1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, Near listeners, old listeners, wherever 6 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: you are in the world. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks 7 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,200 Speaker 1: for joining me. What we're talking about today is something 8 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: that has been on my mind a lot recently. It's 9 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: really been kind of humming away, not so much bothering me, 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: just like something that I've been quite fascinated by. I 11 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: went to this concert the other day, and when I 12 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: was there, I saw like hundreds, if not thousands, of 13 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: people who literally could have been my clone. They were 14 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: dressed like me, they had the same favorite song as me, 15 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,759 Speaker 1: they were living in the same city as me. I'm 16 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: sure some of them even had the same name. And 17 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: it really kind of got me questioning, are any of 18 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: us actually having an original experience? And am I actually unique? 19 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: Could you pick someone out of this crowd of like 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: minded people and kind of replace me? And I guess 21 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 1: with that, the question is who am I? If there 22 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: are like a million others that are like me, So 23 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: I thought, this is probably something we are all thinking about, 24 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: so let's talk about it. A big thing that we 25 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: face in our twenties is the need to establish our identity, 26 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: one that is unique from our family, from our friends, 27 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: from our peers, to not only feel that we kind 28 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: of stand out or we're different in some way, but 29 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: that what we have to offer is authentic and also 30 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: exclusive to us. I think established a sense of self, 31 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: concept and identity is a massive task that we face, 32 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: and a big part of that is questioning how can 33 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: we be unique? How can we be the only versions 34 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: of ourselves out there? You know, a rare breed, someone 35 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,640 Speaker 1: that people look at and think, wow, I've never met 36 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: someone like that before. I think that's a big part 37 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: of the allure of individuality and authenticity. You know, nothing 38 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,639 Speaker 1: is more attractive or compelling than someone who lives as 39 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: their truest and most vibrant self. And this seems impossible 40 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: at times on a planet of nine billion people, but 41 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: I would like for us to kind of really dive 42 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: into what actually makes all of us individual when not 43 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: just a copy and paste version of each other. Each 44 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: of us is this like wonderfully unique pattern of experiences 45 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 1: who see the world entirely differently, but at times we 46 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: also really struggle with this sense of like who am I? 47 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: How can I be completely unique? And I want to 48 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,239 Speaker 1: talk about it and provide a bit of a psychological 49 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 1: guide into what makes us quote unquote special and my 50 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:23,519 Speaker 1: seven kind of major tips and strategies and theories as 51 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: to how we can be completely unique. We're going to 52 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: explore some very wide ranging theories, from the theory of 53 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: identity development, self actualization, the origin of terms like basic, 54 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: how our society has really transformed in recent decades to 55 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: embrace uniqueness, and also things like the power of nature 56 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: in creating authenticity and self awareness, to ideas of social 57 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: conformity and how we can unlearn our need to follow 58 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: trends and to be kind of the cool girl or 59 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: the it girl. It's jam packed. I love thisscussing this 60 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: with my friends with random people I meet at parties. 61 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: The psychology behind this topic is also some of my 62 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: favorite The psychology behind identity and behind uniqueness is kind 63 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: of only recently, I think really begun to be explored 64 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: in depth. And I also think that it's really liberating 65 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: in our twenties to really embrace what makes us authentic 66 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: and individual and wonderful. It unlocks a whole new outlook 67 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: on life and a sense of self confidence that I 68 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: think we could all do with a lot more of. So, 69 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: without further ado, we're going to discuss how we can 70 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: be completely unique. So let's get into it. To be 71 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: unique is to be like no one else, to be 72 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: like no other, to be one of a kind, And 73 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,599 Speaker 1: it derives from the Latin word unis, meaning one. I 74 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: think as human beings we often strive for uniqueness and individuality. 75 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: We naturally want to stand out. We want to express 76 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 1: our true selves and leave a lasting impression on the world. 