Speaker 1: Raddy's never let me define my self worth based on
Speaker 1: my success. So when I first started to experience success,
Speaker 1: Raddy didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to,
Speaker 1: and I would want. Look, I'd wanted my wife to
Speaker 1: be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
Speaker 1: she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
Speaker 1: if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was,
Speaker 1: So if it came to my character, that's what she
Speaker 1: was back in. I think we all want to be
Speaker 1: loved for who we are and not loved for what
Speaker 1: we achieve.
Speaker 2: I did start listening to a podcast last year. I mean, that's.
Speaker 3: Hella Loves.
Speaker 4: I'm Andrea Wards King, and that was Jay Shetty reflecting
Speaker 4: on the true foundation of love. It's about choosing each
Speaker 4: other every single day. Welcome to My Legacy, a podcast
Speaker 4: hosted me, my husband, Martin Luther King, the third eldest
Speaker 4: son of doctor Martin Luther King Junior, and Coretta Scott King,
Speaker 4: and our good friends New York Times bestselling authors Mark
Speaker 4: and Greg Kilberger. Today we're joined by Jay Shetty and
Speaker 4: his incredible wife, Roddy dev Lukia You may think you
Speaker 4: know Jay from his number one podcast, but Arti is
Speaker 4: giving us a whole new look at the side of him.
Speaker 3: The world rarely sees their love.
Speaker 4: Their challenges, and the daily choices that make their marriage thrive. Today,
Speaker 4: they give us a glimpse inside their relationship, sharing with
Speaker 4: us the hard won lessons about communication, commitment, and how
Speaker 4: to nurture love through life's toughest moments.
Speaker 3: Let's dive in.
Speaker 5: Welcome to My Legacy Podcast, where we explore what it
Speaker 5: truly means to create a living legacy through our actions,
Speaker 5: our choices, and the way we show up for others
Speaker 5: every day. Ro honor to be joined by Jay Shetty,
Speaker 5: global bestselling author and purpose driven entrepreneur whose wisdom on love, mindfulness,
Speaker 5: and personal transformation has reached millions through his number one
Speaker 5: podcast on Purpose Now. Of course, what makes My Legacy
Speaker 5: Podcast unique is we don't just hear from extraordinary individuals.
Speaker 5: We hear from their life partners, their friends, the people
Speaker 5: who know them best. And we're beyond lucky because Jay
Speaker 5: is joined today by his incredible wife, Roddi de Vlukia.
Speaker 5: She is a nutritionist. She is a best selling author
Speaker 5: of joy Full She is the host of her own podcast,
Speaker 5: A Really Good Cry. I love that title. She's a
Speaker 5: powerful force for wellness, for conscious living, and for joyful cooking.
Speaker 5: Welcome to you.
Speaker 2: Both, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so grateful to be back with you and
Speaker 1: reunited with all of you. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having us. We're so honored and so grateful. Truly, it
Speaker 1: was such wonderful to be in your presence a year
Speaker 1: ago now or is it even longer?
Speaker 3: It was about a year ago, about a year.
Speaker 1: Ago, So wonderful to be reunited, and I wish you
Speaker 1: were meeting Rady in person too. Why we'll settle for this.
Speaker 4: We must do dinner when we're all on the same
Speaker 4: coast again.
Speaker 1: We would love that absolutely, yes.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, well, Jay on that note, because we want
Speaker 5: to know you over well gosh, probably a decade now,
Speaker 5: but we don't know Rady as well. So if I
Speaker 5: can put you on the spot, the two of you
Speaker 5: have created this incredible relationship based on conscious living, on Purpose,
Speaker 5: on joy. So how did you first meet this incredible
Speaker 5: woman and how did you know that she was your person?
Speaker 1: So the interesting thing is the first episode of my
Speaker 1: podcast On Purpose ever was me and Rady telling this
Speaker 1: story together. And I always wanted to start the show
Speaker 1: at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place, and I thought,
Speaker 1: why not do it with the person who knows me
Speaker 1: best and knows me most. And so the long story,
Speaker 1: short version is, I was in my final year of
Speaker 1: college and I knew that I was going to become
Speaker 1: a monk after I graduated, and I would go to
Speaker 1: my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends
Speaker 1: just to stay out of trouble. And when I was
Speaker 1: doing that service, I was asked to show a woman
Speaker 1: around who was around my mom's age, with different chores
Speaker 1: and different practices at the temple. I'd never been asked
Speaker 1: to do this before. This was the first time I
Speaker 1: showed her around. She was very sweet, and then at
Speaker 1: the end of it, she said to me, I have
Speaker 1: a daughter that i'd love to introduce to spirituality and meditation.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk,
Speaker 1: so I can introduce her to my younger sister who's
Speaker 1: also involved in the community, and why don't you bring
Speaker 1: her in? And so you know, that week she brought
Speaker 1: her in and it happened to be my wife's mom,
Speaker 1: and Raley was her daughter who came in and I
Speaker 1: introduced Radi and my sister, and I remember seeing Rally
Speaker 1: and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world,
Speaker 1: and I thought, no, no, no, focus, focus, focus is
Speaker 1: going to become a monk, and so I kind of
Speaker 1: like shut it out. And then when I came back
Speaker 1: from the monastery, Radi and my sister had become best friends,
Speaker 1: and so my sister was our matchmaker. So that's how
Speaker 1: we met, and then how I knew she was the one.
Speaker 5: You know, it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: Someone asked me this question recently, and I think I
Speaker 1: gave at least what I believe to be a truthful
Speaker 1: and honest answer, and is that I don't know if
Speaker 1: you ever know. I think you commit and invest to
Speaker 1: building something together, and you know because the other person
Speaker 1: also wants to commit and build and invest in you,
Speaker 1: and that's what makes them the one. And I really
Speaker 1: believe that it's quite naive to think when you meet someone,
Speaker 1: or when you move in with someone, or when you
Speaker 1: marry someone, that this is going to be the person
Speaker 1: you're with for three or four or five decades in
Speaker 1: today's world, and so for me, I know that Radi's
Speaker 1: the one because she invents every day today more than
Speaker 1: even when we started. And that's something that I can
Speaker 1: only discover today, and I couldn't have known twelve years
Speaker 1: ago when we first got together, and nine years ago
Speaker 1: when we got married, I couldn't have possibly known that.
