1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to Best of both Worlds. 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to Best of both worlds. 10 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and twenty six, 11 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 1: which is airing first on the very last day of 12 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, and so it's fitting that in this episode 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: we will be talking about our twenty twenty goals. We 14 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: are big into goal setting here at Best of Both Worlds, 15 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: Sarah and I both get into this concept. So when 16 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: do you usually get around to setting your goals and 17 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: how do you go about doing it? Sarah, I usually 18 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: start sometime in the beginning of November. You guys all 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 1: know my Quintiles method, or at least many of you do, 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 1: where I divide the year up into five segments instead 21 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: of the typical four quarters, and the fifth quintile is 22 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,039 Speaker 1: from November first, so it starts right after Halloween, so 23 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: it goes through the whole holiday season, and the theme 24 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: of that quintile is just kind of celebrating and reflecting. 25 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: So it's a natural fit for goal setting. So I'd 26 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: say I start around then, and it kind of fits 27 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: in with filling in my next year's planner, kind of 28 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: deciding the big things I want to do for my year. 29 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: And I've changed, like I've done different structures to my goals, 30 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,479 Speaker 1: and I guess I did do them sort of more 31 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: generally this year, but you have a more structured approach. Yeah, 32 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: So we're recording this ahead of time. We're trying to 33 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: get our beginning of the year episodes done and have 34 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: them in the hopper for baby planning purposes here. So 35 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: I have to say that knowing we were recording this 36 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: episode ahead of time gave me the kick in the 37 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: pants to actually sit down and set my twenty twenty goals. 38 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: I might have let it linger for a little while otherwise, 39 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: but I tend to do this in quarters and corresponding 40 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: with the normal Q one, Q two, Q three, Q 41 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 1: four that people are familiar with the three months, and 42 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: I got this idea from a woman named Angela Gia 43 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: Kim many years ago. She was it runs a small 44 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: business and had pitched an article on goals setting in 45 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: different ways, and I thought it was a great idea. 46 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 1: I wrote about it, and then I modified it to 47 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: take my quarterly goals and use the rubric that I 48 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: do for many things in terms of planning, thinking about life, 49 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,920 Speaker 1: three spheres, career, relationships, self. So the result is that 50 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: I tried to set twelve goals generally that are one 51 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: in each of those three categories, for each of the 52 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: four quarters. I did that last year. I enjoy the 53 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: process of doing it, but it doesn't totally fit with 54 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: my method, where I actually like to sit down each 55 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 1: quarter or quintile and think about my goals, and they 56 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,239 Speaker 1: often change because sometimes if I didn't do something in 57 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: a given quintile, then maybe I want to do it 58 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,399 Speaker 1: in the next one. So I think I'm better off 59 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 1: just making big goals for the entire year and then 60 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: kind of refining things at the beginning of each segment 61 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: of the year. But you go for the whole thing 62 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 1: at once, does that ever backfire? Where you know you 63 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: get to quarter four. But it looks like most of 64 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 1: your goals don't depend on the prior goals, which is smart. No, 65 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: they don't, which is which is good. And I mean 66 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: the honest too that I'm not even sure we had 67 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: to revisit our goals at some point in the year. 68 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: I'm not sure that I've been doing all of them, 69 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: which is of course the problem of setting these far 70 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: ahead of time. But you know, I mean, enough of 71 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 1: them are things that are reasonably within my control that 72 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily twelve was not a crazy number of goals. 