77 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: I would say in Western cultures, especially because of this 78 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: strive for individuality versus collectivism, those of us who have 79 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: been raised in such societies, we really do take pride 80 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: and we have this innate desire to be somewhat in 81 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: the spotlight, and an element of that is being unique 82 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 1: enough to be recognized in comparison to the status quo. 83 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: The desire to be unique it stems from various psychological 84 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:49,719 Speaker 1: and social factors such as self expression, social differentiation, which 85 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: is essentially how our society assigns the role and status 86 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: of various members based on sociocultural factors. I think as well, 87 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: there's this element or drive for personal fulfillment. When we 88 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: express ourselves in unique ways, when we explore our passions 89 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: and we pursue our interests, we do experience a deeper 90 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: sense of fulfillment. Uniqueness really allows us to feel like 91 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: we are having a unique experience of the world, and 92 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: it allows us to really foster our own personal sense 93 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,920 Speaker 1: of self and growth and development. But additionally, I think 94 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 1: it allows us to feel like our life is meaningful 95 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:40,599 Speaker 1: and that it is distinguishable from others. Especially in recent generations, 96 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: I do think that there has been this rising preoccupation 97 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: and desire to be unique and to be different, which 98 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: is somewhat of a change from what we would have 99 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: seen I would say one hundred even fifty years ago, 100 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: when individuals and entire groups were really ostracized for diverging 101 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: from that socially ingrain norm. It was really an era 102 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: of social conformity. Back in the nineteen forties and nineteen fifties. 103 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: There was a very inherent idea of what was normal 104 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: and acceptable, and that left a lot of people constrained 105 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: and limited in their individuality. When we think about a 106 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: lot of the major social movements of the last fifty 107 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: sixty years. A lot of them were about, of course, 108 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: primarily freedom from discrimination and equality, but as a secondary consequence, 109 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: the right to be different, and by fighting against that, 110 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 1: either for sexual liberation, for equal rights for women or 111 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 1: people of color. I think the world suddenly became accepting 112 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 1: of different stories and identities, and this social trend towards 113 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: nonconformity has created that desire to now be unique, and 114 00:07:55,800 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: as that has naturally evolved, now there is beauty and 115 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: and attractiveness to being different, and we see a lot 116 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: of people trying to establish their personal brand, as we 117 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: often call it on social media, their own aesthetic, their 118 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: own style and sense of self. At times, I would say, 119 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: even going to quite drastic lengths to be exceptional. You know, 120 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: different in this day and age, in this generation is 121 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: no longer a bad word. Our twenties are also, obviously, 122 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: I think, a critical time period in which we are 123 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: trying to establish a unique identity. This period, in particular, 124 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: spanning from around eighteen to twenty nine, it's been labeled 125 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: as emerging adulthood by psychologists, and it's characterized by exploration 126 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,319 Speaker 1: by self discovery and the integration of various life roles 127 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: and values. So from a psychological perspective, this process involves 128 00:08:55,960 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: navigating what Eric Erickson called identity versus role confusion, and 129 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: also intimacy versus isolation. And in this stage of life, 130 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: we strive to establish a very clear sense of who 131 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: we are, what we stand for, but also how we 132 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: can distinguish ourselves from others and begin to engage in 133 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: commitments and responsibilities that are independent from our family unit, 134 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: that are very much our own. And I think between 135 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: our teen years and our twenties we also experience this 136 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: very big shift from being in high school and wanting 137 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: to fit in and wanting to conform and be exactly 138 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: like our friends, to our twenties when there is a 139 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: lot more celebration and acceptance of what makes us different. 140 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: And sometimes in that process we have to try on 141 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 1: different identities to see which one fits. That's part of 142 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: the self exploration process. If you never go through that, 143 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: you end up being quite dissatisfied because you don't have 144 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: a true sense of self. And often those identities that 145 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: we try on they are archetypes or even stereotypes of 146 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: the types of individuals that we admire the types of 147 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: people that we have seen around us that have been 148 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: most socially influential. So, for example, this is such a throwback. 149 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: But I remember in my late teens, I really fell 150 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: in with quite a religious group, and that was my 151 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: identity for a year or so, and then I tried 152 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: out being a bit of a party animal. Then I 153 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: was a creative, a painter or an artist. Then I 154 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: was someone who was very academic, and I wanted to 155 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: be a lecturer or a politician. Every shade of person 156 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,440 Speaker 1: I wanted to see if it fit. And I'm not 157 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: ashamed of those chapters. This person I am now is 158 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: also probably going to change one hundred times over before 159 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,959 Speaker 1: the end of my time. It's a very constantly changing thing. 160 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: But I think what's important to understand is that uniqueness 161 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: and with that authenticity, comes from a strong sense of 162 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: self and a strong sense of identity, which we tend 163 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: to believe is a lot more stable compared to what's 164 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,079 Speaker 1: trending or the people that we're around and the people 165 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: that we're exposed to. And before we think about uniqueness, 166 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: we obviously have to examine identity, and we need to 167 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: think about identity as a series of buckets that we 168 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,559 Speaker 1: each fill with different items, and each of these items 169 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: will exist on a spectrum. So these buckets, they include 170 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,960 Speaker 1: things like personal history and life experiences. This is the 171 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: one that's most stable. It's the hardest to change, although 172 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: I would say our interpretation of our life experiences may 173 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,679 Speaker 1: be altered. Then we have things such as our values 174 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: and our beliefs such as creativity and honesty and generosity. 175 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: Our social identity, so thinking about gender, ethnicity, nationality, what 176 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: religion you follow, even our occupation. We have our interpersonal 177 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: relationships as the fourth bucket, so that includes your family, 178 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:12,079 Speaker 1: your partner, your friends. Then personal goals and aspirations, traits 179 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: and abilities, interests and hobbies, and finally accessories, which I 180 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 1: kind of like to caol extras. They are the ways 181 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: we present or express the other core components of our identity. 182 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: Things that are quite external. So I would say things 183 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: like physical appearance, how we dress, what kind of music 184 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 1: we like, our favorite season, Just those small added bonuses 185 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: of things that kind of sprinkle in with the big 186 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 1: buckets to make us a fully formed, fully rounded out person. 187 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 1: That's a lot of buckets, but no one is going 188 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: to have these same composition as you. Maybe some of 189 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: those surface level social identity things will be the same, gender, occupation, 190 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: even things like goals and ambitions and accessories. But there 191 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: are millions, if not trillions, of different combinations, and each 192 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: of these elements creates our identity. That combination is what 193 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 1: makes us unique and what makes us individual, and that 194 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: is essentially the foundation of what we're talking about today. So, 195 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: now that we kind of have our basics downpat we've 196 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 1: explored a little bit about the history around this trend 197 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 1: towards individuality and the value of being unique, how do 198 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 1: we apply this understanding. I want to give you seven 199 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,079 Speaker 1: tips on how you can cultivate your uniqueness and establish 200 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 1: your identity in a way that is natural and true 201 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 1: to who you are. So the first three are about 202 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: the current versions of you, and the final four are 203 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: about how to expand that version of you into new terrain. Firstly, 204 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: if you want to be completely unique, you need to 205 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: understand the core elements of your identity, Otherwise you're really 206 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 1: not going to get anywhere. I think that any version 207 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: of you that is not rooted in something organic is 208 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,559 Speaker 1: essentially a facade that you won't be able to sustain 209 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:18,719 Speaker 1: and further to that it won't leave you feeling particularly fulfilled. 210 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: It's very easy, I think, to see versions of people 211 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: that we want to be on social media and essentially 212 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: try and press copy and paste. But the thing is 213 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: that person already exists. And let's go back to the 214 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: definition of being unique, which is to be one, not 215 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: to be two. We each have an inherent mental image 216 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: of who we are, and sometimes we need to have 217 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: a very nice, long look when we feel ourselves slipping 218 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: into someone else's shoes. We really need to get back 219 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 1: to that core kind of internal mirror. So there are 220 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: a number of questions that we can actually use to 221 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: recenter ourselves, and I think they reveal a lot about 222 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 1: our true priorities and what actually makes us different. So 223 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: four questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully. 224 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: If someone was to describe you, what five words do 225 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: you think they'd use, and what five words would you use? 226 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: Would they be different? So that's one question. The second question, 227 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: what part of me am I most afraid to reveal? 228 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: And why? How am I like my parents? How am 229 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 1: I different? What would I do if I knew I 230 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: would not be judged? That last question always gets so 231 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: many good responses because I think it frees us from 232 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 1: a very big core insecurity, which is the opinions of others. 233 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: I truly believe that that is the biggest factor that 234 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: stifles our authenticity and our individuality, because when we constantly 235 00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: are seeking others approval, we are shifting our behavior and 236 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: our expression to be something that is palatable for them. 237 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: And I think connection and relationships are a valuable part 238 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: of our wellbeing, but not when they really sever our 239 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: connection with what makes us unique. So what are you 240 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: doing for others? Why are you changing yourself for others? 241 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 1: What part of your existence would no longer be relevant 242 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: if you weren't seeking the opinions of those around you. 243 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: I think it's really important to sit on that question 244 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: for a little while and answer it truthfully. And it 245 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: really leads into my second tip, which is to avoid 246 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: anything or anyone that shames you for your individuality, and 247 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: in some ways also my third tip, which is to 248 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: hold yourself accountable when you are changing for others or 249 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: adopting a persona Obviously, in life, there are always going 250 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: to be people who are cruel, and there are going 251 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: to be people who are rude, and that's just part 252 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: of our existence as social creatures. But the easiest way 253 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: to combat these individuals is to stand your ground. When 254 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: we change for someone else, we are only doing ourselves 255 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: a disservice. We kind of let them win. There's this 256 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: theory known as symbolic interactionism, and it essentially it explains 257 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 1: why we feel this response and want to change for others. 258 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 1: It says that we develop our sense of identity and 259 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 1: our sense of self through interactions. Our identities are formed 260 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: and maintained through the social interactions we have with others. 261 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 1: They're very much relational and the meaning that we attribute 262 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: to symbols, language, and social roles. But these same interactions 263 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: can impact how we express ourselves. Because of that theory, 264 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: we have a tendency to change how we act and 265 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: our interpretation of the world based on those around us. 266 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: And we can create these personas, which are essentially a 267 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:08,160 Speaker 1: fictionalized character, and for each persona we adopt, we become 268 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: further and further removed from our true self. At work, 269 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,640 Speaker 1: you're one person, and when you hang out with your family, 270 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: you're another. And when you're around a group of people 271 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 1: you want to impress, you create another persona, and that 272 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 1: persona is different from the one you have with your 273 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: best friend, and which version of you is the real one, 274 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: because when you are living based on how you think 275 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: others see you and their approval, that disconnect with what 276 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: makes you unique is going to be even greater. Those 277 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: are my first three tips. They're really around maintaining your 278 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 1: current sense of self and aligning your current behaviors with 279 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: that version of you. But I do think that there 280 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: are other things that we can do to kind of 281 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 1: expand our identity and to expand how we see ourselves 282 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: and how the world sees us as well. So these 283 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 1: next four tips are going to be around how we 284 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: can always cultivate a better version of ourselves that is unique, 285 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: that is individual, that is authentic. So my fourth tip 286 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 1: for being completely unique is to challenge your socially ingrained 287 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: beliefs and break out of your epistemic bubble. So this 288 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: idea of an epistemic bubble, it's essentially the theory that 289 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: we have all been implicitly taught a certain way of 290 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 1: thinking and a certain set of beliefs about the world, 291 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,680 Speaker 1: and that can be incredibly narrow and sometimes causes us 292 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 1: to exclude differing opinions. You become an echo chamber of 293 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 1: those around you, particularly those who have a significant social influence, 294 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: such as your parents and your partners, and your friends 295 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: and people that you admire, And your opinions are not 296 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: your own, they are from those around you. I think 297 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 1: there is nothing less unique. And then someone who just 298 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: parrots back what they've been taught. Obviously, I think it's 299 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: really hard to break away from that thinking when we 300 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: think about social pressure and social conformity. But if you 301 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,919 Speaker 1: are listening to this and you are seriously considering what 302 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: actually makes me individual, I would say a great way 303 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 1: to figure that out is to embrace unconventional thinking, to 304 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 1: question your thoughts on things like religion, on beauty, on 305 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,199 Speaker 1: the meaning of life, on what comes afterwards, what do 306 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: you think about happiness, what's your perspective on success? On popularity, 307 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: on politics. Uniqueness comes from creating a tapestry of experiences 308 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: and beliefs and thoughts that are different. And our twenties 309 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: are the best time to really actually question these things, 310 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,119 Speaker 1: because the older we get, we all know, the harder 311 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 1: it is to accept new ways of thinking, and we 312 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: can become i would say, quite stagnant, and our perspectives 313 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: because of factors like neuroplasticity and even our environmental exposure 314 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 1: to new ideas, it all becomes a lot more limited. 315 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: So to be unique, expose yourself to new ideas. I 316 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 1: want you to listen to new podcasts like this one, 317 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: and read new books and articles, and follow different people 318 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: on social media who create content that is different from 319 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: what we are normally exposed to. It's really interesting. I 320 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 1: follow so many like spirituality accounts, even though I would 321 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: say I'm quite a scientific person, because I think it's 322 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 1: firstly super interesting, but it also allows my own beliefs 323 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: to be more nuanced and adaptive, and it allows me 324 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:58,919 Speaker 1: to be able to contribute to different conversations. On the 325 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: point of social media, yeah, I would also say unfollow 326 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: anyone who makes you feel like you need to conform 327 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: or follow trends, particularly as they relate to self expression. 328 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: I would say that trends are not inherently bad or negative, 329 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,919 Speaker 1: but they do create what we would call a herd 330 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:23,719 Speaker 1: mentality and a sense of tribalism or homogeneous way of living. 331 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: It's I think, a really beautiful thing to take inspiration 332 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 1: from others, but I like to think about it in 333 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: terms of fashion as the easiest kind of explanation. An example, 334 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: there is always going to be a trending bag, or 335 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 1: a trending dress, or a trending pair of shoes that 336 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: we feel like we need to own. There is always 337 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,359 Speaker 1: an ego that people are trying to emulate, and this 338 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 1: can be attributed to the idea of social conformity, but 339 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: also the existence of in groups and of course the 340 00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 1: power of consumerism. We want to be part of the 341 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,440 Speaker 1: in group and we want to be socially accepted because 342 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,199 Speaker 1: our membership to these groups makes us feel better. So, 343 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: for example, buying a two thousand dollars bag or some 344 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,239 Speaker 1: infamous czar address is a way. It's almost like a 345 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 1: token that allows us to be part of what is 346 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: seen as admirable or attractive or stylish, and so we 347 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: use those items as a way to signify to others 348 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 1: I belong. But that doesn't allow for social expression or 349 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 1: self expression. Because a crucial element of any in group 350 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,120 Speaker 1: is conformity to the group norm. It can be very 351 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 1: easy to observe someone else and decide to be just 352 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:50,119 Speaker 1: like them because it provides us with a mental shortcut 353 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: for social acceptance. If we already know that this person 354 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 1: is liked by others as popular and seen as fashionable 355 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:04,440 Speaker 1: and deserve of praise. By copying aspects of their image, 356 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,120 Speaker 1: we are looking to gain the same level of social approval. 357 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: But I do really believe that trends they create social hierarchies, 358 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:20,359 Speaker 1: and they are based a lot on materialistic possessions rather 359 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: than what actually makes us authentic and individual. And I 360 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 1: think they also blatantly go against that very definition of uniqueness, 361 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: which is to be one, to be one of a kind. 362 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: So I would say, really try and detach from that 363 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: kind of fast media and capitalist and consumerius markets of 364 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: trend making that is inherently going to ask you to 365 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: be a person that you're not. Also, when you make 366 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 1: decisions about what you're wearing and those kind of accessories 367 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: we talked about of your identity, ask yourself, Am I 368 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,439 Speaker 1: wearing this because this makes me feel comfortable? Am I 369 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: dressing this way because I actually like this style? Is 370 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 1: this actually what I would wear? Or is it what 371 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 1: I think others want to see me in? Is it 372 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: because I want someone to see me walking down the 373 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: street and think that I am fashionable or trendy? And 374 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,679 Speaker 1: I think that's a really easy way to kind of 375 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: blossom in and kind of move into a space in 376 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: which you're making decisions for your inner self and for 377 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: the authentic person at your core. I have two more 378 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,160 Speaker 1: tips for you, perhaps my favorite, that we are going 379 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: to explore after this short break. Stick around Alrightye, so 380 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 1: we have two more tips that I want to share. 381 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 1: Tip six is quite possibly my favorite, and it's not 382 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,679 Speaker 1: one that I think we would typically think about, and 383 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 1: that is to spend time in nature. I cannot stress 384 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:10,120 Speaker 1: this highly enough. It might seem like a strange addition, 385 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: but I read this paper. It's called The Significance of 386 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,040 Speaker 1: Being Unique, and the author talks about how living close 387 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:23,679 Speaker 1: to nature is essential for cultivating identity and to also 388 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 1: exercise our intelligence and to be individual. And I not 389 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,159 Speaker 1: only find that very true from personal experience, but I 390 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,400 Speaker 1: think that is a really beautiful summary and explanation as 391 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,360 Speaker 1: to how nature really cultivates our identity for us. There 392 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 1: was this incredible study. It was conducted in twenty seventeen, 393 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 1: and it essentially showed what I think that we have 394 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 1: known for a long time, which is that exposure to 395 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 1: nature restores a lot of our cognitive capacities and it 396 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: is a very important aspect of mainaining our identity and 397 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,160 Speaker 1: sense of self. So we're going to do a whole 398 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 1: episode on the healing power of nature because ecopsychology is 399 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: possibly my new favorite thing. But when we spend time 400 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 1: in outdoor environments, what it does is it essentially provides 401 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: us with different stimuli and experiences that help to rewire 402 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 1: our brain. It provides time for contemplation, and it exposes 403 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: us to things that bring us interesting stories and learning 404 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:36,440 Speaker 1: experiences and aspects and beautiful things that we bring back 405 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 1: to ourselves and that allow us to express ourselves differently 406 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 1: and be unique. It's definitely not spoken about enough, but 407 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 1: just I think, watch the change that even ninety minutes 408 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 1: of outdoors time a week will have on your mindset, 409 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 1: on the originality of your thoughts, on your self confidence, 410 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: and creativity. I think additionally, it's very easy to spa 411 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,960 Speaker 1: and time inside and to do the most convenient thing, 412 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,440 Speaker 1: But every new thing that you do, every new challenge, 413 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,199 Speaker 1: every unique experience, it really creates a version of you 414 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,879 Speaker 1: that is more true and more authentic. Also, it's just 415 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,840 Speaker 1: that aspect of doing things that are different, right, most 416 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 1: people don't prioritize spending time in nature and I guess 417 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,640 Speaker 1: part of being unique is finding the right identity that 418 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,200 Speaker 1: suits you based on your interest and based on kind 419 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 1: of your inner calling. So being prepared to try new 420 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 1: things such as go outdoors, such as you know, just 421 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 1: see the world around you is a great way to 422 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 1: kind of distinguish yourself as well. My final tip for 423 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 1: being completely unique is to engage in something creative creativity 424 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: in whatever form you choose. Whether that's doodling or making 425 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: up songs, or writing or knitting, or painting or ceramics, 426 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 1: it really doesn't matter. These activities reveal hidden parts of ourselves. 427 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,239 Speaker 1: When we engage in a creative activity, we enter what 428 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 1: psychologists call a flow state, which is essentially a place 429 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 1: of deep fulfillment and peace where a lot of our 430 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 1: internal inhibitions are relaxed and we are going to give 431 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 1: our selves permission to access the parts of ourselves that 432 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 1: we have been told to suppress. You don't even need 433 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 1: to be good at it. You can be terrible at 434 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. But what this theory and this understanding 435 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: is going to tell you is that just engaging in 436 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: something that is new and fresh and novel and activates 437 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,520 Speaker 1: different parts of your brain is going to allow you 438 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: to view information in novel ways and to be playful, 439 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: and to engage in self discovery and reveal new facets 440 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,719 Speaker 1: of your identity, not just to other people, but to yourself. 441 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: I think people who have hobbies as well, and who 442 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: do something other than work, I can look at their phones, 443 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: they are just generally more interesting. It is the easiest 444 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 1: thing in the world to do what is convenient, to 445 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,840 Speaker 1: get that lingering in an addictive dopamine hit from social 446 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: media and technology, to doom scroll for hours and hours, 447 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: and you know, part of it is because these activities 448 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 1: are deliberately made to be addictive. But I think that's 449 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 1: not going to make you an especially unique or fun 450 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: person because most people are doing the same. Most people 451 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:40,880 Speaker 1: are really living for their phones and living for technology 452 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: rather than living for the things that I think really 453 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 1: bring a lot of flavor and color to our lives. 454 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: I want you to find even just that one thing 455 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,920 Speaker 1: that you do in your free time that gets you 456 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 1: out of your mind and into your imagination and allows 457 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:01,680 Speaker 1: you to build these new elements of your identity that 458 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 1: are unlike anyone else's, but also to find time to 459 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: actually reflect and sit with what's actually going on in 460 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 1: your life. I think self awareness and being unique come 461 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: very much hand in hand. So those are my major tips. 462 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: But I think regardless of what you think of those, 463 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: maybe you're still struggling with what makes you a unique person. 464 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: So I just want to quickly take a second, and 465 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 1: I guess it just provides you with some reminders around 466 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 1: why we really are different and special and purposeful. Here 467 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: are just some basic things that I found that no 468 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 1: one else in the world has. That you do your fingerprints, 469 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: first of all self explanatory, but not even identical twins 470 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 1: have the same fingerprints. Isn't that so beautiful that each 471 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 1: of us has such a unique cell composition that our 472 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 1: body and the patterns on our skin are never going 473 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: to be recreated. There's one thing also, Your ears super random. 474 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 1: But since like the nineteen fifties, forensic scientists and psychologists 475 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 1: they have been using the measurements of someone's ears to 476 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:15,959 Speaker 1: match the prints left behind at crime scenes with almost 477 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 1: one hundred percent accuracy. So that is another way that 478 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 1: you are not like anyone else. Your body odor as well, 479 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,400 Speaker 1: each of us has like a different scent, which I 480 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 1: think is amazing. It's also why sometimes you're really attracted 481 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:35,600 Speaker 1: to the smell of someone else, and they're pheromones. Everyone's 482 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,479 Speaker 1: smell is made up of a combination of like forty 483 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: four different compounds. So there you go. There's one way 484 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 1: that you're special. You have your own unique perfume, almost 485 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: your unique scars and your moles, even the freckles on 486 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,160 Speaker 1: your body and the pores on your nose. They are 487 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: like constellations. They're nothing else. There is nothing else in 488 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: the universe. I like it, and you'll laugh. I think 489 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,200 Speaker 1: that is one of the things that we love the 490 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 1: most about others, is how they laugh, how they express joy. 491 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 1: And it's interesting to know that that is unique to 492 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: each of us. It's like our own signature sound, and 493 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: of course our thoughts. No matter how much you and 494 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: another person agree, no matter how much you are similar, 495 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: your individual thoughts will never be replicated. You are like 496 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: a walking miracle. There is nothing that will ever exist 497 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: quite like you, or has ever existed quite like you. 498 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 1: And I think that is a really beautiful reminder when 499 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 1: we're struggling with where we actually sit in the world. 500 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,600 Speaker 1: I think naturally we hate being seen as basic or 501 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 1: as run of the mill. I absolutely hate the use 502 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 1: of the term basic. I think it's always just used 503 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,400 Speaker 1: to kind of negate shared interests or general similarities that 504 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 1: you share with others. I also think it's just another 505 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: word used to put down people, especially women, for the 506 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: aspects of their identity that they value, to imply that 507 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,719 Speaker 1: they don't contain multitudes, that they are not individual, and 508 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,920 Speaker 1: that they are not someone with unique thoughts and feelings 509 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,359 Speaker 1: and worries and in a unique identity. I really hate 510 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,399 Speaker 1: that term. I think it's often referred to when we 511 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,960 Speaker 1: are like fans of certain like pop culture icons or 512 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 1: certain like fashion brands or TV shows or music. There's 513 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: a reason that those things are popular. It's because they 514 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,400 Speaker 1: are good, and you do not need to try and 515 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,760 Speaker 1: distinguish yourself by pretending to hate those things. I think 516 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 1: people who refer to like certain bands or certain anything 517 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: really as basic or really just projecting an insecurity that 518 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,600 Speaker 1: they themselves are not fierce and strong enough in their 519 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,359 Speaker 1: own identity to feel like they don't need to tear 520 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 1: others down. So there you go. I think that a 521 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,920 Speaker 1: reason it can be so powerful and the reason we 522 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:04,359 Speaker 1: use that term is it because it really does tap 523 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: into this very human insecurity we want to think that 524 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 1: we are different, because otherwise our existence is somewhat irrelevant. 525 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 1: If someone could take our place in our relationships, if 526 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 1: someone could do our job, if someone could have the 527 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 1: thoughts that we're having create what we're creating, well, that's 528 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: quite depressing because it essentially makes our influence and place 529 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 1: in the world quite inconsequential. It's one of the big 530 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:37,960 Speaker 1: pillars of existential dread or even an existential crisis. In psychology, 531 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,239 Speaker 1: this refers to that feeling that life is inherently pointless 532 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,040 Speaker 1: and that we have no reason for being here. Nothing 533 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:49,960 Speaker 1: we do has meaning, Nothing about our lives is special. 534 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: I think that's a really hard thought to counteract. But 535 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:59,800 Speaker 1: by applying those strategies, we can feel more at peace 536 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,920 Speaker 1: with what we have to offer. That we are individual, 537 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,759 Speaker 1: that we know ourselves, and when we tap into our creativity, 538 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 1: when we question our surroundings and our beliefs, When we 539 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,319 Speaker 1: truly examine what we want and who we are, and 540 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 1: we allow ourselves to express who we are authentically beyond trends, 541 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 1: we really bring a sense of meaning to our lives. 542 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,879 Speaker 1: You do not feel like just another person walking down 543 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,279 Speaker 1: the street. You do not feel like a bit of 544 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,919 Speaker 1: a drone. You are yourself, you know, I always think 545 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 1: like I am Gemma, and isn't that beautiful? Like there 546 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,920 Speaker 1: is no one else like me. Everyone walking down the 547 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,120 Speaker 1: street is like this incredible tapestry of every experience and 548 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 1: everything that's happened, and their lives and their thoughts and 549 00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:48,720 Speaker 1: their narrative will never be recreated. Remember, being completely unique, 550 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,120 Speaker 1: it's not about trying to be something that you're not. 551 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:57,480 Speaker 1: It's about embracing who you are, your authentic self, and 552 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,920 Speaker 1: expressing it in a way that sets you apart. And 553 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:05,359 Speaker 1: that journey towards being unique is a lifelong process, and 554 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,440 Speaker 1: I don't think it's one that we can do lightly. 555 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,680 Speaker 1: It's one that requires constant self reflection and growth and adaptation. 556 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:17,560 Speaker 1: But by really taking the time to distinguish ourselves from others, 557 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,959 Speaker 1: to live our lives as if we are the only 558 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,640 Speaker 1: version of ourselves of which we are, we kind of 559 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,880 Speaker 1: find a new meaning in a new purpose and we 560 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 1: feel like who we are on this planet actually matters. 561 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,319 Speaker 1: So I hope that you have enjoyed this. I hope 562 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,400 Speaker 1: that you feel completely unique. I hope that you are 563 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 1: able to apply these strategies and these tips to feel 564 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 1: more confident. I think that's like the general outcome that 565 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:46,120 Speaker 1: I want from today's episode. It's really been something that 566 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,799 Speaker 1: I've been trying to apply to my own life, but 567 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,760 Speaker 1: also trying to counteract this like weird fear of being 568 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:55,239 Speaker 1: deemed or seen as basic or like everyone else. It's 569 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 1: such I think, a conundrum with social media in which 570 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: we're able to really see a thousand different reflections of 571 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: ourselves and the people who look like us. But also 572 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,600 Speaker 1: this like striving for individuality and to have a brand 573 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,720 Speaker 1: and to have a style and to be unlike anyone else, 574 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 1: and fame and success or are just all these themes 575 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: that are really hard to escape. But in our twenties, 576 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,760 Speaker 1: we do have this opportunity to be able to figure 577 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,520 Speaker 1: out who we are. So I would say, don't take 578 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,640 Speaker 1: the task too lightly. It's an important thing to do. 579 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,640 Speaker 1: And if you did enjoy this episode, please, if you 580 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: feel cool to do so, leave a five star review 581 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 1: wherever you are listening right now. I see all the 582 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:41,080 Speaker 1: love I read them more. It is really like it's 583 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,399 Speaker 1: such a joyful experience, So thank you for those who 584 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 1: have left a review. I see it and I very 585 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 1: much appreciate it. Also, if you have an episode suggestion, 586 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,719 Speaker 1: or you want to be part of the community and 587 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,160 Speaker 1: see what we're up to. Please follow along at that 588 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:03,680 Speaker 1: Psychology podcast on Instagram. There's so much over there. You 589 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:08,279 Speaker 1: can also see some filmed slash video versions of the podcast. 590 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 1: If it would be great to have you be part 591 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,360 Speaker 1: of the community. And finally, if there was someone in 592 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,759 Speaker 1: your life who needs to hear this episode who has 593 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:20,840 Speaker 1: been struggling with their sense of uniqueness with any of 594 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 1: the things we spoke about today, please feel free to 595 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,280 Speaker 1: share it along, share the love. It would be great 596 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,839 Speaker 1: to have them listening along. We will be back next 597 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 1: week as always with another episode.