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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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Speaker 1: the choices we make, and today's episode is gonna be

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Speaker 1: a little different and probably a little emotional. My baby

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Speaker 1: bird Fiona is joining me before she goes off to

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Speaker 1: college for a mommy and me advice episode. You've sent

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Speaker 1: us in some questions and we are so excited to

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Speaker 1: get to them. You asked about communication, how to handle

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Speaker 1: smothering parents, divorce, celebrity, and yes we even talk about

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Speaker 1: sex and of course what it really means to choose

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Speaker 1: yourself in a whole new chapter. Here we go. I

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Speaker 1: think Fiona, you should take the first question because I

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Speaker 1: can see here that it's gonna just throw us right

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Speaker 1: into the deep end.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Well, the first question is from Jenny Martin

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Speaker 2: for a weight, How can I tell my mom I

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Speaker 2: want to get on birth control?

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Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, like I said, here we go. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: I mean, how did you tell me? Let's start with that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I think I'm fortunate enough to have kind

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Speaker 2: of an open relationship with you. When I feel like

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Speaker 2: I need something, I come and talk to you. So

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Speaker 2: I feel like I kind of just asked you if

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Speaker 2: you could sit down and talk with me about it.

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Speaker 2: I remember that and.

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Speaker 1: Are you scared?

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Speaker 2: I feel like I wasn't scared because I knew that

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Speaker 2: it's not something to be embarrassed by. I mean, whether

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Speaker 2: you're using it for sex or using it for just

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Speaker 2: like irregular periods or anything like that. I feel like

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Speaker 2: it's something every woman should have access to. So I

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Speaker 2: didn't feel embarrassed to you and asking.

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Speaker 1: You that's great.

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Speaker 2: I know that some people have different situations, though, so

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Speaker 2: I would say that if you're worried or if you

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Speaker 2: feel like you can't really go to your mom and

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Speaker 2: talking about I feel like just being open and as

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Speaker 2: honest as possible. I know that at first I was

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Speaker 2: kind of nervous to tell you that it was like

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Speaker 2: for sex purposes, Like I didn't at first, I was

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Speaker 2: like kind of blamed it all my periods, and I

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Speaker 2: know a lot of my friends that have also done that,

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Speaker 2: been like, yeah, my periods are really bad, but actually

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Speaker 2: it was because like we didn't want to get pregnant.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, were you, like, what did you

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Speaker 2: feel when I came to you and talked to.

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Speaker 1: You about it? Well? Lucky for you, you have two

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Speaker 1: older sisters, so this wasn't new territory for me, and

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Speaker 1: I kind of thought, you probably talk to your friends

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Speaker 1: about it, talk to your sisters about it, and you

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Speaker 1: certainly probably you know everything about everything now because of

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Speaker 1: just the way the world works, you have access to

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Speaker 1: to anything you want to know about. Back in Mott

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Speaker 1: when I was going to my mom, it was a

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Speaker 1: very different situation. And if you do want to hear

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Speaker 1: a terrible slash funny slash awkward slash terrible story, Yes,

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Speaker 1: So I went. We went to the Planned parenthood, my

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Speaker 1: mom and I in the valley. Yeah, it's been around

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Speaker 1: a long time. Yeah, And my mom went in there

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Speaker 1: and it was to go on birth control because I

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Speaker 1: had irregular period and I had a boyfriend and I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to be safe and I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: have a baby without, you know, being ready for it.

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Speaker 1: So we went in and the appointment was to explore

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Speaker 1: birth control options. So they took for some reason, they

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Speaker 1: took either it was al it must have been a

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Speaker 1: yeurine test because we got the results right away. So

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Speaker 1: we got I took a year ine test. We're sitting

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Speaker 1: in this doctor or this clinician's office and they come

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Speaker 1: in the room and my mom and I are just

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Speaker 1: waiting for what she's gonna say, and she says, well,

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Speaker 1: you're pregnant. And I was like what, And then all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, like the cat was out of the bag.

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Speaker 2: Was the boyfriend my dad?

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Speaker 1: No? No, I think it was before your dad. Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: But it was like I was instantly just like read

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Speaker 1: all over. I was hot, like sweaty, like I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what to do because I had, in that moment

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Speaker 1: to be honest with my mom in the most uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: situation about the fact that I had already had sex

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Speaker 1: and that I had been lying to her about it,

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Speaker 1: and that was a lot more traumatic and dramatic than

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Speaker 1: if I had I had just gone to her and

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Speaker 1: talked to her about it, I think. But I too

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Speaker 1: was really scared to talk to my mom about to

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Speaker 1: the point where I actually lied and hid the truth

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Speaker 1: from her. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that can be the case a lot,

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Speaker 2: Like you just kind of don't say anything and you

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Speaker 2: know you're safe obviously, but the safest way is to

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Speaker 2: get on birth control. So I think there are a

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Speaker 2: lot of side effects though, So I feel or like,

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Speaker 2: you know, there's so many so I feel like talking

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Speaker 2: to your mom and figuring out the best option is

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Speaker 2: something that is best for your body.

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Speaker 1: I know when we did it, we talked about it

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Speaker 1: and then I urged you, being over eighteen, to go

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Speaker 1: to your gynecologist or gynecologist and just have a really open,

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Speaker 1: honest conversation with her. And it's really important you guys,

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Speaker 1: that you find a gynecologist or a doctor, a female

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Speaker 1: doctor for your daughters. That is somebody that they can

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Speaker 1: feel safe and comfortable to talk to. I highly reckon

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Speaker 1: commend a female and I know in our situations that

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Speaker 1: has been a lot more kind of comfortable. Don't you

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Speaker 1: want to know if I had a baby or not? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know. You didn't even ask

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Speaker 1: about the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, did you?

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Speaker 1: No? It was someone else's urine test.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: So cut to me and my mom having this emotional

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Speaker 1: like breakdown in they left the room. It was just

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Speaker 1: me and my mom and like truth time, and then

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Speaker 1: you're like, mom, I have been But then she came

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Speaker 1: back in, Oh oops, that was not your pee, that

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Speaker 1: was someone else's peak.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I was furious tru always comes out yep, so so true.

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Speaker 1: I just think it's important to open up the channels

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Speaker 1: of discussion, you know, because there's nothing you shouldn't talk

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Speaker 1: to your mom about. There's nothing, you know, there's nothing embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: Like you said, there's no shame around it. It's a

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Speaker 1: natural thing and it deserves, you know, feeling comfortable. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask the next question. This is from Emily Underscore, USA.

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Speaker 1: I can't talk Oh hey, another sex question. Great. I

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Speaker 1: can't talk to my parents about sex, but I'm eighteen

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Speaker 1: and I want to try. I have questions about birth control,

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Speaker 1: but my friends seem like they know as little as me.

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Speaker 1: What do I do? So at school, like I don't

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Speaker 1: know how this works. Like in the girls' locker room,

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Speaker 1: you guys all talking about like what do you use?

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Speaker 1: Are you on birth control? Not really?

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Speaker 2: No, that's I mean, you don't really talk about the details.

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Speaker 2: I mean girls more so than guys. I can get

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Speaker 2: into like what happened and all that. But obviously I

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Speaker 2: think like if a friend needed a conum like you

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Speaker 2: would go with them. I remember I would go. I

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Speaker 2: went to my friend to CBS one time to get

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Speaker 2: some so it's so embarrassing to tell you.

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Speaker 1: That a lot of times, so that's how it happens.

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Speaker 1: Girls are more comfortable talking to their girlfriends about stuff

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Speaker 1: like that then they're moms. But a lot of times

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Speaker 1: the girlfriends, like Emily is saying, they know as little

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Speaker 1: as she did. Yeah, so they're not really getting the

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Speaker 1: best information. Like what do you recommend if kids don't

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Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking to their parents, maybe they don't have

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Speaker 1: any family that they can go to, Like what do

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Speaker 1: they do? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I think you know, there are some amazing sites online,

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Speaker 2: like I know one called a maize dot org that's

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Speaker 2: really great. It gives you all the information that you

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Speaker 2: need and if you feel like you can't talk to

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Speaker 2: your own about it, I feel that it's a great

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Speaker 2: alternative option for you. What is it, am amazed dot org?

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Speaker 1: Oh amazing.

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Speaker 2: I actually learned about it. Yeah in school. It's a

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Speaker 2: great website to try. Okay, cool, just finding someone or

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Speaker 2: an internet source that can tell you what you need

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Speaker 2: to hear before you go ahead and do it, you know,

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Speaker 2: because I think the most important thing the first time

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Speaker 2: is feeling really comfortable and if you even are like

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Speaker 2: the slightest bit uncomfortable. Then you're not ready, you know,

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Speaker 2: like you need to feel one hundred percent like you

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Speaker 2: know what's gonna happen, you know what you're doing, you

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Speaker 2: know how to handle it, and you're not gonna feel

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Speaker 2: upset or regretful after.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that that's not a good feeling. Yeah, Okay, maybe

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Speaker 1: we'll just take a break from sex questions. Second, I

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Speaker 1: need a little moment.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Next question. M M r Ray forty two says, Oh,

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Speaker 2: wonders if Fiona me is worried that people are going

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Speaker 2: to know that I'm your daughter, how will I manage

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Speaker 2: being a celebrity kid on campus? I mean kind of

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Speaker 2: my whole life, I've had to like navigate that. I

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Speaker 2: feel like, growing up in LA there are a lot

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Speaker 2: of other celebrity kids, so it's kind of it's not

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Speaker 2: the biggest deal is I mean, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Think it's like the biggest here. Yeah, like the.

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Speaker 2: Biggest deal here. I think when people notice that or

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Speaker 2: they like are like, oh, I love your dad in

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Speaker 2: this movie, your mom, and to know they kind of

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Speaker 2: just they talk to me about it. I don't think

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Speaker 2: it feels ever feels like super weird to be your daughter.

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Speaker 2: I mean it is cool, but I think it's like

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Speaker 2: something that people like stop me and be like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well what about like when remember my biggest fan,

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Speaker 1: your friend at school? Oh, they would get really excited

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Speaker 1: when I would come around, which was uncomfortable for you. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I do remember that.

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Speaker 2: They they I have had. Like the worst thing was

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Speaker 2: in high school when people would just like pull up

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Speaker 2: like videos or pictures and like just like show me

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Speaker 2: or just kind of like always talk about it, or

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Speaker 2: like weirdly like videos of me online because if you

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Speaker 2: look up my name, like pictures of me at like

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Speaker 2: age seven come up.

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Speaker 1: And so just having those pictures though, yeah, like video compilations.

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Speaker 2: Compilations of our family. Yeah, and so that is that's

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Speaker 2: a little hard, but I feel like managing that. I

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Speaker 2: just I mean, that's my family. It's not I don't

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Speaker 2: think it's anything. It is out of the normal, but

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Speaker 2: for me, it's normal.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, well, I'll try to wear like a disguise

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Speaker 1: when I'll move you into say.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's kind of cool, like if like one of

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Speaker 2: my professors is a fan, maybe they'll give me.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's true. It does work in your favor sometimes

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Speaker 1: with the teachers because they're usually a little bit more

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Speaker 1: into like that world, or like they are familiar with

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Speaker 1: me because maybe they watched the show when they were younger.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I actually loved it because I was like, ooh,

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Speaker 1: maybe if they like me, then they'll be nicer to her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. But that's why I was always like, mom, people

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Speaker 2: come to remember. I was always begging you to come.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I can't do it, I

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Speaker 1: can't do it. But I did it. Yeah, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: have a question from s underscore Mushkin. How did you

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Speaker 1: balance giving your daughter freedom while still making sure she

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Speaker 1: knows you're there for her. Gee? Yeah, yeah, Well, instead

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Speaker 1: of like calling her every five minutes or texting her

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Speaker 1: for five minutes, I would just look at your location

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Speaker 1: and check where you are, because that would give me

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Speaker 1: like either a sense of comfort or a sense of panic.

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Speaker 1: And if it gave me a sense of panic, then

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Speaker 1: I would start like berating you with text messages constantly,

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Speaker 1: and I would freak out. But no, I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 1: It's actually this time in your life is a really

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Speaker 1: great opportunity to kind of create a whole new kind

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Speaker 1: of connection with your almost grown child. And I found

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Speaker 1: that when kids come home for breaks, I think it's

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Speaker 1: really important to make that not like let's do your

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Speaker 1: laundry and like me interrogating you about what's been going on,

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Speaker 1: how are your grades, are you getting your homeworkun what's

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Speaker 1: the work load? Like just kind of trying to make

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Speaker 1: that when the visit home, make it more of a

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Speaker 1: special occasion, more fun, a little bit more lighthearted. Maybe

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Speaker 1: plan little things together, like let's go to lunch, or

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Speaker 1: let's cook our favorite meal together and put some music on,

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Speaker 1: let's go shopping. But I think just ways to because

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Speaker 1: the dynamics in apparent child relationships are shifting so much.

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Speaker 1: Because I used to be in charge of everything for you,

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Speaker 1: all of your schedules, all of your needs, what you

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Speaker 1: ate when you slept, Like as a mom, you go

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Speaker 1: through all these phases. As a parent, you go through

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Speaker 1: all these phases of different levels of responsibility, and for

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Speaker 1: so long it was all encompassing. But now as you

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Speaker 1: start to differentiate and you start to come into this

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Speaker 1: experience of stepping out on your own, that's now sort

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Speaker 1: of handed over to you the kid. And I often

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Speaker 1: think to myself, like that must be a really sort

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Speaker 1: of overwhelming fee when you're not only leaving high school,

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Speaker 1: you're going into an atmosphere college and moving into a dorm,

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Speaker 1: a whole new world that you've never even yeh been to.

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Speaker 2: I can imagine that'd be hard for you to kind

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Speaker 2: of cope with, Like not, I mean, do you think

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Speaker 2: you'll still have my location.

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Speaker 1: And does a bear in the woods. Yeah. I have

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Speaker 1: everybody's location. I have my best friend's location, I have Dave's,

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Speaker 1: you know, all your sisters. I just like to be

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Speaker 1: able to, like, if that's no, I like that. I

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Speaker 1: want you to know where I am too, Like if.

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Speaker 2: I ever, like am in like a scary situation too,

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Speaker 2: that'd be nice to know that you have it.

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Speaker 1: So for sure, So don't not share your location. I

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Speaker 1: would recommend that it will it'll solve some some stuff.

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Speaker 1: But I think, just yeah, it's it's this is a

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Speaker 1: huge change for not just you the child, the kid,

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Speaker 1: but also the mom. And yeah, yeah, it's something that

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Speaker 1: has to be kind of handled with care. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't really do that. I was like, see your mom,

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Speaker 1: I'm out. I didn't go to college. I went. I

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Speaker 1: moved out of our apartment into my own apartment in

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Speaker 1: a totally different area of LA and I know that

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Speaker 1: was really hard on her, but I wasn't the most

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Speaker 1: sensitive to it. I hope they face her to me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes kids get caught up in like the initial freedom.

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Speaker 2: They're like, I'm so excited to be away that they

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Speaker 2: forget that the moms it's their first time living too.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like, I feel like you definitely went

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Speaker 2: through that with my sisters, and a lot of my

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Speaker 2: friends moms are going through it at the moment.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I remember. I remember like whenever your older

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Speaker 1: sisters would kind of like go through a milestone where

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Speaker 1: they were, you know, during the sassy years like the teens,

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Speaker 1: you know, those teen years that were like a little

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Speaker 1: eye rolly and stuff. But then also so when they

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Speaker 1: moved out, I remember you seeing me go through the

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Speaker 1: you know, different levels of that, and I remember you saying, Mommy,

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Speaker 1: I'll never do that to you. I'm so sad. I

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Speaker 1: just remember that now. I'm no, But honestly, it's not

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Speaker 1: about me. It's not about my feelings through all of this.

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Speaker 1: It's about you stepping out into your own and like

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Speaker 1: making your mark in the world and make, you know,

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Speaker 1: figuring it out. So I don't want you to walk

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Speaker 1: around and I don't think you will, but I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to walk around feeling feelings about my feelings,

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Speaker 1: Like you know, it's you don't need to do that

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Speaker 1: as a kid. You don't need to take on your parents' feelings.

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Speaker 1: You just need to be considered of them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what got on the note of college? Squid Game

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Speaker 2: one says my friends are always inviting me to go

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Speaker 2: to parties where I know there will be alcohol. They

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Speaker 2: sound really fun and I want to go, but I

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Speaker 2: don't know if I'm ready to try drinking. Should I go?

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Speaker 1: Anyway?

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Speaker 2: What can I drink to not feel left out? This

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Speaker 2: is a good one. Parties can be very scary because

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Speaker 2: when you don't feel ready, it's like there is peer pressure.

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Speaker 2: It is real. It's not just like something parents are like,

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Speaker 2: don't get peer pressured. It's definitely a real thing. I think,

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Speaker 2: especially in high school, like senior year. I know I

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Speaker 2: went through that a lot, but I would say, you

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Speaker 2: don't have to drink. It's honestly kind of really cool

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Speaker 2: when you're the one person that's like, can I get

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Speaker 2: a soda water or like whatever, like just like a

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Speaker 2: just drinking water. No, one even notices when you have

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Speaker 2: a red cup and you put water in it, like,

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Speaker 2: no one's gonna notice. I remember Luca always told me,

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Speaker 2: like my oldest sister always told me, like honestly, like

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Speaker 2: she was the life of the party every single party,

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Speaker 2: and she never drank and everyone was always like, look,

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Speaker 2: Luca's so drunk and she was like dancing on tables,

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Speaker 2: but actually she was just drinking water and having a

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Speaker 2: good time. So alcohol doesn't amplify your your success rate

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Speaker 2: of a good time, you know, it just it kind

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Speaker 2: of just gets people to be stupid, so you're missing

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Speaker 2: out on that part and still having good times. So

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Speaker 2: I think that never be ashamed of that and still

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Speaker 2: go and experience all the experiences that you can in college.

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Speaker 1: In high school. Yeah, I've heard you tell me a

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Speaker 1: lot of stories about drunk people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, don't be the sloppy drunk person. Like I know,

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Speaker 2: there's always that one person who can't handle their alcohol

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Speaker 2: and they're just like a mess, and you never want

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Speaker 2: to look like, I mean, everyone has to go through it,

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Speaker 2: but like you don't want to be that person that's

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Speaker 2: like had way too many drinks.

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Speaker 1: And just sloppy.

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Speaker 2: You don't want to be young.

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Speaker 1: It's such a scary position to put yourself into.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and especially as a girl. I mean, I don't

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Speaker 2: know if this is squid game one is a girl,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like as a girl in college or

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Speaker 2: high school, you have to be really careful of your

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Speaker 2: surroundings because I know, I mean I have friends that

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Speaker 2: have had things put in their cups and they like

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Speaker 2: it was really.

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Speaker 1: Bad, So I think what happened.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've just heard stories about and I have

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Speaker 2: one personal friend who is literally drinking water I'm pretty sure,

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Speaker 2: like something not like a hard alcohol drink and just

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Speaker 2: left it there for like one second. And people will

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Speaker 2: come and they'll just put stuff in there, and it's

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Speaker 2: not like it's very common.

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Speaker 1: Wait, like stuff like what like a roofie?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, probably like getting what people will get roofied all

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Speaker 2: the time. And like literally it's very common if you

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Speaker 2: don't want your drink or even if you are not

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Speaker 2: watching them, the bartenders.

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Speaker 1: Make your drink.

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Speaker 2: I know people that have had the bartender spike their drink.

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Speaker 2: So just be very aware. And you can't be very

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Speaker 2: aware when you're really drunk. So I think, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: I would go through life being like, oh, nothing bad

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Speaker 2: will happen to me. Like I'm just like, you know,

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Speaker 2: like having fun, but you never know, you never know.

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Speaker 2: I mean, things could happen at any point.

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Speaker 1: So I think, don't you kind of have like a

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Speaker 1: no open cup thing, or like you don't you only

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Speaker 1: drink out of a water bottle or like when you

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Speaker 1: say when you go to a party though, and like

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Speaker 1: it's just like red solo cups everywhere.

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Speaker 2: I think, yeah, just watching your drink, always having it

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Speaker 2: in your hand, don't put it down. And if you

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Speaker 2: put it down, just get a new one. Just get

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Speaker 2: a new cup, and like, no, get a new drink,

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Speaker 2: like I mean, get a new water, get a new

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Speaker 2: whatever drink you're drinking. But it's not worth it to

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Speaker 2: like even risk it. And it can even be like

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Speaker 2: an intimate party with like ten of your friends and

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Speaker 2: like things can happen, So I would really just be

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Speaker 2: careful of that. But I think you should definitely still go.

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Speaker 2: I mean, even if you're not ready to drink, you

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Speaker 2: could still have a good time. And that's a lot.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people make friends and you'll meet the

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Speaker 2: right people if you're like in your right mind, you

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Speaker 2: know at parties.

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Speaker 1: So very true, very true. Okay, So Underscore fifty asks

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Speaker 1: what it's been the hardest part of preparing for your

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Speaker 1: daughter to leave and how are you taking care of

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Speaker 1: yourself through it. To be honest, I am still into denial,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm not really prepared at all. It's it's literally

395
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Speaker 1: coming up in eight days, ten days, something.

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Speaker 2: Like that, Yeah, next week.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, taking yourself through this this change is really important.

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Speaker 1: You know, I always talk a lot about feel your feelings.

399
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Speaker 1: You know, it's going to feel lonely, it is going

400
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Speaker 1: to feel like it's just you know, a huge part

401
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: of you has left. Yeah, you know the building. They're

402
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 1: out of your day today, every day, and and and

403
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Speaker 1: it's it's really kind of it's a feeling of loss

404
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: like it's actually requires in some cases, like a form

405
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Speaker 1: of grief to sort of process through your body. Because,

406
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Speaker 1: like I said, we've spent our lives raising our children

407
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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden they fly the nest.

408
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Speaker 1: And it's definitely important to work through it. So I

409
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 1: would definitely say allow yourself to feel the feelings, don't

410
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Speaker 1: be embarrassed to express it, and to talk about it,

411
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Speaker 1: you know, talk about it to your partner, talk about

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Speaker 1: it to a friend or a therapist. But there are

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Speaker 1: a lot of things going on inside, and I don't

414
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Speaker 1: think it's really great for you to just hold them

415
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 1: all in even go stand in front of the mirror

416
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Speaker 1: and talk to yourself about, oh man, this is really

417
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Speaker 1: this is really hard. You know, I'm missing my kids

418
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Speaker 1: so much right now and it hurts, Like I didn't

419
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Speaker 1: know how bad this would hurt. Like, just really get

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Speaker 1: in touch with the feelings and speak to them and

421
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 1: just you know, allow yourself to feel them. And yeah,

422
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 1: give yourself a pat on the back, like, take time

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Speaker 1: to acknowledge this huge feat that you've accomplished, you know.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's a big deal. I'm always in awe

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Speaker 1: of myself because I've kept you three girls alive, like

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Speaker 1: literally the day. At the end of the day, I'm like, yep,

427
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Speaker 1: I did it again. Okay, let's see how we do tomorrow.

428
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 1: But that was really early on. But yeah, you got

429
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Speaker 1: to give yourself a round of applause, and really important,

430
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:26,160
Speaker 1: start thinking forward, start focusing on your self, because this

431
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: is your time as a grown up to really reconnect

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Speaker 1: with you and what brings you joy. You know, maybe

433
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 1: make a list of things that hobbies that you used

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Speaker 1: to do that you never had time for being a parent,

435
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: or things that used to do that brought you joy,

436
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: and take a look at that list and ask yourself,

437
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: what do I want for this next exciting chapter of

438
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: my life. I think at first we get really scared

439
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: and we allow the pain to kind of take over

440
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 1: our brain. But once you kind of feel those feelings,

441
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: let them out. I would just suggest really get excited

442
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:09,479
Speaker 1: about what's next for you personally, because it's a whole

443
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 1: new game.

444
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see Kenzie as says, I love my high

445
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 2: school friends so much. I'm going to college, but I

446
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 2: can can't imagine ever making friends like them. I'm sad

447
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: and actually scared.

448
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: Are you What will you do? Well?

449
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: Kenzi? I'm really happy that you love your high school friends.

450
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, because no, Yeah, I tighten it.

451
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: Honestly. High school you bond with people so much, you

452
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 2: find like your little group, and you're with them for

453
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: four years. It's like most people that I know have

454
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 2: had friends for the four years that they've stayed with

455
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,640
Speaker 2: and that's all they've known. That's like who they've grown

456
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: up with. Those are really formative years fourteen to eighteen.

457
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 2: I mean four years with friends. I mean, you can

458
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: grow a lot with them, and it's scary to imagine

459
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: that you'll ever find people that understand you as much

460
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 2: as they did. But I think, and I've been talking

461
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 2: a lot to my high school friends about this, is

462
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 2: like we are all going off to our separate adventures

463
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 2: and stuff. But I feel like there's always going to

464
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: be a place for us to come back and things

465
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: won't change, you know, like when we come back to

466
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 2: our hometown and we all are back in the same place,

467
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 2: like things won't be different, Like we'll also be friends.

468
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 2: I think that the friends you make in college are

469
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: going to be even more impression Like they're going to

470
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 2: be even more exciting because they're going to see you

471
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 2: grow up even more and like into who you really

472
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 2: want to be and what you want your next chapters

473
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 2: to be. And I think you'll find the people that

474
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: kind of share more interests you being like you know

475
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 2: people of your classes and like your specific majors and

476
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: stuff like that. I think you'll find even more people

477
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 2: that will see you more than your high school friends.

478
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: Did you know, Yeah, because it seems like in high

479
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 1: school everybody gets caught up yeah, and who each of

480
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 1: us are in the you know grade and kind of

481
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 1: labeled maybe sometimes or stereotyped. Yeah, And this is a

482
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 1: real opportunity for you to break that mold, to just

483
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: like let it shatter and step out into a whole.

484
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: Like I say to you, you get to define who

485
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: you want to be every single day.

486
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 2: I agree with that completely because I feel like when

487
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 2: you walk into high school, like the first impression you

488
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 2: make is kind of what sticks, and the friends you

489
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 2: have around that are they all see you as this

490
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 2: one certain version of yourself. But now you have the

491
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 2: chance to kind of be a completely new person in

492
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: a new place and find friends that you really, you know,

493
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 2: have common interest with. And I think those friends will last,

494
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 2: you know, lifetimes. I mean most people I know like

495
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 2: met their best friends through college. And that doesn't mean

496
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: your high school friends have to stay high school friends,

497
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 2: Like you can grow up with them as well. You

498
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 2: can stay in contact. I think making efforts to really

499
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 2: like check in with them, be like hey, how are you,

500
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 2: How how is college?

501
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 1: How are like?

502
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: How are your classes? And make an effort to continue

503
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 2: those connections because if you don't, like, I feel like

504
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 2: they may fizzle a little bit, but if you put

505
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 2: the effort into keeping them strong, then they will continue

506
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 2: to be strong.

507
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: Are you since you haven't started college yet, are you

508
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: feeling nervous about I mean, do you know anybody that

509
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: you're going to be going to school with?

510
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: I don't know anybody, and I think I'm really excited

511
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: for that though, Like I purposely chose a place that

512
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: I knew not a lot of my friends were going to,

513
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 2: wasn't like a common school at my school to go to.

514
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 2: And I love that because I kind of just get

515
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 2: to start over fresh and make a whole new bunch

516
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 2: of friends and you know, trying new things without having

517
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: like people of my high school be like, oh I

518
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 2: know that girl, and Matt, this is what she's like.

519
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 2: You know, Like I can be like a whole new person,

520
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 2: and I think I'm really excited for that. I'm and

521
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 2: excited to make new friends as well.

522
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: Yeah it is. That's it. This is a very cool

523
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: time in a kid's life. Oh my god, I'm so

524
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 1: excited for you. Thank you for doing this with me, Fiona.

525
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,199
Speaker 1: I'm reminded again and again how ready you are for

526
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: your next chapter. And yeah, I'm sad, but I'm also

527
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: really excited for you, and thanks to everybody out there

528
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: who's sending their questions. You know what, we have so

529
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 1: many more, so stay tuned. We will be back with

530
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: more