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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, this is Alien Salam on the

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Speaker 1: International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some human

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Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,

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Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break

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Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: My co worker is upset that I gave her a

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Speaker 2: gift and included her daughter too.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's your coworkers going right on the naughty list.

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Speaker 2: So I twenties female, am taking my part in my

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Speaker 2: works place secret, Sanna, where I'm gifting to Jennifer, thirties female.

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Speaker 4: I've never met a rude Jennifer.

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Speaker 2: Jennifer is on my team and we are friendly, chat

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Speaker 2: regularly and have lunch together almost most days. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from Mobile Butterfly ten. And if you want

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Speaker 2: to spit your own stories, Sanna, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay story Time subur.

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Speaker 4: Are you telling Sanna what to do right now?

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Speaker 5: I'm just telling you where to find it, all right.

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Speaker 4: Fair enough, I'm Riley, I'm freaking Santa.

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Speaker 6: Claus Man, I'm Savannah Claus and I'm Keon, and.

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Speaker 2: We to give good advice scoofully, But we really don't

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Speaker 2: have any answers.

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Speaker 5: So if you know what you want to do, righte

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Speaker 5: it down on the comments.

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Speaker 2: But the past month or so she has been complaining

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Speaker 2: about how she cannot get a specific toy for her daughter,

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Speaker 2: as it sells out in shops too quickly, and when

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Speaker 2: she looks for one online they're being sold for outrageous

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Speaker 2: prices on popular second hand websites. When our Secret Santa

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Speaker 2: was announced, we were told that we can get anything,

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Speaker 2: but there was a ten pound limit. When I drew

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Speaker 2: Jennifer's name, I thought that a good gift would be

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Speaker 2: to crochet her daughter something similar to that toy she

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Speaker 2: wants to get her daughter. I bought the pattern in

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Speaker 2: yarn and started working right away to create this gift.

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Speaker 2: The pattern was five dollars and the yarn came out

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Speaker 2: to be about fifteen pounds, but as I would not

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Speaker 2: use all the yarn for this project, I decided to

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Speaker 2: consider this gift as being worth five pounds. The other

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Speaker 2: five pounds I spent on a small candle and some chocolate.

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Speaker 2: I was catching up with a friend last night and

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Speaker 2: told her about what I was doing as a gift.

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Speaker 2: She pulled a face and said that I was being

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Speaker 2: an a hole as I should have spent the entire

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Speaker 2: amount of money solely on Jennifer, as it was meant

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Speaker 2: to be a gift for her as a mother. She

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Speaker 2: probably won't get much for thought for her as all

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Speaker 2: the attention will be on her daughter, and that I

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Speaker 2: should get her something better than a crappy candle and chocolate.

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Speaker 2: She also said that a crochet version of the toy

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Speaker 2: is not the same as the actual thing and probably

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be wanted anyways. I feel guilty now that I

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Speaker 2: thought of her daughter over Jennifer, and if this is

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Speaker 2: common that we mothers get overlooked, maybe I should scrap

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Speaker 2: the toy idea and find something solely for Jennifer. I

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Speaker 2: genuinely thought the toy would be a good gift to

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Speaker 2: relieve a bit of Jennifer's stress and not finding the

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Speaker 2: actual toy she wanted for Christmas.

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Speaker 5: But I may be wrong.

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Speaker 2: Am I the a hole for giving my work secret

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Speaker 2: Senna a handmade gift that will ultimately be for her daughter.

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Speaker 2: We have a small update. After my initial post that

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Speaker 2: was removed, I received some great comments suggesting that I

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Speaker 2: spend the allotted amount on Jennifer. This is what I've

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Speaker 2: decided to do. I've kept the candle and chocolate for myself.

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Speaker 2: It was gingerbread house scentsed candle and a bar of

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Speaker 2: dairy milk, and have ordered a plant tanium for Jennifer.

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Speaker 2: She has often mentioned how she wants to get back

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Speaker 2: to her plants, but hast neglected them since having a daughter.

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Speaker 2: Jennifer's daughter, Olivia, has just turned too last month, and

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Speaker 2: the toy that Jennifer has been searching for was a

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Speaker 2: talking doll because she absolutely loves this type of doll.

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Speaker 2: I'm still going to give Jennifer the crochet Missus doll

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Speaker 2: and say it was a Christmas gift from me to Olivia.

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Speaker 2: I have often mentioned how like crochet stuffies for my

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Speaker 2: nieces and nephews and some children, so I hope she

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Speaker 2: will like it. The gift exchanges next Wednesday.

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Speaker 5: Asked for my.

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Speaker 2: Friend who called me an a hole to begin with,

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Speaker 2: she is single and child free.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't know what she's talking, but she's out of

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Speaker 4: her element.

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Speaker 2: Which is why I wanted to ask others for their opinion.

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Speaker 2: I've spoken to my friends and sister who are mothers.

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Speaker 2: My own mother unfortunately passed away a few years ago.

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Speaker 5: Whether it was a good.

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Speaker 2: Gift, and I got mixed opinions from them. Some said

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Speaker 2: that they would love to have a gift like that.

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Speaker 2: Another said my friend had at but they would still

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Speaker 2: love to get regardless. I think most of them just

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Speaker 2: didn't want to hurt my feelings. Anyways, Thank you to

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Speaker 2: everyone have commented on the original post. I hope you

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Speaker 2: see this and know that I truly appreciate everyone giving

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Speaker 2: me feedback and a device.

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Speaker 4: I will update after the gift.

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Speaker 2: Exchange to let everyone know how it went, and we

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Speaker 2: got to update ten days later.

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Speaker 4: On the ten to day of this story.

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Speaker 7: Never gave to me, someone gave to Jennifer little.

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Speaker 4: Doll ah and everybody shut your mouth about it. Think

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Speaker 4: of the kids, yeah, she did. What we think of

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Speaker 4: the kids.

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Speaker 7: We always think of the kids.

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Speaker 2: Since Sanny, you already know everything, and you already know

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Speaker 2: what happened. I know everything, Savanna. How do you think

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Speaker 2: it's gonna work out?

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Speaker 7: Oh? I think it's gonna be fine.

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Speaker 6: I think yeah. I don't think that that girl will

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Speaker 6: be mean about it. Yeah, I really hope not, because

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Speaker 6: that would then I would be like, okay, never mind,

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Speaker 6: they need to get nothing.

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Speaker 5: Ooh you take it back?

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Speaker 7: Oh yeah, I take it back.

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Speaker 4: Once would if you're not grateful, take back your handmade

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Speaker 4: gift you made for a child.

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Speaker 7: I'd be like, Okay, obviously you don't want it. I'll

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Speaker 7: give it to someone who does.

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Speaker 5: Update ten days later.

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Speaker 2: So the Secret Sannah exchange was last week and I

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Speaker 2: gave Jennifer her terrarium.

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Speaker 4: Which she loved. All right, okay, work, all right.

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Speaker 8: Bo.

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Speaker 2: I received a book about cat breeds and it just

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Speaker 2: listed the different breeds and added cartoon pictures of them.

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Speaker 2: Not sure what my Secret Sannah was thinking, but at

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Speaker 2: least it wasn't a crappy candle. I decided to wait

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Speaker 2: and give Jennifer the crochet doll until today as our

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Speaker 2: last day together, and it would be the only people

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Speaker 2: in the office. Jennifer was so happy with the doll

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Speaker 2: that she did actually cry a little when she saw it.

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Speaker 7: See all right.

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Speaker 4: I was just confused. Jennifer's on the nice list, That's

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Speaker 4: what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 6: Whoever her friend was is the a hole that's russ

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Speaker 6: because that why would that be an issue? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Like that?

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Speaker 2: I mean, of course your friend. Yeah, your friend's weird.

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Speaker 2: She's childless and single.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna holler off, put it right in the bag.

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Speaker 5: Anyone that I know that and single, they're not my

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Speaker 5: friend anymore.

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Speaker 4: I hear there's a lot of those going around.

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Speaker 7: Oh that's me.

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Speaker 2: She still has not managed to find a talking doll yet,

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Speaker 2: so she was feeling very guilty that Olivia would be

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Speaker 2: missing out. Jennifer couldn't stop thanking me and told me

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Speaker 2: she knows Olivia is going to love the doll too.

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Speaker 2: Most likely she'll never put it down.

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Speaker 5: The kids too.

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Speaker 2: I don't think they're gonna know the difference between like

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Speaker 2: a real doll and this crochet.

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Speaker 7: Doll, especially because the girls too. Yeah, the girls literally too.

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Speaker 4: The power of imagination is a wonderful thing.

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Speaker 6: She's gonna see it and go, ah, not, well, that's

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Speaker 6: not the brand I want.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like with teenagers when it comes to different brands

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Speaker 2: of shoes, teager.

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Speaker 7: My mom never ever buys brand things. Ever. I always

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Speaker 7: got then I got a knock off iPad or not. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 7: we all got knock off.

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Speaker 4: That's what you learned. Yeah, you learned knock off.

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Speaker 7: That's what none of us could plain.

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Speaker 6: And we went yep, this you never had iPads, No

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Speaker 6: one ever complained, Yeah, of course not.

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Speaker 5: That's so cute.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes, man, those kids are so creative. I'll give them lumps.

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Speaker 3: Of coal and they'll pick them up and they'll say,

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Speaker 3: I love this, it's so fun.

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Speaker 7: Well, cool turns into like that later.

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Speaker 4: I can't.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I can't wait, missus. Oh, I'm gonna go down

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Speaker 3: to the store and buys it. They just start playing

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Speaker 3: around with them. Can't keep a kid down, you really can't.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna finish the story here.

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell her about how I was going to

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Speaker 2: give the doll to her as a part of her secret,

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Speaker 2: Santa said. I told Jennifer that I had stumbled upon

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Speaker 2: a pattern that I wanted to try, and because she

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Speaker 2: was having her trouble finding a toy, this could be

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Speaker 2: used as placeholder until she could get the one she wanted.

