speaker 4: is different. So even if you have one and you
Speaker 4: like you got it, you got your system, bam bam band,
Speaker 4: you throw the other one in the mix and it's
Speaker 4: a totally different human experience. Like, so you gotta really
Speaker 4: you're literally starting from scratch. Yeah, you know, I'm I
Speaker 4: think I'm a Parenthood takes discipline absolutely because not only
Speaker 4: do you have to be disciplined within yourself, you got
Speaker 4: to discipline these kids. I think some of this put
Speaker 4: yourself first, and I think some of this this feeling
Speaker 4: of you know, being a parent and not being able
Speaker 4: to be yourself or pouring to you, it's because you've
Speaker 4: got to Not only do you have to pay attention
Speaker 4: to your kids and discipline them and you know, take
Speaker 4: care of them and nurture them, but you got some
Speaker 4: of these kids who are running the household, right, so
Speaker 4: you can't you dang sure can't live your best when
Speaker 4: you have a child who is telling you what to do,
Speaker 4: and like I said, running the household. So that's a
Speaker 4: whole nother that might be all another conversation like I'm
Speaker 4: the adult here, not you, right, like, this is my home,
Speaker 4: and you have to do even as a baby, a
Speaker 4: one year old, a two year old, whatever the age,
Speaker 4: you have to Parents have to set the tone for
Speaker 4: their children, not the other way around. And I think
Speaker 4: as time goes on, you know, we're in twenty twenty
Speaker 4: four and I'm somebody.
Speaker 1: With gentle stuff.
Speaker 4: Thank you, the gentle parenting, right Like, wait, wait a
Speaker 4: minute now, gentle you so gentle your parenting is so
Speaker 4: gentle that you are literally losing your mind. You know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Like that, don't that? Ain't that don't
Speaker 4: add up at all? Not to me anyway, I.
Speaker 1: Think I would.
Speaker 2: How about shanking kids.
Speaker 4: I'm not opposed to it. I think there's a line
Speaker 4: to abuse. I've never had to No, I've had to pop.
Speaker 4: I've had to pop maybe once or twice. Yeah, I'm listen.
Speaker 4: If that's how you have to discipline your child, that's
Speaker 4: how you got disciplined child.
Speaker 2: You know, I used to think that I would be
Speaker 2: a mom, like I'm a double backslap of baby to
Speaker 2: talk back to me right. But once my sister had
Speaker 2: kids and I would watch my niece. If they misbehave
Speaker 2: and I did a little pop, I would cry. I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, like so I know that I'm softer than
Speaker 2: I think in my head, like they would run all
Speaker 2: over me already. Know.
Speaker 4: Some kids don't some people don't like everybody. It takes
Speaker 4: different things to everybody to change and learn. So you
Speaker 4: got one child who you can This is me and
Speaker 4: my sister. We're fifteen years apart. I had two pops
Speaker 4: as a child, one when I was like four and
Speaker 4: the other one I was sixteen. My mom slapped me
Speaker 4: across the face because I snuck out to go to
Speaker 4: my boyfriend house.
Speaker 2: That was it.
Speaker 4: Nobody ever had to discipline me ever again because that
Speaker 4: part two they never knew.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: My sister, on the other hand, no, I mean every
Speaker 4: week since it's getting beat and did not care and
Speaker 4: the house, same parents came. You gotta know how to anone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's always one.
Speaker 4: She's still off the chain too, bless her heart. I
Speaker 4: love her though.
Speaker 1: Aside from the the seven day Challenge, the mom caation magic.
