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Speaker 1: It's Kiki's courting all right, So all rise, the honorable

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Speaker 1: ki Kaalik is here.

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Speaker 2: Just Tiki, please take it away.

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Speaker 3: All right, let's get in the courtroom. The gabble has

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Speaker 3: been hit, it says Heikiki. My name is Maria. I'm

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Speaker 3: sending you this because I've hit a rough patch with

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Speaker 3: my best friends. For the last few years. I've been

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Speaker 3: the only single, childless friend in the group. All of

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Speaker 3: my best friends are either married or have kids or both.

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Speaker 3: Over the years, I've spent thousands of dollars on my friends,

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Speaker 3: their kids and their milestones. I've paid for bachelorette parties, weddings,

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Speaker 3: baby showers, baptisms, and so on. And I feel like,

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Speaker 3: even though I'm not getting married or having a baby,

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Speaker 3: my milestone should be celebrated too. For example, I recently

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Speaker 3: got out of a toxic two year relationship, and I

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Speaker 3: decided to plan a trip to celebrate this milestone. It

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Speaker 3: hurt me to see that my friends aren't taking it

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Speaker 3: serious at all. One of them even responded in our

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Speaker 3: group chat saying that I can't see you expect people

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Speaker 3: to take a trip because I had a breakup. She

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Speaker 3: also said people have real life stuff going on and

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Speaker 3: to expect them to pay for a trip and take

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Speaker 3: time away from their families is insane.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Kiki, that really hurt me. What should I do?

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Speaker 4: I feel her?

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Speaker 5: And I considered taking a bachelorette with my best friend

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Speaker 5: Hillary just to make my friends pay because I've paid

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Speaker 5: for them.

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Speaker 3: Come on now, so I feel her as you Yeah,

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Speaker 3: what do you think I mean? Well, first off, girl,

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Speaker 3: you gotta go on your trip. Go on your trip.

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Speaker 3: I don't care who comes along. Go on your trip.

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Speaker 3: Because as a single, childless person in my family, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I have learned you got to live for you.

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Speaker 4: You gotta do what's best for you. You have to

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Speaker 4: live for you.

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Speaker 3: And I do think you should speak up and tell

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Speaker 3: your friends how this is making you feel, because some

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Speaker 3: people just don't know. They just live life and they

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Speaker 3: just feel like, you know, whatever is happening in their

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Speaker 3: life is what is sufficient, and that's not always true.

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Speaker 4: But I do think even with.

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Speaker 3: My friends who are married and have kids, I do

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Speaker 3: extend them a little extra grace because they don't have

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Speaker 3: the freedom to just get up and book a trip

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Speaker 3: when I want to go somewhere. They don't have the

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Speaker 3: freedom to just go do you know some some things

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Speaker 3: that I still have the freedom to do. Uh, So

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Speaker 3: it works both ways. And I think as a good friend,

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Speaker 3: you will consider your single friends like you will still

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Speaker 3: be like, you know what, she has paid for bachelorette party.

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Speaker 3: She has been there for my weddings and my kids' birthdays.

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Speaker 3: If she wants to go on a trip, let me

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Speaker 3: sacrifice or do what I can to make.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, kik, I do agree with that.

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Speaker 1: As a guy who is always the single guy and

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Speaker 1: always seems to be you know, I've been to everybody

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Speaker 1: else's at least first wedding, if not second, in some

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Speaker 1: cases second wedding already. I've been to all their kids crap,

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Speaker 1: I've been to you know, all of that. But so

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Speaker 1: that part I get. But just because I break up

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Speaker 1: with somebody and want and want to go on a

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Speaker 1: trip does not mean that everybody has. That is not

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Speaker 1: the same as getting married. That is not the same

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Speaker 1: as my kids var mitzvah. Okay, I'm sorry, but like

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Speaker 1: if the whole world isn't willing to drop everything to

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Speaker 1: go to Cabo with you because you just broke up

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Speaker 1: with somebody, I'm sorry, but that is not the same

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Speaker 1: as coming to my wedding.

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Speaker 3: It's not it's not the same. But why do we

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Speaker 3: have to compare? You know, Like I've been there for you,

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Speaker 3: just be there for me. I may never get married, Okay,

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Speaker 3: it's looking rough. I may never have a baby, you know,

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Speaker 3: but I still deserve to be celebrated as somebody who

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Speaker 3: is special in your life. And I feel like we

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Speaker 3: can't compare because there is no comparison to grandkids. Like

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Speaker 3: in my family, my brothers have given grandchildren. I don't

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Speaker 3: care if I want to if I was an egot,

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Speaker 3: I want a greatful you know what I meant radio

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Speaker 3: music award. Yeah, never compare to given the family grandchildren,

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Speaker 3: you know, but it's not fair to make me compare

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Speaker 3: to that.

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Speaker 4: It's just you celebrate my wins.

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Speaker 2: I celebrate your win.

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Speaker 4: Leaving a toxic relationship as hard as hell.

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Speaker 2: That is a win.

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Speaker 6: That is a milestone. And like even though I married

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Speaker 6: and have kids, like, I still feel like I want

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Speaker 6: to celebrate your milestones. If when Caylein buys her house

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Speaker 6: or kind of whatever you end up buying, I'm going

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Speaker 6: to celebrate that for you.

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Speaker 5: You'll be ninety seven, I'll be al, I'll be eighty

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Speaker 5: five years old.

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Speaker 6: That's okay. My friend Tatia I holst the podcast with her.

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Speaker 6: She has no kids, she's childless, and she's not married,

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Speaker 6: but she's getting horror PhD.

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Speaker 4: Yes, she has a.

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Speaker 2: Masking with you. Guys.

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Speaker 1: You're talking about a house, You're talking about a PhD.

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Speaker 1: You're talking about a wedding and a child, right, not

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Speaker 1: talking about I just got dumped. Let's go on vacation

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Speaker 1: for a week, because that's not necessarily feasible. I mean,

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Speaker 1: trust me, even if I were getting let's say I

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Speaker 1: we're getting married next weekend or in two weeks, right,

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Speaker 1: and I said, guys, I'm getting married, it would be

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Speaker 1: a huge ask of all of you and most people

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Speaker 1: in my life to figure out how to get there

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Speaker 1: in two weeks. You know. Then that's what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: On a breakup trip, we're talking about. I don't even

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Speaker 1: think it's the fact that they don't want to support her.

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Speaker 1: I think it's the fact that single people, and I'm

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Speaker 1: one of them, have to understand and it's frustrating that

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Speaker 1: it takes a little more effort to get stuff done

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Speaker 1: in a relationship when there's another person involved in there's kids,

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Speaker 1: and all the rest of it. So like you guys

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Speaker 1: are citing graduations and all these big milestones that we

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Speaker 1: have months of advanced for advanced notice of, and that

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Speaker 1: are like conventionally bigger deals. But I don't think she

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Speaker 1: can just disown all of her friends or thinks she's

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Speaker 1: not getting a fair deal because they won't drop everything

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Speaker 1: to go on a vacation that maybe they can't afford,

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Speaker 1: that they can't justify that they can't get coverage for.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, when's the last time you tried

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Speaker 1: to plan a vacab Look at this rule.

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Speaker 4: I was gonna say, Yeah, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, we've got married people, We've got people in relationships,

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Speaker 1: we have people with kids, we have people with you know,

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Speaker 1: various work schedules and obligations. It takes it takes weeks

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Speaker 1: and weeks and weeks to get everyone together at one

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Speaker 1: time because everyone's got different suquing on. So, like, it

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Speaker 1: better be a big deal if you're asking me to

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Speaker 1: get a babysit of for my kids for a week, So.

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Speaker 4: If you plan it in advance, isn't okay to celebrate?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's better. Okay, I think that's better.

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Speaker 1: But that's but I don't think that. That doesn't sound

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Speaker 1: like that's what's going on. It sounds like she's like,

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Speaker 1: I broke up with somebody now I have no obligations.

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Speaker 1: I want to pick up and go somewhere. Look that's me, right,

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Speaker 1: that's my life. If I want to go to Bermuda tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: I can do. I don't have to ask anybody. But

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Speaker 1: I can't get mad at my friends if they all

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Speaker 1: can't drop everything and go with me.

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Speaker 4: That's true.

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Speaker 2: And you also can't compare it to my kid's birth.

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Speaker 3: Oh god, I may never give birth, so like, let

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Speaker 3: me have a win, celebrate me bro birth.

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Speaker 5: Single and bachelorettes are not necessary, by the way, So

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Speaker 5: like we can't compare that to a childbirth. A bachelorette

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Speaker 5: is like we could do without it. We just do

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Speaker 5: it because we love you. So that's not something that

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Speaker 5: you have to do either. Fair Well, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Curious eight five five five nine one three five whether

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Speaker 1: you're the single person like like Camlin has been for

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Speaker 1: a long time. She's a boyfriend now, but and I am.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I do feel like I get left out

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Speaker 1: of a lot of the family oriented stuff in my

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Speaker 1: friend's lives because I'm the only one who you know,

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Speaker 1: isn't married and doesn't have kids. And when I when

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Speaker 1: I ask about it, they say, well, dude, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: think you'd want to come to that, you know, And

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Speaker 1: it's like, well, I don't really want to come to that.

