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Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you're listening to the velvets

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast. This week, my guest is Reverend Becka Stevens.

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Speaker 1: She is an author, speaker, Episcopal priest, social entrepreneur, and

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Speaker 1: founder and president of Thistle Farms in Nashville. She's most

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Speaker 1: notable for founding Magdalen In which is now called Thistle Farms,

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Speaker 1: to heal, empower, and employ female survivors of human trafficking, prostitution,

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Speaker 1: and addiction. We talked about everything that goes into healing

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Speaker 1: and growth of the women that come to Thistle Farms,

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Speaker 1: how it works, and the products they've become most known for.

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Speaker 1: The most interesting part for me was learning about Reverend

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Speaker 1: stevens own past with sexual abuse and how starting Thistle Farms,

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Speaker 1: a place where love heals, has in turn helped her

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Speaker 1: heal on her own journey. Here's Becca Stevens. Okay, So,

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Speaker 1: Thistle Farms is a community of women healing from prostitution, trafficking,

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Speaker 1: and addiction. I keep hearing about trafficking specifically being so

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Speaker 1: so much bigger than we even know about, especially in Nashville.

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Speaker 1: Is that true? Yeah, Well, it's not just especially in Nashville.

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Speaker 1: It's just especially in the world. It's a global issue

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Speaker 1: and people are just really wrapping their hands around it

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Speaker 1: and their minds around it and the resources around it.

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Speaker 1: You know, we're just getting started on really understanding the

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Speaker 1: depth and breadth of it. But the State Department report

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Speaker 1: says that um the United States is one of the

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Speaker 1: three top countries in the world, along with Mexico and

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Speaker 1: the Philippines. And you know, human trafficking is linked to

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Speaker 1: foster care system, to undocumented young women, It's linked to

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Speaker 1: runaways and the prison system, early childhood abuse. There's so

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Speaker 1: it's like a it's a broader category I think than

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Speaker 1: anybody first realized about really just the most vulnerable young

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Speaker 1: women in our world who get exploited. So when you

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Speaker 1: first started this whole company, it was Magdalene, right, which

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Speaker 1: was the place where women could come and just stay

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Speaker 1: for two years. So it started as a residential community

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Speaker 1: back in n for just five women. That's how we started,

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Speaker 1: and we grew the residential piece for about four years

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Speaker 1: and then it was you know, it was just it

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Speaker 1: dawned on me. It's like, we talked about loving women,

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Speaker 1: but if we're really loving women, we have to be

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Speaker 1: concerned about their economic well being. So that's when we

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Speaker 1: started the social Justice Enterprise and started making bath and

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Speaker 1: body care products and just building a company. And Forbes

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Speaker 1: magazine says, the reason we are successful is where a

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Speaker 1: mission with a company, not a company that found a mission.

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Speaker 1: So it starts with the mission, starts with the women,

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Speaker 1: It starts with housing. That's the mission, and out of

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Speaker 1: that arose this whole enterprise. So when they come for

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Speaker 1: the housing, though it's also medical care, there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of other parts of that too, right, yeah, because I

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Speaker 1: mean that's of course a huge part of it. Is

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Speaker 1: like people come come in, um, traumatized, but also with

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Speaker 1: broke and bodies and broken teeth and mental illnesses that

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Speaker 1: haven't been treated, or mental health issues that hadn't been treated,

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Speaker 1: and they come in with huge debts and you know, records,

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Speaker 1: and so once you are housing folks, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: then you start looking at all those other issues that

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Speaker 1: go along with why they don't have a house. So

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Speaker 1: then when they start to do the jobs, like other

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Speaker 1: than earning a paycheck, what do you see that that

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Speaker 1: develops for them? Well, you know, we like doing stuff

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Speaker 1: in groups, women do. We like doing stuff in groups.

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Speaker 1: So there's stories that are shared. There's getting to know

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Speaker 1: each other's children and celebrating birthdays and working through really

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Speaker 1: hard times. I mean, people bring their good days and

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Speaker 1: bad days to work and so you're really it's it's UM.

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Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes I think working in circles with women

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Speaker 1: is like free therapy, you know. I mean it's not

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Speaker 1: like you're going to pay a counselor, but I'm going

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Speaker 1: to talk through everything that's driving me crazy about my

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Speaker 1: relationship that I'm in outside of work, or what's happening

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Speaker 1: with this um justice system that feels completely unjust, and

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Speaker 1: tell my story and here's somebody else's stories and gain wisdom.