Speaker 1: So you help people plan these solocations?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, so it's an ebook. It's Momcation Magic, and
Speaker 4: it's literally from start to finish like Okay, you need
Speaker 4: to get away, you don't know how. So it gives
Speaker 4: you like places you can go visit. It's a whole
Speaker 4: like three like different packing list. I've even put a
Speaker 4: template of a letter in there, a script that you
Speaker 4: can read to your partner or your community member. No,
Speaker 4: I'm for real, y'all, Like if you just are really
Speaker 4: scared to ask or to bring this up, get this
Speaker 4: mom Caation Magic and literally read it or copy and
Speaker 4: paste it. Cause I understand there's barriers there. It's levels
Speaker 4: to this, and we're all on different stages of this
Speaker 4: motherhood thing, of this self care thing. Take momhood aside,
Speaker 4: like you gotta, we all have to be putting ourselves first.
Speaker 4: So yeah, the ebook literally is a just a tool
Speaker 4: to help you. It has like quotes in there about
Speaker 4: self care. It's pictures of me on my various trips
Speaker 4: to hopefully inspire you to take one or two like
Speaker 4: just a resource, you know, pdf downloaded and hopefully hopefully
Speaker 4: it helps. Like everything I do is it's really just
Speaker 4: to I can't talk to everybody, like I cannot sit
Speaker 4: there and everybody DM. So you just go on a
Speaker 4: trip by yourself? How you do that? Can't do that
Speaker 4: toa I cannot have this conversation with all of y'all.
Speaker 4: But I promise you you get that mom mom Cation
Speaker 4: Magic ebook, you'll you'll be on your way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: I just don't know how my because no kids involved.
Speaker 1: He has kids that I don't. But I just don't
Speaker 1: know how a conversation. I can have a conversation because
Speaker 1: I'm always say what I want. There's that part. So
Speaker 1: if I say, hey, dude, I'm about to go on
Speaker 1: vacation for five days by myself, he would have a fit.
Speaker 4: Hmmm.
Speaker 1: I believe he would have.
Speaker 2: It hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 1: I haven't asked him.
Speaker 4: You don't know.
Speaker 1: But even just me going on vacation, like without him
Speaker 1: with other people, he don't like that. Yeah, they're gonna
Speaker 1: automatically imagine you being on one of those canoes in Jamaica,
Speaker 1: like the most be automatically.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, I don't want to their canoes. I'm not
Speaker 2: a hope.
Speaker 4: That's why I'm going next though, Vocation. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's another book I might write that one.
Speaker 2: See that's why he don't want you to know.
Speaker 1: That's why I never smashed no random dick on vacation ever. Okay,
Speaker 1: he ain't got to worry about that ship a local nigga,
Speaker 1: but he could be no random I'm just playing his jokes.
Speaker 4: He might go crazy, but he might not.
Speaker 2: It's so what do I do?
Speaker 1: So if he goes crazy? What do I just still go?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 4: I think you I think y'all need to talk about
Speaker 4: it a little bit more. I think it's okay. I
Speaker 4: think in these kind of situations, it's not a hey,
Speaker 4: I'm going on the trip boom. It's hey, babe, let's
Speaker 4: y'all maybe at dinner, what do you think about? And
Speaker 4: you might already know the answer, but let's just start
Speaker 4: to have a conversation, you know what. I need some
Speaker 4: time to myself. Busy things are rough, Like I'm tired.
Speaker 4: I just need to get away thinking about doing this.
Speaker 4: What do you think?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 4: Are you cool with me? Because I started, I didn't
Speaker 4: start going out of town. I started doing staycations. So
Speaker 4: I would go to like and I still do this.
Speaker 4: Like I would just find a cute little hotel in
Speaker 4: DC and stay there from Friday to Sunday night. You
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, like a little staycation, don't text me,
Speaker 4: don't bother me, this is my time.
Speaker 1: That's an understanding that I don't know if I have
Speaker 1: ever been with anybody like them niggas to be stalking me.
Speaker 1: But this is yeah, this is for some moms. I
Speaker 1: guess who, like they get your ebook.
Speaker 4: Yeah, give them the script, right, yep? Yeah.
Speaker 1: But then the person the recipient of the script is
Speaker 1: like that, are you nuts?
