1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:04,840
Speaker 1: So that's damaging because you're ready for a relationship. You're

2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,520
Speaker 1: ready to be looking for someone that has aligned themselves

3
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,800
Speaker 1: with your way of life, and you're blocking that person

4
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,120
Speaker 1: right now because you're waiting on someone that's not interested

5
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 1: in you. Hey, guys, welcome back to the podcast. This

6
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,920
Speaker 1: is a very special day because it's actually two weeks

7
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,600
Speaker 1: in a row. Got my buddy, Bernie calcote As back

8
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,639
Speaker 1: as a guest on the podcast. Bernie is great. We

9
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,080
Speaker 1: answer your questions. In fact, if you want to email me,

10
00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:45,960
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com about any subject.

11
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,040
Speaker 1: We're gonna walk through this just like we're friends sitting

12
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,839
Speaker 1: around a campfire and Bernie is that guy for me.

13
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,720
Speaker 1: So we're all very blessed by Bernie sitting here on

14
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:59,000
Speaker 1: the microphone today on this episode to help answer your

15
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,800
Speaker 1: questions about we usually a struggle in life for some

16
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,240
Speaker 1: kind of decision you're trying to make. Those are usually

17
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:08,080
Speaker 1: the questions that come in and Bernie is great for that.

18
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,800
Speaker 1: So this is gonna be a good episode. I appreciate

19
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,880
Speaker 1: you saying that, I appreciate the invite to come back.

20
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,360
Speaker 1: If I'm good at it, it's only because I have

21
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,440
Speaker 1: been through many struggles myself and still wrestling through that,

22
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,120
Speaker 1: and I hope out of that I can be an

23
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,040
Speaker 1: encouragement to somebody. So man, with that, let's jump right in.

24
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,040
Speaker 1: I have a lot of emails and I'm going to

25
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,959
Speaker 1: kind of look, I'm just going to scroll down and

26
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 1: go boom right there in the middle. Wow, that's a

27
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,240
Speaker 1: lot of emails. I'm going to hit this and this

28
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,720
Speaker 1: one says subject line podcast submission. It says, Hey, love

29
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,320
Speaker 1: your podcast and you have some great advice. Me and

30
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,960
Speaker 1: my ex fiance are both in the army together and

31
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,920
Speaker 1: I got a severe hip injury a year ago. He

32
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,559
Speaker 1: is currently deployed and we were supposed to deploy together.

33
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,320
Speaker 1: We lived together for a year before he left and

34
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,680
Speaker 1: got engaged. Before he left, he was set on me

35
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,920
Speaker 1: being his forever, and our relationship seemed healthy until a

36
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,080
Speaker 1: couple months ago. He broke up with me over FaceTime

37
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 1: because he said he was using me to be his

38
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,160
Speaker 1: happiness and he didn't feel like he had any of

39
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,160
Speaker 1: his own and he needed to work on himself. I

40
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,760
Speaker 1: know he's a really great guy, and I'm having a

41
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,760
Speaker 1: hard time moving on because I still feel like he's

42
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,720
Speaker 1: my person and I see it. It may not be

43
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,720
Speaker 1: healthy to hold on the hope that we may get

44
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,600
Speaker 1: back together in the future, or should I just let

45
00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:30,840
Speaker 1: this go and try to move on myself. Would it

46
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,680
Speaker 1: be worth having a deeper conversation once he comes home?

47
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:39,560
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, kindle hold on. This dude is supposed

48
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,840
Speaker 1: to be a great guy, but he broke up over

49
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,520
Speaker 1: face time. Okay, he's deployed. Okay, he's deployed. Yeah, okay,

50
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,000
Speaker 1: I'll give him that deployed. But he also broke up

51
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,359
Speaker 1: with her after they had been engaged in long relationship

52
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,240
Speaker 1: because he said she was using him for her happiness

53
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,560
Speaker 1: something like that. Yeah, so, kindall, what we're reading into

54
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,959
Speaker 1: is is basically, when someone wants to break up, they're

55
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:14,280
Speaker 1: going to come up with silly reasons and that maybe

56
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,120
Speaker 1: that's not silly, but it's it's not the whole truth,

57
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:22,880
Speaker 1: and it's it's a little bizarre, but that's just how

58
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,160
Speaker 1: people break up. Like there's like four or five excuses.

59
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,320
Speaker 1: One of them is I need to get closer to God.

60
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,560
Speaker 1: Two is I need to work on myself and my

61
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:35,360
Speaker 1: own happiness. Like it's we never just sounds like this

62
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,880
Speaker 1: falls into yeah, we never say and so let's take

63
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,640
Speaker 1: a quick tangent on breakups because the best thing you

64
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,760
Speaker 1: could do in a breakup is be completely honest with

65
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,960
Speaker 1: the reason you're doing it, Like you just talk too

66
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,840
Speaker 1: much and I and I can't. I just can't handle

67
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 1: it because you talk too much. Well, that sounds really rude, right,

68
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,120
Speaker 1: and we don't do that because it sounds rude and

69
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,680
Speaker 1: it hurts their feelings. But it actually really helps Kendall.

70
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,240
Speaker 1: Uh huh. It clarifies like she's like, God, I got it,

71
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,040
Speaker 1: because that's just who I am. I talk a lot,

72
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,840
Speaker 1: but that's just who I am. So I need to

73
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,960
Speaker 1: find somebody that likes me for who I am. Yeah,

74
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,520
Speaker 1: it just clarifies it. Like you said, it just makes

75
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,240
Speaker 1: it makes you sleep better at night, going we broke

76
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,040
Speaker 1: up because I talked too much and that's just who

77
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,520
Speaker 1: I am. I can't fix it. Yeah, but it doesn't

78
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,760
Speaker 1: sound like this dude is being being very clear or honest,

79
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,919
Speaker 1: and it sounds like he's being pretty selfish. And so

80
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,760
Speaker 1: I think, as hard as it is, I think you

81
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,479
Speaker 1: got to try to move on. Yeah, and you said

82
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,440
Speaker 1: he's a really great guy, and I'll acknowledge that because

83
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,320
Speaker 1: you were with him for a long time. And so

84
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,080
Speaker 1: you lived with the guy for a year, you got engaged,

85
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 1: So I don't want to take away from you saying

86
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,600
Speaker 1: that you made a bad decision. And so I think,

87
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,279
Speaker 1: So Kendall's out there right now, all those saying, but Greener,

88
00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,479
Speaker 1: you don't understand, you don't know him. So what do

89
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,320
Speaker 1: you say back to her when she's saying like, no,

90
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,359
Speaker 1: but he you know, this relationship we had, it was,

91
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,279
Speaker 1: it was deep. You don't understand how connected we were.