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Speaker 2: Jennifer just kept hugging me and saying thank you. She

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Speaker 2: also bought me lunch and some coffee. It's been a

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Speaker 2: pretty great day. It made me feel very happy knowing

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Speaker 2: that my gift is appreciated and that I made a

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Speaker 2: lovely lady happy. So it's a happy update. Hope everyone

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Speaker 2: has a very merry Christmas. Oh dude, that was so cute.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, let's go happy Updateay.

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Speaker 5: Whoa, guys, we've got another story coming up.

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Speaker 6: I was suspicious of my boyfriend's gift because it was

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Speaker 6: the perfect gift.

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Speaker 4: You know what else is the perfect gift?

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Speaker 7: This guest long story.

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Speaker 6: I love Gundam, an a manga slash game series for

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Speaker 6: people who don't know, and I collect models of the

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Speaker 6: various mechs. By the way, this comes from Ladder Dirt

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Speaker 6: eighty five seventeen and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 6: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time subredded.

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Speaker 6: I am Savannah Claus.

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Speaker 3: I'm literally Sanna. I'm held here against my will.

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Speaker 4: I'm keon. You didn't hear any of that, and.

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Speaker 7: We are here to give you some good advice. Very

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Speaker 7: goofully today.

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Speaker 6: But obviously we do not have all the answers, so

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Speaker 6: we would only tell you what we would do this situation,

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Speaker 6: and we would I love to know what.

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Speaker 7: You would do in this situation in the comments below.

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Speaker 6: When I was at work one day, I was talking

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Speaker 6: to a guy on a Reddit post who was selling

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Speaker 6: his GFFMC wearing Gundam snow white Prelude model kit.

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Speaker 3: Now you said that I were like, what was that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that was the coolest cool kid.

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Speaker 7: Just that name just kept going.

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Speaker 6: I've been looking for one for a while, which go

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Speaker 6: for around five hundred to six hundred dollars. I offered

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Speaker 6: him a trade, but he ultimately declined, and I can't

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Speaker 6: reasonably afford to buy it for myself with my current income.

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Speaker 6: Fast forward just two days later, when I got home

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Speaker 6: from work, I see that exact model kit sitting on

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Speaker 6: me and my boyfriend's bed.

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Speaker 7: I was a static, literally giddy with joy. I hugged

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Speaker 7: and kissed my boyfriend, thanking him.

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Speaker 6: But a few minutes later I realized I never told

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Speaker 6: him anything about this model, nor have I told pretty

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Speaker 6: much anyone outside of Reddit. So when I asked him

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Speaker 6: how he knew I wanted it so badly, he just

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Speaker 6: shrugged and said it's because he loves me.

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Speaker 7: For some reason, that answer didn't sit right with me.

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Speaker 6: After trying to pry for an answer from him, I

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Speaker 6: started accusing him of spying on me, or maybe going

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Speaker 6: through my phone when I wasn't looking.

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Speaker 7: So we so rarely argue, but this.

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Speaker 6: Became pretty heated and escalated more than I anticipated. I

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Speaker 6: got angry, and I brought up our age difference, calling

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Speaker 6: him a creepy old man who spies on me.

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Speaker 4: I really regret doing that.

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Speaker 6: I know he feels self conscious about it because my

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Speaker 6: parents once ridiculed him for it, and it's always been

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Speaker 6: a worry for him that people will judge us. Oh,

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Speaker 6: here we go for reference. I'm twenty two female and

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Speaker 6: he's thirty two female. He got pretty hurt by my

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Speaker 6: words and he stopped arguing. He left for a little

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Speaker 6: while before coming back and apologizing, saying he let the

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Speaker 6: argument get out of hand, but I knew I heard him,

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Speaker 6: so I apologize for using something he's insecure about. He

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Speaker 6: slept on the couch that night, even though I asked

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Speaker 6: him to come to bed and I told him i'd

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Speaker 6: dropped the issue. It's been three days and he's still

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Speaker 6: acting kind of distant. But to be honest, it still

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Speaker 6: bothers me how he knew I wanted that model kit

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Speaker 6: when I never told him about it. I just wish

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Speaker 6: he'd tell me how he knew.

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Speaker 7: I don't. I want to seem ungrateful for his gift,

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Speaker 7: but it's too late.

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Speaker 3: Now he's on your account, buying stuff for himself using

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Speaker 3: your money and that's why you can't afford it. He's

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Speaker 3: been buying himself all kinds of little treats.

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Speaker 6: Am I the a hole for wanting to know how

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Speaker 6: he knew about something I never talked to him about.

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Speaker 7: I don't think.

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Speaker 3: Your boyfriend's trying to make you feel bad to deflect

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Speaker 3: from the fact that he was being creepy. I need

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Speaker 3: a list to know what people want. I'm making a

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Speaker 3: list and I'll take it twice. That's how I know

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Speaker 3: who's already and nice. Tell me what you want. Send

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Speaker 3: me letters via electronic mail. We're working on a new

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Speaker 3: We're working on a new line, a new jingle.

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Speaker 4: We're working on it.

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Speaker 3: We're changing now that we have five Internet, we're trying

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Speaker 3: to change the jingle a little bit.

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Speaker 6: Yep, you are totally the a hole. If he was

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Speaker 6: following your accounts, it seems it was not creeping but

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Speaker 6: trying to see what you really wanted to surprise you

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Speaker 6: and he did. More likely scenario is that you actually

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Speaker 6: mentioned something about this in conversation and he picked up

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Speaker 6: on it.

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Speaker 7: I have done this, neume.

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Speaker 6: There is times with my wife just overhearing a conversation

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Speaker 6: or her making a comment about something that she doesn't

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Speaker 6: think I am listening to and then surprising her with

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Speaker 6: that item. Ope, he responds, I understand that, as far

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Speaker 6: as I know, he doesn't use Reddit very much, and

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Speaker 6: if he did follow my account or overheard me somehow,

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Speaker 6: why can't he just tell me that? And then they

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Speaker 6: replied again and said, because you came at him, there's

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Speaker 6: an update. I feel like I owe it to my

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Speaker 6: boyfriend and the people who commented on the last one.

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Speaker 6: I would like to show some humility before I abandoned

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Speaker 6: this burner account. I was definitely the a hole when

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Speaker 6: it came to that situation. I took some time to

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Speaker 6: think about it all, and the comments on the original

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Speaker 6: post helped me reflect on my actions. I was being

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Speaker 6: an insecure, immature and controlling brat.

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Speaker 3: Oh it happens to the best of us. Good good

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Speaker 3: on you for recognizing it. Maybe your boyfriend wasn't creepy,

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Speaker 3: Maybe he's a good boyfriend.

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Speaker 7: Is the on nice List or Nautilus.

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Speaker 4: He should have just told you how he figured it out,

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Speaker 4: though hiding.

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Speaker 7: It is weird.

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Speaker 6: I took what was supposed to be a loving and

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Speaker 6: tender moment and I trampled all over it because of

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Speaker 6: my irrational insecurities. I don't believe that it was irrational, though.

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Speaker 7: I I wouldn't like.

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Speaker 6: I don't think it would have been like a whole

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Speaker 6: big I think that woo the whole fighting like that

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Speaker 6: it turned into a whole thing.

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Speaker 7: I I don't think it should have been. But I

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Speaker 7: do think.

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Speaker 6: That there could have been a better way to ask,

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Speaker 6: you know, like, oh, where'd you hear that?

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Speaker 7: Did someone tell you?

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Speaker 6: And it's also weird that like she didn't like really

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Speaker 6: or he didn't explain himself like oh.

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Speaker 4: Well, you want to do in that situation is get

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Speaker 4: right up in his face and who told you about this?

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Speaker 4: Who told you about this?

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Speaker 3: Who's who told you about this?

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Speaker 4: Catch him off guard?

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Speaker 5: All right?

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Speaker 7: Back to the story.

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Speaker 6: And not only that, I heard my boyfriend in a

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Speaker 6: terrible way exploiting his insecurities and making him feel like

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Speaker 6: a creep when I should have been accepting his loving

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Speaker 6: offer that he worked so hard for. I know I

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Speaker 6: have a control issue where I feel as if people

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Speaker 6: want to control and dictate everything I do. And for

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Speaker 6: the first time I really let it out on someone

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Speaker 6: I love. He didn't deserve that. He's always been very

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Speaker 6: supportive of me, always been by my side and never

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Speaker 6: trying to control me. I broke down when I got

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Speaker 6: home from work yesterday. I apologized to him and told

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Speaker 6: him it didn't matter how he found out about the

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Speaker 6: Gundam model I wanted. I told him I was being irrational, stupid,

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Speaker 6: and insecure. I begged him to forgive my stupidity, and

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Speaker 6: I promised to work on my insecurity so this doesn't

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Speaker 6: happen again.

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Speaker 7: There is a relevant update.

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Speaker 5: De wey.

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Speaker 7: Do you have anything to say about this, Sannah.

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Speaker 4: Don't lie to your partners. Don't do it. That's all

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Speaker 4: I have to say about that. That's it.

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Speaker 7: Okay, okay, so let's get on to the update.

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Speaker 6: He gave me a giant hug and held me for

345
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Speaker 6: a few minutes, saying he was sorry for being distant

346
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Speaker 6: and not telling me how he knew about that specific model.

347
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Speaker 6: I told him I really don't care how he knew,

348
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Speaker 6: and I really don't want to know. I told him

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Speaker 6: to return the gift because I didn't deserve it all. Oh, pe,

350
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Speaker 6: I don't I still take the give That's what you

351
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,120
Speaker 6: always wanted.

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Speaker 4: Your penance is price enough.

353
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Speaker 6: But being the good man, being the good man he is,

354
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Speaker 6: he smiled, and refused. He brought it back out and

355
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,720
Speaker 6: we put the model together as a couple. I'm lucky

356
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Speaker 6: to have him. He's the best thing to happen to me,

357
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 6: and this experience taught me a good lesson not to

358
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Speaker 6: take him for granted. We are on good terms again,

359
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,680
Speaker 6: maybe even better than before. I know not many will

360
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,720
Speaker 6: care about this, but I didn't want to leave it

361
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 6: open and cold. I want to thank the commenters on

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Speaker 6: the original post. You were part of the reason I

363
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 6: realize my stupidity. I will work on myself so I

364
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,360
Speaker 6: can be the best partner for my boyfriend. I want

365
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,760
Speaker 6: to make him as happy as he makes me.

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Speaker 7: Thanks for reading. That's the end.

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Speaker 3: Call me Freddie Mercury because I won't do break free.

368
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,680
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 4: on to the next one.

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Speaker 2: My husband kept dodging the truth until a can of

371
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Speaker 2: tomatoes exposed everything.

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Speaker 8: It's all in the tomatoes.

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Speaker 2: So my husband twenty seven mel and I twenty six female,

374
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Speaker 2: have been together for six years, married for about eight months.

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Speaker 2: Important context for our relationship. We met when I was

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Speaker 2: an undergrad and my husband was working full time. By

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00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,320
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from information Mac and if you

378
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,200
Speaker 2: wisen your own stories, go to a wonderful Okay story

379
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 2: tom on our subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Carly, and I'm

380
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,160
Speaker 2: Vincent Keon and we're here to give good advice gooefully

381
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Speaker 2: all right, we don't know everything.

382
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,000
Speaker 5: But you know something, and I want you to comment

383
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 5: down below.

384
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 2: That's your job. An ob says, before my husband was

385
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 2: the primary earner of our house, paying our rent, utilities

386
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 2: and groceries. Well, I've focused on keeping the house, cooking dinners, cleaning,

387
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 2: laundry errands. Fast forward to now. We both have full

388
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,320
Speaker 2: time jobs and our salaries are about the same, so

389
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,360
Speaker 2: we're splitting all the bills evenly. We've recently had a

390
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 2: talk about how I felt as though the mental and

391
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 2: physical responsibilities of the house are still primarily on me,

392
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,560
Speaker 2: even though we have agreed that the dynamic would change

393
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,600
Speaker 2: when I started contributing more financially. I still plan and

394
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,320
Speaker 2: cook most nights, four to five times a week. If

395
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 2: we don't meal prep, I shut down the house at night,

396
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 2: clean the kitchen, put the dishes in the sink, dishwasher,

397
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 2: pick up our mess and the cat's toys.

398
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:52,160
Speaker 5: I do the.

399
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 2: Laundry and bathroom cleaning, and basically everything else. I've been

400
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,680
Speaker 2: very open throughout our relationship about how I don't want

401
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,640
Speaker 2: our real relationship slash marriage to be one where the

402
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,720
Speaker 2: wife carries the mental load for the entire family while

403
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,760
Speaker 2: the man only acts as the bread winner and doesn't

404
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,040
Speaker 2: help at all until she inevitably has a mental breakdown

405
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,399
Speaker 2: or is push to divorce. I witness how damaging this

406
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,159
Speaker 2: can be with my own mom and dad, and I

407
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,840
Speaker 2: refuse to repeat that we hardly ever fight, but almost

408
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 2: all of our arguments have been on this topic of

409
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 2: broken down in tears from exhaustion or from feelings of

410
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 2: being overwhelmed trying to balance school, multiple jobs, and everything

411
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:38,560
Speaker 2: at home, and yet nothing really changes. My husband has

412
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 2: been seemingly been very open and receptive of these conversations

413
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,920
Speaker 2: and is always saying he will do better to take

414
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 2: more off my plate. But this only lasts a few

415
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,800
Speaker 2: days or weeks before we fall into old habits and

416
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,919
Speaker 2: I'm doing it all myself. The most recent argument, on

417
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,399
Speaker 2: our usual after work phone call, ask my husband to

418
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,919
Speaker 2: stop at this or pick up a few ingredients for

419
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,920
Speaker 2: dinner that I had forgotten when I was at the

420
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 2: grocery store shopping all we needed was ground beef, a

421
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,399
Speaker 2: canned tomatoes, and milk.

422
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 8: Oh no, see where this is going. I could do that,

423
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,240
Speaker 8: get those three items. I would hope most people could.

424
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 5: Easy money, It seems very easy.

425
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 2: When he got to the store, he asked me to

426
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 2: remind him what we needed, and after he said, okay,

427
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,399
Speaker 2: so pasta for dinner. That's easy. I can cook it

428
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 2: since you cooked yesterday, And I said, thank you. I

429
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 2: have a migrain and really don't want to cook anyway,

430
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,720
Speaker 2: so that would be perfect. So he gets home about

431
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,240
Speaker 2: thirty minutes later and starts unloading the groceries. I asked,

432
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,200
Speaker 2: we're the tomatoes. He said, I forgot them. I said, okay,

433
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 2: Should I go back to the store because we can't

434
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 2: make a sauce without a base and we have nothing

435
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,160
Speaker 2: else prep for dinner. He said, no, I forgot them,

436
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,439
Speaker 2: so I'll go back. He goes back to the store.

437
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,920
Speaker 2: Oh no, I know what's happening. He's cheating.

438
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 7: No, I don't think that.

439
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:57,200
Speaker 5: I do.

440
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,639
Speaker 8: I think he's trying to make it like he really

441
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 8: was really bad at making dinner so.

442
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Speaker 5: She doesn't weaponized and confidence.

443
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,479
Speaker 8: Oh my, but if that was the case, I would

444
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 8: think that he would have been like, oh, yeah, could

445
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 8: you please go back to the store kind of thing,

446
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,679
Speaker 8: not him being so willing to go back.

447
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 4: Almost do you see where this.

448
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:15,719
Speaker 5: Is going, Vincent?

449
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 9: Right now, it seems like he's making a little bit

450
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 9: more of effort. He just might not be used to it,

451
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 9: and you're not doing there's a change period.

452
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, agreed.

453
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 2: At this point, it's almost seven o'clock and I'm super hungry.

454
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 5: Okay, this is me.

455
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,639
Speaker 2: I am this person between min Dan Eric with Angie

456
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 2: and I.

457
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 5: I usually cook.

458
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 2: She's learning to cook, and she's actually been cooking like

459
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 2: a lot recently. But at the beginning, I'd be like, Okay,

460
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,719
Speaker 2: we forgot something. You can take twenty minutes to at

461
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 2: the store, five minutes to find it, two minutes to

462
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,639
Speaker 2: do this, and then by the time you get back,

463
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 2: it'll be like seven forty and we haven't prepped anything.

464
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 2: You're not gonna eat until like maybe like eight twenty.

465
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 8: At this point, I eat late, So.

466
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 5: You're already hungry at seven. What do you do?

467
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 8: If I was already hungry at seven, I might just

468
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,199
Speaker 8: hold off just out of spite of being like you

469
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 8: said you'd cook tonight.

470
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,679
Speaker 2: Actually, Okay, so I decided to start the passa on

471
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 2: my own because at this point he would be back

472
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 2: for another thirty minutes, which means dinner wouldn't be done

473
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,159
Speaker 2: for at least another hour. Yeah, we are the same, Opie.

474
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 2: He comes home and says, I thought I was cooking,

475
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: and I explain the timing issue and how I really

476
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 2: needed to eat to make my migraine medication. Also, this

477
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,679
Speaker 2: way he can eat earlier. His response, this is the

478
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 2: effing problem. You always ask me to step in and

479
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 2: take the burden off of you, but you then do

480
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 2: it before I can, or if I do it, you

481
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 2: stand there and micro manage everything that I'm doing.

482
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 5: It's like you don't trust me to do anything. I know.

483
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 2: This isn't am I the A hole, but this is

484
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 2: where I might be the A hole. My response, I

485
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,679
Speaker 2: don't trust you. I mean I trust you in the

486
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 2: big ways, like I trust you to be honest and

487
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 2: loyal and take care of me and are cats and

488
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 2: I would literally put my life in your hands. But

489
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 2: on the day to do small stuff, I feel like

490
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,120
Speaker 2: I can't trust you at all. You keep saying you're

491
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,159
Speaker 2: going to help out around here and there, but you

492
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 2: constantly forget things I asked from you, or claim you

493
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 2: never heard me say it in the first place, especially

494
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 2: if it was simple something around the house. I mean,

495
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 2: Jesus loves you. You can't even remember a can of

496
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 2: tomatoes five minutes after I asked you to grab them.

497
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,719
Speaker 2: He was quiet for a minute and said, then, why

498
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 2: did you marry me? In the most heartbreaking voice ever,

499
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 2: and left the room crying. I finished cooking, packed it

500
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 2: away in the fridge with a note that said I'm sorry,

501
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 2: made a bowl of cereal and ate it on the

502
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 2: couch where I slept that night. I know my delivery

503
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 2: was harsh and I probably took it way too far,

504
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 2: but how else can I get it across that I

505
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 2: need him to do better. I'm not asking him to

506
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 2: take over the entire mental or physical load. I would

507
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,119
Speaker 2: just appreciate coming home to dinner, cooking, or the apartment

508
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 2: getting cleaned every once in a while, like he gets

509
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,239
Speaker 2: home to come to do almost every single day. I

510
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 2: love this man more than anything in the world, but

511
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: don't know how much longer I can play this. I

512
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: promise I can do better game. I'm so tired relevant comments.

513
00:21:59,600 --> 00:21:59,959
Speaker 5: Here we go.

514
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 2: I got one thing Okay, I saw real recently where

515
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 2: it's like women to your husbands, you can't talk to

516
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 2: them as a mother. You talk to him as a

517
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 2: king and sometimes a king. You you said you.

518
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 8: You want me to talk to my partner as a king,

519
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 8: but it's not like you're talking to me like a queen.

520
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like the level everyone needs to be doing

521
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 2: at the utmost like highest, because like in this way,

522
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 2: you kind of get this motherly kind of like dynamic.

523
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,479
Speaker 8: So I agree with you there. I just was waiting

524
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 8: for the part where they were being talked to his equals.

525
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, no, no, not there. You always got to talk

526
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 5: to each other's equals.

527
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

528
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 8: I kind of still think they both suck because I mean,

529
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 8: maybe our narrators a little unreliable, because it sounds like

530
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 8: he had a lot of frustration that she also wasn't hearing.

531
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 8: But he needs to show that he can do at

532
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 8: least the small things.

533
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to have a mediator. Yeah, well, the comments,

534
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 2: but he provides in a comment based on common questions here.

535
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 2: I don't know what I was expecting from the comments

536
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,959
Speaker 2: to look like, but I would like to address some

537
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 2: of the common ones I am seeing. I texted him

538
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 2: a list when I initially asked him to go to

539
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 2: the store.

540
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 5: The phone call was just a.

541
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 2: Reminder since we were already talking when he got to

542
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 2: the grocery store.

543
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 5: We both have ADHD.

544
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 2: We both forget things all the time, and usually there

545
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: are no issues, but in this case, I think there

546
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 2: was a difference between forgetting the only three items for

547
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 2: a whole trip versus three things from entire list of

548
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,880
Speaker 2: ingredients for two weeks worth of breakfast's, lunches and dinners

549
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 2: along with the rest of the grocery list. I do

550
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 2: my best to remember everything for meals, but occasionally when

551
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 2: I forget things. When this happens, I usually go to

552
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 2: the store myself, since I was the one who forgot

553
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 2: the ingredients in the first place. But I had a

554
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 2: migraine and just wanted to go home after work. On

555
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 2: that same note, all of the comments telling me to

556
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 2: sit down and make a chor chart act like I

557
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 2: haven't already tried that we have set days for meals.

558
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,479
Speaker 2: He would cook and had a list of chores he

559
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 2: was responsible for, but after a week or two he

560
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 2: would stop, like he wouldn't do the dishes or take

561
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 2: out the trash until they were overflowing, or he would

562
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: be on a game that he just couldn't pause, so

563
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: I would just have to make dinner without him and

564
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 2: would be back to square one. I don't micromanage or

565
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 2: undermine him. When I asked him to do things, I

566
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 2: usually ask him to do it before we go to bed,

567
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 2: which means he has four to six hours at night

568
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 2: or the entire day on the weekends, or ask him

569
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 2: if he's at a good point to pause his game

570
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 2: and do it quickly, and if not, whenever he has

571
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 2: a break.

572
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 8: How long does it take you, to, like cave, to

573
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 8: do a chore that someone's not doing, like recycling or

574
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 8: trash is overflowing? Do you ask them a couple of times?

575
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 8: Do you just immediately do it?

576
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 5: I don't know. It depends on how petty I want

577
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 5: to be.

578
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've let things go for a while with some roommates.

579
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 8: I had a roommate who a while ago fully filled

580
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 8: the recycling on her own, would not take it out.

581
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,919
Speaker 8: I put recycling back in my room and I let

582
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 8: that baby go for like a month.

583
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 5: I don't know at that point, he says.

584
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 8: But the thing is I would and it still wouldn't happen.

585
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 5: I don't know.

586
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 2: It's kind of weird talking about that with other people,

587
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 2: just the whole chore aspect, because everything's woll captain. It's

588
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 2: not like a problem. But sometimes it's like, what do

589
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 2: I do she wasn't clean? Oh yeah, then no, you

590
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 2: gotta say something. Well, my brother wasn't clean and that

591
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 2: was really hard and I just kind of had it

592
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 2: let it be because I'd tell ask him things and

593
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 2: then over time, but I'm usually the one that like

594
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 2: gets things going. Yeah, I'm a great partner. All right,

595
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna bragger myself. I do things great. I'm

596
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 2: just great.

597
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 8: Okay, I'm gonna look at the door.

598
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 5: I am, dude. I'm sorry. I'm the stuff. I know that.

599
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 2: And I deserve a hot girlfriend. Okay, I deserve a

600
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 2: hot girlfriend.

601
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 8: I have a hot girlfriend.

602
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 5: I do, and I deserve it because I'm good at

603
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 5: what I do. I cook for I.

604
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,959
Speaker 2: Clean for her, and I make sure that she has

605
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 2: enough food when she goes home, and I make sure

606
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: that she is safe, and I love her so much

607
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 2: and I feel like all the things that I do

608
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 2: it just aligns great. If he doesn't do it that

609
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 2: day or the next day, I don't think I'm out

610
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: of line for doing it myself, because at that point,

611
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 2: who knows when he's going to get it done. Letting

612
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 2: my house get gross to prove a point just means

613
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 2: more for me to do later. A lot of people

614
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 2: told me to just stop complaining in a hire a maid.

615
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,439
Speaker 5: We don't make money like that.

616
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 2: I get maids aren't crazy expensive, but I have the

617
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 2: expensive medical bills, and we both have student loan credit

618
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 2: card debt, so we don't have a lot of extra

619
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 2: money in our budget. Also, we shouldn't have to hire

620
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,479
Speaker 2: someone to do basic chores that we are both fully

621
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 2: capable of doing ourselves. It would take us an hour

622
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 2: on the weekends deep cleaning and maybe twenty minutes a

623
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 2: night for daily cleaning if we both did her share.

624
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 2: I made a mistake. I suffer from chronic migraines, so

625
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 2: I know the warning signs, and I usually have a

626
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 2: snack with me, or a real quick meal that I

627
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 2: can make to take my medication with. I thought dinner

628
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 2: would be within my window before it, but it was

629
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 2: too late and I was wrong. I didn't eat a

630
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 2: dinner after because I was too nauseous. A lot has

631
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 2: happened over the weekend, so I will post a better

632
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 2: update tomorrow. Comeing to one, I think snapping was going

633
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 2: to happen eventually. You could only hear the same thing

634
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: over and over again before you stop leaving it. I do, however,

635
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 2: really believe you both benefit from couple therapy. They can

636
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 2: help break down the communication in a way that you

637
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 2: both can understand. While what you said was harsh, it

638
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 2: doesn't make it wrong. I hope you're both able to

639
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: work through this. Nope, he says, I agree that we

640
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 2: could use couples therapy. I feel like I'm not being

641
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 2: heard and I'm doing it all, and he feels like

642
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 2: I'm micromanaging and it's acking again. I have tried talking

643
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 2: about it calmly, even asking for his input on how

644
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 2: to improve things so he doesn't feel like it's all

645
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 2: about what he's not doing. But at the end of

646
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 2: the day, I'm still doing the work of trying to

647
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: figure out a plan for both of us. I have

648
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 2: to be careful about what I say and how I

649
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 2: say it so it doesn't hurt his feelings, but it

650
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 2: just adds loads of more to my mental health.

651
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 8: This comes back to me though, of like Why are

652
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 8: you the only one figuring out that plan? And is

653
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 8: that because he won't or is that because, like he said,

654
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 8: you just take over everything that you guys are doing

655
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 8: and he's not able to.

656
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 5: It's also playing a lot of video games, and I

657
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 5: hope not.

658
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 8: Making the plan should be already a dual thing.

659
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like a therapist could at least help

660
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 2: us figure out what the real underlying issue is in

661
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 2: all of this, because it can't always be that he

662
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 2: forgot Opion having conversations with her husband about splitting chores

663
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,239
Speaker 2: fifty to fifty and with him manipulating her to do

664
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 2: everything and he does nothing at home, it says thank you.

665
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 2: A lot of people are saying that I'm in the

666
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 2: wrong for being emotional, but like you said, we have

667
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 2: had this conversation multiple times. We have talked about it

668
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 2: in steps. One conversation was about taking over cooking a

669
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 2: few nights a week. Other conversations was about splitting weekly chores,

670
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: another about daily chores, and so on and so on.

671
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 2: The problem is that we keep having the same conversation

672
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 2: over and over, and I get emotional about it every

673
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 2: few months because I find myself doing it all even

674
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 2: after I talk to him about it, about what I

675
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 2: need and how he can contribute better. I understand that

676
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: some people may think that my crying is manipulative as well,

677
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: but hey, sometimes I cry when I get overwhelmed and

678
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm not being hurt.

679
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 5: We've got an update two days later. WHOA what should

680
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 5: they do? Divorce?

681
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: Better communication or couple therapy? I guess just like divorce

682
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 2: are couples therapy? Like that's the only routes right now?

683
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 8: You always start with couple's therapy. I feel like, does

684
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 8: it's been eight months of them being married? We're really

685
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 8: just gonna be like, yeah, I'm over it already.

686
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 4: Oh my god? Eight months?

687
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, I for a long time.

688
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 8: Wasn't it like six years or eight years together and

689
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 8: eight months married? I think it was six years together

690
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 8: eight months married.

691
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 4: Oh my goals.

692
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 2: I'm having so many great ideas right now. Another idea, Carly, Yeah,

693
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 2: to workbook before you get married. Check this off and

694
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 2: it goes through a workbook of all the things you

695
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 2: probably need to think.

696
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 9: I also feel like talking about goals and like, how

697
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 9: you guys want your life to look.

698
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 8: You have to be aligned.

699
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, expectations are set see workbook we got we

700
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 2: gotta go when we already got some content here.

701
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 8: You know, I was on the same page as I was,

702
00:29:58,720 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 8: just trying to remember those three things.

703
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 5: Yeah. Update December ninth.

704
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: Thank you for everyone for helping me feel validated in

705
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 2: my exhaustion while also calling me out and helping me

706
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 2: see my husband's perspective.

707
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 5: Here is the current situation.

708
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 2: I flew home for the weekend for a girls trip

709
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 2: with my mom and my aunt, while my husband stayed

710
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 2: home and watched the UFC fight with a few of

711
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 2: his friends. Sunday morning, I texted my husband to confirm

712
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: my flight time so he can come pick me up,

713
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 2: and he said, I'll be there. We need to talk.

714
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: So I land, I get my bags and get to

715
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 2: the car and he has floppers for me. He says,

716
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forgotten the tomatoes, and I

717
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: said thank you, but it really wasn't about the tomatoes.

718
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: And before I could say anything else, he says, I know,

719
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 2: That's why I wanted to talk to.

720
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 5: You about it.

721
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 2: He then goes to tell me that during the fight,

722
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: his friends asked where I was and he said, she's

723
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,719
Speaker 2: with their family, and he said, oh, you're in trouble,

724
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 2: and he said yes, so he told them all about

725
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 2: our fight. Apparently, his friends Chased thirty five Mel and

726
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: Alex twenty nine Mail, both married, told him that he

727
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 2: missed the point and that he was in the wrong.

728
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 4: Also, great friend names to have.

729
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: My best friend and Angie's best friends both have those

730
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 2: names Great friends Have. And his friend Andrew twenty eight

731
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 2: Mail was also there, but he is not married or

732
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 2: dating anyone at the moment, so I'm assuming that he

733
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 2: opted to stay out of it. He didn't tell me

734
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: any other details about the conversation, but his conclusion was

735
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 2: that he was wrong and he needed to apologize for

736
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: whatever the issue was. I sat there for a moment,

737
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 2: absolutely shocked. I said, do you even know what you're

738
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: barely apologizing for? And he said, yeah. I forget things

739
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 2: sometimes and you have to do it for me. This time,

740
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 2: I forgot the tomatoes and you felt like you had

741
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 2: to make dinner, so you got mad and snapped at me.

742
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 2: I took a few moments to collect myself and fix

743
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 2: my WTF face before I said, no, the issue is

744
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 2: that you don't listen to me. I was mad about

745
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 2: the tomatoes because it was the final straw. You just

746
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 2: don't forget things at the store. You forget to do

747
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 2: the things that you've agreed to do. How many times

748
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 2: do I have to ask you to help me cook

749
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 2: or help around the house. How many chor charts in

750
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 2: chore list and to do list do we have to

751
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 2: make for you to actually help with anything?

752
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 5: Uh oh?

753
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 2: He got defensive and said, if you reminded me of

754
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 2: the things you need me to do, I would.

755
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 8: Need to reminder, buddy.

756
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 5: To which I said, that's the problem.

757
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: Asking you to do things and then having to constantly

758
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 2: remind you that you should do them is nagging and exhausting.

759
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 2: I need you to remember, write it down, set an alarm,

760
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 2: find some way to make it work for you. I

761
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 2: can't keep asking you to step up. I need you

762
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 2: to actually step up. He didn't say anything for a

763
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 2: few minutes, so I said, I think we have to

764
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 2: go to couples counseling. I don't think this is something

765
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 2: we can solve on our own. He said fine, and

766
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 2: then drove the rest of the way home in silence.

767
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 8: See look how far those flowers got them.

768
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 2: Okay, So, with this workbook and the mediation process, we

769
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 2: need to teach people emotional intelligence.

770
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 7: That might be hard.

771
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, how would he survive if you single?

772
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 7: Exactly?

773
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 5: Schmid says, Oh, buddy.

774
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I sawd this from a mile away. It's hard

775
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 2: not to be defensive.

776
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 5: It's hard. Yeah, it's hard talking faults. Dang it, dude,

777
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 5: I thought we had it.

778
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,479
Speaker 9: Yeah, And it just takes him like listening and like

779
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 9: without ego, because it's just like whenever someone gets offensive,

780
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 9: they're scared about something. People get angry when they get scared, like, dude,

781
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 9: what are you afraid of?

782
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

783
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 9: Really, just listen.

784
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh.

785
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 2: When we got home, he went to his game room

786
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 2: and started blasting music. He's fifteen, He's literally fifteen right now.

787
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 2: I knocked on the door and asked him if we

788
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 2: could finish our conversation, and his response was, you already

789
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 2: figured it out for us, So what else is there

790
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: to talk about? I said, this is childish.

791
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 5: And I'm leaving.

792
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: You don't want to figure things out between the two

793
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 2: of us, and you don't want to have professional help

794
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 2: in communicating. I don't know what else to do, but

795
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 2: I can't do it myself and things can't stay like this.

796
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: I'm going to my parents' house, let me know when

797
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 2: you're ready to talk.

798
00:33:59,040 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 5: And I left.

799
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 2: That was two days ago and I'm still at my parents' house.

800
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 2: The only text I've gotten were from him were.

801
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 5: Where is X? Or whenever you're coming back.

802
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: I haven't responded to the where is X sex, but

803
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 2: I told him I will come back when he's ready

804
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 2: to talk seriously, no crying, no arguing, just a serious

805
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 2: conversation about what the real issue is and how we

806
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 2: are going to change things.

807
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 5: No responses to that. Yet, the more I think about

808
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 5: this whole situation.

809
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 2: The more I realize that I've been played this entire relationship.

810
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,839
Speaker 2: I'm always the bad guy. Everything is my fault. I

811
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 2: am not allowed to be emotional because that hurts his feelings. This,

812
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 2: along with the weaponiz and competence, is too much. I

813
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 2: want to have a real conversation with him, but history

814
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 2: shows it won't go anywhere if he doesn't agree to

815
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 2: couple's therapy or some other major way to show me

816
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 2: that he wants this too.

817
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 5: I'm leaving.

818
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 2: I'm not going to fight for this is my own.

819
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 2: Thank you for all your advice dot ps divorce or

820
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:55,280
Speaker 2: couple therapy.

821
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 8: I don't even think he wants to know you want

822
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 8: fine about couple's therapy.

823
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 2: I will say with leveling up with emotional intelligence, you

824
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: have to read people's body language because as a defense mechanism,

825
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 2: if something's between Angie and I and I don't want

826
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 2: to talk about it in the moment, I'll say no,

827
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: I'm fine, but I'll be a little cold towards her.

828
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 2: And she knows that, and she reads it, and she

829
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 2: knows like when it come to me and talk about it.

830
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 2: And whenever she has an issue with something, I'll notice

831
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 2: kind of her body the language in a way, well

832
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 2: she'll say something but she doesn't mean it. Okay, that

833
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 2: is an emotional intelligence thing. I feel like this guy

834
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 2: hasn't caught onto yet or like you really have to

835
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 2: think on another level with these kind of things. You

836
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 2: can't think on the basic teenager level.

837
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 5: You have to grow that. You see what I'm saying. Yeah,

838
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 5: I'm not perfect. I know that.

839
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 9: No, I got you. Yeah, there's a lot of like

840
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 9: emotional listening you gotta do. You have to be very

841
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 9: attentive like watching, not just listening to what they say.

842
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 9: You know, it's all about communication, communication over everything.

843
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 5: All right.

844
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 2: So, ps I saw a comment about the timing of

845
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 2: the post. I figured I should clarify here too. The

846
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 2: big fight happened last Thursday. I try to post on

847
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: Friday before I left from my trip out of town,

848
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 2: but it got taken down because of the formatting. As

849
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: you can tell, I tend to write a lot, so

850
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 2: I had to block text issues and when I reposted it,

851
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 2: I didn't bother changing everything back to past tense. It

852
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 2: came back from my trip Sunday and posted this update

853
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: on Tuesday.

854
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 5: Okay, got one big comment here. Yeah, whatever, And that's

855
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 5: the end of the story. We're gonna read the next one.

856
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 4: Hey's John og host.

857
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

858
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,800
Speaker 1: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

859
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 8: I trusted my wife's word before our wedding. Then I

860
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 8: found her other life online.

861
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 5: Like a second life or that kind of life.

862
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,240
Speaker 8: My wife and I have been married for a year.

863
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 8: We were dating for three years before that. My previous

864
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 8: relationship was super toxic, not just her, not just me.

865
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 8: We were toxic for and to each other. I was

866
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 8: doing a lot of heavy drinking at that time. When

867
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,240
Speaker 8: that relationship ended, I vowed to work on my insecurities

868
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 8: and jealousy and all around character flaws until I was

869
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 8: ready to again. By the way, this comes from if

870
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 8: CDCFC eight and if you want to submit your own stories,

871
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 8: go to the r slash okay storytime Stupreddit.

872
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 9: I'm Carly, I'm Riley, and I'm Vincent and Keon back

873
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 9: here and.

874
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 8: We're here to give good advice goofy, But we don't

875
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 8: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

876
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 8: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

877
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 8: As Opie says, along comes my new wife. When we

878
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 8: first started dating, she told me she posted nudes in

879
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 8: Reddit communities. Oh no, since we really weren't anything serious,

880
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 8: I told her I didn't see a problem with it,

881
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 8: but I'm not sure it's something I wanted out of

882
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 8: a partner I would marry. I have no problem with

883
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 8: people who want to do things like that. I don't

884
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 8: spicy hobby shame. I don't judge people's spicy related wants

885
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 8: and orientation. I'm very you do you, I'll do me.

886
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 8: Hopefully we can all be very happy. We got married

887
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 8: just over a year ago, Me her, three close friends.

888
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 8: I'm a close friend to officiate. We both come from

889
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 8: broken homes, so the big ceremony would come in a year,

890
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 8: this last October, so we could get all the families together.

891
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 8: As our relationship got serious, I told her I wasn't

892
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,439
Speaker 8: a huge fan of her posting her nudes all over

893
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,839
Speaker 8: the place, and if we were going to take this

894
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 8: to the next level, I wouldn't want her to keep

895
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 8: it up. If she objected to it, to let me

896
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 8: know and we could talk all about it. I didn't

897
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 8: want to be toxic. I wanted to express how I

898
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 8: felt and give her the opportunity to express how she felt.

899
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 8: If she wanted to keep posting, and me asking her

900
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 8: to stop was a deal breaker, we could part ways amicably,

901
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 8: no harm, no foul. She said she had already stopped posting.

902
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 8: I had my suspicions, but in the interest of not

903
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,399
Speaker 8: being paranoid and respectful of her privacy, I trusted her.

904
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 8: A month after our second ceremony, I get up to

905
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 8: make coffee and breakfast before work. Every once in a while,

906
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 8: my paranoia would cause me to search the web and

907
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 8: see if she.

908
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 7: Was still posting.

909
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 8: Well, well, she was here on Reddit between the two accounts,

910
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 8: fourteen hundred posts. Oh, and that's not counting the posts

911
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 8: of the same content to multiple platforms, and to make

912
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 8: matters worse, she hooked up with three different guys. That's

913
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 8: what she tells me while we were planning our wedding.

914
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 8: It happened pretty much all the way up to right

915
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 8: before our wedding. She made content with them, though honestly

916
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 8: it was only five second clips. She picked guys nearby

917
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 8: from Reddit so it wouldn't be anyone I knew or

918
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 8: would meet. One guy she hooked up with she kept

919
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 8: in contact with for a while after hooking up with him,

920
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 8: and she met up with him again when she went

921
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 8: to visit her family.

922
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 5: Oh my god, Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We have

923
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 5: to go back to the five second clip.

924
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: Thing, you know, but it was only like five second clips,

925
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: you know whatever.

926
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, dude, Oh that's.

927
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 9: Heartbreaking, dude, to your wedding too. That's I'm sorry.

928
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 5: You know the path forward here, yeash, we gotta throwaway

929
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 5: a nullment.

930
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 7: Yeah.

931
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 8: He uses content of her to try and pick up

932
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 8: more women on this site. At the time, I was

933
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 8: working fifty hours a week, saving up for a car.

934
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 8: I split my time between our apartment and the farm

935
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 8: my mom lives on because I'm partially her caretaker and

936
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,760
Speaker 8: I take care of the animals on top of working.

937
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 8: Right before our wedding, we both moved out to the farm.

938
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 8: Early in our relationship, I was a heavy drinker, but

939
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 8: Dui number two was my bottom and I'm committed to

940
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 8: my sobriety sixteen months on the.

941
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 5: Eighteenth, dude, congrats wow.

942
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,359
Speaker 8: I confronted her about all of this, and she said

943
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 8: she had made a commitment to quit a month before

944
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 8: I found the account because she started to feel like

945
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 8: she was being loved by me again and her needs

946
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 8: were getting met. I asked her why she didn't remove

947
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 8: the account, and she said she couldn't bear to look

948
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 8: at it, so she made no hurry. I didn't know

949
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 8: about it. I believe she wanted to use it when

950
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 8: it became convenient for her. Again. She's stuck by me

951
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 8: through my drinking, which wasn't a great time for me,

952
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 8: and she seems like she wants to change, and I

953
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 8: love her, so I want to give her a chance.

954
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 8: She gave me one, after all, should I give.

955
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 7: Her a chance.

956
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 8: We're keeping this a secret. Only my recovery counselor and

957
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 8: her therapist know about what happened. I feel like since

958
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 8: she told everyone about my drinking and the charges that

959
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 8: went with it, we should tell at least someone what happened.

960
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 8: Why I don't want to go see her family for

961
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 8: the holidays because I'm still pretty heated about it. What

962
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 8: can I do about the guy posting content of her

963
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 8: on Reddit? I haven't confronted him after her request because

964
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 8: she's afraid he'll expose her. Would confronting him even accomplish anything?

965
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,399
Speaker 8: Would I be able to get him to stop using

966
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 8: the videos? Should I just cut my losses, learn a

967
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 8: lesson about red flags and lawyer up. I'm having a

968
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 8: hard time not being suspicious of her actions these days,

969
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 8: but when I try and catch her, she proves to

970
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 8: me that she's not doing anything wrong and I'm just

971
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 8: being paranoid. She says she's committed to this marriage and

972
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 8: knows that she really hurt me and messed up. She

973
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 8: wants forgiveness, but understands I don't trust her. Am I

974
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 8: foolish for thinking that we could make a solid run

975
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 8: with our marriage if my drinking and her infidelity both

976
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 8: stay in the past. This ended up being longer than

977
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 8: I attended. My apologies. Any advice is appreciated, and we

978
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 8: have an update. What do you think I.

979
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 2: Don't like I drink in the past, she did this.

980
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 2: We should just mock it up, and we're even that

981
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 2: could do that. But this was something you had a

982
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 2: conversation before. For the marriage.

983
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 5: This seems more detrimental to a marriage than someone will drink. Yeah,

984
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 5: they can. They're both very detrimental.

985
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 8: They're very different things to them.

986
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 2: I understand you want to keep it going, and because

987
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 2: she gave you a second chance, she deserves a second chance.

988
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 2: My opinion, I would just leave. I cannot do this.

989
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 2: I don't know what else she's hiding. She stopped posting

990
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:54,919
Speaker 2: a month ago.

991
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 8: Yeah. My own opinion is like there's never been trust

992
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:02,399
Speaker 8: in this relationship because he's literally been checking since well

993
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 8: but and I mean, yes, he caught her, but even

994
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 8: before she was doing it again, he was still always

995
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 8: checking and she was still always worried about this. Like

996
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 8: neither one seems like they can trust the other.

997
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

998
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 8: To me, it sounds like if like they try to

999
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 8: keep going, he's never gonna be able to trust her.

1000
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 7: And I think that's fair.

1001
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, grounds for divorce. I would cut it out. I

1002
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 5: would not just be like I'm done. Okay, I can

1003
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 5: do this, I.

1004
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 9: Think, since she was doing it right up until the

1005
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,959
Speaker 9: wedding as well. Your building a building on a shake

1006
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 9: on sand on a non good foundation.

1007
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 8: So update, I try to be a little more understanding

1008
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 8: of things. Because of my drinking. There were days I

1009
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 8: told her I'd come back to the apartment, but got

1010
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 8: so wasted at work I was bar attending at the time.

1011
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 8: I had to sleep on the couch at the bar

1012
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 8: because I couldn't drive. She has been with me through

1013
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 8: both duys. I understand that was tough for her. I

1014
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 8: had hit a year's sobriety before the infidelity happened, though,

1015
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 8: so it was hard for me to be too sympathetic.

1016
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 8: I was making leaps and bounds in my sobriety. Thankfully,

1017
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 8: I'm at a point in sobriety where I'm sober for myself.

1018
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 8: Roughly a decade ago, I was bad into substances. That's

1019
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 8: why the drink was so hard to turn down.

1020
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,879
Speaker 7: Hey, it's legal, so no big deal.

1021
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 8: But truthfully, I'm just incapable of keeping it in check. Thankfully,

1022
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 8: I stay sober for myself. Her actions won't ruin it

1023
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 8: for me. She seems willing to do anything to prove

1024
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 8: she's willing to work on things. I have access to

1025
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 8: her phone and laptop. I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet,

1026
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 8: but I have been looking around to see my options.

1027
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 8: What's your opinion on confronting the guy she hooked up with.

1028
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 8: I really feel like I want to, but I've been hesitant.

1029
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 8: She has said at first that she didn't want me

1030
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 8: confronting him for fear of being exposed, but over time

1031
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 8: said that if it will make me feel better, She

1032
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 8: doesn't care if she'll get exposed, and would even tell

1033
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 8: her boss to be prepared that it might happen. She

1034
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 8: seems willing to make this work, but honestly, I'm on

1035
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 8: the fence if it's genuine or not. I was worried

1036
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 8: a lot and spending time at the farm at the time.

1037
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 8: I didn't have a car BECA because of the DUI

1038
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 8: and had permission from the courts to get my license back,

1039
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 8: so I was just working my booty off to save

1040
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 8: up money for a car. Plus, it was fall, so

1041
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 8: I had to winterize the farm, and my mom doesn't

1042
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 8: do well with cold weather. I admit when we did

1043
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 8: spend time together, I may have seemed distant, maybe a

1044
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 8: bit distracted. I attend AA and deal with the farm.

1045
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,439
Speaker 8: I would take her out on expensive for me date

1046
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 8: nights and thought that just being with each other was

1047
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 8: a good time. She expressed that she wanted more, like

1048
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 8: I was ignoring her and not showing her I loved her,

1049
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 8: so she didn't feel loved. I feel like I could

1050
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 8: have done better, but I wasn't doing so poorly that

1051
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 8: she should have reverted to doing what she did. I

1052
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 8: was working all those hours because she said she was

1053
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 8: getting sick of driving me around, so I buckled down

1054
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 8: to get the car. She's seeing a therapist. She's doing more

1055
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 8: to make our life both of us instead of just

1056
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 8: me and her. She's asking to be included in my

1057
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 8: daily life more, asking for me to be a part

1058
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 8: of hers more. She hasn't told anyone yet, but says

1059
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,240
Speaker 8: she's willing to if it would help. We talked today

1060
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 8: about all of that. Actually, she said she wants to

1061
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 8: wait until we drive the six hours down to see

1062
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 8: her family to tell her in person. Over the holidays,

1063
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 8: she's looking for support groups to attend. I don't believe

1064
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 8: that she didn't take the page down because it hurt

1065
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 8: too much to look at it, and that she was

1066
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 8: hoping it would get forgotten about and if she didn't

1067
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 8: think about it, it would disappear. She said, since I

1068
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 8: don't cruise that part of Reddit, there was a chance

1069
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 8: I wouldn't find it. I told her, I don't believe

1070
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,840
Speaker 8: that in the slightest and I think she may have

1071
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 8: had the change of heart when we moved and during

1072
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 8: the wedding, but she kept the account open to keep

1073
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 8: it in her back pocket. I told her, if she

1074
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 8: really wants to keep this relationship working, she needs to

1075
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 8: make drastic efforts to show me she's remorseful, not just guilty.

1076
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 7: She got caught.

1077
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 8: I also made sure to mention that I won't guarantee

1078
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 8: that will fix everything. I'm still on the fence if

1079
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 8: this can be repaired. Oh, she has to come clean

1080
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 8: at help and prove that she's actually sorry, not just

1081
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 8: sorry she's got caught.

1082
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:07,399
Speaker 5: It seems like a good plan. Yeah, and you taught

1083
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 5: me this.

1084
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 2: Your words have to match your actions, or you speak

1085
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 2: more with your actions.

1086
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 5: Than your words. And everything looks good.

1087
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm kind of, in a way almost sold on it,

1088
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 2: but then again, I'm hurt, Opie, I don't know how

1089
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 2: long do you give her for nothing's changed to go

1090
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 2: through divorce?

1091
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

1092
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think first you need to decide if you

1093
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 8: can trust at all, even if she shows you for

1094
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 8: a while.

1095
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 7: I don't know. That's tough.

1096
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 5: My cat's name is Karen. What a miserable marriage.

1097
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 2: And someone earlier aft which who was said, just because

1098
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 2: you were an act doesn't mean you deserve being cheated on,

1099
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 2: because that's how he's.

1100
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 5: Kind of justifying it.

1101
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 7: Yeah, you don't deserve that. Yeah, a little bit more.

1102
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 8: And it's not my responsibility to tell her how to

1103
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 8: do it. Maybe I should just take note of the

1104
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 8: red flags and leave. But she gave me a chance

1105
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 8: in my drinking. I feel like she deserves a chance.

1106
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 8: Maybe I'm being too nice.

1107
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 7: I don't know.

1108
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 8: I appreciate your insight everyone's inside. Really, it helps keep

1109
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 8: me from just stewing over it with only my brain

1110
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 8: to think about it. She's offered to let me install

1111
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 8: that app. I haven't taken her up on it yet.

1112
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 8: I'm torn between wanting to respect people's privacy and needing

1113
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 8: the peace of mind.

1114
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 7: And that's the end of that story.

1115
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

1116
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 4: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1117
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 10: My best friend needs to break up with her boyfriend

1118
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 10: because I've had enough.

1119
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 7: You're not dating him.

1120
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 10: So for context, I twenty eight female, have known my

1121
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 10: friend twenty six male, let's call him Alex for about

1122
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 10: a year now. We spent a lot of time together

1123
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 10: and he considers me his best friend. I did too,

1124
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 10: but now I'm conflicted, and it's mostly because of his girlfriend,

1125
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 10: twenty five female. They have been together for a few

1126
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 10: years now, and over the time I've known them, I've

1127
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 10: seen more and more of their relationships flaws. By the way,

1128
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 10: this comes from Usier to throw Away eight three five,

1129
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 10: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1130
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,320
Speaker 10: to the r slash Okay storytime subbered it. I'm Dakota,

1131
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 10: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofly

1132
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,000
Speaker 10: probably maybe, but we don't know everything. We only know

1133
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 10: like what we know, So if you would do something different,

1134
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 10: just tell us In the comments and Op says almost

1135
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 10: off the bat, his girlfriend didn't like me, stating that

1136
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 10: she thinks he's cheating on.

1137
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 4: Her with me.

1138
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 7: I wonder why.

1139
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 10: Ope, he does say, I'm happily married, so no, I'm

1140
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 10: not interested in Alex. Alex has said that he's not

1141
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 10: interested in me either, but his girlfriend wouldn't drop it. Eventually,

1142
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 10: those accusations went away and things were okay for a

1143
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 10: few months, But then I noticed the.

1144
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 4: Way they treated each other.

1145
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 10: They fought all the time, and I couldn't be around

1146
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 10: them without them making backhanded comments to each other and

1147
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,320
Speaker 10: talking to each other with a lot of attitude. Even

1148
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 10: full on fights occurred where I couldn't even tell who

1149
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 10: was right or wrong because they were so bad at communicating.

1150
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:52,879
Speaker 4: Every time it would just be.

1151
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 10: Me and Alex hanging out, he would complain about her,

1152
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 10: and eventually.

1153
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 4: I got tired of it.

1154
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 10: I told Alex how I felt that they are a

1155
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 10: toxic couple and that they need to communicate or else

1156
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,839
Speaker 10: there isn't a point to the relationship anymore. I do

1157
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 10: think he was listening to me, because I could see

1158
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 10: his behavior change, but not hers. One day, their fights

1159
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,839
Speaker 10: got so bad that she said she had called the

1160
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 10: cops on both of us, accusing us of doing illegal activities.

1161
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 10: I'm starting to see now why you really don't like

1162
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:28,399
Speaker 10: this person. We were obviously freaking out to the point

1163
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 10: that Alex started to cry desperately trying to talk to

1164
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 10: his girlfriend. Eventually we got her to answer and admit

1165
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 10: she didn't actually call the cops, but said she did

1166
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:40,919
Speaker 10: to get her boyfriend's attention. When being confronted on how

1167
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 10: that wasn't okay, I was called a witch and then

1168
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 10: blocked on everything. Alex is on my side and eventually

1169
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 10: got his girlfriend to apologize. I accepted it because I

1170
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 10: didn't want to cause more drama. Here's where I was

1171
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 10: called an a hole. Not even a week goes by

1172
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 10: and they have another argument in front of me. I

1173
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 10: put my foot down, saying I can't handle their behavior anymore,

1174
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 10: and not to invite me to things if they were

1175
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 10: going to fight and to fix their issues or break

1176
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 10: up because I couldn't handle dealing with it. The girlfriend

1177
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 10: got extremely mad and basically told me to f off,

1178
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 10: saying she never wanted to apologize. I know it's not

1179
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,920
Speaker 10: my monkey's not my circus, but if the monkeys come

1180
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 10: running to me and make me their ring master, they

1181
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 10: can't get upset if I run the show. Weeks go

1182
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 10: by and Alex and I had a talk where I

1183
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,320
Speaker 10: said that I can't be a part of their business anymore.

1184
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 10: To be honest, he hasn't really respected that. I still

1185
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,240
Speaker 10: see his girlfriend occasionally and she just pretends like nothing happened.

1186
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 10: By the way, she still has me blocked. Am I

1187
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 10: really the A hole here?

1188
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 8: I don't think you're the A hole, but I do

1189
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 8: think it's time to just like remove yourself from the situation.

1190
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's there's no like wrangling this.

1191
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 5: You can't.

1192
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 4: You're not gonna solve it.

1193
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:55,759
Speaker 10: You really just need to tell Alex why are you

1194
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 10: doing this person?

1195
00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, just like really take a catalog of all of

1196
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 4: the good and the bad.

1197
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 10: I don't know how much good there could be to

1198
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 10: outweigh like threatening to call the police on you. Comment

1199
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 10: one says you're the a hole to yourself, do not

1200
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,479
Speaker 10: hang with her and keep reminding Alex that your time

1201
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 10: with him is girlfriend free, including talking about her. You

1202
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,800
Speaker 10: are obviously not wrong, but people stuck in a volatile

1203
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,600
Speaker 10: codependency can only help themselves when ready. Try to get

1204
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 10: your friend into therapy so maybe he can become wise

1205
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 10: enough and strong enough to get out hope.

1206
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 4: He replies. I have suggested.

1207
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 10: Therapy to him, and he said he used to go,

1208
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 10: but his mom convinced him he didn't need it, and

1209
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,320
Speaker 10: his girlfriend once told me they used to go to

1210
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 10: couples counseling and he never let her talk.

1211
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 4: So yikes, and I don't believe that.

1212
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 8: The therapist is there to make sure everyone can talk.

1213
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 10: Opie responds to a long comment clarifying her relationship with

1214
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:52,320
Speaker 10: Alex as a best friend while she's married and he's dating.

1215
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:56,279
Speaker 10: Opie says, Okay, I understand your comment better. Now here

1216
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 10: is some more context. Alex has told me that since

1217
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 10: they've been together, his girlfriend has basically convinced him all

1218
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:05,240
Speaker 10: his friends are toxic and he should cut them off.

1219
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 10: I overheard him basically begging her to not ask him

1220
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 10: to cut me off. Also, he's been with both men

1221
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 10: and women, so have I. And I use the term

1222
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 10: best friend because unprompted, he asked me one day, you're

1223
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 10: my best friend, right.

1224
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 8: I have to ask should I call it my friend

1225
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 8: or now and be like, hey, he's the best friend, right.

1226
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 4: Hey, we're best these wen. You know that we're best

1227
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 4: these man.

1228
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 10: I think Alex is so desperate for any form of

1229
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 10: attention because he's isolated himself for her. I use this

1230
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 10: label because he used it. Maybe it's a bit immature.

1231
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 10: I mean, he is pretty immature.

1232
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 4: Not a big deal.

1233
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 10: But for example, he makes fun of me for using

1234
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 10: more articulate language instead of slaying, so I don't know.

1235
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 4: Also, he has cheated on her in the past.

1236
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 7: Ah what you left that part out?

1237
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,879
Speaker 8: Oh my god, he's the stinky man.

1238
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 4: Both of them are stinky and should just not together.

1239
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 10: Honestly, it wasn't with you, right, No, I could no, no, no,

1240
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 10: there's an update. This is two weeks later. Alex ghosted

1241
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 10: me for two weeks. I kept asking to talk out

1242
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 10: what happened, but he just wouldn't respond. Then I got

1243
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:25,400
Speaker 10: a message saying we should talk. I agreed, and Alex

1244
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 10: decided that we would go for a drive.

1245
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 4: I had no complaints, so we did.

1246
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,720
Speaker 10: He started by saying that he's completely on my side

1247
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 10: and that he doesn't think what she did and said

1248
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 10: was okay.

1249
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 4: But she's just like that. What Yeah, she's just like that.

1250
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 10: And I signed the eternal contract in my blood that

1251
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 10: says that there's nothing I can do about it except

1252
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 10: stay with her forever.

1253
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 8: Maybe he sold his soul.

1254
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 7: We don't know.

1255
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 4: Maybe he sold it to her.

1256
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 8: That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, he is contractually obligated.

1257
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 4: Actually, oh brother.

1258
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 10: He said that if we were to remain friends, then

1259
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 10: I don't want to hear about his girlfriend anymore, and

1260
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 10: I don't want to see her anymore. If she can't

1261
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 10: be a decent human being, that I don't want to

1262
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 10: be around her.

1263
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:11,440
Speaker 4: He agreed.

1264
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 10: We had some fun, then I went home for context.

1265
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 10: They both work but only have one car, so Alex

1266
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,839
Speaker 10: drives her to and from work when we hang out.

1267
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 10: We made a rule that if we had to pick

1268
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 10: her up, he would drop me off at home first,

1269
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 10: so that we didn't have to see each other. Not

1270
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,760
Speaker 10: even a week later, we were hanging out out of town.

1271
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 10: She was getting off work soon and he said that

1272
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 10: we were going to go pick her up. I asked

1273
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:37,759
Speaker 10: to take me home first, and he said no. I

1274
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 10: was stunned and reiterated take me home, to which he

1275
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 10: again said no, that it would be out of his

1276
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 10: way and he didn't want his girlfriend to get mad

1277
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:49,880
Speaker 10: at him. Also context, I've been there multiple times to

1278
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:51,880
Speaker 10: pick her up before and if he was late, she

1279
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,720
Speaker 10: would rip him a new one. But also vice versa,

1280
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 10: he would yell at her if she was late coming

1281
00:55:57,080 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 10: out of work. Which she usually was by thirty minute,

1282
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 10: and it's two hours. I said exactly that, that she

1283
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,320
Speaker 10: would probably be late so he could drop me off.

1284
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 10: He said no, and that I was being disrespectful to

1285
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 10: the driver, and that the driver decides where the car

1286
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:14,920
Speaker 10: goes and I shouldn't complain.

1287
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 4: At that point, I was genuinely scared.

1288
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 10: I told him if he didn't take me home now,

1289
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 10: I won't talk to him again, to which he said

1290
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 10: I was overreacting and you're really gonna blow this friendship

1291
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 10: up because of something this stupid. We continued to argue

1292
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 10: until I just sat in the passenger seat silent. Then

1293
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 10: he had the audacity to run an errand before picking

1294
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 10: her up. I called him out on it, saying, you

1295
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 10: have time to run an errand, but you don't have

1296
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 10: time to take me home, and he straight up said, yeah,

1297
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 10: I would have gotten out of the car right there

1298
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 10: in the parking lot.

1299
00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:48,919
Speaker 7: Yeah. Why didn't we get out at the errand?

1300
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 4: That's my stop?

1301
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 10: I live here now, Yeah, this is I'm going to

1302
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 10: live in the parking lot.

1303
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 7: Someone will get me.

1304
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,919
Speaker 10: I bit my tongue and we got to the girlfriend's work.

1305
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 10: AWA twenty minutes go by, and I asked again for

1306
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:02,280
Speaker 10: him to take me home.

1307
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 4: He still says no.

1308
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 10: Forty minutes go by and I said, I guess you

1309
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,479
Speaker 10: could have taken me home, and he said, you don't

1310
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 10: have to be petty. An hour goes by and she

1311
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 10: finally comes out of work. I'm waiting for him to

1312
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 10: yell at her and nothing. He's quiet, and when he

1313
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 10: does talk, he's trying to get his girlfriend to have

1314
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 10: small talk with me.

1315
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 4: Oh gross.

1316
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 10: That was his whole point was he was trying to

1317
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:26,920
Speaker 10: make you guys friends again.

1318
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm quiet.

1319
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 10: On the way home, I get out of the car,

1320
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 10: slam the door and cut him off from saying bye

1321
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:39,000
Speaker 10: and his sing song friendly voice. I'm so done with him.

1322
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 10: And there's an edit. I wanted to add some extra info.

1323
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 10: I met Alex through a mutual friend. Alex is no

1324
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 10: longer friends with them. I met my husband shortly after,

1325
00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 10: and we are newlyweds. But that doesn't make him any

1326
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 10: less my husband. I do not have a crush on Alex.

1327
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 10: For the love of God, can people stop assuming that

1328
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,920
Speaker 10: Alex his girlfriend and my husband and I are in

1329
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,959
Speaker 10: the clearer community so none of us give a crap

1330
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 10: about gender and friendship. I may be in the wrong

1331
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 10: for doing this, but I changed the gender of the

1332
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 10: people in this story to be straight because I didn't

1333
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 10: want to hear bad comments and thought it would be safer.

1334
00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 8: Okay, I think that was a bad call on your part.

1335
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 10: Kind of a bad call, but whatever. People are assuming

1336
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 10: things based on that. I am a man who likes men,

1337
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,320
Speaker 10: married to my husband.

1338
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:31,240
Speaker 7: Oh oh, he's a man.

1339
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:32,439
Speaker 4: Ohp, he is a man.

1340
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 10: Alex is saffiic with a girlfriend and has been with men,

1341
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 10: but cheated on girlfriend with a woman. There are no

1342
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 10: feelings between me and Alex. Also, for people thinking i'd

1343
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 10: randomly tell a friend and their girlfriend off if I

1344
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 10: see nasty behavior, I'm going to look out for myself.

1345
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 10: Alex specifically asked me what he should do, so I

1346
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 10: did what he wanted. Alex and I would hang out

1347
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 10: at night ninety nine percent of the time because the

1348
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 10: girlfriend worked at night. Now that I'm thinking about it,

1349
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 10: I don't think I've ever asked Alex to hang out.

1350
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 4: Almost every other day I'd.

1351
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 10: Get a text from Alex asking if I was available

1352
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 10: to hang out, and we often drove out of town.

1353
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 10: Another reason I changed the gender is because I thought

1354
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 10: people would take the situation seriously.

1355
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 4: If Alex was a girl and I was right.

1356
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 10: People are not taking me seriously because they think I am.

1357
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,200
Speaker 10: I'm not taking you seriously because you're a liar, you're

1358
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 10: a little fibber.

1359
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1360
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 11: I think I would have had way different opinions on

1361
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 11: this story had you just said right out, hey, I'm

1362
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 11: literally not attracted to Alex, and it's like not pousible

1363
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:37,400
Speaker 11: for me to be attracted to Alex like that.

1364
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 10: I think what you should do is just entirely remove

1365
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 10: yourself from this whole mess. For those of you asking

1366
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,160
Speaker 10: where is your husband? First, I don't need to do

1367
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,000
Speaker 10: everything with my husband. Second of all, it was at

1368
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 10: night and he has work in the morning. Literally, someone

1369
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 10: said I should spend less time with a male friend

1370
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 10: and focus more on my husband. I'm sorry. My husband

1371
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 10: has nothing to do with this story. Caught him up,

1372
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 10: so people didn't assume I had feelings for Alex. Apparently

1373
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 10: my word that I love my husband isn't good enough.

1374
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 10: I'm not going to reply to any more comments. But

1375
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 10: we got a little bit of shebang left here, we

1376
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 10: got one more updates.

1377
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 4: It's time to call it right.

1378
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 8: Yeah, Yeah, you've now just confused everybody, and uh, yeah, leave.

1379
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 4: Extract yourself from your friend's messy relationship.

1380
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 10: And your friend is being weird with you too, like

1381
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 10: I would not appreciate being forced to try to reconcile

1382
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 10: with someone I want nothing to do with.

1383
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:37,479
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, not at all. I would have gotten out at.

1384
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 10: The errand yeah, there's a second update six days later.

1385
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 10: OPI has attached screenshots of text messages, but here's a

1386
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 10: transcript of it. OPI says, I've been wanting to break

1387
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,439
Speaker 10: off this friendship for a while now.

1388
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 4: I've been dealing with your bs and I can't take

1389
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 4: it anymore.

1390
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 10: You complain about your girlfriend to me, and when I

1391
01:00:57,640 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 10: give you advice, you don't take it. Your behavior disgustingly disrespectful.

1392
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,800
Speaker 10: And I've had my last straw. I've been there for

1393
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 10: you for months, and I've never felt like I could

1394
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 10: actually confide in you. You've crossed my boundaries for the

1395
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,160
Speaker 10: last time. You've made fun of me, and you don't

1396
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 10: actually care about my feelings or you do, and you

1397
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 10: can't be emotionally mature and show that you care. And

1398
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 10: you literally helped me hostage in your car and wouldn't

1399
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 10: take me home when I asked that is not okay,

1400
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 10: and you were so petty that you couldn't just take

1401
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 10: me home and made me wait an hour. Now to mention,

1402
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 10: you apparently had time to go to the bank before

1403
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 10: picking them up, but not take me home. I don't

1404
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 10: know what your deal is with not taking people home,

1405
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 10: because you did the same with our other friend. In

1406
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 10: the end, you've pushed me away and your girlfriend hasn't

1407
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 10: helped much. They've shown exactly how they feel about me,

1408
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 10: and how you've handled the situation makes me sick. I've

1409
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 10: given you both so many chances to be the bigger person,

1410
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 10: and you both act like children. So I hope you're

1411
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 10: happy with the life you've chosen to live. I hope

1412
01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 10: that when you've grown and realized I'm right, that you'll

1413
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 10: reach out out, but I doubt you will, so I

1414
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:03,120
Speaker 10: hope you educate yourself.

1415
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 4: And I know girlfriend is probably reading this.

1416
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 10: First, because you two have no boundaries, and I'm not

1417
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 10: gonna let you try and fix this again by ignoring

1418
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 10: my feelings and trying to bribe me or some crap.

1419
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 10: Neither of you are good people, and I don't want

1420
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,240
Speaker 10: to surround myself with people who make me feel this bad.

1421
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 10: I know you'll miss me because you obviously had more

1422
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,200
Speaker 10: fun with me than you ever did with them. So

1423
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 10: I'm gonna have fun being married at the place we

1424
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,920
Speaker 10: moved with the love of my life while you're stuck

1425
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:34,520
Speaker 10: with a girlfriend with girlfriend issues. Alex replies, first of all,

1426
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 10: thank you for effing waking me up. I actually have

1427
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 10: a job. Second, I don't complain about my girlfriend. I

1428
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 10: complain about their family, which is completely different. And yet,

1429
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:49,160
Speaker 10: good luck with getting married when you're unemployed and could

1430
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:51,520
Speaker 10: definitely not hold down a job, because all you ever

1431
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:52,360
Speaker 10: do is complain.

1432
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 4: About the stupidest crap.

1433
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 10: You're just like, friend, Also cry to your husband because

1434
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 10: you're not going far in life, which would be soon

1435
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 10: be because all you do is complain, which is insane.

1436
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 4: You always think you're right.

1437
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,439
Speaker 10: Hi, OPI's dumb boyfriend, by the way, because you're also

1438
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,520
Speaker 10: gonna send this to him being like, oh my god,

1439
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 10: what Alex said about you? Also, what the f is

1440
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 10: wrong with you guys getting married right now with cheap

1441
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 10: rings and you know it's not gonna last unless he's

1442
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 10: gonna be held hostage whatever, And you know I'm right

1443
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 10: because you're upset over me. Actually not agreeing with you

1444
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 10: for once, shake him my head.

1445
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:28,439
Speaker 8: Ow. Y'all just really hate each other.

1446
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:32,560
Speaker 10: Yeah, it sounds like you guys weren't friends at all,

1447
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 10: but they attended.

1448
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 8: They asked if they were best friends, remember, and.

1449
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 10: They went, yeah, I guess we are.

1450
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 4: That's great, and that's the end of this story.