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Speaker 1: But if that's the only way that I get to

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Speaker 1: see all of you at once, because that's how you're

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Speaker 1: all getting together, is you know, one of your kid's

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Speaker 1: birthday parties or whatever, well then I'm going to go.

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Speaker 1: But like I guess, I can't expect people who have

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Speaker 1: multiple lives they're responsible for, and multiple lives they have

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Speaker 1: to work around to be as flexible with things as

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Speaker 1: I can be. And trust me, it's frustrating. And I

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Speaker 1: do think that sometimes, you know, people in relationships have

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Speaker 1: to stretch a little bit more than they're willing to.

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Speaker 1: But I can't expect them to do it at the

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Speaker 1: drop of a hat. I don't think that's realistic.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's true.

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Speaker 3: If somebody texts and say, what if she has a

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Speaker 3: break up every two years, and that's a good point

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Speaker 3: to trip.

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Speaker 4: Every time you leave it.

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Speaker 7: Of course that's not a toxic though, and I want

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Speaker 7: her for leaving well, I also think, like I do,

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Speaker 7: think that there are times where you have to stand

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Speaker 7: up in your relationship and say, hey, this is important

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Speaker 7: to Fred, or this is important to somebody, and I

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Speaker 7: got to do it.

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Speaker 1: But like, at the same time, imagine going home and

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Speaker 1: trying to justify to your husband or wife, Hey, sorry,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go to kankun next week because well, Fred

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Speaker 1: got dumbed. I'm sorry. Like, to me, that's a big deal.

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Speaker 1: To me, it makes perfect sense. But honestly, try and

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Speaker 1: slide that one through the board of directors because it's

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Speaker 1: probably not going to happen. I mean, realistically, it's not

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Speaker 1: going to Wait, let me get this straight. You want

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Speaker 1: me to watch the kids for a week, you want

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Speaker 1: to take a week off vacation. You're not gonna go

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Speaker 1: to work for a week so that you can go

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Speaker 1: do it. Unfortunately, even if it does mean something to me,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how flexible a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: going to be for something like that, especially if they're

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Speaker 1: not invited.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: My best friend has two little girls and she's in

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Speaker 5: Singapore right now simply because one of our friends is

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Speaker 5: working there for a month and her husband's with the kids.

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Speaker 4: That They lay out their calendar at the.

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Speaker 5: Beginning of each year and say, guys weekend, girls weekend.

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Speaker 4: We can tag team this. I don't know.

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Speaker 5: If you're a good friend, you'll be there if it

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Speaker 5: means something to someone, if you can that's what I think.

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Speaker 1: Well, I guess I'm just I try and be sympathetic

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Speaker 1: to the fact that my life is a little bit

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Speaker 1: easier to manage in some ways. Uh then his others,

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Speaker 1: and I try not to be disappointed when my friends

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Speaker 1: can't necessarily match the energy. But I also here on

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Speaker 1: the other side, Hey, what if I never get married?

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Speaker 8: What you know?

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Speaker 2: I want?

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Speaker 1: I want something all about me. But I think the

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Speaker 1: key is maybe just planning it. But hey, Melissa, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Hey Melissa, good morning. What do you want to say?

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Speaker 1: And Kiki's cord.

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Speaker 8: My thing is, what if what if you go on

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Speaker 8: the trip? What if you do whatever you have to

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Speaker 8: do to.

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Speaker 9: Make it and go on the trip and then they

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Speaker 9: get back together?

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, it is toxic, right, you're trying to have

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Speaker 4: a nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just are you married, Melissa?

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Speaker 9: I am?

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Speaker 2: How easy would it be for you?

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Speaker 1: And it may be really easy, but how easy would

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Speaker 1: it be for you to just go to your husband

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Speaker 1: and go, hey, look, so and so and I are

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Speaker 1: going on a vacation. Basically, U, you're not invited, and

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Speaker 1: we're going here pretty soon because we're celebrating a breakup.

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Speaker 1: You know, would that go over?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 9: Oh no, definitely not.

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Speaker 8: Definitely a lot of planning to go behind, especially they

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Speaker 8: have a daughter, so we gotta kick that drop off.

