Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Denungler and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast What's going On? Everyone? Welcome
Speaker 1: to Thursday's special caller episode of Help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: If you haven't already, be sure to go back to
Speaker 1: Sunday's episode with Kierra Norman and give it a listen.
Speaker 1: I promise you're not gonna want to miss that. We
Speaker 1: do have three callers calling in today and Kira, just
Speaker 1: so you know, this is how it works. We're gonna
Speaker 1: have three separate callers a couple of minutes each. They're
Speaker 1: gonna ask us a dating question or they're faced with
Speaker 1: some dilemma in their life and they require our stage
Speaker 1: wisdom to help them through it. So our first caller
Speaker 1: is Jack. Let's see if we can get him in here.
Speaker 1: Hey Jack, how are you? I'm doing? Good man? Thank
Speaker 1: you joing us. What's going on today? Um? So, I've
Speaker 1: been dating a girl, um for about three months. Uh
Speaker 1: and a New Year's I asked you to be my
Speaker 1: girlfriends she said. Yet, Oh, I'm thinking things are going well.
Speaker 1: But the other day I said, I'm going to lead
Speaker 1: all my dating apps, because that's kind of what you're
Speaker 1: supposed to do right. You know, we're we're exclusive, and
Speaker 1: she said she wasn't going to let him. Uh, she
Speaker 1: wants to keep the chats, to have a log, a
Speaker 1: log of like all the conversations and pick up lind Oh. Well,
Speaker 1: she's like a writer. I should have said that, um,
Speaker 1: And she wants to like write about them and use
Speaker 1: them the examples. That's what she said. But it just
Speaker 1: kind of still rubs me the wrong way because it's
Speaker 1: like you can either just take those and remove them
Speaker 1: from the app or something. And I'm not like the
Speaker 1: type of dude who's trying to control or anything like that.
Speaker 1: But it's just like she's keeping her dating gap and stuff,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, it's just it's it's like a
Speaker 1: red flag to me. I don't know how to get
Speaker 1: around it. Yeah, that's tricky. I Um, I've been in
Speaker 1: the flip flop of this scenario before where I have
Speaker 1: dated girls in the past, and I I don't know
Speaker 1: if it was subconscious where I didn't delete the app
Speaker 1: or I definitely was never asked to de leat it
Speaker 1: and didn't delete it. I just kind of had kept
Speaker 1: them like installed on my phone. And I do agree,
Speaker 1: like you would be sketched out about it there. It
Speaker 1: seems like why would you still have the app if
Speaker 1: you're dating me? Um, I don't know necessarily how to
Speaker 1: navigate the conversation as to what to do next though
Speaker 1: here do you have any advice for that? I just
Speaker 1: would be upfront about it how you feel. You feel
Speaker 1: like it's a red flag, and like you said, I
Speaker 1: feel like she could easily take those messages and just
Speaker 1: screenshot them or take them wherever she needs and delete
Speaker 1: the app. So I do kind of see it as
Speaker 1: maybe a runaround, maybe because it has been you said
Speaker 1: three months, correct, Yeah, so maybe since it has been
Speaker 1: three months, maybe she's internally without realizing it, maybe not
Speaker 1: sure yet, which is why she's so against deleting the app.
Speaker 1: That realistically would be the only thinking that makes sense
Speaker 1: on my end personally. UM, So I would just be
Speaker 1: up front with her and say, could you at least
Speaker 1: just take those messages or whatever you need and delete
Speaker 1: the app? That way, if you are serious about moving
Speaker 1: forward with me? Yeah, it it something too. I feel
Speaker 1: like since it is such a new relationship, you could
Speaker 1: maybe wait a few more months and if it's still
Speaker 1: bothering you or like let's say you see her on
Speaker 1: the app randomly when you guys are hanging out. That's
Speaker 1: obviously a red flag. But like, like here was saying,
Speaker 1: it's so new that I think that you could give
Speaker 1: it a little bit more time before taking drastic measures
Speaker 1: where you know, you either break up with her if
Speaker 1: you need to do that, or um, I kind of
Speaker 1: put your foot down and kind of communicate very clearly
Speaker 1: to her that you don't want her to have the
Speaker 1: app anymore. But I agree with you, Jack, like you
Speaker 1: don't want to be controlling, you don't want to tell
Speaker 1: her what to do, and I don't think that's necessarily
Speaker 1: the best move. I just think maybe like taking a
Speaker 1: little bit more time with it, you know, Um, Okay, no,
Speaker 1: that's what I'll do. I'll give it another couple of months,
Speaker 1: and you know, kind of just be like, hey, I
Speaker 1: gave it out, it gave you time. Yeah. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: best of luck. We hope, I hope it all works
Speaker 1: out for you. Okay, great, thank you guys. Thanks Jack.