73 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: I mean, it's actually pretty restrained, I would say. And 74 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: I actually like the quarter system because it allows me 75 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: to think about the goals for the year. But no, 76 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: I don't have to do anything about most of them 77 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: right away. Like so I might think, oh, it'd be 78 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: fun to do well, I mean, just hint hint of 79 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: what's coming, like a race or or you know whatever else, 80 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: But I don't have to do that immediately. Like it's 81 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,800 Speaker 1: not like scratches your itch. It's something it's to say, 82 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, but not now. And I 83 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,599 Speaker 1: like that. I think the phrase not now is great 84 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: for many things in life, like yes, this is a 85 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: wonderful thing, but not now. Well, I'm sure you're familiar 86 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: with David Allen's Someday maybe list. I find that very 87 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: satisfying to have certain things that are I don't want 88 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: to forget about, so they get parked somewhere and then 89 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 1: you can do them later or not. But I guess 90 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 1: the quarters it kind of means I'm going to do them. 91 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: I don't want them so vaguely I want to do 92 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: them this year. So yeah, that's cool, That's how I 93 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,599 Speaker 1: do it. Well, I think we should go ahead and 94 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: dive into yours. Why don't you talk about what is 95 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: on the docket for Sarah in twenty twenty, what she 96 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: hopes to accomplish. Yeah, and in case you want some visuals, 97 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: maybe I will like post a picture. I emailed Laura 98 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: pictures of my planning in her journal. It was her 99 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: specific goal. Why I type this out when I can 100 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: just send you the pictures of what I wrote out 101 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: so nicely? So I just kind of divided things into 102 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 1: different realms, and so instead of going by time, I 103 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: just went by kind of thing in my life. So 104 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: the first realm was the blog and the podcast, which 105 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 1: I did combine into one big thing. And I still 106 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: would like to complete my proposal and shop it around. 107 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: Whether it gets accepted, who the hell knows. That doesn't matter. 108 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: I just want to try to do the part you 109 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: can control exactly exactly. And I definitely want to launch 110 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,159 Speaker 1: my newsletter, which I have the platform all set up 111 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: and I have kind of all the parts in place, 112 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,359 Speaker 1: and I've been looking and other newsletters to see what 113 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: I like and don't like, and I think I just 114 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:08,040 Speaker 1: wanted to share some more private or juicy tidbits that 115 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want on the blog. Yeah, and I 116 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,479 Speaker 1: want to maybe I do want to build an email 117 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: list because that would help with part one, and I 118 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: just think it would be fun projects. So I definitely 119 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: want launch that next year. So that's for that realm. 120 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: I don't have specific podcast goals yet, Laura, but we'll 121 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: work on that. Other than to grow, which we definitely 122 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: we want to grow our audience home, I don't really 123 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 1: have a lot of goals. I do feel like I 124 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: would like a more systematic approach to I just feel 125 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 1: like the kids' clothes are like insane, and I have 126 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 1: no systematic way of dealing with theirs or mine, and 127 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 1: I'm still enticed by the whole capsule wardrobe thing. So 128 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: I would like to audit my own closet in their 129 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: closet each quintile. But that's my only home goal, which 130 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: is pretty much aiming low. But that's how I feel 131 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: about home, and by home, I don't mean like family stuff. 132 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 1: I mean like my dwelling, my interiors or at least 133 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: you only have one dwelling now right, well, hopefully by 134 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: the time this airs, Yes, okay. My next domain, of 135 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: course is work, and I would like to publish at 136 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 1: least one poster and that's already in the works. I 137 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: am possibly going to also apply to do a presentation 138 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: at a meeting. And I put master time blocking because 139 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: I still feel like this is a skill. It really 140 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: is new. What does this mean to you when you 141 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: say time to me? It be the discipline of keeping 142 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: my stupid email, like like to be sitting there and 143 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: actually get my sort of longer, more concentrated task on 144 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: blocking the interruptions in a purposeful way, because I'm getting 145 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: better at it, like I see myself improving it, but 146 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: I really have never had to do that. Patient notes 147 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: are different. You put your it's a different. It's just 148 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: my tasks are more nebulous and sometimes require a lot 149 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 1: more deeper concentration than the sort of superficial cranking out 150 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: not not the patients is superficial. It's not at all, actually, 151 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: But it's just a totally different brain space. That's right forward, administrator. 