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Speaker 1: All. It's just a lot, and I recognize it. It's

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Speaker 1: a lot. Melissa, thank you, have a good day.

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Speaker 6: You can't thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. Let me see here, Mary Jay, Hi,

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Speaker 2: Mary Jay, good morning, Good.

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Speaker 9: Morning, my hand Fred Hey ki hikay.

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Speaker 8: Okay.

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Speaker 9: I kind of think that girlfriends need to find some

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Speaker 9: more friends. Okay, she's single, she's not really, you know,

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Speaker 9: they're kind of like laughing at her. Oh she's you know,

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Speaker 9: she's just you know, she's no kids, no husband, or

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Speaker 9: just get some single friends. Don't be you know, sad,

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Speaker 9: and just get single friends, because hey, we're living it

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Speaker 9: up anyway.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we're not.

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Speaker 9: We're not committed to anything, which is a good and bad. Okay,

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Speaker 9: just get some single friends. Don't worry about it, like

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Speaker 9: you said.

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Speaker 1: Can keep going the truth.

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Speaker 9: I went this year for my birthday, I did everything

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Speaker 9: alone this year. Oh no, I mean they just hope.

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Speaker 9: You know, it's okay. You know, it's not that bad.

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Speaker 9: Just find some single friends half of us.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Mary Jay, I'm Mary Jay. We'll go Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you call me. I'm always down to go. I just

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Speaker 1: I recognize that it's just part of the deal that

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Speaker 1: my friends aren't.

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Speaker 2: That's flexible. But you know that's who.

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Speaker 10: Like as a married person with kids, right, Like, do

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Speaker 10: you invite those friends out?

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Speaker 9: Like?

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, That's what I feel like

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Speaker 2: I miss out on a lot.

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Speaker 10: Is like, yeah, I have friends that don't even contact

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Speaker 10: me anymore because they know I'm married with kids, so

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Speaker 10: so they know I don't have time, but there's never

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Speaker 10: an invite anymore. I just see it on social media like,

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Speaker 10: oh they just did this and I didn't get an

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Speaker 10: invite for it, you know.

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Speaker 4: And that doesn't feel good.

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Speaker 6: No, it does, not know And also too, I feel

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Speaker 6: like just because you have kids and you're married or whatever,

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Speaker 6: like I know a lot of single people who are

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Speaker 6: too twenty times busier than me, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 6: I'm like.

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Speaker 4: They ain't going either to can't cool? I can bite

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Speaker 4: them off for dinner.

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Speaker 6: It takes three months, yes, and they're not even no kids,

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Speaker 6: nothing right, jeeh.

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Speaker 1: I find that I do a lot of stuff by

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Speaker 1: myself because I'm tired of waiting for other people to

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Speaker 1: do it with me, or because it doesn't work, or

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Speaker 1: because whatever.

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Speaker 2: I mean.

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Speaker 1: But you're right, I guess I don't call my married

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Speaker 1: friends that often because I don't plan. And I know

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Speaker 1: that about myself. Like if I know, if I want

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Speaker 1: to make a plan for three weeks from now, then

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Speaker 1: I'll call them and it'll probably happen. But I don't

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Speaker 1: really do that. I don't I'm thinking about this weekend now,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and I don't know, or

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Speaker 1: maybe Friday. I'm like, I want to go do this.

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Speaker 1: And if I call my married friends for the most

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Speaker 1: part and go, what are you doing right now? Like

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Speaker 1: they can't just drop everything and come hang out with

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Speaker 1: me the way that they used to. And I've just

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Speaker 1: had to accept that it's just the way that it is.

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Speaker 1: You never know unless you ask. That's that's my keys.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you just assume he's busy. The answer

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Speaker 1: might always be, hey, I can't because I'm busy. But

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Speaker 1: it doesn't hurt to ask that same friend that gets tired, right,

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Speaker 1: exactly exactly the same way that the same way that

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Speaker 1: I understand why people don't ask me to do stuff

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Speaker 1: a lot of times because I say no, is the

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Speaker 1: same reason I don't call a lot of them a

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Speaker 1: lot of times because they say no. And so it's

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Speaker 1: so I'm with you, Kalin, like it's it's like, how

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Speaker 1: many times do I have to how many times?

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Speaker 2: Why?

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Speaker 1: I know you're the busier one, So you probably need

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Speaker 1: to tell me the next time you can hang out.

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Speaker 10: But that conversation could also lead to some something planned

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Speaker 10: in the future. You know what I'm saying, not just

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Speaker 10: the spontaneous Hey, I gotta I'm fore this weekend. Like

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Speaker 10: if that friend says no, I got, you know, soccer

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Speaker 10: practice with the kids, But hey, next week and I'm free,

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Speaker 10: that conversation could happen where you guys could actually.

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Speaker 2: Hang out in the future.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's assuming I'm gonna plan, which I'm not cal

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Speaker 1: What did you want to say me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Oh sorry, I thought you.

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Speaker 5: I don't know if you're going to call her. That

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Speaker 5: was what I was saying. That it just gets really tiring.

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Speaker 5: I stop asking those people that say no all the

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Speaker 5: time just because and then if you want to go,

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Speaker 5: you can reciprocate.

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Speaker 4: I mean, like, you know, you can hit me up too.

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Speaker 4: But after I.

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Speaker 5: Get like a few no's, I'm like, I'm tired, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're a fellows person and you get over it,

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Speaker 1: do you think? And I think I do too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm overlooked a lot because I'm single. And what

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Speaker 8: I find myself doing is showing up to so much

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Speaker 8: stuff for my friends. They have things, like you said,

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Speaker 8: at all of those events, and I have nothing. So

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Speaker 8: when I do have something, I expect you to be there,

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Speaker 8: no matter how small it may be to you. Yes,

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Speaker 8: because I know you guys mentioned like what if you

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Speaker 8: break up again in two years, what if they get divorced,

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Speaker 8: I'd have made time to come to that wedding period.

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Speaker 8: So it's just all and even with my birthday because

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Speaker 8: I'm a Christmas baby, you know, I hear, oh I

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Speaker 8: got the kids and.

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Speaker 6: The kids gifts.

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Speaker 8: It's like that doesn't matter I came to your sommer birthday.

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Speaker 8: You have to show up for your friends, no matter what.

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Speaker 4: That's their mouthstone Yep.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 1: I think A trip a last minute trip was kind

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Speaker 1: of what it sounded like Kiki was describing. I think

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Speaker 1: that's a different kind of ass than coming to my

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Speaker 1: birthday party that you know is happening every year, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I think that's that's nobody.

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Speaker 1: If you got to go to everybody else's birthday and

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Speaker 1: they're not coming to yours, that's messed up. But if

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Speaker 1: you're not going to go on my little you know,

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Speaker 1: uh whatever, break up fast this weekend, it's a big moment.

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Speaker 4: What ill myself doing?

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Speaker 8: Look what I tell myself doing? So something forget make

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Speaker 8: myself feel better about all this is I tick in

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Speaker 8: truth what I go to. I don't go to everything anymore,

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Speaker 8: and that makes me feel okay. So I don't go

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Speaker 8: to every little thing that they have.

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Speaker 1: I don't go all right, you are no. I think

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Speaker 1: that's and I tend to be the same way. Have

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Speaker 1: a great day.

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Speaker 3: Thank you guy. I love you.

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Speaker 1: I love you too, love you too. All right, Well

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Speaker 1: there you have it problem. I mean, I I do

383
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Speaker 1: think your relationship has a bit unconventional though, because I

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Speaker 1: kind of think you just tell tim what you're gonna do,

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Speaker 1: and that's what happens. I don't think that's necessarily how

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Speaker 1: everybody is. And then once you have kids, you can't

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Speaker 1: really do that. And here here, I'm a guy. I'm

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Speaker 1: a guy with no kids and I'm and it's frustrating,

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Speaker 1: but I have to respect it because it's true.

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Speaker 4: But it's all about being a good friend.

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Speaker 3: Are you a good friend or not, whether I have

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Speaker 3: kids or not, whether I got a dog.

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Speaker 4: Or not a cat.

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Speaker 3: Like, if I need you to support me and you

395
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Speaker 3: have the opportunity to support me, just return the energy

396
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Speaker 3: because I've supported you through everything and whether how like

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Speaker 3: you said, no matter how small it is to you,

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Speaker 3: it's big to me. And I don't ask for a lot.

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Speaker 3: So can you just make the sacrifice to support me.

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Speaker 3: I'm already out here single, right, I mean?

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Speaker 5: And then we got gender reveals, which, like you gotta

402
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 5: be excited either way, no matter the gender.

403
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Speaker 2: You know, that's not necessary either, but I'm going.

404
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:42,320
Speaker 4: To that a new thing baby show gender review. We're

405
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Speaker 4: having a party.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I think three of your whatever parties equal

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Speaker 1: one of my single fest and can't cool right now?

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Speaker 2: Fredshell? Next, what else