WEBVTT - Managing the Overwhelm

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning, peeps, and welcome to wok F Daily with

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<v Speaker 1>Meet your Girl Daniel Moody. Pre recording from the Home Bunker. Folks,

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<v Speaker 1>it has been an extraordinary time. We are living in

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<v Speaker 1>extraordinary times, and you know, I want to share on

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<v Speaker 1>today's episode some of the ways that I have found

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<v Speaker 1>it helpful to manage the overwhelm. And it is it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't you know. Here's what I will say. There isn't

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<v Speaker 1>a person that I have spoken to. There isn't a

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<v Speaker 1>family member that I've spoken to, a friend, or a

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<v Speaker 1>clerk at a store, or an Uber driver that I

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<v Speaker 1>have spoken to who hasn't shared, even for a moment,

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<v Speaker 1>their bit of overwhelm. I've gotten out of ubers over

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<v Speaker 1>the last year or so, and when I get out,

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<v Speaker 1>the drivers all exclaim be safe, be well, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>stay healthy, stay safe. These are like salutations greetings that

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<v Speaker 1>we didn't have, right, Like when you think about when

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<v Speaker 1>people sneeze and they would say gazintite or God bless you.

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<v Speaker 1>That dated back to you know, the height of the

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<v Speaker 1>plague that when people sneeze they were like close to death, right,

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<v Speaker 1>so you were saying, you know, God bless you and

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<v Speaker 1>keep you It's interesting to me as the times become

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<v Speaker 1>more and more extraordinary, and I mean extraordinary in their wildness,

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<v Speaker 1>like ten years ago, five years ago, we could never

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<v Speaker 1>predicted where we are now or what we have all

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<v Speaker 1>collectively experienced. And by the way, you know, what I

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<v Speaker 1>find so unsettling, I think sometimes is the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>the media would love us to believe and pretend that

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<v Speaker 1>COVID never existed, That over a million people didn't die,

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<v Speaker 1>that every holiday season that you're sitting down and there

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<v Speaker 1>are empty spaces at your tables that were just all

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to be okay with that never to have really

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<v Speaker 1>talked about it beyond the one collective day of mourning

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<v Speaker 1>that the Biden administration ushered in before the inauguration, that

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<v Speaker 1>that was the only honoring we've done. And it's still

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<v Speaker 1>wild to me because what we know, right is that

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<v Speaker 1>hurt people hurt people right, That wounds that go unhealed, untreated,

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<v Speaker 1>bump up against other wounds until everyone around you is hurting.

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<v Speaker 1>So one of the things that I had the just

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<v Speaker 1>tremendous ability to participate in over the year the last

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<v Speaker 1>couple of months of the year was a commitment to

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<v Speaker 1>care class that I was taking and I won't even

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<v Speaker 1>call it a class. It was more like a gathering

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<v Speaker 1>with other black women led by a somatic healing coach

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<v Speaker 1>to teach us how to get in touch with our bodies,

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<v Speaker 1>our feelings, and the way that we hold emotions in

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<v Speaker 1>our bodies, and that when we are in certain conversations,

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<v Speaker 1>certain places that we just move with just our brain

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<v Speaker 1>but don't really think about, why did my shoulder rise,

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<v Speaker 1>Why do I have this not in my stomach? Why

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<v Speaker 1>am I feeling sore? Why am I waking up exhausted.

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<v Speaker 1>Our bodies provide us with signals right to alert us

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<v Speaker 1>to the fact that something is not right, something is blocked,

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<v Speaker 1>something is not sitting well. And through this healing gathering

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<v Speaker 1>that I was doing at the end of the year,

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<v Speaker 1>I learned so much about how I hold energy, how

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<v Speaker 1>I hold negativity, how as I've been able to not

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<v Speaker 1>just recognize and move through because this isn't just about

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<v Speaker 1>let's say, getting a massage, which is lovely and great,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's not it. It's really about becoming in tune,

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<v Speaker 1>closing your eyes, deep breathing, sitting with yourself inside of

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<v Speaker 1>your body. And you know, I realized as I was

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<v Speaker 1>in these gathering settings that that is a luxury, and

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<v Speaker 1>it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be a luxury to be