92
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,279
Speaker 1: So what do I do? Yeah, I know you're saying that, Kendle,

93
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,880
Speaker 1: and I would say, you have one card to play,

94
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,000
Speaker 1: and that's to give him what he asked for. Space

95
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,680
Speaker 1: If you push this and you can and he can

96
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,000
Speaker 1: come home and you could have a conversation and he

97
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,720
Speaker 1: probably will do it, and you can go to dinner,

98
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,120
Speaker 1: and then he might come back to you. He might say,

99
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,919
Speaker 1: you know what, You're right, I'm lonely. That was a

100
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,480
Speaker 1: long deployment. I don't know what I was thinking. But

101
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,279
Speaker 1: then it just goes back again to the same thing.

102
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,040
Speaker 1: It might take a year, maybe two, maybe six months.

103
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,000
Speaker 1: He's going to go back again to saying you're my

104
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,159
Speaker 1: happiness and I don't want you to be my only

105
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,080
Speaker 1: happiness on you to find myself and work on myself.

106
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,960
Speaker 1: He's going to go back to it, So are you

107
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,800
Speaker 1: willing to do that? You willing to go back to

108
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:59,279
Speaker 1: him and rebuild this and then break up again. Now

109
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,359
Speaker 1: there's other people out there going, that's what me and

110
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,160
Speaker 1: my husband did, and we've been married twenty seven years.

111
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,800
Speaker 1: That's what they say on TikTok all the time. Yeah,

112
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,200
Speaker 1: we've been married twenty seven years and that worked for me. Yeah,

113
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,719
Speaker 1: we've been on dating app Greeneer and we've been married forever. Yeah,

114
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:15,640
Speaker 1: your guys, there's nuance to life, Like there's every situation

115
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,000
Speaker 1: is very, very different. We have the disadvantage of not

116
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,520
Speaker 1: talking with Kendall of all the details and hearing all

117
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,760
Speaker 1: the details of your specific situation. So you gotta have

118
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,800
Speaker 1: grace here. We're trying our best, and you got to

119
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,400
Speaker 1: take these things with a grain of salt. Right, get

120
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,200
Speaker 1: an amen, Let's go, Kendall. I think you got one

121
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 1: card to play, and that's to grant him what he

122
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,600
Speaker 1: asked for. Space he needs to work on himself. Let

123
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 1: him have it, Do not call him, text him, FaceTime him,

124
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,360
Speaker 1: and then if he does the same to you, if

125
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,560
Speaker 1: he texts you or emails you. You're gonna have to

126
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,680
Speaker 1: a decision to either ghost him, which I wouldn't think

127
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,039
Speaker 1: is a bad thing because he asked for it, or

128
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 1: be very quick and very surface when you reply. Don't

129
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 1: don't give up your emotional life back to him. Protect

130
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,000
Speaker 1: your heart. Guard your heart because this is this could

131
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,240
Speaker 1: be a dangerous situation for you getting hurt all over again.

132
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,640
Speaker 1: Move on. Yeah, I think the best thing you said

133
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,800
Speaker 1: was to her was guard your heart, and I hope

134
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 1: there's another question where we can do a deeper dive

135
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960
Speaker 1: on that. But Kendall, I agree, you got to give

136
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,960
Speaker 1: him what he wants and guard your hearts. It needs

137
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:28,400
Speaker 1: to be protected and saved for that person that's gonna

138
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:33,760
Speaker 1: also come alongside and guard it. Yeah. Should we do

139
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,160
Speaker 1: a similar question because here's when the subject client says,

140
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,280
Speaker 1: do I message him or leave it alone and move on?

141
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,120
Speaker 1: Go for everyone to just go, Just stick you back

142
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,800
Speaker 1: on this. My name is Alexis twenty years old from

143
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,040
Speaker 1: North Carolina. Back in September, my boyfriend of two and

144
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,680
Speaker 1: a half years broke up with me. He was nothing

145
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,960
Speaker 1: but a gentleman, always opening doors, bringing me flowers, et cetera.

146
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,080
Speaker 1: The breakup was a surprise to me and everyone around us.

147
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,960
Speaker 1: His reasoning was he was not ready for anything serious.

148
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,440
Speaker 1: So there it is. His sister and I have a

149
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: very good relationship. So I know that he has not

150
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,840
Speaker 1: gone out with anyone else since we have not spoken

151
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,480
Speaker 1: or seen each other since the split. I have even

152
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,400
Speaker 1: I have not tried to meet anyone else, and I

153
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,280
Speaker 1: have not been and I have been working on myself,

154
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,679
Speaker 1: and in the back of my mind, I cannot shake

155
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,560
Speaker 1: the feeling that I need to message him. I do

156
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: not know if it's because of some part of me

157
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,760
Speaker 1: really needs to make sure he's gone for good or what.

158
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,800
Speaker 1: So should I bite the bullet and message him? And

159
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,360
Speaker 1: if I should, what should I say? Thanks so much

160
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 1: love the podcast. So okay, this is awesome. So Kendall

161
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 1: and Alexis meet each other. You two are friends. You're

162
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,680
Speaker 1: not alone, and there's a thousand other people listening right

163
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,559
Speaker 1: now that are in this situation. Guys, if we could

164
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,760
Speaker 1: say anything on this podcast over and over, we would say,

165
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,880
Speaker 1: you're not alone. So don't think you're alone. Don't think

166
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,720
Speaker 1: your situation is it's all by itself and you're hurting alone.

167
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,520
Speaker 1: Because this is just human nature. So here it is again.

168
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,720
Speaker 1: This guy broke up with you, Alexis, and he gave

169
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:08,840
Speaker 1: you a very vague excuse, he's not ready for anything serious.

170
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,000
Speaker 1: The dude's been with you for two and a half years. Whoa,

171
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,720
Speaker 1: and now he says he's not ready for anything serious. Bro,

172
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,480
Speaker 1: you already crossed the line. It's too late to say

173
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 1: that now. You should have said that at three weeks,

174
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 1: two weeks, the third date. You should have said that

175
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,640
Speaker 1: two and a half years is serious. That's a very

176
00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 1: serious relationship, guys. I wasn't engaged for seven months before

177
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,800
Speaker 1: I got married. Like two and a half years is

178
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,560
Speaker 1: a long time. So it's just a vague excuse. There's

179
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:40,520
Speaker 1: something else that was blocking this relationship for him. It

180
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,679
Speaker 1: could have been anything about you. And don't let him

181
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,760
Speaker 1: say it's me. It's not you, it's me, guys, that's

182
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:51,000
Speaker 1: a lie. It's it's you, it's the other person. Of course,

183
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,079
Speaker 1: people are selfish. They want to be in a relationship

184
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,319
Speaker 1: that makes them feel good. So it's not ever about

185
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,719
Speaker 1: it's me. It's not you, it's me. I want to

186
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,640
Speaker 1: work on myself. I'm not ready for anything serious. You're

187
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,320
Speaker 1: a great girl, You're so great Alexis, and I love you,

188
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,040
Speaker 1: and you're beautiful and smart, you have everything, but I

189
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:12,839
Speaker 1: just not ready for anything serious. Is a lie, because

190
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,520
Speaker 1: if you were the right one, he would throw out

191
00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:18,160
Speaker 1: everything he's got going on. He would make time for you.

192
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 1: He would carve out this relationship and he would make

193
00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:27,720
Speaker 1: it serious because he's ready because it's you. Yeah. So

194
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:33,480
Speaker 1: here's another broader statement that I will say to everybody listening,

195
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,800
Speaker 1: and just take it again. Guys. It's like, don't blow

196
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,960
Speaker 1: up my email. I'm just a regular old person, right.

197
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:45,679
Speaker 1: But the fact that we have resorted to digital communication

198
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:51,680
Speaker 1: for very like emotionally heavy topics is crazy. Yeah, I

199
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,120
Speaker 1: understand this is the context of our world. And you're like, Okay,

200
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,000
Speaker 1: should a message me? Should I not? I'll get to

201
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,200
Speaker 1: that in a second. But if you're out there and

202
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,920
Speaker 1: you're listening and you have something heavy that you need

203
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,160
Speaker 1: to speak to somebody about, pick up the phone or

204
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,480
Speaker 1: go talk to him face to face. For the love,

205
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,240
Speaker 1: please don't text him. There's so many things that we

206
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,240
Speaker 1: learn by facial expression and tone and empathy and all

207
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,920
Speaker 1: these things. It's completely lost in a text message, So

208
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:23,520
Speaker 1: just stop it. So, second thing, should you message him

209
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,040
Speaker 1: or not. No, you definitely should not, not for the

210
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,959
Speaker 1: reason I just said, but because you need to value

211
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,920
Speaker 1: yourself way more than he is. And if you message him,

212
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,400
Speaker 1: you're kind of putting your heart back in his hands

213
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,920
Speaker 1: and he's already crushed it being with you for two

214
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 1: and a half years and then break up with you

215
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,240
Speaker 1: because he's not ready for something serious. He has just

216
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,840
Speaker 1: kind of held your heart in his hands and not

217
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,160
Speaker 1: really cared for it and not protected it and not

218
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,439
Speaker 1: honored it. So, as hard as it may be, Alexis,

219
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:59,040
Speaker 1: I think that you block him. You've, like you said,

220
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,160
Speaker 1: you've been working on your There is nothing that is

221
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 1: going to eat at him more than seeing you be

222
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:10,520
Speaker 1: this confident independent. I am living my life to the fullest.

223
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,320
Speaker 1: I am enjoying what God has given me, and I

224
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,440
Speaker 1: am running towards Jesus and I look to my left,

225
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 1: I look to my right, and I try to find

226
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,080
Speaker 1: who's running with me. That dude, he may be way

227
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,040
Speaker 1: in the back. And you're like, oh, man, I don't know.

228
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,840
Speaker 1: I don't I'm focused for it, So don't message him.

229
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,240
Speaker 1: Don't expose yourself to it anymore. I'm saying the same thing,

230
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,200
Speaker 1: don't message him. We're both voting no on your question,

231
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker 1: and then I want to add one more thing. We're

232
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,320
Speaker 1: also not saying that this relationship is impossible to ever

233
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,600
Speaker 1: happen again, because he could show up at your door

234
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,000
Speaker 1: with flowers and he could say, hey, I was wrong,

235
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,640
Speaker 1: I miss you, I love you. I want to prove

236
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:50,880
Speaker 1: to you, and you could say to him at that point,

237
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,040
Speaker 1: you should say, I'll think about it. I'm gonna think

238
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,400
Speaker 1: about it. And then he shows up the next day

239
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,280
Speaker 1: and he's got roses again, and he goes, please, have

240
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,880
Speaker 1: you thought about it? Like I'm still thinking. But you're

241
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,160
Speaker 1: gonna make him work for it. You're gonna make him

242
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,960
Speaker 1: court you. You're gonna make him prove through his actions

243
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,280
Speaker 1: and not his words and not his flowers and not

244
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,680
Speaker 1: his opening doors or whatever else you said, yeah, opening doors.

245
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,920
Speaker 1: He's gonna prove through his commitment to you that he's

246
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,600
Speaker 1: ready to come back. That's the only way this happens again.

247
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,000
Speaker 1: It does not happen with you messaging him, because it

248
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,480
Speaker 1: could work. If you message him, he could come back.

249
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,200
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say the same thing I just said

250
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 1: to the last email. It's like it could work. But

251
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,600
Speaker 1: this has every sign that is going to go right

252
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,000
Speaker 1: back to this again in a matter of time, and

253
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,800
Speaker 1: you're gonna give your heart more and it's gonna hurt worse,

254
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,520
Speaker 1: and you're already healing. You've done so well, and you

255
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,800
Speaker 1: haven't talked to him, you haven't messaged him. You've done

256
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,160
Speaker 1: so well, but you're gonna start over at the starting line.

257
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,840
Speaker 1: It's like me and the kids play candy Land, and

258
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,200
Speaker 1: sometimes you draw a card that's gonna make you go back,

259
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,600
Speaker 1: like thirty steps, and you almost won the game, and

260
00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,440
Speaker 1: you're going all the way back to the beginning of

261
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,559
Speaker 1: candy Land. That's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start

262
00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:05,960
Speaker 1: all over again. It's not worth it to your heart.

263
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,880
Speaker 1: Say no, don't message. Guard your heart. If he comes back,

264
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 1: make him earn it big time. Yep. All right. That

265
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,760
Speaker 1: was two in a row, very similar. And let me

266
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,440
Speaker 1: just say one more time. You're not alone. Next one

267
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,240
Speaker 1: has no subject. It says, hey, Granger, I'm Tyson. So

268
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,960
Speaker 1: recently I moved to Arkansas. I was talking to this

269
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 1: girl and we still are. She said, for anything to

270
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,640
Speaker 1: happen between us, I have to move back to Utah.

271
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,280
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's gonna be worth it. Because

272
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to waste my time and money to

273
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: move there and then nothing work out and it all

274
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,240
Speaker 1: go to waste. We've been very close friends for three

275
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,000
Speaker 1: to four years, and I don't know what to do

276
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:50,000
Speaker 1: about it. I went to one of your concerts in

277
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 1: Utah at Green Canyons High School for our first date

278
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:59,040
Speaker 1: and she loves it. Okay, So let's recap here. Tyson

279
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,680
Speaker 1: recently moved to Arkansas from Utah. He was talking to

280
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,320
Speaker 1: a girl still is and they've been friends for three

281
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:11,120
Speaker 1: to four years. She says, if it's gonna elevate to

282
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 1: more than friends, he needs to move back to Utah.

283
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,920
Speaker 1: But he's worried that he doesn't want to waste his

284
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 1: time and money. So that's there. You go, like, let

285
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 1: me speak to you, Tayson, Taysa, I said, Tyson, his

286
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:30,000
Speaker 1: name is Taysan. Let me speak to you, bro. If

287
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 1: this girl was it for you, you wouldn't ask these questions.

288
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 1: You wouldn't ask me, is it worth my money? Is

289
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,240
Speaker 1: it worth my time? Like it? I don't know's it's

290
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,280
Speaker 1: like a lot of money to move back to Utah

291
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 1: and then it doesn't work out, Like what a waste? Bro?

292
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:53,800
Speaker 1: That's not love. Yeah, yeah, I mean nothing against Arkansas either.

293
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,560
Speaker 1: There's some beautiful parts of it. But I have a

294
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 1: special place in my heart for Utah. So it's just

295
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,440
Speaker 1: back to Utah man, like whether it gets you, uh

296
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,120
Speaker 1: it works out or not. Man, Utah is a great

297
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 1: place to be. But have you been in northwest Arkansas?

298
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:16,520
Speaker 1: Those hills now, the flowing streams, big trees, wildlife northwest

299
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,720
Speaker 1: like around Fayetteville is so beautiful. Utah is incredible. It's

300
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 1: God's country too. But I'm just saying that's what I said.

301
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 1: Nothing against Arkansas. I'm sure you guys got your good stuff.

302
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,800
Speaker 1: We drove through there many many times. Remember coming from

303
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 1: Nashville back to Texas for the I forty is the

304
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 1: worst part of always under construction. Hopefully Tayson, you're not

305
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,760
Speaker 1: around there, buddy. I would say, we're gonna do a

306
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,880
Speaker 1: vote me and Bernie. Should he move back for the girl?

307
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,640
Speaker 1: My votes no, My vote is no, Okay, for sure,

308
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:51,800
Speaker 1: there you go. Let's move on next question. But I

309
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 1: will say Tayson that I do understand the human condition

310
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 1: of truly feeling two polarized emotions, like I do love her,

311
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 1: but I am doubting, Like I understand that we do

312
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 1: live in this this and this is true for a

313
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,160
Speaker 1: lot of questions I've heard on the podcast, like they

314
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,280
Speaker 1: both can be true, and it's it's just weird mystery

315
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:24,880
Speaker 1: of human experience that we have of understanding and our

316
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 1: job to kind of empathize with both that maybe you

317
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:34,920
Speaker 1: do love her, but you know, like I understand kind

318
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,800
Speaker 1: of being torn, but you're also you love her, but

319
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 1: you're also like, man, you're trying to weigh the options.

320
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,399
Speaker 1: My gut says no. But I also say that you

321
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,240
Speaker 1: could just push into it maybe a little bit more.

322
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:51,240
Speaker 1: It's not like break up, but really start to examine

323
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 1: where your heart is for money and where your heart

324
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: is for her. And so to add that, the answer

325
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,880
Speaker 1: is wait, just wait, Yeah, just wait, just wait it out.

326
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 1: Wait until it's there's no question, Wait until there's no doubt.

327
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says fifty thousand dollars, Hey Granger,

328
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 1: About five years ago, I was in a car accident.

329
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,840
Speaker 1: The person I was with, their insurance gave me fifty

330
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. I went to court and signed documents for

331
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 1: this money. The court states this money will be put

332
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 1: into a locked CD at the bank until I turn eighteen. Well,

333
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 1: I got told by my mom that this money was

334
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: mine at twenty one. I've turned twenty one, and she

335
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 1: said the money's gone, that I spent it, but it

336
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 1: was supposed to be in the bank. I investigated. The

337
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,159
Speaker 1: check was taken to the bank by my mom and

338
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 1: she cashed it. There's no trail from there. I have

339
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: proof and everything. If I confront my mom, I'm afraid

340
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 1: I'll lose my relationship with siblings and nieces. I'm devastated

341
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: my mom would take that money for me. I had

342
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:56,359
Speaker 1: planned on paying off a car loan, putting something savings

343
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 1: for a home, and a few thousand for bills. Do

344
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 1: I confront her? Do I leave it? I'm so lost

345
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 1: and don't want to lose the relationship with that I

346
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,680
Speaker 1: have with my family. So this is actually an email

347
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 1: that I read on after midnight on the radio and

348
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,159
Speaker 1: answered it then, and honestly, I don't remember how I

349
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 1: answered it. So I'm lucky for you, Jordan. We're gonna

350
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 1: we're going to have a fresh take on this. But okay, Burns,

351
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: let's go through this story. He got fifty thousand dollars

352
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 1: in a car accident from insurance. That's a good chunk

353
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,359
Speaker 1: of money so great. It's not like one hundred dollars

354
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 1: that you can just forget about. It's life changing money

355
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, put in the bank. And

356
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: it was under eighteen when this happened. Like that's crazy,

357
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 1: Like I cannot imagine that much money as a teenager.

358
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 1: Now you find out the money's gone and it was spent.

359
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 1: So then you're worried about jeopardizing a relationship with your

360
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,639
Speaker 1: mom and your siblings over this confrontation. So where do

361
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 1: we go with Jordan? It's a great question. Yeah, I

362
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: think it's this is a very unique situation. Yeah, like

363
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,680
Speaker 1: a lot of questions that you get. I feel like, yeah,

364
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 1: this is very similar heartbreak, this is this one's is

365
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 1: the unicorn. So I feel like you can never go

366
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 1: wrong with humility and curiosity. That's good. So if you can,

367
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 1: if you can approach the conversation with your mom in

368
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 1: a very not a defensive way, in an interrogating way,

369
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: but like very humble and just ask questions and let

370
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 1: her kind of like fill in some of the gaps

371
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,360
Speaker 1: because you're, you know, asking like I don't know how

372
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 1: this could happen or what happened here? And if you

373
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:40,680
Speaker 1: can keep that fifty thousand dollars in your mind kind

374
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: of like as something that never existed, so it's it

375
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,360
Speaker 1: didn't it didn't like it, you didn't earn it. Yeah,

376
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,199
Speaker 1: you're If you can keep that mindset and go into it,

377
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:57,920
Speaker 1: I think that it will disarm your mom from any defensiveness,

378
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: and maybe you can get some of the answers, and

379
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 1: then I would go away. I wouldn't make I wouldn't

380
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 1: make this the conversation that you kind of dig your

381
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: heels in. I would just like ask questions, ask questions,

382
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: and then say, all right, thank you mom, I really

383
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 1: appreciate it. I'm gonna go ride my bike or whatever

384
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: you do. How what is he? He'e so one, Okay,

385
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go fishing and and just think about what

386
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,640
Speaker 1: she said. Okay, what does that mean for my future?

