Speaker 1: As Media.
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to Natural Causes. I am doctor James
Speaker 2: Stown and this is my new podcast about going outside
Speaker 2: as well as the politics and practicalities behind it. With
Speaker 2: what two episodes coming out today for our first week,
Speaker 2: but after that we have one episode every Monday. This
Speaker 2: episode is a fun, little chatty episode with myself and Molly.
Speaker 2: What we're going to talk about have Alina, our friends
Speaker 2: who are not pigs, and their disrespect for golf courses,
Speaker 2: because one of the beliefs of this show is no golf,
Speaker 2: no masters. Golf is an affront to God and we're
Speaker 2: against it. But we also want to do some more
Speaker 2: serious stuff. I think there's a need for serious, unabashed
Speaker 2: journalism in the outdoor space and in the ag space.
Speaker 2: So along with this episode you'll also find another one
Speaker 2: where we talk about cyclospora, which is a diarrhea parasite
Speaker 2: affecting the Midwest right now, and we talk about what
Speaker 2: it can tell us about our food chain, the giant
Speaker 2: companies are dominated, and labor rights for agricultural workers both
Speaker 2: in the United States and elsewhere. Today, I am very
Speaker 2: lucky to be joined by Molly Conga, the Internet's favorite
Speaker 2: person who learns about animals.
Speaker 3: Hi, Molly, I'm so excited to hear about not a pig.
Speaker 3: It's not a pig. That's the only thing I know.
Speaker 2: Not a pig.
Speaker 4: Good.
Speaker 2: Well, that's a great place because you're coming from a
Speaker 2: place of more understanding than like most people. I feel
Speaker 2: like today, Molly, we're going to talk about have Alina.
Speaker 2: Do you know what they are?
Speaker 3: If they're not a pig, they're a little friend. That's
Speaker 3: kind of evil, a little friend. Yeah, well they're evil
Speaker 3: in a good way. They're like evil for good. I
Speaker 3: love that they look like they have like little tiny
Speaker 3: high heels on.
Speaker 2: They're like, yeah, have you ever seen them at like
Speaker 2: full speed?
Speaker 3: I've never seen it in person.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's a fucking sight to it. So like, I've
Speaker 2: spent a lot of my life in Arizona, like Tuson,
Speaker 2: Phoenixum and Yaki Territory, and I used to write bicycle
Speaker 2: a lot. That was my job. So I'd be riding
Speaker 2: out there on the dirt roads and the amount of
Speaker 2: times Ahaveolina will just pick up next to you and
Speaker 2: they are just booking it. It's like a coffee table.
Speaker 2: It's just moving. Because they're not a narodynamic animal right,
Speaker 2: and that their head is vastly disproportionate compared to their body,
Speaker 2: but they can carry some speed. I hit one once
Speaker 2: on my bicycle and that was an ugly day. They
Speaker 2: rub their little teeth together because they have two vertical
Speaker 2: teeth top and bottom, and they like rub them as
Speaker 2: a sort of intimidating tactic.
Speaker 3: That was intimidating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was intimidated. Yeah, first I didn't really know
Speaker 2: what had happened, right, So one nu I'm riding along
Speaker 2: the thing, I'm on the ground and here's this pekerey
Speaker 2: coming towards me. The other thing to know about them
Speaker 2: is the fucking stink. What you'll hear people say a
Speaker 2: lot about Havolenos. They have a second asshole and those
Speaker 2: people I'm wrong on his face.
Speaker 3: Is it a stink gland situation?
Speaker 2: Yes, it's a musk I think. I think the technical
Speaker 2: term is a musk glund and a sexual musk. Yeah,
Speaker 2: what a revolting just It is funny that Elon Musk's
Speaker 2: last name is also the same name for the stink.
Speaker 3: Gland, the stink land on the nut pig.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the not pig. But yeah, they do have
Speaker 2: a stink land it's kind of up on their back
Speaker 2: and they will use that to communicate danger to other
Speaker 2: members of their group.
Speaker 3: And is it just boys or do boys and girls
Speaker 3: have the stinkland?
Speaker 2: I think it's a unisex stink land. Okay, good for them, Yeah,
Speaker 2: stink dunity is like that. Yeah, everyone stinks. They've rub
Speaker 2: their scent on their territory and like that's how they know,
Speaker 2: like who's around right, They're walking around the going sniff sniff,
Speaker 2: Keithpin around here? You know he's doing fine. They have
Speaker 2: terrible eyes sights, so they rely a lot on smell
Speaker 2: that maybe that leads to the bicycle have Alina interactions.