Speaker 1: And so I hope that freezes people up from this
Speaker 1: pressure and expectation that I've got to find this person
Speaker 1: on day one and know that they're going to be
Speaker 1: perfect and the person. When I probably would have said
Speaker 1: that twelve years ago if you asked me, like, I
Speaker 1: found the one, I know it now when I look back,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm I'm lucky. She's proved me right,
Speaker 1: but she very easily could have proved me wrong. And
Speaker 1: so I'm very grateful that she's, you know, stood by
Speaker 1: me through so many ups and downs and so many
Speaker 1: incredible journeys that we've been on.
Speaker 3: So roddy, I'm very very curious.
Speaker 4: So you're at a temple and you see this wonderful
Speaker 4: human being that was training to be a monk at
Speaker 4: what was going through your mind when you first when
Speaker 4: you first met him.
Speaker 2: That's a really good question, you know, I he was
Speaker 2: in like he was in white robes at the time,
Speaker 2: weren't you. Yeah, he was training to be a monk.
Speaker 2: He was in white robes. He knew my mom. It
Speaker 2: was like a very odd situation. My mom was introducing us,
Speaker 2: and so when I saw him, it was it was
Speaker 2: interesting because he had like tattoos in monk clothes, was
Speaker 2: a very like, well spoken person, where normally, in my mind,
Speaker 2: a monk was someone who was from India and I,
Speaker 2: you know, usually would have to speak to them in
Speaker 2: another language. And so it was kind of changing a
Speaker 2: lot of narratives in my mind of what I expected
Speaker 2: to see when my mom was like, oh, I want
Speaker 2: to introduce you to this monk. So I think I
Speaker 2: was readjusting to my expectations. And then I mean I
Speaker 2: started going to his classes and hearing him speak about spirituality,
Speaker 2: and honestly, I think I felt in awe of him
Speaker 2: through watching him in those spaces and in the community,
Speaker 2: and you know, I ended up being an observer of
Speaker 2: him rather than a friend at the beginning, because we
Speaker 2: didn't really have a friendship or a relationship at all
Speaker 2: when we first met. So it was quite nice seeing
Speaker 2: him in his own environment doing something that he loved
Speaker 2: and so at first it was almost like he had
Speaker 2: He felt like a teacher and a guide more than
Speaker 2: he felt like someone that I was thinking I could
Speaker 2: be with. But then when I became friends with his
Speaker 2: sister and she kept telling me all these amazing things
Speaker 2: about him, I was like, Oh, he's so sweet and
Speaker 2: they have the sweetest relationship he you know, he is
Speaker 2: like a father figure to her, and she loves him
Speaker 2: so much. And I thought, well, someone who's got that
Speaker 2: relationship with their sister, and usually your sibling has the
Speaker 2: best and worst things to say about you, And she
Speaker 2: just loved him so much. And so there was moments
Speaker 2: where you know, I kept saying to I was like,
Speaker 2: you know, I think every like your brother, and she
Speaker 2: was like, you can't. He's going to be a monk
Speaker 2: for the rest of his life. I leave him alone.
Speaker 2: She was like, I need you to leave him, please. Yeah, please,
Speaker 2: I'm just telling you he wants to be a monk forever.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I kind of gave up on that idea.
Speaker 2: And so as soon as he came out from being
Speaker 2: a monk and we got to know each other, we
Speaker 2: both just realized how how right we ended up being
Speaker 2: about each other, as he said, And it was a
Speaker 2: nice surprise because it could have gone both ways.
Speaker 4: You know, I love that she said fell in awe
Speaker 4: rather than fell in love. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 4: really heard that. That's a beautiful Yes, yes, it fell
Speaker 4: in awe.
Speaker 1: But the one thing she left out was that she
Speaker 1: usually tells a bit like you didn't you didn't clarify
Speaker 1: that actually when we first met, you just didn't notice me.
Speaker 3: And I didn't like, just yeah.
Speaker 2: Well I did notice you. I just wasn't like. It
Speaker 2: wasn't like my mom saying, hey, here's someone for you
Speaker 2: to meet in that way, Hey, here's a monk from.
Speaker 3: Him, here's a monk.
Speaker 4: Every great journey begins with the foundation that we come from,
Speaker 4: the people who raised us, those who you know, sewed
Speaker 4: into us, the people who believed in us. So, Jay,
Speaker 4: who were the most influential people in your life in
Speaker 4: your childhood, and what would you say are some of
Speaker 4: the biggest lessons that they passed on to you.
Speaker 1: That's such an interesting question. I feel I was very,
Speaker 1: very fortunate that the most influential people in my life
Speaker 1: became people I discovered through autobiographies and biographies. So and
Speaker 1: that's because I think I was the eldest and I
Speaker 1: kind of was a bit rebellious, so I didn't really
Speaker 1: fit in, and I don't think I was getting that
Speaker 1: much great advice from my family or extended family. And
Speaker 1: I fell in love with I mean, you know, I
Speaker 1: think I mentioned this to you when we first met.
Speaker 1: I fell in love with the writings of Dr Martin
Speaker 1: Luther King. I fell in love with Malcolm X. I
Speaker 1: fell in love with Dwayne the Rock Johnson and David Beckham.
Speaker 1: So my reading, my reading spectrum was fairly wide, but
Speaker 1: I was reading the biographies and autobiographies and writings of
Speaker 1: all of these individuals, and so there were pop culture
Speaker 1: icons like David Beckham and Draine the Rock Johnson, and
Speaker 1: then these incredible history oracle figures to me in Martin
Speaker 1: Luther King and in Malcolm X. And that really truly
Speaker 1: became the basis of the advice in my life. I
Speaker 1: really really believed that I associated with these people through
Speaker 1: their writing. I really believed that they became my wise advisors.