Speaker 4: And so this next I don't want to break up home,
Speaker 4: but you have to put yourself first, right because if
Speaker 4: it's the it might not be the trip. It might
Speaker 4: be going to the gym, it might be who knows,
Speaker 4: it might be not going grocery shop. And it's saying,
Speaker 4: you know what, you can do this. I don't need
Speaker 4: to do this. Somebody gotta empower, Like someone has to
Speaker 4: be empowered to break Here's listen here. If your situation
Speaker 4: is working for you, keep doing it. But if your
Speaker 4: situation is breaking you down and you are not who
Speaker 4: you want to be and you are very unhappy with
Speaker 4: your life or just the situation, then there has to
Speaker 4: be drastic changes. And I've had so many and I
Speaker 4: still have them uncomfortable conversations with my husband about I
Speaker 4: don't like this, Why am I only doing this? Da
Speaker 4: da da da da. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it doesn't.
Speaker 4: But like if you're with if your partner, I think
Speaker 4: there's some real good questions here. Why are you uncomfortable
Speaker 4: with me being by myself for three days? Why does
Speaker 4: that give you pause? Because like I need to understand
Speaker 4: why do you feel this way? And depending on the answer,
Speaker 4: that's the conversation. I'm also my husband is take you
Speaker 4: want to go on a trip, go ahead? Like I'm
Speaker 4: also yeah, like I if I can do something, then
Speaker 4: you should be able to do it too. But like
Speaker 4: I am not trying to break up happy homes. But
Speaker 4: if you are in a position where you, like I said,
Speaker 4: are just really drowning, that's the word. You're drowning. You
Speaker 4: are defeated and you don't even remember what it feels
Speaker 4: like to be by yourself. Something needs to change. And
Speaker 4: if your partner loves you and wants you to be
Speaker 4: your best for the family and for yourself, if they're
Speaker 4: going so far off the deep end for something like this,
Speaker 4: then there's some bigger issues there. I don't know what
Speaker 4: those bigger issues are. But that's that's what that seems.
Speaker 4: That's a little off to me.
Speaker 2: Also asking why you got his dick in your hand,
Speaker 2: because I heard no right there.
Speaker 4: I think you just do it like that's.
Speaker 1: Like he's not about to be irate. I know shit
Speaker 1: like that. But I don't like to have continuous conversations
Speaker 1: about the same shit. So now I got to keep
Speaker 1: explaining why this is good for me. And I'm not
Speaker 1: really just talking about me. I'm just talking about women
Speaker 1: who may be in these situations with children right and
Speaker 1: just needing a break. I saw this TikTok once in
Speaker 1: this White Lady. She was like, you know, it really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how much you love your husband and your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: your significant other, if y'all live together. It's just something
Speaker 1: about it when they're not home that feels so good.
Speaker 1: That is a real thing. Like I really breathe easy
Speaker 1: when I'm by myself, and he really does nothing to
Speaker 1: me at all. It's just the the energy energy of
Speaker 1: another person. I know it might be some Gemini shit,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what it is, but
Speaker 1: he's a Gemini too. But I need to be I
Speaker 1: need alone time space. I need space. So I do
Speaker 1: like being by myself a lot.
Speaker 4: I think that solo time also, you know, I love
Speaker 4: I like being by myself a lot too because I
Speaker 4: really like myself that part. Right, So when you got
Speaker 4: to be in a space away by yourself and all
Speaker 4: you have is you to laugh at, to go through
Speaker 4: the things, to you know, get drunk, like you gotta
Speaker 4: really fuck with yourself. You gotta know you can walk
Speaker 4: into a room and meet pe people and have a ball,
Speaker 4: or it's be sitting in your hotel room and have
Speaker 4: a ball. And that's that's a you know, I wish
Speaker 4: that for a lot of people. I think the pandemic
Speaker 4: showed a lot of people that they really didn't like
Speaker 4: themselves and for their partner.
Speaker 1: Nurse that part because I definitely grow up during the pandemic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a couple months in a quiet.
Speaker 4: Time, that alone time is gonna tell to tell every time.
Speaker 4: And that's why I think it's so important because when
Speaker 4: you have all the kids and all the things, you
Speaker 4: don't have that, so you don't know who you are, right.
Speaker 4: It all kind of goes back to this whole thing,
Speaker 4: like when you're not able to focus on you because
Speaker 4: you're focusing on them. Then you're just not you don't
Speaker 4: know who you are. And then you just keep going
Speaker 4: and twenty years down the line when you talk about
Speaker 4: this when you're kids, not even twenty years. My daughter,
Speaker 4: our middle child, is seven years old, and Sis goes
Speaker 4: down in that basement. She's a tween. She turns on,
Speaker 4: she watched her TV. She'd be laughing, and when I
Speaker 4: come downstairs, it's like, hey, Parker, how are you? She
Speaker 4: comes back upstairs. I said, so. It ain't when they
Speaker 4: turned eighteen. It is when they seven and eight, when
Speaker 4: they are moving on and finding their own lives and
Speaker 4: their own things. And as the mom or the dad
Speaker 4: or the whatever who didn't have a thing for themselves,
Speaker 4: you just sitting there looking crazy.
Speaker 2: I'm a client. Well she's not my client anymore, but
Speaker 2: it was a client that she like was so involved
Speaker 2: in her son's life. She just obviously wanted the best
Speaker 2: for her child, whichever mother wants for the most part.
Speaker 2: But he went off, she like smothered him, you know.
Speaker 2: So when he went off to college, he wouldn't want
Speaker 2: to come home for spring break. He wanted to go
Speaker 2: off with his friends and do stuff. And it like
Speaker 2: devastated her, and like she would like pick fights with
Speaker 2: him about it, and like she ended up having to
Speaker 2: go to therapy about it because she was so attached
Speaker 2: to this child like her, that child had become her
Speaker 2: whole existence. So when he went off to be an
Speaker 2: adult male, she didn't know what to do with herself.
Speaker 2: And she was it's like hurt by the fact that
Speaker 2: he wanted to have his own life.
Speaker 1: Did she have anybody? Was she single?
Speaker 2: She just devoted her entire astance to being this boy's mom,
Speaker 2: you know, which is okay. I mean I get it.
Speaker 2: You want to be a good mom, you want to
Speaker 2: be the best mom, but you got to have a
Speaker 2: life too, baby.
Speaker 4: Got to And how how dope is it when your
Speaker 4: kids see that you love yourself? You know I'm saying,
Speaker 4: like they see it and they notice it. Like my
Speaker 4: when I'll get I'll get up, you know, the five
Speaker 4: thirty and I'll come back in the house around seven,
Speaker 4: and the old the baby is be up. He just
Speaker 4: be up and he will greet me at the door
Speaker 4: and he's like, hey, mom, how is the gem? Did
Speaker 4: you have a good workout? So it's at this point
Speaker 4: it's embedded in our family that mom has to do
Speaker 4: what she needs to do for herself. And now we're like,
Speaker 4: they want to work out too, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: So when your kids see that you love you and
Speaker 4: you care about you, and when they also see that
Speaker 4: your world don't revolve around them, not you know, one
Speaker 4: hundred percent of the time, then I believe that they're
Speaker 4: they operate a little differently, right because they say, Mommy
Speaker 4: loves herself, Mommy, mommy gonna do. Mommy's fine, Mommy's Mommy's fine,
Speaker 4: you know, Mommy's happy. And I think it when you
Speaker 4: look at it from that perspectives, that's the other thing
Speaker 4: I think Mom's missed because we just assume, not all
Speaker 4: of us. It's very easy to assume that we have
Speaker 4: to do everything. That's a little bit of ego. No
Speaker 4: one can replace me, and no one can replace the mom, right,
Speaker 4: but no one can do this. Dad can't wash the clothes,
Speaker 4: Dad can't do this, You can't do that. Only I
Speaker 4: can do this because I'm the mom and da da
Speaker 4: da da da da dah dah. And it's like, girl,
Speaker 4: remove your ego, because what you need to what we
Speaker 4: should do is build community around our children. So that
Speaker 4: they know that they got ten people that gonna look
Speaker 4: up after them and not just that one person. You know,
Speaker 4: we're not gonna be here forever. You don't want to
Speaker 4: raise a child can't live without you.
Speaker 2: Because they're gonna have to.
Speaker 4: That's the one thing that we know gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I have a friend who I mean,
Speaker 1: she pretty pretty privileged for the friends, and both of them,
Speaker 1: husband and wife, are my friends. But he didn't because
Speaker 1: she's at home mom, right, and she just does all
Speaker 1: the after school shit and they did have a nanny
Speaker 1: do having a nanny and things like that. He just
Speaker 1: thought her life was so easy until COVID hit and
Speaker 1: he actually had to be home with the kids to see,
Speaker 1: like when he wakes up five o'clock in the morning,
Speaker 1: three o'clock whatever, like that's when her day starts too,
Speaker 1: and they go to bed at the same time. So
Speaker 1: really like she's working double damn near having to deal
Speaker 1: with four kids and help. But he didn't realize it
Speaker 1: until COVID when he was in the house to actually
Speaker 1: see all the moving parts.
Speaker 4: If these our partners would not be able to afford
Speaker 4: And I tell my husband this too, I said, sweetheart,
Speaker 4: if I charge you for the work that I do,
Speaker 4: this invisible labor, you wouldn't be able to afford me.
Speaker 4: Like I was a stay at home mom for two
Speaker 4: years with the with the babies, and I was ready
Speaker 4: to go back to work. I was like, Okay, I
Speaker 4: don't this too much. I've been with y'all for two years.
Speaker 4: Like it's a lot, a lot, and they just assume
Speaker 4: because you don't have to physically get dressed and go somewhere.
Speaker 4: But from you know, for me, going getting up and
Speaker 4: even just working with people, that's a release. That's like
Speaker 4: talking to adults. You know what I'm saying. You in
Speaker 4: a house with kids, children that at this point are
Speaker 4: not adding any like intellectual value to your life. They
Speaker 4: are literally things that you have to physically take care
Speaker 4: of from start to finish, the most draining thing you'll
Speaker 4: ever have to imagine. But they don't see it until
Speaker 4: they have to do it, which is another reason why
Speaker 4: you should get up out of there so that they
Speaker 4: can see what it actually takes. You understand, I'm saying, like, girl,
Speaker 4: he might need to see what these with these jokes
Speaker 4: really take, you know, because he don't get it. They
Speaker 4: don't get it, whoever the gender is. But when I
Speaker 4: got back this past my husband looked tired. He slept
Speaker 4: for like two days after. When I got back last week, Yeah,
Speaker 4: baby was tired. And we even when we was out
Speaker 4: with some of our friends yesterday and the husband was
Speaker 4: just like, you know, you cool with her going to
Speaker 4: d D. Long story short, he was like yeah, But
Speaker 4: when she got back, I was just like this too much.
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, you saw all the things
Speaker 4: that I do, but you see what I do every day.
Speaker 4: But he also sees what I do every day, you know,
Speaker 4: like you see me making the things.
Speaker 2: But you make it look.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they don't realize you just never know that
Speaker 1: you actually got to do the things right.
Speaker 2: That part, that part, it was so funny. My best friend,
Speaker 2: she had got six she got COVID, so she had
Speaker 2: to lock herself up in the room and I came
Speaker 2: by to help because I know her man was going
Speaker 2: through it. When I walked in that house, y'all, that
Speaker 2: ship looked like a tornado hit that motherfucker. My god,
Speaker 2: baby on the entertainment center just doing a dug. I
Speaker 2: think it was like chairs knocked over floor. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: I just came in there and helped him because I
Speaker 2: knew he couldn't handle it.
Speaker 4: You know, girl, when I was in his ministry, I
Speaker 4: lied to y'all. Not when I was on my last
Speaker 4: the last day of the trip. Two days before, I
Speaker 4: text our cleaning lady like, hey, girl, are you available
Speaker 4: Thursday to Friday. I already knew what time it was
Speaker 4: because I said I'm not because also, I'm not about
Speaker 4: to come back to a dirty house. You don't got
Speaker 4: to clean it. But when I come back to my home,
Speaker 4: I needed to be clean and organized, because that's that's
Speaker 4: what makes me happy. And had I came back and
Speaker 4: hadn't had her come, it would have been a mess
Speaker 4: all the things, and then I would have been mad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because now you got to get back to it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I want that.
Speaker 1: Why do men not like organization?
Speaker 4: Why are men dirty? I'm sorry I was ticking.
Speaker 1: It there and like I really be feeling, like am
Speaker 1: I really? I had this come just this morning on
Speaker 1: the way to the gym. I don't know my homegirl.
Speaker 1: She had therapist, y'all. Yeah, so she had like a
Speaker 1: whole lot of shit going on the last few months.
Speaker 1: So we had just been talking about her ship the
Speaker 1: last few months. So now I'll like drop my little
Speaker 1: bullshit in here and there, like my grievances and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. So she was asking me a lot of queer.
Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, why the fuck is you stirring up
Speaker 1: these emotions Earl? This morning, Like last night, I literally
Speaker 1: did an experiment. I took a picture of him while
Speaker 1: before I got into bed, Like we had a king
Speaker 1: sized bed, and he's completely on his side of the
Speaker 1: bed right five minutes as soon as like, and he
Speaker 1: was that in that position, never moved for a very
Speaker 1: long time.
Speaker 3: Soon as I gotten a fuck like move as soon
Speaker 3: as I get into bed, you sleeping diagonal like and
Speaker 3: then just that on top of like the other day,
Speaker 3: like this is really like a fucking kid dog and Nigga,
Speaker 3: I don't care if you hear this.
Speaker 1: Thank god he home right now on recording. But anyway,
Speaker 1: like you passed, you passed the bed rooms, closets, all
Speaker 1: this shit to drop your shit on the island in
Speaker 1: the kitchen right And I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, why do you have to do this?
Speaker 1: Well, it'll be going by the time you wake up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Nigga, I see it right now, what are
Speaker 1: we talking about like this is childish? Am I tripping?
Speaker 1: What is up these niggas? Like?
Speaker 2: And then you send me a text.
Speaker 1: Message about like how like you like Friday I cleaned
Speaker 1: up or whatever? So he sent me a text mess
Speaker 1: because thoughtful and he was like and how and the
Speaker 1: house looks so good?
Speaker 4: Thank you?
Speaker 2: Da da dada?
Speaker 1: Why you don't want to.
Speaker 4: Keep it like that?
Speaker 1: Doesn't it feel good to walk in to a clean
Speaker 1: place where things are where they's supposed to be at?
Speaker 4: Does that not feel good?
Speaker 1: Because for me, if she doesn't disarrayed, that's literally how
Speaker 1: my mind feels.
Speaker 4: Same.
Speaker 2: And see, I hear you, AJ, but you know I
Speaker 2: got to play down what a you know I'm crazy. No,
Speaker 2: I just ain't got no nigga. So I want a
Speaker 2: nigga at least.
Speaker 1: No, you don't, I'm telling you, especially because especial exactly. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you ain't live with a nigga since what twenty sixteen?
Speaker 1: Just think about then and how it was to remind
Speaker 1: you a little bit, okay, like you do not miss
Speaker 1: that shit because I don't understand like this is then
Speaker 1: add kids on top of that, I'm beating people.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm willing to compromise in those areas. To have
Speaker 2: a person that I can lock in with at this
Speaker 2: point after being single for that many years, that shit
Speaker 2: wasn't that bad now looking at looking back, Like could
Speaker 2: I live with that? To have a person that's really
Speaker 2: down for me and really locked in with me? Huh,
Speaker 2: that's you say that and.
Speaker 1: Tell us every day you gotta like why, like why
Speaker 1: you can't put these clothes in the hampa, Like why
Speaker 1: they on the bathroom floor, why they in the chair
Speaker 1: and bedroom? Like why why we can't do this? But
Speaker 1: you'll tell your kid, pick your clothes up, do this,
Speaker 1: do that, But when you got to it.
Speaker 4: Listen, we have many how old are so we're over
Speaker 4: twenty years in and I still deal with that with him,
Speaker 4: But like, we have hacks, So I have hacks on myself.
Speaker 4: So okay, we're gonna call it cleaning lady, or I'm
Speaker 4: the type I'll just you want to leave your stuff,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna throw it in
Speaker 4: your closet. That ain't probably the best thing to do.
Speaker 4: It might be a little rude, but at least it's
Speaker 4: I don't have to see it, don't And I don't
Speaker 4: know if it's maybe it's because they grew up with
Speaker 4: their moms cleaning up after them. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's I'm a very and it. I didn't realize it
Speaker 4: how much the mess impacted my mental until a couple
Speaker 4: of years ago, and I was like, Yo, you gotta
Speaker 4: understand this is it's not it's not just mess to me.
Speaker 4: It is literally when I see it, I feel I
Speaker 4: don't feel good. It's it's like you said, it's really
Speaker 4: impacted my mental I need it to be clean and clear. No,
Speaker 4: the house doesn't always have to be perfect. And yeah
Speaker 4: we got kids, but you know, before I go to bed,
Speaker 4: I'm the type must the kitchen like go on. The
Speaker 4: kitchen is shut down, like I wipe down things, we
Speaker 4: cleaning up. So if I wake up and there's some
Speaker 4: dishes in the sink, I'm heated. Heated. But I've also
Speaker 4: had to say, like you said, Sam Patrice, it's a dish,
Speaker 4: It's okay. Relax in the grand scheme of things, right,
Speaker 4: like I do. I am with someone who really like
Speaker 4: I fuck with this guy like I really do, and
Speaker 4: we have this we have a great family and he
Speaker 4: is allowing me to be me and without without a
Speaker 4: lot of the other things, the drama, and so if
Speaker 4: it means taking a step back and just being okay
Speaker 4: with the dish. But then I've like that same night,
Speaker 4: I'll say, hey, babe, if you eat after I go
Speaker 4: to bed, can you make sure you clean up please?
Speaker 1: I gotta work on my delivery.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's taking a long time for me.
Speaker 1: That's probably it's just getting here. I gotta talk because
Speaker 1: I feel like I talk nice, like the first time,
Speaker 1: and then after that, Nigga.
Speaker 4: That my biggest that'd be what I hear from my husband,
Speaker 4: like this? Can you just say it differently? Can you
Speaker 4: just say it like this? I'm like, okay, but can
Speaker 4: you do this right?
Speaker 2: Just do the things so I will have to see it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how about that?
Speaker 4: They want they want to be my baby too, though.
Speaker 1: I know kids on top of kids. Yeah, anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 1: are we gonna get a dumb bitch story at you together? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh god, get you in trouble from high school.
Speaker 4: It's boring. It's not a it's not a good story.
Speaker 4: It's boring.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't want it already talking our sorry. Next look,
Speaker 2: maybe I'll come back and I'll prepare and I'll have
Speaker 2: a good one, just telling somebody else.
Speaker 1: Why're dumb bitch? Old?
Speaker 4: I hear from my girl like you are a dumb bitch,
Speaker 4: But if you enjoyed it, then hey, I'd be like, girl,
Speaker 4: have fun, you get.
Speaker 2: Out of love.
Speaker 1: Nah, man, y'all ain't never had a friend that just
Speaker 1: too much of a dumb bitch, Like you can't talk
Speaker 1: to them no more until a dumb bitchh it is
Speaker 1: over it.
Speaker 2: You just don't say nothing, Just stop talking to I
Speaker 2: just listen. And then they'd be like, why you ain't
Speaker 2: got nothing to say? I'm like, well, I've already said.
Speaker 1: I can't you call me when you finished me the
Speaker 1: dumb bitch because I can't do it no more. I
Speaker 1: don't want nobody associating me with your dumb bitch shit.
Speaker 4: Dumb bitch story be I don't have what I'm just
Speaker 4: asking right, Like, can it do it have to be
Speaker 4: a like relational kind of like romantic thing? Could it
Speaker 4: be like a like a dumb bitch like like homegirl story.
Speaker 1: Like look at it like that?
Speaker 4: But yeah, shoot exists too. No, I can't put them
Speaker 4: out there, but yeah, you.
Speaker 2: Ain't got one. You asked the question about, all right,
Speaker 2: can you plug all your things, plug your book, your ebook,
Speaker 2: plug everything.
Speaker 4: So absolutely, thank y'all so much. This has been a
Speaker 4: wonderful hour. Yeah, just connect with me everywhere. My name
Speaker 4: Patresecomo dot com, at patrese Kmo. On Instagram, you can
Speaker 4: go to my Instagram page and get the links to
Speaker 4: mom cash Magic as well as to put you first.
Speaker 4: But if you go to my website Patresecomo dot com,
Speaker 4: you automatically can fill out the form to be on
Speaker 4: our email list. I send emails every week. Are just
Speaker 4: tips and tools, you know, easy recipes, just things that
Speaker 4: can make your life easier as a busy working mom.
Speaker 4: I want y'all to really love your life and not
Speaker 4: feel like your kids are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you said that like your day was Patrice
Speaker 2: Jones spell Patrise? Come on? I know I did, right,
Speaker 2: she said for Jones. No, I didn't like it, Jones.
Speaker 4: That's your thank you, Patrise. Come on CS and Charlie
Speaker 4: a Is and Apple Emma's and Mary e Au Patrese
Speaker 4: come on there dot com.
Speaker 1: Or come and this is come o y'all.
Speaker 4: It was good. I love talking to y'all. Y'all show
Speaker 4: is every Thursday. I'd be locked in.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.
Speaker 4: I appreciate it absolutely, thank y'all.
Speaker 1: Hold on, don't go nowhere, but y'all okay, okay, if
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on
Speaker 1: The Black Effect I Her Radio and Apple whoever the
Speaker 1: fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host,
Speaker 1: A J Holiday two point on Instagram, y'all. Check out
Speaker 1: we Talked Back podcast dot com.
Speaker 2: Y'all.
Speaker 1: Also, we have like on Amazon it's actually is it
Speaker 1: Amazon dot com slash Black Effect podcast. We have like
Speaker 1: last minute gift ideas. Check out the website. Okay, I
Speaker 1: think we participated what Charlamagne had some.
Speaker 2: Gift ideas on their Carlos Miller. Yeah, so check it
Speaker 2: out there a couple of people, so yeah, get on
Speaker 2: those gifts. And also, y'all download our show. Don't just listen,
Speaker 2: don't go look for it. Download it to your ship
Speaker 2: because we need your streams. Scrive h Apple plus all right,
Speaker 2: so you don't have to y'all know, we got all
Speaker 2: them motherfucking commercials. I don't want to hear them commercials, so.
Speaker 1: You but the commercials is what pays the bills. Okay,
Speaker 1: we are sponsored, all right, kicking tam BAM.
Speaker 2: Its official tam BAM. I love y'all.
Speaker 1: Speak now and never hold your mom time. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Never hold them kids, Fuck them kids, goodbye, don't hang up.