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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, it's Thursday. Ye it's Chelsea Lately Day.

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Speaker 2: I mean sorry, Dear Chelsea Day, Dear Chelsea Lately, Dear

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Speaker 2: Chelsea Leader.

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Speaker 3: It's all the thing, you know what. I always thought

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Speaker 3: that was a brilliant piece of branding. That it is,

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Speaker 3: like everything you do has your name in it.

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Speaker 4: It's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know what, it's really hard to come up

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Speaker 1: with titles.

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Speaker 3: So I ran with you.

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Speaker 2: You were just I'm planning a big tour next year,

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Speaker 2: a big stand up tour, and we were going around

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Speaker 2: titles because tour names usually don't have my name in them. Okay,

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Speaker 2: they usually are words, so this isn't unusual.

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Speaker 1: But you're right.

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Speaker 2: Everything I don't know is it good branding or is

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Speaker 2: it a fucking annoying.

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Speaker 1: What did I have to say? Oh I had something

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Speaker 1: I was going to do that I actually have something

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Speaker 1: to tell you. Okay, great hit me de may.

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Speaker 2: I've been taking Spanish sloshs this three times a week

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Speaker 2: and I almost started crying during my class this morning

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Speaker 2: because it was I was so frustrated.

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Speaker 1: That's what she's dealing with? Was it subjunctive?

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Speaker 2: A fifty year old woman who's getting emotional about not

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Speaker 2: understanding certain things.

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Speaker 1: Now she just only speaks to Spanish, so I'm missing

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Speaker 1: half of it. I mean, I'm assuming I'm going to

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Speaker 1: get it some time. But whatever, Yeah, you just gotta

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Speaker 1: smile a nods sometimes.

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Speaker 3: But I read this article yesterday that I was like,

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Speaker 3: I have to tell Chelsea about this. It was in

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Speaker 3: the cut and the title is this economist crunched the

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Speaker 3: numbers and stopped dating men, and she's never been happier.

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Speaker 2: All I see on social media is that how happy

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Speaker 2: women are who are alone, single and child Yes, it

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Speaker 2: even goes on to how much.

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Speaker 1: Longer we live.

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Speaker 2: I'm not trying to live longer, but I know that

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Speaker 2: I'm talking, well, you're gonna.

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Speaker 1: Live like one hundred and twenty.

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Speaker 3: But she talks about like she did the research, and

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Speaker 3: she was like, I could actually be doing she was

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Speaker 3: married to a man.

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Speaker 4: She goes, I.

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Speaker 3: Could actually be doing less domestic labor if I was

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Speaker 3: single than being married to a man. And now she's

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Speaker 3: married to a woman and they are co parenting beautifully

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Speaker 3: and having a great time, and.

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Speaker 2: They get along and they actually can actually into it

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Speaker 2: what the other person might need ahead of that person asking.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was just training with ben Bruno.

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Speaker 2: My I went on to say, I'm at eighty five

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Speaker 2: percent from all of my medical issues this year, so

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Speaker 2: I'm now back training with my foot is healing.

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Speaker 1: Everything's good. I'm doing so well.

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Speaker 2: I decided to pop over to a visa for the

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Speaker 2: weekend for her friend's birthday celebration.

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Speaker 1: So I'm leaving tomorrow night this weekend, Yes, this weekend.

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Speaker 1: I decided, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to go.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I can't go, and then I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'll gick up for a couple of days and then

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Speaker 2: I have to go to New York anyway, because you know,

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Speaker 2: the US Open is starting and I have some shows

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Speaker 2: in Westampton. By the way, there's still shows tickets for

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Speaker 2: the twenty second August twenty second Westampton. I've been staying

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Speaker 2: with my friend Kat, who is a home She should

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Speaker 2: be a home healthcare nurse is what she should be.

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Speaker 2: She is so such a caretaker, you know, and it's that.

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Speaker 1: You've needed it. I could take care of people.

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Speaker 2: In financial ways only that is what I and Pep talks,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like emotionally, philosophically, that kind

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Speaker 2: of thing. But when I started staying there, because of

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Speaker 2: course my house is still not done. The new date

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Speaker 2: is August twenty fifth, when I returned from New York,

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Speaker 2: and we'll see about that. So anyway, I was, oh,

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Speaker 2: when I moved in with her, I was like, listen,

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Speaker 2: I she cooks all the time. I was like, I

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Speaker 2: really would like to learn how to do a couple

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Speaker 2: of basic things, like I want to be a little

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Speaker 2: bit more self sufficient. So she started out showing me

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Speaker 2: like little things to do when you're cooking, and how

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Speaker 2: to use an air fryer, how to use an oven properly,

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Speaker 2: like you know, I don't have the attention span like

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Speaker 2: my brain. Just I found a word that describes me today.

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Speaker 2: This is unrelated to my domesticity or lack thereof.

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Speaker 1: It's called enumerates.

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Speaker 2: Somebody who doesn't understand math, like I can multiply divide

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Speaker 2: very quickly, like my cousin Molly can't act.

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Speaker 1: She she if you go, If I say, okay, it's

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Speaker 1: three o'clock, we have to.

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Speaker 2: Be somewhere at six, she uses her fingers. She's like

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Speaker 2: three four And I'm like, okay, I'm sart. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: she's very smart, but like I'm like what And I'm

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Speaker 2: like you know, I want to meddle with the multiplication

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Speaker 2: tables when I was in like third grade, like any multiplication.

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Speaker 2: I mean maybe not four digits, but you know, but

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Speaker 2: anything that's like long division over my interest rates anything

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Speaker 2: like that.

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Speaker 1: Fuck recoop.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand, you know. So anyway, I went and

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Speaker 2: moved into Kat's house. That's who I'm staying with, my

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Speaker 2: friend Cat, and she was started showing me little things

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Speaker 2: to cook, like basic recipes that I.

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Speaker 1: Could make, and then something within like.

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Speaker 2: The first week, we just started going out ordering takeout.

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Speaker 1: And then last night she's like, I haven't cooked since you.

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Speaker 2: Moved in, basically, And I'm like, I know I've broken you.

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Speaker 2: I've made you into me, like I've turned you into me,

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Speaker 2: like you know, bring us things in people, and half

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Speaker 2: of the stuff I get delivered, I don't even eat.

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Speaker 2: It's so wasteful, right, And so last night she did

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Speaker 2: cook for us, and I haven't learned anything. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I think I know how to use an air fryer,

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Speaker 2: which will be helpful if I ever moved into my

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Speaker 2: actual house. There's actually a shoot at my house on

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Speaker 2: the twenty fifth of August. Fingers CROs, I mean the

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Speaker 2: construction company just has to know that. But I've tried

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Speaker 2: this move before where I'm like, okay, I'm moving in,

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Speaker 2: ready or not?

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Speaker 1: Here I come.

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Speaker 4: So that was six months ago.

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Speaker 1: That was six that was six months ago, and then

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Speaker 1: six months before that. But who's complaining?

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Speaker 2: Because my life I'm beautiful and fun and I've been

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Speaker 2: writing in my gratitude journal every morning.

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Speaker 1: I have two gratitude journals.

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Speaker 2: You write down like three things that you you know

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Speaker 2: would make today a great day. Then you make write

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Speaker 2: down three things you're really appreciative of, and then you

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Speaker 2: write down like your mantra, your three whatever, three things

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Speaker 2: you want to say to yourself that day. And then

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Speaker 2: at night you get it and you're like, what are

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Speaker 2: what are three highlights of the day. It's like takes

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Speaker 2: less than five minutes.

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Speaker 4: Love that.

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Speaker 2: And then I do my full one, like where I

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Speaker 2: write down twenty things I'm grateful for, however many the

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Speaker 2: page will fit. And that's helping most days. But today

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Speaker 2: I started off, you know, I did that, and then

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Speaker 2: I took my Spanish my zooms. It really pissed me off,

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Speaker 2: and then I went to Ben Brunos and I got

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Speaker 2: my strength back. And now my hair's wet from sweating

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Speaker 2: because I took a shower before my workout instead of

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Speaker 2: after my workout. I do things a little differently around

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Speaker 2: your people. Okay, working backwards.

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Speaker 3: Well, guest today she is all about the Psychology of

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Speaker 3: your twenties.

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Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes, this is good.

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Speaker 2: This is yes, all about the Psychology of your twenties podcast.

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Speaker 2: She is the host of an author of a new book,

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Speaker 2: Person in Progress. Please welcome, Gemma. speG Hi, Gemma. So

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Speaker 2: nice to meet you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, lovely to meet you.

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Speaker 2: But as well from America to Australia. Doug is coming

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Speaker 2: into Say hello, Doug, say hello, Say hello Doug.

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Speaker 1: Doug.

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Speaker 2: You have to look the other way. I love every

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Speaker 2: time we feed him, he comes over to thank me.

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Speaker 2: Oh he comes over to say thing. Oh no, actually

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Speaker 2: I think he wants food anyway. So Jemma hosts a

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Speaker 2: podcast called the Psychology of Your Twenties, and you talk

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Speaker 2: about you have a lot of interesting subject matter and

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Speaker 2: chats about what it is like to be in your

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Speaker 2: twenties today.

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Speaker 1: And first I want to ask you what.

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Speaker 2: You think is the difference between being in your twenties

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Speaker 2: today versus previous periods of times.

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Speaker 5: That's like the million dollar question, right. I feel like

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Speaker 5: if I could answer that in one word, it would

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Speaker 5: be there is more more, more, more technology, more opportunities,

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Speaker 5: which is amazing, but then also more competition, more of

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Speaker 5: a choice overload, more pressing threats from the economy, from

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Speaker 5: the climate.

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Speaker 4: I think that there.

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Speaker 5: Are ups and downs, right, there is it's kind of

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Speaker 5: giving with one hand, taking with the other. As a generation,

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Speaker 5: you know, we have a lot more freedom, We have

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Speaker 5: more options in terms of who we say it, how

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Speaker 5: we express ourselves, what we want to do for work,

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Speaker 5: but that can also come with a lot of downsides

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Speaker 5: and a lot of additional stresses that maybe previous generations

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Speaker 5: didn't have to deal with.

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Speaker 2: It always comes back to social media for me, right,

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Speaker 2: because that's pretty much the real biggest, the biggest difference

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Speaker 2: in our society is that everyone knows what everyone else

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Speaker 2: is doing and when they're not invited, which I think

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Speaker 2: when you're in your twenties you still care about that stuff.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's a lot of people in

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Speaker 2: their fifties that still care about that stuff. So one

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Speaker 2: of the things that you talked about recently in one

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Speaker 2: of your episodes was about the ability to handle being

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Speaker 2: disliked or the just ability to be disliked.

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Speaker 1: So what did you learn from talking about.

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Speaker 4: That so much?

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Speaker 5: It's kind of scary what you just said, that you

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Speaker 5: still care about that at fifty sometimes because I was

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Speaker 5: hoping that I would age out of that conundrum.

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Speaker 2: I think I think many people do, and then some

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Speaker 2: people don't. It's just like anything else. I remember growing

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Speaker 2: up and having my friend's parents be so invested in

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Speaker 2: my friend's life, like I remember her mom. I had

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Speaker 2: two friends and their moms were just so interested in

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Speaker 2: everything and wanted to orchestrate everything and be involved in

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Speaker 2: every party and wanted to know everyone who had a

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Speaker 2: crush on every And I was like, these women are

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Speaker 2: reliving out there, living out their fantasies vicariously through their

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Speaker 2: own children, like alpathetic. But then you know, you get

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Speaker 2: to be that age. I mean, I don't have that

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Speaker 2: problem because I don't have children, so I'm not like

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Speaker 2: trying to live vicariously through them. But I've definitely seen

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Speaker 2: some of my friends be trying to live out their

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Speaker 2: fantasies through their children.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Sure, so that's a different beast.

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Speaker 5: I think it all comes back to like this very human,

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Speaker 5: very instinctual urge to just be accepted and to belong

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Speaker 5: and to feel like you matter. Like one of my

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Speaker 5: favorite quotes or ideas is that the only thing that

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Speaker 5: anyone wants is for someone else to bear witness to

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Speaker 5: their life. And that doesn't have to be a romantic partner.

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Speaker 5: It could be friends, it could be your colleagues, anyone

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Speaker 5: around you. You want to feel like if you were gone,

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Speaker 5: people would care, and so that fear of missing out

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Speaker 5: and that fear of being disliked, I think comes back

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Speaker 5: to that very primal need. You know, any of those

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Speaker 5: instances where you weren't invited to the party, You know,

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Speaker 5: you weren't invited to your friend's wedding even though you

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Speaker 5: thought you were really really close. Those are all instances

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Speaker 5: where you're like, Okay, maybe my perception of my social

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Speaker 5: circle wasn't accurate, And that's really scary because that could

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Speaker 5: mean that come the end of my life, come tomorrow,

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Speaker 5: I could be a lonely person, especially as like in

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Speaker 5: your twenties, I think I've noticed that further along I've

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Speaker 5: gotten into my twenties, you're not quite sure yet how

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Speaker 5: to ride the wave, Like your first big friendship breakup,

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Speaker 5: is like huge and like life altering because you've never

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Speaker 5: experienced it before. But you know, my mum such a

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Speaker 5: wise woman. She was like, by the time you get

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Speaker 5: to like my age, like you've had that happen and

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Speaker 5: you know that you're gonna survive. Maybe like in your twenties,

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Speaker 5: you just don't have that experience. Yeah, I don't know

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Speaker 5: if that's something that you found absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and the more you experience anything, the more

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Speaker 2: used to you you get. You know, it's just like

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Speaker 2: going to prison and getting a only benetraated every single day,

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Speaker 2: and but that didn't happen before you.

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Speaker 1: Were in prison, and you're like, oh my god.

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Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, a few months go

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Speaker 2: by and it's five pm and you're like, Okay, my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend's coming over, and that's what's going to happen in

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: So, I mean, unfortunately, the human condition.

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Speaker 2: What is amazing about the human condition is we can

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Speaker 2: almost acclimate to anything. I think it's really all about

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Speaker 2: a sense of self and it's about how much inner

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Speaker 2: work willing to do between the ages of twenty and

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Speaker 2: fifty to get to a place where you are so

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Speaker 2: confident and secure in who you are that you aren't

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Speaker 2: really swayable or as vulnerable to outside sources as you

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Speaker 2: are to your own self esteem. You know, like how

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Speaker 2: you feel about yourself is more important than how others

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Speaker 2: feel about you, and how you feel about yourself is

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Speaker 2: more important than getting invited to something. But I know

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Speaker 2: that's more of a you know, kind of philosophically spiritual

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Speaker 2: way to look at things when you actually have enough experience,

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Speaker 2: And we've kind.

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Speaker 3: Of talked about this before, where it's like that doesn't

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Speaker 3: necessarily just happen because you get older. It is also

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Speaker 3: something you have to put effort into and work to

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Speaker 3: grow toward.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because we can get upset about really small shit, right,

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Speaker 2: Like you can get upset about the dumbest shit, and

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Speaker 2: you can also choose to not get upset about anything.

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Speaker 2: You could get delayed and your flight. You'd be at

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Speaker 2: an airport for five hours waiting for a plane and

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Speaker 2: be in a perfectly happy mood and read a book

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Speaker 2: and occupy yourself, watch a fun show whatever. Or you

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Speaker 2: could be a fucking cunt about it and be sitting

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Speaker 2: there screaming and pissing and moaning. You know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I guess you think sometimes you would outgrow that behavior,

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Speaker 2: but it's also your personality and what you're willing. Like

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Speaker 2: I used to have a very rageful, crazy reactive personality.

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Speaker 1: Now I go I.

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Speaker 2: You know, if things aren't going well or if I'm upset,

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Speaker 2: I go within.

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Speaker 1: I don't act out.

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Speaker 2: I take my business upstairs and deal with it myself

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Speaker 2: like a big girl.

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Speaker 6: You know.

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Speaker 2: I wish I had those tools when I was younger,

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Speaker 2: But I don't think that's every twenty year old. I mean,

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Speaker 2: some twenty year olds are pretty mature. And I'm sure

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Speaker 2: you know because you're doing this podcast, so you talk

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Speaker 2: to a lot more people in their twenties.

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Speaker 5: Oh one hundred percent. And also like we all have

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Speaker 5: our hot we all have our thing, so I'm gonna

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Speaker 5: like fully call myself out. I really have never had

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Speaker 5: a problem with people not liking me, Like that's a

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Speaker 5: big one for me, and I say it as such

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Speaker 5: a blessing. Also, you kind of have to have that

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Speaker 5: attitude if you're gonna do what we do right, like

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Speaker 5: having a somewhat public face, having people know what you're doing.

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Speaker 5: I've just never had a problem with it organically, but

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Speaker 5: when it comes to other parts of my life, I

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Speaker 5: really really suffer when it comes to like anxiety over

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Speaker 5: the future, overthinking my future. That's something I wish I

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Speaker 5: could turn off. And then there's other people who will

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Speaker 5: be like, oh, you know, I am paralyzed by this

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Speaker 5: idea of people not liking me or whatever it is.

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Speaker 5: But I have like no worries that I'm going to

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Speaker 5: figure it all out, Like I don't worry about the future,

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Speaker 5: Like what are you talking about?

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Speaker 7: You know?

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Speaker 5: I don't think about like really big questions around like

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Speaker 5: where I'm going to turn up, What's going to happen?

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Speaker 5: Am I going to be Okay? I don't worry about money.

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Speaker 5: So I do also think that it's personality, and then

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Speaker 5: it's just like whatever your brain I think the insecurity,

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Speaker 5: like whatever your big insecurity is is what it latches onto.

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Speaker 5: So maybe like anger is like, oh am I worried

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Speaker 5: that I'm not going to be in control, and so

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Speaker 5: I have this like very vibrant emotional reaction because it

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Speaker 5: feels like the biggest thing I could do to bring

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Speaker 5: anything back into my control or any number of things

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Speaker 5: like that, where it's like it all links back to personality,

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Speaker 5: but also in security and individual differences about what is

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Speaker 5: your heart and what is your kind of journey through

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Speaker 5: that as well?

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Speaker 1: You're saying heart like heart like you're like you're.

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Speaker 5: Like your heart like a big hard rock, Like what

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Speaker 5: is your heart?

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Speaker 4: Okay?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I was like, Okay, she's staying hard. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we don't use it that way.

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Speaker 4: So that's good to know.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad you explained that you talk about breaking up friendships,

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Speaker 2: which is a good subject matter because that happens at

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Speaker 2: any phase in life to people. And I guess the

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Speaker 2: first time it is the worst time, right. It's kind

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Speaker 2: of like it can be very hard to recover from that.

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Speaker 2: So what have you did that happen to you?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's happened to me a few times, and

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Speaker 5: I will say there did come a point where it

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Speaker 5: happened like maybe three times in a year, and I

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Speaker 5: had to be like, I'm the problem, Like this is

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Speaker 5: not this is a me thing. It was a especially

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Speaker 5: at like this very pivotal point in my life when

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Speaker 5: I was leaving university college and I basically had this

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Speaker 5: huge falling out with my roommates, with this person who

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Speaker 5: had been my best friend throughout my college university days.

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Speaker 5: Like best friends, we thought we were going to be

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Speaker 5: each other's bridesmaids. She was going to be the auntie

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Speaker 5: to my children, and I think the reason it was

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Speaker 5: a breakup, but it felt more like a fizzle. It

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Speaker 5: felt like we'd fallen out of love with each other,

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Speaker 5: that there were these things that had always bothered us

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Speaker 5: about each other, almost like a relationship that we just

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Speaker 5: kind of swept under the rug because we were friends,

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Speaker 5: when maybe if that was in a romantic relationship, it

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Speaker 5: would have ended decimated the relationship sooner. But because it

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Speaker 5: was a friendship, everything was a little bit less, just

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Speaker 5: a tiny bit less intense, and it was this fizzle,

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Speaker 5: and then it was this huge break where I just

364
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Speaker 5: never heard from her again, never heard from her again,

365
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Speaker 5: almost overnight, and never really knew why. And then you

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Speaker 5: have to kind of go back and examine your behavior.

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Speaker 5: And recently I actually saw her. She lives in Sydney now,

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Speaker 5: which is where I live, and it was actually quite

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Speaker 5: a beautiful moment. I was like, do you guys have

370
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Speaker 5: sushi train?

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Speaker 1: We don't have it, but I know what it is, Yes,

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Speaker 1: explain what it is.

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Speaker 5: Well, basically I'm pitching anyone who's listening. The best big

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Speaker 5: franchise Idea for America, which is basically a tiny train

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Speaker 5: like you sit it like a counter, and this train

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Speaker 5: carrying all types of sushi like comes around and you

377
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Speaker 5: can like pick what you want.

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Speaker 3: It's sounds wonderful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that is it's vital for the story. So I'm

381
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Speaker 5: sitting at one of these and it's kind of like

382
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Speaker 5: onto the street. Like where I'm sitting, you can kind

383
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Speaker 5: of see out these glass doors, and across the road

384
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Speaker 5: I see her and her obviously her new boyfriend, and

385
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Speaker 5: we haven't seen each other in probably two to three

386
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Speaker 5: years at this point, and they're standing at the lights

387
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Speaker 5: and she's like looking at him and she just looks

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Speaker 5: so happy, so happy, And I had this huge inclination

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Speaker 5: to like go out and run to her and be

390
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Speaker 5: like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 5: like I miss you, yea, I know, it's been a

392
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Speaker 5: long time, and I just kind of left it. I

393
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Speaker 5: was like, she everything's worked out for her, she's got

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Speaker 5: this beautiful boyfriend. She's in this beautiful city on this

395
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Speaker 5: you know, the main street, like she's probably going to

396
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Speaker 5: get dinner, and I think it's also those moments where

397
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Speaker 5: you realize how, like with most breakups, you mature from it,

398
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Speaker 5: you get something from it, even then when it's really

399
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Speaker 5: really painful, And that was just like a beautiful full

400
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Speaker 5: circle moment for me. It's nice the sushi train.

401
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Speaker 3: Yea at the sushi train.

402
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Speaker 7: I do.

403
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 3: I love what you say about like you needed to

404
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,359
Speaker 3: examine your behavior in that moment, because there have been

405
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Speaker 3: a few relationships that fizzled like that, and I wonder

406
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Speaker 3: you know there are certain times when like, yes, I'm

407
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Speaker 3: the problem, and other times when you just find yourself

408
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,119
Speaker 3: outgrowing a friend group or outgrowing a friendship. And what

409
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,960
Speaker 3: would you say? Are the ways that someone can tell,

410
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 3: like am I the problem? Am I the asshole here?

411
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Speaker 3: Or maybe you just outgrew these folks. That's a really

412
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 3: really great question.

413
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Speaker 5: I think the best way to tell is is your

414
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,440
Speaker 5: life changing? Is there something about your life right now

415
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,199
Speaker 5: that is causing your transformation or an evolution or do

416
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 5: you feel like you're the same that you've always been.

417
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 5: Maybe that's actually why your friendships are also fizzling, because

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Speaker 5: you're stagnant, you're unhappy, like you're kind of taking things

419
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Speaker 5: for granted. The other way, I think it's really easy

420
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Speaker 5: to tell if it is you. That's the problem is

421
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Speaker 5: the level of like conflict. Now, I'm going to say this,

422
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Speaker 5: for women, conflict does not look the same in their

423
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Speaker 5: friendships as it does for men. And I was talking

424
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Speaker 5: to my partner about this, about this like kind of

425
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,119
Speaker 5: fight that two of my friends are having at the moment.

426
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,479
Speaker 5: Are very like, it's very intricate, And he was like,

427
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Speaker 5: how how did you even know that they were fighting

428
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Speaker 5: in the first place, like when you were in this

429
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 5: room with them, when you were having dinner, And I

430
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,360
Speaker 5: was like, it's the pauses, it's the silences. Like You've

431
00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 5: got to remember, conflict isn't an all out fight, it's

432
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Speaker 5: are they avoiding you? Like, are these people perhaps excluding you,

433
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 5: not because they don't like you anymore, but because maybe

434
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 5: you're just bringing a really negative bad vibe or because

435
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 5: you've done something that's offended someone that you haven't owned

436
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,320
Speaker 5: up to. Those are some of the more subtle signs

437
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 5: I think that there's conflict to miss.

438
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like most men just like can't pick

439
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 3: up on those subtle things, like.

440
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 1: Just those nuances all for sure.

441
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think another topic that people are obsessed

442
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 2: with and it doesn't I guess it starts in your twenties,

443
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 2: but it probably starts earlier than that, is falling in love.

444
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 2: And I know you've talked about this on your podcast,

445
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 2: Finding Love and the idea that they may not find it,

446
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 2: which I find to be just a silly, silly notion

447
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 2: because I've never met anybody that's never been in love,

448
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 2: you know, unless they're eight, So I find that most

449
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 2: people do find love.

450
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's different?

451
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 4: Oh, it's a really great question.

452
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 5: Honestly, I wish that you could come on my show

453
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 5: and tell people that because I perfect, like I think,

454
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 5: I just don't believe it coming from me because I'm

455
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 5: not older.

456
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 3: And why has people writing and all the.

457
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,199
Speaker 2: Time that people are constantly asking that this that on

458
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 2: our podcast, But I just always also, I just feel

459
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 2: like it's one of those facts of life, like it's

460
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 2: going to happen. And the longing and the pressing and

461
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 2: pushing for things. It's like it's one thing to have

462
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 2: an intention for something, but to be actively constantly pursuing

463
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 2: it almost defeats the intention of what you want, you

464
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,359
Speaker 2: know what I mean, if you spend so much time

465
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,159
Speaker 2: almost it's almost like it becomes like you're begging for

466
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 2: something and things happen in a natural way, and like

467
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 2: you have to kind of accept that that's one of

468
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 2: the natural things that happen in life, and that it

469
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 2: will happen like it is very likely to happen, more

470
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 2: likely than unlikely.

471
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 5: Here's the thing, though, I think with everything else in

472
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 5: our life, right, we're told to be really like go

473
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 5: for it, really proactive, and to have like a five

474
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 5: year plan, to have all these other things like if

475
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 5: you want something, if you want the promotion, work for it.

476
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 5: If you want the dream house, save for it. And

477
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 5: then when it comes to love, you're right, you can

478
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 5: put yourself out there, but there's nothing that you can

479
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,440
Speaker 5: really control.

480
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 4: Sometimes.

481
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 5: That's where I think the fear of never finding anyone

482
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 5: comes from, is that it's unpredictable. There's not like a

483
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,560
Speaker 5: there's no structure for finding your soulmate the way that

484
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,199
Speaker 5: there's a kind of a structure for finding all the

485
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 5: other things that you really want in life. And I

486
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 5: gave this analogy to someone the other day, which is like,

487
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,119
Speaker 5: remember when you were in high school and you just

488
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 5: couldn't wait to graduate, and you thought about it like

489
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 5: all the time and you were like, oh my god,

490
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 5: I just wish that I could be done with this

491
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 5: and you know what's going to happen, right, But there

492
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,679
Speaker 5: is still this like longing that is filled with time,

493
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 5: and it's like within that time where you want to

494
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 5: make plans, you want to do fun things that you

495
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 5: just want this final closure of like I'm going to graduate,

496
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 5: I'm going to find the love of my life before

497
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 5: the rest of your life kind of starts.

498
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 4: Does that make sense?

499
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 2: It does, but it's just so backwards when I hear that,

500
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 2: it's like before your life starts. I remember thinking that

501
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 2: when I moved out to LA I was like, when

502
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 2: my life begins, and my life will begin when I

503
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 2: have a career, That's when my life begins. And all

504
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 2: those years leading up to getting the career are part

505
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 2: of my life too. But for some reason at that time,

506
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,719
Speaker 2: they didn't feel like it was like, when I become successful,

507
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 2: that's when everything starts.

508
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: That's when it begins.

509
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 2: And I now realize how silly of a mindset that is,

510
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 2: because yes, I was driven, but I also missed out

511
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 2: on a lot of being present and enjoying the time

512
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 2: and the ride and the climb and all of those things.

513
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 2: It was always a means to an end. It was

514
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 2: always a temporary part of my life. And I'm not

515
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,920
Speaker 2: sure if that attitude got me to become successful or

516
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 2: if I could have, or if there was more to

517
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: be taken out of like more of a bite to

518
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 2: be taken out of life at that moment, you know.

519
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 2: I think when we have our minds so focused on

520
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 2: our goals, we can sometimes like miss the forest for

521
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 2: the trees too much focus.

522
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,440
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's one thing to have an intention and.

523
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: To know this is what I want to do with

524
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 2: my life and take steps to get there. But it

525
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be every facet of your being, just

526
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 2: like finding a love doesn't have to require like all

527
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,679
Speaker 2: of your effort. It can happen in a natural, easy

528
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 2: going way when you have a natural, easygoing attitude about things,

529
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,880
Speaker 2: which I don't think you get when you're in your twenties.

530
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: I think that takes time to build.

531
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 3: It does feel like one of the defining feelings of

532
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,479
Speaker 3: being in your twenties is that feeling of like, well,

533
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 3: my life hasn't started yet, or I'm falling behind, and

534
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: like am I doing enough? And I'm not where I

535
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 3: thought I would be by now. It's almost overwhelming. We

536
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 3: get a lot of emails about that as well.

537
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, I feel that way as well all

538
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 5: the time, and it's exactly the same. It's like the

539
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 5: predominant feeling. I want to say something that based on

540
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 5: what you was saying, Chelsea, And it's the story of

541
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 5: how I met my potna because I totally believe in

542
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 5: your philosophy on like a full dating detox, Like didn't

543
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 5: date for a long time. It was just like I

544
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 5: just I'm gonna not gonna leave space for it. And

545
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 5: then I think it was like six months to a

546
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 5: year later, I was in like Bali with all my

547
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 5: friends and they had all come out of these like

548
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 5: terrible breakups, and they they just wanted to, you know,

549
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 5: have sex. They just wanted to get laid, like they

550
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 5: just wanted to have the fun holiday experience. And I

551
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 5: was like, yeah, I'm gonna get it on that and

552
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 5: I redownloaded the apps. The first person I match with

553
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 5: hit it off with. It just happened, and we've been

554
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 5: together for two years now. I love it almost longer.

555
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 5: And I think it's that like just let it, just

556
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 5: let it be but the actually what your point was

557
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 5: is in your twenties. It's kind of like, but when

558
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 5: is the like when is the letting it be starting?

559
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 5: Like when is the chill time starting? Like can I

560
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 5: do that now or is that going to like take

561
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 5: away from the planning time later? Is that going to

562
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 5: take away from like the fun successful times in my

563
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 5: thirties if I like take a time, if I take

564
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 5: time off, if I take a break, if I'm not

565
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 5: doing everything the way that everyone else is The thing

566
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 5: I always say, though, is like what's this finish line?

567
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 4: Why racing twys well?

568
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 8: Right?

569
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 2: Because it's like your life is if your life doesn't

570
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: begin until you're what thirty, Like if you're in your

571
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: twenties preparing for your life to begin, when does it

572
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 2: begin twenty five thirty? And then what happens when you're

573
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 2: forty fifty you're dead? Like what is the cycle of

574
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 2: like the thought of a twenty year olclerus. I know

575
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 2: when I was twenty, I never thought beyond five years,

576
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean, It wasn't I'm sorry,

577
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 2: I never thought beyond five months. You know, I thought

578
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 2: about the future, but the future was way beyond five months.

579
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 2: And the immediate future was, you know, the real day in,

580
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 2: day out of everything.

581
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I wonder if more like.

582
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 2: Younger people were able to kind of not be so

583
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want it because I don't want it.

584
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 2: To confuse it with the word lazy, I don't mean

585
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 2: being lazy. I mean being very clear about what you

586
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: want in life and knowing it, but without being crazy

587
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 2: aggressive about it. I guess what I'm saying, And I

588
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 2: think a lot of people would probably disagree with that

589
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: because a lot of people would say you have to

590
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 2: be crazy aggressive to get what you want.

591
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't agree at all.

592
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 5: I think that like having passion and genuine love for

593
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 5: what you're doing is more important than discipline because you're

594
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 5: actually fall in love with the process. I also think

595
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 5: the biggest thing that hassued that anxiety that you were

596
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 5: explaining around like thinking way too far in advance, thinking

597
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 5: that life ends at thirty or forty, was having age

598
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 5: gap friendships, with being friends with women and men who

599
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 5: are a lot older than me. And I have this

600
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 5: amazing friend called Emma who I do pottery with, and

601
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 5: she's in her fifties. She has two kids who are

602
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:47,479
Speaker 5: almost my age, the amount of just solid advice that

603
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 5: she gives me, and just perspective of being like, what

604
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 5: are you talking about? My fifties are like the best

605
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 5: years of my life. I'm having more fun than I've

606
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 5: ever had, I'm more relaxed than I've ever had. It

607
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 5: just suit so much of my anxiety that I think,

608
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 5: and I'm saying this and it's gonna like almost I'm

609
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 5: gonna stab myself in the back. Like sometimes another twenty

610
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 5: something year old can't tell you that because they don't

611
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 5: have the experience of that time.

612
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 4: Does that make sense? Like, yeah, it's really important.

613
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: I mean, I think I guess it goes back to

614
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 2: what you were saying at the beginning, which is everybody

615
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 2: wants to be seen. Everybody wants to be you know, valued,

616
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 2: and everyone wants to matter because if you don't matter,

617
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 2: then you feel invisible. And so that's very common. And

618
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 2: I think that starts early. You know, that starts like

619
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: when you're a teenager, because that's that's when that because

620
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 2: when you're a kid and you have your parents and

621
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 2: if you if you have an ideal childhood, you're getting

622
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 2: all this love and attention, you don't have time to

623
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 2: think about anything else. But if you if you have

624
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 2: a single parent, or you don't have two parents, or

625
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 2: you're not brought up in a loving home, then your

626
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 2: circumstances could be different.

627
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: You know, earlier on you.

628
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,919
Speaker 2: Could start to feel alone or I think the feeling

629
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,360
Speaker 2: people jump to is to is it's more of a survival, right.

630
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 2: It's survival. You have to survive whatever circumstances you're in.

631
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 2: And I think in your twenties the idea of survival

632
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 2: becomes a little bit more abstract, you know what I mean.

633
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 2: It's not real survival. It's like social survival, love survival.

634
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 2: You want to you you think everything is the most

635
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 2: intense it could ever be, and everything is so much

636
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: more important than it is, even though certain things aren't

637
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: fucking important. It's a kind of the over accent of

638
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 2: importance on everything. I think that's what I definitely don't

639
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 2: miss from my twenties is thinking like the end all

640
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,400
Speaker 2: be all, Like there's one love of my life. There's

641
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 2: going to be one love and he's gonna understand me

642
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 2: and he's going to be my soulmate, you know, which

643
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 2: is a pile of garbage.

644
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: There isn't who wants one lover or anyone bunch of yeah.

645
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 2: Exactly like my sister's my soulmate, you know the one

646
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 2: I'm talking about. And yeah, I think there's just a

647
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 2: lot of I would hate to be twenty years old today.

648
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 2: And I don't want to say that because I'm sure

649
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: twenty year olds are fine, but I when I think

650
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 2: back at my twenty year olds, I'm just like, oh

651
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 2: my god, there was there was nothing like this shit

652
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 2: that you guys have to deal with.

653
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 3: Gumma, are the twenty year olds fine?

654
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 4: No?

655
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 5: No, the amount of like the anxiety levels are just

656
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 5: like through the frickin' roots.

657
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't even think I understood what anxiety

658
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 2: was until like a few years ago. Same and because

659
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 2: it was, you know, the over explanation of it. In

660
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 2: society now almost everyone has anxiety, which is causing me anxiety,

661
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 2: you know so, and you want to.

662
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 4: Think about why that is?

663
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 5: Right, Like, I always get these comments from people who

664
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 5: are a lot older, being like, what do you have

665
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 5: to worry about?

666
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 4: Like, you don't have kids, you don't have you know,

667
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 4: a mortgage.

668
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,239
Speaker 5: You don't have any of these things. And I'm like,

669
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 5: look at the environment that we're living in. Look at

670
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 5: the context. How could you not be an anxious wreck

671
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 5: right now? Like nothing about our environment is stable? Yeah,

672
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 5: it was so overstimulated. Everything is constantly changing. Read any newspaper,

673
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 5: it's horrific. Like, how as a generation that's like now

674
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 5: responsible for that future? Guys, we're getting very deep here,

675
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,959
Speaker 5: but you know you feel responsible for that future.

676
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 4: You are the future.

677
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 5: How are you meant to feel sane knowing that everyone

678
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 5: thinks it's going to shit?

679
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 8: Right?

680
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: Like, I don't know.

681
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 5: I just feel like it's a that's a common reason

682
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 5: for the anxiety levels, and then you have to.

683
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 4: Worry about like what your dream job is? Like what?

684
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 3: Well, on that note, should we talk to some people

685
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: with anxiety?

686
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll

687
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 1: be right back with Gemma's Bag.

688
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 3: This week, we'd love to hear from people who perform

689
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 3: and drag. If you're a drag performer and have questions

690
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,479
Speaker 3: or would like some life advice from someone who's an

691
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 3: expert on the topic, please write into Dear Chelsea podcast

692
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com.

693
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: And when we're back with Gemma's Bag, Okay, what do

694
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: we get our back?

695
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 3: Well, we're gonna start with a couple of callers today.

696
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: Our first caller is Michelle, and Michelle says, Dear Chelsea.

697
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 3: I'm twenty five years old, and over the past two years,

698
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 3: I've questioned my sexuality and recently accepted that I'm gay.

699
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 3: I haven't told many people, and I'm not sure when

700
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 3: I will fully come out. I live in a small town.

701
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 3: It's a cute mountaintown where I can do all the

702
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 3: things I love, like trail running, climbing, and skiing. I've

703
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 3: met some great people and have formed some really meaningful relationships.

704
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 3: I have also been given a huge career opportunity here.

705
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 3: I was recently asked to be a partner in a

706
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 3: business that I really believe in and care about. However,

707
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 3: since coming to terms with my sexuality, I have struggled

708
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: with the idea of staying in my small town. I

709
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 3: don't have many friends in the queer community here, and

710
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 3: I've recently realized how important it is to have that.

711
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: I can't help but think I might be happier living

712
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 3: somewhere bigger and more diverse. However, the work opportunity is

713
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 3: keeping me here, at least for the time being. We've

714
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 3: discussed opening locations in other cities, but I just don't

715
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 3: know how well that would go over with my boss.

716
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 3: I just don't know if I can stay here long term.

717
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 3: Is it crazy to want to try something that I

718
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 3: don't even know would be worth it? Should I risk

719
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 3: the opportunity that I have now? Any advice is so appreciated.

720
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: Michelle Hi, Michelle, Hi, Hi?

721
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: How old are you?

722
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 7: I'm twenty five?

723
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: Oh? Perfect? This is the perfect age range.

724
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 4: This is literally right up my alley. Yeah. Do you

725
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 4: mind telling you what what mountain town do you live in?

726
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 4: Or is that too? Are you going?

727
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 7: I live in Jackson Hallwayoming.

728
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 4: Oh my god?

729
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 3: Nice?

730
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: You see, we were going to say that.

731
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 4: I thought's crazy.

732
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: I was as soon as you said mounttown.

733
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:27,719
Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, she's from Jackson holl Okay, anyway, I'm.

734
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 7: Not from there, but that's that's where Yeah, that's where

735
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 7: I live.

736
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 2: I understand that you live in a small mountaintown, but

737
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 2: I feel like you're Do you have any information that

738
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 2: leads you to believe that your coworkers or your boss

739
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 2: is going to have an issue with you being gay?

740
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 7: No? No, no, no, no, So that's not the problem.

741
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: What is the problem.

742
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 2: You think You're not going to find enough community there,

743
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 2: right right, I see, I feel like you have a

744
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: great job opportunity that already sounds like it could bleed

745
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,959
Speaker 2: into like going to a different city and opening up

746
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 2: different franchises or whatever the business, you know, different outposts

747
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 2: in different cities. I wouldn't want you to project what

748
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 2: you think is going to be the result of your

749
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: sexuality before you find that out.

750
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying?

751
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 2: Like, have you really given yourself a chance to be

752
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 2: out and about in Jackson Hole, in your job, in

753
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 2: your community?

754
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 7: No right to good point?

755
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 9: Actually yeah, I guess my issue is also I have

756
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 9: a gay.

757
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 7: Brother, which is just a coincidence, but I.

758
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 9: Think that I see his community, and then I see

759
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 9: communities like in bigger cities about like all of these

760
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 9: other people that have friends in the queer community, and

761
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 9: Jackson Hole is just so small that it is so accepting,

762
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 9: And that's not the issue. Like acceptance would be fine.

763
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 9: The issue would be like just having that community there

764
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 9: as opposed to like living in a bigger city and

765
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 9: having a community.

766
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: I guess I just think that you're you're twenty five

767
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: years old.

768
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 2: You have we were just talking about, you have your

769
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 2: whole life out of you, even though I'm sure you

770
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 2: feel like you're already halfway in the grave because twenty

771
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 2: five year olds think they're fucking old.

772
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: But you have your like this is you have a

773
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: great job opportunity.

774
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 2: I would combine the two things and see how it

775
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 2: works out in Jackson Hole with the intention of moving

776
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: to a bigger city down the road.

777
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: Like, you don't have to do that this year. You

778
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: could wait a year, you could.

779
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 2: Maybe wait two years, but you don't have to spend

780
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 2: the rest of your life in Jackson Hole. You can

781
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 2: stay in this town, develop your job, like see where

782
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 2: that takes you, and maybe that will be the vehicle that.

783
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 1: Takes you to another city. You know, if you give

784
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: yourself some.

785
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: Time to just like chill out and feel the vibe out,

786
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 2: you don't know, you could fall in love with somebody

787
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 2: in Jackson Hole.

788
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 5: I'm just going to say, I do really appreciate the

789
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 5: the being young in the quick community, right, and it

790
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 5: feels like that's where it really is when you're like

791
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 5: in your twenties and let you're young and queer and

792
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 5: like in New York Annuo Leans, like in one of

793
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 5: those like Vinrent places, I do think that sometimes it's

794
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,879
Speaker 5: like life is sometimes series of waiting rooms, and you're

795
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 5: probably in this waiting room right now where you're like,

796
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 5: can I have it all? It's like, yes, you can,

797
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 5: just not all at the same time. So you could

798
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 5: be in one of those huge cities and being like

799
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 5: I'm so accepted, I'm loved, I've got all these friends

800
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 5: and we're going to like chapel'r own gigs like super

801
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 5: fun and then be like, but my job sucks. So

802
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 5: I think like, right now, it's like you're really coming

803
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 5: upon like this major problem in conundrum, which is like

804
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 5: how come everything in my life isn't perfect at the

805
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,360
Speaker 5: same time, Like how come I couldn't have both? So

806
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 5: I really think that you kind of have to like

807
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 5: flip the dice here. What's more important to you right

808
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 5: now knowing that you might not be able to have both.

809
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 5: Is it having the community that is brought by like

810
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 5: being like gay and like open in like a bigger place,

811
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 5: or is it having the career that then you could

812
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 5: build that community on in the future.

813
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 4: It's kind of up to you to choose, Yeah.

814
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 7: And I think just like it being so new right

815
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 7: now or new to like me accepting it. H that

816
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 7: feels like the like the bigger part is that like

817
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 7: it feels crazy to be in a big city where

818
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 7: like I could just be open and free and like

819
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 7: I don't know everyone at the store when I go

820
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 7: to the.

821
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 9: Grocery store every week. Yeah, like that feels like a

822
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 9: crazy feeling. So I think that's like the desirable thing

823
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 9: right now. But if I were to wait a little while,

824
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 9: I think it would be less exciting.

825
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 3: I would also encourage you to get involved in some

826
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 3: little community that's in your town, because there might be

827
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 3: folks that you don't know oregay or just aren't really out,

828
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 3: or maybe they are out and you just didn't know.

829
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: But also like maybe there's some travel opportunities here too.

830
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 3: Maybe there's like going to Pride in New York City

831
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 3: or a smaller town if that's more your vibe. There

832
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 3: are events all over the place all of the time.

833
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 3: So maybe this is like getting one friend in your

834
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 3: community who maybe you can travel with and do that

835
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 3: sort of thing. But I also think like just as

836
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: you begin to come out to more people, you'll start

837
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 3: to build that community, even though it's a small town.

838
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think that's true.

839
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 1: Is there the potential.

840
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 2: Did you say with this job, there's the potential you

841
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 2: said of possibly opening up different branches or what was

842
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 2: that part.

843
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, we've talked a lot about being different locations.

844
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 9: Actually, I am also in grad school and having a

845
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 9: really hard time finding nurse partitioner clinicals. So we've talked

846
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 9: about just like me moving somewhere for the eight months

847
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 9: that I have to do my clinicals to open up

848
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 9: another branch.

849
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 7: So that's also an option.

850
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: Well, there you go.

851
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 2: I mean that's two killing two birds with one stone

852
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 2: or killing no or killing one bird with two stones.

853
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure.

854
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 9: Also, I guess like also hard, like little things like

855
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 9: Jackson Hole housing is horrible, so like leaving is kind

856
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 9: of scary because then you don't know if you're going

857
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 9: to get housing when you come back. It's just all

858
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 9: but yeah, I definitely have the opportunity, and I'm definitely

859
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 9: not complaining.

860
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 7: I live in like the most beautiful place ever.

861
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 2: So yeah, but you're in grad school, you've got a gig,

862
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: you've got a job, Like, you're comfortable with your newfound sexuality.

863
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 2: Like all of these things are awesome to know about yourself.

864
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 2: You're ahead of the game. So these are all good things.

865
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 2: The future is bright. You just have to figure out

866
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 2: what you're gonna do. And it sounds like I think

867
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 2: I know exactly what you're gonna do.

868
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 9: Yeah, I think. Yeah, I guess I do too. Talking

869
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 9: it out is definitely beneficial too.

870
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 4: Yeah.

871
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 2: And the most important thing, like the biggest takeaway is

872
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 2: it is so important to identify what you want out

873
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 2: of life, you know what I mean. It's so important

874
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 2: to hear you say like, this is who I am,

875
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 2: this is my sexuality, this is what I want, all

876
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:25,280
Speaker 2: of those things. Saying that out loud is just so valuable,

877
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 2: Like these things will all come true for you. Yeah,

878
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 2: so great, have a great life, Michelle, It's gonna be

879
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: all this.

880
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is all really exciting for you so much.

881
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, thank you so much for all the advice.

882
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. And enjoy the town you live in

883
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: while you're there.

884
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay, thanks Michelle.

885
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 7: Okay, thank you.

886
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:47,879
Speaker 1: Take care.

887
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 3: I have so many friends who didn't come out, which,

888
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,320
Speaker 3: by the way, this is also fine, but like didn't

889
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 3: come out until they were in their thirties or even

890
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 3: in their forties in some cases, and like this is

891
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 3: so great for her. I'm so excited for her.

892
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 1: What about Will Harper Harper? What's Harper's last name?

893
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 3: Don't know Harper's last name.

894
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 2: I always I want to say Harper Lee every time,

895
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 2: and then that's the author. But she she, I mean

896
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 2: she just came out and when she was in her fifties.

897
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

898
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 5: It's so hard though, because it's like there's this whole

899
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:20,439
Speaker 5: thing of like being young and queer and like having

900
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 5: all those opportunities like living in Sydney, I say all

901
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 5: the time, and I live in like Newtown, which is

902
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 5: like the gay capital of Australia. And you see that,

903
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 5: and I'm sure she's seeing that and being like that

904
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 5: looks so fun and like exactly what we were saying before.

905
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,240
Speaker 5: It's like, that's where my life is going to start

906
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 5: when that happens. Like I don't want to wait. I

907
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 5: don't want to wait. But I think she's gonna I

908
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 5: think everything's gonna turn out so perfectly for her.

909
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

910
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she'll expand her community when it's the right time.

911
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:48,240
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.

912
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 3: Well her next color is ray and she says, Dear Chelsea,

913
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 3: I need your advice on being homesick, but also on

914
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 3: being too emotionally exhausted to go home. Here's the situation.

915
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 3: What about five years ago, I moved a little over

916
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 3: fourteen hundred miles away from my family, and honestly, the

917
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 3: distance worked wonders for us. It's given us the space

918
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 3: we've needed to heal our relationships, and we're all closer

919
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 3: than ever. I miss them dearly, but every time I visit,

920
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:18,359
Speaker 3: the goodbyes are oscar worthy tear jerkers. I've tried every

921
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 3: family member for the airport drop off, trying to find

922
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 3: the one that won't make a scene, and spoiler alert,

923
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 3: they all do. It's gotten to the point where my

924
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 3: return flights are filled with dissociation, panic attacks going through security,

925
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 3: and I spiral into a post visit funk that lasts

926
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,760
Speaker 3: weeks after returning. Every time I get back to my life,

927
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 3: which I might add is going great, it takes forever

928
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,919
Speaker 3: to remember that homesickness doesn't mean I need to sell

929
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 3: everything and move back. It just means, well, I miss

930
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 3: my people, and that's not a bad thing. It's not

931
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 3: just airport drop off either. Oftentimes I'll visit for a

932
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 3: full seven days and we barely make it tonight too

933
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 3: before someone's tearing up over the impending farewell. Don't get

934
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: me wrong, I appreciate the love, but I am so tired, exhausted,

935
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 3: spent in between wanting to visit more and wanting to

936
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 3: avoid the emotional Olympics, and by the time I recover,

937
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 3: it's time for another visit and we do this all

938
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 3: over again. I do want to hold space for everyone's

939
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 3: emotions and all that jazz, but I'd love to be

940
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 3: honest and just say, y'all, I need you to be okay.

941
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 4: Please?

942
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 3: Am I the asshole here for feeling like I need

943
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 3: to manage everyone's emotions? Please give it to me straight?

944
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: Ray Hi, Ray, Hello?

945
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 1: Why is your family crying? What's up? How many people

946
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 1: are there? What's their problem?

947
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 6: It's like four of us in total, including my niece now,

948
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 6: who's starting to be old enough to like feed into

949
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 6: all of this emotion that's around her.

950
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 5: A baby crying is going to be that would be

951
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 5: so hot. It's like you've got the adults and then

952
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 5: you got the child.

953
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 4: The child.

954
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 7: Absolutely, yeah, No, it's it's not.

955
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 6: It's like I get phone calls every now and then

956
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 6: saying like we miss you, when are you coming back?

957
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,240
Speaker 6: And they'll be like they'll put her on the phone,

958
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 6: and now she's the one who's like, when are you

959
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 6: coming back?

960
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 7: So it's a lot I don't know.

961
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: And you emotionally depleted because of their emotions or are

962
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 1: you also emotionally is it emotionally difficult for you to leave?

963
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 6: It is emotionally challenging for me. But the times that

964
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 6: I've had a friend, like a non biased party, like

965
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 6: drop me off at the airport, it's all fine. Yeah,

966
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 6: like the life's fine. Coming back here is fine, not

967
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 6: a big deal. But yeah, anytime I've had family members

968
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 6: drop me off, it's it's okay, so awful.

969
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: Do you know how to take a fucking uber?

970
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 6: Yes, But I'm saying like during the times that, like,

971
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 6: you know, we're sitting down for family dinner all night,

972
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 6: two out of seven, and my dad's just looking at me,

973
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 6: tearing up and stuff, thinking about how I'm gonna leave already,

974
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 6: you know, it's like I want to be kind of like, guys,

975
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 6: get your shit together.

976
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 7: But I talked to my therapist about this and she's like,

977
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 7: you need to.

978
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 6: Be grateful that they love you so much, And I'm like,

979
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 6: I get that, but I also want.

980
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: To but both can be true, right, you can be

981
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 3: grateful and also be like get your shits together.

982
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 2: It's not productive and it's clearly not helpful to you

983
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 2: when you're leaving and who knows what's going on. I mean,

984
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 2: it's not productive for any of you together and your

985
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 2: family to be crying about leaving when you've just got somewhere.

986
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: That doesn't make any sense.

987
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 2: So absolutely, and you've never broached the subject with your family.

988
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 6: No, I'm really trying to like let them have their

989
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 6: feelings and I'm not trying to like make them feel any.

990
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 7: Type of way.

991
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 6: But it's just getting to a point where it's making

992
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 6: me want to move back. It makes me forget about

993
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 6: how good my life is here. And it's not really

994
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 6: like me to want to just like give up everything

995
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 6: just to go back and like coddle everybody. But that's

996
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 6: the way it makes me feel.

997
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 1: But that's guilt. That's guilt.

998
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, So they're making you feel guilty by their behavior

999
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 2: and they're not intentionally making you feel guilty, or maybe they.

1000
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: Are, I don't know, but that's neither here nor there.

1001
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 2: What you're feeling is guilt, and that's not a reason

1002
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: to do anything, do you know what I mean?

1003
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong. You're living your life.

1004
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 2: You can't go back and live with your parents because

1005
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 2: it'll make them feel better, then you're sacrificing yourself.

1006
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: And there's a way to.

1007
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 2: Have like a healthy, balanced visitation with them whenever you

1008
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 2: choose to go home and also live your fullest, best life,

1009
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,319
Speaker 2: and they kind of have to get on board with that.

1010
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: What do you think, Jemma, all right, I totally agree.

1011
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 5: I totally agree. I've got some solutions. I think that Chelsea,

1012
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 5: you've put now on the head it's guilt. I really

1013
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 5: think that they should be coming to visit you a

1014
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 5: little bit more as well.

1015
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:32,879
Speaker 4: I know it's hard with like.

1016
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 5: Little kids, but if the main thing for you is

1017
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 5: like coming back and the homesickness and the disruption to

1018
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 5: your routine and your like sense of joy with your

1019
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 5: current life, maybe it would work better if it's like

1020
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 5: they're in your home, they're in your place. Your return

1021
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 5: return after they've left is less of a calm down.

1022
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 5: Also loved the advice get like a friend to drop

1023
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 5: you off. I have this problem with my family as well.

1024
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 5: Oh and it's exhausting, right, It's exhausting. Yeah, And sometimes

1025
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 5: I'm like I don't really can I come home for Christmas.

1026
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 5: I don't want to deal with that. And it's love them, Yeah,

1027
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 5: you love them so much, but you're like, I want

1028
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 5: to move forward with my life, but I also don't

1029
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 5: want to lose this relationship that we have that is

1030
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 5: so beautiful.

1031
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 4: What am I going to do?

1032
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 5: And I think the way I've really dealt with that

1033
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 5: is like we're going to meet in neutral places. So

1034
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 5: now we go on family holidays together where the experience

1035
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 5: is like, oh, I'm so sad that we're leaving this

1036
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,320
Speaker 5: beautiful place. Or they come and visit me fifty percent

1037
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 5: of the time so it's not as jolting. And also

1038
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 5: they appreciate that, like, my life is really lovely. And

1039
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 5: if I was to move home, I'm gonna give that up.

1040
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 5: If I was to move back to Melbourne, like, I'm

1041
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 5: not going to have this, and surely that's what they

1042
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 5: want for me more than they want my presence. See

1043
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 5: if they take the bank, See if you can do

1044
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 5: Christmas wherever you are.

1045
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: See that's a great idea.

1046
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 2: That's a great idea to switch it up so you're

1047
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,320
Speaker 2: not going to their house all the time.

1048
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: And how frequently do you see them. It's like once

1049
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: a quarter, once a physical quarter. Yeah, break it up.

1050
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 1: But I also don't think I think you should.

1051
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 2: I think there's a way to have a conversation like

1052
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 2: with your family and not necessarily face to face, like

1053
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 2: maybe in an email.

1054
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 8: Text to ahead of time, not a text that seems

1055
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,720
Speaker 8: maybe like a family email to be Like, listen, you, guys,

1056
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 8: I know it's emotional when I come home.

1057
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: I feel the same way about you guys that you

1058
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 2: feel about me. But it really weighs heavily on me

1059
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 2: every time I leave, and I have this overwhelming guilt.

1060
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 1: And I know you're not intentionally.

1061
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 2: Just let them off the hook right right away, Like,

1062
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 2: I know you're not trying to make me feel guilty,

1063
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 2: but it's becoming more difficult for me to visit you

1064
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: if this is how I have to leave, Like, I

1065
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 2: don't want all these tears. It's it's you know, it

1066
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: makes it pulls at me, and I don't want to

1067
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 2: stop visiting you. So isn't there a way we can

1068
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: figure out, you know, a more like pleasant way to

1069
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 2: spend our time enjoying each other's presence rather than fearing

1070
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 2: each other's absence.

1071
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: Absolutely write that down like I'm taking.

1072
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 3: Say, Ray is actually like our first color ever, who's

1073
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 3: actually writing things down?

1074
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 5: Because it's true the family, your family, that's true that

1075
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 5: the time spent should just be loving and enjoy and

1076
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:29,320
Speaker 5: a reunion.

1077
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: Not foreboding and oh no, she's gonna have to leave again.

1078
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 2: That's like very fearful, very guilty behavior. And there's so

1079
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 2: many nice ways to say that without making, you know,

1080
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 2: making it something like you know, it doesn't have to

1081
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 2: be cantankerous or vitriolic. You're just saying out of love,

1082
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 2: like it's getting harder for me to deal with leaving,

1083
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 2: and you know, I have a full life here. I'm

1084
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 2: very happy, you know. So I mean, do they actually

1085
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 2: put it on the table for you to come move back?

1086
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: Do they suggest that a lot?

1087
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, they're always like we have a room for you,

1088
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 6: we have some land, we can put you something on, like,

1089
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 6: you know, if you ever need to come back, you know,

1090
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 6: we've got spare funds for you to get you back here.

1091
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 1: So that's all I mean.

1092
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 2: So you should definitely be clear as an adult woman,

1093
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 2: you should just be clear of being like I also

1094
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 2: would rather you guys not keep saying that every time

1095
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 2: I come home. It's almost like you're ignoring my life

1096
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,720
Speaker 2: and the presence, you know, Like, I have a life,

1097
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 2: I'm happy. Don't you want me to be happy. I'm

1098
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 2: your daughter, you must want me to be happy. I

1099
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 2: am happy, So can you please let me be happy

1100
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 2: so we can all be happy together?

1101
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1102
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 2: I think you should like say say that too and

1103
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 2: let them know, you know, because that's all.

1104
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: It's all very manipulative.

1105
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 2: And even though they're your family and they love you,

1106
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: that's who you manipulate, the people that are closest to you.

1107
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 3: That's true. Have any of them been to visit you

1108
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 3: yet or not yet?

1109
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 6: They've all been out here once, Okay, okay, they've come

1110
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 6: out here separately in the five years that I've been here.

1111
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 6: So there's definitely some opportunity for some more visitation on

1112
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 6: their end, for sure.

1113
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 2: And then maybe you guys can find somewhere to go

1114
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 2: away for one of the holidays like Christmas one year.

1115
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: That'd be sad.

1116
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 6: Jemma, I really love that. I love the idea of

1117
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 6: meeting in like a neutral place.

1118
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:08,919
Speaker 4: It's really good.

1119
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 5: And then you do activities rather than just sitting at

1120
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 5: the harm that you go out and do stuff rather

1121
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 5: than just being like, oh, let's go through the baby album, like.

1122
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, your old room.

1123
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 5: It's like no, like, let's go see, let's go to

1124
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,320
Speaker 5: the zoo, let's go like go get coffee.

1125
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and make sure you don't forget to mention you

1126
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 2: know how lucky you are to have such a loving

1127
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 2: family and how.

1128
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: Lucky you know you are. You know, absolutely because you are.

1129
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for not making me feel delusional,

1130
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,279
Speaker 6: because now I said, I'm getting a second opinion here,

1131
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,280
Speaker 6: because the first time around my advice was like people,

1132
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 6: I'm like, wait, I.

1133
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 5: Am your therapist sucks. Just gonna tell you that. Sorry,

1134
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 5: I know that that's probably not right, but.

1135
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 4: You should get any one.

1136
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 6: It might be time for a switch up.

1137
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 3: It's never a bad thing, all right, Ray, thank you

1138
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 3: so much listening to this podcast. So let to send

1139
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 3: this to her. It's fine.

1140
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 6: Well I see her tomorrow, so I'll we'll sure we'll

1141
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 6: find out, all right.

1142
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, and good luck with everything.

1143
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 7: Thanks so much. Nice to meet you all.

1144
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 1: Bye, nice bye. Okay, we'll take a break and we'll

1145
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 1: be right back with Jemma Sbeg. And we're back with

1146
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:26,479
Speaker 1: Jabs Beg.

1147
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 3: We are back. So we have one final question. This

1148
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,399
Speaker 3: comes from Brianna. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty

1149
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 3: six year old woman, and I've recently started a new

1150
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 3: job as a marketing coordinator for a small company. I

1151
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 3: previously worked as a bartender since I was eighteen years old.

1152
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,439
Speaker 3: She must be in Canada or something. I bartended through

1153
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 3: college and always made great money, so after graduating, I

1154
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 3: kind of got stuck in the industry and wasn't thinking

1155
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 3: about looking for a different job. I started to get

1156
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 3: sick of it and decided it was time to start

1157
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 3: a more stable career. And now that I have that,

1158
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 3: I'm realizing it may not be what I want. At

1159
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 3: my entry level position, I'm currently making less money working

1160
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 3: eight to five Monday to Friday than I was working

1161
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 3: maybe thirty hours a week at a bar. I'm picking

1162
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 3: up weekend shifts at the bar for extra cash, and

1163
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 3: I'm starting to feel burnt out. I'm also struggling with

1164
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 3: the lack of freedom that comes with the eight to

1165
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 3: five and feel like I don't have time for things

1166
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 3: that I love to do, like working out or going

1167
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,439
Speaker 3: to a yoga class. I hate sitting at a desk

1168
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 3: all day and it feels like the company I'm working

1169
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 3: for doesn't have enough for me to do, so I'm

1170
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 3: extremely bored and feeling very unfulfilled and how there. Yeah,

1171
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 3: I also have a passion for traveling and scupa diving,

1172
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,359
Speaker 3: and I know that working in the corporate world will

1173
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 3: limit the amount of time I can travel compared to

1174
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 3: being able to take time off whenever I want. While bartending,

1175
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 3: I'm torn between wanting to stick it out and give

1176
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 3: it some time to get the experience and hopefully move

1177
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:47,720
Speaker 3: up to a different position or company that I enjoy more,

1178
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,439
Speaker 3: and saying fuck it and going back to bartending. Any

1179
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 3: advice is greatly appreciated. BS. Your podcast is currently the

1180
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 3: only thing getting me through my long, boring days at

1181
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 3: the office.

1182
00:51:56,560 --> 00:52:02,440
Speaker 2: Much love, Bran sounds that sounds so boring. Honestly, that

1183
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 2: job sounds awful. I would go back to bartending. Honestly,

1184
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 2: you feel like you're adventurous, you want to do more

1185
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 2: things with your life. Sitting in a job hoping that

1186
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: you're going to get promoted at some point to a

1187
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,399
Speaker 2: different position, Still be at a desk where you're still

1188
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 2: if you're not. Some people are meant to be sitting

1189
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 2: at desks and some people are not.

1190
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: I'm not. I can't sit behind a desk.

1191
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: I can't even sit on a couch without you know,

1192
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 2: like this, I have to sit Chris cross apples halls.

1193
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't even do anything. You know, like

1194
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 2: I get it. I totally feel you. And I would

1195
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 2: say that's your.

1196
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,879
Speaker 1: Deep inner self telling you this is not the way

1197
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: you want to go through life.

1198
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 2: And if you can go through life being a bartender

1199
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 2: making probably twice as much money as you're going to

1200
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 2: make at that entry level office job and working half

1201
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 2: as much, and I have all that extra time to

1202
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:53,839
Speaker 2: do all of the things that you want to do,

1203
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 2: like yoga or scuba dive or travel, then I think

1204
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 2: it's a no brainer. What I would say also, is

1205
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 2: just because it's this isn't the job, does it mean

1206
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,719
Speaker 2: that there isn't another job out there for you that

1207
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 2: can like use your creativity or your brain in a

1208
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 2: way that you would be more attuned to do or

1209
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,240
Speaker 2: better equipped to do. I'll say you should keep thinking

1210
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 2: about what you what you are passionate about. You know,

1211
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 2: maybe you are maybe you're so passionate about scuba diving

1212
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 2: you want to become a dive master, maybe you're so

1213
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 2: passionate about travel you want to be a flight attendant

1214
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 2: or you want to be in some sort of you know, run.

1215
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: A travel group.

1216
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 2: Like you should look to your areas of interests that

1217
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 2: are really like that take up your time, and and

1218
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,320
Speaker 2: look at job opportunities in those areas.

1219
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 3: And you know, what is a great side hustle while

1220
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 3: you're learning to be a scuba master? What is a

1221
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 3: dive master bartending all pay the bills while you're seeking

1222
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 3: out the thing that you're actually passionate about.

1223
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think, Jemma?

1224
00:53:53,239 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 5: I agree with everything above. I will say one caveat.

1225
00:53:56,560 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 5: I have a six month job rule. So if you're

1226
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 5: still within that six month period, I know it might

1227
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 5: sound counter to what you want us to say, but

1228
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 5: wait out the six months. You don't know whether it's

1229
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 5: just the adjustment that's scary or whether it's actually the job.

1230
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 5: I know it sounds like it's pretty boring, so I'm

1231
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 5: guessing that, like, maybe you get six months and you

1232
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 5: still hate it, but then you can say like, I

1233
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 5: gave it a shot. I tried this, it didn't work,

1234
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 5: instead of leaving after two to three months and being like,

1235
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 5: maybe I just didn't give it enough time, and then

1236
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 5: finding yourself in that cycle of like feeling bad and

1237
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 5: then going back and then hating it and blah blah

1238
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 5: blah blah blah. Also like I don't know, I'm someone

1239
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,759
Speaker 5: who hated working a desk job, worked a desk job

1240
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 5: for like a long time, always knew I didn't want

1241
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:47,239
Speaker 5: to do it, but I use it as my security

1242
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 5: net to do something else that was more what I

1243
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 5: wanted to do. So there isn't one way to go

1244
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 5: through it. You can work the corporate job, get maybe

1245
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 5: a couple of promotions, start making good enough money to

1246
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 5: be planning full a new branch to your life. As

1247
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 5: of right now, though I'd say maybe time to get

1248
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 5: out of that.

1249
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 2: I think the six month rule is good, you know.

1250
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 2: I think that's a good kind of barometer too. I

1251
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 2: don't think it has to happen tomorrow. You know, you

1252
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 2: can wait a little bit and see, but either way

1253
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 2: you're probably leaving.

1254
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's the story. All right, Well, Branda, let

1255
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:24,959
Speaker 3: us know how it goes.

1256
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,320
Speaker 2: And we can go to rep Okay, Okay, Well, Jemma,

1257
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 2: thank you so much for coming here with your twenty

1258
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 2: year old self and giving advice to other twenty year olds.

1259
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: We really needed it.

1260
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm glad that you guys learnt how absolutely fucked

1261
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:37,399
Speaker 5: it is for us.

1262
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 2: I know, I don't love that part, but I guess

1263
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 2: I understand it. But I think every generation, every like

1264
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,960
Speaker 2: you know, is dealing with their own ball of bullshit.

1265
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 2: But it always feels like whatever the youngest generation is

1266
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 2: right now, it has it the worst, you know what

1267
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 2: I mean, Like before that it was the thirty year

1268
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 2: olds and now so it's it's really hard to say

1269
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 2: if it's just that period of your life or if

1270
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 2: it really if the world is really a scarier place

1271
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: than it was.

1272
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,920
Speaker 1: And I am of the belief that the world is

1273
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,400
Speaker 1: a scarier place than it was.

1274
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 2: Any sense is over, there is no longer innocence.

1275
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have to agree with that one.

1276
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,080
Speaker 3: And Gemma, where can everyone find you?

1277
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 5: So have my own podcast It's called The Psychology of

1278
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 5: Your Twenties. We talk about a lot of what we

1279
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 5: spoke about today. You can also follow me on Instagram

1280
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 5: at that Psychology podcast or at Gemma speG dema with

1281
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 5: a J, spg with a B.

1282
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 3: And you can pick up a copy of Gemma's new

1283
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,720
Speaker 3: book Person in progress at the link in the description.

1284
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: Thank you, Gemma. Have a great rest of your night.

1285
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 4: Morning morning, morning, morning, have.

1286
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 1: A great rest of your morning, Gemma.

1287
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 4: Thanks much, Thanks so much, Thanks bye bye.

1288
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 2: Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates

1289
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 2: for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be

1290
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 2: in Vegas at the Cosmo my residency on August thirtieth,

1291
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 2: and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and

1292
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 2: November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at

1293
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 2: the Cosmo performing inside Myself at the Chelsea.

1294
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason.

1295
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:18,240
Speaker 4: Okay, thank you.

1296
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea

1297
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:25,440
Speaker 3: Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

1298
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

1299
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1300
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 3: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our

1301
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 3: merch at Chelseahandler dot com