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Speaker 1: I got one sound bite, all right to start off

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Speaker 1: season four. Really like the whole thing, really, yes, the

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Speaker 1: whole thing. The whole thing needs to be gone. Although

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Speaker 1: I'm greatful for life and health and strength, I will

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Speaker 1: say that whatever age I was supposed to be turning December,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna hold onto it for a whole another year.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass. Hey, I'm and we're the ellis Is. You

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Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh and

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennial

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Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually saying

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Speaker 1: facts on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth. We're about to take Phillow Talk to a

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Speaker 1: whole new levels starts now. So first and foremost, let's

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Speaker 1: just talk about where we are live live for season four.

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Speaker 1: We're here and there, the fresh Prince of bel Air

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Speaker 1: mansioncast whole entire childhood. Like I'm getting my whole life

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Speaker 1: right here, right now. It's insane. It's very inane, very nostalgic.

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Speaker 1: Is you just feel good seeing all the memorabilia pictures

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Speaker 1: around here? Um, I just can't. I can't even believe it.

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Speaker 1: When I pulled up, I was like, I'm like, for us,

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Speaker 1: it's Brooklyn, New York. You know, it makes sense, though

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Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense, but it also makes sense that

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Speaker 1: we typically do karaoke. So we decided to begin season

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Speaker 1: four for karaoke. We're gonna have a moment of silence

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Speaker 1: for all of the lives lost during the pandemic, racism,

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Speaker 1: and just life in general. So we're gonna take this

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Speaker 1: time have a quick moment of silence. Thank you so

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Speaker 1: Um that brings me the story time stories Time. We

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Speaker 1: got mad stories. Yes, we got stories for Quarantine for

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Speaker 1: story time because lord, um, it's funny. I had some

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Speaker 1: I had some funny stories, you know, I had some

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Speaker 1: some serious stories, and I decided to go with the

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Speaker 1: story that kind of encompasses what's been going on for

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Speaker 1: the entire year. And it was early early in the year. Um,

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Speaker 1: the pandemic had really hit hard. Um, there were no

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Speaker 1: sports on TV because everything was just out of the ordinary.

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Speaker 1: We were watching CNN every like every second of the

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Speaker 1: day because we were trying to figure out what was

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Speaker 1: going to happen with COVID nineteen. And also at the

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Speaker 1: same time, Almond Aubrey had, you know, his murder case

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Speaker 1: had started to pick up steam. And then it was

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Speaker 1: Brianna Taylor, and then it was George Floyd. And I

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Speaker 1: remember Jackson came over to me and he said, um,

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Speaker 1: like straight face, he said that why do they keep

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Speaker 1: killing us? And I looked at him, and I had

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Speaker 1: realized that this was going to be the moment where

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Speaker 1: I have to have to talk with him about being

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Speaker 1: black in America. And I'll never I'll never forget the

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Speaker 1: day because it was two days before my birthday and

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Speaker 1: from now one, that's all I'm always gonna remember. March

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Speaker 1: thirty one. That's the day that I had to tell

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Speaker 1: Jackson what it was like to be black in America. So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, when you think about parenting during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: there were many layers to it. When I really like

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Speaker 1: sit back and look at where we were at the

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Speaker 1: end of march Um School was no longer in session,

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Speaker 1: and we had the coronavirus pandemic, we had the racism pandemic,

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Speaker 1: and so many things going on. So there were many

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Speaker 1: layers to what it meant to be a parent now

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Speaker 1: because a lot of parents who are were either working

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Speaker 1: all the time and away from home. They were not

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Speaker 1: home with their children, children weren't at school. So, going

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Speaker 1: back to your story time us having to unpack that

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Speaker 1: time with Jackson, how did it affect you as a

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Speaker 1: black man in America? And I asked that because I

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Speaker 1: know how it affected me as your wife, Me as

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Speaker 1: a black woman, um, me as a mom to three boys,

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Speaker 1: you know, three whole boys, which I joke about a lot,

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Speaker 1: but I know how I felt about it. So I

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Speaker 1: could see the hurt in you, not just for Jackson

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Speaker 1: and for our sons, but for yourself because you've experienced

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Speaker 1: many different you know, times where you felt like you

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Speaker 1: were treated unjustly. You know. Well, I mean for me,

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Speaker 1: it was unpacking a lot of things, but also red

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Speaker 1: acknowizing that we were in an uncharted territory when it

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Speaker 1: comes to the world. At this point in the year,

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Speaker 1: Jackson had already lost two of the people that he idolized.

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Speaker 1: Kobe Bryant had died, and then weeks later Pop Smoke

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Speaker 1: had died, so you know, I was already dealing with

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Speaker 1: death with him because you know, he was just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, he's just like yo, like what is going on?

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Speaker 1: And then armand Aubrey's murder was on television, and Jackson's

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Speaker 1: at the point now where he can google anything, so

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Speaker 1: it's on YouTube. And then the Brianna Taylor story came up,

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Speaker 1: and then George Floyd. So for me, it was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: how do I compartmentalized because I'm angry. I'm like, I'm pissed.

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Speaker 1: I'm just angry, so I want to My first response

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Speaker 1: is to project that anger onto my child and be like,

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Speaker 1: don't do this, don't do that. You gotta be worried

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Speaker 1: about this. White people, this, white people that, the police, this,

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Speaker 1: the police that. But then I said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: now is the time to educate because if I don't

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Speaker 1: educate him properly, he's gonna harbor the same anger that

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Speaker 1: I harbored from the time I was young. You know,

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Speaker 1: my parents grew up, we grew up in in Brooklyn,

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Speaker 1: and we grew up during the time and stopping frisking,

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Speaker 1: and my mom was very adamant about teaching my brother

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Speaker 1: and I at the time, and then my sister she

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Speaker 1: got older, what it was like to be black because

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Speaker 1: she was the first class to to in segregation in

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn and go to James Madison High School. She was

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Speaker 1: the first class in the early seventies, so she that's

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Speaker 1: very likely. She's very passionate about that. But even through

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Speaker 1: that passion, there were certain things that my mom didn't

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Speaker 1: explain to me because as you you know, as you

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Speaker 1: learn more and you learn better, you do better. So

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Speaker 1: I grew up a little angry, you know, a lot

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Speaker 1: of angry. I'm not gonna up. I grew up a

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Speaker 1: lot of angry and I just want I chose in

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Speaker 1: that moment to not put that anger on my son.

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Speaker 1: So we started to talk about history, and you know,

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Speaker 1: Aiden was staying at the house at the time. And

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Speaker 1: the sad part was there was no like, there's no distraction.

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Speaker 1: If sports was on, if there was something on TV

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Speaker 1: that they could watch, I could be like, oh, we'll

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Speaker 1: talk about it later, go watch this, or even after

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Speaker 1: having that conversation, there was a way to rebound. It

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Speaker 1: was just the thickness, their thickness in the house, the

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Speaker 1: atmosphere that was just you could cut it with a knife.

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Speaker 1: It's like, how do you rebound from that? It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's go back outside and play, and I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I really want to play right now. No,

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Speaker 1: it felt like groundhog Day because we watched CNN every

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Speaker 1: single day and they weren't in school, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: there wasn't much for them to do except go outside.

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Speaker 1: Plus we had to be away from people. So I

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Speaker 1: was his refuge. You was his refuge. So any question

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Speaker 1: he had or anything, so he came running to us.

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Speaker 1: And I can understand how parents at times become overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: because I'm still trying to deal with the trauma of

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Speaker 1: watching that on TV. You know, I still got to

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Speaker 1: deal with the fact that we don't know where our

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Speaker 1: next paycheck was going to come. Because I remember in

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Speaker 1: the beginning of March we had our lowest number of

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Speaker 1: income and that we have had in about two years.

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Speaker 1: Because all of the brand partnerships had stopped. We couldn't

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Speaker 1: do the live podcast tour. Oh yeah, we had a

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Speaker 1: lot of things going on. Our vironyl got canceled. But

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Speaker 1: those of you who were, you know, we had a

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Speaker 1: whole seasons last season that we dedicated to us. We're

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Speaker 1: doing our vows, and we were hoping to open season

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Speaker 1: four with all that, you know, great news and footage

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Speaker 1: and whatnot, and then everything just came to a home.

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Speaker 1: So I was frustrated, and I had to figure out

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Speaker 1: how I was going to remove that frustration to educate him,

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Speaker 1: and I leaned on you a lot. We talked about this.

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Speaker 1: You know, um as as a black man, there's not

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Speaker 1: many places that you feel like a king when you're

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Speaker 1: in America because you're always considered the worst case. You know,

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Speaker 1: you always consider when you step out your house, you

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Speaker 1: consider the worst case scenario. If I come across the

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Speaker 1: police officer, I gotta worry about this, you know, if

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Speaker 1: I go into this store and people start following me,

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Speaker 1: I have to worry about this happening. It's not until

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Speaker 1: you come home that you feel that sense of relief.

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Speaker 1: You know. Dealing with corporate America is the same thing,

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Speaker 1: Like I can't be too black because if I'm too black,

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Speaker 1: then they're gonna be like, oh, he's the angry black guy.

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Speaker 1: But if I'm not black enough. All my black counterparts

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Speaker 1: are going to be like, oh, he's a sellout. So

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Speaker 1: all of that stress is relieved when I come home

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Speaker 1: and have my queen, my wife, you know, And that

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Speaker 1: that brings me to ask you, how did you deal

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Speaker 1: with the fact that you had to deal with all

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Speaker 1: of your kids, your boys trying to figure out where

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Speaker 1: they stood in the world, and then your husband, who

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Speaker 1: was just like I was. You knew you. You could

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Speaker 1: see it on my phrase. I was over. I hadn't.

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Speaker 1: I didn't post in like four or five days. I

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Speaker 1: didn't post anything funny. How did you deal with that?

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Speaker 1: For me, it was unpacking several different layers of being Cadeine,

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Speaker 1: being wife, being mom um, and I was struggling with

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Speaker 1: finding out where was I going to fall in this

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Speaker 1: whole ecosystem of change, right because we felt like, also

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Speaker 1: you and I collectively and both individually, that we had

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Speaker 1: it was a responsibility that we had with the platforms

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Speaker 1: that we've built to be able to speak on or

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Speaker 1: address certain topics that were happening at the time. And

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Speaker 1: for me, I felt like it would be tone deaf

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Speaker 1: of me to just continue to produce content that was

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Speaker 1: avoiding what was happening, you know. So I was struggling

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Speaker 1: with that because emotionally I was a wreck. All I

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Speaker 1: could think about was the time we were in the

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Speaker 1: uprising that was a happening, and having to raise three

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Speaker 1: black young men in this world of uncertainty, feeling deep

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Speaker 1: down like there was a hopelessness that the change wouldn't

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Speaker 1: even come for their generation. We didn't know what this

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Speaker 1: change was gonna happen. And then just watching how angry

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Speaker 1: you were and how hurt you were, and you feeling

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Speaker 1: like man, And I know, I thought, I thought to myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, I was praying one night to God and

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Speaker 1: I was like, what did you see in me to

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Speaker 1: make it fit for me to have three boys that

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Speaker 1: I was raising, you know? And the strength that I

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Speaker 1: felt like, you know you have as a mom, you

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Speaker 1: have a certain level of strength. I'm like, god' us

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Speaker 1: a knew better with me because apparently I have some

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Speaker 1: strength that I don't know about, because the way I

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Speaker 1: love my children and I love my husband. At that point,

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Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I may have to disconnect

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Speaker 1: a bit from social media. I remember reaching out to

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Speaker 1: our manager and saying, you know what, I may just

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Speaker 1: need to breathe for a second, because there's no way

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Speaker 1: that I was going to be able to you know,

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Speaker 1: there's one thing to to be involved in social media

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Speaker 1: and be socially active, but then to just repost memes

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Speaker 1: and repost what you see. To me, I'm like, where

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Speaker 1: am I actually going to evoke change? And to me,

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Speaker 1: it was more important to find out where was the

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Speaker 1: change gonna lie for me? Um, how is I gonna

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Speaker 1: you know, fall in that ecosystem? And then who did

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Speaker 1: I want to affect directly? So I felt like, with

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Speaker 1: my hands tied with the coronavirus being you know, bound

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Speaker 1: into our home, the only place that I could really

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Speaker 1: evoke change that mattered to me was in my household.

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Speaker 1: And it was with you, is with the boys, It

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Speaker 1: was with my parents, like we were literally taking that

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Speaker 1: time to now, you know, love on each other, the

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Speaker 1: love that we may not feel on a day to

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Speaker 1: day basis from from you know, the outside world. I

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Speaker 1: felt like it was my duty as wife and mom

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Speaker 1: and daughter in that circumstance to create a space for

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Speaker 1: everyone in our household where there was a level of

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Speaker 1: comfort and you know, you can be emotionally vulnerable if

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Speaker 1: you needed to be like that was my role. I

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Speaker 1: mean comfort food. Let me tell you all the baker

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Speaker 1: that I have you, you was making food every night.

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Speaker 1: I was cooking. I'm a whole last page. Made an

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Speaker 1: apple turnover. I never forget made an apple turnover. I

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Speaker 1: just decide you wanna make an apple turn over. I

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Speaker 1: made an apple turnover. Now I'm turning over over my

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Speaker 1: my joggers. Don't Jacob thinks I'm trying to make sure

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Speaker 1: I'm intact for y'all on camera. Intact for me that

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Speaker 1: when the nights you was my apple turnal, stress relief

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Speaker 1: happening in the house. Um, but it really forced me

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Speaker 1: to really evaluate what mattered most to me. Later on

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Speaker 1: in this season, I'm gonna talk about just purpose and

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Speaker 1: how that shifted for me and me really wondering why

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Speaker 1: why am I here? Who am I here for? What

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Speaker 1: am I here for? It really gave me a chance

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Speaker 1: to just like decompress and then refocus on the things

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Speaker 1: that really mattered. And I think when we pull away

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Speaker 1: all the distractions that we've had, like you said, you know,

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Speaker 1: sports wasn't on for you to just say I'll talk

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Speaker 1: about it later, It's like, oh, you gotta run here

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Speaker 1: there and everywhere. Being in the house together, it really

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Speaker 1: just forced me to take a look at Codeine, the person,

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Speaker 1: the career woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister,

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Speaker 1: the friend. Everything. Here's the thing now that we've unpacked,

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Speaker 1: how you felt, how I felt? How did we parent? Well?

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Speaker 1: How are we parenting during the pandemic? All right? So

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Speaker 1: there's some funny stories in here, all right that I got.

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Speaker 1: Number One, prior to the pandemic, Coin has been a germophobe,

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Speaker 1: all right, and y'all are seeing me on Instagram make

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Speaker 1: fun of her. We used to get on the plane

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Speaker 1: and she used to bring out a light soul white

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Speaker 1: and wipe down every seat. She used to put the

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Speaker 1: mask on. She used to spray the aerosol can in

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Speaker 1: from early so I used to be disinfecting and it

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Speaker 1: was funny because everything you have done, taking your shoes

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Speaker 1: off before you come in the house, wiping things down,

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Speaker 1: washing your hands, it was almost like normal. So I

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Speaker 1: remember Jackson saying saying to me, once again, it's like,

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Speaker 1: why people so mad? They got to be clean? So

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Speaker 1: what were people doing before? And I was just like, yes,

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Speaker 1: yes they were. So as far as the pandemic was concerned,

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Speaker 1: well that that pandemic that was normal to us. You know,

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Speaker 1: it was a little bit different because the kids had

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Speaker 1: to be in the house. And I think we're our

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Speaker 1: families a little bit different because you and I work

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Speaker 1: from home a lot. We did travel a lot prior

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Speaker 1: to so they were months where we'll be gone, you know,

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Speaker 1: a month here, a month there. We wouldn't see the

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Speaker 1: kids for weeks at a time, so we got time

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Speaker 1: to miss them. They got time to miss us. But

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Speaker 1: for the first time, all five of us and your

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Speaker 1: mom and then your dad came to live with us.

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Speaker 1: So I had the whole jealous, the whole Joseph Clan

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Speaker 1: in the House of God. I have Mimi and Papa

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Speaker 1: living in the house with us, and I have realized

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Speaker 1: that when you miss, when you have time to miss people,

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Speaker 1: you can put up with some of their little quirks

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Speaker 1: because we all got our little we all got a

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Speaker 1: little quotes make them who they are. People aren't always

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Speaker 1: gonna be feeling you when you get into your and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: So when we're talking about parenting, we can talk about

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Speaker 1: parents and our parents because we pretty much became parents

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Speaker 1: to your parents and our kids. So we have five

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Speaker 1: kids in the house, and all the stuff that you

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Speaker 1: think is funny and cute that somebody does when you

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Speaker 1: get a chance to meet miss them ain't funny no more.

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Speaker 1: And it's like the boys would be bickering, and then

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Speaker 1: my parents they start bickering just because they've been married

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Speaker 1: for thirty or six years and that's what married people do.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just like, yo, what is going on here?

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Speaker 1: At times, the vell and I just felt like we

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Speaker 1: had to hide, like just just just like hide, and

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Speaker 1: we're just like, you know what, guys, we're gonna need

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Speaker 1: to take like an hour or two run off and

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Speaker 1: do our own thing for a little bit, you know,

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Speaker 1: safely in the car and in the car. But you

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Speaker 1: know what I did learn. I learned how to give

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Speaker 1: not only your parents grace, but the kids grace. Because

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Speaker 1: a lot of times parents don't give their kids grace.

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Speaker 1: It's do what I say and do it right now,

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Speaker 1: or it's a problem, and we don't realize that the

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Speaker 1: kids are going through the same emotional struggles that we're

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Speaker 1: going through. And this is the first time ever in

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Speaker 1: our life that I had to sit back and say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, Jackson may say something that maybe a

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Speaker 1: little off the cuff or like out of his character,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna snap, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: because I had to realize, Like I realized that Jackson

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Speaker 1: had been with us for now, it was about three

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Speaker 1: or four months in a row, didn't have any outlets,

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Speaker 1: couldn't see his friends, couldn't his friends come to his teacher,

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Speaker 1: all of them. So he would say stuff sometimes like

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Speaker 1: I remember he snapped on your mom one time your

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Speaker 1: mother had your mother was saying something to him and

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Speaker 1: he was like enough. I was like, didn't real quick see,

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Speaker 1: because that's why she as a dad, because we don't

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Speaker 1: but that. But that's what you realize during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: that people have their triggers and kids are allowed to

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Speaker 1: express themselves. Now you don't allow for disrespect. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I pull on my side and I was like, why,

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Speaker 1: why why are you talking to you? Meet me like

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Speaker 1: that and allowed him to explain what he was feeling,

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Speaker 1: what he was going through, and and that's when I

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Speaker 1: realized that he has the same frustrations and the same

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Speaker 1: way we snap on kids sometimes. And afterwards got to

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Speaker 1: apologize kids. Kids gonna snap, especially if you have intelligent

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Speaker 1: kids who you encourage them and empowered them to use

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Speaker 1: their voice. Sometimes they're gonna say stuff. And during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: I learned to give my kids. Yeah, if that's one

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Speaker 1: thing that we do is encourage our boys to to

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Speaker 1: speak up, UM, to speak up not only for themselves,

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Speaker 1: but to help speak up for others. Which is why

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Speaker 1: it was also important for us to discuss with them

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Speaker 1: what was happening in the current climate, because we want

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Speaker 1: them to be advocates for people as well, you know,

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Speaker 1: those who don't have the voice to be UM. And

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Speaker 1: you know, with saying home orders, keeping parents home from work,

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Speaker 1: kids home from school, the role of parents really shifted

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Speaker 1: from not just parents to teacher. You're like a joke

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Speaker 1: about being the lunch lady. UM devours the physical education teacher. Um,

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Speaker 1: we're an all day playmate sometimes depending on the child.

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Speaker 1: We were potty training cats in the process that it

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Speaker 1: takes a lot of work and a lot of patients. UM.

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Speaker 1: But the pandemic I think also presented an opportunity for

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Speaker 1: us to connect deeper with the children, really learn each child.

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Speaker 1: You know, we have three children. You and I are

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Speaker 1: the same exact person. I mean, depending on the day, UM,

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Speaker 1: let's be clear. And then I think about our kids,

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Speaker 1: how they had their own little ism, then their own

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Speaker 1: individual things that make them taken a little personality. So

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Speaker 1: I particularly enjoy the time that I had to just

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Speaker 1: really learn more about who our children are because we

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Speaker 1: think about it. They get up in the morning, Jackson

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Speaker 1: goes to school. Kyra would have been going to school

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Speaker 1: full days, and they're literally gone from like eight am

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Speaker 1: to maybe three pm, and then there's a short window

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Speaker 1: of time where it's like homework, and then there's you know, dinner,

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Speaker 1: and then they're in bed again. So now we really

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Speaker 1: have like an all day to learn them and to

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Speaker 1: grow with them. And it was interesting when you were

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Speaker 1: doing work with Jackson his Mathworkum explain how that really

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Speaker 1: made you realize how his mind worked and how you

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Speaker 1: realize there was a deficit that you had as a dad. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know how typically you come with the stats, right facts,

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Speaker 1: but you got you find out devoted research. Well actually

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Speaker 1: the research, but I have them, so I'm going to

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Speaker 1: present them. Let her effects in her time. I won't

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00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 1: check this out. According to research, about sixty four million

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Speaker 1: Americans are living with children the eighteen and since the

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Speaker 1: coronavirus pandemic began in March. Over sixtent of public schools

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00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 1: have been canceled uh in in class in person classes,

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Speaker 1: which we all knew, right not check this out. Eight

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Speaker 1: out of ten millennial parents agree that their child is

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Speaker 1: one of their best friends. When we were growing up,

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Speaker 1: that was not the case. Think about that. I don't think. No,

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00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 1: there's not been the case never, And that's because of

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Speaker 1: the way we parents, you know, we we even hashtag

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Speaker 1: millennial parenting is different. And this is another reason why

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Speaker 1: seventy of millennial parents involved their children and household decisions

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Speaker 1: were significantly higher than Gen X parents. So there's a

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Speaker 1: reason why. Also, dads are more likely than moms to

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Speaker 1: use YouTube to connect with their children. Now checking out,

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Speaker 1: checking now, And there's a reason why I gave you

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Speaker 1: all those stats. Okay, as a parent, now you resort

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Speaker 1: back to how you were parents to make sure you're

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Speaker 1: parenting the right way, right, But study show the right way,

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00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,479
Speaker 1: the right way what we talked, but study show and

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00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: what we realized is that we don't parents, and we

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Speaker 1: don't see our children the same way our parents saw us.

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Speaker 1: So there were times during the pandemic where I tried

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Speaker 1: to resort back to what my parents did because things

403
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 1: were so different, you know how you go back to

404
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Speaker 1: what's natural, and it wasn't working. And then I started

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00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 1: to feel like I was failing as a parent. And

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Speaker 1: that brings us to the homework Jackson. Jackson started doing

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Speaker 1: the third grade math and he and I are sitting

408
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: down and we were going over Pythagorean theorem, which is

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Speaker 1: extremely advanced to third grade. So we're going over area,

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Speaker 1: We're going over perimeter and stuff with that nature, and

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Speaker 1: I'm used to him just picking things up, not realizing

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00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 1: that he hasn't been in school to be taught this stuff.

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Speaker 1: They're just sending home the work. So we go over

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Speaker 1: the area and I'm like, what's area and he's just

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Speaker 1: like length times with I'm like boom. So I'm like,

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00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 1: what's perimeter and he's just like lanes plus with plus

417
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 1: length plus with I'm like, or it's two times length

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Speaker 1: plus worth. He's like, I got it right? So did

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Speaker 1: he do the problems? All of them are wrong? So

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Speaker 1: I'm like like, like, we went over this, like what

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00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 1: is area length times with? What's perimeter? Two times length

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00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 1: plus with? Okay, do the problems get some wrong. So

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Speaker 1: now I'm screaming and I'm using the same type of

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Speaker 1: force that my mom and dad used with me in homework.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just like, get it right there, you short

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00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 1: short with homework, super short. And the thing is I

427
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 1: don't I don't hit Jackson. You know I usually get popped. Right,

428
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 1: So Jackson was push ups. We're at about two seventy

429
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: five pushers at this point. Jackson can't do no more

430
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: push up. This like behind closed doors, I don't be

431
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: witnessing this. I'm probably running around with trying to them.

432
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 1: As a father, you're not gonna understand. I'm not going

433
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: to understand. Even though I'm a father, I can admit

434
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: that I sucked up. Place up. I sucked up. So

435
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,959
Speaker 1: after about two and the seventi five push ups, Jackson's

436
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: arms damned about to fall off, right. I'm like, yo,

437
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 1: what's the problem, and he was just like, I'm nervous.

438
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you nervous? He said, I'm nervous

439
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: to get the wrong answer because I don't want to

440
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: upset you. Well, it's too late. But but then I'm

441
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 1: thinking to myself and I'm like like, wow, I didn't

442
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: even give him the latitude to try to figure out

443
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: the problem. I just automatically got upset because he did

444
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 1: it wrong. And I realized that that was a response

445
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: that typically I got from my parents. But also I

446
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: was going to school at the time, so I should

447
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: have been in school paying attention. He wasn't even in school.

448
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 1: So then I had to kind of check myself and

449
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: realize that, you know what, I'm not just a dad

450
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 1: in this moment. I'm a teacher, and teachers can't give

451
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: kids push ups and spas on them for not doing

452
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: homework properly. So I was like, you know what, it's

453
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: time to recalibrate. It's time to use YouTube. So I

454
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 1: started to use videos in different things that he could

455
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: uh associate with the things that he felt comfortable with,

456
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: And we use YouTube videos to figure out math problems

457
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 1: and make it fun. And I realized that I have

458
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: to come down to his level sometimes as a parent

459
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: and the pet and meet him and not expect him

460
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: to be where I am, because the way this guy,

461
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: this this little boy now rolls out basketball stats doing

462
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: math in his head now, and I'm just like, wow,

463
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: he's actually starting to get that. Well. I also got

464
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: him a tutor, because I did understand that you also

465
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 1: know what we can and can what I can't do.

466
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: And also shout out to all of the educators, the

467
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: teachers out there, because we as a community of people

468
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: took you for granted. Oh, I'm actually just a teacher.

469
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: He's just a teacher. No, let me explain something to you.

470
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: Trying to teach to thirty kids Protagorean theorem in third grade.

471
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: His mother fucking heart because I had one kid to

472
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: teach and I failed horribly. So respect to all of

473
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 1: the teachers for the jobs that you're doing so many children.

474
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: They all learned differently, different approaches. Is like, how is

475
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: anything traditional when it comes to teaching methods? Insane? I

476
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: don't know how they do it. It's insane. So yeah,

477
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,239
Speaker 1: that that was That was the interesting story. Because also too,

478
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 1: I think you felt like you weren't as involved prior

479
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 1: to this with his homework and stuff me as well,

480
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 1: you know, because but and Jackson is very responsible and

481
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 1: that he's just like I got it, Like I'm good,

482
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: I got you know. I think we took for granted

483
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: with especially with us traveling and being busy with work

484
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: and whatnot, we took for granted the fact that, yo,

485
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: he's still just nine years old, like he still needs

486
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 1: to be chapped on and looked after and all that

487
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: good stuff, you know. But he's just such a nurturing,

488
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,479
Speaker 1: responsible kid that I think we sometimes take for granted

489
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: that you just need some help. I've seen you have

490
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,159
Speaker 1: some troubles with the two little ones. You know, we

491
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: kind of we kind of delegate responsibility, right, you know,

492
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 1: so when they're over five, I got him that I

493
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: think on a limited basis, at least he admits it.

494
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: He admits it. Did we get that on camera? That

495
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: devol it's part time when it comes to Cairo. And

496
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: you said that I'm too harsh. You said I was

497
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: too harsh on Jackson. So I'm I'm gonna wait till

498
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 1: they get to the level where I can be harsh

499
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: with them. So I engage with them in ways that

500
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 1: I can engage with them. But you know, at this point,

501
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: at three and two, they want mommy. So I'm like,

502
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: that's true, Go to mommy, Go to Mimi. Do you know,

503
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do from the daddy when you want.

504
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: I mean, we did have some like little moments and

505
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: like little milestones that happened during the pandemic with with

506
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: the kids like Cairo, all of a sudden we realize

507
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: it's like this beast athlete three years old, almost four,

508
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: you know, wanting to work out. And I love that

509
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: they were able to bond our boys like Jackson being

510
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: five years older than Cairo. I was always about them

511
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: not being um, you know, really tight because of the

512
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: age difference. But literally the two of them particularly have

513
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: been like this. I mean, Cairo wanting to mimic every

514
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: single thing that Jackson does. Jackson sometimes being like, oh

515
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: my god, here he goes again. But I'm like, yo,

516
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 1: that's the responsibility of the older, the oldest. I'm the oldest.

517
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 1: We've had the younger siblings that are hagging along all

518
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: the time. So um, you know, cass potty train now, y'all.

519
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: For the most part, he got that number one, number

520
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: two was touching go. Number two was touching goal. But hey,

521
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: praise be to God that there is some progress on

522
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 1: any other moments that you can pick out during quarantine

523
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: that you really felt like, it's like a heartwarming time

524
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: for me with these boys. No, I mean, in totality,

525
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: it was just like realizing that as much as you

526
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 1: think you're involved when there's so much distractions going on

527
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: in the world. And one thing I will say about

528
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: everybody was saying twenties my years to give clear vision.

529
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,360
Speaker 1: It cleared up a lot of stuff for me as

530
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 1: far as being a father because for the first time

531
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: in my life, I had nothing else to do but

532
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 1: be a father. And you realize, if if you're the

533
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: type of person and I got this from being an athlete,

534
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: is that um the eye and this guy don't lie.

535
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: You know, you always have to reflect on what you've

536
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 1: done and own up to what's wrong and what's right.

537
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: When you have no other distractions because there's no work,

538
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: you can't go outside. All you have to focus on

539
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: is your children. It will show you, as a parent

540
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 1: how much you're not doing and how much you could

541
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: be impeding the progress of your children by your actions.

542
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: And that is what the pandemic has showed me, and

543
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: and also showed me how intuitive our children are, because

544
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: there were times where you know, Jackson walks over and

545
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 1: he'll just be like, Mom, you're good. You know. It

546
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: brings me to tears every single time. Was I was like,

547
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 1: you're really caring about me, Like there's there's this little

548
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: person that actually cares about me. Yeah, yeah, it's dope.

549
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I've come across thanks to triple uh ten

550
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: Facts to strengthen parents child relationship. All right, so let's see,

551
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: let's see how good we are here. Let's see if

552
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: we can give ourselves like checks or whatever. So Number

553
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: one aim for twelve hugs or physical connections every day.

554
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: Physical therapists Virginia. Well, according to Virginia, she famously said,

555
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: we need four hugs a day for survival, we need

556
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: a eat hugs a day for maintenance, and we need

557
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 1: twelve hugs a day for growth. I see our audience

558
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: in the back, they're shaking their head. Is that true?

559
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,719
Speaker 1: That's mad hugs. That's about thirty six physical interactions for

560
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: us per day. What if your children, Because we talked

561
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: about teaching our children how to say no, Kas, for example,

562
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 1: I found out it's not a guy who enjoys physical touch,

563
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: you know, Cas, come give me a hug, and I

564
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: want him to be okay saying no. Because we want

565
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: to teach them about personal boundaries and that you have

566
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: autonomy over your boundary over yourself. You know. Long gone

567
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: is the whole give Auntie a hug, give uncle hug,

568
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,719
Speaker 1: sit on this one's lap, because that creates generational trauma

569
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: where they feel like adults have access to them physically.

570
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: So if my kids don't want twelve hugs, have different

571
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: ways of interacting, like, you know, like give me two,

572
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: so they'll give you like the punch punch Like that's

573
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: the way of engaging I think physically with them where

574
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: they're just like okay, I mean, if they can punching

575
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: me in the stomach to hugs, then we cool. Because

576
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: my mom my kids don't punching me in the stomach.

577
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: That's that's our thing that's jumping all over you, you know,

578
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: So that's good. I would say that that's pretty pretty fair. Followed,

579
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: I'll grab them and kiss them. I don't care. You

580
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: came out of my whole body you and you are

581
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: in my whole entire body for a good nine to

582
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: ten months. Okay, so don't act like you don't know

583
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: where you came from. Bro alright. Play Laughter and rough

584
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: housing keeps you connected with your child by stimulating endorphins

585
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: and oxytocin in both of you. Making laughter a daily

586
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: Habit also gives the child a chance to laugh out

587
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make them feel disconnected

588
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: and more likely to act out. So you already know

589
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: that I'll do that since we have boys. It's a thing,

590
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: and this is the thing that I created during the

591
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 1: pandemic where I call him over like a stern dad voice. Jackson,

592
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: cayro Kaz come in and they walk over and I say,

593
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: did I tell you I love you today? And they

594
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: ways smile and they go no, And then I give

595
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 1: him a hug, I kiss him on the forehead, I

596
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: pick them up, and then I punch him in the

597
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: stoma again. I tell him get away from me. That

598
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: that's the thing that that's the thing that I stand

599
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: back in the cut and be like, but that's something

600
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: that we developed. Yeah, it's super cute because sometimes during

601
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: the pandemic, you forget to tell your kids. You see

602
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: them all the time, and the days roll into each other,

603
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 1: you forget to tell them that talk about the monotony,

604
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: and before you know it, it's two or three four days,

605
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 1: Like I didn't say anything but negative. The best part

606
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: is that I have adopted that philosophy as well. So

607
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: there are many moments when I walk over to the

608
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: l and I'm like, did you tell me that you

609
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: love me today? You do that? And then you'd be like, now,

610
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: I always say no, right exactly? Did I grab your

611
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: booty today? Did you? Can you go to number three? Three?

612
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: This is probably my favorite one, even though it sometimes

613
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: seems virtually impossible because we're trying to juggle work and whatnot.

614
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: Turn off technology when you interact with your child. Cairo

615
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: point blank told me one day, Mommy, get off your phone.

616
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you with the most stern well you know,

617
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: Cairo's voice is a little deep four year old, and

618
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: he were just like, Mommy, i'm talking to you. Turn

619
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: off if you're not looking at me. And I'm like,

620
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: I'm not looking at you for real. And I was like, okay,

621
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: I'll put my phone down. And I came down to

622
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: his love it and I was like, yes, Cairo, because

623
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: he was telling me a story or something of the sort,

624
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: and I was just totally not engaged. It's almost impossible.

625
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like, what do you mean? But we've

626
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: had this conversation, you know, We've got this conversation with you,

627
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: like we'll be talking and this is Cadine's favorite thing

628
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: to do. Uh huh, I'm listening to you because I

629
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: feel like a multitask. So I'm like, I'm listening with

630
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: one air and I'm you know, replying to something and

631
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 1: the other. It's just like, yeah, nobody wants to be multitask.

632
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: I agree. I don't want to be multitask. The Lord's working.

633
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 1: I know the kids don't want to be multitasks. Facts

634
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: connect before transitions. So I guess creating this new normal

635
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: for kids because we're all transitioning and pivoting into what

636
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: is now the new normal for us. Would I hate

637
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: to say new normal. I feel it's like it's a

638
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: new temporary Well, I do want to explain this next once.

639
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: I think this one is important. It says make time

640
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: for one on one time, do whatever you need to

641
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: do to schedule fifteen minutes with each child separately every day.

642
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 1: And I made a point of saying that, Okay, today

643
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: is Mommy and Roe we day, just y'all too, Today

644
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: is Mommy and CAD's day, Today's Daddy and Devout Daddy

645
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: and Jackson's day. We made a point to do that

646
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 1: so each child feel like they have a bond with

647
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: each parent individually, and they're just not the sum of

648
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: a whole for sure, which is important. No, it's great.

649
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: I like to be able to kind of rotate that too,

650
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: because it's not just like Devlot with one child all

651
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: the time, or me with the other all the time,

652
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: or my mom or dad with one. But it was

653
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: nice to rotate that and we have our own little

654
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: like things. I feel like I'm developing like little things

655
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: with Jackson that are like our inside jokes. His sense

656
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: of humor is so bombed. He and I there was

657
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 1: something that my mom did, and my brother and my

658
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: sister and I joke with my mom and dad all

659
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: the time, like it just comes with the terr tory.

660
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: So there's something that my mom did. And I started

661
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: cracking up to myself, and I look over at Jackson

662
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: and he's on the floor laughing the same thing. That's

663
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: what idiots. And I was like, oh my god, this

664
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: is the moment when Jackson got the jow and then

665
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: your mother goes now you have my grandkids making funny

666
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: and y'all too laughing crying literally something so simple and

667
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 1: stupid she did. She probably putting out something wrong. She

668
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: probably said like, oh, get his birth surf for tickets,

669
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,439
Speaker 1: like a true Jamaican. I'm like, you mean birth certificate, mom,

670
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: no deserve a ticket. I wouldn't stop laughing, could not

671
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: stop laughing. Um, And I'll just list off the other

672
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 1: ten to I mean the other five, so that way

673
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 1: we don't take up too much time going through. But um,

674
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: welcome emotion, listen and empathize, slow down and savor the moment.

675
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,320
Speaker 1: I've been doing that lately, sucking it all up, um,

676
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: bedtime snuggles, and she could have got you right there,

677
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna because I kept moving about listen, you

678
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: set it up. I could have dunked it, but I

679
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: know could have. I would have. I totally would have

680
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: handed it to you too, with the whole assist um,

681
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: bedtime snuggles and chat and then show up. All right,

682
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take a quick break, um and get

683
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: into some ads so that way we could move on

684
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: to my favorite portion of the show, listener letters. She

685
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: still knows, y'all, she still knows. Ye ain't much have changed.

686
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: That's one constant from twenty for me. I still want

687
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: to be known what's going on in your life? And yeah,

688
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: we're telling me. I mean, I'll be eveniling us and whatnot.

689
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: So uh, stick around, We'll be right back. All right, guys,

690
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 1: we're back for listener letters, Cadine's favorite part of the show. Yes, sir,

691
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna jump right into all right, go ahead

692
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,879
Speaker 1: and read for me. My husband and I both drive

693
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 1: a lot for our jobs and listen in the car

694
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: dead as sparks, great discussions over dinner when we're home.

695
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: We've been married almost two years and we're entering the

696
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: when should we have kids conversation. We both want kids,

697
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: but we are so happy as a couple right now.

698
00:35:57,719 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 1: It's scary to know our lives will change so much.

699
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,879
Speaker 1: How did you know when the time was right? Yay?

700
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: Thank you for for listening first off, and to know

701
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 1: that we're sparking conversations, the conversations. Thanks what this was about.

702
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: This is not just therapy for us, but what we're

703
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 1: hoping is that it will continue to, you know, encourage

704
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 1: people to engage in conversations with their significant other, friends, family,

705
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. So happy to hear that. Thank

706
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 1: you so much. Sis Um. What I'm also gathering from

707
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,399
Speaker 1: this statement here or this paragraph is that you both

708
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: want kids, but you're happy right now and you know

709
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: that things will change so much. I think that's one

710
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: thing we've made clear that children should definitely change a

711
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: lot of things. I think having to decipher when is

712
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: the right time it's almost impossible in the sense, like

713
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: there's certain practical things that you need to have in place,

714
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: For example, do you have a roof over your head?

715
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: Are you making money? You know, there's certain things that

716
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 1: you know you need to have when you are preparing

717
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 1: to start a family. But if you're debating on that

718
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: actual right time, it feels like you're never really ready

719
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: to dive in, you know what I mean. It's almost

720
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 1: like that double Dutch rope when you're like, you know,

721
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm staying out there forever, like, oh,

722
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: here's the rope, here's do I jump in? And can

723
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: you still jump? Can you still jump double Dutch? I

724
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,280
Speaker 1: wonder if I can't. I haven't done that in years.

725
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: I would love to see you jumped. I would love

726
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: to take it back with my with my hair, and

727
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: then you go in and then you pop up, pop up,

728
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: took me back? It would be let me you know what,

729
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: give us such a creepy But anyway, um that being said, yeah,

730
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: it's kind of like this, like trying to get in

731
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: the rope. But once you get in, as long as

732
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: nobody's double handed, you will be able to start jumping

733
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: and catch your rhythm and then you go. You know

734
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like, that's my analogy when it comes

735
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: to parenting. You know, there's never really the right time,

736
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: but it's like you step up to the plate. You're

737
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: ready to jump in because you know you have you're

738
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 1: equipped to do it, you know what I mean. You're

739
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: wearing the right sneak as your laces the tide tight,

740
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 1: and then you can just jump right in. So I say,

741
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: you know what, you guys are happy as a couple.

742
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 1: That's an amazing thing. And I think you can work

743
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 1: on being happy as individuals as well. So then when

744
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: you become parents, you can be great parents individually as well.

745
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 1: You can share that happiness that you have for each

746
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: other with your children. Because there's nothing better for me

747
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: than having a child with my husband, knowing how much

748
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 1: I love him, how much I knew that he was

749
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 1: going to be an amazing father, Like those were all

750
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 1: things that encouraged me to be like, you know what,

751
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: I'm about to popping on this honeymoon, and we were

752
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: fortunate and blessed enough to get pregnant on the first

753
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 1: t Yeah, I just I just think that. Um, when

754
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: you're happy with your significant other, take the time to

755
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: get to know them, take the time to do some

756
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: of the things on your bucket list together first, because

757
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 1: once you do have children, things definitely change. So um

758
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: the fact that you're planning knock some things off your

759
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 1: bucket list. Enjoy each other, make the decision, and then

760
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: move forward. Because there is no wrong decision in life.

761
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,800
Speaker 1: There's no wrong decision. Like life is yours, your canvas.

762
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 1: You make of it what you want to make of it.

763
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,439
Speaker 1: So there is no right time, there's no wrong time.

764
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: You just make the best out of the time you have.

765
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,439
Speaker 1: And children are always a blessing. So enjoy each other

766
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: and then make that decision. And I promise you, once

767
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 1: you do have a child, you will almost not even

768
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 1: recognize or be able to remember what life was like

769
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: without them. You know what I mean. No, I can't

770
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: remember what life was like without them. I can remember,

771
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: I remember that That's not like this is this is

772
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 1: important because men and women have different mentalities when it

773
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 1: comes to having kids. It is different, And this is

774
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:36,720
Speaker 1: the truth. Okay, once the kids come, Mom's sole purpose

775
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: is the kids. So do understand this. Once these kids come,

776
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: you don't mad no more. All right, old on, let

777
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 1: me finish my let me finish my thought ahead. As

778
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 1: a man, when you ask a woman to marry you

779
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 1: and to bear your children, you have to understand that

780
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: made that choice. I was talking about this yesterday. You

781
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: made that choice that this woman is going to have

782
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,760
Speaker 1: your children. She is going to put those children first,

783
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: and you are always going to be second to the children.

784
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: That's what you decided. So at that point you can't

785
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 1: then be like, I'm tired of being behind the kids.

786
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: So understand that once you make that choice, that's what

787
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 1: it's going to be. And don't don't have children until

788
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 1: you're ready to accept that. I was not prepared for

789
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: that and wasn't aware of that, and it wasn't until

790
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: I got older and I'm married and I realized what

791
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: it was and I had to own up the fact that,

792
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,319
Speaker 1: you know what, I asked you to marry me, and

793
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 1: I wanted to have I wanted her to have children.

794
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: If she's not putting the children first, and I'm not

795
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: putting the children first because I put k first, as

796
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 1: a man, my sole responsibility is my wife, and I

797
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: just feel like her responsibility to kids for me, it's

798
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: her her as the kids. If she's focused on me

799
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: and I'm focused on her, who's focused on the kids.

800
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 1: So that's just the reality of it. Like that is true.

801
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 1: That is true. And women, you know, being the vessel

802
00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 1: of life, we have a different, completely different action and

803
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: bond with each child having gone through pregnancy, even women

804
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:08,800
Speaker 1: who are going through unconventional ways of getting pregnant. Still

805
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 1: there's that maternal instinct that kicks in. Whether you have

806
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 1: a child via surrogate, there's a maternal instinct that kicks in,

807
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: wants you know that you were mothering a child, so

808
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: naturally a lot of focus goes to that baby. But

809
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: then you have to also realize that this baby alone,

810
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: this baby was made through love, which I would hope,

811
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 1: and that you all also have to you know, give

812
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 1: daddy some time to you know, app that make I'm

813
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 1: still working on it, you know, it's a work in

814
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 1: progress from both from botha to give that some time.

815
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,800
Speaker 1: I had to learn to respect the fact that the

816
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: kids are going to have to be first, so also

817
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: understand and give each other grace as you're going through

818
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: this process of life and changing because you're not going

819
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: to have all the answers to understand it. So if

820
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: your wife is upset about something, understand that she she

821
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: has validity and being upset. If you're upset, give yourself

822
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: grace and say, you know what, I've feel like this?

823
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: Why do I you know? Why do I feel like this?

824
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 1: But understand that you're entitled to feel that way. But

825
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 1: work your way through the very good point. Alright, girl,

826
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,839
Speaker 1: I hope that helps. Al right, And we have one

827
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 1: more listener letter for this episode today. Hey, Devalin Cadeene,

828
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been

829
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: in a relationship for a little over a year. We're

830
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: both twenty eight years old. I've struggled for some time

831
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 1: on whether or not this relationship is for me. I know,

832
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: I know if you have to ask, it probably isn't.

833
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: What's not that simple? At least you know? Says you

834
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: put that in there. Um. I don't have any kids,

835
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 1: but he has three kids seven, seven, and five. I'm

836
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 1: assuming twins. Um. Sometimes I feel like it's oh no,

837
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: he ain't say twins. And I was trying to give

838
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 1: broad a benefit of the doubt, but it could be

839
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,399
Speaker 1: reading between the lines here. She says she's not sure

840
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: if this relationship is going to work some things. Is

841
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 1: there you jumping through the store? You jump in through

842
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: the story here? Sometimes I feel like it holds me

843
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: back from what I want to do in life. I'm young,

844
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 1: I'm a registered nurse Okay is currently working on my

845
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: m s n to be a nurse practitioner. Okay sis

846
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm successful for my age. I want

847
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,879
Speaker 1: to travel and take trips and live my best life.

848
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:11,800
Speaker 1: It's hard for him to keep up with me because

849
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: of the kids. I understand that he's a father and

850
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 1: that's his priority, but I worked hard to get where

851
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 1: I am. I don't want to waste my years away.

852
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: What makes it harder is his kids love me. If

853
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 1: I leave, I feel like I'm hurting them too. They

854
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: get over it. Do you ain't a mama? It messed up?

855
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,959
Speaker 1: You set all this up to say you got all

856
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 1: this going for yourself. You this you that you you

857
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,720
Speaker 1: are all that you want to live your best life?

858
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 1: Do you really want to be a mother to three

859
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 1: kids that are not yours, that could be twins or

860
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 1: not twins who you are right now. Listen, these kids

861
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 1: nowadays are resili they are built differently, they are a

862
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 1: different breed. They will be all right, and you're not

863
00:43:55,640 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: their mother. So parting gift, buy them a parting gift Amazon,

864
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: got mad deal, sis. I can send you links. You

865
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 1: can even borrow my Prime account. Send them some parting

866
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: gifts on your merry way. Periods, periods, periods, all right?

867
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 1: Is it my go? That's okay? Um um no, lady, listen,

868
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: once you decide you're gonna deal with a man with kids,

869
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 1: you made a responsibility to get in those kids lives.

870
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: You can't and then point just be like, you know what, peace,

871
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: I'm out. If you didn't want to deal with the

872
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: kids from the very beginning, you should have been like,

873
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 1: now you've got kids, I ain't with it to play

874
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: to play double dust like you said earlier, to play

875
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: double dust with these kids emotions, it's straight messed up.

876
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: That's jacked up. What if somebody did that to Jackson

877
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 1: Cage cash? What if you and me go hold up, hello,

878
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,760
Speaker 1: I'll let you have imaginary circumstance. Let you have your time,

879
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: my time? Please? Can I have my time? Stop? Can't

880
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: get my tongue. Are you done? Hypothetically? Right? Right? You

881
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 1: die right, I'm just saying, let me get through my

882
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:16,280
Speaker 1: hypothetically because hypothetically, because hypothetically we can't get a divorce,

883
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:20,439
Speaker 1: because then you might let me get my story done. Hypothetically.

884
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: You die, right, But you're still up there in the

885
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: esoteric sky and you can see what's going on. Right,

886
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: I start dealing with a chick, right, she starts to

887
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 1: be motherly to our children, right, and then out of

888
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 1: nowhere because she want to go to Bali. She just

889
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: decided she wanted to be up and gone. You're gonna

890
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: haunt that lady. You're gonna go to her house in

891
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 1: her sleep, and then you're gonna be like I'm gonna

892
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 1: fly to Yes, Yes, that's what you're gonna do, dressed

893
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 1: just like this, Yes, except exactly, and you're gonna drive

894
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: her crazy. I'll find somebody up and so would you

895
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,360
Speaker 1: want something exactly? So you would hunt her because she

896
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:57,839
Speaker 1: did that to our kids. But you're telling this lady

897
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 1: to do that kids asked for. Introduce sing her to

898
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: my children for a little overdone, you die, but still

899
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,479
Speaker 1: what you done? You got my mom, you got my sister,

900
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: You got your mom, You've got people you can send

901
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 1: the kids to when you want to go her in

902
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: Bali's sands. Don't be doing that with my kids and

903
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: then putting them through no emotional I'm in trouble for hypothetical,

904
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: y'all see what I'm saying. You know what, that's the

905
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 1: end of list today because I'm not even trying. You're

906
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,359
Speaker 1: looking good and I'm trying to get some of that.

907
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: If your best life you are and you are young,

908
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:30,240
Speaker 1: you were doing it just to be responsible. Responsible. If anything,

909
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 1: me and her don't be agreeing on everything. I don't

910
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: agree on that, so we can agree to do. I

911
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: give you my perspective, div gave you his perspective. Take

912
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 1: a little bit, leave a lot, whatever you're gonna do, girl,

913
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: But do you think after this? I don't know if

914
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: y'all want to want to write in for listening letters,

915
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 1: but if you'd like to be featured as one of

916
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 1: our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead

917
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 1: ass Advice at gmail dot com. That is that is

918
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V

919
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: I C E at G man. Got go. Here's my

920
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: moment of truth. It's very simple, It's very short while

921
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: you're going through the pandemic with your children, give them grace,

922
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 1: to give yourself grace. This is uncharted territory. Allow them

923
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: to grow as people. You grow as a person, and

924
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 1: have as much fun as possible because this will be

925
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: over soon. We just got to get through it together,

926
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 1: God willing, absolutely. And my moment of truth is that

927
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: the days maybe long, but the years are short, and

928
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 1: when you really think about it, prone this one. I

929
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 1: heard that somewhere that don't don't You could google that.

930
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to play replagiarize or whatnot. However, I'm

931
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 1: just saying that I heard that somewhere, but I heard

932
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 1: it before. But it's it's still be hitting, though it'll

933
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 1: be hitting. The days are long, and talk about being

934
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: in quarantine, it's like twenty four hours, like you said,

935
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: perfectly ground talk day up in this bitch like all

936
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 1: the time. You know what I mean. It's the same

937
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: and the same, the same. But when you really think

938
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: about the grand scheme of things, the years fly by

939
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,439
Speaker 1: with these kids, So just try to make the best

940
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 1: of the situation, try to like savor those moments. It

941
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: goes so incredibly fast. When Jackson turned nine, He looked

942
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: at me and said, Mommy, I just turned nine. You

943
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,240
Speaker 1: know that's like half of my life with you guys.

944
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: In another half, I'm going to be eighteen and I'm

945
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: going to be an adult. Oh are you like I

946
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 1: literally no, he's not. Yes, he will, baby, y'all can

947
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: always come back home. Just so y'all know. No, you

948
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 1: can't let me look right in the camera and say this.

949
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: No you cannot. There's gonna come a point in your

950
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,360
Speaker 1: life where it's going to go back to before we

951
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 1: had kids. Yo, do that? How are you? How are

952
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: you gonna be sitting here in the bel Air mansion

953
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: shout out to Airbnb one more time? How are you

954
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 1: going to be sitting in here and talk about our

955
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 1: kids never coming back home like their kids came back.

956
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,600
Speaker 1: Hilary was almost all the way engaged that. Did you

957
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: see how Uncle Phil looked every time he walked in

958
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 1: his kitchen and the kids. Did you see it? He

959
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: was pissed. He was like, I thought gave you at

960
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: the poolhouse, I got you an apartment, and you're still here.

961
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: It's gonna come a point. Well, i'mould just want my

962
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 1: wife when they grown, I'm gonna want my wife looking

963
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: just like this. All right, do what it do so moment.

964
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 1: I appreciate your moment of truth. But y'all can't come

965
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 1: back home after college? Fine, fine, to be continued. Well,

966
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: we'll discuss that in another nine years. Be sure to

967
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 1: follow us on social media. Like we said now, we

968
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,439
Speaker 1: kicked off season four with an Instagram page because y'all

969
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: have been asking for it, So dead asked the podcast

970
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 1: and you can find me, Cadine, I am as usual

971
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: on Instagram and all over and as I am devout

972
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: and once again shout out to I Heart. We're now

973
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: part of the Heart family, so much love to my heart.

974
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 1: You can find us here, And if you're listening on

975
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe exactly.

976
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: And let's kick off this new season with you telling

977
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: a friend, tell somebody, engage some conversations. If you will

978
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,879
Speaker 1: catch up on the past episodes, listen to future ones,

979
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: be sure to listen wherever you listen. As Dead Asked,

980
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 1: Baby dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media

981
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow

982
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcast

983
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing