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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we are back, but we are a

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Speaker 1: little bit different but a little bit the same. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't even know what intro I want

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Speaker 1: to go with yet, because normally when you hear my voice,

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Speaker 1: I say hello, gorgeous, But I'm like, is that still

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Speaker 1: on brand?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, so welcome back, friends.

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Speaker 1: I took a little bit of a break because I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to hone in on what I'm about these days.

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Speaker 1: And I've had the Give Them Lalla podcast for I

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Speaker 1: want to say around six years and it was a

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Speaker 1: wonderful experience. I loved everything we spoke about. I loved

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Speaker 1: all of the co hosts that I had, all of

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Speaker 1: the guests. But Give Them La La was just something

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Speaker 1: that came to be for those of you who watch

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Speaker 1: Banner Pump Rules see where I just wanted to shove

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Speaker 1: myself down everybody's throat, whether you liked it or not.

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Speaker 2: And as I grew.

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Speaker 1: Up, some may say that still hasn't happened, but it

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Speaker 1: depends on who you ask. If you're asking me, I

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Speaker 1: like to say I am very evolved now with age

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Speaker 1: and two kids, I just felt like Give Them Lalla

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Speaker 1: was it just didn't sit right anymore. I felt like

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Speaker 1: we had outgrown it. I felt like it was juvenile

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Speaker 1: in a time in my life that was wonderful, but

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Speaker 1: I'll never be going back to. And as I was

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Speaker 1: kind of sitting with my thoughts and going what does

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Speaker 1: my life represent? What do I want this podcast to

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Speaker 1: be about? What really rings true to me? And tradition

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Speaker 1: kept coming into play and how my life is very

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Speaker 1: untraditional yet it's so normal to me, and some people

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Speaker 1: are very open and excited and inspired about my normal

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Speaker 1: and others really do not like to break outside of

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Speaker 1: the box that society tries to put us in.

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Speaker 2: So untraditionally.

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Speaker 1: La La is my new podcast, and I am so

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Speaker 1: freaking excited for this new chapter. I'm going to have

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Speaker 1: wonderful guests. It's going to open a conversation about life.

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Speaker 1: And the cards were dealt and it doesn't always go

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Speaker 1: the way we planned. I know.

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Speaker 2: I woke up on my.

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Speaker 1: Thirty fifth birthday and was like, Wow, this was not

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Speaker 1: a part of the plan. But I'm so happy because

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Speaker 1: in all of the things that I didn't get to choose,

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Speaker 1: I was given so many choices to still live the

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Speaker 1: life that I so desperately just want to live, and

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Speaker 1: you guys know I'm a crier, so just get used

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Speaker 1: to that. That part has not changed. I really want

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Speaker 1: to just shine a light on people who have thought

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Speaker 1: that their life was going to go one way and

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Speaker 1: it went the complete opposite direction, and they took life

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Speaker 1: by the ovaries and said, fuck this. It may be

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Speaker 1: the complete opposite of what I thought life was going

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Speaker 1: to be like, but I'm going to choose what i

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Speaker 1: want out of life with the situation that I've been given.

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Speaker 1: So my first guest, some of you or most of

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Speaker 1: you are going to know her from the show You

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Speaker 1: or Ray Donovan. She's got a very impressive resume, but

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Speaker 1: to me, she's my other co parent. We share a

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Speaker 1: baby daddy. She's my sister wife Amber Childers. Welcome God.

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Speaker 1: That was so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: It was a tangent that hasn't changed either.

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Speaker 1: That. Damn good. Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous because our friendship and our relationship

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Speaker 1: has remained very private for many years. Whether we've been

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Speaker 1: in the lowest of lows or the highest of highs,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of just been the two of us, and

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Speaker 1: it's been very sacred to me, and I'm really grateful

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Speaker 1: that you're doing my podcast and you're my first guest.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I know it's we've been talking about you know, we've

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Speaker 3: been through a lot, and we've you know, like you said,

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Speaker 3: we've kept everything really private. And I think that there's

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Speaker 3: a time where like either I'm like, okay, I think

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Speaker 3: I'm ready to kind of just like inspire not go

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Speaker 3: out and talk shit or you know, hurt people's feelings

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Speaker 3: or you know, but heal and this is part of

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Speaker 3: like my healing, which is a continuous journey for me.

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Speaker 3: But maybe you weren't ready, and then you were ready,

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Speaker 3: and then I wasn't ready. So I'm so glad that

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Speaker 3: we finally here. We are Timing twenty twenty five. I

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Speaker 3: Timing is everything, it.

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Speaker 1: Really is, and I think about life and there are

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Speaker 1: certain situations where I'm like, time heals everything. Time makes

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Speaker 1: everything a little bit easier to stomach, and it can

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Speaker 1: be your best friend or your worst enemy, because time

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Speaker 1: passing freaks me out. But it's also, like you said,

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Speaker 1: what heals a lot of wounds and puts people on

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Speaker 1: the same parallel path. And I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: people can go back and think about how our relationship

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Speaker 1: because we couldn't call it a friendship back then, how

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Speaker 1: it definitely not started and without you know, making a

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Speaker 1: certain someone the forefront of all of it and making

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Speaker 1: that person more of just like a common denominator, a silhouette,

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Speaker 1: if you will, how you and I started, and then

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Speaker 1: how we got as close as we got, Like what

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Speaker 1: is what is your perspective on that? And how do

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Speaker 1: you remember things?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: My goodness, you know.

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Speaker 3: I sometimes I don't even think about any thing when

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Speaker 3: when it comes to that stuff, but then something will

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Speaker 3: come up and I it feels like and that's just

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Speaker 3: part of like healing, right, And there's like healing is

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Speaker 3: not linear, and you can't teach someone that, like time heals,

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Speaker 3: you have to experience. And I had this conversation with London.

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Speaker 1: My eldest.

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Speaker 3: For those you obviously know London, but for those listening,

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Speaker 3: she just went through a breakup and I just can't.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't explain to her more that like, honey, time

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Speaker 3: will make it better, and she goes, mom, but it

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Speaker 3: feels like my heart has been broken.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I know what that feels like.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and not just once, but like multiple times, and

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Speaker 3: I promise you, like, we're going to get through this

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Speaker 3: one day at a time and you're gonna be okay.

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Speaker 3: So sometimes I you know, I see the relationship that

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Speaker 3: our children have and it is the most beautiful, unexpected,

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Speaker 3: untraditional way. But if there's anything that I wanted to

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Speaker 3: teach my girls out of my experience that I had

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Speaker 3: with you was the power of forgiveness. And it's not easy,

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Speaker 3: and like you you can forgive a million times over

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Speaker 3: every single day, but I am so grateful that I

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Speaker 3: just like literally was like if I don't forgive and

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Speaker 3: learn how to forgive, because you remember, I grew up

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Speaker 3: in a Mormon church, Like forgiveness was like that's the

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Speaker 3: first thing you go to. But true forgiveness you it's

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Speaker 3: for yourself, it's not for the other person, right, And

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Speaker 3: when someone explained it to me that way, I was like, oh, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 3: because I don't want to keep suffering. And I suffered

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Speaker 3: for a long time. It was like that that scratch

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Speaker 3: that you that would heal and then you would just

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Speaker 3: like pick at it and then would start bleeding again,

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Speaker 3: and then it would scab again. Then you it's like,

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Speaker 3: but why, It's like in this constant.

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Speaker 1: Like cycle, this loop of self sabotage, self pity, self torture,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, you get to a point where

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Speaker 1: you're just like, no more, I'm done, and you have

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Speaker 1: to have that gift of desperation where you're just like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to live like this anymore. I do this thing where

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Speaker 1: and I don't do it often, but there are certain

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Speaker 1: times in my life, and there's two that I can pinpoint.

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Speaker 1: It's when it has to do with the passing of

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Speaker 1: my dad and my sobriety. Where I will go back

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Speaker 1: and watch old seasons of vander Pump Rules, and I

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Speaker 1: watch season seven the beginning a lot to kind of

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Speaker 1: remind myself where I was at when my dad passed

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Speaker 1: away and how dark that place was. And it sounds

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Speaker 1: like I'm some like emotional masochist, but it's really to

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Speaker 1: just remind myself how far we've come and how different

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Speaker 1: things are. But I was watching and I know you

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Speaker 1: don't watch vander Pump, but I was watching season six

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Speaker 1: and it was the first season where I wasn't hiding

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Speaker 1: my relationship and I wanted to punch my own self

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Speaker 1: in the face. I truly cannot imagine what it was

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Speaker 1: like for you to watch that person me at that

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Speaker 1: time and go, this is the person who came in.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm using the right word destroyed

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Speaker 1: my my family is the person that's potentially going to

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Speaker 1: be around my children. I would have lost my mind.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to like, am I allowed to ask,

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Speaker 1: like what your mindset was when, like if you'd seen clips,

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Speaker 1: or like what was your headspace?

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Speaker 3: My initial reaction for everything in life is I go nam, oh,

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Speaker 3: like I don't see I think actually, as I've gotten older,

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Speaker 3: my hormones have like changed a little bit perimenopause. I

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Speaker 3: see red sometimes okay, but then other times where I

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Speaker 3: just want to numb the fuck out because the feeling,

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Speaker 3: the feelings are just too big for me to manage.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: So I think during that time, I didn't know how

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Speaker 3: to cope. So for me, it was just like go

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Speaker 3: in and I just like, you just want to die.

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Speaker 1: You just want to die? Yeah, but I didn't know.

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Speaker 1: I didn't die. I didn't die. You wanted to do what

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Speaker 1: you didn't. Those are very very different things. After the

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Speaker 1: the ball started rolling and it was like okay, this

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Speaker 1: person because you and I had had moments because I

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Speaker 1: was a very different version of myself when I was drinking.

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Speaker 1: Once I got sober, I feel like you and I

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Speaker 1: were able. It wasn't always roses like we had our

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Speaker 1: we had our outs, but yeah we did. Know there

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Speaker 1: were times where we were be on the phone, Amber

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Speaker 1: and I'd be like, this girl should be on reality TV.

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Speaker 1: She shouldn't be an actress. You're talking about me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you bitch, ghost toes because I was being dramatic.

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Speaker 1: No, the two of us a bitch at each other

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Speaker 1: on the phone.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember we'd be on the phone and be like,

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Speaker 1: fuck you bitch. It was a wild yeah yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but now I'm a mom.

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Speaker 3: And by the way, I actually haven't thought about that

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Speaker 3: in a long time.

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Speaker 2: My girl, Remember where I was so mean?

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing, though, Amber, No matter no matter what

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Speaker 1: the reasoning of how it happened, let me tell you,

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Speaker 1: had I been sober and where I am now and

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Speaker 1: the woman I am now, it would have never happened.

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Speaker 1: But I have to trust that the universe had a

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Speaker 1: plan for me my path. Your path was written in

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Speaker 1: the star as well. Before we even got here and

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Speaker 1: we were equipped with all the tools to manage the heartbreak,

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Speaker 1: the trauma, all of the things. Like and even if

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Speaker 1: that's not true, I have to tell myself that that

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Speaker 1: was the plan. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: If I don't tell myself that, I will go crazy.

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Speaker 1: I will beat myself up until I can't get out

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Speaker 1: of bed. So going back and looking at how it happened,

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Speaker 1: had I been in my right frame of mind, I would.

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Speaker 2: Have been able to say the math ain't math in.

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Speaker 3: But that's the point of life, Like we are in

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Speaker 3: the school of life. If you're not evolving, Like, why

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Speaker 3: are you on this earth right? And it doesn't matter

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Speaker 3: what age, like, you are meant to go on this path.

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Speaker 3: I'm meant to go on this path. And it just

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Speaker 3: so happened that our past fetched and crossed and then

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Speaker 3: here we are today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that part is we're okay, We're great, and I

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Speaker 1: love having you in my life. I feel like you're

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Speaker 1: a sister to me. We're for ever going to be

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Speaker 1: family because of our kids.

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Speaker 2: And I think, you know.

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Speaker 1: It's very normal. You hear about people who get divorced

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Speaker 1: and then like new partners come in and they can

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Speaker 1: all go to dinner. It is very that you hear

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Speaker 1: a situation where there was a cheating scandal that happened

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Speaker 1: and the wife forgives. I'm gonna put it in quotes

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Speaker 1: because I still refuse to call myself a mistress. A mistress?

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Speaker 1: Am I a mistress? I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if you are, I don't know what it's like.

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Speaker 3: What is the definition of a definition of a mistress?

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Speaker 1: Is?

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Speaker 2: This is someone who's married.

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Speaker 1: So even if you know, even if you know, but

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Speaker 1: I should have known, you should the math was not mathing.

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Speaker 1: And I like it to drink and numb it and

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Speaker 1: go know everything that you're filling in your gut. Just drink,

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Speaker 1: You'll just numb it. That's true, all right? So yeah,

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Speaker 1: technically I am. It's very rare that the wifer gives

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Speaker 1: the mistress and then the mistress and the wife stay.

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Speaker 1: We're like getting the kids together.

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Speaker 3: It's like that other movie than Nick Cassavetti's movie that

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Speaker 3: I was talking about, The Other Woman.

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Speaker 2: We are, Well, I'm the other woman.

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Speaker 1: I'm Leslie Man. I think I'm Leslie Man in that movie. Right,

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Speaker 1: she was the wife you are? And then the third

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Speaker 1: where's the third? Okay? So where we are? Now? What

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Speaker 1: would you say the turning point in our in our

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Speaker 1: relationship wise when.

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Speaker 3: I okay, I I know the turning point for me

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Speaker 3: was when you called me one day when your name

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Speaker 3: I had you under Lalla by the way, it wasn't

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Speaker 3: anything other than that. And I answered it and you're

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Speaker 3: like can you talk? And I said okay, sure, and

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Speaker 3: you literally just made amends to me. And I never

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Speaker 3: thought that day would come. And it's everything that I

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Speaker 3: needed in my healing, and that allowed me to have

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Speaker 3: the closure I needed between.

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Speaker 1: You and I because I know you're not a bad person.

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Speaker 1: You weren't a bad person.

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Speaker 3: Maybe you made bad choices, yeah, but fuck it, I

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Speaker 3: make bad choices all the time.

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Speaker 1: We had a conversation the other day where you said

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Speaker 1: you get protective of me when you see certain things,

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Speaker 1: and that meant so much to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah I even did back then because I know our

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Speaker 3: story and I know the details of it, and it's

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Speaker 3: like and again, maybe this is from like a you know,

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Speaker 3: being brought up with a religious background. If you ask

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Speaker 3: my youngest daughter, she'd be like, well, you're a cancer,

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Speaker 3: so you're just too sensitive. I don't I never wanted

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Speaker 3: people to be mean to you, like because that doesn't

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Speaker 3: that doesn't help the healing at all. Like I imagine putting

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Speaker 3: myself in your shoes, how I would feel about myself

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Speaker 3: if I you know, if I did that, You're beating

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Speaker 3: yourself up enough.