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Speaker 1: So all of that happens. In addition, it's UM. You know,

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Speaker 1: we're able to match savings programs for women, so it

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Speaker 1: translates into being able to get cars, being able to

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Speaker 1: get apartments, being able to make restitution with the courts

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Speaker 1: so you can see your children again, whatever the issues are.

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Speaker 1: You know. UM, this workplace is a great place to,

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Speaker 1: like you said, not only earn a paycheck and get

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Speaker 1: some actual job skills, but it's a place to do

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Speaker 1: a lot of healing. What kind of jobs are they doing?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know, you guys, y'all started with was

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Speaker 1: it a body lotion type products? Body bomb? Body bomb? Okay?

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Speaker 1: And then now le's talk about what you guys have

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Speaker 1: developed into because you have so much going on, so,

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Speaker 1: you know, the whole thing has grown very organically. People

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Speaker 1: ought of. You know what say is like, you buy

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Speaker 1: your soap somewhere, and this is probably the most important

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Speaker 1: soap in America. So don't buy your soap anywhere else.

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Speaker 1: Buy your soap from us. It's high quality, it's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It's been recognized by all kinds of people. But we

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Speaker 1: started making soaps, and then we started UM making UM accessories.

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Speaker 1: We have beautiful shirts, and then we have global partners,

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Speaker 1: so we partner with right about thirty right now, thirty

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Speaker 1: global partners hiring women. We've started i think six UM

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Speaker 1: not for profits helping women gather whether they're in Greece

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Speaker 1: or Mexico or Ecuador, um, you know, all over trying

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Speaker 1: to help folks get started and have this economic independence

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Speaker 1: so women can have agency and help heal their communities.

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Speaker 1: But the enterprise has um grown from you know, selling

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Speaker 1: candles to a few friend of ours and some body

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Speaker 1: bombs to being you know, in hundreds and hundreds of

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Speaker 1: stores and doing millions of dollars the internet. So it's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful, beautiful community community effort. Millions of dollars dollars

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Speaker 1: on the internet. I mean it's a huge deal. I

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Speaker 1: know that's amazing. I don't know how much we've sold

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Speaker 1: a lot are but ore, but I mean it's it's

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Speaker 1: we sell about four million UM dollars worth of products

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Speaker 1: a year. Wow. So in addition, so the women the

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Speaker 1: jobs they do there, the six different departments are run

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Speaker 1: by women who are survivor leaders, their graduates and they

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Speaker 1: go on. They see this as their passion, their ministry,

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Speaker 1: their skill set, their trauma informed they can help the

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Speaker 1: next group. So six of the whatever ten twelve departments

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Speaker 1: are run by survivors. And then there's managers. I mean

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Speaker 1: there's people on the residential side that do a lot

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Speaker 1: of work. There's people who work in the cafe, there's

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Speaker 1: people who work on the global team and the national network.

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Speaker 1: If you walked across the street today there's a education conference,

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Speaker 1: so there's fifty there's about fifty people sitting there from

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Speaker 1: I think seventeen states today. Prosecutors, people who are wanting

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Speaker 1: to start not for profits people who want to do

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Speaker 1: social enterprise, so we just do education, training and learning.

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Speaker 1: That whole thing is run by women survivors, so they

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Speaker 1: do all kinds of stuff. It's fun and what a

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Speaker 1: great way to figure out another skill set too, like

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Speaker 1: where they really thrive and there's so many different options.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing. I was reading on your website it says

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Speaker 1: Thistle Farms is a community of survivors that believe love heals.

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Speaker 1: So what does the world look like? We're love heals? Um?

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Speaker 1: You know we that is our mantra, love heals, and

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Speaker 1: it seems like it's just been distilled. That's the essence

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Speaker 1: of who we are. You know, you think of all

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Speaker 1: the words and all the way you can dress it up,

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Speaker 1: but when you just start thinking and repeating at love heals,

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Speaker 1: love heals. What I take that to mean for us

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Speaker 1: has been that we are a consistent place, you know,

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Speaker 1: loving people consistently, meaning every day twenty three years. You know,

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Speaker 1: we've shown up and people know, no matter what happens

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Speaker 1: in their life, for the women that we serve, if

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Speaker 1: they come back through here, we'll be here. Um. It

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Speaker 1: means that when you love, when love heals, it's very practical.

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Speaker 1: In other words, we are we are worried, and we

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Speaker 1: want to be very conscious that we're um loving you

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Speaker 1: practically not it's not some lofty theology that you can't understand.

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Speaker 1: It's like, we can help you get a house, we

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Speaker 1: can help you get your health back, we can help

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Speaker 1: you find peace, and we can generate that and just

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Speaker 1: doing it in a really practical, beautiful ways. You know,

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Speaker 1: we have practices every day where we light a candle

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Speaker 1: for the woman on the street, the woman trying to

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Speaker 1: find our way home. We do these rituals that are

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Speaker 1: very simple, but again they translate into really um practical

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Speaker 1: ways that people can feel it. And then I think

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Speaker 1: also the way I think we are doing it is specifically.

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Speaker 1: So it's not like, oh, we love the world and

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to be this grand thing that nobody feels,

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Speaker 1: but it's like, we love individual women. We will love

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Speaker 1: you till you can love yourself again and support you.

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Speaker 1: So it's and my mom, what that means for anybody

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Speaker 1: that wants to take this back into their lives. It

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Speaker 1: means we're consistent, we're practical, and we're specific. That's how

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Speaker 1: That's how I've distilled it at least so when these

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Speaker 1: women are coming in, I mean it's women who have

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Speaker 1: been through abuse, they've been taken advantage of. Do you

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Speaker 1: love is healing? How do you teach someone who's maybe

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Speaker 1: never even felt love that love is going to heal them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know that's a great question. And I have this

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Speaker 1: memory of being in Memphis, Tennessee. We do these gatherings

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Speaker 1: for people to help teach them all this stuff, and

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Speaker 1: we have we show sell our products, and we talk

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Speaker 1: about the residential model and how our whole world could

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Speaker 1: be treating women better and remember that they were victims

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Speaker 1: before they were criminals. We do all of that, and

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Speaker 1: so you know, the women that we serve on average

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Speaker 1: or first rate between the ages of seven and eleven

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Speaker 1: and first hit the streets between fourteen and sixteen years old.

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Speaker 1: There was a young woman at that event in Memphis,

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Speaker 1: and she was part of a just a very beginning

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Speaker 1: of a residential community. And her story, all the stories

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Speaker 1: of her refic hers, included being kidnapped um and in

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Speaker 1: the trunk of a car. She was taken all the

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Speaker 1: way to Texas where she stayed about eighteen months. She

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Speaker 1: was really young. After the event, she comes up to me,

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Speaker 1: and she just whispers in my ear and she goes, now,

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Speaker 1: tell me what love means again? Right, like, what in

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Speaker 1: the hell are you talking about? How would she even know?

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Speaker 1: And it was beautiful because I think all of us

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Speaker 1: it was. It was good for me. But I think

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Speaker 1: the lesson I learned in it that's good for everybody

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Speaker 1: is to remember what does it mean again to love?

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Speaker 1: What does it mean for you to love? What does

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Speaker 1: it mean for me to love, to love myself, to

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Speaker 1: love you, to love this world? And I don't think

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Speaker 1: it always means the same thing. I think it looks differently,

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Speaker 1: you know, a different times in my life. It's looked differently.

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Speaker 1: How I love my husband, how I love my children,

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Speaker 1: how I love the community I serve, you know, those

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Speaker 1: are all really different loves. But the consistent part to

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Speaker 1: me is it's my best expression of what I hope

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Speaker 1: for people. It's my best expression of what I want

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Speaker 1: to be for people and what I want to be

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Speaker 1: for myself. So it's this idealic but not pollyannic thing

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Speaker 1: that I practice. And so that's what I think I think.

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Speaker 1: I told her, I said, I think it's something we practice.

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Speaker 1: I think that's what love is. It's something that you know,

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Speaker 1: you just try your best to do and you don't

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Speaker 1: get it right, and you try again, and you try again.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's so interesting about you is like

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Speaker 1: I was reading a lot just prepping for this podcast

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Speaker 1: and conversation, and I appreciate that some people don't. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I know I always do. I'm too paranoid and to um,

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Speaker 1: but you definitely I could sit here and be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she has such a passion for helping and you just

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Speaker 1: have such a big heart, and you know, I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of us could look at it that way

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Speaker 1: because of what you've started with this. But what to

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Speaker 1: me was so cool was to read about how this

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Speaker 1: has actually helped you through your own trauma and your

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Speaker 1: own discovery of you know, even remembering what happened to

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Speaker 1: you and just going through your own journey with that.

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Speaker 1: So can you talk through a little bit about your

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Speaker 1: story and how you kind of came to realize that

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Speaker 1: you were drawn to helping these women for a certain reason.

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Speaker 1: So the you know, the story that I share with

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Speaker 1: so many of the women is all rooted in childhood trauma,

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Speaker 1: and that's my part. I was saying that it's not

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Speaker 1: just me realizing that it's like a whole country or

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Speaker 1: a whole world waking up to what's happening to women

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Speaker 1: and how it's rooted and um, early early stuff. So

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Speaker 1: mine was my dad was killed by drunk driver when

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Speaker 1: I was five, and he was an episcopal priest and

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Speaker 1: my mom was widowed with five kids at thirty five.

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Speaker 1: They just moved to Tennessee. And then the guy that

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Speaker 1: was supposed to be helping our family, he was one

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Speaker 1: of the elders in the church, stepped in and just

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Speaker 1: began abusing me. And it happened for years. It was

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Speaker 1: sexual abuse. The first my first memory of it is

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Speaker 1: in the fellowship hall of the church where people were

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Speaker 1: having a gathering and he took me upstairs. But it

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Speaker 1: was awful and it went on for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and um, you know, it's confusing. It makes you angry,

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Speaker 1: it makes you disassociate, it makes you, um, scared and anxious.

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Speaker 1: All of those things happened and I went through all

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Speaker 1: of that. But the other thing that I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: what it did is it left me with this huge

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Speaker 1: compassionate heart for women on the streets. And it left

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Speaker 1: me pretty courrageous, like what is he am gonna do

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Speaker 1: to me? Like I've been through it, Like what are

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Speaker 1: you gonna do nothing? You know? And so in a

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Speaker 1: weird way, I think those um, you know, kind of

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Speaker 1: hard experiences I wouldn't wish on anybody. We're had some

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Speaker 1: gifts in them, you know, And and I'm I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: that I've learned how to have that kind of compassion

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Speaker 1: and be able to love people really without judgment, saying

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Speaker 1: like there's a story. I'm sure there's a story, and

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Speaker 1: I'm willing to hear the story, and I'm willing to

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Speaker 1: just um, you know, try to get the resources for

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Speaker 1: you so you can be the hero of your story too.

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Speaker 1: May I didn't want anybody else to be the hero

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Speaker 1: of my story, and I don't want that for any

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Speaker 1: other woman who's gone through that. So what I love

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Speaker 1: about our community and love about this work is that

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Speaker 1: we're not the hero. We are a great host, and

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Speaker 1: we do host the circle, and like you said, we

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Speaker 1: do say love heels all the daggum time, but we

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Speaker 1: provide the time and the space and the resources, and

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Speaker 1: these heroic women come through and show, you know, there

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Speaker 1: courage and their resiliency in there. Um, just beautiful strength.

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Speaker 1: Didn't you say that you didn't even really realize why

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Speaker 1: you were drawn to this until your son, your oldest son,

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Speaker 1: was the age that you were once the abuse started.

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Speaker 1: It was about that. It was all it all came together.

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Speaker 1: I mean, really, this whole program started about the same

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Speaker 1: time my son, Levi Hummand, who is a musician in

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Speaker 1: town like his dad and my husband, Um, when he

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Speaker 1: was about my age. That's when this program just took off.

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Speaker 1: Because I think I was in that panic space of like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, when kids are five years old, their

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Speaker 1: whole world falls apart, which isn't true, but that's what

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Speaker 1: it sounded like. It was like, that's when my world

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Speaker 1: fell apart. And we I had been doing a feeding

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Speaker 1: program for folks, and Levi was with me. I was

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Speaker 1: pregnant with my second child. My husband had a record

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Speaker 1: deal with Columbia Records, so he was on the road

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Speaker 1: and we went downtown and we were doing the feeding

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Speaker 1: program and it was out in front of this um

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Speaker 1: old strip club called the Classic, and there was a

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Speaker 1: huge poster of this woman, excuse me, dressed in a

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Speaker 1: cat's suit. And I was trying to get him in

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Speaker 1: the car seat, and he was arching his back and

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Speaker 1: he was looking up and I realized he's like staring

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Speaker 1: at this poster of this woman that's really just in

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Speaker 1: a memory of a cat suit. It's just weird. And

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Speaker 1: he goes, Mama, why is that lady smiling? And the

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Speaker 1: question broke my heart because it was like so beautifully

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Speaker 1: innocent in the thoughts. Someday he is not going to

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Speaker 1: ask that he's going to grow up in Nashville, Tennessee,

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Speaker 1: and that's gonna seem completely normal to him, that we

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Speaker 1: buy and sell women for less than pets, that we

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Speaker 1: dress him up in ridiculous outfits and want them to

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Speaker 1: smile through the whole thing. It's just gonna look normal

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Speaker 1: to him. And so that's when it was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you know what, enough of this. I'm starting this program.

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Speaker 1: And that's when I started hearing all the stories really

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Speaker 1: in depth and going, oh my gosh, that's my story.

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Speaker 1: So it's like it's beautiful when when it all kind

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Speaker 1: of comes together and the little children shall need you. Right,

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Speaker 1: So you weren't even I mean, had you pushed it

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Speaker 1: down like I mean, I knew it had happened. I

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Speaker 1: didn't realize that I knew it had happened. I'd already

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Speaker 1: confronted the guy. Okay, yeah, because I mean I remember

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Speaker 1: when I went to confront him, and his whole thing

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Speaker 1: was who have you told? And what have you done?

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Speaker 1: And all this stuff. He was really crazy. But I

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Speaker 1: loved your response to that though, when you're like, I've

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Speaker 1: told anybody, it's not my secret. My secret, but the thing,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it was all about that same time. It's

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Speaker 1: all so long ago now it's hard to remember, but

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Speaker 1: what I do remember is that I didn't really realize

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Speaker 1: that that was the story of the women, like the

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Speaker 1: women we were putting in prison and the women we

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Speaker 1: were prostituting had those same roots as I did. That

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Speaker 1: was a part that was like, oh my gosh, I

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Speaker 1: got I had so much gratitude that my life didn't

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Speaker 1: go that way and it totally could have. So I

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Speaker 1: was really like, it was easy. It's been easy to

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Speaker 1: do this work because I'm so grateful for so much.

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Speaker 1: I'm so grateful. I was telling you before we started that, um,

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Speaker 1: I initially found you on Instagram and you had put

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Speaker 1: this post up about triggers and that I associate what

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Speaker 1: happened like when your son saw the cat all of

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Speaker 1: that stuff. It's kind of like a trigger. But I

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Speaker 1: loved your mentality on it, because you know, I've everyone's

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Speaker 1: had their trauma. Probably at this point, I've had my own.

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Speaker 1: I've done all my therapy. But I hear the word

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Speaker 1: trigger over and over and I use it too, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, I'm just triggered. But you said, actually,

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Speaker 1: I want to read what you shared. But you said,

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Speaker 1: I wish we could use this word when we talk

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Speaker 1: about trauma. It feels I wish we would use that word. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we could find another word. Maybe it's what

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Speaker 1: you said. Maybe I wrote it down wrong. It feels

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Speaker 1: too violent and scary. Instead of something outside of my

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Speaker 1: control being a trigger, I would like to test the

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Speaker 1: word uncover. Something happens that uncovers something in me, that awake.

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Speaker 1: That something awakens something I already knew deep down, and

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Speaker 1: this something has allowed me to see what was lurking

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Speaker 1: in the shadow part of me. This uncovering gives me

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Speaker 1: the opportunity to see it. It has been uncovered for me.

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Speaker 1: I can now choose to put it aside for a bit.

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Speaker 1: I can choose to let it overtake me and ruin

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Speaker 1: my next path of life, where I could choose to

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Speaker 1: look at it straight on and see see it with

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Speaker 1: all its fears, untruths and destabilizing qualities that I carry

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Speaker 1: like precious pearls. When I am in a space where

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Speaker 1: this uncovering can be transforming, I can free myself of

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Speaker 1: the next tiny particle of that which forms the massive trauma.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if uncover is the right word about,

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00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 1: like thinking about a word that feels more like moving

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Speaker 1: forward instead of keeping me stuck in the old muck.

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Speaker 1: If I'm triggered, I just panic and shoot. If I'm uncovering,

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Speaker 1: I am healing that stuff that has been there since

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00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,919
Speaker 1: memories started to form. I loved that that to me

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Speaker 1: because that that is the point of a trigger right

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Speaker 1: at your body telling you something like something's not healed,

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Speaker 1: or as you're getting to another layer of something that

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Speaker 1: has wounded you. But often, like I personally look at it,

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Speaker 1: I go, I'm triggered and I'm freaking out and I'm reacting,

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Speaker 1: But then I don't do anything with it. And I

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Speaker 1: think for a lot of folks who have gone through

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Speaker 1: especially again, you know, early sexual trauma. It's not fight

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Speaker 1: or flight. It is frozen. You're just frozen. And so

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Speaker 1: when something triggers me. The truth is I get frozen

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Speaker 1: sometimes still and I think this is awful, like and

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Speaker 1: I'll be in and like be it somewhere and something

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00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 1: happens and I can feel like I'm fixing a start crying,

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00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 1: which appears to be for no reason. Right, we can

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00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: make you feel crazy. It makes you feel crazy, And

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Speaker 1: that's why it's like, Okay, why don't I use this

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Speaker 1: as a gift? Why can't I do that? Why can't

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00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: I just say okay, what is what is? What is that?

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Speaker 1: And not be like it's triggering me? So I'm freaked out.

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Speaker 1: Why can't I go like what's happening? You know why? Why?

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Speaker 1: I'm big enough, I'm old enough, and I can. I

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00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 1: can manage this and it is a beautiful uncovering. And

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00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 1: I can tell people it's like this is what you

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00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: have uncovered in you know? That sounds so much better

388
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: than you triggered me. That's not so aggressive. And the

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00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 1: end of thing that I think I've learned through all

390
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 1: of it that I would like to share with everybody

391
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,159
Speaker 1: is that anybody that's gone through this stuff. They do

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00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 1: not have to ever get over it. I love that

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Speaker 1: I'm never gonna get over it, like I think I

394
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 1: used to think, when this happens, I'll be you know,

395
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 1: I'll get over it. I'll get over it, right over it.

396
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,360
Speaker 1: And you can use it for the good. You can

397
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 1: go deeper than it, you can um you know, put

398
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 1: it in a safe place. You can do all this

399
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,719
Speaker 1: stuff with it. But you don't get over it. And

400
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: once I think I realized that I'm kind of free,

401
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: like this is me and it's not my story, but

402
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: it's a chapter in my story. And if I tried

403
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,119
Speaker 1: to just rip that chapter out of the book, the

404
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 1: story wouldn't make any sense. You wouldn't understand my story,

405
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 1: never would be where you are though, probably either or

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Speaker 1: any of us. And so I mean that's what I

407
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: hope is like people who are in recovery from whatever

408
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: trauma is going on, that they it's like, take the

409
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: pressure off yourself, don't worry about getting over it. I

410
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: just think this is an amazingly hard and sweet, tender chapter.

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00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 1: M and there's a lot more to write. Has Being

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00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: around these women and watching them heal helps you to

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Speaker 1: kind of be gentle with yourself as you heal through

414
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: your own trauma. For sure. Yeah, would you imagine that

415
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: I can't? I mean yes, yeah, absolutely, because it's like, um,

416
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 1: and they say the women that I sit with, you know,

417
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: and half set with for years, they say that too,

418
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 1: that being around other women, it's like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: if you know she can get this and she can

420
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: do this, I can do. Like everybody's encouraging each other.

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00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: That's part of the joy of community. And don't you

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00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: think that hearing that other people have gone through similar

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00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: things For me, that's been a healing thing to know

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00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: I'm not the only one. I think that takes so

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00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,479
Speaker 1: much power away from all of it. And it doesn't

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Speaker 1: diminish it either. No, absolutely not. I think I used

427
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: to when I was really young, I would hate I

428
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 1: would almost think it was whining if people talked about

429
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 1: their stuff. It's like, oh my gosh, why are you whining?

430
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: And then I realized it was because I never shared

431
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,239
Speaker 1: the story or told it, and so I didn't think

432
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: anybody else had permission to. And once I was like,

433
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: everybody gets the right to tell their story. Everybody has

434
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 1: a right to find community to share it in and

435
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: then it. It's just like I can hear your trauma.

436
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: I can hear the story. I can hear I can

437
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 1: hear it, and I don't have to have a reaction

438
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: except love. I don't have to be like that's worse

439
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: than mine, that's better than mine, that's you know, um,

440
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have to judge it. Yeah, so

441
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: I can. I can. I mean I can sit through

442
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 1: the Kavanaugh hearings and listen to a woman's story and

443
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 1: just absolutely listen to it and to think, you know,

444
00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: those stories go uh you knows, you know, the Epps

445
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 1: same thing is the big thing right now and two

446
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 1: of the people they're saying that new Epstein well or

447
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: Clinton and Trump and you I can listen to those

448
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: things and think absolutely it's it's not a one one

449
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 1: side political issue. It's just the abuse of power, and

450
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,719
Speaker 1: our job in it is to continually, um hold people accountable,

451
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 1: but also really hold the survivors up and just not

452
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: let them be back in the shadows and not hear

453
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: those stories. You know, I'm much more interested in those

454
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: stories than any excuses or spins that Trump and Clinton

455
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: want to put on it. Mm hmm. I've been um

456
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: reading your Actually, I've been listening to your latest books.

457
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been talking to you for a

458
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 1: couple of days. It's called Love Heells, and you talk

459
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,959
Speaker 1: a lot about the different daily routines that you do

460
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: to kind of ground yourself and find your peace. How

461
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: did you figure out what your process was or what

462
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: was gonna work for you every day? You know? I

463
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,360
Speaker 1: think those are functions of your time and energy. How

464
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: many kids you have, are you alone in the house,

465
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: are you piled on with kids? Are you working nights

466
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 1: or day shifts? So I think it's really different for everybody.

467
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 1: But if what you're doing to practice um peace is stressful,

468
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: don't do it. I've never thought about that. Don't do it,

469
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, my gosh, if it's

470
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: not working for you to get up an hour early

471
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: and go to yoga so you can be peaceful and

472
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 1: then grumpy all day, then that would not be your thing.

473
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: But I think you find those things that bring you

474
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: that piece. I mean, I feel very strongly about this

475
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: because it's like if somebody tell me, Okay, here is

476
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 1: the eight steps to making love to your husband, that

477
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 1: would gross me out so bad. It would be like

478
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:52,239
Speaker 1: the number one turn off life. It just grows. And

479
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: that's how I feel about. Like if somebody saying, Okay,

480
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: what are the four things I need to do to

481
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 1: practice peace on a daily basis? You know, it's like

482
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 1: I would never presume to imagine what brings you peace,

483
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: but I would love to imagine with you when you say, like, um, anything,

484
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 1: uh paint my toe nails in the morning, and I'm

485
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: just I remember my youth and I feel happy and

486
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: joyfuls like, Okay, Well that's a practice, you know. Um,

487
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,880
Speaker 1: it's when I take a walk, It's when I drink

488
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: a cup of tea. It's when I light a candle,

489
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 1: It's when whatever it is. You know, I think we

490
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: ought to go to it. For me. If I can

491
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: knit for a little while, I think doing something with

492
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: my hands that's mindless is amazing. Taking a bath is

493
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: really great, And um, drinking tea is my absolute favorite.

494
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: You know. If I can make a cup of tea

495
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: and sip on it while I'm going through my day,

496
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: I'm really really happy. What are your things? I love

497
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: the bath too. I'm an EmPATH, and so they say

498
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 1: specifically water is such a big thing to taking long

499
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 1: bath of EBB some salts candles. I like to sage.

500
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: Do you do the staging that helps me so much?

501
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 1: Like the process of walking through my house and cleansing

502
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 1: it for some reason, it is very healing to me.

503
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: Do you grow your own stage? I don't, but that's

504
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: an idea. Yeah, I mean I just think some of

505
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 1: that stuff, when you get it from the beginning to

506
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: day you anyway, that's a process. Yeah, But I think

507
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 1: you're right. I mean, it's it's and it's different for

508
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: me in different phases of my life too. Sometimes it's

509
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: reading in the morning, sometimes it's reading at night. It's

510
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:36,439
Speaker 1: just depending on what my situation and minds, minds, minds, minds,

511
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: mind my practices have changed over the years. Yeah. Sure, yeah,

512
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: So like the same stuff that fed my soul when

513
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: I was twenty five is not the same stuff that

514
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,239
Speaker 1: feeds my soul in my fifties, right, I think that's

515
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: probably pretty common. Um. Can you talk a little bit

516
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: about the Thistle Farms National Network, because I know it's

517
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 1: it's all over right and so people can be a

518
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: part of this everywhere. So the national work started, I

519
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: don't know, we started organizing maybe four or five years ago.

520
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: I can't remember that's so sad. I can't remember flies

521
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:15,640
Speaker 1: time flies when you're building community. Um. But it started

522
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: with just a group of New Orleans Eden House wanted

523
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: to duplicate the model, and then it started in St.

524
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 1: Louis a group people wanted to duplicate the model, and

525
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 1: then it just we're like, we have to start organizing. Ye.

526
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: So there's about fifty sister communities now. It's awesome, it's amazing,

527
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: and there's probably eight more coming in the next eight

528
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: teen months. So that means communities that are offering long

529
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: term free housing with no authority in the house for

530
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: the women. That's the model. Wait can you talk about

531
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: that a little bit because you said no, there's no

532
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: authority in the house and there's just twenty four guidelines.

533
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: So what what goes on I mean is it's very structured.

534
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: I mean, people have to do all kinds of beautiful work,

535
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: but they choose what that work looks like. So I'm

536
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: doing education, doing recovery work, I'm doing my health care stuff,

537
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm doing job training. I'm going to courts, see my

538
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: probation officer or whatever. It's different for every woman. So

539
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: it's very very structured. Um. But you know, authority is

540
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 1: the biggest trigger for women who are doing that healing work.

541
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 1: Authority is huge. So, um, what we did is just

542
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: remove it, just remove the whole problem of authority in

543
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: the houses and just say y'all be a community and

544
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: the rest of us will hover around and serve you

545
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 1: however we can. The two years is long enough, you know,

546
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: to do the actual work and to stay put and

547
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: you know free. Nobody's coming off the streets or out

548
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: of prison. With work and money is also what we

549
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: call an uncovering or a k a trigger the money

550
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: and relationships, and so what we ask people to do

551
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: is just giving gratitude for all the mercy you've known.

552
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 1: Just give out of gratitude, and we will have enough

553
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: for every woman who wants to come in, and we

554
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: don't have to ever charge her a penny. So we

555
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: have more than a hundred women on the waiting list today.

556
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: There's a woman about thirty feet from you, eighteen years old.

557
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: She just came in. Um, I'm just in awful shape,

558
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: and we're putting her on a gray Hound bus in

559
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: the morning and she's going to North Carolina to a

560
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: sister community there that has a bed for her. She

561
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: doesn't need to wait two weeks or a month until

562
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: she can get in. So she's going there tomorrow and

563
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: she'll be on her way and have a loving community.

564
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: All those folks in that community have been trained by us.

565
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: They have replicated the model. So it's a beautiful resource

566
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: for women coming from anywhere in the country. They can

567
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: go anywhere else. So there's about two beds. Wow, that

568
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 1: is incredible. So how can people if they wanted to

569
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: help or to donate or anything like that, where do

570
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: they go? Well, So here's one thing I want to

571
00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: say is people think like, oh my gosh, what I

572
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: do making difference is a huge issue, not gonna help.

573
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: And it's like that is so not helpful to have

574
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: that attitude. So just let that go. Just let it go.

575
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 1: I mean like, it's be almost like if somebody said, look,

576
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: I only have two kids, I don't really need a parent.

577
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: If I had twelve kids, then I'd be making a

578
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 1: big impact. But what big impact is two kids? It's

579
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: like those are your kids. That has a huge impact.

580
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: So for me to think of a lot of small

581
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: communities all around the country doing this very small work,

582
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: we begin to have a big impact in a in

583
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: a great way to help each other. So for whoever

584
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: is listening to this, run to your local community and

585
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: see the five or six women, maybe in a house,

586
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: and maybe they just need towels or some buddy to

587
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: talk about. UM. I don't know etiquette, UM walking group.

588
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 1: They could be a UM financial group, but just see

589
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: what the needs are in your local community and just

590
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: run to it because it's a really healthy, beautiful thing

591
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: to do. I would say again, mind where you buy

592
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: your soap, use your economic resources. It does make a difference.

593
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: If everybody who loved us bought our soap, we'd be

594
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 1: in a different ballgame. We would be a competitor with

595
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,959
Speaker 1: some of the biggest brands. But people say they love us,

596
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: then go to Target and by their soap and it's like,

597
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 1: that's ridiculous. Our soap translates to houses for women, So

598
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: don't don't downplay that. Where you buy your soap, where

599
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: you spend your money makes a big difference. And then

600
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: the other thing is social media advocacy is huge for

601
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: us my instagram, Becca Stevens Thistle Farms. You know, tell

602
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: your truth, tell your story, but connect with other people

603
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,479
Speaker 1: and let that be part of what blows up our

604
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 1: internet versus just you know, the next ridiculous thing. I

605
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: love that we found each other because of a post.

606
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: So I think people ought to keep looking and doing that.

607
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: And where can people find the soap? The soap online

608
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: at this farms dot org. Are you guys in whole

609
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: foods to them? Okay, that's what I thought were in

610
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: old foods, but just in the southeast, Okay, So I

611
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: always just go to the website. If you're in Nashville,

612
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 1: come over at five one two to Charlotte Avenue. We

613
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: have a beautiful retail store here in a cafe that's

614
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: for great. I was gonna say, even if you're visiting Nashville,

615
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 1: this is a really great place to make a stop

616
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: and just come get some local fair. Yeah, thank you,

617
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: thank you so much for doing this. Oh my gosh,

618
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: you're so beautiful. Thank you. Well I'll take that and

619
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: we'll end on that note. Thank you guys for listening by.

620
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you've been listening to the

621
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge podcast. I truly believe that every one of

622
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 1: us has a little velvet and a little edge, So

623
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: it's so important to remember that to be strong, you

624
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: must be soft too. Thank you so much for sharing

625
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: in those stories with me. You can follow velvet's Edge

626
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as velvet's Edge

627
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 1: dot com. If you have it yet, go to Apple

628
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: Podcasts and subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. Join me

629
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,760
Speaker 1: every Wednesday for more conversations on lifestyle, beauty, and relationships.

630
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. H