Speaker 3: I know they're not pigs, so they don't probably share
Speaker 3: a wild pig's hostility towards the bicycle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they were not. They were really actively hostile.
Speaker 2: I think what happened in this case was the Havalina
Speaker 2: thought it could make it across and it to use
Speaker 2: the George Bush's and it misunderestimated my speed and so
Speaker 2: I hit the Have Alina right, lose the front wheel
Speaker 2: straight over at handlebars. Have Alina is now like what
Speaker 2: the fuck? I'm now like very confused. I'm lying on
Speaker 2: the ground and it starts going with its real teeth
Speaker 2: and smelling. It's a real full sensory experience. You got sight, sound, smell, pain.
Speaker 3: Where did they come from?
Speaker 2: So that is a good question.
Speaker 3: Are they supposed to live in Arizona?
Speaker 2: Well, supposed is an interesting term to use with animals
Speaker 2: and where they live, right.
Speaker 3: Like they were they born there?
Speaker 2: These particular pecoris were born in Arizona. Yes, they've been
Speaker 2: in the Americas for longer than people from Europe have.
Speaker 3: So it's not like a Hawaiian mongoose situation.
Speaker 2: No, No, it isn't like an axis deer like the
Speaker 2: pigs in Hawaii right there. Feral pigs in Texas is
Speaker 2: probably the best example, right of an invasive species which
Speaker 2: is replicating at an unsustainably high.
Speaker 3: Rate thirty to fifty every three to five minutes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's the That's what we learned
Speaker 2: from Jamie Loftus's bug guys. I propose that there are
Speaker 2: people in Texas who make a lot of money from
Speaker 2: the hunting of pigs, and even though they know their
Speaker 2: invasive species and a halful species, they would also be
Speaker 2: sad if they went away because they make a lot
Speaker 2: of money from people in a helicopters shooting pigs with
Speaker 2: night vision from a helicopter. That is how like if
Speaker 2: the government wants to eradicate some think that's how it
Speaker 2: goes about doing it for the most part. Right, Like
Speaker 2: we had wild pigs.
Speaker 3: Here, air strikes on the wild hogs.
Speaker 2: The person is using a regular rifle in the helicopter
Speaker 2: and they're not like using like a mini gun.
Speaker 3: Right, but it's not like the most dangerous game. Just
Speaker 3: get down there on the ground and follow it around
Speaker 3: like a real man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the part of the value proposition for
Speaker 2: that kind of hunter is shooting a gun out of
Speaker 2: a helicopter.
Speaker 3: Right, you're just a little boy who wants a helicopter ride,
Speaker 3: grow up.
Speaker 2: That is a Yeah, that is an experience that has
Speaker 2: previously been unavailable to people outside call of due to
Speaker 2: your military service. And along that continuum, if you want
Speaker 2: to find the MiG point, I think it's shooting pigs
Speaker 2: from a helicopter. It's not my idea of fair chase.
Speaker 2: I'll say it that way.
Speaker 3: It's not honorable. But if it's that a Rhodesia shoot
Speaker 3: the pig, yeah.
Speaker 2: Sure, Yeah, there's a there's a pipeline that could have
Speaker 2: gone in a different direction. So they live in like
Speaker 2: South and Central America. They have significant populations in Texas
Speaker 2: and of course in Arizona. Right. The reason we see
Speaker 2: them so much is because they have adapted to live
Speaker 2: alongside people. Like they're like a Karen, right. They love
Speaker 2: a suburb, as we're going to find out, they love
Speaker 2: a lawn. They fucking hate a golf course, which is
Speaker 2: a stance I share with them, guys. Yeah, I love
Speaker 2: to see it every time. I love to see a
Speaker 2: golf course losing, like period could be natural disaster, it
Speaker 2: could be pigs. I just like I love to see
Speaker 2: a golf course destroyed.
Speaker 3: Is it the little high heels that are tearing it up?
Speaker 3: Or are they like disrespecting their surroundings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they they're very They're getting in there with the snout.
Speaker 2: This is a podcast, right, and it's an audio medium.
Speaker 2: So what people can't see is that with my neck
Speaker 2: and head, I'm making a sort of like a yeah,
Speaker 2: like a truffle pig.
Speaker 3: But they're not pigs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, this is a golf peckery. Different deal.
Speaker 2: They have evolved right to find water in places where
Speaker 2: there is not water like Arizona. Like Arizona. Yeah, oh,
Speaker 2: all the water.
Speaker 3: Is under the golf course, No wonder they're there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all the water is in the golf course.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about water and golf a little bit.
Speaker 2: I want to do a little bit more peckery biology.
Speaker 2: I guess first, they aren't really great for farming because
Speaker 2: they take too long to reach sexual maturity. So that's
Speaker 2: one of the things distinguishes them from your pig. Right.
Speaker 3: Are people eating them?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, people eat them. Yeah. Yeah. Their leather
Speaker 2: is actually really expensive. Like if you want to drop
Speaker 2: four figures on a pair of gloves, they might be
Speaker 2: made from a peckery from a have Alina.
Speaker 3: Are they like super solved?
Speaker 2: I think they are. I think that's super flexible. They
Speaker 2: have a very distinct like spotty situation going on, Like
Speaker 2: you could see you would know if you saw a
Speaker 2: haleena glove, if you were in the know, if you're
Speaker 2: a leather understander, game would recognize game. Think in that scenario,
Speaker 2: literal game. They'll manage as gain in Arizona, so people
Speaker 2: can hunt them and people do eat them. You'd probably
Speaker 2: have to be pretty careful in the skinning and quartering
Speaker 2: process going around those musk glands. But that's the same
Speaker 2: with any animal that has those So unlike pigs, right,
Speaker 2: they take longer to reach sexual maturity, and that means
Speaker 2: that they're not reproducing at that crazy ass rate. And
Speaker 2: pigs are great for farming, right. They grow super fast,
Speaker 2: they reproduce super fast. They are an excellent machine for
Speaker 2: turning vegetables into meat. It's that is what you're looking
Speaker 2: at doing, then the pig is going to be a
Speaker 2: better option for you. But there is evidence that some
Speaker 2: people have kept them at some points in human history.
Speaker 2: It's a little little semi domestic swine, and apparently some
Speaker 2: folks who live in the Amazon rainforests still do. They'll
Speaker 2: bring them into the town there to live amongst the people.
Speaker 2: They don't really eat grass. I think people think, well,
Speaker 2: when they're fucking up a golf course, they're not. I
Speaker 2: think partially they're doing it for the love of the game,
Speaker 2: but also they're looking for water. Right. They do love
Speaker 2: to eat things like mesquite prickly pear acorns. They really
Speaker 2: do well in over grazed and kind of more barren areas.
Speaker 2: I guess, so like they're not competing with cattle. These
Speaker 2: aren't areas of public land or grazing land where you
Speaker 2: would graze cattle necessarily, right, So.
Speaker 3: No wonder they're dominating Arizona.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're They're crushing it out there in Arizona.
Speaker 2: They do love water and they do love shade because
Speaker 2: they're desert animal, right, so they're like, okay, they see water,
Speaker 2: they I've got to get some of that shit. So
Speaker 2: one thing they do enjoy is swimming pools. Oh no,
Speaker 2: a suburban neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 3: They travel in packs. So you just go in your yard.
Speaker 3: There's like seventeen of them in your pool. What do
Speaker 3: you do?
Speaker 2: Squadrons? They's a squadron of Haavelina. I've never seen them swim.
Speaker 2: It's a drinking situation when they come to the pool.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they can. So if you've got
Speaker 2: a video of a havelin a swimming I'd love to
Speaker 2: see it.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be googling this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I would see them. I'd stay out with
Speaker 2: a buddy who was kind of outside of Tucson. He
Speaker 2: had a pool and I'd see they will have Alena
Speaker 2: come in and have a little sip sip from the pool.
Speaker 2: But they'll fuck up an irrigation hose in the absence
Speaker 2: of a pool too, Like if they see one right there,
Speaker 2: they may I don't know if they can hear the
Speaker 2: water or what, but they get in there and they'll
Speaker 2: them not ready up get the water out that way.
Speaker 2: So talking of irrigation, it's time to talk about golf.
Speaker 2: Do you remember the genesis of the have Alina hate
Speaker 2: golf moment? I don't think I do.
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm imagining all the videos I've seen of them,
Speaker 3: just like tippy tappening down a suburban street.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a good video of one in Tucson and
Speaker 2: it's sending it like it's a full speed and it's
Speaker 2: pretty impressive, and people have put various music soundtracks behind
Speaker 2: it and they're all very funny. This began because let
Speaker 2: me share this with you. So I'm just going to
Speaker 2: read it out for the benefit of the listeners at home.
Speaker 2: Come along with me on my carnage parentheses. I mean,
Speaker 2: course check this morning.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Yeah, it looks like somebody like used
Speaker 3: a rototiller.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, they'll fuck it up like it does look
Speaker 2: like a rotivator went through there. Yeah, and it's everywhere
Speaker 2: along this golf course just hits.
Speaker 3: Good for them. I wish they were still there. I
Speaker 3: would love to see them doing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, unfortunately but fortunately for us. Unfortunately for MKC Turf
Speaker 2: that t RF. To be clear, I'm not aware of
Speaker 2: this person is transfer or not.
Speaker 3: I think she just I think she just loves grass
Speaker 3: turf rain.
Speaker 2: Oh Molly, she fucking loves grass. Let me tell you.
Speaker 2: I found an hour and seventeen minute long podcast, Tiger
Speaker 2: Turf Talk, in which she gives an interview about grass.
Speaker 3: As someone with a tense special interest that is difficult
Speaker 3: for others. I feel for her, but also I don't
Speaker 3: know about all that. Girl.
Speaker 2: I want you to just listen to the first tense
Speaker 2: Tiger Turf Talk with Drew Miller.
Speaker 3: Oh, this is intense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Tiger Turf. I lend a lot listening to this podcast. Molly,
Speaker 2: did you listen to the whole hour aroune seventeen minutes? Yes? Wow,
Speaker 2: I learned a lot. Turf twitters relentless. Sometimes it's like guys,
Speaker 2: same team. I come from a country wear. Grass just
Speaker 2: grows by itself. Now, evidently there are specialist forms of grass.
Speaker 2: There was a prolonged clip of her describing the damage.
Speaker 4: If I could train them, they'd be amazing sawd cutters
Speaker 4: because they roll the sad Like a lot of the
Speaker 4: times you'll walk by and there'll be like a four
Speaker 4: or five foot section completely rolled over. So they chomp
Speaker 4: it up a little bit with their teeth and then
Speaker 4: they nose under it and push it. It just becomes
Speaker 4: so mentally draining when you fix the same fairway for
Speaker 4: the tenth day in a row, and it's like, why
Speaker 4: am I even doing this?
Speaker 2: Just absolutely destroyed by the Yeah, yeah, I think she
Speaker 2: went to war with the Havevelinas a lost.
Speaker 3: Like Havelina is one hundred mkc terf zero.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she tried to use million scovel unit like chili oil.
Speaker 4: You bought this million scobel unit chili oil, and we
Speaker 4: put it in the sprayers and we were spraying it on.
Speaker 2: The we're putting.
Speaker 4: Everyone's eyes are watering.
Speaker 2: Carolina Reaper, I'm your ass out of here.
Speaker 4: Unfortunately for me, the pigs liked it, just didn't even care.
Speaker 3: Oh does that deter them? How do they feel about
Speaker 3: spicy food?
Speaker 2: Apparently they don't give a shit.
Speaker 3: There's South American.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if they come from the place the chili comes from.
Speaker 3: I use chili powder mixed with vegetable oil on my
Speaker 3: bird seed to keep the squirrels away from it, and
Speaker 3: that seems to be effective. But a squirrel is a
Speaker 3: little bit compared to this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's squirrels. Ain't got ship on a helena like
Speaker 2: I use it for for rats, possums and raccoons and
Speaker 2: all the other little creatures that have to come and
Speaker 2: eat my chicken food. It also makes a yolks more
Speaker 2: kind of orange yellow, which is nice, like a little
Speaker 2: redness to this un thinks of it. Let's talk about
Speaker 2: fucking golf, shall we. Golf is a scourge on humanity.
Speaker 3: Especially in Arizona. It should be against the law.
Speaker 2: If we're going to have a state and we're going
Speaker 2: to have a government, and that state is going to
Speaker 2: retain the capacity to do violence, I would like to
Speaker 2: see them direct that towards golf.
Speaker 3: State monopoly on violence against golfers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, if we're gonna do it, we should. We
Speaker 2: should defend something which is objectively in the public interest,
Speaker 2: which is not having golf.
Speaker 3: It's just an enormous amount of land for a couple
Speaker 3: of guys to fuck around on, and an inane amount
Speaker 3: of water and a lot of toxic chemicals.
Speaker 2: Mm hm. There are more golf courses in the United
Speaker 2: States than any other country in the world. Why it's
Speaker 2: hard to say. It's a very American thing. I think
Speaker 2: it's this idea, right that comes when you steal a
Speaker 2: large volume of land, that there is a limited space.
Speaker 3: I just want to do the least useful stuff imaginable.
Speaker 3: It's like a conspicuous land consumption.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me be flagrantly silly with the
Speaker 2: land and water. Some more golf stats. There are only
Speaker 2: three countries on the planet with more golf courses in Florida.
Speaker 2: The United States has sixteen thousand golf courses, forty two
Speaker 2: percent of the global total of golf courses.
Speaker 3: Who's playing all this golf?
Speaker 2: I think we could probably pick out a certain demographic
Speaker 2: group of people who are dominating in golf participation.
Speaker 3: Everything's gender, right, everything's gender. Men are just afraid to
Speaker 3: say they want to hang out like they crave companionship.
Speaker 3: They just want to be dudes chilling.
Speaker 2: I played golf once in my life, actually, I guess
Speaker 2: I went to one of those driving ranges went with
Speaker 2: my dad. It was hot, sweaty, one of the rare
Speaker 2: hot days in the United Kingdom. I let go of
Speaker 2: the golf club.
Speaker 3: Are you're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to
Speaker 3: hang on to that.
Speaker 2: No, you're not supposed to do that. It went through
Speaker 2: the roof.
Speaker 3: I'm sure they're insured.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker 3: And also fuck the golf Manah.
Speaker 2: You can't do a crime against golf because golf is bad.
Speaker 2: The water, right, like the water use of golf courses
Speaker 2: is something that will never not make me that. I
Speaker 2: found some data from the Pima County Board of Supervisors.
Speaker 3: I think famously wet location.
Speaker 2: Pema County one of those places where do you think
Speaker 2: about it, think swampy water eave.
Speaker 3: Like a rainforest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a real grass Habitat five point five thousand acre
Speaker 2: feet of a year of water in Pema County use
Speaker 2: for golf, one third of it comes from groundwater. That's
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three numbers, so it might have gone up.
Speaker 2: That equates to more than two thy seven hundred Olympic
Speaker 2: size swimming pools. So it's about nine hundred swimming pools
Speaker 2: getting pulled from groundwater, which is not like recycled water. Right,
Speaker 2: that is draining from a resource that is finite and
Speaker 2: that we are very much we need to use more carefully.
Speaker 2: I guess have we considered.
Speaker 3: Pitting the golf courses against the data centers.
Speaker 2: One of the data center talking points was that data
Speaker 2: centers use less water than golf.
Speaker 3: Because Loudon County has unlimited golf courses and unlimited data centers.
Speaker 3: And I think they should fight.
Speaker 2: I would love to see I'd love to see this
Speaker 2: be a zero sum game. I would love to see
Speaker 2: a set amount of water much less than they're using
Speaker 2: now portioned off and then we can leave them to it, right,
Speaker 2: we can let them fight. That will be That would
Speaker 2: be my compromise solution. So let's talk about have Alina
Speaker 2: and golf. The golf course isn't being destroyed by havelina.
Speaker 2: The golf course is destroying the place where the havelna live.
Speaker 3: They're just outside, yeah, there, out there.
Speaker 2: All the time. No one has to irrigate them. They
Speaker 2: have been digging up juice to little roots for water,
Speaker 2: drinking from cattle troughs and pools, and thriving in this
Speaker 2: environment for much much longer than golf.
Speaker 3: I think these fancy ladies are just being responsible stewards
Speaker 3: of the environment.
Speaker 2: Yeah. If Edward Abbey was still alive, I think he
Speaker 2: would stand with the have Alina unless some of his
Speaker 2: more gross opinions got in the way, which they are
Speaker 2: far too often did.
Speaker 3: Fed with Abby Hee, Why is one of the pictures
Speaker 3: when I google Hawelena a pizza?
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Is this hafolina meat?
Speaker 2: It could be. I would imagine that the fat on
Speaker 2: a havolina is pretty gamy and if you wouldn't want
Speaker 2: to make it into like a sausage situation.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it looks like sort of like a brisket
Speaker 3: type texture and it's on top of a pizza. Why
Speaker 3: is that one of the top pictures of this animal?
Speaker 2: Why would you put it on a pizza? Treat it
Speaker 2: with respect? Our one Italian listener has now left the podcast.
Speaker 2: It seems to be pretty fucking stupid. I guess to
Speaker 2: build this big moist fair way in the middle of
Speaker 2: havolina's habitat and not expect the havolina to use it.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's a pie on the window cell. You're
Speaker 3: gonna You're gonna draw people with the smell of the pie.
Speaker 2: With the pie, and then you say the pie is
Speaker 2: only for golfers, and then they will say, watch me.
Speaker 2: It's so incredibly silly to expect the havolina to respect
Speaker 2: the private property of your gated community or golf course.
Speaker 2: Like the detachment from the way the world fucking works.
Speaker 2: That makes you think that the havolina, right, this animal
Speaker 2: which has learned to thrive often at the worldland urban
Speaker 2: interface by finding water, it's not going to come to
Speaker 2: the thing which you are pouring all of our water into.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it boggles in mind. I guess if
Speaker 2: people didn't expect this.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm barely respecting their private property and I
Speaker 3: can read and be arrested.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, have alna.
Speaker 3: They can't read or be arrested.
Speaker 2: Why did they They're controlled as a game animal, so
Speaker 2: not like as as like vermin, right, So they can't
Speaker 2: just go out and shoot them all. You'd have to
Speaker 2: apply in the lottery, get your have Aleena tag and
Speaker 2: then hunt them during the Havolina season.
Speaker 3: Oh only in season.
Speaker 2: Yep, they have a season.
Speaker 3: So if they're just running rampant, there's nothing you can do.
Speaker 3: You just have to watch and suffer that rocks.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. They end up trying to make them go
Speaker 2: away with things like their chili oil, with things.
Speaker 3: Like shaking a can of rocks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, putting up a sign it says get off my lawn,
Speaker 2: you know, like talking about the Vietnam War. I don't
Speaker 2: know what they what they do to make them go away.
Speaker 2: They've tried electric fences. I'm sure the pigs have to
Speaker 2: disrespect a fence, so that wouldn't surprise me. The thing is,
Speaker 2: people have lived with have Alena for a very long time, right,
Speaker 2: like in Central and South America. Again, like before European
Speaker 2: colonizers came here, people have Alina lived here very happily.
Speaker 2: I read a little bit about their domestication. I don't
Speaker 2: want anyone to go and try and domesticate have Alena.
Speaker 2: Animal doesn't have to be cute for you to care
Speaker 2: about it, for it to have a right to exist
Speaker 2: on its landscape, right. I think sometimes this is a
Speaker 2: mistake people make. I see it a lot with like
Speaker 2: marine mammals, Like people are like, oh, that seal is cute,
Speaker 2: shouldn't hurt it, Like sea lions are not cute. I
Speaker 2: know sea lions aren't seals. Sea lions are fucking evil.
Speaker 2: Look at their teeth. There's a reason they're called lions.
Speaker 2: If you're going in the water, like if you're spearfishing
Speaker 2: or something like those they will haras the shit out
Speaker 2: of you. But like they have a right to exist there.
Speaker 3: There's not many wild animals you should really be touching.
Speaker 3: I mean, even the prairie dogs have the plague.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't be touching a prairie dog like on
Speaker 2: the regular. The last thing I want to get into,
Speaker 2: maley is the mysterious fourth type of peckery, the rarest
Speaker 2: kind of peckery. So generally there are understood to be
Speaker 2: three peckory species, right, I didn't know that. Yeah, soja
Speaker 2: Aline is a collared peckery.
Speaker 3: Okay, because they got the kind of like rough yeah cute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they look like like a Shakespearean guy. I mean, vaguely,
Speaker 2: I suppose. If it's not, it's not a close resemblance.
Speaker 2: You've got the white lip peckery and the chacoh and
Speaker 2: peckery as well. Oh who's he the chackhen peckory. He
Speaker 2: lives further south.
Speaker 3: He looks like a deformed, tiny buffalo. That's so cute.
Speaker 2: After a fashion I guess, yeah, like like a buffalo pig.
Speaker 3: Like if alf was a tiny buffalo.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they do have a distinct alf vibe. I
Speaker 2: didn't know what species alf is supposed to be. Actually,
Speaker 2: maybe Alfa is a peckery. He's from space, right, Oh,
Speaker 2: he's from space. Well, space peckery.
Speaker 3: That's the secret fourth peckery.
Speaker 2: That's no, the secret fourth pactory, to my knowledge, is space.
Speaker 2: It is the giant peckory.
Speaker 3: How big is it?
Speaker 2: It's pretty big?
Speaker 3: Oh, from like back when sloths were as big as
Speaker 3: an elephant.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not quite that big. Yeah, it's not like
Speaker 2: a like a giant sloths short face bear situation.
Speaker 3: Don't email me. They weren't as big as an elephant,
Speaker 3: but they were really big, okay, you know, really big.
Speaker 3: I've seen it at the I've seen it at the museum.
Speaker 2: Its Latin name is Pecory maximus, which I think is
Speaker 2: pretty sick fair.
Speaker 3: He's the biggest one.
Speaker 2: Yep, they could make a film about him, so they reckon.
Speaker 2: He weighs about fifty kilos.
Speaker 3: That's like one hundred and ten pounds.
Speaker 2: Yeah, about one hundred and ten pounds, which is pretty big.
Speaker 2: Much bigger than your regular peckory, right, Like your regular
Speaker 2: pecory is going to be like maybe two thirds of
Speaker 2: that that I had to guess.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you wouldn't want to fight him on a bike.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, do you hate about a bike? You probably
Speaker 2: break a bike or part of yourself. It was quote
Speaker 2: unquote identified by a Dutch biologist. I think this is
Speaker 2: one of those things that most of us can realize.
Speaker 2: It's like the Dutch guy wasn't the first guy to
Speaker 2: see it, right, the two p people who live there,
Speaker 2: they call it the great pet that lives in pairs.
Speaker 3: Oh, it still exists. This isn't like an ancient creature.
Speaker 2: No, No, this is a this is a well it
Speaker 2: is a debated topic whether this is a different type
Speaker 2: of pecory or just a particularly.
Speaker 3: Or is it just one really fat one that people
Speaker 3: see sometimes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, Like is he just the thickest peckori and
Speaker 2: he walks around on his own just presiciably, like no
Speaker 2: one wants to share food with him. Oh, he won't
Speaker 2: fear food with anyone. There is some variants right within
Speaker 2: any species. Right, so perhaps this guy just happens to
Speaker 2: be particularly large. It's distinguished from the other peckories which
Speaker 2: walk around in groups. I guess this one. It seems
Speaker 2: to be only walking around in pairs or around its
Speaker 2: own So like.
Speaker 3: Is this a separate kind of animal or is this
Speaker 3: a situation where it's a whole species of people my
Speaker 3: size and one guy is Shaquille O'Neal.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Is this a natural variant within within the broad
Speaker 2: peckory universe or is this a completely different peccory up
Speaker 2: for debate. It seems like science is now moving towards
Speaker 2: it not being a different specie, and also moving away
Speaker 2: from peckory being its own genus. Sadly, if this guy
Speaker 2: was his own species, illegal logging and hunting might make
Speaker 2: it very likely that he would be extremely endangered.
Speaker 3: I think we should transport him to the nicest golf
Speaker 3: course and let him be happy.
Speaker 2: Yes, this is where I want to end this podcast
Speaker 2: with a modest proposal that iHeartRadio send me to the Amazon.
Speaker 2: I'll ride my bike around until I hit one. At
Speaker 2: that point I will.
Speaker 3: Wrestle him, put him in the helicopter exactly, yeah, and
Speaker 3: transport him to the Trump National Golf Course.
Speaker 2: Yes, I will. I'll be the one guy chasing not
Speaker 2: a pig in a helicopter with night vision for good
Speaker 2: and I will jump out. God, when I was a kid,
Speaker 2: we used to do that. Not a kind thing to
Speaker 2: do to animals, to be clear, and I think it's
Speaker 2: kind of a douche move. But when I was younger,
Speaker 2: we would ride on the sideboard to the land rover
Speaker 2: and then jump out and wrastle warthogs for why. There's
Speaker 2: a thing that happens between the age of about thirteen
Speaker 2: and eighteen two men where your brain doesn't work properly.
Speaker 3: Did you ever win?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple of times. Most often you.
Speaker 3: Lose because the war hog's not going to tap out.
Speaker 2: No, no, warhog will fuck you up too. Like there,
Speaker 2: it's definitely like a it's definitely like a more than
Speaker 2: a fair fight. I mean, even you're on land rover,
Speaker 2: so it's a bit silly, Okay, I.
Speaker 3: Have a stupid question. Yeah, they have warhogs in England.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, I wasn't in England at that time.
Speaker 2: That I was in East Africa at that time.
Speaker 3: Because I don't think that's right. I don't think they
Speaker 3: have timones or boombas there.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: Sadly, we had like the most exciting shit we had
Speaker 2: growing up was some emius and ostages that escaped. Just
Speaker 2: occasionally you'd run into one if you're in the right
Speaker 2: place at the right time. You know, you're going through
Speaker 2: the woods.
Speaker 3: It's just ready to have my whole world rock finding
Speaker 3: out that there's English warthogs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys up to up there, that would be great.
Speaker 2: I don't know how long they'd survive. I mean, we
Speaker 2: had wild boar at one point, right, they thrived until
Speaker 2: we probably ate them all May's face.
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever really looked a warthog up
Speaker 3: close before. That's there's a lot going on and I
Speaker 3: would not want to hurl my body at any of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they didn't get the name by accident. It's not
Speaker 2: one of God's beautiful creatures. They're pretty mean that they'll
Speaker 2: fuck you up. But yeah, you do wonder how the
Speaker 2: face ended up like that.
Speaker 3: I'm so surprised. There are not more holes than you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there are a lot. There have been
Speaker 2: a lot of holes in me over the years. Like
Speaker 2: when I get an X ray sometimes a person just laughs.
Speaker 2: I've broken a lot of ribs. Yeah, I would not
Speaker 2: advise doing that to have Alina or really any animal.
Speaker 2: It's not kind to her animals because you think it's fun.
Speaker 2: So don't do that. But yeah, I would advise if
Speaker 2: you have a giant packory, get it into a breeding
Speaker 2: program and then let it go like free Willy, jump
Speaker 2: out of its enclosure and find a home for itself
Speaker 2: among the fairways and greens of your local golf course. Molly,
Speaker 2: thank you for joining me on my first podcast where
Speaker 2: we talk about animals. I am still committed to one
Speaker 2: day taking you to see a prong horn.
Speaker 3: I want to see a wild animal.
Speaker 2: Okay, we have a show budget for that. Now we're
Speaker 2: going to see so many. We will go on a
Speaker 2: pronghorn extravagance.
Speaker 3: I want to see a Halina. Just take me to too.
Speaker 2: So yeah we could. Yeah, we could go to sus
Speaker 2: On and stay in a suburban motel and you will
Speaker 2: see a have Alena. I've never seen one really, Okay,
Speaker 2: yeah we'll maybe we'll recreate my bike accident.
Speaker 3: We'll go vandalize a golf course.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Well we can just watch them with the thing.
Speaker 2: It's this zero risk. You just watch them, watch them,
Speaker 2: go enjoy them. Maybe we could get one of those
Speaker 2: little carts and drive around behind them or something. Get
Speaker 2: a couple of monsters.
Speaker 3: I would I would pivot to video for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that'll be the one. The one time you
Speaker 2: will see me streaming is when I'm when I'm with
Speaker 2: the have Aolino as they fuck up the golf course.
Speaker 2: Would you like to plug your podcast, Molly where people
Speaker 2: can learn more about other weird little guys that are
Speaker 2: not you know, poor signed?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah if you. If you think a peckory is
Speaker 3: a weird little friend, what about a weird little monster.
Speaker 3: My show Weird Little Guys is about right wing political violence.
Speaker 3: It's not as fun as a little not big.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's great. It's a lovely podcast. You do
Speaker 2: a very good job with it, and people love it.
Speaker 2: They can never get enough Weird Little Guys. So you
Speaker 2: should listen to that.
Speaker 3: So an ASMR experience about the clan.
Speaker 2: We could have made this an ASMR experience if I
Speaker 2: had more have Alina recording, maybe I'll ask my friends
Speaker 2: to record. So we hope you'll subscribe. We're not just
Speaker 2: going to talk about funny little animals. It's just nice
Speaker 2: to talk about a funny little animal. We are also
Speaker 2: going to talk about some serious things. Our next episode,
Speaker 2: we'll look at cyclospora, which is the diarrhea parasite that
Speaker 2: is spreading through the Midwest. Oh yeah, we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about what we can learn about agricultural labor rights
Speaker 2: from cyclosporer. Then we're going to look at fire, because
Speaker 2: fire is coming for all of us, including the golf courses,
Speaker 2: and we're going to talk about what you should do
Speaker 2: when you get that little buzz buzz buzz on your
Speaker 2: phone and it says level three go now. And then
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about what we can all learn
Speaker 2: from indigenous fire knowledge. So I hope you'll subscribe and
Speaker 2: we will be dropping episode to every We have two
Speaker 2: this week if you're listening on the week this comes out.
Speaker 2: After that, we will only have one, I'm afraid. Oh. Also, yes,
Speaker 2: you can email us if you want to. If you
Speaker 2: have a picture of a peckery.
Speaker 3: Or a video of one swimming, Yeah, video of one.
Speaker 2: Swimming, I'd love to see it, or one going after
Speaker 2: a golf course, you can email us. Natural Causes pod
Speaker 2: at proton dot me.
Speaker 1: Natural Causes the production of cool Zone Media. For more
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Speaker 1: dot com. Or check us out on the iHeartRadio app,
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Speaker 1: find sources for natural causes listened directly in episode descriptions.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening.