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Speaker 1: Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytell podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious

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Speaker 1: story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam, But before that,

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Speaker 1: thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I bid thee farewell.

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Speaker 2: See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 3: My best friend spread lies about me after I brought

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Speaker 3: her into my home. Sounds like it's done for her

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Speaker 3: to leave. My cousin's girlfriend used to be my best friend.

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Speaker 3: I'm not really sure how any of this happened, nor

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Speaker 3: do I really know what to do with this situation.

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Speaker 3: I've spent years trying to avoid drama and normally wouldn't

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Speaker 3: talk about things like this publicly.

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Speaker 2: However, none of my friends know what to do either.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a user on the

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Speaker 3: Charlotte Dobray YouTube subreddit, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the art slash show Gay

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Speaker 3: Storytime subred it. So shortly after I finished cosmetology school,

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Speaker 3: I was introduced to this girl, let's call her Anna,

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Speaker 3: twenty two female. My cousin and I are twenty five.

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Speaker 3: He's a few months younger than me. Female. She was cool,

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Speaker 3: though unfortunately had physical medical issues that meant she was

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Speaker 3: constantly in pain as someone with hip problems like them

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Speaker 3: popping out of place randomly. I could relate, and it

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Speaker 3: was something we talked about a lot. We end it

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Speaker 3: off almost instantly. Then she started complaining about issues she

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Speaker 3: was having with the other friend that introduced us someone

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Speaker 3: I deeply regret not asking for her side of the

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Speaker 3: story now, but that's a lesson learned. Anna would complain

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Speaker 3: about everything to me, which I was fine with because

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Speaker 3: we would still talk about anything and everything else too.

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Speaker 3: As we got closer, Anna would tell me more and

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Speaker 3: more stuff, and her and her then boyfriend broke up

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Speaker 3: and eventually had to have a major surgery. Anna claims

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Speaker 3: it was due to her ex hurting her. I don't

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Speaker 3: know how true it is, and I never really noticed

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Speaker 3: anything about him that struck me as odd. I went

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Speaker 3: through a lot of people hurting me and know some

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Speaker 3: of what to look for. He was just always quiet.

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Speaker 3: I was there for the first attempt at surgery where

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Speaker 3: she almost passed away, and was there for the second

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Speaker 3: and more successful attempt. By the time surgery happened Anna

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Speaker 3: was dating my cousin who was only a few months

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Speaker 3: younger than me and who I used to be extremely

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Speaker 3: close with.

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Speaker 2: People would confuse us for twins.

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Speaker 3: He was in the military at the time, so I

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Speaker 3: was giving him every single update I got. I was

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Speaker 3: the one who introduced them after all. Eventually she moved

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Speaker 3: into his parents' house, where he technically lived as well.

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Speaker 3: After his contract ended and he came home, they broke up.

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Speaker 3: My fiance and I moved her into our place so

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Speaker 3: she wouldn't have to worry as she had gotten a

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Speaker 3: job interview. We let her get two cats, decorate her

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Speaker 3: room however she wanted, and due to her medical physical problems,

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Speaker 3: I was constantly trying to do what I could to

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Speaker 3: help her. I changed my sleeping patterns, missing a lot

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Speaker 3: of time with my fiance, let her bring friends over

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Speaker 3: that I didn't know, including the occasional person she met

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Speaker 3: online that she didn't even actually know. We didn't even

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Speaker 3: push her to find work after losing her job, but

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Speaker 3: offered to take her to interviews and stuff. She didn't

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Speaker 3: and still doesn't have a car, but they are expensive.

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Speaker 3: This brought in a friend, let's call him Max. Twenty

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Speaker 3: mail Max very quickly became one of my favorite people.

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Speaker 2: He is awesome and does.

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Speaker 3: What he can to help the people he cares for.

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Speaker 3: A total, bleeding hearted goofball who loves making people laugh.

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Speaker 3: A few months after they met and he started coming

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Speaker 3: over to hang out, he was looking for somewhere to live.

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Speaker 3: Anna begged us to let him move in and he

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Speaker 3: could sleep in her room. She had developed a pretty

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Speaker 3: big crush on Max, but after talking with him, after

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Speaker 3: he moved in and we got a couch he was

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Speaker 3: sleeping on, he wasn't as into her. He was honest

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Speaker 3: about it. After several months, Annah and my cousin started

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Speaker 3: seeing each other again. He was even staying overnight, and

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Speaker 3: Max would tell me he couldn't sleep due to noise

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Speaker 3: from a room.

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Speaker 4: Whoever pays rent first can have the room and not

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Speaker 4: have to listen to noise.

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Speaker 3: Just all just all night, trying to get the catch

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Speaker 3: out of that bottle, all just that ketchup is just

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Speaker 3: stubbornly in that bottle. Eventually she started going over to

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Speaker 3: my cousins again too, but she didn't come home.

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Speaker 2: This is where things went crazy.

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Speaker 3: One of my friends texted me saying that she heard

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Speaker 3: Anna was talking about me. I was in shock and

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Speaker 3: devastated about what I was told. For a bit more context,

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Speaker 3: I am an anarexic in recovery thanks to my wonderful

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Speaker 3: sister nephews simply by existing end fiance helping me work

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Speaker 3: through it. Anna was telling people that I'm fat and

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Speaker 3: eat everything in the house, threatened to threaten to strike her,

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Speaker 3: and had struck her. Was faking my traumas, which there

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Speaker 3: is documentation of, and that I overreact to everything. I

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Speaker 3: want to clarify that I am one hundred and fifteen pounds,

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Speaker 3: I am not fat, and I still struggle to eat daily,

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Speaker 3: usually eating one meal and a small snack or two

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Speaker 3: throughout the day. Anna and I would occasionally smack each

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Speaker 3: other's backsides and tell each other that the other looks

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Speaker 3: amazing as a game to help the other feel better

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Speaker 3: about themselves. There's documentation proving the traumas that I have suffered.

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Speaker 3: I am a very emotional person and it's something I've

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Speaker 3: been working on for over a decade, and according to

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Speaker 3: people who have known me that long, they've said I've

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Speaker 3: improved a ton. I'm always asking my other two female friends,

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Speaker 3: one being a psychologist and the other studying for the

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Speaker 3: same profession, if I'm overreacting to a situation, I cried,

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Speaker 3: while my fiance rubbed my back and told me that

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Speaker 3: it was okay.

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Speaker 2: My friend will.

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Speaker 3: Call Marie twenty five female said that Anna was probably projecting.

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Speaker 3: She said this because I had told Marie that food

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Speaker 3: had been going missing in the middle of the night

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Speaker 3: when I could hear both Max and my fiance snoring.

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Speaker 3: Anna has lost a lot of weight, partly because of

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Speaker 3: my taking her on walks and swimming, and because of

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Speaker 3: my cousin getting her out to do stuff too, as

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Speaker 3: we are both active people. Anna is still a big

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Speaker 3: girl though, and still going through her weight loss journey,

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Speaker 3: which awesome for her.

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Speaker 2: Hope she hits her goals.

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Speaker 3: There's document things that say Anna has lied about her

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Speaker 3: own traumas that both of Anna's parents told me about,

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Speaker 3: and they don't even talk to each other. A few

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Speaker 3: weeks later, my cousin's little sister texted me. She sent

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Speaker 3: me a screenshot of posts on Anna's Facebook that I

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Speaker 3: was conveniently unable to see, saying she was moving and

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Speaker 3: would have to rehome her cats that she had basically

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Speaker 3: abandoned with me never sending money for food or litter,

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Speaker 3: and almost never coming to see them unless she was

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Speaker 3: getting her books so she'd have something to do at

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Speaker 3: night when her insomnia would hit her. When I asked

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Speaker 3: about it, Anna said it was just a last minute

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Speaker 3: decision and she didn't know why I couldn't see it,

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Speaker 3: which is, you can't even lie.

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Speaker 2: You're like, I don't know why you can't see it.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I blocked you, dude.

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Speaker 3: Suddenly the next day I could see the posse. Anna's

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Speaker 3: mother posted a comment saying that I had said that

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Speaker 3: I would starve Anna's cats if she didn't come get them.

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Speaker 2: I never said such a horrible thing.

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Speaker 3: I did say that I didn't know how long we'd

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Speaker 3: be able to afford to take care of Anna's cats

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Speaker 3: due to my cat being pregnant because of her unneutered male.

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Speaker 3: That was all last year. I'm still trying to get

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Speaker 3: Anna to come get her cats and don't know what

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Speaker 3: to do about any of this. I just want her

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Speaker 3: to get her cats and leave me alone. My own cousin,

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Speaker 3: who I was so close to, looked me in the

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Speaker 3: eyes and said he always asks both sides of a story,

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Speaker 3: but he has never asked mine. I don't know what

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Speaker 3: she's told him, and I'm sad I've probably lost my

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Speaker 3: cousin and the first person to believe me when I

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Speaker 3: was trying to get help for all of the physical, mental,

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Speaker 3: and emotional damage being done to me those years ago.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update.

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Speaker 4: You know, if someone if someone comes after me and

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Speaker 4: brings a private matter into the public area, I'm going

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Speaker 4: to reply if I believe I'm in the right and

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Speaker 4: do a step by step of everything that happened. My reaction, hmmm.

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Speaker 4: I feel like if you do it in text, you know,

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Speaker 4: you're kind of hot, you're hiding behind the screen. You

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Speaker 4: just text and stuff, YadA, YadA, YadA. But if you

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Speaker 4: come back with the text and video, you're the winner.

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Speaker 4: The winner is whoever lets the news go out first,

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Speaker 4: because everyone believes that. Yeah, but this is a good

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Speaker 4: way to kind of flip it on its backside, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean she deserved to be able to put

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Speaker 3: your own narrative out there, especially when it's like this

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Speaker 3: saying about you could impact your future, like if someone

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Speaker 3: thinks you're an animal abuser, Like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it could impact your future. And you've done nothing

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Speaker 4: but be supportive of this woman.

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Speaker 2: Let's get into this update.

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Speaker 3: Anna and I had a big argument when she messaged

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Speaker 3: me with a long paragraph essentially calling me the terrible

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Speaker 3: friend and saying she didn't know why she ever trusted me.

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Speaker 3: I told a mutual friend that if her and my

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Speaker 3: cousin broke up, to not let Anna live with her,

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Speaker 3: as she would spread lies. And this mutual friend certainly

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Speaker 3: didn't deserve such things, as she lives with her mother

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Speaker 3: in law to help her after her father in law

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Speaker 3: passed away. The mutual friend, being naturally curious, had asked

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Speaker 3: us both what happened. I had also basically sent my

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Speaker 3: cousin a warning about Anna's behavior. He told her he's

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Speaker 3: a decent guy like that, and I had expected it. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: I wanted her to blow up on me. I'm tired

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Speaker 3: of staying quiet. I mean, it's like biting the hand

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Speaker 3: that feeds. But it's like, why is it that people

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Speaker 3: will go out of their way to like just bro

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Speaker 3: create problems with someone who didn't nothing but help you.

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Speaker 4: I think hot take, hot take o boy, lack of

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Speaker 4: inner purpose.

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Speaker 3: Lack of inner purpose creates that atmosphere need to be

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Speaker 3: negative to the people who help you because you have

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Speaker 3: no why is that.

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Speaker 4: I believe if you are not looking for a greater

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Speaker 4: cause or doing something bigger than yourself than anything that

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Speaker 4: happens to you, little things start to pop up as

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Speaker 4: a problem. So if let's say you're traveling to a

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Speaker 4: mountain someone that's big and that's my greater purpose is

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Speaker 4: traveling to that mountain.

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Speaker 5: Uh.

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Speaker 4: The the flip side of it is, I'm not traveling

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Speaker 4: to the mountain, and I'm looking at it, but I'm

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Speaker 4: sitting still. What's gonna bother me is all the little

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Speaker 4: weeds that pop up around me. Because since I'm not

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Speaker 4: moving forward, everything around me that is little is starting

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Speaker 4: to come up and bother me. So that's what I

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Speaker 4: think Anna's doing. She's not, you know, traveling or helping

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Speaker 4: herself towards a greater purpose, like she is losing weight.

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Speaker 4: She but like when it comes to like finding a

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Speaker 4: job or like doing something else, Yeah, she's just kind

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Speaker 4: of sitting around and complaining. She she complains from the beginning.

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Speaker 4: That's what we what we've established.

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Speaker 3: So her path of purpose is to like find the way,

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Speaker 3: like to like.

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Speaker 2: For everyone to be her enemy.

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Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, just when I thought everything was great,

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Speaker 3: they they stole my cats from me and kicked me out,

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Speaker 3: and now they're gonna throw them in the storm drain.

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Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, which is a lie, but.

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Speaker 5: It is a lie.

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Speaker 4: And and also we have to think we're just getting

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Speaker 4: one perspective here. Yeah, it could be this, but I

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Speaker 4: from what we've seen the beginning, it doesn't seem that way.

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Speaker 4: So that's my take. Why a person. That's why I

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Speaker 4: answer to your question.

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Speaker 2: I like that. Yeah, I like that. Add out. Let's

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Speaker 2: get into the rest of the story, shall we, and

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Speaker 2: thank to yourself?

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Speaker 4: Are you traveling to your mountain?

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Speaker 3: That's all I gad man, that's why there's some wisdom

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Speaker 3: right there. I sent her back a longer message than

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Speaker 3: she sent me Alpha. I called her out on everything,

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Speaker 3: told her I no longer wanted to talk to her,

240
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Speaker 3: and told her if she doesn't get her cats by

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Speaker 3: the end of the month, I'll be finding good homes

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Speaker 3: that can actually take care of them with the love

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Speaker 3: they deserve.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, you take her to an animal shelter.

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Speaker 4: You're horrible, Opie.

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Speaker 2: I don't even think that's snow. I think they're gonna

247
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Speaker 2: directly re home them.

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Speaker 4: No, that's what Anna read.

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Speaker 2: He got me.

250
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Speaker 3: That is perfect. That is her purpose. Her purpose is

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Speaker 3: to make everything a slight against her.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, she's gonna take my cats to the

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Speaker 4: sawmill and bury them in the sawdust.

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Speaker 3: So I sent that message about a week ago. Now

255
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Speaker 3: today my cousin texted me. He asked if I still

256
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Speaker 3: had all the texts between me and Anna. I don't

257
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Speaker 3: delete anything, I save it into archived folders instead. He

258
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,760
Speaker 3: asked to see them, as he hadn't seen her messages

259
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Speaker 3: and only mine. Odd if she had been nothing but honest.

260
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Speaker 3: I texted my cousin's little sister and told her. She

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Speaker 3: told me she had gone off on her brother and Anna,

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Speaker 3: since Anna had been apparently talking very poorly about my

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Speaker 3: aunt and uncle in their house, which she pays nothing

264
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Speaker 3: to live at. My uncle apparently yelled that's enough when

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Speaker 3: Anna wouldn't shut her mouth. Apparently she either keeps her

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Speaker 3: drama to herself or she gets booted out Karma probably. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: That feels really reassuring to Opie because that just confirms

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Speaker 4: since she's not tolerating bs, other people aren't tolerating Anna's

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Speaker 4: bs either.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're definitely not like out in uh no man's

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Speaker 3: land all by yourself. Everyone around Anna seems to wreck

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Speaker 3: recognize her Tomfoolery exactly.

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Speaker 6: My best friend's girlfriend dislikes me because she thinks I'm

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Speaker 6: in love with him?

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Speaker 5: Are you in love with him? I?

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Speaker 6: Twenty five Mail and my best friend, who all called

278
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Speaker 6: Jake twenty three Mail have known each other for thirteen years.

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Speaker 6: We met in freshman year of high school and quickly

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Speaker 6: became inseparable as the years went on. We enjoyed the

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Speaker 6: same music, movies, had the same sense of humor, and

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Speaker 6: our friends labeled us as basically the same person living

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Speaker 6: in two bodies. Okay, if one of us was going

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Speaker 6: out for fun, the other would join in. We had

285
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Speaker 6: gone to a point where me and Jake were thinking

286
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Speaker 6: about the future that we would be the guys lodging

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Speaker 6: out at the backyard barbecue while our kids played together. Ah.

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Speaker 6: He really had a way making things sound too good

289
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Speaker 6: to be true. By the way, this comes from a

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Speaker 6: user conned and quartered on the r slash Charlotte do

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Speaker 6: Wray YouTube subred it and if you submit your own stories,

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Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime subred it. So

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Speaker 6: Jake was also a hopeless romantic, and I had been

294
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Speaker 6: there for him when things went bad in his relationships.

295
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,360
Speaker 6: This status quo would change when Jake introduced me to

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Speaker 6: his newest girlfriend, I'll call her Tiffany, thirty female. He

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Speaker 6: had told me that she had never dated a guy

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Speaker 6: younger than herself before, that she was a licensed therapist,

299
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Speaker 6: and that Jake wanted me to meet her. In his words,

300
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Speaker 6: I was a major part of his life and wanted

301
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,840
Speaker 6: me to meet his potential future partner. At this point,

302
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,880
Speaker 6: the two of them had been dating for two months.

303
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,880
Speaker 6: I was happy to oblige him and was cordial with her.

304
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,920
Speaker 6: We seemed to get along quite well, and Tiffany enjoyed

305
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,400
Speaker 6: hearing about my personal life. She would give advice to

306
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 6: me about certain problematic aspects of people I was dating,

307
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,840
Speaker 6: and in hindsight, I should have seen where this was leading.

308
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,760
Speaker 6: I am attracted to the same gender man, I'm gay

309
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Speaker 6: and live in a remote woodsy town, so I didn't

310
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,600
Speaker 6: have many women or attracted to the same gender friends

311
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,120
Speaker 6: in the area who would be receptive to my experiences.

312
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Speaker 6: This seemingly chill month of hanging out would quickly turn venomous.

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Speaker 6: After a sleepover, I had with Jake and Tiffany. We laughed,

314
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Speaker 6: we went, we had dinner, and I opened my guest

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Speaker 6: room for them to spend the night. The next morning,

316
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,480
Speaker 6: I was woken up by text messages and miscalls from

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Speaker 6: Tiffany and Jake saying that they heard strange noises in

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Speaker 6: their room and decided to leave at three am and

319
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Speaker 6: go back to Jake's house. I was taken aback by this,

320
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,520
Speaker 6: since Jake's house was half an hour away and was

321
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Speaker 6: only the three of us in my house at the time.

322
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Speaker 6: My house is surrounded by a gate with security cameras outside,

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Speaker 6: and I've never had trouble with home invasions before or

324
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Speaker 6: any sort of ghost haunting. I tell Jake that I

325
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,000
Speaker 6: was glad he made it home safe and sound, and

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Speaker 6: that i'd see him in the afternoon before the D

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Speaker 6: and D game. We were part of total nothing burger

328
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Speaker 6: of an issue.

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Speaker 4: I thought.

330
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Speaker 6: Not even thirty minutes go by before I get a

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Speaker 6: message from Tiffany. She believed that I was downplaying the

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Speaker 6: situation they were in and that they could have been

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Speaker 6: in real danger and I was apparently being unconcerned for

334
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Speaker 6: their well being. She believed I was dismissive of their fear,

335
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,440
Speaker 6: and that I cared more about D and D than

336
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Speaker 6: their safety, and that I had no right to treat

337
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 6: her or my best friend this way. I didn't get

338
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,200
Speaker 6: to hear Jake's out of the story more onto that

339
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,160
Speaker 6: in a bit, I was deeply shocked by this reaction.

340
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 6: This girl had hyper fixated on my reaction to a

341
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,000
Speaker 6: situation I had no effect on, and attributed malice to

342
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,160
Speaker 6: an affirmation. After asking for advice on the matter from

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Speaker 6: my dad, I decided to apologize to her in the

344
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Speaker 6: hopes that this shaky ground I was standing on would

345
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:24,320
Speaker 6: stay stable. Tiffany accepted my apology, but on the condition

346
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Speaker 6: that she doesn't want to see me anymore. I was

347
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 6: trying to keep the peace for Jake's sake, and I

348
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 6: didn't want to upset her any further. The following week

349
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 6: was business as usual. Me and Jake hung out plenty

350
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 6: of times to finish up watching a series we'd start

351
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 6: we started at the beginning of the year. Tiffy's name

352
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,480
Speaker 6: didn't get brought up much outside of the context of

353
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 6: respectable boundaries. She didn't just want to stay away from me,

354
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 6: but to also not meet any of other Jake's friends.

355
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,640
Speaker 6: At the time, Jake was sad at how the situation ended,

356
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 6: but pleaded with me to respect her decision and not

357
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 6: resent her for what happened. I was under no delusion

358
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,320
Speaker 6: that talking to Tiffany again would be as productive as

359
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 6: trying to persuade a brick wall to fall down. So

360
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 6: I told Jake that I would be the guy he

361
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,720
Speaker 6: could count on to live and let live. I was

362
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,359
Speaker 6: always in his corner and this would be no different.

363
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,959
Speaker 6: It felt like even when Tiffany wasn't around, I can

364
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,479
Speaker 6: still feel her encroaching on me in Jake's plans. Her

365
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,280
Speaker 6: comments on the matter would slip their way into conversations

366
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 6: between me and Jake, like she told him to say it.

367
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 6: It would only worsen. When I saw Jake for the

368
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,199
Speaker 6: last time in person, Jake told me he wanted to

369
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 6: talk to me about something, something serious. I agreed and

370
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 6: wanted to know what was bothering him. I could have

371
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,639
Speaker 6: never prepared for what was going to happen next.

372
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 2: I wonder what.

373
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,959
Speaker 6: He sits me down and asked me if I was

374
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 6: in love with him? Ah, and you say yes, but

375
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 6: like a friend, like a brother, like Obi Wan and Anakin.

376
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,880
Speaker 2: He was supposed to be the chosen one.

377
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,639
Speaker 6: He told me that he had been talking about our

378
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,440
Speaker 6: hangout sessions with Tiffany and she had told him these

379
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,879
Speaker 6: are the actions of someone who is just a good friend.

380
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,960
Speaker 6: He wants to be with you, Jake. That she knows

381
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,679
Speaker 6: I had feelings for Jake and that I was openly

382
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 6: disrespecting her. These conversations between them had made him deeply uncomfortable,

383
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,440
Speaker 6: and he decided to ask me outright what my intentions were.

384
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,440
Speaker 6: I didn't say. I didn't say this at the time,

385
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 6: but I was deeply hurt by Tiffany's interference that just

386
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,119
Speaker 6: because I'm attracted to men and I spend quality of

387
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,639
Speaker 6: time with someone of the same gender, that I of

388
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,159
Speaker 6: course want to sleep with him, which is wrong and false.

389
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,919
Speaker 6: It sounded so cartoonish that I would wait over a

390
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 6: decade to suddenly break down in tears that I desperately

391
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:43,000
Speaker 6: wanted to be Jake's boyfriend instead. News flash, that isn't

392
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 6: going to happen. That was never the intention. Yeah, because

393
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:53,680
Speaker 6: you love Jake, but as a friend, and that's okay.

394
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 2: That was never the intention.

395
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 6: After getting over the shock of the question, I spoke

396
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 6: plainly and told him he was my brother, just not

397
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 6: blood related. That I wouldn't in a million years think

398
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 6: about ruining what I had with him over some soap

399
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 6: opera styled love reveal now that he's in a new relationship.

400
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 6: He grimly accepted my answer, and the night ended on

401
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,400
Speaker 6: a very tense note. I can tell he needed time

402
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,240
Speaker 6: to come to his own conclusions, much to my anxiety.

403
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 6: Four days later, I get a text from him, the

404
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 6: text I'd been dreading all month. Jake tells me that

405
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 6: he's taking a break from our friend group as a whole,

406
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,239
Speaker 6: that he doesn't want to be contacted, and that he

407
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,360
Speaker 6: wants his boundaries to be respected. He wanted to be distant,

408
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 6: that things change as we grow older, and that I

409
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,680
Speaker 6: needed to grow up like he has.

410
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 7: It's one of those things where like eventually maybe he'll

411
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 7: realize and come back, but it's like after so much damage,

412
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:44,320
Speaker 7: just duff.

413
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,680
Speaker 6: It's one of those things where like, listen, Opie, you

414
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 6: did nothing wrong. You can literally show him and like

415
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,880
Speaker 6: I you are my brother, and I want what's best

416
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 6: for you. The only person who can change that is Jake. Yep,

417
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,239
Speaker 6: you can. Everyone can tell him that he's wrong, or you, hey,

418
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,160
Speaker 6: you're being manipulated, can't change it. Jake has since moved

419
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 6: out of town and has been inactive on social media.

420
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 6: According to our mutual friends, I was completely shattered. After

421
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 6: knowing this guy for almost half my life. I thought

422
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 6: he would know who I genuinely am, and I wanted

423
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 6: this friendship to be I wasn't as mad at Tiffany

424
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 6: at this point. I was so deeply conflicted with Jake.

425
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 6: He was so weak and insecure of a person to

426
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 6: someone else, rerek havoc on his social life to this

427
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 6: extent that he pushed me away from him over feelings

428
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 6: he thought were conspiring against him and his lady love.

429
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 7: Dude, disagree with op here in that in that he

430
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 7: is saying that, uh, Jake is in the wrong. More

431
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 7: like that he's not mad at Tiffany at all, because.

432
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 6: I think he's more so.

433
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,719
Speaker 7: I think, okay, I get it, because he's saying like

434
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 7: I want Jake to realize. I want Jake to just

435
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 7: come back and be like, oh my god, no, like

436
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 7: I would never abandon my friend like this, but like this,

437
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,640
Speaker 7: this one, it's Tiffany's fault. It's her going in his ear,

438
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 7: going like this, gozen when he's deep you know.

439
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 6: It's just I think Op's one really upset at Tiffany,

440
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 6: But it's the disappointment and betrayal from Jake that overcomes that.

441
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:15,879
Speaker 6: And it's very understanding that like you guys talked about

442
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 6: your literal babies, you know, growing up, and you guys

443
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 6: are grilling and you're like, that's gonna be awesome. Can

444
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 6: you imagine that? And like bonding over like a spicy

445
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 6: drink and you're like, that's gonna be great, and then

446
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 6: all of it shatters because because but again, I think

447
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 6: it's just like the attention has focused on how disappointing

448
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 6: Jake has been. That's okay, you know, you can't control

449
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 6: your friend. They have their own life. It sucks. The

450
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 6: truth is, I've had to unpack this since it happened,

451
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 6: that maybe I didn't know who Jake was deep down,

452
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 6: and that I needed to find a way to disconnect

453
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 6: this part of my life that had become so entangled

454
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 6: with his. It's been hard to form you connections as

455
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 6: strong as that when it feels like you gave a

456
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 6: part of yourself to someone you won't see again. Just

457
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 6: a tough pill to swallow that some people out there

458
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 6: will pick apart everything you do in order to find

459
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 6: what they need to hurt you. I know I don't

460
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 6: need him now and that I'll be better without him.

461
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 6: It will just take time and effort to be a whole,

462
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 6: authentic self with someone again. And we have an edit.

463
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 6: Thank you for all the supportive comments. I may have

464
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 6: an update for you in the coming months. Another one

465
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 6: of my friends and his girlfriend have just gotten engaged.

466
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 6: I'm invited to their wedding, but I also told that

467
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 6: Jake would be the one officiating the marriage. I'm willing

468
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 6: to handle this with dignity and grace. Only time will

469
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 6: tell if Tiffany tags along with him. Wish me luck. Wow?

470
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 5: How you feeling with that?

471
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 2: Wow?

472
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 6: That's I don't like that story. That's that's a very

473
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 6: close to home story. That's wow. Even that edit was.

474
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: Like whoa.

475
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 6: OPI as someone who's been in these literal shoes, you

476
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 6: just focus on yourself. You you just be mature about it.

477
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 6: If you see Jake there, you say, hey, hope all

478
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 6: is well. If he doesn't come up to you, be

479
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 6: the bigger man, go up to him, you know. If

480
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 6: it's awkward, then don't force it. Just be you know,

481
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 6: kind and be like, hope everything's well, and then.

482
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, you don't need to be buddies, but acknowledge him still, Yeah.

483
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 6: Like even a subtle is the ice break the ice.

484
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 7: Tiffany's not there could be time to actually, I don't know,

485
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 7: maybe be bros.

486
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, it it just takes time. It does suck, but

487
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 6: it's one of those things where again, you literally did

488
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 6: nothing wrong and he was just manipulated, and it sucks

489
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 6: on his part, sucks on Tiffany's part. You just let

490
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 6: them live and yeah.

491
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 2: Hey it's Sam.

492
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

493
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: bits of ads from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

494
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 7: My best friends that I ruined her wedding because I

495
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 7: gained weight, lose the friend I always pictured K thirty

496
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 7: two female and I thirty three female. Raising our children

497
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 7: to be the best friends like we were having them,

498
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 7: call us Aunt May and Aunt Kay and growing old

499
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 7: together while being those crazy grannies sitting on the porch

500
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 7: causing a ruckus, all that good stuff.

501
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 5: That is until her.

502
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:16,239
Speaker 7: Bachelorette party and about two weeks before her wedding. We

503
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 7: haven't talked in years, and I miss her terribly.

504
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 5: By the way.

505
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 7: This comes from Maya Madden on the r slash Charlotte

506
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 7: Dobray YouTube subreddit, and if you want to submit your

507
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 7: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

508
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 7: I've had so many people say that I've got to

509
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 7: stop gaslighting myself or allowing her to gaslight me, which

510
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 7: is why, after lurking and listening to all of your

511
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 7: stories on our Queen Charlotte channel for years, I'm ready

512
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 7: for some honest outside opinion. Back to the story, Kay

513
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 7: and I had been like sisters since we were in kindergarten.

514
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 7: We did everything together. Where one of us was, the

515
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 7: other wouldn't be far behind. We actually had to be

516
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,160
Speaker 7: separated in class because all we wanted to do who

517
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 7: was talk and play with each other. We saw each

518
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 7: other through the best and worst days, when she was

519
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 7: bullied for having short hair, when she was bullied online

520
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 7: during the event of Facebook, when she won awards in soccer,

521
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 7: and when she got engaged to the sweetest man after

522
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 7: having her heart broken so many times. She was there

523
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 7: for me when I had to have emergency surgeries, when

524
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 7: I had a stroke, when I graduated from college, and

525
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 7: when my dad passed away. I was over the moon

526
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 7: when she got engaged and asked me to be one

527
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 7: of her bridesmaids. It was truly an honor for me

528
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 7: to stand by her on one of the best days

529
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 7: of her life and be a part of this new chapter.

530
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 7: We had a blast planning celebrations and trying on dresses

531
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 7: and organizing the most fun bachelorette party for her. It

532
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 7: was a small bridal party consisting of me, her sister

533
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 7: in law, Jay, who was the maid of honor, and

534
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 7: another close friend of hers Bay. Sometime between the initial

535
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 7: dress fitting around nine months before the wedding and about

536
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 7: a month before the actual event, I had mysteriously lost

537
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 7: fifteen pounds and even more mysteriously gained more than forty

538
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 7: pounds not too long after. Even though I didn't change

539
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 7: anything with my eating or activity, I had confided in

540
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 7: k about my worries and insecurities over my body changing

541
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 7: so rapidly.

542
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 3: Hey, confide in your doctor. That's all that's you go

543
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 3: to the doctor when that happens.

544
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 7: She seemed very supportive the whole time, while I was

545
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 7: getting tested for a litany of potential health issues. Good

546
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 7: We held her bachelorette party a few weeks before the

547
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 7: wedding and I was at my heaviest. The custom tank

548
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 7: top be made of Honor hattus order barely fit me.

549
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 5: I was ashamed to eat.

550
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,719
Speaker 7: We had a weekend of ziplining and a spa DA planned,

551
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 7: which I was hoping would lift my spirits. The jokes

552
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 7: started the first night. I was so hurt. I don't

553
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 7: even remember exactly how it started. We went grocery shopping

554
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 7: to stock up for the weekend, and there whispers. I

555
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 7: overheard Kay saying that I was worried about how I

556
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 7: lost fifteen pounds, but it came back and brought three

557
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 7: friends with it.

558
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 6: Oh wow, I walk out. That's that's what Mike. I'm out. Yeah,

559
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 6: that's really nice of you. Thanks.

560
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 7: I pretended to fall asleep on the air mattress on

561
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 7: the floor. The other girls got to sleep in the

562
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 7: bed and the couch, and I just listened to them

563
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 7: talked their crap while watching wedding themed movies and trying

564
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 7: to be as quiet as possible while I cried myself

565
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,479
Speaker 7: into real sleep. Jay and Bey continued to make jabs

566
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,640
Speaker 7: and jokes the entire weekend, and Kay would join in.

