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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect. And just like that, we're back

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Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: episode with your girl just hilarious. Now listen, I have

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Speaker 1: something to vent to you guys about because support means

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Speaker 1: everything to me, especially when it comes from my family,

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Speaker 1: my closest friends, which there aren't really a lot of,

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Speaker 1: but especially my family, my bloodline, most importantly my parents. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so I had a big show. I had a big

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Speaker 1: show at the MGM Grand in National Harbor. That's the

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Speaker 1: d m V. That's Oxing Hill, Maryland, right near d C.

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Speaker 1: Right that's still can cidered Maryland. So that's still what

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Speaker 1: I consider a big part of my home. You know,

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Speaker 1: d m V. I'm from Baltimore, So we all together.

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Speaker 1: I don't give a funk who get offended on this

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Speaker 1: ship about this ship whatever. When it comes to outsiders,

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Speaker 1: we're all together. So Baltimore shows and d C shows

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Speaker 1: are the two biggest shows that I have of the year.

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Speaker 1: So this MGM show that I just did March that

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Speaker 1: was about two three weeks ago. I sold it out.

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Speaker 1: I sold it out the year before that. I sold

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Speaker 1: it out the year before that and the year before that.

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Speaker 1: This is my fourth time selling out MGM National Harbor.

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Speaker 1: I received a plaque with my name my face in

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Speaker 1: a coin for every year that I've sold it out,

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Speaker 1: that I've played on this stage. They had my mother

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Speaker 1: present the plaque to me at the end of my set.

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Speaker 1: When I tell you, that made me feel so fucking

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Speaker 1: good to look up and see my mother, who's always

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Speaker 1: had stage fright, except for in church. You know, everybody

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Speaker 1: shy until they get a church and they want to

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Speaker 1: stand up and shouting all that, but not. My mom

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Speaker 1: is a deacon in the church. She was raised in

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Speaker 1: the church, and she raised me and my brother as

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Speaker 1: well in the church. And she's still in the church.

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Speaker 1: Still is a devoted believer in God, like a woman

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Speaker 1: of God. And this past year has been one of

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Speaker 1: the hardest but also the most victorious years for my mother,

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Speaker 1: celebrating a divorce. She was married to my father for

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Speaker 1: thirty plus years before I was born. And we've got

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Speaker 1: to live our lives. Me and my brother got to

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Speaker 1: live our lives, our child lives, you know, as our childhood.

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Speaker 1: We got to have our parents together. Although we're just

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Speaker 1: founding out now that they weren't happy as you know

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Speaker 1: when we were kids. They weren't as happy as they thought,

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Speaker 1: as they wanted us to think. But they kept us

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Speaker 1: out of that They kept us out of that ship,

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Speaker 1: and they just decided a year ago to divorce my mom.

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Speaker 1: It was actually my mom's decision. You know, infidelity, lives, cheating,

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Speaker 1: all that ship. You know, when that ship just stacks

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Speaker 1: up on you and ship, you get fed up, you

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Speaker 1: get tired, years and years and years of it. You

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Speaker 1: get tired of it, you know, and you have to

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Speaker 1: start living for yourself because we're grown now. So you

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Speaker 1: can't live for us no more. Mom. You can't live

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Speaker 1: for him because he ain't been living for you. You know.

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Speaker 1: You gotta live for yourself. So my mom has this

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Speaker 1: glow about her, the most beautiful woman that I know

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Speaker 1: in my life. She's one of the hardest working women

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Speaker 1: as well. Beautiful, fucking beautiful. I'm gonna hype up my baby.

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Speaker 1: That's my baby. My mom is my baby. And in

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Speaker 1: that moment, me seeing her with this newfound confidence and

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Speaker 1: this then this beauty sachet across that stage in that

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Speaker 1: white track suit talking about I know why y'all love

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Speaker 1: my baby, and I'm so happy that y'all love my baby,

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Speaker 1: and I just want to thank you all for making her,

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Speaker 1: help make her the star who she is. And you know,

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Speaker 1: she gave me a wonderful speech. And honestly, can y'all

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Speaker 1: believe that Jessica Robin Moore did not cry? I did

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Speaker 1: not cry, And y'all know I'm such a cry baby,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't cry. You know, I was just I

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Speaker 1: felt so liberated and the fact that not only another

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Speaker 1: black woman is presenting me this plaque, but the black

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Speaker 1: woman who had a hand in creating me, who birthed me.

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Speaker 1: You understand, that was a moment for me. And while

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Speaker 1: I had that moment, while I felt so liberated and

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Speaker 1: just accomplished and at one of my milestones and winning

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Speaker 1: what I'm sure is just one of many plaques I'm

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Speaker 1: going to receive in my near future, I was saddened

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Speaker 1: in the same moment because my father wasn't there to

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Speaker 1: be on that stage right next to her presenting me

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Speaker 1: that plaque. Now, y'are not together, I get it, y'all

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Speaker 1: not together, but y'all both are still my parents. Nothing

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Speaker 1: about a divorce is going to change that. Nothing about

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Speaker 1: a separation a breakup is going to change the fact

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Speaker 1: that I have two parents alive and both well, and

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Speaker 1: you were able to come. The excuse that my father

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Speaker 1: gave me for not being there was because he didn't

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Speaker 1: want to run it to my mom's new boyfriend. Oh, nigga,

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Speaker 1: what what? I ain't ready to just see her with

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Speaker 1: somebody else. But what, nigga, are you crazy? But she

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Speaker 1: had to see you before the inc even dried with

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Speaker 1: another woman, not just one, two women. You was back

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Speaker 1: and forth between two women that my mom had to

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Speaker 1: see you with. Like I said, the ink wasn't even dry,

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Speaker 1: nigga on the divorce papers. Let's take it even a

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Speaker 1: step before that, before a divorce, you were still creeping

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Speaker 1: and doing all of this ship. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But you, with yourselfish but asked, can't bring your ask

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Speaker 1: to your daughter's show. This ain't my mom's show, it's

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Speaker 1: my show. Now. My dad already don't come to my shows.

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Speaker 1: You know, I expected this, But what I didn't expect

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Speaker 1: was to fill some type of way about it. I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you, me and my dad we're so much alike.

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Speaker 1: We're kind of like I'm not. I'm not gonna say

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Speaker 1: cold hearted, because we're really good people, but sometimes we

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Speaker 1: can be very unfair in ways, and we can be

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Speaker 1: so selfish in our own way, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: get that part from my dad, and I honestly just

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Speaker 1: really thought that I wasn't gonna feel anything about it

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Speaker 1: because I don't expect him to come to shows any show.

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Speaker 1: It don't matter to me. I've been stopped caring about

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Speaker 1: that ship a long time ago. Hold up, Hold up,

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Speaker 1: I know the ship getting good. But listen to just

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Speaker 1: a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me,

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Speaker 1: you'll listen now. Backstory, all y'all know, my dad was

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Speaker 1: literally my best friend, Like he used to be my

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Speaker 1: best friend. I used to be closest with my dad.

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Speaker 1: You know that kind of changed recently since the divorce.

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Speaker 1: My father felt like when my mother divorced him, so

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Speaker 1: did I. No, I just didn't take your side. You

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Speaker 1: wanted me to help you get this woman back, and

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Speaker 1: she's done. It was nothing I can do. It was

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Speaker 1: out of my hands. I've watched you cheat on her before.

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Speaker 1: I've watched it even as a can kid. So like

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Speaker 1: this has been going on, What do you do when

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Speaker 1: your favorite parents is your dad. But this ni cheating

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Speaker 1: on your mom. Some kids would say, yeah, my little

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Speaker 1: nine ten year old ass didn't. I wanted to keep

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Speaker 1: that secret for my dad, so I did as an adult.

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Speaker 1: I apologized about these things to my mom. I I

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Speaker 1: told her, like, you know, she didn't blame me. I

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Speaker 1: was a kid, all right, cool, But um, I definitely

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Speaker 1: had to make that apology because I knew that it

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Speaker 1: was wrong back then as well. But I also knew

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Speaker 1: that I didn't want my dad to be pissed at

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Speaker 1: me for going back telling my mom some ship that

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Speaker 1: could have got him kicked off the house, or that

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Speaker 1: could have bought us to this divorce way earlier. I'm

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Speaker 1: really just being a good, good kid, just trying to

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Speaker 1: keep the peace. Right now, fast forward back to today,

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Speaker 1: Me and my dad talked about him coming. Me and

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Speaker 1: my dad. He was supposed to bring my little sister. Now,

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Speaker 1: mind you, I have a little sister that my dad

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Speaker 1: had outside of the marriage. Um, he was still married

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Speaker 1: to my mom. But yeah, that's how I have a

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Speaker 1: little sister that's his daughter, and my mom claims her

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Speaker 1: just like she is my mom's biological daughter as well.

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Speaker 1: So there's no love lost there, none of that ship.

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Speaker 1: It took a while to get there, but we're there.

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Speaker 1: We're all a good fucking family now. Everything is good.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's good. The thing is, my dad still feels some

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Speaker 1: type of way. So he told me a few months ago, Look,

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Speaker 1: I'm moving to Boston. I gotta start of I can't

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Speaker 1: live here. And it is what it is now. This

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Speaker 1: is just the motions that you go through when you

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Speaker 1: lose a good woman, you know, and it's your fault.

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Speaker 1: And I get that, so I'm not gonna keep beating

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Speaker 1: up on them. But no, I didn't want them to go.

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Speaker 1: I expressed to my mom this ship. She didn't want

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Speaker 1: them to go either, not even the fact that old

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Speaker 1: I miss you and that I might we may work

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Speaker 1: things out, just because Yo, we got kids here, your

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Speaker 1: life is here, your family's here. You got a sick mom.

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Speaker 1: My grandmother has dementia. Why the funk would you leave?

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Speaker 1: And even if you take her up there, you still

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Speaker 1: gotta work. Which're gonna put her in the home All

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Speaker 1: the way in Boston. It don't make sense. So you're

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Speaker 1: still making decisions selfishly. You know, you've got more to

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Speaker 1: live for it than just you. It's always been about

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Speaker 1: you all your life, Like no, uh, let it be

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Speaker 1: about family practice, caring about others a little bit more.

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Speaker 1: I talked to his man up until the show day

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Speaker 1: he was coming. So my mom is the one that

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Speaker 1: told me, because he actually expressed in my mom like,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable coming knowing that your man is

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Speaker 1: gonna be there. I'm not ready to see you with

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Speaker 1: somebody else. Yet she felt like that was selfish, but

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Speaker 1: she told him, Okay, I respect it. You're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to tell your daughter yourself. That's not something I can

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Speaker 1: tell her for you. You You have to tell her because

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Speaker 1: she thinks you're coming to the show. He told her

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Speaker 1: that he would tell me. He never called me and

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Speaker 1: told me anything. So after the show and everything, that

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Speaker 1: ship hit me the next day, I cried, it's my nigga. Man,

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Speaker 1: you supposed to be my nigga like you now. Me

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Speaker 1: and my dad went through a rough patch as well

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Speaker 1: after the divorce, but we got back. We're good. We're

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Speaker 1: not like we used to be, and after him missing

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Speaker 1: this ship, I don't think that we ever will and

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Speaker 1: I really would love to, for the life of me

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Speaker 1: be the same. Boo boo to him, like because that's

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Speaker 1: what that's what he calls me, booboo. But I feel

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Speaker 1: so fucking betrayed, Like you're so selfish. You can go

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Speaker 1: around is hurting people any fucking way you want to

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Speaker 1: any and everybody at your conveniance. But because you ain't

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Speaker 1: ready to see somebody in your eyesight, you ain't ready

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Speaker 1: to see somebody with your now ex wife nigga, who

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Speaker 1: you thought would never leave your ass for all the

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Speaker 1: ship that you've done. Now I gotta suffer for that.

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Speaker 1: I don't care. I don't care. I gotta suffer for

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Speaker 1: that now, right, Huh. It's bad enough you don't come

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Speaker 1: to no fucking shows? And what do I do? You

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Speaker 1: ask me all the time, support my karaoke thing, my

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Speaker 1: dad's a DJ, or support this, support that, throw this up,

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Speaker 1: tell us that you know posts get me, try to

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Speaker 1: get me more people that more clients and all that.

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Speaker 1: And I do that ship, I do that ship. I

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Speaker 1: do it do I have to know you're my dad,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. I want to keep money in

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Speaker 1: your pockets, just like I keep money in my mom's pockets,

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Speaker 1: just like I keep money in other family member's pockets

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Speaker 1: just like I'm paying bills for other people too, And

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Speaker 1: it's just like I gotta pay my own I take

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Speaker 1: care of my son, I take care a lot of

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Speaker 1: people around me, a lot of people that depends on me.

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Speaker 1: And I'm depending on you just to show up. All

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Speaker 1: I want you to do is show up. That's all

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Speaker 1: I want you to do. Now, Listen. While my dad

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Speaker 1: never asked me for no money. Never, my dad never

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Speaker 1: asked me for ship. Since I've been famous, my dad

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Speaker 1: only asked me for a pair of fucking pumas. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna give it to him. On that he ever ever

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Speaker 1: come to me with his hand out. He ain't ever.

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Speaker 1: In fact, he hates to see other people use me.

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Speaker 1: That's one thing about him. He never been like that.

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Speaker 1: I remember a time my dad, he was in between

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Speaker 1: jobs and he was really going through it. He couldn't

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Speaker 1: pay bills. My mom was handling everything. You know, she's

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Speaker 1: a business owner. My mom's an entrepreneur. She has her

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Speaker 1: own preschool. Ben had it for years. So it's something

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Speaker 1: about a man not being able to provide for his family. Man.

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Speaker 1: That man was literally about to kill hisself. He was

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Speaker 1: suicidal in this moment. He just could not make ship shake.

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Speaker 1: But what saves him was the fact that he would

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Speaker 1: be leaving us here. He would be leaving us here

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Speaker 1: to really have to in without him. But I remember

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Speaker 1: my mom telling me that because that's something that he

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Speaker 1: never would even want his kids to know. That he

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Speaker 1: was about to kill himself. He was contemplating checking the

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Speaker 1: funk up out of here because he couldn't provide for

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Speaker 1: us those moments, those fucking moments. And I thank God

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Speaker 1: that I still have my dad, But do I really

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Speaker 1: got you? It's like, yo, when my mom divorced him,

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Speaker 1: he divorced us. And when I say us, I mean

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Speaker 1: me and my son. My son used to spend so

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Speaker 1: much time with my fucking dad, bro, Like they look alike.

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Speaker 1: If you are avid guestillaries fans and watchers and listeners

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Speaker 1: and viewers and ship, you know my son looked more

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Speaker 1: like my dad than his dad period. Like that ship

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Speaker 1: is crazy. You know what I'm saying now, I ain't

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Speaker 1: got the most functional family and less and in fact,

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Speaker 1: it's a bunch of dysfunction going on. My biological brother Kevin,

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Speaker 1: who y'all never see we've a beefing or or we

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Speaker 1: are right, we just mutual. We just called you and ship,

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Speaker 1: but that's my man's too. We just never see out

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Speaker 1: of eye at her. I wish we could, we can't.

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Speaker 1: You know he has an anger streak as ship is

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Speaker 1: just built up for whatever reasons. You know, my mom,

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Speaker 1: my dad, I really really want them to be like

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Speaker 1: how me and my son's dad are. That's gonna take

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Speaker 1: years and years and years if that ever happens. But

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Speaker 1: that ship hurt me to my core. The fact that

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Speaker 1: my dad still didn't even apologize to this fucking day

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Speaker 1: for not coming, for not missing, because he don't really

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Speaker 1: feel like nothing is wrong. He's gonna tell my little sister,

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Speaker 1: I could just fly out to another show. Nigga, don't

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Speaker 1: come to nothing. Don't come to none of them, and

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Speaker 1: I won't show up to your karaoke ship no more,

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Speaker 1: even though that's my favorite thing to do in the world,

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Speaker 1: is to get on the mic and really act like

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Speaker 1: I can think and y'all know that I can a

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Speaker 1: little bit, but I'll never be at one of them again.

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Speaker 1: That fucked me up as your daughter, you know, somebody

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Speaker 1: that he was really really close to. If you love me,

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Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: And if that ain't bad enough. So my mom is like,

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Speaker 1: all right, after you tell your daughter you ain't coming,

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Speaker 1: let me know because honestly we need somebody to watch

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Speaker 1: Ash because Jerome is coming to the show now, you know,

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Speaker 1: asked my son? All right, cool? Now? My dad told

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Speaker 1: me that he was gonna start getting him on Sundays

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Speaker 1: because I stressed to him before, like I previously told him,

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Speaker 1: like look that I feel like you give us the

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Speaker 1: short end of the stick because mom, divorce you. It's

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Speaker 1: like you don't see me, you don't see Ash. You

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Speaker 1: don't really give a funk about calling him. But none

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Speaker 1: of that ship like nothing. My son needs his grandfather seriously,

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Speaker 1: he really only has one active one in his life,

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Speaker 1: and that was you, Like, come on, bro, like where

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Speaker 1: you at? My son always asks about him? Was that

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Speaker 1: he used to ask about them way more when the

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Speaker 1: divorce first went down. But you know, kids be like

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Speaker 1: all right, whatever, you know, No, that's your grandfather. The

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Speaker 1: fun He used to look forward to every Saturday, football

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Speaker 1: with my grandfather, Football with Pop Hop That's what he

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Speaker 1: looked forward to. He don't see you, you don't call him.

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Speaker 1: None of that ship so what's up. But you'll go

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Speaker 1: out there with Kevin ke and as my brother. You'll

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Speaker 1: go out there with your son and his girls. You'll

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Speaker 1: see his daughters. Yeah, I mean you'll see your grandkids. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: your other grandkids. Why is it because you felt like

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Speaker 1: I took Mommy's side, Because honestly, this ship kind of

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Speaker 1: divided everybody. My brother took his side. I took my

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Speaker 1: mom's side, the side that's, in all fairness, that somebody's

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Speaker 1: side of getting cheated on. That's what I took. I

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Speaker 1: also did tell my mom you allowed a lot of

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Speaker 1: this ship too. But I'm not gonna beat up on

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Speaker 1: you no more than you already been getting beat up

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Speaker 1: this whole goddad marriage, not physically but mentally emotionally. All

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Speaker 1: that ship is painful, all of that ship, all the

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Speaker 1: neglect and all that. So it kind of separated. It's

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Speaker 1: the drove a wedge between the whole family. All right, cool?

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Speaker 1: But is that why my son gets the short end?

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Speaker 1: So my Mom's like, all right, well, can you watch

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Speaker 1: Ashton for the show since you ain't coming to the show.

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Speaker 1: He like, oh no, I got a birthday party to DJ.

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Speaker 1: Why do I find out that the birthday party that

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Speaker 1: you dj is your girlfriend's grandson, so it's the kid's

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Speaker 1: party to go out of. My son couldn't come. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't he come. That ship makes no sense. It makes

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Speaker 1: no sense. Ever, it will never make sense to me.

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Speaker 1: So I sent him a nice long text message. Look, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I didn't even think this ship would bother me, but

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Speaker 1: it does. It was real selfish and real fun up

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Speaker 1: that you only think about yourself and that you really

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Speaker 1: only you know what I'm saying, like you you. I

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Speaker 1: didn't even get a congratulations a call. You texted me

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Speaker 1: the next day. It was like, congratulations on your plague.

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Speaker 1: I said, thanks, kept moving. That ship hurt even worse.

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Speaker 1: You didn't even call me. You ain't called me to

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Speaker 1: say yo, I'm sorry, I ain't come nothing. You didn't

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Speaker 1: do nothing. So then he called me, but I was

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Speaker 1: around my mom, so I didn't want to sing phony

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Speaker 1: or nothing. I said, I call you when I get home.

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Speaker 1: He was like, all right, cool, I ain't never call him.

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Speaker 1: I didn't, but you think he called me back? Nah?

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Speaker 1: He just started texting me the next day like nothing

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Speaker 1: ever happened. He sent me pictures of him looking nice.

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Speaker 1: I said, I yeah, you look nice, dad. He said,

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Speaker 1: you look amazing too. Baby said, okay, cool, that's it.

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Speaker 1: That's it. Wayne talks since then. But that's the problem

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Speaker 1: with me in this family, like my family, like me

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Speaker 1: and him, we always do that, like we never talked

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Speaker 1: about ship. I'll send him a message. He'll know he's wrong.

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Speaker 1: He'm gonna say sorry about it. He's gonna keep on going.

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Speaker 1: And when you see me, nothing ever happened. Nah, I

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Speaker 1: don't funk with you for that. That's fucked up to me,

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Speaker 1: and he will literally act like nothing happened. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: call my mom like I did, tell how I wasn't going,

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Speaker 1: so you did, and then get you lying. You're lying

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Speaker 1: in line for what I'm thirty years old. I'm thirty now.

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Speaker 1: I'm saying that proudly. That means I'm not a little

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Speaker 1: as kid. You can't just tell me anything no more.

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Speaker 1: You can't just lie on me and ship no more.

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Speaker 1: You can't. I didn't know because you didn't tell me

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Speaker 1: you wasn't coming, because I would have gladly and proudly

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Speaker 1: expressed how the funk that would have made me feel.

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Speaker 1: When you're saying that ship to me in that moment,

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Speaker 1: and that's why you didn't tell me. But it's all good. Listen.

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Speaker 1: The more of this ship before I get out of here,

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00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,199
Speaker 1: is to show up for people. Please show up for

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Speaker 1: people the same way you want to be showed up

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Speaker 1: for the same fucking way, because that's how they're gonna

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Speaker 1: remember you all. That motherfucker had a lot of ship

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Speaker 1: with him. Look that nigga always showed up for me.

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Speaker 1: Jess always was talking about people, whatever, whatever, but that

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Speaker 1: bit showed up for everybody she loved. Look, she might

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Speaker 1: not she may have done this, she may have done that,

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Speaker 1: but she was a loyal motherfucker who always showed up

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Speaker 1: for her people, her family, her close friends, everybody. So

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Speaker 1: make sure you keep that in mind and make sure

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Speaker 1: you check on those people that you're showing up for.

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Speaker 1: Make sure they're good, you know, even if it's something

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Speaker 1: that you can't do for them, as simple how you doing,

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Speaker 1: you're good, you're feel you're feeling good, or I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: I couldn't make it as saying that you got a plaque.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to call you and congratulate you. Even

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Speaker 1: if you can't show up. Sometimes make it your business

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Speaker 1: to show why to tell somebody why a fucking congratulations

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Speaker 1: card face to face would have been better than a

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Speaker 1: fucking text message and some bitch ass emojis. Come on, man,

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Speaker 1: that ship don't mean nothing to me. We're better than that.

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Speaker 1: I'm your daughter, and it don't look like that ship

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Speaker 1: gonna change. It can't change. I can't stop being at y' old.

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Speaker 1: You lost your wife, you didn't lose none of your kids,

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Speaker 1: so you remember that, and it's just like that, y'all.

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Speaker 1: We come to yet the end of another Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: episode with your girl Jess. Hilarious tune in every Wednesday

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Speaker 1: seven am. Hump Day also turned into Reckless Discussions. We

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Speaker 1: got one dropping in about twelve. I was y'all, make

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Speaker 1: sure y'all tune in on YouTube with me and my

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Speaker 1: crazy ass family Reckless Discussions, Love y'all. Piece. Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.