WEBVTT - For When You Feel Disconnected From Yourself 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.639 And I think understanding ourselves is the key to feeling 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:05.600 deep fulfillment and joy in every single thing that we do. 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:08.520 Welcome to a Really Good Cry podcast. A Really Good 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:11.119 Cry is here to help you understand your body, feel 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.000 confident in your skin, manage your emotions, and take back 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.600 control of your health. Because growth doesn't always start with answers. 0:00:17.880 --> 0:00:21.119 Sometimes it starts with a really good cry. Hey, everyone, 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.160 welcome back to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry. 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:26.560 I hope you've had such a wonderful week. And I 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.520 was basing this episode on a conversation that I've been 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.840 having with Jay lately. And honestly, I feel like I 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:35.479 go through this every few years where I suddenly realize 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:37.400 that I have this deep feeling about happiness in a 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:40.720 certain part of my life. And I've been experiencing that lately, 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.800 this feeling of disconnection from myself and the things that 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.680 I'm doing and to be honest with everything that I'm 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:48.720 doing in life. And I don't know about you, but 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.080 I go through that quite often. I know that there 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.239 are people in this world. Jbing one of them that 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.800 feels like they have everything figured out all they really 0:00:56.920 --> 0:01:00.040 understand what their path is how they're living it, and 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.320 they've got a deep purpose and intention behind it. But 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.200 I feel like I'm the type of person who has 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:07.480 to keep figuring it out every couple of years. And 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:10.480 I think that's because you have to learn how to 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:13.800 change and understand your values as you're growing and changing. 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:17.040 And I was speaking to him recently and I asked him, 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:19.520 how do you actually differentiate the thoughts that feel like 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:22.119 yours and the thoughts of other people, because I think 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.039 sometimes they can get really confusing. You can take on 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.280 other people's beliefs, other people's values, and suddenly you realize 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:29.119 that you've got all of these things in your mind, 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:31.600 but are they really yours? Are they really what you 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:33.920 believe in? And so how do you really know and 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.440 can be so sure that how you are living is 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.000 exactly how you want to be in a way that 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:42.039 feels authentic and right for you. So we started speaking 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.600 about values and how without knowing what you truly value, 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:48.640 you don't really have a filter to make your decisions through, 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.480 to really understand what thoughts that you want to hold 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.760 on to and what to let go of in life, 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:56.440 to really direct your life in a way you truly 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:58.960 want it to go, and so I think being unclear 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:02.000 on your values and end up creating so much confusion 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:03.760 in life. And it's not that I feel like I 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.120 don't know what any of my values are or that 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.200 I'm starting from scratch. Sometimes you don't need to reinvent 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.240 your life. You just need to re meet yourself. You 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:13.880 need to understand yourself again. And I think understanding your 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:16.919 values are such a great place to start, because when 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.079 your values are unclear, everything starts to feel so confusing. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.480 You can be really busy, you can be achieving, you 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.240 can be doing all the right things but still feel 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:28.840 strangely disconnected because your life is moving, but not necessarily 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:31.120 in the direction that feels true to you. I think 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:33.400 that applies in so many different ways throughout your life. 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:35.360 I feel like we change, and we grow, and we 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.880 evolve so much. We take on so much from everyone 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:42.120 and everything around us, and as years go on, you change, 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.080 you change who you are, and sometimes the values that 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:47.560 were once your core might just not ring true for 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.480 you anymore. And sometimes you continue those values in your 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.959 life year in, year out, and then they no longer 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:55.160 feel matched to the current new and that's what can 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:57.640 really make you feel disconnected. At least that's my experience 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.880 of it. And when you go through life in that way, 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:02.080 you're not actually listening to what your mind and your 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.800 life is actually screaming at you, saying, no, this isn't 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.480 fitting right, this doesn't feel right anymore. And the more 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.560 you keep living in that, you move further away from 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:11.799 yourself and can get this feeling of just being lost. 