567
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 7: Rather than stick up for me. We had driven in

568
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 7: one car out of state, so I didn't have the

569
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 7: option to leave. When we got to the meeting spot

570
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 7: where my mom was waiting to pick me up, I

571
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 7: said a quick goodbye, grabbed my things, and immediately turned

572
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 7: to a puddle of tears. As Mom drove us home,

573
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,640
Speaker 7: I was so embarrassed to tell her what had happened,

574
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 7: but like most moms, she had a way of getting

575
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 7: it out of me. I told her everything, and she

576
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 7: was so shocked and disappointed in Kay for not only

577
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 7: refusing to stick up for me, but joining in on

578
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,640
Speaker 7: the bullying. She said she always thought Kay was never

579
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 7: much of a leader and just followed others to fit in,

580
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 7: and that if I didn't want to be in her

581
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 7: wedding anymore, she supported me, But with it being so

582
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 7: close to her big day, I figured I'd be the

583
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 7: bigger person for my friend. After all, weddings can and

584
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 7: often do, bring out the worst in people.

585
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 5: As all of you know.

586
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 6: That's still not a good excuse to let that happen

587
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 6: to UOPI that's not fair. Yeah, that's so incredibly wrong

588
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 6: and rude.

589
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: It they're horrible.

590
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, that does not give them an excuse to like

591
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 6: let them get away.

592
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 7: With this, And that's not something you say about a

593
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 7: best friend that you've known forever.

594
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, literally said, you've been there for the worst, and

595
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 6: now she's being the worst for your worst.

596
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's oh.

597
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 7: I spent the next few weeks trying to juggle work,

598
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 7: doctor's appointments, tests, and try to find someone, anyone who

599
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 7: could let my dress out. I went to at least

600
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 7: three seamstresses, and none of them could do anything because

601
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 7: of the specific material the dresses were made out of.

602
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 7: To make matters worse, the shop we got them from

603
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 7: had permanently closed. My god, I can't imagine that there's

604
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 7: a type of dress though that you can't get altered.

605
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 7: Maybe the fabric would have to be different in one spot,

606
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 7: but still a little over a week before the wedding,

607
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 7: I admitted defeat. I paced around my room and stealed

608
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 7: myself to make one of the most vomit inducing texts

609
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 7: I've ever sent, and told Kay I didn't think I

610
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 7: could stand up beside her at the wedding. My dress

611
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 7: didn't fit, no matter how much I tried to suck

612
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 7: it in with shapewear, corsets, girdles, et cetera, and I

613
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 7: let her know. I was told by several professionals that

614
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 7: there was nothing that could be done to fix it,

615
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 7: that even though I paid for my dress, I would

616
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 7: bow out gracefully and would be happy to give it

617
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 7: to one of her cousins or another friend, and that

618
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 7: I would be sitting with one and that I would

619
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 7: be sick in one of the front rows with the

620
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 7: rest of our families to support her. She didn't reply. Instead,

621
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 7: Jay sent me a Facebook message berating me about how

622
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 7: cruel I was to do this decay when she was

623
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 7: stressed enough, and that I needed to be a real

624
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 7: friend and figure it out. Then Kay's mom, who was

625
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 7: like a second mom to me, called and said that

626
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 7: she could get some shawls for all of us to

627
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 7: match her dresses so that I could wear mine without

628
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 7: zipping it up.

629
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 5: A solution.

630
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 6: What a good solution from the bride's mom. That's been

631
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 6: very caring and thoughtful and nice.

632
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 7: Crazy mind you, It's early October in Ohio, something that

633
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 7: we affectionately referred to as the Devil's second wind. The

634
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 7: ceremony was going to be held in a hundred plus

635
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 7: year old church which didn't have a c and the

636
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 7: receptions and the reception in her parents barn, which also

637
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 7: did not have AC. But she was my best friend

638
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 7: and I was willing to do anything to make this

639
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 7: work and make it up to her for causing so

640
00:30:59,320 --> 00:30:59,959
Speaker 7: much drama.

641
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 5: You didn't cause any drama.

642
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 6: You're trying to like, didn't use any drama. The fact

643
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 6: that you're like, you need to figure it out, This

644
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 6: was op trying to figure it out. Yeah, like, oh,

645
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 6: I don't want to look bad up there and make

646
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 6: you look bad, So replace me with someone that's gonna fit,

647
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 6: that's figuring it out. That was ah ah.

648
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 7: As luck would have it, a few days before the wedding,

649
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 7: I got violently ill with the flu. Between the vomiting,

650
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 7: sweating every ounce of fluid in me, and lack of food,

651
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 7: I had lost just enough weight to sit the dress,

652
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,360
Speaker 7: I mean, although it was so painfully tight and I

653
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 7: could hardly breathe. We had our hair professionally done, and

654
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 7: Kay's mom kept making compliments about how I looked like

655
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 7: a Greek goddess.

656
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 6: Oh.

657
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 7: I appreciated her being so nice, but still felt so ugly.

658
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 7: The day went without a hitch. It was super warm

659
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 7: and the sky was the most beautiful blue with hardly

660
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 7: any clouds. Kay looked like an absolute vision in her dress,

661
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 7: which was the opposite of everything she said she wanted,

662
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 7: and yet it was so for her. She had the

663
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 7: most gorgeous portraits taken with the groom, our families, and

664
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 7: the bridal party. The reception was a sweaty blast. I

665
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 7: thought all was well.

666
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 5: I was so wrong.

667
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 2: No.

668
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 6: No.

669
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 7: After a few weeks of very little contact, I reached

670
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 7: out to get a key to their apartment so I

671
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 7: cared for their animals while they were on their honeymoon.

672
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 7: I was a broke grad student with so much medical debt.

673
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 7: I couldn't afford a gift, so I thought to offer

674
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 7: my services so they didn't have to pay someone.

675
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 5: It's a great wedding gift.

676
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

677
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 7: After they got back, we still didn't talk very much

678
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 7: until my dad passed away a little over a year later.

679
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 7: Even then it wasn't often, but I was happy with

680
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 7: simply hearing from her. That summer, I was planning my

681
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 7: own wedding with my then fiance now X, and asked

682
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 7: her for advice. She was very brief about this topic

683
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 7: and suddenly shifted gears to confront me about what had

684
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 7: happened at her wedding.

685
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 6: Oh what a good friend like this is a perfect

686
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 6: time to bring this up.

687
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 7: She accused me of being jealous, that she didn't make

688
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 7: me made of on, even though she said herself that

689
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 7: if it weren't for Bay's jealousy, she would have asked

690
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 7: me to be and figured the safest bet was to

691
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 7: ask her sister in law to avoid drama. She said,

692
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 7: I ruined her wedding and all she can remember is

693
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 7: the stress I had caused her with my selfishness, and

694
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 7: how it's tarnished any good memory she had of that day.

695
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 7: I told her I was so sorry and that none

696
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 7: of what she was accusing me of was the case,

697
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 7: but she wouldn't hear it.

698
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 5: She told me she.

699
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 7: Loved me like a sister, but wanted to one to

700
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 7: me in the face for doing this to her. Besides

701
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 7: wishing each other happy holidays and happy birthdays, we didn't

702
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 7: really talk after that since she's had a little girl

703
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 7: during lockdown when I met my husband, which I didn't

704
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 7: even find out she was pregnant until I thought to

705
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 7: go on her Facebook page one day. I wasn't invited

706
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 7: to the baby shower, which was not a surprise, but

707
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 7: it's still hurt.

708
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 5: What do you think you.

709
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 6: That's ridiculous. You you didn't do anything wrong, op you?

710
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 6: In fact, you tried everything in your everything in your

711
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 6: own manner. You literally be the best friend you could

712
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 6: be and try to make her have the perfect day

713
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 6: she wanted. And it was a perfect day, right and.

714
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 7: Nothing that it wasn't your fault in any way.

715
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 6: She no, Yeah, she's no longer your friend. There's no

716
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 6: point of putting it in the putting in the energy

717
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 6: when you're getting negative energy back and.

718
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 7: You already haven't talked to her in forever, Like we

719
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 7: just gotta cut the unfortunate loss.

720
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 6: I don't know what. I try and talk to her

721
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 6: family because like the mom's known you forever and the

722
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 6: mom was being so generous and like, I don't know,

723
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 6: it's so tough. It's the same thing with the last story.

724
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,479
Speaker 6: It's like you just can't force anyone, yeah, to change

725
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 6: their mind about you. It's just like if that's how

726
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 6: they think, that's how they think, and let them be.

727
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 6: I mean, I know, friendships always diverge and they can

728
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 6: always come back, but that comes naturally.

729
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 7: Because also like now you're having a conversation and Kay

730
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 7: is turning it completely on Ope, there's been no like,

731
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,399
Speaker 7: I'm so sorry that you were going through that. I'm

732
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 7: so sorry that we couldn't get your dress down and time,

733
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 7: I'm so sorry that we couldn't do.

734
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 6: And all she did or she was bully you during that,

735
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 6: well that's all she did. Yeah, the fact that she

736
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 6: like isn't being accountable for I was mean to you. No,

737
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 6: you were just taking all all those things, that all

738
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 6: the stress that you had during your wedding and put

739
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 6: it on Opie. And that's not fair to Opie.

740
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 5: But to have it update ears.

741
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 7: Despite so many people warning me that she would do

742
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 7: something to sabotage my wedding out of spite, I was

743
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 7: still planning on asking her to be in our bridal

744
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 7: party until she didn't wish me a happy birthday.

745
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 5: It might sound petty or maybe even.

746
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 7: Pathetic that I had the bar set for our friendship

747
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 7: so low, but that was kind of the last straw

748
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 7: for me. I didn't even invite her and her husband

749
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 7: to be guests. That's how hurt I was and how

750
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 7: stupid I felt for hanging on to a friendship years

751
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 7: after it had already passed away, and because people said

752
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 7: she may still try to pull some antics and revenge,

753
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 7: I didn't tell her when I found out I was

754
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 7: pregnant the way.

755
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 5: I had always dreamed of.

756
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 7: We've never met each other's little ones and have only

757
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 7: seen them grow up online. So here I am heartbroken,

758
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 7: all these years later, still wondering if I'm the reason

759
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,879
Speaker 7: we aren't friends and if I'm really the a hole

760
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 7: for ruining her special day. Edit to add I was

761
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 7: diagnosed with an oscillating thyroid disease, which causes dramatic changes

762
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 7: in my weight. While I'm managing, I still feel uncomfortable

763
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 7: with my body, especially being six months postpartum.

764
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 5: That's tough.

765
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 6: That's like, no, Op, you did nothing wrong. But back

766
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 6: to the am at all you did nothing wrong. It's

767
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 6: a Really it's one of those things where again, uh,

768
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 6: it's a relationship and it takes two people to make

769
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 6: that relationship work. You are putting in so much more

770
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 6: effort than she is that it it's no longer relationship,

771
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 6: it's just you. It sucks. And again she did that

772
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 6: to herself because for no reason, she just wanted to

773
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 6: be like, you know what, she's trying to do this

774
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,479
Speaker 6: do that take over my wedding, YadA, YadA, YadA, which

775
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 6: we all know is not true. Yeah, it's just that's

776
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 6: the that's the picture that she painted of you, and

777
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 6: you can't change that. No matter what you say, you

778
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 6: can tell, you can give her all the facts. Tell

779
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 6: her outright. I'm so sorry if you thought that way.

780
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 6: She only thinks about that and she never communicated that until. No,

781
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 6: it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

782
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,839
Speaker 7: Yeah, no apology offered back up to Oph.

783
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 5: We're just like, how dare Yeah.

784
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:32,280
Speaker 6: There's not be no apology, which sucks. Op. Just focus

785
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 6: on your little one, focus on living a happy life.

786
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 6: I know it sucks, and I know you dreamt of like, oh,

787
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 6: we're gonna have her little ones together, but you know

788
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 6: what that is life sometimes and relationships do end. Just

789
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 6: build the one, the ones you know that are that

790
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 6: are around you and support you the most. I saw

791
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 6: through my friend's lies. Now she's trying to ruin my marriage.

792
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 5: What was she lying about?

793
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 6: By a year ago, I thirty seven female, met my

794
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 6: husband Ken thirty two male through a mutual friends We'll

795
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 6: call her Scarlet forty two female. She was a close

796
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 6: friend of mine for about four years, and he introduced

797
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 6: me to him as her best friend for six years,

798
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 6: which I thought was kind of weird considering I had

799
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,280
Speaker 6: never met him before, despite being quite involved in her life.

800
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 6: Between me and Ken, it was love at first sight,

801
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 6: and shortly after my now husband proposed to me and

802
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,359
Speaker 6: we decided to get married. It really was like in

803
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 6: the movies. Ah, things were going well and I was

804
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 6: happy that me and Ken had a common good friend

805
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 6: to make memories with. By the way, this comes from

806
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 6: user Minnie Pony, and if you want to submit your own stories,

807
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 6: go to the r slash ok storytime supped it so

808
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 6: After a while, though, I started realizing that the attachment

809
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 6: Ken had for Scarlet was a bit unhealthy. He used

810
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 6: to see her and he would say as a sister,

811
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 6: although I think subconsciously was more replacing her with a

812
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 6: mother figure and was willing to do anything for her.

813
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 6: Wherever she would snap her finger, he would run to

814
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 6: the rescue, help her, take care of her, drive her around,

815
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 6: pick her up, go buy her groceries, helping her with

816
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 6: her business for free. Interesting Additionally, he had very poor

817
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 6: boundaries with her and sometimes he would allow her to

818
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 6: get in between us, causing very weird tensions. One day,

819
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 6: still at the beginning of our relationship, she offered Ken

820
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 6: to become her business partner, and Ken felt honored since

821
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 6: he admired her so much. He came and shared the

822
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 6: news with me, full of excitement, but my reaction wasn't

823
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 6: what he expected. I was terrified. Ken already didn't have

824
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 6: much money and we were trying to say for our wedding,

825
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 6: and since I was very good friends with her for

826
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 6: a long time, I knew her business was barely making

827
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 6: enough money for herself.

828
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 5: Ooh ooh, I don't like this.

829
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 6: I knew because she was often asking me for loans,

830
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 6: let alone for both of them. So quitting his current

831
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 6: job for this new business venture was definitely a very

832
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 6: incautious decision.

833
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 5: And you told your husband that right a partner, that

834
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 5: we talked about this right.

835
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 6: It was very tough because I also didn't want to

836
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 6: try and hinder my friend's scarlet's business. But at the

837
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 6: same time, I really wanted him to realize it was

838
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 6: a very bad idea, and I tried to warn him

839
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:19,240
Speaker 6: multiple times. Eventually, he decided to go ahead and invested

840
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:23,240
Speaker 6: all his money, oh twenty thousand dollars into the business,

841
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 6: and I had nothing left but to support him in

842
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 6: his decision, all of his money. Why are we okay

843
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 6: with this? Why is this okay?

844
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 7: You were about to marry this man, and y'all's money's

845
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 7: gonna pum.

846
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 6: After a while, me and him had a fight and

847
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 6: he decided to seek advice and share what had happened

848
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 6: with Scarlet oh which was his closest friend. That's not good,

849
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 6: she said to him to best advise him, that she

850
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,879
Speaker 6: should let her read his messages between us, and doing so,

851
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 6: she found some old messages where I was sharing my

852
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 6: concern for my fiance's investments in her business. Me and

853
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 6: Ken were able to repair after our fight and made up,

854
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 6: but now Scarlet Johansson was incredibly upset after discovering how

855
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 6: I felt about Ken joining her business, and was trying

856
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 6: everything possible to make us split up.

857
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 5: Great such a great friend.

858
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 6: She started to tell him that he could have so

859
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 6: much better women than me, that he had to leave me,

860
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 6: that he could either pick me or her in the business,

861
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 6: and started badmouthing me heavily with him and the community.

862
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 6: At this point, he was entrapped. He already had given

863
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,920
Speaker 6: her all his money that she had used to buy

864
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 6: stocks for the business and pay for her debts, and

865
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:44,399
Speaker 6: he had no choice but continued working for Scarlet. Shortly after,

866
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 6: he got upset about the way she was speaking about

867
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 6: me and trying her best to make our relationship derail,

868
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 6: and he decided to quit the business. And I guarantee

869
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 6: you that twenty thousand dollars never came back to him.

870
00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, a very bad loss, but I don't think he

871
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 5: had many other options.

872
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 7: But also so I'm just laughing though, because God forbid

873
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 7: this did happen, and one of us invested a bunch

874
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 7: of money the second I know, the second that they

875
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 7: started badmouthinghom we would leave and then go back and be.

876
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 5: Like, you'll never believe what they were saying.

877
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 2: You was talking mad crap about you, you little tea time.

878
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 6: There's a lot of red flags here with ken Op.

879
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:31,359
Speaker 6: Not only that, but she was acting extremely unprofessional on

880
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 6: many levels, and also not paying him for his worow.

881
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 7: Shocker, because her business is going under.

882
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 6: She never had a business in the first self from it,

883
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 6: ken now is in a huge financial hole, and digging

884
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,320
Speaker 6: a little bit deeper, I found that she lied to

885
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 6: him on the profits that the business made in the past,

886
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 6: shocking inflating the figures and making it seem it was

887
00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 6: an incredibly profitable business, which to me is the definition

888
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 6: of a scam.

889
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 5: Wow, who would have guessed.

890
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 6: Additionally, I found out Scarlett had been subtenly trying to

891
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,360
Speaker 6: depict me in a negative light with Ken since the

892
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 6: beginning of the relationship, which means when we were still friends.

893
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 6: I felt incredibly betrayed and traumatized by the series of events.

894
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 6: Having a friend betray me so deeply, taking advantage of

895
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 6: my partner and trying to derail my wedding was a

896
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 6: hard pill to swallow. Fast forward a year, I'm healing

897
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 6: and trying to turn the page. During the whole year,

898
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 6: I sought the support of my best friend and flatmate,

899
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 6: thirty three female we'll call her can be sure Candy

900
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 6: lives with me and Ken, to help me navigate all

901
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 6: the feelings linked to the Scarlet drama. She knew exactly

902
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 6: everything that Scarlett did, reading every message and being updated

903
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 6: immediately at every Scarlet's new crazy scene. Why is Scarlet

904
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:53,840
Speaker 6: even involved anymore?

905
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:58,479
Speaker 7: Just she has now stolen over twenty thousand dollars from

906
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 7: you and from Ken.

907
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:02,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, but you know.

908
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 4: What I mean.

909
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, but why are we even putting having any energy

910
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,720
Speaker 6: or any news of Scarlet. We don't need her anymore.

911
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 7: Now you sue her for the lost wages and you

912
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 7: freaking leave her.

913
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, honestly, you definitely have to sue her. Candy was

914
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 6: shocked by Scarlett's behavior and mad that she acted so low.

915
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 6: Scarlet and Candy weren't really close friends, but they knew

916
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 6: each other through our group of friends and mainly just

917
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 6: party together. Scarlett is involved in the festival scene, and

918
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 6: me and Candy are dancers and normally perform at those

919
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 6: types of events. I was happy Candy was supportive in

920
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 6: this time, and after she expressed to me how she

921
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 6: felt about the whole situation, I thought she had my back.

922
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 6: Although Candy is the type of person that tries and

923
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 6: avoids confrontation, I expressed many times that I would feel

924
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 6: hurt if my best friends sought a relationship with Scarlett

925
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 6: after her actions. Again, due to the severity of the case,

926
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 6: Candy kept performing at Scarlett's events, and although annoyed, I

927
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 6: never said anything because I didn't want this drama to

928
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 6: in back Candy's life too much, and I considered it

929
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 6: a sort of work related contact between the two of them. Again,

930
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 6: although Candy doesn't get paid for her dancing, she goes

931
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 6: because she enjoys the parties. The other day, I found

932
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 6: out that Candy has kept a relationship with Scarlet on

933
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 6: a friend level.

934
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 5: Who would have seen that coming.

935
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,800
Speaker 6: I feel like everyone is betraying you. Maybe you shouldn't

936
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 6: just stop talking about Scarlet and just get new friends

937
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 6: that don't Maybe we.

938
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,359
Speaker 5: Should have the side of the Scarlet friend group.

939
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,240
Speaker 6: Candy has been hiding it for me the whole time

940
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 6: because she thought it would upset me. Apparently, Scarlett felt

941
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 6: free to message Candy about her problems, such as the

942
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 6: depth she had with my husband in life struggles, and

943
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 6: Candy has even offered to help her through a fundraiser

944
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 6: party where she basically wants the whole community to chip

945
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 6: in to repay my husband and a million other debts

946
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 6: she has around. I honestly feel I can't trust Candy anymore.

947
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 6: If someone treated her as Scarlet treated me, I wouldn't

948
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 6: be okay with being around that person. I would make

949
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 6: it really clear and stick up for my friend. It's

950
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 6: not just a personal issue or a fallout. This is

951
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 6: a serious matter that might end up in court. Do

952
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 6: you think I'm asking too much expecting my best friend

953
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 6: to distance themselves from Scarlet? Am I overreacting? I feel

954
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,879
Speaker 6: Candy has been acting friendly to Scarlet behind my back

955
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 6: for the sake of still being able to go out

956
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 6: to the parties and still keep the privileges of being

957
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 6: associated with Scarlet.

958
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 7: You got, yeah, I mean, I don't think that you

959
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 7: can necessarily be mad at Candy for keeping that friend.

960
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 6: She's playing the neutral ground. It seems like, right, and.

961
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 5: That's what it feels like to me.

962
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 7: Then you need to just like accept the fact that

963
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 7: that's a loss. You need to cut personally, like you're

964
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 7: just not it's just not a friend you need anymore.

965
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's one thing your future husband. Are we not

966
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 6: going to talk about that?

967
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 5: Like that's a big problem.

968
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,200
Speaker 6: That's a huge problem. I maybe it's solved now, and

969
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 6: maybe we didn't get that context, but the very get go.

970
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 6: The fact that he didn't listen to a single word

971
00:46:56,360 --> 00:47:00,400
Speaker 6: you said and you and he kept doing it huge

972
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 6: red Flagan. He kept working for her after she was

973
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 6: she kept talking. You guys were still friends, and he

974
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,399
Speaker 6: didn't tell you a thing because she was talking mad

975
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 6: crap about you during your friendship with her? What is

976
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 6: this was well.

977
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 7: Before he joined the business that you warned him not

978
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 7: to join?

979
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 2: What is what?

980
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,400
Speaker 6: That's a huge red flag kill. There's a little bit

981
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 6: left and we haven't edit. I forgot to clarify a

982
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:28,879
Speaker 6: couple of details. First, Scarlett was talking about Ken as

983
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 6: her best friend for six years, which left me really perplexed.

984
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 6: And after I talk with Ken, it came out they

985
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 6: met six years prior, but they were close since six months.

986
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 6: It's weird sentence.

987
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 7: So she's saying that they've been best buddies for six years,

988
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 7: but they just like briefly met six years ago. They've

989
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 7: only been best buddies for six six months?

990
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 6: Got it? So that's still six months of lying? Was

991
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,959
Speaker 6: another lie, an exaggeration from Scarlett to make Ken feel

992
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 6: important since she understood how much she can get out

993
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 6: of it. I was her actual close friend for about

994
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,959
Speaker 6: four years, helping her and supporting her through the good

995
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:04,439
Speaker 6: and the bad, and lending her money. Second, I never

996
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 6: told Candy she couldn't be friends with Scarlet, but she

997
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 6: knew I would have felt betrayed if she sought a

998
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 6: friendship with her because my other best friends did the

999
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 6: same behind my back, only to keep the opportunity of

1000
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 6: getting free festival tickets, which, by the way, also Candy

1001
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 6: agreed that was fake friend behavior when we spoke about it.

1002
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 6: Your friends sucked fake friend behavior.

1003
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,240
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do it too.

1004
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 6: Though, Yeah, but I'm not gonna tell you. Third, I

1005
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 6: was never jealous of Scarlet. I only communicated with my

1006
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 6: partner about the fact get poor boundaries with her and

1007
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 6: that he should let her get in and that he

1008
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 6: should let her not get involved in matters that were

1009
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 6: between us two, which I think is just fair. And

1010
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 6: did he respect that?

1011
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 7: No?

1012
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 6: And we have some comments come in. Number one, everyone

1013
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,319
Speaker 6: sucks here. Your husband shouldn't be showing her private things

1014
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 6: between the two of you. You are jealous and insecure

1015
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:57,359
Speaker 6: of his old friend. You are childishly. You childishly told

1016
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 6: your other friend Candy not to be friends with Scarlet.

1017
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 6: You're right and are being very immature by expecting her

1018
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 6: to get someone off because you dislike them.

1019
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 3: What.

1020
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 6: I don't think your relationship with your husband is going

1021
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 6: to survive this op I'm not sure if my story

1022
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,280
Speaker 6: came across right, but Scarlett scammed my husband for twenty

1023
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 6: thousand dollars lying to him all along. I don't dislike her, lie,

1024
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,919
Speaker 6: you definitely do. She literally scanned my husband, and when

1025
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 6: my partner resolved after our issue, she hated it so

1026
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 6: much she decided that she was going to try and

1027
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 6: manipulate him and tried to make him break up with

1028
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 6: me just because she felt jealous. I wasn't jealous at all.

1029
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 6: I only tried to warn him it wasn't a wise

1030
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 6: investment because I was actually aware of how much money

1031
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 6: her business made. But from my side, there was no jealousy.

1032
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 6: And also when he decided to join, I supported him

1033
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 6: so that he So that's really not the point. I

1034
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 6: never told Candy to cut ties with Scarlet either, because

1035
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 6: I'm mature enough to not go tell people what they

1036
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 6: have to do with their life. However, seeing that Candy

1037
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 6: wanted to keep a relationship with her just for advantages

1038
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,640
Speaker 6: such as going to parties for free and hid it

1039
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 6: from me, I thought it was dishonest. You are twisting

1040
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 6: the story around. Also, they weren't old friends. Scarlett, having

1041
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,359
Speaker 6: the tendency of lying and exaggerating, she said they were

1042
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 6: best friends for six years. But after talking with my

1043
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 6: husband about the whole matter, it came out that they

1044
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 6: met six years ago, but they were close friends for

1045
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 6: six months. Actually I was the old friend since I

1046
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,879
Speaker 6: was close for four years, always being there for her

1047
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,839
Speaker 6: in the good and the bad. My husband became her

1048
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 6: close friend six months before we met, But she was

1049
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 6: inflating the whole thing because she understood how useful he

1050
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 6: was for her and wanted to make him special. I

1051
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 6: don't know that.

1052
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 5: Comment that Carr got it way wrong.

1053
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 6: That comter is Scarlet saying that.

1054
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 7: You shouldn't be mad that she checked private messages with

1055
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 7: you and your husband or soon to be husband is insane.

1056
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 6: Again all the things your husband did red flags. Yeah,

1057
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 6: can't again, you can't control Candy and their friendship. I

1058
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 6: said this already. Stop talking about Scarlett and just move

1059
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 6: away from her. Move on from her.

1060
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 2: Get you heard that.

1061
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 6: Get you get your twenty k back or your husband's

1062
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:09,359
Speaker 6: twenty k back. That's it.

1063
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1064
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1065
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:14,319
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1066
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 6: My boyfriend feels unappreciated doing house chores while I work

1067
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 6: full time.

1068
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 5: Make him do more chores.

1069
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, my boyfriend twenty one male and I, twenty one female,

1070
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 6: has been unemployed since September. He's been unemployed in our

1071
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 6: relationship before, and at that time we came to an

1072
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 6: agreement about chores. If one of us is unemployed, we

1073
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 6: are to do most, but not all, of the household chores.

1074
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 6: That is so fair. By the way, this comes from

1075
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 6: Kitchen Drama, and if you want to submit your own stories,

1076
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:45,399
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime separated. So when

1077
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 6: we are both working, he cooks dinner most nights and

1078
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 6: I do everything else. He's an amazing cook, and he

1079
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 6: says he likes doing it. I clean up after dinner

1080
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 6: and do all of the other household chores except for

1081
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 6: taking out the garbage once a week. He would rather

1082
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,240
Speaker 6: eye cook as well, I think, but he is extremely

1083
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 6: picky about food and how things are done. I can

1084
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 6: never do it up to his standards, which seriously include

1085
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 6: things like chopped vegetables all being a particular uniform size.

1086
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 6: I don't have as much free time as him, even

1087
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 6: when he is working, because I'm also in university while

1088
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 6: he has graduated. So when I cook it's quick and dirty.

1089
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 6: I don't think he can reasonably expect me to spend

1090
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 6: more than thirty to forty five minutes cooking while I'm

1091
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 6: both working and in school, but he won't compromise, and

1092
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 6: so I barely cook it all. When he is unemployed,

1093
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 6: I asked that he also do the dishes. We handle

1094
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 6: our meals other than dinner on our own. A quick note,

1095
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 6: he is very athletic and has an extremely high metabolism,

1096
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 6: whereas I have an autoimmune disease that makes me have

1097
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,439
Speaker 6: a very low one, so he eats at least twice

1098
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:43,000
Speaker 6: as much as me on a given day. As a result,

1099
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 6: I pay for forty percent of the groceries instead of

1100
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 6: fifty percent, but I still spend about twice as much

1101
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 6: on food as I did when I was single. The

1102
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 6: other day, he snapped at me. I casually asked if

1103
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 6: he was hungry because it was eight pm and he

1104
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 6: hadn't started cooking dinner, and he just blew up. He

1105
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 6: said I was lazy, didn't do anything, didn't pay for

1106
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:01,960
Speaker 6: fifty cent of the bills I do for everything but groceries.

1107
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 6: Didn't appreciate him and all he does for me, so

1108
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 6: that I can spend all my time focusing on school

1109
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 6: and even brought up that I had spent an hour

1110
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 6: on my phone that day when I could have been

1111
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 6: doing homework. If that he was going to do all

1112
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 6: the chores, should be spending all my free time on school.

1113
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 6: But he's a little boarding.

1114
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,360
Speaker 7: You know, she could do something like if he's cooking

1115
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 7: all this, like he now cooks every night, he's paying,

1116
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,320
Speaker 7: he cleans everything, he pays half of all the bills.

1117
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 5: He pays a little bit more for the food.

1118
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 6: Oh okay, that's on him though he needs to.

1119
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 2: Fig he doesn't pay half the bills. He's unemployed.

1120
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 5: It just said they split the bills, didn't it.

1121
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 2: How could he pay for half the bills?

1122
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 6: But op, he didn't pay for fifty.

1123
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 3: I think I think he's trying to say that I

1124
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 3: don't pay for half the bills, where it's like, no, actually,

1125
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 3: I literally pay for everything except groceries.

1126
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 2: So what are you talking about?

1127
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel like he's having a little of a

1128
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 6: crash out here and taking it out on you when

1129
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 6: he's like, I'm doing all the things. But like, brother,

1130
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 6: you could change this if you get a job.

1131
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 7: We don't know if he's trying all I'm he sounds

1132
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 7: angry that saying is like, at the very least, maybe

1133
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 7: just offered a like, I don't know, do the dishes

1134
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 7: that night or something like that.

1135
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 6: If he's cooking every night right now, If he does cook,

1136
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 6: I think they came to a mutual agreement.

1137
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 7: If he does cook, and she just said I don't cook.

1138
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 7: Woman in university and she's in university.

1139
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 6: Right but no, if he does cook, which he does

1140
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 6: most of the time, oh, he does the dishes.

1141
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 5: It's like that most fair thing is I don't think

1142
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 5: that was what they said.

1143
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 2: But but also, you are jobb and.

1144
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 7: I'm pretty sure that she went back and said he's

1145
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,240
Speaker 7: also doing the dishes right now.

1146
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 6: Because I don't employed. Yeah, let's find out. I'm from

1147
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 6: a poor family, have a lot of debt and no savings,

1148
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 6: no safety net, and I bust my butt making crap

1149
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 6: money so that I can put myself through university and

1150
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 6: contribute evenly to our household. I probably still overpay for

1151
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 6: groceries for how much I eat, and I pay the

1152
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 6: whole internet bill on my own. He is from a

1153
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 6: rich family who paid for his schooling so that he's

1154
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 6: debt free, and they've given him tens of thousands of dollars.

1155
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 6: This conversation happened the last time he was unemployed as

1156
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 6: well he has. He was ranting. I got angry and angrier.

1157
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 6: He sits at home all day doing nothing. This is

1158
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 6: literally his own responsibility. He sleeps until noon and then

1159
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 6: watches videos and plays games the rest of the day.

1160
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 6: He says he spends all day looking for jobs, but

1161
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 6: I know for a fact that he hasn't sent out

1162
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,839
Speaker 6: in any resumes. Since he's home all day, he has

1163
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,880
Speaker 6: plenty of time to make a huge mess. He throws

1164
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 6: his garbage directly onto the floor. When I bought a

1165
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 6: toilet brush for our apartment, he literally did not even

1166
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 6: know what it was for. Cleaning up after him is

1167
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 6: a huge job, but I prefer it because I hate

1168
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,760
Speaker 6: cooking and I hate how he criticizes me while I cook.

1169
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 6: Cooking one meal a day and doing the dishes after

1170
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,359
Speaker 6: is literally his only worldly responsibility right now, and one

1171
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,319
Speaker 6: that he doesn't want to trade off for something else

1172
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 6: because I can't do it right. I hugely appreciate what

1173
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 6: he does, but it's not like he works away in

1174
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 6: the kitchen all day while I sit around and knuckle

1175
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 6: head off. After explaining how I feel about it, he

1176
00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 6: gets tears in his eyes and says he's sorry. He

1177
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 6: agrees that our arrangements are fair considering his weird cooking standards,

1178
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:55,319
Speaker 6: and that he is unemployed and not looking for another job,

1179
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 6: and then tells me that he likes our arrangement and

1180
00:55:57,719 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 6: doesn't want it to change, but I know that this

1181
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,359
Speaker 6: will come up again, and it has before. He want

1182
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,880
Speaker 6: less change our arrangement, but then he resents me for it,

1183
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 6: considers cooking and cleaning up for one meal a day,

1184
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 6: doing everything I don't want to do more than half

1185
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 6: the chores when he's unemployed and has all day to

1186
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,839
Speaker 6: do whatever he wants, whereas I barely have any free

1187
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 6: time to do the things I enjoy. As it is,

1188
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,399
Speaker 6: I haven't played the piano in months, and I used

1189
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 6: to do it every day because I'm supposed to be

1190
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 6: doing my own chores or studying at all times to

1191
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 6: repay him for cooking dinner and cleaning up after. So

1192
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 6: the advice I am searching for one. How can I

1193
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 6: make him feel more appreciated but also not have to

1194
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,839
Speaker 6: do a significantly bigger share of the chores. I don't

1195
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 6: want him to feel bad, but I also don't want

1196
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 6: to feel like I'm his mother. Two, how can I

1197
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,280
Speaker 6: change our arrangement in a way that would be acceptable

1198
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 6: to both of us? Three? What should I add to

1199
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 6: our conversation to get him to understand where I'm coming

1200
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 6: from or to understand where he's coming from? For the moment,

1201
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 6: I try to cook when I know he won't be

1202
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 6: home to watch me do it, which is rarely now. Unfortunately,

1203
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 6: I offer to do the dishes anyway. Occasionally I bring

1204
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,359
Speaker 6: him flowers or bake goods when I get home at

1205
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 6: the end of the day with a thank you note,

1206
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 6: and I try to verbally appreciate him, especially at dinner time.

1207
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 6: I would feel really stupid about going to a counselor

1208
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 6: over not being able to figure out chores. And we

1209
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:11,280
Speaker 6: have an update, Carly.

1210
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 7: If he's so rich and if he's still getting money,

1211
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 7: can you just like hire a cleaner?

1212
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 5: Can we just do that and call it a day.

1213
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 5: Can he just be like, yeah, I'll pay for the cleaner.

1214
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 6: Then, I mean you can bring that up. It definitely

1215
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 6: either way.

1216
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 5: Like obviously he needs to do more.

1217
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 7: I just don't think he's gonna I think he's gonna

1218
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 7: be a little whiny boy about it.

1219
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 6: Either way, he needs to find a job or something.

1220
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 3: There's no universe in which you sleeping until noon and

1221
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 3: then playing video games and then you do the chores.

1222
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 2: And it's like I do everything around here.

1223
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 3: It's like you probably have more time to do stuff

1224
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 3: if you didn't sleep in until noon and play video games.

1225
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, get maybe get a job.

1226
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 3: I went back to the beginning of the story, and

1227
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 3: they just say that this has been established as a

1228
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 3: dynamic and they've done this before.

1229
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,800
Speaker 2: He's been unemployed before.

1230
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 6: To both of them, like they've agreed mtually where it's like, hey,

1231
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 6: if I'm unemployed, you know, yeah, I'll do more of

1232
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 6: the chores. If you're unemployed, you do most of the chores.

1233
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 6: It just makes sense because guess what, like someone's busy working.

1234
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 6: But this is also not fair to uop that he's

1235
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 6: coming at you like this and he's happened before.

1236
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,200
Speaker 5: Know how to do it and clean the toilet from

1237
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 5: here on out.

1238
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 6: Sure, yeah, I feel like one you gotta just reevaluate

1239
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 6: your agreements and be like, hey, this is what we

1240
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 6: agreed upon.

1241
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 5: Clearly it's not working for you.

1242
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 6: Clearly, Yeah, something's not working for us. If you guys

1243
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 6: relegate the chores a little bit oh, you have an update.

1244
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 6: Basically later in the evening, after posting on Reddit, I

1245
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 6: told him how upset I was that we were still

1246
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 6: having the same argument about chores, and that I wanted

1247
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 6: to make sure that it was totally resolved rather than

1248
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 6: brushing get under the rug. The fact that I even

1249
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 6: brought it up again sent him into another rage, which

1250
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 6: tells me how effective our last conversation about it was. Anyway,

1251
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 6: the same old, same old happened. I refuse to back down,

1252
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 6: refuse to say I would do even more chores or

1253
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 6: pay for even more groceries or anything, and he eventually

1254
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 6: came around and agreed that he was being childish, would

1255
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 6: work harder to get a job, would stop complaining about

1256
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 6: the few chores he had to do, et cetera, et cetera.

1257
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 6: I had a couple of exams slash papers to prepare

1258
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 6: for all at once, so I said I would not

1259
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 6: be lifting a finger for the next few days while

1260
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 6: I tried to study in my very limited free time.

1261
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 6: I ended the argument, or tried to end the argument,

1262
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 6: by explaining that this was the last time I ever

1263
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 6: wanted to have this conversation, that if he really agreed,

1264
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 6: he had it easy and he was being immature about things.

1265
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:29,680
Speaker 6: Then I didn't think it needed to be brought up

1266
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 6: again until our situation changed. I don't remember how it

1267
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:35,439
Speaker 6: played into the conversation, but the final thing I said

1268
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:37,919
Speaker 6: was to explain how I had an honestly posted about

1269
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 6: it on Reddit and that everyone's replies had affirmed for me,

1270
00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 6: and that I was not being crazy, not being unreasonable,

1271
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,120
Speaker 6: and was not going to be convinced that I should

1272
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 6: do even more so he shouldn't try it again. That

1273
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 6: sent him into another raging fury. I think at this point,

1274
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 6: don't live with him.

1275
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, he doesn't even want to talk. Every time you

1276
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 5: have a conversation, he's just in a raad.

1277
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 6: He's acting like a teenager that you're calling him out

1278
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 6: on his bull and he's like, no, no, bait, I

1279
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 6: was a child.

1280
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 7: No, you're genuinely trying to have the conversation to fix

1281
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 7: the problem, and he just yells nah.

1282
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:12,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, Doug. He demanded to see the post and claimed

1283
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 6: that I must have lied about him or distorted the

1284
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:17,280
Speaker 6: truth to make him seem like the bad guy. At first,

1285
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 6: I refused to let him see it because I was

1286
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 6: worried he would pick it apart get upset about the

1287
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 6: negative light I had portrayed him in and it would

1288
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 6: make the fight even worse. But he wore me down

1289
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 6: and I opened it up on the computer. At first,

1290
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,720
Speaker 6: he was fuming while he read it, pacing around while

1291
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 6: holding my tablet in his hands. Then he got really

1292
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 6: quiet and sat down. He read all the replies, all

1293
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 6: of these people saying that he was a leech, a loser,

1294
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 6: and that I should dump him immediately. I think that

1295
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,479
Speaker 6: it finally clicked for him. I was pretty emotionally drained

1296
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 6: at this point, crying knowing all the stuff he was reading,

1297
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 6: and I didn't want to talk about anymore. So I

1298
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 6: went to bed. Oh you never go to bed angry,

1299
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 6: but I get it at your point. The next morning,

1300
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 6: I was woken up by him kissing me goodbye. He

1301
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 6: was fully dressed in nice clothes and I had a

1302
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 6: folder in one hand, and said he was going out

1303
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 6: to look for work and left. Okay, okay, oh, okay.

1304
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 6: I didn't really know what to say. I was pretty stunned.

1305
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 6: When I was ready and got out of the room,

1306
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 6: the entire house had been tied up, all the dishes

1307
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 6: had been done, clothes and papers picked up and put away,

1308
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 6: and the laundry had been put on. When he got home,

1309
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 6: he came into the room where I was studying and

1310
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 6: got down on his knees and hugged me, begging me

1311
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 6: not to dump him and to give him another chance.

1312
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 5: I thought somewhere.

1313
01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:33,400
Speaker 6: Else, I thought, yeah, that was he's a knees knees,

1314
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 6: not one knees knees. He promised he would do all

1315
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 6: the chores until he got a job, and then he

1316
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 6: was so sorry for taking advantage of me. We had

1317
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 6: a really long talk about his employment situation since he graduated.

1318
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,280
Speaker 6: He's been feeling very lost and depressed right now. I'm

1319
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 6: the only thing in his life, and it's been putting

1320
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 6: a lot of stress on our relationship. He doesn't want

1321
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 6: to take just any job because he doesn't want to

1322
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 6: feel like he's failed by having a crappy job after

1323
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 6: getting a university degree. I signed him up for some

1324
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,000
Speaker 6: volunteering positions because I feel like he needs a little

1325
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 6: push right now. It's very hard to get out of

1326
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 6: a rut like that when you've convinced yourself you're not

1327
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 6: worth hiring. I waited a long time to make this

1328
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 6: update because I wasn't sure if he was for real

1329
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 6: or if it was for another band aid solution to

1330
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 6: get me off his back for a while until he

1331
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:15,360
Speaker 6: brought it up again. But it's been about a month

1332
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 6: since I first posted, and he's just been amazing since then. Okay, yeah,

1333
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 6: but that still does not like negate the band aid

1334
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 6: situations that every time you called him out.

1335
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 7: On it, they should have talked about in that moment,

1336
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 7: like say he gets a job, like, okay, next time

1337
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 7: someone's unemployed, what's the new split of, like how we're

1338
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:36,160
Speaker 7: gonna do chores and everything?

1339
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 5: And also why are you just yelling at me old time?

1340
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1341
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 7: I see a lot of people saying that he's probably

1342
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 7: just depressed sitting at home, which I totally.

1343
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 5: Like think he was.

1344
01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's why I said he was crashing out. He

1345
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 6: was crashing out, But that does not mean a little

1346
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 6: he was crashing out that he's.

1347
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 7: He was he was depressed and depressed, that he was depressed,

1348
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 7: he wasn't feeling like he could get a job, he

1349
01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 7: didn't feel like he was good enough for it.

1350
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,920
Speaker 5: I'm stuck. It's not a crash out him yelling my.

1351
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 6: I mean the Yeah, the depression made him crash out. Sorry, yes,

1352
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 6: but that doesn't still not degate all those things that

1353
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:09,120
Speaker 6: he did to you.

1354
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 5: Y'all still need to talk about it.

1355
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, he spends five to ten minutes at the end

1356
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 6: of every day picking up his clothes and other messes.

1357
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 6: It makes my jobs way easier for me, and as

1358
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,880
Speaker 6: a result, the house is stayed pretty much spotless for

1359
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,479
Speaker 6: the whole month. He also started actually searching for a job,

1360
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:24,800
Speaker 6: and lo and behold, he found one. It's a very

1361
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,640
Speaker 6: part time work from home type of gig, so we

1362
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 6: aren't changing up our division of labor right now, but

1363
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 6: it's given him a sense of purpose and is in

1364
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 6: his university field of study, so he really puts a

1365
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,920
Speaker 6: lot of effort into it. While it's a very temporary job,

1366
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 6: it's really helped lift him up out of this rut.

1367
01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:39,680
Speaker 6: And we have a second update.

1368
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 5: How do we feel, y'all still have to talk.

1369
01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, you still need that new division of labor going on, but.

1370
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 6: You have an agreement. He has a part time job.

1371
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 5: It's great.

1372
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 7: I'm so happy that he's doing more, But to me now,

1373
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 7: it also feels like he's just really scared that you're

1374
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 7: gonna dumb him.

1375
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 5: So he's just like on his best behavior.

1376
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, until he gets back to being settled again.

1377
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hate that. I know that. That's probably I

1378
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 2: did that. I've been this.

1379
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 5: Why are we on me?

1380
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 2: Because it was your take? Oh yeah, he is.

1381
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 6: No, please please don't leave me. No no.

1382
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 3: And it's like the fact that you should probably just

1383
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 3: leave each other because you'll be better off anywhere.

1384
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 6: The fact that he's like, I'm doing this now for

1385
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 6: the relationship, doing this for you, brother, you should be

1386
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 6: doing it to you exactly. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1387
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,439
Speaker 3: That's why I think they need to step away, because

1388
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 3: it's like, you need to learn how to just be

1389
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 3: you first.

1390
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 7: They just need to have a conversation about it. They

1391
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 7: have not talked about anything for this. He just came

1392
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 7: back in and was like, ohvery but it would be

1393
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:41,440
Speaker 7: so much better to even worry about it.

1394
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:43,640
Speaker 6: Update number two. I wanted to address some of the

1395
01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 6: trends in the comments section. One. I still do the

1396
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:49,000
Speaker 6: bulk of the workload. I really don't agree. First of all,

1397
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:51,080
Speaker 6: he did offer and would do one hundred percent of

1398
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 6: the housework if I so choose, and he does do

1399
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 6: one hundred percent of the housework when I am particularly busy.

1400
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:00,120
Speaker 6: Although our jobs are not that different than before, the

1401
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:02,600
Speaker 6: difference is that he no longer sees it as my

1402
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 6: jobs and my responsibility. The towards are our responsibility, being

1403
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:09,840
Speaker 6: that we are both adults living in the same house,

1404
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 6: and it follows that whomever has the most time and

1405
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 6: energy to do them should do so. I choose our

1406
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 6: current arrangement myself, even as he was offering to do

1407
01:05:17,440 --> 01:05:19,680
Speaker 6: every single thing for me, because I still wanted to

1408
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:22,160
Speaker 6: contribute in terms of hours spent on cleaning at the

1409
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:24,160
Speaker 6: end of the week, he is still doing more, especially

1410
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,920
Speaker 6: since I am more efficient at it than him. I

1411
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 6: also have jobs I can do at my leisure as

1412
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:31,640
Speaker 6: long as they get done approximately every week if I

1413
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:33,360
Speaker 6: can't achieve that he does it. When I was in

1414
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 6: crunch time, he did absolutely everything, brought my meals right

1415
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,800
Speaker 6: to me at my desk, and was just absolutely wonderful

1416
01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 6: to me. I didn't have to ask him for a thing.

1417
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 6: He was just right there offering me whatever I needed.

1418
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 6: Then he got a seriously bad flu, so I did

1419
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:48,600
Speaker 6: everything for a few days when he could get out

1420
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 6: of bed. It's a compromise instead of a strict division.

1421
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 6: Now please also take into account that he is a

1422
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:56,240
Speaker 6: job albeit part time, and spends a lot of the

1423
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:59,360
Speaker 6: day actively looking for work now rather than playing video games.

1424
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:01,760
Speaker 6: One of the major issues with how things were before.

1425
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:04,400
Speaker 6: I no longer feel like I'm dating an irresponsible man.

1426
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,280
Speaker 6: I also don't do way more cooking maybe once a week,

1427
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 6: and only when I feel like it, or when he

1428
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 6: was very sick, or when I have a recipe I

1429
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 6: really want to make that he isn't familiar with. He

1430
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,280
Speaker 6: certainly doesn't expect me to do it. Also, keep in

1431
01:06:16,320 --> 01:06:18,160
Speaker 6: mind that there are only two of us in a

1432
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 6: one bedroom apartment with no children. It's really not that

1433
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 6: much work. If he was a stay at home dad

1434
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:25,200
Speaker 6: and I was the sole breadwinner supporting for the two

1435
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 6: of us, it would be a different situation too. Do

1436
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 6: I like cleaning, Yeah, yeah, you do. We kind of

1437
01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:33,040
Speaker 6: wrought this up, and that's exactly your point.

1438
01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:37,240
Speaker 7: It sounded just like you definitely have different standards of cleaning, yeah,

1439
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 7: and like how he used different stands of cooking.

1440
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:41,960
Speaker 6: But yeah, I've never been asked this before, but I

1441
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,680
Speaker 6: guess I do. I was starting to dislike it because

1442
01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 6: it became such a huge source of stress, But now

1443
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 6: that I'm not required to make big sacrifices to get

1444
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 6: it done. I like it again. It feels personally fulfilling,

1445
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,760
Speaker 6: and I have my own system of organization. Just like

1446
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,320
Speaker 6: he likes the cooking done his way. I have chores

1447
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 6: I like done my own way, and I'm more efficient

1448
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:03,240
Speaker 6: at them than he is. I really dislike cooking, doing dishes,

1449
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 6: taking out garbage, compost, recycling, or cleaning gross things like

1450
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:09,880
Speaker 6: old lunch containers. To me, that's way worse than work.

1451
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:12,440
Speaker 6: I'd gladly do more work than him, though I don't agree.

1452
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:15,080
Speaker 6: I do rather than handle those jobs. We definitely go

1453
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,800
Speaker 6: by a comparative advantage here. If I don't get something done,

1454
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 6: he just quietly does it without mentioning it. If I

1455
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 6: ask him to do something, he'll practically scramble to do

1456
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 6: it right away. He clearly took our talk seriously. Three

1457
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:27,120
Speaker 6: am I happy?

1458
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:27,600
Speaker 2: I am?

1459
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,840
Speaker 6: My boyfriend was having a very immature, childish moment in

1460
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,959
Speaker 6: an otherwise great relationship. My original post made me question

1461
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:36,360
Speaker 6: not just what he wanted, but what I wanted and

1462
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 6: needed to be happy. He offered to take on everything,

1463
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,120
Speaker 6: but I didn't want that. Doing no chores wouldn't make

1464
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:43,680
Speaker 6: me happy. While the stress factors behind his behavior aren't

1465
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 6: an excuse. They do make it understandable for me. I'll

1466
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 6: stay wary of this issue resurfacing, but I feel much

1467
01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:51,360
Speaker 6: happier now and hopeful for the future. He really does

1468
01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 6: have everything on my laundry list. He loves children, cares

1469
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,160
Speaker 6: about the environment, and causes close to my heart. His

1470
01:07:57,280 --> 01:08:01,040
Speaker 6: kind gets along with my family and friends, is romantic sensitive,

1471
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:03,840
Speaker 6: and takes care of me when I'm struggling. No relationship

1472
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 6: is perfect, but I think ours comes pretty close. Carle,

1473
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 6: How do we feel?

1474
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 5: I mean, everything sounds great now. It sounds like they

1475
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 5: got their own little rhythm down.

1476
01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:14,280
Speaker 7: I think he was probably really sad and depressed and

1477
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:16,479
Speaker 7: needed a little kick in the pant and was dead.

1478
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,519
Speaker 7: Yeah he was, and he's out of his head now,

1479
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 7: and it sounds like they've kind of figured out the

1480
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 7: vibes that they need and they're stepping up for the

1481
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,120
Speaker 7: other person when they need to be a little bit more.

1482
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:26,720
Speaker 5: Everything sounds good to me.

1483
01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:30,040
Speaker 6: I agree. I still don't like how much it took

1484
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:32,280
Speaker 6: you to write a Reddit post to show him that.

1485
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:34,479
Speaker 5: Hey, yeah, I wonder if we could have just talked.

1486
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:36,960
Speaker 6: But yeah, I think this is going in a positive light.

1487
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:39,040
Speaker 5: It sounds like it's kept up for at least a

1488
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:39,599
Speaker 5: month now.

1489
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:43,160
Speaker 6: So yeah, So back to the story. Let's finish this

1490
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 6: out number four again. The commentaries are asking the dynamic

1491
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 6: with OPI is he no no, no, no, no, no no.

1492
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,240
Speaker 6: He can be pretty volatile when it comes to what

1493
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:54,799
Speaker 6: he sees as a success as a man. He doesn't

1494
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 6: act that way about everything, and I wouldn't stand for

1495
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 6: it if he did. It's sad, and we've worked on

1496
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:01,760
Speaker 6: being open about it. His anger comes from a deep

1497
01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:04,919
Speaker 6: lack of personal fulfillment, which is hard for him, especially

1498
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:07,280
Speaker 6: coming from a success driven family. It's that chip on

1499
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:09,160
Speaker 6: his shoulder. Knowing that I don't judge him by his

1500
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:12,519
Speaker 6: career has helped, and finding fulfillment outside our relationship has

1501
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:16,120
Speaker 6: eases anger. He's always been under extreme pressure, especially from himself,

1502
01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:18,800
Speaker 6: to succeed. We can't afford a counselor right now, but

1503
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 6: he agreed he'll look into it when he finds full

1504
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:24,479
Speaker 6: time work with benefits. He isn't controlling. We decided to

1505
01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 6: spend the time apart this Christmas to bond with our families,

1506
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:29,840
Speaker 6: and I've been spending more time with girlfriends and old

1507
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:33,120
Speaker 6: hobbies which he supports. I don't think this was emotional

1508
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:35,639
Speaker 6: manipulation so much as him feeling like he was living

1509
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:38,080
Speaker 6: only for me, since chores I asked him to do

1510
01:09:38,160 --> 01:09:41,559
Speaker 6: were basically his only responsibility. One helpful thing we agreed on,

1511
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 6: which was his suggestion, is not to argue when we're upset. Instead,

1512
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:48,040
Speaker 6: we'll go to separate rooms, calm down, then talk about

1513
01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 6: it with some distance. Yeah, write it down. I think

1514
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:52,240
Speaker 6: that's so much better. I do want to thank everyone

1515
01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:55,000
Speaker 6: again for taking the time to comment. I read every comment,

1516
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:56,400
Speaker 6: and although I can't give you what many of you

1517
01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:58,680
Speaker 6: want and dump him, I can promise that I'm much

1518
01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:00,960
Speaker 6: happier since I let him read that post. And also

1519
01:10:01,040 --> 01:10:03,240
Speaker 6: I won't let myself agree to any sort of arrangement

1520
01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:06,559
Speaker 6: that makes me unhappy again, even it means eventually leaving

1521
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:08,880
Speaker 6: this relationship. And that is the end of that story.