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Speaker 2: I know you now, knowing you, I know.

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Speaker 3: What you were experiencing, and I didn't want that for you. Well,

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Speaker 3: thank you, And you had Ocean like your job was

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Speaker 3: to show up and be the best mom and show

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Speaker 3: up for your own mom who was going through her

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Speaker 3: own grief. Yeah, and Easton like, I I don't know,

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Speaker 3: I don't know what it is. I just needed the

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Speaker 3: I needed that phone call for myself, for my girls

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Speaker 3: right to move past. And I think I do get

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Speaker 3: very protective of the people I love, and I do

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Speaker 3: love you.

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Speaker 1: I love you too a lot. You're my sister wife.

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Speaker 1: I always say it because people cannot make sense of it.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, this is just our very untraditional little

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Speaker 1: family that we have created and it works for us.

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Speaker 1: And you're doing single motherhood and you're in a different

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Speaker 1: phase than me, So like I'm calling you wondering how

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Speaker 1: I do single motherhood with a four and a half

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Speaker 1: year old, and you can talk me through it, because

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Speaker 1: they share genes, right, I'm like sometimes I look at

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Speaker 1: her and I'm like, this doesn't make sense. I don't

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Speaker 1: Oh there was another person, you know.

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Speaker 3: I tell you all the time.

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Speaker 1: Shit, I tell London and Riley all the time.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, you guys, if you ever get married,

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Speaker 3: the first thing that we're gonna do is we're going

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Speaker 3: to scan their brain. That's like a non negotiable. I

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Speaker 3: love this brain scan. And they're like, you nuts. I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I am nuts kind of, but no, seriously, Like I

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Speaker 3: I look at you, and I see ocean, and I

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Speaker 3: hear the stories, and I see like she's just so

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Speaker 3: friggin adorable, Like this is gonna go by so fascinating

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Speaker 3: I am dealing with. I always say, remember little kids,

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Speaker 3: little problems, Big kids, big problems.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And as they get older, it's just it gets

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Speaker 3: just it's tough, it gets tough.

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Speaker 1: How are you balancing raising? Because Riley is now eleven,

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Speaker 1: I've known her since she was three. She's always had

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Speaker 1: like a very special personality. Like at the moment I

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Speaker 1: saw her, she had a twinkle in her eye. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you have a twinkle like Santa Claus London

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Speaker 1: was my not my hour, our EMO child, and like

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Speaker 1: I saw her when and when she would go through things.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I so feel for you right now, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm in the trenches with you. How do you balance

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Speaker 1: what each kid who's very different, what they need, what

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Speaker 1: they've been through, and also what you need out of

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Speaker 1: life because you had them very young, you're a young person.

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Speaker 2: How do you still live your life while giving them

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Speaker 2: what they need in their life.

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Speaker 3: It's a really hard balance and it takes a village.

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Speaker 3: Meaning like I really lean on my mom and my dad,

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Speaker 3: and they have really stepped in this past year to

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Speaker 3: help me navigate, you know, dealing with with London and

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Speaker 3: you know, her challenges that she faces. And then there's

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Speaker 3: Riley who's coming. She's in sixth grade and in completely

337
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 3: new state in a completely.

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Speaker 2: New school because you moved to Montana.

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Speaker 3: Moved to Montana, so she went from private school to

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Speaker 3: public school in a new town with new people, a

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Speaker 3: new environment, new like you know, we're going to experience

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00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 3: all four seasons. It's if I think too much about

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Speaker 3: the future, I start tripping. I'm like, oh shit, Like

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Speaker 3: I'm not married. How do I keep my shit together?

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Speaker 1: Like I think about London's future.

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Speaker 3: I think about Riley and I'm like, Okay, where are

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Speaker 3: we going to make her an athlete? Like are we

348
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Speaker 3: going to force her to like find that sport that

349
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Speaker 3: she likes her? She but she's really like artistic and

350
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Speaker 3: she wants to be an actor. And it's like it's

351
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 3: it's hard and there's no there's no answer because if

352
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 3: there was no one would be sitting on a couch

353
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 3: talking about how to.

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Speaker 1: Be the perfect parent.

355
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Speaker 3: Right, there's no there's no rule book. And like God

356
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,920
Speaker 3: literally gave me two kids that are so different from

357
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Speaker 3: each other. And I love that though, because I get

358
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,439
Speaker 3: to see the beauty in each one of them. And

359
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,440
Speaker 3: you're gonna experience that with Sosa and Ocean. They're gonna

360
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 3: be so different, right you know? And I I have

361
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 3: to pause throughout the day and like remind myself, Okay,

362
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,879
Speaker 3: which kid am I talking to? I know I had

363
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 3: to turn my phone off or London would literally call

364
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Speaker 3: me like five times. Yeah, Like when London calls me,

365
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 3: I know that she needs more the emotional side, Like

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Speaker 3: she just wants someone to listen to, Like if she's

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Speaker 3: upset about something, that means that I have to shut

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Speaker 3: my fucking mouth and just listen, okay, And that's what

369
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 3: all kids want at fifteen. Most of the time, they

370
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 3: just want someone, especially girls, they want someone to listen. Riley,

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Speaker 3: on the other hand, she's getting to be a little

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Speaker 3: more sassy. Like we just like are entering the sixth

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Speaker 3: grade and we're experiencing like I'm starting to see changes

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00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 3: in her that I've never seen before. So that like

375
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Speaker 3: beautiful little twinkle. And she literally was when I had her,

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Speaker 3: I was going through a very dark time in my

377
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 3: family life, and she gave me that rayl light. I

378
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 3: was like, oh, this child's from God like this this

379
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 3: one was like God like, I got you, here's this one.

380
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 3: And she was the best baby. And she everything was

381
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Speaker 3: just like super easy.

382
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Speaker 1: And she'd never even when she was sick and she

383
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 1: had like snon she was throwing up, she would just.

384
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 3: Be smiling and I just.

385
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 1: Like, who are you?

386
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 3: Who are you that? And she would remember when she

387
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 3: would get like a guitar and sing. She would go

388
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 3: to say Shabbat right on Friday. She would come home,

389
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,640
Speaker 3: she'd grab my little acoustic guitar that like I got

390
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 3: on the set of Ray Donovan and she would sit

391
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 3: there and like strum and sing like who are you?

392
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, no I and.

393
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 3: Then she'd get on the treadmill human and like run

394
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Speaker 3: at like three she's like I'm working.

395
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Speaker 2: I'm just like wow, old.

396
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: Soul, sery, old soul. But now you're going through that

397
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: tween stage with her, because then they get sassy and

398
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: they like, OK, gonna hear story always.

399
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 3: Two days ago, so we're at.

400
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: This new school and she's I signed her up.

401
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 3: Literally, I'm that parent now tennis, track, basketball, volleyball.

402
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 1: You name it, and she's gonna do pick a ball.

403
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 3: But I said, okay, you're going to take the bus

404
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 3: from the middle school to the high school, which is

405
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 3: like two miles from each other. It's like nothing, and

406
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 3: she already has friends in the whole bit. She's like,

407
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: I don't want to do tennis. I want to do

408
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 3: pick a ball. And I said, well, I love that

409
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 3: you want to do pick a ball, but you're going

410
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 3: to try all different sports and then we could like

411
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 3: have a family meeting and decide which ones that you

412
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 3: really love, okay, And she's like, no, I don't want it,

413
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 3: and I'm like, you're going.

414
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 1: She has a phone.

415
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 3: I'm at home unpacking boxes and She's like hi, I said, hi,

416
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 3: are you on the bus? And she goes, no, I

417
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: told you it was going on the bus.

418
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Speaker 1: What I was like, huh oh, oh my god, I

419
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: wouldn't have the ready set match. Let's go, bitch.

420
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, I said, how about this. Now

421
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: you get a walk home from school and it's literally

422
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: like a mile a mile.

423
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: Oh, great distance, great distance.

424
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 3: And there's tons of kids that walk, like and ride

425
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Speaker 3: their bike.

426
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Speaker 1: It's like down where you live, it's gorgeous. Yeah.

427
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 2: So I'm welcome for the walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by the.

428
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: Way, yes. And I was like, you're walking. She's like,

429
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 3: but I don't want to.

430
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: I go, I don't care. So I hang up the phone.

431
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: She calls me back. It's fifteen minutes to walk home.

432
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, that sounds like

433
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:44,639
Speaker 3: a great walk.

434
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: See you're in fifteen minutes.

435
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 3: Bye. And now, of course, because I'm like the investigator

436
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 3: investigator that I am, I look on her like map

437
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 3: and now I'm like fuming because I'm pissed that she

438
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not going on the bus. I didn't

439
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 3: go on the bus, you know what I mean. I've

440
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 3: never done that my mom. I was like so afraid

441
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 3: of her that I didn't want to like fuck up

442
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 3: in any area of my life. So I was like.

443
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: It just you know, I was telling you, I see red.

444
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 3: That's where I was like. So I called my mom.

445
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 3: I said, Mom, what do I do? And she goes

446
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 3: go pick her up and take her to practice and

447
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 3: make her explain to her coach why she was late,

448
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 3: and I.

449
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: Go, genius, genius tapp in the og parents, yep, yeah, thank.

450
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 2: God, thank you, thank you.

451
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 1: Mom.

452
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 3: So I get in the car and I am just

453
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 3: like feeling empowered, and I'm watching and watching her on

454
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: her iPhone, like tracking her. She's not moving, she's not

455
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 3: even she did so not only does she not get

456
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: on the bus, but she's not leaving school okay, she's

457
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 3: not even attempting to walk okay. And it's like, eaty

458
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: degrees outside is beautiful.

459
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh this, I mean, I'm going.

460
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 3: So I pull up to the school and she's sitting

461
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,199
Speaker 3: on the bench. What sitting on the bench like this?

462
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: I said.

463
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,680
Speaker 3: She gets in the car. I go, were you even

464
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 3: gonna attempt to walk home for dinner? And she's like no,

465
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: And I said, and then then of course I got

466
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 3: the like doctor Amon in my mind going like firm

467
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 3: but kind, and I'm like, I don't want to be

468
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 3: fucking kind right now. It just defined me. So I said,

469
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 3: you disrespected me at the highest level, like not only

470
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: you basically said fuck you to mom. And I said that,

471
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,640
Speaker 3: I said, you said fuck you to mom. And I'm

472
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 3: gonna choose not to get in the car.

473
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: I said, you're going to practice.

474
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 2: She goes, but I'm in a sweater.

475
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 3: I said, I don't care if you sweat your balls off.

476
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 3: You knew you were going to tennis today. I reminded

477
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 3: you this morning and last night before. So I dropped

478
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 3: her off. Yeah, now she's crying.

479
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm like okay, And.

480
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 3: She goes out to her friends. She sees like a

481
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: group of girls and I'm like, oh see, those girls.

482
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: Look like they're in sixth grade. There's like tons of kids.

483
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 3: It's like at the high school, which is like beautiful,

484
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,959
Speaker 3: and she goes over there. She starts crying, and you know, Riley, Riley,

485
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 3: that kid is like she doesn't shed a tear for anything.

486
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 3: She is like a scorpio through and through.

487
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay.

488
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 3: So she goes and She's crying now in front of

489
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 3: her friends. And this little girl looks back at me

490
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 3: and like she's clearly telling her what like that she

491
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 3: got in trouble. And this little girl looked at She's

492
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 3: like and I was like, fucking comfort you too, don't

493
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 3: even start with me.

494
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 1: And make you watch.

495
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 3: And then I had, by the way, now I have

496
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: ten miles till till I'm empty, okay, so I go

497
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 3: straight to the gas station. I was like, okay, well,

498
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 3: I don't want my daughter to pass out, so she

499
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 3: prota to get her a gatorade. So I'm pumping my

500
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 3: gas and I go and get a gatorade.

501
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: I come out.

502
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 3: I'm now on the phone with my mom telling her

503
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 3: and my sister on face. I'm telling everything that's happened,

504
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 3: and I'm now fuming because I'm doing the thing where

505
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 3: I ripped a bandid off and I'm like, keep scratching

506
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 3: at the surface.

507
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 1: I'm like reliving that anger. And what do I drew? Did?

508
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: I literally drove off with the gas still in the

509
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 3: oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Then this cowboy was like, ma'am, ma'am.

510
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, oh my god.

511
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 2: And now how different than La they'd be like you.

512
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: Fucking dumb BG. Yeah yeah yeah.

513
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 3: By the way, that's five hundred dollars. So I'm literally

514
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 3: mid mouth because like when I when I and we'll talk,

515
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 3: you know, if you want, we could talk about addiction.

516
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 3: But like for me, now I go to food and

517
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 3: so I had I had a diet coke in one

518
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: hand and an almond joy like in my mouth.

519
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what accell in combo?

520
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, weird combo.

521
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 3: But it's like the coconut, the cocaine and the diet

522
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 3: coke don't really mix together. But at that point I

523
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 3: didn't carry just needed needed the fix. Okay, So I

524
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: go back, I pick her up. We go to the

525
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 3: grocery store.

526
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: And she goes you also don't get pregnant. At eighteen,

527
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: I was coming.

528
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 3: I was like, now this bitch is gonna double down.

529
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:46,880
Speaker 1: Well she's doubling now. Now I'm crying. Now she now

530
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 1: she like hit my inner like my cancer. And I'm

531
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: like trying to like I'm looking out the window, trying

532
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: like not to see her that.

533
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: She's like like he really hurt my feelings at this point,

534
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, dude, I want to stay over.

535
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,439
Speaker 3: So I go home, I end up cooking dinner and

536
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 3: I said, you're getting fucking can soup for dinner tonight

537
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 3: and broccoli And that's what I made her.

538
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 1: It's a lovely dinner.

539
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, tomato soup, progresso.

540
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 2: Excellent, top shelf soup if you ask me.

541
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 1: And she's had a vegetable.

542
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 3: Back to full circle, that's what it's like.

543
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: Raising that's like a day in the life of sounds

544
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 1: very entertaining to me. Yeah, And then I loved the story.

545
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: Girl has balls, that is for sure.

546
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 3: And by the way, I'm so down with that for

547
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 3: now because I know when she gets older.

548
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: You want her to have that, you want her to

549
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: have this stamina, you know what. I think about that

550
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: with Ocean all the time, because the girl does not

551
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: let up. She does not.

552
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 2: It's exhausting.

553
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: She's a mad and I'm like, you know what, I'm

554
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: not going to try to fix this. It's exhausting. But

555
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: like out in the real world, like you're gonna go

556
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: places because you don't take notes, you will beat someone

557
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: down until they're like fine.

558
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 3: But that's the hard things, like how do you earn

559
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 3: how do you get your kids to earn respect? But

560
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 3: then you don't want to like ruin that.

561
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: It's a very fine balance, I know, and it's kind

562
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: of trial and error. I want to wrap back around

563
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: because you said you're dating. You and I were the

564
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: opposite when when we left the silhouette of the person

565
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: I went into like, I'm doing background checks, I'm not dating.

566
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: I'm moving my family out here, and I'm just gonna

567
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: like incubate and not give myself to any soul. You

568
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: are like, I believe in love. I want to be

569
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: on every dating app and like it inspires me. But

570
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: you've had a lot of boyfriends, and I'm like, where

571
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: are you finding them? Not a lot of boyfriends. I

572
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: wouldn't say that I've dated. First of all, you've had

573
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,719
Speaker 1: boyfriends in the course of a year. That's a lot.

574
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 3: That's not that's true.

575
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 2: I'm saying you bad men.

576
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 1: Where are they?

577
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 2: How do you find that this is not an insult? Is

578
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 2: a compliment you?

579
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 3: No, it is an insult because I'm not a whatever

580
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 3: you call that.

581
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm not a serial dater.

582
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 3: Well yeah, maybe at one point I was, but that's exhausting.

583
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's just clear up what thing.

584
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 3: I did not get on the dating apps until January

585
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 3: of this past year.

586
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 2: Okay, so the dating apps are recent, Yeah, they are recent.

587
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 3: I didn't want to. I don't.

588
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm I believe in old school love, like I want

589
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:34,959
Speaker 1: to be meeting at a coffee shop. Yes, okay, but

590
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: so many of my friends were like, dude, it's not

591
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 1: going to happen, like you just need to at.

592
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 3: Least in La. I think La, and like the bigger cities.

593
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 3: It's really I actually know, it's really difficult.

594
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: Okay, and so but I would either get introduced to

595
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: people or my manager would set me up or I

596
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: what I realized in dating is this, and this is

597
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: why I think they call it duty dating.

598
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 3: But dating is so important. It's like I really learned

599
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 3: about what I wanted and what I liked. It was

600
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 3: more about selfishly, about understanding who I am as a person,

601
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 3: and I didn't have that because I got married at

602
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 3: twenty I had my first baby at twenty one.

603
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: That is a baby. When I was twenty one, I

604
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: was passed out in downtown Salt Lake on a spike

605
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,959
Speaker 1: bracelet to a cop telling me to get the fuck up.

606
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: I love you. You are a wild one, but it's

607
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 3: where are these men not in La? Well I found

608
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 3: one in Oh.

609
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: She's so wild to me. You're like, I'm leaving La.

610
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: There's nothing here. I'm taking a year. I'm moving to Montana.

611
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm like she calls me, She's like, I got a boyfriend.

612
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: I'm dating this guy. I was like, that's so wonderful

613
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: you met some When he's like, yeah, I'm gonna come

614
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 1: out to LA to see him, I'm like, oh he

615
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: lives in LA. What Yeah?

616
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean listen to the world. Like, so, I've

617
00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 3: reached a point in my life where I just I

618
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 3: believe in God. So whatever your higher power is, that's

619
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 3: like great, But for me.

620
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want

621
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 1: to control anything. It's exhausting.

622
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this goes back to like in my

623
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 3: early twenties when I was like, I don't want to

624
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 3: control anyone. I don't want to like I want to

625
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: handle my side of the street and that's it. And

626
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 3: like I feel like that's where.

627
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: Is that so variety that's come into play, Like when

628
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 1: you're like, I want to keep my side of the

629
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: street clean.

630
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to control things. I want to hand

631
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 2: it over to God.

632
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: Did you learn that when you decided to get sober, Yeah,

633
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: and you just implemented it in all areas.

634
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 2: In a matter of life.

635
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: So I was I got sober for two years, but

636
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 3: I wasn't working a program. And but for me personally,

637
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 3: I need a spiritual program in order to I need

638
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 3: something that's bigger than me, because it's not like it's

639
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 3: all about self pity, woe is me? Like I don't

640
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 3: want to live that way, and I know the best

641
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 3: way for me to show up being a sober person.

642
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 3: And by the way, like it's just today, I only

643
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 3: have today. Who I don't know what the fuck I

644
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 3: have tomorrow. Of course, I don't know if if I'll

645
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 3: be here tomorrow or if something will set me off,

646
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 3: but just for today, like I'm sober and I'm happy,

647
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 3: and I think like the best version of myself is

648
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 3: without using drugs or alcohol.

649
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that that's the best way also

650
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: to raise children, Like.

651
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 3: I don't want my kids to be around you know

652
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 3: a mom who is using substance or sees like orange

653
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 3: bottles all over the house or like it's it's not

654
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 3: what I want.

655
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: So I think about that all the time that like

656
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: I feel so fortunate that I got to a place

657
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: where I was wanting, I was begging for sobriety well

658
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: before I got sober in twenty eighteen. Ocean was born

659
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one, And I love knowing that I

660
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: had that kind of under my belt before I brought

661
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 1: a child into the world, because had it been the

662
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: other way around and she came before sobriety like.

663
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: It would have, it would have been awful. Yeah, I

664
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: mean so bad.

665
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: I came in through well, I came in through alan On,

666
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 3: so my codependance or my codepency, which I had and

667
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 3: I heal every day from. I didn't understand why I

668
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 3: kept choosing bad relationships, like really bad relations I didn't

669
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 3: understand I have a great father, My parents have been

670
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:20,359
Speaker 3: married for forty something years, Like why do I feel

671
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 3: so broken?

672
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: It's wild Amber, because we kind of like I witnessed

673
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: the same kind of thing. Yeah, Like my parents were together,

674
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: they were like completely normal, healthy. I watched them go

675
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: through ups and downs and come out on top together.

676
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: So the fact that you and I both experienced that

677
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: in our households and then just kind of went in

678
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,919
Speaker 1: a different direction is something that I wish someone could

679
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: explain to me. How many people want to say it

680
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: is because you have daddy issues. I'm like, that cannot

681
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: be it.

682
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, do I have daddy issues? Well, maybe

683
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 3: I have mommy issues. Maybe I have it's not it's

684
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 3: it's I have I have the most amazing parents and

685
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 3: they're not perfect, but like they're perfect just the way

686
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: they are right, And it was real and I still

687
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,399
Speaker 3: go through this, like in every new relationship I enter

688
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 3: or or I start dating. I like, it's such a

689
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 3: great time to like self reflect and like get to know.

690
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 2: Amber a little bit more totally.

691
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 3: And it's it's sometimes it doesn't end up being because

692
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 3: I really want them, and so like I I will,

693
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 3: you know, I'll do the chase, but.

694
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: Like I don't want that.

695
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,760
Speaker 3: I don't want what's not mine, like or what's meant

696
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 3: for me.

697
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: I don't want that. I love that. I don't want

698
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: what's not mine. My God, that is.

699
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 3: So what I say.

700
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 1: Now.

701
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 3: I heard this on a podcast, But when I pray,

702
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 3: I say, God, if like is for me, let it

703
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,280
Speaker 3: be known. And if he's not, I give you permission

704
00:35:58,320 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 3: to remove him.

