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Speaker 2: So let me ask you this switching gears huh. But
Speaker 2: also important conversation when it comes to wealth. I know,
Speaker 2: you know in your life everybody has challenges. You went
Speaker 2: through a divorce. Oh yeah, so talk about how you
Speaker 2: can navigate keeping your wealth after a divorce.
Speaker 3: I love that, you know, And uh ra shad, that's
Speaker 3: a book I actually want to write. It's I kind
Speaker 3: of become a millionaire after divorce because you know, divorce
Speaker 3: wipes out people financially. It's a complete reset. And you
Speaker 3: know I went through a divorce. You know kind of
Speaker 3: at a worse time, at a worse time when you know,
Speaker 3: my business was in two thousand and two, two thousand
Speaker 3: and three was the big dot com bust, and I
Speaker 3: was into consulting big. I used to work for Delitten,
Speaker 3: Ernst and Young and I and I was on my
Speaker 3: own at that time, and clients didn't want to see
Speaker 3: a consultant after Y two K. They're like, we're tired
Speaker 3: of spending all this money on advice. And you know,
Speaker 3: Y two K wasn't as big as it was, and
Speaker 3: the dot com isn't as big as it was supposed
Speaker 3: to be. So business was tough. I mean two thousand
Speaker 3: and two, two thousand and three and I was in
Speaker 3: red ink, and that was the same time my ex wife,
Speaker 3: my son's mothers, and I decide to go our separate ways,
Speaker 3: and I was left for the half a million dollars
Speaker 3: in debt from UH with Wills Argle Bank. My line
Speaker 3: of credit was called because I was using my line
Speaker 3: of credit to keep the business afloat. And so, you know,
Speaker 3: so if you're getting a situation you find yourself getting divorced,
Speaker 3: I think the first thing that you have to really
Speaker 3: do is kind of focus on your offense, focus on
Speaker 3: keeping your income strong, focus on your skills. And then
Speaker 3: also you have to be steady about what you do
Speaker 3: with your money because now you have less money to do.
Speaker 3: And for me, I had to stop paying for my
Speaker 3: son's college funds, you know, for a few years until
Speaker 3: I resorted out my finances right. And my divorce you know,
Speaker 3: caused me to sell my big house in Oakland Hills
Speaker 3: and pretty much give her all the proceeds. But I
Speaker 3: kept my apartment buildings. So if you have multiple assets
Speaker 3: in your family, what I did with my ex wife,
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, we've got this, we have this
Speaker 3: equity in our house. I'm buying out my apartment buildings,
Speaker 3: the ones I had in Jersey City back in two
Speaker 3: thousand and three and in DC, right, So I bought
Speaker 3: her out of those and held onto those, and there
Speaker 3: was a year where I could even pay myself. So
Speaker 3: people think I got a job and I get a divorce,
Speaker 3: and that's bad, But think about being an entrepreneur getting
Speaker 3: a divorce, having to split up half of your assets
Speaker 3: and having to pay alimony and child support and trying
Speaker 3: to figure out your life moving forward. But what was
Speaker 3: really helpful Joy is about, was the fact that I
Speaker 3: kept a frugal mindset and I was really responsible in
Speaker 3: doing what I was supposed to do to my ex
Speaker 3: wife and my kids. So I kept a frugal mindset
Speaker 3: and I just went low to the ground.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 3: People wouldn't have known it, but I was not spending
Speaker 3: money on clothes. I wasn't spending money on anything. But
Speaker 3: I held on to my investments, and in fact, I
Speaker 3: figured out a way to convest more because I had assets.
Speaker 3: So my advice to people going through that is to
Speaker 3: develop this frugal mindset. You'll lay low and keep moving forward,
Speaker 3: keep investing your way, and in time you'll see your
Speaker 3: way out of it. And so and so that's really
Speaker 3: really key. And one of the things, like I said,
Speaker 3: that work for me was buying real estate in Jersey
Speaker 3: City in two thousand and three. And if you guys
Speaker 3: live in New York and know what's happening with Jersey City,
Speaker 3: it's exploded, booming, it's booting, it's booming. So it's a
Speaker 3: matter of basically, make sure you take care of your responsibility,
Speaker 3: make sure you do what you have to do, continue
Speaker 3: to invest, continue to work on your income, and you'll
Speaker 3: dig your way out of it. But too many people
Speaker 3: look at divorces saying I don't want to make no
Speaker 3: more money because if I do, she's going to hit
Speaker 3: me up for more child support. I'm like, don't punk out.
Speaker 3: Just you be responsible, do what you have to do.
Speaker 3: But get busy in your offense, Get busy building up
Speaker 3: your income and continue to invest. And although it may
Speaker 3: not feel like this, ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road,
Speaker 3: like Steve Jobs connecting the dots looking forward, you'll see
Speaker 3: that it worked out. My three boys graduated college, one
Speaker 3: of them got as NBA and finance know, we have
Speaker 3: a great relationship. My net worth is gone up probably,
Speaker 3: you know, probably fifteen twenty times since then because I
Speaker 3: didn't give up. And that's really what it's all about
Speaker 3: about the pre nu Oh yeah, well yeah, I hate
Speaker 3: to air my dirty laundry. But I've been married twice.
Speaker 3: But anyway, so the first time I didn't have to
Speaker 3: got divorced twice. I got divorced twice. That's the book.
Speaker 3: That's the next book. Yeah, I've been divorced twice, you know,
Speaker 3: which is interesting Rashad because my second wife, her and
Speaker 3: I were really still good friends. She worked at my
Speaker 3: company for a lot of years. She's a lawyer. And
Speaker 3: what was interesting about is that we came into the
Speaker 3: into the marriage unequally financially yield, which was challenging. Right,
Speaker 3: my net worth is here. She was, you know, she
Speaker 3: was about ten years younger than me, and.
Speaker 1: She can you raise your hand a little high and
Speaker 1: went under the screen.
Speaker 3: My net worth was here and hers was down here.
Speaker 3: So in the prenup, you know which that started. That
Speaker 3: set the relationship off the wrong foot, right, Huh.
Speaker 1: The prenup bore the imbalance in.
Speaker 3: The prenup, which it often does, even though women say, well,
Speaker 3: I'll gladly signed a prenup, that's no problem. Okay, Well,
Speaker 3: I didn't really know what a prenup was. A lot
Speaker 3: of people don't know what it really is. So I
Speaker 3: went and hired an attorney through my recommendations, and my
Speaker 3: attorney was putting my prenup together and we were getting
Speaker 3: married and he was running behind on getting it done,
Speaker 3: so it was kind of forcing some pressure there. So
Speaker 3: by the time he delivered the prenup and her attorney
Speaker 3: reviewed it, she was like, she felt like she really
Speaker 3: couldn't trust me anymore. She already had doubts anyway, but
Speaker 3: she really felt like she couldn't trust me. Because what
Speaker 3: a prenup is is when you get married, there are
Speaker 3: inalienable rights to a marriage that the state gives you right.
Speaker 3: And so when you get a prenup, what it's saying is,
Speaker 3: I'm waving my right to this, his income, I'm waving
Speaker 3: my rights to this, his assets. I'm waving my rights
Speaker 3: to all these things. And you're like, wait a minute,
Speaker 3: it feels awkward. It's like I have a right for that,
Speaker 3: and then now I'm giving it away. So a lot
Speaker 3: of people it kind of blows their mind. Even though
Speaker 3: there are concessions that says, well, if we got a
Speaker 3: divorced by this time, you would get this, but hey,
Speaker 3: you're a lawyer, you make good money. It's like, you know,
Speaker 3: and you have a child and I got three boys.
Speaker 3: So it was very, very difficult. And the moment that
Speaker 3: we signed it, which was like it was supposed to
Speaker 3: not be through duress, but it ended up being kind
Speaker 3: of through dress because she waited until last minute right
Speaker 3: before we got married. It just put the marriage on
Speaker 3: the wrong foot. So after dating for ten years and
Speaker 3: being married for five years, we ended up calling it
Speaker 3: quits and my prenup, you know, it held. And so
Speaker 3: what's interesting is about the prenup is like a lot
Speaker 3: of people say they want until they read it and
Speaker 3: their lawyers give them feedback, and it's difficult.
Speaker 4: Then her lawyer wanted to go right, her lawyer wanted
Speaker 4: to write my prenup. After that, she was like, oh no,
Speaker 4: let me rewrite it. I was like, no, you can't
Speaker 4: write a prenup to protect my assets, right, yeah, I'm
Speaker 4: not going to go for that. So it's very complicated
Speaker 4: and a lot of people struggle with that notion. But
Speaker 4: look at it this way.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you can. I mean, I know
Speaker 3: you guys have a one son or kid, and I
Speaker 3: know Troy you have two or three kids. I was thinking, like,
Speaker 3: I can't get a divorce you have two kids. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, list we married right right too. But the
Speaker 3: whole point is like if I got a divorce to
Speaker 3: my second wife and I because I had a will too,
Speaker 3: because if I died, she was I was going to
Speaker 3: give her twenty five percent of my assets. The other
Speaker 3: seventy five percent was going to my son's. But if
Speaker 3: I died and my assets went to her without a prenup,
Speaker 3: then and my sons could have had a situation where
Speaker 3: she wouldn't have paid for their college. My sons could
Speaker 3: have been in a situation where they've got nothing. So
Speaker 3: my rationale for a prenup was, you know, my sons
Speaker 3: are everything to me. There's no in the word I'm
Speaker 3: gonna work this hard and not like my dad say,
Speaker 3: have them start from my shoulders, yep, not from the ground.
Speaker 3: So I needed to make sure that they were taken
Speaker 3: care of, and that was the crux of the peanup.
Speaker 3: What's interesting is there's three sides of her peanup. There's
Speaker 3: my I'm make sure my hands on the camera. There's
Speaker 3: my assets, her assets and hours. And so how it
Speaker 3: goes is my assets could continue to grow, right, and
Speaker 3: I would still own them as long as they were
Speaker 3: they were they were titled to me. And then her
Speaker 3: assets would do the same thing, right, she had a
Speaker 3: condo that would continue to grow. But if we titled
Speaker 3: assets together, that's what we would split, and that's how
Speaker 3: it was written. So we never really had any assets together.
Speaker 3: So therefore we got a divorce. I kept my assets,
Speaker 3: she kept hers, and I entered the concession part of
Speaker 3: my prina. But it's an interesting thing, and it really
Speaker 3: sometimes damages relationships because people start looking at you like
Speaker 3: do you trust me or whatever. We end up divorce,
Speaker 3: we end up good friends. She stayed in my company
Speaker 3: for a lot of years. She's now a tech lawyer
Speaker 3: for major government contracting businesses because she worked in my business.
Speaker 3: And I raised her daughter like my daughter. So it's like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's all good, but that's the challenge.
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