1 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 1: Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spaike and welcome back to the 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is 6 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: so great to have you here back for another episode 7 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: as we, of course break down the psychology of our 8 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: twenties today, let me get on my soapbox for a 9 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: second and say, a boring life is a beautiful life. 10 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: It is my belief that every single day we face 11 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: this wall of content that wants to convince you that 12 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: what you are doing isn't enough. And if you were 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: to listen to this like tidal wave like videos and 14 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: posts and whatnot, you would honestly believe that everybody has 15 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: more motivation than you. Everybody has more friends than you, 16 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:14,320 Speaker 1: everybody has more clothes, more money, more kind of like 17 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: action going on in their life. First of all, that's 18 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: not true, but second, being boring is a radical act. 19 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 1: There is no one to impress, There is no one 20 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: else's life that you want to copy. Because you like 21 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,960 Speaker 1: what you have, You have no idea how much agency 22 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: that acceptance of what other people might not see as 23 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: glamorous gives you. I also think the tidal wave is 24 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,319 Speaker 1: shifting and more of us are realizing how truly freeing 25 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: it is to slow down and just go smaller and slower. 26 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: It's a bit of it's revolutionary. It's psychologically revolutionary, for sure. 27 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: So what we're going to talk about today is the 28 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: beauty of the boring routine, the boring rituals, and why 29 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: they're important and why they may open doors you didn't 30 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: even realize were available. We're there, especially in your twenties. 31 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: I also want to talk about how to cope with 32 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: feeling like maybe you're wasting your youth and why that's 33 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 1: absolutely not true. Let's talk about it. Why is the 34 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 1: boring life beautiful? Stay with us? So what do I 35 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 1: mean when I say a boring life? Because I feel 36 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: like that's kind of open to interpretation for me, and 37 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: it may be different for you. A boring life is 38 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: just one that I think has maybe been dismissed by 39 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: social media because it's not as easy to sell into. 40 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: It is the one where you don't buy new clothes 41 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: every week, because that's ridiculous. You don't need to go 42 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: on lavish vacations every month to be happy, because who 43 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: can afford that. You don't need to be constantly engaged 44 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: in drama or emotional extremes just to feel stimulated. But 45 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: instead you have firm boundaries, You have a routine, you like, 46 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: you have small luxuries, you have stability, tiny joys, peace. Really, 47 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: when I kind of picture it for myself, it's very 48 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: grammar coded. Maybe i'd use the term like slow maxing 49 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: if I was that kind of person, But like again, 50 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: indulgence in simple pleasures, appreciation for what you have now 51 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: without constantly desiring more, slowing down, simplicity and from the outside, yes, 52 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: something that might look really boring or maybe lame, but 53 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: when we get down to it is deeply nourishing and 54 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 1: supremely fulfilling for our psychological needs. I don't think I'm 55 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: the only one seeing this, like mass conversion, mass trend 56 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: back to this kind of simple, understated existence. We've noticed 57 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: it in like the trend of the trad wife, but 58 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: also just like in my friends and in myself included 59 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: this craving for a life that's more manageable when previously, 60 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: you know, we really kind of ran on fumes and 61 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: kind of had these very packed schedules and we thought 62 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: that was success. Part of this is developmental. As we 63 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: get older, even within our twenties, which is by the way, 64 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: still very young, many people become we just become less 65 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: drawn to raw stimulation for its own sake. There was 66 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: a very interesting study done in twenty fourteen that looked 67 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: at I think data from like almost six thousand individuals 68 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 1: and they measured changes in impulsivity and sensation seeking behaviors 69 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: from the ages of fifteen to twenty six and what 70 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: they noticed was that obviously, as we get older those 71 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: impulses reduce, but specifically found that this drive towards the 72 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: calm of boring life in our twenties is being driven 73 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: by two things. Firstly, changes in our personality, and secondly, 74 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:46,239 Speaker 1: a linear decline in impulsivity and in risk taking behavior 75 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: and hunger for novelty. We kind of know what we want. 76 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: We don't need raw excitement to motivate us like we 77 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: have the pool, and the drive of long term gratification 78 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: and long term peace and long term stability is more 79 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: motivational and more convincing. Another part of this, and why 80 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: we notice this change is that in reality, like chaos 81 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: eventually costs you too much and it loses its attraction 82 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: as we get older. When you're younger, or like when 83 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: you're still kind of constructing a sense of self, unpredictability, spontaneity, 84 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: the pursuit of more. I think that feels like proof 85 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: that you are open and you're alive and you're an 86 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,359 Speaker 1: interesting person. It's like also almost like prove that you know, 87 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,280 Speaker 1: I'm young, look at it, like, look at this, I'm 88 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: doing all these things. But over time, I think we 89 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 1: do begin to notice how being constantly overwhelmed and stimulated 90 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: is not necessarily the same thing as being fulfilled. And 91 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 1: we also see the burnout that happens when we have 92 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 1: plans every single night, when we are kind of living 93 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: on just like the fumes and highs of life. It's 94 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 1: not that we don't crave less life. We just crave 95 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,280 Speaker 1: less friction, and we learn what we don't like about 96 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: the chaos. Why does it feel weird to admit that? Though? Like, 97 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,080 Speaker 1: why does it feel weird to admit that we similarly 98 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 1: want less, not less per se, but different. I think 99 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: right before you were able to fully accept like, hey, 100 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: actually I don't care what other people say I want 101 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: this boring life. We have this thing, this kind of 102 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 1: reaction that we actually call in psychology reactants, which is 103 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 1: when it feels like our freedom to be young is 104 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: being taken away, even if it's by our own choices, 105 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: we kind of act out as like a last hurrah. 106 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: What is really what's what it's really coming down to, 107 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: is cognitive dissonance between what we're deeply craving internally and 108 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: what the world around us has told us to desire 109 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 1: and expect externally. That feels like we're trapped between these 110 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: two ways of living. There is this narrative that our 111 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 1: twenties are supposed to be this incredibly fast paced, hustle filled, 112 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: a thousand plans a weekend kind of life before like 113 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,600 Speaker 1: so called real life begins. You know, you're meant to 114 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: kind of front load the stress and socializing of life 115 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 1: as an investment for later on. And yeah, at certain 116 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: times in your life, it's really fun to do that, 117 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: and there's definitely seasons for it. But I don't like 118 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: the idea that you have to keep doing things and 119 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: keep forcing yourself into like busy chaos even if you 120 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: don't like it, just because that's the norm. That gap 121 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,520 Speaker 1: between what we think we should want and what we 122 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: genuinely do creates a lot of inattention. If the version 123 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: of youth we've been convinced into is marketed as kind 124 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: of constant excitement, then choosing calm can feel kind of 125 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 1: unfairly like you are failing at being young. You know, 126 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: Am I wasting this decade? Am I becoming? Am? Am 127 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,239 Speaker 1: I slowing down too soon? Am I going to regret? This? Shocker? 128 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: But it's that's basically get another yardstick which we're encouraged 129 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: to use as a measure of a parent success of 130 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: our twenties. It's another thing that we were meant to 131 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: judge us by and always feel like we're not doing 132 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: well enough because of It's also not quite a shocker 133 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 1: that since the introduction of social media, this sense of 134 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: dissonance has increased at a level researchers and social scientists 135 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: actually can't quite measure fast enough. One University of Washington 136 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: study actually talks about how social media especially creates a 137 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: state of firstly reduced self reflection, secondly narrowed attention, and 138 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: thirdly lack of individual interest, all of which is correlated 139 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: with greater unhappiness. What these studies and what these findings 140 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,719 Speaker 1: basically say is that we get so focused on how 141 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: others are living that the result of that is that 142 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 1: we can no longer properly articulate or even imagine what 143 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,720 Speaker 1: we actually want because we're so consumed with what apparently 144 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: is making them happy. I read this fantastic substuct the 145 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: other day that was like the loneliest place in the 146 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: world is your full you page, And this author talks 147 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: about like the masochism of the scroll, where kind of 148 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: torture ourselves with the lives of people that we don't 149 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 1: really want to be like, but convince ourselves we do, 150 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: and kind of torture ourselves by not being like. This 151 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: gets to like a very vital point what our equal 152 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 1: fear but also desire for the boring life is really 153 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:22,719 Speaker 1: being manipulated by is fomo Like, that's really what it is. 154 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: Your failure or your inability to accept that this is 155 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: what you actually want really comes down to this fear 156 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 1: of missing out. Psychologists in our very famous twenty twenty 157 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: one study to find the fear of missing out as 158 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: a persistent apprehension that other people might be having more 159 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 1: rewarding experiences without us, paired with the urge to stay 160 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: continually connected to what everyone else is doing. It is 161 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 1: a social fear and therefore quite an existential fear striking 162 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: at our core need to kind of not be alone 163 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: in an experience or not be alone in the world. 164 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: That is why we feel like we're missing out by 165 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 1: choosing what is not the no What is so interesting 166 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 1: about this feeling is that it doesn't actually need evidence 167 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 1: or need you to feel especially unhappy with your current 168 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: situation to occur. I think we often think of FOMA 169 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: as like, that's what happens to people who are very 170 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: lonely in their bedroom, visibly isolated. But we can be 171 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: in the middle of like a movie night at home, 172 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: best friend on the left, other friend to the right, 173 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: staring at an Instagram story, and suddenly feeling this pain 174 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: and anxiety that even though we are happy in this moment, 175 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: somebody else, somewhere else is having more fun and that's 176 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 1: where we should be. Somebody else is more alive than 177 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: we are, and therefore we are doing this wrong, like 178 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 1: our quiet life is costing us this more exciting level, 179 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: or more exciting version of youth. FOMA is evolutionary in origin. 180 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: We can't forget that it's meant to drive us back 181 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: to the herd. But all it does in these moments 182 00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: is create this overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Instead of letting 183 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: life unfold according to what we actually want and what 184 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: feels good, it keeps us mentally oriented towards the road 185 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,439 Speaker 1: not taken. It keeps us focused on the party we 186 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: didn't go to, the trip we weren't invited, on the 187 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: people we didn't meet by not going on that trip, 188 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 1: the version of ourselves we imagined might have been if 189 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: we had just said yes more often, stayed out later, 190 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: been more tired, bought that item, even if in the 191 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: moment we didn't want that. The twenty thirteen study published 192 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: in the journal I Think It's Like Human Behavior conducted 193 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: a series of studies looking at the concept of FOMO 194 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 1: in relation to various factors like demographics, motivation, wellbeing, as 195 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:49,359 Speaker 1: well as how FOMA relates to behavior and emotional wellbeing. 196 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 1: What they found was that not only was FORMO linked 197 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 1: to a lower mood, lower overall life satisfaction, but also 198 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 1: greater distraction from our own lives. People who were experiencing 199 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 1: greater POMO actually had poor autobiographical memory because they were 200 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: so consumed with comparison they couldn't appreciate the moment they 201 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 1: were in, good or bad. The really painful part is 202 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 1: that FOMO can make us mistrust our own preferences. Like 203 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,079 Speaker 1: I've said this whole time, a boring life is beautiful 204 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: if you can trust in its beauty and in your 205 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,839 Speaker 1: desire for it. But if you can't because you are 206 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: constantly flooded with how other people are living, it's not 207 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,319 Speaker 1: going to feel as enjoyable. The other reason I think 208 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: we may feel apprehension of the boring life is because 209 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:43,319 Speaker 1: we think that boring, slow, peaceful, regulated means no more 210 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: fund nor more excitement, especially the kind of excitement we 211 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: might find in like a messy night out, or like 212 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: bad decisions or drama. Again, I think there is a 213 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: time and a place for that. As much as I 214 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: have I've had moments like that, I regret moments like that, 215 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: I also cherish them equally because they are fundamental to 216 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: who I am. But I don't need to learn those 217 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 1: lessons again. And I don't need to learn those lessons 218 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: again and again and again. Like I'm done, And what 219 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: was the lesson for if not kind of showing me 220 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: how to make better decisions on a neurological level, like, yeah, 221 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: our brains do crave novelty, but that's not novelty. If 222 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: you've already been in that situation and know you don't 223 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: like it, we are definitely wired to move towards what 224 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: is surprising and unpredictable. Because novelty recruits so many different 225 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: brain systems involved in attention and motivation and reward. It's 226 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: a huge factor in how our brain releases dopamine, right, 227 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 1: because we're always wanting to move towards what feels unfamiliar 228 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: to learn, and because it's because of the anticipation and 229 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 1: of the possibility of pleasure. But we have to understand 230 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 1: just because dopamine is powerful, just because our motivational systems 231 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: are powerful, doesn't mean they're always leading us in the 232 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: right direction. But where we often get lost is in 233 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: how we interpret that need for novelty and the feel 234 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: good of this dopamine. Even though they feel similar at first, 235 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: novelty isn't the same as pure chaos or the kind 236 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 1: of busy lives that we think we need. Right, there 237 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: are different levels of how dopamine is produced and received. 238 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 1: What we really need to understand is that the dope, 239 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: mean or whatever pleasure chemicals you were previously getting from 240 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: this chaotic life that maybe you loved and that you 241 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: were living, is not the same that you're going to 242 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: get from long term gratification. Sometimes we mistake the emotional 243 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: highs and lows of chaos the evidence that we're really 244 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: living like how somebody in their twenties should be living. 245 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: But that immediate feeling of stimulation rarely gives us the 246 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: deeper reward the true novelty and curiosity and enjoyment does. 247 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,320 Speaker 1: In fact, one twenty sixty study from the Neurology department 248 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: at the University College of London actually found that it 249 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: can actually create biased choices, like our striving for quick 250 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: dopamine for instant pleasure. Yes, may give us a faster result, 251 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 1: but it creates an emotional crash later on. You know, 252 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: we're constantly activated, we're not necessarily enriched. And again this 253 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: is the beauty of the boring life. It takes you 254 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: out of this constant state of needing, more of expectance, 255 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: of anticipation and allows you to just actually choose where 256 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: your body and your mind wants to flow to and 257 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: where you actually want to put your attention towards, like 258 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: real novelty, real dopamin expands and enriches you. It's in 259 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: learning something new, It's in deepening intimacy with friends or 260 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: your partner. It's getting into nature. It's dedication to long 261 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: term projects or challenges. I think that's what a boring 262 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: life allows you to do. Okay, let's take a short 263 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: break here before we talk about what leaning into the 264 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: intentionality and acceptance of a boring, lame life can do 265 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: for you psychologically in terms of your relationships and emotionally, 266 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: and why it's so good for you. Stay with us 267 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: in order to convince you even more of the beauty 268 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: in your so called boring life that social media has 269 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: convinced you to hate. Let's talk about the four major 270 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: changes and benefits you will see when you accept a 271 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: slower pace. Number one, what looks like acquieter life is 272 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:50,119 Speaker 1: often a life with better emotional regulation and fewer extreme lows. 273 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: When our lives become overstimulated, our brains spend more time 274 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: in the state of hyper arousal cortisol adrenaline. They stay elevated. 275 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: The tension becomes from augmented and we begin operating from 276 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: a place of reactivity rather than intentionality. Research on stress, 277 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: research on nervous system regulation consistently shows that chronic overstimulation 278 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: reduces our capacity for emotional control, and, as we mentioned before, 279 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: reduces our capacity to make good value based decisions. We 280 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:28,680 Speaker 1: become more emotionally vulnerable to small inconveniences, to small frustrations 281 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 1: because our baseline stress is already so high it doesn't 282 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: take much to kind of tip us over. A quieter 283 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: life often reflects the opposite, and it indicates stronger self 284 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 1: regulation skills because there is there is some emotional curation 285 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: going on, right. You're not just saying yes to everything. 286 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 1: You're not saying yes to being everywhere, especially when you 287 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 1: now know the cost. Psychologists sometimes describe this as having 288 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: a greater window of tolerance. Basically, you're better able to 289 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,360 Speaker 1: make decisions around what you can tolerate and better able 290 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,120 Speaker 1: to expand expand your capacity to deal with things coming 291 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 1: out of the blue because you're not constantly taxing your 292 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 1: emotional systems with stuff you actually don't need to endure. 293 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: There's also research around something called hedonic adaptation. You've probably 294 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: heard about this on the podcast before, but The thing 295 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 1: about raw novelty and raw chaos and raw excitement is 296 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,880 Speaker 1: that our brain gets really used to it, and so 297 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: you need more and more and more to enjoy yourself. 298 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: Your nervous system recalibrates, and so it makes it so 299 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 1: that small pleasures don't feel as pleasurable anymore when you're 300 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: used to this big bide like big stuff. So going 301 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 1: back to this peaceful, slower life allows you to actually 302 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: recalibrate it back in the opposite direction. You're able to 303 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: actually have more of an appreciation for just things that 304 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: you can and should be grateful for. Secondly, it goes 305 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: without saying, but a more boring life is also often 306 00:18:56,040 --> 00:19:00,239 Speaker 1: in life with better boundaries, because at that point what 307 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 1: matters most is your emotional and your psychological center, not 308 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: someone else's preferences for you, not whether you disappointed somebody 309 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: by not showing up. You get pretty clear on who 310 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: likes you for you compared with who likes what you 311 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:19,200 Speaker 1: can offer them fairly quickly, and of course, like along 312 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: with better boundaries, it comes with greater presence what philosophers 313 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: like people have been talking about presents for ages, and 314 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 1: of course, alongside better boundaries, it also comes with greater presence. 315 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 1: What philosophers like literally hundreds of years have said is 316 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: like life's most precious gift, because nothing else is possible 317 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 1: without it. Like that's what you don't realize. You're not 318 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: really present for those moments of chaos and like glamor 319 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,479 Speaker 1: and excitement. There are thousands of ancient texts, thousands of books, 320 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: thousands of articles that have been written about how to 321 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: really take everything from a moment, how to attune your 322 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 1: senses and your mind to appreciate details that most of 323 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: us ignore, And no surprise here, a big part of 324 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: their advice is offer and spend more time being bored, 325 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: spend more time within the ordinary. Translation like just like, 326 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,640 Speaker 1: slow the fuck down for just a second, just actually 327 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,359 Speaker 1: notice your life rather than constantly trying to improve it. 328 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: You ever look back at a really amazing holiday, or 329 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 1: like a really amazing night out, or a really amazing 330 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,200 Speaker 1: birthday and realize, like, I don't actually remember the things 331 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 1: I thought I would. I remember the strangest little details. 332 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 1: That is exactly my point. You remember the moments that 333 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,560 Speaker 1: felt most natural because presence was greatest. I don't think 334 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: life happens in a big font. I think it happens 335 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: in the little font, and a failure to tune into 336 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 1: that may just mean actually a deeper failure to live fully. 337 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 1: It kind of reminds me of something I saw the 338 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: other day, which was like a quote that said, when 339 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: your life inevitably flashes before your eyes, will it be yours? 340 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: Or will it be what you made your life into 341 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: to impress others or to look good online? Will it 342 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 1: just be snatches of presence amongst bigger moments of distraction 343 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: and fear that you're not doing enough even when you 344 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: are really. I think our growing preference for the slower, 345 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,919 Speaker 1: so called boring life is that we're kind of waking 346 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: up to this reality that there's no keeping up with 347 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,119 Speaker 1: what we see online. There's only ever feeling bad about it. 348 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: Maybe it's an even deeper reality of like, if I'm 349 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: doing all of this and I'm still unhappy, If I'm 350 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 1: trying to keep up and I'm still miserable, what is 351 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 1: it for? Like this isn't convincing anymore. All those other 352 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,120 Speaker 1: busy moments, those moments of trying to fit the stereotype 353 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 1: of like what you're meant to be doing with your youth, 354 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: like they don't always make you happy, and presence definitely does. 355 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 1: We see this in research on mindfulness. We see this 356 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 1: in research on psychological present moment health and awareness. It's 357 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 1: associated with less emotional reactivity, better behavior regulation, more life satisfaction, 358 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,400 Speaker 1: better relationships. Blah blah blah. Those are all buzzwords words. Basically, 359 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 1: people are just happy. People who live slowly are happy 360 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: and happier. They basically cracked the code of happiness. They 361 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: go towards what feels good, even if to others it 362 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: seems boring. I think it's a great question to finish 363 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: this episode on, which is like, in the end, when 364 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,400 Speaker 1: you resist the boring life, what are you really avoiding? 365 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,119 Speaker 1: What thoughts are you actually afraid are going to be 366 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,760 Speaker 1: there when you turn everything else down or off? Like, 367 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 1: what are you actually distracting yourself? With? The older you get, 368 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,360 Speaker 1: I think, the more you realize that being with your 369 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,919 Speaker 1: own thoughts is much harder than people tell you. Like, 370 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: I went through a period a few years back when 371 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: like silence felt like such a threat, like such an 372 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: intense sign at least for me, that like I wasn't 373 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 1: doing enough because I had these moments in my twenties 374 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: and I needed to fill with experiences, and my only 375 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,160 Speaker 1: way to overcome that was a to just always be busy, 376 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: but be to always have the TV on or music 377 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: or a show playing, like I needed to be surrounded 378 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 1: by stimulation. And whenever I had these moments where I 379 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: wasn't around other people, it was bigger than formo. It 380 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: was like this deep fear of regret that I wasn't 381 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 1: doing enough. And what I was really like, I think 382 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: hiding from, was again this sense that like time is short, 383 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: this is what everybody is telling me I should and 384 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: will enjoy. It's not actually making me happy, but if 385 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 1: everybody is doing it, I don't want to miss out. 386 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: Like it was just a whole smaller's board of like 387 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: psychological insecurity and let's just say like overworking noise, busyness, 388 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 1: always having something on that is as much a coping 389 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: mechanism as anything else. Being busy is the silent coping mechanism. 390 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: Just like an alcoholic uses alcohol to silence the fear 391 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,120 Speaker 1: and uncertainty and grief, a busy holic uses the rush 392 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: of a pack schedule to do the same so that 393 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 1: they can crash at the end of the night and 394 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: put off that self reflection for another day, there's an 395 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,680 Speaker 1: absolutely fascinating paper published in the journal. The journal's called 396 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: Science basically, and it looks at this and the researchers 397 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,680 Speaker 1: wanted to know why people struggle so deeply with being 398 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 1: alone or being bored and they found that if they 399 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: just left people in a room for like fifteen minutes 400 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: by themselves, they would literally start shocking themselves with electric 401 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: shocks to avoid that discomfort because they were so not 402 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: used to just being with themselves and being present in 403 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: the moment. And the thing was, it's not boredom that 404 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,479 Speaker 1: they were scared of. They were scared of loneliness. They 405 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 1: were scared of things that they hadn't thought deeply enough about. 406 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 1: And I think that's where our real fear of like 407 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: boredom comes from, our real fear of the boring life 408 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: comes from, I should say, is like what's going to be? 409 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,359 Speaker 1: What sense of inadequacy is hiding behind that? So I 410 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: think that's really like why we can't accept what we 411 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 1: know we kind of want, but why getting to the 412 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 1: point where we can be like, oh, I'm actually okay 413 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: to slow down, and when I rest, I'm going to rest, 414 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 1: and when i'm being present, I'm going to be present. 415 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: Like when we get to that point, all those all 416 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 1: those things yes come to be when we're present, we're 417 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: happier or all of that. I think we also just 418 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: finally get a grip and get a grasp of like, Okay, 419 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,879 Speaker 1: what do I actually want? And that's what the value 420 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: it is in accepting and embracing what you know a 421 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: lot of people in social media and companies and marketing 422 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 1: doesn't want you to accept, which is that actually you 423 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,199 Speaker 1: need a lot less than you think you do, and 424 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 1: that you actually when you remove all these like distractions 425 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 1: and all these other things, you actually get to the 426 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: core of like what you desire without all this like 427 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,199 Speaker 1: kind of junk surrounding it. So that, my friends, is 428 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,879 Speaker 1: my argument for the boring life. To summarize very very quickly, 429 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: Why are we so opposed to the boring life? Well, 430 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,639 Speaker 1: because we've been sold this idea that, especially in our twenties, 431 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,600 Speaker 1: it means we're failing. It means that we're settling. It 432 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 1: means that we've like we've grown out of our youth 433 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 1: too quickly. That's literally not the case. We can still 434 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 1: have novelty, excitement, adventure without stringing ourselves along and without 435 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,120 Speaker 1: getting to a point of like complete exhaustion, and there 436 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,479 Speaker 1: is real maturity in accepting that, Like you can do 437 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: it all if you go a little bit slower and 438 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,119 Speaker 1: you can actually enjoy it. A great way to like 439 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,359 Speaker 1: accept that is to really dig down deeper into like 440 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: what is behind your fear of a boring life and 441 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 1: what it represents to you slash what you're actually trying 442 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: to avoid. And I think at the end of the day, yeah, 443 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: you just end up happier, you end up more fulfilled. 444 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 1: So I hope it's something that like if you've been 445 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,919 Speaker 1: kind of opposed to you can come to accept and 446 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,000 Speaker 1: realize the beauty in As always, I want to thank 447 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 1: our researcher be for her help with this episode. If 448 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 1: you have made it this far and you are listening 449 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 1: on Spotify, I'm trying to think about what our emoji 450 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 1: will be for today, maybe like an olive, an olive branch, 451 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 1: a white dove you choose, just so I know that 452 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: you've made it this par Thank you for listening to 453 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,199 Speaker 1: the end. If you want to read a transcript version 454 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: of this episode, you can do that on Substract. You 455 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 1: can also watch this episode on Netflix. You might not 456 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,400 Speaker 1: want to rewatch it. You can watch another episode on Netflix, 457 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 1: or you can follow us on Instagram. All the ways 458 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: that you can find us, read us, talk to us, 459 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 1: talk to me, watch, engage with the podcast. More will 460 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: be in the description below, but until next time, be safe, 461 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,679 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself. I hope this episode 462 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,640 Speaker 1: was a little bit convincing. We will talk very very soon.