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<v Speaker 1>able to wake up and sit with yourself, to be quiet,

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<v Speaker 1>to stretch, to breathe, to come into your day, to

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<v Speaker 1>really unpack and learn your body, your emotions. As my

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<v Speaker 1>mother says, the issues that we hold in our tissues,

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<v Speaker 1>the tissues in our body. Because, as I've said to you,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you've been listening to this show for quite

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<v Speaker 1>some time, dis ease in our bodies create disease. So

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<v Speaker 1>when I talk about really trying to work to live

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<v Speaker 1>and be and exist in flow, it isn't just about

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<v Speaker 1>letting things roll off your back. It's recognizing that life

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<v Speaker 1>is yang and yang. Life is always going to hold

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<v Speaker 1>both grief and joy. But learning how how our bodies

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<v Speaker 1>signal to us gives us the greater skill set and

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<v Speaker 1>awareness to navigate what will inevitably become rough seas right.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you are a skilled person who is not

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<v Speaker 1>caought off guard but starts to see like, oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I can see how this can turn. So what do

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<v Speaker 1>I need to do? How do I need to breathe?

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<v Speaker 1>How do I need to approach this situation. Is there

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<v Speaker 1>is this real? Is this a story that I'm telling myself?

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<v Speaker 1>What is in my control and not within my control? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>I look at it in turns terms of dealing with

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<v Speaker 1>all of the layered crises and complexities that we've all

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<v Speaker 1>individually and collectively been navigating for years now. I can't

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<v Speaker 1>remember the last time, to be honest, right, that I

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<v Speaker 1>felt truly, truly, truly truly about society, truly stable, truly

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<v Speaker 1>like things are going to be okay. We'ven't felt this

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<v Speaker 1>in a while. We've been on edge, which is why

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking today about the ways that I have found

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<v Speaker 1>to help myself, and I hope that all of you

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<v Speaker 1>are looking and finding the ways that will help you.

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<v Speaker 1>But doing this work of researching, analyzing current events and affairs,

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<v Speaker 1>making it digestible to all of my listeners and readers

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<v Speaker 1>takes a toll, because I'm a person who, for way

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<v Speaker 1>too long was unable to detach myself from the grief

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<v Speaker 1>that was in the headlines and the life I am leading.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was carrying all of this weight and sadness

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<v Speaker 1>of the world with me everywhere like a giant anchor,

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<v Speaker 1>and recognizing that if I did not learn how to compartmentalize,

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<v Speaker 1>how to be an observer but not an absorber, and

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<v Speaker 1>let me say that again, to be an observer but

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<v Speaker 1>not an absorber, then I was not going to be

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<v Speaker 1>able to continue doing this work. So for me, through

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<v Speaker 1>the pandemic, I developed and began to hone skills that

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<v Speaker 1>allowed me to center my peace and joy even in

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<v Speaker 1>the midst of grave hardship. Physical movement going on walks

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<v Speaker 1>for me is meditative. It's really hard in the winter,

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<v Speaker 1>and I have to figure out other ways to release

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<v Speaker 1>right because for me, I need a physical release right

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<v Speaker 1>of movement that is both meditative, can take me out

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<v Speaker 1>of my body but also drop me into my body

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<v Speaker 1>in a real way. Cycle does that for me too,

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<v Speaker 1>because I can zone out, just listen to the music

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<v Speaker 1>and ride right. And like if I were a biker

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<v Speaker 1>on a road, which I would never do in the

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<v Speaker 1>city because I'm terrified of being hit by a car,

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<v Speaker 1>but if I were to ride you can see how

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<v Speaker 1>the road right for bikers avid bikers becomes incredibly meditative

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<v Speaker 1>and you're just like in it. So for me, I

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<v Speaker 1>need to be in physical movement that allows me to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of drop out right of what's around me and

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<v Speaker 1>really in side of my body. So that's one. Two

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<v Speaker 1>is that I really shrunk my circle of friends in

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<v Speaker 1>a serious way because I realized that we fill our lives.

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<v Speaker 1>I was filling my life with a lot of extra

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<v Speaker 1>fluff and stuff that didn't need to be and again

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<v Speaker 1>through COVID, that all naturally got stripped away because you

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<v Speaker 1>weren't able to, you know, take that dinner date, that

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<v Speaker 1>coffee date, do you know this meetup, that meet up,

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<v Speaker 1>that happy hour, And so those kind of extra layered

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<v Speaker 1>people fell away. I no longer work in an office

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<v Speaker 1>or in a studio. I work from home, and so

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<v Speaker 1>again those kind of extra ness fell away. And for

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<v Speaker 1>me that ended up being a really good thing because

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<v Speaker 1>then who was left I knew were like my people.

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<v Speaker 1>So who are your people? Not the people that just

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<v Speaker 1>tell you that everything is gonna be okay when you know,

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<v Speaker 1>for fock's sakes, it's not and we don't know. But

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<v Speaker 1>that you can be real with, you can be raw

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<v Speaker 1>with that can hold space for you, and you in

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<v Speaker 1>turn can hold space for them right that you leave

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<v Speaker 1>their presence feeling lighter, feeling better. Right. And that is

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<v Speaker 1>again about connecting with your body, How do I feel?

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<v Speaker 1>I told myself that once we were able to reconnect

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<v Speaker 1>with people, I was no longer going to just say

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<v Speaker 1>yes to things right like that. I was going to

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<v Speaker 1>take a beat and see how the invitation felt to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Does it feel heavy? Does it feel light? Do I

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<v Speaker 1>find myself wanting to come up with an excuse as

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<v Speaker 1>to why I can't do it, which means that I

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<v Speaker 1>don't really want to do it, so then why am

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<v Speaker 1>I doing it? Right? Funny enough, I was watching one

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<v Speaker 1>of these like old you know, not really old, I guess,

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<v Speaker 1>but like in comparison Christmas Movies for Christmases with Reese

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<v Speaker 1>Witherspoon and I think Vince Vaughan, and I started watching

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<v Speaker 1>it because I like to watch it like mindless Christmas movies,

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<v Speaker 1>as many people do, hence why they're marathoning throughout the

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<v Speaker 1>holiday season. But you know, they were talking to people

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<v Speaker 1>in the beginning of the movie about like why they

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<v Speaker 1>hadn't spent the holidays with their families in three years

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<v Speaker 1>because both of them and mind you, a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>these Christmas films, like if you look at them with

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<v Speaker 1>a proper lens, you're like, wow, this is really fucked up.

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<v Speaker 1>This is really toxic, So let's just suspend you know

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<v Speaker 1>that for a moment. But what they did bring up

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<v Speaker 1>is all the ways that people turn themselves into pretzels

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<v Speaker 1>right in order to make other people happy, particularly during

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<v Speaker 1>the holiday season. So they were talking to like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>colleagues at a Christmas party, and both of the colleagues

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<v Speaker 1>were dreading, you know, they're seventeen pickups that they had

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<v Speaker 1>to do at the airport. They're like sleeping on uncomfortable

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<v Speaker 1>sofas and listening to somebody's terrible jokes and like engaging

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<v Speaker 1>with family that they would rather not be with and

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<v Speaker 1>they would rather just take a you know, a vacation.

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<v Speaker 1>And then, you know, as Reese Witherspoon and her boyfriend

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<v Speaker 1>are sharing, they're like, don't you feel guilty? Like you're

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<v Speaker 1>just going off and doing your own thing, lying to

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<v Speaker 1>your families. Don't you feel guilty? And they're just like,

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<v Speaker 1>do I feel guilty about taking a vacation during the

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<v Speaker 1>only vacation that I have for the year. No? And

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<v Speaker 1>so I want us to, you know, think about Sure,

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<v Speaker 1>there are always things that we have to do, but

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<v Speaker 1>there are actually more things, I believe, you know, outside

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<v Speaker 1>of work. In taxes, that we have a choice and

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<v Speaker 1>can make a choice about how how we want to

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<v Speaker 1>break bad traditions, toxic traditions, engagements and conversations and experiences

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<v Speaker 1>that leave us wanting or feeling bad and remake them.

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<v Speaker 1>Just because something has always been doesn't mean that it's right,

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<v Speaker 1>and we each have the ability and the opportunity to renew,

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<v Speaker 1>re engage, figure out what actually works, because sometimes doing

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<v Speaker 1>the same old, same old doesn't. And of course we

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<v Speaker 1>know that doing the same old, same old, but expecting

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<v Speaker 1>a different result is in fact one of the definitions

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<v Speaker 1>of insanity. We know, right, folks, that life is really

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<v Speaker 1>precious and also really short, and so the questions that

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<v Speaker 1>we have to be asking ourselves is how do we

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<v Speaker 1>want to be living? How do we want to feel?

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<v Speaker 1>And lead with that. You know, one of the books

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<v Speaker 1>that I've mentioned before on this show, and if you've

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<v Speaker 1>had the ability to listen to one of my other shows,

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<v Speaker 1>The New Abnormal, I had the ability to interview one

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<v Speaker 1>of the sisters, the co authors of Burnout, The Secret

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<v Speaker 1>to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Emily Nagowski and Emilia Nagowski

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<v Speaker 1>wrote this book, and I had the ability to interview Amelia,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, everything is about whether you're into Western medicine,

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<v Speaker 1>Eastern medicine, you know, metaphysics, all of these different things

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<v Speaker 1>is about what is causing me my stress, how to

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<v Speaker 1>get to the core of it, how to move through

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<v Speaker 1>these cycles and stop them. And the holidays for a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people bring up a lot, a lot, a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of stress. One of the things that she says,

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<v Speaker 1>that they say in this book that I think is

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<v Speaker 1>pretty amazing is about looking for your something larger. They

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<v Speaker 1>write this, some people know exactly what there's something larger is,

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<v Speaker 1>and others take years to figure it out. Amelia has

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<v Speaker 1>always known, even when she didn't know, she knew. She

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<v Speaker 1>has wanted to be a choral conductor since she was twelve,

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<v Speaker 1>and here she is with three degrees in leading choral

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<v Speaker 1>ensembles an impressive resume of conducting gigs. Emily stumbled from

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<v Speaker 1>school to work to school again until looking to trace

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<v Speaker 1>the pattern of the door she had walked through. She

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<v Speaker 1>finally figured it out about twenty years after Amelia. Our

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<v Speaker 1>experiences discovering the sources of meaning in our lives might

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<v Speaker 1>suggest there is no predictable way for each individual to

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<v Speaker 1>find it. For themselves, but the common thread is an

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<v Speaker 1>inner voice that you can hear if you stop and listen.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone has it. Ask yourself, what am I doing when

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<v Speaker 1>I feel most powerfully that I'm doing what I meant

0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:46.280
<v Speaker 1>to be doing. If you're still struggling to recognize your something,

0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:50.320
<v Speaker 1>larger research has found a few strategies that can help.

0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:55.359
<v Speaker 1>Try writing your own obituary or less morbid a life

0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:59.120
<v Speaker 1>summary through the eyes of a grandchild or a student.

0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Osk your closest friends to describe the real you, the

0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:07.760
<v Speaker 1>characteristics of your personality and your life that are core

0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:12.800
<v Speaker 1>to your best self. Imagine that someone you care about

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<v Speaker 1>is going through a dark moment in their life, which,

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<v Speaker 1>as I'm saying, we all have been. They've experienced significant

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<v Speaker 1>loss and feel helpless and isolated. As your best self,

0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.679
<v Speaker 1>write that personal letter to support them through this difficult time,

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<v Speaker 1>then reread it. It's for you. There are all different

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<v Speaker 1>ways for us to be able to navigate this thing

0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:42.359
<v Speaker 1>called life and to center ourselves and our joy and

0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:48.199
<v Speaker 1>ease is not selfish. It is actually an act of

0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:52.680
<v Speaker 1>resistance to the darkness. So I wish for you all,

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<v Speaker 1>as we gear up to start anew to really think

0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:03.280
<v Speaker 1>about who we are and how we want to be,

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<v Speaker 1>because that is how we spread more light, more joy,

0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:18.800
<v Speaker 1>and renew without the burnout. That is it for me today,

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<v Speaker 1>dear friends on Woke a f as always Power to

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<v Speaker 1>the people and to all the people power. Get woke

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<v Speaker 1>and stay woke as fup.