387
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: What does that mean for my future and my car payment?

388
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: What does that mean for my future with my mom

389
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 1: and my siblings, my nieces, whoever? He says? And then

390
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: maybe just think about your next step from there. So good.

391
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: So what that looks like pragmatically for you, Jordan, is

392
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,160
Speaker 1: you go to your mom and you just say, Mom,

393
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: can I talk with you, and this is not a text,

394
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: this is not an email, this is your You're going

395
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 1: to go and probably break bread together and have a meal,

396
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 1: and it's like, I want to talk to you something

397
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,199
Speaker 1: that that's been on my heart. The fousand and I

398
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 1: went to the bank and I know that you said

399
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: I spent it, but I talked to them and I

400
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: found this paper trail and it says that you cash

401
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: the check. And Mom, first of all, before you even

402
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 1: say anything, I just want to tell you that I

403
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 1: love you no matter what, and I don't ever want

404
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 1: money to come in between me and you and my

405
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: siblings because family is more important than that. So whatever

406
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 1: you did with it, Mom, I just want to let

407
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: you know I still love you. And it's just I

408
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: just would love to know. Like Bernie said, I'm just

409
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: kind of curious if you had a plan, like maybe

410
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: maybe there was a plan for me, or if not,

411
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 1: if it was a mistake. I understand that too, but

412
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 1: I would just like to get it out on the table.

413
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 1: And by doing that instead of going, mom, I found

414
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: the paper trail. Here it is, fork up the money,

415
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 1: fork up the cash. Where's it at? That's the last

416
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,360
Speaker 1: thing you ever want to do because if you bring

417
00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 1: this humility and curiosity, I love those two words, Bernie said,

418
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: very well lead to your mom saying I'm sorry, Jordan,

419
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm embarrassed. I didn't want to tell you,

420
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: but I also want to make it up to you.

421
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 1: I don't have the money, but I would like to

422
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: start making payments. I feel like it's the right thing

423
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: to do. I think it could very well lead to that.

424
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: So you could end up with the fifty thousand. But

425
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 1: at the same time, if you don't, you got to

426
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: be ready with this humility that maybe you'll never see

427
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: it again, and it's not worth jeopardizing the relationship with

428
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,479
Speaker 1: your mama. Yeah for sure. Yeah, you got to keep

429
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 1: your expectations in check here, So don't expect that money's gone.

430
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: If it ever existed, it's gone. And yeah, you're just

431
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: you're just wanting to bridge the gap between you and

432
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: your mom. That's all you can do at this point.

433
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: And I mean, you have a lot of opportunity here

434
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 1: to show her a ton of grace and understanding. And

435
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 1: we hope that you don't end up on Judge Judy

436
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: in some civil you know, like cour cases like I

437
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: tried the Greatest bith Podcast. But I didn't get what

438
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: I want, so I'm going to judge you don't do that. Yeah, okay,

439
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 1: you asked two questions. Do I confront her do I

440
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 1: leave it? I'd say neither. You definitely don't leave it,

441
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 1: and you definitely don't confront her. Instead, you have an

442
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: open conversation full of humility and grace. Yep, yeah, all right,

443
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: let's take a break, be right back. Thanks for listening

444
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 1: to the podcast. You know, you could always get a

445
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: hold of me through Cameo. You go to cameo dot

446
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith, and I could record a video

447
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 1: message for you or for anybody else. You make the

448
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 1: special request for an anniversary or a birthday or a

449
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: PEP talk or whatever it might be, and I record

450
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: it on my phone and send it to you. Super simple.

451
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: You could use it as a gift or for yourself.

452
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 1: You could also download the Cameo app and search for

453
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: me Granger Smith. I do this every day, so it's

454
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: something I'm used to doing, and as the request comes in,

455
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: I'll knock it out for you. It's also important to

456
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: say that if you want to meet me in person,

457
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: you could do that as well. If you come to

458
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 1: one of my tour dates, which you could find at

459
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 1: grangersmith dot com. You find the tour dates on that

460
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: front home page and on the show itself. On the

461
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: individual show it says VIP Experience. Click on that, and

462
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 1: that is how you can come before my show and

463
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: meet me and we could talk about whatever you want

464
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 1: and take a picture. I could sign anything for you.

465
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: But it's a great thing that we've set up for

466
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 1: every single tour date that we have to make it

467
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: available so we can meet face to face. Back to

468
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: the podcast, next question, back to these subject line says

469
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: working out. It says, I'd like to remain anonymous, but

470
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: I'd like to know how to stick with actually working out.

471
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 1: I've tried to stick with it, but I just can't. Yeah,

472
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: great question, and Bernie is a great guest for this question.

473
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: And I think we've done this before maybe, but we're

474
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: going to approach it from two different ways, and so

475
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: there's no right answer to this. But but it's a

476
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: solid question, and it's people deal with this daily. People

477
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: know that they need they want to work out, they

478
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 1: need to work out, they know they're going to feel better,

479
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: but just having the motivation to stick with something is

480
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: very difficult. Where do you start with this? Well, I

481
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: would probably start just by asking, I mean, we can

482
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: get into, like you said, the practical habit forming, like

483
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: how do we how do we wire our brains to

484
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: form new habits and stick with those things, which I

485
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: think you can definitely hit on the first question, I

486
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: would kind of ask just to understand, not for me

487
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: to understand, but maybe for you to understand why it

488
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: is you can't stick to it because a lot of

489
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: times there's there's an insecurity, or there's a lack of confidence,

490
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: or there's something going on a little bit below the

491
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: surface as to why you can't stick with that thing.

492
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: So I would just start by asking you to kind

493
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: of sit and think about that, like what what is it?

494
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: Is it? Because I'm afraid that if I actually do

495
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: work out, I'm not going to like get the results

496
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,959
Speaker 1: that I want, or that it's going to be too

497
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: hard and mentally, I know that I'm not tough enough

498
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: to like continue this habit and where did that come from?

499
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 1: If you can start to unpack some of those things,

500
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: I feel like the practical steps will be easier to

501
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 1: pile up. But I don't know where do you go there?

502
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: I love that and so then so then after that,

503
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 1: jumping into the practical, you want to remove obstacles that

504
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: are hindering you from working out, and those could be

505
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: It could be a scheduling thing, like you just you

506
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: just need to get up earlier, Like sometimes that clears

507
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: up the schedule. You're just going to get up before

508
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: your first activity. The other thing is maybe the drive

509
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: to the gym is too far, so you're like, well,

510
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: it's raining and it's a it's a thirty minute drive

511
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: to the gym. That's an hour round on trip that

512
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 1: could get you. So maybe you're like you need to

513
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: work out in the garage kind of person. There's also

514
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: maybe you don't know what to do when you're there,

515
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: Like that's a big deal. Oh, for sure. A lot

516
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 1: of people get to the gym I'd say probably most

517
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: people and they just kind of meander around and pick

518
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: up random things and do curls with them. It's like,

519
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 1: I'm working out, So having a plan before you go

520
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: is a big deal. I'll talk about that in a second.

521
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: I've watched so much TV at the gym, by the way,

522
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 1: just to like empathize with you guys. Yeah, I don't

523
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 1: do anymore. I work out my garage probably for that reason. Yeah,

524
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: but it's very easy just be like yeah, so yeah,

525
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: I'll talk about that too. And then last thing I'll say,

526
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 1: and this is like the most trivial thing I could

527
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: possibly say. But you know what's crazy. Buying new tennis

528
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: shoes is crazy what it does. And I'm not talking

529
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: about don't spend a lot of money. No one should

530
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 1: spend a lot of money on tennis shoes, but just

531
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: having a new pair of sneakers and putting those out

532
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: the night before to get ready. There's something about getting

533
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: up and being like, I got some new shoes a

534
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: bunch of My son Lincoln, he got new shoes yesterday

535
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: for school, and he loves them so much that he

536
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: wanted to sleep in him last night. Nice convinced him

537
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: that let's not sleep in them. But he laid out

538
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: his clothes and he put his pants and his shirt

539
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: on the floor, and then his shoes sticking up out

540
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: of the pants. Like that's how excited he was to

541
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: wake up. So as soon as the alarm went off,

542
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: he jumps up and he gets on his he puts

543
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: on his clothes like that. That's crazy what just that

544
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: small change in routine would do to him. So sometimes

545
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: it could be as easy as that. Okay, so now

546
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: let's dive into the other stuff. I also work out

547
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: in the garage because I found out that the gem like,

548
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: we live in the country, so going to the gym

549
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: was at least twenty minutes there, at least twenty minutes back.

550
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: So if I'm not using that time to listen to

551
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: a podcast or a sermon or something on YouTube, then

552
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: I don't always have time for the extra forty minutes

553
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: of driving. So I moved it to some simple stuff

554
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: in my garage, and then I think, what the most

555
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,719
Speaker 1: important thing is having a plan. Having a plan, you

556
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: could do a million different kinds of things depending on

557
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: what you like, depending on what your body does. I

558
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: wouldn't get into something that you hate consistently. That's a

559
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 1: different conversation for a different day, doing things you hate.

560
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: But for instance me, I don't like running. I don't

561
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: like jogging. I've tried it for years and I cannot

562
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: like it. I'm convinced my body is just not built

563
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: for it. I'm more of a strength training guy, and

564
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: I still get good results from strength training, so I

565
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: have built a routine around something I actually like. So

566
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: to you, anonymous, you could be a runner. Like maybe

567
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: you hate weights, you don't like strength training, you don't

568
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: like CrossFit, but you could go out and run around

569
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: the block and that, for you is an exercise. Maybe

570
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: you do push ups at the stop signs or something

571
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: like that. But having a plan before you go to bed,

572
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 1: ideally a plan on Sunday for the week, so you

573
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: know what you're doing Monday through Friday, and you know

574
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: that on Monday and Tuesday you're gonna do this. On

575
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: Wednesday you're gonna rest, and on Thursday and Friday you're

576
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: gonna do this. And you stick with that plan that

577
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: you make on a Sunday. You write it down, you

578
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 1: put it on a sign right by where your keys

579
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 1: are in your kitchen whatever, you hang it on the

580
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: fridge on a magnet. But you're gonna stick with that

581
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 1: plan because that's the plan you made. The worst thing

582
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: you could do is wake up and go, oh yeah,

583
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: I gotta work out what am I gonna do? I

584
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: don't know. I guess I'll skip. So practically we'll go

585
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: into what Bernie does. I'll go into what I do.

586
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: But I would also say with that finding a buddy,

587
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: finding somebody else, that's like, man, I want to start

588
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: working out, so you have maybe a little accountability is

589
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: always good. That's really good. So I didn't go there,

590
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: that's great. Unpack that. Yeah. So a couple of friends

591
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: of mine own a training center at swift Fit at

592
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: X if you want to follow him, Andy and Courtney.

593
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 1: So I started working out with Andy years ago. We

594
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: started doing the hill workouts and now we do some

595
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: string training stuff and just that knowing like, well, dude,

596
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: he's gonna be at that hill waiting for me to

597
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: show up, and he's thinking the same thing, like it

598
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: gets you out of bed and gets you going whenever

599
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: you have somebody that I mean. I had a buddy

600
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 1: named Granger who told his buddy Bernie on a podcast

601
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: he didn't like running, and then all of a sudden,

602
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 1: Bernie felt like, hey, we got some accountability going. I'm

603
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: gonna make him a runner. Guys, just wait and see.

604
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: You may take some time, but I'm gonna get this

605
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: guy running. I'm just saying like, if you have accountability

606
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: and you have some like partnership in these things, it

607
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: can definitely be helpful. Man. I love that. Yeah, I

608
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: didn't think about that. Because you have a buddy you're

609
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: gonna meet at seven am. It makes it a lot

610
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: hard to skip because you're like, he's already going. I

611
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 1: can't let him down, like he's dressed in going there.

612
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: I can't call him and say I don't feel like going.

613
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: So that's dude, that's huge. And the thing I think

614
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: Jordan Peterson said this, like, don't try to do all

615
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: of this stuff on the first day, Like, just start

616
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: with something very small that is attainable. Start with that

617
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,959
Speaker 1: and be diligent with that for like two weeks and

618
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: then okay, then I'm gonna do a little bit more.

619
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: Just start very small, something you can maintain totally. So

620
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: what I do personally, this is just a lot of

621
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: years figuring out how my brain works and my body works.

622
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: But I stumbled on eight years ago. I stumbled onto

623
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: this Beach Body app. It's the same one has like

624
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: P ninety x and tons of different types of training.

625
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: So it's beach Body app. I think that's what it is.

626
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: And I stumbled onto that, and I found this program

627
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: inside Beach Body called body Beast, and it's this trainer

628
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: named Segi and he does strength training, and the workouts

629
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: are like anywhere between thirty minutes in an hour, and

630
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: he has like upper body, it's called bulk chest. He

631
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: does back legs, shoulders, arms, total body, you name it.

632
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,280
Speaker 1: He's got it on this app and it's just these programs.

633
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: You press play and it walks through the video and

634
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: he does these timed workouts and he does it with you,

635
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: with people in the video, other guys that he's training,

636
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: and after a while you memorize it. I've done it

637
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: for eight years and you memorize it, so you don't

638
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,800
Speaker 1: even have to watch it. I don't even watch it anymore,

639
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 1: just listen. And so he walks me through these workouts. Now,

640
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,800
Speaker 1: the great thing for me is Sam at a hotel

641
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 1: and I'm traveling, I'm like, I gotta go work out,

642
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: and I don't want to. It's rare that I'm like,

643
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: I can't wait to work out, man, this is gonna

644
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 1: be awesome. Like sometimes I think that, but most times

645
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: I don't. Most times I'm like, I don't really want

646
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: and I've got this thing coming up at this time

647
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 1: and I need to hurry up. But what's amazing about

648
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: my program with Beach Body is all I have to

649
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 1: do is press play. That's the only motivation I need

650
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: is press play. I put my earbuds in and no

651
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: matter what mood I'm in, I go to the hotel,

652
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 1: gym or in my garage if I'm home, and I

653
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: press play and keep up. That's all I have to do.

654
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 1: Keep up. And then after like five minutes, when your

655
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: heart rate comes up, you're good, Like, okay, I'm good now.

656
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: It's the beginning when you're cold that it's the hardest.

657
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: So you know day by day and I do at

658
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 1: the minimum three workouts a week, at the maximum five

659
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 1: works out of workouts a week, and all I do

660
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: is press play. So I anonymous. This is a long

661
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 1: way of saying I hear you, and you're not alone,

662
00:35:54,960 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 1: and there's ways to get around this. Okay. Oh and

663
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: you can read Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins. That

664
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 1: will motivate you too. That'll definitely motivate you, okay. Next

665
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 1: question says career advice needed. Mister Smith big a fan

666
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: of your music and your podcast, looking for advice regarding

667
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: possible change and employment. I'm a police officer and was

668
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: promoted to a supervisor five years ago. My goal is

669
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: to become a chief in my department, but my current

670
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 1: chief will be around for another nine years or so.

671
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: There is an opportunity in a neighboring community to become

672
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: a chief. I love the city and the people I

673
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: currently work with, but career wise, it makes sense to

674
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: take the leap. I'm torn over the decision, and my

675
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: wife tells me just do what makes me happy and

676
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: supports me either way. In my decision, I'm excited about

677
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,399
Speaker 1: the opportunity, but anxious about the unknown. Maybe you could

678
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 1: provide some words of wisdom that can help me clear

679
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: my head. Okay, so does he say his name? He does, Rob? Rob.

680
00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:00,959
Speaker 1: I read this question also on After Midnight and because

681
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: I thought it was a great question, and I think

682
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 1: that this is something we could definitely unpack with you.

683
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 1: And and I'm and this is one of these questions

684
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: where you could do whatever you want, and you're not wrong,

685
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 1: like you could you could move on and become a

686
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 1: chief in this neighboring community, or you could stay where

687
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 1: you are with your current supervisor. You're not wrong in

688
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: either thing, but I think I could I could want

689
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: to point you towards one of the two directions. And

690
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,720
Speaker 1: I want to kind of unpack this slowly with with Bernie.

691
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: Here in today's culture, we are a move to the

692
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: shiny objects as fast as possible type culture. That's that's

693
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: just what we do. Our fathers, grandfathers, and especially our

694
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: great grandfathers were not like that. You hear these stories

695
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 1: of grandfathers that worked one job for forty years in

696
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: a factory and they never said I'm looking to improve

697
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 1: and do something else. So there's no thing wrong with improving,

698
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: And I think that's what makes the American culture unique

699
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:05,959
Speaker 1: in that way of the Western culture. I should say,

700
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: but I would say there is there is a lot

701
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 1: of value for you and your loyalty to be under

702
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 1: this current supervisor because he's going to be this chief.

703
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:20,240
Speaker 1: My goal is to become the chief of my department,

704
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 1: but the current chief will be around it for nine years.

705
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:27,320
Speaker 1: I think there's there is some incredible value to work

706
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 1: under this chief for nine years, and then when he's gone,

707
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 1: you graduate to head of that department. You become chief.

708
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: You love your community and you love your chief. You

709
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: love this department, and you're gonna you're gonna have You're

710
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: gonna learn so much from him. You're gonna learn about loyalty.

711
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn about the job itself if you just stay,

712
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,919
Speaker 1: just stay and wait and be patient, because you also

713
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 1: don't know what's gonna happen in nine years. But you

714
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: could move on, there's nothing wrong with moving on, and

715
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: you could become a chief tomorrow. But what does that

716
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: say for your own loyalty? What does that say about

717
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 1: who you are? That you went after the next shiny object?

718
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: And I would just want to I want to think

719
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 1: about that for a second with you. Yeah, I think

720
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: the it doesn't matter if you're a police officer or

721
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,959
Speaker 1: musician or business owner or whatever you're doing. I think

722
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: that relationships really make the world go round, and relationships

723
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 1: are our avenue to really minister our beliefs and to

724
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,359
Speaker 1: serve people. Pastor at a church, pastor at a church.

725
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: I think that while the position you would be moving

726
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: to would feel like a promotion, you are basically starting

727
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: over because you don't know any of those people. There's

728
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: no It's like, if you move there, they don't know

729
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: you well enough to have grace maybe for your mistakes.

730
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: They're just holding you to an expectation of chief. When

731
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: if you stayed and you were there for nine more

732
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 1: years on learning and studying under the current chief, really

733
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: pouring into the community of your the people that you

734
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 1: work with, your coworkers, serving the people around you. When

735
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: you do get that, if and when Lord will and

736
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: you get that promotion to chief, I feel like you're

737
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: going to be able to serve people in such a

738
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 1: greater capacity. And also they're going to know you as

739
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: a human and as a person that they could possibly

740
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 1: show you, show you more grace, and show you more

741
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,959
Speaker 1: respect and all that stuff. The last thing that I'll say,

742
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: I actually have somebody in my life that is going

743
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: actually called me last week to ask a very similar question,

744
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: and I don't know if he wants to be out there,

745
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 1: so Josh, I'm not gonna tell him who it is.

746
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 1: But but what I told him was man only you know,

747
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: and you know in the Book of James, it definitely

748
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 1: tells us some guidance. It says like, no man should

749
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 1: say I'm going to move here for a year and

750
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: do business, but instead, if the Lord wills it, I

751
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: will go here and I will do this. So I

752
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 1: think you spending time. You're the only one that knows. Man.

