WEBVTT - We Choose ... Q&A with Fiona Facinelli (pt 1) 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:09.240 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone, 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:13.080 welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.439 the choices we make, and today's episode is gonna be 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:21.920 a little different and probably a little emotional. My baby 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:26.079 bird Fiona is joining me before she goes off to 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:32.160 college for a mommy and me advice episode. You've sent 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:34.920 us in some questions and we are so excited to 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:39.040 get to them. You asked about communication, how to handle 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:44.800 smothering parents, divorce, celebrity, and yes we even talk about 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:48.720 sex and of course what it really means to choose 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:55.280 yourself in a whole new chapter. Here we go. I 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.120 think Fiona, you should take the first question because I 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:02.000 can see here that it's gonna just throw us right 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:02.840 into the deep end. 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:07.639 Yeah, okay, Well, the first question is from Jenny Martin 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.760 for a weight, How can I tell my mom I 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:12.160 want to get on birth control? 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:22.119 Well? Yeah, like I said, here we go. Okay, So 0:01:22.240 --> 0:01:25.399 I mean, how did you tell me? Let's start with that. 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:29.440 Yeah. Well, I think I'm fortunate enough to have kind 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:32.240 of an open relationship with you. When I feel like 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:34.240 I need something, I come and talk to you. So 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.640 I feel like I kind of just asked you if 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:39.600 you could sit down and talk with me about it. 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:41.000 I remember that and. 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:41.800 Are you scared? 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:44.880 I feel like I wasn't scared because I knew that 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.880 it's not something to be embarrassed by. I mean, whether 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.240 you're using it for sex or using it for just 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:55.320 like irregular periods or anything like that. I feel like 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.960 it's something every woman should have access to. So I 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:01.200 didn't feel embarrassed to you and asking. 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:01.640 You that's great. 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:06.040 I know that some people have different situations, though, so 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:11.280 I would say that if you're worried or if you 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:12.760 feel like you can't really go to your mom and 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:16.440 talking about I feel like just being open and as 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.120 honest as possible. I know that at first I was 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:21.200 kind of nervous to tell you that it was like 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:24.000 for sex purposes, Like I didn't at first, I was 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:25.680 like kind of blamed it all my periods, and I 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.400 know a lot of my friends that have also done that, 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:30.840 been like, yeah, my periods are really bad, but actually 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:32.960 it was because like we didn't want to get pregnant. 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:38.360 But yeah, I mean, were you, like, what did you 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:39.840 feel when I came to you and talked to. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.280 You about it? Well? Lucky for you, you have two 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:47.560 older sisters, so this wasn't new territory for me, and 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.240 I kind of thought, you probably talk to your friends 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.240 about it, talk to your sisters about it, and you 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:57.240 certainly probably you know everything about everything now because of 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:00.440 just the way the world works, you have access to 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:03.960 to anything you want to know about. Back in Mott 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.160 when I was going to my mom, it was a 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:08.639 very different situation. And if you do want to hear 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:13.120 a terrible slash funny slash awkward slash terrible story, Yes, 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:21.320 So I went. We went to the Planned parenthood, my 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:27.240 mom and I in the valley. Yeah, it's been around 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:31.320 a long time. Yeah, And my mom went in there 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.640 and it was to go on birth control because I 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:40.400 had irregular period and I had a boyfriend and I 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:43.200 just wanted to be safe and I didn't want to 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:47.320 have a baby without, you know, being ready for it. 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.640 So we went in and the appointment was to explore 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:58.160 birth control options. So they took for some reason, they 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:01.000 took either it was al it must have been a 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.200 yeurine test because we got the results right away. So 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:04.840 we got I took a year ine test. We're sitting 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:09.040 in this doctor or this clinician's office and they come 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:11.320 in the room and my mom and I are just 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.440 waiting for what she's gonna say, and she says, well, 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:21.760 you're pregnant. And I was like what, And then all 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:25.240 of a sudden, like the cat was out of the bag. 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:27.159 Was the boyfriend my dad? 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:32.599 No? No, I think it was before your dad. Oh yeah. 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:40.360 But it was like I was instantly just like read 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.920 all over. I was hot, like sweaty, like I didn't 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:44.560 know what to do because I had, in that moment 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:47.400 to be honest with my mom in the most uncomfortable 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:51.280 situation about the fact that I had already had sex 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:54.760 and that I had been lying to her about it, 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:59.440 and that was a lot more traumatic and dramatic than 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.080 if I had I had just gone to her and 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:02.839 talked to her about it, I think. But I too 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.039 was really scared to talk to my mom about to 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.559 the point where I actually lied and hid the truth 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:09.440 from her. Yeah. 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.120 I feel like that can be the case a lot, 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:14.760 Like you just kind of don't say anything and you 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:19.560 know you're safe obviously, but the safest way is to 0:05:19.680 --> 0:05:22.359 get on birth control. So I think there are a 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.359 lot of side effects though, So I feel or like, 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:28.000 you know, there's so many so I feel like talking 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:30.520 to your mom and figuring out the best option is 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:32.920 something that is best for your body. 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.640 I know when we did it, we talked about it 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:41.400 and then I urged you, being over eighteen, to go 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:46.040 to your gynecologist or gynecologist and just have a really open, 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:48.920 honest conversation with her. And it's really important you guys, 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:52.799 that you find a gynecologist or a doctor, a female 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:56.039 doctor for your daughters. That is somebody that they can 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.960 feel safe and comfortable to talk to. I highly reckon 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:03.960 commend a female and I know in our situations that 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:08.919 has been a lot more kind of comfortable. Don't you 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.280 want to know if I had a baby or not? Yeah? 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.480 I was like, I don't know. You didn't even ask 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:14.560 about the end of that story. 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:15.400 Yeah, did you? 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.320 No? It was someone else's urine test. 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:18.440 Oh my god. 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.920 So cut to me and my mom having this emotional 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:24.200 like breakdown in they left the room. It was just 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:28.600 me and my mom and like truth time, and then 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.880 you're like, mom, I have been But then she came 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.560 back in, Oh oops, that was not your pee, that 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:35.480 was someone else's peak. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:36.440 Oh my god. 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:40.520 I was furious tru always comes out yep, so so true. 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.920 I just think it's important to open up the channels 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:47.880 of discussion, you know, because there's nothing you shouldn't talk 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.360 to your mom about. There's nothing, you know, there's nothing embarrassing. 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:54.000 Like you said, there's no shame around it. It's a 0:06:54.120 --> 0:07:00.480 natural thing and it deserves, you know, feeling comfortable. Okay, 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.000 I'm gonna ask the next question. This is from Emily Underscore, USA. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:08.880 I can't talk Oh hey, another sex question. Great. I 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:12.480 can't talk to my parents about sex, but I'm eighteen 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:16.600 and I want to try. I have questions about birth control, 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:18.880 but my friends seem like they know as little as me. 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:25.080 What do I do? So at school, like I don't 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.000 know how this works. Like in the girls' locker room, 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:30.360 you guys all talking about like what do you use? 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:32.679 Are you on birth control? Not really? 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:35.960 No, that's I mean, you don't really talk about the details. 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:37.800 I mean girls more so than guys. I can get 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.280 into like what happened and all that. But obviously I 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:45.160 think like if a friend needed a conum like you 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.560 would go with them. I remember I would go. I 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.880 went to my friend to CBS one time to get 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:54.120 some so it's so embarrassing to tell you. 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:56.520 That a lot of times, so that's how it happens. 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.600 Girls are more comfortable talking to their girlfriends about stuff 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.520 like that then they're moms. But a lot of times 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:06.960 the girlfriends, like Emily is saying, they know as little 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.520 as she did. Yeah, so they're not really getting the 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.480 best information. Like what do you recommend if kids don't 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.880 feel comfortable talking to their parents, maybe they don't have 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.280 any family that they can go to, Like what do 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:19.280 they do? Yeah? 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:22.320 I think you know, there are some amazing sites online, 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.880 like I know one called a maize dot org that's 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:27.520 really great. It gives you all the information that you 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.320 need and if you feel like you can't talk to 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:33.040 your own about it, I feel that it's a great 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:37.000 alternative option for you. What is it, am amazed dot org? 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:37.800 Oh amazing. 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.080 I actually learned about it. Yeah in school. It's a 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:44.120 great website to try. Okay, cool, just finding someone or 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:46.880 an internet source that can tell you what you need 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:50.600 to hear before you go ahead and do it, you know, 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:54.280 because I think the most important thing the first time 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:56.440 is feeling really comfortable and if you even are like 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.920 the slightest bit uncomfortable. Then you're not ready, you know, 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:02.280 like you need to feel one hundred percent like you 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.000 know what's gonna happen, you know what you're doing, you 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.760 know how to handle it, and you're not gonna feel 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.440 upset or regretful after. 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.120 Yeah, that that's not a good feeling. Yeah, Okay, maybe 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.240 we'll just take a break from sex questions. Second, I 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:19.200 need a little moment. 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:24.520 Okay, Next question. M M r Ray forty two says, Oh, 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:28.960 wonders if Fiona me is worried that people are going 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.840 to know that I'm your daughter, how will I manage 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:36.520 being a celebrity kid on campus? I mean kind of 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:39.200 my whole life, I've had to like navigate that. I 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.200 feel like, growing up in LA there are a lot 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:46.280 of other celebrity kids, so it's kind of it's not 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:49.880 the biggest deal is I mean, I don't. 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:51.800 Think it's like the biggest here. Yeah, like the. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:56.839 Biggest deal here. I think when people notice that or 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.040 they like are like, oh, I love your dad in 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:01.080 this movie, your mom, and to know they kind of 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:03.559 just they talk to me about it. I don't think 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.520 it feels ever feels like super weird to be your daughter. 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.040 I mean it is cool, but I think it's like 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:12.719 something that people like stop me and be like, oh 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:13.080 my god. 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:18.040 Yeah, well what about like when remember my biggest fan, 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.640 your friend at school? Oh, they would get really excited 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.800 when I would come around, which was uncomfortable for you. Yeah, no, 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:25.880 I do remember that. 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:29.920 They they I have had. Like the worst thing was 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:33.240 in high school when people would just like pull up 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.240 like videos or pictures and like just like show me 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.719 or just kind of like always talk about it, or 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.280 like weirdly like videos of me online because if you 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:44.160 look up my name, like pictures of me at like 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:45.520 age seven come up. 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:50.280 And so just having those pictures though, yeah, like video compilations. 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:55.040 Compilations of our family. Yeah, and so that is that's 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:58.120 a little hard, but I feel like managing that. I 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:01.520 just I mean, that's my family. It's not I don't 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.760 think it's anything. It is out of the normal, but 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:05.640 for me, it's normal. 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:09.959 So yeah, well, I'll try to wear like a disguise 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:12.079 when I'll move you into say. 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:13.760 Sometimes it's kind of cool, like if like one of 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.480 my professors is a fan, maybe they'll give me. 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:18.920 Oh that's true. It does work in your favor sometimes 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.520 with the teachers because they're usually a little bit more 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.840 into like that world, or like they are familiar with 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.480 me because maybe they watched the show when they were younger. 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:28.400 Yeah, definitely. 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.040 Yeah. I actually loved it because I was like, ooh, 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:34.839 maybe if they like me, then they'll be nicer to her. 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:37.520 Yeah. But that's why I was always like, mom, people 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:41.120 come to remember. I was always begging you to come. 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:42.320 And I was like, no, I can't do it, I 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:51.680 can't do it. But I did it. Yeah, Okay, I 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:56.880 have a question from s underscore Mushkin. How did you 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.400 balance giving your daughter freedom while still making sure she 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:05.280 knows you're there for her. Gee? Yeah, yeah, Well, instead 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:09.280 of like calling her every five minutes or texting her 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:12.880 for five minutes, I would just look at your location 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:15.480 and check where you are, because that would give me 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:17.840 like either a sense of comfort or a sense of panic. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:20.000 And if it gave me a sense of panic, then 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.720 I would start like berating you with text messages constantly, 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:24.960 and I would freak out. But no, I'm just kidding. 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.040 It's actually this time in your life is a really 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:34.000 great opportunity to kind of create a whole new kind 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:39.480 of connection with your almost grown child. And I found 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:42.319 that when kids come home for breaks, I think it's 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:46.120 really important to make that not like let's do your 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:50.240 laundry and like me interrogating you about what's been going on, 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.160 how are your grades, are you getting your homeworkun what's 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:55.719 the work load? Like just kind of trying to make 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:59.160 that when the visit home, make it more of a 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:04.800 special occasion, more fun, a little bit more lighthearted. Maybe 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:08.440 plan little things together, like let's go to lunch, or 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.240 let's cook our favorite meal together and put some music on, 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:16.679 let's go shopping. But I think just ways to because 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:22.840 the dynamics in apparent child relationships are shifting so much. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:27.480 Because I used to be in charge of everything for you, 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.200 all of your schedules, all of your needs, what you 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.000 ate when you slept, Like as a mom, you go 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.240 through all these phases. As a parent, you go through 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.920 all these phases of different levels of responsibility, and for 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.880 so long it was all encompassing. But now as you 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:45.640 start to differentiate and you start to come into this 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:49.760 experience of stepping out on your own, that's now sort 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:55.240 of handed over to you the kid. And I often 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.480 think to myself, like that must be a really sort 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:04.360 of overwhelming fee when you're not only leaving high school, 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.000 you're going into an atmosphere college and moving into a dorm, 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:11.920 a whole new world that you've never even yeh been to. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.320 I can imagine that'd be hard for you to kind 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.160 of cope with, Like not, I mean, do you think 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:18.679 you'll still have my location. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:23.520 And does a bear in the woods. Yeah. I have 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:27.920 everybody's location. I have my best friend's location, I have Dave's, 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.560 you know, all your sisters. I just like to be 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:32.680 able to, like, if that's no, I like that. I 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:34.840 want you to know where I am too, Like if. 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.360 I ever, like am in like a scary situation too, 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:38.640 that'd be nice to know that you have it. 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.280 So for sure, So don't not share your location. I 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:46.480 would recommend that it will it'll solve some some stuff. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:50.800 But I think, just yeah, it's it's this is a 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.720 huge change for not just you the child, the kid, 0:14:56.080 --> 0:15:00.720 but also the mom. And yeah, yeah, it's something that 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:05.560 has to be kind of handled with care. Yeah, but 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:07.960 I didn't really do that. I was like, see your mom, 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:13.480 I'm out. I didn't go to college. I went. I 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.760 moved out of our apartment into my own apartment in 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:20.040 a totally different area of LA and I know that 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.560 was really hard on her, but I wasn't the most 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:25.160 sensitive to it. I hope they face her to me. 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:29.040 Yeah, sometimes kids get caught up in like the initial freedom. 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.320 They're like, I'm so excited to be away that they 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:35.000 forget that the moms it's their first time living too. 0:15:35.000 --> 0:15:37.640 And I feel like, I feel like you definitely went 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:39.440 through that with my sisters, and a lot of my 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:41.040 friends moms are going through it at the moment. 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:45.560 So yeah, I remember. I remember like whenever your older 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:50.000 sisters would kind of like go through a milestone where 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:55.640 they were, you know, during the sassy years like the teens, 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:57.640 you know, those teen years that were like a little 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.360 eye rolly and stuff. But then also so when they 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:04.840 moved out, I remember you seeing me go through the 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.880 you know, different levels of that, and I remember you saying, Mommy, 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:12.200 I'll never do that to you. I'm so sad. I 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:14.960 just remember that now. I'm no, But honestly, it's not 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:17.120 about me. It's not about my feelings through all of this. 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:21.280 It's about you stepping out into your own and like 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:23.840 making your mark in the world and make, you know, 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.760 figuring it out. So I don't want you to walk 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:28.840 around and I don't think you will, but I don't 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.360 want you to walk around feeling feelings about my feelings, 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.000 Like you know, it's you don't need to do that 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.600 as a kid. You don't need to take on your parents' feelings. 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.720 You just need to be considered of them. 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:46.720 Yeah, what got on the note of college? Squid Game 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.400 one says my friends are always inviting me to go 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:53.120 to parties where I know there will be alcohol. They 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:54.960 sound really fun and I want to go, but I 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:57.440 don't know if I'm ready to try drinking. Should I go? 0:16:57.480 --> 0:16:57.880 Anyway? 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:03.120 What can I drink to not feel left out? This 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:08.840 is a good one. Parties can be very scary because 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.200 when you don't feel ready, it's like there is peer pressure. 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.600 It is real. It's not just like something parents are like, 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:17.880 don't get peer pressured. It's definitely a real thing. I think, 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:21.119 especially in high school, like senior year. I know I 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:25.199 went through that a lot, but I would say, you 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.720 don't have to drink. It's honestly kind of really cool 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:29.840 when you're the one person that's like, can I get 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.119 a soda water or like whatever, like just like a 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:34.960 just drinking water. No, one even notices when you have 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:36.600 a red cup and you put water in it, like, 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.879 no one's gonna notice. I remember Luca always told me, 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:45.000 like my oldest sister always told me, like honestly, like 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.160 she was the life of the party every single party, 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:49.520 and she never drank and everyone was always like, look, 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.040 Luca's so drunk and she was like dancing on tables, 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.359 but actually she was just drinking water and having a 0:17:54.400 --> 0:18:00.239 good time. So alcohol doesn't amplify your your success rate 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.040 of a good time, you know, it just it kind 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.119 of just gets people to be stupid, so you're missing 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:07.280 out on that part and still having good times. So 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:10.520 I think that never be ashamed of that and still 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:15.360 go and experience all the experiences that you can in college. 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.639 In high school. Yeah, I've heard you tell me a 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:19.760 lot of stories about drunk people. 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:23.040 Yeah, honestly, don't be the sloppy drunk person. Like I know, 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:26.760 there's always that one person who can't handle their alcohol 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:29.000 and they're just like a mess, and you never want 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.800 to look like, I mean, everyone has to go through it, 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:33.840 but like you don't want to be that person that's 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.200 like had way too many drinks. 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.040 And just sloppy. 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:39.359 You don't want to be young. 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:43.040 It's such a scary position to put yourself into. 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.080 Yeah, and especially as a girl. I mean, I don't 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:47.879 know if this is squid game one is a girl, 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:51.560 but I feel like as a girl in college or 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:54.119 high school, you have to be really careful of your 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.439 surroundings because I know, I mean I have friends that 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.920 have had things put in their cups and they like 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:01.520 it was really. 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:02.560 Bad, So I think what happened. 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.520 I mean, I've just heard stories about and I have 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:09.440 one personal friend who is literally drinking water I'm pretty sure, 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.520 like something not like a hard alcohol drink and just 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:15.920 left it there for like one second. And people will 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:17.960 come and they'll just put stuff in there, and it's 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:19.880 not like it's very common. 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:21.760 Wait, like stuff like what like a roofie? 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:24.359 Yeah, probably like getting what people will get roofied all 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:28.040 the time. And like literally it's very common if you 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.760 don't want your drink or even if you are not 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:33.159 watching them, the bartenders. 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:33.400 Make your drink. 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:36.800 I know people that have had the bartender spike their drink. 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.320 So just be very aware. And you can't be very 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:44.120 aware when you're really drunk. So I think, and sometimes 0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:46.240 I would go through life being like, oh, nothing bad 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:48.199 will happen to me. Like I'm just like, you know, 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:52.800 like having fun, but you never know, you never know. 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:54.920 I mean, things could happen at any point. 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:57.480 So I think, don't you kind of have like a 0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:02.200 no open cup thing, or like you don't you only 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:04.960 drink out of a water bottle or like when you 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:06.600 say when you go to a party though, and like 0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:08.560 it's just like red solo cups everywhere. 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.000 I think, yeah, just watching your drink, always having it 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:12.679 in your hand, don't put it down. And if you 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:14.520 put it down, just get a new one. Just get 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.520 a new cup, and like, no, get a new drink, 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:19.640 like I mean, get a new water, get a new 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:22.800 whatever drink you're drinking. But it's not worth it to 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:26.240 like even risk it. And it can even be like 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:29.080 an intimate party with like ten of your friends and 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:31.359 like things can happen, So I would really just be 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.240 careful of that. But I think you should definitely still go. 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:38.320 I mean, even if you're not ready to drink, you 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:40.200 could still have a good time. And that's a lot. 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:43.639 A lot of people make friends and you'll meet the 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:45.720 right people if you're like in your right mind, you 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:46.640 know at parties. 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:59.280 So very true, very true. Okay, So Underscore fifty asks 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.840 what it's been the hardest part of preparing for your 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:05.600 daughter to leave and how are you taking care of 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:10.800 yourself through it. To be honest, I am still into denial, 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.760 Like I'm not really prepared at all. It's it's literally 0:21:15.760 --> 0:21:19.320 coming up in eight days, ten days, something. 0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:20.879 Like that, Yeah, next week. 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:25.400 But yeah, taking yourself through this this change is really important. 0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:27.960 You know, I always talk a lot about feel your feelings. 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:31.119 You know, it's going to feel lonely, it is going 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:35.200 to feel like it's just you know, a huge part 0:21:35.280 --> 0:21:40.240