152 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: It's complex, concrete, and now it's complex but abstract, and 153 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: I need to like make times where I'm just not 154 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: interrupted at all, either by my own things or by 155 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 1: other people. So that's what I'd like to do. And 156 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: there's this physician coaching program that we're going to potentially 157 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: train the residents in and then learn how to offer 158 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: some coaching for them as well that I'm thinking about. 159 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: So that's sort of nebulous too. I had a bunch 160 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: of question marks and my work, Okay, this is like 161 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 1: my quintitle goals or where it gets real of like 162 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: this is what I actually want to accomplish. I think 163 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: of this as more just like what brain spaces do 164 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: I want to be in this year? Should I keep 165 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 1: going and we'll go to you. Okay, fitness, No, I 166 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: don't have one specific one. I'm just going to pick 167 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: something new each quintile. So I just mentioned that there 168 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: will be fitness goals year's I might join in your goals, 169 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 1: so I'll talk about that family. I just want to 170 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,199 Speaker 1: do a kid day with each of the big kids. 171 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: I'm not sure Genevieve needs her own kid day yet, 172 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: probably when she's four, Potinchel three or four. I want 173 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,959 Speaker 1: to completely pay off the When I say pay off 174 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: the house, you'd say, but you sold your house. I'd say, well, yes, 175 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: but it actually cost money to sell our house in 176 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: this particular climate. So we want to have that all 177 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 1: paid off by the end of twenty twenty, and we 178 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: are aiming for at least in my mind, I'd like 179 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: to have at least a twenty percent savings rate. So 180 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: this is not a financial podcast. I'll leave that to 181 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: my friends at how to Money. But there you go, 182 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 1: there's some numbers for you. And then my personal list. 183 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to do something a little different. Last year 184 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: I made a summer reading list, and I really enjoyed 185 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: that just having this kind of list to go off 186 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: and summer was all filled with very light, juicy, mostly 187 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: Novelly type stuff. So I'm going to make a list 188 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: for each quintile and kind of curate my own list 189 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: for each one, because I think what happens is I 190 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: get kind of stuck. I don't know what's read next. 191 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: But if I put the four thought in, then I 192 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: tend to plow through the list. So I try it 193 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 1: for the whole year. How many books do you think 194 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 1: are going to get on each quintiles? I would think 195 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: eight to ten. I mean, that's a that's what I 196 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: read this year, though, I mean I think I counted 197 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: up that I was something like thirty eight books, and 198 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, so I'm not aiming for a 199 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: lot more books, but I just I think I'd like 200 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: to do that kind of list form for the whole 201 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: year and see what happens, and then I want to 202 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: get I'm thinking about doing like many petties monthly, because 203 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,719 Speaker 1: I kind of do them sporadically and then every time 204 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: I do them, I'm like, why didn't I just schedule this? 205 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: And I'm thinking about a massage like subscription it's going 206 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: to say prescription is late, and then finally I'm going 207 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: to try to get my pm D D issues all 208 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: ironed out. Yeah, that's that's quite the goal for the year. 209 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: I mean, is that do you have specific steps you're 210 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 1: going to take for that. You're just in a general 211 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: you're to solve all all problem number of things. I 212 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: may try, increading hormonal like who knows, wait, I got 213 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 1: to experiment. Maybe i'll report back. Maybe that will be 214 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: something for my private newsletters subscribers. When you're emailing thousands 215 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: of people, it's not really all that private. Just maybe 216 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: it won't. It'll be intimate. I don't know. We'll see. 217 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 1: It'll be like a vetting process. We'll see who I 218 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: let it now. I'm just kidding. Anybody can subscribe. Anyone 219 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: can subscribe. That's true, all right, So I'm excited for 220 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: you to reveal yours of some good stuff in here. 221 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 1: All right, Well, I guess i'll, you know, get through 222 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,319 Speaker 1: at least the beginning before we need to take our break. 223 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: So I do mine in quarters as we said, so 224 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: Q one in the work category. I want to get 225 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: my next non fiction book locked in yay, So hopefully 226 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 1: you know that will we'll move forward on the relationship front. 227 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: I intend to have a baby and I daily at 228 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 1: some point in early January, and as part of that 229 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: focus on becoming a family of seven, because there's always transition, 230 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: you know, helping the older kids adjust to this, just 231 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 1: the things that we'll need to change about the rhythm 232 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: of our family life as we become a family of seven. 233 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: So that will be a pretty big relationship goal for that. 234 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: In the self category, I want to get outside for 235 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day. And I know this is probably 236 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: easy if you're in Florida, it is less so when 237 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: you are in the cold, northern, dark climate up here, 238 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 1: and also with a newborn, it can be very easy 239 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,960 Speaker 1: to become house bound. But I would like to not 240 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: be house bound. So you know that means handing the 241 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: baby over somebody else for a little bit, going outside, 242 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: just in the backyard or whatever. But I would like 243 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: to get outside. And I did this as a goal 244 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 1: actually last year and it was a very positive thing 245 00:12:54,920 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: for winter in general, which can be depressing, but fresh 246 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: air as a natural mood booster. So I intend to 247 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: do that. On the Q two front, the work, I 248 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: guess this could be a relationship thing, but I want 249 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: to manage my childcare situation to support my return to 250 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: work with an infant plus for older kids, and I 251 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: know that it's going to require some more childcare than 252 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: we have currently, and so I'm thinking about what that 253 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: will look like, what the ideal set up would be, 254 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: but what will most make it possible for me to 255 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 1: still feel like I can push forward with things, which 256 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: is something I would advise anyone coming off maternity leave 257 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: to do. So I'm giving that advice to myself. The 258 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: relationship front, I want to have our vacations book for 259 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: the year. We're going to take our first one ideally 260 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: in mid April. Pretty low key, but we would like 261 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 1: to at least do that, but plan them all. We've 262 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: got tentative plans now, but I want them all booked 263 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,959 Speaker 1: at that point. Are there any Miami plans? Well, if 264 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: you want to invite me, I could come down. We 265 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: may wind up doing another Orlando extravaganza. We'll see. It's uh, 266 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: you know, if that's what the troops like. Sometimes you 267 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: just have to give the troops what the troops want. 268 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: And then in the self front, we have tentative plans 269 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 1: to wind up in Germany, if I can talk about 270 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: this now, possibly with friends, possibly with podcasting friends, lots 271 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: of podcasting friends. But yeah, I'm planning to go to 272 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: the Bach Festival in Leipzig. Leipzig, how are you saying 273 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 1: that Leipzig, Germany, which is where Bach is from. I'm 274 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: a big fan of box music, particularly his choral music, 275 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: and there is an annual festival there and this is 276 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: the year that it's going to get pulled off the 277 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: bucket list and done. So we've been talking goals. Sarah 278 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: has shared her broad goals for the year, which she 279 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: will refine through her quintile system. I have been sharing 280 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: my quarterly goals, which I set in the three categories 281 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: of work, relationships, and self, so Q three. On the workfront, 282 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: I want to do a marketing push on speaking. Most 283 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: of my speaking business has grown fairly organically with people. Generally, 284 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 1: what happens is people watch the video of my TED 285 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: talk and then decide if they want to hire me 286 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: or else. They've been at a conference where I spoke 287 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: and want to bring me to their group and that's 288 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: been awesome. But is now four years post TED who 289 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: it will be in Q three and so it's probably 290 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: time to actually get off my button do some actual 291 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: marketing myself. So I'll do that. On the relationship front, 292 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: I want to do mommy with all four big kids, 293 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: and summer is a good time to do this. Q 294 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: three is July through October, and usually it tends to 295 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 1: happen in July and August because June is a busy 296 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: speaking month, so it's better not to schedule it for that. 297 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: Plus we don't get out of school till mid June 298 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 1: late June. Anyway, on the self front, I don't know 299 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: if this truly fits in the self category, but I 300 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 1: want to execute on and embrace a housing decision whatever, 301 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: so all the way in Q three, So this baby's 302 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: going to be like a big baby by the time 303 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: you have embraced your think that works because the baby 304 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: can be in your room before that. So yeah, well 305 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: we actually we have moved people around, so Ruth and 306 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: Alex are going to be sharing for the first six 307 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: months or so of the of the baby's life, and 308 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: then the baby will be in Alex's room by you know, 309 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: as that as his room, and then our two big 310 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: boys still share. But if we renovate the house, then 311 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: that project will start probably in September. If we move, 312 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: it would probably take us at least that long to 313 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: close on a house and get the renovations done there too, 314 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: So I mean, there's no way this gets solved before 315 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 1: Q three of twenty twenty anyway, so I will embrace 316 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 1: my housing situation, whatever it turns out to be, and 317 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: just try not to think about it too much and 318 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: stew over it anyway. Q four Work. I want to 319 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: get this novel i've been working on done and out 320 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: into the world in some capacity. I wrote a draft 321 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 1: of a novel during National Novel Writing Month twenty eighteen 322 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: that I tentatively called The Norwegian Secret to Enjoying Winter, 323 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: which is a playoff a blog post I wrote at 324 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: one point that was about the upsides of winter and 325 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 1: all this, and I turned it into a novel and 326 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 1: I've been revising it ing Q four of twenty nineteen, 327 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: so you know, I'll keep revising it. I like it. 328 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone else will. But I can 329 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 1: always self publish these things and distribute it to my 330 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 1: email newsletter list, so that's the upside of having one. 331 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: And finally, relationships. I want to do a short family 332 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: leaf peeping trip. This is not an official vacation. It's 333 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: probably gonna be like a day trip or weekend trip. 334 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: But I had such a good time doing our cherry 335 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:33,479 Speaker 1: blossom visiting in March of twenty nineteen. I got so 336 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 1: into it. I took so many photos. When we went 337 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 1: to Washington, d C. For the cherry blossoms, I wound 338 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: up buying a cherry blossom painting by one of my 339 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,399 Speaker 1: favorite artists. Like I really got into it. It's now 340 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,959 Speaker 1: hanging in my bedroom, so you know it's I always 341 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,640 Speaker 1: love autumn leaves, and so I want to really make 342 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 1: a trip out of it. Go somewhere gorgeous, really focus 343 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: on seeing the leaves. Probably happen in mid to late October, 344 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: given how the leaves go. That's so funny. We were 345 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 1: You don't know if you saw my travel lisp, but 346 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: we like have I have similar plans. I think we're 347 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: going to do a very short weekend in the Berkshires 348 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,639 Speaker 1: with my friends from college because we're going to go 349 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: near where our college is. And one of them has 350 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: having twins, so she's gonna bring her twin she's due 351 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: right when you're due. And then the other one has 352 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: a baby Jenevie's age, so we're gonna have a little 353 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 1: baby toddler fun trip with with the big kids and 354 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: Josh and everything too. So yeah, that would be beautiful. 355 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: I mean mountains and leaves, I mean we don't have 356 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: that done here. So yeah, I'm trying to think we're 357 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: I mean, the Poconots are obviously pretty. We could go there. 358 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: We could do like Upstate New York. We could go 359 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 1: to the Blue Rich Mountains if we want to go 360 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,959 Speaker 1: a little later. I mean, there's obviously there's many places 361 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: we can go. It's just a matter of doing it, 362 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,439 Speaker 1: like booking a place and all that good stuff. But 363 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: on it and then the self category. Now this is 364 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 1: perhaps ambitious, but the Philadelphia Marathon is here every year 365 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: in November, and so it would be a relatively easy 366 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: one to sign up for. And then I could decide, 367 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 1: you know, did I truly want to do it or not? 368 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: Since I wouldn't be out any travel or need to 369 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: make plans around that. So what I think I would 370 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: do is start training for the full and then evaluate 371 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: and see how it goes. I put with this one. 372 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 1: My goal is to run a marathon in the self 373 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: care category for Q four, but I will accept a 374 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,879 Speaker 1: half if it looks like a half is more reasonable, 375 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 1: which is possibly what might end up happening. I mean, 376 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: I've done many half in that timeframe after a baby. 377 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: I've never done a full in that time. I've actually 378 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,639 Speaker 1: none have not done. I've done for four foals, but 379 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,160 Speaker 1: none since having any children. And that's why I'm sort 380 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 1: of intrigued by the idea of doing it. But I 381 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 1: will be like, I'm a little tired thinking about doing 382 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 1: a fun I mean, so I did a full after 383 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: having Sam, and say I did it when Sam was 384 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,719 Speaker 1: seven months old. Oh so you totally did this, did this, this, 385 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: and this would in fact be more. This would be 386 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: when the baby is like ten months old, so that 387 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: actually stretches out the training a bit more, gives you 388 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: a little bit more leeway and ramping up. You know. 389 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: I just I need a big running goal to get 390 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 1: me excited about. And while no I think it's great, 391 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 1: I'm excited. I mean I'm really tempted. You know, well 392 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: you could come run it with me? Does your family? 393 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: And I told you it's not the perfect training season 394 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: for me because it just starts getting nice now. So 395 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 1: it would mean like suffering through August and September and 396 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: October long runs, which I don't know, but maybe people 397 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,760 Speaker 1: like do overlapping ones and I'll do one in January 398 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 1: or so, Okay, well what's yours? I mean, the problem 399 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 1: is you can't get me January here, that's not a 400 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: good idea. No, Miami Marathon is like mid January, January 401 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: or early somewhere in January. Yeah, hey, so maybe i'll 402 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: but if I miss it, and if I miss it 403 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,239 Speaker 1: in November, like if I'm not trained and wind up 404 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: doing the half in November, then maybe I could get 405 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: myself to the full by January and then can come 406 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,879 Speaker 1: to Miami and I would still be forty because I 407 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: remember when we had the right we're going to do 408 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 1: the people, I was like, well, I'm turning forty, but 409 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,919 Speaker 1: so I would still be forty in January. I wouldn't 410 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: have turned forty one. I don't use the ability to 411 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,239 Speaker 1: run marathons when we're forty one, because I should take 412 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 1: that into account. Then, I believe I read a book 413 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: that said there is data that shows that like you, 414 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: the number of people that run marathons on like their 415 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: you know, zero years or maybe it's like the nine 416 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 1: year I don't know, but you're trying to is much 417 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: higher and then it like goes down. So I'm just 418 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: going to be a stereotype. That's awesome. Yeah, So those 419 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,480 Speaker 1: are my goals for twenty twenty and we'll see. And 420 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,120 Speaker 1: now I have them written so I can look at them. 421 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,200 Speaker 1: I guess. So I forgot what my twenty nineteen ones were. 422 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: Hopefully I hit some of them. But I've got these 423 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,520 Speaker 1: now typed out. I can put them in a slightly 424 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: more prominent place. Yes, got to keep looking at them 425 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: otherwise otherwise they're gone. Yes. And I also need to 426 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 1: sit down and do what you did and do the 427 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: whole mapping out your entire year of travel situation. Yeah. No, 428 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 1: that's good. I kind of mopped it out for myself, 429 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 1: but I probably should make sure Josh is on board. 430 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,639 Speaker 1: See what he thinks. Yeah, all right, Well let's go 431 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,360 Speaker 1: to our Q and A. All right, I will read it. 432 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,360 Speaker 1: It can via Instagram. What tips do you have from 433 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: managing meltdowns when you have to travel, especially for work. 434 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 1: My partner works to calm my seven year old down, 435 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: and FaceTime seems to calm him shortly, but come time 436 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: for him to go to bed, I get reports on 437 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: the number of meltdowns. Though I shouldn't I end up 438 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: feeling guilty for the boy not understanding why I'm gone, 439 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: and the partner having to deal with multiple meltdowns. Any 440 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: tips and tricks to help explain why travel is necessary, 441 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: which I love to do, would be greatly appreciated. So 442 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: this is an interesting question. I mean, you know, my 443 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 1: kids are never entirely thrilled with my travel either, they're 444 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,360 Speaker 1: slightly more used