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Speaker 1: I don't know about you guys, but I've never been

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Speaker 1: caught doing weird stuff at work.

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Speaker 2: You people.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely do it, and whoever sees it

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Speaker 1: usually wants to join in.

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Speaker 3: So technically I'm not be caught.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you're just not told on right, I see.

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Speaker 1: For one of our listeners, she says she was coming

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Speaker 1: home to her apartment the other day and came across

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Speaker 1: her landlord in a very compromising position, and what she

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Speaker 1: decided to do next could be either the smartest or

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Speaker 1: dumbest move of her entire life. Oday, she reached out

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Speaker 1: to us, hoping to use the information to her advantage.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna try and help her in a textual

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Speaker 1: healing coming up next. Text you will heal, Then text

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Speaker 1: you will You know you have a clogged toilet, you

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Speaker 1: call a plumber.

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Speaker 3: Do you have a flat tire? You call triple A.

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Speaker 4: Sure.

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Speaker 1: If you have a text message that you need to

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Speaker 1: send and you don't want to screw it.

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Speaker 4: Up, who do you call? Jeffrey?

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Speaker 1: You call fifteen other people and ask their answers. If

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Speaker 1: they all suck, then you can come to us for

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Speaker 1: a little textual healing.

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Speaker 4: We got there and one.

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Speaker 1: Of our listeners has gone through her entire friend group

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Speaker 1: came up with nothing, So now she wants our help.

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Speaker 3: Her name is CALLI CALLI. Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 2: Hi, thank you so much, please help.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad we're your last resort, Kelly. Yeah, glad your

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Speaker 4: real friends don't answer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, tell us about your situation a little bit

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Speaker 1: and how we can help heal you textually.

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Speaker 2: Okay. So I'm living in this apartment. It's the best

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Speaker 2: apartment that I've ever lived in. It's a great location,

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Speaker 2: you know, I have like the most amazing view. Apartment

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Speaker 2: complex has a pool, I know.

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Speaker 3: Do they have any availability right now? Doesn't sound like

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Speaker 3: we can afford.

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Speaker 2: That's the thing. So I can't even afford to live here,

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Speaker 2: like barely right now. And I'm afraid they're going to

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Speaker 2: increase my rent in a couple of months when my

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Speaker 2: rent is supposed to be renewed.

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Speaker 4: So are we going to negotiate your rent via text message?

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Speaker 4: I think we can do it. I think we could.

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Speaker 4: I can talk anybody down.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you your lease is coming up here?

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Speaker 3: How long?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, in a couple of months?

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Speaker 3: About okay?

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Speaker 2: Okay, but Loki, I need them to reduce the rent

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Speaker 2: by at least one hundred dollars or I'm going to

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Speaker 2: have to move.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, we're going to get a rent reduction. Does

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Speaker 4: that happen anymore? Anything it does, I'm gonna cop exactly

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Speaker 4: what we do.

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Speaker 3: Okay, how are you going to get your rent knocked down?

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Speaker 2: The only thought that I have in terms of how

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Speaker 2: I can do this, and I really think I can,

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Speaker 2: is the fact that we have a new property manager.

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Speaker 2: Okay's super cute and he's about my age. I just

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Speaker 2: have a feeling like if I work them a little bit,

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Speaker 2: a little bit v tech message.

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Speaker 4: Okay, are you saying you to start hitting on your

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Speaker 4: new property manager. I like it.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to hit on him, but I have

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Speaker 2: a feeling that just.

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Speaker 4: Like, uh, you know, I want to put a viet

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Speaker 4: you want to create a rapport?

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Speaker 2: Exactly, I need to create a rapport. I need to

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Speaker 2: like get in there and just figure out a way

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Speaker 2: to get Dave the property manager, to sign off on

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Speaker 2: a rent renewal that is preferably less.

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Speaker 4: I was joking about negotiating rent prices. I don't actually

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Speaker 4: know that we're the best people for that.

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Speaker 2: I think I think it's possible.

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Speaker 4: Have you texted with Dave yet? Like, have you met

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Speaker 4: him at all?

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Speaker 2: We've had one interaction.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, that's something to work with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's scooping a rat, a dead rat out of

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Speaker 2: the pool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, new place, but it's actually run down the pool, like.

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Speaker 4: An above ground like tarp that they set up.

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Speaker 3: It's just in the city. I'm guessing rat in the pool,

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 2: And I saw what he was doing and just like

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Speaker 2: was like ew and then he kind of like laughed

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Speaker 2: and like, yeah, you know, my job sucks, but Hi,

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Speaker 2: how you doing?

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Speaker 3: What a fun interaction?

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Speaker 4: But that could almost be blackmail, right because she's the

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Speaker 4: only one that saw the rat in the pool she

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Speaker 4: told other people. I mean, if we're going to get

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Speaker 4: dirty with this guy and we want to like get

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Speaker 4: a rent reduction.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if blackmailing your apartment manager is the

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Speaker 1: best way to go.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I like what.

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Speaker 2: I agree. I think we could have like a friendly

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Speaker 2: agreement to like keep that between us, you know. Like

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Speaker 2: the other option is obviously like should I flirt with them?

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Speaker 2: Should I throw them a smile?

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Speaker 1: Well, we have to do this over a text message? Yes,

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to google tricks to make strangers do

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Speaker 1: stuff for you.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I felt like her text is the hard party

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Speaker 4: AI is really going to take over our jobs.

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Speaker 3: This is a twenty one an over website.

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Speaker 1: This isn't Seven ways to make a stranger help you out.

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Speaker 3: Number one says smile.

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Speaker 4: Can't do that on the text.

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Speaker 3: You could do a smile.

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Speaker 1: Emoji, so we could start with a smiley emoji. Number

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Speaker 1: two is used their name a few.

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Speaker 4: Times, Dave, Dave, Dave.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, Dave, Hey Dave, what's up Dave?

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean you have to start with hey, Dave

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Speaker 4: Kelly from you know, whatever your apartment number is.

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Speaker 1: Remember, I'm the the girl that saw you fish the

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Speaker 1: rat out of the pool and shouted gross.

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Speaker 2: Maybe just be like, I think it's actually perfect right.

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Speaker 3: At least they put it'll help him put a face

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Speaker 3: to the name.

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Speaker 2: I could be like, I'm the blonde who said ew

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Speaker 2: while you were fishing the rat out of the pool.

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Speaker 4: There are other people with other hair cums.

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Speaker 1: Well, she said gross to him and they had one

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Speaker 1: sentence conversation, so that's good. Number three says use humor. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe telling a joke. It says, even if it

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Speaker 1: doesn't land It shows you're trying to be.

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Speaker 4: Fun, and I'd hire you to be my I could

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Speaker 4: ban a boy any day of the week. Apartments, we

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Speaker 4: have a pool for rats.

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Speaker 3: That's how fancy it is.

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Speaker 4: Maybe a ratituey joke that's gonna be funny. I like that.

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Speaker 4: You have to do the little rat emoji though.

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Speaker 1: So here's my idea to incorporate everything that we've learned here. Hey, Dave, Dave,

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Speaker 1: I'm that blonde girl who said gross when you pulled

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Speaker 1: the rat out of the pool. And later, maybe you

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Speaker 1: can come by and we can have some ratituey.

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Speaker 3: What do you think, Dave? Smiley face? That sounds wow,

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Speaker 3: but it's.

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Speaker 1: Going off of the internet suggestions here. The internet is

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Speaker 1: smarter than any of us.

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Speaker 4: Sound like a computer?

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Speaker 2: Sure?

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Speaker 4: If the joke is I haven't been able to cook

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Speaker 4: anything all week because that rat was the one teaching me. No.

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Speaker 1: They said there was no bad jokes, but I think

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Speaker 1: we just proved them too.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, cal.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the final decision is yours. It's your text message,

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Speaker 1: so you get to decide what.

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Speaker 3: You want to write.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I definitely feel like something along the lines

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Speaker 2: like Haydays nice It's Cali from apartment The blonde two said,

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Speaker 2: gross when you fish the rat at the pool.

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Speaker 4: Just wanted to welcome you to the building.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I wanted to welcome you to the building

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Speaker 2: ratitude at my place and she sounds.

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Speaker 3: Pretty solid rat emoji.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, Okay said.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we started off on kind of rocky ground there,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like we ended up with a pretty

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Speaker 1: solid text.

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Speaker 3: I mean, at least, I'm sure we're going to get

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Speaker 3: a response. He may be like, what are you on?

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Speaker 4: Late? Yeah, victim. Maybe he'll be like I want some

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Speaker 4: of whatever you're on.

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Speaker 3: You know, he'll respond, that's for sure. Let's find out.

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Speaker 1: We're going to continue and see if Dave, the apartment

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Speaker 1: manager is going to lower your rent when we do

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Speaker 1: textual healing thank you. Right after this, one of our listeners, Cali,

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Speaker 1: is on the phone right now. She loves her apartment,

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Speaker 1: but her lease is coming up, and if she wants

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Speaker 1: to stay, which she desperately does, she's gonna need to

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Speaker 1: get a rent reduction or she won't be able to

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Speaker 1: afford it anymore. Now, a younger single guy has apparently

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Speaker 1: taken over managing her building.

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Speaker 3: His name is Dave, and he is cut from what

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Speaker 3: we hear.

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Speaker 4: That's what she says.

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Speaker 1: Because their only interaction in person has been while she

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Speaker 1: was watching him take a drowned rat out of their

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Speaker 1: pool with a net and she screamed ew gross. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he acknowledged it and was like, yeah, my job

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Speaker 1: is terrible. So essentially he's basically a stranger to her

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Speaker 1: at this point. That's why I googled the top seven

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Speaker 1: ways to make a stranger like you and want to

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Speaker 1: help you instantly, which I.

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Speaker 3: Feel like has already been in your Google search history. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it did auto fill the rest of it.

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Speaker 1: So her first text incorporated three points that I came across.

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Speaker 1: It said, One, you should smile, so we used smile emoji. Two,

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Speaker 1: use their name a few times. So we repeated Dave

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Speaker 1: at least three times.

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Speaker 4: In the first test, we just went with once.

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Speaker 3: But okay, well maybe that was our mistake.

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Speaker 1: Number Three, break the ice with some levity or a joke,

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Speaker 1: So we referenced the dead rat, saying that we could

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Speaker 1: do something with ratituey as a meal over at her apartment,

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Speaker 1: Kelly has He responded.

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Speaker 2: He did, why you sound sad?

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Speaker 4: What did he say? Oh?

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Speaker 2: No, Okay, he said, what so you're the tenant who

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Speaker 2: saw me pulled the rat out of the pool. You're

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Speaker 2: joking about the ratituey, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is good though. This is good because he's nervous.

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Speaker 4: He's he's nervous. You're gonna rat him out.

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Speaker 1: Okay, se listeners just tuned away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I need I need some real advice. Guys, that

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Speaker 2: was real.

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Speaker 1: Let's do the damsel in distress angle where it says, Hey, Dave,

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Speaker 1: I'm in a situation and I could really use your help.

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Speaker 4: So we're saying, hey Dave again.

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Speaker 3: I'm sticking with the suggestions. You need to continue using

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Speaker 3: his name from the pool of life.

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Speaker 4: First you say yes, it was a joke, that's a

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Speaker 4: fair and then you move into I need your help

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Speaker 4: with something.

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Speaker 3: I like that call. I'm like a financial rat drowning

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Speaker 3: in that.

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Speaker 4: But you laugh at him.

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Speaker 3: That was funny. Okay, I expect them from me. You

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Speaker 3: don't expect them.

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Speaker 1: Tell him like, I seriously need a way to figure

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Speaker 1: out how to lower my rent by one hundred dollars

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 4: Let's wait till the next text for that slow Jeffrey,

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Speaker 4: ask for.

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Speaker 3: The example, if you pointed out my roles. That's really offensive.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I got it. I got it. So hey, Dave, yes, ratitude,

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Speaker 2: he was a joke. I'm actually in a situation I

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Speaker 2: could use your help. My releaf is coming up and

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Speaker 2: I need to find a way to reduce it at

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Speaker 2: least one hundred dollars. Any idea.

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Speaker 4: I just went from like to like very I know

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Speaker 4: it's direct direct, but you want an answer, so go

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Speaker 4: for it. And it's a business relationship right now.

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Speaker 3: And from his last is clear he remembers you.

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Speaker 2: So okay, I send it.

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Speaker 3: He's okay, said did you put a smiley emoji on it?

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Speaker 2: Though I did not? Okay, okay, I just that one

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Speaker 2: out that went out.

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Speaker 4: Okay, it's going to be like a big smileing. I mean,

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Speaker 4: that's interesting. We're just we're just my.

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Speaker 2: God, oh my god, he's just he's an I mean

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Speaker 2: told on.

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Speaker 4: That st I'm sorry, it's something they started doing.

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Speaker 3: Don't apologize for fun. Forgot that? What did he what

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Speaker 3: did he write?

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Speaker 2: He wrote, Well, you would get a roommate that would

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Speaker 2: reduce it by a lot more than one hundred dollars.

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Speaker 2: We could see if we can move you into a

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Speaker 2: smaller unit facing the back alley.

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Speaker 4: What if you write back and say, Dave, I don't

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Speaker 4: think a view of the of more rats is in

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Speaker 4: my wheelhouse.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that's funny. Let's let's go with that.

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Speaker 4: It's what Jose said. I just reset it. Yeah it seriously.

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Speaker 2: When I just wait, I'm going to make it sound

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Speaker 2: like he made a joke, like, haha, Dave, I don't

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Speaker 2: need a view of more rats like.

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Speaker 3: They feel funny.

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Speaker 1: I love it, but we need to ask a question

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Speaker 1: to keep him responding. So let's add something to it, like,

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Speaker 1: is there any way I could stay in my same

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Speaker 1: apartment and pay less?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, sent all right?

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Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, what about this? What if you volunteer

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Speaker 4: to be on rat patrol at the pool and they

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Speaker 4: can pay you one hundred dollars? Do you want to

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Speaker 4: do it?

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Speaker 2: You know? I don't like Yeah, gross, that's a lot.

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Speaker 4: Everybody wants the money without working for it.

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Speaker 1: I see you said, Hey, I'm willing to sign a

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Speaker 1: three to maybe four year lease if this will help me.

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Speaker 1: Screw that one hundred year lease. I want to die

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Speaker 1: in this building like that rat.

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Speaker 4: I think rat patrol is much better than this.

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Speaker 3: Somewhere we go.

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Speaker 2: Else came he said, I don't think there's any way

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Speaker 2: you can stay here and pay less unless you want

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Speaker 2: to help me get rid of the rat.

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: What is inside joke turn into me becoming like a

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Speaker 2: rat patrol? I can't.

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Speaker 4: I can't uses these poison traps that they are really

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Speaker 4: even barely have to deal with. A carcass's doing a

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Speaker 4: breakdown of how to kill rats they have, like the

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Speaker 4: new stuff they have is amazing, although a good old fashion.

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, are you willing to kill rats?

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Speaker 2: I don't even want to talk about it, but I

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Speaker 2: get asked them, are you sure? Dave? Is there anything else?

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Speaker 4: You could be? The rat queen? He could be the

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Speaker 4: rat king.

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Speaker 3: Mat Me put a smiley face after those texts.

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Speaker 2: Don't forget that last one. I definitely did not.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well, maybe this is time to compromise.

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Speaker 1: And then he says, if you do this, then you

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Speaker 1: can get two hundred dollars off your red.

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Speaker 4: Say you're gonna do it, then start dating an exterminator

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Speaker 4: and get him to come in and do the work.

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Speaker 3: Stop trying to live out your fantasy to our listeners.

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Speaker 3: Most people dream of a pizza boy.

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Speaker 4: I bet they don't have a lot of options in

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Speaker 4: the DA.

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Speaker 3: Let's get back to the texts. Is that so? We said,

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Speaker 3: is there anything else that you can do?

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Speaker 2: Are you sure, David? Is there anything else? And he

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Speaker 2: is typing yeah, he says, we have an ant problem

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Speaker 2: in the northwest part of the building.

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Speaker 4: That what isn't living in your apartment building?

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Speaker 3: Now you work there too.

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Speaker 2: I mean, first he wanted me to do deal with

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Speaker 2: the rats, and now he wants me to get rid

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Speaker 2: of the ant Are.

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Speaker 4: You open to that?

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Speaker 1: Because I have been there in a second, I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to kill a bunch.

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Speaker 2: Of honest Okay, well you I think if you knock off,

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Speaker 2: if you knock off to hundred, I'll.

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Speaker 4: Do the rat negotiations. You're gonna get it.

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Speaker 3: That's good.

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Speaker 2: I'll do the rat thing. Okay, can you send me

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Speaker 2: a link for like the poison traps that you're down?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely. I'll text my dad right now. He loves

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Speaker 4: this stuff. Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 3: Brook will do a whole podcast about exterminate properly? Should

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Speaker 3: I feel Dad textually healed you now at this point, right, Kelly,

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: Dave, Dave. Dave just texted back deal.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, now you're the rat lady.

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Speaker 3: In the building. Are there any snakes in there too?

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Speaker 4: You're for free, it's probably more likely raccoon.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll let you know if I end up with

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Speaker 2: the bubonic plague. But anyway, I think I think I

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Speaker 2: get to keep the apartment.

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Speaker 3: Well, congratulation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if you ever want textual healing, please email someone else.