WEBVTT - Who is Johnny Lopez? 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:05.120 I just wanted to give you the space for you 0:00:05.200 --> 0:00:07.800 to just tell us about Johnny Angel. 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:10.360 I mean, I could have been on the plane with 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.280 my mom. It's just got to be a reason that 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.800 I'm still here. After the pandemic happened, I slowly just 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:18.840 started to becoming a little bit more like private, low 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:22.080 key and just letting people know, like the bare minimum 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:22.840 about myself. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.960 What up, guys, I hope everyone had a really great weekend. 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.360 And a special shout out to Boston Nation. I love 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.160 you guys so much. I just wanted to say thank 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:36.760 you for being so supportive and being there from day one. 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:39.319 I love you guys so much, and you guys are 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:42.280 going to love today's guests. One of my siblings is 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:44.880 joining me today and I'm super happy about it. We're 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.839 gonna hear from my baby brother. So let's go ahead 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:54.280 and get to talking. This is Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:57.720 So you guys, you have probably guessed who our guest 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.560 is today. Yes, it's my other Johnny, my baby boy, 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:04.040 who's not such a baby anymore. I feel like you 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:06.800 guys don't really hear about Johnny, so I wanted to 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:08.600 bring him on again. The last time he was on 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:10.960 the show, he was on with Jenica, but this time 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.039 is just gonna be him and I, just the two 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:16.200 of us. So, Johnny Angel Lopez, how are you. 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.200 I'm good. I'm good. I'm not sure why I'm so 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:20.840 nervous about this one. 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.440 I just like, I didn't just come back from siat 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:25.680 to Mexico and did like a whole press conference and 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.720 interviews over there and ship for the first time, which 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:29.240 is Jackie. 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:32.240 I'm so proud of you, guys. They were out in Mexico, 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.280 Johnny and Jack's promoting my mom's new album and it 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:38.400 went amazing. And I'm so proud because your Spanish, Johnny 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:42.199 has gotten so great. I'm so so proud. I got 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:43.800 so many compliments about you. 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.240 I've really really tried my best. Yeah. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.120 No, you're doing good. You're doing really really good. Okay, 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.960 john So, first of all, those of you who may 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:55.480 not know, I am the eldest of five and Johnny 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.200 is the baby of the family. He's twenty two going 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.360 on twenty three. He lives with me. He's actually in 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:06.640 his room right now and I'm downstairs. He's very nervous. 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.720 As you guys could see, I was sixteen years old 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.600 when my mom was pregnant from Johnny. And I was 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:14.400 the one that caused my mom to go into labor 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:17.359 with Johnny because I upset my mother because I told 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.760 her that I had a boyfriend and that I really 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.240 liked him and that I was not going to break 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:23.600 up with him because she didn't allow me to have 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:25.280 a boyfriend. It was like, she's like, you're too young, 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:27.240 you have to focus on school. I was like, well, 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.520 I really like this guy, and you know, basically I 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.280 was being rebellious, and she got so pissed at me 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.679 and she went into early labor and then here comes. 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:38.600 John This is when you were sixteen. 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:41.280 I was sixteen years old. It was Junior, my very 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:43.640 first boyfriend. His name is Enrique. They called him Junior. 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:45.280 Do you every crazy? 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:48.000 Yeah, so no, it's it's just like Mom's reaction is 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.560 just crazy. Like she was like letting Jenica date when 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:53.120 she was fifteen, and like was like, I don't know 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.080 cordial about everything, but with you, like it was just 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:57.240 like a completely different thing. 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.320 That's true, But I think has to do because I'm 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.760 the eldest and because she didn't know how to deal. 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.320 It was always it was the first time for everything 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:07.320 with me and my other sister, Jackie. You know, she 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:09.040 did everything. I was like, what the heck, she's shaving 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.239 her legs at eleven. I wasn't able to shave my 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.280 legs until I was fifteen years old, So it was 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.240 just it's fine. I don't judge my mother. I don't 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:18.160 have kids, so I don't know what it is, but 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.000 you are kind of like my kid. Because then at 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:24.119 six months, my mom said here because no one knew 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.680 about Johnny until I think my mom was six months pregnant, 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.960 and he hid he hit on my mom's tummy and 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:33.440 then once my mom because she didn't want anyone to know. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.160 She thought it was going to in some way like 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:38.920 hinder her her career because it was like that's when 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:40.480 it was rising, right, john. 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:44.240 Yeah, it was a really unpopular time for her to 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:45.880 have a kid, and she had just had her first 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.200 sit on the radio, so it looked like she was 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.600 finally going to be somebody after she had been struggling 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:52.480 for I think like six years at that point to 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:54.680 be like a good successful artist. 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.880 Yeah, and he was the last one and she had 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:02.520 already was so criticized because she was a full figured woman, 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.440 a single mother, and so she was just really scared 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.400 of what is the world going to say, I'm having 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.680 another child. She even thought about aborting Johnny quite a 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:15.360 few times. And yeah, and that whole story is this crazy. 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:16.960 And one day, Johnny, I'm sure he is going to 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:18.560 write a book or go and just tell his whole 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:20.760 life story because it's very interesting. But I just know 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:22.800 that he's meant to be here and meant to do 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:24.960 great things. And I've known since he was a little boy. 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.520 And I basically raise this kid. I don't have any kids, 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:30.960 but I feel like all my siblings are like my children, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:34.440 but especially Johnny and Jenica, and especially Johnny because again, 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:36.560 my mom had to go back to work. She was 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:38.960 the motor of the family, and she said, here's this 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:41.760 baby boy, he's six months old. Take care of him 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:44.960 because I have to go out and put food on 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:47.440 our table and keep this roof over our head. And 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:51.560 so I became his mom, his second mom. Yeah, and 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:55.600 now Johnny's twenty two, and I don't know, Johnny, do 0:04:55.800 --> 0:04:57.680 tell us a little bit about you, because I mean, 0:04:57.839 --> 0:04:59.320 I feel like a lot of people know, but I 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:03.200 don't feel that they know who Johnny really is. Like 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:09.560 who like your heart, your beautiful mind, how spiritually connected 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.359 you are, everything you've been through, and the depression that 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:14.640 you've had to deal with because losing both of your 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.280 parents at the age of eleven. He lost his dad 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.400 at nine and then my mom at eleven. That's a lot. 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:22.960 That's a lot to deal with, you guys, And I 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:24.839 feel it so much. It's happened. Even in the past 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.600 year and a half, you received a lot of criticism, 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.120 and I just wanted to give you the space for 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.960 you to just tell us about Johnny Angel. 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:36.560 Well, yeah, I feel like after the pandemic happened, I 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:39.880 slowly just started becoming a little bit more like private, 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.920 low key and just letting people know, like the bare 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:45.360 minimum about myself, you know what I mean. Like, I 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.920 just I still feel like a little bit uncomfortable about 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.440 letting people in on like I guess you would say, 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:51.719 private details in my life. 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:52.719 Yeah, but. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.120 I feel like I'm in a really good place right now. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.480 This year, I think twenty two, it's been better than 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:05.360 I've expected, and I'm much more solid grounded and I'm 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.000 slowly becoming a lot more independent and it feels good. 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:09.159 And it feels good because. 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.599 Something it was something I was dreading for a long time, 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.400 but I don't know, like the whole thing, just as 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.440 you're about building credit and shit like that. 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:22.039 Yeah, it's crazy. I literally sit down and write down 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:23.920 my bills now like I would watch you do. 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:28.240 Yeah, I feel so good about about doing it. When 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.520 I do stuff like that, or if I'm organizing my life, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:32.560 I always need a notebook, and I think about you 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:32.960 and Mom. 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.200 Yeah, that's where I got it from. For my mom, 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.800 she always had to do lists, and I still love them. 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:39.520 I always have them on my phone, but there's something 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:41.320 about writing them on a piece of paper that just 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.640 feels more gratifying, like you know, checking them off. And 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.360 Johnny grew up like watching me doing all this stuff. 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:51.200 And I can't even explain to you guys how proud 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:53.960 I am and how far we have come. You know, 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:55.719 I'm so proud of of the young men that you've 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:58.640 become that you are right now, john because again, you 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.960 have been through a lot, and you born in the limelight. 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.919 You were created in the limelight. Again, going back to 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:07.880 when my mom got pregnant and she thought about aborting him, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.120 and how she kept him because he hid in the 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.280 Filippian tubes. It's a whole crazy story, you guys. My 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.239 mom went three times to the doctor's office to try 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:18.400 to terminate the pregnancy, and he would hide or he 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.640 wasn't there, and the doctors were like, what's going on, 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.560 And then finally my mom was like, no, he has 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.280 to be on this earth and that's what it is. 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.400 And thank God because Johnny saved my life during the 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:31.680 hardest times. You have no idea, Guys. I always call 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:33.480 him my little life partner because we've been through so 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:35.960 fucking much it's insane. 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:38.520 And so that's like one of the ways I know 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.280 God exists for real, because like I've gotten a word 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.240 from like at least like three different times in my 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.480 life from people like that have no idea who I am, 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.680 like our story or anything. Yeah, and they've brought up 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:53.240 about how I was rejected in the womb and stuff 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:54.960 like that. I'm like, if God was going to kill me, 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.080 he would have done it. Buy now, whenever there's like 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.720 serious like turbulence on a plane and everyone's freaking out, 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:01.800 like like, Okay, we're going to be fine. 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:04.920 How do you feel, Johnny, Like now that you can 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:10.400 look back, because guys, we went through Johnny wanting to 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:15.640 end his life so many times, to the point where 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.840 I got on my knees one day and I said, God, 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:19.600 I don't know what else to do. Mom help me. 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.280 This is especially after my mom passed away. Well that's 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:23.640 really when it started, because he was eleven. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:29.160 And even even before, yeah, well you remember, like because 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:32.160 I found an evaluation this year that my mom did 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:35.600 for me in August of twenty twelve. 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:40.160 And even then, it was they were asking me questions. 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:43.120 About why I had suicidal thoughts, and I was answering them, 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:44.760 like I used to have them a lot, but I 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.800 don't anymore. But then obviously Mom passed not that long 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:51.280 after that, that's when it started again. But I mean, 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:56.000 I don't necessarily consider myself suicidal at all anymore. There's 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.880 always like that daily thing like I don't know, I 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:00.760 just feel like you have to keep pushing forward. 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:04.600 And with everything you've been through, I obviously understand it. 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:07.400 I had those moments, you know, with everything that I 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:12.640 went through. But do you feel like it's because you're 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.719 in a very good place, like you finally found your 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:19.760 purpose that you feel, Okay, I'm here for a reason, 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.880 and you really truly believe it that those thoughts have 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.000 kind of they're like hopefully gone forever. 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:30.680 Yeah, I think so. I think I went through a big, 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:35.120 like just spiritual awakening in twenty twenty about you know, 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.120 understanding my purpose why I was here. 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:37.600 Why. 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:39.640 I mean, I could have been on the plane with 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:43.040 my mom, very very close, and I didn't end up 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:44.920 going with her, And I'm like, there's just got to 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.040 be a reason, and I'm still here, and I'm hoping, 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.160 like the first twenty years of my life were crazy, 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.120 just so the next twenty years of it could be really, 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.160 really beautiful, and I have a feeling they. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:54.560 Are going to be. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.280 I think so. I think so. I think you have 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.360 a beautiful, a beautiful mind, and I love to hear 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.840 you speed. There's so much that he teaches me. You guys, 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.840 this guy is so intelligent. Both my brothers are, well, 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:17.400 all my siblings, but the boys just have this different mind. So, 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:20.800 kind of going back to the limelight, do you feel 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.520 because you were born in the limelight, you're a little 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:25.520 bit more private Because even my producers, you know, they 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:27.440 do the research for every guests we're going to have, 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.079 and they were like, hey, there's not a lot on Johnny. 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:35.079 I feel like in the first ten years of my life, 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:37.000 I was I mean, I was very aware, you know 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:38.839 how smart I was. I knew who Mom was, I 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:43.600 knew what exactly she represented, and I was very proud 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.160 of it. I would have a superiority complex over that. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.600 And I feel like I was a little bit more 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.880 prone to, you know, wanting to be on stage or 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:55.840 stuff like that, more for attention rather than passion before 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.280 and then after Mom passed, I think I slowly, just 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:05.760 like I started to not necessarily resent it, but like like, 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.080 for example, we were six months after six seven months 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:12.439 after Mom passed, doing autograph signings for the book and everything, 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.000 and I knew we had to be grateful and everything 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:16.920 because these people were giving us love and at the 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.400 end of the day, they're who fed us. But I 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.200 don't know, it put me in a very weird, like 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:24.960 limbo state with how I felt about Mom. Because funny enough, 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.440 like I was very like excited whenever we would have 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:30.040 something big, and I would still always be listening to 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:32.400 her music. But like the way I felt towards like, 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:37.120 I don't know, I guess being famous it made me 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.240 feel weird because I also I was smart enough to know. 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:42.079 That, like, fuck, we gotta be grateful. We got to 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:43.079 pick our battles. 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:47.880 And then fifteen sixteen is when I felt like like 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.480 fifteen through eighteen mus been is when I feel like 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:54.400 I was like in a state of like maybe maybe 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:58.800 seeking attention a little bit more. And then nineteen twenty 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.000 to right now is like where I'm like, I know 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:03.120 who I am, I know what I want, and I 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.920 don't necessarily look for attention in the wrong places anymore. 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:09.719 Like I have solid people around me, and yeah, I'm 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:10.600 in a really good place. 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.800 And that's an amazing thing to know at such a 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:17.400 young age, because in your twenties is when you're still 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:19.880 trying to figure shit out. You know who am I, 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.800 what do I want? So I think that that's great. 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:27.360 I love that you've learned, especially with your private life, 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.200 that you're like, you know, I don't necessarily have to 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.280 share all of it. And and I wish I would 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.839 have known that, because I feel like I shared so 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.880 much of my private life for so long, and I 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:38.480 felt it came and bit me in the ass. And 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.080 now I just like to especially with my relationship with 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.600 the media, I'm like a little bit more private with it, 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.679 and I just it's more sacred. I'm like, I don't 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.320 feel that need to have to share that part, Like 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:51.000 it's just and I think it's probably because we did 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.640 reality for so long where we're like I've felt at least, well, 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.880 I already did it. I did reality, like I have 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:58.600 to share my life now and that's not necessarily the case. 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.000 Like I'm still human at the end of the day. 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.320 We're still human and people shouldn't take it bad, like 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.160 for what you just said, Like it's not that you 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.839 were being an ungrateful kid. It's just you lost your 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.200 mom while she was working on a plane to go work, 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.440 and people need to also see that side. It's like, oh, well, 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.360 you're famous and your mom this and you're say, wait 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.439 a second, but I'm still human. This is still my experience. 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:25.280 Yeah, that's exactly how I feel about it, because. 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:27.640 I feel like there's certain things I feel like you 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.880 can let people in on, and if you let them 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:33.440 in too much at one point on once you try 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:38.439 to be private over something, then they think what you're backing. 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:39.719 Up for, like they resent it. 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.839 Yeah, like while you're acting brand new and. 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:44.800 I got a lot of that, like, well, well, you shared 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.720 all this stuff, and I'm like, yeah, and I learned 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:49.960 from it, so I don't necessarily want to share everything, 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:51.960 and I think that that's cool. It makes you even 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.200 cooler to be like, you know, I don't share, and 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:56.360 I don't. It's not even that I don't want to share, 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.800 it's just Jano man Nasko month this. I'm just like, 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.640 I'm not trying to share everything. I want to enjoy 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.160 the moment because for so long I didn't because I 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.360 was so wrapped up in social media and doing this 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:08.560 and it's just like, wait, like I deserve to also 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:10.760 have this for myself, you. 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:12.920 Know, even something like I learned like a long time 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:16.719 ago when on Instagram, like when I would like when 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:20.000 I would attag people, I sneak tag them because then 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.880 just because they were connected to me, and some people 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.000 thought it was cool and everything that other people were 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.160 thought like it was kind of weird. And I just like, 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.200 no matter what, I just want whoever associates with me 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.280 to be able to have a normal life. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.440 Right Yeah, Because I've also feel bad because there's people 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.320 that have been around us that get backlash people that 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:42.640 like us and start talking crap to them or follow 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:44.920 them for the wrong reasons, and then later on we 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.040 don't talk to that person for whatever reason, and then 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.240 they it's just it's a whole cluster fuck. But I 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:53.400 get that. And and bottom line here, guys, is that 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:55.640 we are very grateful and we know who our mom 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.640 is and we're so grateful for everything that her career brought. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:01.200 But also, guys, can't forget that at the end of 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:03.280 the day, we have feelings, we have our own thoughts. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:07.040 We've gone through so much publicly. Mikey, our brother, he's 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:08.800 always want to say, you know, for a long time, 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.680 he resented my mom's career because he felt like that's 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:14.000 what took her from us, and we had to share 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.880 her for so long with the world that it was 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:19.240 just we we didn't have a lot of time with her, 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.960 you know. So that's a whole other episode. But talking 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:24.760 about Mom, John, and I know this might be a 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:29.680 heavy question, but sometimes I go back to those days 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.800 of like how it was when Mom passed, because you know, 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.560 everything was just so weird between her and I and 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:41.200 it was tough, you know, like going back to that 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:45.920 when you found out about Mom's passing. Obviously there's a 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.440 huge difference in age. You know, you were eleven now 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:50.920 you're twenty two. And I think that I bring up 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.120 this question too, because I remember you telling me, You're like, 0:15:54.160 --> 0:16:00.040 I'm so scared of getting to the age where I 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:04.360 lived longer without my mom than with her. Yeah, how 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.320 do you feel about that now? Because you're what, you're 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:08.360 going to be twenty three, so it's going to be 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:09.360 eleven years soon. 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:13.520 I've been thinking about that a lot, actually, I think. 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.680 I don't know, it's just a very very weird thing 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.280 I think about. I didn't think about it like this 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.120 much with my dad, but I think I thought about 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.440 it more with Mom, just because she's just because Mom's 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.640 presence has been so loud in our lives, you know 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.360 what I mean, It still doesn't feel like she's left. 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:34.240 That's something I even say about Like Jayla, I believe 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.520 her when she says she has glimpses of memories with Mom, 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:40.480 because Mom never necessarily stopped being around, whether it was 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.480 music or video or anything like that, like when people 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.240 pass in a normal family, like they don't have what 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:50.320 we have. I don't know, she's still just this present 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:53.320 even after all this time, and I don't know she's 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.840 still teaching me things I feel like even more so, 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:57.680 like in the last three four years, like I've learned 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.360 so much from her, like just as as a human 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:05.040 being and thinking about how she would want me to 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:09.720 be better. Way she handles situations, like she's still teaching me. 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:14.000 It's crazy, yeah, And I feel that because thank goodness, 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:17.840 you know, we have the reality show to look back 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.840 on and certain things that she said, and I feel 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:23.000 like she's still teaching us and stuff that you're finding, 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:26.320 even like her notepad, you know, it's like little hidden 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:30.359 messages that she's leaving us. But I think more than 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:34.439 anything you because you spent less time with her, you know. 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:37.040 So I feel like all these hidden gems, the music, 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:39.880 the notepads that you find, it's all gifts for your 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.560 heart and your mind, you know. And it's like I 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:46.440 smile and I'm like, she's still here. She's still here, 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:48.880 Like like I know she's not here, but she's here. 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:50.919 Like she does some crazy shit, you guys are, I'm like, 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:54.119 that's mom, mom, god, whatever you want to call it. 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:56.760 She's moving things around, She's still doing her Jenny magic 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:02.720 is how I always call it. Right, How has it 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.679 been to be raised by me? Be honest. I know 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.680 I've been tough. I know I was tough, and I'll 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.080 say you, guys, I was a tough one. I had 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:13.680 to be though, raising a boy it's tough. 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:15.040 Yeah. 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.800 I think you did a really solid job with with 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:22.280 not just me, but with Jenika too. It feels weird 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.080 to talk about yourself, say like, oh, I'm a good 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.600 person like this, like that, Like it's just because we're 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:28.040 we're af lout at the end of the day. And 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:29.840 I don't want to come off with egocentric, but I 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.159 think I think I do my best to be a 0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:35.359 really fucking good person, and I think a lot of 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:36.679 the time I just think about. 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:39.040 Like how how it reflect on you and how you 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:40.159 would expect me to be. 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:42.879 I mean, whether I'm at whether I'm at someone's house 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:48.040 or doing interviews or something like just like you said, 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.520 like people have been like telling you things about about 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:53.520 me that, yeah, it makes me feel good. 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.320 I mean that, Okay, I'm doing the right thing. So 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:57.199 I'm not. I'm not. 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.000 I'm not a perfect person, but I think given every 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.119