1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: You like this girl more than friends. You are attracted 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: to this girl, you have a connection with her, you 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 1: have a heart connection to her. Don't deny that. Okay, 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: this is more than a friendship. So I'm want to 5 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 1: point out that you like this girl more than friends, 6 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,919 Speaker 1: meaning that you cannot stay friends with her and be happy. 7 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 1: That's not going to work. What's up, everybody? Welcome to 8 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: the podcast, episode one hundred and sixty six. Thanks for 9 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 1: being here and watching and listening wherever you're coming from, 10 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: all the different platforms, all the different countries in the world. 11 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: I love that you guys have embraced this podcast and 12 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,639 Speaker 1: you love to listen in on other people's questions or 13 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: your questions. And if you want me to answer it, 14 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: all you gotta do is email me Grangersmith podcast at 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's what I do on this podcast 16 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: is just answer your question questions about any subject in 17 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: the world. We have talked about just about everything over 18 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: the course of one hundred and sixty six episodes, and 19 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: you probably can't surprise me anymore, even though I love 20 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: it if you try to surprise me, I don't have 21 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: all the answers. I just answer it as though we're 22 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,759 Speaker 1: friends and we're driving down the road in a truck 23 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: and you ask me a question and I try to 24 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: help you answer it the best way I can as 25 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: a friend. Sometimes maybe a lot of times, that's with 26 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: tough love. I don't have any notes in front of me. 27 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: I'm not prepared. I'm just making this up as I go. 28 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 1: And so with that, if you want to email me 29 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, let's do it. I'm 30 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: gonna get to the first question. The subject line says, 31 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: we're gonna start with a banger here. Subject line abstaining 32 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: from sex for the first time. Abstaining from sex for 33 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: the first time. Hey granger First off, thank you for 34 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: your music and your podcast. Love the new album. I'm 35 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: really enjoying your podcast. My name is Matt twenty five 36 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: years old, Marine Corps flight student. I've been a Christian 37 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: for a long time now, but recently I've been trying 38 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: to give more effort and devotion to to giving my 39 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: life to Christ. Also, I've been working on cutting out 40 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 1: drinking and saving sex for marriage. I have been doing 41 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: well with both, but I'm worried that with a new relationship, 42 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: when it pops up, it may be hard to abstain 43 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: because of all my past relationships have not been that way. 44 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: My question is to you, is it okay if Christian 45 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: couples sleep in the same bed? And what do you 46 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,120 Speaker 1: do when things get heated and you're wrapped up in 47 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: the moment? How can you make abstaining easy on you 48 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 1: and your partner while still being physically close. Any advice 49 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: on how you can abstain for the first time in 50 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 1: a relationship that would be greatly appreciated. God bless simp Fi. Yeah, buddy, Matt, 51 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: thanks for the email. And oh rah, you are twenty 52 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: five years old Marine Corps flight student and you're asking 53 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: some tough questions for a twenty five year old marine 54 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: and I appreciate you, brother, I really do. Let me 55 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: go with the first Your first real question here is 56 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: is it okay if Christian couples sleep in the same bed? Okay? 57 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 1: So it depends on what your goal is. Your goal 58 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: is okay, First, it depends on if you're married or not. 59 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: Because I understand your question and where your questions are leading. 60 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: So I understand what you want your goal to be 61 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 1: and your goal I'm going to help you with your goal. 62 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: Your goal is that you want to save yourself save 63 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: sex for marriage. That those are your words. You want 64 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: to save sex for marriage. And so if you want me, 65 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: if you're asking as a friend and we're driving in 66 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: the truck and you say, Granger, can you help me 67 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: meet this goal of saving sex for marriage? And then 68 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: you ask me the first question, do you think it's 69 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 1: okay if Christian couples sleep in the same bed? Okay? 70 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: So we could tackle that with an analogy. You say 71 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: something like, hey, Granger, I've got a uh, I've got 72 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 1: a really big goal. I do not want to fall 73 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: off of a cliff. Can you help me with that? 74 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I can. I can help you. And 75 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: you say, okay, My first question is is it okay 76 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: if I sit on the edge of a cliff and 77 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 1: dangle my feet off? What do you think My answer 78 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: is going to be, I'm gonna say, buddy, uh, if 79 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: you want me to help you to not fall off 80 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: a cliff, then I'm gonna say, let's stay away from 81 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: the cliff as far as possible. And so, relating to 82 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 1: your your question specifically, I would say, you want to 83 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: sleep in the same bed, but can you do that? Bro? 84 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: Because I I couldn't could you could you? Are you 85 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,039 Speaker 1: you have that much self discipline that you could do that. 86 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: If your answer is yes, I would say you're either 87 00:04:55,839 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: lying or you haven't tested yourself fully yet, right, And 88 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,239 Speaker 1: so that's kind of my answer In around by way, 89 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 1: do you think Christian couples should sleep in the same 90 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 1: bed before they're married and they're trying to abstain from sex? 91 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: I would say, bro, you're you're crazy. Why would why 92 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: would you tempt yourself like that? Like why put yourself 93 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: through why put yourself literally through that kind of torture? 94 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: Because then your other question is how do you abstain 95 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: easily while you and your partner are heated? Getting heated 96 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: and wrapped up in the moment is your words? I 97 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: would say, you better, you better pump the brakes and 98 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 1: try not to get heated and wrapped up in the moment. Uh. 99 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: Let me just give you an example. My brother got 100 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: married to his wife, his current wife, Amy last year. 101 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 1: It was like eight months ago, pretty recently, and they 102 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: wanted to save themselves for marriage. They wanted to be 103 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: able to give that kind of gift to each other 104 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 1: when they got married. They wanted to say, look, we 105 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: saved we saved ourselves and here we go. This is 106 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 1: my gift to you. When they got married, it's really awesome. 107 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: And they realized quickly through the engagement that that's gonna 108 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 1: be difficult. You know, the closer they got the lady 109 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: of the night. God, you know, they're watching a movie. 110 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 1: They're kind of cuddled up on the couch. That's gonna 111 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: get difficult. So Amy, they decided to be proactive. Amy 112 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: decides to live with us during the engagement, which was 113 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: like a six month engagement. She lives with me and 114 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: my family. Uh. And then it got to the point 115 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: where Parker my brother, said we're gonna have to cut 116 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:41,280 Speaker 1: out kissing. They literally stopped kissing. Some of you listening 117 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: are like, that's insane. You can't kiss your fiance. No, 118 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 1: it's not a rule that you can't kiss your fiance. 119 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 1: But for Parker, he didn't want that kiss to lead 120 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: to things getting according to your words, Matt, heavy and 121 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 1: wrapped up. So do things according to how you think 122 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 1: you could handle them. And I would say that you 123 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 1: probably can't handle them as well as you think if 124 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 1: you really love this girl. Bottom line is you're looking 125 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: for a relationship to get married, You're not looking for 126 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: a relationship to have fun or to casually date. You're 127 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: looking with a mission with an end goal of finding 128 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: your spouse. Now that that's not me telling you what 129 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,119 Speaker 1: to do. That's just me dissecting your email and helping 130 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: you give helping you get on your way with what 131 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: you want to do. So, yeah, that's my advice is 132 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: that when you meet somebody and you know that she's 133 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: the one, and you've you've vetted her significantly through your 134 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 1: friends and your parents and her parents, and you've had 135 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: some deep conversations and you've talked about some tough subjects 136 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: and you're attracted to her and you feel butterflies and 137 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: you want to marry her, and you feel like she's 138 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: the love of your life, then you hurry up and 139 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: make that engagement pretty quick. Then you don't have to 140 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: worry about it. Next question, subject line interesting enough says, 141 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: please don't skip me. I need prayer. Hey, my name 142 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: is McKenna. I'm not sure if you're going to remember me, 143 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: but I'm the woman who messaged you not too long 144 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: ago asking for prayer and guidance on what to do, 145 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: and now I'm really going to need it again. The 146 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: first email I sent you. I needed guidance if I 147 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: should invite my father to the wedding when he wasn't 148 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: being the kind father we both needed and not wanting 149 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: to come to the wedding for his own personal reasons. 150 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: The wedding has passed now and we have had our 151 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: wedding October eleventh, twenty twenty two. The reason I'm writing 152 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: you needing prayer is today the Lord has taken my 153 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: dad home. I am so filled with guilt and regret, 154 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,839 Speaker 1: wishing I could go back in time and just hold 155 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: him again and tell him that I love him. All 156 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 1: the what ifs I wish I could have are all 157 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: running through my mind. This is the worst pain I've 158 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: ever gone through. It feels like the nightmare and I 159 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: just want to wake up. Please and prayers and guidance. 160 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 1: I need it more than anything. Love McKenna. McKenna, I'm 161 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: so sorry, and I do. I do remember you, and 162 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 1: I remember your question. You're the one that had the 163 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 1: father that was not very supportive and didn't want to 164 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: come to the wedding. But I remember talking about that, 165 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: and I think I posted that on TikTok and had 166 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: a lot of people that were in the same boat 167 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: as you. Now he's passed away and you feel guilt 168 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 1: and regret and you wish you could just tell him 169 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: you love him. Wow, there's so much in that, right 170 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: because as we've taken this journey on this podcast, me 171 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: and the listeners, you have taken this journey together, and 172 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: some of these stories have evolved. So here we go 173 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: with the story that a lot of people that you had, 174 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 1: a lot of people could relate to with a father 175 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: that was not supportive of a wedding and was narcissistic 176 00:09:55,440 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: if I remember, and you didn't how to handle that situation. 177 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: And a lot of people chimed in on the comments 178 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: and were like, yes, my dad is narcissistic, my dad too, 179 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: didn't want to go to my wedding, et cetera, et cetera. 180 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: But here the story gets an extra wrinkle because now 181 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: he's past. And so for all the people that were like, yeah, 182 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: me too, my dad too, I want you to think 183 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 1: about everyone that said that and chimed in. I want 184 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: you to think about how you would feel as McKinnon. Now, 185 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: it's interesting and then you think about losing that person 186 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: that you thought you were having some strife with. So 187 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: I thought you were having some rub with What would 188 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: you do if you lost him? What would you do 189 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: to have one more chance to tell him you're sorry, 190 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,319 Speaker 1: to hold him, to hug him, to tell him you 191 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 1: love him. That could change the perspective of someone that goes. 192 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: You know, I'm so tired of my dad and he 193 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: doesn't want to go to my wedding, and he's a 194 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: narcissist and he just has his own agenda. Well, imagine 195 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: losing them'd you feel? Because that's what mckenn is going through, 196 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: and it's changes things now. That wasn't for you. That 197 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: was for everyone else McKennon, But for you, I want 198 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: to say, I'm so sorry. I do know what it's 199 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: like to lose a father, and it's tough. I wrote 200 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,680 Speaker 1: a song before my dad passed, after my granddad passed, 201 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: called five more Minutes, and the whole purpose of the 202 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: song was really the just if I wish I had 203 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 1: five more minutes with my grandpa, and the bridge that 204 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: I wrote ended up being I think the bridge the 205 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: words say I drove to see Dad yesterday and when 206 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: it was time to go, I told him, wait, give 207 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: me five more minutes. It's one more time forgot the 208 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: words to my song. But it's something like that. I 209 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: wish you just had one one more chance to share 210 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:01,319 Speaker 1: a cup of coffee and sit with him. And that's 211 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing in a lot of ways, because that 212 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: means that that means that love is real, and that 213 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: we share something together as you're the daughter and as 214 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: the father and me as the son, and we share 215 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: something a bond that sometimes is heightened after the loss. 216 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: We understand it more. We understand what we had more 217 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 1: after we lose it, And so many things in life, 218 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: you don't realize what you have until it's gone. And 219 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,960 Speaker 1: when it's gone, you just wish you had one more 220 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: chance to say you love them, or to say you're sorry, 221 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: or to say all that stuff that that you had 222 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: against them, or that you you thought was a problem 223 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: between you, all that stuff just doesn't mean anything anymore. 224 00:12:55,760 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: It's overshadowed by the loss and the love. Don't you 225 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: wish we could just have that kind of perspective every day? 226 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: Don't you think we? Don't you wish we could walk 227 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 1: through life and see things and people and things that 228 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: we do and passions that we love. Don't you think 229 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 1: we could see it? Don't you wish we could see 230 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 1: it with the eyes of someone that knows what it's 231 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: like to lose it. It's nearly impossible to do. We 232 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: can go through moments, little flashes and moments of man, 233 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,839 Speaker 1: what it would be like to lose my wife. It 234 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: would be crazy, And then you could just hold her 235 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: a little bit tighter. But then it starts fading and 236 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 1: reality sets in and it's just a normal day and 237 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: you take it for granted. That's what we do. We're 238 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,959 Speaker 1: so good at taking things for granted. We're so good 239 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,959 Speaker 1: at being selfish and thinking about ourselves and thinking about 240 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 1: our problems and our parties and our weddings and our 241 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: holidays and our work and our fatigue and our distress, 242 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: and we lose sight of the others around us. So McKenna, 243 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for your loss, and I want to thank 244 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: you for that reminder for all of us for losing 245 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: your father. To answer your question practically that you said, 246 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: this is the worst pain I've ever gone through. It 247 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: feels like a nightmare. I just want to wake up. 248 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:28,359 Speaker 1: Please send prayers and guidance. McKenna. This is so fresh 249 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: and that's what you're going through. We're like a month 250 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: out from losing your dad, and this is the worst 251 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: pain you've gone through. Yeah. Absolutely, you could validate that 252 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: that is true, and you have every right to say 253 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: that and believe that. But I could tell you this, 254 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: This year is gonna be tough. Next year will be 255 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: not as tough. Year three will be not as tough 256 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: as year two. Year four will be a little bit easier. Now. 257 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: You're still gonna grieve them, You're still gonna think about them, 258 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: but it just it gets a little bit easier to tolerate. 259 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: You get a little bit more used to the pain 260 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: of it, You become more acquainted with the feeling of grief, 261 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: and you could explain it to yourself easier. Right now, 262 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: it's just shock. It's just like I've never felt anything 263 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: like this before, and it hurts and I hate it, 264 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: and I can't feel like I could wake up from 265 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: this nightmare. But you will. Time, just time. Next question 266 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 1: subject line says podcast email says, Hey Grander, it's Kyle. 267 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: I'm twenty three from New York and currently wrapping up 268 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: with the college in spring semester and plan on moving 269 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: to Tennessee. What are some tips on restarting and starting 270 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 1: a fresh life in a new space. What are some 271 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: different ways to feel comfortable love? Listening to your podcast 272 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: hashtag ye Nation. Thanks Granger, It comes from Kyle. Kyle, 273 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: thanks for the email, Buddy. That's a great adventure Man 274 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: twenty three Moving from New York to Tennessee. I moved 275 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: from Texas to Tennessee when I was twenty, so three 276 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: years younger than you. I was doing something very similar 277 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,320 Speaker 1: and I remember it very well. I didn't know a 278 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 1: single person in Tennessee and I went to I was 279 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: going to write for a publishing company there, and I 280 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: had met the guy that signed me to EMI Publishing, 281 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: but he was like ten years older than me, and 282 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: I didn't really know him, and I didn't know anybody else. 283 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 1: So what did I do? I mean, because this is 284 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: a really good question for me, because I lived it, 285 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: this exact thing. I remember. I had a friend, a 286 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: mutual friend back home in Texas that had the aim 287 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 1: and phone number of a girl that lived in Tennessee, right, 288 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: And so I had this number. It's the only number 289 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: I had. And I moved to Tennessee on July the second, 290 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,919 Speaker 1: and I remember I sat there in July the second. 291 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: I moved into my apartment and you know, it kind 292 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: of took a walk around the apartment and you know, 293 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 1: got a hold of my surroundings when and got some 294 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 1: pizza or something. And then the second day rolls around 295 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,479 Speaker 1: and I did the same thing, just kind of put 296 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: things away, put things into the closet and under the 297 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: bed and all that kind of stuff. And then by 298 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: day three it was July fourth and everyone was going 299 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: to these firework parties and having fun July fourth, and 300 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: I thought, okay, I gotta do something like this. It's 301 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 1: getting to me now. So I pulled out that number 302 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: that girl. Then I said her name was Angela, and 303 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 1: I said, hi, Angela, my name is Granger. We have 304 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: a mutual friend back in Texas. And she's like, oh yeah, 305 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:07,119 Speaker 1: he told me about you and I said hey. She 306 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: said you don't know anybody, do you? And I said no, no, 307 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 1: I don't know anybody. And she said, all right, I 308 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: got some friends coming over for Fourth of July when 309 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 1: you come over to uh to this apartment. Gave me 310 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: the address. So I drove over there and I walked 311 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 1: in and didn't know anybody. And I was like, hey, 312 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: you know, met this guy, met this girl, met this 313 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,120 Speaker 1: guy that I didn't know anybody, and I was kind 314 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,199 Speaker 1: of introverted, you know, I didn't really know. It was 315 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 1: my first time really venturing out into a new state. 316 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 1: And then I met this one guy. He's got a 317 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 1: young guy about my age. He pops up and he's 318 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: kind of got shaggy hair, and he goes, hey, what's up. 319 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,120 Speaker 1: I heard you're from Texas and I was like, yeah, yeah, 320 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: I'm from I'm from Texas. He goes me too, and 321 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,680 Speaker 1: I was like, oh really. He's like, yeah, my name's Bernie. 322 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm Granger. He's like, yeah, let's 323 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 1: hang out. And I was like okay, and we instantly 324 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 1: became friends. Yes, that's I'm talking about Bernie. The guests 325 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: that I've had many many times on this podcast, that's 326 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: how I met Bernie. So hey, Kyle, I'm telling you 327 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: there's a there's a positive thing you got to look 328 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 1: forward to when you're moving to Tennessee. You could meet 329 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: somebody like Bernie. But it takes take It takes that step, 330 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: that making that phone call, that to go out on 331 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: a limb, and surely you know more than one phone 332 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: number like I did. Surely you've got a better connection 333 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,880 Speaker 1: than that more practically speaking, get out, go go do 334 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: something that you love. It's like, follow your hobbies. I 335 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,239 Speaker 1: always tell people follow your hobbies, like go say you 336 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: like skeet shooting, well, go find the skeet shooting club 337 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 1: in Tennessee. Say you like fishing, go find the bass 338 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,520 Speaker 1: fishing club. Go to the bass fishing shop, Go to 339 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: bass pro shops. Go go look at the new rotten 340 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 1: reels and talk to the guy that's selling them and go, hey, man, 341 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,239 Speaker 1: where's the good where's good bass fishing around here? And 342 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 1: he's like, man, I got a secret spot here in 343 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 1: the Harpeth River. And you're like, harp Harpeth River, where's that? 344 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: And he's like, you want to meet me about five pm? 345 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 1: Or meet out here. Me and a couple guys meeting 346 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 1: the parking lot and we head down there and you're like, yeah, 347 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 1: I got nothing to do with five I'll meet you 348 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:20,639 Speaker 1: at five pm. Listen, that's a hypothetical situation, but that 349 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 1: stuff really happens. Just follow your hobbies, go to the 350 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,679 Speaker 1: things you love to do, and start conversations with people. 351 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: Let me correct one thing he said, and then I'll 352 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,919 Speaker 1: finally finish with your question. You said, what are some 353 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: different ways to feel comfortable. I want to challenge you 354 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 1: on that, Kyle. I want to challenge you. If you're 355 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 1: trying to get into a place and restart, these are 356 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: your words tips on restarting and starting fresh, then I 357 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: want to challenge you to stop looking for ways to 358 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: feel comfortable and dig into ways that make you feel uncomfortable, 359 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: because that will lead to the settling and the restarting 360 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 1: and the starting fresh that you need. It takes shaking 361 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 1: things up, It takes moving things around and getting things 362 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: out of place a little bit so that when they resettle, 363 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: that's the restart, the fresh start that you're looking for. 364 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 1: So don't always look for ways to be comfortable. Comfortable 365 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 1: leads to lonely. Comfortable leads to no new friends. Comfortable 366 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,159 Speaker 1: leads to a boring life, sitting on the couch in 367 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: your apartment. Get uncomfortable. Start conversation with strangers that's uncomfortable. 368 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: That will lead to the fresh start you need. Let's 369 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 1: take a break and be right back. 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All right, digging back 421 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,719 Speaker 1: into these questions here, This next one says subject line 422 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: the girl from work that's gonna be good on I 423 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 1: bet it says, Hey, Granger, I'm nineteen from Texas. So 424 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: there's this girl at work that I like, and we've 425 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: been texting back and forth almost all day the past 426 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,679 Speaker 1: few days, and she's already told me she likes me 427 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,399 Speaker 1: and she loves talking to me, but there's always a butt. 428 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 1: She already has a boyfriend. She's told me about that, 429 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: and how that she still loves him and she doesn't 430 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: want to hurt him, And how do I stay friends 431 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: with her and keep the same energy and consistency going 432 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:05,359 Speaker 1: with that friendship while also not sabotaging their relationship or 433 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 1: do I even try. We've shared so much of the 434 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 1: last few days, and I feel like she knows me 435 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 1: better than anyone. I don't want to lose to friendship 436 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,239 Speaker 1: because I love talking to her so much, and I 437 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: know she loves talking to me. I'd like to stay 438 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:24,919 Speaker 1: Anonymous Granger, Thanks for the podcast. Love your work. Okay, 439 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: all right, Anonymous, we'll call you that nineteen from Texas. 440 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 1: Shout out to my home state where we are right now. 441 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: And this is easy. This is easy, and it can 442 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,080 Speaker 1: go a couple different ways, but it's but it's really 443 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: cut and dry, and your story is not it's not crazy, 444 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,920 Speaker 1: it's it's not out of the ordinary. And I understand 445 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: you clearly as though we're sitting in the cab of 446 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 1: the truck. I got it, I got it. I got 447 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: your story. Okay, let me talk to you. Let me 448 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: talk to you, bro. You have two ways of looking 449 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 1: at this one or first of all, let me tell 450 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: you this. You like this girl more than friends. You 451 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 1: are attracted to this girl. You have a connection with her, 452 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,479 Speaker 1: you have a heart connection to her. Don't deny that. Okay, 453 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,800 Speaker 1: this is more than a friendship. You're not gonna be 454 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,879 Speaker 1: happy with being friends with this girl forever. And that 455 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: doesn't work that way anyway. Guys and girls cannot be 456 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,200 Speaker 1: besties and still have a normal life. That doesn't work 457 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: that way without one person starting to feel for the 458 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,959 Speaker 1: other one in a new way and more than friend's way. Okay, 459 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: you could argue with me, you could blow up my 460 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: comments and say, no, that's not true. I've I've been 461 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 1: bestias with this girl for twenty years and we're both 462 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: married and have kids. That's with other people just can't 463 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 1: happen without someone one of the two liking the other 464 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,960 Speaker 1: person more than friends. And then and then it gets bad. Okay, 465 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna point out that you like this girl 466 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 1: more than friends, meaning that you cannot stay friends with 467 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,400 Speaker 1: her and be happy. That's not gonna work. There will, 468 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 1: It's not gonna work. Okay. So you can go to 469 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,399 Speaker 1: go about this two different ways. One you cut this 470 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 1: off and you're like, hey, and you could be honest 471 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 1: with her. You could be honest with her. You could say, hey, 472 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna really back this down, and personal reasons, I don't. 473 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 1: I uh, I'm getting a little attached to you and 474 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: and you're dating somebody, so I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna 475 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 1: pull back. Okay. That's one way you could do it. 476 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: The other way you could do it is this. You 477 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: could say, hey, I don't think it's right that we 478 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,800 Speaker 1: share so much and that we're getting so close, and 479 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 1: that you have a boyfriend. I don't think it's right 480 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 1: that we do that. Wait for her reaction. If she says, 481 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 1: you're right, we shouldn't, then okay, there's your answer. You 482 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,719 Speaker 1: pull back immediately, you're out. You're out. Hold to your 483 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: word and stay out. Okay. You're not doing any good 484 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: for anybody by staying in this little chit chatty bestie face. 485 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 1: If she says I like you too, I feel the 486 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: same way about you, then you say, okay, let's pursue this, 487 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: but I will not do it until you break up 488 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: with your boyfriend, because, regardless of me, you shouldn't be 489 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 1: dating this guy anyway. It's not fair to him, it's 490 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: not fair to you. If your eye is wandering around 491 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: and you're liking other guys, you got to break it 492 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,080 Speaker 1: off right now. Give her time, let her do it. 493 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 1: Hold your ground, don't advance, keep your army back, don't advance. Okay, 494 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: leave that to her, give her space. I'm talking about 495 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,959 Speaker 1: like a month. Let her break it up up, okay, 496 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,719 Speaker 1: and then let her sit for a month, just to 497 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 1: make sure, like you don't want to hear her. Just 498 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 1: run back okay. After a month, take it slow, start 499 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: with coffee, Start these conversations back up again. During that month. 500 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 1: There is no best deconversations. Okay, there's no more this 501 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: this chit chatty back and forth. She knows me better 502 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: than anybody. I've been opening up my whole world to 503 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: herd I've just got to I just she's got the 504 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 1: key to my heart. No more keys to your heart, buddy. 505 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: You keep that key in your own hand. Okay. And 506 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 1: that's it. There's no there's no other way around. It's 507 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,960 Speaker 1: really cut and dry. Your story's common. People fall in 508 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 1: love all the time while they're dating somebody else. But 509 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 1: you got to chop it off real quick. Okay. Let 510 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: me just give you a hint here. The best girls 511 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: are usually in a relationship because they're they're good girls. 512 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: They're in a relationship, you know, like they're in hot demand. 513 00:29:56,840 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: So when you meet a good girl, she's either gonna 514 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship and jump ship and come 515 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: to you quickly, or you're gonna realize it and just 516 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: back off and not sabotage. Either way, it's cut and dry. 517 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:14,680 Speaker 1: You got your work cut out for you. Stay disciplined. Okay, 518 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 1: no more chit chatty bestI next question subject, client says 519 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: break up. Hey Grangeer, my name is Matt. I'm twenty 520 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 1: three from California. I just went through a pretty rough 521 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 1: breakup with a girl that I was with for about 522 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: a month. I honestly thought she was the one, but 523 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,320 Speaker 1: I think I just got my hopes up too much. 524 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 1: Any advice on how to recover and move on? Love 525 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 1: the podcast? All right, Matt twenty three from California, Thanks 526 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,280 Speaker 1: for listening to the podcast. And as you've probably heard 527 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 1: me kind of walk down this path before, but here's 528 00:30:51,640 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 1: what I'm gonna say. You were with this girl for 529 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: about a month. You had a rough breakup after a month. 530 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:14,240 Speaker 1: Really like really, that's you thought she was the one. 531 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 1: You got your hopes up too much. Sorry, I'm kind 532 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: of rereading and rethinking everything here. You went through a 533 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:24,680 Speaker 1: really rough breakup with a girl that you were with 534 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: for a month. You thought she was the one, You 535 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: got your hopes up too much. My first question to you, 536 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 1: my first comment to you as a buddy, Matt, you 537 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 1: came to me as a friend. I hope that you 538 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 1: look at us as friends. And we're sitting in the 539 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 1: cab of the truck and you're like, hey, Granger, dude, 540 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: can I run something by you? Man? I've been I've 541 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,040 Speaker 1: been seeing this girl for like a month and she 542 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: broke up with me. It was really bad, and I 543 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 1: thought she was the one, and I just got my 544 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: hopes up too much. I'd say, Matt, shut your mouth, bro, 545 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: what are you talking? What do you mean? What do 546 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,280 Speaker 1: you mean a month? You gave your heart way in 547 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 1: a month, and you thought she was the one, and 548 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 1: you got your hopes up too much, and now she 549 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 1: crushed you because you didn't see something coming. You did, 550 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: You didn't. You were blinded by this affection in your heart, 551 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 1: and you gave away your heart and you weren't guarded 552 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 1: at all, and you were obviously blinded by something that 553 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:27,959 Speaker 1: you didn't see because you didn't. You didn't see that 554 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 1: she wasn't in it, or she was a really good actress. 555 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 1: You were in California, maybe she was in Hollywood, or 556 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 1: all the above. But regardless, I'd say, Matt, nope, stop it, nope, stop, 557 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: I'd grab you, grab you by the collar, and say, 558 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 1: come on. We're hanging out, me and the boys, we're 559 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: all going out and we're gonna stop thinking about this girl. 560 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 1: And next time, Matt, you're not gonna fall this quickly 561 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 1: because we're gonna help keep you accountable. And so your 562 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 1: buddies are gonna help keep you accountable through this. Okay, 563 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 1: So your buddies are gonna come in and you're gonna say, hey, guys, 564 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 1: I fall kind of quickly for girls. So if that 565 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,120 Speaker 1: happens again, where you just kind of grab me and say, Matt, 566 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 1: back up, hit the brakes, bro hit the brakes. Okay, easy, 567 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 1: easy on the girls, Matt. And so the danger now 568 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 1: for you is a rebound because this could happen again. Man, 569 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm giving you tough love and I'm not ragging on you. 570 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 1: It might sound like I'm being funny and ragging on you, 571 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 1: but we get as guys, we get blinded. Girls. I 572 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: can't speak for you, but guys, we get blinded sometimes 573 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: and we can't see the outside perspective. We're on the 574 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: inside and we get these these blinders on and we 575 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: can't see. Oh this is great. Oh she broke up 576 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 1: with me. We didn't see it coming. So we need 577 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: people around us, wise counsel, good buddies around us that go, hey, Matt, hey, 578 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: get back over here, man, stop talking to that girl. 579 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: You don't remember what happened last month. You're gonna do 580 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: this all over again. You got Google eyed all over 581 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 1: this girl again. You're just drooling and get back man. 582 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 1: And you're like, yeah, guy, sorry, sorry man, Yeah, just 583 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: I fall, you know, give my heart away for girls. 584 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,880 Speaker 1: Keep me accountable. Okay, So wise counsel, keep your buddies 585 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,680 Speaker 1: around you, warn them that this has happened before, it 586 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: could definitely could happen again. Okay, stay aware, Matt, stop it. 587 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: Stop falling for girls in one month and getting your 588 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: heart broken and thinking she's the one and getting your hope. 589 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:31,760 Speaker 1: So got it? Cool? Next question subject Gline says Bible 590 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: b y b E L Hey Granger, I need advice. 591 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: How can I help my husband to want to read 592 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 1: the Bible? I want when I read to us at night, 593 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: he does not really seem interested. We really don't go 594 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: to church because he does not want to and I 595 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: do not want to go alone. Thank you much love 596 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 1: from South Africa, Suki, Suki, thank you so much and 597 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:04,880 Speaker 1: Bible be why b E? That's interesting. Shout out to 598 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,800 Speaker 1: South Africa and our South Africa, all of our millions 599 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,280 Speaker 1: of South Africa listeners to the podcast. I'm just kidding. 600 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,719 Speaker 1: You might be the only one, Suki, But wouldn't that 601 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 1: be cool? Wouldn't that be cool? I'm so I'm so 602 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 1: blessed that you're sharing with me and you're opening up. 603 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,840 Speaker 1: So yeah, it's a great question. It's really a great question. 604 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,359 Speaker 1: My first thing I would challenge you with on this. 605 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 1: On your question, you said, we really don't go to 606 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,719 Speaker 1: church because he does not want to go and you 607 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: don't want to go alone. And I can understand that, 608 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,480 Speaker 1: but I would challenge you into trying to go with 609 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,240 Speaker 1: a friend so that you could go with a friend. 610 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 1: And there are there are many examples in the Bible 611 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: where a believing wife converts an unbelieving husband through her faithfulness, 612 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: through her grace to him, And so I would challenge 613 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 1: you to give grace and stay faithful and stay serving 614 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:08,400 Speaker 1: him even when it doesn't feel like you should, and 615 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,839 Speaker 1: even when it doesn't feel like he's responding at all 616 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,840 Speaker 1: to you, or to the Bible, or to church, or 617 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,120 Speaker 1: to your faith at all. Just continue to be faithful 618 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,920 Speaker 1: to him, because that says something he's like, Can you 619 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 1: imagine thinking, he's thinking, this wife, I just I bad 620 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,960 Speaker 1: mouth her religion. I don't want to go to her 621 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,479 Speaker 1: place of worship. I don't want to read the book 622 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 1: that she likes to read. And yet she still loves me, 623 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:43,719 Speaker 1: She's still faithful to me when I don't even deserve it. 624 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:51,319 Speaker 1: That says something like that, you become a missionary with that. 625 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: That's your place of evangelism. That's fertile ground right there, 626 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:58,239 Speaker 1: your husband, right in your own house. So to keep 627 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 1: that in mind is the foundation of what we're talking 628 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: about here. But you cannot help listen, Suki. You cannot 629 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: help your husband want anything, including reading the Bible. You 630 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,440 Speaker 1: can't help your husband want to read the Bible, just 631 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,640 Speaker 1: like you can't help your husband want to eat steak 632 00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:26,320 Speaker 1: when he loves chicken, Like I really want him to 633 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 1: love steak, but it just loves chicken. He wants to 634 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,040 Speaker 1: eat chicken all the time. I want him to eat steak. 635 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:36,360 Speaker 1: You can't do that. You can't change somebody's wants. So 636 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 1: first of all, you saturate this in prayers. You're like God, God, 637 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:45,320 Speaker 1: break into his life, break into his heart, Invade him, God, 638 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 1: invade his spirit, coming to to his life in in 639 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: a radical way, and help me be the wife that 640 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:56,239 Speaker 1: shows him what you are, what your glory is, what 641 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 1: your beautiful grace is, and what you've done to me, 642 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: the peace and joy and hope you've given me. Let 643 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: that radiate out so he sees it and it affects him, 644 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,279 Speaker 1: and it bothers him, and it rattles him so much 645 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,719 Speaker 1: that he wants to know more about it. And then 646 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,880 Speaker 1: open that heart. Give him a new heart, give him 647 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,800 Speaker 1: a clean, fresh heart of flesh, replace that heart of stone, 648 00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:21,160 Speaker 1: invade it, destroy it. These are the prayers that I 649 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:25,880 Speaker 1: would just saturate every day in your house. God, break 650 00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: through in a radical way, break through the heart of 651 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:34,880 Speaker 1: my husband, because I can't do it, and he can't 652 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:39,520 Speaker 1: do it. With man, it's impossible, but with God, anything 653 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:44,560 Speaker 1: as possible, and I trust you you will deliver him. 654 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,520 Speaker 1: These are the prayers I just want you to meditate 655 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,760 Speaker 1: on and just let that just permeate in your thoughts 656 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 1: and your mind and the tip of your tongue all 657 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,040 Speaker 1: day and all night as you read your Bible, and 658 00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: you don't you can't make him want to. But you 659 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,480 Speaker 1: could read it and showed delight in it and continue 660 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 1: to be fed with it and thirst for it and 661 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,799 Speaker 1: hunger for it. And then you can go to church 662 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,400 Speaker 1: with a friend and you could just feast on that 663 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,279 Speaker 1: word as you go, and you have fellowship with all 664 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,560 Speaker 1: the fellow believers. They're with you in South Africa, and 665 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: you just go to this church and you enjoy it, 666 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: and you come back and he says, how was it, 667 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: and he goes, it was amazing. Maybe one day you 668 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: can go and he's like nope, and you're like, okay, 669 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 1: I still love you, I still want to serve you. 670 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,080 Speaker 1: I still want to be faithful to you. Maybe one 671 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,520 Speaker 1: day you'll go and he's like nope, and you're like okay, 672 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 1: but don't hold resentment for him, don't get angry with him. 673 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:47,120 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? That's what the Bible tells you 674 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:53,879 Speaker 1: to do. You can't change his once. Remember that. It's 675 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,560 Speaker 1: still a great question. Suki shout out to you and 676 00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:02,080 Speaker 1: thank you so much for emailing and listening. Let's set 677 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:06,560 Speaker 1: another one here, Trouble with relationship and finding one a 678 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 1: grand your. My name is Luke. I'm eighteen years old, 679 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,680 Speaker 1: living in College Station and working on a farm right now. 680 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 1: I'm planning on starting school again at Blynn in the 681 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,360 Speaker 1: spring of twenty twenty three. I just broke up with 682 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:18,680 Speaker 1: this girl I met here in College Station. We've been 683 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,600 Speaker 1: dating for only three weeks and things got pretty serious 684 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:26,640 Speaker 1: so quickly with her. We even stated saying I started 685 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,640 Speaker 1: saying I love you to each other. And we spend 686 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 1: every day together, and we would stay up late at 687 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,520 Speaker 1: night together, and she would get mad if we weren't 688 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,120 Speaker 1: together all the time. Even if I wanted to hang 689 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 1: out with my friends, she would get upset. But I knew. 690 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,040 Speaker 1: But I know that she really liked and loved me 691 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 1: a lot because she would help me with stuff I 692 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: needed help with. She was also a Catholic and I'm Baptist, 693 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,560 Speaker 1: so I asked her if she would ever switch back 694 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:57,359 Speaker 1: from being Catholic, and she said no. So I ended 695 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,040 Speaker 1: with her because I don't like the stuff Catholic church does. 696 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,160 Speaker 1: Instead of trying to compromise with her, I told her 697 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,839 Speaker 1: we're done. I know it broke her heart, and now 698 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 1: I feel really bad and guilty for her because we 699 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,719 Speaker 1: even met each other's families so quick. I need help 700 00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:16,680 Speaker 1: in figuring out if I should try to get back 701 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,680 Speaker 1: with her and go to my church while she attends 702 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,840 Speaker 1: the Catholic church, or if I should just move on 703 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,400 Speaker 1: from her. I am scared that if I move on 704 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,360 Speaker 1: from her that I will be lonely and it'll be 705 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,880 Speaker 1: hard to try again with a different girl. Love the podcast. 706 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,920 Speaker 1: Thank you all right, Luke my buddy eighteen College station. 707 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:39,000 Speaker 1: I live there. That was where I lived before I 708 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 1: moved to Nashville. So that's how this whole thing is 709 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: coming full circle. I appreciate the question. It's a good question, 710 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 1: and it's an easy answer. You just can't see it, Luke. 711 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,359 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you you can't see because you're 712 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,359 Speaker 1: in it and you're blinded. You got these guy blinders on, 713 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,600 Speaker 1: and I'm looking from the outside perspective, and you're in 714 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 1: the truck, and I'm gonna grab you by the neck 715 00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:01,160 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna say, Luke, stop it. I believe that's 716 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,640 Speaker 1: the second time I've done this on this episode of 717 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,319 Speaker 1: the podcast. But I'm gonna say, Luke, stop it. Here's 718 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 1: the deal. Let me explain tough love, and I truly 719 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,879 Speaker 1: do love you, Luke and all you people that write 720 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,279 Speaker 1: I just my heart goes out for you, and I 721 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,040 Speaker 1: want to give you the best answer that I have. 722 00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,880 Speaker 1: And so I'm going to explain what you're not seeing 723 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,560 Speaker 1: and what I do see, not because I'm smarter than you, 724 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,239 Speaker 1: but just simply because I'm not involved in the relationship. 725 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,000 Speaker 1: I'm outside of it looking in. So I see the 726 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:38,600 Speaker 1: whole perspective, right, and you don't. You didn't break up 727 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:43,759 Speaker 1: with her because of the Catholic thing. You broke up 728 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:48,920 Speaker 1: with her because she smothered you. You broke up with 729 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,520 Speaker 1: her because you moved too quickly with her and he 730 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,279 Speaker 1: didn't love her as much as she loved you. And 731 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 1: you spend every day and night together and she would 732 00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:01,279 Speaker 1: get mad if you weren't to go. They're all the time. 733 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,560 Speaker 1: These are your words. Even if you went to hang 734 00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:08,719 Speaker 1: out with your friends, she would get upset. That's why 735 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:12,480 Speaker 1: you broke up with her. She totally smothered you out 736 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:18,160 Speaker 1: and then you use the Catholic thing as your excuse 737 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 1: to break up. You know how, I always say, we 738 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,839 Speaker 1: make excuses when we break up because it makes us 739 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,120 Speaker 1: feel better and we like to lighten the blow on 740 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,839 Speaker 1: the person that we're breaking up with, because we want 741 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,480 Speaker 1: to go easy on them. You didn't, hey, tough love here, Luke. 742 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,040 Speaker 1: You didn't want to tell her, Babe, I got to 743 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,480 Speaker 1: break up with you because you smothered me and you 744 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,360 Speaker 1: want to be with me all the time and you 745 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,080 Speaker 1: don't even let me be with my friends and you're 746 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,520 Speaker 1: driving me crazy. That's what you didn't want to tell her. 747 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: So instead, you chose an easier route by using a 748 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 1: religious argument, saying, hey, I'm like a really big Baptist 749 00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,520 Speaker 1: and you're like, seem to be a pretty big Catholic, 750 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,200 Speaker 1: and that's just not going to work. So do you 751 00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:02,120 Speaker 1: want to switch over to Baptist? Knowing that she wouldn't, 752 00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,960 Speaker 1: and she says no, and you're like, yeah, that's that's 753 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,240 Speaker 1: a deal breaker. I'm out right, that's what you used. 754 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:13,719 Speaker 1: And so then a little time goes by and the 755 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:18,000 Speaker 1: dust settles, and you go, whoa, it's really quiet here, 756 00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,879 Speaker 1: Like I'm used to being around this girl twenty four 757 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,879 Speaker 1: to seven and now it's really quiet and I'm kind 758 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,200 Speaker 1: of lonely. Wait, wait, how long is this loneliness going 759 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 1: to be here? And maybe I'll never be in a 760 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,120 Speaker 1: relationship ever again. And maybe she wasn't that bad. And 761 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,200 Speaker 1: I did meet her parents, and her parents are pretty cool, 762 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:35,960 Speaker 1: and we met each other's families, and maybe this whole 763 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 1: Catholic thing wasn't that bad idea. Maybe she just smothered 764 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,839 Speaker 1: me and that wasn't that bad. And I didn't even 765 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:41,799 Speaker 1: need my friend. My friends weren't that good. Admit I'm 766 00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,680 Speaker 1: not going to be lonely forever. That's what your brain 767 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:49,000 Speaker 1: just did. And so then you emailed the podcast wondering 768 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,440 Speaker 1: what to do. So I'm going to tell you, bro, 769 00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:57,680 Speaker 1: you you're good, Okay, you're not going to get back 770 00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:01,680 Speaker 1: with this girl. Put the phone down, don't text her again. 771 00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: Looking back in hindsight, it's always going to seem better, 772 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,360 Speaker 1: it's always going to seem like she maybe she's better 773 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,480 Speaker 1: than she was. But I need you to put yourself 774 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 1: back in that moment when she was smothering you and 775 00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,520 Speaker 1: spending She was mad at you if you didn't spend 776 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,719 Speaker 1: every waking hour with her and she didn't even let 777 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,680 Speaker 1: you visit your friends. That's not love, that's obsession. You 778 00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,920 Speaker 1: were satisfying something in her that she needed, and she 779 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:31,319 Speaker 1: was getting all her identity and her self esteem and 780 00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:35,080 Speaker 1: her worth and her happiness. She was getting it from you, 781 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:37,719 Speaker 1: she was drawing it from you. She was just like 782 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:43,200 Speaker 1: farming you. She was mining you right for happiness and 783 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:47,360 Speaker 1: loneliness and self esteem and worse. And she was just 784 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,160 Speaker 1: mining it all out of you. And that's not love, 785 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,360 Speaker 1: that's obsession. Okay, remember that it's not hey, this is 786 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,400 Speaker 1: not her fault. It doesn't make her a bad person. 787 00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,839 Speaker 1: Either had bad chemistry together and another guy will be 788 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:09,480 Speaker 1: better with her, or she has things that usually start 789 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,600 Speaker 1: with daddy, issues that she hasn't been able to resolve. 790 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:15,000 Speaker 1: That she probably will as she gets older, but she's 791 00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,320 Speaker 1: I'm assuming she's a teenager, and it's just she hasn't 792 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,120 Speaker 1: been able to resolve that yet. But she will and 793 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,880 Speaker 1: she'll get better, but not for you. Don't think about it. 794 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:28,120 Speaker 1: You're okay, you're eighteen. Everything is going to be fine, 795 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,680 Speaker 1: and you don't need her. You don't need a girlfriend 796 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:35,000 Speaker 1: at all. You're not going to be lonely. Go back 797 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,040 Speaker 1: to your friends and apologize to them and say, Gods, 798 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:41,319 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for the last bit I was with 799 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,040 Speaker 1: this girl and she kind of pushed me out and 800 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:46,759 Speaker 1: didn't let me hang out with you and they're gonna 801 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,600 Speaker 1: be like, yeah, Bro, we know that girl with Psycho 802 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,600 Speaker 1: and you're gonna be like, I mean she yeah, I 803 00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:58,120 Speaker 1: guess so. So you're good. You're going back to Blynn. 804 00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:02,799 Speaker 1: There's lots of opportunity for really nice girls that you'll 805 00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,839 Speaker 1: meet at Blenn, and I would say, don't jump into 806 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:07,680 Speaker 1: another one right now. You're eighteen. You got a lot 807 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:11,360 Speaker 1: of time. Love you, Bro. Appreciate you emailing and to everyone, 808 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,640 Speaker 1: thank you for listening. We'll see you next Monday. Gege, 809 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,319 Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the granger Smith Podcast. I 810 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,960 Speaker 1: appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out 811 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,320 Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, 812 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,840 Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and 813 00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:30,680 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 814 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,160 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 815 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:37,239 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at 816 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,640 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yig