1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. I've heard from 5 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 1: so many about your own family secrets and realize that 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: what we are creating for each other on this podcast 7 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: is a community, a community for those who are looking 8 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: for a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To 9 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: that end, we've created a number for listeners to call 10 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: in to record stories to share here in this space. 11 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: This week, I'd like to share a few of those 12 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: stories from our community. Thanks for listening, Hi, I just 13 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: wanted to share a little bit about my family secret UM. 14 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 1: I was raised by my mom and did not know 15 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: my father, and a about a year ago, I chose 16 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,960 Speaker 1: to do UM a DNA test and connected with my 17 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: father's first cousin. We eventually found out UM and I 18 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: did end up contacting my father UM. It took about 19 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: three contacts and it took about four months for him 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: to find me get back with me because he did 21 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,680 Speaker 1: not believe that I was his daughter. So we did 22 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,119 Speaker 1: meet and we did a DNA test and of course 23 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: it showed that he was my father, and since then 24 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 1: it became a very rocky road. Um. He it turns out, 25 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: is a member of the Catholic Church, and um is 26 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: a Catholic deacon, and he very much did not want 27 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: this to become public knowledge, even though I was conceived 28 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: prior to him becoming a deacon and prior to his 29 00:01:55,120 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: marriage to his wife. Currently, so I was told to 30 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: refrain from telling anybody, and um he made it known 31 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 1: that I was not to contact any other members of 32 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: his family. UM. So she stated that he did want 33 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: a relationship with me, but that relationship with me was 34 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: a monthly lunch meeting. So I chose eventually to cut 35 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: the relationship off because it just wasn't healthy. Um. But 36 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: I am the secret, and I have two sisters that 37 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: will never know me, and grandmother and aunt out there 38 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: that will never know me. And that's my secret. My 39 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: secret is actually my grandma's secret. She died a couple 40 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 1: of months ago, and um, it was a very uh 41 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: traumatic thing, I think for myself mostly. Uh. She was 42 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 1: the heart surgery. She was left on bypass. Her chest 43 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 1: opened for a few days, and she was awake and 44 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: aware for some of it and able to write me notes. UM. 45 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: It was obviously a painful death for me and my family, 46 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: But we found out from her sister and her best 47 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: friend afterwards that my grandma had actually known two years 48 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: prior that she needed to get the surgery. But at 49 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: that same point in time, she had found out that 50 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: her husband was secretly UH spent all their money and 51 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: had racked up a lot a lot of money in debt, 52 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: and she felt she couldn't afford surgery, and none of 53 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: us have confronted him to tell him that we know 54 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 1: what was going on there. And she decided to clean 55 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: houses for the last two years and make as much 56 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: money as she could because she wanted to get out 57 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: of that debt that caused, and she kind of worked 58 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: herself to death. Her heart couldn't handle the stress of 59 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 1: working and UH when it already needed help. And so 60 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,359 Speaker 1: we feel a little I feel a little bit like 61 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: he caused her death. But I still get on the 62 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 1: phone with him and talk to him and and say 63 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 1: things like I love you. And it's really hard to reconcile, um, 64 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,279 Speaker 1: feeling like someone caused something and not being able to 65 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: really say anything to them about it, and to know 66 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: that she was holding onto a lot of things that 67 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: she never wanted to tell us out of out of 68 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: shame or anything else. And Uh, I'm really glad my 69 00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 1: aunt broke the secret. I guess. So that's my secret, thanks. Yeah. 70 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: My secret is one that I've held for a very 71 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: long time. When I was seven years old and living 72 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: in public housing in New Orleans, I was molested by 73 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: one of my neighbors and I never spoke a word 74 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: of it too my parents or even my siblings, just 75 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: because I I didn't think that they would be able 76 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 1: to handle it. Um. I wasn't sure how they would react, 77 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,799 Speaker 1: and I felt like I would have let them down 78 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 1: for not being strong enough and being able to fight back. 79 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: So I held on to the secret for a very 80 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: very long time. It wasn't until I was twenty three 81 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,039 Speaker 1: and I spoke to one of my very close friends 82 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:58,480 Speaker 1: about it after the topic came up and speaking about 83 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,359 Speaker 1: it for the first time in still when he is, 84 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: I just broke down and I could barely talk about it. 85 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: But after that instant, I started to open up more. 86 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: I opened up and told my fiance in an incident, 87 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: but until this day, I still have not told even 88 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: one of my parents, are any of my siblings or 89 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 1: any of my real close family, because I'm still not 90 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: sure how to tell them this news, how to tell 91 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: them what happened so long ago, and even why I 92 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: helped it for so long. But as each day goes 93 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: by and as I open up more and more, things 94 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: do get a little easier. So that's my family's secret, 95 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 1: and I'm not sure how long it will stay a secret, 96 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:56,400 Speaker 1: but hearing everyone else open up has kind of inspired me. 97 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: Maybe I should open up. Maybe I'll help incipate. So 98 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 1: thank you for this podcast. Thank you father, look what 99 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: you do. If you'd like to share your story, call 100 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: one eight eight eight Secret zero and record your story. 101 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: We won't be able to run all the stories, but 102 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 1: we do want to shine a light on as many 103 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 1: as we can. The number again is one eight eight 104 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: eight Secret and then the numeral zero. For more podcasts 105 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: for my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 106 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.