Speaker 1: So, y'all, it really amazes me when people are surprised
Speaker 1: that I own my sexy after growing and birthing three boys,
Speaker 1: because how in the hell do you think they got here?
Speaker 1: Dead ass? Hey, I'm Cadeine and we're the ellis Is.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of wit
Speaker 1: are making me derby most days. Oh and one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we all.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.
Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying fast
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We're about to take pillow Talk to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead at starts right now. It was a random Sunday afternoon,
Speaker 1: and I remember getting a call from my manager and
Speaker 1: you know, we were working on like different brands that
Speaker 1: I can, you know, pitch myself to working on brand
Speaker 1: partnerships because typically when I'm looking to partner with a brand,
Speaker 1: it has to be organic and authentic to me, my lifestyle,
Speaker 1: my narrative, everything that encompasses Codeine the workwoman, the mom,
Speaker 1: the wife. So she said to me, you know, Cadeine,
Speaker 1: I feel like we may have to put a little
Speaker 1: bit more diverse content on your page because some of
Speaker 1: the feedback that I've been getting from these brands, um
Speaker 1: is that you know, Canein's page is awesome. You know,
Speaker 1: she has lots of followers, you know, great engagement, but
Speaker 1: her page is a little risk So I was like,
Speaker 1: risk a, what does because I post swimsuits and whatnot,
Speaker 1: and because I, you know, own my sexy which I
Speaker 1: think I'm allowed to do. And she said, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: so maybe we should post more pictures of like you
Speaker 1: with the boys, you know, at home doing some cooking
Speaker 1: or baking together, you know, the kids on the playground.
Speaker 1: That will probably diversify your page and make it then
Speaker 1: more you know, appetizing and appealing to these brands. So
Speaker 1: I kind of was like, all right, UM, process that
Speaker 1: for a second, and I'm like, you know what, that's cool.
Speaker 1: Let me call up my photographer and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, we can plant some kids centered activities
Speaker 1: that we can then post you know, me doing or
Speaker 1: post me in the kitchen and whatnot, because that's what
Speaker 1: I guess moms are supposed to do. Right then, I
Speaker 1: was like, it's not that. What I'm not gonna do
Speaker 1: is now curtail my content to then put up this
Speaker 1: facade or this image of what they feel a mother is,
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna, you know, be in the realm
Speaker 1: of what that is to them who are where these
Speaker 1: said brands are. And it was so funny because literally
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes later, my husband sitting next to
Speaker 1: me on the couch and I hadn't told him about
Speaker 1: this conversation I'm having via text with our manager. So
Speaker 1: he busts out laughing and I'm like, what are you
Speaker 1: laughing at? So he shows me a d M from
Speaker 1: someone person that follows I guess, the both of us.
Speaker 1: And it's a screenshot of a photo that I posted
Speaker 1: in a swimsuit and I was posing on a rock.
Speaker 1: You know, I dropped it because y'all know I drop it. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's just something that I do on demand at any
Speaker 1: given time. Um, because you know my NY's work. Do
Speaker 1: you know my husband likes it? So they sent the
Speaker 1: picture to my husband and then said, Wow, look at
Speaker 1: your wife posing on this rock. Why do you allow
Speaker 1: her to do things like that? Allow is the key
Speaker 1: word there. So I'm gonna just leave storytime right there,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna come back and discuss it. All right,
Speaker 1: y'all karaoke time, And if you have read the description
Speaker 1: of today's episodes, you might know who I have coming
Speaker 1: on to Mike, because I mean, listen, let's face it,
Speaker 1: When I have such talent in my space, why would
Speaker 1: I get on the microphone and attempt to do anything
Speaker 1: but talk to y'all. So that being said, I'm going
Speaker 1: to turn it over to one of our amazing guests
Speaker 1: that I have today with me that I'm happy to
Speaker 1: welcome back to the show. What's what's she gonna? What's
Speaker 1: she gonna sing for us today? Man? Well, you know,
Speaker 1: since all these people want to be coming and giving
Speaker 1: their opinions, we're gonna take it a little pop rock
Speaker 1: and we're gonna tell them it's my life, Hey do
Speaker 1: to fucking last time I checked? Oh, it's my life
Speaker 1: all right? Now? All right, I don't know what the
Speaker 1: last line is there, but it's my life. Mind your business,
Speaker 1: that's it. That's it. Let me tell you this has
Speaker 1: been a long time coming. Okay, guys, because I've wanted
Speaker 1: Ashley and I had to get on this podcast together.
Speaker 1: And I knew she had to come on for a
Speaker 1: girl's episode because the thing I admire and love so
Speaker 1: much about you, Ashley, um with your presence on social media,
Speaker 1: because that's for the most part where I found you
Speaker 1: with the accept seeing you at the Black Love Summit
Speaker 1: a couple. Is it a year now? I think so?
Speaker 1: Who knows because this has been an um but since
Speaker 1: then I've been You're one of my favorite follows on Instagram.
Speaker 1: So you'll have to me. She'll get her handles and
Speaker 1: stuff at the end of the show. But Ashley Chia,
Speaker 1: please tell us who you are, what you do, your superpower?
Speaker 1: That's all the question. Well, first, my name is Ashley Chia.
Speaker 1: I'm originally from Columbus, Ohio. I've been living in Cali
Speaker 1: for six years. I'm a former ballet dancer. I'm a
Speaker 1: writer and author, a mother of three daughters. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: currently working on a TV S group, which is amazing. So, like,
Speaker 1: I think that's important. I always say that so I
Speaker 1: can make habit put it out there baby. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I'm mostly a writer, but I mean, you know what,
Speaker 1: my best friend's dad called me an instigator of change. Yes,
Speaker 1: I like to push people to be better and to
Speaker 1: just you know, like, let's question things and not just
Speaker 1: be followers. So I love that, feel like that's my
Speaker 1: purpose in life. I appreciate that about she actually, and
Speaker 1: we have a Sagittarius Capricorn situation here right now on
Speaker 1: my mom to Capricorn, my grandmother is so I'm always
Speaker 1: in good company with amazing Capricorn women. I mean, y'alla,
Speaker 1: so your mom's just killed. She was a better woman
Speaker 1: than me. I will say that and do my a
Speaker 1: lest now back back on the show it Melanie Fiona, Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: what's on? Just craving a routy and a double quick
Speaker 1: so I even find it me to jeez, well, yes,
Speaker 1: I that's that's my part time voice, Melanie Fiona. What's
Speaker 1: up everybody? Um? Singer, songwriter, mother, wellness advocate. Um, I
Speaker 1: am a cancer so you know we'd be in the field,
Speaker 1: would be in the film my sister. But uh but
Speaker 1: really I'm just like my passion really is is community,
Speaker 1: and my passion is vulnerability, and my passion is allowing
Speaker 1: women to feel strong through vulnerability, and that's kind of
Speaker 1: what motherhood has taught me. That's what my career has
Speaker 1: taught me, and that's what you beautiful women have taught me.
Speaker 1: So um, I'm happy to be back. This is this
Speaker 1: is fun. The last time I was here, we got
Speaker 1: into deep conversations about marriage, which my wedding did not happen.
Speaker 1: We're all together, we're still together, but you know COVID.
Speaker 1: COVID had other plans for our wedding dates, so that
Speaker 1: was the last time we spoke. But we're right. We
Speaker 1: were actually having like our like a bridle shower episode
Speaker 1: because it was supposed to be for Mel's wedding and
Speaker 1: all of that has gone to ship. However, we still
Speaker 1: got our man's We still got the man and the
Speaker 1: same amount of children. So because you know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of there's a lot of COVID babies happening right now,
Speaker 1: it was safe to say. And last was certainly not
Speaker 1: least be gross. Nan, I'm sorry, but gross, I should
Speaker 1: say not gross? Dr Gross? Was my dentist be gross? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love it, So tell us tell us little about
Speaker 1: who you are back. Well, my name's Beck. I'm a cancer,
Speaker 1: that amazing energy cancer. We have a lot of cancers
Speaker 1: in my family. Lance as a cancer cancer, my cancer,
Speaker 1: and my sister and sisters in law they're twins, there
Speaker 1: are cancer. We have all those birthdays in one week.
Speaker 1: But it's great. I'm a wardrobe stylist, fashion stylist. I'm
Speaker 1: a mother of two. I have a son who's two
Speaker 1: years old. I have a daughter who's five going on six,
Speaker 1: really going on fifteen, like you know mothers of daughters now. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean, I'm in the fashion world. But
Speaker 1: what my true passion is is helping women and uplifting women.
Speaker 1: And my hopes is always to use my platform to
Speaker 1: do that. And you show you're an advocate because your
Speaker 1: platform to say that about yourself just say for you,
Speaker 1: thanks an advocate and you shall follow her. Yes, all
Speaker 1: things amazing, all things of the fight. Yes, I guess
Speaker 1: it just like naturally happens and it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: just fighting for what's right. And yes, this some stuff
Speaker 1: you just can't fake. It is what it is, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I love that you embrace
Speaker 1: that and you're empowering on through that. Um. I'm like
Speaker 1: that's happening where I was like, you know, let me
Speaker 1: go to backs page. I know she posted about it,
Speaker 1: So I love that. I mean, think about this energy.
Speaker 1: I could just feel it in the room and we've,
Speaker 1: like Melanie said, I don't know this off camera before
Speaker 1: or not, but the fact that we can gather together
Speaker 1: in a space like this, I think it's amazing. So
Speaker 1: thank you again for being here. You bringing U no doubt.
Speaker 1: But listen, I'm gonna go back to the story. Sound
Speaker 1: real quick rewind. So, yes, the the phrase you allow
Speaker 1: your wife that word to do this? Did that struggle?
Speaker 1: That struggle chord with you all? Because I felt it,
Speaker 1: you know, I was looking to my left. How did
Speaker 1: that make you feel? Actually? When when people say your
Speaker 1: husband allows you to do something, well, I'm a Capricorn,
Speaker 1: so no one allows me to do anything. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: but it's interesting that you say that too, because I
Speaker 1: had to go on a journey of submission anyways, and
Speaker 1: what that means, and there's beauty in it. Because I
Speaker 1: was raised my father's in my life, I always have
Speaker 1: to say that same so I'm here is something and
Speaker 1: I said I was raised by a single mom. He
Speaker 1: gets mad but I was raised primarily by my mom
Speaker 1: because that's who I lived with primarily. But my dad
Speaker 1: was definitely in my life. But I think that played
Speaker 1: a role in me being able to receive information from
Speaker 1: in any way and being told what to do and
Speaker 1: being led by a man. So I definitely had to
Speaker 1: go on a journey of being able to just accept
Speaker 1: advice or anything from males. But when I went into
Speaker 1: my relationship with my husband, we were friends for four
Speaker 1: years prior to us being together, so I think that
Speaker 1: helped with us being very candid and open and honest
Speaker 1: with each other. Um, but he I don't let anyone
Speaker 1: tell me what to do, like he knows he has
Speaker 1: to strongly suggest something and leave it on the table
Speaker 1: and then let me come back to it. So I
Speaker 1: felt a way about that because I think people really
Speaker 1: believe that, and some people believe that, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that I am my husband's property or
Speaker 1: that he owns me, or that he tells me what
Speaker 1: to do. I think we are two equal souls, and
Speaker 1: there's parts of him that he's better at things than me,
Speaker 1: and vice versa, and we feed off of one another.
Speaker 1: I don't live in a household of gender roles. Either
Speaker 1: it's like whoever's better equipped to do something, that's the
Speaker 1: person who does in that moment, So there it's not.
Speaker 1: And then when it comes to like how I express myself,
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a say so in that, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like because I would never tell
Speaker 1: him what to do, Like he doesn't even tell me
Speaker 1: like how to wear him. I actually don't even ask
Speaker 1: him his opinion about stuff because I don't care. I
Speaker 1: love that, which is my husband would agree, and he
Speaker 1: would be like, you know what, actually, thank you for
Speaker 1: admitting that, because with me, I'll ask for the opinion
Speaker 1: just because I tend to be a little bit more indecisive,
Speaker 1: sound like what do you think stud earrings? Or and
Speaker 1: then and I'll go with my decisions. I want to hear.
Speaker 1: I want to hear your opinion. How do you hear?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do any I got an argument for whatever
Speaker 1: you said that, whatever you chose, I got a reason
Speaker 1: why I should be the other one. So that's funny.
Speaker 1: My husband is actually the opposite though, Like he literally
Speaker 1: asked me my opinion about everything, and it drives me crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what do you want to do, like
Speaker 1: I don't even like when people ask me for advice,
Speaker 1: sometimes because I'm like, do you not what is in
Speaker 1: your spear? It? Mostly because I just want him to
Speaker 1: be him, like I love you. I don't care about
Speaker 1: any of that, you know what I mean? Like what
Speaker 1: pants you wear? By all his clothes anyway, So whatever
Speaker 1: you wears, will we fly. I made sure that already
Speaker 1: love it doesn't matter because it's from an already approve
Speaker 1: arsenal exactly. I love that. So the dynamics are very different.
Speaker 1: What I appreciate about my husband is that he actually
Speaker 1: empowers me as well to be who I am. I
Speaker 1: would like to say that he hopefully fell in love
Speaker 1: with me for the person that I am. So I
Speaker 1: will say that eighteen year old Codine is not twenty
Speaker 1: eight year old Cadine. It is not Codeine today, um
Speaker 1: not quite thirty eight. But you know we're pacing ourselves there,
Speaker 1: We're pacing ourselves. So how do you guys feel about that?
Speaker 1: Melanie in back? Either you can jump in about this whole.
Speaker 1: You know what your husband allows you to do? How
Speaker 1: does it work within your household? In dynamic? I think
Speaker 1: the word allow is a trigger, right like I think
Speaker 1: that's the problem because I think that that you know,
Speaker 1: like I do care about what my husband has to think,
Speaker 1: and he cares about what I have to think, and
Speaker 1: I'm open to a discussion, and I'm open to a conversation,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, I think allow is this is
Speaker 1: the trigger word because you know, there's certain things like
Speaker 1: if I just decided that I want to go out
Speaker 1: and get drunk every single night and he doesn't approve
Speaker 1: of that, I might consider that right, right, And so
Speaker 1: I think consideration and partnership and like you know, when
Speaker 1: we hear aloud that we're taught that that's like allowance
Speaker 1: and permission is given from parents, and like that's not
Speaker 1: my parents, that's my partners, you know. So I mean
Speaker 1: that's how I feel the healthiest relationships are is that
Speaker 1: it is a partnership. Just like you said, there's no
Speaker 1: there's no like gender assignment as far as roles. Like
Speaker 1: it's like, um, if you're equipped to do something, then
Speaker 1: you do it and I give you, I give you, um,
Speaker 1: I give you freedom to be that and do that.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, I think the word allow is like
Speaker 1: this very old, antiquated, very judgmental, like what will the
Speaker 1: neighbors think type mentality and growing up with Caribbean parents,
Speaker 1: I mean I was subjected to that a lot of
Speaker 1: my life. They always worried about what Paula and Paul
Speaker 1: thinking anything, So you know, it's not like Paul and
Speaker 1: Paul right, So so yeah, I just think for I
Speaker 1: think it's that allow. Allow is the word that allow.
Speaker 1: I mean pretty much to take off a little bit
Speaker 1: from what each of you have said, like the allow.
Speaker 1: It reminds me when it came in my wedding to
Speaker 1: recite our vows and the pastor said, you know the
Speaker 1: traditional thing that pastor says, and it was like to
Speaker 1: honor and obey and it was to me. And it's
Speaker 1: actually a funny moment in our video because it's like obey.
Speaker 1: It's like there's like like a little bit of a
Speaker 1: It was obey and I literally made this face like right,
Speaker 1: and you know, it gathered the laugh people were laughing
Speaker 1: because it was just that specific word. Of course, I'm
Speaker 1: going to consider what my husband feels or things, right,
Speaker 1: like like what you said Melanie about the consideration right that, Um,
Speaker 1: there are certain things I just would not do out
Speaker 1: of considerations for my husband out of respect for what
Speaker 1: I know his beliefs are not because I'm not allowed
Speaker 1: right and again like I'm not your child. You know.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is I said to Devoto because we
Speaker 1: joked about, you know, this conversation. Of course, after you know,
Speaker 1: the DM comes up, that was just like did they
Speaker 1: know that I held up the reflective so we could
Speaker 1: shine on the booty? And then he was like, you
Speaker 1: better press that. Maybe you better own it because the
Speaker 1: only person that had many sons as far as I
Speaker 1: know it was Abraham, father Abraham and is one of them.
Speaker 1: So what you're not gonna do is tell me, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? My thing too, is it bothers
Speaker 1: me when not only just between women and men, but
Speaker 1: when we talk about allow this fan, he probably allows
Speaker 1: certain people that he looks up to in the celebrity
Speaker 1: world for to be okay with certain people, right like
Speaker 1: you know, you know Kim and Kanye, or you can
Speaker 1: name other people who the men glorify their women and
Speaker 1: their sexuality and people don't necessarily it's not necessarily converse
Speaker 1: station piece. But then when it applies to, like you said,
Speaker 1: somebody who's expected this weird expectation of what it means
Speaker 1: to be a mother and this and that, and it's
Speaker 1: supposed to fit this mold. But and yet that's not
Speaker 1: allowed quote unquote, But how does that make any sense?
Speaker 1: It doesn't, you know what I mean, it doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense. I think that post is a good question.
Speaker 1: It's like UK based off on Deval and I and
Speaker 1: and the way we are, you know, um on social
Speaker 1: media and sharing our narrative, sharing our story and being
Speaker 1: on black Glove for example, are they holding us to
Speaker 1: a different regard Maybe they see me doing that, But
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, but this is who I
Speaker 1: am though, Like my husband embraces my sexy and he
Speaker 1: wants me. I feel like it's exactly the point of
Speaker 1: this entire podcast today is they were probably introduced to
Speaker 1: you as a wife and mother exactly, and whereas other
Speaker 1: people we might be introduced as to you know, it's
Speaker 1: a vixen, it's a singer. She's in conscience all the time.
Speaker 1: That's cool for her. For Lopez, she gonna be on
Speaker 1: Superball as long as she was after. We're going to
Speaker 1: glorify her body. She's stifty. Look at her, and that
Speaker 1: is glorified. Never nobody's doubting her parenting skills moment, right,
Speaker 1: That's okay, But then all of a sudden, you're not
Speaker 1: allowed to have a sexy photo where you look incredible,
Speaker 1: and you should be confident and feeling amazing about yourself
Speaker 1: and unapologetic. That's your prerogative, because, let's face it, after
Speaker 1: having all these babies, if you can then be confident
Speaker 1: enough to come back and say, you know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm taking care of myself. Whatever that looks like to me,
Speaker 1: I want to be able to share it, because let's
Speaker 1: fix ou. A lot of people are also looking to
Speaker 1: be inspired by your content as well too, so for
Speaker 1: the mom who may be struggling with the postpartum depression,
Speaker 1: or the mom who now has the saggy boobs after breastfeeding,
Speaker 1: or children, whatever the case may be, there can be
Speaker 1: a strength in that that we should be able to
Speaker 1: support each other through it. You know, um, Ashley, when
Speaker 1: it comes to you having three girls now, because we
Speaker 1: talked about the dynamic being different here with bec having
Speaker 1: a boy and a girl, mellow boy, I have three
Speaker 1: boys with a girl. Are you super conscious about the
Speaker 1: way you carry yourself and maybe even portray yourself? Your
Speaker 1: kids are kind of young for social media, But um,
Speaker 1: do you take into account how you conduct yourself on
Speaker 1: a day to day basis, even just around your husband
Speaker 1: with your girls. I mean I do. I think, Um,
Speaker 1: it's interesting because I was raised Muslim and so, um,
Speaker 1: my dad is Christian, my mom is Muslim. So I
Speaker 1: literally had to go to church every Sunday and I
Speaker 1: had to go to the mosque every Friday. Get a
Speaker 1: loaded weekend, tony. And then my mom is like super worldly,
Speaker 1: so she was making us going to like hirry Christian houses.
Speaker 1: And then she used to be Jewish. It's just a
Speaker 1: lot so like what your mom used to be Jewish
Speaker 1: and then Catholic and she's an Aquari. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Aquarius. I don't know if that helps
Speaker 1: you understand. She's like I would call her the black
Speaker 1: Mrs Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. That's my mom.
Speaker 1: And in the Tide I ad dress. Um, she's the
Speaker 1: visual right now right there. But no, I think because
Speaker 1: of that, I went through a journey anyways about what
Speaker 1: it meant to express myself as a woman. And just
Speaker 1: I used to wear a hejab for a long time
Speaker 1: until I was like twelve, so like for me, I've
Speaker 1: always been I don't like the term tom boy, but
Speaker 1: I've always been more mass killing. I guess you should
Speaker 1: say whatever that means, I just wear baggy clothes, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Um that that just always translated
Speaker 1: more with me. I felt more comfortable that way because
Speaker 1: I didn't really grow up being able to show a
Speaker 1: lot of my body anyway. It's weird because I feel
Speaker 1: the most beautiful when I'm actually more clothed and when
Speaker 1: I have on like bagg ear clothes. Um. And so
Speaker 1: I've had to go through my own personal journey of
Speaker 1: being comfortable showing myself or just like wearing tighter things
Speaker 1: and what that meant to me. So it for me,
Speaker 1: I don't even feel like I consciously think like what
Speaker 1: is my child going to think of this? Because I
Speaker 1: already feel confident in the woman that I am, that
Speaker 1: I am respectful and I'm honoring myself. And I think
Speaker 1: it's like with my daughter, it's so funny, like it's
Speaker 1: just a lot of like mixed up things, Like at
Speaker 1: first I felt like I with my older she's eleven,
Speaker 1: she wanted to wear like a crop top, and I
Speaker 1: find myself saying things and then I have to go
Speaker 1: back and think like why did why did like why
Speaker 1: did I say that? Do you know what I mean? Like, no,
Speaker 1: that's inappropriate ba And I'm like, but it's yea honestly,
Speaker 1: rather be weird. I when you're living your stomach is
Speaker 1: bomb right now. We have attachment, Yes, yes they have
Speaker 1: knowledge and like you know, I saw somebody posts about
Speaker 1: red nail polish. How that was like for only Yes,
Speaker 1: it's like we have to unlearned. But you also know
Speaker 1: who your daughter is exactly you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because I'm not gonna lie, like I know a few
Speaker 1: family members who had their daughters running around and crop
Speaker 1: tops their fasts. Now I'm not we all know that
Speaker 1: family member where you're like you see the writing on
Speaker 1: the wall where like they put so much, like at
Speaker 1: a young age, into like the sexuality of themselves, which
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, there's there's there's a time and
Speaker 1: place to empower. But like but like, but stand down.
Speaker 1: So this is what I'm saying, Like you know who
Speaker 1: a mirror is, you know what I mean? So you
Speaker 1: know that it comes from style. You know that it
Speaker 1: comes like it's not coming from I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: fast and like show more in my body. You know,
Speaker 1: it's really innocent for her, and that's why I had
Speaker 1: to check myself because she loves fact like I don't.
Speaker 1: I love men's wear, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: But like she loves fashion. So were you the mom
Speaker 1: that your girls were wearing boy and girl clothes, like,
Speaker 1: you know, like their clothes from the boy section, just
Speaker 1: because I don't want my daughters having like unicorns with
Speaker 1: sparkles coming out their ass. But with Amra, I definitely
Speaker 1: she's eleven years old. I've definitely been learning more about myself.
Speaker 1: Like she always wants to play and makeup and stuff.
Speaker 1: At first, I was like, and I'm like, she's an artist,
Speaker 1: She's a pisces. She loves to draw, like she just
Speaker 1: likes to be creative, also spear and stuff, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like I just let her be and exist,
Speaker 1: and I felt like the my main goal is to
Speaker 1: just engage with her and the things that she finds
Speaker 1: interesting because like you said, I know that I'm raising
Speaker 1: her with a good conscious level. And for me, it's
Speaker 1: more about like respecting herself and honoring herself and understanding
Speaker 1: the importance and value of herself and that it should
Speaker 1: not be shared with everyone whatever dynamic that means, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and also being mindful, like I
Speaker 1: let her wear cross that is not really a cross up,
Speaker 1: but it was like this when she lit her right.
Speaker 1: I see you uplift or eleven year old all the
Speaker 1: time and encourage her, like you big her up, like
Speaker 1: you'd be gassing here. You'd be like, oh my baby,
Speaker 1: so and it's so, it's it's really beautiful. It's really important,
Speaker 1: and I hope you know that that's actually really important
Speaker 1: for empowering young women because again, like I love my mom,
Speaker 1: she did such a great job of raising us, but
Speaker 1: my mom also became a wife and a mother at
Speaker 1: nineteen and in the Caribbean, and so like her her
Speaker 1: whole judgment over the perception of what it is like.
Speaker 1: And it's so funny that she was so strict with me,
Speaker 1: Like my mom did not let me cut my hair.
Speaker 1: I mean my hair was down in my ask till
Speaker 1: I was twelve. She with neither my mom to me,
Speaker 1: I was gonna get cancer. I'm done crazy, I was rais.
Speaker 1: She just said it shave your legs, you're gonna get
Speaker 1: you know, old school boys. But you know it's so funny,
Speaker 1: is that like my mom ironically, because I played sports
Speaker 1: really young, so like I was, I was running across
Speaker 1: country like eight, but I had hair on my legs
Speaker 1: and I actually became very self conscious. And I'll never
Speaker 1: forget this. My mother shaved my legs for me, and
Speaker 1: I remember being like, oh my gosh. But this was
Speaker 1: the woman that would never let me wear my hair down.
Speaker 1: This was the woman that would never let me like
Speaker 1: be too brazen, like that was always it's lasted, vain
Speaker 1: like all these things. But it's like you want me
Speaker 1: to have this long hair, but you don't want me
Speaker 1: to like you don't want me to revere it, like
Speaker 1: but you want me to have heaven, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like, but it was controlled like the deep,
Speaker 1: the deep like psychological thing about this is that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you all this, but I'm going to restrict it.
Speaker 1: It's always going to be in a braid. That's how
Speaker 1: my hair was all the time. And so like even
Speaker 1: like sexuality and like like owning that sexy, like I
Speaker 1: had to break free from my house in order to
Speaker 1: really start to become my own woman because to delve
Speaker 1: into what that meant for me, and and because like
Speaker 1: it was not encouraged, It was not encouraged. And like
Speaker 1: I had an older brother who was always trying to
Speaker 1: hold me down because he was like, you're my little sister.
Speaker 1: So if I find out you're dat anybody, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: break his in your legs. Like my mom was so
Speaker 1: strict about like the way little girls should be, you know,
Speaker 1: like this this whole thing. And now my brother has
Speaker 1: three daughters, and you know, this generation is just so progressive.
Speaker 1: They are so like, we don't see, we don't judge,
Speaker 1: we don't label, we don't so they're constantly schooling My
Speaker 1: parents left now and it's like really beautiful to see,
Speaker 1: but it really does take a learning when you are
Speaker 1: brought up a different way and you have to change
Speaker 1: that for your kids. Yeah, it's funny how grandparents that
Speaker 1: were so much more lenient because we're such my mother
Speaker 1: with my children, I'm like, who is this? Who are you?
Speaker 1: Where is the woman that raised me? So since we're
Speaker 1: talking about wardrobe, beck, you're being a stylist, a wardrobe stylist.
Speaker 1: There's a company recently that launched a new children's line
Speaker 1: modeled after um women's wear. You want to see it?
Speaker 1: I don't even I don't know what's so pretty much,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a brand that um shows women's clothing.
Speaker 1: They sell women's clothing more provocative, fitted crop tops, this, that,
Speaker 1: and now they have made children's clothes after the brand.
Speaker 1: So many of the outfits are in my opinion, kind
Speaker 1: of risque for a child, for a little girl. But
Speaker 1: so I say that to say, my husband talks about
Speaker 1: this imaginary daughter that we do have, that she will
Speaker 1: not stop at this place. Let's let's putting stuff in
Speaker 1: the atmosphere. So he always says, you know what, I
Speaker 1: don't want to happen when I have this child, this daughter, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't want her ring bikinis. I don't want her
Speaker 1: rain this because of the way we over sexualize our
Speaker 1: little girls. So this particular brand now has clothing that
Speaker 1: mimics that of a woman and thinking the poses that
Speaker 1: they had the little girls and provocative. Do you notice
Speaker 1: any of that in the world of wardrobe and styling
Speaker 1: and how that affects children now in media? I notice
Speaker 1: it in the media absolutely. I notice it. As my
Speaker 1: daughter gets older and has her own opinion and wants
Speaker 1: to express herself. Um, you know, when she's two three
Speaker 1: and before, I'm the one dressing her. So it's like
Speaker 1: we're going to be in this cute little Sarah outfit.
Speaker 1: This is that. But now she is a lot like
Speaker 1: how I was when I was little. She sketches, like
Speaker 1: as she was saying, her daughter daughter does sketches wardrobe
Speaker 1: and clothes all day long. And I used to do
Speaker 1: the same when I was her age. She has, you know,
Speaker 1: a top with a skirt and a distance at that,
Speaker 1: and it really is a form of expression for her.
Speaker 1: So yes, in absolutely is a fine line. And it's
Speaker 1: hard as a parent to find a balance, you know,
Speaker 1: she you know, you can't protect just from what's out there,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like she's hearing songs on
Speaker 1: the radio, even if it's a radio edit. Oh who
Speaker 1: who's that artist? I want to know who that? I
Speaker 1: want to know more. It's very innocent. I want to
Speaker 1: know who she is. I want to you know, I
Speaker 1: like her music, I like to draw, I like this
Speaker 1: or that. And I mean, as a parent, it really
Speaker 1: is my job to navigate that and navigate it in
Speaker 1: a balanced way. When it comes to her personally expressing herself.
Speaker 1: Through wardrobe and fashion, because, like we were discussing earlier,
Speaker 1: especially with girls, you know, they are looking at us,
Speaker 1: and of course, you know, of course I walk out
Speaker 1: the door in a fashionable outfit when I'm going somewhere,
Speaker 1: you know, and she also sees me at home when
Speaker 1: I'm not and I'm gonna And another thing that I
Speaker 1: like to make an effort with her, um is that
Speaker 1: you know, looking nice or putting on makeup or getting
Speaker 1: dressed isn't just for like, I don't like to only
Speaker 1: do that for special occasions, quote unquote, because I don't
Speaker 1: want her to feel like that's the only time that
Speaker 1: you are special is when you're done up. It's going
Speaker 1: to put on your lip gloss for your your clothing
Speaker 1: and your hair, you know what I mean. So like
Speaker 1: that's a conversation that's been a very deliberate thing in
Speaker 1: our household, which is, you know, she had a year
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago where she was really into
Speaker 1: straight hair and I was like, oh, that's a whole
Speaker 1: separate combo. But it was very stressful. I think I
Speaker 1: might have talked to you about how I was really
Speaker 1: stressed for like four months because that's all she saw
Speaker 1: in the Disney movies, Tiana is the only black girl
Speaker 1: had a right exactly. She was a frog movie that.
Speaker 1: So that was like a discussion of like when was
Speaker 1: the time or the appropriate time for her to get
Speaker 1: her hair straight? And you know, we actually ended up
Speaker 1: doing it during quarantine. Um, I blow dry her hair
Speaker 1: and I strained it just to braid it. It actually
Speaker 1: wasn't for her to wear it out. And I let
Speaker 1: a rocket for a dance. Very excited about it, but
Speaker 1: it was a regular Tuesday we're at the house. I
Speaker 1: didn't hype anything up about it being special, much more beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's just versatility and different. And I like to apply
Speaker 1: the same to the wardrobe in the fashion and that
Speaker 1: hey like, yeah, you can totally express yourself through that,
Speaker 1: and she really does, and that's I mean, it can
Speaker 1: be a thing because she comes out the closet and
Speaker 1: she's like, I want I want to wear this. I
Speaker 1: wanted this with that because that was in me sometimes
Speaker 1: not even having anything to do with being provocative provocative,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, god, this doesn't matter. Oh my god, girl,
Speaker 1: if you feel good. So it's like you know that
Speaker 1: balance of driving home there like I want you to
Speaker 1: feel good. I want you to express yourself for sure.
Speaker 1: I need to like just zip it for a second
Speaker 1: and let you do you yes, but then yes, as
Speaker 1: a parent, of course, I'm going to navigate if something
Speaker 1: is inappropriate for a five year old, because I've seen
Speaker 1: some people say on that like if I showed up
Speaker 1: to set and my daughter to look like and dressed like,
Speaker 1: then chances are so I would update on the photo
Speaker 1: because I'm just seeing the photo for the first time.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of mesh. It was, it was, you
Speaker 1: know what it is. It's because women nowadays are they
Speaker 1: have so much exposure to fashion and these particular brands,
Speaker 1: and now it's like, oh my gosh, I want my
Speaker 1: daughter to dress just like me and but the match.
Speaker 1: But I'll be the magic. But I'll be honest, Like, see,
Speaker 1: I have a son and I like to dress like
Speaker 1: a boy too, so like I wear the same hoodie
Speaker 1: as my son. But it's unfortunately different for girls. And
Speaker 1: it just gets that way. And especially we have a
Speaker 1: society that we have not gotten to that place of
Speaker 1: trust where we can allow our young daughters to be
Speaker 1: in the space of vulnerability to predators. And this is
Speaker 1: just what it is. Okay, that ultimately, and so when
Speaker 1: we're when they're young, as parents, we have the job
Speaker 1: of doing that. We make those decisions. That's what I
Speaker 1: say about the navigating. It's like, you know, you show
Speaker 1: me that, No, Berkeley will never be right, will Berkeley
Speaker 1: being a crop top? Yes, with a little oversized I
Speaker 1: think I just posted something oversized like but highways cargoes
Speaker 1: because and she everybody's cute, but it's fashionable, makes expressing herself,
Speaker 1: you know, in you know, in our household and in
Speaker 1: our industry, it's totally appropriate. Um, but it is our
Speaker 1: job to navigate it. And sometimes she does come with
Speaker 1: a crop top and little shorts and this or that,
Speaker 1: and we say, hey, can we just can we swamp
Speaker 1: off the pan? Right? We did? What I got away
Speaker 1: from his telling her stuff is exactly the conversation that
Speaker 1: I had with her is this because she's at and
Speaker 1: so I was like, listening to me, or there are
Speaker 1: sexual predators, there's men out there here inappropriate And I said,
Speaker 1: for me, it's not about you can't wear it. I said,
Speaker 1: you have to be able to deal with the attention
Speaker 1: that comes with when you have it on. I said, right,
Speaker 1: I said, so when you wear certain things, like because
Speaker 1: I don't want her to ever feel that way. And
Speaker 1: I also don't want to make it seem like women
Speaker 1: that dress a certain way are deserving a certain treaming
Speaker 1: or that they should be judged. I don't like that.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that, like when they talk to
Speaker 1: you with your husband and damns, you're a grown woman.
Speaker 1: You can deal with that, Like I don't care about
Speaker 1: that man. But for her, it's like I don't want
Speaker 1: you to have any attention that you can't personally deal
Speaker 1: with as you're growing immature, and that stuff affects them
Speaker 1: their self esteem and just in general. Like if I, well,
Speaker 1: she would never I'm a helicopter, she wouldn't be gonna
Speaker 1: worry about me anyway. But you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like if she's just out with her friends or like
Speaker 1: playing outside, I just don't want that for her, So
Speaker 1: she she understands that I'm it's not wrong, it's not
Speaker 1: bading a straight hair thing like I had to. So
Speaker 1: when I I've always wore my hair natural and curly,
Speaker 1: I've never had to relax her any thing like that.
Speaker 1: But like when I pregnant with her, I started flating
Speaker 1: on my hair a lot, because we all know it's
Speaker 1: just easier. I don't care what nobody says. It doesn't
Speaker 1: mean we don't love our black hair with don't your
Speaker 1: hair you wrap it and unwrap it every day for
Speaker 1: like two weeks. Yes, it's just more, Yes, more manageable.
Speaker 1: That's the word I should say. Yes, it's right, it's
Speaker 1: less that we all know we need left. I was
Speaker 1: when I had her, and I didn't want to do
Speaker 1: my hair, you know what I mean, it's so. But
Speaker 1: she was like four and she was like, Mommy, I
Speaker 1: want to have straight hair like you who got straight hair.
Speaker 1: Like what are you talking about? You know? I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I stopped flatting in my hair. I never flat out
Speaker 1: on it again after that. And I had to wear
Speaker 1: it curly because I wanted if I'm telling her, I
Speaker 1: want you love her. And then as she got older,
Speaker 1: then I'm like, it's fun to flatter on your hair sometimes,
Speaker 1: but just like you, I will not let her do
Speaker 1: it for like Christmas or if we went for a
Speaker 1: hot like when I got married, make sure that her
Speaker 1: hair was curly, because I want her to feel like
Speaker 1: your hair is beautiful and can be worn yess not
Speaker 1: not special occasion, right, you know what I mean in
Speaker 1: a mood and now that's where she's at with it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like now I let her
Speaker 1: flatter on her hair, but also I'm like, listen, it
Speaker 1: affects your curls. It's going to affect your curl pattern.
Speaker 1: Like all of these things are important for her to understand.
Speaker 1: So with the education, it's not judging our kids and
Speaker 1: making them feel bad for wanting things that are just
Speaker 1: a form of creativity. The appreciate point that you say
Speaker 1: is probably like my biggest rule at the house, you know,
Speaker 1: and even at a young age. My daughter is only five,
Speaker 1: but we have conversations all the time, and I just
Speaker 1: wanted to understand the route whatever it is you kids.
Speaker 1: I love that kids. It's not about to say Melanie,
Speaker 1: you probably can relate to this and that I grew
Speaker 1: up in a household where it was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: this is just what it is. Conversations were not really
Speaker 1: a thing to necessarily explain in detail why there was
Speaker 1: a method to this madness and parents had so I
Speaker 1: feel like our generation is very deliberate about having those
Speaker 1: conversations very openly and encompassing the entire thing. So with Ashley,
Speaker 1: it's not just matter of like having straight here on occasion,
Speaker 1: because it's like here here, like girl, your curl pattern
Speaker 1: is gonna be like that, like keep doing it if
Speaker 1: you want to. But I think then there's a greater
Speaker 1: understanding that the kids can say, all right, well there's
Speaker 1: a method to this madness. Mom is not just crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's actually a whole entire story here. This
Speaker 1: is what I want to say. The three of you
Speaker 1: are probably, um, not more advanced, but like, um, the
Speaker 1: fact that you all think that way is really dope
Speaker 1: because my mom actually did raise me that way. She
Speaker 1: I was gonna say. My mom was like, yes, everything
Speaker 1: was a discussion, even like I was just telling my
Speaker 1: homeboy real the other day, like my mom was playing
Speaker 1: Bob Dylan and she was like loosening the sky like
Speaker 1: you know that, keep talking about cocaine. Like my mom
Speaker 1: was always like music is art, like she was. It
Speaker 1: was amazing, It was real. It was amazing. Explain everything
Speaker 1: to me other than the shaving your leg you're gonna
Speaker 1: get cancer thing being petty. But other than that, my
Speaker 1: mom she even told me I'll never forget. My mom
Speaker 1: was like you know, I don't want you to have sex.
Speaker 1: You need to honor your body. I want you the
Speaker 1: way she said, But if you ever have sex, you
Speaker 1: come and talk to me. I want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're okay. So if you ever get pregnant, come and
Speaker 1: talk to me. I want to make sure you Yeah,
Speaker 1: my mom talked to me about ever real I would
Speaker 1: be honest. I have never had to talk with my
Speaker 1: mother and I got a whole man and a child
Speaker 1: it out idea. I don't think my mom knows when
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity, Like I never went to her
Speaker 1: at the hospital with me, because after I did, I
Speaker 1: told her and she's like, well, we need to make
Speaker 1: sure you're okay. And she took me to get a
Speaker 1: check up, and there was like no shade, okay. I
Speaker 1: was eighteen. She still was sad. She was like, I
Speaker 1: wish she would have waited you were married, but she
Speaker 1: was like, I just need to make sure you're safe.
Speaker 1: Because my mom was a young mom. She she had
Speaker 1: my brother the first when she lost her virginia. She
Speaker 1: got pregnant with my older brother. She was twenty. She
Speaker 1: did n't up taking him, moving away from her family,
Speaker 1: take him to call she had no support. You know,
Speaker 1: he was deliberate about me. Yes, you know, sometimes people
Speaker 1: either continue a pattern or that my mom was a
Speaker 1: breaker of pattern. Yeah, we probably did. Story. She wrote
Speaker 1: the pattern. She grew up not having any communication. She
Speaker 1: grew up um not being verbally lifted by her mom
Speaker 1: just put down a lot. So with me, it was
Speaker 1: a lot of lots of words of affirmation and that's
Speaker 1: my love language now. So I feel like the skills
Speaker 1: that I do have came from her. And in my situation,
Speaker 1: there was definitely still the It wasn't like the mom
Speaker 1: like there were like no rules right right, friends, It
Speaker 1: was definitely she was my mom, definitely exactly. I never
Speaker 1: yeah we got that level. I never got a whooping,
Speaker 1: But I didn't get my mom's white. Oh okay, remember that.
Speaker 1: Maybe my mom was like that she's white. One wasn't again,
Speaker 1: if anything, it was like one speah, like use a
Speaker 1: firm voice back to do like that though, but you
Speaker 1: you but listen, I was gonna say this when you
Speaker 1: were saying something earlier. Black parenting, black existence is rooted
Speaker 1: in trauma, and even though you're from the Islands, it's
Speaker 1: the same. But they dropped off a different location, and
Speaker 1: so a lot of things that happened in the black community.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately our parents weren't given the opportunity. And I always
Speaker 1: say this, like because even though my mom is biracial,
Speaker 1: like I know, like how black I am whatever, I
Speaker 1: still exist as a black woman, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I know I have other heritage, but I don't have
Speaker 1: the luxury of being just carefree all the time. And
Speaker 1: I tell my husband that, like it must be nice
Speaker 1: to just not care and just get me polite and
Speaker 1: happy all the time. But I couldn't. I grew up
Speaker 1: in the hood. First of all, you don't smile. The
Speaker 1: people in the hood like you you gotta meet my
Speaker 1: other dude, so they know. They don't try you. Like,
Speaker 1: if you smile, that's like an invitation, Like, don't come
Speaker 1: across the street. I'm not nice. Yeah that's me, that's me,
Speaker 1: you know. But like you have to be rough and
Speaker 1: tough and to survive, and so we don't always get
Speaker 1: the luxury even when you were staying like your mom's
Speaker 1: like how they were about your hair. It's because little
Speaker 1: black girls were sexualized. They were taken from plantations, they
Speaker 1: were taking and molested and married off and traffic now, yes,
Speaker 1: So imagine back then when you had zero rights. So
Speaker 1: the way they parented their children and their daughters was
Speaker 1: out of survival. They're teaching you to survive in this world.
Speaker 1: Was the least amount of anything happening to you, just
Speaker 1: to how we are with our kids. Like I always say,
Speaker 1: you see kids in the restaurant, and it was always
Speaker 1: usually white kids, like running around, being carefree, throwing it
Speaker 1: across the table, and like your parents like don't move,
Speaker 1: don't talk, like you can't breath. You're like in a
Speaker 1: damn military, you know what I mean, Because they were fearful,
Speaker 1: and the and the judgment part of it, just like
Speaker 1: don't be acting a certain way the way that they
Speaker 1: expect to act. Like. You know, it's like the little
Speaker 1: black boy in school gets gets labeled as problematic when
Speaker 1: he's bored and really right and he's really a genius.
Speaker 1: You know. It's it's a it's a lot of unlearning.
Speaker 1: But it's interesting because as I've gotten older, like and
Speaker 1: I have found my own independence, and I now i'm
Speaker 1: a mother and I'm as a child, I really do
Speaker 1: understand and have more compassion for my mom because I
Speaker 1: give them so much great, because I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine what it was like, and like how
Speaker 1: far that they've come, Like how far she's how now
Speaker 1: that like, I feel more confident with myself to sit
Speaker 1: and have woman to woman conversations. And that took, that
Speaker 1: took a really identifiable moment. It was when it became
Speaker 1: a mother. It turns out I was just like, listen,
Speaker 1: I will always be your daughter, but I am a
Speaker 1: woman now and I'm a mother now, and I need
Speaker 1: you to respect me and I need us to interact
Speaker 1: as such. My mom and I had a conversation recently
Speaker 1: where she unpacked some things about herself and her life
Speaker 1: that really made me understand so much more so much
Speaker 1: more so much more about her and what makes her
Speaker 1: tick and why she made the decisions that she made,
Speaker 1: and why she she moved a certain kind of way
Speaker 1: that I will admit I used to judge her from
Speaker 1: imagine sad you know, maybe the way you parent your
Speaker 1: kids now, Like imagine had she had that skill at
Speaker 1: that time, just be like, hey, I'm not just telling
Speaker 1: you don't straighten your hair, don't wear a crop top.
Speaker 1: There is something behind it right this, and you know,
Speaker 1: ABC Listen, I love that she did that because then
Speaker 1: I was able to just see a little bit of
Speaker 1: a weight lifted off, and I just felt like, Okay, Mom,
Speaker 1: like this is cool, Like this is what we're doing
Speaker 1: in this generation now, Like I know you might have
Speaker 1: been taught this all your life, but it's okay. Like
Speaker 1: I feel like I want to provide a safe space
Speaker 1: for my mom to be able to say, you know, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is why things are the way they are when
Speaker 1: it came to certain things that we were talking about,
Speaker 1: you know. And it's funny because then I always look
Speaker 1: at her and I have those moments where I'm just like, damn,
Speaker 1: I'm like we have more a light than after you
Speaker 1: have those moments where you're like I'm turning into my mom.
Speaker 1: That drove me crazy about your Don't let your husband
Speaker 1: say you just like your mom? Right, don't you do?
Speaker 1: Don't you don't because you really try to say it,
Speaker 1: like don't you match your mom? I'd like, do you
Speaker 1: want to stay married? The best part is that my
Speaker 1: husband mama across country with no one, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you live with your mother in law and a road,
Speaker 1: Like that's admirable because that's Mama. It is, but it
Speaker 1: but also he also knows what's good for his marriage.
Speaker 1: That is because now you got help and now you
Speaker 1: can get away and you can have his baby daddy.
Speaker 1: Shout out to the grandma from the baby daddies. Though, So,
Speaker 1: going back to sexuality and how we got here to
Speaker 1: have all these children, apparently there was something that attracted
Speaker 1: our husband's Apparently what I mean these baby daddies. You know,
Speaker 1: we was we was throwing it up and it was
Speaker 1: catching right, so that I was not right, and we
Speaker 1: meditated our baby physical interaction. But I love it, said,
Speaker 1: how are you guys with each other in the house
Speaker 1: in front of the children, Because that's one thing that
Speaker 1: my husband and I also have gotten criticism about. You know,
Speaker 1: in a video he woke up behind me slap my
Speaker 1: ask because he does that several times a day and
Speaker 1: that's one of his ways of that's his love language.
Speaker 1: I mean, so like, you know, does your ask its
Speaker 1: slapped randomly back? You know during the day, what does
Speaker 1: that look like? Literally not even a conversation. It's the
Speaker 1: non verbal right like with like with the kids. Obviously
Speaker 1: Berkeley is old enough to even observe. She knows that's
Speaker 1: just what brown folks. Do you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: it's not it's not In my opinion, that's absolutely not inappropriate.
Speaker 1: The same way kissing and showing affection, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: it's not inappropriate. I know people who for me, my
Speaker 1: parents weren't together, so I didn't grow up seeing any
Speaker 1: affection because my parents weren't together. Um. But you know,
Speaker 1: I have friends who have grown up in households and
Speaker 1: they never saw their parents be affectionate or even and
Speaker 1: they didn't notice it until later in life where they
Speaker 1: kind of look back like, wow, like did y'all even
Speaker 1: look like were you just kind of going through the
Speaker 1: motions of a family and just sort of like stuck
Speaker 1: or in And then how that affects them now as
Speaker 1: an adult interactions with the you know, their personal exactly.
Speaker 1: And so I think modeling is huge. You know, guys
Speaker 1: write what does it do? I mean, say, how does
Speaker 1: that do? But I do? And what the same time
Speaker 1: the same is that different for you? Like do you
Speaker 1: have a little boy? Because we have free boys, you
Speaker 1: have a boy, So knowing how boys should conduct themselves
Speaker 1: when it comes to little girls, it's also a very
Speaker 1: big topic for us to I haven't gotten there yet
Speaker 1: we're very grateful, worried about no girls. Right, if Jared
Speaker 1: slaps my ask, Cam thinks it's hilarious, like he thinks
Speaker 1: it's actually really funny, but you know it's really it's
Speaker 1: funny because I'll share this story because it's perfectly relative.
Speaker 1: The other night, Jared and I like, because Cam he
Speaker 1: just will not stay in his bed, like he wakes
Speaker 1: up Garrett, like if he goes to sleep at eight
Speaker 1: thirty nine o'clock, it's like that twelve thirty one a m.
Speaker 1: It's like he he goes up topstairs, he says, guys,
Speaker 1: it's time to go to bed now. He tries to
Speaker 1: parent us. Right. So one night we were like, oh,
Speaker 1: we haven't even had some time together. So we were like,
Speaker 1: let's go to sleep early. So we ended up taking
Speaker 1: the shower together, me and Jared, right, but we like
Speaker 1: did not hear Cameron wake up. He busted in the
Speaker 1: room and like we were we weren't even doing anything
Speaker 1: christ We were having a conversation about the day, like
Speaker 1: it was p G when we were in there together
Speaker 1: and Cameron walked in and saw us in the shower
Speaker 1: and he was just like, mom, Dad, it's time to
Speaker 1: go to bed, like phase, you know what. I looked
Speaker 1: at him, and I just looked at Jared and I
Speaker 1: was just like, you know what, it's like, Mom and
Speaker 1: dare taking a shower. There's nothing wrong with this. They're
Speaker 1: having more on it, more context behind it when the
Speaker 1: kids just kind of like, he was just like my
Speaker 1: dad love each other. They sleep in the same bed,
Speaker 1: they're affectionate. Like it didn't be like what are you
Speaker 1: guys doing in the show. And I actually felt like
Speaker 1: that's a win, Like I want him to know that
Speaker 1: his parents love each other and they're intimate and they
Speaker 1: you know, he doesn't need to see it. But but
Speaker 1: I just love that there was no yeah, he wasn't.
Speaker 1: He wasn't like, there was no like, yeah, he was
Speaker 1: just like, okay, Mom, Dad's time to go to bed,
Speaker 1: like y'all in the showers. Behind that, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: But you know, Devalene are very conscious because Jackson, now
Speaker 1: he's getting older, he's not and he does see us always,
Speaker 1: you know, displaying affection with each other. And recently, actually
Speaker 1: he was Jackson would hate me for telling the story,
Speaker 1: but recently he was at you know, a neighbor's house
Speaker 1: and whatnot. And they were sitting watching the TV and
Speaker 1: he must have like went to put his arm like
Speaker 1: kind of around her just because like that's what he
Speaker 1: sees like being a colligent as a gentleman, and like,
Speaker 1: you know, um, of course he was in a supervised environment. Naturally,
Speaker 1: we trust you know that they find they were in
Speaker 1: the living room and everything common space, but it was
Speaker 1: just that, you know, he felt like, okay, because dad
Speaker 1: does this with mom, like that's just what people do.
Speaker 1: But then it had to be a conversation with human
Speaker 1: devout after like, so I understand that you've seen this
Speaker 1: with you know, mommy and daddy, but now we need
Speaker 1: to unpack what this is for a boundaries. That's a
Speaker 1: conversation of boundaries, Like you know what I said, boundaries.
Speaker 1: All that conversation had to come up. And I was
Speaker 1: almost like in tears over this because I'm like, wait
Speaker 1: a second, like why are we having this conversation? Like
Speaker 1: you know, and and some parents may just last it
Speaker 1: off and say, oh, it was a funny kid moment.
Speaker 1: But a black boy in America, Okay, what we're not
Speaker 1: going to do is just have them just doing stuff
Speaker 1: which to them may be innocent but can totally be.
Speaker 1: But no, boys should be your parenting parenting that there
Speaker 1: is a privilege that does come with whiteness and lightness,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And that often puts
Speaker 1: but just cidebar. That is why people have those experiences
Speaker 1: when they work incorporated, because when people have never been
Speaker 1: told that that's not okay, they're really like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? I can't say that to you or touch
Speaker 1: you that way or whatever. So everyone should be parenting
Speaker 1: their sons the way like all races. That should be
Speaker 1: a conversation that happens. Yes, yes, it's super important. And
Speaker 1: I don't think that there are just those moments where
Speaker 1: the conversation arises like its innocent. It was innocent when
Speaker 1: he did that, and that was a perfect opening for
Speaker 1: you to now educate conversation contact right, So it's not
Speaker 1: like unloading just randomly. It's like we have also had
Speaker 1: a policy. It's like you see it, you say it,
Speaker 1: they don't delay, let's not talk about it later. And
Speaker 1: I had that within our relationships and we carry our
Speaker 1: children the same way. So it's like in this moment,
Speaker 1: you understand how it felt right, You understand that it
Speaker 1: may have been good or bad, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1: But we talked about it in that moment. I think
Speaker 1: that's so important across the board. Whether it's girls you have,
Speaker 1: whether it's boys you have, all that good. Although I
Speaker 1: will be calling you in in six years, girl, how
Speaker 1: do we handle this? I mean, speaking of that, I
Speaker 1: think we might as well, Ashley, you would be I
Speaker 1: got three boys, you've got three girls. I totally understand
Speaker 1: why people arrange marriages because I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that you know. I mean, I don't have a daughter
Speaker 1: in law. She got to be from that. I say
Speaker 1: that all the time too. I was like one of
Speaker 1: my first I was like, nah my daughter Mary, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Like you kind have been cool now, but you look raggedy.
Speaker 1: So we don't know what girls, this has been such
Speaker 1: a great conversation. I'm like clocking the time here and
Speaker 1: I don't want this to be I can't hold you'll hostage.
Speaker 1: I want to say something. I want to say something
Speaker 1: about finding the sexy because I think it's really important.
Speaker 1: I remember, like this came for me in a therapy
Speaker 1: session with my therapist, and this therapy it is the thing, okay,
Speaker 1: and so something that this the therapist told me this
Speaker 1: was like three years ago, and I when I was
Speaker 1: two years ago, and I remember I was just feeling
Speaker 1: I was like, I just don't know. I just I'm
Speaker 1: not feeling confident about myself and like, you know, and
Speaker 1: I was telling her, I was like, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm lacking the discipline, like I say that I want
Speaker 1: to be a certain size or look a certain way,
Speaker 1: but like I showed up here with the muffin, right
Speaker 1: and she was just like, you're trying to control the
Speaker 1: situation because you feel out of control. So you eating
Speaker 1: the muffin makes you feel in control because you don't
Speaker 1: feel like you're in control otherwise. And so she was like,
Speaker 1: I want you to stop waiting to feel good about yourself.
Speaker 1: And I was like, it's on the other side. She
Speaker 1: was just like I don't care. She's like, stop waiting
Speaker 1: to get to a size, to go buy the outfit
Speaker 1: that you deserve. She's like, go find an outfit right
Speaker 1: now that makes you feel sexy. That wasn't me. Yes,
Speaker 1: So when I was pregnant with my last daughter, because
Speaker 1: I definitely suffered from body dysmorphy from ballet, so I
Speaker 1: always think that I'm bigger than I really am um,
Speaker 1: and because I was dancing all day long, I never
Speaker 1: had to go to the gym. So even after I
Speaker 1: like stopped doing ballet, I had to learn how to
Speaker 1: work out. Make that because my lifestyle was working out.
Speaker 1: So I worked out a lot with the first two
Speaker 1: with because I said it was so close. They were
Speaker 1: like twenty months apart. Um I had like this pelvic
Speaker 1: separation thing that it was hurting, so I couldn't work
Speaker 1: out a lot because I could barely walk. And I
Speaker 1: only gained twenty five pounds when I was pregnant, but
Speaker 1: it didn't matter, like I didn't gain the weight until
Speaker 1: after I had her because I was still injured. So
Speaker 1: normally I would just start working out. So I'm still
Speaker 1: eating breastfeeding and I gained like thirty pounds, and but
Speaker 1: when I was pregnant, I was still feeling like not
Speaker 1: my best. And Melanie was like, Ashley, you need to
Speaker 1: love yourself, and I was like, I don't have nothing fits.
Speaker 1: She said, then go buy something that fits you and
Speaker 1: feel good about how and even after where she said
Speaker 1: something to me again because I said something to her
Speaker 1: about it. But it's really hard to like love yourself
Speaker 1: when you have an idea of how you used to
Speaker 1: look or what you know, what I I mean like
Speaker 1: that is a real journey of accepting the way you look,
Speaker 1: accepting stretch marks, accepting that your breast don't look the same,
Speaker 1: all of that, and then finding things that fit you
Speaker 1: and make you feel good with somebody. Because as a stylist,
Speaker 1: obviously I address people of all different sizes, but my
Speaker 1: main thing is really and truly people feeling good about
Speaker 1: the exactly And I actually did this i G TV
Speaker 1: episode um of like just a little talk with my
Speaker 1: best friend, and it's that exact topic. It's about dressing
Speaker 1: for your dress y you never know who you're I
Speaker 1: literally saw it and was like that a lot of people,
Speaker 1: a lot of people weren't thinking that way because they're
Speaker 1: thinking about the way that you're describing, which is how
Speaker 1: you feel after especially after you have a child. Body
Speaker 1: is completely different and you don't know how to dress
Speaker 1: your body and maybe don't feel confident. Nothing fits. And
Speaker 1: like you said, you think happiness is once you lose
Speaker 1: the weight, once you get to a place that and
Speaker 1: it's like why sitting that for year one, year two,
Speaker 1: year three, when hey, why don't you find something and
Speaker 1: that fits right now, and don't let the number. That
Speaker 1: was like one of the main topics of the number,
Speaker 1: the number, like oh, I used to be a size
Speaker 1: and now I'm thirty two, Like there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: And sometimes the confidence can actually come from just yes,
Speaker 1: embracing that moment and putting the effort into that moment
Speaker 1: into very so I would not buy I'd never bought
Speaker 1: bigger clothes because they're like, well, no, that's how I
Speaker 1: kept myself the same size. So anytime it started, my
Speaker 1: pants started to get thicker or a little bit more.
Speaker 1: And that's not necessarily an unhealthy thing, because it's a
Speaker 1: good way to monitor, Like you know, you don't want
Speaker 1: to just let be unhealthy if you're especially if it's
Speaker 1: an unhealthy practice. But also like you, I had a baby,
Speaker 1: so it's like that's grace. I'm like, I'm just not
Speaker 1: going to wear clothes until I can fit into him.
Speaker 1: That's how we end up like sweats for three years straight, right,
Speaker 1: I can relate. It's so funny because like after having
Speaker 1: cam like like my look my breast, I'm going to
Speaker 1: my own or they used to it up and they
Speaker 1: were like no, no, no, what you see I never know.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. Is that a girlfriend of mine? She
Speaker 1: was like, yes, let the titties live, and I was
Speaker 1: like to me, I'm always like, no, they're so much
Speaker 1: bigger than they were. I don't know how to wear
Speaker 1: big breasts, and like that is a thing. So like again,
Speaker 1: like you just we're always so critical of ourselves, and
Speaker 1: I just feel like we have to totally encourage one
Speaker 1: another to be like, listen, style yourself for how you
Speaker 1: are right now. Make yourself feel good today. We know
Speaker 1: that tomorrow ain't promise, okay, and you don't want to
Speaker 1: want to be sitting here with lack of self love today.
Speaker 1: So I just want to encourage that picture, post that ship.
Speaker 1: Drop it when he said drop it, drop it when
Speaker 1: you want to drop it, okay, because that nobody allowing
Speaker 1: you to do nothing. That is when I listen to
Speaker 1: you and tell me what you do, that's when it
Speaker 1: takes to exactly. I love it so much. Listen, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break and we're gonna move into
Speaker 1: one quick listener letter because we spoke up so much
Speaker 1: time chatting. We had so many good things, but people
Speaker 1: like to ask us questions and we can give the
Speaker 1: team what we think is going on. So stay tune,
Speaker 1: stick around. We're on pay some bills and we will
Speaker 1: be right back. Alright, y'all. So we're back for listener letters.
Speaker 1: This is where people write in and they have questions,
Speaker 1: they have stories. I mean, let me tell you. I'll
Speaker 1: ask for people to give us context sometimes because they
Speaker 1: have a question and I'm like, well, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to answer this question. So we get in lots
Speaker 1: of contexts apparently, So listen, listen closely to this one.
Speaker 1: She gave us a whole, uh whole sonnet about what's
Speaker 1: happening here. All right. My ex boyfriend and I recently
Speaker 1: just graduated from college. He broke up with me about
Speaker 1: a year ago because he said he wanted to just
Speaker 1: focus on himself and figure out who he is and
Speaker 1: what he wants. We're also long distance couples, so I'm
Speaker 1: sure that had a lot to do with it as well.
Speaker 1: I'm at the point now where I've tried to move
Speaker 1: on and talk to other people, but I just cannot
Speaker 1: get him out of my head. Oh baby, I know
Speaker 1: this may sound crazy, but I do believe that he's
Speaker 1: the one I'm supposed to be with forever. From the
Speaker 1: moment we broke up, he said that he wanted us
Speaker 1: to still remain friends. It did not work out well
Speaker 1: at first, and we ended up spending several months not
Speaker 1: communicating at all. I was just so angry and hurt
Speaker 1: that he wanted to end up blocking me on everything.
Speaker 1: These several of these past several months, we started communicating again,
Speaker 1: and it's going pretty well. For the most part. It's
Speaker 1: pretty pretty casual. We just text every now and again,
Speaker 1: maybe a phone call here and there. I mentioned us
Speaker 1: getting back together, and he's pretty adamant about us just
Speaker 1: being friends. But I'm still so in love with him
Speaker 1: that I don't know what to do. I feel like
Speaker 1: a crazy person because how could I be so in
Speaker 1: love with someone and he just feels nothing. Is being
Speaker 1: friends even a good idea at this point? Or should
Speaker 1: I just cut off communication completely and let God handle it.
Speaker 1: I am honestly afraid to do that, because what if
Speaker 1: he never comes back she left the next time? Y'all
Speaker 1: please drop your signs so we know what the hell
Speaker 1: is going on. That's going to give us more context
Speaker 1: about anybody want to Yes, I feel very connected to Sis.
Speaker 1: I've only been into relationships and I'm just a person
Speaker 1: that learns very quickly, but not um. But my past
Speaker 1: relationship for eight years, I was definitely like that my friends.
Speaker 1: I'm always tell my friends like thank God that I
Speaker 1: let on my stocker tendencies, but like my no, my
Speaker 1: for like, my ex and I were together for a
Speaker 1: really long time. That's the first person I was ever with.
Speaker 1: So I think that I felt like I had to
Speaker 1: be with him, I had to make it work. It
Speaker 1: made me feel better consciously, like, oh, I won't be
Speaker 1: sleeping with a lot of people and if we get married.
Speaker 1: You know, I was young. We were together from like
Speaker 1: sixteen until I was twenty two. Um, And so I
Speaker 1: understand that because I remember when he broke up with
Speaker 1: me and then I was like crying and stuff, and
Speaker 1: then we got back together. And in retrospect, I feel
Speaker 1: like he wanted well he told me later anyway, but
Speaker 1: like he loved me, but he wasn't ready to be
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship. And because he loved me so much,
Speaker 1: when he would see me sad, he would like to
Speaker 1: get back with me or like keep the communication, and
Speaker 1: it creates a toxic surf. It has to be and
Speaker 1: so It wasn't until my sister passed away and I
Speaker 1: just moved to New York. Like it was like the
Speaker 1: last break up we had, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: have to I have to be away because it's like
Speaker 1: an addiction. I feel like I was addicted to him,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And like I just
Speaker 1: wanted to be together, and he kept getting back with
Speaker 1: me and then cheating on me because he I think
Speaker 1: he just didn't really want to be with you, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And I couldn't accept that,
Speaker 1: and we were both so young, and he didn't know
Speaker 1: how to articulate that. So my best advice to her
Speaker 1: would be to just you have to do something to
Speaker 1: allow yourself to let it go. If you need to,
Speaker 1: like block him until you're strong enough, you know, to
Speaker 1: see him. But he's telling you right now what he
Speaker 1: wants and it's not to be with I appreciate, honestly
Speaker 1: Ye's being at that age. I just think of myself
Speaker 1: at that age. And it's funny when I heard the
Speaker 1: story because that was my situation with my ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: in my twenties or my teens and my twenties in college.
Speaker 1: That's what how I broke up with him. It was
Speaker 1: basically there wasn't any crazy moment. It was just I
Speaker 1: was at that place where I wanted to experience the world.
Speaker 1: And I feel like at that age, when you're in
Speaker 1: a long term relationship, your identity really is intertwined. And
Speaker 1: that's probably why she's having such a hard time breaking
Speaker 1: away from it, because he is her identity, Like who
Speaker 1: is she without him? And so you know, she might think, oh, no,
Speaker 1: it's just because I love him so much, this much,
Speaker 1: this is this, But maybe she just really doesn't know
Speaker 1: herself enough to be able to identify, like, you know,
Speaker 1: who am I without this person attachment? It's Familiarito's familiarity.
Speaker 1: You know, she's if he is the only person she's
Speaker 1: been real is like if she's if you're thinking long term,
Speaker 1: if you're thinking like I want to be with this
Speaker 1: person forever, you don't want to be with anybody forever
Speaker 1: without having experienced the world. That's that That was the struggle,
Speaker 1: and I had to We got together when we were
Speaker 1: eighteen years old, and I remember his mom always saying,
Speaker 1: who are you too? As individual? So like, do you
Speaker 1: even though who you are as individuals? Years later, we
Speaker 1: always say, we wish we had that moment where we
Speaker 1: were just exploring who we were as individuals first. But
Speaker 1: I feel like you probably within your relationship did do that.
Speaker 1: But it's hard, That's what I mean. Like, I feel
Speaker 1: like those those problems arise in different ways in a
Speaker 1: relationship when that hasn't been done right. And so that
Speaker 1: you know, I was the person doing the breaking up
Speaker 1: in that situation, and that really was I wanted to
Speaker 1: see the world without being having someone attached at my hip.
Speaker 1: I loved him, I cared about him, but it was like,
Speaker 1: what if my friends said, hey, let's go to Europe.
Speaker 1: That's just not your person. Because when you are with
Speaker 1: your person, whether it's at eighteen or forty five or thirty,
Speaker 1: you make a way to do these things. You're like,
Speaker 1: I want to desire if you write you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I want to go with my home girls,
Speaker 1: and you like, she is my best friend and I
Speaker 1: literally would feel that way. Yeah, but he doesn't feel
Speaker 1: that way about her, right, He's sorry, he doesn't. What
Speaker 1: it is you got to be my friends had to
Speaker 1: be like girl, yeah right, go right, like self respect
Speaker 1: like that, and you gotta be real with people sometimes
Speaker 1: like that is not your person and you will find
Speaker 1: your personally. This is just spiraling us into the moment
Speaker 1: of truth. Here. Wait, I have I have, I have
Speaker 1: something that I want to tell Sis. It's different from
Speaker 1: the attitude. I think the two things that First of all,
Speaker 1: I believe that when you break up with someone, you
Speaker 1: have to break up with them. I believe the lingering
Speaker 1: only makes it harder. It allows for confusion. And that
Speaker 1: really sounds like where she where she's at. And I
Speaker 1: really feel like I know it sounds cliche, but it's
Speaker 1: like the the idea of non attachment is so important
Speaker 1: for us to have um in order to evolve as people.
Speaker 1: And so when you like nothing is guaranteed and nothing
Speaker 1: is promised, and like what we believe might be true
Speaker 1: for us, just there is a divine, bigger plan. So
Speaker 1: like you've heard that, that's saying like if you let
Speaker 1: something go and it comes back to you, then it
Speaker 1: was yours. And if it never does and it was,
Speaker 1: it never was. And I just like that's what I
Speaker 1: would just encourage her to know. And I'm telling you
Speaker 1: like from experience, like Jared and I had to actually
Speaker 1: take a break to get to where we are today
Speaker 1: at the at the beginning of our relationship where it
Speaker 1: was needed. And that was the first time I ever
Speaker 1: sent someone off with with um without like resentment or
Speaker 1: anger like even though I was disappointed, heartbroken, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure the day that he drove away and left, I
Speaker 1: cried and drag a bottle wine and was in my
Speaker 1: journal all day long. But like it worked out. It
Speaker 1: came back, and it was without my intervention, it was
Speaker 1: without my persuasion. I told him, I told him, do
Speaker 1: not call me. We are not friends. Don't call me
Speaker 1: about the weather, don't check on me. I'm fine. And
Speaker 1: I was like, but when you show up, if you
Speaker 1: ever show up again, you better show up a percent.
Speaker 1: And so when he showed back up, homeboys playing no
Speaker 1: games and so exactly exactly, and so I just wanted
Speaker 1: to just give her the confidence to like find the
Speaker 1: find the trust in like in in detaching and not
Speaker 1: trying to control the situation. Just surrendering respect is something
Speaker 1: you were talking about, having the dignity to say, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm an amazing person. I can detach from you.
Speaker 1: And just because if he does come back, like you said,
Speaker 1: he you want your partner to respect you want to
Speaker 1: or want you gimme, And it's definitely it's devastating when
Speaker 1: you feel un wanted. For sure, of course he's going
Speaker 1: to be, you know, grabbing it, like fighting for just
Speaker 1: maybe the little morsels that are left in the room.
Speaker 1: When but when you take a step back and be like,
Speaker 1: I'm not begging nobody right right, But do you also
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship where every day you
Speaker 1: wake up wondering why he's there? He dared to pacify you.
Speaker 1: Is he there because he really wants to be? Like,
Speaker 1: let that man show up how he wants to win.
Speaker 1: And if he doesn't, he's made it clear, and it's oh,
Speaker 1: you will find your cheer. You are very bad. We
Speaker 1: all found at the moment, We all found our people,
Speaker 1: and they're here because they want to be here. That
Speaker 1: part I don't want to tell you different. Don't let
Speaker 1: them tell you different, because if a lie. Thank you
Speaker 1: ladies so much, quick give me your handles so everyone
Speaker 1: knows where to find y'all. I'm at Beck the letter
Speaker 1: m Gross, I'm at Melanie Fiona, I'm at Watermelon egg Grows.
Speaker 1: By the way, when you when you follow her on
Speaker 1: Watermelon Egg girls, you won't understand why that is exactly
Speaker 1: the perfect after all the names and wait wait to
Speaker 1: cut a way to hold us out if you if
Speaker 1: you'd like to be featured as one of our listener letters,
Speaker 1: be sure to email us at dead ask advice at
Speaker 1: gmail dot calm. I love it. And for those of
Speaker 1: you also following that as the podcast on social media,
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us at dead as the podcast.
Speaker 1: And of course I'm Kadina I am and I'll give
Speaker 1: you de vous handle even though he's not here because
Speaker 1: we spoke very highly of him. I am devoured. And
Speaker 1: if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe,
Speaker 1: tell your frame because we have the ultimate girl chat today.
Speaker 1: I love y'all so much. Thank you, dead Ass, Baby,
Speaker 1: be out of here, Back to them, Back to them babies.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast
Speaker 1: Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple. Follow the
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead As, to podcasts and
Speaker 1: never miss a Thing,