Speaker 1: What would you do if you found Cody on a
Speaker 1: dating app right now? Oh? We're done though, there's no
Speaker 1: reason on a dating apple we're over. Were talking about
Speaker 1: engagement yeah, Caitly, and I would be done too. That
Speaker 1: would be that would be very weird. That'd be very
Speaker 1: very weird. All right, Next up we have Ian joining us.
Speaker 1: You are you there? Hey, hey, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: I can help you today. Well, I'm having a bit
Speaker 1: of a problem here. I was hoping to talk see like,
Speaker 1: so I've been seeing this this girl on and off
Speaker 1: for about a year. First date, we went mini golf
Speaker 1: and then we went to a bar to graph drinks
Speaker 1: and and there I paid for the mini golf in advance,
Speaker 1: and then she bought the drinks. There was no questions asked.
Speaker 1: Made perfect sense. Now, I've been in two relationships in
Speaker 1: the past, and that's just how it's always been. Like
Speaker 1: I'd pay for one thing and they'd pay for the other,
Speaker 1: and I'd always be hanging slightly more to treat And
Speaker 1: you know, when it was official, I just pay you know,
Speaker 1: his money was never an issue. M Well, anyway, I
Speaker 1: come back from living in Dubai for four months and
Speaker 1: I went to watch a movie with her. Uh, I
Speaker 1: was paying for the tickets and the food at the movie,
Speaker 1: and then then she wants to go grab food afterwards.
Speaker 1: So we go out to dinner, and during the meal,
Speaker 1: she asked me, you know what are we We had
Speaker 1: to have that conversation, and I tell her I see
Speaker 1: her as more than a friend, but I'm not looking
Speaker 1: to rush into anything, like I haven't past relationships that
Speaker 1: I've had, And you know, I am happy where we're at.
Speaker 1: And the bill comes, the bill comes, and she says,
Speaker 1: so we're splitting right, I just made me. That made
Speaker 1: me so uncomfortable, you know, considering I've paid for everything already,
Speaker 1: and I already paid quite a large amount at the
Speaker 1: movies compared to what the bill at the restaurant was.
Speaker 1: So I I tell her, no, you know, the way
Speaker 1: we've always done it is I pay for one thing,
Speaker 1: you pay for the other. And anyway we leave a restaurant,
Speaker 1: you know, she just goes on a full on rant,
Speaker 1: saying I never pay for her and I never make
Speaker 1: her feel special, which again makes no sense. I have
Speaker 1: morals and I stick to them, like I don't care
Speaker 1: if if I was a billionaire, I would just never Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would never always pay, which she's making it out
Speaker 1: like I should just because I'm the guy at all.
Speaker 1: And I've told her like I'm I'm not I've done that,
Speaker 1: like I'm not. I've only done that while I was
Speaker 1: in relationships and not with like not girls that I'm
Speaker 1: dating anyway. She makes out to be this this strong
Speaker 1: independent woman but still expects the man to pay for everything,
Speaker 1: you know from what she's saying. So, where do you
Speaker 1: guys stand now? I'm I still I get the sense
Speaker 1: that she's that I don't know, like she's taking it.
Speaker 1: She's taking it like as offense. I don't know, But personally,
Speaker 1: I see this as a massive red flag. Like on
Speaker 1: the first date, I'd always offered to pay, but I
Speaker 1: do it to see her reaction and if she doesn't
Speaker 1: feel bad or like she offers to split, and I
Speaker 1: won't see her again because the way that I see it,
Speaker 1: a girl I want to I want a girl or
Speaker 1: I can grow a business with. I can I can
Speaker 1: build an empire with, and not a woman that will
Speaker 1: sit at home all the time expecting me to do
Speaker 1: all the work. Like, I don't know, I just want
Speaker 1: to know what everybody feels about this. Yeah, here do
Speaker 1: you want to go first? Personally, I feel like you said,
Speaker 1: you guys are not in a relationship, but you're more
Speaker 1: than friends. Yeah, So with that situation. Personally, for me,
Speaker 1: I would feel like, if we're more than friends and
Speaker 1: you want to go out and you want to do
Speaker 1: things with me, then I want you to be able
Speaker 1: to essentially pay for those things. And that's just for
Speaker 1: personal preference. I think every girl is different, but I
Speaker 1: feel like if you're wanting to be more than friends
Speaker 1: with her, then you should be willing to innocence take
Speaker 1: care of her. If you're just going on a date.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to mean like you're taking care of
Speaker 1: her bills or anything like that. But if you do
Speaker 1: want to go out with her, I do think that's
Speaker 1: the gentleman thing to do. It doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: like you're taking care of for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: But I just think if she's giving you her time,
Speaker 1: then there shouldn't be necessarily an issue with paying for
Speaker 1: dinner or the movies. I think so I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I think that when it comes to like who should
Speaker 1: pay for what, I've always kind of stood firmly in
Speaker 1: the camp of if it's your idea to go on
Speaker 1: a date, like let's let's say you call her and
Speaker 1: you say I want to go mini golfing, then you
Speaker 1: take care of that date. What whether whether it entails
Speaker 1: the mini golf, the drinks, the dinner afterwards, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You're the one that asks to go on that date,
Speaker 1: so you should pay for it. If she calls you
Speaker 1: and she's like, hey, I want to go see a movie,
Speaker 1: then I think it kind of excuse me. It opens
Speaker 1: the door for her then too. You know, if it's
Speaker 1: her idea, her her planning, all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: then that that whoever plans a date should pay for it.
Speaker 1: I think, especially in the early stages. Later on that
Speaker 1: might change. But it is funny how like finances and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff coming to play. I gotta
Speaker 1: give her credit that go they ask him to split
Speaker 1: the bill at dinner after you said that you don't
Speaker 1: want to move too fast? Is it is a pretty
Speaker 1: boss move on her part, because I mean, and I
Speaker 1: hate to say, if you've been dating her for a
Speaker 1: year and you still want to like play this game
Speaker 1: of kind of cat and mouse type of thing, she
Speaker 1: you know, she's maybe just kind of fed up with
Speaker 1: the timeline and she wants things to either stop or
Speaker 1: progress to a point where you got you can comfortably
Speaker 1: say that this is your girlfriend, So maybe it's kind
Speaker 1: of like her way of of putting the ball back
Speaker 1: in your court and putting the pressure on a little
Speaker 1: bit too be make your mind up in that sense,
Speaker 1: instead of getting having your cake and eating it too.
Speaker 1: For lack of a better reference, Um, so, I mean
Speaker 1: I kind of agree with with Kira. I kind of
Speaker 1: agree with her, but I do kind of agree with
Speaker 1: you too, like you, you know, you you do want
Speaker 1: like a quid pro quo kind of thing where you
Speaker 1: feel like you're getting as much out of it as
Speaker 1: she is. And that's kind of where I come back to, like,
Speaker 1: whoever instigated the date should essentially be paying for the
Speaker 1: majority of it, you know. I like that. I like
Speaker 1: that there's still kind of a split going on. It's
Speaker 1: not just one of us taking care of the other
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah. This is
Speaker 1: a it's a funny topic of conversation because Kaylin and
Speaker 1: I we've never had like any money issues, but she
Speaker 1: makes a considerable more amount of money than I do,
Speaker 1: and so I'm always like, well, you know, if we're
Speaker 1: splitting this evenly, that it's a percentage of our income,
Speaker 1: and that means, you know, but we have like a
Speaker 1: mortgage and cell phone bills and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So that's a little bit different than just going to
Speaker 1: dinner and stuff. But I do agree that, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're the one taking her out on dates, it
Speaker 1: should be you paying. Um if if she's taking you
Speaker 1: on dates, and maybe maybe she pays, or maybe you
Speaker 1: split it or whatever it is. But um, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a true it's a touchy subject and I don't really
Speaker 1: think there is a right or wrong answer. I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone is different too. And if you guys have
Speaker 1: this conversation and you decide you want to keep moving
Speaker 1: forward and she's okay with splitting things, then that's how
Speaker 1: you do it. And if not, then you guys break
Speaker 1: it off and maybe you'll find someone else who is
Speaker 1: okay with that. Yeah, definitely, Yeah, you were right. I
Speaker 1: think we need to talk about this. Thank you time
Speaker 1: for some reflection and you got this. Thanks for calling
Speaker 1: and we appreciate it. Thank you all Right, Last, but
Speaker 1: certainly not least, we have Austin joining us. Austin are
Speaker 1: you there? Hey, guys, alright, thanks for having me. Oh,
Speaker 1: Jared's gone, but we got Kira. She's even better than
Speaker 1: he is. I promise you what do you got? Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: good morning. So I just have to admit, um, you know,
Speaker 1: I haven't I haven't had much dating experience, and um,
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate dating.
Speaker 1: And so I was recently dating this girl for like
Speaker 1: two months and it was all going so perfectly well,
Speaker 1: I thought, until she decided to just kind of end
Speaker 1: it out of the blue, like right before Christmas. And um,
Speaker 1: you know, honestly, I was pretty heartbroken about it, but
Speaker 1: I was perspectful to her and to her wishes, and
Speaker 1: I made really no attempt to kind of like change
Speaker 1: her mind. Um, just kind of out of retaining my
Speaker 1: dignity and pride and everything. But the weird thing, guys
Speaker 1: is that since then, uh, we haven't spoken, but she
Speaker 1: keeps liking everything I post. And I noticed she's been
Speaker 1: posting like subtle, you know, relatable quotes. She even screenshot
Speaker 1: at a random story that I put you on that
Speaker 1: I put on, which I guessed was just a ploy
Speaker 1: for attention. Maybe, Like I'm so confused. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: possible she gave me the whole you know, I need
Speaker 1: some space to figure things out speech, you know, as
Speaker 1: a test to see if I would fight for her.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm just lost. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: There there are many possibilities as to why she might
Speaker 1: have ended ended it with me, but I just I
Speaker 1: don't know. In her behavior since then has been subtle,
Speaker 1: and you know, there's been all kinds of hints, and
Speaker 1: you know, I just feel like there's a possibility of
Speaker 1: interest still. I mean, so my question is can a
Speaker 1: woman cut you off? But can she do it as
Speaker 1: a test? I'm just so confused. Yeah, that, um, that's tricky.
Speaker 1: I personally, if someone were to do that to me
Speaker 1: as a quote unquote test, I would take that as
Speaker 1: kind of a way to not be interested in that person,
Speaker 1: because I don't really want to date someone that's gonna
Speaker 1: be testing me in that way. Like it's it's like
Speaker 1: a mind game, you know, and it's not fun for anyone.
Speaker 1: It's just it's And the thing too, is like if
Speaker 1: she's liking these things intentionally or if you're just noticing
Speaker 1: the likes because you want that to to fit into
Speaker 1: your narrative of like maybe she likes me, and like
Speaker 1: so you're hyper aware of everything that she's doing on
Speaker 1: your social media to fit the narrative, you know. That's
Speaker 1: that's the tricky thing I I personally think. I mean,
Speaker 1: with with the limited information that we have, I I
Speaker 1: don't think it's a test, and I do think that
Speaker 1: she is not trying to test you to see if
Speaker 1: you'll make a move for her. But I could be wrong.
Speaker 1: That's just kind of how I how I see it.
Speaker 1: But Kierra, what do you think? I agree, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a test, But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: could see how it could be a test. She could
Speaker 1: have been in that space of like, you know, new Year,
Speaker 1: knew me and I serious about this relationship. Do I
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship and she could have
Speaker 1: just broken it off to kind of figure that out,
Speaker 1: and now she could be regretting it, Like Okay, I
Speaker 1: do like him, but now my pride in the way.
Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna post these relatable things or like
Speaker 1: screenshot his stuff so that he knows I'm still thinking
Speaker 1: about him. But maybe she isn't ready to necessarily be
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I mean, I don't think there's anything
Speaker 1: wrong with having another conversation with her just to see,
Speaker 1: like if there is anything left at all, especially now
Speaker 1: that you are in the new year, and she said yes,
Speaker 1: and you guys can try it again. Great. If not,
Speaker 1: then you both know and there you go. You don't
Speaker 1: have to beat her on the bush or be constantly
Speaker 1: thinking about it. Yeah, I agree. I think harmless conversation
Speaker 1: would be great because, like I said, if you if
Speaker 1: you keep seeing her like your stuff, it could be
Speaker 1: that she's like throwing these subtle hints, but more likely
Speaker 1: it's just your brain telling you that she might still
Speaker 1: be interested in you, which could definitely be the case.
Speaker 1: But um, I agree with Kiara. Definitely just like ask
Speaker 1: for a conversation. Maybe she does, you know, have a
Speaker 1: better perspective now that she's taken some time apart, and
Speaker 1: you know, maybe she hasn't stopped thinking about you and
Speaker 1: is liking all those things intentionally and she's just waiting
Speaker 1: for you to give your call. It definitely is like
Speaker 1: a touchy thing and something that you could handle. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, subtly, I guess maybe the best way to
Speaker 1: put it. But it's definitely worth a conversation. Absolutely. Thank yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you guys so much. Yeah, best of luck, Austin.
Speaker 1: All right, that's gonna do it for Thursday's calor edition
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck at Dating Kara, thank you once
Speaker 1: again for joining us. Um do you have any parting
Speaker 1: wisdom for us or anything that you're looking forward to
Speaker 1: in Since it's just a new year, do you have
Speaker 1: any year's resolutions? This is hard. I feel like I
Speaker 1: always have a New Year's resolution, but who knows because
Speaker 1: it always changes. But this year is all about I
Speaker 1: feel like growth for me and wisdom. I feel like
Speaker 1: we all think we know it all, but there's so
Speaker 1: many different things and so many different people that can
Speaker 1: teach us. And I feel like working from home or
Speaker 1: like being on social media, sometimes we're closed off to
Speaker 1: a lot of things. So this year, like I want
Speaker 1: to be more intentional with like listening to people and
Speaker 1: just growing knowledge in my wisdom. Also travel. I'm still
Speaker 1: going to do a lot of traveling. I think I'm
Speaker 1: going to New York on Monday, UM, so I gotta
Speaker 1: figure that out as soon as I get off this call,
Speaker 1: and then Nashville at the end of this month with Cody.
Speaker 1: So more travel. What is that Nationals? Nashville? Oh, Nashville.
Speaker 1: I was like, Nationals, what could that possibly be? Here?
Speaker 1: For me? Saying you really are traveling? All over the place,
Speaker 1: New York, Nashville, and that's just this month alone. Dang,
Speaker 1: keep it up all right. Well, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. We look forward to seeing more from
Speaker 1: you in the future, and thanks for carrying the load
Speaker 1: on this episode. We couldn't have done it without you.
Speaker 1: Of course, thank you for having me, and good luck
Speaker 1: with all of the wedding planning. I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: see everything. Thank you, see you later. Oh next week,
Speaker 1: where maybe we suck just a little bit less. I
Speaker 1: forgot to say that last week. To follow help buy
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast