WEBVTT - Happy Moms Matter 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:17.200 and The Black Effect. Oh Shit, be back on the air. 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:19.840 Welcome back to y'all another carefully reckless episode. 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:19.920 With your girl. 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:23.480 Jeff's hilarious. I'm gonna be fixing mess y'all. What's up? 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:24.040 What's good? 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.520 How y'all doing out there? Checking on y'all mentals, checking 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:30.160 on y'all mentals, y'all been checking on myne lately. I'd 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.720 be going through my dm y'all. I just want to 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.519 let y'all know, don't ever let no influencer or no 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.240 celebrity make y'all feel that they don't be in MDMs, 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:39.320 because it'd be money in there. So we all be 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:42.440 in there, okay. But I just want to take a 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:44.440 second and point out the love that I always get 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:47.440 from you guys. Y'all be really like checking on me, 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:50.840 checking on my mental, making sure I'm straight, whether something 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:53.400 great to happen, whether something bad happen, whether y'all hear 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:55.520 something good or bad. Y'all just be checking on me. 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:58.160 And I just love y'all so much, so I just 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.400 wanted to give y'all some appreciation real quick before I 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:05.280 fixed this girl's mess. She sent a voice noe in 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:07.560 and I love that cause y'all know I hate reading 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:09.880 y'all run on sentences and shit, they be long as hell. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.680 All right, here goes the voice note. 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:18.200 Hey dress, So I have found your podcast, maybe about 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:22.080 I don't know, a month ago, you know, looking for 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:25.120 shit to listen to while I'm at work. And I 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:27.920 just want to say, I think it's great that you're 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:32.000 helping people, you know, so help me fix my mess. Please. 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.640 It's a lot why I'm gonna try to keep it short. 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:42.959 So twenty four and I got two kids, two boys. 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.560 My youngest one is twelve weeks so he's fresh. 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:51.920 This has to do with they dad. Okay, So. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.800 Before I found out that I was pregnant, we had 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:02.800 literally just broke up. And then I found out that 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:03.720 I was pregnant. 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:07.240 Okay, why did we break up? Well? 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:11.120 This girl talk so goddamn slow. Come on, girl, People 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.079 trying to listen before they get out of their car 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:13.760 and go to work. 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.079 Shit, you're gonna make somebody late. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:20.720 Basically, he was super disrespectful, you know, always calling me 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:24.760 out my name, you know, like saying shit, you know, 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.400 just just coming at my whole life. You feel me 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.320 like literally just trying to, you know. 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:33.680 Bring me down. And honestly, it. 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.119 Was getting to a point where, like I was, I'm 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:41.239 not gonna say that I was believing him, but it 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:45.679 was definitely making me feel some type of way. 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:50.639 Just just a whole lot of bullshit. And not only that, 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:51.760 but like he put his. 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.120 Hands on me, h uh uh. 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.960 Like he wasn't like beating the fuck out of me 0:02:58.080 --> 0:02:58.519 or nothing. 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:02.000 And I'm not trying to like say like that it 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:04.560 was okay or anything like that, because no. 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:06.720 It's not okay now. 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.600 And now I know before I played the rest of 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:12.240 the story, her ask not about to say he wasn't 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:14.000 being like the fuck out of me or nothing. 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:15.960 He was just like hitting me a little bit, bitch, 0:03:16.200 --> 0:03:18.600 was putting his hands on you. That's just all that matters. 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.760 And he shouldn't have been doing it, but continue, but. 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:26.280 He was doing that. And basically, you know, you know 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:27.079 how you be in a. 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:31.840 Relationship and you you hope that they change, and you know, 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.040 you keep trying to talk to him and you're telling 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.760 him that this is the problem, right, and this is 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.040 the problem, and you just you know, you just keep 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.520 putting up with it. Like I kept putting up with 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.360 it until I got tired. 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:47.680 So I broke up with him. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.880 Then, like I said, broke up with him, found out 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:55.600 that I was pregnant with our second child, didn't get 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:56.520 back together with him. 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.600 Going uh so, long story short. 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.800 You know, he ended up getting in like he got mad, 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:07.640 and it ended with him going to jail, like because 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:10.280 I call the cops and you know, like people will 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:11.440 be like, don't call the cops. 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:13.440 So like, I honestly, I didn't even want to say 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:17.360 anything about it because you know, people feel. 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:18.200 How they feel about it. 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.480 Girl fuck people, Oh my god, Jesus, But. 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:26.840 Honestly, I don't really like it's hard when you really 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.920 don't have anyone else to turn to. 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.080 Yeah, and you know, like my family, like they're not 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:36.440 really the type, Like they wasn't coming through for me, honestly, 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.360 And I mean it's cool, but you know, what else 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.520 was I supposed to do? Like I'm like at this point, 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:49.240 I'm scared. So basically, like at first, I was a 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:50.080 little scared to. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.360 Tell him, like yo, like I don't want. 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:55.599 To do this anymore because he came home and you know, 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:59.200 he's trying to work it out and I wasn't you know, 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.719 I wasn't expressing that, yo, like this isn't what I 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.200 want to do, because I was low key scared. 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:06.320 I'm a low because like. 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.760 He it's when he gets mad, that's when he starts 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.400 acting crazy. That's when he wants to start putting his 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:18.119 hands on people and stuff like that. So I wasn't 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:21.320 saying it, you know, but I was feeling it. 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:23.000 And now like. 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.200 I finally had the conversation with him, and you know, 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.760 I came out and I told him like, I don't 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:32.480 want to do this anymore, like. 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.640 And you know, of course he didn't really like it. 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.600 And then you know, like that narcissism or whatever, like 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:42.800 he's like, well, I don't like you, like you're crazy 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:44.960 if you thought that I ever wanted to be with you. 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:46.840 Blah blah blah blah blah. 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.680 But this is the thing, this is a cycle, you know, 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:54.080 because I've told him that I didn't want to be 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:56.640 with him before, you know, like I when I remember 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.880 whenever I was mad or whatever, like I told him, and. 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:03.200 He, you know say what he. 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:06.280 Says, disrespect me, blah blah blah blah blah, and then 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:11.159 he's trying, like three days later, we're back on the 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:11.760 same shit. 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.120 I mean, we're not back on the same shit. But 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:15.120 three days. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:18.120 Later, he's acting like he didn't say anything, you know, 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:24.159 like he didn't disrespect me or whatever, and I kindly 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:25.880 remind him, and he's. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.960 Like, oh, well, I gotta say stuff like that to you. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:31.599 I've gotta be like that with you because blah blah 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:33.719 blah blah blah. And to me, I just feel like 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:39.960 that's bullshit. And basically, I guess. 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.719 My question is because I feel like he doesn't really 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:46.919 understand that I'm at a point where I really just 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:49.279 don't want to be with him, like I want a 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:53.240 co parent, you know. And that's another thing, like he 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.520 uses that against me. He knows that I love my 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:57.839 kids with all my life and I want them to 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.960 have their father and their life, like I don't want 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:02.520 them to grow up in a broken home. 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:08.760 But at this point, it's like they deserve. 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:12.200 A happy mom, absolutely not a miserable mom, because you 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:15.920 can't do anything for them if you're not mentally okay. 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:19.840 So yeah, he tries to use my kids against me, 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:26.360 and I guess to just like stay around or you know, 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.800 use that as a crunch. I don't know, but basically, 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:34.200 I'm over it. I'm so done, like I don't I 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.200 don't want to do it anymore. And I don't think 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:43.840 that he understands that, Like he thinks like we just 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:47.240 had a conversation and you know, like I guess he's 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:47.600 horn it. 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:52.280 He's trying to fuck so he's being super friendly. 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:54.800 And like I said, I reminded him of the shit 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.120 he said, and he you know, I just. 0:07:57.080 --> 0:07:58.960 Told you what is the reasons was? 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:03.120 But I'm like, we're just friends or you know, like 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:04.480 you're just my baby daddy. 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:09.360 And he's like, yeah, all right, like yeah, okay, like stop. 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:13.560 Playing with me, okay, so stop playing, Like does that 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:15.960 affect you? Like I wonder does that like affect you? 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.720 Him saying that, like yeah, I ain't playing, but you 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.120 gotta really not be playing. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.560 Let me let you finish, girl, cause I'm about to 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:24.360 have to lay into you. 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:27.600 I'm sorry, this is so long. 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:32.240 I'm sorry, girl, like for real, for real, if I 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:35.840 was to really get down and dirty and into everything, 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.120 like it would be a lot longer. I'm trying to 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:42.200 keep it short. So basically, I know I keep saying that. 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:47.079 My question is how can I get out. 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:47.880 Of this situation? 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:54.679 Safely and with him understanding that this is not what 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.559 I want to do anymore. 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.720 You know, Like what can I do? 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:03.400 How can I get him to understand that this is 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:08.040 not for me? Like at this point we've outgrown each other. 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.559 What can I do? Because I don't want to, you know, 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:15.560 Like honestly, I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts, 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.120 and I be feeling like when I be listening some of. 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:22.080 That shit like sound like me and him, Lord Jesus, well, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:25.200 I don't want you to. Don't listen to snaps because 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.240 with a lot of them, when the women snap, they 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.360 be killing the men and vice versa. 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.439 So look, I think you just let me, let me, 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:33.640 let you finish, Jesus. 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:37.200 And like I said, like everything is probably not as 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.360 bad as like the true crime podcast, but it's like 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:43.520 close enough, and it be having me thinking like, oh 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:47.240 my gosh, like this could literally be me one day. 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.360 Like that's what I be thinking about, Like if I 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:53.680 don't get out, it could get worse than this. I 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.520 could end up dead, like and he's made threats like that, 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.559 like he's starting to hurt me, you know, and he 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.600 he even goes as far as the next person I go. 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.120 But he's gonna hurt them too. 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.520 So it's just like I'm worried, like I don't want 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.360 to do this no more, but I want to be safe, 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:14.200 and like by me being a little afraid, it's like 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:15.000 keeping me. 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.560 It's keeping me in this relationship. 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.720 Well it's not even a relationship because we're not together. 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:23.840 And I tell him that we're not together, but it's 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:25.440 just like keeping him around. 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:28.400 If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:34.679 then we'll be right back. Okay, So that is the end, honey, 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.760 Lord God, I'm gonna pray for you tonight and every 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:41.920 other night until I hear from you again. But it's 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.720 definitely time for you to get up out of there. 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:46.360 I know that. 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:51.400 You know you say that you're staying there. You because 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.400 you well, you gave. 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:54.120 Me a couple of reasons. 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:56.360 You know, you want your kids to see the whole 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:00.160 family dynamic, and you know, but let's just go one 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.920 by one. You wanting your kids to see the whole 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:06.560 family dynamic. You turn around and said the right thing 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:10.120 that comes right after that. But I want them to 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:13.040 see mom happy. If mom is not happy, if mom 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.720 is miserable, if mom is staying with their father who 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:21.840 is not only mentally abusive or emotionally abusive, but physically abusive. 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:26.040 And obviously, your kids, the older they get, they see 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:28.959 that they're boys, you know what I'm saying. So then 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.960 that's not really a good example to set for them. 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:37.800 Dad hits on mom, or dad verbally abuses mom, he's 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:40.319 always mad at or he's angry at, or mom's always 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:43.000 looking sad. I remember my mom always being sad and 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:47.120 down and depressed, and you know, just shut down when 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.800 my dad would come home. Like do you want You 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:52.800 don't want that? You don't want those story times from 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:56.120 your kids? You know you don't want you don't want that, 0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:02.040 right And while I know it's probably easier said than 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:03.679 done for you to just up and leave, there are 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:07.360 so many resources that you have these days where you 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:08.760 can get help, you can't leave. 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:11.280 And then is what is his background? 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:11.480 Like? 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:12.520 What is he like? 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:13.600 Ex? 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:14.199 Military? 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.079 Like what will he always find you? Why haven't you 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.360 gone to the police? Like that's number one? Where do 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:20.880 y'all live? 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:21.120 Like? 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:22.280 Do they take what they take? 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:22.840 This serious? 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:23.880 This is domestic? 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:28.680 Obviously, I honestly do feel for you, but I need 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:30.760 for you to feel for yourself enough to get out 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.360 of the situation. You get what I'm saying, like, and 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.959 then of course you and your boys will meet therapy. 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:38.960 How their father needs therapy right now, but he ain't 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.840 gonna get it. But I want you to understand, you this, 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.640 this situation grew to be as bad as it is 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:49.080 because you allowed that for so long. You allowed this 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.640 for a long time. And even when you call yourself 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:53.880 putting your foot down, like, oh, I don't want to 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:55.520 do this, this is not for me, you don't even 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:58.480 sound confident telling me that's what you don't want. So 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:03.079 I can only imagine how unseerious he takes you. You 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.680 know what I'm saying, When you make those type of 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:09.320 threats to leave, or or when you tell him this 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:12.680 is not for me, you're not really being firm about it. 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.360 It doesn't sound believable. You're not taking any action to 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:18.000 really show him that you know what I'm saying. 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:19.920 And like I said, is he a street dude? Like 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.600 what makes you so afreie? What has you so afraid? 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:24.520 And then I also heard you say you don't have 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:26.480 anybody else to turn to, So you don't have any family, 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:32.160 no friends, nobody, a best friend, a cousin like uncles. 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:35.920 You don't your dad, You don't have any body that 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:36.600 can help. 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:40.320 You or where you can turn. You need to get 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:42.680 a restraining order. You'll need to do that. You need 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:44.400 to call the police. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:45.200 Kiss. 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.240 Yes, I'm just fixed my mess all day. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.439 But at the end of the day, honey, I can't 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:54.560 come get you physically myself. I wish I fucking could, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.439 Like this is this is horrible. I really would love 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:02.080 for you to keep me updated, definitely, Like where the 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.839 hell did you meet this nigga? This is weird as hell? 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:10.240 And when did you start seeing signs of this? Like, 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.800 cause y'all got two kids together? If I'm not mistaken, 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:15.880 that's what I thought you said, y'all got two kids. 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.560 You don't have one child. Y'all just had a baby. 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:20.720 You know what I'm saying. It's gonna be very hard 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:23.360 to get rid of him, but you're gonna have to 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:26.480 go through the courts to handle this shit. But when 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:28.640 did you know, Like when did the red flags come 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.560 for this? You've taken this for a long time. You 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:35.800 decided to have another baby with him after you've seen 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.520 how he was or did he get like this after 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:40.640 you were with child? 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:41.600 With the second baby. 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:43.960 I just need to know, and I need to know 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.080 that you're okay as well, and that you're gonna take 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:49.560 the necessary steps to make sure you're okay. Cause this 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:53.040 shit ain't cool, Mama, I guarantee you it's not. I 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.440 don't even like hearing this about women, but I do 0:14:56.520 --> 0:15:00.440 appreciate you letting me into your life enough to even 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:03.120 allow me to advise you in any type of way 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:09.480 because these days, you know, all days, but especially these days, 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.120 women do need to stick together. I don't care what 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:17.520 people say, women definitely got to stick together. So check 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:24.400 in with me, mamm geez, y'all, we got another voice note, Hey. 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:29.080 Jess, good morning, or at least it's morning here for me. 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:31.680 I don't know what time it will be when you 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:33.240 listen to this or if you listen to. 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.920 This, but I wanted to first off, thank you for 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:39.800 your dedication and fixing people's mess even when they must 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:41.320 be feel good, honey. 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.280 But thank you for all that you do. 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.960 And I'm just gonna get right into it and drop 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:52.400 my lilw mess off in your lap. Okay, So, my 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:55.920 husband and I are having a hard time seeing eye 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:59.760 to eye with wanting to expand our family and have another. 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:05.000 So a little backstory. We've been together for ten years. 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:10.080 We currently have a preschool aged child after our son. 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.000 Initially, my husband said he wanted no more kids, like 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:18.520 want and done, and he was pretty firm on that, like, 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.360 you know, We've had a few conversations and he's like, nah, 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:23.000 I want no more. 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:25.360 I want no more x y Z okay. 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:30.280 So I've always wanted two children at the least. My 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:35.560 thinking has always been having one kid it's just selfish, 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:38.040 you know, like if something happened to that kid's parents, 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.840 no one else understands what that kid is going through 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:44.920 but a sibling, you know what I mean, Like. 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.760 You could have cousins, this person, this. 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:48.840 That, and the third to be there for you, but 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.200 no one really understands that pain of losing a parent 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:56.880 other than your sibling. And furthermore, I just felt like, 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.760 you know, having just one kid, I don't know, that's. 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:04.560 Boring, Like damn giveing a friend apartment a friend like 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:05.480 have you know. 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:07.440 I mean, maybe I won't even like each other here. 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:09.879 I don't know, but that has always been my thinking. 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.920 So I've always been said, like, I want at least 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:16.000 two children. Obviously, I can't pick the gender, but I've 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:17.520 always wanted at least a boy and a girl. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.000 Okay, so let me get back to it. 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.440 Because I'm just taking you through my little thinking and everything. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:25.159 Okay. 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:30.560 So basically, like I say, he was pretty consistent with 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.679 saying he doesn't want anymore, he's wan and done, and 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.679 I basically tell him, and I know, before you check me, 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:41.199 I know this is wrong the way I went about it. 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.480 I know it's selfish. I know you don't do these 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.520 type of things, but I did tell him, like, you know, 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:50.480 I want another kid, and if you're stuck on not 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:55.000 expanding our family, then maybe we should reevaluate our relationship 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.960 because this is non negotiable for me. And I just 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.200 want to also like add a little more context here, 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:06.359 Like I know how selfish that sounds, but throughout my life, 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:11.800 I've sacrificed so much for other people, like so much 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:15.760 for other people's happiness, so much, given my last so 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:19.520 that this person can have, you know, whatever it is 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:23.520 they need. And I just felt like in this particular moment, 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:27.960 or in this particular situation, rather, this was something that 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.399 I just wasn't willing to, you know, be flexible with, 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:35.439 like it means. So it meant so much to me 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:40.359 to have at least two kids. Okay, so let me 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:43.240 get back to it. So he handed up agreeing to 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.040 one and a second child, and then a few years 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:52.760 later I got pregnant again. But with that pregnancy, it 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:56.600 just felt off, like it just always fell off, not right, 0:18:57.640 --> 0:18:58.960 just I don't know. 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:00.280 It just didn't feel the same. 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:03.040 And I know every pregnancy is not the same, but something, 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:06.320 you know, your instincts, something just wasn't right with this one. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.520 But he was excited, and I. 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:12.639 Actually feel like I was very excited my first pregnancy. 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.920 I felt like he was whatever, like, ir we having 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:18.879 a kid, cool, you know, but that's also his personality. 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:23.120 But that the second time around, I felt like he. 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:27.119 Was like excited and I wasn't. Like, wait, dude, the 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:32.240 table's fucking turned. Yeah. Anyways, we ended up losing a baby. 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:37.680 So this is where things take a little complete term. 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:38.359 Honey. 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:42.359 Okay, So I'm at a place now I no longer 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:43.240 want another kid. 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:45.400 I'm not interested. I'm just over it. 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:49.040 Like our son is only getting older and I don't 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:50.040 necessarily want to. 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:51.000 Start over, you know. 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:56.000 Like, don't get me wrong, I love babies. Oh my gosh. 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:56.879 I love children. 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.840 I love babies, I work with kids. I want to 0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:02.000 have my own day care. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:08.200 I love kids, but I just don't want anymore. 0:20:10.160 --> 0:20:11.680 I don't know if it's because like we're in our 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:15.320 thirties and I just want to travel, I want to build, 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:18.000 I want to start a business, and I just I 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:23.840 don't know, or I also feel like I never got 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:29.400 back into me after No, I'm not even gonna say 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.919 after having my son, because even before my son, I 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:35.439 felt like I never I kind of fell out of 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:38.840 being me. I started gaining weight, you know, happy weight, 0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:39.879 but don't get. 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:40.480 Too happy shit. 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:45.439 But I started my happy weight and then I paired 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:46.440 it with babyweight. 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:47.800 I never got rid of that. 0:20:48.000 --> 0:20:52.199 So I feel like losing the second you know, the 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.640