Speaker 1: I got one sound bite, all right to start off
Speaker 1: season four. Really like the whole thing, really, yes, the
Speaker 1: whole thing. The whole thing needs to be gone. Although
Speaker 1: I'm greatful for life and health and strength, I will
Speaker 1: say that whatever age I was supposed to be turning December,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna hold onto it for a whole another year.
Speaker 1: Dead ass. Hey, I'm and we're the ellis Is. You
Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennial
Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say
Speaker 1: every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually saying
Speaker 1: facts on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 1: the truth. We're about to take Phillow Talk to a
Speaker 1: whole new levels starts now. So first and foremost, let's
Speaker 1: just talk about where we are live live for season four.
Speaker 1: We're here and there, the fresh Prince of bel Air
Speaker 1: mansioncast whole entire childhood. Like I'm getting my whole life
Speaker 1: right here, right now. It's insane. It's very inane, very nostalgic.
Speaker 1: Is you just feel good seeing all the memorabilia pictures
Speaker 1: around here? Um, I just can't. I can't even believe it.
Speaker 1: When I pulled up, I was like, I'm like, for us,
Speaker 1: it's Brooklyn, New York. You know, it makes sense, though
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense, but it also makes sense that
Speaker 1: we typically do karaoke. So we decided to begin season
Speaker 1: four for karaoke. We're gonna have a moment of silence
Speaker 1: for all of the lives lost during the pandemic, racism,
Speaker 1: and just life in general. So we're gonna take this
Speaker 1: time have a quick moment of silence. Thank you so
Speaker 1: Um that brings me the story time stories Time. We
Speaker 1: got mad stories. Yes, we got stories for Quarantine for
Speaker 1: story time because lord, um, it's funny. I had some
Speaker 1: I had some funny stories, you know, I had some
Speaker 1: some serious stories, and I decided to go with the
Speaker 1: story that kind of encompasses what's been going on for
Speaker 1: the entire year. And it was early early in the year. Um,
Speaker 1: the pandemic had really hit hard. Um, there were no
Speaker 1: sports on TV because everything was just out of the ordinary.
Speaker 1: We were watching CNN every like every second of the
Speaker 1: day because we were trying to figure out what was
Speaker 1: going to happen with COVID nineteen. And also at the
Speaker 1: same time, Almond Aubrey had, you know, his murder case
Speaker 1: had started to pick up steam. And then it was
Speaker 1: Brianna Taylor, and then it was George Floyd. And I
Speaker 1: remember Jackson came over to me and he said, um,
Speaker 1: like straight face, he said that why do they keep
Speaker 1: killing us? And I looked at him, and I had
Speaker 1: realized that this was going to be the moment where
Speaker 1: I have to have to talk with him about being
Speaker 1: black in America. And I'll never I'll never forget the
Speaker 1: day because it was two days before my birthday and
Speaker 1: from now one, that's all I'm always gonna remember. March
Speaker 1: thirty one. That's the day that I had to tell
Speaker 1: Jackson what it was like to be black in America. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, when you think about parenting during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: there were many layers to it. When I really like
Speaker 1: sit back and look at where we were at the
Speaker 1: end of march Um School was no longer in session,
Speaker 1: and we had the coronavirus pandemic, we had the racism pandemic,
Speaker 1: and so many things going on. So there were many
Speaker 1: layers to what it meant to be a parent now
Speaker 1: because a lot of parents who are were either working
Speaker 1: all the time and away from home. They were not
Speaker 1: home with their children, children weren't at school. So, going
Speaker 1: back to your story time us having to unpack that
Speaker 1: time with Jackson, how did it affect you as a
Speaker 1: black man in America? And I asked that because I
Speaker 1: know how it affected me as your wife, Me as
Speaker 1: a black woman, um, me as a mom to three boys,
Speaker 1: you know, three whole boys, which I joke about a lot,
Speaker 1: but I know how I felt about it. So I
Speaker 1: could see the hurt in you, not just for Jackson
Speaker 1: and for our sons, but for yourself because you've experienced
Speaker 1: many different you know, times where you felt like you
Speaker 1: were treated unjustly. You know. Well, I mean for me,
Speaker 1: it was unpacking a lot of things, but also red
Speaker 1: acknowizing that we were in an uncharted territory when it
Speaker 1: comes to the world. At this point in the year,
Speaker 1: Jackson had already lost two of the people that he idolized.
Speaker 1: Kobe Bryant had died, and then weeks later Pop Smoke
Speaker 1: had died, so you know, I was already dealing with
Speaker 1: death with him because you know, he was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, he's just like yo, like what is going on?
Speaker 1: And then armand Aubrey's murder was on television, and Jackson's
Speaker 1: at the point now where he can google anything, so
Speaker 1: it's on YouTube. And then the Brianna Taylor story came up,
Speaker 1: and then George Floyd. So for me, it was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how do I compartmentalized because I'm angry. I'm like, I'm pissed.
Speaker 1: I'm just angry, so I want to My first response
Speaker 1: is to project that anger onto my child and be like,
Speaker 1: don't do this, don't do that. You gotta be worried
Speaker 1: about this. White people, this, white people that, the police, this,
Speaker 1: the police that. But then I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: now is the time to educate because if I don't
Speaker 1: educate him properly, he's gonna harbor the same anger that
Speaker 1: I harbored from the time I was young. You know,
Speaker 1: my parents grew up, we grew up in in Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: and we grew up during the time and stopping frisking,
Speaker 1: and my mom was very adamant about teaching my brother
Speaker 1: and I at the time, and then my sister she
Speaker 1: got older, what it was like to be black because
Speaker 1: she was the first class to to in segregation in
Speaker 1: Brooklyn and go to James Madison High School. She was
Speaker 1: the first class in the early seventies, so she that's
Speaker 1: very likely. She's very passionate about that. But even through
Speaker 1: that passion, there were certain things that my mom didn't
Speaker 1: explain to me because as you you know, as you
Speaker 1: learn more and you learn better, you do better. So
Speaker 1: I grew up a little angry, you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of angry. I'm not gonna up. I grew up a
Speaker 1: lot of angry and I just want I chose in
Speaker 1: that moment to not put that anger on my son.
Speaker 1: So we started to talk about history, and you know,
Speaker 1: Aiden was staying at the house at the time. And
Speaker 1: the sad part was there was no like, there's no distraction.
Speaker 1: If sports was on, if there was something on TV
Speaker 1: that they could watch, I could be like, oh, we'll
Speaker 1: talk about it later, go watch this, or even after
Speaker 1: having that conversation, there was a way to rebound. It
Speaker 1: was just the thickness, their thickness in the house, the
Speaker 1: atmosphere that was just you could cut it with a knife.
Speaker 1: It's like, how do you rebound from that? It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go back outside and play, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I really want to play right now. No,
Speaker 1: it felt like groundhog Day because we watched CNN every
Speaker 1: single day and they weren't in school, and then you know,
Speaker 1: there wasn't much for them to do except go outside.
Speaker 1: Plus we had to be away from people. So I
Speaker 1: was his refuge. You was his refuge. So any question
Speaker 1: he had or anything, so he came running to us.
Speaker 1: And I can understand how parents at times become overwhelmed
Speaker 1: because I'm still trying to deal with the trauma of
Speaker 1: watching that on TV. You know, I still got to
Speaker 1: deal with the fact that we don't know where our
Speaker 1: next paycheck was going to come. Because I remember in
Speaker 1: the beginning of March we had our lowest number of
Speaker 1: income and that we have had in about two years.
Speaker 1: Because all of the brand partnerships had stopped. We couldn't
Speaker 1: do the live podcast tour. Oh yeah, we had a
Speaker 1: lot of things going on. Our vironyl got canceled. But
Speaker 1: those of you who were, you know, we had a
Speaker 1: whole seasons last season that we dedicated to us. We're
Speaker 1: doing our vows, and we were hoping to open season
Speaker 1: four with all that, you know, great news and footage
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and then everything just came to a home.
Speaker 1: So I was frustrated, and I had to figure out
Speaker 1: how I was going to remove that frustration to educate him,
Speaker 1: and I leaned on you a lot. We talked about this.
Speaker 1: You know, um as as a black man, there's not
Speaker 1: many places that you feel like a king when you're
Speaker 1: in America because you're always considered the worst case. You know,
Speaker 1: you always consider when you step out your house, you
Speaker 1: consider the worst case scenario. If I come across the
Speaker 1: police officer, I gotta worry about this, you know, if
Speaker 1: I go into this store and people start following me,
Speaker 1: I have to worry about this happening. It's not until
Speaker 1: you come home that you feel that sense of relief.
Speaker 1: You know. Dealing with corporate America is the same thing,
Speaker 1: Like I can't be too black because if I'm too black,
Speaker 1: then they're gonna be like, oh, he's the angry black guy.
Speaker 1: But if I'm not black enough. All my black counterparts
Speaker 1: are going to be like, oh, he's a sellout. So
Speaker 1: all of that stress is relieved when I come home
Speaker 1: and have my queen, my wife, you know, And that
Speaker 1: that brings me to ask you, how did you deal
Speaker 1: with the fact that you had to deal with all
Speaker 1: of your kids, your boys trying to figure out where
Speaker 1: they stood in the world, and then your husband, who
Speaker 1: was just like I was. You knew you. You could
Speaker 1: see it on my phrase. I was over. I hadn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't post in like four or five days. I
Speaker 1: didn't post anything funny. How did you deal with that?
Speaker 1: For me, it was unpacking several different layers of being Cadeine,
Speaker 1: being wife, being mom um, and I was struggling with
Speaker 1: finding out where was I going to fall in this
Speaker 1: whole ecosystem of change, right because we felt like, also
Speaker 1: you and I collectively and both individually, that we had
Speaker 1: it was a responsibility that we had with the platforms
Speaker 1: that we've built to be able to speak on or
Speaker 1: address certain topics that were happening at the time. And
Speaker 1: for me, I felt like it would be tone deaf
Speaker 1: of me to just continue to produce content that was
Speaker 1: avoiding what was happening, you know. So I was struggling
Speaker 1: with that because emotionally I was a wreck. All I
Speaker 1: could think about was the time we were in the
Speaker 1: uprising that was a happening, and having to raise three
Speaker 1: black young men in this world of uncertainty, feeling deep
Speaker 1: down like there was a hopelessness that the change wouldn't
Speaker 1: even come for their generation. We didn't know what this
Speaker 1: change was gonna happen. And then just watching how angry
Speaker 1: you were and how hurt you were, and you feeling
Speaker 1: like man, And I know, I thought, I thought to myself.
Speaker 1: You know, I was praying one night to God and
Speaker 1: I was like, what did you see in me to
Speaker 1: make it fit for me to have three boys that
Speaker 1: I was raising, you know? And the strength that I
Speaker 1: felt like, you know you have as a mom, you
Speaker 1: have a certain level of strength. I'm like, god' us
Speaker 1: a knew better with me because apparently I have some
Speaker 1: strength that I don't know about, because the way I
Speaker 1: love my children and I love my husband. At that point,
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I may have to disconnect
Speaker 1: a bit from social media. I remember reaching out to
Speaker 1: our manager and saying, you know what, I may just
Speaker 1: need to breathe for a second, because there's no way
Speaker 1: that I was going to be able to you know,
Speaker 1: there's one thing to to be involved in social media
Speaker 1: and be socially active, but then to just repost memes
Speaker 1: and repost what you see. To me, I'm like, where
Speaker 1: am I actually going to evoke change? And to me,
Speaker 1: it was more important to find out where was the
Speaker 1: change gonna lie for me? Um, how is I gonna
Speaker 1: you know, fall in that ecosystem? And then who did
Speaker 1: I want to affect directly? So I felt like, with
Speaker 1: my hands tied with the coronavirus being you know, bound
Speaker 1: into our home, the only place that I could really
Speaker 1: evoke change that mattered to me was in my household.
Speaker 1: And it was with you, is with the boys, It
Speaker 1: was with my parents, like we were literally taking that
Speaker 1: time to now, you know, love on each other, the
Speaker 1: love that we may not feel on a day to
Speaker 1: day basis from from you know, the outside world. I
Speaker 1: felt like it was my duty as wife and mom
Speaker 1: and daughter in that circumstance to create a space for
Speaker 1: everyone in our household where there was a level of
Speaker 1: comfort and you know, you can be emotionally vulnerable if
Speaker 1: you needed to be like that was my role. I
Speaker 1: mean comfort food. Let me tell you all the baker
Speaker 1: that I have you, you was making food every night.
Speaker 1: I was cooking. I'm a whole last page. Made an
Speaker 1: apple turnover. I never forget made an apple turnover. I
Speaker 1: just decide you wanna make an apple turn over. I
Speaker 1: made an apple turnover. Now I'm turning over over my
Speaker 1: my joggers. Don't Jacob thinks I'm trying to make sure
Speaker 1: I'm intact for y'all on camera. Intact for me that
Speaker 1: when the nights you was my apple turnal, stress relief
Speaker 1: happening in the house. Um, but it really forced me
Speaker 1: to really evaluate what mattered most to me. Later on
Speaker 1: in this season, I'm gonna talk about just purpose and
Speaker 1: how that shifted for me and me really wondering why
Speaker 1: why am I here? Who am I here for? What
Speaker 1: am I here for? It really gave me a chance
Speaker 1: to just like decompress and then refocus on the things
Speaker 1: that really mattered. And I think when we pull away
Speaker 1: all the distractions that we've had, like you said, you know,
Speaker 1: sports wasn't on for you to just say I'll talk
Speaker 1: about it later, It's like, oh, you gotta run here
Speaker 1: there and everywhere. Being in the house together, it really
Speaker 1: just forced me to take a look at Codeine, the person,
Speaker 1: the career woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister,
Speaker 1: the friend. Everything. Here's the thing now that we've unpacked,
Speaker 1: how you felt, how I felt? How did we parent? Well?
Speaker 1: How are we parenting during the pandemic? All right? So
Speaker 1: there's some funny stories in here, all right that I got.
Speaker 1: Number One, prior to the pandemic, Coin has been a germophobe,
Speaker 1: all right, and y'all are seeing me on Instagram make
Speaker 1: fun of her. We used to get on the plane
Speaker 1: and she used to bring out a light soul white
Speaker 1: and wipe down every seat. She used to put the
Speaker 1: mask on. She used to spray the aerosol can in
Speaker 1: from early so I used to be disinfecting and it
Speaker 1: was funny because everything you have done, taking your shoes
Speaker 1: off before you come in the house, wiping things down,
Speaker 1: washing your hands, it was almost like normal. So I
Speaker 1: remember Jackson saying saying to me, once again, it's like,
Speaker 1: why people so mad? They got to be clean? So
Speaker 1: what were people doing before? And I was just like, yes,
Speaker 1: yes they were. So as far as the pandemic was concerned,
Speaker 1: well that that pandemic that was normal to us. You know,
Speaker 1: it was a little bit different because the kids had
Speaker 1: to be in the house. And I think we're our
Speaker 1: families a little bit different because you and I work
Speaker 1: from home a lot. We did travel a lot prior
Speaker 1: to so they were months where we'll be gone, you know,
Speaker 1: a month here, a month there. We wouldn't see the
Speaker 1: kids for weeks at a time, so we got time
Speaker 1: to miss them. They got time to miss us. But
Speaker 1: for the first time, all five of us and your
Speaker 1: mom and then your dad came to live with us.
Speaker 1: So I had the whole jealous, the whole Joseph Clan
Speaker 1: in the House of God. I have Mimi and Papa
Speaker 1: living in the house with us, and I have realized
Speaker 1: that when you miss, when you have time to miss people,
Speaker 1: you can put up with some of their little quirks
Speaker 1: because we all got our little we all got a
Speaker 1: little quotes make them who they are. People aren't always
Speaker 1: gonna be feeling you when you get into your and whatnot.
Speaker 1: So when we're talking about parenting, we can talk about
Speaker 1: parents and our parents because we pretty much became parents
Speaker 1: to your parents and our kids. So we have five
Speaker 1: kids in the house, and all the stuff that you
Speaker 1: think is funny and cute that somebody does when you
Speaker 1: get a chance to meet miss them ain't funny no more.
Speaker 1: And it's like the boys would be bickering, and then
Speaker 1: my parents they start bickering just because they've been married
Speaker 1: for thirty or six years and that's what married people do.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, yo, what is going on here?
Speaker 1: At times, the vell and I just felt like we
Speaker 1: had to hide, like just just just like hide, and
Speaker 1: we're just like, you know what, guys, we're gonna need
Speaker 1: to take like an hour or two run off and
Speaker 1: do our own thing for a little bit, you know,
Speaker 1: safely in the car and in the car. But you
Speaker 1: know what I did learn. I learned how to give
Speaker 1: not only your parents grace, but the kids grace. Because
Speaker 1: a lot of times parents don't give their kids grace.
Speaker 1: It's do what I say and do it right now,
Speaker 1: or it's a problem, and we don't realize that the
Speaker 1: kids are going through the same emotional struggles that we're
Speaker 1: going through. And this is the first time ever in
Speaker 1: our life that I had to sit back and say,
Speaker 1: you know what, Jackson may say something that maybe a
Speaker 1: little off the cuff or like out of his character,
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna snap, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: because I had to realize, Like I realized that Jackson
Speaker 1: had been with us for now, it was about three
Speaker 1: or four months in a row, didn't have any outlets,
Speaker 1: couldn't see his friends, couldn't his friends come to his teacher,
Speaker 1: all of them. So he would say stuff sometimes like
Speaker 1: I remember he snapped on your mom one time your
Speaker 1: mother had your mother was saying something to him and
Speaker 1: he was like enough. I was like, didn't real quick see,
Speaker 1: because that's why she as a dad, because we don't
Speaker 1: but that. But that's what you realize during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: that people have their triggers and kids are allowed to
Speaker 1: express themselves. Now you don't allow for disrespect. Of course,
Speaker 1: I pull on my side and I was like, why,
Speaker 1: why why are you talking to you? Meet me like
Speaker 1: that and allowed him to explain what he was feeling,
Speaker 1: what he was going through, and and that's when I
Speaker 1: realized that he has the same frustrations and the same
Speaker 1: way we snap on kids sometimes. And afterwards got to
Speaker 1: apologize kids. Kids gonna snap, especially if you have intelligent
Speaker 1: kids who you encourage them and empowered them to use
Speaker 1: their voice. Sometimes they're gonna say stuff. And during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: I learned to give my kids. Yeah, if that's one
Speaker 1: thing that we do is encourage our boys to to
Speaker 1: speak up, UM, to speak up not only for themselves,
Speaker 1: but to help speak up for others. Which is why
Speaker 1: it was also important for us to discuss with them
Speaker 1: what was happening in the current climate, because we want
Speaker 1: them to be advocates for people as well, you know,
Speaker 1: those who don't have the voice to be UM. And
Speaker 1: you know, with saying home orders, keeping parents home from work,
Speaker 1: kids home from school, the role of parents really shifted
Speaker 1: from not just parents to teacher. You're like a joke
Speaker 1: about being the lunch lady. UM devours the physical education teacher. Um,
Speaker 1: we're an all day playmate sometimes depending on the child.
Speaker 1: We were potty training cats in the process that it
Speaker 1: takes a lot of work and a lot of patients. UM.
Speaker 1: But the pandemic I think also presented an opportunity for
Speaker 1: us to connect deeper with the children, really learn each child.
Speaker 1: You know, we have three children. You and I are
Speaker 1: the same exact person. I mean, depending on the day, UM,
Speaker 1: let's be clear. And then I think about our kids,
Speaker 1: how they had their own little ism, then their own
Speaker 1: individual things that make them taken a little personality. So
Speaker 1: I particularly enjoy the time that I had to just
Speaker 1: really learn more about who our children are because we
Speaker 1: think about it. They get up in the morning, Jackson
Speaker 1: goes to school. Kyra would have been going to school
Speaker 1: full days, and they're literally gone from like eight am
Speaker 1: to maybe three pm, and then there's a short window
Speaker 1: of time where it's like homework, and then there's you know, dinner,
Speaker 1: and then they're in bed again. So now we really
Speaker 1: have like an all day to learn them and to
Speaker 1: grow with them. And it was interesting when you were
Speaker 1: doing work with Jackson his Mathworkum explain how that really
Speaker 1: made you realize how his mind worked and how you
Speaker 1: realize there was a deficit that you had as a dad. Well,
Speaker 1: you know how typically you come with the stats, right facts,
Speaker 1: but you got you find out devoted research. Well actually
Speaker 1: the research, but I have them, so I'm going to
Speaker 1: present them. Let her effects in her time. I won't
Speaker 1: check this out. According to research, about sixty four million
Speaker 1: Americans are living with children the eighteen and since the
Speaker 1: coronavirus pandemic began in March. Over sixtent of public schools
Speaker 1: have been canceled uh in in class in person classes,
Speaker 1: which we all knew, right not check this out. Eight
Speaker 1: out of ten millennial parents agree that their child is
Speaker 1: one of their best friends. When we were growing up,
Speaker 1: that was not the case. Think about that. I don't think. No,
Speaker 1: there's not been the case never, And that's because of
Speaker 1: the way we parents, you know, we we even hashtag
Speaker 1: millennial parenting is different. And this is another reason why
Speaker 1: seventy of millennial parents involved their children and household decisions
Speaker 1: were significantly higher than Gen X parents. So there's a
Speaker 1: reason why. Also, dads are more likely than moms to
Speaker 1: use YouTube to connect with their children. Now checking out,
Speaker 1: checking now, And there's a reason why I gave you
Speaker 1: all those stats. Okay, as a parent, now you resort
Speaker 1: back to how you were parents to make sure you're
Speaker 1: parenting the right way, right, But study show the right way,
Speaker 1: the right way what we talked, but study show and
Speaker 1: what we realized is that we don't parents, and we
Speaker 1: don't see our children the same way our parents saw us.
Speaker 1: So there were times during the pandemic where I tried
Speaker 1: to resort back to what my parents did because things
Speaker 1: were so different, you know how you go back to
Speaker 1: what's natural, and it wasn't working. And then I started
Speaker 1: to feel like I was failing as a parent. And
Speaker 1: that brings us to the homework Jackson. Jackson started doing
Speaker 1: the third grade math and he and I are sitting
Speaker 1: down and we were going over Pythagorean theorem, which is
Speaker 1: extremely advanced to third grade. So we're going over area,
Speaker 1: We're going over perimeter and stuff with that nature, and
Speaker 1: I'm used to him just picking things up, not realizing
Speaker 1: that he hasn't been in school to be taught this stuff.
Speaker 1: They're just sending home the work. So we go over
Speaker 1: the area and I'm like, what's area and he's just
Speaker 1: like length times with I'm like boom. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's perimeter and he's just like lanes plus with plus
Speaker 1: length plus with I'm like, or it's two times length
Speaker 1: plus worth. He's like, I got it right? So did
Speaker 1: he do the problems? All of them are wrong? So
Speaker 1: I'm like like, like, we went over this, like what
Speaker 1: is area length times with? What's perimeter? Two times length
Speaker 1: plus with? Okay, do the problems get some wrong. So
Speaker 1: now I'm screaming and I'm using the same type of
Speaker 1: force that my mom and dad used with me in homework.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, get it right there, you short
Speaker 1: short with homework, super short. And the thing is I
Speaker 1: don't I don't hit Jackson. You know I usually get popped. Right,
Speaker 1: So Jackson was push ups. We're at about two seventy
Speaker 1: five pushers at this point. Jackson can't do no more
Speaker 1: push up. This like behind closed doors, I don't be
Speaker 1: witnessing this. I'm probably running around with trying to them.
Speaker 1: As a father, you're not gonna understand. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to understand. Even though I'm a father, I can admit
Speaker 1: that I sucked up. Place up. I sucked up. So
Speaker 1: after about two and the seventi five push ups, Jackson's
Speaker 1: arms damned about to fall off, right. I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: what's the problem, and he was just like, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you nervous? He said, I'm nervous
Speaker 1: to get the wrong answer because I don't want to
Speaker 1: upset you. Well, it's too late. But but then I'm
Speaker 1: thinking to myself and I'm like like, wow, I didn't
Speaker 1: even give him the latitude to try to figure out
Speaker 1: the problem. I just automatically got upset because he did
Speaker 1: it wrong. And I realized that that was a response
Speaker 1: that typically I got from my parents. But also I
Speaker 1: was going to school at the time, so I should
Speaker 1: have been in school paying attention. He wasn't even in school.
Speaker 1: So then I had to kind of check myself and
Speaker 1: realize that, you know what, I'm not just a dad
Speaker 1: in this moment. I'm a teacher, and teachers can't give
Speaker 1: kids push ups and spas on them for not doing
Speaker 1: homework properly. So I was like, you know what, it's
Speaker 1: time to recalibrate. It's time to use YouTube. So I
Speaker 1: started to use videos in different things that he could
Speaker 1: uh associate with the things that he felt comfortable with,
Speaker 1: And we use YouTube videos to figure out math problems
Speaker 1: and make it fun. And I realized that I have
Speaker 1: to come down to his level sometimes as a parent
Speaker 1: and the pet and meet him and not expect him
Speaker 1: to be where I am, because the way this guy,
Speaker 1: this this little boy now rolls out basketball stats doing
Speaker 1: math in his head now, and I'm just like, wow,
Speaker 1: he's actually starting to get that. Well. I also got
Speaker 1: him a tutor, because I did understand that you also
Speaker 1: know what we can and can what I can't do.
Speaker 1: And also shout out to all of the educators, the
Speaker 1: teachers out there, because we as a community of people
Speaker 1: took you for granted. Oh, I'm actually just a teacher.
Speaker 1: He's just a teacher. No, let me explain something to you.
Speaker 1: Trying to teach to thirty kids Protagorean theorem in third grade.
Speaker 1: His mother fucking heart because I had one kid to
Speaker 1: teach and I failed horribly. So respect to all of
Speaker 1: the teachers for the jobs that you're doing so many children.
Speaker 1: They all learned differently, different approaches. Is like, how is
Speaker 1: anything traditional when it comes to teaching methods? Insane? I
Speaker 1: don't know how they do it. It's insane. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that that was That was the interesting story. Because also too,
Speaker 1: I think you felt like you weren't as involved prior
Speaker 1: to this with his homework and stuff me as well,
Speaker 1: you know, because but and Jackson is very responsible and
Speaker 1: that he's just like I got it, Like I'm good,
Speaker 1: I got you know. I think we took for granted
Speaker 1: with especially with us traveling and being busy with work
Speaker 1: and whatnot, we took for granted the fact that, yo,
Speaker 1: he's still just nine years old, like he still needs
Speaker 1: to be chapped on and looked after and all that
Speaker 1: good stuff, you know. But he's just such a nurturing,
Speaker 1: responsible kid that I think we sometimes take for granted
Speaker 1: that you just need some help. I've seen you have
Speaker 1: some troubles with the two little ones. You know, we
Speaker 1: kind of we kind of delegate responsibility, right, you know,
Speaker 1: so when they're over five, I got him that I
Speaker 1: think on a limited basis, at least he admits it.
Speaker 1: He admits it. Did we get that on camera? That
Speaker 1: devol it's part time when it comes to Cairo. And
Speaker 1: you said that I'm too harsh. You said I was
Speaker 1: too harsh on Jackson. So I'm I'm gonna wait till
Speaker 1: they get to the level where I can be harsh
Speaker 1: with them. So I engage with them in ways that
Speaker 1: I can engage with them. But you know, at this point,
Speaker 1: at three and two, they want mommy. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's true, Go to mommy, Go to Mimi. Do you know,
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do from the daddy when you want.
Speaker 1: I mean, we did have some like little moments and
Speaker 1: like little milestones that happened during the pandemic with with
Speaker 1: the kids like Cairo, all of a sudden we realize
Speaker 1: it's like this beast athlete three years old, almost four,
Speaker 1: you know, wanting to work out. And I love that
Speaker 1: they were able to bond our boys like Jackson being
Speaker 1: five years older than Cairo. I was always about them
Speaker 1: not being um, you know, really tight because of the
Speaker 1: age difference. But literally the two of them particularly have
Speaker 1: been like this. I mean, Cairo wanting to mimic every
Speaker 1: single thing that Jackson does. Jackson sometimes being like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, here he goes again. But I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: that's the responsibility of the older, the oldest. I'm the oldest.
Speaker 1: We've had the younger siblings that are hagging along all
Speaker 1: the time. So um, you know, cass potty train now, y'all.
Speaker 1: For the most part, he got that number one, number
Speaker 1: two was touching go. Number two was touching goal. But hey,
Speaker 1: praise be to God that there is some progress on
Speaker 1: any other moments that you can pick out during quarantine
Speaker 1: that you really felt like, it's like a heartwarming time
Speaker 1: for me with these boys. No, I mean, in totality,
Speaker 1: it was just like realizing that as much as you
Speaker 1: think you're involved when there's so much distractions going on
Speaker 1: in the world. And one thing I will say about
Speaker 1: everybody was saying twenties my years to give clear vision.
Speaker 1: It cleared up a lot of stuff for me as
Speaker 1: far as being a father because for the first time
Speaker 1: in my life, I had nothing else to do but
Speaker 1: be a father. And you realize, if if you're the
Speaker 1: type of person and I got this from being an athlete,
Speaker 1: is that um the eye and this guy don't lie.
Speaker 1: You know, you always have to reflect on what you've
Speaker 1: done and own up to what's wrong and what's right.
Speaker 1: When you have no other distractions because there's no work,
Speaker 1: you can't go outside. All you have to focus on
Speaker 1: is your children. It will show you, as a parent
Speaker 1: how much you're not doing and how much you could
Speaker 1: be impeding the progress of your children by your actions.
Speaker 1: And that is what the pandemic has showed me, and
Speaker 1: and also showed me how intuitive our children are, because
Speaker 1: there were times where you know, Jackson walks over and
Speaker 1: he'll just be like, Mom, you're good. You know. It
Speaker 1: brings me to tears every single time. Was I was like,
Speaker 1: you're really caring about me, Like there's there's this little
Speaker 1: person that actually cares about me. Yeah, yeah, it's dope.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've come across thanks to triple uh ten
Speaker 1: Facts to strengthen parents child relationship. All right, so let's see,
Speaker 1: let's see how good we are here. Let's see if
Speaker 1: we can give ourselves like checks or whatever. So Number
Speaker 1: one aim for twelve hugs or physical connections every day.
Speaker 1: Physical therapists Virginia. Well, according to Virginia, she famously said,
Speaker 1: we need four hugs a day for survival, we need
Speaker 1: a eat hugs a day for maintenance, and we need
Speaker 1: twelve hugs a day for growth. I see our audience
Speaker 1: in the back, they're shaking their head. Is that true?
Speaker 1: That's mad hugs. That's about thirty six physical interactions for
Speaker 1: us per day. What if your children, Because we talked
Speaker 1: about teaching our children how to say no, Kas, for example,
Speaker 1: I found out it's not a guy who enjoys physical touch,
Speaker 1: you know, Cas, come give me a hug, and I
Speaker 1: want him to be okay saying no. Because we want
Speaker 1: to teach them about personal boundaries and that you have
Speaker 1: autonomy over your boundary over yourself. You know. Long gone
Speaker 1: is the whole give Auntie a hug, give uncle hug,
Speaker 1: sit on this one's lap, because that creates generational trauma
Speaker 1: where they feel like adults have access to them physically.
Speaker 1: So if my kids don't want twelve hugs, have different
Speaker 1: ways of interacting, like, you know, like give me two,
Speaker 1: so they'll give you like the punch punch Like that's
Speaker 1: the way of engaging I think physically with them where
Speaker 1: they're just like okay, I mean, if they can punching
Speaker 1: me in the stomach to hugs, then we cool. Because
Speaker 1: my mom my kids don't punching me in the stomach.
Speaker 1: That's that's our thing that's jumping all over you, you know,
Speaker 1: So that's good. I would say that that's pretty pretty fair. Followed,
Speaker 1: I'll grab them and kiss them. I don't care. You
Speaker 1: came out of my whole body you and you are
Speaker 1: in my whole entire body for a good nine to
Speaker 1: ten months. Okay, so don't act like you don't know
Speaker 1: where you came from. Bro alright. Play Laughter and rough
Speaker 1: housing keeps you connected with your child by stimulating endorphins
Speaker 1: and oxytocin in both of you. Making laughter a daily
Speaker 1: Habit also gives the child a chance to laugh out
Speaker 1: the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make them feel disconnected
Speaker 1: and more likely to act out. So you already know
Speaker 1: that I'll do that since we have boys. It's a thing,
Speaker 1: and this is the thing that I created during the
Speaker 1: pandemic where I call him over like a stern dad voice. Jackson,
Speaker 1: cayro Kaz come in and they walk over and I say,
Speaker 1: did I tell you I love you today? And they
Speaker 1: ways smile and they go no, And then I give
Speaker 1: him a hug, I kiss him on the forehead, I
Speaker 1: pick them up, and then I punch him in the
Speaker 1: stoma again. I tell him get away from me. That
Speaker 1: that's the thing that that's the thing that I stand
Speaker 1: back in the cut and be like, but that's something
Speaker 1: that we developed. Yeah, it's super cute because sometimes during
Speaker 1: the pandemic, you forget to tell your kids. You see
Speaker 1: them all the time, and the days roll into each other,
Speaker 1: you forget to tell them that talk about the monotony,
Speaker 1: and before you know it, it's two or three four days,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't say anything but negative. The best part
Speaker 1: is that I have adopted that philosophy as well. So
Speaker 1: there are many moments when I walk over to the
Speaker 1: l and I'm like, did you tell me that you
Speaker 1: love me today? You do that? And then you'd be like, now,
Speaker 1: I always say no, right exactly? Did I grab your
Speaker 1: booty today? Did you? Can you go to number three? Three?
Speaker 1: This is probably my favorite one, even though it sometimes
Speaker 1: seems virtually impossible because we're trying to juggle work and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Turn off technology when you interact with your child. Cairo
Speaker 1: point blank told me one day, Mommy, get off your phone.
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you with the most stern well you know,
Speaker 1: Cairo's voice is a little deep four year old, and
Speaker 1: he were just like, Mommy, i'm talking to you. Turn
Speaker 1: off if you're not looking at me. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not looking at you for real. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll put my phone down. And I came down to
Speaker 1: his love it and I was like, yes, Cairo, because
Speaker 1: he was telling me a story or something of the sort,
Speaker 1: and I was just totally not engaged. It's almost impossible.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like, what do you mean? But we've
Speaker 1: had this conversation, you know, We've got this conversation with you,
Speaker 1: like we'll be talking and this is Cadine's favorite thing
Speaker 1: to do. Uh huh, I'm listening to you because I
Speaker 1: feel like a multitask. So I'm like, I'm listening with
Speaker 1: one air and I'm you know, replying to something and
Speaker 1: the other. It's just like, yeah, nobody wants to be multitask.
Speaker 1: I agree. I don't want to be multitask. The Lord's working.
Speaker 1: I know the kids don't want to be multitasks. Facts
Speaker 1: connect before transitions. So I guess creating this new normal
Speaker 1: for kids because we're all transitioning and pivoting into what
Speaker 1: is now the new normal for us. Would I hate
Speaker 1: to say new normal. I feel it's like it's a
Speaker 1: new temporary Well, I do want to explain this next once.
Speaker 1: I think this one is important. It says make time
Speaker 1: for one on one time, do whatever you need to
Speaker 1: do to schedule fifteen minutes with each child separately every day.
Speaker 1: And I made a point of saying that, Okay, today
Speaker 1: is Mommy and Roe we day, just y'all too, Today
Speaker 1: is Mommy and CAD's day, Today's Daddy and Devout Daddy
Speaker 1: and Jackson's day. We made a point to do that
Speaker 1: so each child feel like they have a bond with
Speaker 1: each parent individually, and they're just not the sum of
Speaker 1: a whole for sure, which is important. No, it's great.
Speaker 1: I like to be able to kind of rotate that too,
Speaker 1: because it's not just like Devlot with one child all
Speaker 1: the time, or me with the other all the time,
Speaker 1: or my mom or dad with one. But it was
Speaker 1: nice to rotate that and we have our own little
Speaker 1: like things. I feel like I'm developing like little things
Speaker 1: with Jackson that are like our inside jokes. His sense
Speaker 1: of humor is so bombed. He and I there was
Speaker 1: something that my mom did, and my brother and my
Speaker 1: sister and I joke with my mom and dad all
Speaker 1: the time, like it just comes with the terr tory.
Speaker 1: So there's something that my mom did. And I started
Speaker 1: cracking up to myself, and I look over at Jackson
Speaker 1: and he's on the floor laughing the same thing. That's
Speaker 1: what idiots. And I was like, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: is the moment when Jackson got the jow and then
Speaker 1: your mother goes now you have my grandkids making funny
Speaker 1: and y'all too laughing crying literally something so simple and
Speaker 1: stupid she did. She probably putting out something wrong. She
Speaker 1: probably said like, oh, get his birth surf for tickets,
Speaker 1: like a true Jamaican. I'm like, you mean birth certificate, mom,
Speaker 1: no deserve a ticket. I wouldn't stop laughing, could not
Speaker 1: stop laughing. Um, And I'll just list off the other
Speaker 1: ten to I mean the other five, so that way
Speaker 1: we don't take up too much time going through. But um,
Speaker 1: welcome emotion, listen and empathize, slow down and savor the moment.
Speaker 1: I've been doing that lately, sucking it all up, um,
Speaker 1: bedtime snuggles, and she could have got you right there,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna because I kept moving about listen, you
Speaker 1: set it up. I could have dunked it, but I
Speaker 1: know could have. I would have. I totally would have
Speaker 1: handed it to you too, with the whole assist um,
Speaker 1: bedtime snuggles and chat and then show up. All right,
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take a quick break, um and get
Speaker 1: into some ads so that way we could move on
Speaker 1: to my favorite portion of the show, listener letters. She
Speaker 1: still knows, y'all, she still knows. Ye ain't much have changed.
Speaker 1: That's one constant from twenty for me. I still want
Speaker 1: to be known what's going on in your life? And yeah,
Speaker 1: we're telling me. I mean, I'll be eveniling us and whatnot.
Speaker 1: So uh, stick around, We'll be right back. All right, guys,
Speaker 1: we're back for listener letters, Cadine's favorite part of the show. Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna jump right into all right, go ahead
Speaker 1: and read for me. My husband and I both drive
Speaker 1: a lot for our jobs and listen in the car
Speaker 1: dead as sparks, great discussions over dinner when we're home.
Speaker 1: We've been married almost two years and we're entering the
Speaker 1: when should we have kids conversation. We both want kids,
Speaker 1: but we are so happy as a couple right now.
Speaker 1: It's scary to know our lives will change so much.
Speaker 1: How did you know when the time was right? Yay?
Speaker 1: Thank you for for listening first off, and to know
Speaker 1: that we're sparking conversations, the conversations. Thanks what this was about.
Speaker 1: This is not just therapy for us, but what we're
Speaker 1: hoping is that it will continue to, you know, encourage
Speaker 1: people to engage in conversations with their significant other, friends, family,
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. So happy to hear that. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Sis Um. What I'm also gathering from
Speaker 1: this statement here or this paragraph is that you both
Speaker 1: want kids, but you're happy right now and you know
Speaker 1: that things will change so much. I think that's one
Speaker 1: thing we've made clear that children should definitely change a
Speaker 1: lot of things. I think having to decipher when is
Speaker 1: the right time it's almost impossible in the sense, like
Speaker 1: there's certain practical things that you need to have in place,
Speaker 1: For example, do you have a roof over your head?
Speaker 1: Are you making money? You know, there's certain things that
Speaker 1: you know you need to have when you are preparing
Speaker 1: to start a family. But if you're debating on that
Speaker 1: actual right time, it feels like you're never really ready
Speaker 1: to dive in, you know what I mean. It's almost
Speaker 1: like that double Dutch rope when you're like, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm staying out there forever, like, oh,
Speaker 1: here's the rope, here's do I jump in? And can
Speaker 1: you still jump? Can you still jump double Dutch? I
Speaker 1: wonder if I can't. I haven't done that in years.
Speaker 1: I would love to see you jumped. I would love
Speaker 1: to take it back with my with my hair, and
Speaker 1: then you go in and then you pop up, pop up,
Speaker 1: took me back? It would be let me you know what,
Speaker 1: give us such a creepy But anyway, um that being said, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like this, like trying to get in
Speaker 1: the rope. But once you get in, as long as
Speaker 1: nobody's double handed, you will be able to start jumping
Speaker 1: and catch your rhythm and then you go. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like, that's my analogy when it comes
Speaker 1: to parenting. You know, there's never really the right time,
Speaker 1: but it's like you step up to the plate. You're
Speaker 1: ready to jump in because you know you have you're
Speaker 1: equipped to do it, you know what I mean. You're
Speaker 1: wearing the right sneak as your laces the tide tight,
Speaker 1: and then you can just jump right in. So I say,
Speaker 1: you know what, you guys are happy as a couple.
Speaker 1: That's an amazing thing. And I think you can work
Speaker 1: on being happy as individuals as well. So then when
Speaker 1: you become parents, you can be great parents individually as well.
Speaker 1: You can share that happiness that you have for each
Speaker 1: other with your children. Because there's nothing better for me
Speaker 1: than having a child with my husband, knowing how much
Speaker 1: I love him, how much I knew that he was
Speaker 1: going to be an amazing father, Like those were all
Speaker 1: things that encouraged me to be like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm about to popping on this honeymoon, and we were
Speaker 1: fortunate and blessed enough to get pregnant on the first
Speaker 1: t Yeah, I just I just think that. Um, when
Speaker 1: you're happy with your significant other, take the time to
Speaker 1: get to know them, take the time to do some
Speaker 1: of the things on your bucket list together first, because
Speaker 1: once you do have children, things definitely change. So um
Speaker 1: the fact that you're planning knock some things off your
Speaker 1: bucket list. Enjoy each other, make the decision, and then
Speaker 1: move forward. Because there is no wrong decision in life.
Speaker 1: There's no wrong decision. Like life is yours, your canvas.
Speaker 1: You make of it what you want to make of it.
Speaker 1: So there is no right time, there's no wrong time.
Speaker 1: You just make the best out of the time you have.
Speaker 1: And children are always a blessing. So enjoy each other
Speaker 1: and then make that decision. And I promise you, once
Speaker 1: you do have a child, you will almost not even
Speaker 1: recognize or be able to remember what life was like
Speaker 1: without them. You know what I mean. No, I can't
Speaker 1: remember what life was like without them. I can remember,
Speaker 1: I remember that That's not like this is this is
Speaker 1: important because men and women have different mentalities when it
Speaker 1: comes to having kids. It is different, And this is
Speaker 1: the truth. Okay, once the kids come, Mom's sole purpose
Speaker 1: is the kids. So do understand this. Once these kids come,
Speaker 1: you don't mad no more. All right, old on, let
Speaker 1: me finish my let me finish my thought ahead. As
Speaker 1: a man, when you ask a woman to marry you
Speaker 1: and to bear your children, you have to understand that
Speaker 1: made that choice. I was talking about this yesterday. You
Speaker 1: made that choice that this woman is going to have
Speaker 1: your children. She is going to put those children first,
Speaker 1: and you are always going to be second to the children.
Speaker 1: That's what you decided. So at that point you can't
Speaker 1: then be like, I'm tired of being behind the kids.
Speaker 1: So understand that once you make that choice, that's what
Speaker 1: it's going to be. And don't don't have children until
Speaker 1: you're ready to accept that. I was not prepared for
Speaker 1: that and wasn't aware of that, and it wasn't until
Speaker 1: I got older and I'm married and I realized what
Speaker 1: it was and I had to own up the fact that,
Speaker 1: you know what, I asked you to marry me, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to have I wanted her to have children.
Speaker 1: If she's not putting the children first, and I'm not
Speaker 1: putting the children first because I put k first, as
Speaker 1: a man, my sole responsibility is my wife, and I
Speaker 1: just feel like her responsibility to kids for me, it's
Speaker 1: her her as the kids. If she's focused on me
Speaker 1: and I'm focused on her, who's focused on the kids.
Speaker 1: So that's just the reality of it. Like that is true.
Speaker 1: That is true. And women, you know, being the vessel
Speaker 1: of life, we have a different, completely different action and
Speaker 1: bond with each child having gone through pregnancy, even women
Speaker 1: who are going through unconventional ways of getting pregnant. Still
Speaker 1: there's that maternal instinct that kicks in. Whether you have
Speaker 1: a child via surrogate, there's a maternal instinct that kicks in,
Speaker 1: wants you know that you were mothering a child, so
Speaker 1: naturally a lot of focus goes to that baby. But
Speaker 1: then you have to also realize that this baby alone,
Speaker 1: this baby was made through love, which I would hope,
Speaker 1: and that you all also have to you know, give
Speaker 1: daddy some time to you know, app that make I'm
Speaker 1: still working on it, you know, it's a work in
Speaker 1: progress from both from botha to give that some time.
Speaker 1: I had to learn to respect the fact that the
Speaker 1: kids are going to have to be first, so also
Speaker 1: understand and give each other grace as you're going through
Speaker 1: this process of life and changing because you're not going
Speaker 1: to have all the answers to understand it. So if
Speaker 1: your wife is upset about something, understand that she she
Speaker 1: has validity and being upset. If you're upset, give yourself
Speaker 1: grace and say, you know what, I've feel like this?
Speaker 1: Why do I you know? Why do I feel like this?
Speaker 1: But understand that you're entitled to feel that way. But
Speaker 1: work your way through the very good point. Alright, girl,
Speaker 1: I hope that helps. Al right, And we have one
Speaker 1: more listener letter for this episode today. Hey, Devalin Cadeene,
Speaker 1: I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been
Speaker 1: in a relationship for a little over a year. We're
Speaker 1: both twenty eight years old. I've struggled for some time
Speaker 1: on whether or not this relationship is for me. I know,
Speaker 1: I know if you have to ask, it probably isn't.
Speaker 1: What's not that simple? At least you know? Says you
Speaker 1: put that in there. Um. I don't have any kids,
Speaker 1: but he has three kids seven, seven, and five. I'm
Speaker 1: assuming twins. Um. Sometimes I feel like it's oh no,
Speaker 1: he ain't say twins. And I was trying to give
Speaker 1: broad a benefit of the doubt, but it could be
Speaker 1: reading between the lines here. She says she's not sure
Speaker 1: if this relationship is going to work some things. Is
Speaker 1: there you jumping through the store? You jump in through
Speaker 1: the story here? Sometimes I feel like it holds me
Speaker 1: back from what I want to do in life. I'm young,
Speaker 1: I'm a registered nurse Okay is currently working on my
Speaker 1: m s n to be a nurse practitioner. Okay sis
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm successful for my age. I want
Speaker 1: to travel and take trips and live my best life.
Speaker 1: It's hard for him to keep up with me because
Speaker 1: of the kids. I understand that he's a father and
Speaker 1: that's his priority, but I worked hard to get where
Speaker 1: I am. I don't want to waste my years away.
Speaker 1: What makes it harder is his kids love me. If
Speaker 1: I leave, I feel like I'm hurting them too. They
Speaker 1: get over it. Do you ain't a mama? It messed up?
Speaker 1: You set all this up to say you got all
Speaker 1: this going for yourself. You this you that you you
Speaker 1: are all that you want to live your best life?
Speaker 1: Do you really want to be a mother to three
Speaker 1: kids that are not yours, that could be twins or
Speaker 1: not twins who you are right now. Listen, these kids
Speaker 1: nowadays are resili they are built differently, they are a
Speaker 1: different breed. They will be all right, and you're not
Speaker 1: their mother. So parting gift, buy them a parting gift Amazon,
Speaker 1: got mad deal, sis. I can send you links. You
Speaker 1: can even borrow my Prime account. Send them some parting
Speaker 1: gifts on your merry way. Periods, periods, periods, all right?
Speaker 1: Is it my go? That's okay? Um um no, lady, listen,
Speaker 1: once you decide you're gonna deal with a man with kids,
Speaker 1: you made a responsibility to get in those kids lives.
Speaker 1: You can't and then point just be like, you know what, peace,
Speaker 1: I'm out. If you didn't want to deal with the
Speaker 1: kids from the very beginning, you should have been like,
Speaker 1: now you've got kids, I ain't with it to play
Speaker 1: to play double dust like you said earlier, to play
Speaker 1: double dust with these kids emotions, it's straight messed up.
Speaker 1: That's jacked up. What if somebody did that to Jackson
Speaker 1: Cage cash? What if you and me go hold up, hello,
Speaker 1: I'll let you have imaginary circumstance. Let you have your time,
Speaker 1: my time? Please? Can I have my time? Stop? Can't
Speaker 1: get my tongue. Are you done? Hypothetically? Right? Right? You
Speaker 1: die right, I'm just saying, let me get through my
Speaker 1: hypothetically because hypothetically, because hypothetically we can't get a divorce,
Speaker 1: because then you might let me get my story done. Hypothetically.
Speaker 1: You die, right, But you're still up there in the
Speaker 1: esoteric sky and you can see what's going on. Right,
Speaker 1: I start dealing with a chick, right, she starts to
Speaker 1: be motherly to our children, right, and then out of
Speaker 1: nowhere because she want to go to Bali. She just
Speaker 1: decided she wanted to be up and gone. You're gonna
Speaker 1: haunt that lady. You're gonna go to her house in
Speaker 1: her sleep, and then you're gonna be like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: fly to Yes, Yes, that's what you're gonna do, dressed
Speaker 1: just like this, Yes, except exactly, and you're gonna drive
Speaker 1: her crazy. I'll find somebody up and so would you
Speaker 1: want something exactly? So you would hunt her because she
Speaker 1: did that to our kids. But you're telling this lady
Speaker 1: to do that kids asked for. Introduce sing her to
Speaker 1: my children for a little overdone, you die, but still
Speaker 1: what you done? You got my mom, you got my sister,
Speaker 1: You got your mom, You've got people you can send
Speaker 1: the kids to when you want to go her in
Speaker 1: Bali's sands. Don't be doing that with my kids and
Speaker 1: then putting them through no emotional I'm in trouble for hypothetical,
Speaker 1: y'all see what I'm saying. You know what, that's the
Speaker 1: end of list today because I'm not even trying. You're
Speaker 1: looking good and I'm trying to get some of that.
Speaker 1: If your best life you are and you are young,
Speaker 1: you were doing it just to be responsible. Responsible. If anything,
Speaker 1: me and her don't be agreeing on everything. I don't
Speaker 1: agree on that, so we can agree to do. I
Speaker 1: give you my perspective, div gave you his perspective. Take
Speaker 1: a little bit, leave a lot, whatever you're gonna do, girl,
Speaker 1: But do you think after this? I don't know if
Speaker 1: y'all want to want to write in for listening letters,
Speaker 1: but if you'd like to be featured as one of
Speaker 1: our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead
Speaker 1: ass Advice at gmail dot com. That is that is
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V
Speaker 1: I C E at G man. Got go. Here's my
Speaker 1: moment of truth. It's very simple, It's very short while
Speaker 1: you're going through the pandemic with your children, give them grace,
Speaker 1: to give yourself grace. This is uncharted territory. Allow them
Speaker 1: to grow as people. You grow as a person, and
Speaker 1: have as much fun as possible because this will be
Speaker 1: over soon. We just got to get through it together,
Speaker 1: God willing, absolutely. And my moment of truth is that
Speaker 1: the days maybe long, but the years are short, and
Speaker 1: when you really think about it, prone this one. I
Speaker 1: heard that somewhere that don't don't You could google that.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to play replagiarize or whatnot. However, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that I heard that somewhere, but I heard
Speaker 1: it before. But it's it's still be hitting, though it'll
Speaker 1: be hitting. The days are long, and talk about being
Speaker 1: in quarantine, it's like twenty four hours, like you said,
Speaker 1: perfectly ground talk day up in this bitch like all
Speaker 1: the time. You know what I mean. It's the same
Speaker 1: and the same, the same. But when you really think
Speaker 1: about the grand scheme of things, the years fly by
Speaker 1: with these kids, So just try to make the best
Speaker 1: of the situation, try to like savor those moments. It
Speaker 1: goes so incredibly fast. When Jackson turned nine, He looked
Speaker 1: at me and said, Mommy, I just turned nine. You
Speaker 1: know that's like half of my life with you guys.
Speaker 1: In another half, I'm going to be eighteen and I'm
Speaker 1: going to be an adult. Oh are you like I
Speaker 1: literally no, he's not. Yes, he will, baby, y'all can
Speaker 1: always come back home. Just so y'all know. No, you
Speaker 1: can't let me look right in the camera and say this.
Speaker 1: No you cannot. There's gonna come a point in your
Speaker 1: life where it's going to go back to before we
Speaker 1: had kids. Yo, do that? How are you? How are
Speaker 1: you gonna be sitting here in the bel Air mansion
Speaker 1: shout out to Airbnb one more time? How are you
Speaker 1: going to be sitting in here and talk about our
Speaker 1: kids never coming back home like their kids came back.
Speaker 1: Hilary was almost all the way engaged that. Did you
Speaker 1: see how Uncle Phil looked every time he walked in
Speaker 1: his kitchen and the kids. Did you see it? He
Speaker 1: was pissed. He was like, I thought gave you at
Speaker 1: the poolhouse, I got you an apartment, and you're still here.
Speaker 1: It's gonna come a point. Well, i'mould just want my
Speaker 1: wife when they grown, I'm gonna want my wife looking
Speaker 1: just like this. All right, do what it do so moment.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your moment of truth. But y'all can't come
Speaker 1: back home after college? Fine, fine, to be continued. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll discuss that in another nine years. Be sure to
Speaker 1: follow us on social media. Like we said now, we
Speaker 1: kicked off season four with an Instagram page because y'all
Speaker 1: have been asking for it, So dead asked the podcast
Speaker 1: and you can find me, Cadine, I am as usual
Speaker 1: on Instagram and all over and as I am devout
Speaker 1: and once again shout out to I Heart. We're now
Speaker 1: part of the Heart family, so much love to my heart.
Speaker 1: You can find us here, And if you're listening on
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe exactly.
Speaker 1: And let's kick off this new season with you telling
Speaker 1: a friend, tell somebody, engage some conversations. If you will
Speaker 1: catch up on the past episodes, listen to future ones,
Speaker 1: be sure to listen wherever you listen. As Dead Asked,
Speaker 1: Baby dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media
Speaker 1: podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcast
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing