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Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network Talk Talk.

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Speaker 2: So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion

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Speaker 2: who talks.

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Speaker 1: What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a

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Speaker 1: new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to

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Speaker 1: you dreamers and chasers. What's up, y'all? It's the co

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Speaker 1: host aj Holiday.

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Speaker 2: What's Up tam BM y'all ISSU official Team Van. I

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Speaker 2: love y'all. I love you aj D, I.

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Speaker 1: Love you too.

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Speaker 2: Well. No, no, before we get into anything, we were

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Speaker 2: supposed to say what we were thankful?

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Speaker 1: Oh a great Yeah, gratitude for the whole month and.

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Speaker 2: Live we lied to y'all, were sorry, we would feel grateful.

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Speaker 2: We just didn't talk about it.

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Speaker 1: We don't be following through with shiit man. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: do better for twenty twenty five. I'm grateful. Damn. I

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Speaker 1: can'me is I mean, I can't say that we might.

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Speaker 1: I don't know we're gonna make it a twenty twenty five,

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Speaker 1: but you never fucking know. Anyway. Let's see, I am

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Speaker 1: grateful that I woke up this morning. Okay, but the

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Speaker 1: grace of God got up. I did my little workout,

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Speaker 1: and I got to meet with my coworkers Tammy and

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Speaker 1: our producers. Yeah, I'm grateful for you guys today.

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Speaker 2: That yeah, warm and busby inside. Let's see what am

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Speaker 2: I grateful for. I'm grateful that I can walk on

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Speaker 2: two feet. Yeah, you know some people can't. I'm real quick.

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Speaker 2: It's like it's still broken, but I still can walk

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Speaker 2: for real. Yeah, damn, it's not.

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Speaker 1: All the way we find another sound?

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Speaker 2: What is more hell than it was the last time

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Speaker 2: I went, and less hell than I will it will

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Speaker 2: be when I go back again. Okay, So yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful that I can walk. They said I can walk.

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Speaker 2: Just do everything based on how it feels at this point.

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Speaker 2: So I went to the gym for the first time

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Speaker 2: since I.

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Speaker 1: Was pulished because weekend.

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Speaker 2: Fine, yes, we're getting fined five. I got to spend

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Speaker 2: time with my sisters over the weekend. Again that it

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Speaker 2: was good. So I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful

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Speaker 2: for this show. And I'm grateful for y'all going to

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Speaker 2: download the show. Download our show. Don't just go click

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Speaker 2: find it every week, download it because that's how we

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Speaker 2: get paid down subscride.

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Speaker 1: How'd we Oh, I did do something this weekend. My

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Speaker 1: mom's baby brothers celebrated his seventieth birthday, so I was

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Speaker 1: hanging out with the season. The season folks. This weekend.

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Speaker 1: My cousins his kids put together a very very nice

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Speaker 1: birthday party for their daddy.

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Speaker 3: So I did that on Saturday. Was nice quick, you know,

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Speaker 3: once the food got put up. The old people's out

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Speaker 3: the back door, six to eight. It was great.

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Speaker 1: That's about sixty nine. My mama had a good time.

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Speaker 1: She was dancing with that big bunkie. Okay, it was good.

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Speaker 1: Tips stupid, that sounds like a good time.

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Speaker 2: My sister drove back in from Montgomery for me to

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Speaker 2: do her hair. She drove all the way here for

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Speaker 2: her hair.

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Speaker 4: Uh.

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Speaker 2: And then we just hung out eight watch TV the usual.

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Speaker 2: That's all this weekend. It's a money we can. You know,

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Speaker 2: everybody want their hair done. So I was just working

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Speaker 2: and busy. I didn't do any I was ugly. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: I went and got my lips like you know, like

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Speaker 2: so I have I have partaken and a lot of

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Speaker 2: marijuana usage over mind. Oh like pigmented, yeah, so I

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Speaker 2: want to got like the lip lightning, the hyper pigmentation thing.

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Speaker 2: I went and got that done on Thursday. So by

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Speaker 2: Saturday my lips was peeling so bad it looked gross.

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Speaker 2: So I wasn't going nowhere. I wasn't doing I didn't

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Speaker 2: want nobody to see me because like the top layer

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Speaker 2: peels off. But yeah, I mean, if you have any

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Speaker 2: hyper pigmentation, don't have to be from how I got mine.

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Speaker 2: You know it could be. However, you know that's a

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Speaker 2: good option for you. And my lips have actually light.

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Speaker 2: And I've done it once. You gotta do it at

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Speaker 2: least twice, so this is my second time. But I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna tell you all this, that shit hurt. That shit

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Speaker 2: does not feel nice. It is not a fun experience,

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Speaker 2: but it does like your lips. So we'll see how

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Speaker 2: mine turns out.

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Speaker 1: I like my lips dark, like not dark, but like

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Speaker 1: I have like a natural like liner like it. I

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Speaker 1: like it pigmented, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: so you want like big pink lips.

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Speaker 2: No, they're not gonna be pink. They just not gonna

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Speaker 2: be black, baby.

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Speaker 1: But I don't. My lip's always been like dark though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, mine too. I just didn't like it. I wanted

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Speaker 2: it a little like I wanted like the outside of

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Speaker 2: my lip to be like as the inside, So we're

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Speaker 2: gonna see if it worked. You know, it did, Like

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Speaker 2: I could see a difference from the first time to

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Speaker 2: the second, Like, but now we're going to see now

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Speaker 2: because she added pink this time, So we're gonna see.

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Speaker 2: But it takes weeks, like so the skin peels off

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Speaker 2: and then it goes back to the color it was,

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Speaker 2: and then after weeks the pink pushes forward. I don't

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Speaker 2: know how it worked, but that's what they say.

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Speaker 1: So they add color to your lips.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm. It's kind of it's like the same needle

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Speaker 2: that they used to do microblading on the eye ground,

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Speaker 2: but they used pink instead of So the first time

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Speaker 2: she did it, she used like almost like an orange

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Speaker 2: color that neutralized the darkness in my lip, and then

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Speaker 2: that made it a little lighter, and it worked. I

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Speaker 2: saw the difference. And then this time she went in

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Speaker 2: with a pinker color to bring the pink that much

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Speaker 2: it's like the inside of my lip. So we won't

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Speaker 2: see how that. Yeah, Saturday, I was not going nowhere

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Speaker 2: because my little my mom was like, what's wrong with

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Speaker 2: your damn mouth?

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Speaker 1: That he was trying to say something to you, what's

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Speaker 1: going on with the doctor.

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Speaker 2: To the hospital about that? But yeah, that was my weekend.

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Speaker 2: Let's get in a sense.

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Speaker 1: What I got a lot of talking about that. God

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Speaker 1: damn can't leave cam. Don't really get them. I goddamn nerves. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I think, but.

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Speaker 2: HU go viral every time he does an episode.

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Speaker 1: Of his Little No really honestly he does.

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Speaker 2: So that means I'm not mad at that, you know, so.

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Speaker 1: This week and which I think is true. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I commented on the post when I saw it is

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Speaker 1: definitely one hundred percent facts. He basically said that he

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Speaker 1: goes to the strip club for the guys, and everybody

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Speaker 1: was like, pause, like what I think every Yeah, everybody

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Speaker 1: does that. So he's saying that he goes to the

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Speaker 1: strip club basically the money, and I think all men

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Speaker 1: do it. They're not gonna say that they're in competition,

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Speaker 1: but it's definitely a complay.

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Speaker 2: It is a competition. Why would they throw why else?

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Speaker 2: Because y'all ask so fat and y'all look so good

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Speaker 2: shaking it that they know, right.

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Speaker 1: You could throw the most money. The DJ is promoting

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Speaker 1: it all the things.

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Speaker 2: Right, it's nothing but peacocking, that's all it is. So,

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Speaker 2: I mean, and they all do it, and that's a

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Speaker 2: part of the allure of the strip club for men,

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Speaker 2: not just the women. It is to a testosterone battle

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Speaker 2: of who's got the biggest.

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Speaker 1: Bag, exactly right, So that's it.

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Speaker 2: He ain't lying. Yeah, I just like, like a lot

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Speaker 2: of people want a reason to be mad at Cam Newton,

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Speaker 2: you know, because they just don't like the things he

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Speaker 2: said in the past. So anything that he says is

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Speaker 2: true or right, they be like, Nigga, you don't fucking know,

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Speaker 2: shut up, nobody hat talking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely don't think it's gay. I definitely understand

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Speaker 1: what he's saying. And I feel like when okay, we

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Speaker 1: know we're gonna look good, right, we get dressed for men,

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Speaker 1: and we also get dressed for other women.

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Speaker 2: Right, we do It's the same thing we do. We

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Speaker 2: all do it. Animals do it. Humans. I mean, we're

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Speaker 2: essentially animals too. So I'm not mad at what he said.

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Speaker 2: What else happened in the world? Oh what about those drones?

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Speaker 1: What about those drones? Just nice as casual? Are they

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Speaker 1: fucking drones? Or is the aliens coming?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean It could be either or

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Speaker 2: it could be a combination of both.

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Speaker 1: Because the US government acting like they don't know what

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Speaker 1: it is, I just don't understand, Like how y'all know

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Speaker 1: everything else?

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Speaker 2: Right, So what happened? It was like drones over.

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Speaker 1: Maryland, Jersey, like different places, and people are saying, like

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Speaker 1: these things are as big as SUVs in the sky.

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Speaker 1: So we talking about like like a real space shuttle

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Speaker 1: looking thing up in the sky. And I saw a

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Speaker 1: video where one was actually I don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: shot down, but it crashed. And they're also saying that

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Speaker 1: the ships are manned. So I remember was that last

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Speaker 1: year where China had like a drone over America? Like yeah, yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: that was not a US craft. So I just don't

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Speaker 1: believe that they don't know what this is. May it

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Speaker 1: be a foreign entity doing it, Aliens okay, or the

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Speaker 1: US military. They absolutely know what it is. So I

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Speaker 1: just I just hate that. I thought we were moving

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Speaker 1: from like the government not disclosing the truth. I thought

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Speaker 1: that like this is the age of a query, but

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Speaker 1: there are still powers that be that want to keep

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Speaker 1: you dumb. Okay, they definitely know what the fuck it is.

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Speaker 1: Is it Aliens I don't think so. I think that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think alien's already been around. I'm aliena

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Speaker 1: But I don't know if any of y'all have ever

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Speaker 1: read Behold of Pale Horse by William Cooper. He was

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Speaker 1: a CIA agent that the government killed basically, but in

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Speaker 1: this book he talks about how the government actually have

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Speaker 1: these these thrones, these spaceships that they created, right, and

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Speaker 1: then they'll deploy them to you know, do like a

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Speaker 1: false flag like make to make the people think it's

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Speaker 1: an alien attack, when really it's the government attacking its

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Speaker 1: own people. So it's conspiracy theory, right, But there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of those theories always getting proven true. So we'll

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Speaker 1: see what come out of it. I mean, I'm not

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Speaker 1: scared of no damn aliens.

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Speaker 2: We neither. I just hope they bring some new recipes.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of eat the shit, Like, ain't you tired?

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Speaker 1: Yes? I am tired of thinking about what I'm eating. Yeah, man,

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Speaker 1: I'll be eating shit. I had a muffin last night

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Speaker 1: for dinner.

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Speaker 2: Bring us a new meat. Were tired of this week?

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Speaker 1: We the meat? We might be the meat for the aliens?

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Speaker 1: You said right there, to eating people.

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Speaker 2: They I got a good hemp halk.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, but if the aliens, y'all hit

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Speaker 1: me up, come pick.

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Speaker 2: Me up earth this ghetto.

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Speaker 1: I've been waiting on y'all my whole life. One of

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Speaker 1: my homegirls we reconnected like a couple of years ago now,

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Speaker 1: but she was like you remember when we was in

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Speaker 1: middle school, used to always say, how you ain't human?

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Speaker 1: My whole life I have felt this week.

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Speaker 2: You think your family coming to scoop you up.

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Speaker 1: I'm from Series B for sure.

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Speaker 2: M hmm. Ain't at a radio station.

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Speaker 1: I hate you begs going on.

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Speaker 2: Bit just pay for that in her car?

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Speaker 1: Not no damn Series XM radio. Series B is the

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Speaker 1: it's the galaxy, it's another some ship out of it. And

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Speaker 1: I don't believe that out of space is above us.

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Speaker 1: I believe out of space is beneath the I believe

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Speaker 1: it's all around us, to left of us, to ride

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Speaker 1: of us. Yeah, as above.

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Speaker 2: So ain't no where y'all. Can't y'all trying to tell

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Speaker 2: me a well, ain't an alien?

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Speaker 1: That's a I had the weirdest dream last night that

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Speaker 1: I was swimming What the black and white those are?

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Speaker 2: Orcres? I was, what is it?

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Speaker 4: Orca orcas.

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Speaker 1: I was swimming with orcas and it was cold, like antarctic,

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Speaker 1: damn near and these crazy eys waves kept coming like

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Speaker 1: like took me way up in the sky and way

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Speaker 1: down and I just kept coming up like breathing. But

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Speaker 1: I'm swimming with these niggas.

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Speaker 2: You I have fried okra, so we up.

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Speaker 1: That was the weirdest. I'm like, what the And I

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Speaker 1: wasn't drowning or nothing like that. I was just really

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Speaker 1: it was. It wasn't just me. It was like this

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Speaker 1: is normal, Like we swim with fucking whales and shit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's an alien, especially once that little fish that

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Speaker 2: got the light on the head, that's an alien.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so much at the ocean that they haven't explored,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You can't even go. And

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Speaker 1: I remember that that submarine that imploded submersial, Yeah, like

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Speaker 1: it was last year and the year before last. Like

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Speaker 1: they I don't think that they actually died. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it imploded at all. I think that they slipped

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Speaker 1: into a wormhole into another universe is what I think happened.

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Speaker 1: And nobody talks about these people who went out to

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Speaker 1: space a couple of months ago and still haven't been

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Speaker 1: able to get back home.

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Speaker 2: Oh they're not home yet. Hell no, what are.

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Speaker 3: You introspect intercept? It's a movie. I think it's called

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Speaker 3: It's Interest something.

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Speaker 1: I have to look it up, but it talks about

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Speaker 1: this that this guy went out of space and like

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Speaker 1: time is just different. The time is different, Like you

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Speaker 1: feel like you've only been out there for a little bit,

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Speaker 1: but really it's been twenty years back at home that

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Speaker 1: you haven't been in this.

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Speaker 2: Your body age, no, his.

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Speaker 1: His body did an age in these and the other universe.

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Speaker 1: So it's something with Saturn. I got a whole like

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Speaker 1: little rabbit hole with Saturn and all that. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: it's something with the rings of Saturn and all this stuff.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, anyway, what else we got going on? A

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Speaker 1: child in the world to day with the crazy people.

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Speaker 2: So if y'all saw this over the weekend, Ari and Tina,

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Speaker 2: is that right.

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Speaker 4: Child?

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Speaker 1: Hey girl?

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Speaker 2: They were partying together at Player in Miami, and people

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Speaker 2: had a lot to say about it because they felt

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Speaker 2: like they shouldn't be cool or something.

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Speaker 1: They have to be cool, they got their kids are simple,

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Speaker 1: They are essentially family. Yeah, so for things to be

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Speaker 1: smooth like they knocking to never not be family because

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Speaker 1: their children are related, so it's the it's best for

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Speaker 1: the both of them, right, the PUDs aside, but their

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Speaker 1: differences in side.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand people why y'all want them to not

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Speaker 2: be amicable when they're a family. Like it's twenty twenty four,

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Speaker 2: families are blended Oftentimes.

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Speaker 1: I think the internet just like to see people beef,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's just not a good place.

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Speaker 2: I can never. Yes, you could, that's yeah, because you

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Speaker 2: and you should. That's your problem now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because you still love your baby daddy. That's

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Speaker 1: why you can never.

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you want your low family back, That's why you

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Speaker 1: can never.

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Speaker 2: But I think, I honestly do think that they both

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Speaker 2: can get along because neither one of them are with him.

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Speaker 1: Now, you know, is she not with him either?

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Speaker 2: Tell him?

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Speaker 1: I don't take.

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Speaker 2: They're together whatever? Oh, y'all correct me if I'm wrong.

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Speaker 2: But are they together still? Because I think they're all broke.

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Speaker 1: Up, so they're just hanging out, that's all.

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Speaker 2: Neo baby mama, Neo baby's baby mama's hanging out too. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: started something. Let's all let's all be friends. Shit, we got.

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Speaker 1: Kids, it's easier, you know what I'm saying, It's so

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Speaker 1: much easier. It's a whole village. Child. I'm gonna take

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Speaker 1: care of your kid this weekend. You get a day

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Speaker 1: off next weekend, Like why why not?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: Because they siblings and they need to grow up together

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Speaker 2: if they can.

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Speaker 1: I just never ended understand bitches who act like they

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Speaker 1: just like like their kids so much. Like you haven't

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Speaker 1: seen somebody who just won't let the man get the child,

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Speaker 1: like just fighting them every bit of the way. Like

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Speaker 1: you don't like that kid that much? Just send that

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Speaker 1: kid to his daddy house this fucking weekend, bitch, like

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Speaker 1: you do not. My exes his baby, his baby mama

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Speaker 1: like one of his kids mom, like she was just

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Speaker 1: make it such a big problem, Like you can't possibly

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Speaker 1: want the little boy around you all the time? Sent

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Speaker 1: us us over here.

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Speaker 2: Well, sometimes it ain't. Some people house don't be safe.

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Speaker 2: You know, you just gotta be You know who your

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Speaker 2: baby dad is, you know, so if you trust them

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Speaker 2: with your kids, because I've seen where that has gone

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Speaker 2: terribly wrong by sending your baby to they daddy.

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Speaker 1: I think that did you see that? It's a post

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Speaker 1: it's this white guy like some type of therapist. But

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Speaker 1: he's having a conversation with another guy and he's saying, like,

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Speaker 1: how basically moms, some moms, right, A narcissistic parent will

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Speaker 1: create these scenarios, right, So the healthy mom will be like,

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Speaker 1: did you have fun at your dad's house this weekend? Okay?

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Speaker 2: What did y'all do? Y'ah?

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Speaker 1: Pizza? Oh great, that's so good. Like, okay, go upstairs

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Speaker 1: and we can do such and such. The other mom,

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Speaker 1: the unhealthy mom, is like making the kid feel like

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Speaker 1: going to a daddy's house is just the worst, Like,

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Speaker 1: what did you do at dad's house this weekend? Y'all

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Speaker 1: went to the park? Oh my god, it's so cold

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Speaker 1: to us out, Like why would you take you to

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Speaker 1: the park. What did you eat? You had just pizza? Like, okay,

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Speaker 1: go upstairs on make your favorite soup. You know, so

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Speaker 1: you alienating the other parent. I feel like a lot

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Speaker 1: of women do that. They may not like talk about

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Speaker 1: the other parent upfront, but in that way they do.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes it's subconscious they don't even realize they're doing it.

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Speaker 2: Because I remember my ex he asked his kids how

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Speaker 2: they felt about me, and he told me this, and

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Speaker 2: they said that they like me, but they have to

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Speaker 2: pretend like they don't because they don't want to hurt

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Speaker 2: mommy's feelings. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: See, that's so unhealthy.

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Speaker 2: And I'm wondering, like, what was his mother saying that

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Speaker 2: made them feel like they had to protect their mother's feelings,

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Speaker 2: you know so, And I'm hoping it was something subconscious

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Speaker 2: and not like you out here blatantly saying shit too.

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Speaker 4: But it do be because they believe that.

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Speaker 1: I'm to the point to where I'm like, you know't

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00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,919
Speaker 1: even trying to figure people out. But are you consciously

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Speaker 1: doing this or is that just your personality? Is where

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Speaker 1: I'm at now, because if it's just who you are,

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Speaker 1: I got to find a way to accept it, right

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00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 1: or just don't fuck with you? So I think like

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00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 1: people are not consciously doing this thing. It's just really

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Speaker 1: their genetic makeup. Yeah, they're just not good. You just

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Speaker 1: not a good person in the eyes of maybe most

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Speaker 1: Maybe it could be a general consensus that you be

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Speaker 1: on some bullshit.

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Speaker 2: You know what I wanted to talk about and I

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Speaker 2: forgot to mention it. Did you watch the Jamie Fox shit.

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Speaker 1: Over the not yet?

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Speaker 2: You watched it?

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Speaker 4: Girl?

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Speaker 2: I watched that ship like seven times. I love this

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Speaker 2: so much.

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Speaker 1: Really, I gotta watch it.

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Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to watch it so we

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Speaker 2: could talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, next week, we'll be old by this week.

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00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,920
Speaker 2: Well, stop watching it so quick. Always listen. I had

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Speaker 2: the Ajab City videos, it'd be like two weeks ago,

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00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,199
Speaker 2: from two weeks ago, and I'd be like, have to

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Speaker 2: just laugh at it. Like it's.

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Speaker 1: Just like when people send me old shit because I

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't seen the whole internet. I just

387
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: like I just heard it. So if I don't ever

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Speaker 1: respond to something, that means I never I've already seen it.

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Speaker 2: And my heart is too fast, right yeah, like that

390
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 2: that video was three minutes. How you laughing already?

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Speaker 1: Right right? And I be thinking, like, bitch, ain't know

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Speaker 1: where you watched this whole shit that quick. We have

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Speaker 1: a very special guest when we talk back next week.

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Speaker 1: She's a lovely wife and a lovely mom, and she's

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Speaker 1: here to teach women how to put themselves first, specifically

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Speaker 1: like busy moms right who feel like they can't catch

397
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Speaker 1: a break, Like, what are the steps to even like

398
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Speaker 1: beginning to maybe first find some self awareness? Because I

399
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 1: think that's really where it starts at and then you know,

400
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: not feeling guilty for put yourself first. You know what

401
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 1: I'm saying, saying, fuck that husband, fuck these kids, because

402
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 1: if I'm not healthy, it's a problem.

403
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Speaker 2: I mean, And a lot of this information. You don't

404
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: have to be a mom to use it in your life,

405
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,880
Speaker 2: right because I can. Yep. So y'all stay tuned. We'll

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Speaker 2: be right back.

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00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,640
Speaker 1: All right, y'all. Uh, We're back from break and today

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Speaker 1: we have we have an amazing guest on We Talked Back.

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00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 1: She's empowering busy working mothers to put themselves first without

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00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 1: guilt with her seven day guilt Free challenge because self

411
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Speaker 1: care is absolutely not selfish. Okay, okay, so welcome to

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Speaker 1: We talk Back. Missus came right, y'all know I can't

413
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: talk no, right, No, I can write now, but I

414
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 1: can't read for real bad and related birthday. We know

415
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:53,440
Speaker 1: you just celebrated a birthday.

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Speaker 4: Yes, loving it. The older I get, the better I feel.

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Speaker 2: That's the truth.

418
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Speaker 1: Man, M we're looking at I got more money all

419
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Speaker 1: the things.

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Speaker 2: Well that's different because all I get my body been aching,

421
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 2: waking up with new shit, wrong, fuck up something that

422
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Speaker 2: you ain't even us.

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Speaker 1: Rights girl, So mss Camo, talk to us about.

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Speaker 2: Excuse me, missus period, talk to us about what uh

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Speaker 2: your seven day guilt free What is it called.

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Speaker 4: It's to put you first challenge, right, So it's seven

427
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 4: days of intentionally doing something for yourself every day.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: And as you said, Aj, I'm a busy working mother.

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Speaker 4: I have three kids, I'm married, I work a full time,

431
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 4: pretty demanding job. As of this past June, I just

432
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Speaker 4: closed the content studio. So I also owned a brick

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Speaker 4: and mortar content studio. I had to podcasts, like all

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00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 4: the things and then that whole list of things. You know,

435
00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 4: who was always last me? And it wasn't because people

436
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 4: were making me last. It was just I was putting

437
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 4: everything before me because I thought that I had to

438
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 4: do all the things for my kids, be there for

439
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 4: my husband, drive here, be at the content studio, just

440
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 4: all the things that I said. Yeah.

441
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 1: No.

442
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 4: So at the end of last year I stopped my podcast.

443
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 4: I literally just said, yeah, I'm not doing this long.

444
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,920
Speaker 4: I'm gonna ask you about the yeah girl. I pulled

445
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 4: my phone out and I was like, this is the

446
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 4: last episode. And I was crying as I was pulling

447
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 4: into my job. I was like, I'm not I can't

448
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 4: do this anymore. And then six months later, the lease

449
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 4: of our content studio came to an end and I

450
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 4: just didn't renew it. And I felt like the biggest

451
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 4: weight was lifted off of me. And so at that time,

452
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 4: I said, well, now I'm a focus on me. And

453
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 4: that's when I went into this space of just putting

454
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 4: yourself first and I tried. I piloted this thing. It

455
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 4: was a twenty one day challenge, but I had to

456
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 4: be ruled myself mom's zone. I don't know if we

457
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 4: got twenty one days to be locked into something. So

458
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 4: I said, let's make this a seven day challenge. It's free.

459
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 4: You go to my webs patriska moo dot com. You

460
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 4: sign up in every morning for seven days, like before

461
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,439
Speaker 4: you wake up, there's a message for me in your

462
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 4: inbox telling you to either go work out, or go

463
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 4: take yourself on a solo coffee date, or plan a

464
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 4: little trip for yourself, or like go for like something

465
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,159
Speaker 4: that is just for you. And the idea is to

466
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 4: do these things before you pour into other people, because

467
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 4: as soon as them kids wake up, it's go time.

468
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 4: You on on right. And so if I can inspire

469
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 4: just one other person to remember that they matter. Not

470
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 4: even you matter too, girl, You matter first. That's also

471
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 4: the mindset shift. I think we always Yeah, I matter

472
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 4: as well. No, baby, girl, you matter first. You matter first,

473
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 4: because if you're not there mentally, spiritually, physically, then your

474
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 4: kids are going to feel it. You're gonna feel it.

475
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 4: It ain't even really about your kids feeling it. I

476
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 4: think I think we I really want my moms to

477
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 4: to stop putting the thing into their My kid, girl,

478
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 4: what do you need? You're going to feel this. You're

479
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 4: gonna hun them, kid. I wanted somebody else to say

480
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 4: it first. But yeah, it's just so, that's it. It's

481
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 4: seven days of thinking about yourself and putting yourself first.

482
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 4: And my hope is that after those seven days it's

483
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,120
Speaker 4: it's I know it takes a little longer to start

484
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 4: a habit, but at least you know, oh, I could

485
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,880
Speaker 4: you know what, let me go for a walk first. Yeah,

486
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 4: and so for me, like now, I take it, I'm

487
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 4: all the way. On the other end, you know, you

488
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 4: have a spectrum of putting yourself first. Yeah. I meet

489
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 4: a lot of women who don't even know the first

490
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 4: place to start I'm all the way. On the other end,

491
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 4: I'm taking trips out the country by myself. I'm at

492
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 4: the gym five thirty in the morning.

493
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: Looks fine, thank you.

494
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 4: Ain't nobody's gonna No one is coming before Patrice. And

495
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 4: I still love everybody in my family. Everybody still feels

496
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 4: great and loved and supported.

497
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: So what is your husband think about all this? Is

498
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: he pretty much, like pretty supportive of it, because I

499
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,360
Speaker 1: know if Mama isn't good, the whole house is gonna suck. Okay, yeah, yeah.

500
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 4: I think I think my husband knows me, and I

501
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 4: think he knows that when I don't when I'm not

502
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 4: able to go work out, when I'm not able to

503
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 4: take that trip, when I'm not able to pour into myself,

504
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 4: I'm a bitch. Like straight up, I'm not feeling well,

505
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 4: I'm rude, and I think he understands that. I think

506
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 4: it took I know it took time. Though. I remember

507
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 4: when I went on my first I call him mom caations.

508
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 4: It was after I had baby number three, who was

509
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 4: I was on bed rest for three weeks, he was

510
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 4: in nick you for three weeks. He was six weeks early.

511
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 4: I mean really took a lot a toll on our family,

512
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 4: and once I got healed, I was like, yeah, I

513
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 4: mamma needed to get away. And I think he felt

514
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 4: kind of like, well, what you mean? And I said

515
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,479
Speaker 4: I need, I need to get away like and and

516
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 4: he got it, he understood it. And that was that.

517
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 4: For my birthday last week, I was in a route

518
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 4: before four days again by myself, and he said before

519
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 4: I left, he was like, you know, I don't really

520
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 4: like not being able to be with you on your birthday.

521
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 4: And I thought that was sweet that he even said that,

522
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 4: because he's, y'all, we've been together since I was nineteen,

523
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 4: so we've been together for a long time. So for

524
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 4: him to say that was like, oh, okay, you're telling

525
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,160
Speaker 4: me how you feel. Look at that. And I said, well,

526
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 4: I thank you for sharing that. I want to be

527
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 4: on a beach on my birthday and if you can

528
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 4: come next year, great, but that's what I want to

529
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 4: do and it's my birthday. And that was it, you

530
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, Like he was able to say

531
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 4: how he felt, and I was able to tell him

532
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 4: how I felt and what I needed. And that was that.

533
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 4: And I got on the flight the next day and

534
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 4: went to a Ruba and maybe next.

535
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 2: Year we'll play a room by yourself.

536
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 4: Y'all, don't go, y'all never been on trips by yourself?

537
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 1: I have so the last two years and now I'm

538
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: in a relationship, But the last two years I'm like, man,

539
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: I want to take a solo trip somewhere for a

540
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 1: month by myself. Like I yeah, I literally I don't

541
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: have no kids, so you know, now I got a cat.

542
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: But other than that, like I literally have like a

543
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 1: bookmark on my phone of places prices like that's going

544
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: to be inexpensive to go, like Thailand, bally those places

545
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: are cheap to go for a month. The flight is

546
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 1: the most expensive thing. So no, I never got around

547
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 1: to it. And I'm definitely not opposed to it because

548
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 1: I've moved by myself, like I'd be in the world

549
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: by myself. So I've never been on a like a

550
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 1: nice trip by myself.

551
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 4: Though.

552
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 2: I went to Dominican Republic by myself, but it wasn't

553
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 2: really a vacation because I was getting like some plastic

554
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 2: survey I don't really count. It was I need somebody,

555
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 2: you need somebody, yeah, like plastic surgery. I just had

556
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 2: like threads on my tall linet.

557
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 4: But it didn't even work.

558
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 2: Y'all, don't do that ship, It did not work. I

559
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 2: came back with the same double hit I love, don't

560
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,239
Speaker 2: do that, But yeah, that was my only Like I

561
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 2: tried to plan a sol loocation to Thailand, but then

562
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 2: I got scared and I called it my solocations.

563
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 4: Oh u l M, you know that's cute. You need

564
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 4: to trademark that.

565
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: I know, but I didn't go. I got scared. I

566
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 2: got scared to go.

567
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 4: Maybe you start. I talked to a lot of women,

568
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 4: even like my homegirl. She was scared to go to

569
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 4: dinner by herself. So after us talking, I was like,

570
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 4: you can do this, friend, you can do this, And

571
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 4: like two weeks later she was like, Patrice, I went

572
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 4: to lunch by myself and she said it felt so good.

573
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 4: But like, for so, what did I do in the

574
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 4: room before four days?

575
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 2: Right?

576
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 4: You got to keep in mind I have three kids again,

577
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 4: a very demanding job I work. I'm director of communications

578
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 4: for a megachurch, right, huge church in DC. We always

579
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 4: on so a lot of my time is like my

580
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 4: calendar is very boom boom boom boom boom. So to

581
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 4: have four days where I don't have to do anything,

582
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 4: and I don't have a calendar. It's that's that doesn't

583
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 4: happen often. So for real, two of those days I

584
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 4: was literally on it. But all three of those days

585
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 4: I was on the beach the whole time, like just

586
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 4: laid out, woke up, went to the hotel. The hotel

587
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 4: had a restaurant literally on the beach, so I was

588
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 4: there for lunch. Then I went to the beach, and

589
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 4: then I went to my room and changed and went

590
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 4: back for dinner, went for a long walk one day.

591
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. So really I did nothing talk.

592
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 2: That's exactly what you did, and that's exactly.

593
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 4: What I wanted to do. So yeah, that's that's it.

594
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 4: And you know, I think I don't I think these again,

595
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: mom cass solocations. I think they have to be by yourself.

596
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 4: This is not a girl's trip, right because when you

597
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,479
Speaker 4: got a girl trip, somebody put the itinerary together. And

598
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 4: I'm usually the one in the text like, hey, thanks

599
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 4: for the itinerary. I'm probably not gonna do everything because

600
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 4: I need to rest, right, Like, I don't even be

601
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 4: doing all that stuff. It ain't a vacation at all.

602
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 4: You know what a vacation is. You know what you

603
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 4: got to do, right, So you really gotta baby work.

604
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 4: And I'm like, damn.

605
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: Harder than that home because sex be the best now okay,

606
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: so the hotel sex.

607
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 4: Be better, but it don't be no rest for real.

608
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: So you just wake up like, hey, I'm going to

609
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: Rooper for my birthday and nigga, you can't go to your.

610
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 4: Like that agent.

611
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 2: I mean.

612
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 4: But here's the one thing. I think I'm able to

613
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 4: do these things because I know myself right, and everybody

614
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 4: around me knows who I am, and I think that's

615
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 4: something that I don't know if my peers other moms

616
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 4: have had the chance to do since they've become moms,

617
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 4: Because you become a mother, and you it's very easy

618
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 4: to forget who you are because your life of all

619
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: I was around these little humans with good reason, But

620
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 4: who are you?

621
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: Like?

622
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 4: Who are you? And it's and I talk to my

623
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 4: girlfriends again and they've forgotten that, and I remember who

624
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 4: they are because then my baby and I'm like, hey, girl,

625
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 4: remember when da da da? And it kind of flashes

626
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: back the life who they are, not even who they were,

627
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 4: but who they are, who they kind of just had

628
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 4: to put to the side. But with me always being

629
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: a person who was pretty direct, this is what I need,

630
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 4: this what's going on. Even when I wasn't able to

631
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 4: honor it, I was at least able to kind of

632
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 4: say it. He's never been surprised. So this trip. We

633
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 4: didn't book it until I didn't book it. He didn't

634
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 4: book it until the day before, but I had told

635
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 4: him two weeks that's what I wanted. What do you

636
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 4: want for your birthday? I want to be on a beach, simple,

637
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 4: And I was like, if it can't happen, let me know.

638
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 4: I'll take care of it because I'm gonna put me first.

639
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 4: We're gonna figure it out because that's what I want

640
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 4: to do. It's my birthday. I think your mama not.

641
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 4: I feel like everybody should do what they want to

642
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 4: do on their birthday period, because you like to see

643
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 4: another year come on, Like, I'm not minimizing how I

644
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 4: want to celebrate because of what you want.

645
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: To do for me.

646
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 4: No, this is my birthday, my birthday, right.

647
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 2: What do you say to mothers who don't have a

648
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 2: support system, that don't have a husband, that doesn't have

649
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 2: somebody who can watch the kids, you know, how do

650
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 2: they put their self first? In your opinion?

651
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 4: That's real, that's real, and I think it's hard.

652
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 2: Like it's so.

653
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 4: My husband's in the military, and so he's been deployed

654
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 4: a couple times, so there's been year long stince where

655
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 4: he hasn't been here, and that's difficult. Thank god, I

656
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 4: have in laws who lives ten minutes away. My parents

657
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 4: live thirty minutes away.

658
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 2: So you have a village.

659
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 4: I got a village and so, but I know that's

660
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 4: not everybody's case. In those instances, I think you have

661
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 4: to be really intentional about building that village, right, Like,

662
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 4: sometimes putting yourself first means making the inconvenient decisions because

663
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: you know it will help you in the long run. Right.

664
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 4: So I have a lot of examples. I have a

665
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 4: very close friend. She has a lot of kids, and

666
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 4: I watch her just do a lot like and I

667
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 4: just be like, friend, you don't have to do all this.

668
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 4: And the answer is always, well, I like money, I

669
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 4: like to be able to And I say, yeah, but

670
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 4: you're I don't want to say you killing yourself, but

671
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 4: you are pulling your hair out just so you can

672
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 4: do all the things to get all the things and

673
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 4: for what, Like, you.

674
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying.

675
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 4: So it's like, maybe maybe take a step back and

676
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 4: kind of like just maybe maybe putting yourself first means relocating,

677
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 4: or maybe putting yourself means downsizing so you can actually

678
00:34:55,200 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 4: have space and have margin to breathe. You understand what

679
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like when you don't even have a little

680
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 4: bit of room to breathe, then you're already at a deficit.

681
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 4: So you know, to that question, Tam, I think it's

682
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 4: being extremely intentional about finding those relationships and finding those

683
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 4: people that understand you. It might be saying to your children,

684
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 4: I love you, but at seven o'clock from seven to

685
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 4: eight thirty, mommy has her quiet time. And I know

686
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 4: it's when you have little ones you can't really do that.

687
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 4: So I'm thinking of when they're old enough to read

688
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 4: a book, watching YouTube, this is mommy's time. Not letting

689
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 4: your kids sleep in the bed is putting yourself first.

690
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 4: And I'm a victim of this right because my five

691
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 4: year old will hop in that bed and I've had

692
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 4: to say, this is not your bed, this is my

693
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 4: peaceful place, even like going not staying up until twelve

694
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 4: o'clock at night and purposely going upstairs at nine thirty

695
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 4: and doing your skincare and your kids could be in

696
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 4: the room, right, But like I know, y'all just had

697
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 4: an episode on skincare, right, Like sitting down and being

698
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 4: in your room, lighting your candle, putting the music on,

699
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 4: and giving yourself a facial a mask, doing the things

700
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 4: that feels good.

701
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 1: That's meditation. I think people think like meditation is like

702
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: closing your eyes and being silent, Like it's not. I

703
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: meditate while I'm driving a lot, no radio, just driving.

704
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, that is a form of meditation, like just quiet, Yeah,

705
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: doing something that you love, taking care of your body

706
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: from the outsiding. Absolutely.

707
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. I got a client that I prayed that she

708
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 2: listened to this episode because she has four kids and

709
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 2: she's a single mom, and she comes to get her

710
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 2: hair done with three laptops, three different jobs going at

711
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: the same time. She like, I can barely do her

712
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: hair because she's on this computer on and just trying

713
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 2: to juggle three jobs so she could take care of

714
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 2: these kids. Wow, And meanwhile I'm trying to flatter on

715
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 2: a little bit of edge that she got left because

716
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: her hair is coming out. Yeah, so I hope she

717
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 2: listens to this episode because babe girl put one of

718
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 2: them computers down.

719
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 4: Just look like even like getting your hair done is

720
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 4: to me, that's when I know I'm about to go

721
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 4: get my hair done. As short as it is, I'm

722
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 4: like the calendar is blocked. I'm locked in what we

723
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:21,800
Speaker 4: talk about, girl like it's a it's self care. So

724
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 4: to go into that space and not even be able

725
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:28,800
Speaker 4: to enjoy that time, it's just like something got to

726
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 4: give you. Sometimes you got to. I mean I can't.

727
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: It's hard.

728
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 4: I've set my life up. And I don't say this

729
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 4: as a brag. I was talking.

730
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,919
Speaker 1: I know what you're about to say. Yeah, you tell

731
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: me like.

732
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 4: I set my life up. So this is how it is.

733
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 4: I work remotely. I purposely went for the job that

734
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:53,320
Speaker 4: was able to let me do this. You know, I

735
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 4: decide to get up early and work out. But also

736
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 4: because I work remotely, I can go to the gym

737
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 4: at nine thirty and I can block my calendar so

738
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 4: nobody puts the meetings on my calendar. Like again, my

739
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 4: husband knows who I am because this is how i've

740
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 4: this is how we've been. I can go when these

741
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 4: long walks because I do everything remotely. And again, I

742
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 4: know this is not everybody's time but or everybody's reality,

743
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 4: but I do think part of putting you first is

744
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 4: taking ownership of your life and not just doing what

745
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 4: you've been doing and making the changes and again making

746
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 4: those sacrifices so that you can live the way you

747
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 4: want to live, whether you're a man, woman, mom. You know,

748
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 4: area like we own our lives. We own our lives.

749
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,879
Speaker 4: Nobody should be in control of our life. And once

750
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 4: you realize that and you take control of it, it's

751
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 4: the game changer. It's hard, though, because it's a lot

752
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 4: easier to point the finger, it's a lot easier to

753
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 4: put the blame on everybody else.

754
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 1: Accountability is what I'm hearing. Yeah, because I saw one

755
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: of your videos. You were talking about like just outsourcing

756
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: some of the things, you know, like these men be

757
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 1: on these podcasts and they talking about a woman cooking,

758
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: cleaning and all that, like if you really love your

759
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: wife or your girlfriend like you or another video I

760
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: saw this guy he just looked over at his girlfriend

761
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: and then the caption was like the moment you realize

762
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: you got to get your money up because you you

763
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: want to make that exactly you saw it.

764
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 2: Yes, I love it.

765
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 1: I almost sent that to mind. But I know that's

766
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 1: how he feels about me, right, Like everything is surrounding

767
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 1: about upgrading everything. Right, So if you with somebody who

768
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:36,799
Speaker 1: don't look at you like that, get the fuck up

769
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: out of there. Yeah, but anyway, like just outsourcing some

770
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 1: of the things so you aren't as busy. I feel

771
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: like if you're married, like, why is it our job

772
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: a woman? If I'm working, why isn't my job to

773
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: full close, wash dishes, cook clean all the things? We

774
00:39:54,480 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: outsource some of this stuff. I gotta see him, and

775
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you I might pay for that once

776
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: every two months.

777
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 4: My job.

778
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: Listen, I should be clicking right now. I don't even

779
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 1: talk the same no more. That's how bad my TMJ is.

780
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: I know my nigga deprived. Okay, like I might have

781
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: to get.

782
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: In turn.

783
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 4: Listen, as long as it get done. Yeah, we get

784
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 4: we get our clothes picked up. I use a laundry service.

785
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 4: I don't wash clothes like I mean, obviously, you know

786
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 4: you gotta throw some things in there here and there.

787
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,320
Speaker 4: But now my husband us a laundry service, so he

788
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 4: on board bam put in a bag, go I cook,

789
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 4: but we door dash, you know, like we not. You

790
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 4: gotta know you, gotta know you. But I'm gonna say

791
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 4: you brought up a real good point because you know,

792
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 4: thirty years ago, maybe not thirty years ago, because I

793
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 4: feel like the women were going into the workforce heavy

794
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 4: in the seventies, eighties, nineties, and I remember watching my

795
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 4: mom put that suit on with the shoulder pass you know,

796
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 4: got her briefcase, going driving an hour and a half

797
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 4: to be an accountant with a bunch of racist people,

798
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 4: still coming home picking me up late for aftercare, and

799
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 4: I'm staying to myself. When you look back, You're like, well, god, dad,

800
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 4: why my dad wasn't picking me up? He worked a

801
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 4: lot closer? Or you know, you right to why dad

802
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 4: ain't picking me up from dance class? But you don't

803
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 4: think about that when you're eight years old. So now

804
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 4: you fast forward to twenty twenty four, twenty twenty whatever year,

805
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 4: and not only are we taking care of our children

806
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 4: and our families, but we are working these high powered jobs.

807
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 4: Some of us are content creators, and we got other

808
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 4: passions that were filled, like we've added to the plate. Meanwhile,

809
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 4: the dudes are the partners, because I've heard that actually

810
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 4: these dynamics happen in same sex relationships as well. But

811
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 4: the other partner, the non I don't know what the

812
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 4: word is, but they are just kind of hanging out.

813
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 4: And I've had us of late. Since taking my new

814
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 4: job two years ago, I've had a lot of conversations.

815
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 4: I even said to mine, I'm gonna be real with you,

816
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 4: I said to my husband two days ago. We went

817
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,439
Speaker 4: out for a drink and I was just like, yeah,

818
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 4: so if I'm going to be doing all the duties,

819
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,879
Speaker 4: then I am no. I don't want to contribute financially here,

820
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 4: like let me keep.

821
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: My check and just by myself.

822
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,839
Speaker 4: I mean like like you don't have to do both.

823
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 4: You don't have to do domestic and go to your

824
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 4: you know, great job. But I am going to my

825
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 4: great job and doing the domestic.

826
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: That's not you.

827
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 1: Working for everybody. Any Men just work for the job.

828
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 1: They just work for the man.

829
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 2: That's not fair. Sometimes men have other jobs like keeping

830
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 2: the long, keeping the cars together.

831
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 4: We get our long, we get our lung, we get

832
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 4: our car, our grass cut.

833
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:51,399
Speaker 2: Okay, but sometimes they have other responsibility.

834
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: The air condition don't go out by every ten fifteen years,

835
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 1: or you might have to check. You might have to

836
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 1: touch that for fifteen years, the toilet bowl running or whatever.

837
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 1: That's a quick glowle fixed, like what else doing in

838
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: the house?

839
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 2: Come on, guys.

840
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,400
Speaker 4: So yeah, and every case is different, you know, So

841
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 4: like this, put yourself first. And that's why I always

842
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 4: like start with the challenge because no matter what your

843
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: your home life is, your family, makeup, single mom, like,

844
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 4: no matter that, you can at least do this by yourself.

845
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 4: You don't need anybody to buy in, You don't need

846
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 4: any of that. You can wake up every morning and

847
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 4: do these seven things every morning. Now, when you go

848
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 4: farther along, then you are going to need to look

849
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 4: at things differently because you might need the babysitter, you

850
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 4: might need the things. But at least that's seven days

851
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 4: you're able to lock into you easily.

852
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 2: So you said you will want to keep your check,

853
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 2: which I agree with you. Let me keep my money too,

854
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 2: But I just want to know how you feel about

855
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 2: the fifty to fifty conversation that people have about relationships.

856
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 2: Only I feel like only black people are talking about it.

857
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, the others aren't out. Yeah, So I mean we've

858
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 4: had our joint. It's all one ain't no fifty fifty here,

859
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 4: It's just one account. The money goes into our account.

860
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 4: Each of us takes a percentage for our fun money.

861
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 4: But that's it. So I got I don't know. I don't.

862
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 4: Even before we were married, we were living together and

863
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 4: my husband at the time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

864
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:24,439
Speaker 4: But he paid the mortgage. He paid and I paid

865
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 4: the utilities, and I paid the the groceries, which was

866
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:33,359
Speaker 4: a minor fraction of the money the things he paid.

867
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 4: We never even had that conversation. But the things are

868
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 4: different now. The world is different now. I don't I

869
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 4: don't know. I just say what worked for you, work

870
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 4: for you.

871
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: Right, because I don't think other communities aren't doing fifty

872
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: to fifty is on to talk about it like people

873
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 1: talk whatever y'all gotta do to get out trenches, do

874
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 1: that shit to get whatever it is? Why are we

875
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: talking about it? Because I mean it kind of diminishes

876
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: men a little bit, and then like for women, as

877
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: like the bringing the ship to the table and all

878
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 1: that little weird things like why why would you not

879
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: want to work extra hard so your a woman doesn't

880
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: really have to because everybody's happy when a woman. I'm

881
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: not saying like men don't need to be happy, absolutely not.

882
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 1: But they are supposed to be problem solvers. We're gonna

883
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 1: take all their jobs away. Don't nobody want to no

884
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 1: idolized man? They get mean when they're not producing, they

885
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: get mad when they don't have money. They do the Yeah,

886
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:34,760
Speaker 1: so find you a woman that's worth producing for my adviceiggas.

887
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,839
Speaker 4: The way that argument is that when you're when you're

888
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 4: dating someone, everybody should put up fifty to fifty. Like

889
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 4: you split the rent fifty fifty, you split everything fifty.

890
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 2: In the middle.

891
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: Dating is not living together. Once you start living with somebody, like,

892
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 1: that's right, you damn get married. You know some states

893
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 1: you might be legally married common law.

894
00:45:58,480 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, so very much.

895
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 1: But when we're dating, like, am I really supposed to

896
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: be paying for dates?

897
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 4: Mmm?

898
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't mind paying for a date.

899
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 4: A date, brea, birthdays absolutely, a little cute little after.

900
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: Breakfast and birthdays. I got them every time. Right now,

901
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: I've paid for dates. I don't know what people, but

902
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 1: it still it's somebody you love and who you with.

903
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: These men can be complaining because they're trying to date

904
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: five different women to see who giving up some couci

905
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, n night and just

906
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 1: pick somebody who likes you, but you're going to suck

907
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: your dick because they want to at the end of

908
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: the night.

909
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 4: Pick somebody that likes you. And I've always come from

910
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,240
Speaker 4: the standpoint of I am the prize.

911
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 2: Amen.

912
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,879
Speaker 4: If you sit next to me, we haven't. You're gonna

913
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 4: get something out of this conversation. You're gonna walk away

914
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 4: from this dinner or whatever it is, feeling better or

915
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 4: learning something that's valuable. So I'm not paying for nothing.

916
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 2: Have you ever carried any guilt? Like I hear sometimes

917
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: mothers say, like mothers who have careers, like something suffers,

918
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: something always suffers. And I always carry guilt because if

919
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent here, I'm neglecting this. If I'm

920
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,800
Speaker 2: one hundred percent there, then I'm neglecting that. Do you

921
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 2: have you ever felt that way?

922
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 4: I have not so much anymore. Thankfully, where I work

923
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:28,600
Speaker 4: is very family friendly, and we just all prioritize our families.

924
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 4: But I remember that this is a true story. The

925
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 4: day that I ended my decided to end my podcast,

926
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 4: the baby was like thirty minutes late for school and

927
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 4: I forgot his lunch, and I remembered I had forgot

928
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 4: something at work too, So I just pulled into his

929
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 4: parking lot at his school and I just started crying

930
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 4: because I'm like yo, And that's what led to the

931
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 4: I can't do this thing anymore. But there have absolutely

932
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 4: been times where I forgot something like, oh, you're supposed

933
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 4: to have dressed down day. God damn, I forgot that,

934
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 4: and that dressed Downday be a big deal. So it

935
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 4: so usually comes there. But when I have to go

936
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 4: on work trips or I don't feel guilt. I don't

937
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 4: because I'm a very present mom, you know what I'm saying.

938
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 4: Like I pick my kids up every day, I take

939
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 4: them sometimes, I walk them to school, like they come

940
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 4: to work with me sometimes, So I don't, and I'm

941
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 4: I gotta be real with you. I don't and I don't.

942
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 4: But I'm also not working a job. My husband has

943
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 4: had to be overseas for this past summer. He was

944
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 4: in Guam for three months. Maybe he If that was me,

945
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 4: I might have felt guilt for having to be away

946
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 4: for three months.

947
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 2: But at this day and age, M M say what

948
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 2: do you say to moms that do carry that guilt?

949
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 2: What advice would you do.

950
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 1: To seven day challenge challenging?

951
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 4: Cause it seems like where does it? And I wish

952
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 4: I would have I wish I could have looked this up, like,

953
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:58,240
Speaker 4: you know, where does guilt come from? Is it because

954
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 4: you didn't do something else and now this is like

955
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 4: piling on? Is it because you just didn't have time?

956
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 4: I don't know. Is it because is it because subconscially

957
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 4: you don't even like this job and you hate that

958
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,319
Speaker 4: you even have to do this, and so now it's

959
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 4: even causing you to not only do you hate the job,

960
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 4: but now it's causing you to not be there for

961
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 4: your kids, you know. So I think maybe that's the

962
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 4: bigger question. And I hope I'm not being too like

963
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 4: philosophical here, but it's just like, why do you feel

964
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 4: guilty about it? What is because?

965
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 2: I I don't know.

966
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 4: Again, that's not it's not my reality, but yeah, kind

967
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 4: of consider that. Why are you feeling how you feel?

968
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 4: Where is that guilt coming from? Is it your partner

969
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 4: that's making you feel shitty because you got to do this?

970
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,879
Speaker 4: Because if that's the case, then you need to deal

971
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 4: with that, you know, is it just is it? Is

972
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 4: it guilt or is it you're just tired? Are you tired?

973
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 4: Do you need to take PTO? Are you tired of

974
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 4: your kids? I don't know. There there might be some

975
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 4: other things there that have to be thought through and

976
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 4: figured out. And if it is guilt, you know, maybe

977
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 4: it is just a matter of you know what, I

978
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 4: don't like this. I need to make a change, right,

979
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 4: I need to now do the uncomfortable thing so I

980
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 4: don't feel this anymore. But if you stay in that

981
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 4: same job, in that same position, and that same set up,

982
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 4: in that same daily schedule, You're gonna feel the guilt again.

983
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 4: So I would also say that, like, figure out what

984
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,760
Speaker 4: it is and why and change immediately or make a plan.

985
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 2: To So I'm not a mom, but I spent like

986
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,240
Speaker 2: two weeks with my best friend and my god kids,

987
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 2: and they're little, and I loved them to death, right,

988
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 2: I love them so two and one oh, okay, one

989
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 2: behind the other, right, And that shit never stops, Like Mama,

990
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 2: like she would finally get to bed and then six

991
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 2: in the morning, I hear songs, paying screaming, all kind

992
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 2: of shit happening. I'm like oh my god, if I

993
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 2: could do this and it just like it's done at

994
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 2: nine o'clock. And then it started getting right in the morning,

995
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:17,399
Speaker 2: we're singing wheels on the bus and like I'm talking

996
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 2: about that's one of the songs. In the morning, we

997
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 2: had a freezing So motherhood is severely a full time

998
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: job in itself. I don't know if I'm capable of

999
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 2: juggling a full time career. So you said you had

1000
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 2: a career, a husband, a podcast studio and the actual

1001
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 2: podcast and three children.

1002
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 4: Cracked on crack like girl, you know, because I do.

1003
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: Be feeling like okay, So like my like trying to

1004
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: wake up six o'clock in the morning, like I did

1005
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 1: it this morning. I worked out. That's why I was

1006
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 1: trying to get off the meeting earlier town like go

1007
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 1: take a child before we got here, like I actually

1008
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: got up and some Monday's Tuesday whatever, I'll pick a

1009
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 1: day and I actually do all the things right. But

1010
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 1: you gotta have a lot of discipline when you have

1011
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,520
Speaker 1: a kid. So like, God ain't giving me a kid

1012
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: because did you not discipline?

1013
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 2: Like, but you gotta be you can't bring the discipline

1014
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,800
Speaker 2: because I used to pray before she had that the

1015
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: first baby. I'm like, god less her with the mind

1016
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 2: of mother because she's such a squarel brad her like

1017
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 2: being nobody's mama. But she's such amazing mom and so dedicated.

1018
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 2: Like she surprised me. I'm like, you surprised me. I

1019
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 2: didn't think. I thought I was gonna have to take

1020
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 2: these babies from you, you know. But she's a great mom.

1021
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: So sometimes I think that comes with becoming a mother.

1022
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 1: It definitely does like nothing to prepare you for it,

1023
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 1: for real.

1024
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 4: Nothing. I was twenty three when I had our first kid.

1025
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 4: Oh okay, I didn't know what the hell like the child,

1026
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 4: couldn't didn't know nothing, and you know, you look at

1027
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 4: him now, obviously we knew enough and it just comes

1028
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 4: to you prayerly, right.

1029
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I didn't get up to what nine today?

1030
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you can't do that with a kid. Yeah,

1031
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 1: you can't sleep in no more like some some kids

1032
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 1: don't sleep high matenance babies, Hey, your ass up all night?

1033
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 1: I could.

1034
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 4: That was our baby. He was were the premature one.

1035
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 4: I hate to really, you know, refer to him as that,

1036
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 4: but it's like we were like, damn, nigga, can you

1037
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 4: breathe because he would be like he would just be

1038
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 4: weird every time you went to sleep, and it would

1039
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 4: be like, yo, I'm tired, like waddle and go to sleep.

1040
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 4: But yeah, and that's the other thing, Like every kid

1041
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 4: is different. So even if you have one and you

1042
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 4: like you got it, you got your system, bam bam band,

1043
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 4: you throw the other one in the mix and it's

1044
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 4: a totally different human experience. Like, so you gotta really

1045
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 4: you're literally starting from scratch. Yeah, you know, I'm I

1046
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 4: think I'm a Parenthood takes discipline absolutely because not only

1047
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 4: do you have to be disciplined within yourself, you got

1048
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:13,799
Speaker 4: to discipline these kids. I think some of this put

1049
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 4: yourself first, and I think some of this this feeling

1050
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 4: of you know, being a parent and not being able

1051
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 4: to be yourself or pouring to you, it's because you've

1052
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,400
Speaker 4: got to Not only do you have to pay attention

1053
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 4: to your kids and discipline them and you know, take

1054
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 4: care of them and nurture them, but you got some

1055
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 4: of these kids who are running the household, right, so

1056
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 4: you can't you dang sure can't live your best when

1057
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 4: you have a child who is telling you what to do,

1058
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 4: and like I said, running the household. So that's a

1059
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 4: whole nother that might be all another conversation like I'm

1060
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:56,320
Speaker 4: the adult here, not you, right, like, this is my home,

1061
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 4: and you have to do even as a baby, a

1062
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 4: one year old, a two year old, whatever the age,

1063
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 4: you have to Parents have to set the tone for

1064
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 4: their children, not the other way around. And I think

1065
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 4: as time goes on, you know, we're in twenty twenty

1066
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 4: four and I'm somebody.

1067
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: With gentle stuff.

1068
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 4: Thank you, the gentle parenting, right Like, wait, wait a

1069
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 4: minute now, gentle you so gentle your parenting is so

1070
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 4: gentle that you are literally losing your mind. You know

1071
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Like that, don't that? Ain't that don't

1072
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 4: add up at all? Not to me anyway, I.

1073
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 1: Think I would.

1074
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 2: How about shanking kids.

1075
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 4: I'm not opposed to it. I think there's a line

1076
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 4: to abuse. I've never had to No, I've had to pop.

1077
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:43,799
Speaker 4: I've had to pop maybe once or twice. Yeah, I'm listen.

1078
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 4: If that's how you have to discipline your child, that's

1079
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 4: how you got disciplined child.

1080
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 2: You know, I used to think that I would be

1081
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,120
Speaker 2: a mom, like I'm a double backslap of baby to

1082
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 2: talk back to me right. But once my sister had

1083
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 2: kids and I would watch my niece. If they misbehave

1084
00:55:56,680 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 2: and I did a little pop, I would cry. I'm like,

1085
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 2: you know, like so I know that I'm softer than

1086
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 2: I think in my head, like they would run all

1087
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:07,719
Speaker 2: over me already. Know.

1088
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 4: Some kids don't some people don't like everybody. It takes

1089
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 4: different things to everybody to change and learn. So you

1090
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 4: got one child who you can This is me and

1091
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 4: my sister. We're fifteen years apart. I had two pops

1092
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 4: as a child, one when I was like four and

1093
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 4: the other one I was sixteen. My mom slapped me

1094
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: across the face because I snuck out to go to

1095
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 4: my boyfriend house.

1096
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: That was it.

1097
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 4: Nobody ever had to discipline me ever again because that

1098
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:33,919
Speaker 4: part two they never knew.

1099
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 1: Okay.

1100
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 4: My sister, on the other hand, no, I mean every

1101
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:43,320
Speaker 4: week since it's getting beat and did not care and

1102
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 4: the house, same parents came. You gotta know how to anone.

1103
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's always one.

1104
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 4: She's still off the chain too, bless her heart. I

1105
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 4: love her though.

1106
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: Aside from the the seven day Challenge, the mom caation magic.

1107
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 1: So you help people plan these solocations?

1108
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, so it's an ebook. It's Momcation Magic, and

1109
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 4: it's literally from start to finish like Okay, you need

1110
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 4: to get away, you don't know how. So it gives

1111
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 4: you like places you can go visit. It's a whole

1112
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 4: like three like different packing list. I've even put a

1113
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:32,720
Speaker 4: template of a letter in there, a script that you

1114
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 4: can read to your partner or your community member. No,

1115
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 4: I'm for real, y'all, Like if you just are really

1116
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,200
Speaker 4: scared to ask or to bring this up, get this

1117
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 4: mom Caation Magic and literally read it or copy and

1118
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 4: paste it. Cause I understand there's barriers there. It's levels

1119
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:53,920
Speaker 4: to this, and we're all on different stages of this

1120
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 4: motherhood thing, of this self care thing. Take momhood aside,

1121
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,680
Speaker 4: like you gotta, we all have to be putting ourselves first.

1122
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 4: So yeah, the ebook literally is a just a tool

1123
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 4: to help you. It has like quotes in there about

1124
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 4: self care. It's pictures of me on my various trips

1125
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 4: to hopefully inspire you to take one or two like

1126
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 4: just a resource, you know, pdf downloaded and hopefully hopefully

1127
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 4: it helps. Like everything I do is it's really just

1128
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 4: to I can't talk to everybody, like I cannot sit

1129
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 4: there and everybody DM. So you just go on a

1130
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 4: trip by yourself? How you do that? Can't do that

1131
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 4: toa I cannot have this conversation with all of y'all.

1132
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 4: But I promise you you get that mom mom Cation

1133
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 4: Magic ebook, you'll you'll be on your way.

1134
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:40,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that.

1135
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 1: I just don't know how my because no kids involved.

1136
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: He has kids that I don't. But I just don't

1137
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 1: know how a conversation. I can have a conversation because

1138
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 1: I'm always say what I want. There's that part. So

1139
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: if I say, hey, dude, I'm about to go on

1140
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 1: vacation for five days by myself, he would have a fit.