to it with Michael, although Josper definitely 445 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: is not happy about Michael traveling either. I don't know 446 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: that meltdowns is the right word to use, and I'm 447 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 1: kind of curious if this is as much a partner 448 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,800 Speaker 1: issue as it is a kid issue, So that this 449 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,199 Speaker 1: listener's partner, which I'm not sure if the partner is 450 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 1: male or female from this question, may not be thrilled 451 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:32,400 Speaker 1: about the whole travel situation and may not be how 452 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 1: do I want to put this? You know what I'm 453 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,679 Speaker 1: saying that meltdowns happen partly based on how the parent 454 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 1: in charge is reacting to the situation as well, And 455 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: it could be that this listener's partner is feeling like 456 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,640 Speaker 1: there's way too much travel, in which case the seven 457 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,439 Speaker 1: year old is picking up on that and isn't happy. 458 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: And so I think it's hard to know, like as 459 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 1: she gone to Asia for three out of every four 460 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: weeks each month, or is this sort of more run 461 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,679 Speaker 1: of the mill business travel where she's gone one to 462 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: two nights every two weeks or so. Because if it's 463 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,160 Speaker 1: the latter, then I think they really need to sort 464 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: of sit down and try to keep this in context 465 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: for everyone, Right, Like, Okay, I track my time, I 466 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 1: was literally gone two nights out of three weeks or something, 467 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: or is gone four nights this month. You know there's 468 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 1: thirty one nights in a month. We probably don't need 469 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: to make this a huge relationship sticking point. Based on that, 470 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 1: you can also start sharing this with children. Yes, the 471 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: meltdowns are kind of scary, but sometimes meltdowns happen because 472 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 1: people feel like they're completely not in control of a situation, 473 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 1: whereas if they know when they're coming up, they can 474 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: be a little bit less melt down about it. It's 475 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 1: possible maybe that if these dates are kept in context 476 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 1: and they are known ahead of time, our listener's partner 477 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,720 Speaker 1: could plan special things for that night. I know that 478 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,639 Speaker 1: if my husband and I are both traveling, often our 479 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: nanny will do special things for a given evening, like 480 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: they'll have, you know, sit in front of the fire, 481 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: or they'll watch a special movie or just something to 482 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: make it seem a little bit more celebratory, which can 483 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,480 Speaker 1: be kind of fun for everyone. And then you know, 484 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 1: I would also say if maybe it's again, if this 485 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: is a partner issue as much as a kid issue, 486 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 1: if the partner is feeling like he or she is 487 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: not getting enough personal time because of this travel, then 488 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 1: that's something maybe you can address. Like I will take 489 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: the kid on weekends for a while if it's a 490 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 1: week where it's heavy travel to sort of sort through that. 491 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: Because again, if the parents are making a big deal 492 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,159 Speaker 1: about it, the kids will pick up on that and 493 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: be distraught. So if you don't make a big deal 494 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: about it, then then it becomes more just something that happens, 495 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: and hopefully that's something that your partner can also contribute to. 496 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: But if your partner can't, if they're not a mental 497 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,159 Speaker 1: space is where they can do that, then that's a 498 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,399 Speaker 1: bigger issue that needs to be addressed. Yeah. I like 499 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 1: all of that. I mean I also wonder she says 500 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: she gets reports on the number of mountdowns. Yeah, that's 501 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: why I say it's a partner issue, Like this person 502 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 1: is unhappy. I can't tell how many, Like I was 503 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,359 Speaker 1: picturing like that she's getting like a text and then 504 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 1: another text ten minutes later, like meltdown is still continuing, 505 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,360 Speaker 1: but maybe it's maybe it's just one report. I don't know. Yeah, 506 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 1: I think I think you mentioned like kind of the 507 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 1: making sure your kid knows what to expect, like a 508 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 1: visual calendar so they see exactly when you're leaving and 509 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: exactly when you're coming back, maybe with a little bit 510 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: of a countdown to it, and as you mentioned, maybe 511 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,200 Speaker 1: a reward at the end of the countdown. Like I mean, 512 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 1: as kind of materialistic as it is, all I have 513 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 1: to say to make my kids like literally happy that 514 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: I'm leaving is like you