705
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: And I didn't.

706
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 3: I heard that somewhere on a podcast, but I when

707
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 3: I did hear that? I go, oh my god. That's

708
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 3: another version of just like letting it go because I

709
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: am a hopeless romantic. Yeah, I love love like I

710
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,240
Speaker 3: know you do. I love love.

711
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: I know it makes me so happy, and I know.

712
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 3: That not everyone's gonna be for me, And that was

713
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 3: something that was really hard for me to learn. Right,

714
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 3: is like step one, not numbing yourself out. Going on

715
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 3: a date sober is freakin' hard. Like when I first

716
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 3: started dating and I was sober, I was like, who

717
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 3: am I? Like, I didn't know how to manage these emotions.

718
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 3: But now I have tools that I could use, and like,

719
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 3: I actually can also listen to my body sober. I

720
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 3: love that, Like I'm not running on like Xanax and

721
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,919
Speaker 3: not understanding like, oh, I'm gonna numb myself out because

722
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: like totally these feelings are too big for me to manage.

723
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, now what are these feelings?

724
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 2: Is it hinpointing them?

725
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 3: Yeah? Are you just nervous in the moment? Okay, that's

726
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 3: actually exciting. It's fun to be like feel like a

727
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 3: teenager and like be fifteen again and have those butterfly feelings.

728
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 1: But are or are these like is.

729
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 3: This person doing something, saying something, or like moving in

730
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: a way that is triggering. That's true, that reminding you

731
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 3: of maybe a past relationship. And so now I get

732
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 3: to ask these questions when I leave a date. And yeah,

733
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:19,359
Speaker 3: I moved to Montana and and low and behold. I

734
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 3: went to the bank like no one does anymore, and

735
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 3: because I'm like so old school, and I ran into

736
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 3: someone that I hadn't seen in a long time, and

737
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 3: he thought I was dating someone. I was like, oh, no, no, no,

738
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 3: I'm not dating anyone. And he's like, let me take

739
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 3: you to dinner. Like okay, but I'm leaving just so

740
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 3: you know, like I literally am leaving in like I'm

741
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,359
Speaker 3: literally here to wire money for the new house.

742
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I'm leaving, I'm leaving moving.

743
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 3: And by the way, what was so great at that

744
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 3: point I had gone I dated a handful of people

745
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 3: to where I knew that even if that relationship was

746
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 3: going to work, I wasn't staying. Like I knew that

747
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 3: this is like I'm in my lane now, like you

748
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 3: have to fit into my life and we will make

749
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: our lives beautiful together. I wasn't gonna let anyone derail

750
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 3: me and let my codependency sneak in to like change

751
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: my mind.

752
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: Right.

753
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 3: So I was like okay, and and he's like, well,

754
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 3: are you driving?

755
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:17,439
Speaker 1: Are you flying?

756
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 3: I said no, no, I'm gonna put my car listen. I

757
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 3: could barely make it to Palm Springs, like with the traffic,

758
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 3: like I'm not driving to Montana. And he was like,

759
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 3: let's drive. And I was like, mm, nah, I'm not driving.

760
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 3: Like that sounds you know, it just sounds awful. Yeah,

761
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 3: it sounds awful, thank you.

762
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: Yes.

763
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,280
Speaker 3: And I was thinking about it. I was like, whoa

764
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 3: wait a second. You're in this season of doing things

765
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 3: that you don't want to do and like be open minded, right,

766
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 3: And I was.

767
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: Like, you know what, fuck it, let's go. And you

768
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: guys made it. Like how long is that drive? That's

769
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: like a real road trip.

770
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:55,799
Speaker 3: It's a real road trip.

771
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: It's like sixteen and a half. And we stayed over

772
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: in Salt Lake or yeah, outside of Salt Lake City.

773
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 2: Oh look you yeah, sounds beautiful.

774
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: It was. It was. So it sounds like a very

775
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 1: nice way to get to know somebody. Can I tell

776
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: you this is yes, this and we are in different stages,

777
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: but like with my kids, the way that they are

778
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 1: right now, like I'm just gonna for a minute, I

779
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: was like a born again virgin, like, no joke, I

780
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: hadn't had sex.

781
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 3: I'm calling you and I'm like it had been like.

782
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: Almost two years, right like, and that's so unhealthy, but

783
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 1: keep going, well, I'm a masturbader, like, don't even fuck around,

784
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: you give me.

785
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 2: I have a drawer full of all the toys.

786
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 1: And I just sit there and I'm like, it's gonna

787
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: be a fun day any mini miney mo boom, you

788
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: all win, you all whim a loom for everybody, but

789
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: for me. I'm sitting here this morning, so right now,

790
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna say it, and I don't give

791
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: a fuck. I'm I'm just sleeping with people, like I

792
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: know exactly. That's wonderful. I mean, it's wonderful too. And

793
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 1: for some reason people cannot wrap their mind. If I

794
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: were a man, it would just be like, oh, he's

795
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,919
Speaker 1: playing the field, he's not interested, Like you can't lock

796
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: him down. He's a bachelor. I'm a bachelorette, okay. I

797
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,800
Speaker 1: don't need a man for anything. And people keep trying

798
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 1: to push this dating thing on me, and then I

799
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 1: start thinking like Okay, well, maybe I'll get out there.

800
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: Then I had this moment of clarity where I'm like,

801
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,879
Speaker 1: what do I want, law do you want to date?

802
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: If you want to date, get your mess out there

803
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: and date. And I'm like, I don't want to date.

804
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: I just want a man to come in, fulfill a

805
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 1: need and go home because I'm so happy right now.

806
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 1: And that could change tomorrow. Today I say I'm never

807
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: getting married. I know how the world works. There could

808
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,760
Speaker 1: be a day where I'm like, I want to get married.

809
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,399
Speaker 1: I understand that is it a very low possibility? Yes,

810
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: but for now, come in, come out, and this morning.

811
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: And I'm not joking. My dog is fifteen and a

812
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: half and all she does is shit and pee herself.

813
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 2: It is a lot, and I love this dog.

814
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: And I feel so guilty that I'm going back and

815
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: forth on like is is it time or do I

816
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 1: just keep rocking it this way? It was a full

817
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: on explosion at my house, not of shit, but of

818
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 1: mesen and my mom screaming at the top of our

819
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: lungs at each other, telling each other that you don't

820
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:29,879
Speaker 1: do enough, you're fucking lazy. And it all stemmed from this,

821
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: from this gorgeous animal lily. Okay, and I was driving

822
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: here to the podcast because we all like made up,

823
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 1: and it was like, I'm so sorry. Had that happened

824
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: with me and a partner, it would weigh so heavy

825
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: on the relationship that our sex life would suffer, resentment

826
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: would build because there's not unconditional love with your partner.

827
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 1: And people can say that all day long, that like,

828
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: find someone who you love, flaws and all, and I

829
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 1: used to very much co sign on that, but finding

830
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: a partner that love is conditional. I'm expecting you to

831
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,879
Speaker 1: show up for me, be my teammate, be loyal, be trustworthy.

832
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: You fuck up one time you have put my heart

833
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:12,919
Speaker 1: in jeopardy. With my family, I don't expect anything from them.

834
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: We have come from literally thoughts, right you said, and

835
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 1: I were just thoughts, and then we came to be

836
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 1: into our family. It is unconditional love. Whether it's Easton

837
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: struggling with his drinking, my mom struggling with her hip

838
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: or her arm, it doesn't affect the intimacy because there

839
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 1: isn't any When intimacy is affected in a relationship, everything

840
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 1: starts going to shit.

841
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 2: So for me right now, I'm like, if.

842
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: Everything's working, and I can have blow ups with my

843
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: family and there's a lot of moving parts. There's a

844
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: one year old who's preventing sleep. There's a four and

845
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: a half year old who's wanting to sleep in my bed.

846
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: Could you imagine I had a boyfriend? He said? An

847
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: English there said I do. When I say you imagine,

848
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 1: I could a little British. But I'm like it would

849
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 1: be so hard. So the timing is not right, and

850
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 1: my mind, body, and gut are telling me that the time.

851
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 3: Why are you selling? You're fighting with yourself, I'm fighting

852
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 3: with other people? Who cares what other people think?

853
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: Thank you? I feel soppy?

854
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 3: Have you ever read Mel Robbins book Let Them No?

855
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 3: But you told me to get this?

856
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 1: So I ordered it on Amazon and it did arrive.

857
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 1: It did arrive. I'm extriminating it.

858
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 3: No, that whole philosophy. Let them, thank you, Let them

859
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:27,280
Speaker 3: who cares?

860
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 1: No. I feel like I'm talking at you because people

861
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,280
Speaker 1: don't understand. You're the first person that was like okay,

862
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you know how many times I've

863
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: explained this to people and they're like, you just have

864
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,879
Speaker 1: some stuff you need to work through. You know, you've

865
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 1: been through a lot. I'm like, we're over it. We're

866
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 1: over it. Let me, Yeah, I'm letting them. Let me.

867
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,439
Speaker 1: How about that just where you're you have so much

868
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: going on.

869
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 3: Right I do.

870
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: I mean from the outside looking at you've just named

871
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,919
Speaker 1: you have two kids under the age of five.

872
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 2: A lot of people we know kind of well I.

873
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 3: Know, but but they like you're operating. Someone explained to

874
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 3: me the life is like a pie, right, and so

875
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 3: like you're how much of sosa and ocean are going

876
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 3: to fill up that pie? A lot?

877
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: Right? Eight percent? Yeah? Okay?

878
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 3: And then you have time to work out right and

879
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 3: stay healthy and fit or okay, that takes the piece.

880
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 3: Then you have work, which is which is huge because

881
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 3: you're a one like income household, right You're you're raising

882
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 3: two kids on your own. That's a huge piece, okay.

883
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 3: And then you have fun like like lalla time right

884
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:41,720
Speaker 3: with your little friends or like late night whatever it is, like, Okay,

885
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 3: where is the like last percentage that very small percentage

886
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 3: for a man like if he comes in, if that

887
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 3: one percent, like that's that's enough for you to be

888
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 3: able to take that one percent and not fit a

889
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 3: marriage in that one percent because marriage is a lot

890
00:44:59,360 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 3: of work.

891
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,760
Speaker 1: It's an other business. Yeah, it's work.

892
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 3: It's work, and then you have to maybe if that

893
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 3: person also has kids.

894
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 1: Can you imagine?

895
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 3: No, it's like you're you're you're good. So go have fun,

896
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 3: go sleep with as many men. Just be careful as

897
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 3: you want.

898
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 2: Just be careful, be careful. I'm an educated ho amber.

899
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: We know this. I do background checks. Married. We'll see

900
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: what the background check. Suye, buddy, you're telling me no,

901
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 1: but your eyes are saying otherwise. No. I'm safe going

902
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: about it, and I feel happy and fulfilled and I

903
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: love sitting see you get me. I feel so seen

904
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: by you all the time. Can we talk about this

905
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 1: one thing that we talked about on the phone, because

906
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:59,479
Speaker 1: I completely died you saying that la men are too

907
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: dependent and I was just wait. I thought you were

908
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 1: gonna say moms or too dependent on like their friends,

909
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,720
Speaker 1: and you said they're too dependent on their dogs.

910
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 3: You know, people like in the world are gonna hate

911
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 3: me right now for saying that.

912
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:13,240
Speaker 1: Let me give you some context.

913
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 3: So on the dating apps or just out in general,

914
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 3: I have found this is my opinion. Yeah, people are

915
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 3: so and whether they are using their animals as like

916
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 3: an escapegoat to not like be able to show up

917
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 3: in a relationship like as like like this is who

918
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 3: I am. I find that men are truly hiding behind

919
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 3: like their their dogs and I and okay, let me

920
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 3: just like be blunt. I have seen so many guys

921
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 3: walking around or on Instagram or social different social media

922
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 3: platforms wearing like a satchel with their dog in it. So,

923
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 3: unless your dog has three fucking legs or is on

924
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 3: its last day, your dog does not belong in a

925
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 3: baby fucking bajor or whatever you call it, like your baby,

926
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 3: your your dog belongs on a leash or by you, right,

927
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 3: maybe not leash if you're in a park that whatever.

928
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, what about a stroller? Oh? Even worse, I can't,

929
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't know why

930
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: it is so not sexy to me. I want a

931
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 1: fucking man.

932
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 2: Okay, what does I want you for?

933
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: You?

934
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 3: I want you to pump my guess hot. I want

935
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:36,359
Speaker 3: you to come behind me in the kitchen when I'm

936
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 3: doing dishes and fucking grab me. Okay, yeah, like I

937
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 3: want a man, Like how can you?

938
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 1: First of all, how can you do that when you

939
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 1: have a dog here? Right? We're on the back.

940
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 3: Well, I just want And the guy that I'm with

941
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 3: now is so good that way, Like he opened my

942
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 3: car door and like I thought that was so sweet

943
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 3: and I'm not. It's just the little things I want.

944
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,399
Speaker 1: Like if you date someone, just fucking ball check them.

945
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 1: Please check their balls. Yeah, just make sure the size

946
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 1: of the balls. Like just meaning like I'm speaking metaphorically, like, oh,

947
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: I just.

948
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 3: Thought you meant literally. I was like, I don't know.

949
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,280
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna feel them measure.

950
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 3: I particularly like balls so long, no, not long? I like,

951
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 3: you know, what do your ears saying load?

952
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 1: Do they do your balls? Okay?

953
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,240
Speaker 3: I sing that with my girls, but with your boobs?

954
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 3: Do your boobs saying load?

955
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 1: Because that's a.

956
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 3: Whole other conversation. Wearing brals in our house is like

957
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,919
Speaker 3: a whole discussion whether you wear them, whether you don't.

958
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 3: I don't like wearing them. London's like what the fuck?

959
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,399
Speaker 3: Riley's like a fuck it. We're in Montana now, let

960
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 3: it all hang out.

961
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that is so funny. What's important for

962
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 1: you when it comes to a man? Oh, when it

963
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 1: comes to a man. Well, they have to make me laugh,

964
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 1: And I know that sounds so cheesy. I have to

965
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:01,320
Speaker 1: be able because because I'm weird, like I have leaned

966
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 1: into the fact, like I'm done being like sexy, Like

967
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 1: I make weird jokes, I'm a little out there, I

968
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 1: move a lot when I talk, like I'm a quirky

969
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: fucking bitch.

970
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 2: Right, you have to, like, you have to like that.

971
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here and be like a trophy

972
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 1: and like Stepford wife who has very little to say

973
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: and doesn't change her voice when she talks. That's just

974
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: not me. And I feel like I tried to be

975
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 1: that way when I was younger. Now you have to

976
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 1: kind of come in and you have to match. You

977
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 1: have to think I'm funny, and I have to think

978
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 1: you're funny. Yeah. I have to be able to lay

979
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 1: in bed and eat Gouda cheese with you and watch

980
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:43,240
Speaker 1: Seinfeld and you have to actually enjoy it. That's number one.

981
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: And also I think the physical part for me is

982
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 1: very important, Like I, oh, this sounds so bad. I'm

983
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: not just searching for like a good heart, Like you

984
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 1: have to come in here in first and foremost. I

985
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: have to want to rip your clothes off at all

986
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 1: fucking times. Mm hmm, I did it. We're done here.

987
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit here and say, oh, but

988
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 1: he's so nice. So I'm gonna let certain things go. No,

989
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 1: first and foremost, I have to want to fuck the

990
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: shit out of you all the time.

991
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't chase potential, No, because potential will just

992
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 3: end up disappointing you.

993
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: Exactly right, you it's the worst. And then we'll go

994
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 1: to like the heart because here's the thing. If if

995
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 1: you if I'm not sexually attracted to you, then like

996
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: what are we even doing? No?

997
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 3: Sexual compatibility is the most By the way, let me

998
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: say something. Sometimes you get in bed with people and

999
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 3: you're like, they're okay, and then meaning like physically, and

1000
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 3: then you get in ben You're like, whoa, well, yeah,

1001
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 3: that guy knows how to move.

1002
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: That guy's all got down there, like we did a

1003
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:45,760
Speaker 1: ball check. We're happy the ball check. The manscapes. Yes, yes,

1004
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 1: you know.

1005
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be floss in my teeth while I'm

1006
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 2: down there. I don't love that at all.

1007
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 3: By the way, how would you approach that if you

1008
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 3: were with someone that didn't Because some guys maybe don't

1009
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 3: know or do they.

1010
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 1: I think I think it's similar to a chick like

1011
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 1: some some chicks like a bush. I think some men

1012
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 1: who have a situation going on down there, they're like,

1013
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: I like it, this is I'm a man baby. Yeah,

1014
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: I guess that's true. I would say we got to

1015
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 1: like figure out the situation. I could do it for you.

1016
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 1: I have shaved someone before. Oh a many, I don't care.

1017
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 1: I'm down there. Let me let me get it all

1018
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,320
Speaker 1: cleaned up. I know what it should look.

1019
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 3: Like with your tweezers exactly.

1020
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm down here anyway, might as well get it done.

1021
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 1: You are dirty. You are dirty.

1022
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 2: But how do I go from being like a complete

1023
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 2: nun to being like.

1024
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 1: Fuck it tits out?

1025
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 3: But I'm just you know what's so interesting? I am

1026
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 3: the same way I'm I'm extremist. Yeah, yeah, I have like.

1027
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: Two speeds, you know, yeah, zero or one hundred. Yeah.

1028
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 3: I'm either like working in the kitchen at like seven am,

1029
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 3: getting the kids ready for school, yeah, or I'm like,

1030
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:04,239
Speaker 3: you know, all buttoned up totally. But I think that

1031
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 3: there's a time and place for everything I do too, right, Yes, Like,

1032
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 3: I think that's what makes you so unique and beautiful things,

1033
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:17,399
Speaker 3: And men don't want that men, I feel like they

1034
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 3: want personality, at least the right ones want personality.

1035
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,879
Speaker 1: So too because on the flip side of what I said,

1036
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: because that's kind of where I'm at now. But let's

1037
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 1: just say I was looking for like my partner, there

1038
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: would be things that would outweigh the physical. And here's why.

1039
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: Because when you're going in that direction, looks are going

1040
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 1: to fade. Sex life is going to fade. What really

1041
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: stays true is someone's core and their heart and their personality.

1042
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: You hope, I mean a normal person like at our age,

1043
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 1: You would hope that their personalities are if they're funny,

1044
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 1: they're not going to lose their sense of humor.

1045
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: Those are the things that are going to carry you through.

1046
00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 1: Right. So, if I'm looking for someone who's going to

1047
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 1: be in my life every single day, obviously the kids

1048
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 1: got to get along with the kids, But for me,

1049
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: you have to be my best friend. I have to

1050
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 1: call you when I'm at the highest of highs and

1051
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 1: the lowest of lows. I have to want to be

1052
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: around you all the time, because that's what's gonna get

1053
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:17,839
Speaker 1: us to the very end. Right.

1054
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's finding somebody you could be a best

1055
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 3: friend with but I also think that sex doesn't have

1056
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 3: to fade.

1057
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: You're either a sexual person or you're not. Honey, when

1058
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,440
Speaker 1: you're grown and you need a hip replacement and you

1059
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: got to be on the bed for a little bit. No,

1060
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: I'm starting to be having sex or you're kidding, you're

1061
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 1: a savage. I fucking love you.

1062
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,479
Speaker 3: I need I need sex, Like that's like the first

1063
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:38,840
Speaker 3: thing I feel like that when I step into a

1064
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 3: relationship and I'm like.

1065
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 1: Just so you know, like I I like sex. What

1066
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 1: are we talking like once? How many times a week? No,

1067
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:49,520
Speaker 1: I mean it's a healthy amount. Don't worry.

1068
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 3: I don't I don't need another.

1069
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:54,239
Speaker 1: Program we really should check into.

1070
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,840
Speaker 3: I think a couple times a week is normal.

1071
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 2: Oh, totally doable.

1072
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. I asked my married friends, and they probably think

1073
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 1: I'm a weirdo that's going to go home and like

1074
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 1: masturbate to thinking about them. But I truly do wonder,

1075
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: like how often my married friends have sex, And it's

1076
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:17,479
Speaker 1: truly just to understand, like what does and what is antsy.

1077
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: A lot of them say that it's two times a week,

1078
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 1: but then when kids come into play, they're like, we're

1079
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: lucky to get twice a month. But we always make

1080
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 1: sure that we're like getting into bed together, We're going

1081
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 1: to bed together, and I think that's very important. The

1082
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: day sex is the best when the kids are at school.

1083
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 3: There's something so sexy about that because you.

1084
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:40,240
Speaker 1: Feel like you shouldn't be doing I know, but you should.

1085
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 1: I love an afternoon masturbation, Sash. We talked about that

1086
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 1: last night. I'm gonna try it. You have to. Yeah, yeah,

1087
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:51,359
Speaker 1: it's the freaking best. I had a wonderful time having

1088
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 1: you on my podcast. Thank you. Do you feel good?

1089
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 1: I feel like psyched to talk to you for like

1090
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: five more hours. I know you're still going to get

1091
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: the crazy Lalla as you have just seen because we

1092
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 1: were talking about blowjobs and all the things still, so

1093
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 1: it's like it's like it's new and reinvented, but like

1094
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 1: we still have some of the same bones, the core.

1095
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:10,879
Speaker 2: It's the core.

1096
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,480
Speaker 1: Uh. I loved this episode. I feel like I just

1097
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: gave birth to a new baby. So I want to

1098
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 1: thank all of you for following me from give Them

1099
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 1: Laala to my reinvented podcast untraditionally Laala. I'm gonna catch

1100
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: you guys next Wednesday, and remember we still have a

1101
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:33,919
Speaker 1: bonus on Monday, so i'll catch you there, Love you guys. Bye,