1141
00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 4: Hmmm.

1142
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 1: I believe he would have.

1143
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 2: It hasn't happened yet.

1144
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,440
Speaker 1: I haven't asked him.

1145
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:03,120
Speaker 4: You don't know.

1146
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 1: But even just me going on vacation, like without him

1147
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 1: with other people, he don't like that. Yeah, they're gonna

1148
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: automatically imagine you being on one of those canoes in Jamaica,

1149
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:22,919
Speaker 1: like the most be automatically.

1150
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, I don't want to their canoes. I'm not

1151
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 2: a hope.

1152
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 4: That's why I'm going next though, Vocation. I don't know.

1153
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 1: That's another book I might write that one.

1154
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 2: See that's why he don't want you to know.

1155
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:48,440
Speaker 1: That's why I never smashed no random dick on vacation ever. Okay,

1156
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 1: he ain't got to worry about that ship a local nigga,

1157
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: but he could be no random I'm just playing his jokes.

1158
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 4: He might go crazy, but he might not.

1159
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 2: It's so what do I do?

1160
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 1: So if he goes crazy? What do I just still go?

1161
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 2: Though?

1162
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 4: I think you I think y'all need to talk about

1163
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 4: it a little bit more. I think it's okay. I

1164
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 4: think in these kind of situations, it's not a hey,

1165
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 4: I'm going on the trip boom. It's hey, babe, let's

1166
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 4: y'all maybe at dinner, what do you think about? And

1167
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 4: you might already know the answer, but let's just start

1168
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 4: to have a conversation, you know what. I need some

1169
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 4: time to myself. Busy things are rough, Like I'm tired.

1170
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 4: I just need to get away thinking about doing this.

1171
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 4: What do you think?

1172
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 2: You know?

1173
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 4: Are you cool with me? Because I started, I didn't

1174
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 4: start going out of town. I started doing staycations. So

1175
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:45,600
Speaker 4: I would go to like and I still do this.

1176
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 4: Like I would just find a cute little hotel in

1177
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 4: DC and stay there from Friday to Sunday night. You

1178
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, like a little staycation, don't text me,

1179
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:56,439
Speaker 4: don't bother me, this is my time.

1180
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 1: That's an understanding that I don't know if I have

1181
01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 1: ever been with anybody like them niggas to be stalking me.

1182
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:04,400
Speaker 1: But this is yeah, this is for some moms. I

1183
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:07,080
Speaker 1: guess who, like they get your ebook.

1184
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, give them the script, right, yep? Yeah.

1185
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 1: But then the person the recipient of the script is

1186
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 1: like that, are you nuts?

1187
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 4: And so this next I don't want to break up home,

1188
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 4: but you have to put yourself first, right because if

1189
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 4: it's the it might not be the trip. It might

1190
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:29,440
Speaker 4: be going to the gym, it might be who knows,

1191
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 4: it might be not going grocery shop. And it's saying,

1192
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:34,600
Speaker 4: you know what, you can do this. I don't need

1193
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 4: to do this. Somebody gotta empower, Like someone has to

1194
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 4: be empowered to break Here's listen here. If your situation

1195
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 4: is working for you, keep doing it. But if your

1196
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 4: situation is breaking you down and you are not who

1197
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 4: you want to be and you are very unhappy with

1198
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 4: your life or just the situation, then there has to

1199
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:59,680
Speaker 4: be drastic changes. And I've had so many and I

1200
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 4: still have them uncomfortable conversations with my husband about I

1201
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,160
Speaker 4: don't like this, Why am I only doing this? Da

1202
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,960
Speaker 4: da da da da. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it doesn't.

1203
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 4: But like if you're with if your partner, I think

1204
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 4: there's some real good questions here. Why are you uncomfortable

1205
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,840
Speaker 4: with me being by myself for three days? Why does

1206
01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 4: that give you pause? Because like I need to understand

1207
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 4: why do you feel this way? And depending on the answer,

1208
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 4: that's the conversation. I'm also my husband is take you

1209
01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 4: want to go on a trip, go ahead? Like I'm

1210
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 4: also yeah, like I if I can do something, then

1211
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 4: you should be able to do it too. But like

1212
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 4: I am not trying to break up happy homes. But

1213
01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 4: if you are in a position where you, like I said,

1214
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:51,600
Speaker 4: are just really drowning, that's the word. You're drowning. You

1215
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,920
Speaker 4: are defeated and you don't even remember what it feels

1216
01:02:55,000 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 4: like to be by yourself. Something needs to change. And

1217
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 4: if your partner loves you and wants you to be

1218
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 4: your best for the family and for yourself, if they're

1219
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 4: going so far off the deep end for something like this,

1220
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:13,960
Speaker 4: then there's some bigger issues there. I don't know what

1221
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 4: those bigger issues are. But that's that's what that seems.

1222
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 4: That's a little off to me.

1223
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:21,959
Speaker 2: Also asking why you got his dick in your hand,

1224
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:28,439
Speaker 2: because I heard no right there.

1225
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 4: I think you just do it like that's.

1226
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:35,480
Speaker 1: Like he's not about to be irate. I know shit

1227
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 1: like that. But I don't like to have continuous conversations

1228
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:40,120
Speaker 1: about the same shit. So now I got to keep

1229
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 1: explaining why this is good for me. And I'm not

1230
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 1: really just talking about me. I'm just talking about women

1231
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: who may be in these situations with children right and

1232
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 1: just needing a break. I saw this TikTok once in

1233
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: this White Lady. She was like, you know, it really

1234
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how much you love your husband and your boyfriend,

1235
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,600
Speaker 1: your significant other, if y'all live together. It's just something

1236
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,760
Speaker 1: about it when they're not home that feels so good.

1237
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 1: That is a real thing. Like I really breathe easy

1238
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 1: when I'm by myself, and he really does nothing to

1239
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 1: me at all. It's just the the energy energy of

1240
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:19,160
Speaker 1: another person. I know it might be some Gemini shit,

1241
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what it is, but

1242
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 1: he's a Gemini too. But I need to be I

1243
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:30,000
Speaker 1: need alone time space. I need space. So I do

1244
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 1: like being by myself a lot.

1245
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 4: I think that solo time also, you know, I love

1246
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,840
Speaker 4: I like being by myself a lot too because I

1247
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 4: really like myself that part. Right, So when you got

1248
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 4: to be in a space away by yourself and all

1249
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 4: you have is you to laugh at, to go through

1250
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:57,080
Speaker 4: the things, to you know, get drunk, like you gotta

1251
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 4: really fuck with yourself. You gotta know you can walk

1252
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 4: into a room and meet pe people and have a ball,

1253
01:05:01,560 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 4: or it's be sitting in your hotel room and have

1254
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:07,959
Speaker 4: a ball. And that's that's a you know, I wish

1255
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 4: that for a lot of people. I think the pandemic

1256
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 4: showed a lot of people that they really didn't like

1257
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 4: themselves and for their partner.

1258
01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 1: Nurse that part because I definitely grow up during the pandemic. Yeah,

1259
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 1: a couple months in a quiet.

1260
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,560
Speaker 4: Time, that alone time is gonna tell to tell every time.

1261
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:25,640
Speaker 4: And that's why I think it's so important because when

1262
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:27,520
Speaker 4: you have all the kids and all the things, you

1263
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:30,280
Speaker 4: don't have that, so you don't know who you are, right.

1264
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 4: It all kind of goes back to this whole thing,

1265
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:34,959
Speaker 4: like when you're not able to focus on you because

1266
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 4: you're focusing on them. Then you're just not you don't

1267
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 4: know who you are. And then you just keep going

1268
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:42,919
Speaker 4: and twenty years down the line when you talk about

1269
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:46,360
Speaker 4: this when you're kids, not even twenty years. My daughter,

1270
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 4: our middle child, is seven years old, and Sis goes

1271
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 4: down in that basement. She's a tween. She turns on,

1272
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,840
Speaker 4: she watched her TV. She'd be laughing, and when I

1273
01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:57,600
Speaker 4: come downstairs, it's like, hey, Parker, how are you? She

1274
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 4: comes back upstairs. I said, so. It ain't when they

1275
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,440
Speaker 4: turned eighteen. It is when they seven and eight, when

1276
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 4: they are moving on and finding their own lives and

1277
01:06:08,960 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 4: their own things. And as the mom or the dad

1278
01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:14,680
Speaker 4: or the whatever who didn't have a thing for themselves,

1279
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 4: you just sitting there looking crazy.

1280
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:22,120
Speaker 2: I'm a client. Well she's not my client anymore, but

1281
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:27,040
Speaker 2: it was a client that she like was so involved

1282
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 2: in her son's life. She just obviously wanted the best

1283
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:31,960
Speaker 2: for her child, whichever mother wants for the most part.

1284
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 2: But he went off, she like smothered him, you know.

1285
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:37,960
Speaker 2: So when he went off to college, he wouldn't want

1286
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 2: to come home for spring break. He wanted to go

1287
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:41,840
Speaker 2: off with his friends and do stuff. And it like

1288
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:44,560
Speaker 2: devastated her, and like she would like pick fights with

1289
01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:47,360
Speaker 2: him about it, and like she ended up having to

1290
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 2: go to therapy about it because she was so attached

1291
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 2: to this child like her, that child had become her

1292
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:56,240
Speaker 2: whole existence. So when he went off to be an

1293
01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 2: adult male, she didn't know what to do with herself.

1294
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:01,120
Speaker 2: And she was it's like hurt by the fact that

1295
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 2: he wanted to have his own life.

1296
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,000
Speaker 1: Did she have anybody? Was she single?

1297
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:10,160
Speaker 2: She just devoted her entire astance to being this boy's mom,

1298
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:13,080
Speaker 2: you know, which is okay. I mean I get it.

1299
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:14,520
Speaker 2: You want to be a good mom, you want to

1300
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 2: be the best mom, but you got to have a

1301
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:17,680
Speaker 2: life too, baby.

1302
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 4: Got to And how how dope is it when your

1303
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 4: kids see that you love yourself? You know I'm saying,

1304
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 4: like they see it and they notice it. Like my

1305
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 4: when I'll get I'll get up, you know, the five

1306
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 4: thirty and I'll come back in the house around seven,

1307
01:07:31,880 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 4: and the old the baby is be up. He just

1308
01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:36,680
Speaker 4: be up and he will greet me at the door

1309
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,880
Speaker 4: and he's like, hey, mom, how is the gem? Did

1310
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:42,640
Speaker 4: you have a good workout? So it's at this point

1311
01:07:42,680 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 4: it's embedded in our family that mom has to do

1312
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:48,760
Speaker 4: what she needs to do for herself. And now we're like,

1313
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:50,680
Speaker 4: they want to work out too, you know what I'm saying.

1314
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 4: So when your kids see that you love you and

1315
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:56,960
Speaker 4: you care about you, and when they also see that

1316
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:00,400
Speaker 4: your world don't revolve around them, not you know, one

1317
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:02,680
Speaker 4: hundred percent of the time, then I believe that they're

1318
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:06,200
Speaker 4: they operate a little differently, right because they say, Mommy

1319
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 4: loves herself, Mommy, mommy gonna do. Mommy's fine, Mommy's Mommy's fine,

1320
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 4: you know, Mommy's happy. And I think it when you

1321
01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,600
Speaker 4: look at it from that perspectives, that's the other thing

1322
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:21,000
Speaker 4: I think Mom's missed because we just assume, not all

1323
01:08:21,080 --> 01:08:24,240
Speaker 4: of us. It's very easy to assume that we have

1324
01:08:24,439 --> 01:08:27,160
Speaker 4: to do everything. That's a little bit of ego. No

1325
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:30,599
Speaker 4: one can replace me, and no one can replace the mom, right,

1326
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:33,840
Speaker 4: but no one can do this. Dad can't wash the clothes,

1327
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:36,080
Speaker 4: Dad can't do this, You can't do that. Only I

1328
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 4: can do this because I'm the mom and da da

1329
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:39,720
Speaker 4: da da da da dah dah. And it's like, girl,

1330
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 4: remove your ego, because what you need to what we

1331
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:47,240
Speaker 4: should do is build community around our children. So that

1332
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:50,599
Speaker 4: they know that they got ten people that gonna look

1333
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,720
Speaker 4: up after them and not just that one person. You know,

1334
01:08:55,479 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 4: we're not gonna be here forever. You don't want to

1335
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:00,920
Speaker 4: raise a child can't live without you.

1336
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:02,960
Speaker 2: Because they're gonna have to.

1337
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:05,040
Speaker 4: That's the one thing that we know gonna happen.

1338
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I have a friend who I mean,

1339
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:15,320
Speaker 1: she pretty pretty privileged for the friends, and both of them,

1340
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,360
Speaker 1: husband and wife, are my friends. But he didn't because

1341
01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 1: she's at home mom, right, and she just does all

1342
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,599
Speaker 1: the after school shit and they did have a nanny

1343
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:25,360
Speaker 1: do having a nanny and things like that. He just

1344
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:28,720
Speaker 1: thought her life was so easy until COVID hit and

1345
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:30,800
Speaker 1: he actually had to be home with the kids to see,

1346
01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:33,479
Speaker 1: like when he wakes up five o'clock in the morning,

1347
01:09:33,520 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 1: three o'clock whatever, like that's when her day starts too,

1348
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:37,960
Speaker 1: and they go to bed at the same time. So

1349
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:42,320
Speaker 1: really like she's working double damn near having to deal

1350
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:47,040
Speaker 1: with four kids and help. But he didn't realize it

1351
01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:49,599
Speaker 1: until COVID when he was in the house to actually

1352
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:50,880
Speaker 1: see all the moving parts.

1353
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:55,759
Speaker 4: If these our partners would not be able to afford

1354
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:58,360
Speaker 4: And I tell my husband this too, I said, sweetheart,

1355
01:09:58,439 --> 01:10:00,640
Speaker 4: if I charge you for the work that I do,

1356
01:10:01,479 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 4: this invisible labor, you wouldn't be able to afford me.

1357
01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:07,479
Speaker 4: Like I was a stay at home mom for two

1358
01:10:07,560 --> 01:10:10,479
Speaker 4: years with the with the babies, and I was ready

1359
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:12,320
Speaker 4: to go back to work. I was like, Okay, I

1360
01:10:12,400 --> 01:10:14,599
Speaker 4: don't this too much. I've been with y'all for two years.

1361
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:17,839
Speaker 4: Like it's a lot, a lot, and they just assume

1362
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:21,839
Speaker 4: because you don't have to physically get dressed and go somewhere.

1363
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:25,000
Speaker 4: But from you know, for me, going getting up and

1364
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 4: even just working with people, that's a release. That's like

1365
01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:30,519
Speaker 4: talking to adults. You know what I'm saying. You in

1366
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:35,120
Speaker 4: a house with kids, children that at this point are

1367
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 4: not adding any like intellectual value to your life. They

1368
01:10:39,479 --> 01:10:42,920
Speaker 4: are literally things that you have to physically take care

1369
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:46,519
Speaker 4: of from start to finish, the most draining thing you'll

1370
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:49,280
Speaker 4: ever have to imagine. But they don't see it until

1371
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:51,240
Speaker 4: they have to do it, which is another reason why

1372
01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:53,080
Speaker 4: you should get up out of there so that they

1373
01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:57,040
Speaker 4: can see what it actually takes. You understand, I'm saying, like, girl,

1374
01:10:57,400 --> 01:10:59,759
Speaker 4: he might need to see what these with these jokes

1375
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:02,400
Speaker 4: really take, you know, because he don't get it. They

1376
01:11:02,439 --> 01:11:05,479
Speaker 4: don't get it, whoever the gender is. But when I

1377
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:09,400
Speaker 4: got back this past my husband looked tired. He slept

1378
01:11:09,439 --> 01:11:12,679
Speaker 4: for like two days after. When I got back last week, Yeah,

1379
01:11:12,800 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 4: baby was tired. And we even when we was out

1380
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:19,280
Speaker 4: with some of our friends yesterday and the husband was

1381
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:20,640
Speaker 4: just like, you know, you cool with her going to

1382
01:11:20,720 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 4: d D. Long story short, he was like yeah, But

1383
01:11:22,800 --> 01:11:25,240
Speaker 4: when she got back, I was just like this too much.

1384
01:11:25,840 --> 01:11:27,559
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, you saw all the things

1385
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:31,040
Speaker 4: that I do, but you see what I do every day.

1386
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:33,880
Speaker 4: But he also sees what I do every day, you know,

1387
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:35,439
Speaker 4: like you see me making the things.

1388
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:36,639
Speaker 2: But you make it look.

1389
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:41,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they don't realize you just never know that

1390
01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:43,120
Speaker 1: you actually got to do the things right.

1391
01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:46,519
Speaker 2: That part, that part, it was so funny. My best friend,

1392
01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:48,479
Speaker 2: she had got six she got COVID, so she had

1393
01:11:48,520 --> 01:11:50,760
Speaker 2: to lock herself up in the room and I came

1394
01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:53,400
Speaker 2: by to help because I know her man was going

1395
01:11:53,479 --> 01:11:55,920
Speaker 2: through it. When I walked in that house, y'all, that

1396
01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:59,280
Speaker 2: ship looked like a tornado hit that motherfucker. My god,

1397
01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:04,000
Speaker 2: baby on the entertainment center just doing a dug. I

1398
01:12:04,040 --> 01:12:09,080
Speaker 2: think it was like chairs knocked over floor. Oh my god,

1399
01:12:09,280 --> 01:12:10,800
Speaker 2: I just came in there and helped him because I

1400
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:12,080
Speaker 2: knew he couldn't handle it.

1401
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:19,120
Speaker 4: You know, girl, when I was in his ministry, I

1402
01:12:19,280 --> 01:12:20,840
Speaker 4: lied to y'all. Not when I was on my last

1403
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,960
Speaker 4: the last day of the trip. Two days before, I

1404
01:12:23,040 --> 01:12:25,400
Speaker 4: text our cleaning lady like, hey, girl, are you available

1405
01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 4: Thursday to Friday. I already knew what time it was

1406
01:12:27,560 --> 01:12:30,519
Speaker 4: because I said I'm not because also, I'm not about

1407
01:12:30,560 --> 01:12:33,200
Speaker 4: to come back to a dirty house. You don't got

1408
01:12:33,320 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 4: to clean it. But when I come back to my home,

1409
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,880
Speaker 4: I needed to be clean and organized, because that's that's

1410
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:41,600
Speaker 4: what makes me happy. And had I came back and

1411
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:44,080
Speaker 4: hadn't had her come, it would have been a mess

1412
01:12:44,200 --> 01:12:45,719
Speaker 4: all the things, and then I would have been mad.

1413
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:47,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, because now you got to get back to it. Yeah,

1414
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:49,080
Speaker 2: I want that.

1415
01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:51,000
Speaker 1: Why do men not like organization?

1416
01:12:52,240 --> 01:12:55,360
Speaker 4: Why are men dirty? I'm sorry I was ticking.

1417
01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:58,320
Speaker 1: It there and like I really be feeling, like am

1418
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 1: I really? I had this come just this morning on

1419
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:02,679
Speaker 1: the way to the gym. I don't know my homegirl.

1420
01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:05,640
Speaker 1: She had therapist, y'all. Yeah, so she had like a

1421
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:07,439
Speaker 1: whole lot of shit going on the last few months.

1422
01:13:07,479 --> 01:13:09,439
Speaker 1: So we had just been talking about her ship the

1423
01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:13,120
Speaker 1: last few months. So now I'll like drop my little

1424
01:13:13,160 --> 01:13:15,759
Speaker 1: bullshit in here and there, like my grievances and stuff

1425
01:13:15,840 --> 01:13:17,439
Speaker 1: like that. So she was asking me a lot of queer.

1426
01:13:17,479 --> 01:13:19,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, why the fuck is you stirring up

1427
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 1: these emotions Earl? This morning, Like last night, I literally

1428
01:13:22,360 --> 01:13:25,639
Speaker 1: did an experiment. I took a picture of him while

1429
01:13:25,880 --> 01:13:28,360
Speaker 1: before I got into bed, Like we had a king

1430
01:13:28,479 --> 01:13:31,400
Speaker 1: sized bed, and he's completely on his side of the

1431
01:13:31,479 --> 01:13:35,360
Speaker 1: bed right five minutes as soon as like, and he

1432
01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:37,720
Speaker 1: was that in that position, never moved for a very

1433
01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:38,200
Speaker 1: long time.

1434
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 3: Soon as I gotten a fuck like move as soon

1435
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:45,400
Speaker 3: as I get into bed, you sleeping diagonal like and

1436
01:13:45,479 --> 01:13:49,639
Speaker 3: then just that on top of like the other day,

1437
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:52,479
Speaker 3: like this is really like a fucking kid dog and Nigga,

1438
01:13:52,760 --> 01:13:53,800
Speaker 3: I don't care if you hear this.

1439
01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:56,240
Speaker 1: Thank god he home right now on recording. But anyway,

1440
01:13:58,160 --> 01:14:01,240
Speaker 1: like you passed, you passed the bed rooms, closets, all

1441
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 1: this shit to drop your shit on the island in

1442
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:06,479
Speaker 1: the kitchen right And I'm.

1443
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:07,479
Speaker 2: Like, why do you have to do this?

1444
01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,360
Speaker 1: Well, it'll be going by the time you wake up.

1445
01:14:09,479 --> 01:14:11,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, Nigga, I see it right now, what are

1446
01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:14,280
Speaker 1: we talking about like this is childish? Am I tripping?

1447
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:17,320
Speaker 1: What is up these niggas? Like?

1448
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:19,439
Speaker 2: And then you send me a text.

1449
01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:22,080
Speaker 1: Message about like how like you like Friday I cleaned

1450
01:14:22,120 --> 01:14:23,599
Speaker 1: up or whatever? So he sent me a text mess

1451
01:14:23,640 --> 01:14:26,760
Speaker 1: because thoughtful and he was like and how and the

1452
01:14:26,840 --> 01:14:27,679
Speaker 1: house looks so good?

1453
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:28,000
Speaker 4: Thank you?

1454
01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:28,559
Speaker 2: Da da dada?

1455
01:14:28,800 --> 01:14:29,519
Speaker 1: Why you don't want to.

1456
01:14:29,520 --> 01:14:29,960
Speaker 4: Keep it like that?

1457
01:14:30,520 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 1: Doesn't it feel good to walk in to a clean

1458
01:14:34,080 --> 01:14:36,479
Speaker 1: place where things are where they's supposed to be at?

1459
01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:38,200
Speaker 4: Does that not feel good?

1460
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:42,000
Speaker 1: Because for me, if she doesn't disarrayed, that's literally how

1461
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:42,799
Speaker 1: my mind feels.

1462
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:44,479
Speaker 4: Same.

1463
01:14:45,160 --> 01:14:47,760
Speaker 2: And see, I hear you, AJ, but you know I

1464
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:51,560
Speaker 2: got to play down what a you know I'm crazy. No,

1465
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:53,680
Speaker 2: I just ain't got no nigga. So I want a

1466
01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:54,519
Speaker 2: nigga at least.

1467
01:14:55,880 --> 01:15:01,120
Speaker 1: No, you don't, I'm telling you, especially because especial exactly. Okay,

1468
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:03,320
Speaker 1: So you ain't live with a nigga since what twenty sixteen?

1469
01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:07,920
Speaker 1: Just think about then and how it was to remind

1470
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:12,439
Speaker 1: you a little bit, okay, like you do not miss

1471
01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:16,200
Speaker 1: that shit because I don't understand like this is then

1472
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:18,559
Speaker 1: add kids on top of that, I'm beating people.

1473
01:15:19,479 --> 01:15:24,600
Speaker 2: I'm I'm willing to compromise in those areas. To have

1474
01:15:24,760 --> 01:15:27,640
Speaker 2: a person that I can lock in with at this

1475
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:31,519
Speaker 2: point after being single for that many years, that shit

1476
01:15:31,640 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 2: wasn't that bad now looking at looking back, Like could

1477
01:15:35,400 --> 01:15:37,559
Speaker 2: I live with that? To have a person that's really

1478
01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:39,880
Speaker 2: down for me and really locked in with me? Huh,

1479
01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:41,479
Speaker 2: that's you say that and.

1480
01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:44,280
Speaker 1: Tell us every day you gotta like why, like why

1481
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:46,840
Speaker 1: you can't put these clothes in the hampa, Like why

1482
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:49,320
Speaker 1: they on the bathroom floor, why they in the chair

1483
01:15:49,520 --> 01:15:53,160
Speaker 1: and bedroom? Like why why we can't do this? But

1484
01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:57,320
Speaker 1: you'll tell your kid, pick your clothes up, do this,

1485
01:15:57,479 --> 01:16:01,080
Speaker 1: do that, But when you got to it.

1486
01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:07,760
Speaker 4: Listen, we have many how old are so we're over

1487
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:10,479
Speaker 4: twenty years in and I still deal with that with him,

1488
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:13,880
Speaker 4: But like, we have hacks, So I have hacks on myself.

1489
01:16:13,920 --> 01:16:18,040
Speaker 4: So okay, we're gonna call it cleaning lady, or I'm

1490
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:19,920
Speaker 4: the type I'll just you want to leave your stuff,

1491
01:16:19,920 --> 01:16:21,160
Speaker 4: I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna throw it in

1492
01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:23,120
Speaker 4: your closet. That ain't probably the best thing to do.

1493
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:24,680
Speaker 4: It might be a little rude, but at least it's

1494
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:27,960
Speaker 4: I don't have to see it, don't And I don't

1495
01:16:27,960 --> 01:16:30,400
Speaker 4: know if it's maybe it's because they grew up with

1496
01:16:30,479 --> 01:16:36,000
Speaker 4: their moms cleaning up after them. I don't know. Yeah,

1497
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:39,840
Speaker 4: it's I'm a very and it. I didn't realize it

1498
01:16:40,080 --> 01:16:43,040
Speaker 4: how much the mess impacted my mental until a couple

1499
01:16:43,080 --> 01:16:45,479
Speaker 4: of years ago, and I was like, Yo, you gotta

1500
01:16:45,520 --> 01:16:49,519
Speaker 4: understand this is it's not it's not just mess to me.

1501
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:53,000
Speaker 4: It is literally when I see it, I feel I

1502
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:55,720
Speaker 4: don't feel good. It's it's like you said, it's really

1503
01:16:55,800 --> 01:16:59,240
Speaker 4: impacted my mental I need it to be clean and clear. No,

1504
01:16:59,400 --> 01:17:01,519
Speaker 4: the house doesn't always have to be perfect. And yeah

1505
01:17:01,560 --> 01:17:03,920
Speaker 4: we got kids, but you know, before I go to bed,

1506
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:05,960
Speaker 4: I'm the type must the kitchen like go on. The

1507
01:17:06,040 --> 01:17:08,519
Speaker 4: kitchen is shut down, like I wipe down things, we

1508
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:11,040
Speaker 4: cleaning up. So if I wake up and there's some

1509
01:17:11,080 --> 01:17:15,840
Speaker 4: dishes in the sink, I'm heated. Heated. But I've also

1510
01:17:15,960 --> 01:17:21,040
Speaker 4: had to say, like you said, Sam Patrice, it's a dish,

1511
01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:25,639
Speaker 4: It's okay. Relax in the grand scheme of things, right,

1512
01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:28,760
Speaker 4: like I do. I am with someone who really like

1513
01:17:28,800 --> 01:17:30,760
Speaker 4: I fuck with this guy like I really do, and

1514
01:17:30,880 --> 01:17:33,479
Speaker 4: we have this we have a great family and he

1515
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:36,200
Speaker 4: is allowing me to be me and without without a

1516
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,800
Speaker 4: lot of the other things, the drama, and so if

1517
01:17:38,880 --> 01:17:43,519
Speaker 4: it means taking a step back and just being okay

1518
01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:46,960
Speaker 4: with the dish. But then I've like that same night,

1519
01:17:47,040 --> 01:17:48,800
Speaker 4: I'll say, hey, babe, if you eat after I go

1520
01:17:48,920 --> 01:17:51,120
Speaker 4: to bed, can you make sure you clean up please?

1521
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:52,719
Speaker 1: I gotta work on my delivery.

1522
01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:54,800
Speaker 4: Maybe it's taking a long time for me.

1523
01:17:55,800 --> 01:17:58,800
Speaker 1: That's probably it's just getting here. I gotta talk because

1524
01:17:58,800 --> 01:18:00,559
Speaker 1: I feel like I talk nice, like the first time,

1525
01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:03,680
Speaker 1: and then after that, Nigga.

1526
01:18:04,439 --> 01:18:06,880
Speaker 4: That my biggest that'd be what I hear from my husband,

1527
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,760
Speaker 4: like this? Can you just say it differently? Can you

1528
01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:13,559
Speaker 4: just say it like this? I'm like, okay, but can

1529
01:18:13,640 --> 01:18:17,720
Speaker 4: you do this right?

1530
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:19,880
Speaker 2: Just do the things so I will have to see it.

1531
01:18:20,320 --> 01:18:21,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, how about that?

1532
01:18:22,720 --> 01:18:24,639
Speaker 4: They want they want to be my baby too, though.

1533
01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:31,519
Speaker 1: I know kids on top of kids. Yeah, anyway, Yeah,

1534
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:39,320
Speaker 1: are we gonna get a dumb bitch story at you together? Yeah?

1535
01:18:39,760 --> 01:18:44,799
Speaker 2: Oh god, get you in trouble from high school.

1536
01:18:46,479 --> 01:18:48,920
Speaker 4: It's boring. It's not a it's not a good story.

1537
01:18:49,439 --> 01:18:50,040
Speaker 4: It's boring.

1538
01:18:50,520 --> 01:19:00,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't want it already talking our sorry. Next look,

1539
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,080
Speaker 2: maybe I'll come back and I'll prepare and I'll have

1540
01:19:02,160 --> 01:19:04,160
Speaker 2: a good one, just telling somebody else.

1541
01:19:06,720 --> 01:19:07,880
Speaker 1: Why're dumb bitch? Old?

1542
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:11,559
Speaker 4: I hear from my girl like you are a dumb bitch,

1543
01:19:13,360 --> 01:19:16,880
Speaker 4: But if you enjoyed it, then hey, I'd be like, girl,

1544
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:18,519
Speaker 4: have fun, you get.

1545
01:19:18,479 --> 01:19:18,920
Speaker 2: Out of love.

1546
01:19:19,080 --> 01:19:21,280
Speaker 1: Nah, man, y'all ain't never had a friend that just

1547
01:19:21,360 --> 01:19:23,120
Speaker 1: too much of a dumb bitch, Like you can't talk

1548
01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:24,880
Speaker 1: to them no more until a dumb bitchh it is

1549
01:19:24,920 --> 01:19:25,160
Speaker 1: over it.

1550
01:19:26,840 --> 01:19:28,720
Speaker 2: You just don't say nothing, Just stop talking to I

1551
01:19:28,880 --> 01:19:31,599
Speaker 2: just listen. And then they'd be like, why you ain't

1552
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,400
Speaker 2: got nothing to say? I'm like, well, I've already said.

1553
01:19:34,120 --> 01:19:36,880
Speaker 1: I can't you call me when you finished me the

1554
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:38,600
Speaker 1: dumb bitch because I can't do it no more. I

1555
01:19:38,640 --> 01:19:41,559
Speaker 1: don't want nobody associating me with your dumb bitch shit.

1556
01:19:43,360 --> 01:19:46,360
Speaker 4: Dumb bitch story be I don't have what I'm just

1557
01:19:46,439 --> 01:19:48,720
Speaker 4: asking right, Like, can it do it have to be

1558
01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:51,720
Speaker 4: a like relational kind of like romantic thing? Could it

1559
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:55,120
Speaker 4: be like a like a dumb bitch like like homegirl story.

1560
01:19:54,960 --> 01:19:56,920
Speaker 1: Like look at it like that?

1561
01:19:57,000 --> 01:20:01,240
Speaker 4: But yeah, shoot exists too. No, I can't put them

1562
01:20:01,280 --> 01:20:03,400
Speaker 4: out there, but yeah, you.

1563
01:20:03,560 --> 01:20:13,000
Speaker 2: Ain't got one. You asked the question about, all right,

1564
01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:16,559
Speaker 2: can you plug all your things, plug your book, your ebook,

1565
01:20:16,800 --> 01:20:17,559
Speaker 2: plug everything.

1566
01:20:17,840 --> 01:20:20,880
Speaker 4: So absolutely, thank y'all so much. This has been a

1567
01:20:21,120 --> 01:20:25,680
Speaker 4: wonderful hour. Yeah, just connect with me everywhere. My name

1568
01:20:25,800 --> 01:20:30,680
Speaker 4: Patresecomo dot com, at patrese Kmo. On Instagram, you can

1569
01:20:30,720 --> 01:20:33,120
Speaker 4: go to my Instagram page and get the links to

1570
01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:35,920
Speaker 4: mom cash Magic as well as to put you first.

1571
01:20:36,640 --> 01:20:38,880
Speaker 4: But if you go to my website Patresecomo dot com,

1572
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,880
Speaker 4: you automatically can fill out the form to be on

1573
01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:43,800
Speaker 4: our email list. I send emails every week. Are just

1574
01:20:43,960 --> 01:20:47,320
Speaker 4: tips and tools, you know, easy recipes, just things that

1575
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:51,000
Speaker 4: can make your life easier as a busy working mom.

1576
01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:55,600
Speaker 4: I want y'all to really love your life and not

1577
01:20:55,800 --> 01:20:57,000
Speaker 4: feel like your kids are.

1578
01:20:58,920 --> 01:21:01,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you said that like your day was Patrice

1579
01:21:02,080 --> 01:21:05,200
Speaker 2: Jones spell Patrise? Come on? I know I did, right,

1580
01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:11,679
Speaker 2: she said for Jones. No, I didn't like it, Jones.

1581
01:21:12,840 --> 01:21:16,080
Speaker 4: That's your thank you, Patrise. Come on CS and Charlie

1582
01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:20,280
Speaker 4: a Is and Apple Emma's and Mary e Au Patrese

1583
01:21:20,400 --> 01:21:22,320
Speaker 4: come on there dot com.

1584
01:21:22,439 --> 01:21:27,280
Speaker 1: Or come and this is come o y'all.

1585
01:21:28,479 --> 01:21:30,360
Speaker 4: It was good. I love talking to y'all. Y'all show

1586
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:32,600
Speaker 4: is every Thursday. I'd be locked in.

1587
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:33,560
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.

1588
01:21:34,240 --> 01:21:37,360
Speaker 4: I appreciate it absolutely, thank y'all.

1589
01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:39,720
Speaker 1: Hold on, don't go nowhere, but y'all okay, okay, if

1590
01:21:39,720 --> 01:21:42,040
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on

1591
01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:44,040
Speaker 1: The Black Effect I Her Radio and Apple whoever the

1592
01:21:44,479 --> 01:21:47,240
Speaker 1: fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host,

1593
01:21:47,479 --> 01:21:53,200
Speaker 1: A J Holiday two point on Instagram, y'all. Check out

1594
01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:55,400
Speaker 1: we Talked Back podcast dot com.

1595
01:21:56,040 --> 01:21:56,240
Speaker 2: Y'all.

1596
01:21:56,280 --> 01:21:59,880
Speaker 1: Also, we have like on Amazon it's actually is it

1597
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:03,479
Speaker 1: Amazon dot com slash Black Effect podcast. We have like

1598
01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:08,280
Speaker 1: last minute gift ideas. Check out the website. Okay, I

1599
01:22:08,400 --> 01:22:11,640
Speaker 1: think we participated what Charlamagne had some.

1600
01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:15,600
Speaker 2: Gift ideas on their Carlos Miller. Yeah, so check it

1601
01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:17,240
Speaker 2: out there a couple of people, so yeah, get on

1602
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:21,599
Speaker 2: those gifts. And also, y'all download our show. Don't just listen,

1603
01:22:21,640 --> 01:22:23,679
Speaker 2: don't go look for it. Download it to your ship

1604
01:22:23,760 --> 01:22:31,680
Speaker 2: because we need your streams. Scrive h Apple plus all right,

1605
01:22:31,760 --> 01:22:33,360
Speaker 2: so you don't have to y'all know, we got all

1606
01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:38,920
Speaker 2: them motherfucking commercials. I don't want to hear them commercials, so.

1607
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:42,240
Speaker 1: You but the commercials is what pays the bills. Okay,

1608
01:22:42,280 --> 01:22:45,599
Speaker 1: we are sponsored, all right, kicking tam BAM.

1609
01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:48,559
Speaker 2: Its official tam BAM. I love y'all.

1610
01:22:49,160 --> 01:22:53,640
Speaker 1: Speak now and never hold your mom time. I don't know.

1611
01:22:54,439 --> 01:23:01,960
Speaker 2: Never hold them kids, Fuck them kids, goodbye, don't hang up.