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:13.959 And so Jay reminded me of this practice that I 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:16.480 had read years ago in his book in Think Like 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.760 among in the first chapter, and it's all about identity 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.120 and how much of who we think we are is 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:24.359 shaped by what we've absorbed from the world around us, 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:27.840 the people that we spend time with, the media we consume, 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.399 the goals we chase, whether we are who we think 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:33.040 we are or who we think others think we are, 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.200 and that the truth of who we actually are and 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:37.440 what we value can get covered out by all this 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:40.120 outside influence. And part of the work is just clearing 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:43.440 that dust, clearing all those emotions, those thoughts, those feelings 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.280 that we've really absorbed from other people, and just starting 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:48.880 from scratch. So I recently went back to the chapter 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:52.560 and I started doing this specific practice, and it really 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.400 helps you to just identify what your values are, and 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.480 it talks about how your actions tell the real story 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:00.760 of what you value, how you spare your time and 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:04.160 how you spend your money, because specifically how you spend 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:06.160 your time and how you spend your money is really 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.520 indicative to the things that you value in your life. 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:13.520 Because it's so easy to say that my values are family, health, purpose, kindness, creativity, 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.880 or spirituality, and maybe they are, but then you have 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:19.400 to look at the evidence of your life. No matter 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:22.400 what you think your values are, your actions are what 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:24.960 tells the real story. What we do with our spare 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:27.560 time actually shows what we value. And when I read that, 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.000 I thought, yeah, you know what. Sometimes we do have 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:34.039 this ideal version of ourselves, this version that values certain things, 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:36.240 and we like to think that's who we are and 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.800 what we're really doing. But actually evaluating your life and 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.040 seeing where you spend your time and money, you might 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:42.800 look at it and say, wow, I say I value 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.240 spending time with my family, but then your time shows 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:47.400 that you would rather actually spend every weekend with your 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.560 friends or playing golf. I may say I really value 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:53.479 our mental health, but realize that I have forty minutes 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:55.520 to scroll on Instagram, but don't think I have time 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:58.200 to meditate. So recommizing this audit of your life, and 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.080 essentially you're breaking down pretty much every moment of your 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.240 day and doing the same with your money. When you 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.479 look at your monthly statement, you might say that you 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.960 prioritize health, but you're actually spending most of your money 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:10.200 on fast food rather than the grocery store. And one 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:11.920 of the examples that I gave that I really liked 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:15.000 was if you get a coffee every single day and 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.400 it's about four dollars, that's about one thousand, five hundred 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.960 dollars a year. And so you go through this summary 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.960 of your cost and decide is it a need or 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:23.919 is it a want? And is it something that I 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:26.760 want to continue after seeing how much money I'm actually 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.000 spending on it. One part I really loved is where 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.320 he said, as a monk, I learned early on that 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.280 our values are influenced by whatever absorbs our mind. We 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:36.840 are not our minds, but our mind is the vehicle 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.799 by which we decide what is important to our hearts. 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:43.320 And so your calendar is your confession, Your bank statement 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:46.200 is a confession, your screen time is a confession, Your 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:48.919 relationships are a confession. They all reveal what has actually 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:51.320 been running your life. And sometimes you realize, I thought 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.240 I valued peace, but I've actually been valuing approval so 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.320 much more. Or I thought I value growth, but I've 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.360 actually been valuing being seen as successful. Not every value 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:01.680 you live by is actually a value. Some of them 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:05.680 are survival strategies that became your personality. Sometimes we value 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:08.839 achievement because we learn that love came through being impressive, 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.840 or sometimes we value being really easy going because we 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:13.960 learned that it was safer not to have needs. You 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.839 might value productivity because rest makes you feel really guilty. 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.520 And those values might have protected us at one point. 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:21.760 They might have really served a purpose and helped us 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:24.239 feel like we belong. They might have helped us survive. 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.880 They might have even helped us to succeed. And so 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.279 what you do is you write down what your current 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.039 life shows as your values right now and where you 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.719 think it came from, and then does this still feel 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.560 true to me? So you're going to write down what 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:39.560 the value is, and I really recommend doing it value 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.359 by value. Don't go through the fifty values that you 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:45.480 think that you have, because it will without you realizing 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.120 make you rush the process, and so I think the 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:50.440 first time around, when I did this years ago, i 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:53.440 actually did exactly that. I wrote down all these values 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.320 that I thought I had that I wanted to have, 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:57.760 and then I didn't finish the process because there was 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:59.720 just so many there. And so actually, I think it's 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.640 much more of a slower process where you think of 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:06.000 one really deep value that you've lived by and work 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:08.800 your way through this exercise, So what's the value, where 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:10.680 does it come from? And does it still feel true 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:12.360 to me? And once you've done that for like two 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.920 or three of them, or maybe even five, stop there 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.600 and try to have a week where you're really trying 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:21.600 to ask questions and create your decisions based on those 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.040 values if they are still ones that feel true to you. 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:27.200 And then I actually started expanding it into my behaviors, 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:29.840 because there's one thing about what you value, but there 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:32.000 are also certain behaviors in my life that I've been 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.240 noticing that I'm like, I really don't want to do 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.080 that anymore. I don't want to act like that anymore. 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.720 And I don't know where this has come from, but 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:40.480 for some reason, this is how I'm behaving, or this 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:43.560 is how I'm reacting, and so I started breaking down 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.520 my behaviors, like what behaviors am I demonstrating what might 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:48.920 be limiting me that don't feel right in my life? 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:50.960 And where are they coming from? And is it a 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:54.000 behavior that I want to continue? Sometimes I think that 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:57.840 in things like therapy, we fixate so much on analyzing 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.680 the past, which I think is absolutely so useful and 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.720 it definitely has its place. But I think what has 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.280 been even more useful for me in my life is 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.400 the thought of who do I want to actually be 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:11.600 right now and in the future. What do I want 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:14.440 to value? What do I want my behaviors to be? So, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:18.080 for example, if a value you truly believe is being 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:21.400 someone of integrity and truth, then how can I from 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:24.480 this day on start imbibing that value in my life? 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:26.480 Where do I feel I can put it into my life? 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.640 Where do I feel I might struggle with that value? 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:30.880 And why? And if you don't need the answer to that, 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:34.920 it's about extreme of self observation, because sometimes these behaviors 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:37.800 become so embedded in us that we don't even know 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:40.120 we're doing them. If you're use the saying white lives 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.640 to avoid discomfort, it might just reel off your tongue 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.240 without you even realizing, and so observation has been such 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:48.760 a big part of this process. It's also so nice 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.439 because I think observation of ourselves should be a constant 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:53.680 thing we do every day, and usually we end up 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.599 feeling lost in our life when there's been repetitive moments 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.760 where we have not been observing, where not observing ourselves 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:01.920 has go on for too long, and eventually all the 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:03.960 little signs that we might have caught had we been 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:07.120 observing ourselves were completely missed, and then it kind of 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:10.079 escalates into something much larger, which is harder to fix 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:11.679 in the long run. And so in this way, if 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.400 you end up observing yourself regularly, you know when things 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.360 start to not feel right, and you can catch it 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.679 earlier rather than letting it build and build and build 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.360 and get to this extreme point that could have actually 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:25.280 been avoided. Sodaym's practice. Hopefully we'll create a habit of 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:27.679 its own and give you more insight into yourself daily 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:30.960 and help you to make every decision based on that. 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:32.960 That's part of this too. You pause before you make 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:35.240 a payment, you pause before you choose how you're spending 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:37.400 your time, or you're creating your calendar and say what 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.320 is the value behind this choice? And eventually he says 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:42.640 that it just becomes part of your decision making naturally, 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.200 And so the more you do it, the more natural 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:47.080 it's going to become. Another thing I've been thinking about 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.040 is how much our values are shaped by the people 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.280 that we spend the most amount of time with or 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:54.760 have spent time within the past, whether it's family members, 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.040 whether it's friends. And honestly, it's not even in an 0:09:57.040 --> 0:09:59.120 obvious way. It's not like someone sits you down and 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:02.239 says you should care about this, But you start absorbing 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.800 what people around you celebrate or what they complain about, 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.720 or what they chase or avoid or prioritize, and you 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.720 start normalizing what they normalize. And so if you're constantly 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:14.040 around people who value status, you may start feeling like 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:16.520 you're behind, or you may start noticing that you start 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:18.680 to value status, even if that's not something that you 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.280 want to be valuing. If you spend time around people 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.560 who value peace, you might find yourself craving a calmer life. 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.400 If you're around people who gossip, you might start becoming 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:30.400 more judgmental without even realizing it, or even if you're 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:35.440 around people who are disciplined, honest, creative, generous, or spiritually grounded, 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:37.760 those qualities can start to wake up in you. Two. 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.080 And I don't say that to make it sound like 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:42.560 we should only be around perfect people that we literally 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.880 doesn't exist, but I do think that we have to 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.080 ask who am I becoming in the presence of the 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.040 people that I spend the most amount of time with, 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:52.400 Because sometimes we think of value is ours, but really 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.839 we're just mirroring the environment that we've been in. And 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.800 if there are values or behaviors we want to implement, 0:10:58.040 --> 0:10:59.800 then we have to become aware of the people we 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.199 see spend time with to see if they support that 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:04.640 value or not. And this can only be really hard 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.560 to admit because we love people. We can deeply love 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:11.040 someone and still recognize that the version of ourselves we've 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.200 become around them is not the version that we want 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.000 to keep feeding. Some people bring out your softness, some 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.520 people bring out your insecurities, and some people make you 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:20.760 feel expansive, and some people make you perform or make 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.520 you feel smaller. Some people help you to remember what 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:26.439 really matters, and other people pull you further away from it, 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.360 and I'm sure even while I was saying those words, 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:31.800 you can imagine the people in your life. It's very 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.720 easy to find those people in your life if you 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:36.040 really sit down and think about it. Even when I 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:37.760 was saying those words, I could think of the people 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:39.920 that do each of those things for me. And so 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:42.720 you become conscious of that and you start to not 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:44.880 necessarily cutting them out because they don't think it's about that. 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.760 It's about limiting how you spend your time with those people. 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.000 And it's really a balance. It's like how much do 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:51.960 I really want to invite this into my life? And 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.560 to that degree I have to create change in my life. 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.040 And again, this isn't about judging them. It's just about 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.800 being honest with yourself of who you are or who 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:02.080 you are become with them. And so a big part 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:06.360 of reevaluating your values is also reevaluating your environments, not 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:08.800 in this dramatic way where you certainly just cut everyone off, 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.720 but just asking does this space support the person that 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.000 I am trying to become. I think an important part 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.640 of this is also asking yourself what you're gaining from 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.080 being in that environment, Because sometimes you can have a 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:21.000 group of friends you don't feel like you really fit in, 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:22.880 you don't feel like they really represent who you want 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.719 to be. But it's just filling the stap of loneliness 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.560 or feeling this sense of belonging that you want to feel, 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.000 and you're too lazy or you're too worried about going 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.240 out there and finding the people that really could be 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.800 the people that you want to spend time with. I know, 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:37.600 for me, I was in a point in my life 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.439 where I really wanted to grow and change and evolve, 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.680 but I had surrounded myself with people who didn't want 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:45.880 to do that, or they'd make fun of the self 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.680 development world or make fun of people for caring really 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.160 deeply or being too sensitive, and so I felt like 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:53.600 I had to become less sensitive. But I'm a sensitive person, 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.240 and so we have to be honest with how much 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:59.160 that actually affects you. I also think that big life 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:02.200 changes can come completely shake your values, where so whether 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:07.000 it's heartbreak or grief, burnout, betrayal, it can all change 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:09.640 what you value. Even success can change what you value 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.080 because sometimes you get all the things that you thought 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.840 would make you so happy, and suddenly you realize that 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:16.480 it didn't give you the feeling that you were chasing, 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.400 and that can be really confusing because part of you thinks, 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.280 but I really wanted this, and I worked for this, 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:24.000 and I built my whole life around this. But maybe 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:26.280 the point of life isn't to keep proving loyalty to 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.719 an old desire. Maybe the point is you have to 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.960 keep listening honestly and move with the times, move with 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.640 how you're growing. Sometimes the season teaches you that what 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:38.360 you used to value was actually safety or approval or 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.400 being needed or feeling impressive, and then something happens that 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:43.680 makes you realize, actually, I don't want to keep building 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.880 my life around that anymore. That does not mean that 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:48.200 your value at the time was wrong. It may have 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.679 just served you then, but now you get to ask 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:52.920 does it still serve the person that I'm trying to become. 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.160 So you're basically doing a full self audit. And this 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:59.520 isn't done in like one afternoon. It's something that I 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.200 personally think that we should be taking our time with. 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:05.640 It's something that once you implement, it becomes a weekly 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:08.200 and monthly occurrence. And I think doing check ins with 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:12.120 ourselves is really important, and so scheduling that time and again, 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.080 if growth is something that you want, if it's a 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.320 value that you want to uphold, if it's a behavior 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:19.200 you want to have in your life of constantly trying 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:23.240 to improve, then carving out that time where you are 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.400 focusing on that in your day or in your week 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:27.960 or in your month is going to show the universe. 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:29.440 It's going to show you that that is what you 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.080 really value. And honestly, when I first started doing this, 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.840 when I thought, oh, what are my values? I had 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:36.280 such a blank in my head. I was like, what 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:39.080 in the world are my values? And so it really 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:41.600 did help doing the money and time thing. It helped 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:44.280 at least guide THECE start directing me to at least 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:45.880 a few of them, and then as time went on, 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.040 I was able to uncover a few more. And it 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.360 truly did make me realize that some things that I 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:52.920 really thought I valued or wanted was not what my 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:56.080 actions were showing. And so the next step is categorizing 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.520 your values into being higher values or lower values. Now, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:03.360 thiszation is based on the bugwer Gita, this incredible ancient text. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.520 It's got so much wisdom in it, but this is 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.520 just a small part of it, and it talks about 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:09.920 what higher values are and what lower values are. The 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:13.920 higher values and qualities are ones that actually elevate us 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.960 towards happiness, fulfillment, meaning, and lower values demote us to 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:22.840 increase anxiety, depression, and suffering in the body and the mind. 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:26.000 And so seeing your values and deciding which category of 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.960 these they fit into, and then recognizing is there a 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:32.280 big imbalance? Do I have so many of these behaviors 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.200 and values that are actually bringing me down in comparison 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.120 to the ones that are actually uplifting me? And how 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:39.720 can I change that? What do I need to take 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.200 up from this pocket or this bowl and put into 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.840 this one? What do I need to remove from the 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:45.880 lower values, and what do I need to incorporate more 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.120 into my higher values that make me the person that 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.280 I want to be. And so that's where I'm at 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.160 right now. And it was such a useful exercise for 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.160 me that I am still working through it, but I 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.240 really want to share it in real time while I'm 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.520 doing it, because I feel really passionate about it right now, 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:01.040 because I don't want to feel lost, and I don't 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.680 want you to feel lost, And I think understanding ourselves 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.280 is the key to feeling deep fulfillment and joy in 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:09.000 every single thing that we do. Yeah, it is hard work, 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.240 but so is going through life not feeling like your 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.200 best stuff, not feeling like you love the life that 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.720 you're living, and not feeling like you're confused about where 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.320 to go. Obviously, go by the book. There's so much 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.160 more in it. I know it feels weird me plugging 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.000 Jay's book, but it's actually really good. If you do 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.280 try this exercise, let me know if it actually helped you. 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:27.880 Let Jaye know that it helped you, because I think 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:29.880 it's a really good one and I really want to 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.240 hear your feedback on it and whether it's changed you 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:34.240 as it is changing me. Hope you have such a 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:36.080 great day and a great week, and I will see 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:36.640 you next time.