get a toy when I 515 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: get and they're like, oh okay bye, Like well literally 516 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 1: had a Jennifer Petricliaria on the podcast. She said she 517 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: bought those toy like hamsters somewhere or toy squirrels right 518 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: that she brought back for her kids. She took punos 519 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:04,919 Speaker 1: of the squirrel in various places in Broadway in the UK. Yes, yes, yeah, 520 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: so I mean sometimes obviously this person may have already 521 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: thought of that, that's sort of you know, obvious, but 522 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: it definitely helps in our particular case and find out 523 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 1: if the kid has some anxiety. I mean maybe the 524 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 1: kid actually has some I don't know. They may have 525 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 1: explored things already too, But are they afraid of the 526 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: air travel? Are they afraid that Mom's going to leave? 527 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 1: Is there is there some kind of like, you know, 528 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 1: attachment issue surrounding this, like is there something the kid 529 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: needs to work through? Is important? Because seven year old 530 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 1: and melt down I mean, I will say my seven 531 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,719 Speaker 1: year old still does have what might be described as meltdown's, 532 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,600 Speaker 1: but it's starting to be a little less typical for 533 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: that age group compared to if you said, like a toddler. Yeah, 534 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 1: although again I get it, yeah, yeah, exactly, but and 535 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 1: a toddler would have no concept then of like what 536 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: is five days from now? Anyway? So it's kind of 537 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 1: a hard true, yeah, but a seven year old could 538 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 1: and oh absolutely, so you can definitely that's exactly when 539 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: the age because Cameron is still like what day is it? Is? It? 540 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 1: Is it tomorrow? I mean he doesn't need and Annabelle 541 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 1: is like drawing actual calendars and she has her own 542 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:18,240 Speaker 1: hob anichi right, Well, no, she's decided on an Aaron 543 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,719 Speaker 1: Condrin kids planner instead because it's got stickers well, speaking 544 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: of which, what is your love of the week, Sarah, 545 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to give a shout out to my lovely 546 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: ink Weell Press disc bound planner that I got last 547 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,160 Speaker 1: year that is just for writing goals and it's cute 548 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: and I think I will keep it long term because 549 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,240 Speaker 1: it has blank pages and I could just have goals 550 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: in it forever. Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. It's funny 551 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 1: because in some ways we're very similar, but in some 552 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 1: ways were very different. Because I scribbled my goals on 553 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 1: the back of a piece of paper I'd printed up 554 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: because I had to sign a contract, and so then 555 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: I scanned it in and so I had the paper 556 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, well, scratch paper, I'll write 557 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 1: my goals on the back of this. And so there's 558 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: which is funny because I have like a dozen nice 559 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: notebooks sitting in my desk door that I could have used, Like, 560 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 1: I get these notebooks from various things, and I don't know, 561 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm saving them for the perfect occasion. Apparently my twenty 562 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: twenty goals wasn't wasn't that? So there's they're written on 563 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,600 Speaker 1: the back of a contract, but you're going to put 564 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: it somewhere prominent so that's now you're going to be 565 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 1: reminded of that contract every time. Yeah, I know I 566 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 1: should have been more. Okay, anyway, my love of the 567 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 1: week it won't be that. We've had very nice Christmas 568 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 1: decorations this year. And you know, I'm not the sort 569 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: of person who would put a whole lot of time 570 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: and effort into doing it, but our nanny decided to 571 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: and it was it was awesome, Like they looked amazing. 572 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 1: I saw them on Instagram. Beautiful, beautiful, and so it's 573 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,000 Speaker 1: so nice to have a decorated home. And I don't 574 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: know why I didn't think to ask somebody else to 575 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 1: do this before, but it's solved that problem. So yeah, good, 576 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 1: good to do. That's amazing. That's amazing. Holiday decorations in general, 577 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,239 Speaker 1: I love it. I love having them. I don't love 578 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: doing them, but I love having them. So that's my 579 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: love of the week. Well, Happy New Year everyone, Happy 580 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 1: New Year everyone. We'll be back in twenty twenty with 581 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. 582 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 583 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can 584 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 585 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 1: been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us 586 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,600 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.