Speaker 1: They became my board of directors, and they became the
Speaker 1: people that I turned to in times of difficulty because
Speaker 1: they'd been through so much so much more than i'd
Speaker 1: ever even have to fathom going through. And so there
Speaker 1: felt to be an incredible strength in that. And I
Speaker 1: think because my dad was fairly aloof and disconnected from
Speaker 1: me when I was young, it really gave me a
Speaker 1: freedom to look for that. And now I look back,
Speaker 1: and I didn't know this then, but I assume I
Speaker 1: was looking for male role models at the time, more
Speaker 1: people that I could hold onto. So it's no surprise
Speaker 1: that all the books I was reading were men. And
Speaker 1: at the same time, my monk teachers, who I really
Speaker 1: do see as father figures to me as well, have
Speaker 1: become incredible pillar in my life. And I'm really grateful
Speaker 1: to my dad for that. You know, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people may feel that if their parents are
Speaker 1: slightly disconnected or aloof, it can be a bad thing.
Speaker 1: For me, it was great. I got to become the
Speaker 1: man I wanted to be. I got to build an
Speaker 1: image of who I wanted to be, and I got
Speaker 1: to choose the people that I really aspired to learn
Speaker 1: from and gain from and gain insight from. And so
Speaker 1: those individuals, whether it was reading about how David Beckham
Speaker 1: on a Friday night would tie a car tire in
Speaker 1: the top hand corner of a goalpost and practice taking
Speaker 1: free kicks while all his friends were out drinking and
Speaker 1: partying and all the rest of it. Or whether it
Speaker 1: was talking about drained the Rock, Johnson's challenges with depression
Speaker 1: and finding himself, or whether, of course it was the
Speaker 1: incredible work of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. It
Speaker 1: was just fascinating to gain insight from what I believe
Speaker 1: to be some of the most powerful, incredible and beautiful
Speaker 1: people who walked the earth.
Speaker 4: That's so amazing and it resonates so deeply with me
Speaker 4: because you all know how much I love reading. I'm
Speaker 4: a I love love reading. And I don't know if
Speaker 4: we talked about this Jay when we were together, but
Speaker 4: when I was a little girl in elementary school, I
Speaker 4: spent a lot of time in the library.
Speaker 3: Of my school and I read. I mean I went
Speaker 3: through almost.
Speaker 4: The entire autobiography and biography section of my school.
Speaker 3: I got special awards for that.
Speaker 4: So I really resonate with that, like you know, taking
Speaker 4: bits and pieces of I always found inspiration in people's stories.
Speaker 5: Well we can testify to this because you two haven't
Speaker 5: I don't think yet been to the King's house. We
Speaker 5: got to make this happen though. But you've got the
Speaker 5: amazing shoe closet that's full of books.
Speaker 3: Books.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 6: Not just a shoe closet, it's everywhere. You just kind
Speaker 6: of walk in and you're goneer knowledge. You don't even
Speaker 6: have to open.
Speaker 4: Although Martin hates traveling with me and with the with
Speaker 4: my with my book.
Speaker 1: Heavy Lift, that's so true. When we moved to New
Speaker 1: York nine years ago, I had one suit I only
Speaker 1: had like two suitcases with me, and one of them
Speaker 1: was full of clothes and things like that, and the
Speaker 1: other one was completely full of books. Yes, and that's
Speaker 1: that's how we traveled. And I was like, no, I
Speaker 1: can't leave these behind. And I'm I'm still into physical books.
Speaker 1: I'm not a fan of digital books.
Speaker 3: At talks, you're not both and Radia.
Speaker 4: You said that your family's journey from being refugees to
Speaker 4: building a new life shape the way that you see
Speaker 4: the world. What lesson from your upbringing would you say
Speaker 4: continues to guide you today?
Speaker 2: So many things. My you know, my grandma was born
Speaker 2: and raised in India and then moved to Uganda when
Speaker 2: she got married. To my granddad and from there she
Speaker 2: then became a refugee when she came into Scotland and
Speaker 2: with absolutely nothing. They couldn't bring anything with them. And
Speaker 2: it was so interesting because even from the moment that
Speaker 2: I like my first memory of my grandma has been
Speaker 2: she has spent her whole life just in service to family,
Speaker 2: to community, whether it was in the refugee camp. She
Speaker 2: was one of the first people to start cooking in
Speaker 2: the kitchen for the community because they weren't used to
Speaker 2: eating the food from from the UK. They wanted to
Speaker 2: eat food that was part of their culture. And so
Speaker 2: my grandma got in the kitchen and she was cooking
Speaker 2: for everyone. Even when she had nothing, she was still
Speaker 2: doing things for other people. And so I think that's
Speaker 2: been a thread of all I've seen her do, and
Speaker 2: not ever have I seen a moment of resentment through
Speaker 2: doing it. And you know, I always think about, you
Speaker 2: know you're doing too much or beyond your capacity when
Speaker 2: you start becoming resentful or feeling like you deserve something
Speaker 2: back for doing what you've been doing. But my Grandma,
Speaker 2: I've never seen. She's ninety one now and she is
Speaker 2: still the most joyful, content like self. Content human that
Speaker 2: I I've met, and I honestly think it's because she
Speaker 2: gave with zero expectation throughout her life and certain situations
Speaker 2: put her into a into a moment where she had
Speaker 2: to do that whether she wanted to or not, but
Speaker 2: it became part of her. And so I think that
Speaker 2: watching her has wanted like has made me want to
Speaker 2: do the same for people around me. And you know,
Speaker 2: also her deep spiritual practice, like my grandma speaks to
Speaker 2: God more than she speaks to humans. And I don't
Speaker 2: say that lightly. She spends more hours of her day
Speaker 2: in prayer speaking to God than she does actually interacting
Speaker 2: with humans, at least for the past ten years that
Speaker 2: I've seen. She wakes up in the morning at like
Speaker 2: three point thirty in the morning, She's praying till nine am.
Speaker 2: She's then back in prayer by two pm till three o'clock,
Speaker 2: back in prayer again from six pm till eight pm,
Speaker 2: and then again in the evening before she goes to bed.
Speaker 2: And so I think you can only really give that
Speaker 2: two people when you've when you've given yourself that deeper
Speaker 2: connection to God or the universe that's empowering you to
Speaker 2: be able to actually give to others in that capacity.
Speaker 2: So those are just a couple of the things, but yeah,
Speaker 2: so many things, and my mum and my dad both
Speaker 2: emulate that same nature too.
Speaker 5: More of this inspiring and powerful conversation after the break.
Speaker 5: Now back to my legacy with Jay Shetty and his
Speaker 5: wife Roddy.
Speaker 6: You know, from my experience it's often the struggles that
Speaker 6: define who we are. Many times we know the glory,
Speaker 6: but we don't necessarily know the story of the individual.
Speaker 6: So Jay, can you share or take us back to
Speaker 6: one of the toughest moments in your journey and what
Speaker 6: ultimately it taught you.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting, isn't it. When you're asked to think
Speaker 1: about a tough moment in your life, you almost just
Speaker 1: see it as your life, and so you don't I
Speaker 1: don't know. I never grew up. I only recognize when
Speaker 1: I got older and I spoke to people about experiences
Speaker 1: I went through that they were tough, because up until
Speaker 1: that point they were just my life and they just
Speaker 1: felt normal. And you kind of assume everyone's going through
Speaker 1: those things, and so I think we all walk around
Speaker 1: thinking that everyone should understand us because they went through
Speaker 1: the same thing and the truth is we don't understand
Speaker 1: each other because we went through very different things. And
Speaker 1: until you meet someone who's gone through something that you
Speaker 1: can connect with or resonate with, it's really hard to
Speaker 1: reconcile it. I think for me, a big part of
Speaker 1: it was that I grew up in a home that
Speaker 1: I mediated my parents' marriage, and I would say that
Speaker 1: that was the most challenging thing growing up because I
Speaker 1: didn't wake up to a great environment and I think
Speaker 1: for me that made me who I am today, and
Speaker 1: so I have a lot of gratitude for that and
Speaker 1: appreciation for that. But I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: see me and the work I do today, and they
Speaker 1: often see the marriage I have with my wife today
Speaker 1: in our connection and relationship, and it comes from just
Speaker 1: having a long list of what not to do. And
Speaker 1: so I think often in life you could get an
Speaker 1: amazing experience, and when you get that, you should write
Speaker 1: down everything you should do, and sometimes you're going to
Speaker 1: get a really painful experience, and in that you should
Speaker 1: write down everything you should never do. And so so
Speaker 1: partly what I'm grateful to have today is a list
Speaker 1: of what not to do in a relationship. And I'm
Speaker 1: very grateful that I got those lessons and those messages
Speaker 1: because they allowed me to really be conscious about who
Speaker 1: I wanted to be, what I wanted to build, how
Speaker 1: I wanted to grow. And so that was very very
Speaker 1: early on in my life, and I really believe that today.
Speaker 1: The reason why I have the ability to listen to
Speaker 1: people and their pain, and why I feel empathetic and
Speaker 1: compassionate to pretty much all experiences is because I remember
Speaker 1: doing that for my parents. I remember listening to my
Speaker 1: mom for hours and hearing her challenges and recognizing that
Speaker 1: they were real. And I remember listening sitting to my
Speaker 1: dad for hours and recognizing his challenges and that they
Speaker 1: were real. And what it taught me was to look
Speaker 1: beyond the person and find context to how they became
Speaker 1: that way. And I think this is what we often
Speaker 1: don't think. We think, why are you that way? But
Speaker 1: we don't ask the question, how did you become that way?
Speaker 1: Or what happened to you that that's where you are today?
Speaker 1: And I think that's a better question. And I think
Speaker 1: when I started to look into the past of my parents,
Speaker 1: I started to notice so much more information and experiences
Speaker 1: and pain and stress that they'd been through that had
Speaker 1: made them that way, and so I felt very grateful
Speaker 1: to be loved by both of them, and to this
Speaker 1: day feel my mother's unconditional love in the most special way.
Speaker 1: But being there for both of them was a really
Speaker 1: interesting challenge growing up that it's why I do what
Speaker 1: I do for a living today, So I'm not mad
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 7: Well, Jay, we're so inspired by that context of how
Speaker 7: you've become such an incredible voice. Raddi, I wanted to
Speaker 7: ask you a question. You've dedicated so much of your
Speaker 7: life to helping others heal. What's a moment in your
Speaker 7: life where you've had to heal yourself.
Speaker 2: Question? I feel like I'm healing on a daily basis,
Speaker 2: But I'd say a place where I felt I needed
Speaker 2: the most amount of growth and noticed the most amount
Speaker 2: of growth was when me and Ja first got married.
Speaker 2: We moved to New York and it was the first
Speaker 2: time i'd really moved away from family, moved away from home,
Speaker 2: moved to a place where I pretty much knew nobody,
Speaker 2: and we were starting from scratch. And I grew up
Speaker 2: as the youngest child where most things were done for me.
Speaker 2: I was whether it was like me doing my homework late.
Speaker 2: My sister would stay up late and help me whether
Speaker 2: any part, any decision I would make, my mom would
Speaker 2: help me make it. You know, I really wasn't used
Speaker 2: to doing things for myself or by myself, and so
Speaker 2: when we moved to New York, I also had been
Speaker 2: studying for a long time, only to move with Jay
Speaker 2: to have a spouse visa where I couldn't work, And
Speaker 2: so I found myself in a weird position of just
Speaker 2: feeling lost and having to get to know myself in
Speaker 2: ways that I never had before. I was able to
Speaker 2: hide behind the work I did, or my family or
Speaker 2: the community I was part of, and all of that
Speaker 2: was kind of stripped away from me to only come
Speaker 2: to realize I absolutely did not know myself at all.
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to choose colors of things that
Speaker 2: I liked. I didn't know how to make decisions for myself.
Speaker 2: I didn't know whether I wanted something or didn't. And
Speaker 2: so it became this journey that of just starting to
Speaker 2: learn about who I actually was, Like I grew up
Speaker 2: just thinking I wanted what my family wanted or I
Speaker 2: liked what my sister liked. Because I didn't spend the
Speaker 2: time to really get to know what my wants or
Speaker 2: needs were. And so I spent a lot of my
Speaker 2: time in New York walking around, well one crying, crying
Speaker 2: down the streets, which seemed really normal in New York,
Speaker 2: no one seemed to care. And then having to do
Speaker 2: some seriously deep work of figuring out what is it
Speaker 2: that I like and dislike and want in my life.
Speaker 2: And so I'd say that took a lot of healing
Speaker 2: because I had to also unlearn things that I had
Speaker 2: I thought that I knew about myself based on other people,
Speaker 2: and I had to realize that those were all views
Speaker 2: from others and perceptions of others that I had to
Speaker 2: step away from because maybe I didn't want that narrative
Speaker 2: of myself and I wanted to create a new one.
Speaker 2: So yeah, they say that was probably the time I've
Speaker 2: had to heal the most.
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
Speaker 4: It's interesting too, because so we have an eldest child
Speaker 4: married to a younger child, so.
Speaker 3: You're making it work.
Speaker 4: And as I'm hearing your idea, I think that obviously
Speaker 4: all of our stories are so unique, but I do
Speaker 4: think that that what you just shared is so indicative
Speaker 4: to a lot of women as well, you know, kind
Speaker 4: of finding our voices, kind of finding what it is
Speaker 4: that our you know, aligning to our desires and honoring
Speaker 4: our desires.
Speaker 3: And so I think.
Speaker 4: That that was a beautiful share and I think that
Speaker 4: so many women in particular can find themselves within that story.
Speaker 2: No, I was just thinking about, you know, I think
Speaker 2: we go through this ebb and flow of being lost
Speaker 2: and found regularly. And I always used to think that
Speaker 2: you just once you figure out what you want to
Speaker 2: do or who you are, it's just an upward trajectory.
Speaker 2: But I've realized that you end up, you know, when
Speaker 2: you end up not realizing that being lost is part
Speaker 2: of life's journey. Like you are always going to feel
Speaker 2: a little bit lost as you go along life because
Speaker 2: experiences happened, things happen that you don't expect to. You
Speaker 2: realize that it's actually part of it. It's not an
Speaker 2: obscure thing that only you are going through. Because I
Speaker 2: feel like I've gone through moments of feeling really found
Speaker 2: and understood to only feel really lost again, and then
Speaker 2: I feel really in my purpose and in my power,
Speaker 2: and then I feel lost again. And so I think
Speaker 2: that ebb and flow is something that we have to
Speaker 2: realize is actually just part of it. I don't think
Speaker 2: it is. I don't think it's the exception. I think
Speaker 2: it is actually the rule of life, and it's part
Speaker 2: of post of it.
Speaker 3: Yes, I love that.
Speaker 4: I think also that's almost the progress as it relates
Speaker 4: to humanity in a way.
Speaker 3: I think we all we think that progress is linear,
Speaker 3: but it really is.
Speaker 4: It is more in the ebbs and flow and keeping
Speaker 4: hold to that, that vision and that the dream that's
Speaker 4: inside of you. So, okay, we know the challenges of
Speaker 4: working with.
Speaker 3: Your your partner.
Speaker 7: There's challenges.
Speaker 3: Really, you know, it's.
Speaker 2: Wonderful right now, It's so wonderful all the time, every day.
Speaker 4: How do you all navigate through through those challenges?
Speaker 1: How do we deal with working with each other?
Speaker 5: I notice very wisely questions.
Speaker 2: Let me see what she says. My perspective, I would say,
Speaker 2: you know, the good thing is we both have extremely
Speaker 2: different skill sets, like we are very different humans. And
Speaker 2: so what's great in that sense is Jay handles a
Speaker 2: lot of the things that I don't want to or
Speaker 2: don't have the skills too. I would say, like he's
Speaker 2: really good at the business side of things, and I
Speaker 2: really enjoy the creative side of things, and so especially
Speaker 2: for the main project we work on together is Junior,
Speaker 2: our tea company, and so he does a lot of
Speaker 2: the business management calls. Is that what you'd call it?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Like the finance stuff and what else would you call it?
Speaker 2: The strategic stuff? Yeah? And I really like doing the creative,
Speaker 2: working with the team to do events and building the brands,
Speaker 2: the flavors of yeah, the flavors, the intricacies behind what
Speaker 2: we actually put into the product. And so honestly we're
Speaker 2: not often on the same calls, and so we do
Speaker 2: work together, but I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've only ever the only thing we've
Speaker 1: ever done together work wise is our decompany Juni, and
Speaker 1: that was really exciting because that was something that we
Speaker 1: shared in common. We both wanted to drink drinks that
Speaker 1: didn't have sugar, so we wanted to build a zero
Speaker 1: gram sugar drink. We wanted something with low calories, so
Speaker 1: only as five calories. We wanted something that was filled
Speaker 1: with ashwagandha and rishi mushroom and all these things that
Speaker 1: we know we should be taking. And so that's why
Speaker 1: we focused on that. But the reason why it is
Speaker 1: easy to work on it together is because we founded
Speaker 1: the company many years into our marriage, and I think
Speaker 1: by then we have a good understanding of each other's
Speaker 1: strengths and weaknesses, and we have a lot of trust.
Speaker 1: So I know, if Radi's on a call about flavor profiles,
Speaker 1: I know she understands flavor profiles far better than I
Speaker 1: ever would. My palette is really basic. Right before I
Speaker 1: met her, I had no idea what any of these
Speaker 1: incredible herbs and plant extracts and adaptations are. And so
Speaker 1: her level of knowledge in that field is something I
Speaker 1: can trust. It's something I would back, It's something I
Speaker 1: feel very confident in, and thankfully she feels that way
Speaker 1: about me and my strength, and so I think that's
Speaker 1: why it works for us. I don't think I could.
Speaker 1: I think I'd find it hard if we had similar
Speaker 1: skill sets and we were constantly debating and figuring it out.
Speaker 1: I quite like the dividing conquers who works well well.
Speaker 7: We love your tea company, we love your t brand.
Speaker 2: Jay.
Speaker 7: In your international best selling book Eight Rules of Love,
Speaker 7: you talk about what it takes to nurture a relationship.
Speaker 7: Can you give us one or two of your top
Speaker 7: suggestions on how you can continuously strengthen bonds between couples.
Speaker 1: Should be asking all of you this, but I'll try
Speaker 1: my best. I'm sure there's a lot more wisdom on
Speaker 1: that side of the table, So I feel underqualified, but
Speaker 1: I would say one of my favorite ones is I
Speaker 1: have a chapter in the book called your partner is
Speaker 1: Your Guru. And what I mean by that is that
Speaker 1: not that they're an authoritative, judgmental, dictatorial individual, because that's
Speaker 1: not what a guru is. A guru is someone who's
Speaker 1: dedicated to your growth, who's committed to helping you find
Speaker 1: your path, and who's patient while you do it. That's
Speaker 1: actually what a guru is, especially in the Eastern traditions.
Speaker 1: And one of my favorite things about that is that
Speaker 1: your partner is really a mirror. And the challenge we
Speaker 1: have in relationships is that the right partner holds up
Speaker 1: the mirror in a non judgmental way, but we're so
Speaker 1: convinced that the mirror is broken because we don't like
Speaker 1: what we see that we reject them. So we reject
Speaker 1: the one person who actually has the ability to help
Speaker 1: us grow. And so RADI has been completely non judgmental
Speaker 1: empathetic and compassionate about my health journey. When I met RADI,
Speaker 1: I was addicted to sugar, I ate a lot of
Speaker 1: fried food, I was fairly unhealthy physically, and because I
Speaker 1: had a strong mind and meditated daily and felt like
Speaker 1: I'd got somewhere with that journey, I felt like my
Speaker 1: body almost didn't matter. I almost felt like it was
Speaker 1: a afterthought. And she didn't teach me by telling me
Speaker 1: I was wrong and that I was wasting time, that
Speaker 1: I was being lazy, and that I should work out more,
Speaker 1: because none of those things would have helped me, because
Speaker 1: my ego would have come to my defense and been
Speaker 1: a shield and pushed back, and I would have been
Speaker 1: affected by that, like I think we all are. Instead,
Speaker 1: she set the example. She's worked out every day i've
Speaker 1: known her. She's eaten a clean diet, she's always cooked
Speaker 1: healthy food. She encouraged me and educated me in the
Speaker 1: challenges of how I was living without making me feel
Speaker 1: bad about them. And she's been my gurup for my
Speaker 1: health and so to me, when your partners your guru,
Speaker 1: and you allow your partner to teach you in a
Speaker 1: non judgmental, non confrontational, non finger pointing way that is
Speaker 1: the person who can help you grow. There's no one
Speaker 1: on planet Earth who could make you a better human
Speaker 1: being than the person you spend the most time with.
Speaker 1: So that your partners, your guru is probably one of them.
Speaker 1: And I think you said a couple. I would add
Speaker 1: that the problem is we often want our partners to change,
Speaker 1: but what we don't have is the patience that it
Speaker 1: takes to watch them change. And we also want them
Speaker 1: to change into the people we want them to be,
Speaker 1: not the people that they want them to be. We
Speaker 1: see their potential and we say you must rise to this.
Speaker 1: We see the possibility and we say you must reach this.
Speaker 1: We see the result for them that we've projected, and
Speaker 1: we say, if you don't get to this, you've failed.
Speaker 1: And never have we asked them, who do you want
Speaker 1: to be? How do you want to live your life?
Speaker 1: What are you trying to accomplish? And it's really interesting
Speaker 1: to me that we believe, just because we want to
Speaker 1: invest in them, that that care is greater than their ambition.
Speaker 1: And I think we work so hard we want to
Speaker 1: be their savior. We want to be the person to
Speaker 1: solve all their problems. We want to be the person
Speaker 1: who fixes everything for them just to feel good about ourselves.
Speaker 1: We don't actually want them to be happy. We just
Speaker 1: want to be happy that we're doing something for them,
Speaker 1: and so we don't really give them the patience, the time,
Speaker 1: the energy to find who they are and move in
Speaker 1: that direction for themselves, because we want to feel like
Speaker 1: we're helping, we're fixing, We're I'm here to solve all
Speaker 1: your problems, and in that you try to be the
Speaker 1: person who saves them, but actually you push them away.
Speaker 1: So those would be my two biggest things that I
Speaker 1: think if we can, on the first time, learn to
Speaker 1: be a guru that's non judgmental, and on the second hand,
Speaker 1: learn to be patient and let people become who they
Speaker 1: want to be, not try to make them who we
Speaker 1: want them to be.
Speaker 5: I love that on a personal note because I'm going
Speaker 5: to own that, and I think a lot of guys
Speaker 5: who are husbands need to own that. Just being radically transparent,
Speaker 5: because you called it as it is, like it is
Speaker 5: this male desire to want to help, to want to protect,
Speaker 5: and so often it is that instead that patience that's
Speaker 5: sitting in it. And I love I love that phrase.
Speaker 5: I wrote that down like you know, the idea of
Speaker 5: supporting who they want to be, asking them you know
Speaker 5: who they want to be, and then supporting them with
Speaker 5: that patience on that journey, not wanting to help, not
Speaker 5: want to even though it comes from a good place,
Speaker 5: just giving the space. I just so many husbands out there,
Speaker 5: anyone who's listening, who wants to play that clip back
Speaker 5: on social media for someone in their life to sit with.
Speaker 5: I just want to cruise them to sit with that
Speaker 5: for a few minutes. I love the honesty of that advice.
Speaker 7: Well, and the partner is your guru is just so profound.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's changed my life. I didn't know all this
Speaker 1: before I got married. I think you figure it out
Speaker 1: when you are married, and then you start learning how
Speaker 1: much it has to teach you and how much better
Speaker 1: you have to become because you love someone. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the difference. The right person inspires you to
Speaker 1: want to become better, not want to make them better.
Speaker 1: Like you know, I think we're constantly worrying about oh God,
Speaker 1: they're not doing this, and they're not doing that, and
Speaker 1: they're not doing this, and the right person makes you
Speaker 1: look at yourself and go, well, I'm not doing that,
Speaker 1: So let me start there.
Speaker 5: Grab a refill on your coffee or tea because you
Speaker 5: won't want to miss the rest of this conversation. We'll
Speaker 5: be right back now back to my legacy with Jay
Speaker 5: Shetty and his wife Roddy.
Speaker 6: This is a very simple thing, but it's very important.
Speaker 6: I rarely get sick and I'm blessed and fortunate. But
Speaker 6: a lot of that, in my mind is because every day,
Speaker 6: not a day goes by that Andrea doesn't put out
Speaker 6: vitamins from me. Now, I would like to be.
Speaker 2: That's a simple thing.
Speaker 6: I'd love to be able to do that, and I
Speaker 6: will get there, but that constantly reinforces. You know, when
Speaker 6: your partner loves you so much that they are very
Speaker 6: concerned about your being healthy, being able to go out
Speaker 6: into the world as many of us have to do.
Speaker 6: So I want to ask you both, what simple thing
Speaker 6: does your partner do to show that they love you?
Speaker 2: Ah? My gosh, Jason, Well, Jason very expressive person, but
Speaker 2: it's not just the words that he uses like he
Speaker 2: is someone who will verbally check in and be like,
Speaker 2: what can I do to make you happier? Is there
Speaker 2: anyway I can help you? And he says that to
Speaker 2: me on a regular basis. So I think one part
Speaker 2: of it is being vocal about how you want to
Speaker 2: be there for your partner, which I actually wasn't very
Speaker 2: good at and I'm still getting better at to actually
Speaker 2: vocalize it. I've you know, in my mind, I'm I
Speaker 2: see myself more of an active service, which is how
Speaker 2: I've seen my parents be. So I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 2: but in my mind, I've cooked a meal and I've
Speaker 2: done this little thing. But sometimes you realize that actually
Speaker 2: having those vocal moments are really important and how much
Speaker 2: that makes a difference in a relationship. But then in action,
Speaker 2: it's like the little things of you know, even if
Speaker 2: he's just sat down, when I've sat down and I
Speaker 2: need something, he'll get back up, Like if I won't
Speaker 2: get back up, he'll get back up to get it
Speaker 2: from me. Or if I am paying, you still do it,
Speaker 2: and you know those little things where you just notice
Speaker 2: someone going out of their way for you, because not
Speaker 2: many people want to go out of their way for you.
Speaker 2: And then another one is whenever I'm having I'm quite
Speaker 2: an emotional person, and whenever he feels my energy is
Speaker 2: a little bit off He'll always no matter what he's
Speaker 2: got going on, he'll always make space and time to
Speaker 2: just check in and be like, do you need do
Speaker 2: you need help with anything? Can I sit with you?
Speaker 2: I can work through whether it's a work thing, whether
Speaker 2: it's a family thing. You know, he always creates the
Speaker 2: time and space, no matter how busy, to have those
Speaker 2: moments of connection if he feels like I really need it,
Speaker 2: and so, I mean I could probably go on, but
Speaker 2: I'll leave it that. There's are a couple of them.
Speaker 2: But yeah, there's so many different ways he expresses himself.
Speaker 1: Actually, Jay, Yeah, so many as well. I think for
Speaker 1: me the biggest one is I think when we first
Speaker 1: got married and we moved to New York and then
Speaker 1: we were kind of there for a couple of years,
Speaker 1: the moving to LA and we've just been through so
Speaker 1: much change and change that wasn't anticipated or expected, so
Speaker 1: changed that we both had planned to live our whole
Speaker 1: lives fifteen minutes from our local temple in England and
Speaker 1: five minutes away from Radi's parents' home. And actually that
Speaker 1: was one of her requirements for us getting married, was
Speaker 1: that she could be a one mile radius away from
Speaker 1: her parents' home. And I'd committed to that, and I
Speaker 1: genuinely had committed to that. It was something that I
Speaker 1: thought was very real. All of our friends are in
Speaker 1: that area, families in that area. It made sense. And
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, my career took a turn
Speaker 1: in twenty sixteen when this part of my life started
Speaker 1: to grow, and it's continued to for the nine years, thankfully.
Speaker 1: And if I'm completely honest, that was completely not part
Speaker 1: of the plan, not my plan, not her plan, not
Speaker 1: our plan. But it was what I couldn't even have
Speaker 1: dream And not once in the last nine years has
Speaker 1: Radi ever said to me, look what I gave up
Speaker 1: for you. And oh god, I could cry saying this,
Speaker 1: but it's one of those things. It's like I know
Speaker 1: how much her parents mean to her, now much her
Speaker 1: family friends mean to her. I know how much London
Speaker 1: means to her, and for her to move away, for
Speaker 1: her to give that up when we didn't have clarity,
Speaker 1: like you know, we're very fortunate today to have a
Speaker 1: wonderful life, but getting here wasn't easy. I was away
Speaker 1: a lot, I traveled a lot for work, I was
Speaker 1: building things, moving around, And never once did she say
Speaker 1: I gave this all up for you, you're never around
Speaker 1: you work too hard. And I think that kind of
Speaker 1: trust without nagging, without making someone feel bad when I
Speaker 1: was already carrying the burden of it myself. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the feeling that makes you feel loved where
Speaker 1: you're like, I was already feeling that way myself. So
Speaker 1: if she would have said it to me, it probably
Speaker 1: would have broken me. But the fact that she didn't
Speaker 1: feel that she had to say it to me makes
Speaker 1: me feel loved. So not blaming, not shaming, not pushing,
Speaker 1: not prodding is is. It feels like a small thing,
Speaker 1: but actually it's huge. And even at the most difficult
Speaker 1: times in our life, whether we were financially struggling, you know,
Speaker 1: struggling with moving, changing, whatever things were going on in
Speaker 1: our life, every time i'd update her on what would happen,
Speaker 1: she'd always say, I trust you. And hearing your partner
Speaker 1: say that when you don't even know what's going to
Speaker 1: happen next is the greatest sign of love. And so
Speaker 1: and and you know, she radly decided to date me
Speaker 1: and commit to a relationship with me when I had
Speaker 1: nothing to offer about myself. And so that's a pretty
Speaker 1: big thing. She could have married anyone she wanted to marry,
Speaker 1: and so her decision to be with someone who didn't
Speaker 1: have a even a secure job when we first started dating,
Speaker 1: and you know, someone who'd been in the monastery for
Speaker 1: three years and didn't have any sort of savings or
Speaker 1: any sort of plan, I think it shows her character
Speaker 1: and her ability to you know, go beyond material things.
Speaker 1: And the more recent one, I mean, I could go
Speaker 1: on as well.
Speaker 2: I think the more recently shed I need to get one.
Speaker 1: Radi's never let me define my self worth based on
Speaker 1: my success. So when I first started to experience success,
Speaker 1: Raddi didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to,
Speaker 1: and I would want. Look, I'd wanted my wife to
Speaker 1: be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
Speaker 1: she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
Speaker 1: if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was,
Speaker 1: So if it came to my character, that's what she
Speaker 1: was backing. She wasn't backing me because of my career,
Speaker 1: and that took me. That helped me detach from valuing
Speaker 1: myself based on the success of my career because I
Speaker 1: think that's what I would have done and what I
Speaker 1: would have wanted if she had fallen in that way.
Speaker 1: And so her lack of validation for my career was
Speaker 1: the greatest validation for my career.
Speaker 5: I'm not.
Speaker 3: Great, but I mean, I think.
Speaker 1: It's a cute say. And again going back to the
Speaker 1: men point, I think a lot of men like we
Speaker 1: want our partners to be like front row. We want
Speaker 1: them to be the cheerleader, like we've we've got that culture.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that my wife isn't my cheerleader
Speaker 1: and that, but I'm saying, your wife's cheerleading your character,
Speaker 1: not your career. That's better because the career is up
Speaker 1: and down, Like the career is going to do whatever
Speaker 1: it's going to do, But your characters who you are,
Speaker 1: Like what do you want to be loved for? Do
Speaker 1: you want to be loved for the amount of followers
Speaker 1: you have? Or do you want to be loved for
Speaker 1: who you are and how you show up and what
Speaker 1: she believes you represent? Then, and so I think it's
Speaker 1: genuinely been laughing about it, and it kind of have
Speaker 1: funny connotations, but I want to clarify, Like the point
Speaker 1: is I think we all want to be loved for
Speaker 1: who we are and not loved for what we achieve.
Speaker 2: I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 7: That's guys, are hilarious.
Speaker 2: I love this.
Speaker 5: I love that your your voice was cracking, like they.
Speaker 3: Stop stopping.
Speaker 5: I can see like's eyes starting welling out the two
Speaker 5: of you.
Speaker 2: It's awesome.
Speaker 4: They're a great lesson in the languages of love and
Speaker 4: acknowledging that that you know that we all love different ways,
Speaker 4: and we receive love differently. And the ongoing challenge is
Speaker 4: to find the love language of your partners, or your
Speaker 4: or your children or your work, you know, because and
Speaker 4: what I keep hearing is that you all, you all
Speaker 4: do that you all kind of ask of what language
Speaker 4: does Roddy speak and show love? Or what language does
Speaker 4: Jay speak? And then how can I show them love
Speaker 4: in my language?
Speaker 3: And I just think that's such a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Speaker 4: And we're just getting started with Jay and Roddy. Jay
Speaker 4: and Roddy's journey isn't just about love. It's about becoming
Speaker 4: the best version of yourself. Next week we shift from
Speaker 4: love to life's greatest lessons what they do for their
Speaker 4: own mental health. Wellness and the unexpected daily habits that
Speaker 4: keep them grounded. If you think part one was insightful,
Speaker 4: just wait until you hear part two. Trust me, you
Speaker 4: want to miss it. Join us next week for Part
Speaker 4: two of My Legacy. Thank you for joining us. We
Speaker 4: are so grateful to have you as part of this journey.
Speaker 4: If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe and share the podcast
Speaker 4: with friends, family, and loved one, and follow us on
Speaker 4: social media at my Legacy Movement. At the heart of
Speaker 4: this podcast is doctor King's vision of the beloved community
Speaker 4: and the power of connection. This podcast is a testament
Speaker 4: to that vision and the product of collective effort, enriched by.
Speaker 3: The voices, stories, and support of so many.
Speaker 4: A Legacy Plus studio production distributed by iHeartMedia creative and
Speaker 4: executive producer Suzanne Hayward co executive producer Lisa Lyle. My
Speaker 4: Legacy podcast is available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever
Speaker 4: you get your podcasts. Until next time, may you find
Speaker 4: connection and inspiration to live your most fulfilled life.