753
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:32,240
Speaker 1: I think you spending time in prayer and just talking

754
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: you're talking with your wife and all of these things,

755
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,919
Speaker 1: and really understanding, man, where does where does God want

756
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: me to worship him through my work? Where? Where is

757
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: it that? Where God? Where do you want me? And

758
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: then just be sensitive to that. And I think there's

759
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: a lot of freedom in that. But that would be

760
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: that would be my advice to this student. Dude, Rob,

761
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: I think you got your head on straight. You got

762
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 1: a great life that's supporting you and just wants you

763
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: to be happy in either decision. So I think you

764
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: got your head on straight. I don't think you're going

765
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: to make a wrong decision either way. I just want

766
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: to kind of just bring up the fact that staying

767
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,399
Speaker 1: and being loyal to the current chief has a lot

768
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 1: of value in it. I know that there's more money

769
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: at the next job and there's more prestige, but there

770
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: is still value where you are in your current department,

771
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: especially if you brought that to chief now and you

772
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 1: just said, Hey, Chief, I just want to tell you

773
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 1: I got an opportunity to have your position in the

774
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: neighboring community. But I love this city, I love this community,

775
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: and I would rather stick it out with you, and

776
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: I feel like I could learn a lot from your

777
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: chief man. Can you imagine all he would say to

778
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 1: that and make it clear that like, hey, when you

779
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: decide to retire, like I want to be your successor. Yeah,

780
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 1: but I want to take the time and learn from you.

781
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,240
Speaker 1: That's going to speak volumes to the other people. They're like, Wow,

782
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: this leader chose to serve us instead of just serving

783
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: himself and going somewhere else. And let me stop and say,

784
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 1: because my father was a police officer for thirty five years,

785
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: thank you for your service. Thank you, and thank you

786
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: for giving your life to serve and protect the way

787
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: that you are. Dude, good for you, Rob Awesome. Let's

788
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: hit another one. Oh funny, this one says workout routine.

789
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 1: It says, Hey, your name is Brett. I live in Brandon, Mississippi.

790
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 1: My whole family loves your music and your show. I

791
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: have some off topic question. Can you give tip strategies

792
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: workout routine for people who are working out for muscle gain? Well,

793
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 1: there you go, that's cool. We kind of answered it

794
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 1: in Yeah, so just hit that little button on your

795
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 1: phone that's like fifteen seconds. Just go back, go back,

796
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: go back up and then yeah, yeah, veach body app Segie.

797
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 1: It's called body beast. That's that's all I have to say.

798
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,879
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says how long should I wait?

799
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: Grand your money is Zach. I'm twenty six years old

800
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: from Central Iowa. Been talking to this girl who recently

801
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 1: came out of a relationship. We have a lot in

802
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 1: common and we connect really well, but she says she

803
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: just isn't ready for a relationship again at this time.

804
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 1: I understand her feelings and I respect them, but I'm

805
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: not sure if I should continue being there for her

806
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: and being a good friend while waiting for her to

807
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: be ready, or if I should just move on from

808
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: this and continue with my life. Any advice would be

809
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: very helpful. Thank you, God bless hey Zach, thanks for

810
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: the email. Shout out to Central Iowa. And it's a

811
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: good question. It's a pickle you're in for sure, because

812
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,320
Speaker 1: you have feelings for this girl. She's a great girl.

813
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 1: She doesn't reciprocate those feelings. She's just not ready. So

814
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: let's go back to We've said this before, Bernie and

815
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: I have said this before, but that what she's saying,

816
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: she just isn't ready for a relationship at this time

817
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: is a front for I like you, I don't like you.

818
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: I don't like you in that way, and you need

819
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: to hear that from us, and you need to hear

820
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: it from the echoes of everyone else listening, going yes, yes,

821
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:59,320
Speaker 1: that is a very polite way of saying I'm not

822
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 1: into you, Zach, I'm not into you, because because no

823
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:06,359
Speaker 1: one in their right mind finding someone that their heart

824
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: screams yes for could resist the heart and say just

825
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,839
Speaker 1: not ready for a relationship at this time. So what

826
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: do you do with that information? What do you do

827
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: now that you know that, now that you've heard that

828
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 1: from me, what do you do? Well, you're right, you

829
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: are right in thinking that it's going to be very

830
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: difficult to be there for her as a friend while

831
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: you're screaming to have a relationship from within, and it's

832
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: very hard. It's hard for you. And I think this

833
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 1: is where I would go first. Burn You can go

834
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: second on this if you think the same thing or not.

835
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: But I would think that this is communication that you

836
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,439
Speaker 1: have with her about this exact thing, as truthful as

837
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: you can, and just say, listen, could I talk with you?

838
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: I think I think we have a great friendship and

839
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: I love it I cherish it, and I of me

840
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 1: doesn't want to lose that friendship. But at the same time,

841
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 1: I see us more than friends, and I have feelings

842
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,719
Speaker 1: that are more than friends, and I think if it's

843
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 1: lopsided like this, I might be better backing off from

844
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 1: the friendship and pulling away a little bit because it's

845
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: hard for me. And I'm so sorry if you don't understand,

846
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: but I need to back off this friendship and then

847
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,880
Speaker 1: put it in her court. Yeah, I completely agree. I

848
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: think that's your only move. Yeah, I think you need

849
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,279
Speaker 1: to back away. And if you guys are really as

850
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: good a friends as you say, and like she really

851
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 1: cares for you, she's gonna, you know, say, yeah, I

852
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: totally understand. Let's just have some space and you know,

853
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,439
Speaker 1: maybe check in down the road, but don't put any

854
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: expectation on it. I would just kind of move on.

855
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: There could be a time down the road where man,

856
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: you've just kind of had some space, you've moved on,

857
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: maybe you meet somebody new, maybe you haven't, but y'all

858
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 1: run into each other. It's like, oh man, yeah, it

859
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: was so good to see them. But this is what

860
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: happens when the heart changes, like it can change the

861
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 1: dynamic of relationships and they could be changed forever. And

862
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we just want to hold on to

863
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: something that was, and it's like we just really need

864
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: to release it and say, Okay, well I'm going to

865
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: accept what it will be. And I don't know what

866
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: that is, but I'm not going to control you know,

867
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 1: I'm not going to control it. So I think Granger's right.

868
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: I think that's your only move you're putting without knowing it.

869
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,360
Speaker 1: You're putting up a force field around you. By waiting

870
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: on her and waiting on her to come around. You're

871
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 1: putting up this shield around you that's blocking anyone else

872
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,280
Speaker 1: that can come into your life that might be actually

873
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 1: better than her. So that's that's damaging because you're ready

874
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: for a relationship. You're ready to be looking for someone

875
00:47:56,320 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 1: that has that has aligned themselves with your way of life,

876
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: and you're blocking that person right now because you're waiting

877
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 1: on someone that's not interested in you. See how that

878
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 1: sounds like when you put it that way, it's not

879
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 1: worth it. Yeah, love you guys. We will see you

880
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 1: next Monday. Ee. All right, see you. Thanks for joining

881
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys,

882
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: you could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

883
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that

884
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you

885
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have

886
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,

887
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi